INFLUENCE

Males Matter

Guys, are you feeling underappreciated and somewhat tossed aside? I daresay the feminist wars are over and it looks like the fat lady has sung, or more appropriately, danced on our collective graves. Yes, it is a tough time to be male. Everywhere you look, traditional bastions of maleness, from fatherhood to the frontlines of military service, are crumbling before the onslaught of femaleness.

Some women go so far as to assert the one remaining essential male contribution to the world — our half of the genetic blueprint at conception — has now become optional, thanks to medical advances that allow women to conceive “immaculately.”

Biology aside, other signs of female hegemony include the fact women now receive 58 percent of bachelor’s degrees, up from 35 percent in 1960. Women hold 80 percent of jobs in the health care sector. Women students hold majorities in law, veterinary, and medical schools. Women have recovered all the jobs they held before the latest recession, while men have not. It is enough to make us huddle despondently in our man caves.

Some of this is admittedly our fault. Men have all too often abdicated their societal and personal responsibilities. The stereotype of the detached and uninvolved father who is more intent on pursuing a career and personal fulfillment in sports, leisure, and hobbies is a stereotype simply because too many men have failed to launch into adulthood; they have never matured beyond high school or college. The number of unwed fathers is sobering — and depressing. Ditto for those not involved in raising their children. Little wonder that we are dealing with a generation of children ill prepared to cope as adults themselves.

The truth is men matter. Marriage, for example, is more than an anachronistic social convention. Research shows children do better in almost every respect when raised in a home with a married mother and father. This is not to say children cannot do well in a single-parent home, or one where parents cohabitate; however, a traditional marriage of two people where the father is engaged is clearly the ideal. Even outside marriage, men need to be involved with their children.

Take something as simple as roughhousing. By this I mean active, physical play such as wrestling, tossing young children in the air, swinging them around, riding “horsie” on dad’s back, etc. I used to roll my children — and now my grandkids — around on the floor or bed, grabbing them, shaking them, and “jumping” on them while they giggled and screamed in delight. They would say, “Do it again, Daddy.”

The benefits of roughhousing are surprising and significant. Roughhousing releases hormones in the brain that stimulate brain development and intelligence. It builds emotional intelligence by giving a child skills to read the emotions of others and learn to control their own. It helps kids distinguish innocent play from aggression, understand boundaries, and appreciate the concept of “taking turns.” By modeling “holding back,” healthy roughhousing helps children understand the moral concept of watching out for the weaker among us.

According to Drs. Anthony T. DeBenedet and Lawrence J. Cohen, authors of The Art of Roughhousing: Good Old-Fashioned Horseplay and Why Every Kid Needs It, roughhousing also makes children more physically fit and happy. When the “play circuits” in our brains are activated, we feel joy.

Men bring much, much more to the table — too much to cover in this limited space — but here is the crux of the matter: what is our most important job as men? I would submit it’s mentoring the next generation. Our influence can even extend to generations beyond our lives. My maternal grandfather, a physician who passed away when I was a boy, still influences me. The question then becomes what are we modeling to our sons, daughters, grandkids, etc.?

Kids don’t listen to what we say as much as they observe what we do. What do they see in your case? Do they see an overweight couch potato glued to the television every evening? Do they see you smoking, excessively drinking, or using foul language? Do your children see you working hard to provide for your family?

If you want your kids to be fit, model a fitness lifestyle for them. If you want them to eat healthily, watch what you put in your mouth. If you want them to value an education, what do they see in you that says you value one? If you want them to develop spiritually, what example are you setting? Both sons and daughters will watch and learn from how you treat your spouse or, if unmarried, their mother.

As a man, you are an indispensable part of the equation for producing responsible, disciplined, and well-rounded adults who will make their contribution to world and, in turn, produce the next generation of similar adults. Even modern feminists must concede they can’t do this alone. It is a responsibility we must take very seriously.