AFFECTION MAGAZINE: FEVER DREAMS

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F E V E R D R E A M S1

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VOLUME III

spring 2021

EDITOR IN CHIEF

eloisa de farias

EDITOR IN CHIEF

julia smith

MANAGING EDITOR

talia smith

SENIOR WRITING EDITOR HEAD COPYEDITOR DESIGN CREATIVE DIRECTOR

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taina millsap catalina carret agüero gabriela portugal julia smith lauren dillow

VIDEO TEAM

christian portugal julija garunkstis toby lichtenwalter felicia varlotto

WRITERS

audrey jaber gabriela portugal faith bugenhagen madison goldberg talia smith olivia cigliano eloisa de farias taina millsap lauren dillow

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nside each of our minds exists another world. A world where grass can be purple, Beluga whales can fly, and dolls come to life. In our dreams, we find a new dimension full of the unexplainable and the bittersweet notion of unpredictability. The subconscious can be uncomfortable, far from the familiarity of calculations. Time does not exist, and your choices don’t always result in reasonable consequences.

Dreams have no sense of moral compass or restraint— there is no way to be sure of what comes next. They do not pity, they do not regret, and they are untamed. Since the pandemic struck, our lives have reflected the feeling of a fever dream. Hearing a song from last April or trying to assign months to the activities that took place over the last year feels disjointed. Much of what we have lived since last March feels like an alternate reality. The idea of touching a stranger, attending a crowded concert, or traveling to a new country feels almost bewildering even though it has not even been a year and a half since we were able to partake in all those things freely.

Although fever dreams are confusing while you’re experiencing them, they are even more perplexing when you remember them. In the same way, remembering the past year we have had and finding the words to explain those experiences has been nothing but strange and puzzling. In this issue, we ask you to feel discomfort, feel ecstasy, feel confusion, and feel whimsy.

As we approach a new normal of sorts, our world is shifting into shapes and colors our minds could not have imagined before the year 2020.

While dreams can be disturbing, they can also create something that could never be fabricated in a world where measurements restrain the unimaginable. In this issue, we interview the indie pop duo BETWEEN FRIENDS, whose song “Affection” inspired the name of this magazine, a connection fashioned by the hands of the playful universe we live in. We also explore the innocence of counting sheep, slipping into your desired reality by “shifting,” and fashion made of pixels instead of fabric. Fall into our kaleidoscopic hole where you can pretend for 83 pages that you exist in an alternate realm far from orderliness and close to a fever dream.

Happy dreaming and with affection, Eloisa De Farias Julia Smith

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C ONT E N T S TABLE OF 6

FASHION

digital clothing: the future of fashion delirium

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lauren’s corner

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the 5th dimension

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ART

art and acid as explained by Florian Okwu unacquainted

PEOPLE

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Mar Cantos: the Bratz come to life

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q&a with BETWEEN FRIENDS: the catalyst to our dreams

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TABLE OF

HEALTH AND WELLNESS

suspended in your space dream, dream, dream, dream, dream, dream counting sheep: how these wooly companions have helped people sleep

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CURRENTS

forget dreams, choose reality dolls lucid dreams and mugwort tea: a deep dive eat your feelings

CONTENTS

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DIGITAL CLOTHING: THE

FUTURE

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FASHION

written by AUDREY JABER art by DIEGO MUÑOZ FERNÁNDEZ and ALEXANDER KURMANIN

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reelance 3D fashion artist Diego Muñoz Fernández states that “everyone has at least one piece of clothing that doesn’t get used because it was for a special occasion.”

Whether you bought it for a trendy picture or a once-in-a-lifetime event, it has been relegated to the back of your closet, likely never to be seen or worn again. But what if that no-longer-necessary piece of clothing never existed outside of a phone or computer screen to begin with? Fernández, working from Alicante, Spain, creates pieces that are not worn physically, but rather virtually, as digital fashion.

Digital fashion is clothing that is built using computer technology and 3D software. It’s “an art form which allows you to create new and amazing things mixing technology and fashion,” Fernández says. Think dresses that defy the laws of physics, fur coats that don’t result in animal cruelty and sneakers that look like they’re on fire. Submit a picture of yourself, insert your credit card information and get a brand new, stylish fit directly on your phone. “It doesn’t take up physical space and it fits anytime, no matter if you gain or lose weight,” Fernández says. “You can wear it for pictures and even videos with the AR (augmented reality) technology.”

Even your video game avatars can share in these groundbreaking styles. With digital fashion “you can dress your digital avatar or play video games in a more fashionable way,” Fernández says. The gaming industry is actually tightly intertwined with digital fashion.

Designers find inspiration through video games, and sometimes their work even ends up in these virtual worlds. “I played Death Stranding and was so inspired by the characters,” says 8

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Alexander Kurmanin, a twenty-one-year-old digital fashion designer from Nizhny Novgorod, Russia. “I realized that I wanted to do something just as cool and conceptual.” From luxury labels like Gucci and Valentino to indie brands, the crossover between fashion and electronic games is constantly augmenting.

Now, gamers can don Gucci in “The Sims 4,” Louis Vuitton in “League of Legends,” and Chanel in “Animal Crossing.”

Still, purchasing a never actually receive you can wear it in second TikTok, to a fancy dinner. are a multitude fashion. “Someone trend; someone overconsumption and for someone show their real you know how Russia? If you are a dress without judgment, possible.”

Aside from the incredible expression that digital else can you find flaming of real human brain virtual clothing is the environment. “Fashion is industries,” Fernández could really reduce that According to the BBC, throws away almost every year. Because at which new styles purchasing fast fashion trends. But with digital fashion, you new styles, without resorting the planet’s resources because now fashionable clothes every month,” AFFECTION MAGAZINE • FASHION

piece of clothing that you will can seem like a tough sell. While an Instagram post or thirtyyou can’t actually wear it out Kurmanin asserts that there of reasons to shop digital is attracted by the new fashion is concerned about the huge and overproduction of clothes; else, it’s an opportunity to self,” Kurmanin explains. “Do difficult it is to be yourself in man, then you cannot wear a but in the digital world it is opportunities for selffashion provides (where sneakers and dresses made scans?), a major plus of benefits that it has for the one of the most polluting says, “so digital fashion impact.” the average American 82 pounds of clothes of the rapid rate develop, people are constantly to keep up with ever-changing can post fit checks in these to fast fashion. “It saves you don’t have to buy Kurmanin says.

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Aside from the waste associated with overshopping, digital fashion also helps to make the clothing creation process much more sustainable. Kurmanin, who worked as a tailor before transitioning to digital fashion during quarantine, considers the digitalization of fashion to be a huge breakthrough for clothing production.

Instead of sewing needles and heaps of unused fabric, designers like Kurmanin and Fernández simply use their computers. “I use at least four different softwares to create my 3D fashion,” Fernández says.

As for inspiration, Fernández drag queens and musicians to fellow 3D artists. Digital fashion the opportunity to create impossible designs.

Fernández’s newest collection, Gemstones” features a fun, inspired by the opaque and “made of ” black Fernández’s Instagram, of the dress virtually Although there is no sight, the dress walks, as if someone is the runway.

looks to everything from fashion designers and truly gives designers groundbreaking, physically entitled “Tessellated asymmetrical dress black surface of onyx velvet fabric. On you can find a video modeling itself. actual model in moves, and poses strutting it down

Fernández and Kurmanin are not the only 3D fashion designers out there. In fact, as Kurmanin puts it, “digital fashion is engulfing the fashion industry.” So rather than splurging on an expensive dress that will be worn once and then forgotten in the back of your closet, consider shopping for your new favorite fit virtually. Even influencers like Instagrammer Daria Simonova and Euphoria actor Angus Cloud are donning digital clothes, and it seems as though this trend is only growing. “Fashion is being reborn before our eyes,” Kurmanin says, “and progress cannot be stopped.”

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FUTURE

FA S H I O N

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Delirium, Photos by Michael Hanano. Modeled by Ruby Douglas.

Produced by Will Roberts.

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LAUREN’S CORNER

R W E H R W E E V H L E V M L O ED ME D O

written by LAUREN DILLOW photos by LAUREN DILLOW

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ashion moves like a fever dream.

Our social media feeds have become oversaturated with the same aesthetics and fashion content as of late. Everyone has been wearing the same House of Sunny sweater, Paloma Wool pants, and knockoff Jean Paul Gaultier mesh print tops from AliExpress.

What was originally labeled the “Copenhagen influencer” aesthetic has morphed into an increasingly psychedelic wave of trends that is no longer as refreshing and fun as it was a year ago. Many TikTok influencers claim that the pandemic has allowed them to find their personal style, but most of the looks on our social media feeds are now practically indistinguishable from one another. No matter how exciting a new style might be at its emergence, they all get boring after a while. I am bored.

I think people are afraid to admit their fashion fatigue. Many project this image online of how “the pandemic made them productive,” but most creatives I know are struggling with burnout. I will be the first to admit to 18

my lack of inspiration, and I am not finding it in the fashion content force-fed to us by social media. I’m desperately awaiting the next evolution in fashion. I’m done feeling overwhelmed by a lack of innovation. I’ve been feeling magnetically drawn over and over to the uncomfortable and unconventional.

I’ve been desperately seeking fashion that is inexplicable and experimental.

We deserve more authenticity, or maybe something exceptionally beautiful. I would like to see more people unafraid to be original in their fashion. How can one’s style be individual if it is dictated by the trend cycle, and all that one wears are iterations of the looks sported by social media influencers?

I’m certainly not above owning some trendy pieces (hello to that houndstooth sweater vest sitting in my closet), nor do I think it’s necessarily bad, but I do wonder if anyone else feels a whiplash similar to mine. There is a suffocating irony to the act of taking pieces as brilliant as JPG mesh and Vivienne Westwood necklaces and turning them into cheap dupes that will be discarded in favor of the next trend sooner rather than later.

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The 5th Dimension

, Photos by Taina Millsap.

Modeled by Skyler Burke and Jackson Maiocco.

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ART AS ACID AND

EXPLAINED BY

FLORIAN OKWU written by TALIA SMITH art by FLORIAN OKWU

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orn in San Francisco, twenty-year-old visual artist and designer Floria Okwu has been creating mind-bending visual art for a number of years— his primary mediums being ink, pastel or charcoal on paper, and three-dimensional digital work. Currently located in Pasadena, Okwu says that amid “living in his own head,” he anticipates changes of scenery, personal outlooks, and a lot more artwork to fill the next few years of his life.

Okwu spends most of his time creating with his favorite mediums, but also experiments with wood carving, painting, clothing design, digital drawing, and ceramics. His least favorite mediums are colored pencils or markers on paper. “They make me feel gross,” he says, “and I haven’t liked them since we were forced to use them in school.”

From drawing maps of childhood dream homes and scenes of his family to war snippets of stickmen, dragons and abstract monsters, Okwu found few confinements in his art as a child.

“I carried around a sketchbook whenever I travelled,” he says. “Drawing was always on my mind.” What started as distraction from what he calls “boring classes” has shifted into his very own way of tapping into the subconscious mind.

His earliest memory of creating art is admittedly blurry, but reminds him of the progres he’s seen in his work. He speaks of a stand-out moment from his pre-school years: 28

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Firgure 1

“ I ’ M L OOK IN G AT A MIN IATURE TABLE LITTERED W ITH W OODEN V E L C R O AT TA C H A B LE FRUITS,” HE EXPLAINED, M ENTIONING H I S C H IL D H OOD F R IE ND, W HO DREW A ZIG- ZAG LINE OVER A PI E C E OF PA P E R T H AT HE HAD HANDED HIM , W HICH HE HA D A L R EA D Y D R AWN A S T R AIGHT LINE THROUGH. “ IT’S REALLY N OT T H AT IN T E R E S T IN G,” OKW U CLAIM S, “ BUT THEN AND THERE IT A M A Z E D ME T H AT H E H AD TURNED SOM ETHING SO SIM PLE IN TO A L ITTLE W ORK OF ART.”

These reflections on the past led to a deep look into Okwu’s artistic journey. As he creates, he likes to consider his art a form of self-exploration— his emotions, life philosophies, and memories. “I draw pretty freely with no sketched or preliminary constraints,” he says, “so I’m really just pressing record on a little excerpt from my life, and creating a semi-permanent observation of who I am.”

As Okwu’s art progressed, so did time, er go his age. and with it came the inevitable allure of altering the way in which he sees the world— notably, through illicit substance use. Having grown up in Shanghai, he recalls a drug culture that seemed harsh and taboo. Upon moving to California at the age of thirteen, he says that the casualty and conversation around drugs in the U.S. was almost shocking. “It blew my mind that people were already talking about weed.

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I hadn’t given drugs much thought besides knowing them as something ‘bad.’ Suddenly, they became normalized to think or talk about, and eventually do.”

Okwu smoked weed for the first time in 9th grade, but didn’t form any habitual patterns in his consumption until two years later. “I actually stopped smoking weed close to five months ago,” he said, as he explained his long-lasting qualms with the popularly consumed drug. “It was bringing me down on so many levels, giving me issues with productivity, tracking continuity between days, and focusing on my priorities.” When he made the decision to quit, he sent himself a long text that he described as “pretending to send a text to a friend about a problem he needed to fix.” s Okwu reflects on both his life and work, he dives into a number of stories, opinions, gathered thoughts and overarching ideas about the intersectionality of drugs, the subconscious mind, and the creation of art. Here’s what he has to say:

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TS: Tell me a story about drug use and art creation. Be as detailed as possible!

FO: This one time that Figure 2 really stands out was a psychedelic experience I had in the Netherlands. I remember I biked out to this bench all alone with my backpack full of sketch material and sat down. I pulled out a piece of paper and started exploring my imagination, mostly interested in the source of thoughts, feelings, and observations. I was having a really great time, and as I moved further and further down the paper I became more and more obsessed with what I was doing instead of what was going on around me.

Everything disappeared from view and awareness but the paper in front of me. By then, I was listening to that little instrumental at the end of “Doing It Wrong” by Drake (lol) which felt like it lasted for a small eternity. Lost in my thoughts, I came to the conclusion that I was fucking my drawing— not fucking it up. Like, really, fucking it… I was having this deeply sensual and intimate experience with what felt like it was someone, or something other than myself. It’s hard to describe, but I gave myself to it, fully transparent and open to what it needed.

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I was so caught up in how beautiful the moment was that when the song ended and woke my awareness, I looked up to notice I was sitting in pouring rain. I looked back down and my paper was soaked. In that moment I had no care for aesthetics or for the future. I was fully present inside my creation. I haven’t had such a beautiful/fulfilling drawing experience to date.

TS: Tell me about your creative process when you’re sober.

FO: Being creative when sober requires a lot more dedication and commitment to the craft. There are so many things to do in a day and prioritizing drawing can fall out of sight if it isn’t part of your schedule. I personally see drawing as the peak of my day (once I’ve completed all my work/health related responsibilities).

It’s nice to treat sober drawing like a meditation, or a spiritual dive. I like making sure I’m well fed, maybe recently showered, sitting comfortably, listening to good music.

I don’t know how well I’m conveying it, but in a metaphorical way, making room for drawing in my day is very similar to what I imagine it’s like to hike up a mountain towards a temple to pray.

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TS: Are you happy with the work you create when you’re sober? Are you proud of it?

FO: Absolutely! Sober work is my happiest work all in all. It feels truest to myself and the relationship between my hands and thoughts works better than when under the influence.

TS: And how about when you’re on drugs? Are you proud of it?

FO: That’s been a big topic of debate and introspection for myself. While something like weed inspires me to sit down and create in a time or place that I might not have expected, the care I put into the work feels really under par. It’s a great way to help ideas flow, which makes it great for sketching, but as an artist who doesn’t use sketches it hasn’t proven that useful for actually making art I’m proud of. Psychedelics, on the other hand, lead me to create art much more based on mental or physical observations. It makes drawing into a little story with a beginning, middle, and end: an introspective experience that leads to larger conclusions about life, my art and myself. The problem with drawing on psychedelics is the loss of the ability to focus.

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Unless it’s a microdose, it’s pretty much impossible to sustain it for an extended period of time unless I go to serious lengths to trap myself in a drawing. It becomes a lot easier to lose myself in noticing how ink flows from the pen & how the paper absorbs it rather than creating anything sensible or aesthetic.

TS: Do you believe people who do not do drugs see your art in the same way you do? What about people that do?

FO: I’ve never thought of that. But it’s possible they don’t. I have a series of pieces called “Interpretation” that are based on the flux of ideas during psychedelic experiences. The piece itself has architectural scenes, faces, and other things strewn about the landscape that morph into each other. Someone with an observational eye, or who has deeper experiences with drugs might be more aware of the ambiguity in that work, and therefore is able to see the work for many things at once.

Someone who doesn’t or hasn’t might see the piece more for what it is on the surface. It’s really hard to say… as I can’t imagine who I would be if I never explored drugs at all, it’s really hard to imagine how my mind would work, let alone someone else’s.

TS: Favorite drug FO: I absolutely stimulants. I have and am prescribed occasionally, and drawing on it. When was a great way to imagination falls out of dam. At its peak, it leads déjà vu feeling where I float to describe. But it’s like I’m my hands draw from ten feet

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to create art on? love creating on some attention problems Vyvanse, which I take I have great experiences I used to drink coffee, that draw as well. It’s as if my me like someone opened a to this incredible extended behind myself. It’s so hard suddenly watching me and above.

TS: Let’s talk about the difference between creating art while on drugs vs. thinking about your past experiences on drugs but creating while sober. Is there a big difference in this?

FO: I’ve noticed that in the months following a trip, I feel much more connected to my imagination. It feels like the residual presence of psychedelics can give way to almost superhuman ways of seeing, allowing me to see complex scenes I never would’ve been able to imagine otherwise.

Once, I started drawing during a comedown, and suddenly my page was covered with sketches of human limbs and body parts. I’m not at all familiar with drawing parts of the human body, but at that moment it felt like every memory and sight I ever had was culminating to show me 32

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the smallest muscles or bulges I would’ve soberly overlooked. I was really impressed that I was conjuring these images, so much so that it brought about a realization that memory loss and the difference between imagination are reality are just illusions… much more fictional than we believe them to be.

TS: Do you think different drugs influence your work in different ways, or is it just about being sober vs. being not sober?

FO: No, the drug is definitely extremely determinative of results. Since all my work is based on how I feel in the moment, really small changes like proximity to a window, amount of sleep the night before, lack of food, and other seemingly minor things can have really strong effects on the outcome of the piece. Since different types of influences mostly play on perspective, I find myself thinking very different thoughts and therefore creating very different drawings.

I also want to mention how drugs affect self-talk. It’s a lot easier to be judgmental or honest with yourself on drugs (for me personally), which leads me to maybe second-guess a line I draw, or even put a piece away because I’m not feeling it. So much can change based on so little, which is good since it gives many variants of possibility to experience and explore.

Drugs let down that guard over your ego. Psychedelics specifically feel like an investment in your future self, thoughts and work. This leads to a feeling that the moment you are experiencing is more precious or valuable than a sober one, something that deserves to be captured better.

If you had to choose between creating sober or creating under the influence for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

Don’t do this to me!!! That’s such a hard question.

Such a hard one.

My heart leads me to say I would rather draw on psychedelics for the rest of my life, but I unfortunately know I can’t trust my heart… I don’t think it brings me to places that are the best for me, so sober it is.

That said, I think through sobriety and meditation, you can acquire sustainable states of mind that bring you to similar places as psychedelics. In the end, with the right amount of focus and work, the two worlds of influence aren’t all that different. Especially in the context of introspective exploration, like drawing.

FINALLY, WHAT DO YOU HOLD AFFECTION FOR? I like and don’t like that question.

It brings my awareness to parts of myself I wish could change but won’t, or haven’t yet...

I hold affection for life. For rainy days, cute caterpillars & hedgehogs.

Nuts or broken sticks that have fallen off trees. People that deserve more than they have.

Affection for those I love and the things I like.

Fig. 1, Okwu, Florian, “Abstraction,” 2020.

Fig. 2, Okwu, Florian, “Intepretations,” 2019.

Fig. 3, Oku, Florian, “Noise,” 2020.

Fig. 4, Okwu, Florian, “Planetarium,” 2019.

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UNACQUAINTED written by FAITH BUGENHAGEN photos by JULIJA GARUNKSTIS, TOBY LICHTENWALTER, and FELICIA VARLOTTO

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f you hit the right angle of a person, you will see a complete stranger.

I always thought about this growing up: once I got older, I would sit and watch my mom. I would look at her as we spoke, wondering what was going on behind her eyes, her words, and most importantly, her mind. I guess my curiosity was piqued.

The sheer idea of an entire person with complete thoughts and ideas, constituting only one word to me— mother— seemed impossible. Who was she before me?

Would Veronica ever come out of my mouth, the unfamiliarity of her formal name like a palette cleanser, signalling a transition in our relationship? Mother and daughter no longer. Adult and adult.

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Full identities, real people, appear so unreal to me, but every last one of us is sitting underneath our noses. We walk the streets, share conversations, and form intimate connections with individuals whom we all think we know. We are living in a fever dream, a reality that we have accepted as the truth, despite knowing little to nothing about what’s real and what’s fake.

The only reality that we should indulge in is that all these people are unknown.

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This might be a severely twisted and convoluted conclusion to jump to, but it’s not without a clear explanation. Idiosyncrasies are what dictate our personalities. they indicate the little versions of ourselves that we only give others tiny glimpses of. These tiny glimpses form an intricate map of who we actually are. But they often go unseen by the naked eye. So do we ever actually know people? Do we ever actually know ourselves?

I’ve caught these moments within other people. My brother, my father, my friends, my partners; they all encapsulate beings and versions of them that I have never met.

Maybe, quite possibly, parts of them I will never become acquainted with. I ask myself often if this is for better or for worse.

Some things are better left unsaid.. I think the way that I glimpse these angles, the tiny realities that I have to deduce with facts or clues, leave room for discovery of secrets.

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Shameful or not, they exist, and usually they are far more telling of the person you claim to know. Inherently, they don’t always come to fruition as being cloaked in negativity, however more often than not this rings untrue.

The fabrications, the falsities, the lies— the ugly underneath— goes unnoticed.

People hide their shame behind kinks, fantasies, virtues, and vices.

But the sad reality is that these hidden aspects of the kaleidoscopic constructions of individuals are tinged with an unforeseen beauty . Many details fly by because they are not what is emphasized about a person’s worth anymore. The care, the love, and the intention few people have left in their character has been cloaked by a willingness to conform to a heartless world.

I think if I could sell the way I saw people, I would. I wish that this view, these perspectives, and my off-kilter thoughts about the individuals I perceive around me could be normalized. If this were the case, we would all exist in these dimensional spheres. They would wear their thoughts, emotions, and experiences on their sleeves.

There would be a lack of labeling, a lack of synthesizing all of the information that is superfluous and doesn’t matter. We wouldn’t live with the fabric of ignorance over our minds, with the idea that we know anything about those who we claim we love.

We all walk around as strangers.

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MAR CANTOS: written by TAINA MILLSAP photos by MAR CANTOS

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hen Mar Cantos was ten years old, she could be found in her room, playing with Bratz dolls. The dolls represented for her a confidence she wished to embody in her future. Her childhood hobby turned into her inspiration to create a life for herself. Now, fifteen years later, at the age of twenty-five, Cantos does visuals and photography for the brand that helped shape her identity: Bratz.

Originally from Quinto, Ecuador, Cantos calls herself a “nomad” and is used to moving around from Los Angeles to Mexico City. She is currently based in her hometown, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, and continues to do work for Bratz along with personal projects, like self-portraits.

“I’ve always liked to tell stories, but it was harder for me to write them out,” Cantos recalls. “So the way that I could channel those things that I wanted to tell was through images and visuals. So it was me just creating magical worlds. And usually that’s what I’ll stick with in my art. I like to create cute, bubblegum dream worlds that you don’t normally see in real life. So it was kind of like my escape.”

When Cantos was a child, she wanted to be a Disney Channel pop star. With time, she grew up and realized figuring out her identity and

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BRATZ COME TO LIFE THE

where she wanted to go was a lot harder than she expected. She started playing around with photography as a teenager, but her models were a bit unusual.

“Bratz dolls were kind of like how I channeled myself,” Cantos says. “I used to have Bratz dolls when I was a kid, but it was in my teenage years that I started to use them as my models. Because I was very shy so I wouldn’t start shooting people until later on. And then Bratz were like, the easiest and coolest models to use.”

For Cantos, Bratz represented more than just models for her developing projects. They were what she strived to be: bold, confident, and unapologetically herself.

“For me, getting a Bratz doll was kind of like getting a part of myself— it felt like taking home part of me,” Cantos explains. “But of course growing up it was kind of hard at times. I always tell my family, like, ‘you guys didn’t let me have Bratz dolls,’ but at the end of the day, I literally make a living out of it now.”

More than anything, Cantos believes that Bratz not only helped her choose a career path, but her own personal path as an independent woman. As a kid, she adopted 39

art,” Cantos says.

“So I kind of started to recreate makeup looks or celebrity looks from pop culture into Bratz dolls. My Bratz work is very personal and for the longest time it was just for fun. But even now, everything that I do right now for the brand is with my childhood dolls.

It’s all the same.”

the values that Bratz embodied.

“I’m gonna wear whatever I want and I’m gonna be bold, do whatever I want,” Cantos says. “And create my life, like, for myself, not for men or anything else.”

Cantos learned photography by herself.

Shooting her dolls as models and creating independent projects, which she would post online, allowed her to self-sufficiently learn her craft. The daughter of the creator of the Bratz brand saw her work and they immediately connected, but she wouldn’t start working with the brand on a regular basis until last year.

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Around the same time, the Bratz makeup challenge went viral on TikTok. That was when she started to gain a larger following due to her visuals and pictures.

In 2019, she started to work with the brand consistently.

Her current workplace is surprisingly similar to when she began. Cantos says it is a lot more professional, since she works in a small studio, but her models are all the same dolls she played with when she was a child.

The job not only consists of photography and editing videos, but also includes handcrafting elements. Bratz sends Cantos the main idea and then she chooses their clothing, does their hair and makeup. Cantos refers to it as a “whole production, but at the same time it’s like you’re basically playing around.”

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Her latest project, “La Veneno,” is inspired by a famous Spanish starlet from the 90s, known for being the first openly transgender sex worker to appear on national television.

The television show titled “Veneno,: which premiered in 2020 on HBO, tells the story of

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her hardships related to transitioning.

Bratz celebrated Women’s History Month this year by highlighting politicians, artists and musicians on their Instagram.

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“Diversity is so important in my creation, so I knew I had to push her to be there too,” Cantos explains, “Not only for being an extremely admirable woman, but also because it’s part of my Hispanic culture, which most of the time is underrated.”

As a musician herself, Cantos is committed to sharing her own story as a transgender woman. Her upcoming EP “URL ANGELZ” will touch more on her journey with the aim of empowering listeners. The EP will come fall 2021, with her lead single “Boyz Lie” coming out in June.

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When it comes to self-portraits, Cantos says they made her realize who she wanted to be.

She started to get tired of the production that went into photography— she wanted to do something for fun.

“I just started to take pictures of myself, but eventually that had a lot of weight into how I changed, because I feel like I changed a lot since I started to take pictures of myself,” Cantos says. “When I saw myself in the pictures, I could see maybe I want to be more like this or wear things that are more like this.”

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At the same time, editing her own pictures for hours on end caused her to start finding small flaws in her body. She would overanalyze poses and find wrinkles she had never seen before. To Cantos, it was worth it.

“It really helped me because I was conscious of how I was looking,” Cantos says. “And that really helped me to be more comfortable with myself because at the beginning I did not know how to pose.

I was very self conscious, and right now I feel like an evolution. I’m still pretty self conscious, like we all are. But it’s given me a clearer perspective of, ‘Wow, this is how the world sees me.’”

With so much time dedicated to Bratz, Cantos currently finds herself in a weird spot. She spent so much of her life focusing on work related to Bratz, a company that does not belong to her. “I started to have an existential crisis about my self-worth, like if I stopped doing stuff with Bratz dolls,” Cantos explains. “Because my artistry is directly linked to using Bratz, and although I love it, ever since I started working with them more seriously it’s also kind of like, when you work on something that was your dream job that kind of kills the dream a little bit.”

Cantos sees her work with Bratz as a job— the most fun job in the world, but a job nonetheless. She hopes that her artistry will grow beyond the brand in the future.

However, she will always incorporate the characteristics that made her love Bratz into her future work; boldness, confidence, and not caring what others think.

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THE CATALYSTTO OUR

DREAMS

written by ELOISA DE FARIAS photos by BETWEEN FRIENDS and LAUREN LEEKLEY

S

iblings Savannah and Brandon Hudson are the duo behind the indie pop group BETWEEN FRIENDS. Nostalgic, whimsical, and filled with the very essence of being in your twenties, these two have made countless listeners hope for endless summers and a new VHS camera. Savannah lures you in with her tantalizing voice and lyrics with an abstract yet relatable edge, while Brandon ensures that the sonic elements fall deep within your being, reverberating long after the song is over. A telltale of our generation told through quintessential elements like lowercase titles for songs and top-down car rides through LA, their tracks are the epitome of youthfulness. More recently, Savannah 44

and Brandon have scavenged through their parents' old cassettes to find playlists they made for each other when they first started dating. This escapade inspired BETWEEN FRIENDS’ newest, threephase project: the tape series consisting of Tape 001, Tape 002, and Tape 003.

Two of three tapes have been released, paired with music videos that make you feel like you’re in an indescribable dream.

The mixtapes are meant to be an ode to a time in which music only existed inside the confines of a black box better known as a cassette tape. Over Zoom, they both hinted at how the three tapes will lead to a larger project currently under wraps.

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PHOTO CREDIT: LAUREN LEEKLEY

Q&A WITH BETWEEN FRIENDS:

B: It’s something I like to call collective focus— I feel like we’ve been on the same page since we were kids. We both always wanted the same thing.

S: I mean, obviously, at the end of the day, we’re siblings as well.

So we have our... we have our vices, but I think they honestly... it’s a wonderful working relationship.

How would you each describe yourselves as creators?

B: I feel like she sees things very visually.

And when she’s writing lyrics, or coming up with parts, I feel like she’s a very visual thinker, she’s got movies or a scene in mind. And I think for me, everything is just sonic, it’s all noise.

S: It’s kind of crazy that we’re opposites in that way. Bringing those two types of things to the table definitely helps us out.

What is your process when you’re creating music? What does that look like?

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S: Once we get into the studio, it’s different every time. We see what happens. We don’t put pressure on it.

B: We put a lot of good energy into the studio.

That’s where we’ve made everything since the beginning of BETWEEN FRIENDS. It feels like this open canvas, this empty space that we can come into. It does feel a bit like this last project was an ode to this room that we’ve made everything in, because we realized we’re probably not going to be here our whole lives.

BETWEEN FRIENDS (self shot from their “princess” visual)

What’s it like to work with your sibling?

What are the best and worst parts?

S: Honestly, it’s pretty fantastic. Being able to have a partner and someone that we both can trust through and through. I think it’s what moves our wheels.

What would you say is the closest thing to magic on earth?

S: Music. I think it’s the only thing that can make you feel something without even knowing what someone is really talking about.

B: I agree.

Favorite song you have made?

S: I have one but it’s not out yet!

Weirdest dream you have ever had?

S: I can actually lucid dream. The other night, I had a dream that I was staying in a cabin in London. And we were with a bunch of friends.

And then all of a sudden, it was super colorful, all the rooms had different wallpapers, purple couches, an orange carpet... It was very 45

visually stimulating. Then all of a sudden I was just alone in this house. And I was like, ‘where are my friends?’

So I started walking down these steps to go outside. And then I was all of a sudden in a forest. And I was like, ‘Oh my god, I’m in a forest. I don’t like this.’ So I was able to wake myself up.

B: I think that I lucid dreamt this morning when I set my alarm for 8:50 a.m.

Other than music, what other hobbies do you have?

B: Bike rides. When we were making the projects, we would take breaks no matter what time it was when we felt burned out.

We’d grab AirPods and just hop on. We’d be like, ‘let’s go listen to [our music] in a new environment and just coast.’

S: We took up Tai Chi recently. I do yoga, and collect cameras that may or may not work.

Top travel destinations for when it’s safe to travel?

S: London, New York and Sweden.

B: A dance floor of some sort.

Guilty pleasure movie or TV show?

B: Anything with Julia Roberts in it in the 90s.

S: SpongeBob. When I can’t sleep I’ll just lay in bed and be like okay, SpongeBob. Who do you think you were in your past life?

S: Definitely a mother. I definitely feel like this is not my first time on Earth. I think I lived sometime in the 1800s.

B: I’m one hundred percent sure I’m a new soul. I think this is my first life.

If you could shop for free at one store, where would you shop?

S & B: Prada and Miu Miu.

B: We’re trying woodshop this week! We’re making something for an upcoming music video.

If your life were a movie, what song would be your soundtrack?

S: Manhattan by Blossom Dearie.

Best memory together since starting between friends?

B: Making this mixtape.

B: Come Live With Me by Dorothy Ashby.

S: Yes. Honestly, I think w hen we look back on it, or listen to it, we’re like, ‘Do you remember making this?’ And I’m like, ‘No, I don’t even remember writing these lyrics down anywhere.’

B: It was exceptionally free-flow. I think that we went into it with absolutely no pressure.

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Messages to your fans and what they can look forward to this year?

B: We’re so grateful to everybody that’s listening to our music. It feels really surreal every day. We’re super grateful we have a lot of music coming out. We just ask that everyone be open and kind of let loose, sit back for a little while, and just listen and enjoy yourself.

S: I agree with everything he said!

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PHOTO CREDIT: LAUREN LEEKLEY

How BETWEEN FRIENDS named Affection Magazine: The Dream Interview When Editors in Chief Eloisa de Farias and Julia Smith first met, they made a collaborative playlist. Much like BETWEEN FRIENDS mentioned in the interview, music is magic, the ultimate form of connection. The playlist made in the spring of 2019 has since become a nostalgic encapsulation of the two getting to know each other, walking in the Boston Commons, and collaging for hours. They share a favorite song on the playlist: BETWEEN FRIENDS’ “Affection.” Any important moment Eloisa and Julia spent together, whether it were night swimming in Hawaii or a road trip with all the windows down, “Affection” would play in the background. When beginning to create the magazine on a hot summer day in Eloisa’s kitchen, they didn’t have to look further than the playlist that started it all. Affection Magazine it was. Being able to feature and interview the duo that inspired our brand name is an important marker in our publication’s history— you could say it was a dream come true.

The lyrics we hold the most Affection for: “Oh, I’m looking for affection in all the wrong places. And we’ll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

-BETWEEN AFFECTION MAGAZINEFRIENDS •

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SUSPENDED IN YOUR

SPACE

written by OLIVIA CIGLIANO photos by REBECCA PANTANO and REILLY FISHER

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he walls yell at you here,” joked my friend Delaney Katz and her father as they gave me a tour of her childhood home in Illinois. They were referring to her mother Judie’s decorations— uplifting quotes, poems, and songs that cover every inch of the space. The colorful assortment of ceramics, wooden plaques, and mirrors reminds you in curly letters to “imagine the possibilities,” that “life is beautiful,” and it’s a “home sweet home.” It’s eclectic and maximalist, ensuring guests are welcomed into the warm and loving environment, seamlessly reflecting the personality of its occupants.

“I feel like I could spend all day looking at your walls,” I said. “Exactly,” replied Delaney, who normally scoffs at interiors that take themselves too seriously. “Your house should be a museum of you.”

Returning to my apartment in Boston, I took a long look at the bedroom walls that had been bare since I moved in eight months ago and realized I never curated my own museum— a space that represents who I am and how I want to feel while I’m in it.

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Especially now, spending so much time at home, I realize how my living environment affects my mood and productivity.

Establishing a supportive home base is most important now since home is no longer just a refuge for rest and play, but now a classroom and place of work. With few ways to physically separate these aspects of life, college students, whose personal lives are already naturally entangled with school, are seeing it affect their personal space more than ever. Home is the primary location for everything — exams, internships, club meetings, job interviews, and even performances. Still learning to take care of themselves as adults and settle into first apartments, young people are rethinking their relationship with their homes, to function for academic success.

Reilly Fisher and Rebecca Pantano spent the last year earning their dance degrees in their shared Philadelphia apartment. Their classes that normally take place in a dance studio now occur at home. Since they don’t have a large living room, their only option is to Zoom from their bedrooms.

“To make room to dance, I rearranged my room, which included moving my bed and pushing a chair to a corner of my room every time I have class,” says Pantano.

Fisher was initially annoyed to have to do this for class but managed to find her flow. “I loved how my room looked and felt before, but after putting up some decor and fixing some things, I actually think I like this configuration even more.”

For others, stressors encroach in new ways.

Jack Mullen, a Visual Media Arts major, moved into an apartment with his girlfriend for junior year. Although their place is close to campus, he’s taken both semesters online for health safety concerns. taken both semesters AFFECTION AFFECTION MAGAZINE MAGAZINE •• HEALTH AND WELLNESS

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online for health safety concerns.

Our faucet just broke today,” says Mullen. “It’s been a nightmare trying to deal with plumbers and mechanics coming in to fix some other problem that we have. And it’s been really difficult to try and balance school life.”

As a first-time tenant who’s only lived in dorms, Mullen is learning to be intentional in his space. “In dorms, I had the luxury of being messy, but here it does really affect my workspace and mentality,” he admits. “I can’t go to the library or a friend’s place to get out of the mess to ignore it.”

Research finds that messiness is closely linked to procrastination and the “visual noise” that clutter creates may induce a physiological response, such as increased levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. Looming dirty dishes or piles of laundry may trigger avoidance strategies and hinder your ability to focus. If you’re earning a degree from your bedroom, it’s worth the effort to clear your area and start afresh. Mullen’s now quick to tackle his dishes and clear his desk, and says, “otherwise it’s in the forefront of my mind.”

Sensory control is important in a small living environment. While some students, like Pantano, separate their daily activities by switching between rooms, others prep their space while they’re in it. Vanshi Singh, a junior nursing student, is also experiencing college in her Philadelphia apartment. At her desk, she diffuses eucalyptus essential oils, a stimulating aroma, and switches on her color-changing lamp to get in the zone.

Colored lights can definitely set the vibe, so 50

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it’s no surprise that our minds, moods and circadian rhythms are affected by the hue of light sources. For example, blue and white light (which contains blue light) suppresses melatonin levels, aiding in alertness and boosting mood. Red increases the same chemical, making it ideal for chilling before bed. Pantano prefers blue or pink hues to create a sensory boundary between work time and relaxation.

perfect, because it was just the place where I would sleep. Now that I spend almost all of my time in my bedroom, it’s become so personal to me.”

Mullen never put much thought into decor before his new apartment. “I’ve learned to treat spaces with respect and as my own and have a newfound appreciation,” he says. “And it ultimately helped with my academics and focus.”

She also cherishes her family of houseplants because they make her feel closer to nature in the city. Aside from adding a pop of green to your space, which can evoke calm or pleasant emotions in humans, houseplants have been found to alleviate daily stress and anxiety.

They live as quiet companions that purify your air, reminding you that small acts of care will accumulate for something beautiful to bloom, encouraging mindfulness.

The first day back from my trip, dreading my awaiting homework, I ran to Target for command strips and string lights. I arranged my prized collection of thrifted purses on hooks and created a gallery wall of vintage paintings, magazine clippings, postcards, and photos of pre-pandemic memories to fill the space (à la Judie Katz). I watered my drooping plants, cleared the clutter from my desk, and lit a fresh candle. Looking around, I saw myself in the colors, textures, and memories that brightened my room. My eyes now feed off my walls, allowing inspiration to flow.

Fisher finds that surrounding herself with items and artwork that spark joy noticeably affects her mental health. “I have a lot of crystals around my room and use incense to help with energy protection and to feel comfortable in my space,” she says, who describes her style as mid-century and boho, a combination of clean simplicity and bright, relaxed decor. “Before the pandemic, I didn’t feel much motivation to make my room feel

Creating an ecosystem you can take pride in, as if it’s a living, breathing extension of yourself, and functions specifically for your needs, grants you some control over this strange reality.

Look around. What do your walls yell at you?

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Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream, Dream, Photos by Julia Smith.

Modeled by Gracelyn Jardine.

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C

UNTING S O HEE P:

HOW THESE WOOLY COMPANIONS HAVE HELPED PEOPLE SLEEP written by MADISON GOLDBERG photos by ILEANA HINCHCLIFF, JULIA SMITH, and BECCY ROUTLEDGE

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s many of us remember, whenever we would pester our parents about not being able to sleep, they would frequently tell us to just “count sheep.”

Counting sheep has become harder than usual lately amid the anxieties posed by the global pandemic, and the isolation that comes along with it all. Animal therapy has become wildly popular in the past few years— many of my own friends have adopted cats to ease their stress in the past year. But lately, a new approach is on the rise: sheep therapy.

Sheep therapy has been particularly popular in farms across the UK and Ireland, where a static tourism industry is finding creative solutions while simultaneously easing the mental health of people across the globe.

One farm in particular near Loch Lomond, Scotland, is home to Beccy Routledge and her fluffy flock of Herdwick sheep: Hamish, Dougal, and Lochie. She is now offering online guided meditation sessions with her sheep via Zoom through AirBnB, called 56

“Guided Meditation with Sleepy Sheep.”

Beccy answered her end of the Zoom call from the picturesque highlands of Scotland— with her sheep, of course. The stunning landscape certainly brightened my gray Boston morning. “I’ve lived on the farm for nearly five years, kept sheep for three. I initially got sheep because I had a field that needed eating, so I got them as lawnmowers. I had no idea they’d be full of personality and character,” explained Routledge. “Their intelligence level is the same as primates, and their facial recognition is as good as humans.”

The sheep have played a role in Routledge’s AirBNB experience since before the pandemic, although their new therapeutic role was born of isolation. They were initially a part of what she called “Tea with Naughty Sheep,” because the sheep loved to escape and come meet the guests. “I noticed that my guests were so immersed in the world of sheep because they saw them up close, that they were getting a sort of AFFECTION MAGAZINE • HEALTH AND WELLNESS

mindful reminder,” said Routledge, stroking a member of her small flock. “They were out in nature getting glorious views of Scotland, with no traffic noise, only birdsong.”

The outdoors is something that many long for in the era of COVID-19. Especially here in the U.S., where pandemic restriction decisions were left up to each state— in some areas, leaving home is like stepping into a virus minefield. Many are longing to travel. “I designed the sheep experience as being very therapeutic. There’s this anxiety all over the world, and this helps people feel like they’re not trapped anymore. It draws people in. I would use these sheep visuals to create a happy place to which people can return,” said Routledge.

“I’ve designed various therapeutic techniques, and the sheep love the meditation–– they do it with the guests. Having that interaction with someone in another country and animals in Scotland helps people feel less trapped. It’s long-term, not just in the moment.”

Routledge’s daughter Rivkah is a yoga instructor, who helped formulate the meditation experience on the farm. “My daughter was also living under lockdown, and she is a yoga instructor, and she designs and writes meditation concepts, so it just made sense,” explained Routledge. The experience has also saved the farm from a nationwide tourism shutdown. “Doing this has saved me financially, because tourism shut down. I had just gotten started on a new cottage right when lockdown started, and I would have lost a lot of money. People that come are supporting my small business.”

But the sheep are much more than just a wooly tourism attraction to Beccy Routledge. “I AFFECTION MAGAZINE • HEALTH AND WELLNESS

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adopted them at two weeks old; I’m their foster mum. I have struggled with the rollercoaster that has been the past year, but I can always just come to the barn and sit with the sheep,” she said. She pans the camera over to one of the sheep as he looks out onto the sprawling emerald pastures of the property.

“Here’s a bit of Scotland!” Routledge says with a laugh, flipping her camera and panning over the landscape. It reminds me of a trip I took to rural England nearly six years ago, with so much land and so much history. Only this time, I’m seeing it all from my dorm room. “It’s amazing that I have people all over the world united looking at some sheep having a giggle, which is rather lovely,” said Routledge.

Sheep have also been gaining traction among one of the most powerful forces to date: Generation Z on TikTok. Will Youngs, a farmer in the UK, began making TikToks with the sheep at his family farm, quickly going viral. He follows many TikTok dance trends with his lambs, including the Toxic x Love Shack dance, and the Best Friends challenge. He frequently makes videos with Rufus, a grumpy sheep who doesn’t often give him the time of day, instead opting for munching on grass.

Through his videos, it’s clear that, much like Routledge’s Herdwick flock, the sheep have unique personalities and offer companionship in a time of isolation. By now, you might be asking, why sheep? Here’s one possible reason.

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Some might just see sheep as calming animals, given the old “counting sheep” adage. It all goes back to medieval England. Many shepherds practiced communal grazing, and had to keep a close headcount of their sheep before they went to sleep. However, a chapter in Disciplina Clericalis, a 12th-century book of fables, suggests that this cultural phenomenon existed even earlier, in Islamic culture. Ironically, counting imaginary sheep does nothing to ease the mind, according to a 2002 Oxford study.

But relaxing with real-life sheep seems to do just the trick.

Good sleep is essential for good dreams— and in an age of global anxiety, it may be harder than it looks. Healthline reported that oftentimes, nightmares are the side effects of stress and anxiety. And perhaps even more common are no dreams at all, due to the difficulty of reaching deep sleep. Deep sleep is categorized as REM, or Rapid Eye Movement. This stage is home to the dreams we tend to forget when we wake up. However, most of the time it just means that you’re getting proper rest. Stress and anxiety diminish our ability to rest properly.

Amid the isolation that comes with lockdown orders across the globe, yoga and meditation, especially when accompanied by Hamish, Dougal, and Lochie, offers a safe, at-home way of blowing off some steam. Meditation has been proven to quiet the mind and reduce insomnia, something we all need after long days of Zoom calls and a lack of fresh air.

So the next time you’re feeling cooped up or antsy, phone into the Scottish highlands, take in the sights and sounds, and drift peacefully away from the world.

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FORGETDREAMS, CHOOSE

REALITY

written by GABRIELA PORTUGAL photo by JULIA SMITH

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t seems like a normal day as Kaylee wakes up from a deep sleep. She finds her bearings in her dormitory room— then, suddenly, someone barges right into her space. It’s Draco Malfoy, coming to wake her up for breakfast in the Great Hall at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

expertise to explain shifting. Her channel focuses on how to use shifting techniques and “subliminals”— a practice that trains your subconscious to change yourself physically.

Synergy states, “It’s the complete transfer of your consciousness to another body of yours in another reality.” In order to shift, you must be present in your mind.

Now, you’re probably thinking, “Oh, she’s dreaming, right?”

A common misconception is that shifting is the same as lucid dreaming. The difference is that you are not quite asleep when you shift realities. Cee states that lucid dreaming “is simply being aware of your dreams and being able to control them,” whereas when shifting, your consciousness is still awake, and it just shifts to another place.

Wrong. She is actually conscious in a different reality. I stumbled across this phenomenon, as @kayleesnapee narrates in her TikTok video, this was her first experience with shifting realities. In this case, she and Draco Malfoy from the Harry Potter Universe are friends. It may not seem like reality, but her experience was very real.

It’s called “shifting” or “shifting realities”: the process during which a person’s subconscious steps into another reality. Synergy (@ missubliminals on Instagram), a YouTuber who runs an account about shifting, uses her AFFECTION MAGAZINE • CURRENTS

Similarly, @shiftingflower, who runs a social media page about shifting, explains that lucid dreaming takes place in your head while shifting is “placing your mind/subconscious in an [entirely] different reality… instead of the reality being in your mind, it’s your mind that is in the reality.” Shifting takes you to a whole different world.

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I have to admit, when I first discovered shifting, it seemed super easy. But there is actually a lot of planning, research, and effort that goes into it.

One of the critical components of a successful shift is a script. A script is a type of prompt or pre-planned outline of how you want the reality to be. Based on what online shifting communities say, you can make your script about anything you want.

And if you can’t think of anything, there are whole scripts and templates online that anyone can use.

Another critical part of the shifting experience is the research. But what does research look like for shifters? Arlette, who goes by @s.h.i.f.t.i.n.g_ realities on Instagram, says they read about other shifters’ experiences from online communities on Instagram, YouTube, and Amino. They claim that those sources are the most reliable: “I consider people who have shifted to be shifting experts,” says Arlette.

Another source for Arlette is government documents released by the C.I.A. Similarly, Synergy and @shiftingflower rely on scientific information for their research.

Cee says, “I usually only study books on physics/quantum mechanics.” For @ shiftingflower, it is important to find the right information, so referencing the 62

documents released by the C.I.A. will help avoid misinformation. According to an article

by Adrian Cho, quantum physics relates to shifting. Cho explains with scientific terms and summaries of past experiments how “an odd space experiment has confirmed that, as quantum mechanics says, reality is what you choose it to be.”

Even though there is science and hard evidence behind the shifting practices, the process can also be very natural. According to Cee, “We have been shifting since we [were] born, we don’t try shifting, shifting is always constantly happening.

You shift realities every single millisecond that goes by, no exception.”

In essence, shifting is an ever-occurring and natural process; it takes effort to get your desired reality, but it is inherently organic.

On a similar note, @ shiftingflower emphasizes having faith in your abilities. She states that for beginner shifters, you must “have faith and educate yourself properly… without faith it’ll be much harder.”

Sure, dreams are a great distraction from the current reality. But why bother dreaming if you can just be in another reality? As Cho says, reality is a space in which you choose to be, so just choose reality, not a far-fetched dream.

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SCRIPT *try it yourself*

My name is ____ And my friends call me ____ I am ____ years old I am ____ feet tall and have ____ hair and ____ eyes I was walking through the garden til a large white rabbit in a waistcoat brushed past me how odd it then turned towards me and said hurry! you’re late it dashed ahead into the hedges I followed until I lost sight of it confused I took a step forward and plummeted into the dark abyss colors flew past my face strange sounds rushed through my ears until it all went quiet I woke up to find an array of creatures waiting for me they are all my friends they all are here to have tea with me they will never hurt me and I can never be harmed or die nothing I face will traumatize me no one will question who I really am I will know I have successfully shifted when I smoke from a familiar, blue caterpillar blows into my face I must finish my cup of tea to return to my current reality my desired reality will pause when I leave I can never get stuck in my desired reality

SCRIPT AFFECTION MAGAZINE • CURRENTS

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Dolls, Photos by Talia Smith. Modeled by Sergio Cana Rodriguez, Ethan Denk, Gabriella Avelino, and Zoey Schorsch. Styled by Zoey Schorsch 65

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LUCID DREAMS AND MUGWORT TEA: A DEEP DIVE

written by TALIA SMITH photos by SERGIO CANA RODRIGUEZ art by JULIA SMITH

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ike all self-care enthusiasts, I’ve often found myself lost in piles of beauty products, trend-cycling “procosmo tips” and really any quaint DIY mixtures that promise some sort of positive outcome. In recent years, it seems like I’ve taken a rather deep exploration into the world of natural remedies. I’ve essentially been sucked into a hole of exciting life improvements, but I’ve made it out on the other end mostly empty-handed.

On a number of occasions, I’ve been coaxed by the internet into doing regrettable things, such as investing in arguably overpriced skincare lines, hanging a dried eucalyptus carcass from my showerhead, or using “naturally derived, hand-crafted vegan soap” that ended up making my skin dry up, crack, and peel. On the off chance that one of these remedies works, I’ll end up convincing myself that it’s not worth the investment or that I didn’t really see or feel any significant changes. Placebo effect: 100. Investment outlook skills: slim to none.

In a fit of dissatisfaction with my usual selfcare scouting, I fell into a hole of herbalheavy products— a hole that led me, Alice, AFFECTION MAGAZINE • CURRENTS

to the world of mildly hallucinogenic teas, my perceived personal Wonderland. At last, natural remedies that promised something a bit more than subjective relaxation or calmness.

I began my Mugwort trials with an itch for knowing as much about it as I could find.

What started with reading Twitter threads and online Quora forums quoting anonymous Reddit testimonials quickly turned to doomscrolling through potential side-effects, horror stories, and endless warnings about mixing certain herbal substances. As the fear of consuming what I suddenly came to know as a natural abortative progressed, there came a sudden pivot in my research.

The most notable difference it held from the natural remedies that had disappointed me in the past was that instead of presenting me with the easily breakable and vague promise of “wellness,” Mugwort tea promised to “alter my subconscious mind while I slept.”

In juxtaposition to any foreseen side effects that had scared me away, this promise piqued my interest a bit too much. Goodbye, disappointing flickers of momentary bliss— hello, plant-based dreamworld.

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For safety reasons, I’ll take the time to fully disclose the following: I am a 21-yearold adult who 1. Openly enjoys the very legal consumption of a number of natural herbs (psychoactive and otherwise), and 2.

Conducts a considerable amount of research on the things that go into my body. If it can be ingested, soaked into a pore, or consumed in any way by my person, I’ll probably want to know a thing or two about it before trying it out.

Boston’s Commonwealth Center for Holistic Herb Consumption— one of many online platforms that adamantly supports the careful and controlled use of Mugwort tea as a dream-altering substance— explains that lucid dreaming, improved dream recall, and even “enhanced dream creativity” are all said to be prominent outcomes of Mugwort consumption.

Unlike many biased fan-following forums, the CCHHC did mention that such in-depth dream experiences take more than a hot cup and comfortable bed. However, the idea of “bolstering dream recall and ability to identify recurring patterns in your dreams” held true throughout my research journey. This promise of change, however hard to measure, interested me enough to give Mugwort a go.

What resulted was more than I had bargained for.

In accordance with my normal habits, I decided not only to take the traditional route of steeping my herbs and enjoying a sizeable cup of tea, but to roll and smoke the ground up herbs.

Surprisingly enough, these two modes of consumption made for significantly different experiences. I had also read that tolerance to 72

“other herbal inhalants” may have an effect on one’s tolerance to Mugwort, so I consider my experience slightly warped by existing habits. However, I do feel that Mugwort tea shed a light on my perception of tolerance and the power that herbs can have on our brains.

So— here’s a rundown of what happened when I smoked it, drank it, and reflected on my experience: My Thoughts Drinking: For three days, I drank half a cup of herb diluted in one cup of hot water. Besides being thrown off by the taste (my research led me to anticipate a “sweet, full flavor,” which I actually found to be considerably bitter) I didn’t have too bad of a time drinking it.

Upon feeling a subtle lift in my mood, a decrease in energy and weighted muscles, I decided to get into bed and ride the experience out in a comfortable space. With a dream journal on my nightstand, waiting to be filled in the morning, I dozed off into a peaceful and very deep sleep each night I used the Mugwort.

Although I knew not to expect anything too life-altering or intensely psychedelic, I will admit that I was a bit let down by the tea’s impact on my dreams and subconscious thoughts.

At best, I felt like I got a really good night’s sleep and was reminded of experiences with melatonin or a large dose of Motrin PM. I didn’t find it necessarily “easy” to lucid dream or control what I was thinking about, although my dream recall did improve.

My Thoughts Smoking: After mixing some herbs together and rolling AFFECTION MAGAZINE • CURRENTS

myself something nice before bed, I did not expect to feel what can only be described as an intense headrush followed by the deepest sleep I’ve ever had. Luckily, I actually noticed that “sweet” flavor I had been promised, but only very slightly. As with drinking the tea, I found that smoking did help me in one way or another with dream recall.

I’m not the biggest tea girl, so I don’t think I can see myself implementing Mugwort tea into my nightly ritual. I do think that the effects seemed more instantaneous and arguably more intense when I inhaled the herb. If I were going to make Mugwort a part of my normal routine, I’d opt for smoking over drinking.

Overall Reaction: Whether it was by chance or not, the few nights that I drank the tea, I ended up having pretty intense dreams. I was able to recall running (from what, I’m not sure) and a game-showesque moment with some of my close friends when I smoked the herb, but when I drank it, most of what I could remember from my dreams was slightly unsettling. I can recall feelings of worry, confusion, and a lot of dark colors from the nights that ended with a cup of tea, and an interesting life-like experience when I smoked.

In short, I am very easily persuaded into trying “natural” anything, so long as someone, somewhere, can vouch for the likelihood that I will gain something positive from it.

Mugwort tea offered me an alternative to the empty promises of DIY and natural remedies for wellbeing, but also reminded me of how powerful persuasion can be. Whether or not the tea really did anything to me is still up in the air. However, I won’t knock Mugwort for the rest of my life, especially on the days on which I’m more inclined to remember my dreams or enjoy a nice cup of tea.

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Eat Your Feelings, Photos by Eleni Papachristodoulou. Modeled by

Eleni Papachristodoulou

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