What’s Next: Stay or Go

Transition to Civilian Life

By Eve Nasby & Kristin Hennessy

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

The Clash was singing about an indecisive woman. We’re singing (ok, writing) about the decision to stay or leave a civilian job you don’t love.

Meet Brad Garner. He transitioned out 10 years ago. He’s on his 4th different job in the civilian world. He has no shame in this.

He is a legend in the Southern California arena for helping veterans, is a sought-out panelist and speaker on transition and he has great life lessons on “what not to do.” He is a Talent Acquisition professional and has worked for the best Defense, Health Care, Non Profit and Internet Retail companies in the world. It took him 3 previous tries in different jobs to get there.

Often veterans take a job they don’t love when they leave the military. They don’t leave the job for fear of feeling like a failure. Civilian employment isn’t the military. You don’t need to stay in your job until someone else tells you to leave.

Brad Garner is no stranger to transition. On the eve of his 50th birthday, he provided us with insightful tips to help you make the best decisions.

When do you know it’s time to leave your civilian job?

“As soon as you know, truly know, things are not going to change and long term employment in the situation will impact your mental or physical health, you need to take the needed steps to find another job.“

What are the reasons to leave?

“Anytime the role is not aligned with your morals and values or if it negatively impacts your mental health, it’s time to go. For example: If you are in a role where character assassination attempts are plentiful to the point where imposter syndrome is creating hurdles in your everyday life, its time to make a change. It should go without saying that any mentally or verbally abusive environment calls for your immediate reaction and egress from the situation.”

When should you stay?

“Stay when the good outweighs the bad. If the challenge is just tied to poor leadership, but everything else is ok, I feel we can gut it out to build success.

Business cycles or the typical ups and downs may rock your boat temporarily and may not be a good reason to leave. Businesses cycle every few years, and with any cycle, it will shift back to normal workloads shortly. If your department is temporarily short-staffed, your workload may increase. This burden will change with additional headcount…unless your company is running off employees.”

How do you process making a move out of your current role and ensure that it’s not based on emotion?

“Write down what you don’t agree with or what you believe is compromising your values. Then look for WHY this is. Is what’s bugging you a simple business cycle and short-term crisis, or is it rooted in toxicity and part of the overarching culture you find yourself in?

Then, talk it out. If you start to question yourself, reach out to your network and get feedback. This helps keep you grounded in logic rather than emotions.”

How do I know I’m not making an emotional decision?

“Talk it over with those you trust and be open to hearing different perspectives. Hold a conversation with your leadership about what you are encountering and ask a lot of questions.

Take the time to be sure and measure the good vs. bad. What can and can’t be fixed? Use a pro/con list and take a moment to ensure that you are not creating another problem by leaving one bad situation for another.

If you’ve been with the company for under a year, make sure you’ve dug deep to examine all potential areas for improving the situation.

This will help you make sure you’re not making a hasty “I Quit” decision that can’t be reversed.”

What personal experience and advice can you share about a similar situation?

“I made a big mistake in my journey. I became enamored with the mission of a company and neglected talking about the opportunity with my network. After accepting the new role things quickly started to unwind. I went to my mentors and network and what they told me shocked me. 100% of those who I trust, and value told me that they knew this would happen and that they knew the culture at this company was not aligned with my core values.

If I would have just used the simple process of communicating with my network of those I trust, the entire situation would have been avoided. I left the role, but the experience left me unsure of myself. The past success I had created didn’t matter, as this short time with the new employer strangely gutted my confidence and shook my very foundation.“

Lesson learned: Talk to others and seek to know what happens behind the curtains before accepting an offer, regardless of your emotional excitement. Favorite interview question: “Give me an example of when you failed at something.”

When the person answers, I don’t want to hear “If I had Jim only.” I want to hear “I failed and moved on.” Gruny

So now you know if you should stay or if you should go!

Brad continues to offer his selfless service to those in transition both in, teaching Onward to Opportunity classes and doing one-on-one mentoring.