Without a Corkscrew

BY RICCARDO TARABELSI

Iknow what you’re thinking: “No way. There’s no possible way of doing it. He’s just using this title to get me to read a cute story about some wine I’ve never heard of.” Now, some of you may be thinking outside the box: “OK, I got it! No corkscrew, no problem. All you need is needle-nose pliers, a monkey wrench, a compass, a spool of thread, some baking soda, and a stick of gum.” Creative, yes, but aside from any MacGyver-like contraptions, the only “tool” you need can be found in any household bathroom… But first, you have to read my cute story.

I was 22-years-old, young and in love. I was heading to my girlfriend’s one bedroom studio apartment in Somerville (pronounced with a Boston accent, SUH-MUH-VILLE) just 10 minutes outside of Boston. She had just graduated from nursing school, and I wanted to celebrate her achievement with one of the finest bottles of Italian wine: Ruffino Chianti Classico Riserva Ducale. As I was driving through Arlington (AH-LINGTON) I had visions of my girlfriend’s face as the delicate wine poured into her glass, me looking into her eyes, raising our glasses in a toast to her achievement. She was making dinner for us, and I was eager to impress her with this remarkable bottle of wine.

Since I am from Florence, I was especially looking forward to introducing her to a distinguished representative of Tuscan wines. Traditionally, Chianti producers are more concerned with quantity rather than quality. I’m sure most of you remember drinking Chianti from a straw-covered fiasco that Italy became famous for, and that still haunts the Italian wine industry today. The wine from those flasks was typically light, flat, and so bitter that it would make your mouth pucker. In an effort to increase quality and to make the world recognize the depth of the Chianti and Chianti Classico zones in the heart of Tuscany, these regions were upgraded to D.O.C.G status in 1984. This Italian wine regulation system allows only certain geographical areas of Italy to have the designation of being “controlled and guaranteed” by the government. Chianti now follows those rules by submitting samples annually and must abide by criteria that limit wine makers to things like which grapes can be used, where the grapes can be grown, and how long it can be aged. Ruffino, a pioneer in the hills of Chianti, got its start in 1887.

As I was turning off of a rotary in Meford (MED-FED), I went over the finer points of the wine in my mind so I could really impress her. Ruffino Chianti Ducale was first produced in 1927. Made from blending 90% Sangiovese, 10% Colorino, Cabernet Sauvignon, and Merlot, this wine undergoes malolactic fermentation (a process that is used to reduce the acidity in red wines,) and is then aged in oak casks for approximately 24 months. The wine is a pretty ruby red in color and has red fruit aromas with a hint of spice. Upon taste, this Chianti Classico is fullbodied and velvety with some nice mature fruit tones. Pairing is a cinch: Tuscan salami or prosciutto is its soul mate, but any pasta with a rich red sauce is also ideal. Knowing that my girlfriend was a making a spaghetti dish with a fresh tomato sauce, I knew this wine would make our special evening exquisite.

I arrived promptly, with bottle in hand, and rang the doorbell. She answered with a smile, and we both went upstairs to her scenic third floor studio. Inhaling the sweet aroma of fresh tomatoes and seeing her kitchen table decorated with folded cloth napkins, crystal wine glasses, and candles, I was certain this was going to be the perfect evening with perfect food and the perfect wine. Then it dawned on me… what good was my wine going to do if I couldn’t get it open? I had forgotten the most invaluable tool to a wine lover: the corkscrew! I knew that she didn’t have one in her apartment because she wasn’t much of a wine drinker, and she was on a nursing school budget (“Let’s see, should I buy a stethoscope or a corkscrew?”) So, there I was, trying to impress a beautiful girl with a bottle of beautiful wine, and I had screwed up the evening beautifully.

“Beautiful,” I thought to myself in a sarcastic tone. “Now what am I going to do?” If there’s one thing I’m not, it’s a quitter. I knew there had to be a way of getting the bottle open without having to act in desperation and break the bottle. I prefer my wine without shards of glass. Then a thought struck me: if there’s one person who would know if it was even possible to open a bottle of wine without a corkscrew, it would be my dad. My dad grew up in Aleppo, Syria, a place where resources were limited, and so he often had to fend for himself and rely on his creativity. I had to get a hold of him, so I excused myself by telling my girlfriend that I had to get my corkscrew out of my car. She said, “Hurry, I can’t wait to taste this wine with our dinner.” I responded nervously, “Neither can I.” As I shut her door behind me I whispered to myself, “If I can only get this bottle open.” Descending the stairs, I hit the speed-dial button and called my dad on my cell phone. I quickly explained the situation, and he calmly answered, “Get a towel.” I said, “What?” He repeated, “Get a towel… and make sure you find a wall with a stud.”

When I got back upstairs to the apartment, I explained to my girlfriend that I had forgotten my corkscrew. Disappointed, she picked up the bottle and stared blankly at the detailed label. Then I heroically said, “But I think I can get it open.” She looked at me incredulously. I grabbed a towel out of her bathroom, folded it in half, then half again, and again until it was nice and thick. I cut the foil off of the top of the bottle with a knife, and then I located a sturdy wall. Facing the wall, I planted my feet, held the folded towel against the wall with my left hand, and held the body of the bottle with my right hand. Then, I did just as my dad had instructed; I lifted the bottle so that the bottom of the bottle was aiming towards the towel on the wall. And then I did the unthinkable: I closed my eyes and swung, striking the base of the bottle against the fluffy towel. I opened my eyes to see that the bottle was still intact and that my girlfriend’s jaw had dropped in amazement. I looked at the cork, and it was still snuggled tight in the bottle. So, I lifted the bottle and repeated the firm blows. After about 8 or 9 times, the unimaginable happened: the cork was actually sliding out! It works!

I forget how many times I had to whack that bottle, but eventually enough of the cork slid out so that I could grab it with my fingers and twist the cork out. “Unbelievable,” I thought. I didn’t believe it either as it was happening, but it is a true story. So, if you’re ever caught without a corkscrew (and are conveniently locked in your bathroom with a bottle of wine) you now have the knowledge to impress friends at a party or just try it to see if it really works. By the way, my girlfriend in this cute story has now been married to me for almost 26 years. I guess that bottle trick won her over.

Riccardo and Marybeth are the owners of R Wine Bar & Kitchen, Brix Wine Bar, Maribella Ristorante, and Vespa Catering, all in Downtown Sioux Falls. They love entertaining guests at their restaurants along with their talented team. They will spend Easter with their three sons Dante, Berent (fiancée Molli,) and Jaxon. Contact Riccardo at riccardo@rwinebar.com.