The dreaded ques T ion

A wrong answer can bring a strong man to his knees

I’ve been married long enough to know that when my wife asks certain questions, I can’t answer her honestly.

I want to be truthful, of course, but there are times in every relationship when an incomplete answer is much better — much safer — than the truth.

You probably know what I’m talking about when I tell you that there is simply no correct answer for this question: “Does this outfit make me look fat?” There’s even a TV commercial on the subject. And while on TV it’s a make-believe situation between two actors, in truth, the question is straight out of one of those reality TV shows.

Though it seems logical that the get-outof-jail-free answer would be: “No, that outfit doesn’t make you look fat,” there’s more to this risky gambit than meets the eye.

The path of least resistance obviously is the one that generates the fewest followup questions, but if I deliver even a correct answer too quickly, I’m likely to hear: “You didn’t even look to see what I’m wearing!”

And if I deliver the correct answer with too much deliberation, I’ll hear: “Why did you take so long to decide? It DOES make me look fat, doesn’t it?” followed by a considerable amount of mirror-gazing and consternation.

Either way, the discussion continues, and as it does, the situation grows more and more perilous.

I can offer up the tried-and-true “Everything you wear makes you look beautiful,” but I’ve learned that’s a hard line to deliver sincerely under pressure, particularly if the dress or top or pants or shoes or jewelry or makeup in question don’t immedi- ately conjure the word “beautiful.”

Or I can try the “turn around and let me take another look” approach, which makes me appear focused on the issue at hand while also generating precious additional seconds to consider my options.

The goal, I’ve found, is to maneuver things to the ultimate sweet spot comment from her: “You know, I’m only wearing this because I want to look good for you.”

At that point, the smart money says to grab her lovingly, hold her close and whisper sweet things into her ear. If done properly and convincingly, the situation will be disarmed, and it will be safe to return to watching sports on television.

But deliver it with even the slightest waver of authenticity, or be caught glancing at the game score while giving a consoling neck rub, and I’m likely back on the path to another series of questions, beginning with the more direct: “You haven’t been listening to anything I’ve been saying, have you?”

Which, if I actually have been listening, leads to an attempt to circle back around to how great the shoes or top or pants or jewelry or whatever looks on her.

And if the blank look in my eyes proves I actually haven’t been listening (and I am only supposing here because this scenario has never happened to me), and if I don’t answer quickly enough or with enough conviction about how lovely she and her accessories really are, all of this leads to the only thing more dreaded than the question.

That would be “The Look,” which will be accompanied by another series of questions between which there is no time provided to answer because, it would appear, I’ve already said and done enough.

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ZANG TRIANGLE

Zang triangle: Preservation or discount beer and wine store?

When a 1929 Humble Service Station at Zang and Beckley was about to be bulldozed, Michael Amonett — a third-generation Oak Cliff resident, past president of the Old Oak Cliff Conservation League and dedicated preservationist — took to oakcliff.advocatemag.com to give all kinds of reasons why the building should be left standing.

one of only two in the state of is ridden with asbestos and must come down. Asbestos became prominent in construction in the ’60s through the ’80s; it was not used in construction in the 1920s. and Jonathon’s have created yet another popular space to allow others to see a different view of Oak Cliff and all the things we are proud of. Why then would we want to infect one of these successful nodes with a cheap beerand-wine store? the Lee Harvey Oswald rooming house. In 2013, we will commemorate the businesses in 1920s structures across Beckley, or the Payless Beer and Wine store? because most other areas of town no longer have any. We should hold out for real economic development, whether it comes in the form of new quality construction or the historic repurposing we are known for.

At press time, the fate of the Humble service station was still uncertain. oakcliff.advocatemag.com and search Humble