| Hope
I
BY KAREN NICOLA, M.A.
think we would all agree that to have anything of value, it takes work to achieve it. An old Abenaki legend tells the story of learning the difficult lesson that it takes work to extract the sweet thin nectar from maple trees and turn it into syrup.1 My friend, Chloe, never knew that by the end of her day she would be looking at the body of her dead husband following a motorcycle accident. Her life changed forever on that day. It would take “grief work” to move forward into a new life without the man she loved. Would she allow that change to diminish her or make her stronger? Similar to how it takes a great deal of effort to change the amber liquid flowing from a maple tree into tabletop syrup, it takes intentional involvement to become a stronger and better person from our loss. Effort is required to cause any type of positive change.
GRIEF IN ACTION
is Like Sweet Syrup
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A M E R I C A N I N D I A N & A L A S K A N AT I V E L I V I N G
The activity of “grief work” is an intentional choice. Possibly, perhaps just the word—WO-R-K—creates negative memories of a disdained chore you had as a kid. For me it was pulling weeds from the ivy bed in the hot sun. But for the sake of honesty, there is some work I love to do. Possibly you enjoy certain types of work as well. For instance, I really enjoy ironing. The transformation of wrinkled shirts to crisp, pressed ones, ready to wear, is very satisfying. Maybe you enjoy doing the dishes or cleaning out the barn or waxing your truck. With this work comes a degree of satisfaction. Likewise, “grief work” also brings satisfaction. It is an activity of cooperating with healthy healing processes. Just as there are tools to collect for making maple syrup, there are tools that create better results when we grieve.
WHAT IS GRIEF WORK? As I continue coaching others through their grieving journey, we often explore that to grieve well means doing grief work. What do I mean by “grief work?” It is quite simple: grief work is being intentionally active with your grief. It means paying attention to the grief journey and responding in healthy, appropriate, and at times, painful ways. It means facing the emotions and dealing with them in the moment. This can be awkward. When we are in the middle of
