Stance

Stance f o r t h e fa m i ly

Keeper of the Kids: Letting Fathers In See page 16

Three Tried and True Gluten-Free Recipes See page 22

Ireland: Where the Craic is Always Good See page 8

A Letter

to the Next Generation

Dear Next Generation, Over one-hundred and fifty years ago, Charles Dickens wrote a book called A Tale of Two Cities. The first line of that book reads, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” I’m sure you’ve heard those words, despite the fact that they were penned long before you were born—long before I was born, even.

They were originally written to describe the French Revolution, but they are words that extend across time and space, and I think that they will be especially pertinent in your day.

At the rate technology is advancing, I wouldn’t be surprised if your education is conducted in cyber classrooms and your babysitters are titanium robots.

I wouldn’t be surprised if scientists found a way to bring Charles Dickens back to life by cloning his DNA. Already, modern technology has peeled back the inaccessibility of many potential opportunities in order to afford us new and exciting experiences; I can’t imagine what kinds of things technology will have done for you in a decade or two.

But always we must take the good with the bad.

A few decades from now, corruption and deception will likely have increased right alongside technology.

Perhaps behaviors such as selfishness and manipulation will have too. Even back here in 2014, marriage rates are already on a steady decline. The conventional nuclear family isn’t so appealing to society anymore. Morals and values are being traded for instant gratification.

There is a lot of sadness and a lot of addiction that has stemmed from a desire to quell that sadness. There is infidelity, disease, violence, and abuse; and although there are many individuals and organizations devoted to combatting these issues, the cycles are difficult to break.

The solution, I think, is in human interaction.

Human interaction is beautiful. It’s essential. But it’s so easily corruptible. When I think of you, the keepers of the next era, I worry about how you will be treated and how you will treat others. When I imagine your world, I imagine a colorless place of gray steel and stone. I

imagine an earth devastated. Granted, my brain may have been warped by all the apocalypse films I’ve seen lately, but then again, maybe these projections aren’t so far-fetched.

Whatever the state of your world, you can live independently of it. You can be a source of goodness— you might even be the sole source of goodness.

There will always be a place for kindness, a place for compassion, and a place for hard work in the world.

There will always be a place for integrity, a place for loyalty, and a place for love.

Take a moment and think about other people— think about the old man you passed on the street, the woman at the grocery store, the substitute teacher at school. Think about your interactions with them. It took me years to understand the impact that a kind word or a considerate action can have on another person. We act so inhumanely toward each other sometimes, even though we all thrive off of acceptance and camaraderie.

So to what end do we criticize, hurt, ignore, shame, and gossip about one another? The simple act of being nice goes a long way—in both directions. If you do something nice for someone every day for ten years, by the end of that time you will have made 3,650 people a little happier. You will have put a smile on 3,650 faces, not to mention your own. That, my friends, is a significant contribution to humanity. Plus, if there is anything the world will need in fifteen years, it’s a little bit less ignorance and little bit more kindness.

Metal is hard and cold and uncaring; people should be the opposite. In your world overrun with technology, the most important piece of advice that I can give you from back here in the year 2014 is a simple age-old adage: treat others as you would like to be treated. I can’t say exactly what life will be like for you, but I can tell you that your hearts will be a little lighter and the world will be a little brighter if you forget yourself and focus on others. You have the power to transform the worst of times into the best of times.

All the best, A well-wisher from 2014

by Jenna Hoffman

Features

6 The Role of the Caregiver 8 Ireland: Where the Craic Is Always Good 12 Speech & Language Development 14 Car Seat Safety 16 Keeper of the Kids: Letting Fathers In Memoirs

4 Rising from the Ashes of Adversity 20 Inspired, Not Confined

In the Home

10 Tooth Tips for You and Your Kids 19 Home Maintenance Tips for All Seasons

In the Community

In the World

18 The XXII Winter Olympic Games, Baby Bonus, Scottish Independence

In the Kitchen

22 Eating Gluten-Free Can Be a Breeze

Book Reviews

21 Bomb: The Race to Build—and Steal—the World’s Most Dangerous Weapon by Steve Sheinkin 21 Going on Nine by Catherine Fitzpatrick

5 Volunteer Opportunities in the Community

Staff Academic Advisor Editor in Chief Managing Editor Magazine Editor Associate Editors

Assistant Editors

Design Director

John P. Livingstone Emily Smith Aimee Hancock Melissa Hart Rebecca Hamson Jenna Hoffman Weston Goggins Alissa Holm Ashley Holmes Heather Johnson Teagan Nakamoto Katie Parker Jerrick Robbins Michelle Lyons

Articles express the opinions of the authors alone and not necessarily of Stance as an organization, Brigham Young University, or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Unless otherwise stated, all photography and illustrations are in the public domain.

Do you have comments, compliments, questions, or concerns? Contact us at sftfmagazine@gmail.com.

Stance for the Family is a student-run organization at Brigham Young University dedicated to publishing material that promotes the institutions of marriage and family. Connect with Stance through our blog www.stanceforthefamily.byu.edu, our Facebook page BYU Stance for the Family, or our Twitter @BYUstance.

Rising from the Ashes of

Adversity

by Jerrick Robbins In ancient Greek and Roman mythology, the phoenix lives for five hundred years as a spectacle of inspiration.

After those years, the phoenix builds a nest and then collects cinnamon and spikenard and myrrh, which ignite in self-consuming fire. The phoenix is turned to ashes, but from those ashes a new phoenix is born.

In her early teenage years, my little sister was diagnosed with a rare disease called Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, which, among other things, affects how well the tissues in her brain and spine connect. She can’t drive because the bumps on the road give her headaches, she faints often, she loses her eyesight, she has no gag reflex, her wounds take longer than normal to heal, and sometimes she has no feeling in her legs. Now, as she is about to graduate from high school, when she should be experiencing a newfound sense of freedom, she finds herself in bondage, going through this burning, fiery adversity. But like the phoenix, eventually that adversity can transform her as she takes the ashes of her bad days and becomes a new person.

The phoenix took cinnamon, spikenard, and myrrh to facilitate the growth of its new life. My sister is looking forward to the future, enduring with patience, and learning to laugh.

Right now, it seems to my sister like her challenges may never cease, and they might not. Ehlers-Danlos has no known cure. But it is manageable, and my sister looks forward to the future with hope that one day she can find a treatment that works. Even though she has fought this disease throughout high school, she is set to 4

graduate this summer as valedictorian and plans to enter college next fall. She refuses to let her trials limit her.

Since she entered high school, she has had two knee surgeries, one ankle surgery, one brain surgery, and two spinal surgeries. Through it all, she has endured.

The word endure comes from the Latin verb indurare, meaning to make hard or to strengthen. My sister is being strengthened through her experiences. The process is slow and tedious; it requires patience. She is a great example to me that with patience, I too can become a stronger person.

One particular time just after she had double knee surgery, my sister taught me the importance of finding humor in our life situations. Because of her surgery, my dad and I had to lift her into the shower. One time my dad accidentally hit the shower knob, dousing me with freezing cold water. It was a miracle that I was able to hold on to my sister’s legs as the cold water chilled me to the bone! We all laughed—my sister included. The entire holiday break she would laugh for no reason. When asked why she was laughing, she would reply, “Oh, I was just thinking about Jerrick’s face when he got hit by the water.” My sister used that humorous experience to maintain a positive attitude for weeks.

Looking forward to the future, enduring with patience, and learning to laugh—these three actions can help any person rise from the ashes of their adversity like a phoenix. Their new selves will be better able to face their trials. I’m grateful that my sister has taught me that lesson. ◆ S ta n c e

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Volunteer Opportunities

In the Community compiled by Jenna Hoffman and Rebecca Hamson

Friday’s Kids Respite “Strengthening families of children with special needs by providing quality respite care” is Friday’s Kids Respite’s motto. Every Friday night at locations in Orem, Lehi, Salem, and St. George, volunteers from Friday’s Kids Respite greet children with special needs, ready to spend the evening running, laughing, and playing one-on-one. Respite care provides a short period of rest or relief to the usual caregivers. Volunteers—as young as twelve years old, if accompanied by an adult—need commit to only one night at a time, but are welcome back as often as they wish. Visit the website to learn more and to apply to be a volunteer. www.fridayskids.org

Hoofbeats to Healing Located in Saratoga Springs and Bountiful, Utah, Hoofbeats to Healing provides therapeutic horseback riding for people with disabilities in Utah Valley. Horseback riding has proven to help conditions such as post traumatic stress disorder, depression, cerebral palsy, spina bifida, and multiple sclerosis.

Volunteers are always needed to help care for the horses and assist participants in the riding lessons. Visit the website for more information on how to become a volunteer. www.hoofbeats.us

Food and Care Coalition The Food and Care Coalition provides the homeless and underprivileged of Provo with daily meals, basic hygiene products, opportunities to find employment, and other services. It offers a unique atmosphere of encouragement and understanding. The Food and Care Coalition always welcomes volunteers to help prepare and serve meals or organize drives. It’s a wonderful and eyeopening experience for the whole family. Visit the website to learn about the current needs or to schedule a time to volunteer. www.foodandcare.org

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The Role of the Caregiver

What do you do when you find yourself caring for the one who once cared for you?

by Katie Parker “First we tried to let her stay home—my sister and I switched off staying nights with her,” said Susan Banks* of her mother, whose health had been slowly declining because of dementia. Banks and her siblings tried to avoid moving their mother into a nursing home because she had told them time and again, “Don’t you dare put me in one of those places.” However, they soon found that between their kids and their jobs, it just wasn’t feasible to take care of their mother in her own home, and they reluctantly made the decision to move her into a nearby assisted-living home, but not without feeling that they had given up too soon.

Barbara Heise, a professor in the Brigham Young University College of Nursing, says that “caregiving is a bittersweet journey for which most people are totally unprepared. Caregivers of older adults do feel very guilty about making the decision to 6

place their loved one in a long-term care facility. The bottom line is that one person cannot do what three shifts of nurses do—take care of someone twenty-four hours a day.”

The idea of placing an elderly parent in an assisted-living or nursing home is challenging for many people, especially since most elderly people resist what they see as a symbol of losing their independence.

However, assisted-living homes provide many important services that families can’t always perform alone. Heise says that the best way to handle the fears of long-term care facilities is to become educated.

Long-term care facilities provide not only twenty-four-hour care, but also a new community for the elderly to associate with.

Considering these advantages is important, even though it is difficult to place an elderly parent in one of these facilities. There are also other options for caring for an elderly

DO • • • • • • • • •

Understand that you are normal Get sleep Nurture outside interests Laugh out loud Take time off Take one thing at a time Follow a routine Maintain a healthy diet Expect to be upset by upsetting events

DON’T • • • • • • • • • •

Blame Others Ignore the problem Work harder or longer Neglect your own needs, interests, desires Reduce leisure activities Have unrealistic expectations Look for easy answers Self-medicate Worry about seeming selfish Feel the need to earn care recipient’s affection

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parent such as hiring a nurse or nursing assistant to live with your elderly parent, signing up for programs like Meals on Wheels to ensure your parent gets the nutrition he or she needs, or using a respite care program that will place your elderly parent in a long-term care facility for a few weeks to give you a break. Even if you are not currently a caregiver, it is important to plan ahead and become educated about available resources, nursing homes, hospice programs, and caregiving itself because you never know when you or someone you love is going to need a caregiver.

All of these options and more are available, but there is no easy answer as to which one is right for you. Heise explains, “You have to use your judgment. There isn’t an easy answer. But the bottom line is that the caregiver has to make sure their parent is safe no matter what.”

She also points out that the best way to address the issue of a nursing home is to find out what your parents want early on. “Sit them down and say, ‘Okay, Mom, Dad . . . what do you want? What are your wishes for when you need care?’ You need to talk about it because it’s a personal thing. Get it out in the open.”

Having this conversation ahead of time is important because according to the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke, as many as five million people aged sixty-five and older in the United States have Alzheimer’s disease, the most common form of dementia. This disease makes caring for elderly parents even harder because

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The following resources can help caregivers learn about issues like finding a support group, locating a good nursing home, or covering living costs.

1. Today’s Caregiver www.caregiver.com 2. Family Caregiver Alliance www.caregiver.org 3. Administration on Aging www.aoa.gov/aoa_programs/ hcltc/caregiver/index.aspx

they slowly act less and less like the parent you knew.

Banks says that it was very difficult to see her mother’s personality change and to see her get upset at her own family or the resident aides at the assisted-living home. Heise says that it is important to remember that these personality changes are a result of the disease. “Whatever their issue is, [people suffering from dementia] can be irritable and say unkind things. You can’t take it personally.” This is often easier said than done, but it is another reason that assisted-living homes can be beneficial for both parent and child.

These facilities give the caregiver a chance to step back and share the emotional strain with a team of trained caregivers.

It is important for caregivers to take into account the altered reality of someone with dementia. When people with dementia talk about their own parents as if they were still alive, it is a natural reaction for caregivers to remind them of what is real. However, Heise says that is neither effective nor healthy. “The

4. Alzheimer’s Association www.alz.org 5. AARP Caregiving Resource Center www.aarp.org/home-family/ caregiving 6. National Caregivers Library www.caregiverslibrary.org 7. The Centers for Medicaid and Medicare Services www.medicare.gov/nursing homecompare/search.html

person with dementia is not going to remember what you said two or three minutes later. Doing a reality orientation is not fair. It makes them sad for no reason. You have to go where they are.” Many longterm care facilities have teams who specialize in caring for people with dementia. It is not an easy thing to deal with, but you don’t have to do it alone.

Being a caregiver is difficult and often leads to feelings of guilt along with the sadness of watching the slow decline of a loved one.

Heise suggests four ways to fight those challenges: 1) Get educated; 2) Become part of the health care team (you are the expert on your loved one); 3) Remember it’s okay to get help; and 4) Don’t forget to take time for yourself. Remember that you are using your best judgment and acting in the best interest of your parent, and that is all that you can do. ◆ *Name has been changed

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Ireland

Where the Craic is Always Good

by Kylee Buchanan and Shayla Johnson As you walk down the quaint and historic streets of Ireland, you will see people wandering in and out of shops, you will smell the delicious fresh seafood sold on the corner, and you won’t be able to help but hear locals asking, “Where’s the craic?” and “What’s the craic?”

That word, pronounced “crack,” may make you wonder why everybody is looking for a crevice, a punch line, or even a drug—but what’s really going on is a far cry from anything you might think. On our visit to Ireland, we discovered that craic is an Irish Gaelic term that doesn’t quite translate into English; the closest idea we have in English is the concept of having fun and enjoying a good laugh with loved ones. This phrase typifies the Irish people and their culture—always ready to get together with friends and family to have a good time in a way that is quite different from our American way of life.

We found that the Irish are very open and friendly with everyone and that they love getting to know new people on a deep level. While most American conversations with strangers revolve around polite small talk, the Irish are curious about newcomers and are not shy about making new friends. When we visited a town called Dingle in County Kerry, we met a man named Phillip George in one of the local pubs. After learning all of our names and giving us endearing nicknames, he wasted no time in telling us his story. He was there that night for the wake (a celebration of life that accompanies a funeral) of his dear friend that had passed away.

He told us all about the man that he had known for 8

most of his life and then proceeded to sing us a traditional ballad. Philip’s kindness and openness in sharing his story with us, along with our positive and memorable experiences with many other Irish people, made us realize that the Irish connect with people on a much more genuine level than we Americans are used to. We might learn from the Irish to be truly interested in those we speak with, to open up, and to be willing to make new relationships.

Our conversation in the pub that night was not an unusual occurrence. The Irish thrive on making good conversation, joining with each other in laughter, and forging friendships—which most often occurs in pubs, or public houses. Whether pubs were created because of the Irish’s friendly culture or whether pubs are the reason behind the culture, pubs have become a central part of the Irish life. The term pub is usually associated with bars, but Irish pubs are very different from American bars. A typical Irish pub is filled with good food, lively music, storytelling, and friendly banter, and is the general meeting places for families and friends of all ages. At the end of the workday, the Irish head to the local pub to meet with friends and family, let loose, and enjoy one another. You won’t see people checking their email on their smart phones or making business calls. Something that we can learn from the Irish is how to slow down, get away from our chaotic and busy world, and enjoy the people in our lives.

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person they talk to feel important, loved, and valued, whether they are long-time friends and family or people they just met at the pub. There was not a single Irish person that we met who was not concerned about our well-being and wanted to help us; we were invited to many gatherings, we were offered homes to stay in, and we were provided directions to any place we needed to go. The ability to be so deeply concerned about people is a beautiful attribute that the Irish possess. This is probably the greatest lesson we can learn from the Irish: to make those around us feel loved and accepted. By searching for the craic and becoming invested in those we interact with, we, like the Irish, can make the people in our lives feel more important, loved, and valued. ◆

Every Irish Song Has a Story . . .

Much of Irish history is chronicled in traditional songs, which can be heard in any pub on a typical night.

One popular tune is “The Fields of Athenry.” This traditional song is set during the Great Famine, a time that devastated Ireland during the 1800s. The song tells the story of a man who has been sentenced to Australia for stealing food to feed his family. Prison ships carried hundreds of British and Irish people for crimes ranging from theft to murder. This difficult time is deeply instilled in the collective Irish memory.

Another traditional song that has great historical significance is the song “Grace.” It is set during the Easter Rising of 1916, many of the leaders of the rebellion

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were captured and put in Kilmainham Gaol, a famous jail in Dublin. “Grace” tells the story of one leader of the rebellion named Joseph Plunkett, who at just 28 years old, was sentenced to death for his activity and leadership in the rebellion. He was engaged to marry Grace Gifford, a woman whom he had come to know during his years in school. The night before he was to face the firing squad, he was permitted to marry Grace in a very short and simple ceremony in the jail’s chapel. Around 2:00 that next morning, they were allowed just ten minutes to be together before he was taken to be executed. Grace stayed outside of the jail until she heard the shots of the firing squad.

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Tooth Tips for You and Your Kids

by Heather Johnson

At some point you’ve probably asked yourself these dental questions: What’s the best dental insurance? How do I get my kid to go to the dentist without a big fuss?

How big of an impact does my diet have on my teeth?

Well, take a look at these tooth tips and wonder no more!

1. The best dental insurance is preventive home care.

Teeth do take on some inevitable trauma and wear, but most dental problems are preventable. So dust off that toothbrush, find some floss, and swish that mouthwash!

2. Expose your teeth to fluoride. Figure out how much fluoride your drinking water contains by calling your city offices or having an inexpensive test done on your well. Then consult with your dentist on getting an additional fluoride supplement.

3. Watch your carbs. It’s not just a tip for dieting— avoid snacking on carbohydrates for healthy teeth as well. Every time you eat carbs, your saliva turns acidic for half an hour, creating a chemical imbalance that causes minerals to be sucked out of your teeth. If you limit carbs exclusively to meal times, your mouth will only be acidic for roughly two hours in a twenty-four hour period—a very healthy amount for your teeth.

4. Snack smart. So what’s okay to eat between meals?

Cheeses (though not sweetened ones), nuts, and vegetables are all great in-between-meals snacks.

As for drinks, water is the only one that won’t make your mouth acidic. This is especially applicable to 10

toddlers. Toddlers’ falling asleep with a bottle of milk or juice in their mouths is a recipe for tooth decay.

5. Make going to the dentist a positive experience.

Make going to the dentist a matter-of-fact part of life.

Don’t share negative dental experiences with your children—it will only cause them anxiety. Schedule regular checkups for your children and keep those appointments. Don’t let a painful toothache be the first experience your child has with a dentist.

6. Choose a dentist who is good with kids. As you’re scheduling appointments for your children, remember that dentists are not all equal. Get referrals from neighbors, coworkers, and friends for a child-friendly dentist. This doesn’t necessarily mean a pediatric dentist, but one who has experience working with families.

7. Remember regular checkups aren’t just for kids.

Parents typically take their children to regular dental appointments. Then as children grow up, go to college, and get married, money gets tight, diets deteriorate, and regular checkups don’t happen.

College students love snacking, and usually it’s not on carrots. This combination of factors often leads to a really bad dental problem. Don’t let this be you.

When it comes to your dental health, stay up, don’t catch up. ◆

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&Language

Speech Young Children’s

by Kerstine Hart, M.S., CCC-SLP

Development

Recently I was at a store buying some stickers, markers, and notebooks for my business. Seeing my purchases, the cashier asked if I was a teacher. I told her that I was a speech-language pathologist (SLP) and explained that I did therapy with children and adults who needed help with their speech and language. This led to a discussion about her four-year-old son who did not speak clearly. I was able to answer some of her questions and give her more information so she could get her son’s speech assessed.

I have had many similar experiences since becoming an SLP. Concerned parents often ask me when their child should start talking, when their child should be able to say the r sound in words, or if their child’s speech is developing normally. Most parents have questions like these at one point or another. Here are a few principles to help parents gauge their children’s progress and learn where and how to get help if needed.

Is my child’s speech and language development typical?

It is important to understand that children develop at different rates and that there is a wide range of what is considered “normal.” Although this is the case, early intervention for speech and language issues can help prevent or minimize problems with communicating, socializing, and reading, so it is important to learn how to determine if your child’s speech and language skills are in the typical range.

One researcher suggests a simple formula to determine typical intelligibility in children: People who are unfamiliar with the child should understand the child’s speech 50% of the time at age two, 75% of the time at age three, and approximately 100% of the time at age four.1 1. Peter Flipsen Jr., “Measuring the Intelligibility of Conversational Speech in Children,” Clinical Linguistics & Phonetics 20, no. 4 (2006): 303–12.

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For a more detailed analysis, refer to the following chart with information provided by the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA).

If you have further questions about your child’s speech and language abilities, please check out the ASHA website (www.ASHA.org) for more information, or you can have your child tested by an SLP who has earned a Certificate of Clinical Competency.

Where can I get my child’s speech and language tested?

Most states have organizations that parents can contact to find help. In Utah County, the Baby Watch Early Intervention has three programs to help children from infancy to age three: Kids on the Move, Provo Early Intervention Program, and Kids Who Count. These programs provide SLPs who go into the home to assess, diagnose, and treat young children who have speechlanguage disorders.

SLPs at local school districts can assess, diagnose, and treat children starting at age three. Generally, a neighborhood school will provide speech and language therapy.

You can also hire a private-practice speech-language pathologist. To find a certified SLP in your area, go to the section of the ASHA website for the general public and click on “Find a Professional,” or contact a local university that has a speech-language department.

What can I expect during testing and treatment?

Testing will take about 45 minutes to an hour and a half.

Although testing may differ between organizations, it will usually consist of the components listed below: •

An intake form requesting information about your child’s history, including medical history.

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•

Hearing and vision screenings.

•

Various standardized tests to compare your child’s speech and language skills to other children of the same age.

not qualify for services, the SLP can show you activities to increase your child’s speech and language skills.

Conclusion

•

An oral-motor screening to make sure your child is capable of moving his or her tongue, lips, and jaw.

•

A speech sample to measure how intelligible your child is.

•

A language sample to measure how your child uses language to communicate.

If your child qualifies for treatment, an intervention program will be set up. The service pattern will depend on the severity of the disability, the attention span of your child, and the type of disability. If your child does

Understanding these speech and language milestones can help concerned parents, like the mother I met at the grocery story, to be more confident in their child’s speech and language development. Since speech and language skills affect so many aspects of life—reading, socializing, and communicating—early diagnoses and intervention are important. As we all help children become more confident in their language skills, they will have the skills they need to achieve a higher quality of life. ◆

Developmental Speech and Language Milestones Age

Birth to One Year

One to Two Years

Two to Three Years

Three to Four Years Four to Five Years

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Typical Speech and Language

• Cries, babbles, and coos.

• Babbles using these sounds: /p/, /b/, and /m/.

• May say simple words (e.g., hi, Dada, and Mama).

• Uses one- or two-word questions (e.g., “Go bye-bye?).

• Says two words together (e.g., more juice).

• Says many consonant sounds.

• Follows simple one-step directions.

• Uses two and three word phrases.

• Says words with the following sounds: /k/, /g/, /f/, /t/, /d/, and /n/.

• Understands differences in meaning (e.g., up-down, in-out, and big-little).

• Uses four words or more in a sentence.

• Answers simple who, what, and why questions.

• Can carry on a simple conversation.

• Can say most sounds, but may not say /l/, /s/, /r/, /v/ /z/, “ch”, “sh”, or “th” sounds yet. Sometimes children do not develop these sounds until they are six or seven.

• Can follow two-step directions.

Activities Parents Can Do to Facilitate Speech and Language

• Imitate child’s sounds.

• Play with sound (e.g., make animal and environmental sounds).

• Play peek-a-boo.

• Use motherese (simple, repetitive, exaggerated higher pitched intonation when talking).

• Do not use baby talk (speaking incorrectly). Instead use clear adult-like speech models for your child to imitate.

• Bring different sounds to your child’s attention.

• Read simple picture books with your child.

• Expand what your child says. For example, if your child says, “Dog,” say, “Yes. Big dog.”

• Read books, including rhyming ones.

• Sing songs and do finger plays.

• Use clear, simple speech giving your child a good model.

• Read to your child.

• Play category games where you show four pictures and have your child tell which one does not belong.

• Read to your child.

• Sort items into categories.

• Talk about same and different with child.

• Talk about opposites.

• Say steps (e.g., first, middle, and last) to events.

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Car Seat Safety

by Jenna Hoffman On a cold, dreary morning in January, Brenda Miller loaded her two older kids into the backseat of the car and placed her two-year-old daughter in the passenger seat beside her. She began the routine twenty-two-mile drive to her oldest son’s school, running her busy schedule through her head as she absentmindedly navigated the icy roads. As she accelerated over an overpass, the tires of her car hit a sheet of black ice and her vehicle went careening into the cement blockade. Fortunately Brenda and her children walked away from the car accident with only minor injuries, but later the authorities warned her that by placing her toddler in the passenger seat, she had put that child’s life in jeopardy.

The leading cause of death of children in the United States is unintentional injuries, and many of those injuries occur in automobile accidents. Between 2000 and 2012, 3,300 children were admitted to the hospital because of motor-vehicle crashes. Most parents know that

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a car seat or booster seat is the safest place for a child while riding in the vehicle, but it’s equally important to be informed on correct car seat procedures to ensure optimal protection for your child.

As a general rule, children under twelve years should always ride in the back seat. Because their bodies have not yet fully developed, they are unable to handle the force that is produced by airbags in the front seat.

Until age two, a child should be in a rear-facing car seat. This reduces the force exerted on the child’s body in a head-on collision. After children turn two and their bodies meet the manufacturer’s weight requirement, children can be placed in a forward-facing seat.

Once they have outgrown the car seat, they should use a booster seat until they reach age eight or four feet nine inches. Because seat belts were designed for adults, children need a booster seat to be adequately protected or they could suffer damage to internal organs.

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Car Seat Installation from safercar.gov 1. Read the car seat instruction manual and the portion of your vehicle’s owner’s manual on car seat installation. Every car seat needs to be installed using either the lower anchors of the LATCH system or the seat belt to secure it in place. If you choose to use a seat belt to install your car seat, pay close attention to how to lock your seat belt in the vehicle owner’s manual. Because every car seat and vehicle is different, it’s important to follow all instructions carefully.

2. Place the car seat in the back seat of your vehicle and follow the manufacturer’s installation directions.

3. The car seat must be secured tightly in the vehicle. It should not move side-to-side or front-to-back more than 1 inch when pulled at the belt path.

Built-in car seat anchor in the LATCH system.

The traditional method of car seat installation utilizes seat belts to secure the car seat. However, as of 2002, every car seat and most vehicles manufactured are required to incorporate lower anchors and tethers for children (LATCH). The LATCH system, which uses built-in anchors, removes the need for seat belts in the process of car seat installation and has been proven to reduce the car seat’s forward motion in vehicle crashes.

To avoid excessive stress on anchors, most LATCH systems are only guaranteed for children up to 48 pounds; double-check your vehicle’s owner’s manual and your car seat manual to verify limitations.

If you are unsure as to how your child’s car seat should be installed, you can visit any of a number of federal car seat inspection stations across the country.

In the Utah County area, stations are located at the Utah County Health Department and the Draper Police Department. To find more stations near you, visit www. nhtsa.gov or www.safekids.org.

Proper installation of car seats and booster seats is important, but it’s also worth noting that car seats shouldn’t be used for more than six years because federal safety requirements are always changing and improving. In addition, used car seats should be avoided, as their accident history can be uncertain. When purchasing a car seat, make sure that it fits both your child and S p r i n g 2014

4. If it is a forward-facing seat and has a top tether strap, connect it to the tether anchor and tighten.

This step is very important as it limits forward head movement in a crash.

5. If it is a rear-facing seat, make sure the car seat is installed at the correct recline angle. Most car seats have built-in angle indicators or adjustors that help with this step.

your car and that you know how to use it. In order to be effective, car seats need to be installed correctly.

Car seat safety doesn’t have to be complicated: Being informed and making sure that your children are properly secured while riding in a vehicle can prevent devastating fatalities in motor-vehicle crashes. Especially during winter months as the roads get more dangerous, it’s worth your child’s life to make sure that his or her car seat is installed correctly and meets the suggested safety requirements. Inspect the car seats in your vehicle and encourage your friends and neighbors to do the same. ◆

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Keeper of the Kids Letting Fathers In

by Melissa Hart

Kids don’t come with an instruction manual, it’s true.

Neither does marriage or family life. But some resources, like scholarly research, can help parents navigate the murky waters of teenage troubles and dishes dilemmas.

In the past two decades, a common topic studied by home and family researchers has been maternal gatekeeping, the concept that mothers open and close the gate to the fathers’ involvement in daily family matters, including interactions with the children. This controlling attitude not only affects the fathers’ relationships with the children, but also the mothers’.

What is maternal gatekeeping?

Maternal gatekeeping is divided into three parts, each targeting a certain attitude of the mother.

•

•

•

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Standards and responsibilities. Women might show signs of maternal gatekeeping if they feel their husbands don’t meet their standards. Maybe women reorganize the dishwasher after their husbands load it. Maybe they change their daughters’ shoes after their husbands dress their two-year-old daughter for church. Maybe they always have to be the one to discipline or comfort a child. When mothers redo tasks or take sole responsibility for most of the tasks, fathers might not want to be as involved in parenting and completing household tasks.

Maternal identity confirmation. Women’s ideas of what makes a good mother, a good wife, or a good housekeeper play a large role in maternal gatekeeping. If women’s identity and worth depend on keeping a spotless house or always presenting wellgroomed children, they might be less likely to allow fathers to help with those tasks.

Gender division. Mothers who feel that women are naturally better at certain things than men—like taking care of children—are more likely to be gate-

keepers. This attitude forgets that men benefit from helping with the children, no matter their skill.

While intuition and current research show that these attitudes can keep the father from developing positive relationships with his children, recent research has shown that they can also affect the mother-child relationship. According to a recent study led by Erin Holmes, professor of family, home, and social sciences at Brigham Young University, mothers who show controlling behaviors with fathers are more likely to be psychologically controlling with their kids. A mother may exhibit psychological control by frequently interrupting her children, trying to change their feelings, or acting poorly toward them when she doesn’t agree with their behavior.

How to combat maternal gatekeeping While maternal gatekeeping attitudes can be harmful to a family, it is important to understand that the problem lies in the frequency and severity of the behaviors. “Not one alone is inherently bad,” says Holmes. If parents feel there is a real pattern of maternal gatekeeping behaviors in their family, the following suggestions may help: •

Recognize maternal gatekeeping behaviors early.

Even before couples have children, they may notice the wife continually redoing tasks the husband did.

Recognizing this can help the couple learn to work together as partners even before children are on the scene.

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Men should desire to be involved in the day-to-day family life. As noted from anecdotes, Holmes shares that “men might perpetuate some of those attitudes or ideas in their own behaviors so they can get out of doing work.” Fathers should develop a desire to help with all aspects of the family.

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Relax some personal standards. Some personal S ta n c e

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identity. If mothers are most concerned about presenting perfectly clean kids or a perfectly tidy house, they may be missing some of the more important aspects of motherhood that result in psychologically controlling behaviors. Counseling may be a helpful way to work through this issue.

standards, such as a mother’s expectation for how the floor is vacuumed, could be relaxed to allow the father room to learn how to perform a task. Similarly, parents may need to adjust their expectations for how children should act or feel.

•

Create standards as a team. As parents discuss their expectations, they will be better able to understand each other. They might even be surprised at whose standards are higher in particular areas.

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Appreciate good effort. Both parents should recognize when the other tries hard, even if their standards aren’t met. They should also recognize good effort in their children. Truly appreciating—and acknowledging—good effort keeps manipulative and controlling behaviors at bay.

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Divide responsibilities. There might be times when parents divide responsibilities. Maybe the dad will be in charge of dishes and taking kids to the doctor, and the mom will be in charge of cooking dinner and reading bedtime stories. This would give each parent the opportunity to learn certain tasks without the other stepping in.

•

Develop a full spectrum of maternal and feminine

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Evaluate what really matters. Remember that the most important things are not necessarily the quality of completing a certain task, but instead the relationships between and feelings of each member of the family.

Making changes could require uncomfortable introspection and courage. Holmes recalls that when she and her husband were first married, he would catch her redoing some things around the house. “Erin, if you don’t let me do it, how will I ever learn?” he asked. “Are you going to treat our kids this way too?” This was an important moment for Holmes, realizing her husband had a good point. “I thought my husband was brave to say that,” Holmes recalls.

Like the Holmeses, families can recognize harmful habits and bravely work for change in order to improve their marriage and family life. ◆

Maternal Gatekeeping Quiz Circle the number that best applies. 5 = Always, 4 = Often, 3 = Sometimes, 2 = Occasionally, 1 = Hardly I redo household tasks my spouse has not done well.

It’s too hard to teach family members the skills necessary to do the jobs right, so I’d rather do them myself.

My spouse doesn’t really know how to do a lot of household chores, so it is just easier if I do them.

I have higher standards than my spouse for how well kept the house should be.

I like being in charge when it comes to domestic responsibilities.

If my child needs to be disciplined, I think that I should be the one to discipline them, not my spouse.

I think that I should be the one to comfort our child, not my spouse.

I should be the one to take my child to the doctor, not my spouse.

If a decision has to be made for my child, I should be the one to make it, not my spouse.

If an adult needs to talk to my child about his or her behavior, I think that I am the one to do so.

1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5

If you found that you consistently give yourself a high rating, your family may benefit from trying the suggestions above.

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In the World

The XXII Winter Olympic Games Families around the world cheered on their respective countries in the Olympic games this winter. The XXII Olympic Winter Games were held in Sochi, Russia. With the home field advantage, Russia won, walking away with thirteen gold medals and thirty-three medals overall. USA came in second overall with twenty-eight medals, and fourth by gold medal count with nine. www.olympic.org

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Baby Bonus The Labour Party, one of two major political parties in New Zealand, is proposing a new policy that would pay parents of newborn babies sixty dollars per week for the child’s first year. By passing this policy, the government hopes to raise the country’s fertility rate (2.10 births per women), which is below the world’s average fertility rate (2.45). tinyurl.com/StanceBabyBonus

by Rebecca Hamson

Scottish Independence On September 18, 2014, the Scottish will vote on their independence. At the polls, they will be asked, “Should Scotland be an independent country?”

Proponents of Scotland’s independence believe that this will make childcare and energy bills more affordable and ensure that minimum wage rises in line with inflation, among other policies. www.scotreferendum.com

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Home Maintenance Tips

for All Seasons

by Alissa Holm

Maybe you are a brand-new homeowner, maybe you have a new goal to keep your house up to snuff, or maybe you just want some new maintenance tips. Whatever boat you’re in, it’s never a bad idea to learn about what else you can do to care for your home.

Routinely

Fall

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Change your furnace filter every one to three months (depending on what type of filter you have).

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Have a landscape contractor blow out your irrigation/sprinkler systems.

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Check your smoke detector batteries every month.

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•

Clean out your dryer vent about twice a year.

Have a heating and cooling contractor winterize your air conditioner and service your furnace.

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Once most of the leaves have fallen from your trees, clean out your gutters and downspouts again.

Spring •

Clean out your gutters and downspouts. Put on your gloves and scoop the debris right out of your gutters. Then run a hose down the gutters to clear out what’s left.

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Make sure that your chimney damper and vents to any exterior crawl spaces are closed. (A lever to the chimney damper is usually located in a reachable place in the chimney.) Some crawl space vents are automatic and will open and close according to temperature. Other vents will require you to fill the open space with a foam block made specifically for this purpose, which you can find at any local hardware store. Remember to remove the block once spring comes.

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Inspect your air conditioner by cleaning and replacing filters. Consider getting your air conditioner professionally serviced—it will save your air conditioner from overworking and save you from overpaying on your utilities.

Tighten handles (on cabinets or doors), racks (in your garage or shed), and shelves (in your pantry and throughout your home) that have come loose.

•

Establish a watering schedule for your lawn. This will depend on where you live and what kind of soil you have. Most lawns require a half-inch of water about two times a week. For optimal absorption, water between four a.m. and nine a.m.

Prevent icicles from forming in your gutters by having a professional inspect the insulation in your attic.

By following the tips above, your home or apartment is sure to be kept snug, safe, and well maintained during all seasons. ◆

•

Check for leaks and cracks in all faucets (inside and out), toilets, showers, windows, doors, and under your roof. Seal them with caulk or weather stripping, supplies that can be found at your local hardware store.

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Fertilize your lawn and service your lawnmower.

Summer •

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Winter

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Inspired, not Confined I am the guinea pig, the experimental first-born of my siblings, burdened with great expectations and responsibilities. My parents wanted me to be a good example for my younger siblings and cousins in every aspect, from academic success to behavior to morality. Over the years I of course had my fair share of shortcomings and disappointing lapses in judgment, but overall Mom and Dad feel that I have been a successful experiment. I, too, feel accomplished and grateful, but it does raise the question: how did it come to be this way?

About a hundred years ago my great-grandfather Sadanoshin brought the Nakamoto name from Japan to Hawaii. Along with the name came values that would become a strong tradition: hard work, education, generosity, respect, thrift, humility, accountability. Until I was eight, my family lived in the “big house” with Grandma (the popular home economics teacher), Grandpa (who gave the neighbors eggs and fruit from the Nakamoto farm), and numerous cousins, aunties, and uncles. Since Grandpa’s large extended family also lived on the big island, it was nearly impossible to go anywhere without being recognized by strangers who would report my doings to my relations, for good or for ill. There was therefore a lot of pressure from inside and outside the family to be caught doing the right thing, to excel, and, really, to be perfect. However, it rarely felt as restrictive as it sounds, which I attribute mainly to my mother.

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by Teagan Nakamoto

Mommers (as I call her) is from Seattle and met Dad at Brigham Young University. She brought the fun and music to our home, singing familiar songs with made-up lyrics to make us giggle. Though we sometimes did things worthy of discipline, it was my mother’s way to reinforce good behavior with praise, and to encourage far more than to punish. If we were noisy at church, she’d whisper “good boys are reverent” and hold us until we quieted. She believes that children who are told they are good will become so and that the pure, good, helpful moments are worthy of attention, and that’s where Mommers’s energy was focused.

What was the result? My Nakamoto humility would rather I not say, but just for the sake of credibility: my parents raised their boy to win a state science fair and a few district spelling bees, play two varsity sports, become National Honor Society president, earn the Eagle Scout award, obtain a full-ride scholarship, serve a successful LDS mission, and be looked up to by five siblings and dozens of cousins on both sides of the family.

Dad says he’s proud of me—my diligence, hard work, and accomplishments. Mommers says I’m a good boy and always was. I feel lucky to have been raised up in the balance of expectation and encouragement that worked wonders for me. My past makes sense, and I’m optimistic about my future. ◆

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Book Reviews Bomb: The Race to Build—and Steal—the World’s Most Dangerous Weapon by

Steve Sheinkin

This book follows the story of the United States, the Soviet Union, and Germany as they raced to build the atomic bomb that ended WWII. What was a period of great discovery for many physicists, including Oppenheimer, father of the atomic bomb, ended in moral crises. Using stories from the physicists, spies, government officials, and victims involved with the atomic bomb, Sheinkin crafts a story that makes readers think about the moral implications

of atomic weapons. He objectively presents the individual moral battles (or lack thereof) of the men who worked on the bomb that killed thousands.

Bomb is written for young adults, but people of all ages can enjoy Sheinkin’s work. Although teens may not be initially drawn to the book, if you can get them to start reading, they won’t be able to stop, thanks to Sheinkin’s masterful storytelling. For those who know the story of WWII and want to delve into details, or those who aren’t as familiar with WWII, this book will provide a fresh new perspective. And the best part? It’s all true. —reviewed by Emily Smith

Going On Nine by

Catherine Fitzpatrick

In her novel, pieces of Catherine Fitzpatrick’s own childhood come to life through the endearing eyes of Grace Townsend, an eight-year-old girl, going on nine.

Going On Nine takes place on Thistle Way in a suburb nestled in St. Louis, Missouri, in 1956. Readers are taken back to a time when folks bought their vegetables from the Vegetable Man, polio was the fear of every mother, and ringing bells summoned reluctant children in for dinner each night.

After being “unjustly” reprimanded for losing her mother’s ring and ripping her sister’s nightgown, Grace runs away. When her plans are foiled and she’s brought back home to be punished, Grace decides that she

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has the most unfair family on the block. She tells her parents that she hates her family and insists that they are the worst family ever. Her mother decides to put Grace’s theory to the test. Grace’s task for the summer is to spend a night or two at different families’ houses on Thistle Way to see if she can find a family better than her own. Although Grace has fun at first, she gets a unique glimpse into the secret, inglorious lives some families live inside their homes, away from the prying eyes of the neighbors. At the end of the summer, she concludes that maybe being a Townsend isn’t so bad after all.

Children and adults alike will enjoy this colorful story of a young girl’s childhood. It’s near impossible to discern fact from fiction as each scene is brought seamlessly to life by Fitzpatrick. The story is just as full of life as an eight-year-old girl going on nine. —reviewed by Aimee Hancock

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Eating Gluten-Free Can Be a Breeze

by Weston Goggins “These taste like regular cookies!”

Braelyn shouted as she sank her teeth into a warm, chocolaty delight. Brielle Gundersen shared in her daughter’s joy.

She had finally created a delicious—yes, delicious—gluten-free oatmeal chocolate chip cookie to end Braelyn’s twomonth cookie craving.

“We used to bake cookies once a week, but when I found out about the celiac, I was scared and overwhelmed to attempt to make gluten-free things, so we resorted to buying the prepackaged gluten-free cookies that taste like cardboard,” Brielle explained.

When Braelyn was diagnosed with celiac disease (an autoimmune disorder characterized by gluten, a protein found in all wheat products, damaging the small intestine), Ben and Brielle

were not about to let Braelyn’s diagnosis keep her from enjoying delicious foods.

“We made it a game to her instead of explaining celiac disease in a negative light,” Brielle said. “We would have her help us search for words like wheat, barley, or caramel color on the nutrition labels.”

Another challenge was figuring out how to cook gluten-free foods at home.

In order to make this happen, Brielle had to get creative in the kitchen.

“I cannot just take out a can of cream of mushroom soup anymore. I have to use corn starch and make my own soup from scratch,” Brielle said.

“But that is one of the benefits of eating gluten-free. You avoid eating processed and prepackaged foods.”

Brielle has also learned how to sub-

stitute gluten-filled flours with glutenfree products, like cornstarch and rice flour. Right now, ten different brands of gluten-free flour sit in her pantry. Some of these flours are denser than others (for baking cookies) while others have a distinct aftertaste (for baking breads).

At first, the challenges of eating and cooking gluten-free seemed overwhelming, but with practice the Gundersens have found that the positives of eating gluten-free outweigh the negatives.

“The gluten-free diet is unifying us as a family,” Brielle emphasized. “When the whole family eats the same way, you’re in this together and no one is missing out. It creates a great sense of unity.”

Find more delicious gluten-free recipes on Brielle’s website: www.breezybakes.com

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies Ingredients • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

½ cup butter, room temperature ½ cup shortening 1 cup sugar 1 cup light brown sugar 3 eggs 1 ½ teaspoons vanilla ¼ cup buttermilk ½ cup coconut flour 1 cup sweet rice flour ½ cup potato starch 1 tablespoon cornstarch 1 teaspoon xanthan gum 1 ½ teaspoon baking soda 1 ¼ teaspoon salt 1 ½ cups rolled oats (gluten free) 2 cups chocolate chips

gether butter, shortening, sugar, and brown sugar. Add eggs and beat one minute. Add vanilla and buttermilk and mix until incorporated.

2. In a separate smaller mixing bowl sift together coconut flour, sweet rice flour, potato starch, cornstarch, xanthan gum, baking soda, and salt.

3. Add sifted ingredients into mixer

and mix until incorporated. Add rolled oats and stir until combined.

Stir in chocolate chips.

4. Scoop into one-inch balls on parchment-lined cookie sheets about one inch apart. Bake 8–10 minutes until lightly browned.

5. Place on cooling racks, allowing the cookie to bind.

Directions 1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large mixing bowl cream to-

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Healthified Chicken Alfredo Ingredients • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

2 uncooked chicken breasts 1 tablespoon chopped rosemary, fresh or dried 4 cloves garlic, minced 10 ounces gluten-free pasta 4 tablespoons butter ¼ cup finely chopped onion ¼ cup + 3 tablespoons chicken broth 2 cups milk, divided ¾ teaspoon salt, plus more for seasoning ¼ teaspoon pepper, plus more for seasoning ⅛ teaspoon nutmeg 1 tablespoon cornstarch 1¼ cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese 3 tablespoons chopped parsley

Cinnamon Roll Chex Mix Ingredients • • • • • • • • • • •

2 cups Cinnamon Chex cereal 2 cups Rice Chex cereal 2 cups Corn Chex cereal ½ cup butter ¾ cup brown sugar ¼ cup light corn syrup 2 teaspoons cinnamon, divided ¾ cup pecan halves ¾ cup raisins 1 cup white chocolate chips 1 tablespoon shortening

Directions 1. Preheat oven to 250 degrees. In large mixing bowl, combine cereals and pecans. In small saucepan over medium heat, melt butter, sugar, corn syrup, and 1½ teaspoons cinnamon. Continue stirring until mixture begins to boil. Remove from heat and pour over cereal. Stir to

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Directions 1. Pierce each side of chicken 8–10 times with a sharp knife. Generously salt and pepper each side.

Rub rosemary and 1 clove minced garlic into each side. Cook chicken in large saucepan with butter 5–6 minutes on each side or on a grill 10 minutes on each side. Set chicken aside.

2. Prepare salted boiling water for pasta. Meanwhile, in large saucepan sauté onion with 4 tablespoons butter over medium heat for 3 minutes. Add the remaining 3 minced garlic cloves and continue stirring for 1 minute. Add 3

5.

6.

tablespoons chicken broth and stir until liquid has almost completely evaporated, scraping bottom of the pan to deglaze (about 3–4 more minutes). Add pasta to boiling water.

To the saucepan add 1¾ cup milk, salt, pepper, nutmeg, and remaining ¼ cup chicken broth. Bring to a light boil. Stir constantly for five minutes.

Dissolve the cornstarch in the remaining ¼ cup milk. Add to saucepan and stir for 1 minute until slightly thickened. Reduce heat to low and immediately add grated Parmesan. If sauce is too thick, add more chicken broth. Salt and pepper to taste.

Drain cooked pasta and pour into saucepan. Add chopped parsley and stir to completely coat pasta.

Garnish with sliced chicken, shaved Parmesan, lemons, and parsley leaves. Serve immediately.

completely coat cereal and pecans.

2. Spread cereal mixture in large shallow baking pan lined with nonstick foil. Place pan in oven and bake for 1 hour, stirring every 15 minutes.

Remove from oven, stir in raisins, and let cool.

3. While mixture is cooling, combine white chocolate chips and shortening. Microwave 1 minute. Remove and stir. Continue microwaving in 15–second intervals, stirring in between, until chocolate is smooth.

Stir in remaining ½ teaspoon cinnamon. For easy drizzling, pour chocolate into a plastic sandwich bag, cut a small hole in one of the corners, and squeeze mixture over the cereal.

4. Let cereal cool until chocolate is set. Eat immediately, or store for up to 5 days in an air-tight container.

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