Issue 83.2

on dit

VOLUME 83

ISSUE 2

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On Dit Magazine

‘Mistakes are the portals of discovery.’

CONTENTS Editorial What’s On Humans of the University of Adelaide Student Representative Council State of the Union

2 4 8 10 12

The Bali Nine and the Death Penalty Clubs Guide Centrelink Ethnographic Wit WTF Renaissance

14 17 18 20 22

Semicolonoscopy

24

Asylum Seekers What’s in a name?

28 31

Candy and Cocaine Oscars Recap

33 36

Eulogy Fringe Reviews Quizzical

38 42 44 46

Emma’s Dilemmas Crossword

47 48

On Dit is a publication of the Adelaide University Union.

Editors: Daniel Millburn, Daniel McLean & Leighton McDonald-Stuart.

Front cover by Carly Harvy Inside front cover Carousel Runaway by Mary Angley Thanks to James Joyce for the quote and Casey Briggs for the inspiration.

Published 16/3/2015

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Editorial ‘This is the sort of bloody nonsense up with which I will not put’, croaked Winston Churchill, almost losing his cigar over yet another violation against punctuation, language, and life.

The fictional military report before Winston depressed him; for its author had never learnt the rules of punctuation at school. Come to think of it, most of us never learn the rules of punctuation at school.

You’ve probably been sitting at your desk for a few weeks now, slaving away at your uni essays with all your pens and nice white paper, but without any idea how to use a colon or comma.

It’s never too late to learn the rules of punctuation, and in fact you can learn them right here in this edition of On Dit. Open up the centre of this magazine to find the answers to the well-kept secrets of puncutation.

This nice little guide will save us all from our dungeon of punctuative ignorance.

However awful our misuse of commas may be, it is nothing

On Dit Magazine

The editors are pictured here journeying back to their native time of 1830.

compared with real crimes. Several writers discuss injustices up with which they will not put: Justin explores the views of Indonesian President Joko Widodo and his hard stance on the death penalty (p.14); and Karolinka writes about assylum seekers’ uncertain state, making us aware of the many barriers to their living normal lives, and the stuggle to attain a Temporary Protection Visa (p.28). These issues are serious.

When so much of the world has to be taken with a frown and a furrowed brow, it’s of course nice to smile once in a while. Lur’s short story certainly made us smile (p.33).

As it returns you to the easy and natural playfulness of youth, we hope it will make you smile too.

Talk to you next time, Daniel Millburn, Leighton McDonald-Stuard and Daniel McLean

P.S. It has become a custom for On Dit’s editors to write a note on their private lives. The editors this year live especially normal lives, so dull and perfectly uneventful that all they can really talk about are the recent festivities of O’Week and the occassional spot fire found around campus.

O’Week...O’Week...O, oh god, O’Week! Deafened by rave music, laden with useless freebies, tempted by banks and mobile-phone companies, scarred by naked wrestlers, and solicited by film characters, we were glad when it was all over.

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How to contribute to On Dit ondit.com.au

Want to contribute? It really is an easy process…

@OnDitMagazine

If you want to write an article, here’s some advice before you get started:

facebook.com/OnDitMagazine

Talk to us first. Your chances of being published are much higher if we’re all on the same page.

@OnDitMag

Make it relevant. On Dit is primarily read by students.

They don’t like reading long-winded pieces of writing, so please keep it concise.

ondit@adelaide.edu.au

Make sure what you’re writing can appeal to a wide audience. If it’s a technical topic, try to explain it simply.

Don’t presume people know all the specifics of niche topics.

No one likes a pretentious wordsmith. Try not to use jargon.

Want to write but don’t know what to write about? We have a long list of things we’d love people to write about.

On Dit is for conversations.

It’s not like an academic journal or a newspaper.

It’s a beast of its own, made up entirely of students’ work.

On Dit doesn’t happen if you don’t write.

Don’t be shy. Come in for a chat. We’re down the dodgylooking stairs near the Barr Smith Lawns.

Yours, The Editors

Submission deadlines for artwork and written content The deadline for Issue 3 is fast approaching! Issue 3 will be the very first Education Special and we’re very excited. The aim of Issue 3 is to provide a space to discuss the forthcoming changes to the tertiary sector as well as other education aligned topics.

Both The Hon. Amanda Rishworth MP and The Hon. Christopher Pyne MP (Minister for Education and Training) will be featuring in Issue 3. The editors would love to hear your thoughts on the upcoming changes as well as on anything education related.

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What’s on 4 On Dit Magazine

WOMEN’S EMERGENCY PACKS The SRC’s Women’s Officer and Social Justice Officer have organised women’s emergency bags to be available throughout the year.

The bags contain hygiene products and condoms. They also carry information on women’s services, legal services, sexually transmitted infections, contraception choices and Plan B. The bags will be available all year from the Women’s Room in the Lady Symmons building and from the SRC office.

For more information please contact: Maddison Veitch srcwomens@auu.org.au Alyona Haines srcsocialjustice@auu.org.au

BBQs: EVERYWHERE

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AUSSIE FILM FESTIVAL When: 05:30 PM Until: 08:00 PM Where: Napier, Lecture Theatre G03, Friday 13 March: Bran Nue Dae (2009) Friday 20 March: Red Dog (2011) (Screening in Lower Napier, LG28) Friday 27 March: The Sapphires (2012) FREE for Adelaide University Union Members

YOGA Every Tuesday, Barr Smith Lawns.

8:15-8:45 AM FREE for Adelaide University Union Members

SRC

BREAKFAST Every Tuesday & Thursday morning.

SRC Fix Lounge 8:30-10:30 AM Toast, cereal, muesli bars, yoghurt, fruit, coffee and tea.

Free for all students.

Gluten free, vegan & lactose-free options available

HAVE SOMEHING YOU WANT TO SHARE? ONDIT@ADELAIDE.EDU.AU

On Dit Magazine

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Correspondence Dear Editors, I write in objection to the article by our mutual friend Robert ‘the second most popular Bobbie K’ Katsambis in the first issue of Volume 83.

First, let me qualify my objection. I agree that logical argument and reasoned debate are worthy ideals, and I do believe poking fun at ‘The Left’ is fundamentally a good thing. As far as I’m concerned, if your logic is strong, you can offend folks all you like. People should be somewhat thick-skinned when it comes to criticism, especially when it comes to their political beliefs, or else there’s no way we can hope to sustain political dialogues.

I believe that Rob Katsambis truly hopes to strengthen our dialogues at Adelaide. But he undermines his case with hyperbolic and tangential vendettas that verge on political hackery. He cautions us about those that “mould themselves around notions of an ‘us against them’ conflict”, but this warning bell tolls a bit dull, since it sits right in the middle of a paragraph in which he describes fellow students as members of a “radical and extreme fringe” that “thrive on hate”. In particular, he rallies against the Socialist Alternative, whom he describes as radical, extreme, divisive, hateful, misguided, violent, ignoble, annoying, deluded, intimidating, aggressive, weird and unattractive.

He also accuses SAlt of burning posters critical of themselves, a claim previously made by the Australian Liberal Students’ Federation – but one that the ALSF does not have evidence for (check the Left, Right, and Centre interview with Rhys Williams on May 21st 2014), and certainly a claim that Katsambis ought to be more careful with. To paraphrase your own article, Rob: you can publish articles that scare people about ‘radicals’ all you like, but that won’t spread your philosophies across the University.

‘Don’t run blindly into the left-wing wilderness, ickle firsties! Let me provide guidance,’ Katsambis

cries, before utterly failing to provide any sort of guidance. Instead, he attempts to motivate first-years by suggesting they should conform to the approach of ‘most/bulk of the student population’, a dubious invocation of weasel words that seems to be at best anecdotally founded. At one point, he turns “most students I’ve spoken to were turned off” into “most of the student population was embarrassed” in the space of two sentences.

Katsambis continues that the AUU Board is being corrupted by ‘parliamentary-style’ politics, of the kind that interrupts the Union’s primary role – service provision. But the Board’s responsibility is broader than that – the Board sets the strategic direction for the Union, and therefore it is to some degree a matter of institutional requirement that the Board Directors are able to take ideological stances on issues of the kind mentioned by Katsambis. The strategic direction of the Board undoubtedly manifests itself through the operations of the AUU as an organisation, and service provision is a core part of these operations. But to suggest that service provision should be the focus, rather than broader, driving ideological points, is to put the cart before the horse – or, more precisely, is to suggest that because of all the important, pretty things in the cart, there is no need for a horse to drive it at all.

Despite his condescending partisanship, Katsambis provides little to no evidence for any of his points, lamenting the ‘fervent’, eager illogic of left-wing student politicians with fervent, eager illogic. To wit – even if Katsambis’ arguments were stupidly offensive, I hope that I would give him the time of day; sadly, some of his arguments are less ‘stupidly offensive’ and more ‘offensively stupid’.

Solidarity forever, your friendly neighbourhood philosophy major, Justin McArthur

A note from your editors: We love to receive letters. If you want to rant about something, complain about an article we’ve published or simply make a random observation, write to us at ondit@adelaide.edu.au. Alternatively, slip something under our door.

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POSITION AVAILABLE ON DIT SUB EDITOR Fancy yourself a future editor of On Dit? Interested in learning about the different processes involved with producing a magazine? On Dit is a great opportunity to gain some hands on experience while studying. We are looking for three committed individuals to assist in the production of the magazine.

Unfortunately we cant pay in dollars, but we can in love.

Apply: ondit@adelaide.edu.au

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On Dit Magazine

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ans of the m u H UNIVERSITY OF ADELAIDE

1. How was O’Week for you? Or your first week if you didn’t go?

2. What scares you most about starting uni this year?

3. What do you think about the Bali 9 and the death penalty?

4. What movie or TV programme best embodies the essence of uni?

5. What do you think of Tony Abbott?

George (left) Electrical Engineering, 2nd Year 1: It was good, pretty much the same as first year.

2: The potential increase in difficulty of my study.

3: I don’t agree with the death penalty, but I can see why the PM of Indonesia is not backing down.

4: Silicon Valley – probably because I just came from a Computer Science lecture.

5: Not highly.

Elyse Graduate Diploma of Education 1: Not too bad.

2: Because I’m starting a completely different course it’s freaking me out, especially the fact that I have to do placements.

3: I’m sad for their families, but at the end of the day they knew the law and they broke it.

4: Community, but different. The amount they try to slack off is like uni.

5: Ugh. He shits me to tears honestly.

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Jimmy (3rd from left) & friends 1st Years 1: We love all the free food; there are tons of BBQs. The chilli challenge and the milk chugging in O’Week were awesome!

2: Being lonely – in my history class there were only two Asians.

3: People don’t deserve to die. The death penalty is wrong. We’re all about peace and nature.

4: Modern Family, High School Musical, One Tree Hill, Social Network.

5: We haven’t been here that long, although a lot of people around campus don’t seem to like him.

Raquel Bio Medical Science, 3rd Year 1: It was great! So much free stuff. Although I missed out on the free donuts.

2: Passing 3: Are we really surprised? They’ve been on death row for 10 years.

4: Game of Thrones – your favourite lecturers always leave you.

5: *bursts into laughter*

Declan & Angus (left to right) Engineering, Honours 1: Really good, we got sorted into great groups for our Honours course.

2: D: Not being able to do what I like on the weekends.

3: A: They knew they were breaking the law.

D: Feel sorry for them. I wouldn’t condone the death penalty in my country.

4: A: Scrubs, because it’s portrayed as being fun.

5: A: No comment.

D: I think he would make a fine administrator.

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SRC President Renjie Du

H

i everyone! I hope that you all had a great time at O-Week and are settling back into your academic routines. Hopefully everybody’s stomachs have recovered from the chili challenge, which turned out to be a great, if not painful, way of supporting the local dairy industry!

On the last day of O’Week, the Student Representative Council held the ‘Meet your Reps’ event.

It was the first time that our SRC had the chance to meet you all, so thank you to all the students who came forward with their thoughts and ideas. It was great to get a better understanding of your needs and expectations of this year’s SRC. One question we were all asked was “how do I get more involved?”.

Upon my election to the SRC Presidency last year, I promised

the students to give them an SRC that would be more relevant to the whole student population.

Key to this will be our new SRC Volunteering Program.

As part of the program, students will have the opportunity to casually volunteer for one or more SRC office bearer over the course of the year. With so many office bearers, representing so many interests, from Education officer, to Rural and Queer officers everyone will find a cause to get behind. At the end of the year, each volunteer will receive a ‘Thank You Certificate’ to be presented by our Deputy Vice Chancellor and several of the most dedicated volunteers will receive special recognition.

During O’Week dozens of volunteers signed up but there is always room for more so if

you want to become involved with your SRC then get onto the SRC website and sign up today!

I hope that everyone has a fantastic start to semester one, all the best for your studies, we hope to see you soon!

Renjie Du President Student Representative Council srcpresident@auu.org.au Renje Du is the President of the Student Representative Council

If you want to get involved with the SRC Volunteering Program, check out page 16 for more details.

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SRC Office Bearers

Queer Officer: Robert Kavanagh Adelaide University is one of those safe places where you can be who you want to be. If you happen to meet rejection or negativity that’s where I come in with a big stick and sort it out because we want you at our university, not the homophobes. It is my duty to ensure there is no place for bigotry against the LGBTIQA+ community and I can ensure you, given the choice, this university will stand by you in those circumstances.

Whatever your concerns are, trust me, plenty of people have been there before and many of your fellow students will be going through exactly the same emotions. University has always been a relatively open-minded environment and is a great place to get support from like-minded people.

Social Justice Officer: Alyona Haines Hi, my name is Alyona and I’m your SRC Social Justice Officer for this year.

I am currently a second year law student and already hold a Bachelor of International Studies.

My role, as its name suggests, has everything to do with social justice. I work closely with other office bearers to promote equality among students, and to highlight issues important to minority groups.

I am also concerned about student welfare and wellbeing, and as part of my position I ensure that students who have specific needs are cared for.

Please contact Bobbie K at asrcqueer@auu.org. au with any issues at all. I will always be ready to help you in any way I can.

I can help you with a range of matters: discrimination, unfair marking, adverse personal circumstances, mental health issues, financial or housing difficulties, and many others. Alternatively, if you feel passionate about anything related to social justice, I am happy to discuss ways in which I can help your cause.

I hope you have a wonderful year ahead of you, and if you’re ever in a pickle, I’m here to help.

Bobbie Kavanagh srcqueer@auu.org.au

Alyona Haines srcsocialjustice@auu.org.au

General Secretary: Hannah Russell As your General Secretary it’s my role to make sure that the SRC runs smoothly as an organisation.

I’m responsible for calling the SRC meetings, organising the agenda and other riveting things like taking the minutes.

A little about me: I’m a 4th year Law/Arts student with a passion for politics. In what little spare time I have, you can find me watching TV series such as The West Wing and House of Cards or reading political biographies. This year my biggest aim is to continue the fight against the Abbott Government’s cuts to education and welfare. As a woman, I’m also keenly aware of the disadvantages women face both at university and in the workforce and will aim to combat this in any way I can. You can contact me anytime on srcgensec@gmail.com or catch me at any of the events the SRC holds this year!

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State of the Union Amelia Briggs

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hope everyone is settling in to their studies during their 3rd week of university. At the time of writing, O’Week was just wrapping up, and we already knew that a record number of students had come along to enjoy this event and had joined a club. I’d like to thank everyone who took part. Without you this great event would’ve just been a lot of tents and an empty lawn. During O’Week I had some amazing conversations with students both new and old who had ideas about how to make this university as lively as possible. Now, with the term having only started, I’d like to let you know what the Union is doing this month and what I’m focussing on this year.

Some great events are happening for Union members this month.

We’ve lined up free yoga classes every Tuesday morning, in addition to the free breakfasts run by Student Care and the SRC, so that you can start your day with a healthy morning. Or if you should happen to be hung-over, you could do something healthy to feel slightly less guilty about getting so drunk on a Monday. It all balances out right? The free breakfast is now running for two days a week; you can grab one on both Tuesday and Thursday. It runs all year during term time. We’re also running the Aussie film festival each Friday night with some classic Australian movies lined up­­—this week it’s Red Dog. Now is a good time to get involved with clubs; a number of them begin their busy year with meet and greets, morning teas and parties. Check out all the clubs at www.auu.org.au/clubs. We have clubs on all campuses; there’s no need to feel left out if you’re at Roseworthy or Waite.

So what am I thinking about at the moment? Well, here on the North Terrace campus, it’s a big year for development of student spaces and services, as the University finalises its plans for the redevelopment of Union House. The University is consulting with students to work out some concrete plans about where to place everything. SRC President Renjie Du and I will be attending these meetings on behalf of you, the students; so, I’d really like to hear some feedback on which student spaces you value here on campus, what you think we need more of and where you’d like to see things put. To discuss these, please send me an email at auupresident@auu.org.au. Also watch your email inboxes and the space in the Hub carefully as plans begin to develop, because you will be asked again for feedback by the University. It’s important to have as many voices as possible on this.

We are also watching again as the amended Higher Education and Research Reform Amendment Bill hits the Senate—more easily remembered as the bill to enact fee deregulation. Many students are already aware of what this bill will mean. The facts are that the bill will allow universities to charge the fees that they see fit for domestic students (those on Commonwealth Supported Places), and an average of a 20 per cent cut in funding for each of these students. There are also planned cuts to the Research Training Scheme of around 10 per cent which will affect those currently in or interested in starting postgrad degrees as universities raise fees for these degrees to make up for the cut. It’s not unreasonable to say that these are some of the most sweeping proposed changes we’ve seen to higher education

in the last decade, if not longer.

I’d encourage everyone to do their research on this and watch carefully.

As always, contact me by email or come to visit me in person at Union House Level 4 if you want to talk about anything I’ve mentioned—or anything at all.

Website: auu.org.au Facebook: facebook.com/ adelaideuniversityunion Twitter: twitter.com/UnionAUU Instagram: Instagram.com/ adelaideuniversityunion

Amelia Briggs is the President of the Adelaide University Union

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Adelaide University Sport Academic Required The UofA is looking for a new pedantic scholar to be added to the teaching staff. Applicants must have the following habits: • A dry and monotonous speaking style • A high level of incompetence with technology • A great deal of patience • A distinguished approach to carrying oneself, with eyes on ground and back painfully hunched • A disdain for superficialities, especially nice clothes • A general agreement to be paid poorly • A lack of friends outside university • A lack of friends generally • An understanding that they will not be referred to like school teachers (Mr, Mrs, etc.), let alone with any titles of length (Professor, for example); instead they will maintain a first-name relationship with students and be called Bob or Sarah or Anne or Kevin

What does a Victorian / SA showdown, a 24 hour swim and a Razorback have in common? The Blacks!

The Blacks are the Adelaide University Sport Clubs, of which there are 40. Sport clubs are open to students, alumni, staff and the wider community and participate in competitive, social, community and recreational activities… which leads us to the showdown, 24 hour swim and Razorback.

The Showdown The annual three day inter-varsity cricket match between Adelaide University Cricket Club and Melbourne University Cricket Club was held in Melbourne this year. Despite losing the toss, the AU Cricket Club Vice Chancellor’s XI came out victorious.

The squad was made up of a mixture of AUCC players and AU students, including Peter Wilson, Rob West, Danushka Wijesundara, Jakob Roth, Jack Winslade, Ben Foakes, Matthew Perilli, Nick Maegraith, Joel Logan, Ed Young and Deepak Chetry.

MUCC were 2/150 in their second innings before Ed Young (4 wickets), Jakob Roth (3 wickets) and Joel Logan (2 wickets) tore through the order. AUCC were 0/12 securing the outright victory by 10 wickets.

24 Hour Swim Six AU Swimming Club members participated in the annual MS Mighty Swim, a 24 hour relay swim held to raise funds and awareness for those suffering from Multiple Sclerosis.

Despite the team being down in numbers this year, club members managed to swim a massive 65.1K in the 24 hours, raising $770 along the way.

Razorbacks Please send your application to ondit@adelaide.edu.au

The AU Gridiron Club is the result of a community Gridiron Club, the Eastside Razorbacks, seeking an amalgamation with AU Sport. After much consultation between the club members, the committee and AU Sport, the club officially changed its name to the Adelaide University Gridiron Club and will, by the 18 month

On Dit Magazine

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The Middle Men:

Widodo, The Bali Nine and the Death penalty Justin McArthur

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ate last year, when Joko ‘Jokowi’ Widodo was elected President of Indonesia, The Guardian compared him to US President Bill Clinton – both somewhat iconoclastic, relatively youthful former governors, without personal military experience, with a talent for populism and calculated reform, and with a public enthusiasm for music (Clinton on saxophone; Jokowi on bass guitar). The Sydney Morning Herald went further back, comparing him to Abraham Lincoln – like Lincoln’s log cabin, Jokowi once lived with his whole family in a one-room bamboo shack, from which they were evicted three times, his time mostly spent chopping wood and reading. Widodo was widely presented as a softer touch, a humble man-ofthe-people when compared to his opponent Prabowo Subianto, a former Suharto-era general whose emphasis was on his own high-profile, on the strength of his leadership, and of his nation (and whose campaign was tarred by his involvement in the organisation of kidnappings and torture under Suharto).

Commentators reserved hope that Widodo would be able to equal the statesmanship of his predecessor, while facing up to his nation’s problems with an honest, critical eye. As mayor of Solo, Widodo met with people personally, relentlessly spending his own hours to negotiate agreements and mediate discord. At the end of his first term, he said he would keep working instead of postponing his work for the campaign season. He was elected for a second term with 90 per cent of the primary vote. He seemed the type to stand up for Indonesia’s disenfranchised.

Amazing Grace In Indonesia, the death penalty is carried out by a 12-member firing squad. Three rifles are loaded with live ammunition, while the remaining nine are loaded with blanks; this allows members of the firing squad to commit the act of killing without having to form wholly the intention to kill.

If the prisoner still shows signs of life after the shooting, a final shot is delivered to the head. For example, in a remote location on Kambangan Island in 2008, two Nigerian heroin smugglers were executed. Police stood a metre away from them and fired M16 assault rifles, but Samuel Iwuchukwu Okoye and Hansen Antonious Nwaolisa did not die immediately. Instead, strapped to makeshift wooden crosses using tyre innertubes, the drug traffickers moaned in agony for seven minutes, while a Catholic priest sung ‘Amazing Grace’ in an attempt to provide them consolation. After ten minutes, a doctor inspected them and pronounced them dead.

Reports such as this one are rare; by law, executions in Indonesia are carried out behind closed doors, and with minimal fanfare. It is difficult even to discern the numbers of those currently on death row. Economist Diane Zhang points to inconsistencies in the numbers of foreign nationals reportedly convicted: there are discrepancies between the numbers reported by Indonesia’s Attorney General, HM Prasetyo, and numbers reported by independent bodies. Notably, Prasetyo’s list ‘does not include Ghanaian citizen Martin Anderson, one of the ten prisoners slated for execution’; nor does it include ‘any citizens from the United States or Thailand’, despite reports to the contrary from human rights monitors and in the media. What’s clear from the conflicting reports is that a high proportion of death row inmates are convicted for drug offences.

Several accounts suggest that more death row inmates are detained for drug offences than for any other crime, and that drug charges account for all but one of the foreign nationals on death row. So some of the terrorists involved in the Bali bombings now walk free, but seemingly reformed Bali Nine drug traffickers Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran remain days away from death – a decade on from their crimes, but caught in the middle of a political conflict outside of their control.

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By using the death penalty to punish drug traffickers, Indonesia stands in direct contravention of international law—though the United Nations have stopped short of banning the death penalty, the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights only allows it to be imposed for the ‘most serious crimes’, and the UN Human Rights Committee has since, in its rulings, explicitly forbidden ‘imposition of the death penalty for a crime not resulting in the victim’s death’.

Indonesia’s use of the death penalty even seems to contradict some of its own actions –Indonesia, too, comes to the defence of some of its own citizens when they are to be executed abroad. In Malaysia and Saudi Arabia, for example, the Indonesian government recently came to the defence of housemaids who received the death penalty for murdering abusive employers.

Regardless, under new president Widodo, the number of executions in Indonesia will grow. In the previous fifteen full years (1999-2014) since the fall of the authoritarian President Suharto, 27 executions took place; none took place in 2014. In stark contrast, since the start of 2015, Widodo has already announced 16 planned executions; six have already been carried out, and by the time this article is published, the remaining ten may well have taken place. And the President will likely refuse pardon to nearly 50 more inmates on death row for drug charges, since he guaranteed in a public lecture in December ‘that there will be no clemency for convicts who committed narcotics-related crimes’.

Bamboo Shack Politics It’s hard to understand how Widodo can be both a warm populist and a (literally) inclement executioner.

Some commentators have preferred to speculate that the spate of executions have come via delegation to the ‘hardliners’ of Widodo’s administration, while the president focuses more wholly on economics and social issues. Others suggest he is hamstrung by a need to appear tough on issues of sovereignty, and to be visibly fighting Indonesia’s drug ‘crisis’ . Rarely is it suggested that Widodo may simply believe in (the welldebunked notion of ) the death penalty as a successful deterrent, or think that certain categories of criminal behaviour are irredeemable.

It’s easy to forget that Widodo ran for President, at least in part, on a strong anti-drugs campaign, seeing drug trafficking as a particular scourge. It’s easy to forget that Widodo’s chief accomplishments have come from cutting bureaucracy—from personally inspecting farmers’ markets and ID processing centres, to sacking top city officials. Widodo believes he has

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mastered cutting out the middle man, but some of his policy decisions are beginning to border on simplicity for simplicity’s sake. And in this case, he seems to be borrowing from the Steven Seagal school of efficient problem-solving .

Regardless of Widodo’s motivations, Australia is in a rough place right now, diplomatically. Forced to make intercessions on behalf of traffickers Chan and Sukumaran, caught in the eye of Widodo’s zeal, Australian diplomacy must be clean and calculated—and for the most part, Julie Bishop’s campaign has been exactly that. Subdued, primarily non-aggressive, and genuinely diplomatic, Bishop’s approach has carefully emphasised the need for strong relations between Australia and Indonesia, without attempting to threaten Indonesian sovereignty—allowing Widodo to save face domestically. On most accounts, Bishop has demonstrated an acute, studied awareness of Widodo’s strengths and weaknesses, while still having the temerity to call for a different course of action.

The Australian government doesn’t have a good background with which to intercede in Indonesian policy, and not just because of some of the caveats in Tony Abbott’s recent diplomatic history with Indonesia (of which ‘threateningly reminding Indonesians of Australia’s tsunami aid’ was just the most recent ). Indonesian critics have noted that both Kevin Rudd and John Howard actively showed support for the executions of three of the Bali bombers (Samudra, Muklas and Amrozi) in 2008. To take a stance against the death penalty now in all its forms, as many in Australia are doing, might well seem hypocritical over such a short space of time.

Ultimately, though, Widodo’s refusal even to consider clemency or remission for any of those on death row demonstrates a wider refusal to see the complexities of the social and political circumstances in which he operates. And in the meantime, Australia has little choice but to continue to make representations to Indonesia, opposing Widodo’s lack of discrimination, and opposing Indonesia’s inhumane, disproportionate policy of killing in response to non-violent crimes. Hopefully, belligerent pettinesses will not further the diplomatic crack that seems to be appearing between our nations; Joko Widodo cannot persist in vain pride disguised as ‘sovereignty’, just as Tony Abbott cannot hope to dress up Australia’s charity as a threat.

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SRC VOLUNTEERING The Adelaide University Student Representative Council is now launching an opportunity for students looking to get involved in the day-to-day activities of the SRC and its Office-bearers. It is looking for twenty-six committed individuals to assist our Office-bearers in their role on the SRC. The positions’ durations are one year and upon conclusion, participants will all receive a formal certificate of recognition of their service from the University. Special recognition will also be given to the most dedicated volunteers.

Recruited students will be tasked with providing advice to Office-bearers in their respective portfolio areas and assisting with activities Office-bearers may be engaged in or responsible for within their portfolio. It is askedthat volunteers will commit to approximately two hours per week in meeting the expectations of their position.

Twenty-six volunteering positions are available with the thirteen Office-bearers; two for each of the following portfolios: • Welfare • Education • Social Justice • Environment • Women’s Issues (must identify as a Women) • LGBTIQA+ Issues (must identify as LGBTIQA+) • International Student Issues (must hold current International Student visa) • Postgraduate Issues (must be currently studying a post-graduate program) • Ethno-cultural Issues (must identify as being from a culturally and linguistically diverse background) • ATSI (must identify as being Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander) • Mature Age (must be over the age of 25) • Disability (must identify as being differently abled) • Rural (must have lived in a regional or remote area within the last three years and within six months of commencing their University study.)

To apply, drop into the SRC Front Office at the FIX Student Lounge and request an application form or alternatively visit www.auu.org.au/src for a digital copy and email to srcpresident@auu.org.au. Applications must be submitted by no later than 5pm 29th March 2015.

Any queries regarding the positions should be directed to srcpresident@auu.org.au.

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M

OR

E

The Unofficial Guide to

CLUBS on campus

Adelaide University Wine Club (AUWC)

Adelaide University Pride Club

The University of Adelaide Wine Club is your destination for wine at Adelaide. Hosting regular events including tastings and wine industry networking nights students from a variety of disciplines, from law and commerce to viticulture and wine marketing, will find more than they were looking for at AUWC.

Pride is a club that organises social events for LGBTIQ* University of Adelaide students and their friends. Last year we hosted parties, dinners, a morning tea, a bake sale and more. To find out when events will be happening in 2015 head over to our Facebook page, ‘Pride Club of the University of Adelaide’ and like it to keep up to date. We look forward to partying with you in 2015!

So come, meet new people, get to know some amazing wine, take a wine tour, start or continue a lifelong love affair with the nectar of the gods, all with the AUWC - Le premier cru Adelaïden

Adelaide University Art History Club

Adelaide University Lions Club (AULC)

The Adelaide University Art History Club was initially founded to meet the demands of art lovers seeking to discuss all matters art history. The club has since expanded to engage the wider university populace in activities as diverse as gallery and exhibition tours, film and quiz nights, art workshops, and lectures.

Lions Club International is way more than just mints from the bank and sausage sandwiches from Bunnings. Adelaide University Lions Club is the first student run Lions Club in South Australia and only the second in Australia. If you want to engage in your community, meet like-minded students and have opportunities for professional development, the Adelaide University Lions Club is for you. We are young South Australians; we serve.

If you are an art fan seeking to meet some likeminded fellows, feel free to find us on Facebook to get updates on upcoming activities! https://www.facebook.com/adelaideuniarthistoryclub

Join Now! Find us at www.facebook.com/ AdelaideUniLions

On Dit Magazine

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Centrelink

May the Odds Be Ever in Your Favour Grace Denney Artwork by Tim Smith

T

he C word—Centrelink, an iconic Australian establishment with equal parts loathed and longed for, infamous for long queues, even longer rats tails (to the envy of the strongest Dothraki warrior) and workers who have about as much enthusiasm as Lieutenant Dan on New Years Eve. The system is so complex that the task of applying becomes almost a feat in itself. Gold stars should be awarded to those who can work out their eligibility without googling or waiting on hold to the William Tell Overture for an hour. If this is what nationals have to go through to simply receive governmental payments, I can’t imagine how much of a mindfuck the process for immigration is. So, this begs the question: if the system is so ineffectual, why has nothing changed?\ If like me, you’ve been at uni for any amount of time (oh, to be a prematurely-jaded second year) you will have noticed how much politics plays a part in student life. If you’ve never taken an interest in the p-word before, you will soon become an expert at evading another equally unappealing p-word (pamphlets!) and dodging the town criers from either side of the compass. The thing that generally gets everyone riled up and police-horse stomping ready are changes to uni fees – which is fair enough considering half the Baby Boomers who made the rules didn’t have to pay for their education at all. The basis of this anger is the belief that costs and the deregulation of fees will create an elitist system, whereby only those who are wealthy will be able to afford to attend university. However, my primary concern is not that I will eventually have to pay back a massive debt (largely because I can’t see it, therefore it “doesn’t exist”), but that I, as a student moving from interstate, can’t actually afford to pay for living costs and attend university in the first place.

Tasmania is a glorious land of craft beer and lush meadows, persistent rainfall during all seasons and MONA. It’s geographical shape has been likened to a heart, or the fur coat of downstairs female anatomy.

There was even a queue around the block when Cold Rock opened. Despite all its stately wonder, the only university in the state fails to offer a number of courses and degrees, resulting in Taswegian emigration to the MAINLAND. This is both a fabulous and terrifying concept as a student, especially if you have been deemed “ineligible for independence” by Centrelink, and are therefore seeking income support through dependence on your parents.

In the United Kingdom, the system works in an entirely different manner. Each and every student is eligible for a government loan that can help with accommodation fees, textbooks and other student necessities. The sliding scale, or “means test”, applies in the sense that your loan will be dependent on your parental income/assets; however, you are guaranteed to receive just a little bit of money even if your parents named you after a colour and have enough moolah to have a garden fountain of pound notes. This is in stark contrast to the application of the “means test” here in Australia. If your parents earn over a certain amount or own property assets, that is it. You are ineligible. Ba bow.

‘But aren’t we supposed to be adults?!!@@#!’ I hear you cry indignantly through a mouthful of Mi Goreng. We can vote! We attend university! We can buy goon sacks at Dan Murphys! We rent houses and buy bargain bananas at the Central Markets and stay up watching Parks and Recreation until 3am! If arguing with your housemates about who left the dishes in the sink isn’t the truest sign of independence, I don’t know what is.

So why are we being told we must be judged on the position of our parents when we support ourselves like Real Grown Ups without a scratch of their financial help? University grades become compromised because money is needed to pay rent and eat, resulting in little incentive to attend uni in the first place.

I therefore propose an overhaul of the system. A Cen-

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trelink facelift so extreme that no eyebrows will ever be raised again. There will be a street party of formerly starving uni students brandishing more than one bag of groceries and Centrelink workers everywhere will smile and never wear grey woolen jumpers or sensible

shoes again. And maybe we won’t have to worry that we won’t be able to make rent this week.

A student can dream……

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On Dit Magazine

Ethnographic Wit:

The Foreign Comedian Emilie Francis

O

ne of the first subjects I ever studied at university was a linguistics, a subject in which a universal ‘sound’ alphabet is memorised and applied to every language over the world. I learnt much in that course and often find myself thinking about it. What stuck with the the most — as I’m sure it would many people — was the part of the course involving Stephen Fry. For the few of you who don’t know Stephen Fry, he is an English comedian, actor, writer, presenter and activist. He is gay and a manic depressive and an atheist and speaks of all these aspects of himself with an eloquence that is unparalleled. His interests are wide and far-reaching, and one of them is language — indeed, he has written and presented a documentary series called Fry’s Planet Word. One episode featured my linguistics lecturer of the time, which he played in a lecture - and why wouldn’t you? Had I been considered an expert by Stephen Fry I don’t think I would feel the need to do anything else with my life.

So smitten was I with both the subject and the presenter that I watched the episode again. As the internet’s often does, it helpfully provided me with further means to spend more time on it. A related video came up, one of Stephen Fry explaining the difference between American and British comedy.

Being Australian, and therefore part of a country that I consider to be more of an observer than a player, my interest was immediately piqued. Fry was articulate as ever, and made obvious to me a point that had always lingered on the periphery of my consciousness: ‘The American comic hero is a wisecracker who is above his material, and is above the idiots around him… [The British comic hero] is a man whose sense

of dignity is constantly compromised by the world letting them down…’

Fry lists off various comedians who had already leapt to my mind at his description, among them Jim Carrey. In many of Carrey’s roles in comedy movies he is the guy men want to be: a sort of James Bond of comedy, outwitting everyone around him by being both smarter and funnier, getting the girl and solving the case without losing a single iota of dignity along the way — because all the stupid, funny stuff is done on his own terms. One particular scene leaps to mind, from the movie Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

A policeman, aware of Ventura’s love of animals (a supposed weakness) steps on a cockroach to provoke him when he enters the office.

‘Homicide, Ventura. Now how ya gonna solve that one?’

His colleagues laugh.

‘Good question, Aguado.’ Ventura whips his head around. ‘First, I’d establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug’s dick, and became insanely jealous. Then I’d lose 30 pounds porkin’ his wife!’

Enraged embarrassment colours the would-be bully’s face, and he lunges for Ventura. Quickly and easily, though, Ventura pushes him to the floor, his face almost touching the murdered bug.

‘Now, kiss and make up.’ says Ventura, utterly unruffled.

Ventura is, at first, the victim, laughed at by “real detectives” who belittle his love for animals. But he is unaffected, and immediately turns the tides of the interaction with his razor-sharp wit and general superiority. We cheer for him because he does everything we wish we could have done under similar circumstances (well documented is finding a “good

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comeback” hours after the moment has passed). And yet, despite being a champion for us, merely defending himself and coming out on top, he is still the bully.

That is the price you pay for proving your superiority.

Now we turn to British examples, again from the 90s to the early 00s. As I said, Australia makes for a good observer; it is exposed to a great number of both British and American forms of media. In Australia we often see British comedy shows like Blackadder, Fawlty Towers, and Black Books. The sharp, personal jabs most Americans are fond of are replaced by insults so lengthy and verbose it is impossible not to consider them — dare I say it — more sophisticated.

The main characters invariably have some inferior companion to dictate these essays of ridicule towards: Blackadder has Baldrick, his manservant in every reincarnation; Bernard has Manny, the book store’s harassed shop assistant; Basil Fawlty has Manuel, the foreign porter and waiter. These British comedians bully their lowly companions, certainly, but this does not seem to make them superior to them or lead us to consider them “alpha males” as we might the Americans. They are, instead, victims of circumstance, of pratfalls and silly mistakes and their invariably idiotic superiors. They are smarter, quicker and funnier than their surroundings, and yet they consistently find themselves at the bottom of the pile.

Australians are champions of the stand-up comedy, in which commedians tell self-deprecating stories or those that reflect an inflammed ego. Clichéd as it may be, we Australians are a mixed bag and often steal the styles of other nations in order to produce a flavour of laughter uniquely our own. David Hughes, or “Hughesy”, as he is fondly known, has become rather famous overseas, and is viewed by many as quintessentially Australian, with his crooked grin and stereotypical accent. He is, perhaps, a good example of Australian comedy: both self-deprecating and self-rewarding, laughing at and with himself.

My point is not to prove that Australians have achieved some perfect harmony between the alpha and the underdog. While this triptych of comedy would appear to be wildly different, I do not wish to convey the impression that Americans solely subscribe to wisecracking humour, that the British are constantly sacrificing their dignity and that Australians mimic both; as with all stereotypes, this is woefully ignorant

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of a great many aspects and overemphasises the differences while minimalising the similarities between them all.

Comedy is a language of its own, a language with its own particular lexicon, discourse, structure and style.

It is by no means universal, though we may all laugh at the same man being tripped over whether we root for the tripped or the tripper; but it is enough to know that we have found a way to communicate across cultures that allows us a real, honest view of the people and how we view ourselves, and not merely an image projected by how we may want to be seen. To laugh at each other and ourselves is to appreciate, and as long as we do that we may achieve some semblance of crosscultural harmony.

On Dit Magazine

22

WTF Renaissance

Repackaging Renaissance Art for Generation Z Masya Zabidi

D

o you find The Guardian’s Jonathan Jones too caustic in his assessment of art? Does New York Magazine’s Jerry Saltz’s extremely X-rated Instagram feed depicting overtly sexual images of art send you into fits of (inappropriate) laughter? Does Renaissance art in general baffle you with its highly bizarre representations of Renaissance life (baby playing a viola WHILST riding an octopus is a personal favourite)?

Successfully finding a balance between all the above, WTF Renaissance teams Renaissance art with hilarious and topical captions (#thedress). Here is an interview with the creators:

1) Firstly, brilliant work with WTF Renaissance! Can you please tell us a little about yourself, such as who you are, where you’re from?

We run the account anonymously, so we never give too much away, but we’re all based in Melbourne.

Angela Thompson, our publicist, is the only one who we’ll give away.

2) What is your studying and working background? From your fine work, it’s quite obvious that you may have dabbled in art history!

All of us studied art in some form, be it Art History, Photography, Painting etc. We’ve also all got writing backgrounds, from comedy to documentary script writing.

3) What do you find fascinating about the Renaissance period specifically?

The Renaissance is a perfect period for this project, as so many of the paintings are inherently hilarious to a

modern day audience. Leda and the Swan is one of our absolute favourites; that’s the one we’ve chosen to use on our poster and have prints on sale for. From muscly babies, women making out with birds, men fighting babies, the Renaissance had it all.

4) WTF Renaissance is wholly original in its construct: pairing highbrow visual content with contemporary humorous quotes, making the portraits more palatable to a modern audience. Was this your intention when creating WTF Renaissance, to reintro-

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duce Renaissance art to society, albeit with a wickedly hilarious twist?

We started the account after one of us tweeted something similar from a personal Twitter account, and it got a lot of traction. We had a look and thought, there was definitely something in this. Within a week it was featured on the front page of the Huffington Post website, and had been picked up by media from London to Omaha, so we guessed right.

5) Congratulations on the Fringe show!

There is clearly a demand for your work, did you anticipate WTF Renaissance to be this popular, and how do you think the project got to be so huge?

We’ve had a lot of requests to tour the exhibition, but wanted to start it off at Adelaide because we’ve all had shows at Adelaide Fringe before. We’ve had requests from people all over the world to travel it. We’re looking at Edinburgh, Sydney and a few other Fringe Festivals first.

Having great media coverage in the early days definitely helped wtf renaissance get to where it is now. The media keeps rolling on as well. Every now and then we get a sudden boost in numbers, and know a new article has come out.

We’ll have posters on sale at the exhibition which fulfills the biggest request we get: merchandise.

6) What lies in WTF Renaissance’s future?

Will you take the show global? Or perhaps expand to include other art movements, such as WTF Cubism, or WTF Dadaism?

We haven’t decided yet. We’ll see how panned we get in Adelaide reviews and if our souls aren’t totally destroyed, we’ll look at what to do next!

The WTF Renaissance exhibition runs at the Producers Gallery until March 15

On Dit Magazine

24

Semicolonoscopy Toby Barnfield Artwork by Miss Lili

Here is Molly Bloom on the importance of punctuation: No thats no way for him has he no manners nor no refinement nor no nothing in his nature slapping us behind like that on my bottom because I didnt call him Hugh the ignoramus that doesnt know poetry from a cabbage thats what you get for not keeping them in their proper place pulling off his shoes and trousers there on the chair before me so barefaced without even asking permission Your thoughts are quite likely as nebulous and haphazard as hers, and if on certain wintry days you are forced on pain of supplementary examinations and long-term unemployment to write down what you think (I can safely absolve myself of ever committing that cruelty: I don’t care what you think), you will need, in order to translate your pre-vocal musings into neat, coherent sentences, to be able to properly punctuate.

Now, the thought occurred to me to save Mrs Bloom some embarrassment and render instead my own consciousness in a light-hearted, self-satirical manner, but I am simply so good with punctuation that even the vaguest and impurest of my thoughts present themselves in the most circumspect and erudite prose.

We – to use the royal plural – might put it another way: If there are five senses, I have a sixth: punctuation. (And also a seventh: fashion. But enough

about me.)

I shall, therefore, set my oaken cane down beside me, extend my manicured hand, and hoist you from the muddy streets of vulgar comma-splices, immiserating apostrophic errors, and inelegant misplaced semicolons, into the cushioned hansom cab of grammatical correctness, wherein, sitting comfortably, you may peer through your monocle (I had a spare one I loaned you) at the general rules of how and when to use a comma, a semicolon, a colon, and the baffling full stop.

But first, an addition to your vocabulary: A clause is a bourgeois, elitist technical term for a (short) sentence that contains a subject, or noun, and a predicate, or verb. For example: I am reading a very well-punctuated article on punctuation.

I is the subject (the noun, or pronoun in this case, that is ‘doing’ the verb); am reading is the predicate (or verb); and the very well-punctuated article is the object of the verb.

Now.

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Hundreds of butterflies flittered in and out of sight like short-lived punctuation marks in a stream of consciousness without beginning or end --Haruki Murakami, 1Q84

Full Stops

Initials & Acronyms

You should put these at the end of your sentences: thus.

You’ll also require these for Abbrev., or abbreviations.

Of these there are four types:

These do not actually require intermittent full stops: ‘P G Wodehouse’, ‘Back in the USSR’. But note: T. G. B. This is because those initials are mine and I may punctuate them if I feel like it.

Commas

Shortening

You may shorten, ad hoc, whatever and whichever words you ch. or choose. Shortenings have a hab. or habit of becoming words in their own right – a process called back-clipping (as with ‘pub’, formed from ‘public house’, ‘gym’ from ‘gymnasium’, etc.). In that case, a full stop is not needed.

The serial comma will, I am sure, already be a firm friend of yours, used whenever listing things – like the formidable number of praiseworthy attributes I possess:

The abbreviation ‘etc.’, however – as you will, with your keen editorial eye, have noticed –requires a full stop.

This is because it is singular to writing: though very common, it is not its own word, and is still pronounced ‘et ce-te-ra’ when spoken.

An astute grammarian will have noticed the mythical oxford comma preceding the ‘and’ in my exemplary, non-exhaustive, and very accurate list. This is not a real thing: commas before the word ‘and’ (and this applies, generally, to any punctuation mark before any conjunction) are not only grammatically correct but frequently grammatically necessary, in order to avoid tiresome ambiguities:

Contracting

Just as you may contract syphilis from an Elizabethan seaport brothel, so too may you contract words. These hollowed-out things begin and end with the same letters as they would in their full forms, and don’t require full stops: Dr for doctor, Mr for mister, and so on.

Coolness, suaveness, curly hair, boundless humility, and genteel table manners.

Coffee grows well in Central America, northern Australia, southern Asia and Africa.

A comma before the ‘and’ would prevent the geographically or culinary challenged from thinking ‘southern’ referred to Africa as well.

On Dit Magazine

26

about to follow. You may use as many colons in a single sentence as you please: there is no limit.

It is rather hard work: there is now no smooth road into the future: but we go round, or scramble over the obstacles.

The colon also allows the communication of a causal relationship between disparate things: Waters: bitter death: lost.

Commas are also used to open and close parentheses (singular: parenthesis) – or, to use a more Shakespearean term, asides.

You are, to put it mildly, cool.

There are times where brackets might be too substantial a mark to use (since they distance the material within them more than commas do), and where the lighter, more casual comma would work best, as with the above: You are (to put it mildly) cool.

The comma is otherwise used to separate independent clauses in long (or compound) sentences to prevent them from becoming run-on, and you should place them wherever you would reasonably (i.e. grammatically) take a short pause if you were speaking the sentence in question aloud.

That had been very embarrassing for K., even though the vice president was not, of course, laughing at the petition, of which he knew nothing, but at a stock market joke he’d just heard, a joke that could only be fully appreciated by means of a drawing, which, bending over K.’s desk and taking K.’s pencil from his hand, he sketched upon the notepad intended for the petition.

(Note the above Austro-Hungarian author’s roguish full stop after ‘K.’)

Colons The colon may be used wherever in your sentence you would like to indicate that some kind of explanation or amplification or interpretation of the first part is

Waters are the explanation for bitter death, which is the explanation for the drowned person being lost. The colon, therefore, can make explanations concise and economical. Though you may instead use the dash if you’d like things to be less formal – or to appear more urgent.

Colons are primarily used these days to introduce lists and quotations: As William Shakespeare once said: ‘Adieu.’

The colon is useful for: introducing lists, introducing quotations, and explaining existential dilemmas with concision.

Do not use a colon, however, to introduce a dotpointed list: dot-points are conspicuous enough to require no such introduction.

Semicolons Of things less attractive than a misplaced semicolon I know very little. Avert your gaze, gentle reader, and observe; how bad it looks.

The semicolon is used to link or connect or draw together into one sentence two separate, independent clauses that are either very closely-related to one another, or that you would like to be very closelyrelated to one another.

Some satisfactory examples: Writing grammatically is the shortest way to make unambiguous and elegant sense; it is the surest way to make art with words.

Many articles on grammar treat the apostrophe; this one doesn’t; there wasn’t space enough or time.

You could also link the above with a colon or a dash (or even separate them with a full stop, should you

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wish to put your reader to sleep), but you could not link them with a comma.

Two separate clauses are not permissibly linked by a comma. This villainous error is known as a comma splice, and is found in the following: My handsomeness exceeds all mortal bounds, I must be the god Narcissus.

This is incorrect.

My handsomeness exceeds all mortal bounds; I must be Toby.

This is correct: and not just grammatically. The heavier, weightier pause denoted by the semicolon is required to fill-in for a conjunction that might otherwise be there (‘so’, for example).

The semicolon might also be used to indicate an oncoming expression of contrast.

He was a knave; she was a strumpet.

He was a knave; however, he has since become a strumpet.

The serial semicolon – cf. the abovementioned serial comma – ought to be used to separate comma-heavy items in a list: Serial semicolons are often found in three places: bureaucratic papers, which, obviously, I do not want to read; legislation, which I am, sadly, forced to read; and press releases from the Institute of Public Affairs, which are soporific, and cannot be read.

And a comma-heavy compound sentence will often require semicolonisation to stress the significance or distinction between its various parts where an already heavily-used comma would not do. A satisfactory example can be found, appropriately, in an extract from a compendium of grammar: In very short sentences, the period...and the comma... can – though not always happily – be made to suffice; but once you begin using long sentences, you need either the semi-colon, for a pause – a break – more important than that which is marked by a comma, as with the semi-colon in this sentence, or the colon…

Never consider yourself above or – especially – beneath semicolons: they aren’t especially difficult to get the hang of, and, when the hang of is got, a single one can

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allow a sentence like this: Pubescent sweetheart! How smugly would I marvel that she was mine, mine, mine, and revise the recent matitudinal swoon to the moan of the mourning doves, and devise the late afternoon one, and slitting my sunspeared eyes, compare Lolita to whatever other nymphets parsimonious chance collected around her for my anthological delectation and judgment; and today, putting my hand on my ailing heart, I really do not think that any of them ever surpassed her in desirability, or if they did, it was so two or three times at the most, in a certain light, with certain perfumes blended in the air – once in the hopeless case of a pale Spanish child, the daughter of a heavy-jawed nobleman, and another time – mais je divague.

~ Well, formerly-illiterate street urchin: my spare monocle back, please: your cursory glance at punctuation is over, and this article – a brief aside muttered between two parenthetical dashes in the midst of the high comedy that is my life – must be brought to a close.

All of the grammatical knowledge I have idly tossed like so much spare change into the shallow wishing well of your mind can probably be found in these reputable but inferior tomes: Usage and Abusage by Eric Partridge The Little Green Grammar Book by Mark Tredinnick New Hart’s Rules: The Handbook of Style for Writers and Editors by Oxford University Press Finally, I should like to pre-emptively refute any accusations of grammar Nazism that will, presumably, be levelled against me. In fact, I believe in the equal distribution of punctuation, which makes me a grammar Trotskyist: All Power To The Semicolons.

On Dit Magazine

28

Asylum Seekers

Indefinite Uncertainty Karolinka Dawidziak-Pacek Artwork by Matilda Bristow

W

hat image floats into your head when you see these words? Grimfaced men and women searching for a better life? Terrorists taking advantage of our laws? Perhaps Tony Abbott talking about fixing the ‘boat people’ problem, or Scott Morrison constantly mentioning ‘illegal arrivals?’

The man sitting next to you on the bus probably doesn’t make the cut.

But there are approximately 1000 asylum seekers currently living in Adelaide. Most of them arrived after 13th August 2012, which means they are affected by the 2014 Migration Act amendments.

These amendments forbid those who arrived in Australia after 13 August 2012 from applying for a permanent protection visa (PPV).

Many asylum seekers who arrived after that date were in the community on Bridging Visa E (BVE), waiting for their PPV application to be processed. However, due to the new amendments, their PPV application was cancelled, and they are now awaiting an invitation from the Minister to apply for a Temporary Protection Visa (TPV).

So, they are still on BVE in the community. This particular type of visa forbids them from working, from accessing many social services such as comprehensive healthcare,

and from making an application for a PPV. Under the new amendments, if an asylum seeker is charged with an offence, no matter whether it be a traffic fine or a criminal offence, no matter whether they are guilty or innocent, they face having their visa cancelled under s 50.1 of the Migration Act. I have spoken to asylum seekers who are terrified of driving—what if they are caught speeding and fined, or are involved in a car crash? This could send them back to a detention centre.

Furthermore, day-to-day life is hard for the asylum seekers. With limited English, little access to education (tertiary education is unavailable unless they can afford international-student fees) and no work rights, they struggle to lead meaningful lives whilst waiting for TPV applications to be released.

Some applicants were highly skilled in their home countries; they were professors, engineers, doctors and in other similar professions.

Yet these people are now reduced to sitting inside their houses, or working illegally just to escape the

drudgery of their lives. If caught, they face having their visa cancelled and being placed into indefinite mandatory detention.

Hamid, an asylum seeker who arrived in late 2012, has been living on a BVE for two years. When he came to Australia, he expected that he would be able to apply for a PPV, and finally start a new life away from the terrors of his home country. But now Hamid waits in limbo, like hundreds of others, at the mercy of Immigration.

Already two years of his life have been ‘wasted,’ with no opportunity to work or study or make himself useful. He describes his life:

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“If you don’t have residency, you don’t know about the future, so it’s hard to make plans for the future.

Waiting is the worst. We are missing opportunities to study, and to be an active part of the community.

We would like to be able to repay everything in the future, and be more beneficial for the community.

But every day, we are in contact with only the same people who are in the same condition as us.

We don’t know anything about what will happen next. We have no ideas, no plans, no activities- everywhere we turn is blocked. Keeping people in such a condition is like virtual imprisonment. Our minds are blocked and being kept in a cell, limited to a spot- we have no work rights, no study rights, and can’t be helpful to ourselves and those around us, let alone the community. There is a concern that we will be a burden on others in the community, a load on the shoulders of others. Instead of doing something advantageous, we slowly become isolated from the community… we have few ways to keep ourselves busy and productive. We don’t want to be a burden on others forever- this would cost us, the community and the government if we want to recover from this position in the future.”

With no work rights, and with many asylum seekers only getting $221 per week, this puts them below the poverty line in Australia, which sits at $358 for a single person. Consequently, many asylum seekers struggle to get by, and rely on voluntary community services for basic necessities.

And so, Hamid sits at home and waits for the next step: to be invited to apply for a TPV. Once asylum seekers get this invitation, they have approximately two weeks to fill out an application in English that totals over sixty pages. The government provides no

legal aid, and many just attempt the complex forms on their own; few can afford the $2000 migration agent fee for completing the application.

Once asylums seekers have applied, they await the Minister’s decision.

Most arrivals after 13 August 2012 are subject to a fast-track process, which means that their applications will be assessed based on the paperwork; they will likely not be allowed to have interviews to clarify facts they submitted to Immigration several years ago under the stress of detention. If the application is refused, no merits review is available.

The TPV forms require details that appear excessive even to the average person: the addresses where the person has lived for the past thirty years, the birth dates of all their siblings, all educational and employment details, and all countries travelled to outside their home country, to name but a few requirements. Exact dates and addresses are required, as making mistakes could put them in breach of PIC (Public Interest Criterion) 4020 of the Migration Act, which states that an applicant must not provide bogus documents or false/misleading information to Immigration.

In countries like Afghanistan, this poses significant problems; many local government branches provide bogus documents, or documents with false information. PIC 4020 allows no exception for people who genuinely believed their document was real. ss 98-102 of the Migration Act also states that the applicant must not provide false or misleading information—this covers something as simple as a name misspelt on an identity document, or a wrong address provided on a visa application.

If asylum seekers breach any of the aforementioned laws, they face having their BVE cancelled.

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The consequences of this are dire.

Under the new amendments, when considering whether to cancel a visa, the Minister is not required to treat Australia’s international obligation of non-refoulment (not returning a person to the place where they were tortured) as a primary consideration. Instead, the Minister will consider whether the asylum seekers can ‘modify their behaviour’ in their home country to avoid persecution.

If their visas are cancelled, asylum seekers are one again classed as UMA (unauthorised maritime arrivals), and thus are transferred to offshore detention centres as UMAs cannot be processed in Australia. UMAs can’t apply for any visas unless granted personal leave by the Minister. Since cases in offshore detention centres have not been processed for over two years, these people are effectively in infinite mandatory detention, and are at risk of deportation.

Three months ago, I didn’t know this story. I walked along to a volunteering session for something to do- and there my interest in asylum seekers started. A briefing about the current situation of asylum seekers left me overwhelmed and humbled. How could the asylum seekers stand there so calmly after hearing how the new laws would affect their lives? How could they reach out to everyone with a smile and a kind gesture when their whole future was uncertain? They were so incredibly thankful to us, just for sorting through some of their paperwork. So how did my interest develop? Perhaps it was the dim hope that I could still see shining in the Iranian professor’s eyes, or the elderly Afghan man who walked around smiling and shaking our hands, repeating the only word he knew in English- ‘thank you, thank you, thank you…’ Even despite the language barriers, a bond

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of common humanity formed in the meeting between people from two different worlds- me, a white girl studying law, and an asylum seeker fleeing persecution I had only ever read about as something happening ‘out there,’ nothing to do with me. Over paperwork and excellent coffee, my outlook on life changed completely.

Although we can’t change immigration law, we can sit here and

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chat with one asylum seeker, and brighten his or her day even just a little bit. We can teach an elderly man English, and watch his face brighten as he receives schooling for the first time in his life. We can help a young woman sort out Immigration paperwork, and wipe away the look of fear and anxiety on her face.

This is the power of community

Karolinka is the President of the AUASA (Adelaide University Asylum Seeker Association), which aims to raise money to help asylum seekers access migration and legal advice.

Please contact the club via Facebook for more information and news!

volunteering in action- changing two lives at the same time.

Showing that we care, showing that for us, the asylum seeker isn’t an ‘illegal’ arrival, isn’t someone ‘out there’- but our friend, the man sitting next to us on the bus, someone who we can help along on their journey.

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What’s in a Name?

Lucca Ricci

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few months ago I caught the tram to Uni, wearing my usual black fedora and a black suit jacket. I sat down and began talking to the lady beside me. Apart from the usual small talk, she asked me a question which inspired me to write this article: “Are you a Jew?” Now, curiosity is no sin. However, that question made me think about why and how people decide to put others into categories. In other words, why is it necessary to have our own identity? Why do we worry about putting ourselves into boxes? And, more importantly, why do we care about people knowing we belong in those boxes? This issue, of course, is not modern. If we were to look back to the dawn of mankind, we could tell how men and women sought to create their own identities.

Role Models and Identity Issues Since ancient times men and women have tried to create their own identities based on role models. Just as many young people today want to grow up to be actors and singers, young Romans and Greeks tried to emulate Achilles and Ajax, mighty heroes from the ancient epic poems the Iliad and Odyssey. Emulation, then, is the key word to understand how our own identity works. We find in others qualities that fascinate us. Why do we do this? The answer is the topic of many books. However, I can try however, to identify some general points. First, we love receiving compliments. And this is true for

us as it was for the ancient civilisations. People today might want to be compared with celebrities as much as Roman or Greek teenagers desired Achilles’ physique or Ulysses’ cunning. Second, we are searching certainties.

We are looking for models that have worked before. If Achilles achieved immortal glory, why can’t we? When we note other people’s success, we want to follow the same path in order to become like them. This doesn’t simply involve behaviour, but also physical appearance.

Finally, we want to be accepted by others. Once we have noticed that someone is “cool,” we identify him or her as someone who has been accepted by society. So, why not copy them and become “cool” ourselves?

These three points are part of a common problem: identity issues. If we focus on others’ behaviour or appearance, we lose our own focus. We forget to develop our own identity, becoming a mere copy in a series of people. However, this identity applies not only to individual men and women, but also to broader groups.

Our True Nationality is Mankind If only H.G. Wells’ words were true, our world would have half of its current problems. Identity issues start from an individual level. But they don’t stop there.

In fact, they extend to a much wider territory—and we must take this word literally. Let’s think about it.

Whenever we go around the world, our nationality becomes a label. Although we might constantly hear

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of “citizens of the world,” people continue calling us according to our nationality. And again, this is not only true for us, but also for the ancients. No one would have dreamt of calling a Gaul a Roman. They were Gauls and proud of it. Why do we carry on with this thinking then? Mankind has felt the need to gather in groups since the early development of society. These tribal groups, were places not only of interaction, but also of collective development. A common culture began to form modern national identities. Great migrational waves can explain how this works. No one would deny, for instance, that the Greek and Italian communities here in Australia formed their own small groups. Even though they were in another country, they still felt the need to look for their own fellow citizens.

Whether they did it for linguistic or cultural purposes, they preserved national identities in a far-away land, even after decades living there.

Since I mentioned the Greeks and the Italians, I’ll use them for my second point. Everyone in this country knows about the rivalry between Italians and Greeks. At the beginning, I thought it was some sort of petty fight.

But after a while, I realised that there was a much bigger and more interesting issue behind it. When you mix national identities and competition, you get the Greeks and the Italians. Even if most of them have never been to either countries or don’t speak the language, they still fight over “cultural” supremacy. Why? Well, when the first migrants came to Australia, they created these small communities within the larger Australian community; and of course they weren’t going to start a fight with

the bigger community, were they? Instead, they decided to pick on those communities which resembled them in size and, I must admit, in mentality. This is how the Italians and the Greeks came about. This is how most fights over nationality come about.

‘Man, Shaper of Himself ’ Even if the Roman historian Sallust wrote these words above, I doubt he believed them. However, I’d like to pinpoint a few aspects about this statement. First, even though role models influence us, that is not a good reason for copying an identity. We shouldn’t be bothered by what people think of us, either good or bad. Plus, original people are more fun to be around than unoriginal ones. So, it is very likely you’ll be more appreciated if you don’t conform to the common social behaviour. Second, even though I spoke about different national identities, I still believe in mankind as a united group, without nationalities. This is extremely hard to achieve, but, if we use a bit of common sense and respect toward others, I think we won’t need to say whether we are Jews or not.

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Fiction

Candy and Cocaine Lur Alghurabi Artwork by Mandy Li

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he held the door open, fixed her gaze on me, and smiled like a villain who had just set a bomb. Her hand in her pocket gripped a secret that crinkled, a secret that called to me.

I knew. I knew the look, the hush, the sneaking, even the cover up stories we’d tell after. I knew.

She sat on the cold white tiles next to me, pulled out her treasure and centred it on the floor. I looked, and no words were needed. She knew. She knew the rush, the high, the sour taste, even the nausea after doing too much. She knew.

Four years had passed since we last let loose, back home where they sold this stuff on every other street corner. And for the first time in a long time, it was right before me, waiting. She had managed to get it somehow but I was afraid she couldn’t again, so I spent some time just admiring it. I carefully opened the bag and gave her half, trying to keep the powder from falling off. I knew it was her favourite too. She laughed, knowing how happy she had just made me, feeling proud and criminal at the same time. This was the thing that was bad for us, the thing that would ruin our face and teeth completely and leave us with no friends or future. That’s what everyone said to keep us from overdoing it. But how can anyone expect nine year olds to care?

We counted to three, took it in and were instantly four years younger. Like that, we sat quietly on the floor for half an hour, eating sour jellybeans, being children. ***

There is no dignity in the sugar rush.

We run around. We make jokes that aren’t funny. I laugh at them all. She laughs with me. We sing the Sesame Street theme. ‘Open your doors, Sesame, we are the children.’ This high on sugar. How cheap are we? Adults get high on more expensive stuff, on some really bitter sugar. I saw it in a movie once on

TV. They weighed it on scales so no one got more than their share. But we don’t weigh our portions to the gram. We are generous. We don’t care about the money. We are the children. We want candy. Our hearts are beating fast. The world is ours. Open your doors, Sesame. I’ve never had sesame before. Does it have doors to open? I wonder if it’s the same song they sing on Sesame Street in Pakistan. I have a friend from Pakistan. She doesn’t speak Arabic or English, but she doesn’t need to when we play. When we laugh. No language. I’m nine years old. I want more jellybeans.

We’re all out. We’re also broke. Best thirty minutes of my life. Let’s play. Let’s go on the treadmill. Let’s chase something. Let’s play hide and seek. I’ll go hide behind the curtain and you’ll find me. Wait, I wasn’t

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supposed to tell you that. We are laughing. Let’s watch music on TV. Let’s dance. Let’s try on mom’s new shoes. Let’s pretend we’re old. No, no I don’t like that.

Let’s pretend we’re Pocahontas. Let’s dance in a circle around the empty wrappers. This is our temple. We are the children. Let’s ring the neighbour’s bell and hide. Rinnnng. GO GO GO GO GO. Hahahaha.

This is funny. Let’s do it again. GO GO GO GO GO. Hehehe. Oh. Sorry. Sorryyyyy. We’re just playing.

Okay. Okay. Sorry. No, we promise. No, we won’t do it again. We’re so sorry. No, you don’t need to tell our parents, we promise. Sorry again.

No dignity at all in the sugar rush.

school. I squeezed it and told her that I would stay with her all day, that no one knew and that we shouldn’t be scared, and that if we wanted, we could do it again whenever we felt like it. She heard the shiver in my voice.

***

It had been three days of us looking over our shoulders. We didn’t talk about it when we weren’t alone. They might come for us, start asking questions about how we got it, who from or whether we were going to get some more again. We didn’t want any innocents involved, so we remained quiet.

That day, she decided to speak about her country.

That day, she gripped my hand as we walked into

Even I didn’t believe what I was saying.

We sat next to each other in every class. We had a Palestinian teacher with hair the colour of lava. We had always feared she would get too emotional at some point, and her hair would give off sparks that would set us all on fire.

Her hair colour started changing to the colour of lava that was losing its patience. In a minute or two, she would get worse and cry and shout at the same time; we were sure of it.

My sister and I had powder kegs for brains, and everyone else in the world had crude oil for blood.

A spark from Ms Mina’s hair meant absolute disaster

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for everyone. And we knew it was coming. The world was going to be set on fire, and my sister and I would never get to break another law again.

We froze.

That was the first time we prayed.

I turned to her, and she turned to me. We both knew what this meant.

That day, my sister and I gripped each other’s hands underneath our table and prayed to God they would give all that land back to her, for the sake of all of us, for the sake of our safety and our future, so we could break more laws and eat more candy, and perhaps even escape the police on our way home.

The bell rang, and Ms Mina was interrupted. It almost made her more emotional that she wasn’t going to be heard all the way, but I leaped out of my seat and handed her my water bottle. She drank and the colour of her hair returned to regular lava. I saved the world, and the next thing to do was not get ourselves arrested.

That day, I gripped my sister’s hand as we walked out the school gate. We scanned the area for police cars, faced each other, nodded and started heading home.

With every step, the ground beneath our feet felt harder, so we trod harder. Tob. Tob. Tob was the noise our shoes made against the concrete. It rhymed with our heart beats. Those got heavier too. I gripped her hand tighter.

We were nearly half way home. A part of me wanted nothing but to see it and run to it. A part of me wanted to stop pretending I wasn’t afraid.

Did the government know?

Where did we throw away the wrapper?

Did we throw away the wrapper?

We should’ve wrapped it in something first. We should’ve hidden it better.

She could feel the sweat on my palm.

‘Just keep walking,’ she said.

I trusted my sister.

My legs were heavy. It was like a moment in a dream when I would run from something, but my steps would only get slower, like I was moving in slow motion.

We saw a parked police car with two officers leaning against it, doing nothing at all. Our grips on each other’s hands got to their tightest.

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It was like they were waiting for us.

‘This might be our only chance.’

‘It is.’

A sly smile on her face.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

We shouted together: ‘REAL TIME COPS AND ROBBERS!’ And we ran.

We ran.

We flew.

No hard ground was beneath us.

Only air.

We ran home and locked ourselves in our room. We stood on our bed, tied our scarves around our head like warriors, and we made a vow. We vowed to each other that we would break all the laws we didn’t like.

That we would eat all the candy there was, and that we would never be told what to do. That day, we shook hands, crossed our hearts and swore on our honour that we would never experience regret or fear, and that we would protect each other till the day we die of a sugar overdose.

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Oscars recap

Birdman Won

(Or the Unexpected Virtue of Acceptance Speeches) Justin Martyniuk Artwork by Jacqui Johns

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this film; it was a performance that arguably revitalised him as an actor, an actor we may very well see again in the future — who knows

ow that we’re in the post-Oscars period, it’s important to reflect on the awards, the winners and ultimately what came out of the ceremony.

The ceremony was filled with many highs and lows, one of them being Neil Patrick Harris’ role as our host — this fell very flat. But what didn’t fall flat were the numerous political and progressive messages in a string of acceptance speeches that highlighted some important issues, making the televised event worth the four hour watch — ­ even the ad breaks

Boyhood

Birdman Birdman took home the coveted Best Picture award. The win wasn’t astonishing for many, but in my ititial predictions (see On Dit 83.1) I had placed my money on Boyhood’s winning. Birdman’s win surprised me because the film adopts a somewhat pessimistic view on pop culture and cinema, and because of its experimental style. Birdman achieves a blend of various kinds of performance: of theatre, film and online media, which becomes a critique of high and low art forms.

This combination likely won the film many voters. Oscars voters love films about films (see recent winners Argo and The Artist). More than that, Birdman expands our understanding of shots and framing. Where editing would otherwise be used, Birdman instead

becomes a single linked experiment that explores the conventional dialogue-reverse shots, tracking, twoshot, and the list goes on. Where cuts would exist conventionally, we instead feel the camera move. Birdman explores both the process and the method of performance. While its lead actor, Michael Keaton, failed to win Best Actor, I’m sure he won’t be forgotten for his role in

Alas, my predicted winner of Best Picture, and a film that was a twelve-year project, Boyhood, was rewarded with only one win on the night. Its Patricia Arquette won Best Supporting Actress for her engrossing yet organic performance as a mother. With a string of criticism calling Boyhood overrated, I fear the film has been undervalued. While its length and relative normality may be “boring” to some viewers, I applaud its combination of a documentary feel of life with a sense of nostalgia and affection. It simultaneously removes and creates cinematic artifice in a fashion reminiscent of Italian Neorealism. Even though it didn’t win, I’m sure Boyhood will persist for years to come and at least I’ll have the DVD — but I digress, and must return to Patricia Arquette. She ended her acceptance speech for the award with a direct call for wage equality among genders. Following the leaked information from the Sony hacks, it’s apparent that women are at a disadvantage. Don’t let Arquette’s speech be applied just to the filming industry; it’s unfortunately relevant around the globe in the majority of jobs.

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Glory One of the greatest moments of the Oscars ceremony was John Legend and Common’s performance of the song ‘Glory’ from Selma, nominated for Best Original Song. The knockout performance moved some members of the audience to tears, including Selma’s David Oyelow who was snubbed from the Best Actor category. Among others, Oyelow’s snub solidified the fact there was a lack of representation for people of colour in this year’s nominations. While Selma itself failed to gain the support of many voters, the performance and reception of ‘Glory’ helped redeem it. The end of the piece was greeted by a long standing ovation, with both performers taking the award for Best Song. In their speech they discussed the work of Martin Luther King Jr.urging everyone to continue to confront prejudice and discrimination. Likewise, Selma

should be remembered for the same message, not for its wins or losses.

Among these speeches, the issue of suicide and mental illness was also raised. At first Dana Penny in her speech for Best Short Documentary mentioned suicide should be acknowledged and discussed. Then later in the night Graham Moore won Best Adapted Screenplay for The Imitation Game and mentioned his own struggle with depression and suicide. Moore then continued to encourage younger generations to ‘stay weird’, to take confidence in themselves. Together, the two took the courage to speak about a sensitive issue to millions of viewers, an issue that can be difficult to discuss aloud.

Hopefully the acceptance speeches from these winners inspire people to help those who are suffering, and to respect them for ‘staying weird’.

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While my prediction for Best Picture, made in On Dit 83.1 was incorrect, it’s little surprise that Birdman won. The bigger surprise took shape in the award winners and speeches. To have such strong messages in the acceptance speeches allowed these Oscars to be taken more seriously. Look at what these films represent: mental illnesses, civil liberties, prejudice and equality. It was a shame that Harris’ jokes for the event weren’t strong, but ridiculously undercut a majority of the good messages.

I can only hope that other articles like this one were written, and that readers and viewers alike are sure to give these issues the attention they deserve, and to consider how the above-mentioned films as well as future films affect us as we engage in a dialogue with these topics. #stayweird

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On Dit Magazine

“No”

Or “Nobody Cares What You Do So Long As You’re not Racist” Sarah Belet

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A

zealia Amanda Banks is not often “right” about many things. The music world, and for some reason, more specifically, the white media adores painting her as a brutish, callous, rapper-shaped firework that even the most hardened PR assistant would not touch with a foot-long pole. Unfortunately for the Banks-christened Australian pop artist “Igloo Australia”, beneath the homophobic and transphobic drivel she spits whenever Perez Hilton farts in her general direction are some very insightful, intellectual and clued-in thoughts about the rampant racism that still pervades the music industry. At times, she even manages to shed light on the healthy dose of white privilege that allowed such a talentless, modern-day blackface artist to receive any sort of accolade. Believe me, I never thought the day would come when I would actually find myself defending anything Azealia Banks did other than her music.

I could write an article taking shots about how the lesser Azealia has said equally as homophobic shit over twitter, or how she clearly has no fucking right to pretend that she’s never said or done anything racist, or how she, as a white person, entered an African-American pioneered music genre and then proceeded to remix an African-American artist’s song, adding the word ‘master’ to the end of the line ‘I’m a runaway slave…’ and made a god damn whip cracking motion with her hand in the corresponding video. I could add to the number of articles discussing how, since her beginnings, she’s enjoyed privileges that have rarely (or never) been offered to her black female contemporaries. I could also do a critical analysis on Igloo’s poor technique (rap, like jazz, classical and most other genres have “rules” and conventions as well) and flagrant disregard to other cornerstone aspects of hip-hop culture, only wishing to ride on the glitz and glamour. Instead, I’m going to have to give a history lesson and go through the points that black academics, music critics and the general black community have been saying for years and decades, because apparently nobody listens to them until a white person says it.

Hip hop was developed during the 70s and is attributed to the South Bronx area of New York, which was suffering extreme bouts of poverty (of both individuals and the wider community) and urban rot.

It is worth mentioning that during this time, most white people from the area managed to relocate which is generally accepted to be due to the huge (and still apparent even today) wealth gap between white people and non-white peoples. It was here hip hop began to flourish, serving as a grassroots counterculture movement to lift a community up in a time where entire blocks of building were falling victim to arson- the sale of materials recovered from a burnt building was often worth more than the buildings themselves. One of the most, if not the most prevalent, themes in hip hop since its inception is “authenticity” — being true to oneself and “telling it how it is”, a source of empowerment in such troubled times. The more sensible amongst you should now begin to realise why black people take such issue with a white person from Australia with an Australian accent rapping “First things first, I’m the realest” in a terrible attempt at a Southern American accent. They are offended not only by how it is making a mockery of their history and their culture, but how hip hop has suddenly been thrown into the limelight again only once another white rapper joined the ranks of the “successful”. (It’s worth mentioning now that the black community has been upset with Iggy’s theatrics for years, long before she became successful with “Fancy” ­— back when “Fancy” was the same

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lyrics played over the same beat by DJ Mustard with a different title and didn’t feature the chorus by Charli XCX that actually singlehandedly made the song a commercial success).

It’s at this point that some people start to complain about how AfricanAmericans “shouldn’t be offended by this”, it’s a homage/compliment/etc and they should be happy and accepting that someone else wants to be part of their culture! They should be more concerned by [insert another ongoing atrocity perpetuated against them by white people] instead! I don’t find it offensive so it’s fine! Cultural appropriation is a concept made up by oversensitive people that use Tumblr ! To this I pre-emptively respond: do you have any idea how f*cking ridiculous you sound saying that an entire group of people shouldn’t be offended by something they’re offended by?

Sit down and just have a think about how mind-numbingly, pants-onhead, asking-engineering-student-to-not-drink-that-next-beer ludicrous that sounds.

Does this mean that non-African American people (including white people) aren’t allowed to rap?

No! Does this mean that non-African American people aren’t allowed to be part of hip hop culture? Fuck no!

M.I.A. is a Sri-Lankan Tamil rapper that lives in England and subsequently has an English accent when speaking English. The black community have never had any issue with her. She raps in her English accent, not about “the hood” but about the war-torn atmosphere she grew up in, and is one of the most successful and influential female rappers to date. Eminem is a white rapper, and the main issues the black community have had more to do with his rampant misogyny. Vanilla Ice is also white. Adelé, whilst not a rapper, is a white singer who performs mainly in the (also black-invented) Soul/R&B genres, except she is fully open and appreciative of the fact that she is directly influenced by black artists without “overstepping her boundaries” or becoming a caricature of them. Ke$ha raps in her natural accent. Ruby Ibarra is an Asian-American rapper who has received none of the ire Iggy has. Drake is another highly successful rapper who, whilst of African-American descent, is Canadian- born and raps in his Canadian accent. Shystie is an English-born rapper of West-Indian descent and raps in her English accent. Lady Sovereign is white, English, and raps in her English accent. Emmanuel Jal is from South Sudan. You get the idea. Not a single one of these rappers have received anywhere close to the nearunanimous panning the black community have aimed towards Igloo, as they follow the golden rule- be true to yourself, be real. Are black people objected to the thought of a white Australian girl moving to America and becoming a rapper? Nope, not at all, they’re objected to a white Australian girl moving to America and donning a fake accent and mannerisms in what is a flagrant disregard to their history and culture, to the point where these days a rapper can’t throw any kind of shade without the masses assuming it’s directed at Igloo. I’m talking that unpopular with her contemporaries.

I could honestly go on forever, but you’re best listening to and reading the

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explanations of many, many black people who are actually being affected firsthand by the “cultural smudging” spearheaded by the likes of Iggy I’d just like to end on two quick points though: firstly, there is no real excuse for the accent Igloo is donning. Some like to claim that “nobody wants to hear someone rapping in an Australian accent”, which is 1) unfounded and 2) hard to believe due to the fetish Americans seem to have for our accent. The reason why a lot of Australian hip hop is crap is simply because, unfortunately, most of its key participants are crap (sorry). Iggy, in all likelihood, could have become just as successful and nowhere near as hated if she kept in her lane.

Secondly, many white artists (not just The Lesser Azealia, but also including the likes of Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber) were criticised in the wake of the “Ferguson Incident” for not giving a single acknowledgement to the injustice of the non-indictment of Darren Wilson. The anger felt by the black community regarding the fact that Darren Wilson will never even be put on trial for killing an unarmed teenager still remains just as heated months later.

The thing is, when you base your entire career, lifestyle and livelihood off the culture created by a minority group, one which wakes up almost every day to news of yet another member being killed by police or “vigilantes”, and then you stay silent when once of the biggest “events” to have happened in decades regarding the still- ongoing racial discrimination against that group occurs is, at the very least, ignorant and disrespectful. Yes, they do have an ethical responsibility to be aware of such things. It just so happened that Azealia Banks’ anger directed at Iggy was definitely not the only, but the most prolific ire aimed at her in the wake of the incident. To call it a cheap shot at publicity or any other sort of personal gain is to disparage the depressive shock felt through the entire black community that day.

The African-American community is more than happy to share their culture and developments with white people and the rest of the world, much unlike how white people were not happy to share freedom, voting rights and comfortable living standards and wages with them for hundreds of years and ongoing.

What they are not happy with, however, is white America’s gravitation towards a caricature of their culture presented in a less threatening package of an attractive white woman who is, quite frankly, incapable of challenging any sort of political, racial or economic status quo.

Sarah is a maths student who likes rap and the free time she gets from not having a Tumblr blog.

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Fringe0 On Dit Magazine

Arj Barker: Get In My Head Ben Newell It is generally a good idea never to get inside anyone’s head but Arj Barker’s ‘Get In My Head’ stand up comedy act invites the audience to do so. Barker is an acclaimed US comedian who is a regular on the Australian comedy circuit and has a media profile ranging from Network Ten’s ‘The Project’ and US late night show ‘The Late Show with David Letterman’. Barker is no stranger to Adelaide and has attended the Fringe Festival for many years as a big name act. Like any successful comedian, Barker’s comedic strength is all in his timing and delivery. Barker’s clever observational humour solicited the most laughs from the audience when he kicked off the show with amusing observations about Adelaide and its progress and the ‘huge spaceship on North Terrace’ (the South Australian Health and Medical Research Institute).

As one who has attended Barker in previous years, he did reuse some of his old material which was entertaining to newcomers but not so funny the second time around for people who have heard it all before. Unlike most comedians, Barker did acknowledge he was reusing some old material, and reasoned to the audience that if it is hard hearing it twice, feel some sympathy for the performer who hears it countless nights in a row.

Mispronunciations of Australian place names such as ‘Vic-toe-ria’ for ‘Victoria’ and ‘Pall-teeney Street’ for ‘Pulteney Street’ were classics from previous shows along with the mockery of the Motor Accident Commission’s ‘DrinkWalkers’ campaign which made a return this year.

Barker’s routine was let down by some new jokes which fell flat with the audience and he also took the

undignified step of resorting to jokes which crossed the line of taste and decency. Many comedians today find it difficult to bring the house down without resorting to profanity and unfortunately Barker was no exception. Even when the crowd failed to react well, Barker persisted with the crude jokes until all the remaining humour had been drained out of his act.

A classic line which Barker uses to conclude his performance is instructing the audience that if they loved the show they ought to inform all their friends as word of mouth is what he lives and dies from and alternatively if they didn’t enjoy the show, why should they be the only one who got burnt?.

Arj Barker: Get In My Head is now showing at the Arts Theatre until 14 March.

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Antillia Lur Alghurabi ‘Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got no problem with them living here, I’m not a xenophobe, I’m scared.’

The fear of the ‘other’ takes its most extreme forms in Antillia, the dystopian city where the rich fence their homes to protect themselves from an unknown enemy. When an intruder finds his way in, the apparent peace that Antillians enjoy is shaken, and their secrets are revealed.

Written by Liam Ormsby and directed by Toby Rice, the play demonstrates the consequences of the crippling fear of outsiders.

Ormsby has a clever play on stereotypes in this work: the proud Antillian Geoff (Kieran McNamara) is a beer-drinking, barefoot-walking blonde lawyer; the intruder (Adam Cirillo) is a skinny, dark-skinned computer engineering genius. However, the one most hostile towards the intruder isn’t Geoff, but Anton (Vince Fusco), the son of two Portuguese immigrants himself. The actors’ outstanding performances highlight the depth of their characters as they are torn by hatred and prejudice towards not only their uninvited guest, but also one another.

Keeping up with the plot of ‘Antillia’ may be a daunting task; nevertheless, the play is successful in raising questions about the future of countries that are under policies of fear and rejection of outsiders. After recent attacks in Paris, Sydney and Chapel Hill, this particular play offers a new perspective on what may cause or prevent such crimes. Rice’s direction skilfully delivers a message that the greatest threat facing a closed up society is not from the outside, but from the ignorance and cruelty of its own people.

Helen Duff, Vanity Bites Back Max Cooper Vanity Bites Back began with cookery show host Jill introducing herself to the audience and offering us all biscuits. Even before she told us she was shooting her pilot (the latest in a series of less-thansuccessful ventures), she was clearly trying to rein in her nerves.

This neurotic, borderline-manic behaviour got the show off on a good foot, but it was the unique approach Jill brought to cooking that really got the audience hooked.

It’s not uncommon to see a TV chef anthropomorphising food, even talking to it, but Jill’s frantic conversations with biscuits were a bit outside the norm. They were

the point at which it became absolutely clear that Vanity Bites Back was much more than a simple cooking show parody, becoming a simultaneously hilarious and confronting portrait of a woman so tightly wound anything might make her snap.

Now, for the spoiler averse, I’ll say stop reading here if you’re planning to go see the show (and you should). As the show goes on and Jill proceeds from raising her voice at biscuits to smashing them with a frying pan and strangling butter, it becomes clear that Jill has an eating disorder. It’s a dangerous move to address issues of mental health so

directly in theatre, especially in a comic show. Even setting aside the risk of people thinking you’ve shown too little care for the topic, it can seem forced and cliched.

It’s a credit, then, to Helen Duff that no matter how outlandish Jill’s behaviour got the audience was able to connect to her on a human level.

As Helen’s host facade dropped and the show started to edge closer to the bone there was a real risk that the show would fall from the tightrope it walked between drama and comedy, but it managed that delicate balance outstandingly.

Vanity Bites Back continues at The Coffee Pot until February 24 and plays Producers Nook from February 28 – March 15

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Re vi ews On Dit Magazine

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Music Review: Aphex Twin Andrew Lang Computer Controlled Acoustic Instruments pt2 EP – Aphex Twin British electronic composer Richard D. James, best known as Aphex Twin, is an often enigmatic individual. Last year’s Syro was the first full release under the Aphex Twin title in 13 years, and proved to be an odd and interesting blend of jungle, glitch and acid music.

Spurred on by the success of this record (as well as the eBay sale of a rare 1994 release for $46,300), James appears to now be releasing an abundance of new material.

One such release is this EP, a record that defies expectation and is almost incomparable to anything James has released previously.

James has mentioned in interviews that he has experimented with the concept of acoustic instruments controlled through technology.

Indeed, we’ve seen the fruits of his labour a couple of times in the past; see YouTube for a surreal live performance of his piano solo “Aisatsana” by an autonomous grand piano swung on a giant pendulum from the ceiling, creating a Doppler effect for the audience. Inspired by these sorts of experimentations that make him so influential in modern composition, James has taken such ideas to their extremes. As the EP’s title suggests, all of the instruments are acoustic but controlled by technological means.

On this record we have pianos (prepared and otherwise), drums, and other percussive instruments in various combinations. The results are intriguing to say the least — arpeggiated pianos performing at impossible speeds, drums playing simple but interesting solos, and prepared pianos reminiscent of the

works of John Cage are all present here in various forms. At times the songs are incredibly beautiful – “piano un10 it happened”, a piano solo using a traditional pop harmonic structure but with an almost etude-like quality, is a particular standout. Other tracks, such as “diskhat1”, are more about the sounds of the instruments and how they interact, rather than the specific notes that are being played.

But the real question is whether the EP is actually an enjoyable listen. And here is where the crux of the matter lies. While there are moments of beautiful clarity and of charming harmony, most of the songs range from unforgivably dull to downright unlistenable. The tracks instead feel more like ideas that James has stored away for some future reference — ideas that, with some work, could become songs in their own right.

Additionally, despite the record having 13 tracks, many of the songs last little more than a minute. This gives the songs no room to breathe or develop, and ultimately the album feels lazy and incomplete. The pinnacle of this apathy comes in the form of “snar2”, a song that lasts a mere 19 seconds and contains only a rolling snare that starts fast, then slows down for a little bit, and then speeds back up. That’s it.

No special trickery, no additional instruments, nothing particularly interesting harmonically or rhythmically – just a snare roll at various speeds. It’s songs like this that make the listener question why this was thought to be a good idea for public release.

For this effort, it seems that James is resting on the laurels of having an album with an interesting

concept, and subsequently forgot to make the songs have any virtues in their own regard. It’s therefore difficult to recommend this album – it certainly has merit as an exploration of the ever-broadening use of technology as a role in modern composition, as well as a testament to the broad range of James’ sonic palette, but beyond this the album has little appeal for the casual listener. For Aphex Twin completionists there’s probably something to be appreciated here, but for us mere mortals there’s little to endorse.

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On Dit Magazine

Film review: Kingsman: The Secret Service Lauren Copland Gratuitous violence. Grotesque characters. Glorious soundtrack. Gadgetry. Gentleman.

bad boy exterior is someone who is fiercely loyal and willing to take a beating rather than betray a promise.

These seemingly discordant aspects merge together in Kingsman: the secret service and, defying all laws of nature, somehow work. It’s a parody, satirising action films, specifically old school James Bond, taking things to absurdly hilarious levels whilst also paying homage to the much loved spy thriller format. It features enough suit porn to last a lifetime, cleverly disguised weapons galore, an obligatory female ass shot as well as a powerhouse of British stars including Colin Firth, Mark Strong, Mark Hamill and Michael Caine.

After a bonkers police chase, Eggsy needs to call in a long held favour with Kingsman, Harry Hart (Colin Firth). What ensues are death-defying challenges in Kingsman training, facing off against rich private school wankers and a billionaire environmentalist villain (Samuel L. Jackson) with no stomach for violence, poised to destroy the world’s population with his metal-legged accomplice Gazelle.

Based on a comic book series, Kingsman, directed

by Matthew Vaughn of Kick Ass and X-Men: First Class, revolves around cocky kid Gary ‘Eggsy’ Unwin.

Residing from the rough housing estates of England, he has a penchant for trouble whether it be with local thugs or the cops; however, hidden beneath his

This film takes concepts and clichés that are expected and twists them into something original and wholly unexpected. It’s surprisingly yet ridiculously enjoyable.

You’ll be met with plenty of expletives, black comedy, gory violence and an exploration of class and just what exactly it means to be a gentleman.

Quizzical Q1) What is the most recent colour for humans to learn to see?

Q3) Nickleback

A) __________

Q4) Nickleback

Q2) The name of what colour comes from the processing of wheat?

Q5) Nickleback

A) __________

Q2) Nickleback

A) __________ Q5) What colour was the dress that recently took the internet by storm?

A) __________

Quiz Recap

Q4) What is Monica Lewinski famous for wearing?

The answers to the last quiz are as follows

A) __________

Q1) Nickleback

Q3) What did Lupita Nyong wear to the Oscars??

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Emma’s Dilemmas Emma Hey Emma, So what’s the deal with 50 Shades of Grey, huh? I read the book, I dug it. Didn’t love the title though. In my opinion it should be called-

consistently made bad choices about who to go sleep with.

These days, with what I have learnt at Hot Yoga™, I not only feel spiritually united and ionically cleansed, but am also able to achieve instantaneous orgasm.

Oh please God no we do not want to hear your stand up routine like I know where this is going there will be some atrocious 50 Shades of Grey pun and I am going to be obliged to respond in a way that simultaneously doesn’t injure your feelings and discourages you from considering comedy as a viable alternative to actual reality and it will be like that awful time at a family wedding where my drunk brother forced everyone at the table to listen to his ‘original’ ideas for superhero movies and everyone was trying really hard to look appreciative and maintain smiles on their faces, while taking progressively larger gulps of Chardonnay so that they could survive the ordeal.

This is like that.

Yes I know Felice, $79.99 might seem like a lot of money to spend. Honey. I know. But here is a hard truth: if you ever want to be valid as a human being Felice, you are going to have to commit yourself to something. For example monthly-installment payments.

Maybe instead of sending your tired little jokes into my column, you should have them printed onto flyers advertising your Fringe show that no one will see. Maybe after that crushing defeat you will learn true humility and realise that actually, you’re the only one at your workplace who considers you to be the ‘Office Joker’. It’s not you. It’s never been you.

Hi Emma, I’ve just started an arts degree with English Literature as my major and I am a little confused… what is a phallic symbol?

-Sharnee, 18 Hi Sharnee, Please refer to the cover of On Dit’s previous edition.

You’re welcome.

Hi Emma, I think I have a drinking problem. Yesterday morning I woke up in a puddle of my own vomit missing both of my shoes, feeling like I’d done some awful things.

Please help.

-Felice, 22 Felice all I can really do is recommend Hot Yoga™ to you. It has fully and completely changed my life. Before I started an intensive course of Hot Yoga™ for $79.99 a month I was a wreck. I hated myself and my body, and I

Just pay $79.99 a month for Hot Yoga™ and we will throw in a free yoga mat for free seriously this is not a scam seriously I am not being told I now have to weave advertising into original content now so that we can subtly earn revenue seriously this is all totally fine seriously Felice Hot Yoga™ is seriously a good idea, seriously get on it babe!

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Film Crossword Films screened by Adelaide University’s Film Society during 2014 Crossword by Masya Zabidi

ACROSS 2 Melody Valentine battles sharks. (1 wd) 5 Remakes sees Scarlett Johansson playing an Asian. (4 wds) 6 Andie MacDowell. Ad nauseum. (2 wds) 9 American patriotism never looked so handsome. (2 wds) 10 Bill Murrary and Chevy Chase don’t hate each other in this film.

(1 wd) 11 “Toga! Toga!” (2 wds) 13 Reverend says no dancing in Bomont. (1 wd) 15 Lacuna Inc. (6 wds) 17 Fourth of the five films that feature John, George, Paul and Ringo. (2 wds) 18 Initially titled, “The Snow Queen”. (1 wd) 19 Features pet chimpanzee funeral scene. (2 wds) 20 Arnold Rothstein as a professor of physics facing an existential crisis. (3 wds)

DOWN 1 You can’t fight in the war room. (2 wds) 3 Professor Snape terrorises Korben Dallas in New York. (2 wds) 4 Camerman invented zoom out and track in shot (trombone shot) in this Hitchockian classic. (1 wd) 7 Spaced, The Office, and Black Books reunion. (4 wds) 8 Superheroes with rubber nipples and enlarged codpieces. (3 wds) 12 Queen’s first film soundtrack credit. (2 wds) 14 Harrison Ford wants terrorists off his plane. (3 wds) 16 Cancelling the apocalypse. (2 wds)

The Adelaide University Film Society screen films 7pm every Thursday night at the Union Cinema on Level 7, Union House

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SED QUIS CUSTODIET IPSOS CUSTODES?

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