Chapter 5: Candyce

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Chapter 5: Candyce !

It all started on March 2012 when I found

out I was pregnant with my 3rd son. My husband and I were excited and the pregnancy was going really well when I went in for my 17-week checkup. A routine ultrasound was scheduled that day and I waited as the tech searched my belly for the baby. On the ultrasound screen, all I could see was a big white spot- no baby. The Tech seemed confused, so he called in the

Perinatologist. Something was very wrong with my ultrasound. A round circular “thing” was covering almost the whole screen. The doctor didn’t panic at first; he simply thought my ovaries were in the way.

There was nothing simple about what happened next when he scheduled me for a laparoscopic procedure. Surgery at 17 weeks pregnant? !

I was fully conscious during the procedure and had only been numbed from the waist down. I heard everything the

surgeons were saying, most importantly when they admitted to not being able to find the mass. I was angry. They opened me up and couldn't find the mass that was big as day on my ultrasound. I stayed in the hospital for 3 days recovering. A follow-up ultrasound was ordered and, once again, the mysterious mass was visible, but this time much bigger. It took everything in me not to lose my shit on the doctors. I was pregnant, had to go through a useless procedure, and then sit in a hospital for 3 days, only for them to perform the same test they did a

few weeks ago in the doctor’s office with the exact same results. I just knew they were wasting my time, and I was pissed. !

An MRI was ordered to find the exact location of the tumor. It showed the mass sitting on my rectum, which then explained my constant episodes of extreme constipation. One big fact about pregnancy is that the supplements can cause constipation, so I totally dismissed the episodes as normal pregnancy side effects.

Now what? I was restricted to bedrest and

the tumor was biopsied. The radiologist literally stuck a needle in my ass to drain the mass. Reality set in as I saw the fluid sitting in the vials on their way to pathology. The only thing that mattered in those next moments were the test results. I felt out of control. Excitement about my pregnancy quickly turned to nervousness about my test results, and anger towards my doctors for not knowing what was wrong with me. All I could do was wait. Â !

My pregnancy was progressing like normal and my belly was growing, but so was the tumor. It was becoming harder to sit, and I was experiencing excruciating back pains. Â All the doctors did was dope me- and the baby- up on dilaudid. Heavy pain medication while pregnant? I was terrified that my son would have narcotic withdrawal at birth. I felt helpless and had no choice but to take them, .2mg every 2 hours, no more and definitely no less. My pregnancy reality became sleepless nights,

heavy pain meds, and a drain hanging out of my ass. Still, I was waiting. !

The biopsy came back and I remember my doctor clearly saying, “I'm sorry. It seems as though the mass is malignant.”

MALIGNANT? Really? How in the hell can I have rectal cancer? I was young and pregnant, so there had to be some way to explain all of this without the “cancer” word.

No way. I couldn't grasp the whole idea of cancer; it was just too much for me to handle. I cried and cried. All I could do was

ask, “What’s next?” I thought about my baby and wondered if he would be okay. My husband asked about staging and treatment options, wanting to know if I would be okay.

All I wanted was to be out of the hospital.

The oncologist decided to do aspirations to keep the mass sustained. Since the cancer was in an early stage, the surgery to remove the tumor could wait until after I had my son. All I could think about was the cancer spreading and cutting my life short. This was not the pregnancy I imagined. Months passed and even though I had to live with

the tumor still inside of me, I was grateful to give birth to a healthy baby boy. After my son was born, the focus shifted to getting rid of the cancer. !

On top of being “new mom” tired, I was having all these crazy side effects from the tumor. The constipation was gone but replaced with frequent bathroom trips, the feeling of never being “empty”, bloody stools and PAIN PAIN PAIN. The pain sent me to the ER in February 2013, and I was admitted and scheduled for a colonoscopy and

surgery that same week. The colonoscopy showed polyps, which meant the cancer had moved to my colon. I was floored. I wanted the doctors to do something and to do something immediately. Â As a 29-year-old mother of three, I was scared for my family and needed to know if this cancer was going to kill me. !

I went in for surgery and it was a bitch.

The procedure was scheduled to last to 3 hours, but instead took 8. The surgeon had to really fight and dig deep to get to the

mass, and he later admitted it was hell getting it out. Â Recovery was insane. I had a bag and drains, along with my share of complications. Â I was diagnosed with post surgery Ileus, meaning my intestines were in shock and just stopped working. Next up were the respiratory issues, and I mean it was nasty. The good news came from my post- surgery PET scanned which showed no sign of cancer. I was relieved and overjoyed, I finally felt like I could breathe. Realizing that I could go home after being in the hospital for a whole month on contact isolation,

while fighting a disease that was trying to kill me, was indeed a victory. My victory dance was cut short when the doctor told me I would have to do 9 weeks of radiation therapy before I could be given a true cancer free report card. Really? I had to fight hard to stay positive and I did so by concentrating on my “no more disease� test results, hoping it would carry me through the next 9 weeks. !

Radiation was terrible and left me with internal burns. I was nauseous all the time and vomiting everywhere. The oncologist

admitted that my radiation dosage was so high that it may have damaged my ovaries.

Like really? All this new innovative shit was now threatening to take my womanhood.

What next? I finished treatment and went into remission finally feeling like myself. I finally was allowed to say that I beat cancer. !

January 2014, I was on a flight and started to show signs of severe constipation.

I got o the flight and went straight to my doctor, worried that my past diagnosis had come back. A CT scanned showed that the

mass on my rectum was indeed back and had brought a friend. My uterus now had a tumor of its own. Two tumors? All I could do was cry. I cried and cried, and then started to blame my doctor. I wondered why they hadn’t taken a more aggressive approach with me. For almost a year I allowed myself to believe that I had beat this thing, only for it to come back with double the tumors. I had done everything the doctors had asked, even the horrible radiation treatment, and it all was for nothing.

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A biopsy was ordered and results were sent to pathology. Then came another PET scan and everything seemed to be starting from the beginning again, except this time I was angry. I had a true dĂŠjĂ vu moment; I was pregnant again- this time with double the babies (twins) and double the cancer.

The most aggressively growing tumor was in my uterus, along with my progressing pregnancy, and the babies were having a hard time growing. !

It is now months later I find myself at a world-renowned cancer hospital with surgery and treatment plans in place, but the pregnancy isn’t going well. My fear of what I felt almost 2 years ago is haunting me trifold. Here we go again. !

@dycelovesu