LENS - Emotions with Transition

A Different Lens

Mental Health Monthly

By RanDee McLain, LCSW

Rollercoaster of emotions with military transition

In the US we have military service members moving and PCS’ing every day. I have been the service member that deployed and left my family behind. I have also been the one left behind. I will always say for me personally it was harder as a spouse. In the service there was a lot of unknows, but I knew what the mission was and what was expected of me. As the spouse left behind, we have to maintain the home, children, work, school and all other daily life activities in addition to the stress of having a loved one away and potential in dangerous situations. Both roles can be challenging, and it is important that we take care of ourselves and understand that it is normal to feel a wide range of emotions during this time.

In true transparency this is something I am struggling with myself. Even as someone who has worked in the military and veteran community for most of my adult life it never gets easier. My other/better half is about to leave for overseas unaccompanied orders. I know all the things people say to do during this time. I have a indepth understanding of the deployment cycle and the emotions that come with it. I have been here before……but what is that saying, do as I say not as I do? It is much easier to coach other families to take care of themselves and normalize the emotions than it is to face them myself. There are a lot of great resources that I will list below that can give you tools to help during this time.

I would like to share what I have learned from both sides and what steps I am taking now to assist in my own transition.

The stress and anxiety can come as early as when you first get orders. I know for us there was so many unknowns- and still is. There was how long, accompanied/unaccompanied…ohhh wait another country?

I have my career and life here …do I go? Do I stay and continue the career path I am currently on? Unlike a deployment, there is no guarantee we will end up here after this move. Again, there are so many unknows that is when the stress and anxiety start to creep in.

Many military couples start to see their service member seem somewhat detached or removed before a big deployment or move. Their focus can shift to what’s next and preparing for that. This is really a time to communicate and share how you are feeling and how it is impacting you.

A few take aways I have for any type of extended military separation.

Communicate Be Intentional

Communicate: Communicate with your partner on a regular basis (as able). Sometimes, that is not reality and you are unable to talk for periods of time but do your best to talk, email, text, video chat….whatever means works for you and your family.

Be intentional. I personally do not like talking on the phone. I do it all day for work and it is not my preferred form of communication after hours. I must be very intentional in carving out time and making it a priority to talk/ be on the phone during this time to support healthy communication.

Realize you can only control so much and be flexible to changes that may come. As they say…..Semper Gumby.

Lastly, as I mention so often. Take care of yourself. Be intentional in self-care and reach out to supports as needed.

Military One Source is a great resource to keep handy if you are needing additional resources during this time. www.HomelandMagazine.com

Transitioning out of the Military into the Civilian Workforce?

Finding a job in the civilian world may seem easy at first. After all, you have learned skills, practiced leadership and demonstrated initiative that will make you successful wherever you go.

The reality, though, is that it can be difficult. In fact, it can be downright depressing, demotivating and you may feel totally disillusioned.

Veterans In Transition is dedicated to you and to helping you succeed in your transition.

For editorial & monthly columns regarding transitioning to business, career advice, tips, workshops, transition to education, entrepreneurship, straight-forward legal tips for Military and Veteran Business Owners and more visit Veterans In Transition at www.tinyurl.com/Veterans-In-Transition