CYBERBEGGARS RUN THE GAMUT FROM SILLY TO SERIOUS

The “will work for food” sign may soon go the way of the Edsel and Pet Rock.

Unseen. Extinct. Obsolete. Like Romney Wordsworth, the character Burgess Meredith played in the memorable “Twilight Zone” episode.

Beggarman, you are obsolete. Obsolete. Obsolete.

Not that begging will become obsolete. No way. If anything, more people than ever are asking for help. They’ve just taken their game inside.

The face of begging is changing. There’s no longer any need to stand on a street corner and feel shame or humiliation. Today’s beggar solicits funds in comfort in front of a computer monitor. Thanks to the Internet, begging has never been easier.

Cyberbegging websites are popping up all over: GoFundMe.com, Begslist.com, 2Hands.org, Cyberbeg.com, Giveforward. com, ebeggars.com, Beggingmoney.com — they all seem to be doing brisk business. Hundreds of thousands of people are seeking an online handout.

• “Ramma Jamma” seeks $125 for new roller skates so she can continue to skate in a Yonkers, New York, league.

• Sarah Smith Tyler wants $9,500 so her starstruck 14-year-old daughter can pursue her dream of being famous.

• Andy Priddy wants $750 million to purchase the Memphis Grizzlies professional basketball team. Really.

All three have received donations. In fact, 11 people have contributed to the would-be owner of an NBA team. Andy needs only $749,998,920.

There must be a lot of good-hearted folks with more greenbacks than they need. How else do you explain the gal with a screen name of Lenora Claire? She raised $5,551 in two days to cover the cost of surgery for her dog Nomi. Must be tons of affluent animal lovers out there. Or weirdos. Lenora promises to dress like Dolly Parton, come to your house and watch “9 to 5” with you if you contribute $500.

Anything goes on these websites. At least on GoFundMe.

“We have nearly 6,000 campaigns created each day so we don’t have a way to verify the claims made on every single page,” GoFundMe customer happiness representative Meghan told me.

Egad, 6,000 new beggars each day? At this rate, we’ll run out of beggees in a couple of years.

Until then, Sam Dean has a forum to beg $2,000 so he can buy “real pirate garb” to replace boots, shirts, pants and baldric (whatever that is) so he can continue presenting “interactive adventures” for children on a pirate ship. (Which begs the question: “Isn’t it more authentic if his clothes are well worn and torn?”)

Pirate Sam isn’t doing too well. He’s received only $180 in the 16 months he’s had his hand — or pirate hat — out.

Perusing these cyberbegging sites makes for sobering surfing. Most of the people who post have genuine, worthy needs. Some of the stories are downright heartbreaking.

Thousands of hurting people live among us. A GoFundMe.com search for a Leesburg area code turned up 3,667 results:

• A woman with cancer and insufficient medical insurance.

• A 20-year-old woman recovering from a serious motorcycle accident.

• A mother of a baby born with x linked myotubular myopathy.

Then again, there’s a girl who thinks $4,000 of our hard-earned dollars will help her achieve the dream of wrestling in the World Wrestling Federation.

Where you put your dollars is your business. We just hope you’ll give, and that you’ll look local first.

Yes, children in Africa are starving. But so are kids in Lake and Sumter counties.

So please give — to the man who sleeps on the park bench, the organizations that make our communities stronger, the proud family that turns to cyberbegging in desperation.

Gary Corsair