r o t i d e e h from t Primavera means spring, a season that marks new beginnings and growth. This issue of Recharge is focused on disclosure, an important process for people living with HIV embarking on a new life journey. We explore the different stages of disclosure through the compelling works of our contributors. In the article “Should I Disclose?”, the author talks about personal readiness for disclosure and how it can be a life-changing experience. This is the first of a three-part series about determining when to disclose, so stay tuned for more in our future issues! During our group discussion at Positive Youth Outreach, the question of to whom we disclose was raised a few times. One of our service users shared a particularly interesting dilemma about disclosing to a potential roommate in this issue. Disclosure can be a challenging process, and it’s natural to have a mixture of feelings when thinking about the prospect of it, including anger, fear and doubt. For some, these kinds of feelings may inspire a powerful poem, such as the one you can see in this issue: “Conversion”. Others may prefer photography, drawing, or a walk around the city as outlets. Whatever your preference, there is always a great way to channel the feelings in a constructive way.
Alessandro Bisignano Youth Support Worker, Positive Youth Outreach pyozine@actoronto.org
telling
my roo
mmate
I’ve known my status for almost a year. The one-year anniversary coincided with a major life event: I am moving downtown and living with a new roommate. But I wondered, how I should tell him my status? Or do I even need to?
Two of my friends at PYO felt that I didn’t need to tell him my status before moving in with him. But what if we moved in together and he found out afterward? Would he be angry or confused? Maybe shun me? Want to move out? Another friend at PYO said yes, I should tell him my status. Just because if we ever slept together, he should know in advance. That was an unlikely scenario, too. I enjoyed that everyone at PYO had an opinion about the best way to disclose and if there even needed to be disclosure. But generally, we agreed that I had no obligation to tell him – and that it was my choice. So I met with my new roommate and we spent about five hours talking about random stuff. I told him my status. He was very surprised – and also concerned. He had no idea how a person with HIV looked or acted. My normalcy seemed to surprise him. I told him how, after a year, everything is pretty much back to normal in my life. We wandered around for another few hours and he asked a couple more questions. Now, we’ve recently signed a lease to live together downtown. He hasn’t talked about it again, and neither have I. Maybe he thinks it’s an uncomfortable subject for me? But really it isn’t – it’s just part of my life – and I’m glad I told him in advance.
lose? c s i d i d l shou If you are thinking about disclosing, it is a big decision to make. I have had wonderful lifechanging experiences disclosing, but some people are more comfortable not disclosing, and that’s okay. You have a right to your privacy when it comes to anyone with whom you are not sexually active, although it is the law to disclose to sexual partners under many circumstances. This may make you feel trapped or forced, but it is mandatory.
“If you don’t like it, change it. if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” No one wants to feel this way, but it’s a fact of life. So my motto is: “If you don’t like it, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” People living with HIV/AIDS (PHAs) can have quite healthy and open sex lives.
Disclosing will not take this away from you. Instead of thinking of disclosure as something the government is forcing you to do, think about it as protecting and being honest with your partner – whatever thought works for you.
Disclosure can also be important in non-sexual relationships. If you are an open and honest person with those who are close to you, not disclosing may cause
you stress. You need to know yourself and know if disclosure is something that will benefit you. I recommend talking to fellow PHAs about – if they disclose and why. It is important though, to remember that their experiences will not be yours. Don’t let yourself be scared to disclose because of horror stories, but focus on if this person’s values are the same as or similar to yours. The most important part of whether you are ready to disclose is being in a healthy mental state with your status. If you aren’t, a negative reaction may throw you into an emotional rollercoaster that is not fun to ride and may negatively affect how you feel about future disclosures. Ask yourself questions like: Have I accepted my status? Where am I mentally and emotionally? Can I let go of people who won’t accept this in a healthy way? Do I have someone I trust who can support me through this?
“focus on if this person’s values are the same or similar to yours.”
Alanna Groleau is 20 years old and has been HIV-positive all her life. She loves educating people on HIV and shattering stigmas. Disclosing personally changed her life and hopes it can change others’ too.
SPUNK! –noun
[spuhngk]
1. courage, spirit, boldness, resilience: show some spunk. 2. a slang word for semen.
You hook up. You get high. You’ve got SPUNK! A lot of guys use substances, including when we’re having sex. So why don’t we talk about it? SPUNK! is a confidential group for young gay, bi, queer and trans guys, who want to talk about drugs, alcohol, sex, and PnP. We don’t judge and we don’t preach. We want to help each other stay safe while having fun.
Find out more:
spunk@actoronto.org 416-340-8484 ext. 235
actoronto.org/SPUNK
Tuesdays, 7 to 8:30 p.m. Six weeks in a row, starting in April.
AIDS Committee of Toronto 399 Church Street, 4th floor, Toronto, Ontario M5B 2J6 T 416-340-2437 F 416-340-8224 W actoronto.org
@ACToronto
facebook.com/ACToronto
what does pyo d o?
1. Drop-in group: A safe, positive social space for service users to connect with one another.
2. Discussion groups: Service users talk to staff and among each other about issues related to being young and living with HIV. 3. Peer support: One-on-one support from staff who listen to service users without judgment, to allow a space for them to express themselves freely. 4. Connections to other services: Referrals to free programs and services within ACT and at other organizations in the community. 5. Community learning workshops: From sexual health and harm reduction to nutrition and physical fitness. PYO organizes workshops of interest to its members, approaching issues from a strengths-based approach.
6. Outreach: Community outreach, to connect young people with HIV to the program, and to increase general awareness in the community. PYO goes to schools, bars, clubs, and community establishments. 7. Leadership development: Providing volunteer opportunities, educational references, and support when transitioning from PYO to other programs. PYO volunteers can gain experience in facilitation, outreach, program support, and serving on advisory committees. 8. Networking: Building connections in the community. 9. The “zine�: Recharge, the quarterly publication for poz youth by poz youth.
on g n i o g s ’ t a h w We are seeing more service users participating in new areas in their life, whether having gained the confidence and ability to commit to a serious relationship, go back to school, or experience a career change. They are choosing to graduate or recommit to their responsibilities, which comes with maturing, rather than aging out of the program and needing or waiting for our direction. They are taking control of their lives while building personal capacity and understanding and using their own resilience to achieve their own personal goals.
For example, one service user is currently upgrading his high school credits in order to explore a career change, with another having changed his personal aspirations and taking on a promotion at his current workplace. And most importantly, we have seen that various individuals who have aged out of the program want to stay involved and help create opportunities for new service users to reach their own achievements.
Do you have four days to be smarter, healthier and sexier? For young gay and bi guys who want to be community leaders, including: • guys from diverse communities • trans guys • guys living with HIV
MAY 4, 11, 18 and 25, 2013
Please register by April 18, 2013 Contact Rui Pires at 416-340-8484 ext. 264 or rpires@actoronto.org. Check out actoronto.org/to for more info.
The AIDS Committee of Toronto (ACT) 399 Church Street, 4th Floor Toronto, ON M5B 2J6 T 416-340-2437 W actoronto.org fACToronto t@ACToronto
Funding provided by Toronto Public Health and the 2011 Pride and Remembrance Run
n
conversio
If I was ever going to go mad, I’d try meth now If I was ever going to be had, I’d fuck raw now My life thus far has been, to me, awfully boring I am the author and see no point in the story But wait, what’s this… a sign from the clouds If I look up will I hear my name spoken aloud Can I be sure that I’m not kidding myself again Upon closer scrutiny angels are but angry men Let’s throw it all away tonight Let’s douse our bodies and set them alight Foam at the mouth, lose all control Dance, fuck and kill on our bleeding soles Another conversion, zero to sero My conversion, take a number hero Waiting time here is about an hour, sir Perk up lads, it’s a loss we all incur
crossw
NAME____________________________________ DATE____________
APRIL CROSSWORD PUZZLE
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Across 1. April is a ____ month. 4. The weather is _____ in April than in March. 6. Which holiday is usually celebrated in April? 8. April is usually a wet month because of the ___. 9. What is the fourth month of the year? Down 1. _____ begin to bloom in April. 2. Trees turn _____ in April. 3. You need an ____ in April. 5. April arrives during the ____ season. 7. How many days are there in April?
2003abcteach.com
Answers from the last issue’s crossword: ACROSS: 1. QUEBEC 3. PROVINCES 7. MAPLE 8. UNITED STATES 10. INUIT 11. DETROIT DOWN: 2. CANADA DAY 4. O CANADA 5. VANCOUVER 6. OTTAWA 9. ENGLISH
ert p x e t c a ask an Got a question about sex? Or just about health in general? Want to know more about ACT and its services? Send us a question and read about it in the next issue of Recharge.
pyozine@actoronto.org