A dash of spice issue January 2016 by A Dash of Spice

a dash of

SPICE |January 2016|

QUEEN Magical Maldives

Say NO to Resolutions

content: Feature: And life loved her right back The Coach

Interests and Hobbies

Fashion & Beauty

Food & Drink

Money Mine

Seeds of Inspiration

Health & Fitness

Living

Travel

Q&A

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editor’s note: This was probably one of the longest I’ve spent editing an issue. I wanted it to be special for all the women (and a man) who had shared their stories and for the readers, I too wanted you to have that special feeling as you wrap up 2015. It has been a good year for me – there were challenges at many levels but a lot of good came out from these challenges. As I go into 2016, I know some of these challenges will follow me and probably linger a little too long like the unwelcomed guest, but hey, what’s life without a little dash of spice, right? As you toast goodbye to 2015 and usher in 2016, I wish you all the best in the New Year. Believe in yourself, believe in your power and most importantly, love yourself. So if you have a story you’d like to share and inspire women, we’d like to hear from you. Drop us an email at magazine@oneasiacoach.com and b e part of the spicy family. Wishing you a blessed and joyous 2016. Begin again; Live again; Love again.

Editor, A Dash of Spice

Vanithadevi Saravanamuttu, 40 years, is from Singapore. She is married to her sweetheart whom she met when she was 16-‐years old and they have two children; a princess aged 15 and a p rince aged 13. She is the Founder and Director of Style Etiquette Pte Ltd. Her journey into the fashion and etiquette arena happened after she won the Mrs India (Singapore) title in 2013. Since then she has won many more beauty awards, Asia Pacific Queen of Substance 2014 ( Diamond Award – to recognise successful individual woman who is outstanding and famous in her particular industry) and this was followed by Queen of Substance 2015 (Emerald Award -‐ to recognise successful woman who is an outstanding Entrepreneur and Leader in the area of Business. Besides running her household and a business, Vanitha also gives back to the community she serves. She is a Certified Beauty & Style Coach, a Registered Etiquette Trainer and an Executive Committee Member of the Young Entrepreneur Network (YEN) with the S ingapore Indian Chamber of Commerce and Industry.

the 9 to 5 employee to entrepreneur: As a highly motivated and optimistic person, I have worked my way up in both personal and p rofessional life. Being a realist, I have taken the challenges of life well. I h ave managed to cope with struggles in a calm and collected manner. With the demanding increase in financial freedom and projecting a positive reputation, I had to wear several hats to maintain a favourable positionin society. I remembered I barely had $1000 in bank to start my business. The financial turmoil my family had to go through with just my husband being the sole breadwinner and the struggles and sacrifices to get my customers/clients.

t h e d a u g h t e r : I come from a family that is deeply rooted in traditions and filial piety. Being the only girl child among my three brothers, I was and am still considered the apple of my parents’ eyes. Brought up by a firm mother and a tender father, I learnt along the way to have a good counter balance of handling situations that life presents. My childhood brings me to the memory lane of growing up with a an extended family. I grew up with my great grandparents together with a whole lot of cousins. My parents gave me my very first responsibility of looking after my 3 mth old baby brother while they were out to work. At the age of 4, I tasted my first responsibility. Nevertheless I was a pampered daughter; hahaha... never learnt to cook, wash clothes or anything... . Beneath the p ampering, my parents definitely taught me the values which will bring me ahead in my life as a better human being, student, friend, sibling, wife, mum and friend.

My personal experience within my two years of entering into entrepreneurship has taught me that it takes enormous hard work, and sheer bit of luck to excel in what you do.

” my father, my inspiration: Undoubtedly my late father has been my greatest inspiration. The lessons he went through with me, in terms of education to hard facts of life. One important lesson I hold close to my heart: be an independent woman. My dad may not have been rich is cash, property and education but he was filthy rich in words of true life experience. Through him I saw the glimpse of how it would be to be successful and afford the things that I wanted. Till now, I seek his blessings prior to every step I take in my life, both personally and professionally Success to me means being able to understand what are your priorities, ambitions and goals; how well you have achieved your goals and dreams; getting tremendous satisfaction, happiness and a sense of fulfilment to attain that taste of success; the willingness to embrace every failure that I meet as every encounter brought me a step closer to success and finally, the courage to begin the will to finish. It never ceases to amaze me how much time people waste searching endlessly for magic shortcuts to entrepreneurial success and fulfilment when the only real path is staring right in the face. My personal experience within my two years of entering into entrepreneurship has taught me that it takes enormous hard work, and sheer bit of luck to excel in what you do.

j o u r n e y f r o m e m p l o y e e t o e n t r e p r e n e u r : At the age of 20, I started working in a multi-‐national company. I have a rich and vast corporate experience of 17 years but I was getting into that frustrated and monotonous mode when I longed for that new me. I wanted to do what I really wanted to do, follow my passion. At that point, I knew nothing could

keep me going in that office job – no promotion, higher salary, change of new management – nothing could hold me down in corporate anymore. I was screaming loud in me that I had to leave that career. I soul searched for a long time. I had many questions running in my head for almost one year. Finally, with my husband’s support, I made that big move. In May 2013, I quit the job which, was paying me my four figure salary, business trips and bearing all my education expenses. I gave it all up to follow my heart. Almost everyone who knew me then were really surprised by my move. Yes I had always been a very contented employee. Everyday I look forward to going to work. I totally loved what I was doing. Seeing me move and puttin on my entrepreneurship shoes, I got mixed reactions -‐ some of them scolded, ridiculed, mocked while others praised and congratulated me. I had so many comments that almost tore me apart. The very first person was my own Mum. She chided me rather harshly on my decision. I didn’t get much good support initially. But as time moved on, my consistency, perseverance and my relationship with people built up my confidence that I too can be my own boss. What started off as my passion is now my profit making business. Style Essence started with three partners has now become Style Etiquette Pte Ltd in April 2014. My very own business which helps many to Create.Define.Refine. How exciting!! It’s been almost 2 years since I started my company. Style Etiquette is not just about fashion, colours or etiquette. Its a one stop place where both women and men, young and old can feel connected to being and accepting who they really are. I inspire to bring the beauty from within. The importance of accepting personal grooming, professional image, basic social etiquette are necessities of attaining success both professionally and personally.

t h e q u e e n i n m e : A stepping stone to my entrepreneurship is my winning Mrs India Singapore 2013 in February. My title, my crown, my fame became my business trademarks. I built trust, rapport and communication with the business world. Using my newfound fame, recognition, crown, I decided to mould my own destiny. A new role took over me; Alpha Female. It is a role that epitomizes the mastery of balancing feminity with strength and power to excel in a male dominated environment. I desired to be the kind of woman who is secure and assertive in attaining her goals and dreams.

t h e w i f e a n d m u m i n m e : I have been married now for 16 years and I have undergone the challenges of life well, working through all obstacles with passion and strength. Undeniably, of all the hats I wear the most rewarding is motherhood. To me being a mum has brought a kaleidoscope of emotions simultaneously -‐ fear, worry, angst, pride and determination among others. I see motherhood as a holiest service assumed by mankind. Motherhood enables me to lead by example the virtues of life in most humbling form. My vision as a person and as a professional goes hand in hand. Style Etiquette will continue to strive to make an ineradicable mark in the lives, both professionally and personally to all my clients.

Hi, I’m Vanitha aka Vanz, The Queen of Style, Image and Etiquette. To know more about what I do, you can follow me on social media or drop me an email. FB: https://www.facebook.com/Vanzstyle/?fref=ts EM: vanzstyle.etiquette@gmail.com WS: http://www.vanzstyletiquette.com/

the coach: Commitment is the NEW resolution

New Year’s Resolution – A promise that you make to yourself to start doing something good or stop doing something bad on the first day of new year.

You will remember in the last issue I had written that humans

” ”

Commitment – a willingness to give your time and energy to something that you believe in, or a promise or a firm decision to do something.

weren’t designed to keep resolutions; basically telling you to stop wasting your time with the annual tradition of making New Year’s Resolution. And yes, my views haven’t changed the slightest.

A resolution is only done on the first day of the year, so if you missed making that promise to yourself, then you’ll have to wait a whole year. Now what a bummer that is, isn’t it? Another 365 days b efore you can make another promise to yourself.

I can sense the anxiety already as you think, “how am I going to go into 2016 Come on in Commitment! without a resolution or two? What will I be toasting to this year?” Commitment involves will – a strong determination coupled with a clear Fear not, as I have the perfect solution purpose for something that you for you. I say, “move over resolutions believe in and that is compelling. and come on in COMMITMENT.” Is there a difference between the two? Well, I looked up the trusted Cambridge online dictionary for the definitions.

Commitment is as if you are getting married to yourself.

”

And yes, as ridiculous as it may sound, it is like getting married, for where else do we often hear about commitment than in a marriage? When making a commitment, it is a conscious and calculated decision on how you will use your time and energy. Unlike a resolution which can be made in a quick flash, a commitment would mean setting time aside and thinking through what you want 2016 to be for you and what will you need to do differently from 2015. The beauty of commitments – you can make them several times a year. Every single time something changes in your life, you can up the ante and make a new commitment. So what will I be committing to in 2016? I’ll be making my list of 10 things I will “SAY NO”; things that do not propel me to my mission. So what’s your 2016 commitment? Rachpal has designed an online coaching programme for women in transition. For a FREE CONSULTATION, write to her at more@oneasiacoach.com or visit her website at www.oneasiacoach.com

spice up your life

interests/hobbies:

Charmed by Music by Ugene See Perhaps you might be wondering what is a guy doing, writing for a women’s magazine designed for “women to inspire women”? When I read the first issue, I was excited to share my story of how music, my passion, has brought much needed break from unpleasantness feelings while I completed my d egree in counselling. Though I am still studying, I teach music part-‐time and many of my clients are women and h ence, I hope that through my writing, you can learn how music can bring you much n eeded solace in the crazy mayhem. In my conversations with my women clients, I found out about the struggles that women, especially mothers, tend to have -‐ a dilemma about their identity, which may cause distress. Some may be wondering how they should b e addressed, what can they do to be a good wife, mother and daughter. With so many identities to juggle, many women tend to feel overwhelmed and this might affect their daily lives, both at home and/or at work, which might lead to mild depression. According to a Singhealth report, depression is more common in the married than the never-‐married women. In males, the single, d ivorced and widowed are more likely to be depressed.

the dilemma for the modern day woman: In today’s fast-‐paced society, women’s status and values have changed from those of yesteryears; women make-‐up a sizeable number of the workforce, which allow them to execute their rights and powers during work. However, there are still many women who have to work at h ome d ue to their spouse or some other reasons that need them to be a stay-‐at-‐home Mums or working-‐from-‐home Mums. Whether working at home or in the office, many start feeling the monotony take over as they have the same routine over and over again, year after year. Quite often, the women tell me that they start focusing on their physical health, by joining an exercise group, gym or yoga. However, many could not maintain this exercise routine in their everyday life as they had their own busy schedule and multiple roles to juggle. And then, the cycle repeats and the stress sets in.

Playing a musical instrument is an expression of one’s unique identity.

”

the charm of music: Contrary to popular belief, you can learn to play a musical instrument at any age. Unlike physical exercise which strenuous or you get sweaty, music is a stress-‐reliever that is able to bring out the feminine elegance and b oost level of confidence. It allows one to express various emotions to further understand oneself and finally, it is also an excellent way to create bonds with family members when you h ave an evening of music and song (I was going to say around the fireplace, but we d o live in the tropics). Another big draw for women is that they can practice music in the comfort of their own h omes at a time of their convenience. When learning a musical instrument, it is not just about the technical knowledge of knowing how to play the instrument, b ut also understanding the composition of each piece. This is where each person’s individual personality shines through. Learning to play a musical instrument allows one to express one’s emotions and allows one to better understand the self. Each musical instrument is an expression of the self, from the selection and the music one plays. Learning to play a musical instrument is no longer just a p ast time for the affluent or a young person, but a hobby that anyone can pick up at any time in their lives.

Interest/Hobbies Contributor: Ugene See I have been learning music since I was 14 years old and h ave been teaching for the past three years. Here’s how you can get in touch with me if you wish to take up music lessons: Email: ugene_845@hotmail.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ugene.see Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ugene.ugene/

glitter and glam

fashion/beauty:

Quickie Cleanse for the busy woman By Harmanpreet Kaur

Cleansing is perhaps the easiest, least expensive and most important element of maintaining healthy skin. It is the building block of a healthy skincare regime. Cleansing removes excess oil and impurities from your skin and helps improve its health and radiance. Cleansing also helps prepare your skin for the other steps in your skincare program.

”

Magic tools Here is my basic skincare routine that works effectively for busy super mum’s like me.

Mary Kay makeup remover Mary Kay Skinvigorate Cleansing Brush Mary Kay 3-‐1 in cleanser

STEP 1: Initial cleansing can only be effective after removing any traces of makeup and d irt. I use the Mary Kay Make up remover. It’s so easy to use. Just apply it over your face to gently remove eye makeup, including waterproof mascara. And what I love about it most is that it does not leave skin feeling greasy. It’s so effective that I use it to remove all my makeup.

STEP 2: Removing the make-‐up is not the end. Finding and using a good cleanser is just as important. Mary Kay 3-‐in-‐1 cleanser is my all time favourite. It lathers well and washes away excess oil that leaves my skin feeling thoroughly cleansed. It exfoliates as well and it’s so gentle that I use it daily.

STEP 3: Washing your face with hands does not prove to be as effective with this miracle tool, the Mary K ay Skinvigorate Cleansing Brush. It has just too many good benefits that you just can’t ignore. While it enhances and provides deeper cleansing and leaving skin smooth, more importantly, it is easy to operate and store. Absolutely easy to bring on your travels too! Another benefit is that it is so versatile, you can use it at your sink or in the shower and it ensures you get all of your makeup off each night.

Fashion and Beauty Contributor: Harmanpreet Kaur Hi, I’m Harmanpreet Kaur, 38 years old, a career woman and entrepreneur, married and a mother to a bubbly little boy. Like many of you, I’m juggling many roles, which include a full-‐time job, an independent Mary Kay Beauty Consultant and managing my own online Indian accessories business, Treasure Trove. For more on beauty tips with Mary Kay, follow me on https://www.instagram.com/mk_sangsaara

food and drink:

spice, dice and splash

I get asked all the time, “How do you manage to cook with your busy schedule?” It’s been years now, but that is the common question I get asked all the time. My family and friends know that I ABSOLUTELY love to cook and I’d rather eat food prepared at home than to have a take-‐away. That’s h ow Fabulicious M eals on Heels was born four years ago. I decided that food preparation should not be a chore and a woman should be able to sashay into her kitchen with her 6-‐inch h eels and prepare n ot just a healthy and delicious meal but one that looks like it was from a gourmet deli. In this month’s issue I’ll share two foods that are often p erceived as snacks and starters that can actually be main meals. Just innovate and break the rules.

Rachpal Kaur Tulsi

F A B U L IC IO U S MEALS ON HEELS 14

Bruschetta Ingredients: For garlic Toast 10 slices of bread (baguette, ciabatta or Panini are my favourites. BUT if you only have the square slices, just use them. Remember, break the rules.) 2 crushed garlics (I like to make it a fine paste) 3 tablespoons of butter Salt to your liking (you can omit this but I like mine slightly salty) Method: • Mix the butter, garlic and salt. • Slather the slices of bread with the garlic butter mix. • Toast the bread for about 5 -‐8 minutes till it is crisp (not burnt). Sometimes I just lay the bread down on a hot frying pan till golden brown. • Set aside. (You can also toast the bread once all your toppings are ready if you like the bread to be a little warm when serving.) Variation: • Yes you can always have onion bread. Just add about ¼ on an onion in place of garlic. •

Yes you can always add some chilli or spices to the mix to make it more exciting.

•

Oh yes, and cheese works perfectly too. You can slather on some cottage cheese, or cream cheese. My favourite is some goat cheese as it slightly sour and super salty.

Method: Traditional Tomato and Olive Oil: • 4 medium sized tomatoes. Dice the tomatoes into 1 cm cubes (I prefer the slightly firmer ones as they are easier to handle and are n ot slushy). • 1 chopped garlic • ½ chopped onion • 1 tablespoon chopped fresh coriander, oregano, basil or parsley (if you only have the dried h erbs, just use about ½ teaspoon. And don’t get too hung-‐up on getting the right herb. Use what you have in your pantry or refrigerator). • Salt to your liking. • A dash of pepper. • Mix all the ingredients and spread it on the toasts. • Drizzle some olive oil. Variation: • 2 tomatoes and 1 avocado. • 2 tomatoes and some smoked salmon. You can roughly chop the smoked salmon or just place the slices on the base and then spread the tomatoes. • 1 mango and 1 avocado. Diced. Add 1 tablespoon of chopped onions, some crushed garlic and 1 chopped red chilli or red chilli flakes. This is a fiery one. And this will go very well with some diced garlic prawns. Serves: • This serves as a light meal for four people or a main meal for 2 very hungry people. Tip: • I usually make triple the quantity of the mix so that I can use it for at least 2 more meals in the week or as a salad with grilled meat.

Hearty Soups

Ingredients: Any of the following sets of vegetables. If combining vegetables, just adjust the quantity. I like to use potatoes to thicken the soup. You can replace them with tapioca. 1. 4 carrots & 2 potatoes 2. 500 grams p umpkin & 2 potatoes 3. 500 grams of broccoli & 2 potatoes 1 to 1.5 litres boiling water 2 chopped garlic 1 chopped onion 2 inches chopped ginger (sometimes I add more) 2 tablespoons oil 2 tablespoons butter Salt and pepper to taste.

Method: • Choose either set 1, 2 or 3. Peel the vegetables and dice them to about 2 inches cubes. • Heat oil and butter in a deep p ot. • Sauté the onion, garlic and ginger till fragrant and light golden-‐brown. • Add in the chopped vegetables and sauté for a few more minutes. • Add in the boiling water. I usually add 1 litre first. Only if it is too thick, I add in more. • Stir in the salt and p epper. • Let it cook for about 20 to 30 minutes or until vegetables are cooked and soft. • I use a hand-‐blender to puree the vegetables. • Let it cook for another 5 minutes. • Add more salt or pepper if needed.

Variation: • You can add 2 tomatoes to sets 1 & 2 to make it tangier. • If you are not too concerned about calories, then add ½ cup of cream to any of the sets. (My favourite…..yumm.) Tips: • I make triple the quantity and freeze in 2 separate portions for later use. • I sometimes use one of the portions as a pasta sauce or to cook casserole.

common cents

money mine:

Saving is the new SEXY How much money is enough? For each and everyone of us, that amount is different, unique as a fingerprint. Seek and celebrate all that you can create, then you will have all that you are meant to have. That will be enough. When it comes to every financial decision you will make for the rest of your life, you will choose correctly if you go with your first instinctual response. That answer will always be right for you, the one that will empower you to make money for yourself.

”

Suze Orman

Know where your money goes. One of the biggest money mistakes is not knowing how much you spend or what you’re spending on. Do you have any idea how much you spend on your utilities, mobile phone, internet, cable TV, groceries and eating out? Do your bills get automatically deducted from your bank every month that you’ve stopped looking at your bills? I’ve chosen NOT to have the payment of bills automated. I open all my bills every month to confirm the charges are accurate and that no additional charges have been imposed. Or perhaps I had signed up for a particular facility that I now no longer need. Sometimes, I might have accumulated reward points that I can use to offset my bill charges. Know your bills. Know what you are paying for.

What goes, what stays? Look at your bills from the last 6 months. Some are fixed (like cable TV and home Internet) and some will fluctuate (mobile phone, utilities). Calculate how much you spend on coffees and meals everyday and on groceries and other household goods. Draw up a simple chart so that you have a visual representation of your spending. Look at the bills and determine if all the facilities are needed or is there something that can be removed? For example, since most of my communication is via email or WhatsApp, I seldom have long phone conversations, which makes the call waiting facility redundant. Another example of something that I could readily forgo was buying bottled water, which would cost about $1. Instead I carry a water bottle and refill it wherever I go. Be critical and hard on yourself. Get rid of any expenditure that is not needed.

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Steps to SEXY

Shop at home first. Yes, you heard me right. If you snoop around your cupboard right now, you will find many things that you’ve bought and stashed away that you have forgotten about. What’s in the pantry that you bought months ago and not eaten? Some cans of tuna or nuts or biscuits or beans? How about looking in your wardrobe before the next shopping trip for more clothes? I’m amazed at the packets of pasta, lentils and cans of tuna, sardines and baked beans that I have stashed away in the pantry. So before you go spending on anything, look around the house.

Have a budget and stick to it. This is the final step and perhaps the one that will make or break your sexy. Now that you know how much you pay on bills, how much you spend on groceries and household, your spending on transport and take-‐away meals, set a budget. If you have done steps 1 and 2 correctly, by now you will only be spending on absolute necessities. Draw up a budget with a 10% buffer. So if you your budget comes up to $500, a 10% buffer would mean that you will have an extra $50 should anything crop up. And in the event you don’t spend that money, you can add to your “Go Crazy” fund – money that you put aside to give yourself a treat once in a while. So ladies, get your sexy back. Start growing your money.

live life to the fullest

health and fitness:

Kickstart to a

Healthy

2016

by Emma Blake

It’s the last day of the year and everyone is reflecting back on the year they have had and the resolutions that they made the previous year. Staying fit, healthy and losing weight has always been at the top of everyone’s New Year’s Resolution list. Holistic Health is also becoming more and more popular with more people making New Year’s Resolutions to spend more time outdoors amongst nature, meditate more and take up Yoga. So what is the answer to sticking to our N ew Year’s Resolutions? Easy, scrap the resolutions and change our

thinking and behaviour towards why we want to lose those few kilos or change our lifestyle and change the goals themselves to make them more achievable. Small achievable goals is a must. If you are wanting to lose 20kg in year then break this down into smaller goals of 2 weeks, 6 weeks, 12 weeks etc. When setting smaller goals we can see that we are reaching them and we feel empowered and motivated. Write your goal into a “vision” that benefits you and also

those close to you. For example if your goal is “to lose weight” rewrite it as “I want to lose weight so I have more energy to spend time with my family.” Also keep a visual reminder of your goal somewhere whether it’s an inspiration quote in your purse, a picture of a fun memory with your family on your phone or on the fridge. Think about what you will GAIN from your lifestyle change. When setting goals we tend to say or write them in the negative ie. “I will lose weight”. Think more about the benefits of making these changes such as “When I lose weight I will have more energy to spend with my family and will be healthier from the inside out.” Stop thinking about losing the weight and focus on how good you are going to feel. Changing your lifestyle to a more healthier one will improve your immune system, improve your energy levels and your general well being of the body, mind and soul. Positive thoughts create Positive results. To create lasting healthy habits we must take baby steps. Just like setting small achievable goals we also need to change our habits slowly. Cutting out all the bad foods/habits in one hit is one of the reasons why stray from our goals. Start by cutting out 1-‐2 bad foods/habits a day so your body gets used to you not having these and plan your meals and exercise routine for the week ahead.

Write your goal into a “vision” that benefits you and also those close to you.

” ”

Stop thinking about losing the weight and focus on how good you are going to feel.

Remember to reward yourself with some pampering or “me” time. It is so important for us to reward ourselves when we reach each small goal. We hold the key to our success so it is important to allow ourselves to tap into our potential and to give ourselves recognition when we have done so.

We hold the key to our success so it is important to allow ourselves to tap into our potential and to give ourselves.

”

Henry Ford once said …..

Whether you can or you can’t, you’re probably right.

” Hi, I’m Emma Blake, a personal trainer and wellness coach whose aim is to work with my clients to overcome their struggles when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle. I’m a single mum of a 15-‐year old daughter and sporty 9 –year old son. Here’s how you can get in touch with me for a consultation on your weight-‐loss or wellness: Facebook link: https://www.facebook.com/Body-‐Mind-‐Soul-‐Wellness-‐628900180585733/ Email: em@bodymindsoulwellness.com.au Instagram: https://instagram.com/bodymindsoulwellness/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/soul_wellness

where women inspire women

seeds of inspiration:

Contributed by Emma Blake 21

living simply to simply live

living:

SIMPLY FLOWERS Anyone who knows me, will know that I don’t like receiving flowers. There was one year my husband forgot my birthday and in a fit of anger I went off to spend the day with Mum. Upon my return, lo and behold, there on the dining table was a bouquet of roses. Instead of the romantic movie ending you would expect, with kisses and all, I was so upset with him for wasting $40 on the bouquet that I k new was going to whither in two days in this tropical climate. That was the last time he bought me flowers. But before you judge me, let me say I actually do love having flowers in the home; just not the expensive floral arrangements. I usually go to the market and I buy some stalks of orchids or lilies as these last for at least a week to ten days. And buying them from the markets is a lot cheaper.

So the next time you’re in the market, take a peek at the flower shop. Flowers that are in season will always be cheaper. Hence, my top choice of orchids is perfect in this climate. And they are easy to tend to, needing a change of water only twice at most. So as we sail into 2016, may I wish you many happy moments with flowers.

the spicy route

travel : Magical Maldives

In the Deep End by Shabnam Manan There’s always a few moments at dusk when the sky turns shades of red, purple and world seems to exhale out of the sky. I am learning to breath alongside it. I am learning to soften into the in-‐betweens, to be content with not knowing and yet to be excited in the knowing. To innately understand, to believe in dreams in a society, which is, so bent on making us accept the reality. The past is a great teacher but the future is our master. When I was approached to write about what it felt like travelling ALONE or a single mum, at first thought it seemed exciting. I suddenly saw the dream I was carrying in my eye and heart for so many years coming alive and leaping out of my head. The dream, which I felt grow with me to become a travel writer suddenly started to take shape and seemed like it really is possible. Then it hit me, who would want to listen to the sob story of twice-‐divorced women who struggled for acceptance not just within the family but outside in the real world? My little water bubble burst for a moment and it seemed to present such a sombre and lackluster picture. What can I write about that will capture the imagination and senses of the audience reading this. D id I want to be part of the travel writer troop who spun a beautiful cob of words and metaphors appealing to the ambrosia of senses? Or did I want to chart my own course wanting to be me? Then the song rained down on me “when I just a little girl, my mother asked me what will I be? Will I be pretty, will I be rich, here’s what she said to me”. I coughed for a bit and hitting my head at the thought of a cheesy old song! Such is the plight of a “wanna-‐be” aspiring travel writer!

My journey of self -‐discovery and real growth started 2 and half years ago when my world fell apart. The trip to Maldives seemed to mark the paradise I seemed to attain after walking on the curvy rock filled road. It seemed to bring everything together and why the events had unfolded as such. I walked barefooted on the powdery sand of the beach, reminiscing and reflecting the events that unfolded. As pleasantly corny as it sounds, the name of the hotel I stayed was “Paradise Resort and Spa!” Maldives seemed to almost be an accident of geography – a cluster of dots closely gathered on the map in the middle of nowhere which seemed to draw a direct resemblance of where I was in life. Going back to the start of how it all began, without a job, a husband, sense of heaviness of what the future held for me, a teenage son to parent spun me into frenzy. I hit depression just around the time when Robbie Williams’s suicide news broke. Like many of such stories one reads, it was a bleak picture. The only thing that rang through my ears then were the words of my then boss “Shab, you must want to come out and up! Only you can! It’s up to you!” Did I want to be weighed down by all the pain and the galore of all the dark emotions or have a JK Rowling’s brilliant moment and hit creative mastery or simply climb back up and emerge victorious? So I stood up with all my might with tears in my eyes and threw out all my anti depressants against the advise of my well wishers. Working with a training consultancy then, I cognitively understood how the emotions change and the transformation these emotions might bring up and what I would be up against when I was going against the grain to rebuild my life. What I didn’t anticipate was the brighter and lighter side of resilience and the universe seemed to conspire with me. It showed me synchronicities, which I couldn’t explain, brought me experiences and people, which seemed to not only force me out of my shadows but also helped me grow and thrive. It’s been a journey of connecting with the love within me, getting a glimpse of my higher self and really understanding love though no definition can confine the word.

As I peered through onto the horizon, I felt like I had grown to become like the unblemished white beach, sparkling water and azura sky in the tropical setting. Laughing to myself again at the silliness, was it really silliness or was it bringing further insights?

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My entire trip was interesting but paradoxical. Just like life is with it’s rise and falls, ebb and flow and its depth and surface. There are two types of dive sites in Maldives. The tilla is a submerged pinnacle of of coral that comes within a few feet of the surface while the Kandu is a pass into the reef that due to tidal changes produces a lively growth of corals.

With its abundance of coral species, the Maldives underwater was a confusion of activity. It echoed too what I was experiencing in my head and around me.

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the single female traveller: Safety is an issue for many single women who travel. As much as I tried to ignore it and look for only the nice and pretty packages, our guts are too attuned to pick up such vibes and I had a dose of that in Maldives. I guess we don’t talk about it because of the fear of what other experiences we will attract. With its beautiful beaches, its connectedness with natural elements, fauna and flora, nature just like people and life, also shows its sharp edges., that makes travelling so intriguing and eye popping. Travelling with my teenage son, I had to continuously fumble putting on hats from being a mother, women, MAN (good grief), a wide-‐eyed child like tourist wanting to just go with the flow and not worry about the details. I saw sides of me, which I had kept hidden for a long time or didn’t even know existed. It got a little tiring one of the nights; I slept at 7pm, completely oblivious to the raging storm outside and with my son ordering room service and gloriously chomping away whilst watching football on TV. I woke up feeling refreshed and raring to go again next morning. You see, Maldives is a couples destination and travelling with my 1.78m tall son invited quite a few confused but endearing stares. We played table tennis, we invited stares, we listened to the live band one night, invited stares, we swam in the sea, we invited stares. Over and over! I could almost feel the minds around me going “are they a couple or mother son pair up? ”. At the same time, I was doing my level best not to let those unnecessary thoughts wreak havoc in my head. It seems hilarious as I am thinking about how I coped. I perpetually walked around with a smile plastered on my face, which brought a fair bit irritation to my son. It’s only because I had become so accustomed to seeking out the positives in any situation. I found myself like a broken record telling my son “Son, please be aware of the energy you are putting out!”, only to be tested the moment I echoed those words. I found myself feeling angry when the front desk folks held on to hotel policies too

tightly, taking a wee bit long to fix the Wifi in our hotel room or when the cashier chimed back as I was making payments on check out “Madam, your card is dishonoured!” It hit me, what power words can have over people and our emotions! Thank God I had trained my mind as far as possible to stay calm and do my best to communicate in a way that was kind to another individual and at the same time trying to assertively getting my message across was a little like coming out of my comfort zone. My hot-‐blooded son would ever so often say me “Mummy, you are being way too nice!” How could I explain to him that these guys at the front desk were just doing your job and someday he’d be working too? Though I must say, it was indeed a highly confusing time for me and I began to really understand what Shakespeare meant when he coined the phrase “to be or not to be…” While casual dress and swimsuits are the order of the day in sweltering heat, we visited a nearby island in a more traditional get up. This was inhabited by the locals and got a glimpse of those living below the poverty line. Here again I was confronted with paradoxes, a family of seven sat by the curb as we entered the village, greeting us with warm smiles and traditional “ Assalamualaikum”. We instantly felt humbled and thankful for the all the blessings we had been bestowed as we walked past the schools and mosques. I also felt an acute sense of wanting to help alleviate and lift their standards of living and perhaps offer them an opportunity to live a better life. In Singapore, we have almost everything, have we reached a point now to consider helping other nations who may require our expertise to prosper and offer their local Maldivians a real chance to a better future and not just through the numerous resorts and hotel? As we hit the souvenir shops, a few men started taunting for their respective businesses. It left me feeling very uncomfortable because just moments ago I was hoping to find a way to make a difference and now I felt repelled as one of the shopkeepers in his efforts to lure me in told me “don’t go into that shop, his items are very expensive and you will not get value of money”. Though I can completely understand his motivations for staking the claim, I couldn’t help feeling the need to bolt of out of there. After a whirl through the bazaar, we found time to rest and have a snack at one of the boisterous teahouses serving up a wide array of snacks and spicy meals. Whether you like sitting at the edge of the pier watching the fishes, running along the beaches, windsurfing or parasailing, the indian Ocean is yours to enjoy. Despite its isolation, the Maldives buzzes with an alluring energy that attracts the curious first time tourist and the seasoned traveller. Those in search of relaxation and excitement will appreciate all that Maldives has to offer. What an adventure; I certainly intend to go back again.

in the hot seed

Q & A: Q

A senior executive in my organisation is abusing his power. He is having an affair with another employee (both are married) and he has even promoted her and two of her teammates. In addition to that, he uses company money to fund their overseas trips and expensive meals. He has fired a few people who aired their differences in opinions with him and the whole organisation is filled with a climate of fear because he has the power to hire and fire. The management team is located in another country and trust him to run the operations. What can I do to alert them to his wrongdoings? We are all scared to lose our jobs.

This is a tough one as from what you have described, the person wields substantial power within the organisation. There are a few issues that we need to be clear about before taking any action. First, does the organisation have any policy on office romance? Is it stated in the staff handbook or Intranet? If not, check with the HR if such a policy exists. Next, even if there is a policy, is there sufficient evidence to prove that they are having an affair? How do you prove that an affair is indeed taking place? Without concrete evidence, it just becomes idle gossip and puts you in a bad light. You really don’t want to be taking this on all by yourself. Thirdly, if you really feel strongly about this issue, you will need to start building your alliances to determine who has access to the management team overseas. However, before airing your concerns, I would advise you to have concrete proof on any wrongdoing on the part of the executive. F or example, how can you prove that funds were misappropriated? Lastly, my personal take on it, office romances usually end horribly, so just wait it out. They will fumble and then just enjoy the free office soap-‐opera. If you have a question on a life or work transition, write to us at magazine@oneasiacoach.com and we will feature your questions and reply on this page.

â&#x20AC;ŚI specialise in Transitional Transformation Coaching for women in transition; to smoothen the transition period, to give clarity and equip you with skills to move effortlessly to the next phase. My coaching philosophy is to take you from being a blunt tool to the sharpest tool in the shedâ&#x20AC;Ś Rachpal Kaur Tulsi

+ Reigniting Personal Belief; Reclaiming lorem ipsumPersonal Power RachpalAddress] [Street Kaur Tulsi [City], [State][Postal Code] Consultant/Coach [Web Address] www.oneasiacoach.com