WORTH LOVING

Thyself

QUIET YOUR INNER CRITIC AND UNDERSTAND YOU ARE GOOD JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.

The results are in, and they are extremely concerning. According to the Confident Coalition, created by Kappa Delta Sorority, 90 percent of all women want to change at least one aspect of their physical appearance. In addition, Dove Research says only 4 percent of women around the world consider themselves beautiful. It appears that lifestyle trends and the media have done a great job planting the selfdoubt seed in every less-than-perfect individual across the globe, and every trait or behavior outside their command is considered a flaw — a defect that needs “fixing.”

If you fall into that 90 percent who want to change at least one undesirable trait, take a step back and think why. Do you feel inferior to current beauty standards? Do you want to impress a special someone or make others like you? Either way, you are off on the wrong foot. When change is dictated by external factors other than the individual’s own will to change, it becomes a burden. In other words, if you are trying to modify your appearance or behavior to meet someone else’s criteria, you are setting yourself up for failure.

Change is a good thing, even when it leads to learning from your mistakes. However, you cannot wait for the transition to be completed in order to love yourself. Sure, you will feel better and more confident once you have achieved a positive outcome, like losing those 15 pounds or kicking a bad habit, but viewing your attempt as something to be over with will drain your motivation.

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Instead, think of it as a personal upgrade. Each day that you focus on your goal is a step toward a better version of yourself.

When you do not love yourself, no change will ever be enough. While you might think that losing extra weight or refreshing your wardrobe will earn you much-needed self-esteem, things are not always that simple. Obsessing over your flaws to the point you cannot appreciate your strong traits and enjoy life means that no matter how much you achieve, your mind will always be on the lookout for the next shortcoming that needs fixing. On the contrary, if you already feel good about yourself, any change can be welcomed as an improvement without your happiness depending on it.

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Another important thing to keep in mind is people often have a skewed self-image. This means you tend to be a less objective — and often far harsher — judge of yourself than others. While other people may see delicious curves on your body, all you can see is extra weight. This self-induced distortion of reality can lead to extreme measures, such as crash diets that can damage your health or unnecessary cosmetic interventions. In not-so-rare cases, it can also spark feelings of unhappiness, self-hatred, and depression.

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Perfection is the ultimate illusion because everyone has weak spots. Some people manage to conceal them by focusing on their positive characteristics, while others linger in a constant struggle for change. Amazingly, if you can accept your flaws and love yourself unconditionally, others will love you, too. Leave the nagging and self-loathing behind and make the most out of the life you’re living.