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SIGNS OF AN UNHEALTHY, CO-DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP

IF YOU HAVE A HABIT OF PUTTING YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER’S NEEDS BEFORE YOUR OWN, CHANCES ARE YOU MAY HAVE A CO-DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP.

If you are in a co-dependent relationship, you will view the relationship as being of primary importance. While this does not at first sound like a bad thing, co-dependence usually means a person will even sacrifice his or her own happiness or well-being in order to sustain the relationship at all costs.

People who already suffer from low selfesteem most often encounter this sort of problem, and it unfortunately exacerbates feelings of worthlessness rather than eradicating them. In most cases of codependency, the other half of the couple is a person who is selfish and erratic, leaving the more insecure partner with the feeling that they are entirely responsible for whether the relationship will succeed.

It is important to note that people who are co-dependents will unfortunately not always realize there is a problem and may, in fact, feel proud of how they “hold the relationship together” with their strength and sensitivity. In addition, co-dependent partners who are aware that something is wrong often feel that their current relationship represents their only chance at happiness and will stay in the situation out of fear.

The key to breaking out of a codependent situation lies in viewing your behavior and thoughts more objectively and learning how to prioritize your own needs. However, it can be hard to face the reality of being co-dependent, so you may be wondering how to determine whether this is a problem for you. Here are seven main warning signs that you are in an unhealthily co-dependent relationship.

1. BEING IN THE RELATIONSHIP REQUIRES PAYING A HIGH PRICE.

You may be thinking it is hard to work out whether you are paying too high a price for the reward of being in a relationship with the person you love. However, one effective way to gain some objectivity about this matter involves taking some time to make a list of everything that you can remember giving up in order to sustain the relationship. When you read over the list, pay close attention to what it tells you. Have you changed your whole life to suit your partner? Are your own needs often ignored? Does your life revolve around your partner’s priorities and desires? If the answer to any of these questions is ‘yes,’ it is highly likely that you are in an exhaustingly codependent relationship.

2. YOU HAVE A HARD TIME EXPRESSING NEGATIVE EMOTIONS WHEN YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT.

If you are co-dependent, you might struggle to confess to feeling wounded by your partner because you suspect that your negative emotions are probably your own fault. Some co-dependent people are also used to being blamed outright for any feelings that their partner doesn’t like or being told their anger or sadness is irrational, inappropriate, or even ridiculous.

3. WHEN YOU ARE AWAY FROM YOUR PARTNER, YOU FEEL LOST OR FRIGHTENED.

Although it is normal and indeed healthy to miss your partner’s company, something is amiss if you are feeling extremely anxious and out of place whenever you are away from them. In order to avoid being co-dependent, you need to believe you can survive after a break up and that your partner isn’t the center of the whole world.

4. YOU BLAME YOURSELF FOR YOUR PARTNER’S NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR.

When your partner does something that makes you feel hurt, disappointed, or betrayed, it is vital that you are able to recognize this truly is your partner’s fault and not your own. If you are codependent, you will always find a way to take responsibility for your partner’s bad behavior. This can be devastating to your self-respect.

5. YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE LESS SIGNIFICANT THAN THE RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE IN.

A solid and loving relationship requires both parties to make sacrifices for each other at appropriate times. If you feel as though you are the only one who ever makes sacrifices, or if you feel that you would be willing to endure limitless emotional (or physical) pain to keep the relationship alive, then you may be a co-dependent partner in danger of losing your worth and sense of identity.

6. YOU VALUE YOUR PARTNER’S SUCCESSES MORE THAN YOUR OWN.

You should support your partner’s ambitions, but you should also feel entitled receive similar support in return. If you are in a co-dependent relationship, you will most likely believe your partner has much more lofty and worthwhile goals than the ones that you have. As a result, you feel willing to miss opportunities to succeed so your partner will enjoy success.

7. YOUR PARTNER DOES NOT PUT THE SAME AMOUNT OF EFFORT INTO NURTURING AND MAINTAINING YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

It is easy to become exhausted and overburdened when you are the only person fighting for the relationship’s survival. In a healthy partnership, both halves of the couple make sustained efforts to stay close and keep each other happy. If you feel like you are the only one constantly trying to improve and sustain the relationship, you may be co-dependent. If these signs are particularly familiar to you, you may be in a co-dependent relationship. However, the good news is this does not mean the relationship is unsustainable. Rather, it means if you both want to continue dating, you will probably need to attend relationship counseling. A counselor can help you discover why you have this dynamic and learn how you can go about changing your less healthy patterns of behavior.

Unfortunately, not all partners of codependent people are able to admit things are amiss in the relationship. If your partner is not willing to meet you in the middle and create a more equal relationship, you may need to prepare for the possibility that you will be better off if you break up.