A Special Section Focusing On Mind and Spirit
New Brighton woman’s book describes her journey with God BY EMILY HEDGES CONTRIBUTING WRITER Shirley Shumaker’s (85) life can be divided into two phases: before Aug. 22, 1964 and everything after. On that Friday afternoon, her husband came home and told her he was leaving. He said if things didn’t work out, he’d be back. Then he kissed her on the cheek and walked out the door. The agnostic, stay-at-home, mother of three simply got up, walked into her bedroom, and shut the door. What happened next would define the rest of her life and start her down the path of writing. In the book she would publish 24 years later, Overtaken By Love: Growing in Spiritual Intimacy, Shumaker describes that fateful day: “I walked into the bedroom and looked at the eastern sky. Suddenly I felt immersed in love, and somehow I knew it was God. Then I felt a deep sense that everything was going to be alright.” Although raised a Catholic, Shumaker says she thought of God as more the “old man in the sky” than a real presence. But after that defining moment of feeling God’s closeness, she led a different sort of life, although she admits it didn’t keep her from worrying about the future without her husband. “I became a Christian, but I was also a single mother with no job and three children,” she said. “But the words, the Lord would open the door, brought me comfort.” Over the next phase of her life,
Shumaker found the right job and the right home just when she needed it. At the same time, her search for spiritual understanding led her into what she would later characterize in her book as “occult.” It was during this time, she began to write, producing her first manuscript. She writes in Overtaken By Love, “It was returned to me by the publisher and that rejection was used of God to motivate me to destroy my stack of occult
writing … I tore everything into shreds and stuffed the mound of torn paper into the same trash bag in which I’d tossed the occult books.” Shumaker didn’t give up on her writing. Over the years, she produced a growing pile of personal journals and essays that later formed the basis of Overtaken By Love. She started working on her book in earnest after retiring in her late 60s, completing it in her 70s. “I started writing when I found some-
thing in the scriptures that spoke to me,” she said. She shared her writing with friends and family. Their positive response encouraged her to continue. Union Life magazine published two of her articles in 1987 and 1991. “It was a holy spirit-led operation. I’d sit and write, and if the Holy Spirit wasn’t speaking to me in my heart, I’d quit for a few days. A book gradually developed.” By 2008 she had a complete, 24-chapter manuscript published by Zulon press, a self-publisher for Christian authors. “I bought copies and distributed them to friends and family,” she said. “I’m also in the process of trying to get Barnes & Noble to carry it.” For Shumaker, it’s all about sharing the message of God’s love with those who hunger for a closer relationship with Him. She writes in the synopsis found on the back of the book: “We are living cells in the body of Christ; living stones in His temple; lights in the world and living epistles for all to read. May the Holy Spirit sprinkle the diamond dust of revelation throughout; heavenly fragments that will cling to the fingers which turn the pages while He quickens the heart and confirms His unconditional, unwavering love toward every son and daughter.” Shumaker currently lives in New Brighton near her three children Lori, Greg and Steve, and two grandchildren Connor and Fallon. Overtaken By Love: Growing in Spiritual Intimacy may be purchased at Amazon.com.
2 Mature Lifestyles– Thursday, June 21, 2012 – www.MinnLocal.com
In the Community, With the Community, For the Community
Long-term care insurance With 70 million baby boomers hitting retirement age, there has been a surge in sales of long-term care insurance. Longterm care insurance pays for your care in many settings, such as at home, a nursing home, assisted living facility, or adult day care should you suffer from an illness or injury. Sounds like something only older people need to worry about, right? Wrong. According to insurance industry sources, about 40 percent of long-term care recipients are between the ages of 18 and 64. So if you’ve heard about long-term care insurance and thought, “I don’t need that because I’m still young,” there are other considerations. A debilitating injury could affect you at any age, say the experts at the Minnesota Society of CPAs. With health care costs predicted to continue to increase rapidly in the foreseeable future, you may want to investigate long-term care insurance to protect your assets and help pay for your
care without depleting your – or your loved ones’ – life savings. What is long-term care insurance? Long-term care insurance covers care that isn’t typically covered by your traditional health insurance, Medicare or Medicaid. Long-term care insurance kicks in when you are beyond being “sick” in the traditional sense and can no longer perform at least two of the six “activities of daily living” (ADLs): bathing, dressing, eating, transferring, toileting and continence. It may sound like long-term care insurance is the same as Medicaid, but the two are very different. Long-term care insurance is a policy you purchase to be sure that your needs are met in the way you would like them to be while Medicaid provides medically necessary services for people with limited resources. Medicaid typically doesn’t cover long-term care in your home or a private room in a facility. It’s important for you to consider how you would like to have your needs addressed
Celebrating 60 Years of Serving Older Adults
should you need long-term care. What should you purchase? Policies, benefits and premiums vary. Determine your wants and needs first and then look for a policy that fits your situation. Purchasing sooner rather than later will likely be less expensive. Currently, the most popular type of long-term care insurance is a tax qualified policy, which requires that a person 1) be expected to require care for at least 90 days, and be unable to perform two or more ADLs; or 2) for at least 90 days, need substantial assistance due to a severe cognitive impairment. Benefits from a tax qualified policy are non-taxable. Non-tax qualified plans used to be the traditional long-term care insurance. It often includes a “trigger” called a “medical necessity” trigger. This means that the patient’s own doctor, or that doctor in conjunction with someone from the insurance company, can state that the patient needs care for any medical reason and the policy will pay. The Treasury Department has not
clarified the status of benefits received under a non-qualified long-term care insurance plan. This means that it is possible that individuals who receive benefits under a non-qualified long-term care insurance policy risk facing a large tax bill for these benefits. Long-term care insurance rates are determined by six main factors: the person’s age, the daily (or monthly) benefit, how long the benefits pay, the elimination period, inflation protection, and the health rating (preferred, standard, sub-standard). The National Association of Insurance Commissioners advises against purchasing long-term care insurance if you currently receive or may soon receive Medicaid benefits. Long-term care insurance can be expensive. Shop around, find a policy that suits your needs, check the company’s reputation, and don’t be rushed into purchasing something that isn’t right for you. To find a CPA, consult mncpa.org/referral to locate one in your area.
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www.MinnLocal.com – Thursday, June 22, 2012– Mature Lifestyles 3
‘Ambiguous loss’ can weigh heavily on older individuals BY EMILY HEDGES CONTRIBUTING WRITER How do you mourn someone who is physically here, but psychologically absent? How do you accept that you can no longer do all the normal activities that you’re used to? How do you find companionship when you are all alone? These are some of the questions that Minnetonka therapist Dr. Jody Grande of Hope Allianz faces daily with her aging clients. The New Hope resident began her practice in Minnetonka in 2003 with a focus on family care giving, something she became interested in while in graduate school. After writing her dissertation on families living with mental illness, she realized how much need there was, and how much “ambiguous loss” played into life experiences. While in school, Grande was heavily influenced by the work of Pauline Boss, professor of family and social science at the University of Minnesota, who is known for her ground-breaking research on the theory of ambiguous loss. In her book Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief, she explains that ambiguous loss is associated with a lack of closure, such as a family member with Alzheimer’s disease. Dr. Grande sees ambiguous loss frequently when working with her older clients, who make up approximately one-quarter of her practice. “I see ambiguous loss as the loss of ability to do what we once did,” said Dr. Grande. “With ambiguous loss, there are no rituals to follow. With death, for example, we have rituals.” Dr. Grande knows about this from experience. Married to a man 22 years older than her, the 60-year-old finds herself mourning the aspects of life they can no longer share. “My relationship with my husband is still there, but we don’t take walks
Dr. Jody Grande
or travel due to limiting health issues and limited energy,” she said. “I see the transitions going on with my husband – driving, connecting with people, cognitivity, memory loss – I learned to step back and be patient
with the process.” Part of being patient is the understanding of how we all change in similar ways with each passing decade, according to Grande. “We tend to ask ourselves similar
questions, ‘what have I done and where am I going?’ And as we get older, “where have we been and how do we want to end this life?’ come to the forefront.” When you add loneliness to it, she understands that life can be extremely difficult for her older clients. That’s why Dr. Grande says she is open to spending a little extra time with her older clients. “They are lonely, and I am here. I see how important that is to my clients. I do see more of that need the older the client is.” She sees many reasons for loneliness. Sometimes families don’t live close by, or they don’t want to bother them. “They need to wake up and not feel depressed. They need younger friends, and they need exercise,” she said. “Basically they need someone to talk to.” She recalls visiting an assisted living center with her mother and meeting an elderly woman who seemed to embody the loneliness that she frequently sees in her practice. “One dear lady introduced herself. She was so excited she could hardly contain herself. She said, “Your mother could live across the hall from me. We could be best friends.’” Dr. Grande hopes to expand her practice to include life skills training which would focus on building the skills necessary to flourish at this time of life. “Our population is aging and we need to step back and manage how we think about it,” she said. “In doing research on what’s out there, I have realized that opportunities are limited.” For more information on Hope Allianz, go to www.hopeallianz.com. For more information on local resources for seniors and caregivers, go to www.seniorcommunityservices.org.
4 Mature Lifestyles– Thursday, June 21, 2012 – www.MinnLocal.com
In the Community, With the Community, For the Community
Crystal woman finds joy in her art Serious auto accident fosters a great appreciation for everyday living BY EMILY HEDGES CONTRIBUTING WRITER Fabric painter Judi Jacobson’s medium changed the day a car ran a red light and slammed into her driver’s side door almost killing her. It would take time to return to her craft, but when she did, she found her canvas had narrowed. Her broad strokes of color had become fine lines of detail. Her art had moved from a focus on aesthetic impact, to a celebration of life’s treasured moments. Before the accident, Judi and a friend began a business custom painting large area rugs. “My girlfriend and I were looking for something to do with our time. We had been stay-at-home moms, but the kids were older. We decided to give it a shot,” said the 58-year-old Crystal resident. In the first year, a builder commissioned them to create an entry rug for a $300,000 house to be featured in the Parade of Homes. “Being a new business, we thought, ‘Wow, someone likes what we’re doing.’ It was a feather in our cap.” Unfortunately, Judi’s accident in August of 1996 cut their success short. “That was a very trying time for all of us. I felt horrible for the people who had to watch me go through it,” she said. “I have no pain now. I just have recovered better than I ever expected, or anyone expected. I’m just happy about living.” Although Judi healed quickly, her desire to paint took longer to return. “My partner went on to do other things because I was not up to painting,” she said. “It took a while before I felt like picking up a brush again.” One of the first pieces she was inspired to do was a wall hanging
Judi Jacobson for the physical therapy department that she credits with getting her back on her feet. From there, she
found she no longer had the desire to paint large, abstract rugs. Instead, she narrowed her work to
small objects like pillows, aprons and wall hangings. Rather than creating her own designs, she found that she most enjoyed recreating artwork from special event invitations. “I copy like nobody’s business,” she said. “Tracing was my favorite thing to do as a kid. I loved coloring in the lines.” After almost 15 years, her custom pieces are in demand when clients need a memorable gift, most often for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and housewarmings. “I can duplicate the font from a wedding invitation, or even recreate a picture of a house for a housewarming gift,” she said. “I really enjoy fine, detailed fabric painting.” When Judi has time to create pieces for herself, she says she’s drawn to the color red. “I love bright colors, although I don’t always get to pick the color for my custom work,” she said. “In my house I do a lot with reds, and some black and white.” Two years ago, one of her pieces, a zebra face on black suede, was accepted in a juried competition held at the Plymouth Community Center. Although she didn’t win, she felt honored to have been included. In fact, these days, Judi just feels honored to be doing any of the things she once took for granted. “I shouldn’t have lived through the accident. Sixteen years later, I wake up every day, happy to be up with my feet on the floor, happy to walk, happy for what I can do at end of the day. I’m just happy.” She feels this gratitude the strongest when she finds herself at her own special occasions. “Dancing at my kids’ weddings. Playing with my sweetest little grandson. I cherish every day I have. It’s truly given me a new perspective on life.”
In the Community, With the Community, For the Community
www.MinnLocal.com – Thursday, June 22, 2012– Mature Lifestyles 5
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6 Mature Lifestyles– Thursday, June 21, 2012 – www.MinnLocal.com
In the Community, With the Community, For the Community
Age, health, family can hinder personal relationships BY EMILY HEDGES CONTRIBUTING WRITER When Boyd Phelps, 88, of Eden Prairie married his wife, Shirley, on Sept. 11, 1948, he knew he had found the love of his life. For almost 60 years the couple lived together, raised two children, and faced whatever challenges came their way. But after Shirley passed away, for the first time since Harry Truman was in office, Phelps experienced what it was to be alone. “I was just watching TV, nothing but watching TV. I could tell you every program on every night of the week,” he said. “I started thinking there’s got to be more to life than this.” Phelps decided to start getting out. He began by contacting old friends. One of the first people he called was Carol, a friend he had known for more than 40 years. “She used to call up every few months to see how I was getting along. We started going out together. It was fun to meet once a week. Then it became twice a week,” he said. Boyd’s wife Shirley had gone to high school with Carol. He played golf with Carol’s husband for decades. The Boyd and Carol two couples were even in a dance club for almost 20 years. “We always saw each other socially. We went to dinner at each other’s houses as couples,” he remembered. Now Boyd and Carol take vacations together. They particularly love cruises. As of last month, Carol is living in the same independent living center. “Under the same roof but not in the same apartment,” Boyd was quick to add. Relationships like the one Boyd and Carol
share are important to many seniors according to Sandra Grace of Healing Works in Chaska. But sometimes they can be tricky. “As they age, people want someone to be there,” said Grace. “They wonder if they will find compassion and patience from someone. They worry how health issues will limit them,” she said. She also points out that for many surviving
spouses, guilt can hinder their ability to move on. “If you had a loving relationship with a deep connection, it can be really hard to move on and let go of that,” said Grace. “There’s guilt about how the children are going to perceive it. Will they think they’re not honoring the spirit of their mother or father?” One of the first things Boyd did was talk to his daughter. “At first she thought I wanted to talk to her
to tell her I had cancer,” remembered Boyd. “It took her a few days to get used to the idea, but she responded in the affirmative to the relationship.” Grace says that what grown children think about their parents entering a new relationship can be one of the biggest obstacles. “Kids can be very threatened, especially if there is any kind of wealth,” said Grace. “They suspect their motivations.” But Grace encourages the children to see their parent’s new relationships as a blessing. “Many times their kids are busy. If they are able to find someone, their kids should be thankful.” So part of her job is to help older clients move past those feelings of guilt and other barriers that can stand in the way of a successful and healthy new relationship. “Sometimes as people become older, they get rigid in their beliefs, routines, family rituals, in their physical surroundings,” she said. The challenge comes in figuring out how to compromise. Another concern is attractiveness. Grace finds many clients worry about whether or not they will be attractive to anyone, especially if there are health issues. “Hopefully we are more spiritually attractive, instead of all the materialist trappings,” said Grace. It’s this focus on the opportunities rather than the limitations of dating later in life that Grace stresses to her clients. “If we age gracefully, we have more compassion, wisdom. We feel lighter,” said Grace. “There is no biological clock ticking or career building. During this time, it’s not about becoming; it’s about being.”
In the Community, With the Community, For the Community
www.MinnLocal.com – Thursday, June 22, 2012– Mature Lifestyles 7
Helping elderly parents or relatives from afar Today’s families are more geographically diverse than ever before. Whereas it was once common for families to remain in the same city or state for generations, nowadays families routinely spread out across the country if not the world. Thanks to technological advancements that make it easier than ever before to stay in touch, families today can still thrive and stay close even if they live hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away from one another. One issue facing many families that have chosen to spread out is how to help Mom and Dad when they reach the age where they need their adult childrens’ help. While this wasn’t a problem for the families of yesteryear, it is a genuine concern for adults who live far away from their parents. Fortunately there are ways to be there for your elderly parents even when you can’t physically be there for them. * Speak to your parents about what they need. While some parents might not be able to realistically assess their needs, children should speak to their parents when making decisions about their care. Adults who live far away from their parents might not know exactly what Mom and Dad need, so discuss the problems they might be having on a day-to-basis to determine the level of care or assistance they will need. * Examine finances. Managing money is often difficult for seniors who have had an accident or are dealing with a serious medical condition. Seniors might forget to pay bills or be struggling to manage money with the escalating costs of prescription
medications and health care in general. To help avoid missed bills, adult children can utilize online bill paying offered by many banks, wherein bills are automatically paid each month on their due date by simply being deducted from a given account. Adult children can also consult a financial advisor to develop a plan that allows seniors access to their money while ensuring it will still be there when they need it. * Research community resources. Many communities provide adequate resources for the elderly who might be incapacitated or otherwise need assistance. Programs such as Meals on Wheels can be a great assistance to long-distance caregivers concerned about their elderly parents. Residents of the United States can consult with the Department of Health and Human Services or visit www.Eldercare.gov and use their eldercare locator to find local agencies designed to help older persons and their families access community-based services including transportation, meal delivery and homecare. * Stay in touch with seniors’ physicians. One way to monitor elderly parents from far away is to keep in frequent contact with their physicians. Discuss the situation with your parents’ physicians in person, and ask to be kept abreast of any changes in their health that might require altering their daily routines or homecare schedules. For additional tips or information on helping elderly parents from afar, visit the U.S. Administration on Aging Web site at www.aoa.gov.
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2012
MATURE A Special Section on Active Adults
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8 Mature Lifestyles– Thursday, June 21, 2012 – www.MinnLocal.com
In the Community, With the Community, For the Community
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