EMBRACE YOUR WORTH AND KISS ANXIETY GOODBYE

STORY: SCOTT PERKINS

Each morning, when Mandy awoke to her alarm, a wave of anxiety took its cue and washed over her. Her mind began to reel with tasks to perform, people to please and dreams that would go unfulfilled for yet another day.

Mandy has anxiety, a chronic condition in our culture.

Anxiety is a reality we have grown to accept as a normal by-product of life. Because it has become our normal state, we obediently comply with what anxiety is driving us to do, hoping the feeling will go away.

Despite that compliance, anxiety is not normal. Nor healthy. It is uncomfortable emotionally, destructive physically, and distracting spiritually. Anxious energy becomes burdensome for our relationships. What’s worse, anxiety is not something we can simply just stop experiencing. Trying harder to not be anxious creates more anxiety. It becomes a vicious cycle of captivity.

Yet, anxiety can be a gift. It’s a symptom something is not right, and if we take a moment to examine its source, we stand a much better chance of not only avoiding the feeling, but growing emotionally and spiritually and experiencing relational health.

The key to beating anxiety is developing an awareness of our identity — who we are in relation to the world around us. Identity is found in the things in our lives we cling to for a sense of worth or significance. There are three basic questions that identity answers that increase or decrease our sense of value:

What do I do?

What do I have?

What do people think of me?

Our base desires for security, control and affection receive their fulfillment from these answers. Where we find our identity is important to understand because it’s the launching pad of our behaviors, decisions and values.

Very often we make a role, relationship or status the source of our identity. But relationships go through tough times, roles change quickly, and there is always someone with a better financial status or body image to compete with. This subjectivity of identity creates anxiety. Either we haven’t met our own or another’s expectations or we have taken responsibility for someone else’s behaviors.

In Mandy’s case, the bulk of her sense of who she was has been tied to being a “good mom.”

To support that identity, Mandy said yes to anything involving school, Boy Scouts, church, fundraisers and social time with other moms. Compounding the anxiety of being overscheduled was the stress of keeping a house in order. Both components of being a good mom were in conflict with each other for her time, hence her morning wave of anxiety when confronted with all she needed to do and all the people

TOO ANXIOUS?

Sometimes we don’t even realize how much stress and anxiety affect our lives. Take the following quiz to help you identify whether you’re too anxious.

1. I find myself getting upset easily.

Never

2. I get aggravated quickly when hindered in any way, like by a traffic light, slow driver, elevator, etc.

HERE ARE SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR DECREASING ANXIETY IN YOUR LIFE:

she could potentially let down. All of that was tied to her sense of being significant, valuable and worth loving.

Mandy also felt cheated because she had a dream of opening a photography business. But there was no time, adding to the anxiety that life was passing her by.

With Mandy, we outlined what it meant to be a good mom, and that being a good mom made an awful source of identity. We talked about her inherent worth as a human being and how that was independent of performance or how others misjudged her value.

As she worked to establish a new basis for how she saw herself, we were able to get to the practical work of how to manage her time. She even made it a priority to take pictures.

Sounds easy, but it took commitment to do things differently and strength to press on through failures.

All of ng oving e she aphy dding er it at ce of erent that or how w were f how de it a ment th to

3. I feel tense and nervous in social situations, especially with people I don’t know.

SCOTT nd the ose who u can find e time he oveland ng bubble bath and read a take k thiis as a diagnossis s or reeatmeent Se S ek k diagn g os o is allth t pro r fessional to o rule rdeer.

4. I worry a lot about bad things happening.

5. I can’t sleep well because my mind is always racing.

If you “answered “often more than twice, you may find yourself feeling irritable, tense and unable to fully relax. Certain situations may bring on your anxiety. You may even display physical symptoms of stress, such as heavy breathing, a rapid heart rate and excessive perspiration.

• Spend time exercising, meditating or outside in nature.

• Make sure to carve out some “me” time to rid yourself of self-criticism. Instead focus on what makes you great.

ASIING NG ANXNXIETY N YO Y UR LIFIFE: self-criticism. In I stead focus on what grea e t.

• Take a nice, long bubble bath and read a good book.

NOTE: You should not take this as a diagnosis or a recommendation for treatment. Seek diagnosis from a trained mental health professional to rule out a possible anxiety disorder.

SOME QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:

1. On what is your identity dependent for a sense of value and significance?

2. What situations cause you to feel anxious?

3. How are the answers to the previous questions related?

DID YOU KNOW?

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illnesses in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older (18 percent of U.S. population).

Quiz

Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, but only a small percentage of those affected receive treatment. What is that percentage?

• 10

• 33

• 42

SOURCE: ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA

Answer: 33 percent