On Dit Issue 85.1 by On Dit

On Dit On Dit

In Memoriam 2012-2016 In Memoriam (2012-2016)

Issue 85.1

~ On Di t ~

Editorial

A new year, another vice chancellor to be appointed. Some shit status about the power outage/earthquake with 12 likes. Queen Liz is alive and our head of state. Another political defection. A new café to review. Amongst all the topical changing headlines, the same one question lingers on our lips: how does Joe from Adelaide Furniture and Electrical keep the prices so low? In a 24 hour news cycle, the quest to stay relevant is perceived to be the sole onus of any given publication. It can become a sickly habit, letting clicks dictate the way we read and write. This is just one chilling symptom of the technological revolution, paving the path to an inevitable, dystopian future where faith in the human race can be destroyed in a second by the implementation of a migration ban, a Buzzfeed quiz, or a secret email chain. But who would have thought it ’d be so grim in the mean time. 2017 marks 85 years of circulating mediocre content for a student readership. As your editors, we’re tasked with the experiment of

curating and documenting student culture for you. We know that On Dit sometimes gets a bad rap for not being “relevant ”, “engaging” or “transparent ” enough for students. The struggle to ascertain the tenants of Adelaide’s cultural identity is a challenge for both of us. This little raggety magazine is still printing because of readers, contributors, haters, fans, stalkers etc like you. Put your faith in us, as and if you don’t agree, we bloody dare you to rebut our grandiose claims and visions we’ve got for this year ahead. You’ve got 11 more issues to make your case. Times are changing and they’re changing fast. Change is good, and revolutionary. Also, fuck Harambe, that silly monkey.

Yours, Jenny, Jesse and Tom.

~ On Di t ~

Contents Editorial Correspondence

On Dit Editors

Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s On

Jenny Nguyen, Tom Haskell, and Jesse Davidson

State of Union

Cover Art

SRC President

David Broggin

Vox Pop One eyed nose pickinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Jack picture

Articles

Sophie Ward

French Elections

Contact

Sins of Overheard

ondit@adelaide.edu.au

Adelaide, Badelaide Clicking The Mouse Laneway Round-up Consent Change the Date How Modern Money Works Left, Right, and Centre Artist Profile

We r e c o g n i s e t h a t t h e K a u r n a Pe o p l e are the traditional land-owners and custodians of the Adelaide plains Ngaldu tampinthi Kaurna miyurna yarta mathanya Wa m a Ta r n t a n y a k u

Rantspace Skullduggery

~ On Di t ~

Cor r esp ondence ~ D e a r Ed i t o r s ,

ON DIT IS SHIT Ev e r y o n e t h a t w r i t e s fo r O n D i t i s a m i n d l e s s , n a r c i s s i s t i c, self-aggrandized fucking moron. O h , y o u’ r e s o t r è s s p i r i t u e l , s i t t i n g i n y o u r c a fe s a n d b e d r o o m s w r i t i n g a b o u t o v e r p l ay e d t r i t e l i k e Ge o r g e O r w e l l o r e b u l l i e n t reactions to shrooms. Or some other tasteless, lobotomized pop culture drivel about pokemon or goon. Go f u c k y o u r s e l v e s , y o u p r e t e n t i o u s f u c k i n g t w i t s , you faceless, wannabe famous, shameless fucking gits, y o u f u t u r e b u z z fe e d w r i t e r s , y o u s a n c t i m o n i o u s ‘ f i g h t e r s ’, y o u v a c u o u s , f l av o u r o f t h e m o n t h , s e l f i s h f u c k i n g b l i g h t e r s . I h a t e O n D i t a n d I h a t e y o u fo r r e a d i n g i t, a n d I h a t e myself the most, b u t i f t h i s s h i t e v e r m a k e s O n D i t I ’ l l p r o b a b l y b e p r o u d a n d b o a s t.

Re g a r d s , Malcolm Middleton

~ On Di t ~

STATE OF THE UNION Words by AUU Board President Brodie Scott

To all the new students of 2017, on behalf of

of bed to come to class, and there is no one

the Adelaide University Union I’d like to extend

pushing you to follow different opportunities

to you a warm welcome to our University!

and extra-curricular activities.

Over the course of your degrees you will

the Hub not knowing a single face and feeling

pus, whether knowingly or not. Maybe you’re a

overwhelmed about enrolment and finding my

friend, or maybe you’re a project group partner,

way to class, I can completely relate to the feel-

maybe you’re a student organiser, or maybe

ing of being lost throughout the first few weeks

you’re a sports team captain – no matter who

of Uni. But you know what, the easiest way to

you are, it’s important that you know that you’re

cut off those newbie feelings is by fighting off

a valuable part of this university, and a valuable

the impulse to withdraw and to get out there

part of the overall experience of all students

and connect with other students!

here. However, being a student at Adelaide Uni is

For me, the AUU was my first point of call. Purchasing membership to the AUU not only

not only about what you do for others, it’s also

opens you up to tonnes of awesome student

about what this Uni can do for you, and this

events and giveaways, but a whole host of

year it’s my job to make sure you receive all the

discounts at shops around campus and regular

support you need to make this experience into

free lunches! Equally important and more

a memory you’ll cherish for a lifetime. Through-

geared towards making friends, are clubs.

out the year I’ll cover more Adelaide University

The AUU supports over 150 different clubs

Union (AUU) topics in my column, however in

varying from cultural clubs, to activity clubs, to

this issue I’d like to share with you some advice

issue-based and political clubs.

from my few years at this campus. For many of this year’s new students,

The AUU also runs many other services to assist you through your studies including wel-

university will be a big turning point in your edu-

fare services to help you through hard times,

cation. Until now many of you have studied at

student media to help you express yourself and

high school, and some of you may have had a

have a laugh, employment services and lots

few years out in the world before coming here,

more.

but one lesson you will quickly learn is that your

Having been the lonely guy walking through

each contribute to the vibrant life of this cam-

No matter what you’re studying or how you

education and general experience at univer-

got here I hope you all settle into university well

sity will be exactly what you make it. There is

and have an outstanding few years at Adelaide

no one watching over you making you get out

University. This is your time to shine!

~ On Di t ~

SRC PRESIDENT Words by SRC President Mark Pace

I’m Mark Pace, a third year Maths student, and my HECS debt is $18,439.00, or in student terms about 27,938 fried pork dumplings. The Student Representative Council acts as your voice on campus, making your life at university just that little bit simpler - fighting for a quality and accessible education. The university today is very different to the university I entered four years ago. Courses previously available have been axed; tutorial sizes have increased while contact hours have decreased. There’s also the threat of $100k degrees creating invisible barriers for new students. Plus, there’s a burger joint in the Hub. This year the SRC will be devoting most of its time to the national ‘Make Education Free Again’ campaign. Fighting to bring us back to a time where education was free and existed as a public good rather than for corporate interests. The same generation who paid nothing for their university degrees are now using them to charge us an exorbitant price for a degree; which then welcomes us into a labour market with unprecedented levels of youth unemployment. Let’s make this clear; education is affordable for this government. The Group of Eight Universities (which Adelaide Uni is a part of) announced free education would cost the federal government $8.3 Billion per year. Now, this might seem like a lot, however, compared to the $32 billion dollars of funding the Australian Military received in the budget this year, we could pay for free education four times. So what will the Student Representative Council

be doing about this? Along with the National Union of Students, while we fight for free education. We will also defend students against this Government’s vicious agenda with mass student demonstration, until the government has no choice, like fee deregulation, but to drop it. Our fight began in 1976 - when students were stripped access to a free tertiary education and the National Union of Students ran its first National Day of Action. South Australia was regarded as the epicentre of the movement in the mid 80s. In 1988, over 6,000 students marched to Rundle Mall and staged a sit in. For context, this was more than 20% of South Australia’s undergraduate students at the time. Later that year several thousand students occupied the Adelaide Stock Exchange and occupied the trading boards, demanding we ‘Tax Corporations, Not Students’, following revelations that many high profile companies were paying little or no tax. The struggles of past student movements are our struggles too. For over four decades, students have been fighting the same fight against the trashing of our higher education system, and the corporatisation of our universities. Now more than ever, is an incredibly important time for the student movement to be united. The National Union of Students has called a National Day of Action 3.30pm on March 22nd. South Australian students will be protesting at Parliament House, bring a friend and participate in the movement for a quality and accessible education. See you there.

~ On Di t ~

WHAT’S ON? // FEB ~ MAR O’Week Club Stalls Feb 20-24

Skullduggery

Portraits in Motion: Volker Gerling

Maths Lawns

Feb 23 Bonython Park

If you’re new to Uni the

Skullduggery is an annual

Club Stalls are the perfect

pissup run solely by students,

Radford Auditorium, Art Gallery of South Australia

introduction to the clubs on

for students. It’s incredibly

offer at Adelaide Uni. If you’re

popular

performance, Gerling presents

lucky enough you may even

questionably

meet the king of clubs himself,

you’re a fan of student drinking

Beau Brug. What a dream.

culture get your tickets ASAP.

WOMADelaide 2017

Dune Rats

and

March 4 - 19

drinks cheap,

are so

March 10 - 13 Botanic Park

March 12-13 The Gov, Hindmarsh

Adelaide’s Annual world music

Do you like songs about weed

and dance festival. The lineup

and partying? Is your favourite

is terrifc (great local artists) and you can get away with wearing the worst pants you own with zero judgement from your peers. How do you say no to that?

movie Point Break? If you said yes to all or none of these questions

you’re

probably

emotive

and

beguiling

snapshots of his travels in Germany in the form of flipbook portraits of the people he met along the way.

Electric Fields

March 19 Royal Croquet Club Electric Fields bring their brand of soulful, electronic pop to the closing night of Royal Croquet Club. The Adelaide duo are a powerhouse of emotion and are showcasing their talents at

going to have a good time

Royal Croquet’s new location

seeing the Dune Rats at the

of Pinky Flat, opposite the

Gov.

Adelaide Oval.

Other hot picks: ABSS Welcome Party – 22 February – Bank Street Social Arts O’Week Welcome Party – 24 February – Napier Court yard Horror My Friend DIYs single launch – 24 February – Ancient World

~ On Di t ~

Vox Pop

APPURVA

PADG

Law & International Studies

Masters of Chemistr y

1. I would never be at HJ’s at 3am. So no! 2. Every committee I’ve ever sat on has been awesome.

1. Maybe. I wouldn’t if there was sauce because that makes the chips soggy. 2. Old Scholars committee.

3. I don’t drink, so no hangovers for me!

3. Berocca, praying, and sausage rolls.

4. Facebook, ABC, SBS.

4. Twitter.

5. Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation.

5. The Red Bull girls because they provide

6. Everyone will handout flowers and hugs to

a service that everyone needs.

each other.

6. It’s gonna be even shitter. Celeb deaths are out and fascism is in.

~ On Di t ~

1. You’re at hungry jacks, it’s just gone past 3 am, and you’re waiting for your order. You see some leftover chips – do you eat them? 2. What has been the lamest committee that you’ve ever sat on? 3. Tips to stifle a hangover after attending one too many orientation parties? 4. Where do you head for your daily dose of news? 5. Who would you appoint as the new vice chancellor? 6. 2016 was a generally viewed as a shit year, what do you predict will happen in 2017?

OSLO (BOOMBASTIC)

DENISE & CARLA

Engineering & Mr. Lova Lova

Medicine

1. Haha… hahahahah… hahah. Ha. No

1. D: I just think of it as free food, so yes.

Comment.

2. C: Community Garden in year 6.

2. Adelaide University Economics Club.

3. C: Brush your teeth before you go to

3. Who the fuck goes to an orientation

bed so

party???

you wake up with fresh, minty breath.

4. Mr. Transparency himself: The Strainer

4. D: Facebook.

Media

5. D: The Loosest Aussie Bloke,

5. Anyone who looks out for the needs of

Shooterwilliamson. I really want to see

Post-grad students.

his Fringe show.

6. On Dit will be arrested for defamation.

6. C + D: 2017 will be the year where everyone is gonna realise things.

~ On Di t ~

Liberte, Egalite, Misanthropy? Words by Rui Sihombing

Putting aside the dramatic phrasing for a moment, it’s a fair call on the significance of the upcoming presidential election in France this April. If you’ve ever wondered what it was like to live in the tumult of the 1930s, then 2017 onwards might be a fairly good approximation of it. Especially if things pan out according to a Marine Le Pen. Often stylised as a ‘French Donald Trump’, Le Pen is the face of France’s right-wing National Front (NF) party and a serious contender for the presidency. How serious is serious? At the time of writing, Le Pen is marginally leading the opinion polls at 27%, two percentage points above François Fillon of the centre-right Republicans. It’s a frightening prospect for a Europe swept by a tide of chauvinistic politics, from the Austrian Freedom Party to the neo-Nazis of Golden Dawn. It wasn’t always like this. Chatting with a former professor from The University of ParisSud, she told me a little anecdote from four decades ago. As a young graduate student,

she and a friend had accidentally walked into a small convention room to find it occupied by around thirty burly middle-aged fascist thugs. Standing at the front of the room? Jean-Marie Le Pen, Marine’s father and former head of the party. Back then, the NF weren’t much more than a fringe party of neo-Nazis. So fringe, in fact, that Jean-Marie couldn’t even reach the 500 signatures required to run for president. The only serious attention the NF received was related to the debate over whether fascists should be given a voice in the media. In the end, Jean-Marie did get his media platform, and a few decades on we’ve reaped our sow. The NF have since moderated their image, de-demonised their reputation and, most importantly, swapped their miniscule basement meetings for grand public rallies. But for those of us not so inclined towards xenophobic nationalism, there’s at least some temporary breathing space owing to the two-round French voting system. If no candidate wins an absolute majority in the first-round

~ On Di t ~

–“Greece was the Laboratory, France will be the Battleground” Yanis Varoufakis speaking at the Festival of Humanity, Paris. September 2016.

of voting on the 23rd of April, a run-off vote takes place a fortnight later on the 7th of May between the two highest-polling candidates. With the French left unlikely to progress past the first round, it’s expected that a significant number of centrists and leftists will turn out to vote for the other candidate (probably Fillon or independent Emmanuel Macron) to prevent Europe’s first elected far-right head of state since World War II. It’s not an entirely new scenario. Back in 2002, a shock first-round result saw Jean-Marie Le Pen progress to the second round of voting, before conceding a landslide defeat to Republican Jacques Chirac. It’s not worth getting complacent, though. Jean-Marie’s holocaust denial has seen him kicked out of the party, and new faces like Florian Philippot have been able to construct a more family-friendly visage for the NF. A neighbour of my host in Lille, an unashamed fascist and member of the old NF, decried it as “a silent coup within the party”. But will this silent coup be enough to win Le Pen the presidency? Opinion polling indeed suggests that Marine, like her father, will lose by a big margin in the second round. Opinion polling also suggested Hillary Clinton would

win the presidency, so there’s that. Nonetheless, Le Pen’s strength remains in her ability to portray herself as an alternative to the status quo. The NF have been able to capitalise on the precarity of a economically stagnant rural France, especially in the former socialist strongholds in the north. Once the preserve of the left, the protectionist, welfarist and anti-establishment rhetoric of Marine Le Pen’s contemporary NF now speaks to a depressed, insecure France yet to see the supposed benefits of European integration. Yet alongside this supposed disdain for the establishment remains a toxic contempt for immigrants and foreigners. Time and time again, history reminds us that during spells of economic uncertainty, it’s the misanthropes and xenophobes that rise to the top. Le Pen is no exception. Although she may not win come May, Le Pen’s victory has been her ability to make xenophobia not only acceptable, but also popular. One only has to look at Fillon, who is adopting a similar anti-immigration stance in order to appeal to an increasingly fearful electorate. We’ll see what happens in May, but don’t expect anything resembling the “liberty, equality, fraternity” engraved on walls across the country.

The Seven Deadly Sins of Overheard Original words by Dante Translated from Latin by Andre Bemmer

Caveat lector: Once you have knowledge of these sins, committing any one of them will destine you to eternal damnation in a realm of brimstone, fire and minions. Only abstinence can save you.

Pride

The Serial Shameless Self-Promoter

There’s always that one person who has to let everyone know exactly how small their dick is. Oh, you started a new club? You won an award? Wow. Look at you, aren’t you so great. Though, it has to be said that their celebrity status isn’t just all in their heads in that they are sort of uni celebrities –it’s just the celebrity they’re like isn’t so much Leonardo di Caprio or Stephen Fry but more Rebecca Black and her fucking Friday song. Their shameless posting combined with their misplaced sense of self-importance is enough to make anyone want to bite the bullet and hang themselves off the Adelaide Uni bridge.

Greed

The ‘I lost my phone, help me find it!’

This is a sin only because the sole purpose of this post is to provide a service to one specific person, which really isn’t in the spirit of Overheard. I mean call me selfentitled but when I go on Overheard I expect to hear tales of academics bragging about their 6 day bender or some disturbing story on how that person you got with in Reds turned out to be your Maths 1A tutor. I’ve never really been particularly enthralled by some post about how you left your phone on a desk in Ligertwood and needed help finding it. I mean, yeah I realise it’s a bit of a rubbish thing to label a sin because it’s actually practical and a good way to get your stuff back, but fuck it I’m a selfish bastard and I am NOT entertained by these posts.

Wrath

The Evangelic Politician

They say passion is the key to success but I can tell you right now that showing your passion in some politically charged post is key to being called a twat behind your back. This isn’t the house of parliament and you’re not Cory Bernardi or Sarah Hanson-Young; your call for bringing about progressive or conservative change on Overheard is about as good as sexually arousing a sofa. You get the classic ‘we are having a protest outside Bonython because we just fucking love protesting’. They’ll protest over stuff they literally cannot change like Trump’s presidency. They might as well protest the Sun shining less hours in winter. And when you scroll past these sort of posts there is nowt to do but close your eyes and hope to the dear Lord that, like the laws they protest against, they too will be struck down. Preferably by a bus. Or a truck.

Sloth

The Obvious Bullshit Artist

Lust

The old classic bullshit artist is perhaps the worst sin of all, simply because if you get caught talking bullshit it means you put in absolutely no effort in trying to make your story sound believable. Laziness is the greatest bar to greatness. If you had put a tincy wincy bit more effort into making your story sound less like a Jay story from The Inbetweeners, then maybe you might have been that guy who people talk about; that guy who heroically drank a bottle of wine in the library even though the librarian was right in front of him, or that legendary lecturer who had to convince his whole class he didn’t do drugs while he was playing with an Elmo toy (videos always help).

The Zealous Fresher

Everyone has to be new to something at some point. Elizabeth II wasn’t born Queen of England, Einstein wasn’t born an expert of relativity and Beau Brug didn’t grace into this world as admin of nearly every Adelaide University related page. Overzealousness to being part of the group can sometimes be the serpent in the Garden of Overheard that makes you eat the fruit of sin. ‘Go on mate, just post about how badass you are because you didn’t do your tutorial readings. You’ll make it on Overheard; you’ll be in the group’.

Gluttony The Meme Re-poster

I love my meme pages on Facebook. In this day with meme pages being the main reason I go on Facebook, seeing a reposted meme brings about a maelstrom of bad emotions. Instead of getting that brief moment of joy in my otherwise sordid and pathetic journey towards death, I feel cheated. It’s like hearing someone tell someone else’s anecdote like it happened to them. Ok, if you share it on Overheard, that’s excusable –at least you acknowledge the hard work some lonely basement dweller has put in it. But posting a meme you clearly stole from a meme page without referencing that page just because it has some vague relatable relevance to students? Outrageous.

Envy

The Wannabe Go8

Everyone knows that the University of Adelaide is the best uni in South Australia, but that doesn’t stop the incessant screeching from those who didn’t try hard enough at school to argue that ‘oh UniSA has much better graduate employment prospects’ and other nonsense like that. And these sort of people find their way on Overheard somehow –mainly in the comments section –with the classic ‘Lol at ur obsession with ducks’ or ‘Adelaide uni is full of snobs lol UniSA or Flinders is better because people there are nice’. Yeah alright mate. We get it; you were shit at school and you’re still shit now.

~ On Di t ~

Adelaide Badelaide? Words by Lauren Copland

n inherent Adelaidian trait, seemingly bestowed on us from a young age, is that we must willingly and readily pay out our city and our state. However, some city pride seems to well up from the depths of our souls whenever someone from Melbourne or Sydney tries to do the same. Only we have the right to joke about Adelaide, right? But does Adelaide really deserve this derision and degradation? I recently returned from a semester abroad and whilst there I came across some fellow Adelaidians, which was somewhat of a surprise. Of course, we asked the typical and inevitable “Which school did you go to?” and “What suburb do you live in?” questions commonly asked in South Australia. These are usually followed by the discovery of some common acquaintance and the exclamation of “What a small world!”. This may be a generalisation but experience has proved it to be true in my case. Whenever students from other cities or countries asked us about Adelaide we shared a knowing smile before cracking some joke about the smallness - the insignificance if you will - of our city especially in relation to the bigger, brighter cities of Europe. In Europe I found it much easier to tell others about our environment, our wildlife, and our lifestyle than the city as a whole. I think it is difficult when put on the spot to accurately describe Adelaide and what it means to be an Adelaidian; we may mock our city but it does have a lot to recommend. South Australia has long been a state of firsts, and has arguably served as a kind of trendsetter for the rest of Australia. These firsts have had a particular focus on the rights of all citizens; however, more specifically South Australia has long been a champion for women’s rights by recognising that they are regular people and deserve the same rights as men. For instance, in 1888 the first Australian university to allow women to attain a degree was the University of Adelaide; in 1895 the first Australian colony to allow women to vote was South Australia in the wake of the Constitution Amendment Act 1894; in that same year the first place in the world that allowed women to enter parliament was South Australia; in 1915 the first place in the British Empire that appointed female

~ On Di t ~

police on equal terms with their male colleagues was South Australia; the first Australian female judge to be appointed was the South Australian Roma Waite; and in 1976 the first place in the English-speaking world to consider rape in marriage a crime was South Australia. Aside from all of those advancements for womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rights and female empowerment, South Australia has had many other firsts. In 1856 the first state in South Australia to have male suffrage for Parliamentary elections was South Australia; in 1858 the first Australian capital city to be connected to a water-borne sewerage system was Adelaide; in 1876 excluding Britain the first place in the British Empire to legalise trade unions was South Australia; in 1936 the first Australian public housing authority was the South Australian Housing Trust; in 1975 the first Australian State to decriminalise homosexual relations between consenting males in private was South Australia; and in 1996 the first Australian Act prohibiting racial discrimination was assented to in South Australia. There have been, and I am sure will continue to be, many more firsts that should make us proud of our humble city and state. However, those firsts are not the only wonderful things associated with South Australia; we have also been home to a number of prominent inventors and inventions including Wi-Fi, Boxed Wine, Sunscreen, Penicillin, and the Hills Hoist. We are a state of innovators who dared to dream and to create, who knows what South Australians or Adelaidians will imagine next? Despite all of those firsts and inventions, Adelaide is simply a nice city to live in. It is easily navigable due to its grid design, it is less pretentious than Melbourne, it has better traffic conditions than Sydney, it is quieter than the eastern cities, and it has a thriving and musical birdlife unlike many European cities. Australia itself is renowned for its diverse landscape and South Australia is no exception. We are blessed in all directions leading away from Adelaide with the Flinders Rangers, the Outback, the Riverland, the Barossa Valley, the Hills, and our many beautiful beaches. Whilst we may grumble about Adelaideâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s smallness and lack of castles in comparison to Europe, it still has a lot to offer and quite frankly is a bloody nice place to live. Adelaide will always be my home; even if in the future I am carried away to foreign shores it will always have a place in my heart.

Why you and your orgasms will be better without porn

Clicking

The Mouse

Words by Soph Landau Art by Sophie Ward

remember my first experience with porn. I was a young lady of about eleven years old who had spent plenty of time exploring herself. Being aware of my sexual desires early throughout my development meant that I was likely touching myself well before my peers. It was a school night and I was probably chatting with friends on MSN or

playing minesweeper, when suddenly the vast possibilities behind an explorator y Google search had gotten the best of me. Curious to explore my arousal - like the kind of stuff that would make my clit twitch when I’d catch glimpses of late night SBS, or the naughty scenes I had been imagining during my bedtime adventures. I urgently typed in ‘GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS’

Truly laughable, but despite the naivety of my search, it was successful and I was off clicking and scrolling my way through the uncharted territory of internet pornography. Before I knew it I was watching two girls performing the ol’ ‘college roommate experimental fantasy’ scenario using toys on one other, making an absolute mess of myself before expertly cleansing the browser and returning to my minesweeper campaign. I’m pleased to say I’m not a porn addict, albeit being a heavy user from the age of thirteen. It would make up a third of my erotic stimuli during solo endeavours, the other thirds being the wonders of the human imagination and the ever-growing contributions to the erotic literature world through sites such as literotica.com.

“I urgently typed in GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS” I never thought of porn as a detrimental device. I felt liberated by the fact that my friends and I could talk openly about turn-ons and kinks, favourite categories and desires; it seemed to be a tremendous way for us to relieve our natural urges. While it can be argued that the exploration of sexual curiosity through a mode such as pornography is a healthy outlet for horny young boys and girls, it also has the potential to skew our growing perceptions on realistic sexual behaviours and gender expectations, not to mention possible unhealthy body image issues and a solid misunderstanding of sexual ‘norms’ (consensual and safe would be normal in my books). While a controlled relationship with porn can be maintained by many, some heavy users of internet stimuli have decided to, as they say,

“Pornography has the potential to skew our growing perceptions on realistic sexual behaviours and gender expectations” “Get a new grip on life” by abstaining from porn and in some cases masturbation as a whole, discussing the incredible benefits they have experienced through the ‘NoFap’ community founded on Reddit. Some ‘fapstronauts’ use the forum as a tool to challenge their self-control while some use it as respite from the disabling addiction, finally being relieved of negative symptoms such as erectile dysfunction, loss of libido, lack of concentration and motivation and desensitisation. Although the regular use of porn has become so normal and widespread, the American Medical Association have acknowledged the negative implications it can have on our sex lives. They argue that the desire for “novel and more extreme sexual material” can lead to dissatisfaction in everyday arousal and that reliance on porn for stimulation can cause dependency and dysfunction.

I realise you might be thinking, who does this chick think she is suggesting I shouldn’t use porn? What you might be yet to discover is that your solo orgasms and, in turn, your real life arousal and pleasure can be so much better when you treat porn as what it should be: a guilty pleasure. With our powerful brains being the unquestionable masters of our erotic stimulation, it’s no wonder our orgasms are going to be the best when left to the dirty, limitless boundaries of our minds. I began to notice that every time I was deprived of internet arousal during masturbation, my orgasms were stronger and harder, felt better, lasted longer and were miles more satisfying mostly due to the fact that it wasn’t an easy blow; I had to work for it. I had to delve deep into my erotic desires to realise scenarios in my head, force myself to trigger turn-ons and focus on the sensitivity of every touch rather than the excitement of every click. Similarly to porn, the use of erotic literature as a stimulant during masturbation can allow us to heighten our arousal while releasing urges. The crucial difference is that this material has the capability to mimic real life through character development, motives and realistic communication to a point where the unrealistic limitations of porn have been completely shattered. The reality and endless possibilities of erotic literature, even in the most unrealistic of situations, is arguably what makes it more depraved than it’s video-graphic competitor. It can lead to an entirely new ballpark of pleasure as the mental stimulation allows you to unleash the power of your own imagination, while the vital narrative of erotic scenarios can assist in reaching peak stimulation during adventurous sexual acts such as role-play. Every time I accessed this new found love of touching myself I would preach, “NO MORE PORN! THAT WAS THE BEST ORGASM EVER!”,

and after using porn less and less and after having sub-par, lacklustre orgasms when I would use it, I finally challenged myself to a month of porn-less wanking. The results were life changing; I was reaching orgasms easier with a partner, my libido was through the roof, I felt delighted after every solo endeavour and my understanding of my own body was taken to a whole new level.

“NO MORE PORN! THAT WAS THE BEST ORGASM EVER!” With that, I happily said goodbye to my favourite sites and my favourite categories, and instead welcomed porn as a sometimes treat to indulge in, maybe only when other stimuli wasn’t quite enough. There are many positive things to be said about porn; it has the wonderful capability to relieve you of your most aching desires, to help you explore kinks and new found interests of your own eroticism, and it can be used as a communication aid for partners who are uncomfortable discussing their likes and dislikes. Watching porn can be liberating for, in the simplest of terms, horny people who need an outlet, and I believe more than anyone that there should be no shame surrounding the use of porn, but let’s make it a guilty pleasure — let’s prevent it from becoming a necessity while we can. And so I challenge you, students of Adelaide, get a grip, flick the bean right; try ‘Magic March’ and test your self-control by going the month without porn, and really give yourself a helping hand.

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LANEWAY FESTIVAL ~ Words by On Dit Photography from Jenny Nguyen

The sounds of alternative music boomed, echoing around the historic and sleepy streets of Port Adelaide (perhaps waking up the working class locals on what would have been a peaceful Friday afternoon). The weather was pleasant and UV rays were high but this didn’t deter the festival crowd. This year’s St Jerome’s Laneway Festival drew in sizeable numbers from across the spectrum of musical genres, with fans eager to discover new bands and partake in a bit of ~culture~. Laneway had something for everyone: arts, food trucks, live dance performance and Fat Controller taking over the iconic Lion Flour shed and transforming it into a club. To those in their canoes rowing in close to Folklore Café and regulars of the British Hotel’s balcony overlooking the Future Classic stage; you missed out! But it’s alright, On Dit was there to catch the real juicy bits of the festival for you.

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Julia Jacklin warming up the early festival goers with her tender voice.

The day started with Julia Jacklin who had a very successful 2016. Jacklin delivered a set that was perhaps suited more to an intimate setting than a festival but was nonetheless entertaining. It was hard for most in the audience not to feel something when she played Don’t Let the Kids Win but these moments are much better suited to a smaller-scale show to feel the full emotional effect.

NAO’s brand of pop infused with funk and r&b elements made it one of the standout sets from the day. Consisting of Spotify favourites Girlfriend and Bad Blood and that infectious collaboration with Mura Masa, Firefly, the carefully curated set helped the festival to peak at lunchtime. The British singer’s funky dance moves captivated the crowd’s attention, inspiring them to cut their own shapes in the open, outdoor setting. Further uniting her fans with excitement, NAO made mention of her upcoming remix ep (which she later announced on Twitter) with ‘her boys’ Kaytranada, SBTRKT and Stormzy.

pictured: Nao absolutely tearing up the Harts Mill Stage.

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Despite being visibly hungover, members of the Chicago seven-piece Whitney wooed the crowd with their charming, falsetto-driven folk rock songs. Singer and drummer Julien Ehlrich, who at various times stopped songs to take a breather, expressed that he would much prefer to be playing a headline show than play the early festival slot. It’s this kind of apathy that can often ruin a set, but the band faithfully and energetically performed the songs of their 2016 debut, and won over early festival goers. Also, for whatever reason, this strange heckler kept requesting that the band play ‘one more song’, despite the fact that the band were only mid-way through their hour long set.

Chicago rapper, Mick Jenkins had the heavy handed task of playing during the day’s hottest temperature. Naturally, there were a lot of sunburnt people repeating and singing along to the rapper’s verses. Throughout the set, Jenkins constantly reminded to people to keep hydrated, even starting a chant of “drink water”. Really sick, dude. Camp Cope’s concerns of dickheads at shows were heard by Laneway Festival organisers. The event had set up signs at each of the stages with instructions to call the 1800 Laneway hotline if there were any issues during the day. During the set, there was one audience member who threw a shoe into the front pit and was called out by the band’s vocalist, Georgia McDonald. Apart from that, the audience were mainly well behaved. Camp Cope’s 40 minute set was a super tight showcase of their self-titled debut release.

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Dune Rats put on a show that was typical of their brand: loose, crazy, THC-infused, and allaround manic. For us, their set was a lot like sitting next to the kid at the back of the class who makes fart noises; it’s amusing for about 10 minutes before getting incredibly tiresome. Overall, they delivered what they promised which was a hectic mosh, champagne shoeys, and the all-too-familiar scent of another jazz cigarette being lit up. Who’s Scott Green anyway? Later in the evening, King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard played loud, fast, and tight. They performed their last album in what was pretty much in its entirety. Various cuts from I’m In Your Mind Fuzz and recent singles Nuclear Fusion and Rattlesnake also made it to the stage. This set was chaotic but equally as tight and measured. Never before have I heard a crowd of 20-somethings yell ‘Rattlesnake!’ before flinging their bodies into a circle pit at 6 in the afternoon. In this way King Gizz are unique, and cemented themselves as a personal highlight of the day.

Stu from Gizz realising that he really needs to go to the bathroom midway through their hour-long set

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Putting on the tightest show of the day isn’t easy but it’s always assumed that the headliner will deliver and Tame Impala proved once again why they are one of Australia’s most important exports. They played the usual array of hits including Let It Happen, Feels Like We Only Go Backwards, and Elephant which had a very funky disco breakdown. The visual element of the show was as tight as their sound with confetti cannons and laser lights that pierced the audience throughout. Unfortunately they didn’t play anything off of their first album, Innerspeaker, which is a damn shame considering how good it is. Despite this, Kevin Parker and the Tame Impalas put on one hell of a show. See you next year, Laneway!

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If They Can’t Say No, They Can’t Consent Words by Shaylee Leach

The most recent time I was sexually assaulted at a gig was at the Adelaide UniBar. In the heart of the mosh pit somehow completely unharmed, I found a smartphone on the ground. I then found the owner. He grabbed me in a bear hug, lifting me up with a grip I couldn’t wriggle out of. This dudebro had the kind of strength that indicated he took gym selfies on the regular. He opened his fat wallet revealing a wad of pineapples, holding out a $50 to me. I looked into his eyes and it was clear he’d munched on some pingas that night. ‘No,’ I yelled shaking my head. I was a good karma bandit; I didn’t need cash money for doing something nice. No good deed goes unpunished though, so to ‘thank me’ he instead grabbed my face and forcefully kissed me. I screamed into his mouth and tried to push him off. This abuse felt like a reward, in a similar way that being clobbered with a saucepan felt like cooking. I very much regretted not taking his money. He let me go and dissolved back into the hot crowded room of moving bodies. I felt angry and violated; I didn’t want this dickhead to ruin my night. During and after the gig, no one suggested I report this incident. I thought about it but it didn’t feel worth my time. I didn’t want to cause a fuss. I didn’t want to piss off this muppet who was off his chops. I didn’t want to have him kicked out then worry about him waiting outside for me. I didn’t think I could ID the perpetuator - this spud with muscles bigger than my tits - who so easily melted into the space that was filled mostly with men. I was also scared that it wouldn’t be a fuss, that this violation would be invalidated.

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My experience isn’t uncommon. When I go to music festivals I don’t expect to be assaulted, but when it happens it doesn’t surprise me anymore. The regularity of it makes it crucial to think about it as a sex crime and not just another guy being a fuckwit.

I didn’t think the bartender would know what to do, I worried the security guard would laugh at me. Fat women like me have been told over and over again that we should be ‘grateful for the attention’. I felt myself cringing. Potentially facing these kind of hurtful reactions would make the experience worse. I don’t think anyone is obligated to stay silenced when they have experienced sexual violence. I didn’t feel I had the power to do something about this. So this added more cognitive dissonance bullshit into the already thundering negative vibes of this shitstorm. My experience isn’t uncommon. When I go to music festivals I don’t expect to be assaulted, but when it happens it doesn’t surprise me anymore. The regularity of it makes it crucial to think about it as a sex crime and not just another guy being a fuckwit. I am not a scientist. I don’t know if scientists know why people commit sex crimes. But my thesis is that people are jerks, men especially. They are groomed by toxic masculinity into thinking they are entitled to women’s bodies, which leads them into thinking that touching people without their consent isn’t a big deal. Women & queer men think that groping someone without permission ‘doesn’t count’. We are led to believe that whether drunk or sober, men are babies who don’t understand personal boundaries, and their mates don’t challenge their behaviour enough. There isn’t an easy solution to preventing perpetuators from offending, despite the fact that many people don’t have a hard time keeping their hands to themselves. Festivals aren’t equipped to deal with this problem either; there isn’t a tent next

to the first aid marquee where we can drop off all the sexual predators. Festival organisers should include sexual assault within their risk management when drawing up their OH&S protocols for their crowd care and control. It can be punishing for women to protest this behaviour with the possibility of escalating the violence or locking horns with Schrodinger’s douchebag. It’s devastating how difficult it is to humanise wome’n. You wouldn’t try to sneakily finger your mate’s mum without her consent, but you also shouldn’t respect women based on their hypothetical relationship to you. To anyone who’s gone through this, any reaction you have is valid. Angry, sad, mostly okay, or annoyed. Feeling like sexual assault has broken you is okay: that doesn’t make you weak and it’s not your fault. It wasn’t your fault. Understanding that someone’s actions were fucked but feeling mostly unphased doesn’t mean the experience didn’t matter. Comparing experiences of sexual assault isn’t helpful when you need self-compassion. Invalidating via minimising what happened to you because it ‘wasn’t as bad’ is a disservice to yourself. My pro-tip is that if someone can’t say no, then they can’t consent. You don’t need to be a scientist to understand that. If this article has raised any issues for you, please call: Yarrow Place for counselling and 24 hour support on (08) 8226 8787 South Australia’s Victim Support Serivce on (08) 8231 5626

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CHANGE THE DATE

Words by Erin Gear

This article has been approved by Wirltu Yarlu who are responsible for engaging Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander students on Campus.

Unless youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been living under a rock for the past six months, chances are you have heard about the debacle surrounding the date of Australia Day (January 26, incase your Australian history needs refreshing). The majority of Australians have formed an opinion on this issue by now, and the portrait that social media has painted thus far is heavily in support of a nationwide change of date. It is vitally important that contemporary Australia heed this public outcry and step out of its white supremacist history; embracing a future that is reflective of all Australians. Australia Day (or Survival Day which is the preferred term used by Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders) has only been celebrated as a public holiday since 1994 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; making it the same age as me, twenty-two! We can therefore hardly claim that the twenty-two year old holiday is in any way ingrained into our cultural identity or heritage. This means that Vegemite, the Sydney Harbour Bridge, and even Hamish and Andy are older

than Australia Day. The sentimentality surrounding January 26 that has come out in this debate is completely misplaced and misguided. A considerable proportion of Australians involved in the date change discussion are under the misconception that protestors want to abolish the day all together â&#x20AC;&#x201C; which is as ignorant as it is conceited. The only intention protestors have is to raise enough awareness for the issue to promote a date change, because Australia Day should not be celebrated on the day of British colonisation. The fact of the matter is that there will be a public holiday to celebrate Australia Day; it should just be moved to a more suitable date. A question that those who oppose the date change should consider is: if Australia Day were not a public holiday, would you still have an opinion? If you were to explore the history behind January 26, you would realise that there is no plausible argument in favour of the 26th being the marker of contemporary Australian identity. On board the First Fleet, which

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“I would love to teach my daughter my language and culture; but the people that could have taught her all of that got wiped out – and the survivors from that got assimilated.”

colonised New South Wales in 1788, were 252 soldiers and a mammoth 751 convicts. Australia was literally built from England’s unwanted; and it became a dumping ground for criminals – a lot of whom were on board for minor felonies or misdemeanours such as food theft or cutting down trees for firewood. Celebrating January 26 essentially hails the invasion of the British Empire into native Aboriginal land, which is by all standards very un-Australian. Free settlers didn’t enter Australian history until 1793, and for much of the nineteenth century Australia was still very much a convict territory. Colonisation stripped Indigenous Australia of its culture, heritage, language, and, above all else its future. There is very little to be done for it now, but something as simple as a date change would highlight our compassion and progressiveness as a nation. The celebration of Australia Day on January 26 excludes a very important community within Australian society, the Aboriginal community. Unless a change is made, Australia Day will continue to marginalise and ostracise them from the wider Australian community. Narisha Cash, the Community Arts and Youth Engagement Officer at the Tandanya Centre in Adelaide, recipient of the 2015 Gladys Elphick Award and descendant of the Jingili and Mudburra people weighs in on the debate as an Aboriginal woman. “There is a dark history to this nation that needs to be acknowledged,” she explains, “and being complacent and ignorant is the worst thing Australia can do”. For Cash, whose own grandmother was a victim of the Stolen Generation; January 26 is personal in that it marks the day her people lost everything. She has coordinated ‘Survival Day’ for the past few years on the 26th January, not in protest to Australia Day, but in reflection of what the date should truly be reminiscent of – Aboriginal survival. Natasha Wanganeen, an Aboriginal actress, most notable for her role in the memorable Australian film Rabbit Proof Fence, shares similar sentiments. “[January

26] really needs to be treated as a memorial – just as they do for ANZAC Day.” She also shares her dismay that “as an Aboriginal woman, my heart is a little heavy because I would love to teach my daughter my language and culture; but the people that could have taught her all of that got wiped out – and the survivors from that got assimilated.” Federation Day (January 1, 1901) has been suggested numerous times throughout the debate as the replacement date, however this would also be unsuitable. Not only is the January 1st already a public holiday, but one of the very first legislative measures taken after Federation was the Immigration Restriction Act 1901 – more commonly referred to as the White Australia Policy. Australia Day needs to be celebrated on a date inclusive of the entire population, and reflective of modern Australian society – not its dark racist and colonial origins. The harsh reality is that as a country, Australia is not as socially progressive as it should be. We still don’t allow same-sex marriage; our government denies the existence of climate change; and it took until 2008 for a public apology to be given to the victims of the Stolen Generation. Changing the date of Australia Day should be a priority as it would demonstrate our progressive potential. We have the opportunity to make history by acknowledging that the 26th January is an inappropriate date for Australia Day, which holds no relevance to what the day is in celebration of. The question really should be “what date should Australia Day be celebrated on?” not “should we change the date of Australia Day”. I think at this point changing the date is a matter of necessity and should no longer be debated. Our attention, and keyboard warrior ways should now focus on finding a suitable and nationally representational alternative date.

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HOW MODERN MONEY WORKS — Words by Rui Sihombing & Aiden Bedford —

f you’ve been fortunate enough to take a course with Steven Hail at the University of Adelaide, chances are that you’ve probably come across Modern Monetary Theory. If not, then you’re about to read up on an economic theory that we hope might reshape the way in which you view the political and economic debate in Australia. You might not necessarily agree with the conclusions at first glance, especially given the departure from the language we’re used to hearing. Nonetheless, with the steady proliferation of MMT ideas onto the scene, it’s certainly an idea to consider in the post-financial crisis world where the cracks in orthodox economic theory keep on showing. So, what exactly is MMT? Simply put, it’s a theory of how money functions in modern economy. Summarised in just one sentence, the key

point of MMT is this: Governments with their own currencies can’t go broke. Doesn’t sound so exciting right? It isn’t. And yet the assumption that our government faces a budget constraint is a fairly common one. Here in Australia, there’s a tendency to talk about the government spending as if it was an ordinary household, like you and me. “Keep on spending and our government will go bankrupt soon!” politicians cry out from atop Capitol Hill. See, the issue here is that it’s simply not true. Governments aren’t households. I can’t print Australian dollars at home without a knock on the door from the federal police. The Reserve Bank of Australia is the only institution that can legally issue Australian dollars, and it does every single day, at will. It literally creates money out of thin air by typing figures into a computer.

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“Taking money out of the economy leaves ordinary people worse off, forcing them to go deeper into private debt to maintain their current living standards, and that’s exactly what happened around the turn of the century - the highest ever increase in Australia’s private debt. But then refer to this as a “budget surplus” and voila!”

here’s no inherent, intrinsic worth to the modern money that we use. In the past, money might’ve been directly backed by things like gold or even other currencies, but for Australia that hasn’t been true since 1983. But everyone already knows this anyway, right? That’s true, but for some reason we don’t frame our economic debate that way. As fingers point left, right and centre at debt & deficit figures, suddenly our money’s treated as if it were a necessarily finite resource. It’s even apparent in the words and phrases we use: “Budget”, “revenue” and “borrowing” are all terms that liken the Australian government to a constrained business or house-

hold. But again, it’s misleading. Imagine you heard that in a particular year, more money was taken out of the economy than was put in. Taking money out of the economy leaves ordinary people worse off, forcing them to go deeper into private debt to maintain their current living standards, and that’s exactly what happened around the turn of the century - the highest ever increase in Australia’s private debt. But then refer to this as a “budget surplus” and voila! Clueless (or manipulative) politicians battle it out for who can acquire this supposed holy grail. But the only time a budget surplus is absolutely necessary is to cool down an economy at

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over-capacity with runaway inflation and its associated problems. Does that sound like Australia now? Then we probably don’t need a budget surplus. Now a classic response would be to point out Greece. Aren’t they basically bankrupt? Well yes, but the explanation for why Greece, and every other country in the European Union, can possibly go broke is actually fairly simple: the Euro. Their government debts are in a currency which their government does not issue. The Greek, French, and German governments can’t issue Euros. They’re not like the USA or Australia, countries with the ability to control interest rates and print money. The second classic response is the threat of hyperinflation. “Look at the 1930s Germans carrying around stacks of worthless notes in wheelbarrows! That could be us if we carry on printing money instead of having fiscal responsibility!” Sorry, but it’s a ridiculous comparison. Examples like Germany and Zimbabwe had their productive capacity and resources basically annihilated due to war and political turmoil. The relevance to Australia? Virtually none. Australia today does not and cannot face a crisis of going broke with outstanding government debt. The question then is, what economic problems do we really face? Unemployment, stagnant wages, mortgage stress and gigantic private debt. When John Howard and Peter Costello ran massive budget surpluses they essentially forced households to take on billions of dollars of unsustainable private debt. Thanks to that, we’re predicted to see a recession as early as this year. What is to be done, then? Politicians will probably

continue to rave on about “responsible finance” and “living within our means”, but as we understand these policies of trying

“When John Howard and Peter Costello ran massive budget surpluses they essentially forced households to take on billions of dollars of unsustainable private debt. Thanks to that, we’re predicted to see a recession as early as this year.” to force a government surplus is what can create these very issues. There is really only one reasonable solution, if we want to avoid a financial crisis-style depression. The government has to spend more than it taxes. By doing so, it can ensure that the private sector can pay down its accumulated debt. So next time you hear someone talking about surpluses and deficits, step in and remind them about the facts. Peddling economic mistruths only serves the interests of those who benefit from them, and we should be aiming for an Australia where every single Australian call tell manipulative economic scaremongers to simply fuck off. So at this point it’s probably best to leave the final punchline to a key figure of MMT, the late Hyman Minsky:

“Unless we understand what it is that leads to economic and financial instability, we cannot prescribe -- make policy -- to modify or eliminate it.”

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Left, Right & Centre Where we ask three hacks across the political spectrum what their take is on the hot issues around campus

Left

Centre

John Swan

Matt Boughey

Activate - Labor Left

Fresh - Labor Right

1 The National Union of Students’ Make Education Free Again campaign is something that all students should get on board with. The huge cost of going to university is clearly something that the government does not want to talk about. Thanks to student protest, they failed to pass university fee deregulation twice. Incredibly, the government last year took no clear higher education policy to the federal election. Partial fee-deregulation (where universities can charge as much as they want for some courses) and $2 billion worth of funding cuts from the last budget is still on their agenda. Thirty years ago a university education was free. Now we need to drive the debate for free education. Come join the rally on March 22. Students shouldn’t be saddled with thousands of dollars of debt just for their education.

2 I am terrified about Trump’s impact on the world. His immigration ban on people seeking asylum and people from Muslim majority countries entrenches division and persecutes those escaping conflict. In turn, his unpredictability and prejudice makes our world, including Australia, unsafe.

1 Since its launch, the Make Education Free Again campaign has focused on stopping the conservative Liberal Government’s attacks on students and fighting back against the fake Centrelink debt sham. These issues have detrimentally affected students and it is critical NUS provides strong resistance.

It is ridiculous that our government tries to appease Trump. Australia needs to respond to the Trump Presidency by denouncing his actions and by completely reviewing our alliance with the United States. We also need to recognise the global influence of our own mistreatment of refugees.

Terrifyingly, the current Minister for Higher Education has voiced support for partial or full fee deregulation of the higher education sector. The student movement must, once again, defeat this challenge before advocating for an overhaul of the higher education system.

3 Amy Shark - Adore

2 Trump’s racist, arbitrary immigration ban rightly deserves widespread condemnation. No person no matter their race, background, colour, creed or sexual orientation deserves to have the door shut in

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1. What are your thoughts on the National Union of Students’ (NUS) Make Education Free Again campaign? 2. What are your thoughts on the Trump refugee ban? 3. Who should have won the Hottest 100?

Right Jack Newton

ForU - Liberal their face. With one stroke of a pen, families have been torn apart and left innocent people unsure of their future. Perhaps the most alarming fact is no citizen from any of the banned countries has carried out a lethal attack on American soil. In fact, you’re more likely to be buried alive than be killed by terrorist attack carried out by a foreign-born national. It is no secret this discrimination is arbitrary and cannot be rationally justified based on assessment of risk. 3 To make up for the severe lack of bangers on the countdown: Denzel Curry - Knotty Head

1 The NUS has been an irrelevant organisation for many years and this absurd campaign is exactly why. Education was never free and can never be free. The taxpayer will always foot the bill through higher taxes. The NUS should focus on spending money on initiatives that will actually improve the quality of education. 2 President Trump ran on a platform of lowering taxes, cutting regulation, creating jobs and securing the borders. The refugee ban is a 90 day, temporary stoppage to ensure the vetting process of refugees is effective and reliable. It will be reviewed after 90 days. There is also a lot of hysteria around the ban on Muslim immigrants entering the US.

countries identified by President Obama. Immigrants from other Muslim dominated countries such as Indonesia, Bangladesh and Pakistan are unaffected. Elements of the left-wing media and the so-called “activists” have blown the issue way out of proportion basing their arguments on click-bait and not on the facts. 3 I would have liked Redbone by Childish Gambino to win. I love how he has taken inspiration from Connan Mockasin.

It is my understanding that this is not a blanket ban but a temporary ban on immigrants from terror linked

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Wo r d s b y Je s s e D av i d s o n P h o t o g r a p h s b y Se b a s t i a n V i v i a n ( h e t o o k s e l f i e s )

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S E BAST IA N V I V IA N ~ Sebastian Vivian is an electronic producer and current Sonic Arts student at Adelaide Uni. Releasing music over the last six years under the moniker Slamagotchi, Seb has performed at WOMADelaide, PilotFest, and supported Nai Palm (Hiatus Kaiyote), NGAIIRE, and Clark (US) locally.

Since then Seb has signed a record deal with Brooklyn label Color Station, and abandoned his beat-producer moniker Slamagotchi, opting instead to release music under his personal name Sebastian Vivian. We caught up with the producer over the break to discuss these stylistic changes, performing pictured: Seb taking a mirror selfie on a DSLR

at WOMADelaide, writing music for an American rap group, and his debut album Monument.

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Back in 2015 you changed your musical alias from Slamagotchi to your personal name Sebastian Vivian. What was the reason for the name change? Was it an active decision to move away from the playfulness of your earlier work into something more artistically challenging and experimental? With Slamagotchi, that was really the first inception of any music that I’d done as an adult. So it was a complete learning curve because I hadn’t done anything previously; it was a good seven year learning curve but I felt like a lot of that was just finding what I was into. After six or seven years - around the same time I star ted Uni actually - I felt like I had developed enough to present myself how I wanted to be presented. That was par t of the reason I decided not to use my personal name as well was to not have an alias or a moniker, because the music I made was very personal I suppose - I wanted it to be me. Yeah, well the Slamagotchi stuff was a lot more hip hop oriented? Initially I was really into it but once I had been doing it for a couple of years, I felt like it was a little bit shallow musically. It was kind of service level - there was lots of people on soundcloud who were like “yeah I can knock out a beat in like five minutes”. How about spending a good week making a track and making it really intricate? Doing stuff really quickly and not well thought out really didn’t appeal to me, and that’s kind of what the beat scene had become. I really wanted to delve into something a bit more serious. Slamagotchi is a bit gimmicky I suppose, so it’s a good way to separate the past time to something more relevant to myself right now. What’s the inspirational starting point for this new album? Well when I star ted the album I had been making music experimentally under my own name for about a year and then I made a couple tracks that

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I felt could go on an album. I hadn’t done an album and it felt about right to do it now. And because it’s the first one I suppose there is a lot about me that I wanted to explore, so a lot of the inspirations are things that Id listened to when I was a kid and are still relevant to me as a musician now.

the 21st century. But, yeah I was also inspired by a lot of film stuff like Johnny Greenwood. I suppose it’s very eclectic.

What do you mean by stuff around you as a kid?

Well that kind of happened quite unexpectedly and it wasn’t anything that I had intended to do. My ‘now’ label manager Troy contacted me on soundcloud saying “we really like your stuff, would you be open to releasing stuff with us?”. I’ve been contacted by a few labels before and I didn’t feel it was right at the time, mostly because I didn’t feel like I had music that I wanted to release, or the label wasn’t a good fit. When Troy contacted me I was considering writing an album and I already had a couple tracks on the way. I checked out his label and they’re based out of Brooklyn as a little boutique label. Troy was just really suppor tive of what I wanted to do which is something that I’d always looked for in a label. I’m not doing music for money; I’m doing it because I like to explore sound so being able to do that is always good. It just coincided that he wanted to release something and I was looking to release.

Oh, well my Mum used to listen to a lot of Radiohead and Jamiroquai and Tribe and stuff. Very cool mum! Yeah, I picked up a lot of those aspects in my music and I can see them in my music now. I guess I wanted to explore why they have stuck with me. I’ve always listened to Radiohead and loved them but I’ve only really gotten into their ethos in the last few months, just trying to understand why I align with them I guess. Yeah, cool, so I’ll just write that your main inspiration is Jamiroquai. Oh yeah, he single-handedly brought disco into

Why have you chosen to release this latest record with a label instead of independently on Soundcloud?

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“You do a lot of conceptual things, like how to consider sound, so it’s not like production techniques in terms of how to use ableton or how to mix and master, but more what’s the importance of a particular sound, why use that sound, why do we attribute meaning to those sounds?”

In 2015 you performed at WOMAD with a string quartet. How do you go about translating your music to a live performance and what do you plan to do for this release? I’ve only ever played three shows under my current name, one of them was WOMADelaide, another was for Clark, and I did a show recently for machinedrum which was just me doing my normal thing. I felt like with the Slamagotchi stuff I had gotten into this routine of just doing more or less a DJ set and it felt pretty unsatisfying to play. With this I wanted to do live shows when I had set up a dedicated live show, and with this album I spent a long time producing stuff, and over the last few years my live shows have been trying to replicate that production as closely as possibly, but that gets really tiring. With this live show I want to do something completely different. Yeah, I always kind of enjoy watching that more than something that sounds exactly like the record. Yeah, definitely. If people want to hear the intricacies of the production they can listen to

the record but if I present an entirely different experience in a live format hopefully it can be more unique and I can share something with that par ticular audience. I haven’t come up with exactly how I want to do it yet but there’s a lot of piano on the record so I’d love to play places that can get me a piano. There will probably be a couple other band members, but once the album is done I’ll probably focus on that a bit more. How have you found the sonic arts course at Adelaide? Has it helped you develop skills? Yeah, I’ve been doing it for three years now and it’s been really good for a lot of unexpected reasons. I came into it because I had been making music for a few years and I felt like a lot of the things I was doing on an everyday basis was the same and I had a ceiling I suppose. Star ting the course was a way to learn some new things to break out of that. It’s changed me in a lot of ways other than that though. You do a lot of conceptual things, like how to consider sound, so it’s not like production techniques in terms of how to use ableton or how to mix and master, but more what’s the impor tance of a

~ On Di t ~

par ticular sound, why use that sound, why do we attribute meaning to those sounds? So it’s really helped me break out of this one perspective of music and see a lot of music in different ways. It’s really helped my writing because I feel like I can approach a track from a lot of different ways now.

to me so film was probably inevitable because it blends visual and sonic stuff very nicely.

Your music is mostly instrumental, do you have any plans for the future to include vocals?

Who where they?

Yeah, I’m still really trying to learn how to make instrumental music. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop wanting to do just that. To me vocals is a very personal thing, so if I got a vocalist it would need to be right, it would probably have to be me as a vocalist. I would have to go down the whole path of lyric writing and learning to sing and the ar tform of that - it’s a whole other tangent that I haven’t gone down really. I also like the ambiguity of instrumental music, as soon as you hear vocal music you attribute a characteristic to the singer - and therefore the band - but with instrumental music it’s a bit more vague and less like I’m telling you what the message is and more like letting the listener figure it out on their own. You also plan on releasing an abstract short film with the album. What made you decide to do that? I’ve always been interested in film; I come from a visual background not a music background. I used to be a designer and I’ve always been interested in drawing and painting, my father and grandfather are both painters and that’s what I always assumed I would do, but then I got into music. Obviously visuals are still very impor tant

How did you collab with those American rapper guys? Yeah, that was a pretty weird thing (laughs).

Yeah, well one of them is pretty popular now. The guy who I talked to the most is called TekLun, and he’s on this American label HW&W (Kaytranada, Ta-Ku, Goldlink). It was pretty much just through Soundcloud and we added each other on Facebook or something, and we always talked about production together. He (Rashed) was in this group called the Nasa 8 and he would message me and be like ‘Yeah, I had the crew over and we’ve been vibing to all your shit on soundcloud.” And I was like “… the fuck,” I’m a white dude from Adelaide. But they all liked my stuff and I just sent them some beats and they just rapped some verses on it. It was weird because we had a weird relationship where I was kind of half in it and they were like “yeah, Slamagotchi is in the Nasa 8”. And they were like “we need to get this dude in on this shit,” but it was so surreal for me because I was in their group but I had never met these people. I’m not really in the group, I’m just a facebook friend. But that was just a nice experience to know that people on the other side of the world liked my stuff.

Sebastian’s debut album is set for release mid 2017. Otherwise you can find him ten beers deep at Sugar on Wednesday. 47

~ On Di t ~

RANTSPACE Words by Emma Ferraro

I’ve always worked in retail. I currently work two retail jobs, which gives me two kinds of immediate experience with shitty customers. I actually like working retail. It’s decent, there’s a higher likelihood you’ll actually be friends with your coworkers, there’s generous discounts, and it’s fairly straightforward to accomplish tasks and meet goals. My jobs are great. I can honestly say that one of them changed my life. Of course, retail workers are often overworked, underpaid, and underappreciated, but hey, a job’s a job. However, one thing every retail (and hospitality) worker is familiar with is the ‘shit customer.’ I put that in quotations because that’s literally what they’re referred to as.

Here are a few unofficial categories of shit customers: 1. The aforementioned irritating customer: the one who comes in five minutes before you close, the ones who try to return worn garments, or items without price tags or receipts. The customer who gets irrationally frustrated when the promotion she saw three weeks ago is no longer valid, or the customer who complains incessantly about something you have no control over.

4. The rude customer: The customer who ignores you when you greet them. I get that you want to be left alone, but I’m not harassing you. I’m saying ‘good morning.’ I’m acknowledging you and showing respect. Once, a customer got angry with me because I gave her a crinkled bag. This was fifteen minutes after we’d closed. The store turned the lights off.

2. The slightly ignorant/actually stupid customer: who asks you if the dress is 25% off when the sign clearly says ‘tops only’, or who asks you what price an item is when holding out the tag (this happens way too often). Once a guy stole a pair of Kurt Geiger shoes (his girlfriend was his lookout) and after my coworker called him out, he ran. It turns out he stole two left shoes: one a 39 and the other a 40.

5. The actual horror stories: My coworker told me a story about a woman who got an unusual rash from a dress she’d purchased and worn out. After going to the doctor he told her it was a rash you get from being in contact with a deceased person. A different customer had previously returned the dress to the store and they’d put it back on the floor for re-selling. She failed to mention she had used this garment to dress a corpse for a funeral. (I wish I were making this up. Always wash the clothes before you wear them!)

3. The melodramatic customer: my best example of this is a customer who complained her dress (around the $150 mark) had gotten shorter. Upon discovery that she hadn’t washed it according to the care instructions I refused to return it, and offered other styling suggestions. Her response (hoping I’d return it) was, “well, I guess I’ll just throw it in the bin then.” Three months later I saw her wearing the dress again.

~ On Di t ~

But instead of telling you more stories about shit customers (I have so many), here’s what you can do to not be a shit customer:

1. Always be nice to retail workers. We don’t expect excessive gratitude. Just don’t treat us like we’re beneath you. 3. STEALING. DO YOU REALLY NEED IT? DO YOU??? I don’t care if you have to steal items like food or tampons because you literally cannot afford them, but if you have money and decide to steal something unnecessary to survival, fuck you. 5. Don’t yell at us for something we can’t control. This typically means promotions, and returns policies. At both my jobs the policies are quite flexible, but if we say it can’t be returned we’re not just doing it to spite you. We will do the best by you but only if we can do so by company policies.

2. Don’t come in 10 minutes before close. Don’t ask for something unreasonable and time-consuming. Don’t say “oh, I’ll be quick” when you go into the fitting room two minutes before close. YOU’VE HAD THE WHOLE DAMN DAY. 4. Buying things without trying them on and returning them. In my eyes, unless you’re elderly or physically disabled, haul your ass the entire 30 metres to the fitting rooms and TRY IT ON. I understand that sometimes you have genuine reasons for not doing so, but if you’re deliberately not trying them on out of sheer laziness, you annoy me. 6. NEVER WALK BEHIND THE COUNTER. It’s not a walkway. GO AROUND.

At the end of the day, most sales assistants will try to help you as best as they can and do right by you. We’re not just in it to make money – this is our job; we work hard, and we care. Please be kind to your sales assistant – a good customer can genuinely brighten our day. Also, don’t come 5 minutes before close. 49

C r i k e y ! Skullduggery is going to be OFF TAP Words by Henry Colovic In 1896, two medical students decided to organise an end of exams party for all Adelaide Uni students. The idea was simple; an event with beer for the boys and cider for the ladies, at the cheapest price possible. Unable to decide on a name for the party, the two stumbled across the name ‘Skullduggery’ in a dictionary, meaning trickery and shenanigans. Low on money and short of a venue, the two somehow convinced the University to give them access to the then concrete-floored Bonython Hall. They were amazed when a crowd of over three thousand turned up on the night, prompting a rapid response by the med students to search the city in a horse and cart for more booze. Official Adelaide University records state that Bonython Hall was found ankle-deep in beer the next day and the med students were rapped over the knuckles and called in to hose it out. Regardless, the inaugural Skullduggery had been a massive success and in the years that followed it would become a University Legend. For close to a century, Skullduggery remained the biggest event of the year for Adelaide University students. Traditionally held on the Thursday of Orientation week, it continued to sell out any venue that attempted to hold it. The University cloisters eventually became the home of Skullduggery,

until the event grew out of control in 1995 and the infamous skull was laid to rest. However, the might of Skullduggery lived on and each year it attracted big crowds at various pubs and clubs around Adelaide. In 2004, the legend once again found a pulse when Skullduggery was put on probation and given the green light to be held in the cloisters after midyear exams. With the success of the event, the powers that be could not resist restoring Skullduggery to its former glory; in O’Week, in the cloisters, with thousands of people. This did little to prevent the Legend from spreading far and wide, with people travelling from all over the world to attend - some even as far as the United States. It wasn’t long before even the University cloisters could no longer hold the masses that Skullduggery attracted. For almost a decade, Medical students would take over the reigns of HQ; the only club in the state large enough to host the Legend. But as of this year with the closure of the iconic venue, Skullduggery has evolved once again with the daring decision to be held outdoors at Bonython Park. Skullduggery is happening on the 23 February at Bonython Park. This event is 18+ (so you’ll need valid ID to enter).Secure your tickets online www.skullduggery.org.au or during O’Week.