In Our Own Write by AIDS Action Council

Published by the AIDS Action Council of the ACT Inc. Westlund House 16 Gordon Street ACTON, ACT 2601 Australia © AIDS Action Council of the ACT Inc. 2007 © Individual Contributors. 2007

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any other information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. PDF and E-book format may be printed for personal use only. In our own write: a collection of stories by young queer people in Canberra. ISBN 9780980334517 (pbk.). 1. Gay youths’ writings. 2. Gays’ writings, Australian - Australian Capital Territory - Canberra. 3. Australian literature - Australian Capital Territory - Canberra. I. Featherstone, Nigel. II. Heino, Grant. III. AIDS Action Council of the ACT. IV. Title. A823.0108926640947 Design and layout by en–creative Acknowledgements In Our Own Write was supported by the ACT Government through ACT Health Promotion Grants. Grateful acknowledgement is given to the following organizations for their support and encouragement: staff and volunteers of the AIDS Action Council of the ACT, Scope Youth Service (YWCA), People Living with HIV/AIDS ACT (PLWHA), and Bit Bent. We acknowledge Monica Conaghan for her contribution to early design work. Special thanks to Grant Heino, and Nigel Featherstone who volunteered their time as editors. Thank you to all the young people who have been involved in this project, especially the contributors. The project wouldn’t have been possible without you.

Introduction In Our Own Write is a collection of young people’s stories, ideas and experiences. The project was designed and produced by young queer people living in the Australian Capital Territory. It is about their personal experiences being a queer identifying young person in Canberra; a reflection of the young people’s journeys. In Our Own Write is a follow on from a similar publication, Yes, I Am, released in 2000. Both publications have been created to give a voice to queer young people and document some of the ways that we, as a community, have persevered against prejudice and homophobia – and come out on top. The project has encouraged young queer people to share their stories and experiences about growing up in Canberra. It raises the visibility and awareness of the lives of young queer people in the ACT. We hope that this resource will be useful, not only for young queer people, but also their family and friends. For this reason, we have included a number of articles drawing from our own experiences, and a short directory of queer-friendly services and support in the ACT. In Our Own Write was a project facilitated by the AIDS Action Council of the ACT and SCOPE Youth Service. Queer young people have driven every aspect of the project. It is hoped that through In Our Own Write, other young queer people in the ACT will realise that they are not alone, and that they are a valuable part of a diverse population which makes up the Canberra, and Australian community.

Contents 2

Untitled Arma

Gay and Alternative Ritso van Kampen

Of love between men Alana Westlin

I want someone Chuck Anderson

Beyond My Night’s Frame Tim Bocquet

My friend came out to me! David Mills

Doc troubles – or troubled doc? Gipsy Hosking

My last breath Chuck Anderson

Gender Bending Gipsy Hosking

Together Al West

Domestic Violence Keiran Rossteuscher

Untitled David O’Hara

Untitled Kyle Sheppard

Coke Anonymous

Fire Douglas J Robinson

Ignorance ... why? Arma

Proud? Chuck Anderson

A caged rainbow Ned Dankwart

A lover of men Anonymous

Bi mum Aims

Does love still exist? Anonymous

Coming out tips Keiran Rossteuscher

Firsts theweaknessinme

Frontier Nikki Frankenberger

Strength Chuck Anderson

Getting involved in the community David Mills

Men are from Mars, masomonogynandrosexuals are from Uranus Terri

Consent and negotitation Keiran Rossteuscher

Religion Risto van Kampen

One of those days Chuck Anderson

Untitled Arma

Contacts

Bios

Untitled arma I don’t know how to tell you the way I am is not a choice.

I can’t change my being any more than you can.

However, say what you will – I’ll not evade your ploys.

It’s innate. No apologies. It wasn’t my plan.

I can’t argue theology, I just don’t know enough

You can’t expect me to be somebody I’m not.

though I’ll make myself ready for certain rebuff.

It took me years for the pretence to stop.

You say I’m wrong and that you’re right. I pray you never know my plight. There is something I’d like to know: from inflexible beliefs how do you expect us to grow?

Gay and alternative Risto van Kampen I am not a pill popper who only listens to dance music – in fact, far from it. I don’t do drugs and I listen to all sorts of music, which includes one of my fave Emo bands, My Chemical Romance (not to mention I think the lead singer is hot). What I get out of listening to Emo music is a strange but awesome feeling that is hard to describe. It can sound haunting, but it can also get me energised to be able to do whatever I put my mind to. When I dress Emo I feel more like myself than I ever have before, because I don’t feel like I am part of mainstream gay culture. Emo is an outlet which allows me to express who I am. Do what makes you feel happy, don’t do something just because you think it is expected of you. Be true to yourself, even if that means you’re an alternative gay man.

Of love between men Alana Westlin One bed is always slept in, has always been slept in. The other has sheets and blankets neatly folded and tidily stacked at the end. The pillows have seen their share of use over the years, but they no longer hold the imprint of an owner. The mattress has long ago forgotten the curves of a human body. The sheets cannot recall the scent of the man who used to sleep here and so they have become musty, smelling of rotting damp like the roof. The headboard, full of termites, is slowly falling apart. There is a sad empty space on the floor in which his boots used to rest. Directly across is a fireplace that hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t seen fresh ash since the last harsh winter when both beds were still occupied. A small figure opens the door, letting in snow drift. It will later rot the floorboards. He has brought wood to light the fire because the cold is too much for him to stand. He kicks off his boots; they land in the middle of the floor. His hands tremble â&#x20AC;&#x201C; it takes several attempts to light

a match, which startles him, causing him to drop it in a small puddle made from melting snow. He tries again and this time succeeds in lighting the small collection of twigs and branches. When the fire is burning, he removes his thick coat and sits on the end of his hard and uncomfortable bed. Staring at the other, empty bed, he wishes he could do something, anything, but he knows there is nothing to do but sleep until the cold season has ended, and the sun can once again warm the faces of lovers. One bed is always slept in, will always be slept in.

I want someone Chuck Anderson I want someone who can challenge me intellectually. Someone who can listen to my points of view and understands them collectively. I want someone who can give me what they receive. Someone who values integrity; not only speaking it but believes. I want someone who excites me. Someone who gives me high expectations that delight me. I want someone who can hold his ground but knows when to yield. Someone who gives me happiness and knows how it feels. I want someone who can express what’s inside. Someone who respects my opinions and takes them in strides. I want someone who loves every part of me. Someone who understands my imperfections and enjoys them unconditionally. I want someone who gives me the respect I deserve. Someone who can admit when they’re wrong with more than one word. I want someone who can open up and deal with the past. Someone who realises that that’s the only way to discover the future and ensure

it lasts. I want someone that takes things as they come and tries to do their best. Someone who recognises everything is everything and knows when to rest. I want someone to finish the words on this paper without a single hesitation. Only then will I have that someone who can offer me everything I’m asking for, as we walk hand in hand towards our destination.

Beyond my Night’s Frame Tim Bocquet A thought came through the darkness beyond my window: I wasn’t sure if my heart had thrown it at my head or if it was a line from a childhood song. The thought was this: ‘What passion is beyond my night’s frame?’ The frame was my window, with a few cobwebs of night coming in at me. I did not know what mysterious delights were beyond it, and I had no idea how to claim my piece of the green carnation dawn. The kid called Fate sat at the wheel of my Uranian car. He was knowledgeable in all things literary, artistic and musical and he decided to place in my heart the keys to everything holy and wonderfully shameful. He had the ear for soft sensitivity: ‘Of course you like the Smiths and Belle & Sebastian! You’re a big puss,’ he said, ‘and better a puss than Virginia Woolf!’ I subsequently came out to my mother with Belle and Sebastian playing on the family’s loudspeakers.

Into my ears Fate dribbled the words of Ginsberg’s Everything is Holy (though never in the religious sense – when everything is holy there is no need for religion). Ginsberg was smothered in life and bare of lace edgings. I came out to my friends after I read Kaddish. I honour him as he did Blake. Fate threw me E.M. Forster’s Maurice and A Room with a View. They helped sand the edges off my rough but innocent heart: Maurice informed me of my choices and A room ... to me what the end result could be if I was to make the right one. Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh injected a much needed shot of class and lifestyle fun – I learnt about white suits, gin, cigarettes and the grandness and fantastic randomness of aesthetic beauty. I was schooled on Greek love, and on Macedonian love – Alexander the Great, a man who caught the world in a net of gay myth. To know about him was when I first put the words ‘great’ and ‘gay’

together. Now I hold them to the world like Apollo’s sword. ‘My weakness is that I do what I will and get what I want,’ said Mons. Wilde, whose plays and poems and life as a whole is deeply embedded in my queer-ass soul. Fate showed me Wilde and in doing so completely convinced me to come out and accept myself in all my glory. Green carnation and all. He is our martyr, Wilde, patron saint to gays everywhere. Rejoice in him.

Alexander, like Maurice, like Ginsberg and Waugh, know and love what it is to be a part of this great big grand queer machine.

I was the lily planted beneath authors and poets and musicians and I was nurtured and taught how to accept myself, and become self-aware. It was as if Fate, that reckless philosopher, was showing me how to live through the characters and their words, preparing me for when I would have to face the beautiful shame of my own life. When I look out to the nights I know exactly what passion is beyond the frame, and I, like Oscar, like

My friend came out to me! David Mills Usually parents an d friends really want to be supportive when someone co mes out to them , but often they do n’t know what to do or say. For some people it is a surprise or sh ock; for many it’s a situation th ey haven’t been in before. Here are some qu estions that parents and frien ds sometimes want to ask but don’t know how to:

What’s the best thin g do for my child/fri I can end?

The best thing yo u can do is to listen. Your child /friend chose to trust you with personal information. Rejec tion is the biggest fear of m any people when they come out. If they’re your child, let th em know you still love them an d that nothing will change that . If they are your friend, be the sa me friend you have always been . You can also find out how they feel, what support they have , and if they feel safe. Are they aw are of support services and socia l groups that

are available? Of course, they might not need an y, and that’s okay too.

What can I do if th is me uncomfortable? makes

If you’re uncomfo rtable it’s probably best to be upfront and explain that you’l l need time to deal with your iss ues. Let them know that they ar e your problem – not theirs – an d that you need help. Make sure you deal with them; don’t let th ese issues destroy your relationship.

Does this mean that she or he is attracted to me?

No, not necessar ily. You’re not attracted to ever yone of the opposite sex, are you? Why should they be attracted to everyone of the same sex? Sometimes someo ne who is gay or lesbian does fe el attracted to a straight friend. If this happens you might have to gently let them know that you’re flattered, but that you just wan t to stay friends

eone would if som – just as you u yo te sex asked of the opposi ed. st re weren’t inte out and you at all ople think th Sometimes pe cuous, le are promis bisexual peop cause t true. Just be but that’s no to a be attracted someone can sex, it less of their person regard cessarily n they are ne doesn’t mea than more people attracted to anyone else!

. What ring childhood something du raise age to do is you did man areness aw lfh the se someone wit , and r true identity to realise thei out it! to tell you ab the courage

r/his mum/ Should I tell he dparents/ n dad/teacher/gra neighbour/…?

t support? Where can I ge

ion the AIDS Act In Canberra, t you ge n e ACT ca Council of th and ng lli se ith coun in contact w u yo r fo es t servic other suppor ll ca – nd or frie and your child act nt co , re . Elsewhe 02 6257 2855 gay S council or your local AID . cy en ag support and lesbian

ht appreciate Ask. They mig about lling people some help te t their y. But respec their sexualit s get y and alway confidentialit st. permission fir

that her/ Does this mean ster is gay/ si his brother or ransgent l/ ua lesbian/bisex thing I did as der? Was some e? aus a parent the c change Nobody can No, and no. ta no ’s it xuality, someone’s se by ed us ca t wasn’ choice, and it

Doc troubles – or troubled doc? Gipsy Hosking

The following is an account of an actual conversation with my uni doctor: ‘So what can I do for you?’ she asked. ‘Well, I’ve decided to go on the pill to treat the polycystic ovaries. And I also need a repeat script for my anti-depressants.’ ‘Hmm, depression. You’ve had a fairly unusual upbringing, haven’t you?’ ‘Yeah, I suppose two mums and an anonymous sperm donor is a bit unconventional.’ ‘Do you think that has contributed to your depression?’ ‘Well, sexuality is a part of it.’ ‘So you’re a homosexual?’ Go with the simple answer: ‘Yes.’ ‘And how long have you felt like that?’ ‘I dunno, since college, late high school maybe.’

‘That’s a bit late – most people have felt that way all their life.’ I frowned defensively. ‘I wasn’t attracted to anyone before that.’ ‘Have you had any therapy on this issue?’ ‘I’ve been in and out of counsellors for about two years.’ ‘Have you seen a psychiatrist?’ ‘No.’ ‘Have you worked on these issues specifically? Have you said up front ‘I need to examine the external pressures which have influenced my sexuality?’ You need to be assertive and find someone who is good in this area.’ I felt confused; I shook my head. What issues? I don’t have sexuality issues. What is she talking about? ‘You see, you have had unique pressures on you. It’s quite possible that unconsciously you

Doc troubles – or troubled doc? (continued) Gipsy Hosking

identify as homosexual to show your parents you hold no prejudice towards them and you approve of their lifestyle choice. You’re saying ‘see I don’t care that you’re gay because I’m gay too.’ What?! I asked myself silently. ‘It’s nothing to be ashamed of,’ she said. ‘All children want to please their parents.’ ‘Yeah, but my parents don’t care, they just want me to be happy with whoever.’ ‘I just think you should go talk things over with a psychiatrist so that you can discover your true sexual identity, not the one that you have been putting on. You need to examine the pressures that have made you feel that this is the only option. Have you had a relationship with a male?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Good, because you don’t want to be limited to the corner you have

backed yourself into. There is a whole range of sexualities, you know.’ Well duh. ‘You don’t have depression,’ she went on, ‘you have ‘life issues’ you need to resolve. You may not agree with me now, but you will go home and think about it.’ Yeah, I’ll think about how unjust and discriminating you were, and how angry I am. ‘So you want to use the contraceptive pill?’ ‘Yes,’ I said, ‘but as treatment not a contraceptive.’ ‘Okay but just remember to use a condom if you have sex in the next month because you can still get pregnant then. And come back if you want me to refer you to someone to talk about your sexual identity crisis.’ Did you just listen to anything I said? No. Because you cut me off every time I opened my mouth

to say something. You discounted all of my experiences and my intellect. I could not have asked for better parents, they always put my brother and I first. Of course I’d hold no prejudice towards them because prejudice is learnt, not innate. I’d like to see you repeat that ‘theory’ to a heterosexual person, ask them to examine the pressures that made them heterosexual and suggest they don’t limit their choices before having a homosexual experience. Why can’t people just accept me as I am?

My last breath Chuck Anderson If I was to breathe my last breath would I be ready to leave? Would I be happy with my legacy and the way I was perceived? Did I fulfil my dreams without testing my integrity? Did I give my all throughout the years and become the man I wanted to be? Did I provide for those who cared for me, and taught me lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lessons that I needed to know? Did I give them all I could when they needed it, and let them leave when they needed to grow? Was I able to laugh at the past and look forward to what the future would bring? Did I dance like no one was watching and show compassion when I had nothing? Did I learn from my mistakes and keep an open mind, when something new was introduced? Did I listen when spoken to, and not let the hard times become harder by being self-induced?

Was I able to persuade my confidence to bow before humility when the time was right? Was I willing to share the glory with others when we all deserved the lime light? Did I help those who were less fortunate than myself, and give them what I did not need? Did I encourage them to make a better life for themselves helping them understand that anything they wanted they could receive? Did I encourage those who needed it? Did I encourage those who did not receive it? Did I understand the value of family and friends over material things? Did I give the ones I cared for unconditional love, so that together our hearts could sing? Did I speak my mind when needed, saying what I really felt? Did I smile through lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hard times and overcome each hand I was dealt?

Was I the man everyone could count on through thick and thin? Was I able to except the things I could not control, and understand that I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t always win? Until my last breath I can only hope to be the man I know I can be. Until my last breath I hope you see me as the man I wanted you to see.

Gender bending Gipsy Hosking I remember in primary school walking into the girls bathroom and being challenged with: ‘Excuse me, this is the girls toilet’. On their faces were looks of contempt and horror because I’d dared to stray into the forbidden. ‘I know,’ I replied. ‘I am a girl.’ This statement was greeted with suspicion, for how could this person be a girl? Short hair, athletic build, shorts, loose shirt, doesn’t fit the mould – therefore not a girl. I brushed passed the older girls, angry and confused. I know I am a girl so why does it matter how I look or how I act? Why is gender based on such superfluous markers like clothes and hair? I didn’t want to be constrained by genderappropriate activities and behaviour, because frankly I found them boring. Dolls and kitchen sets, playing families and houses: ideal preparation for the heterosexual housewife. Not for me though, I was out

there running around, climbing trees, kicking soccer balls and building fortresses! Outside the gender dualism and stereotype boundaries I found freedom, creativity and choice. There are unlimited possibilities for bodies, genders and sexualities. It’s not always easy to stand up and be different though. I’ll admit I remember a day when I ran home from school, shoved some hair clips in my hair and declared, ‘There, now they’ll know I’m a girl.’ It’s hard having your identity continuously challenged, but it also means that you are making an impact. Now as a young woman I take pride in being different, in being unconstrained by expectations. You don’t necessarily have to go to the extremes to be different, just be a bit alternative. As well as gender-bending I fall in love with women. I think how can it be wrong to love the way you feel in your heart?

A person is more than just a body or a gender. Look past the flesh and you’ll see the soul – that’s what’s important. So if I happen to be in a female body and I am attracted to someone else in a female body I don’t see the problem.

So my message is be proud of who you are and don’t be afraid to be different because by standing out you get noticed and raise awareness through challenging ideas and stereotypes. Be true to yourself and trust your heart.

It is only our patriarchal, hetero-normative society that proclaims heterosexuality is normal and anything else is deviant and thus immoral. This ensures that inequality is sustained and power stays where it is because the ‘norm’ is organised against anything different, new or progressive. I say it is time to stop the oppression of difference. I’m sick of it and I’m sure you are too! Heterosexuality is no longer essential – same-sex couples can reproduce through assistedreproduction technology. I myself have two mums and was born using donor sperm.

Together Al West

lence Domestic vcio her Keiran Rossteus

g ntrol: Limitin • Financial co money n od go ow e r ei ar use of th ship there ’s le on ti op la pe re y In an od shared, or are not so go oney that is e m e er th th d or an times e on earns , however, th that the pers es ay im w et e m th So . times come times can be their money. not so good t of lo A . es m ti ntrolling really terrible cial abuse: Co mestic So do • at iting th k in th al life by lim people don’t meone’s soci meso sa in ntact co en y pp an ha to make ty ili violence can ab c r ti ei es th ips, but dom ople, stopping sex relationsh with other pe ning. er ents sc di at th t g to GLBTI ev violence isn’ em from goin s in th en pp or l ha ra ce ltu en their cu Domestic viol lot of or controlling d there are a an s, ay viour. w y ha man religious be g it. in rd ga re hs ly get myt ence will rare ill Domestic viol ; usually it w once it starts ? e er c tt n be le ng io lli v ro ic is about cont What is domest get worse. It love, t t ou bu ab e, t ud no ce can incl eone and is en m ol vi so c ti es Dom ine concern. : tion or genu to ec ot ed pr it lim t is no mmitting the the person co that g en ft in r O th ny A : olence convince thei • Physical vi ce will try to r ei en th ol vi to e rm th al ha rwise, or that causes physic partner othe possessions. r ei th of the person or r partne e is the fault us ab led, x as a used/control has been ab ence: Using se ol ho vi w al xu e Se on • do . No is never true ing someone . but this weapon, mak do to mestic t do an e w us ey don’t makes anyone something th ing with violence. violence: Play • Emotional ns io ople’s emot or abusing pe for oppression or ere any issues th re A as a form of e ud cl nships? Can also in manipulation. me-sex relatio sa d an s at re th e put-downs, things that ar ere are a few Th n. io s: ip at ili sh hum r relation specific to ou

Domestic violence (continued) Keiran Rossteuscher • Outing: Telling or threatening to tell people’s fri ends, families or colleagues of their sexuality/ gender when they do not want them to know. • Lack of GLBTI sp ecific services: In smaller cities such as Canberra there can be a la ck of services, or knowledge of services, that deal with GLBTI iss ues or ones that are able to deal with these issues appropria tely.

Domestic Violence? Do this only happen wh es en you are living with some one?

could to isolate yo u from the GLBTI community .

Can’t they just leav e?

Relationships are never as easy as we would like to think. There can be a range of reasons for not leaving someone when they are being abused, su ch as: • Love: They mig ht genuinely love their partner, no t want to leave them, or hope th at it will get better before it ge ts worse.

• Not knowing th at they are in a domestic violen ce situation: If you don’t know that what is happening is wro ng, or because it as been happen ing for so long some people get used to it. • Fear: Scared th at they will be alone or that frien ds, family or the wider comm unity will reject them.

No, it can happen in ways that are not limited to ho w physically close you are to someo ne. It can happen when you are da ting someone and you don’t liv e with them. For example, they m ight ring a lot to see what you ar e doing, or call your friends to se e if you are with them. Or they co uld make threats • Not able to: So that if you were me people are no to break up t with them that th able to because of a sense of ey would hurt themselves or th duty to their partn at they would do er, or because everything they the type of dom estic violence they are in has lim ited their funds or ability to leave.

are t. When you that you trus n’t do u yo , o d to someone g e n in o lk e ta m g, so ans for leavin What can ve to make pl ha . on ways an opti about it? but this is al a in e ant that you ar on: If you w If you think domestic ke legal acti Ta by • ed ctive ct fe fe ef af to stop, an relationship w things the problem fe a e is ar e ce er ng distan violence, th help way of creati ing do to try and action includ l that you can to take lega d an s n: er io ence Ord your situat Domestic Viol y, nc s. ge er er rd ection O lice: In an em Personal Prot help • Call the po nature, t en ol vi ices that can a rv se of There are particularly e ar e ey us ff th these – e able to di you through the police ar CT e A lic e po th bility of There are the responsi the situation. k with or w urt. to d ne Magistrates Co specially trai d Gay lle ca y it un m n easier said the GLBTI com e: This is ofte cers av ffi O Le n • so t ai Li is dependan and Lesbian to help an done, and th ed us be ve n You ha to and they ca ur situation. m yo er on -t er here ng lo have somew through any nsider if you co nd the fu s? processes. ; do you have go to d fin can practical to eone: If you d is it safe or an le lp • Talk to som he n ca etimes possib talk to they so? It is som do someone to ng n, ni io e time plan nd the situat to spend som you understa ays w at family and/ ok lo , nd rs with frie s, is th look for trigge d an e orting you. If harm/damag services supp or to minimise e th of to stay with s to get out u aren’t able yo possibly way a e ar es, and can’t gether. There nds or famili ie fr situation alto ay be u yo odation, it m t people that ford accomm af lot of differen ion at s, od accomm cluding friend ssible to get po can talk to in but e, es us ic or safe ho sellors or serv ith a refuge w family, coun of t bi ed to do a ith people in you might ne that work w ns, but io at tu doing this. si ce en search before re domestic viol le op always be pe they should

Domestic violence (continued) Keiran Rossteuscher • Reduce Harm: Take precautions to reduce any ha rm that you might experience. Be aware of what triggers your partner’s behaviour, or if th ey use physical violence. Try to lim it any dangerous objec ts that might be easily used agains t you. • Plan Ahead: Th is is important so that you do no t get trapped if you have to m ake an escape. Be aware of room s that have multiple exits an d ones with few (such as bathroom s) and know where important documents, money and othe r items you may need in case you have to leave in a hurry. It is always impo rtant to remember that yo u are not alone when this is happ ening, that there are services and people willing to help you. Remem ber that none of this is your fault , and any action that you take to make yourself

happier or safer is completely justified. It will no t be your fault if they react badly to the situation. At the back of th is book is a list of services and reso urces that might be useful if you or a friend is in a domestic violence relationship.

Untitled David O’Hara As a twenty-two year old living in Canberra who has just come out to my family and friends, I can say that being gay is not the most important part of my life. But still, it matters. Being gay matters enough for me to change the way I want to live. I can only talk with any knowledge or experience about gay men, because that’s the issue I’ve experienced personally. But then, maybe some of these things will help somebody who is considered different, sexually or otherwise. I don’t know what I’d say to someone who hates himself or herself because of the people they feel attracted to, who is disgusted or afraid of the emotions they feel. I’ve never found a convincing argument to say that it is immoral. There was never a crisis of conscience about the fact that I was attracted to men. But then again, I’ve rarely ever listened to those arguments with anything other than hostility. Being gay doesn’t stop me from being human. It doesn’t

automatically stop me from acting carelessly or in a way that I’d consider immoral. As a group, every single sort of personality exists, and being gay doesn’t make me better or worse than anyone else. Gay, straight, bi, or transsexual – the answers to what’s right and wrong are still hard, and I still have all the flaws that come with being human. I have gained a lot from coming out. Being able to live honestly, with someone I want to be with, to have that ‘dysfunctional family’ of queer people – these are just a few of the many good aspects that exist. What mattered to me most about coming out was the prospect of being judged, and like a lot of people, that’s what kept me in the closet until my twenties. Inevitably there will be friends or family who will disapprove, and for some it will be the last time I talk to them. If I still lived in the small country town I used to, I wonder if I would have ever been brave enough to come out at all – always afraid of what people

Untitled (continued) David O’Hara would think or do. I understand for people living in a situation like that, where they do face rejection by so many around them, it could be very difficult. But then, I’m judged all the time. For how I dress, talk, walk, and think. For where I work, where I was schooled, and where I like to go out. For my income, my home and the things I own. For a thousand other aspects of my personality and appearance, people judge me every day. And because I’m human I’ll do the same to the people that surround me. Thinking of that, I had to ask myself if it was worth knowing someone who would reject me on one aspect of myself. Eventually, I decided it wasn’t.

Untitled Kyle Sheppard My name is Kyle, I am 18 and this is what I went through. I always knew I was different from the rest of my friends. I didn’t know what I felt was right. I felt alone and I felt afraid if I told my friends about the feelings I was having. What if they don’t want to be my friends any more? So here it is: I’m a young male telling you about my journey of coming out and realising that there are people that don’t care, people who don’t care for the way you feel. I am about 13 when I realise the strange feelings I’m having – that I’m gay. So know I know what I am, but I feel it isn’t right. A few months pass, I am now out to myself, I know that I’m gay and it’s okay. Now the hard part: coming out to my family and friends – who should I tell first? I have come out to my friends and my family so I decided to tell my other friends, but how and when should I tell them? So I took them one by one.

One mate said, ‘You are my best friend in the world, I’m happy for you, happy that you are happy.’ Some of my other mates were like that too, but then there are the ones that are homophobic. I was lost, I didn’t know what to do, I thought they were my friends. A lot of this period is a blur, I was in a state of depression, it lasted almost three years. I felt the pain but I slowly got out of it with help from my true friends. Then I turned 18. I found this group in Canberra, it helps so much, it’s called Bit Bent. For those of you people reading this and planning to come out – this group is there, have fun! I met some great people and they gave me information I never got before. It showed me that people who don’t give me information aren’t my friends at all. Then I got the courage to tell my family about me. My sister understood, same with my mum. But my dad on the other hand is distraught that his only son is gay.

Coke Anonymous ‘Would you like Coke with that?’ she asks, smiling her imitation smile. Why would I want Coke? Does it define my meal? Can’t anything exist without Coke? I want Coke because everyone fucking wants Coke, don’t they? They tell me I want Coke. Every time I walk into McDonalds, the immediate assumption is that Coke is my beverage of choice. Since I was young everyone around me always drank Coke. What’s so good about Coke? It’s black and fizzy – it tastes like sweet cough syrup. Everyone it seems loves it. Is it because everywhere we go we see people drinking Coke? Because on every billboard, in every newspaper, in every movie, everyone drinks Coke? Coke makes you feel good. Famous people drink Coke. Coke has sponsored the Olympics (is that ironic or what?). We love Coke because it’s always changing, it’s always being adapted to our needs. Cherry Coke. Vanilla Coke. Coke Zero – Coke made out of nothing (zero the calories, 100 times the

carcinogens; another great irony). But why? Do I need Coke? Do I care if Coke is cherry, chocolate or chicken? No. It’s still just Coke. I thought I liked Coke. I had always been told to like Coke. But then I noticed Sprite, sitting there glinting at me. I tried Sprite; in a dark anonymous corner I had a taste. And I liked it. I really liked it. But they told me I couldn’t like Sprite. The people behind the counter kept giving me Coke. My friends, the TV, even some of my teachers – the world wants me to have Coke. And so I drink Coke. I pretend I fucking love Coke. And I don’t know…maybe I do still like Coke. Maybe I want both. No, no one could like both. You’re either with us or with … them. Every time I have a sip of Sprite I start to wonder: if I get Sprite, will people laugh at me? Will they not like me? Or worse still, will they pretend to be okay with my beverage selection and then snigger and point behind my back? Perhaps they will pity me for choosing Sprite, for being different. It will be okay, she

says, no one will care next year, next century, next millennium. Until then I must have courage, they tell me. Why do I have to have courage? Why do I need to be brave and withdrawn and masked because of something as trivial as my choice of beverage? Sometimes I just wish I had the choice. Sometimes I wish people would just let me have Sprite. I just want to walk into McDonalds and not have them tell me what drink I want. I don’t even want them to ask me what drink I want, as if it really matters to who I am. I’ll just have whatever drink I feel like. Isn’t it my choice? No. That’s not this world. ‘I’ll have Coke, thanks.’

Fire Douglas J Robinson Fire is like love, Beauty in your hand, If you take it too hard or too fast, It will be ruined and lost forever, Treat it badly, And it will burn, for some scars never heal.

Ignorance ... why? arma Ignorance itself can instil fear in people.

Why should one book carry more weight than another?

Especially if RIGHT views are preached under a steeple.

Broaden the mind and let knowledge recover.

Why is it some people don’t want to learn?

See for yourself the way the world’s going.

Because they’ve been taught in hell you’ll burn?

Read, listen, voice new ideas then feel yourself growing.

To follow a word on so narrow a path is like wanting to keep yourself in the dark. Why not open the mind to let new ideas in then define for yourself parameters for a sin?

Proud? Chuck Anderson I start to think how I’ll feel and react once I get to my next destination. Will I be proud of who I am or freeze with hesitation? I’ve heard people say, ‘It’s not who I am’ and ‘No one tells me that they’re straight.’ I understand those statements, but to speak freely in open conversations everyone must understand your points of view to intellectually contemplate. I don’t want to hide or allow insecurities to breed over the identity of my orientation. But my mind thinks in steps and I see the possibility of politics that could play in my future by building segregation. My selfconfidence screams for me to be who I am. To be proud of the person I was born and stand tall as a successful gay man. I detest the idea of supremacy – that’s only ignorance covered with hate. I’ve seen all types of superiority complexes with ethnocentric ideologies using selfishness to manipulate. Today I sit back and listen to conversations of words defining ‘normal’ behaviour and what’s ‘right.’ I consider

a rebuttal and then remember I’m just a homosexual with no rights. I’ve heard that my instincts are unnatural and can’t be explained. Meanwhile my heart races with anger wanting to shout, ‘I’m just as human as you and no matter what you feel my lifestyle will remain.’ On June 8th the shackles will be taken away. I will be free from condemnation but will my motivation to be who I am live strong or be betrayed?

A caged rainbow Ned Dankwort I wake thinking I am alone. I have spent so many mornings alone. But then I sense your presence in the bed, and the night we spent together comes back to me. I smile softly as I ease out of bed and go down the hall to the kitchen. I stare out the window as the kettle hisses. Outside, there is a weak rainbow reflected against the storm clouds. The rain comes down, bars against the window. As I stand there, I remember my first real kiss. I had kissed girls before, but this was my first true kiss. He pushed me against the side of the school wall. No one could see us. ‘What are you doing?’ he asked me. His eyes were filled with lust, but at the same time a searing anger. I knew I should tell him to stop, but I feared that if I spoke it would be his fist against my mouth, not his lips. I knew what we were doing was wrong … but it felt so right.

He said only one word to me that day, when later we were walking with his friends: ‘Faggot.’ It was love. Every day we’d share furtive glances, try to get each other alone for a quick kiss. Each touch told me that he truly loved me, even though each insult wounded me. He did it so ‘no one will know’, he said, ‘no one can know’. What we had was too bright and beautiful for the world to understand. I really did think it was love. Then I told you, my best friend. You said nothing, just looked into the distance, your shoulders tense with anger. You didn’t need to say anything. Your silence was enough. I didn’t tell anyone else. I knew why the world couldn’t know. One day my secret lover came to my house after school. Finally, finally, we were alone. No one to hide from, no one to fear. We lean against the kitchen counters. He grabs my hair. Then, before I can

stop the words coming out, I gasp, ‘I love you.’

I knew then in my heart that you were.

He stops. He steps back from me.

Now, I finish making coffee for the two of us. The bruises on my chest are almost healed, but the scars I have inside will never fully fade. You wrap your arms around me, and I smile. Staring out the window I see mirrored rainbows, fitting within each other perfectly.

Silence. Before I know what is happening, his hands are on me again. I feel his fists bruise my face. ‘Fucking faggot!’ he shouts. I fall to my knees – again. He kicks me in the stomach and walks over me and out the door. I don’t move an inch. Then, after what feels like days but really it’s only minutes, I look up. I see your face. ‘M-Matthew?’ I say. I am bleeding. I feel ashamed. Gently, you kiss the blood off my lips. ‘B-but I thought ... you hated me.’ ‘I hated what he was doing to you. He wasn’t good enough.’

A lover of men Anonymous I was once adored by someone tall, He provided me shade, but that was all.

One man was attracted by my eyes, Yet so thin disappeared when he turned to the side.

Someone fat loved the way I spoke, But who could love breasts on a bloke?

I once loved a pirate, fantastic in bed, Could do wonderful things with that wooden leg.

Fiery red was the next manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nose, He was addicted to drink and had no toes.

One lied in a suit and carried a case, Toothbrush moustache upon his face.

Once I was loved by someone short, Patent leather was all he wore.

A DJ, a rapper, musician of sorts, Could not hear a thing due to distorts.

The one after that had a thick beard, With food hanging off, he was declared slightly weird.

And one could sing like never before,Yes, he could squawk like a jungle macaw.

A glass eye followed this, green I recall, It fell off the bed and that was all.

But there is one man on which I can depend,And that is myself, a lover of men.

There was a punk, with piercing and gel, Who believed in nothing but damnation in hell. Bespeckled was his follower, geek to the core, A computer genius, and yet such a bore.

Bi mum Aims On the 18th of February, at the tender age of 19, I huffed and puffed and pushed my son into the world. Many women say giving birth is a heart-warming experience, but for me all I could think about was the fact I hadn’t eaten for two days and was slowing starving to death. (I ate dinner five minutes after giving birth.) When my son was only a few weeks old, I went looking for a mothers group. You have no idea how hard it is to find a mothers group that supports young, single and bi-sexual women. If you live in Canberra I wouldn’t bother looking.

I had many straight, lesbian and gay friends but I often felt that I didn’t fit in. You see, being a young mother, a uni student as well as bisexual can equal social death in today’s society. I didn’t fit neatly into any box; I wasn’t a lesbian nor was I a straight woman. Many of friends gay and straight felt that I should just hurry up and pick a team. ‘Get off the fence,’ I was told on many occasions. ‘You can’t like girls – you’re a mother.’ Straight guys were the worst: they felt that because I was openly bi I would want to demonstrate this with private showings.

I didn’t know that having a child could change my life in such a profound way. It was in my early years of uni that I came to the realisation that being a mum and bi could play havoc with your social life. I had finally bitten the bullet and told friends and colleagues that I was BISEXUAL. (Oh the shock, the horror, quick go hide your children from the perverted freak!)

I often found myself pretending that I was either fully straight or fully gay; it all depended on the friends I was with at the time.

I have now moved on from uni and I am working in a department of education, but if you think this story has a happy ending where everyone accepts my sexuality then you’d be wrong. I have made the choice not to disclose my sexual preference to my work colleagues,

which means Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m pretending all over again. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to join in on discussions about relationships at work but I have heard too many comments, which many straight people say when they think everyone around them is straight also. I hope when you read this you see past the crap writing and find a little insight into a young mum who happens to be bi.

Does love still exist? Anonymous It is said by some, and assumed by many more, that the generations of today have lost several things. The concept to love is apparently one of these. But what I want to tell you is that as a certain someone walked across the runway and headed straight for me, I couldn’t help but think that those people had it wrong.... At an easy 6’5’’ with broad shoulders and square jaw line he could have been mistaken for a sportsman of some kind, especially with the way he loped along as though he was just that little too big for his body. He looked around, but was obviously a little lost, prompting me to walk right up to him. Having talked over the Internet for months I couldn’t believe that I was about to meet him face-to-face for the first time. I had rehearsed this moment in my head for weeks. I’d been shopping and bought new clothes, had a haircut, had a facial, even a spray tan. Everything had gone perfectly up to this point, and as I came into his line of vision and saw the

look of recognition on his face, I knew that all my hard spending had payed off. What followed was a week in a hotel room in Manuka. We had room service; we walked around the lake. Before night fell I showed him the sights of the town the tourists frequented (an hour well wasted) and then we went on our fine-dining binge in Kingston. We slept in the same bed, but that’s as far as it went. Then, one night, I showed him why this truly is a beautiful city. At one in the morning there is a place you can go where the lights are always on, and where the romance is a guarantee. It was on the south side of our man-made lake, under all those flags of the nations, looking out over the moonlit water at the memorial at the end of Anzac Parade. There, in the chill April air, with a scarf wrapped around his freezing Brisbane neck, he told me that he loved me. And I said it back. It was a Harlequin novel come to life!

The next day, after we completed a puzzle, and after I finished reading him Winnie the Pooh, it was time for one last outing together â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the airport. Again, this was a scene I had rehearsed in my head for a while, although I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t quite know how it would end. The answer was, inevitably, with him leaving. Out the gate he went, and through the metal detector. And in true Hollywood style, we had agreed not to look back. So I turned and I walked toward the glass doors, pulling my sunnies over my eyes as though the world was watching and waiting for a tear. As I approached the door I checked myself out in my oncoming reflection, and noticed behind me something special. He was looking right at me.

Coming-out tips Keira n Rossteuscher

Realising and ac cepting the fact comfortable with that you are trans and how gender or sameyou are going to sex attracted can de al with the take years to response afterw do. When we ha ards. ve done that, the next step for man • Do it when you y is to share are ready: This that information with your loved is your decision to come out; no ones. Some peop le find this really one should force you to do it if easy and no mor e difficult than you don’t want to. Make sure telling someone if it is sunny or you’re comfortable telling the cloudy outside. Fo person, that you’r r others though, e doing it in probably most of an appropriate pl us, the idea of ace and time, ‘coming out’ is on and that you ha e of the most ve considered difficult things w e could consider the possible reac tions. Make sure – there is a fear of rejection or that you’re prep ared for a lot not being accept ed or understood. of questions whi ch may seem Below are some suggestions that offensive or intru sive, as well as might help to m ake the decisions how you will resp ond to some and the event a little easier. more negative fe elings. • Everyone’s expe • Why are you te riences are lling them? Is it different: It is go important for th od to find out em to know? Are what has happen you telling them ed to other to bring them people, but realise closer to your lif that everyone e and so that reacts differently, they know more and what ab out you? happens to someo ne else won’t • Ar e you/they intoxicat necessarily happ ed? You en with you. may say somethi ng that you • How to do it: So regret and won’t me people sit have full down with the pe control if you ha ople that they ve taken some are going to tell, drugs or alcohol. sometimes they Likewise, if do it over the ph they are intoxicat one. Another ed they may option is to writ not have a ‘norm e a letter. You al ’ response need to think of that they would what you are have had if they were sober. 40

e idea get used to th had time to action that the initial re angry? This at ey th th d u/ an yo arily • Are ing is not necess similar to be people have ey can be really th ay ce m on ill feel The response how they w intoxicated. d s on es sp oc re pr e to they would have had tim ed not be how in a em th on’t be offend D . ng lli ng te everythi that if you were u yo It ce n. io in onal situat try to conv ti ey ra th d if an lm ca ha rt going throug be done to hu you are just should never taken; is m e ar er. or that you th e ei as ne ph eo m so ing it out e probably do ar ey be th t bu e best they do not • Hope for th ern because is nc Th co : of st or w It the erything yet. prepared for understand ev grim, but ve ty et ha pr to d ea un od id can so may be a go ons means that for organisati essentially it ils ta t de ou e e m m so co to cide ion Council when you de the AIDS Act as ey ch th su at th hope u both trust to someone eone that yo as m r so (o or ly ve ti posi about any will respond ed), ey can talk to ct th pe at ex th be ey d coul tions that th positively as u erns or ques yo nc w co ho r fo an but have a pl have. a worst-case in d on sp ing will re having n ea m it: If you’re go d ul co Where to do • there scenario. This , ce fa le face-toand having op an pe pl ll te pe to ca that an es while, es and places to stay for a are some tim st be somewhere s It’ . rs an othe ing prepared are better th e lik money etc, be e at ve iv ti pr here d have a nega to do it somew at that this coul h th it w so ip at a café ur relationsh at home, or impact on yo ions ill be w it ly ul ough distract ef en Hop there are or that person. es nc le ard si in between. to break awkw t no somewhere t bu s, ersation difficult conv will feel: n ey he th w le w ho op lling pe • Consider too many. Te spond to you re e it n te qu of be ill ing can People w samethey are driv le at that you are d telling peop an telling them s, ou r er de ng en da sg or tran ay can be sex attracted event or holid l ch ia su ec s sp on a ti of reac as possibly with a range riate as well op pr or r ap ge in an elief, as shock, disb ve ber that you’ em m Re sadness.

Coming-out tips (c ontinued) Keiran Rossteuscher becoming an an niversary of • It doesn’t end being rejected by with one person: the people Some people will you tell if it goes need to be really badly. told more than on Also be prepared ce, and to not being coming out is so doing anything els m et hing that e that day or will have to happ evening because en for the they may want rest of your life as to talk to you ab new people out this. are introduced to yo u. • Who to tell: It’s often easier to • Anything else? come out to one Some people person at a may surprise you time, and there with their are no rules responses. Some saying that you will be happy have to tell your or indifferent whe parents before yo n you are u tell anyone expecting the w else. If you want orst, and others to tell friends, may respond wor siblings or someo se than you ne else that ha d hoped. Realise you trust then it’ that some s your choice. people will neve Some people choo r accept you se only to because you are ever tell certain same-sex people and not at tracted or transge others; you do no nder, but t have to tell as long as you ha everyone that yo ve done what u know if you you can to provid do not think that e them with anything will in formation there be gained from it. is little more you can do. • Limit surprises : It is probably a And remember, it good idea to lim is your choice: In it the number the end it is your of surprises that choice to come you have to out, the way you tell people when do it, whom you you come out. tell and when yo Coming out in dr u tell them. You ag or with your should always m partner will prob ake sure that it is ably frighten or on your terms an confuse people m d don’t feel that ore than help it is something yo to accept you. u have to do to be a ‘real’ transge nder or same-se x attracted person. You are who you are no matter ho w many people know. 42

Firsts... theweaknessinme The first time I gazed into your alluring eyes, I was absorbed, swallowed by their unseen depth. The first time I heard your vibrant voice, I was mesmerized, entranced by each timbre that passes your lips. The first time I entwined my fingers in yours, I was fascinated, amazed by each strong yet achingly tender caress. The first time I engaged you in playful flirtation, I smiled inwardly, smitten by your girly charm. The first time I allowed you into my world, I swallowed nervously, startled by the depth of my love for you. The first time I thought you’d perish from my life, I cried silently, frightened by the possibility of being without you. The first time I listened to the sound of your heartbeats, I couldn’t stop, inspired by the prospect that it might beat for me.

The first time I lay enveloped in your welcoming arms, I couldn’t believe, overwhelmed by the intensity of the security they provide. The first time I took a glimpse at your soul, I couldn’t blink, captivated by the unspoken dreams and promises it offers. The first time I kissed your inviting lips, You embraced me, making me yearn for the feel of your gentle touch. The first time I whispered I love you in your ears, You kissed me, leaving me spellbound as your blissful lips engage mine. The first time I revealed my dreams to you, You impressed me, telling me that they’re your dreams too. Of all the experiences that we have been through, these are a few of the first times I’ve shared with you. They are the cherished first times that have come to pass, yet they’re the memories that will perpetually last.

Frontier Nikki Frankenberger I was about a month into my first real relationship when I went out for a night with the girls. They were old friends from work, and even though I’d long since left the job that had introduced us I still tried to keep in touch. One of the downfalls of having an antisocial personality is that friends only try harder to keep you out there and active. ‘We’re going clubbing,’ she said on the phone. ‘And you’re coming too. You need to pick up.’ I didn’t really want to pick up, especially not anything that they’d be able to find. ‘I’ve already got someone,’ I said, wondering whether I’d have the courage to tell the truth or whether I’d just lie through my teeth. ‘Good on you,’ she replied. ‘What’s his name?’ I muttered something, a masculine version of my girlfriend’s name. ‘Look, I’ll tell you all about it tonight.’

I got very drunk that night. The nightclub was too loud, too dark. Every question about my ‘boyfriend’ made me want to get even drunker, despite the sick and awful feeling in my stomach that every evasive half-truth brought me. Yes, he was in Canberra. We met on the internet. No, he didn’t have a car. No, I feel fine. Can I get another cruiser? I broke down at about half-past midnight, too drunk to dance, too sick to try and look like I was enjoying myself. At home the sofa was uncomfortable and the corner was almost too dark to see anything. One of my friends sat down beside me but I barely noticed. ‘Are you okay?’ she asked me. I settled back further into the hard sofa. I wished I could just make an excuse and disappear, but it was too late for buses, too early for the inconvenience of a cab fare.

‘Tell me about your boyfriend,’ she said. I don’t know why I never came out to my friends. I can only guess that it was part of the paranoia that came with being out in the workplace. While I worked there, I would have never breathed a word of it to any of them, and the fear of being ‘out’ still remained years after I had left my job.

We sat beside each other in silence for a few moments, the music pounding in our heads. ‘So,’ she said. ‘Tell me about your girlfriend.’ I turned to her and I couldn’t keep the smile from my face. ‘She’s amazing,’ I said. ‘She’s really amazing.’

I realised finally that in the grand scheme of things it just didn’t matter anymore. I didn’t feel drunk anymore, and I didn’t feel sick. ‘I don’t have a boyfriend,’ I replied. ‘I’m a lesbian.’ My friend looked at me for a moment as if she thought I was kidding, but then she nodded. ‘That’s great,’ she said. ‘I’m very happy for you.’ There was nothing different in her voice, nothing mocking, nothing biased. In essence, nothing had changed.

Strength Chuck Anderson It’s painful to see love hurt so much, to cry, to wonder how or why this could be true. My heart reaches out to console, but my mind feels helpless not knowing what to do.

Struggle maintains its hold on your hope and wonders if you can overcome and cope. It’s a tug-of-war with you on one side and thoughts of uncertainty on the other side of the rope.

I want to be the crutch that keeps you on your feet. I want to be the person who keeps you moving, your heart at a steady beat.

I’m here to support and give you what ever you need to get through each day, but I need you to remember how beautiful your are and what a wonderful role in my life you play.

‘Unfortunate’ falls shortand ‘struggle’ barely scrapes the surface of what you must feel. I hold you tight, give you my warmth, hoping that it provides some light as you try to cope and deal. Layers of experience take years to form and through living you become another part of you. But in these past two weeks, the layers have grown without me fully understanding what to do. Through the toughest of times we fight to stand tall, maybe even crack a comforting smile knowing we made it through. I hope that if the results come back positive my drive for life will hold true.

I don’t know how you feel or what thoughts run through your mind, but I’ll be your shoulder to lean on and ear to listen, if you can be so kind. I love you but I don’t know what those words means. You are a true love and have helped me become the man I am beyond what it seems. Hugs of comfort are given with the intent to be a blanket of warmth and love to remind you that I am here. I’ll be your navigator to help you move through these waves of difficult times, but please know that you must be the one who steers.

I don’t want to disregard what is real or play it safe for the sake of avoiding tears. Together we can confront each stage and overcome any hardship or fears. Working towards a belief in who you are and the potential of who you might become. No matter how tough this may be it can’t change how great you’ve been to me and the wonderful things for others you have done. Please don’t disregard your ability to shine and help others through the kindness of your heart. Your self-confidence may be challenged but you have the strength and wisdom to take your insecurities apart. I’m here for you, helping you be strong. These may be short steps of progress,but at the top is where you belong. I want to give you support and get you through these times. But I question my words – do I have the strength to make them mine?

Getting involved in the community David Mills Although it may sometimes seem that the ‘ga Where to start? y-scene’ in Canberra is dead , there is always The easiest groups stuff going on – to get involved you just need to in are those that know where to lo organise regular ok. The Canberra events and adve GLBTI ‘community rtise their events ’ is really made publicly. If a grou up of lots of smal p sounds ler communities, interesting to yo social networks, u, send them an and groups of email and find ou friends. Each of th t when their next ese groups event is on. Most are different, so of these groups it may take a are really friendl while to find out y and welcoming where you feel to new members. comfortable and fit in, but it’s worth the effort. Some good grou Even if a group ps to start with doesn’t interest yo in clude: u, you might still make friends along the way! • Jellybabies (ANU ) • Bit Bent (Belcon nen and Woden) How can I find out what is The AIDS Action Council runs happening in Canbe workshops called rra? ‘Out There’ The best way to (for young guys) find out what and ‘Stepping is happening is to Out’ (for women ). These are a subscribe to the ACTQueer em gr eat way to meet ail list people and (groups.yahoo.co discuss issues ab m/group/ out coming-out, actqueer). Almos relationships, sex t everything and getting happening in th in volved in the com e ACT GLBTI munity. community is ad vertised here. Most stuff aimed at young people is also advertised through the Qnet website (w ww.qnet.org.au) .

that may be Other groups clude: of interest in n Qwire y and Lesbia • Canberra Ga (choir) hwalking s Group (bus • The Outdoor es) vi ti tdoor ac ti and other ou (queer film) • Bent Lenses ) s (law reform • Good Proces of these t for details Check out Qne oups. and other gr

isn’t a group What if there ? for my interest

need ally. All you Start one. Re l to ai em out an to do is send is e er king if th ACTQueer as ng a sted in starti te anyone in re otting sp ssted in bu group intere tever ha w or er golf, or underwat try to. You could it is you’re in a in er th get-toge to arrange a y it un m m co ask a quiet café, or their e us d ul co if you organisation Space as the Queer space (such at the ANU). w surprised ho You might be sted re te may be in many people p! in your grou

Men are from Mars, masomonogynandrosexuals are from Uranus Terri So I’ve been thinking a lot about words and their meanings lately and whether the definitions we currently are accurately. In the case of words such as ‘homosexual’ and ‘heterosexual’, it would seem so, but these aren’t the only possible sexual orientations. The problem isn’t the definitions not representing the words, but the words not representing their meanings and, by extension, their definitions. I decided to discard the current terminology and try to come up with a way of categorising a person’s sexual identity that more accurately reflects its multidimensional nature. For a start, there is more than one kind of homosexual. They’re often referred to as ‘gays’ and ‘lesbians’. I hold that there is an unnecessary opacity to these terms, which could be solved by referring to a homosexual man as a homoandrosexual, and to a homosexual woman as a homogynosexual.

By this convention, a bisexual who identified as bisexual because he or she was attracted to both men and women (as distinct from a bisexual who claims to have no gender preference) would be a gynandrosexual. Gender preference, however, is not the sole aspect of sexuality. Some people identify as being exclusively interested in monogamous relationships that identify as monoamorous. So a person who identified as bisexual and interested in monogamous relationships would be a monogynandrosexual, who is monogynandroamorous. To add another dimension, sexual-interest groups such as the BDSM community tend to see their involvement in such groups as an aspect of their sexuality. As such, if our monogamous bisexual were also a masochist, the term would become masomonogynandrosexual, and the person would be masomonogynandroamorous.

Up to this point, I haven’t even tried to include an individual’s gender identity in the label. If I were to do so, a person who identified as equally male and female as well as the above would be an rogynomasomonogynandrosexual, which is near enough to being a nonsense word that I can think of.

The labels that are assigned to help identify people, and to help them identify themselves, are inadequate, and always will be. This is for the simple reason that (repeat after me) we are all individuals. It is my firm belief that the most accurate way I can identify myself is as myself.

If there exists a person who identifies as what I term ‘masomonogynandrosexual’ who disagrees with my claim that that term signifies his or her sexual identity, then that person must be correct and I will have failed in my attempt to change the language to fit the definitions. And, of course, because I came up with it without consulting everyone, or indeed, anyone at all, it is completely invalid because there is no way that I can hope to accurately represent a position with which I do not identify. I don’t mind – it just reinforces my point (and yes, there was a point to all this).

Consent and negot iation Keiran Rossteusch er

Being young and same-sex attracted or trans gendered can be an exciting bu t difficult time of our lives. It pr esents many of us with some inte resting and unique challenge s that aren’t faced by other pa rts of the wider community. For pe ople who are same-sex attracte d, it is who we have sex with that makes all the difference. Ho wever, there are some things that need to be considered that goes beyond the sex or gender of who we are having sex with. When we choose to have sex with someone, there are rules that ne ed to be followed , rules to ensure th at everyone is happy with wha t is happening, and that no one can get into any trouble. Sometimes the lea d up to having any sexual contac t with someone can be slow and romantic; other times it can be lik e a whirlwind and spontaneou s – either way it is really importa nt to ensure that you are able to ne gotiate the sex. But what is ther e to negotiate? Isn’t sex just sex, and everyone should be happy with that? Well,

actually it’s a bit more complicate d than that. Below are some important things to remember when you are ab out to have sex with someone. Th ey aren’t there to take the fun out of it, but they ar e there to make su re that everyone is safe and happ y.

Why negotiate sex?

You have to nego tiate sex with the person you ar e about to have sex with because you need to ensure that both of you are happy with what is happ ening, and that everyone is inform ed on what is happening?

Sounds a bit much doesn’t it? Well not really. We aren’t talking about drawing up a contract here, but making sure that people know what is planned and what people are happy with.

? We’re going What’s to know of story. nd to have sex, e

e may not agre because they so al ey Th sober. if they were are el that they fe t need to no n also ca le op red. Pe being pressu e things st doing som consent to ju certain rs, or under but not othe meone s, such as so circumstance w they will allo may say that e is er th if ly but on penetration ys ondoms for gu protection (c s, and rl gi r fo rs ibrato and dildos/v most gering). The gloves for fin ve ing is they ha important th r is ve te ha w e to to freely agre happening.

ow if u need to kn Well firstly yo to have g in u are go the person yo ve sex ha to wants sex with even able to be ey need to with you. Th you, h it w ving sex consent to ha ed to ne u yo a. Then and visa vers cting pe ex is person see what the . How y ‘having sex’ when you sa it just Is ? go ing to far are you go ion? at tr ne it full pe fondling or is x? If se fe sa g to use Are you goin share y enough to you are happ r, he ot uch each fluids and to about on ti sa k conver having a quic rtable her is comfo what each ot lem. ob pr not be a with should

? What is consent

ree ing able to ag Consent is be the at th ns This mea to have sex. to gh ou en be old person has to d an e al m is 16 for agree (which t bu , SW CT and N females in A nd her states). A ot different in on ti si po be in a they have to ing, en pp hat is ha to agree to w der un or k be drun so they can’t er, th ei ng hi of anyt the influence

change their What if they rough? mind halfway th

esn’t stop. This do Then it has to l al is ean that it necessarily m ey th hy n find out w over, you ca ey th stop. Maybe want you to ant to rtable and w are uncomfo u are yo tivity that change the ac to t an be they w doing, or may , it is ay w ther. Either stop all toge eir th t ec at you resp important th wishes.

Consent and negot iation (continued) Keiran Rossteuscher So what does sex actually include?

Anything else?

Don’t forget that When we’re talki if at any time ng about sex yo u feel uncomforta here, we’re talking ble with about anything something that is ‘sexual’. This is re happening that ally broad, but you don’t have to it includes, and is do it if you do not limited no t want to. Sex is to, anything that supposed to be is penetrative enjoyable, and th of yourself or the is is not going other person to happen if you (fingers, penis, to are being forced ngues, other to do something th objects), touching at you don’t someone want to do. Don’ intimately (not ju t th ink any less st limited to the of yourself for sa genital areas, bu ying ‘no’ or ‘stop t anywhere on ’, because you have their body), and the right to be exposing genitals in co nt rol of your body or doing somethi and no ng that may hint one should take at sex. I know th that away from at this sounds you. Conversely, really heavy and you don’t have negative, but th e right to take th these are what w at away from e mean by sex. anyone else. Don’t think of th em as always being negative – If at any time yo think of them as u think that ways that you ca someone has forc n have fun with ed you to have other people, bu sex against your t be mindful that wishes, or made some people may you do something be more or less that you don’t comfortable with want to do, ther these than you. e are plenty of people that you can talk to abou t it. See the back of this book for more informatio n.

Religion Risto van Kampen Religion can be a sore point for gay people and I am no different. Some people can use religion to justify their own prejudices. When I came out to my Pastor, he gave me a book to read: it was about ex-gays and at the end of reading it I laughed. How could I change something that is fundamentally apart of who I am? Then I said to my pastor that I didn’t want to change and that I wanted to be with a man for the rest of my life. Immediately my excommunication was put into motion – but instead of them kicking me out I withdrew my membership. Later that year, one of the members of that church asked my mother if I was still living at home. In reply, my Mum said, ‘Of course not, he is still studying at uni, we want to support him and we love him.’ Being judgemental of others is not what being a Christian is about. To me it’s living life as best you can: loving others for who they are even if they have different value to yourself, not judging

others, and basically being a good person. If being gay and living with another man I love is wrong then that is between God and I and no one else. People should get over their prejudices, because life’s too short.

One of those days Chuck Anderson Feeling rejected and often heartfelt deflected

Drops of something better to drown my sorrow and free me

Wanting hugs and warm conversation versus lonely moments of not being selected

from the shackles of pity and rusted chains

Down and depressed and very little left Wanting to hold on but there is little to be kept

Wanting a release so spectacular where nothing remains I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stay down too long with such buoyancy because optimism keeps me sane

Desperation for physical and intellectual stimulation Emotions run deep in thoughts that turn into intense contemplations I write to release the emptiness that fills me with nothing

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a strong type of guy who canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be detained I have hope for something better and little to no room to honestly complain.

I write to release the harsh moments hoping for something I wish for peace after revolution I wish for growth through this mental evolution Consistent with pain and desperation for rain

Untitled arma I used to live a life, almost a double if you will.

I don’t feel I’m a failure, more a disappointment – you know what I mean?

I showed the world what it wanted to see. That person who fit the bill.

Even more so than the trying times of any troubled teen.

I never had a word or a phrase to describe me,

I did wonder if it mattered. Of course it did, I should have known.

not that anyone would’ve cared ‘cause it’s not what I’m ‘supposed’ to be.

The path of truth and life is the way that I was shown.

I knew for so long but I apparently follow the crowd,

I’m not the only one you know living with this inside.

can’t think for myself, I won’t do anybody proud.

It’s a feeling many others could help me to describe.

I’m only a minority in a population of... a lot.

It can be terribly confusing, praying why is this so?

Our pride, a little hope are the only things we’ve got.

here are many things you could say to stop the pain, you know.

So, for the few like me living in this world, our pride is in our flag, proudly unfurled. For those of you who donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care at all, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t let your prejudice keep on building a wall. We are all normal people with definite values and ideas. We are high flyers or low riders just like any of our peers. We all live together, as one, on this earth. Our respect and dignity is something we deserve.

Contacts Qnet Canberra’s online queer youth space. Web: www.qnet.org.au ACTQueer Email list for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people in the ACT. Web: groups.yahoo.com/group/actqueer AIDS Action Council of the ACT Support, information, counselling, referral and advocacy on all matters relating to HIV/AIDS. Phone: (02) 6257 2855. Web: www.aidsaction.org.au Another Closet Information about domestic violence in same-sex relationships. Web: www.ssdv.acon.org.au Australian National University (ANU) Sexuality Department Information, referral and advocacy for queer students and staff at the ANU. Web: sa.anu.edu.au. Email: sexdep@anu.edu.au Australian Federal Police Gay & Lesbian Liaison Officers When you need to deal with the police, you can ask to speak to a police officer specially trained in handling sexuality issues sensitively. Phone: 131 444 Canberra Men’s Centre Male-specific issues and assistance for their families. Phone: (02) 6230 6999. Web: www.menscentre.com.au Canberra Sexual Health Centre Confidential testing, treatment, advice, counselling and support (in relation to HIV/AIDS and other STI’s). No medicare card required. Phone: (02) 6244 2184. Web: www.health.act.gov.au/sexualhealth

Contacts (continued) Canberra Rape Crisis Centre Sexual assault counseling, support and advocacy for women and children. 24 hour crisis line. Phone: (02) 6247 2525. Web: www.rapecrisis.org.au Directions Information, counselling and referral regarding drugs and alcohol. Phone: (02) 6122 8000. Web: www.directionsact.com.au Domestic Violence Crisis Service 24 hour crisis line for people who may be suffering from domestic violence. Phone: (02) 6280 0900. Jellybabies A social group run by the ANU Studentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Association, primarily for queer people. Web: www.groups.yahoo.com/group/jellybabiesclub Lifeline A 24 hour phone counselling service. Phone: 13 11 14 SAMSSA Free and confidential support, information and referral for men who are survivors of sexual assault or childhood sexual abuse. Phone: (02) 6262 7377. Web: www.samssa.org.au University of Canberra (UC) Queer Collective Information, referral and advocacy for queer students and staff at UC. Web: www.theucsa.org.au. Email: sexuality@theucsa.org.au YWCA Scope Youth Service Education, support and advocacy for young people aged 12-25 years. Phone:(02) 6257 1640

Bios AIMS Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Amy a 27 year old bisexual mother of one. Canberra can be a cruel place for someone like me. Being a 19 year old single mother is one thing but can you imagine being bisexual too. I wish I had the support of my family during those first few years but as I was to scared to tell them about my sexuality I went through it alone. I have only recently come out to my sister and she has been amazingly supportive.

AL My name is Alana Westlin (Al) and I am sixteen years old. I am an out loud and proud lesbian which seems to surprise some people because of my age but that has never phased me. Being young and queer is something I have always felt I should celebrate and enjoy.

ARMA I was posted to Canberra from rural QLD when I was 19. After slowly establishing a supportive network of friends, I felt safe to come out. Homophobia and religious bigotry have dogged my self-acceptance since telling my family but with the release Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve found in poetry and the love, assurance and safety of my partner and friends, I have found peace.

Bios (continued) BASTIAN SLADE BOUSFIELD-BOCQUET A happening young cat that is a product of a farmer and a Kenyan lass with a habit of finding himself in many an abstract situation (the least of all being queer). There is not much that this kid gets embarrassed or upset about, having said that, he does get embarrassed about his original family name of Lowe which he changed by depole to Bocquet several years ago. He has dreamt of being the first Queer, Epileptic, colorblind fighter pilot in the Nations Capital but until that happens he will continue drinking, smoking, giggling and leaving shoe scuffs along the white floors of his local IGA....

CHUCK ANDERSON My name is Chuck Anderson and I am from the state of Delaware in the United States. I started writing when I was in the Navy about 7 years ago at the age of 19. The first poem I wrote was for my mother and looking back on it now it certainly needed some work. Through the years my writing skills increased and the meaningfulness behind the words I articulated on paper deepened giving me a method of release. Writing poetry has become therapeutic for me and has enabled me to connect with others on a level I could never verbally express. For several years now friends of mine have been encouraging me to publish my work for others to read and I figured this was a good chance to do so. My poems range from personal sorrow, political indecency, and the excitement of my first love. Having the ability to express my emotions on paper has helped me cope with lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ups and downs and also given me insight to how much I have grown over the years of writing. I hope you enjoy.

DAVID O’HARA Hey, I’m Dave, 23, and a student at the ANU until the end of June this year. Compared to being gay in a much smaller town until I was nineteen, I find Canberra to be an improvement, which makes it easier to be honest to myself and other people around me.

DAVID MILLS Being one of the contributors of the earlier book, ‘Yes, I Am’, meant that David was keen to be involved in getting this book off the ground. He’s 24, works for the AIDS Action Council of the ACT, and lives with wonderful partner, Evan.

Grant Heino Grant has had work published in FIRST and then The Canberra Times. He is mostly finished his Creative Writing degree at UC (not a TAFE) and is looking forward to Honors in 2008, and then a long nap.

Kobie Howe I am a 22 year old girl who has lived in Canberra for the past 18months. Since moving to Canberra I have been actively involved in the queer scene, mainly through the collective at the University of Canberra. I currently work at the AIDS Action Council, and have been facilitating “Stepping Out”, a workshop for same sex attracted women, for the past year.

Bios (continued) Nigel Featherstone is the author of over 40 published short stories, with work appearing in 17 different Australian literary journals including Meanjin, Overland and Island. He is also the author of the collections Homelife (1999) and Joy (2000). His first novel, titled Remnants, was published by Pandanus in 2005 and has been, on balance, critically successful, thank God.

O I am 19 and I have been living in Canberra since I was 12. Since I can remember, I have always loved writing; it has been one of my greatest interests and passions. As I have grown up, it has also become an important means of emotional release; I keep a journal and write poetry, both of which I find extremely therapeutic. My experience of being queer in Canberra has been strange because I have had great difficulty accepting the notion of being queer and thus have found it hard to feel part of the queer community. This is essentially what my piece is about; the constraints that society places on individuals to conform â&#x20AC;&#x201C; at a surface level this relates to contemporary consumerism, but at a deeper level it is about the media and society forcing us to reject any concept of a non-normative sexual orientation. In the last year or so, however, I have begun to find my own queer identity and have thus found the queer community of Canberra which, I believe, is starting to flourish. Though my piece has a somewhat pessimistic ending, I have begun to realize that there are avenues away from having to be straight, that you can be straight, gay, bisexual, or whatever sexual orientation you choose. As long as you find yourself, love yourself, and just be yourself.

KEIRAN ROSSTEUSCHER Keiran is a 23 year old Gay male who has lived in Canberra since moving here from the Southern Highlands in 2002 to study at the University of Canberra. Keiran has been involved with the local GLBTI community in that time, being part of the UC Queer Collective (Ucan_Q) member of Bit Bent (Belconnen) and GILBerTâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Friends (no longer exists), co-facilitated the Glitter Group at the Lanyon YWCA Mura Youth and Community Centre as well as doing a student placement at the Youth Coalition of the ACT for several months. Since graduation of Bachelor of Community Education at the end of 2005, Keiran has been a full time Youth Outreach Support Worker at SCOPE YWCA Youth Services where he is able to integrate his passion for working with and supporting GLBTI Youth into his work with the wider community.

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