THE FIGURATIVE HEART IS A MUSCLE I WANT TO STRENGTHEN

Ihave as much drive as any phonebook-tearing, refrigeratorlifting, metal-bar-bending Adonis, but I’ll never be mistaken for one of those Body by Jake guys.

Body by joke, maybe.

It’s my dad’s fault.

He was a puny kid who grew into a puny man. And he did OK in life, so it didn’t bother him that I resembled the string bean who got sand kicked in his face in those Charles Atlas ads.

I wanted to be the guy kicking the sand, but I’d be reminded of 1 Timothy 4:8 whenever dad happened upon me doing chin-ups: “Bodily training is beneficial for a little; but Godly devotion is beneficial for all things, as it holds promise of the life now and the life that is to come.”

I understood as much, but “Godly devotion” wasn’t keeping me from getting whipped in the schoolyard. Nor was it getting me any girls. So I bought a set of used weights.

I had to. I wore glasses, had the worst case of acne in seven counties, my dresser was full of plaid dress pants, I wasn’t allowed to date, and I was the only kid in my class riding the bus instead of driving to school.

Thank goodness I could shoot a basketball.

So I figured I’d put on a little bulk. Nothing crazy. I didn’t want to become Dick the Bruiser, but I couldn’t stand being built like Dick Van Dyke.

Of course, the old man went absolutely bonkers. I can still see the veins bulging in his neck. And I remember my tears as he screamed my weights had to go. Hmmm. Maybe I was a wimp.

You’d think a benchwarmer nicknamed “Hoppy” by his JV basketball teammates would want his kid to inspire awe when he lumbered down street.

I ended up keeping the weights thanks to Mom’s intervention, but I lost interest after a couple of weeks. It’s hard to stay enthused when you’re greeted by a look of disgust every time you come up from the basement.

So I stayed scrawny … and discovered the same truth Dad had. You don’t need muscle once you get out of school. I haven’t had a fistfight or wrestling match in the 37 years since I said goodbye to Eastern High School.

Like “Hoppy,” I married a fabulous girl and landed a great job.

And I’ve come to fully appreciate the truth of 1 Timothy 4:8. Developing our figurative hearts is much more important than having rock-hard abs.

That’s not to say the body should be neglected. That dishonors God as much as eschewing godly devotion for the weight room.

So I hit the fitness center a few times a week. Sometimes I bring a Bible study aid. Might as well work on the spiritual man as well as the physical man.

I want to be rock solid inside and out, but I know I’ll never be mistaken for Sylvester Stallone. My body’s too far gone and I don’t have two hours a day to reverse decades of neglect.

But maybe, just maybe, I’ll become Mr. Universe in “Godly devotion.”

It’s a long shot, but I’m encouraged by my personal trainer. He believes I can make it. And who am I to argue? He’s had millions of success stories since he ascended to heaven thousands of years ago.

Until next time, Gary Corsair