COM 353
REFLECTIONS UNIT 2
CONFLICT STYLES P1 of 2
In this reflection we’ll discuss what the most accepted conflict styles are, how they work, and you’ll reflect on your conflict style based on a simple survey. WRITTEN BY: Adam Barragato
The Case of the MYSTERIOUS, MISSING MARSHMELLOW!
Things to think about..... Is this true story a conflict? Answer this question going through the “checklist” in the previous reflection!
It was a day unlike any other day at the Barragato house until my wife realized soemthing was missing. Not just anything, the one thing she desired more than anything in the world: the sweet, smooth, and silky marshmellow topping for her delicious sundae. Sadly, her sundae was not complete without it. Where as it you aske? Well, that was the mystery in question. The night before at Kroger, we picked it up, paid for it, and even put it in the bag. However, when we got home and put away all the groceries, nobody could remember where it went. My wife, being the deductive investigator she is jumped to conclusions quite early as to whose fault this was. There’s an important backstory that I should note. Somebody (take a guess who) tends to do quite a bit of “awake walking” as my wife calls it.
Like sleep-walking, this somebody in question, tends to “accidentally” throw things away, lose, and break things quite frequently. In fact, we even have an “incidental” fund in our budget to pay for this person’s bad habit, as we’ll call it. Needless to say, this person in question (the alleged guilty victim) could not remember for the life of him where he put the marshmellow goodness. Things were elevating quickly at the Barragato house but no answers could be found. After a heated debate, we went our separate ways with our own conclusions. My wife had strong suspicions we would never see the marshmellow topping ever again. She deducted (early on in the investigation) that in my “awake walking state,” I must have thrown away the marshmellow topping. But, without evidence, who could be sure? Before we get to the stunning conclusion, ask yourself, is this a conflict?
What’s YOUR
Just like fashion, i
COM 353
REFLECTIONS UNIT 2
Conflict can get messy, there’s no doubt about it, as I discuss in the stunning conflucsion of the mystery I unfolde for you on the first page. However, what’s interesting abou this story (other than the fact this actually happened not to long ago) is my wife and I both chose conflict styles base on the same rationale. Want to take a guess what it was? Ou conflict styles were chosen on (drum roll please) our confli filters. In class I told you early on that Adam Barragato come from a LONG line of accomodators. We just give in way to often. My wife comes from an EVEN longer line of avoider HIGH HIGH
COMPETING
ASSERTIVENESS
YO
The r someth in retu piece des
AVOIDING I LOSE YOU LOSE
LOW
Understanding ASSERTIVENESS (ability to COMMUNICATE yuor feelings)
I WIN YOU LOSE The result: One person gets all they want while the other person gets nothing. Like a boxing match, there’s a winner and a loser and lots of bruising.
The result: Neither party wins cause there’s no chance for any resolution. It’s like a hot bowl of oatmeal on the floor that nobody will clean: One, big, hot, mess! LOW
COO
R conflict STYLE?
it can change over time!
I’ll ed ut oo ed ur ict es oo rs.
Her thought is, hey if we just avoid the situation, eventually it will take care of itself. Sadly, it’s incorrect, as a lot of you have recognized in our first discussion in conflict (based on the metaphors you shared) the longer you avoid a conflict (or bother expressing it to the other party involved) the harder it gets. So, take some time and chart out this conflict styles chart. Why you ask? Because people get confused easily. But, also because it’s important to understand other people. Think about it, if YOU KNOW why someone is using a conflict style or at least recognize it, you can help them move forward. HIGH HIGH
COLLABORATION I WIN YOU WIN The result: Both parties walk away winners! It’s unlike any other conflict style but it’s the most challenging to achieve as well!
Understanding COOPERATION (ability for YOU to work with others, listen, and negotiate)
COMPROMISE
I WIN, I LOSE OU WIN, YOU LOSE
result: Both parties GET hing but give up something urn. Like a half eaten, cold e of pizza, it’s not all that sireable or appetizing.
OPERATION
I LOSE YOU WIN The result: One party allows the other to get all they want. Like competing, there’s a clear winner and loser. You might as well be a floor mat, cause you’re letting everyone walk all over ya! HIGH
LOW
ACCOMODATING