Peace in the Storm

Bernice Samuels @Bnice28 Peace in the Storm I remember wiping my tears and taking to my little brother outside of the emergency room telling him that we were built for this.

This fight this is what we do we are Samuels all I know how to do is fight. But deep down in my gut I was terrified. I walked back into the emergency room to go back and see Bea 1

and the stares that I was was getting where crazy. My thought were was i talking that loud ? Was my wig tilted ? I mean what could it be? The police officer on duty called two nurses over and was blocking the entrance telling me that I need to have a seat they were getting a wheel chair for me and everything would be ok. I had blood all over my face and a cut in my hand about one inch wide and two inches deep. I had dropped blood all on these people floor and had no 2

clue. I didn't feel a thing not cold not pain nothing. And while on the phone with my brother hype I was wiping my face and pacing. So at this point I look like a complete nut case and a beat and batter women mixed together. About 20 mins before that I walked outside with no jacket in January in Maryland and slide to the ground and screamed and cried because I just found out that the love of my life had cancer lymphoma they said nodular s 3

something. All I could do was think about that movie Powder and how thin and bald he would be.

I am getting ahead of my self. I am the caretaker. Bernice my momma calls me Bernie my friends call me Beanz or B. Before all this drama began I was a 26 year old mother of one amazing son named Maximus engaged to the love of my life James juice watts together for 11 years he was all I knew. Masters degree working on 4

my doctorate hubby there had just began his locksmithing business and life was good.

Wait getting this guy to commit and set a date after all those years man my life was great everything was finally starting to workout. In October 2010 James who has always been thin started to loose weight but wasn't doing anything different. I looked for a secret gym pass and everything. Nothing.

In November He was complaining joint pain and was becoming a nightmare to sleep with 5

constantly complaining about being cold or hot and sweating. After months of begging him to go to the doctor. I put my foot down took off work and drug him to the minute Clinic. Filled out all of his paper work and told him we are getting to the bottom of this.

Period. After a hour long wait and a "extensive" 15 minutes evaluation the doctor wanted to schedule test for lupus.

Lupus? Aww man. He walked out of that office as if they told him he had 24 hours to 6

live max. I grabbed his shoulder , turned him around aggressively, and looked him in his eye and said no matter what they come back with I will never leave you side. He looked at me and said I know and smiled. After 5 test coming back clearing him from lupus had everything else we could find on google to test for we were in the clear. Cue the praise dance music.

But not so fast. Now he asked me to feel his neck he had a lump in it. It's now January 7

and he is holding on to his clean bill of health given by a few doctors. But something still seemed off what is that lump about? So I tricked him to ride with me to take my best-friend Nikkia to the doctors who was with child at the time and she had a minor scare and needed moral support.

While signing her in I signed him into we were going to figure out what that lump was all about. Got him. Best friend is fine no issues she was just being pregnant and 8

dramatic. Bea on the other hand had be given a gown and was being seen by a few doctors. They start telling him he would be transferred for further testing. But they thought it was lime diseases. One of the doctors pulled me to the side and said its probably not like disease I it's more than likely cancer. But he wanted me to keep it quite until I get and actual diagnose he gave me his card and told me to follow up with him so that he could know if he was correct.

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I agreed and off to the next hospital we go in the. James was so belligerent he didn't want to go in the ambulance if I could ride with him. He wanted me near him 24/7. After taking him down I drove in the car directly behind and he talked to me on the phone the entire ride. Next day First surgery of many biopsy of the neck lump. Which left my baby with a mean scar on his neck. I came back Hodgkin's lymphoma nodular sclerosing. Next was staging it was present 10

I his lung and liver Stage 4 out the gate. But the doctor told me if you could pick a cancer he pick a great one to have his prognosis was good eight months of ABDV once every two weeks and he could be in full remission. Ok cool. Takes a deep. I can do eight months in my sleep. Broke the news to everyone. Cards candy you name it for one week. Super support. That type of support was never seen again at that rate.

Here started all the decision port placement 11

immediate chemo was needed. We were trying for another baby we had recently had a miscarriage. The first thing we asked for was sperm preservation. The doctors responds was there is no time. He could die.

If we don't treat him right away. That just didn't make sense to me he didn't look like he was dying at all. He said We could try again a year after he completes treatment his sperm count should return to normal. Should is the key word. I told the doctor we should 12

drink 8 glasses of water a day how many have you had ? His response was minimal he stressed the seriousness of his illness and immediate action was needed. So we moved forward with treatment. I would do anything to save my Bea life. So the anything Began I google cancer cured natural and bought everything. Seaweed, dead sea salt, vitamin, organic food only, stopped using the microwave, my dad brought in some drink from South America back on a plane which 13

is beyond me how he got threw customs but that is a whole different story. I was all in I shaved my head with him. Took out sugars in my diet. I read about cancer ever day for hours at a time. I just knew as long a as I do my part we were going to beat this thing. He was doing awesome six month into treatment he relapses the cancer spreads and create a legion on his liver. I B lined to his oncologist office. It was about to go down. I screamed on this man so bad. What 14

happened to a good cancer to have? 8 months and life would be back to normal?

Hhmm? Mr I love to write chemo prescriptions? I was devastated. My baby was crawling up the stairs to get around the house. I never cried in front if him. I would always cry to myself at night time when his meds would kick in and I knew he couldn't hear me. I didn't want him to think he was losing. I couldn't have him think that. They recommends ICE treatment to put him in 15

remission and a stem cell transplant. He now had and aggressive form of cancer that wasn't responsive to the normal treatment.

But ICE is the real

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