How to Spend Our Limited Time? A Mom’s Conundrum

BY LURA ROTI

There’s a Bible story that often haunts me. It’s the one where Jesus visits sisters Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-42).

As I remember the story, when Jesus arrives at their home, Mary stops what she is doing and sits and visits, while Martha keeps cleaning and working on food preparations. At a certain point, Martha gets a bit upset that she’s doing all the work while Mary continues to sit and visit. And, as I interpret the story, Jesus responds to her annoyance by telling Martha that her sister Mary’s actions are actually the correct actions, because she is spending her time with him instead of cooking and cleaning.

Time is a precious commodity. And for most moms, a limited resource. All too often, like the sisters in this story, moms have to choose between time with kiddos and work (because there’s always more to do) and household tasks.

The reason this story haunts me, is far too often, I choose Martha’s path. The reason? It’s tough for me to relax when there are outstanding things to be done. In order for me to relax and enjoy time with our 10-year-old daughter, Parker, I feel like work needs to be wrapped up and the household in order.

Of course, if I go with my gut, and mop the kitchen floor or answer just a few more e-mails, soon the window of opportunity is closed, and Parker is happily entertaining herself and doesn’t really want to hang out with me anymore. So, there I am, with a clean house or empty in-box and a huge load of Mom Guilt!

What’s a mom to do? Well, recently I began trying a new technique. On the weekends or when my workday is done, if Parker asks me to do something with her, unless supper is at risk of burning, I immediately do it. And when it comes to household and yard tasks, if I make the task somewhat enjoyable, I don’t need to choose between Parker or accomplishing the task, I can simply and ask Parker to join me.

Growing up, that’s what my mom did. If she was working in the house or yard, we were too. And this is probably how I learned how to do things like gardening … and house cleaning for that matter. How else are kids supposed to learn? YouTube? How many YouTube videos are there out there on how to dust? A lot, actually! Fold laundry? Loads (excuse the mom joke!)

Over Easter weekend, I put this new realization into practice and advocated for Parker to help me mulch our flower beds. She was all for it because I gave her a ride in the wheelbarrow as we made trips to and from the mulch pile. I’m so happy that at 10 she still thinks a wheelbarrow ride is fun. I know soon enough she will think it’s too silly.

She happily helped me apply mulch between plants, and Parker even wanted to take a turn maneuvering the wheelbarrow. It made this ranch girl so happy! Growing up West River on a small ranch, there are quite a few skills I learned out of necessity that I worry Parker will grow up without. Getting chores done before and after school for one thing. Frankly, in our household of three, we don’t need her to do anything. But during the summer months she needs to have things to do so she values her free time. So, this summer, before having friends over or going to the pool, my plan is that she will need to complete a short list of daily chores.

I think the reason I put assigning chores off so long, is as a parent, giving a kid a chore list, is a chore. Parker is quite good at not doing chores and not letting me know she didn’t do them. So, at the end of a workday, when I just want to unwind, instead I need to make time to check to ensure the chores were done. If they are not done? Well, then I need to be ready for an argument. And who wants an argument at the end of a long workday? Not me.

How to make chore follow-up fun? I’m sure there’s a YouTube video on that…I’ll just have to make time to watch one.