Resilience in a time of war

Esther Fridman (‘01) pursued Culture Studies in Kyiv, Ukraine, where she lived for 20 years until the invasion in 2022. She is an interior plantscape designer and plant care specialist. She is also co-founder of Plant Community Ukraine, which aims to connect plant lovers to organize plant swaps, educational programs, botanical tours, and workshops.

How do you remember AISB as a student?

I came to AISB in 1998 and it was a completely different world for me. Changing from a post-Soviet educational environment to such an open-minded and fulfilling one in Budapest was surely a blast. The school became a favorite place, I found friends for life there, and I’ll always be grateful for the way I could learn to understand and express myself.

How did your time at AISB influence your future life and career? Are there any teachers who you still remember as positive influencers in your life?

AISB was way ahead of what I was used to in 1990s Ukraine, as the approach to information and selfdevelopment was very advanced. My absolute favorite man was always Kevin Burns (English Lit., IB Theater Arts, film, life skills US History, Grade 10 English and TOK teacher - Ed.). Our Literature and Theatre Arts classes felt like we were always reading, discussing, learning to understand, and doing the most fun, interesting, and valuable things.

Can you please tell us more about your life before the invasion? How did you learn that the invasion had begun? What were your initial thoughts when you found out?

The news of the upcoming invasion was hard to process, especially because most people around me thought it was silly. So preparing for it or worrying about it was surrounded by a lot of guilt because it was stigmatized as paranoia and overreacting. On the morning of the 24th, my alarm rang very early for work and I saw missed calls from Faya’s dad–so I understood everything straight away. We hid in a summer house in a safer area 30 km away from Kyiv, yet the sounds of shaking glass from explosions and fear made us head to Hungary one week later. It wasn’t as hard for me as an adult to leave everything behind in search of safety as it was for my teenage daughter, who strongly identified with her friends, her room, her school and who was very afraid she would never see her dad and grandparents again. I was initially mostly worried and guilty. I tore her away from everything she knew and loved.

How were your first weeks in Hungary and at AISB?

Hungary was our Plan B. I was surrounded by love and support from my AISB friends straight away: we moved in with Melanija, Balazs helped with a job, and every mini-reunion with Lilla, Sandro, Victor, and Kevin Burns was a breath of fresh air. Melanija also helped me better understand what my daughter was going through, since she had just escaped as a teenager from bombings in

Serbia when we met in AISB in 1999. My daughter Faya started attending Ukrainian Refugee School at AISB and was happy to be surrounded by Ukrainians going through the same experiences, as well as a very supportive AISB community.

Your daughter, Faya, is currently a student at the Ukrainian Refugee Education Program. What were her first impressions? How does she like the school? How else is she continuing her education?

Faya met many favorite people thanks to the Ukrainian Refugee School - Miss Svitlana, Lana, Kim, and Magda. She was very inspired and became very motivated in her studies. I am amazed at how enormously her skills and attitude towards education improved and how full of determination she became. Faya is currently continuing her online studies at Kyiv school, going to AISB, and has received a scholarship for a university prep program at the ex-CEU.

It’s hard to be physically in one place while our minds are in another. How do you maintain a resilient mindset?

I’m a very optimistic person by nature. It’s usually easy for me to shift focus and do what I love. Yet no matter where we Ukrainians are in the world right now, our messengers show real-time news and sirens. We may be far from the epicenter of the war, living everyday reality in another peaceful country, yet war has become part of our identity forever. When the bad news is overwhelming and depressing, I stop checking my phone. Sleeping and hiking help a lot too. The hardest thing is finding a new aim and purpose here, especially because mine were so locally Ukrainian - building a Ukrainian community of plant lovers, organizing events, plant swaps, and tours in my country, as well as writing about places in Ukraine. When I came to Hungary, I felt paralyzed and empty inside: everything I considered my purpose was suddenly gone. I had my favorite job styling and caring for houseplants in Kyiv, and all my free time was dedicated to Plant Community Ukraine. Yet I continue my plant work here too and am on my way to building something fulfilling.

When was the last time you were in Ukraine? If it happened since the invasion, how was that experience?

I left Kyiv on the 24th and haven’t gone back. My daughter Faya is much braver and has visited family and friends three times already. I’m not ready yet to go back and hear sirens or air defense systems.

What are your hopes for the future?

Every Ukrainian person has one big hope right now, obviously. But I’m also hoping more nations in the world will become inspired by Ukrainians. I’m hoping they’ll learn to protest and fight for freedom, seek truth, and be fearless.

Any last thoughts or inspiration for our AISB Alumni community?

To not be scared of being unable to choose a life profession when graduating from school. To multitask your numerous interests and hobbies and do many, many random things you enjoy until everything combines into something you love the most. Then, whatever you did before won’t seem so random anymore.