4 minute read
No Laughing Matter
No Laughing Matter By GEORGE WILLIS These comedians take the game of golf seriously
Playing golf isn’t all fun and games for comedians when they compete in the American Century Championship at Lake Tahoe. At least that’s the way
they make it sound. Though they spend most of their time making people laugh, the competition between these funnymen of the fairways can get cutthroat as they grip and rip each other heading into golf’s preeminent celebrity tournament.
“I’m not gonna beat many of the athletes, so I set my sights on the comedians,” said Ray Romano, who will be competing in his 19th American Century Championship. “Usually, Rob Riggle, Larry the Cable Guy and Kevin Nealon. If Rob Riggle beats me, I’m annoyed. If Larry the Cable guy beats me, I’m furious. If Kevin Nealon beats me, I buy a tennis racket.”
Romano, Larry the Cable Guy and Riggle will be joined by fellow comedians Colin Jost, Anthony Anderson, John O’Hurley and Brian Baumgartner at the 54-hole tournament. They’ll be among the 80plus players competing at the Edgewood Tahoe Golf Course in the 33rd edition of the annual event that features entertainers, media personalities, business leaders and athletes past and present. Using the modified Stableford format where points are awarded by score per hole, the field will compete for $600,000 in prize money. The charity fundraising total over the years now exceeds $6 million.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if the comedians are joking around even though they always are. “It’s very important because I quit taking a ton of gigs to work on my game so if I lose, it’s costing me $17 million dollars to still suck,” Larry the Cable Guy said. “However, as of right now I know I can beat Ray and O’Hurley. I’ve seen them play. Riggle’s lowest score is a 59, but that was in algebra so I know I can beat him. Baumgartner’s putter doubles as a flask, so he’ll be toast after 9.”
Romano hasn’t missed an event since 2005, but respect from his peers is hard to come by. “Ray Romano is my target each year at Tahoe,” O’Hurley said. “If I can edge him out by a point or two then I feel I have upheld the Seinfeld/Everybody Loves Raymond rivalry and I can fly home with my head high.”
Expect plenty of mind games as the gentlemen’s sport gets tested. “I have to somehow keep Ray from using his 3-wood off the tee,” added O’Hurley, who has played in 20 events dating back to 1990. “Ray hits that club 285 yards, splitting the fairway in half. But if I can coerce him to swing like a banshee with his driver, I know with certainty he will hit a flaming whoopsie into the Tahoe pines. I’ll say, ‘Ray, you grip that driver like you are milking a bull moose.’ Then I just let the magic happen.”
Riggle, who has played in seven American Century Championships, doesn’t play favorites. He wants to beat ALL the other comedians. It’s a matter of principle. “Whether I’m the greatest golfer in the tournament is up to the historians to decide,” he said. “But am I the greatest comedian in the field? Well, the answer is yes, I am. Who do I want to beat most? All of them. They’re long on comedy, but short off the tee.” Jost, the Saturday Night Live news anchor, is a rookie among the familiar faces such as Justin Timberlake, Charles Barkley, Cooper Kupp, Patrick Mahomes, Aaron Rodgers, Michael Strahan, Dwyane Wade, Charles Woodson, Annika Sorenstam and John Smoltz, among others. But he has a high opinion of his golf game and his chances to be the top comedian in the field. “Like Tiger Woods, I would never enter a tournament that I didn’t feel I could win,” Jost boasted. “But like John Daly, I’ve been drinking,” Jost isn’t getting any slack just because this is his first ACC. “He’s a sketch writer for SNL,” Larry the Cable Guy said. “If he plays like their last 3 sketches, I beat him by 8 strokes! Seriously, I hope we all play well. It’s Tahoe and I love these guys. I don’t care who wins. Well….Riggle brags.” Anderson has his sights set on someone outside of the circle of comedians. “I only have one desire and that’s to finish ahead of Charles Barkley!” Anderson said of his primary motivation. “Why? Because CHUCK SUCKS! This is all!” (George Willis is a journalist, author and producer now living in Florida where he hopes to improve a shaky golf game.)
