COURAGEM A TIGHT PAIR OF SHOES

WRITER: RICHARD BURGUET

Ihave figured something out about myself: I can always spot a fool, unless he is hiding in me. Maybe I have learned this because I have given my wife, my parents, my children, my coworkers, and many others good opportunities to point out my lack of wisdom, especially when it comes to relationships. Having recently had my foolishness pointed out to me, I was thinking I needed to learn something about “wisdom.” Now, I could have gone to the local bookstore and picked up any number of books or magazines offering relationship wisdom, but I decided to look at what the “Wisdom Literature” reference book of the Bible said instead. I found some uncomfortable “shoes” to put on as I shopped around in the book of Proverbs.

Just for brevity sake, here are five of those “shoes” that made me uncomfortable. Proverbs 12:16 says that “a fool is easily upset.” A little later on, I’m reminded that “a fool is fiercely independent” (Proverbs 28:26) and “a fool believes everything he reads” (Proverbs 14:15). The 18th chapter says that “a fool starts fights” (Proverbs 18:6) and “he loves to talk, but hates to listen” (Proverbs 18:2). The only one that didn’t personally nail me to the floor was from Proverbs 15:20, which says that “a fool hates his mother.”

Speaking of uncomfortable shoes, one of my daughters was on a ballet scholarship during high school and college. Since she danced for several hours five days a week, we were buying new pointe shoes for her monthly. Relational wisdom is sort of like a pointe shoe. Relationships will wear out, and even die, if not cared for properly. We need to look constantly for ways to renew them, and the way to do that is by listening from the heart and honestly receiving what others may point out to us.

Therefore, distilling the wisdom of Proverbs for myself — especially how I can be wiser in my relationships — boils down to a new resolve to communicate and work through issues with others. I am not going to blame our issues with relational wisdom on what I used to call “testosterone poisoning” because I have been watching television and apparently lots of us have low-T. I think it is a systemic problem that is rooted in our hearts, and Proverbs hits the issue directly when it reminds readers “a fool makes light of sin” (Proverbs 10:23).

This issue of the heart where men are told to hold things in until we explode is deeply rooted in who we are. We do this not just with relationships; we do this with work issues, personal issues, friendships, and the list goes on. We need to be brutally honest about it. Our failures in relationships stem from a heart that is self-centered, and although we may not acknowledge our sin, it is apparent to others.

I think it is interesting God made most of us with two ears and one mouth. That means we need to learn to listen twice as much as we talk. Think about how it might change your relationships at home or in the workplace. No, I am not suggesting you just “clam up,” but simply listen more! Maybe when someone points out your relational foolishness, you could actually consider the issue they have brought to light. I am thinking it may take me a while to break in those new shoes, but eventually they will be as comfortable as my favorite pair of hunting boots. I am going to work on being honest and opening up with those who love and trust me. I may grow my relational wisdom this year.

By the way, I was glad I didn’t totally strikeout with the six descriptions of a fool from Proverbs. I really do love my mama. This is a new year and I honestly believe that as long as we have breath, we can grow and become wiser — even in that most mysterious and convoluted area of relationships.