5 FACTORS TO RESILIENCE Counselor’s Corner

“WHEN WE LEARN HOW TO BECOME RESILIENT, WE LEARN HOW TO EMBRACE THE BEAUTIFULLY BROAD SPECTRUM OF THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE.”

Jaeda Dewalt

It hurts. This is hard. I feel uncomfortable. I’m not sure I can do this. I feel sad, lost, uncertain, unstable

What if you knew that having these feelings was okay? What if feeling them means you are learning to cope with the challenges that life brings?

Resilience refers to both “the process and the outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences”, according to the definition from the American Psychological Association (APA). Resilience requires mental, emotional and behavioral flexibility, the ability to adjust to both internal and external demands. Managing difficult emotions, painful as they are, helps us to build resilience. It’s important to realize that resilience is a learned ability, a trait that grows over time – and one that often involves accepting support from others, as well as learning to tolerate discomfort. (Brene Brown)

Here are 5 factors that we know help build resilience:

Adaptability - Resilience has more to do with adaptability than stability. In ecology, for example, a plant shows resilience if it can grow and develop despite adverse circumstances, such as poor soil or scarcity of water. The same is true for people: our ability to bounce back from adversities, to reframe difficulties as growth opportunities and to successfully adapt to ever-changing life circumstances defines our level of resilience.

Purpose - Having clear goals and thinking ahead can instill confidence, direction and purpose. Sometimes we get impatient - we want instant gratification, instant success, and our goals to be met quickly. Purposeful goals, however, take time, energy, hard work and commitment, which means we can sometimes become frustrated and fail. We need to embrace these experiences as part of our journey and know that as we go forward - no matter how bumpy the road - we are moving closer to achieving those goals. Being uncomfortable and embracing disappointment leaves us more ready to embrace challenges and find success.

Optimism - It is important to look to the future with hope, understanding that things will work out – if you work on them. It’s easy to focus on what brings us down, but we need to shift our mindset and choose what make us happy and we are grateful for. Find the tools that work for you, like laughter, connection, love, nature and writing. Think about activities that have given you pleasant feelings in the past and creatively bring them into your life again.

Ownership - We need to OWN the choices and decisions we make, which means refusing to be passive and instead becoming active about situations causing us stress. We need to change our attitudes, reflect on our personalities and become oriented towards action. We need to show initiative and apply ourselves in in order to overcome an obstacle. Every time we leap over that obstacle, our resilience builds!

Social Connection - Research shows that our supportive social systems – which can include immediate or extended family, community, friends and organizations foster our resilience in times of crisis or trauma and support resilience in the individual (Everyday Health, July 2022). So be social, call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while, meet up for a coffee instead of texting and enjoy time with others. Gather your social connections and build resilience!

No matter which of these 5 factors you choose over the coming weeks and months, remember that mental toughness helps us prosper. “Resilience is very different from being numb. Resilience means you experience, you feel, you fail, you hurt. You fall. But, you keep going.” (Yasmin Mogahed)

Erin Hawken, Pauline Davidson & Lylla Winzer, AISB HS Counselors

(Disclaimer: If you have been feeling intense negative emotions for two weeks or more, please talk to someone about it)