Real Talk: Mental Health By Leslie McCaddon,
Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at VVSD www.vvsd.net/cohenclinicsandiego
September is Suicide Prevention Month: YOU Matter In the weeks and months after my husband died by suicide, I was often asked “What was he thinking? Why?” For a while, I believed this was a question that required an answer. How could a man who had a successful military career behind him and a bright medical career ahead of him want to die? How could the man who had been my best friend for 20 years want to permanently leave me? How could he hurt our children --the children he adored -- like this? The truth is, I will never know exactly what was going through my husband’s thoughts when he made the decision that ended his life. Even if I did, I wouldn’t understand it. If I understood the thought process that took my husband away from the children and career he loved so fiercely, I’d have to be experiencing the same level of crisis in my brain as he had in that tragic moment-and that is a dangerous place for anyone to be. I’m thankful I don’t have that understanding. In fact, I have done, and continue to do, many things to prevent myself from experiencing that kind of mental health crisis. So often when we discuss suicide prevention, we talk about how we can stop someone else from taking their own life. And we can absolutely make an effort to be there for each other, watch for signs of suicide, and accompany our loved ones on their journey to seek help. The underlying causes that lead to suicide are treatable. We must make sure that everyone we love knows this and encourage them to seek out support. Yet, while there are many good actions, we can take to guide someone towards effective treatment, it is imperative that we are mentally healthy ourselves. 28
WWW.HomelandMagazine.com / September 2021
Just as we must put the oxygen mask on ourselves first in the event of a loss of air pressure on a flight, we must first take care of our own mental health to be the best supporters of our loved ones who may experience their own mental health challenges and even crises. To mentally train for your part in helping to prevent suicide you can: • Build your mental health skill set. Whether through therapy, coaching, reading books, taking online courses, or some other means of self-development, make sure you have a toolbox full of coping, communication, and self-care skills. • Seek out community. Talk with your friends. Don’t try to manage deployment, PCSing, raising a family, and navigating a military marriage alone. • Seek joy! Find healthy things to do in your life that create fun and joy for yourself. Think of joy like a protective armor that has the added effect of being contagious to the world around you. • Get a therapist. A good therapist is one you personally connect with. Mental health is like physical health, we have to keep working at it for our entire lives. If the stressors are piling up and your skill set isn’t helping enough, it is time to get help from an expert.
