Brittany Johnson (CoCo Nicole) – Fighter (@wutscocodoin) Phuck Cancer! I’m Phighting!
Life before Cancer In order for you to learn from my story you’d have to first know how my life was prior to cancer. This could happen to any ordinary person. There is no particular age, race, or gender. Cancer doesn’t have a 1
favorite type, it happens randomly and spontaneously. Before Hodgkin’s Lymphoma I lived an exciting life. I have a 7-year old healthy son, a full-time job, my own house and just purchased a new vehicle to be able to travel with my little man. Making money working, taking care of him and having fun making music consumed all of my time but I loved everything about it! I was blessed with great family, good friends and an exciting social life. Hard working, 2
dependable, independent and positive is how I would best describe myself.
Performing in Huntington, WV - 2011
December 25, 2013
My first encounter with cancer was one year and a half before I received my diagnoses. It was a tough experience but another example 3
of just how spontaneous cancer can be. On March 12, 2012 my stepfather went in for a routine physical exam. 30 minutes into the exam the doctor found that he had been living with lung cancer for quite some time and needed immediate treatment. Unfortunately, treatment wasn’t enough to stop the spread of the disease and within that month we watched as cancer took a huge toll on his life. It hit our family like a ton of bricks. On April 13, 2012 my stepfather, 4
Charles T. Crawford lost his life. It’s a feeling that still, and always will, brings tears to my eyes. When you love someone so much and look up to them as the strongest person you know in life, nothing can prepare you for seeing them pass away so suddenly. I hated everything about cancer and until now I always related it to death and heartache.
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My late stepfather singing to me on my 25th Birthday! (R.I.P. CTC)
C-Day (Being diagnosed) December 26, 2013 – My Mother’s 51st birthday! I had plans on having dinner with her and friends to celebrate after my usual 8hour work shift. I had some discomfort in 6
my right shoulder and arm all day long but nothing out of the ordinary. I had been living with this pain nearly two months but just didn’t have the time to take off work and have it looked at. In my mind, I lay on that side when I sleep so it couldn’t be anything but a pulled muscle that would work itself out in time. Looking back, it was more than discomfort and I should’ve never ignored the signs my body was sending me. I also grew more tired within those two 7
months I was living with the discomfort. I remember being so restless during the day that I would drive home on my lunch break just to sleep for 30 minutes, sometimes dozing off at my desk. The warning signs were so slight that they were easily mistaken as simply just tiredness from the way I lived life, always busy on the go. Most working single mothers with goals and aspirations should easily relate to this. It was nearing the end of the work day and I began getting 8
shooting pains from my shoulder to my chest area. This is when I began to worry. I sat silently in my chair and started thinking of everything I had been experiencing in the past two months and thought, for the 1st time, all of my symptoms may be related. I asked myself if there was anything I was missing? I noticed the shoulder and arm discomfort, I noticed the tiredness but what else was there? Well, there was an annoying cough and shortness of breath when I would 9
talk or practice my music for long periods of time. I didn’t pay it much mind either but it was almost like I didn’t have enough breath in me for me to continue as usual without stopping to cough. Then there were the shooting pains from the shoulder that had been troubling me for so long. By this time I’m freaking out at everything I had been ignoring and jump on the internet to Google my symptom; which, by the way, was the dumbest thing I could’ve done! Lol! I 10
must’ve diagnosed myself with everything under the sun before I said, “Brittany, log off and just go to the ER after work!” At this time a co-worker walked by and saw the puzzled look on my face. He asked if everything was ok and I said honestly I don’t know. I told him what I had been experiencing and he agreed that I should probably go get it checked out after my shift. In my mind I had it narrowed down to pneumonia or a simple chest cold. I called 11
my Aunt Renee to have her pick up my son from daycare while I got checked out at the hospital. My family knew nothing about what I had been experiencing because I didn’t feel it was severe. I then called my mother to tell her my plans and that I would meet her at her favorite restaurant after being released. I was certain it would take 2 hours max. Upon checking into the ER and letting them know my symptoms they immediately began running tests but after 12
every one they would sit me back out in the waiting area. After nearly 3 hours and the friend that came with me needing to get home to her baby my patience started running thin and I was infuriated at the fact that I was missing my mother’s birthday. She called my phone and heard the frustration in my voice; I would’ve walked out of that door had she not stopped me. Cancelling her birthday plans her and a close friend came to sit with me. Shortly 13
after that is when I got called back to a room. From there…my world was turned upside down at age 27 and the next 7 days were a blur. “We noticed cloudiness in your x-ray.” (ER doctor) “Ok, so that’s significant with pneumonia right? Will I be able to get released tonight and take medication from home?” (Me)
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“You’re right, it is, but there’s more. You also have a mass on the right side of your chest pushing against your shoulder and chest cavity causing it to appear rather large. This is what is causing the pain you are feeling in your shoulder and arm, the mass is pressing against nerves that are affecting the feeling in that arm. I’m sorry but we’re going to have to admit you for further testing.” (ER doctor)
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“Ok so what does this mean? Can it be removed?” (Me) “We won’t be sure until we do a biopsy on the mass and know exactly what we are dealing with. I’ve scheduled the biopsy for tomorrow morning and then we’ll go from there. I’m sorry.” (ER doc) The door closes and I’m left puzzled. My mom and her friend are staring at me telling me it’ll all be fine and my only reaction was to cry. I was scared, I was confused, I 16
wanted my son and to just lay in my bed at home! My mother held me as I cried for what seemed like forever. I had a million questions and no one to ask who could relate. The nurses kept coming in to check on me but I didn’t want to be bothered, I wanted to cry and be left alone. How was this “mass” growing in me and I had no clue! Who could I blame?
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Image of active tumor behind my breast bone. 12-26-13
December 27, 2013 – Upon being admitted I was immediately hooked up to an IV to have fluids administered. They started me out on morphine and Dilaudid for the pain in my shoulder which seemed to intensify once I learned that there was a major problem growing inside of me. I couldn’t get 18
comfortable at all, my mind was clouded with thoughts but the meds made it a lot easier to fall asleep. I was put on a liquid diet until all of the testing was completed that day. At 6 a.m. my mother and I were awaken by the nurses so that I could be wheeled off for biopsy. Not sure of the name but the medication they gave me before my biopsy put me in a twilight state. I remember seeing them doing the procedure and feeling the pressure but I felt no pain at all. One 19
thing about it, they made sure I never felt any pain. When I look at pictures of how much weight I lost and my time in the hospital, it’s all clouded because majority of the time I was high off of the meds they kept me on. It all happened too fast for me to comprehend what was going on in that state of mind. The “C” word never once came to mind when I heard I had a mass. I think my family thought of it but kept their thoughts to themselves and conversation about it 20
outside of my room in order to keep me at peace. December 31, 2013 – It has now been four days that I’ve been stuck at this hospital. I missed my sons 7th birthday on the 29th; I’m missing all of the New Year’s Eve parties and those new Michael Kors heels in my closet my boyfriend bought me to wear with the perfect New Years dress! I’m pissed, livid and I want answers! Every nurse that entered my room I begged to leave. I was 21
told the doctor would be in soon to inform me of the results. My room was filled with family and my closest friends. Finally at about 6 p.m. in walks a team of four people and they looked like they meant business. I asked a few people to leave the room but kept my closest family members present. Surprisingly I wasn’t nervous because I was still confident that it wasn’t serious and they’d be releasing me. The doctor proceeded to introduce himself and inform 22
me that the tumor in my chest had active cancer cells. He said the type of cancer I have is called Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I would have to undergo chemotherapy and possibly radiation but it is the most curable form of cancer there is. Everybody’s eyes were stuck on me while he was speaking and I just remember staring at him like I was in a dream. He asked if I had any questions and my only one was, “Where do we begin, I’m going to fight and beat this!” He then 23
explained the process, told me he would need me to stay in the hospital for a few more days and from there I would begin chemotherapy, 6 cycles. After talking a few more minutes, he shook my hand, smiled and left the room. I was happy to finally know what was going on inside of me but scared as hell of what was about to take place. I hugged my mother, hugged my father, hugged my aunt and broke down in
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tears! Happy New Year Britt…2014…cheers!
December 29, 2013
My mother, brother, sister and I during my hospital stay. Right by
January 1, 2014 – On this day I had a CT scan. I was given some liquid in a Gatorade 25
bottle that I was told to drink fast one hour before my scan. The liquid was disgusting! It tasted like metal and I had to hold my nose getting it down. I also had a mega scan taken of my heart to make sure it was pumping at a high enough percentage to begin chemo the following week. January 2, 2014 – Two days after diagnoses I was informed that I had the option of getting what they called a Power Port inserted surgically into my chest. This 26
would allow them to draw blood and give me medication a lot easier than through an IV. At this point I agreed to whatever would make my 6 months easiest. During the Power Port procedure I was completely put to sleep. I didn’t feel one bit of it and had no pain upon waking up. They also took bone marrow from my hip that they tested to get an estimate of how long I had cancer. It revealed that I had been living with it approximately 3 months. Explains why the 27
discomfort in my shoulder started that fall. My body was trying to warn me a long time ago I just didn’t listen. I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. January 3, 2014 – Eight days later I was discharged from the hospital. I was given strict orders to be off work, stay in the house out of public places where there would be a lot of people and wear a surgical mask at all times to avoid any illness that would interfere with my treatment plan. I went 28
from staying busy and being out all the time to being confined. I absolutely hated it. I was sent home on Percocet to take for pain, Xanax for anxiety, Zoloft for anxiety and depression, Compazine for nausea and vomiting and Lactulose for constipation caused from the pain meds. I lost a total of 18 pounds and went from wearing a size 9 to a size 3. I couldn’t look in the mirror. I felt like a completely different person.
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Cancer Resumed Chemotherapy began on January 8, 2014. I started out on the ABVD regimen. Meaning the chemicals Adriamycin, Bleomycin, Vinblastine and Dacarbazine were administered each treatment. My doctor ordered me to go 6 cycles. Once every two weeks for a total of 6 months. 1 cycle was equal to two treatments so technically I’d have to have 12 treatments total. The day after every treatment I would have to go 30
back in for what they called a “Booster Shot”. This was given to boost my white blood cell count. I was told this would make my bones ache and to take Claritin allergy medication to help with the aching two days before chemo and five days after on top of all of the other meds. I could hardly keep up. The 1st treatment knocked me completely on my ass. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t get comfortable, I was in pain and irritated. I remember my mind felt blank. It’s hard to 31
describe but you almost feel dead inside. The tears rolled down my cheeks as it was hard to even know what I wanted to eat or drink. My mom would ask me what I wanted, what I was feeling and if I was in pain and I’d just stare at her crying. I didn’t know! I was literally dead inside. For five days after treatment she tried to force me to eat and get out of bed. I continued to lose weight and after just one treatment felt like letting go. It was on that 5th day that my best 32
friend showed up, opened my blinds and said, “Get up! You are going to fight. I’m going to rearrange your room to make it more comfortable, wash and do your hair, help you get dressed and we are going to eat a meal together!” It was at that point in life that I realized I had something to live for. I couldn’t let go and give up. It wasn’t an option. She gave me hope and made me feel alive that day and I am forever grateful. Throughout chemotherapy I experienced 33
nausea, night sweats, constipation, fatigue, vomiting, cramps and sometimes stomach pain upon walking that would bend me over and have me grabbing the closest thing to me for stability. Luckily I had great family and good friends to hold me up during my fight. I got used to the side effects after a while and it became like second nature. I’d do things around the house, shower and keep my son occupied while fighting through the pain. I made a promise to myself after that 34
1st treatment that I would maintain life as normal as possible so that my son would never worry. I wasn’t able to work and was denied social security although I was told by my social worker at the hospital it was guaranteed I’d have the income while I was battling cancer. Bills quickly began piling up so I took matters into my own hands and used money from my income tax return to invest in having t-shirts made to sale during my fight. See I was always used to making 35
my own money, having little to no help and didn’t have anyone I knew who survived cancer to ask for advice. I didn’t know of websites such as GoFundMe.com or other sites designed to help people raise money so I did what I had to do and it made me stronger along the way. On March 11, 2014 I had my 1st full body scan since December 26, 2013. Halfway through and after just 6 chemotherapy treatments my doctor informed me that there were NO active 36
cancer cells and my tumor had shrunk tremendously. He made the decision that all I had to do was 2 more treatments and he would stop chemotherapy. Nothing but God, the feeling I felt at that moment in time was out of this world! I have since then completed my last two rounds and was blessed on April 24, 2014 to be finished with chemotherapy. The same family and friends were present, along side of the amazing nursing staff that helped me the 37
whole way through, as I rang the victory bell symbolizing my fight was just about over! I still have 15 treatments of radiation to complete but finally, the hardest part is over!
My son & I! Ringing the bell of completion together!
My oncologist & I the last day of chemotherapy!
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March 11, 2013 – The day I received my negative scan results!
Special Thanks: Most importantly I’d like to thank God for choosing me to endure everything I’ve been 39
through. I truly believe that my anger and resentment was so strong when my stepfather passed away that he took me on this journey to discover myself and restore my faith in him completely. I was so bitter about cancer and felt that no good could come from it. In my mind, it was a death sentence and I knew of too many who lost their lives to it. Now, after all I’ve been through, I know it’s not. Cancer actually gave me life and for that I am grateful. I had 40
and still have an amazing team behind me whom I call, “My Phighters”. All of your kind words on my social networks, donations and purchases at my fundraisers helped me more than you’ll ever know! I gained so many new friends and grew closer to ones I already had. My Ace, my right hand chick, my soul mate, Rachel Froehlich…I love you and my godson with every bone in my body! You picked me up and dusted me off several times throughout 41
this process and showed me the loyalty you always have. If it wasn’t for you taking my hand that very 1st treatment I don’t know where I’d be! To my son, Turchon Michael, you are mommy’s angel! You have been such a little trooper on this journey and did a great job helping mommy the whole way through. I hope you realize when you’re older that we are blessed to have one and other. I will do my best to always make you happy and never let you see me down. I 42
want to lead by example and show you that no matter what life throws your way you better fight through it like no other! Everything happens for a reason and God makes no mistakes! I’d like to send big hugs and kisses to my family. You mean more to me than anything in this world and we have tons of memories to make together. Let the fun begin! Last but not least I’d like to thank my mother, Teresa Crawford, for being by my side every step of the way thus far. I 43
know it had to be hard watching your baby girl go through so much but you raised one tough cookie! No more tears of sadness, we have a long life ahead to live. Charlie is in a much better place and he no longer feels any pain. Trust me, I know now what he was feeling and it hurt. Let go, smile and thank God we still have each other. I love you all and I appreciate you all! Thank you for being my foundation and holding my hand every step of the way. My battle has been 44
won but the war is not over. Please continue to support those with cancer and spread word about my fight and the others in this book. We’ve worked very hard to be where we are and hope that people are inspired and encouraged! I look forward to making music in the future and speaking at public events about cancer awareness. Please continue to follow my journey on Instagram (@wutscocodoin), Facebook (https://m.facebook.com/coconicoleloso) 45
and Reverbnation (www.reverbnation.com/coconicoleloso304) . Every life has a purpose, appreciate and enjoy!
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