documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The Book of Mad About the Boy
(2012 US run) documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
edited by Sarah Lynne Bowman layout by Claus Raasted
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The Book of Mad About the Boy
(2012 US run) documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Contents
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run) First Edition, 2012 ISBN 978-87-92507-16-7
Introduction by Sarah Lynne Bowman
Editor Sarah Lynne Bowman Layout Claus Raasted Cover photo Some of the women prepare for the vigil for the dead men, flanked by two members of The Committee. Photo by Liz Rywelski
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Chapter 1: Organizers
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Perspectives from the organizers: Lizzie Stark
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Excerpt from Stark’s article on Mad About the Boy in the Wyrd Con Companion Book 2012
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The Norwegian Organizers: Trine Lise Lindahl, Tor Kjetil Edland, Margo Raaum
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Perspective from the Organizers: Emily Care Boss
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Perspective from the Organizers: Sarah Miles
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Perspective from the Organizers: Jeremy Merritt
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Publishing House Rollespilsakademiet, Copenhagen, Denmark
Chapter 2: The Committee 52
Free PDF version www.rollespilsakademiet.dk/webshop/matbus2012
Chapter 3: The Triads - Survivalists, Artists, Lovers
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The Triads: The Survivalists
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The Triads: The Artists
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The Triads: The Lovers
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Chapter 4: The Triads - Professionals, Wealthy Women, Nuclear Family
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The Triads: The Professional Women
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The Triads: The Wealthy Women
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The Triads: The Nuclear Family
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Chapter 5: The Triads - Muslim Sisterhood, Three Generations
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The Triads: The Muslim Sisterhood
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The Triads: Three Generations
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Chapter 6: The Triads - Linn, Best Friends, Conservatives, Last Man
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The Triads: Linn
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The Triads: Best Friends
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The Triads: Conservatives
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The Last Man: Isak
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The Committee
Mad About the Boy Organizer Team American Organizers Lizzie Stark Emily Care Boss A. A. George George Locke Jeramy Merritt Sarah Miles Norwegian Organizers/Original Larpwrights Tor Kjetil Edland Trine Lise Lindahl Margrete Rauum Mad About the Boy Documentation Team Sarah Lynne Bowman Adi Robertson Liz Rywelski Eleanor Saitta Kira Scott
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Players walking through the woods to attend the vigil, slowly fading into character. (Liz Rywelski)
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Introduction by Sarah Lynne Bowman
The book contains excerpts from the original
The exceptions were long in-character forum
Norwegian libretto for each of the character
posts, which are labeled as such.
concepts, notes from the Committee’s “evaluations” of each Triad, and reflections from
-- The libretto, psychologist’s notes, and Ob/
participants that were recorded pre-, during-,
Gyn evaluations served as overarching organ-
and post-game. Accounts were mined from
izing principles to frame player responses.
private forum role-play, mailing list discussions,
Inspired by Ursula Le Guin’s Always Coming
questionnaires, and public posts.
Home, these entries are archeological relics of the game, lasting fragments of the lives of
Players were warned ahead of time that the
these characters.
game would be documented and were asked to share their thoughts throughout the process.
-- I kept the doctor’s notes mostly intact in
Players signed video consent forms and indi-
order to emphasize the clinical nature of the
vidual permissions were granted for the use of
metaplot. Numbers matters, especially with
pictures and text. No players objected to the
regard to the characters’ age and their number
use of their materials in the book, which sug-
of pregnancies. Julie took these details into
gests to me a mostly positive response to the
account when calculating the health risks for
game and a willingness to share deeply per-
each individual Triad, which factored into the
sonal perspectives.
Committee’s eventual decisions. Embarrassing personal details and previous reproduction
Some organizing principles
choices now affected the fate of these women
The bridge seperating the camp site from the mundane world (John Stravopoulos)
and, by proxy, the remains of the human race.
Welcome to The Book of Mad About the Boy
attempting to record them in a meaningful way
-- I only shared the real names of the offi-
(2012 US run)! The Nordic larp Mad About the
for others to enjoy remains a difficult challenge.
cial organizers, the documentation team, and
-- I arranged the material to provide visual con-
players who constructed public blog posts or
trast between the “assessment” of each character
Boy was replayed in America on October 5-7 in Orange, CT. Following in the Nordic Larp
My goal as the editor of this book is to provide
journal articles about the game. Otherwise,
from a bureaucratic, clinical, detached perspective
tradition of thoroughly documenting larps,
as much information as possible so that people
character names are used.
and the personal, individual moments each player
this book intends to provide a window into the
can understand the basic premise of the game,
experiences of the organizers and players. Larp
the characters, the intentions of the organizing
-- Where possible, I used italics to indicate
Thus, each Triad’s section begins with a picture
as a medium is generally ephemeral in nature;
committee, and the player accounts of what
in-character reflections and normal text for
taken by the game’s gynecologist, then unfolding
our experiences may persist as memories, but
“actually happened.”
out-of-character comments.
to include more personal photos and memories.
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experienced outside of the conceit of the plot.
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
I would like to thank all of the organizers, documenters, and players for their willingness to share the details of this remarkable experience. Special thanks to Claus Raasted for agreeing to do the layout for this Book from across the pond. I hope you enjoy reading about this game, which was so transformative and life-changing for many of us players. Theresa on her way to the Vigil, holding her candle for Grant, her husband who died in the Event (Liz Rywelski)
-- I attempted to include individual pictures
-- I organized the majority of the Book in
for each organizer and character when pos-
chronological order from Theresa’s perspec-
sible. Larp is an ensemble activity where each
tive, as I had written post-game entries for each
member’s participation makes up a vital part of
Triad. I hope this method provides a sense of
the whole.
narrative linearity, linking together the rest of
Sarah Lynne Bowman Austin, Texas March 9, 2013
the fragmented accounts.
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Chapter 1 Organizers
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Perspectives from the Organizers: Lizzie Stark You’ve mentioned before that you find the
To me, emotional intensity is one of the distin-
themes and techniques of Nordic larp in-
guishing marks of larp -- as a role-player the
spiring. Can you explain in more detail?
emotions are immediate -- while if I want story I can get it more handily from a novel. Nordic
What I find compelling about Nordic arthaus is
role-playing delivers the strong experience I
that it goes for the emotional story rather than
crave more reliably.
for surface plot. The techniques and formats are Nordic larp offers a wide variety of dif-
all hacks to get at the internal emotional truth.
ferent styles and themes for games. Why For me, this relates to everything I’ve been told
choose Mad About the Boy specifically for the
about writing. My MFA prof Pamela Painter
first Nordic larp in America?
has this theory that literary short stories work when the outside story -- the surface plot --
I’m not sure I chose Mad About the Boy; in some
echoes the inside story -- the emotional drama
ways, it chose me. I’ve been dying to try a
of the lead character. Nordic larp does that.
full-immersion Nordic larp, and really wanted someone else to run one stateside so I could go.
Or to put it in more journalistic terms, like my
I also believe that I should be willing to do
journalism prof Samuel Freedman put it, you
anything I’d ask of others. At Solmukohta 2012,
want to pare characters down in narratives to
I met Trine Lise Lindahl, one of the creators
the periodic table of human emotion.
of Mad About the Boy, and we got along so well that one night in the bar she said off-hand, “You
As an emotional explorer, Nordic larp appeals
should run Mad About the Boy.” I knew the libretto
to me.
was already finished, and her question indicated some willingness to help translate the Nordic-style
Lizzie hard at work before the start of game (John Stravopoulos)
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For me, what I want from an aesthetic experi-
for Americans. I’d met Tor Kjetil Edland, another
ence is intense emotion rather than to “find out
of the creators that year too -- and so I felt confi-
what happens.”
dent that we could all collaborate together.
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
I also knew that if I didn’t take advantage
How do you think Nordic larp differs from
You’ve experienced some backlash in the
On the elitism front, I also think that many
of my enthusiasm immediately, I’d lose it. So
the American style?
organization of this game, with members of
American larpers have internalized shame
the larp community in America labeling this
about their own hobby, and are projecting it
twenty minutes later, I told a few more people I was going to do help produce the game. And
I’m going to beg out of this one and answer
game sexist and elitist. Why the backlash,
onto this game. In Leaving Mundania, I write
then I had to.
with a blog post.
do you think?
about how gamer shame in the US harkens back to the Satanic Panic of the 1980s.
Circumstance aside, I also felt the game was a
http://lizziestark.com/
I’m not precisely sure -- the backlash surprised
good choice to run for an American audience
2012/08/08/nordic-larp-for-noobs/
me quite a bit.
If US larpers often find themselves apologizing for their hobby, then Nordic art larpers spend a
for a variety of reasons. The game incorporates many typically Nordic elements -- workshops,
But in general, emotion over plot, community
On one hand, I think the charges that the game
lot of time explaining how awesome and edgy
debriefs, love plots, lack of NPCs, 24/7 immer-
interest over individual interest, responsibility
is “sexist” indicate a misunderstanding of what
their games are. This difference in attitude has
sion, emphasis on transparency, and a political
to the game over freedom to be the awesomest,
sexism is -- sexism is an institutional prac-
convinced many US larpers that Nordic larp
agenda -- with a minimum of logistical fuss.
intimate personal plots over epic plots, sim-
tice enforced by power that one game simply
is a fancy-pants-elitist community that farts in
ple mechanics over complex ones, valuing the
doesn’t have. (Though it would be awesome if
their general direction.
It didn’t require public funding for elaborate
individual for her natural talents rather than
it did).
staging, just a campground of reasonable
imposing artificial equality.
But by and large, I don’t think that’s true!
space. It had been run successfully several
I think that dubbing the rare all-female gaming
Nordic larp and US larp come from the same
times before -- the principle of the game had
space as “sexist” is part of a larger conversa-
roots, and most of the artsy fartsy Nordic larp-
been tested, and it created strong experiences
tion about sexism in geek culture that’s been
ers started out in Vampire or medieval fantasy
for the players. And I felt that the theme of the
prominent in America lately. And I think it’s
games.
game -- the relationships among women -- was
a good, if frustrating, conversation to have. I
something that would benefit the US scene.
think it’s important to have all-women spaces
There’s also a feeling that larp popularity is a
in traditionally-male communities.
zero sum game -- that someone like me wants everyone to abolish boffer games and make eve-
Finally, the game is Nordic without being too
ryone talk about their feelings all the time.
extreme. If the goal is to introduce Nordic
I would also defend the right of larp organ-
arthaus to the US, then I didn’t feel that we
izers to create all-male games if it suited the
should start out with prison torture or orgies
game’s artistic purpose. I agree that the general
That’s not true -- I think boffer games create
-- the style is different enough without adding
rule that games ought to be open to all people
wonderful experiences for a huge number of
the thematic intensity of social taboos. Jump-
stands -- but we had a good, diegetic reason to
larpers and I’m so glad that they exist that I
ing into the deep end is one thing, and setting
break that rule in this context.
wrote most of my book on them.
yourself adrift in the ocean is another. Alice from the Three Generations. (Liz Rywelski)
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Boffer larpers like the wonderful people over at
Do you think running Nordic larp in Amer-
How did you recruit players for this game,
I talked behind the scenes with several women
First Person entertainment, creators of the sci-
ica is a significant event in larping history?
wrangling up players from all over America?
with influence in the local community -- many
fi game Doomsday, made this game happen. So,
If so, why?
Did you use specific social media channels?
of them experienced organizers -- and asked
How did you advertise?
for advice on how to engage people. It’s amaz-
I’m all for boffer (and Vampire) campaigns, and I
ing how well asking people for help works.
think they have value. I also think that variety
I think running Nordic larp in the US is a
is a good thing, and that by diversifying the US
major logistical victory, a proof of concept that
I did some general stuff -- putting the call out
scene we can expand the reach of the hobby,
full immersion art larp can work in America,
on social media, sending to larp listservs I’m
One of them suggested a pricing structure that
something I think is good for larp in general.
that there is an audience and a setting for it.
on, enlisting the social media help of some
raised the price every two weeks, which added
larpy friends, including many wonderful, sensi-
some urgency that got many people to sign up
tive, supportive men.
earlier.
nity can handle playing on that theme...” If this
I also assembled a list of interested parties
One gave advice on how to engage people via
game goes off well, if we are able to success-
early on in the organizing process and put
Facebook group, and gave some pointers on
fully translate the play style for an American
them all on an exploratory email list, judging
stuff that I’d have to explain to US gamers.
audience, then I think we will have rebutted
whether there was interest in this game. And
that argument.
the wonderful Elin Dalstål over at the Gaming
From there, I also reached out directly to
As Women blog championed us on social media
people I thought would be interested in play-
by interviewing me for the site.
ing the game, on email, Twitter, and Facebook.
When I tell US gamers about Nordic larp, they often say stuff like, “I don’t think the commu-
I also hope that the many awesome women
I don’t know if this is a facet of the game, or
coming to the game network with each other and form collaborations leading to Nordic-style
A few days after the registration went live,
of the fact that it’s an all-women game, but the
larps that I will be able to attend. This is one
we didn’t have all that many sign ups, and I
women really responded well to encourage-
of the pleasures of running this game for me --
worried. So I talked to Tor, Trine, and Margo
ment.
meeting so many accomplished women players,
about how they built support for the game in
GMs, organizers, artists, and designers, and
Norway. Their situation differed, since all of
Just letting a woman know that I wanted her
getting to introduce them to one another.
them had run more experimental games on a
there and would be excited to have her resulted
Will it be a significant event in larping his-
scene that is used to them, and they were long-
in many sign-ups. Emphasizing that we would
tory? I have no idea. It’s certainly a moment
standing, trusted members of that scene.
treat new larpers with tender loving care also produced a number of sign-ups.
of cross-cultural-pollination, part of larger phenomenon of Nordic role-playing games
They also told me about how they enlisted the
influencing the US scene.
community through direct conversation. This
What surprised me was how many non-larpers
But it is only one moment.
got me off my butt.
wanted to come to this game.
Kathryn and Nina from the Survivalists. (Liz Rywelski)
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
What have been your biggest challenges in
The Norwegians have stewardship over the
And that the story evolves in directions it
Even the language is so different. One player wrote
organizing this game?
content of the game -- though they asked for
hasn’t before -- I’d like the Norwegian organ-
to me that they were excited to try out this “system,”
input from the US team on new trios and stuff
izers to see it end differently, to see all the
for example, which is a totally reasonable thing to
Explaining the Nordic style to US larpers, and
to cover in the workshops, and Sarah Miles, A.
wonder and creativity of US role-players, and
write when joining a new game. But the idea of
to those who haven’t larped before. And the
George, and I helped update the libretto to fit
for us to say something about ourselves with
“system” almost doesn’t figure into Nordic larp.
budget is difficult -- most of the campground
the US setting. Team America is also handling
how we play.
larps in my area work on an economy of scale,
the campsite and sign-up logistics.
where having lots of players brings down the
I mean, in some form it’s there -- in the form What aspects of the game are you most
of community expectation for how games are
excited to watch unfold?
played -- but it’s not articulated clearly and in
ticket cost substantially. For Mad About the
The biggest problem, so far, is that Norway is
Boy, with its low-player cap, this made the
six hours ahead of the East Coast, which limits
economics difficult to work out without making
the times we can meet. And there was that time
I’m really excited to watch women role-play
piece of the game. The idea of “system” almost
the ticket price absurdly high.
I did the addition wrong and asked the US
with women as women. I’m really interested to
can’t interface with Nordic larp. And this is
team to show up two hours before the Norwe-
see what that will look like, in the absence of
just one example of the expectations that US
gians.
men. I almost can’t imagine how it’ll be.
larpers bring into the game, that there will be
You’ve brought together an impressive interna-
writing like it is in US larp. Nor is it a center-
a system, that they will make their own charac-
tional team, including the original Norwegian organizers and locals in America. Has the col-
What are your hopes for the players and the
What aspects of the upcoming run scare
laboration worked as smoothly as you’d liked?
evolution of the story in this run?
you the most?
ters, that there will be NPCs and surface plot. Totally reasonable assumptions if you’re com-
For the most part, yes. I wanted to do the
I hope that we’re able to pull it off, Nordic-
The idea that people might not know what
ing out of the US gaming culture, but does not
organization Nordic-style, so we don’t have an
style, that players aren’t confused about the
they’re getting into. That the metagaming
compute within Nordic gaming culture.
official leadership structure, rather, we’ve all
style of the game and come into it with reason-
aspect, which is foreign to most American gam-
One thing I’ve found it very difficult to express
collaborated by self-assigning jobs and discuss-
able expectations. I hope players have a strong
ers, won’t work. That someone will freak out
is that the game might be emotionally intense
ing things like casting over Skype.
game experience.
and have a bad experience.
for people -- that we want it to be emotionally intense for people. I mean, I can say this stuff,
Have you experienced any challenges in
but it makes me sound mystical and new-agey
responding to American players and their
and dismiss-able, and doesn’t communicate
concerns about the game?
the dead seriousness with which I mean these things. And I am worried that my way of talk-
It’s hard to express the ways in which Nordic
ing about it will make people more hesitant to
role-play is different from US larp to people
really put themselves out there emotionally,
who have not yet seen it in action.
and that this will hurt the game.
New characters were written for the Conservative Triad. (Liz Rywelski)
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Excerpt from Stark’s article on Mad About the Boy in the Wyrd Con Companion Book 2012 The organizers wrangling together the players for the start of game. Jeramy Merritt is pictured on the right. (Liz Rywelski)
Nordic Larp
In Orange, Connecticut at the beginning of October 2012, I collaborated with a host of
Nordic larp itself is a pretty diverse genre
• Few mechanics. A long rule set for Nordic
surrounded by a robust and decade-long tradi-
games is ten pages. Most games have far fewer.
Americans —Sarah Miles, Jeramy Merritt, A.A.
There’s a lot of confusion in the U.S. about
tion of academic scholarship. The scene resists
The idea is to introduce mechanics only when
George, and Emily Care Boss—and backed by
what the term “Nordic larp” means. “Nordic
definition because those sneaky designers like
strictly necessary, only when the character and
the U.S. company First Person Entertainment,
larp” sounds like it refers to larp that happens
to push the boundaries of what’s come before.
the player should experience things differently
we produced the Norwegian larp Mad About
in the Nordic countries (Finland, Denmark,
Still, there are some common design principles
(as in, for example, combat).
the Boy. We worked closely with the original
Sweden, and Norway). This is both true and
that pop up over and over again.1
Norwegian larpwrights—Margrete Raaum,
misleading. The term “Nordic larp” specifi-
Tor Kjetil Edland, and Trine Lise Lindahl to
cally refers to a small but vibrant subculture
• Immersion. Although there’s a lot of aca-
is: if you can do it in real life, you can do it in
adapt the manuscript to the U.S. setting and
of experimental and often artsy games that
demic debate around this word, basically, it
game. And of course, you should only perform
compress and translate some Nordic techniques
originated in the Nordic countries.
means the feeling you get when role-play flows
an action in game if it’s probable that your
naturally and you really, truly feel like your
character could also perform it.
for the U.S. play culture.
Mostly, the rule, tempered by common sense,
The mainstream of larp in Denmark, Finland,
character. Creating immersion is one of the
The game—loosely inspired by the graphic
Norway, and Sweden is much as it is in the U.S.
aims of Nordic larp.
novel Y: The Last Man by Brian K. Vaughan
dominated by fantasy boffer games and Vampire
and Pia Guerra— was set in a dystopian future
campaigns. The people interested in experi-
• 360 degree illusion. The game scenography
whip out my character card to use my lockpick
after all males died in a single day. The players
mental stuff have joined together across na-
strives for realism. So a bouquet of flowers is
skill on the door in front of me, than I’ve been
portrayed women, organized into familial units
tional borders under the banner “Nordic larp.”
represented by a bouquet of flowers, and not a
yanked out of the world of the game. Some-
card with “flowers” written on it.
times, mechanics include metatechniques— ways
of three, applying to the U.S. to be inseminated
Part of the idea behind this is that lots of rules can interfere with immersion—if I have to
with sperm from a sperm bank as part of the
It’s hard to talk about how Nordic larp is differ-
government’s pilot program to figure out how
ent from American larp because “Nordic larp”
Part of the idea is that pretending a card is re-
the drama. Metatechniques include stuff like
it would allocate this now-precious resource.
is a school of experimental larp, and “Ameri-
ally a bouquet of flowers takes one out of the
character monologues, or playing possible fu-
Thirty-one players would sign up for the game,
can larp” is larp that happens in America, and
game world and inhibits immersion. Read more
tures or pasts in a designated black box area.
and the organizers wrote several new trios—
America is a big country with many smaller
about 360 illusion on the Nordic Larp Wiki.
notably including a trio of conservatives—to
disparate scenes.
of breaking the flow of narrative to heighten
accommodate the crowd. 1
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The below qualities are excerpted and adapted from my blog over at LizzieStark.com.
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
• Artistic vision. Many Nordic larps have
most interesting story, and not just for me, but
If a certain spell will unlock a portal into an-
By the same token, if you know what my char-
artistic aims, whether that means helping play-
for others.[…] A scene where your character
other world, spreading that knowledge might
acter’s buttons are ahead of time, you can push
ers explore particular emotions, both positive
loses something important, loses status, is dis-
rob other players of the joy of discovery.
them and help me develop my character further
and negative, getting across a political point, or
appointed, has to own up to a mistake, or any
just experimenting with form for the sake of
of those other social horrors can be the best
But since Nordic larp revolves around charac-
development is encouraged because it furthers
experiment.
scene of the game sometimes.”
ter development and internal plotlines, secrecy
a player’s emotional investment.
and quicker. Metagaming around character
isn’t necessary. If my character has issues with There have been games about refugee camps,
• Plot is internal and emphasizes character
infertility, better to shout it from the rooftops
• Emotional intensity. Much American larp
prisons, AIDS, cancer, homelessness, gender
growth. In contrast, in many American larps,
before the game—you might find a way to help
focuses on escapism and entertainment—and
relations and so on.
plot is often external and goal-oriented—fight-
push that issue for me in one of our scenes
these are absolutely worthy goals—while
ing goblins, figuring out how to launch the
together.
Nordic larp often goes for intense emotion. Nordic theorists often talk about “bleed”—what
• Nordic games emphasize collaboration
spaceship, etc. Nordic larp emphasizes char-
over competition. The good of the overall
acter arc and emotion—the main plot is often
• Metagaming encouraged. Stateside, we
happens when player and character emotions
story is often put above the individual aims of
something like “we are flawed humans strug-
usually consider metagaming a bad thing. If I
get mixed up.
characters. Sure, my character might be likely
gling against ourselves and society to find
see where the GM hid that sword of awesome
to whip out her gun and shoot the last man, but
happiness.”
out of game and use that knowledge, then I’ve deprived other players of their chance to nab it.
I might not do it because it’d make the game less fun for everyone else. Another way of say-
As their main goal for the duration of the larp,
ing this is that in Nordic larp, players play for
characters might seek to find love, survive, give
In Nordic larp, since the plot focuses on charac-
each other as much as they play for themselves.
birth, or overcome personal failings, and con-
ter development, and there are few mechanics,
sequently, game masters interject non-player
meta-interactions are encouraged. Instead of
characters into the game very very rarely.
leaving the outcome of a brawl up to our stats,
As Norwegian larper Erlend Eidsem Hansen
we might step out of game and talk—out of
put it, “It’s more like singing in a choir than doing sports.”
It may help to think of Nordic larp less as a
character—about whether it would make a bet-
game, and more as an improvised theatrical
ter story for me to lose.
experience.
Larper Johanna MacDonald explained how
Or if we are going to play a love scene, we
this idea affects the game to the Mad About the Boy Facebook group. She wrote, “We love to
• Secrecy is not important. Because many U.S.
might talk about whether we will play it awk-
(sometimes) play to lose. The question is not
games rely on external plot, and often rest on
ward or tender, and whether you are comfort-
necessarily whether my character will come out
the thrill of “what happens next?!” secrecy is
able with me putting my arm around you, or
of this situation well, but what would make the
often a major part of the game.
whether we prefer physical distance. Sara from the Muslim Sisterhood tending the fire in her cabin. (Liz Rywelski)
22
23
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The stuff you said on the hot seat didn’t have
Steal-able Techniques
Many Nordic games intentionally produce
If you don’t know the answer, just make it up.
bleed—if I am infertile in real life and play an
And time spent out of game—metagaming
infertile character in game, my personal emo-
about an upcoming love scene, for example, is
Of all the Nordic techniques and aesthetics
through your characters. We also split into
tions might bleed into my role-play, and lessons
often kept strictly focused on the task at hand,
that Mad About the Boy used and reflected—to-
small groups of six or so, and armed with a
that my character learns may stay with me.
without discussion of that movie I saw last
tal transparency, 360 degree immersion, 24/7
GM and a suggested set list Trine, Tor, and
week.
immersion, emphasis on relationships, emo-
Margo had composed, we played out scenes
tions, and setting over plot—the most instantly
from the characters’ pasts.
Players have some control over bleed—if I’m
to become canon, but it could help you think
feeling really raw about my infertility, I might
Frequently, there is an off-game area where
transportable to America are the workshop, the
decide I don’t want to play an infertile char-
players can go when they need a break before
black box, and the after care.
acter, or I might decide to focus my game play
stepping back into the action. Often, you’re ex-
away from that theme. And then too, I might
pected to eat, breathe, and sleep your character.
The pre-game workshop is a pleasurable part of the game experience for many Nordic larp-
try to play on it and use a safeword. • Workshops and debriefs. Usually, but not
ers. We wanted to reflect this in Mad About
• Safewords. Many Nordic games use the
always, Nordic larps are one-shots rather than
the Boy, and planned for a four-hour workshop
safewords of “brake” and “cut.” During a scene
campaigns, often bracketed by workshops and
on Friday night and a four-hour workshop on
of emotional intensity, players can say “brake,”
debriefs, which are considered part of the game
Saturday morning.
which tells scene partners “this level of inten-
experience.
sity is cool but please don’t push it,” or “cut,”
The game began around Saturday noon and
which stops game play and allows the players
lasted approximately 24 hours. We did many
to walk away.
things with the workshop time—let people know about logistics, played an ice-breaker,
• Continuous immersion. In U.S. games,
introduced ourselves to each other out of
players frequently go in and out of character
game, and taught the very minimal mechanics
with hand signals—often a closed fist atop the
employed.
head. But since Nordic larp has immersive aims, going out of game for minor clarifications is
We also used the time to deepen the relation-
frowned on.
ships among the characters. For example, the Gina from the Best Friends. (Liz Rywelski)
trios tried out a hot seat technique—two people asked the third a lot of questions in character in rapid-fire. The player on the hot seat had to respond.
24
Maria from the Committee with Tor, a male organizer dressed in drag. (Liz Rywelski)
25
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
For me, the most powerful part of the work-
At Mad About the Boy, we structured it and
Pre-game workshops are infinitely variable—
shop came on Friday night, during a guided
made it mandatory. Over the course of three
the exercises organizers choose depend on the
meditation where we imagined—as ourselves—
hours or so, we talked in big groups, small
relationships they want to create among the
where we were when all the men died. I imag-
groups, and random trios about what we would
characters—and although they take time, they
ined walking to my scientist husband’s office
take with us from this game and what we would
intensify immersion and emotion.
several hours after the disaster hit and finding
leave behind.
him dead on the ground, along with most of
Sara from the Muslim Sisterhood. (Liz Rywelski)
A black box is an easy addition if you have two We talked about problematic scenes, great
lamps, a computer with .mp3s on it, and a spare
Sometimes, others were invited to watch. I
scenes, and ideas that had come to us during
room. And the debrief is already happening, so
This bodily emotional memory is what made
played a number of scenes in the black box—
the game. Finally, we hooked people up with
structuring it— especially after games that are
me blink back tears at Thomas’ question about
the abortion of one character; a fantasy se-
“de-roling buddies,” or partners to discuss the
emotionally intense—would be a responsible
my siblings (see play account for Vicky below
quence in which the perfect grandchild deliv-
experience with if needed afterward.
move for organizers to take.
-ed.) - it provided emotional context for the
ered not-so-perfect standup to her mother and
character that heightened the experience.
grandmother; and one woman’s dreams of love,
Some people used them, and I suspect some
which were brutally crushed.
did not, but the tool was there in case it was
the men he worked with.
“For me, the most powerful part of the workshop came on Friday night, during a guided meditation where we imagined—as ourselves—where we were when all the men died. I imagined walking to my scientist husband’s office several hours after the disaster hit and finding him dead on the ground, along with most of the men he worked with.”
needed.
Many players enjoyed the black box, and it was a favorite with me too. The black box is a room
If the mechanics make the game—give players
that exists out of time and place. It is a way
lockpicks and they will pick locks, give them
As Norwegian organizer Trine put it at the end
of getting around the linear timeline of larp.
boffers and they’ll fight—then giving players
of the game, “You might think we’re silly and
We blacked out the windows of a room and
a black box allowed them to create emotional
overstating how much we want you to talk now,
furnished it with lights that could be turned on
context that upped the stakes of the game. In
but you may feel differently later this week.”
and off in varying combination, and a small set
something like a boffer campaign, this emo-
True to form, the day after the game ended, the
of speakers for playing songs if desired.
tional resonance accumulates over time, as
player email list exploded with people reflect-
characters develop their relationships. A black
ing on their intense feelings about the game.
Players arranged the settings according to
box simply accelerates that accumulation, and is
their wishes, and used the room to play out
easy to set-up.
To me, Mad About the Boy owes much of its success to these three techniques—the work-
scenes from the past and future, dreams and fantasies, and could even play out scenes mul-
Most U.S. larpers have been to a debrief
shop, the black box, and the debrief, and I think
tiple times from different players’ perspectives.
whether it’s called that or not—it often takes
these methods are easily adaptable to many
The extras in the scenes were played by people
the form of a postgame diner trip where people
one-shot and even campaign games.
you grabbed or by a GM.
talk over what happened at the game.
26
- Lizzie Stark
27
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
This larp was one larp, and its existence
The Controversy
doesn’t prevent others from running a mixedMad About the Boy is a game about women after
gender version of Mad About the Boy, or an
all the men on earth die. So all the characters
all-men version of some other game.
are women, save Thomas, the trans man, and Isak, the last biological man on earth, who
Some people accused the game of sexism for
showed up halfway through the game. In Nor-
creating a scenario in which women were
way, Trine, Margo, and Tor ran the game twice,
competing for the sperm of a single man, and
once with an all-women cast, except for the last
for emphasizing the biological role of women’s
man, and once with a mixed-gender cast, all
bodies. To me, this critique has more legs, but I
playing women.
still think it misunderstands the libretto of the
The cast enjoying one another’s company during workshopping. (Liz Rywelski)
game. They felt that the first game focused on the
In a world with no men, women by default fill
For example, we talked about the “men” that
game’s intended topics—power, sexuality,
The game’s first act, which lasted twenty
every role, so the conflation of “woman” with
died and the “women” that survived. This
femininity, relationships between women—
hours, takes place before the last man enters.
“mother” becomes impossible—there are too
critique has legs, but we also felt that it com-
while the second game ended up revolving
Even after his entrance, the last man doesn’t
many examples to the contrary. At the same
municated better to use “men” and “women”
more around cross-play. We decided to run an
necessarily represent something the women
time, this is a game about getting pregnant and
rather than “people with a Y chromosome”
all-women game, and this caused all sorts of
will vie for; in our game, he represented a re-
having kids, potentially, and that is a valid topic
and “people without a Y chromosome,” in part
controversy.
source, a romantic interest, a moral hope for a
of inquiry.
because of the culture we currently live in.
heterosexual world, an ally, and, at least to one Some people accused the game of sexism for
person, a threat (one woman screamed “kill it!”
The issue of how to relate to and welcome
We tried to welcome trans women players in
excluding men. To me, this critique evidences a
after he entered).
trans women is something the organizers
other ways, by allowing players to self-select
grappled with— how to present the scenario
whether “woman” applied to them, by engag-
misunderstanding of what sexism is, which is gender bias enforced by a power structure that
To suggest that of course the women would
in terms that stayed true to the spirit of the
ing in discussion around the language used, and
deferentially prefers one gender to another.
compete for the affections of a lone man is to
scenario while honoring the concerns of trans
by welcoming the gender-queer in our promo-
I don’t think running an all-women game is
limit our conception of how women relate to
people. The outcome was imperfect, but we did
tional materials, emphatically and explicitly.
any more sexist than a girls’ school, or a boys’
men, and to degrade the plurality of needs and
the best we could at the time.
By some measure we succeeded—a number of
school, and for the record, if someone wanted
emotions that each woman might feel in such a
to run a larp for men only and had good rea-
situation. The critique commits the very sin it
We received some criticism of the language
several talked about how welcome they felt in
sons for doing so, I could get down with that.
accused Mad About the Boy of—straitjacketing
used to describe the scenario from some trans
this women’s space, and the transformative ef-
women and their desires.
individuals who felt it was minimizing to them.
fect of that welcome.
28
trans women attended the game, and afterward
29
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Several had complex emotions during the
I also think that organizers and designers have
workshop, when we imagined as ourselves that
a right to run the games they want to run. This
all the men were dead. And we talked about it
game was about motherhood, power, and rela-
at length afterward, whether the problematic
tionships—if those topics don’t get you going,
aspects of the game could have been resolved
then it’s probably not the game for you. I’d also
by tweaking the game’s plot. For example, what
say that the emotional intensity of Nordic larp
if the plague killed people according, not to
isn’t for everyone, just as games like Dungeons
sex, but to gender?
& Dragons aren’t for me (Too much fighting!
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Not enough narrative)! That doesn’t mean that The Norwegian larpwrights considered this
D & D isn’t a great game or that Nordic larp
carefully while writing the game, concluding
sucks, it means no more or less than this: differ-
that such a plague would be more problematic,
ent people have different preferences and there
and not merely because the lines that deter-
are games enough for all of us to enjoy.
mine gender are perhaps murkier than those What’s Next?
of biological sex. If trans women survived the disaster, it’s likely that the remaining cis women might enslave them as sperm produc-
Mad About the Boy is the beginning of the story.
ers. That dark, horrifying territory might be
It’s proof—not the only proof, and not even the
worth exploring, but it lay beyond the scope
first proof—that there is an audience in the U.S.
of the game’s intended focus. At core, I think
for Nordic larp. Given the right atmosphere, we
these critiques respond to a deeply held belief
can trust each other to play hard-hitting games
among American gamers that all games should
that address serious topics of enduring social
be open to all people, that all games should be
and political concern. We can tackle emotion-
for everyone.
ally difficult topics in larp and still live to tell the tale and thrive for the telling. Decades ago, the
In general, I’d agree with this assessment—I
Nordicans imported a U.S. pastime—Dungeons
think equal access is great in most circumstanc-
& Dragons—and morphed it to suit their com-
es. But in this particular circumstance, where
munitarian local culture. Now they’ve tossed the
we sought to explore relationships among
football back to us in the form of Nordic larp,
women as women, I think we had good reason
and it’s up to us to transform it again and make
to break the rule.
it quintessentially American.
30
31 (John Stravopoulos) View from the main room.
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The Norwegian Organizers: Trine Lise Lindahl, Tor Kjetil Edland, Margo Raaum
responding to the Facebook post I had Lizzie post the evening before, this seemed to be something more than just a drunken idea, late a Friday night at Solmukohta.
Pre-game Questionnaire: All three
The larp is already written, but new people are going to make it theirs. I don’t feel I have
Margo: I was totally taken aback by this. I had
You were involved in organizing the original
the material under my skin in the same way,
no idea this had been discussed, and I never
runs of Mad About the Boy and this U.S.
but hopefully I will by the time we get to the
gone to Fastaval. I was surprised, I hadn’t re-
run. What differences have you experienced
larp site. The US team have been in charge of
ally reflected upon the possibility that there
in the respective processes?
the logistics, the administration and the pro-
were people who would want to do our style
motion and have done a brilliant job. I’m not
larping that didn’t have it available.
Trine and Tor: Making a larp from scratch and
really used to not being in charge of or heavily
contributing to someone else producing it are
involved in a larp project, and it has been inter-
totally different experiences. We spent one and
esting to see how that feels.
I had understood, thanks to Lizzie, Sarah (Bowman) and John (Kim) mainly, that the style was Tor and the other men on-site were dressed in drag the whole weekend to maintain immersion. (Liz Rywelski)
a half years making the original larp, using
different, but I didn’t think there would be enough interested players. I am happy to see I was proven
the time for the idea to mature and for all the
Margo: I concur. In some ways, the distance
characters to come to life.
to the players is also adding to the distance
In the spur of the moment, I suggested doing
to this run. There is little chance of meeting
Mad About the Boy. During our week together at
During the first half year we were all heavily
anyone before the game. In the previous run we
Fastaval we had been discussing gender issues
Can you describe the original rationale for
involved in making Knutepunkt, and most of
knew the majority of the players. Lizzie Stark
and the differences and similarities between the
the larp when you first helped create it?
our meetings consisted of drinking wine and
mentioned that you approached her to run Mad
Norwegian and US scene in this regard. I guess
What themes were you most interested in
philosophising about how our world would be,
About the Boy in America. Can you explain your
this was part of the reason why I suggested it.
exploring?
how our lives and the lives of our friends and
thought process in this request?
Another part was that it was a doable project,
family would be if this catastrophe happened.
wrong, and I am delighted to be able to do this.
since the libretto already existed, and that it
Trine and Tor: It started out with Tor sug-
isn’t very demanding production wise.
gesting to make a larp based on the Y: The Last
And all the while we were narrowing in on
Trine and Tor: The idea of making a US run
what sort of story we wanted to tell in this set-
came as Lizzie and I were talking one of the
ting. More or less everything we did together,
first nights at Solmukohta. She said that after
But at the time I suggested it, I had not
sitting physically in the same room, writing on
having done a couple of jeepform games in the
thought of any of these things, I guess I just
Margo and I thought this was a good idea and
different parts of the same Google doc. The US
states she thought it would be interesting to do
wanted to share something with Lizzie.
as we started to explore the concept of a world
run has been a very different process.
a proper Nordic larp.
By the next day, though, when 7 or 8 American
where all the men had died, the more keen we
women had expressed interest in the larp,
got on making a larp in this setting.
32
Man graphic novels.
33
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
The Conservatives were one of the new Triads written up for the game – and the most controversial. (Liz Rywelski)
It took us a while though to get to the story we
I remember we briefly discussed how the
So when we had a chance to write another
wanted to play out.
government imposing this kind of structure
Triad, we found this segment of the population
would be a kind of violation, but this fact be-
both interesting and a chance to Americanize
Another thing with this larp concept was that
came more acute when moved to the American
the game more, as the total of the stories of
What are your hopes for the players and the
it would have to be a larp with more or less
setting. This is probably due to Scandinavians
the other characters add up to be quite Nordic.
evolution of the story in this run?
only female characters, and we found that quite
being used to the government imposing upon
Still we have had a focus on making them into
intriguing. We had some discussions on wheth-
them at times ridiculously detailed injunctions
believable people.
er to let men join or not, but landed on having
(or indeed bans).
Trine and Tor: That everybody will have a meaningful experience and create great stories for each other.
Margo: I lived in a conservative family as an
one run with and one without men playing You helped adapt the libretto for American
exchange student for a year, this was in an
players and added a new Triad, The Con-
extremely Republican area. When writing roles
Margo: And that they are inspired to create
One of the main reasons for this was to give
servatives. Why do you think this Triad is
I normally look to find inspiration in one of the
“Nordic style” games themselves. We would
some of the male players we knew the change
appropriate for an American version of the
aspects of myself or people I know.
be excited, and more than willing to spar with
to be a part of this awesome larp we were mak-
game? What major changes did you have to
ing. I guess some of the themes we were the
make to adapt the libretto?
women.
players that would want to do something like this.
It may also have been sparked vaguely by the fact that when we decided on this Triad, the
most interested in exploring were those of loss and of being survivors of a catastrophe, with
Trine and Tor: We have not partaken in the
campaigning for presidency had begun, so me-
What aspects of the game are you most
all the different consequences this had on per-
Americanization of the libretto. We gave all the
dia was full of American politics.
excited to watch unfold?
sonal life, career opportunities, societal struc-
existing characters to the US team and they
tures and their new roles in life. What happens
have changed them in the ways they deemed
What differences have you noticed between
Trine and Tor: Seeing all our characters in new
in a society where there are only women?
necessary. But we did write the Conservative
the American larp community and the
incarnation, and see how their stories get told
Triad.
Nordic larp community through this experi-
this time. It will also be exciting to see how the
ence? Similarities?
US larpers like the Nordic larp style.
How do they make decisions? How dies their sexuality evolve? What happens with the con-
The reason for this is that one of the things we
cept of femininity when the male gaze is gone?
find exotic and slightly scary about the Ameri-
Trine and Tor: I think it makes most sense to
Margo: When we had our wine nights, we
can society, one of the things that reminds us
answer this question after we have gotten more
discussed the different parts of the world, but
Margo: I concur. I want to add that the idea of
that our cultures are indeed quite different, (and
experience with the American larp community.
with what background? I am excited to see
“Triads” was a weird twist we came up with,
we think we share this sentiment with a lot of
and it has so much potential for conflicts and
our US players) is the conservative movements
interesting play.
and the power they have in the USA.
34
what the American women believe have happened to the world.
Margo: I concur.
35
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
What aspects of the upcoming run scare
It has been a couple of things that we realized
you the most?
we forgot to tell the US crew, but I think it has
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Post-game Questionnaire: Tor
This was a new group of characters, bit we will rewrite them for the run in Sweden this sum-
all been conveyed, and they handled the late
What are your overall impressions about the
mer. It will be interesting to see what play they
messages very graciously.
Mad About the Boy U.S. run?
originate there as compared to in the US run.
are parts of the larp design that only make
Do you think Nordic larp can become more
Well organized with very dedicated organizers
Did you notice a difference in American
sense if you are a part of the Nordic larp cul-
common in America? Or do fundamental
as well as participants. People seemed very ea-
play styles versus Norwegian?
ture, and that we, being a part of this culture
cultural differences bar the way?
ger and motivated to play our game which felt
Trine and Tor: We are not so nervous. One thing that has scared us a bit is whether there
We noticed that there are different norms for
like a real privilege.
are blind to it.
physical touching as part of play, but it seemed
Trine and Tor: We need to talk about this when But based on cooperating with an American
we have run the larp. But we think it
What were the most frustrating aspects of
that the players went with our guidelines be-
team and the way our players communicate
is doable.
the organizing process?
cause they were curious to try out “the Nordic method.”
about the larp, this seems not to be a problem. Margo: Absolutely. But Nordic style is diverse.
It would have been great to have more face
Margo: OK, so I’m nervous about 2 things. One
Some, the styles that are as we speak losing
time with the US organizer group, but time and
We also noticed that American larp has a great
is that I was told that the players might be very
ground in Scandinavia as well (360 degree for
money didn’t allow for that.
tradition for oral storytelling that we didn’t
competitive. This might be damaging.
instance) is probably destined to die, but others:
This has lead us to emphasize a few things
know about and that was used to create some
sure! But I agree that this is a discussion for
What were the most rewarding aspects of
after the larp.
the organizing process?
really great moments. Please share your favorite memories from
in this workshop that we left untouched in the Norwegian run. I am also concerned that
Seeing the game design working well in a larp-
players might find it easier to pull a gun. We
ing scene with other traditions and references
will discuss this before workshops and might
than the Nordic scene.
the game as an organizer. My favourite moment was a black box scene with Julie the Committee member ending with
introduce set rules. From what I heard Americans are better at following rules in games than
Did the players react in ways that reflected
Scandinavians are, which is good ‘cause that’s
American values unanticipated by the Nor-
like herding cats.
wegian libretto?
her yelling: “IN THIS SITUATION, I AM GOD. YOU WILL OBEY ME, OR I WILL KICK YOU
It has been good to have such a capable group
The most notable part was that the conserva-
THE FUCK OUT” to a whiny soon-to-become
in the US, with an attention to detail. I believe
tive group caused quite a lot of play and reflec-
father in the maternity ward.
at heart that this will not fail.
tion on the “culture wars” in America. Julia, the OB/Gyn. (Liz Rywelski)
36
37
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Perspectives from the Organizers: Emily Care Boss Post-game Questionnaire
The comparison for me is to the Forge, which was a working community that applied con-
You have been in contact with Nordic larp
cepts through design, argued and “tested” them
and the freeform/jeepform scene for longer
in discussion, and worked out a common lan-
than most Americans. What are your overall
guage through participation on a single forum.
impressions of the style?
That community is gone, but the common work
Emily Care Boss served as both organizer and player in the game. Here, she relaxes with the Triads in her cabin. (Liz Rywelski)
goes on. From the portions of Nordic larp and freeform
The investment in space and organization
I am a designer, so I suppose that is what I
that I’ve been exposed to (which are the games
My impression of Nordic Larp and freeform
needed for a full-scale larp take more commit-
most want to see: blossoming of new ideas
run primarily at the Nodal Point/Knutepunkt
theory is of many voices answering each other
ment so it seems natural that those are happen-
from the exposure to something new.
conventions and Fastaval), it’s a highly devel-
through texts (articles, analyses, and manifestos),
ing more slowly.
oped style of gaming that has taken serious
but lacking a common language except about
topics to heart (though perfectly suited to
broad topics (bleed, safety, external theories like
Mad About the Boy brought in a wide variety of
lighter and more heroic fare), and is subject to
the stances and GNS). This might just be because
participants: old hands at US larp, people new
intense scrutiny by its makers and participants.
I’m a big fan of some articles I’ve read and am
to larping, people new to gaming, visitors from
Since it was such a unique opportunity, I really
surprised I don’t hear about them more!
overseas who had done Nordic Larp there, and
wanted to participate. However, since there
us hardcore fans who were excited about the
were limited spaces, I felt hesitant about taking
These are unique factors in the communities
What made you decide to join the organizing committee?
of play I am a part of. It feels most analogous
But likely they are there, subsumed into design
opportunity to play on these shores. The main
a player role since I’d already been exposed to
to the indie game scene (focused around the
and answered by other articles, so I may be
significance is the exposure to new forms, to
Nordic Larp and had played many of the short-
Forge, Story Games, etc.), with respect to in-
missing part of the conversation.
my mind. We can read books and talk about
er, freeform games. It seemed more important
what is being done in Europe until we are blue
for others who perhaps hadn’t yet to be able to
Do you think running Nordic larp in Amer-
in the face, but until we start doing it, and ex-
have a chance to play them. Also, I felt grateful
The seriousness with which authors and
ica is a significant event in larping history?
periencing it, it’s just abstract.
to Lizzie and the other organizers for making
theorists approach the material is impressive.
If so, why?
trospection about the form itself.
Though something I find lacking (perhaps just
it possible. I wanted to try to support them. Now that we’ve started seeing it in play, we
When it turned out that it would be good for
due to my peripheral involvement) is the lack
Yes, certainly. Freeform has ported over more
can assimilate the techniques into our experi-
me to play a role in the game, I felt extremely
of application of the concepts that are dis-
easily to the US, and smaller scale parlor-scale
ence, and hopefully start incorporating what we
lucky. And playing was a powerful experience
cussed.
larps like The Tribunal.
learn into our own design.
for me.
38
39
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
What have been your biggest challenges in
What differences have you noticed between
And another aspect of Nordic play that is a
Our trio was seen by the Committee as a great
organizing this game?
the American larp community and the
great addition is the workshops done prior to
choice for parents because we worked together
Nordic larp community through this experi-
play. The section where I and my two trio part-
and were supportive and aware. But we had
ence? Similarities?
ners worked out our relationships and what the
physical issues (family history of diseases) that
trio meant to each of us was pretty fundamen-
made it difficult for them to opt for us to be
tal to play for the whole weekend.
chosen.
Coming in a bit late to the organization, I felt a bit behind and not sure of my place. I helped with props, so that seemed like a clearly de-
Embracing transparency in play is a big dif-
lineated role. Once we got there, we kind of
ference, which I admire. In most larps, in my
plunged in. We had one session at the start, to
experience, there is limited information offered
We made choices there, together, that echoed
So we got a bittersweet arc. And our trio made
touch base and then we got under way.
to each player. The activity in these games is
back on everything we did and how others
a contrast to other groups who had major is-
about winkling out what people are hiding,
perceived us. And how we interacted with “the
sues or lost their care for one another during
In retrospect, I wish we’d talked a bit more in
with reveals at the end giving everyone ever
plot” of being able to have access to sperm for
the Second Act, when the refugee surviving
person, to make sure each of us had an over-
more that was obscured during play.
reproductive purposes.
man bursts onto the scene. For me playing with my partners was a profoundly fulfilling
view of what our roles where and what was
act. We got through together.
needed throughout the weekend. Overall, I eve-
In contrast, the libretto for Mad About the Boy
Our group made some choices against intra-
rything went very smoothly, and each person
was available to everyone, and we were all
party conflict: we chose to be supportive of one
did their jobs really well.
encouraged to read about other characters. In
another, and not as expressive of anxieties and
What were your hopes for the players and
some ways this was vital: we entered play in
differences as our background write-ups might
the evolution of the story in this run?
But where we lacked was in communication
trios who knew each other well and many of
have made us. At the time, I felt a bit nervous
with one another--we missed that some things
whom had lived and worked together in the
about this. It felt right, but also, was it in the
Looking back, I hoped to be able to see what it
went wrong (our “Boy” ended up being isolated
past.
spirit of the game as it was intended?
would be like to be in a community of women, responding to such a crazed disastrous world.
during most of the game, rather than playing flashback scenes with the other participants),
Being able to see not only my character’s im-
We were encouraged to “play to lose,” and this
And to see how the women I was in partnering
and that could have easily been avoided if we
pressions of the others, but theirs of mine was
felt contrary. But in the end, I am so glad we
with would respond to the idea of becoming a
had been checking in with him and each other.
key.
made those choices.
family.
40the game. (John Stravopoulos) Players setting up camp before
41
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
What aspects of the game were you most
Halfway through, I did have a crisis of faith
excited to watch unfold?
and lost my ability to decide what to do. I broke
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
character and asked for support from one of my trio-mates. Thank goodness.
The utopia-out-of-apocalypse were the most amazing parts for me. These arose out of free play that happened while we were waiting to be
She helped me move on. But I’d prefer to be
tested and then chosen or not. Just talking with
able to start to own the form and play without
other women, about what kinds of communi-
feeling like I have to live up to another commu-
ties they were in, and what they brought to this
nity’s standards.
new world, was fascinating and exciting. Do you think Nordic larp can become more And overwhelming. Playing my character, a
common in America? Or do fundamental
builder who took over the business formerly
cultural differences bar the way?
run by her family, and who had helped provide infrastructural support for people around her, I
I believe it can because it has a lot to offer.
felt like I had a lot to offer.
Techniques like the “black box,” the out-ofcharacter comments (“putting it in a box”),
And I wanted to learn more about how to work
the workshopping and debriefing, the intimate
with this diverse group of women we’d been
approach with deeply moving issues. There is
put together with. It was an amazing opportu-
a lot of territory that was distilled in this larp
nity.
experience; we can learn a lot from doing more.
What aspects of the run scared you the
And, by and large, the experiences of the
most?
participants were strongly positive. There were
A cabin on the campsite, here pictures with the Conservative’s American flag. (Liz Rywelski)
definite issues that came up (feeling comfort-
Also, I think we’ll bring in our own addition to
And there are strong, long term communities
Being able to be there for so many people,
able in the Ars Amandi workshop, our commu-
the games. Things like being even more open
of play here.
many of them new to the form. Also, being able
nication issues that isolated our “Boy” player),
to meta-play, emphasizing player and organizer
to live up to the hype. :) Nordic Larp comes
but the profound emotional experiences and
communication and safety (yes, cutting a scene
I look forward to seeing what the continuing
with some hefty expectations: living up to the
how the techniques opened up new horizons in
for safety *is* way more important than being
interplay between them and Nordic Larp will
aura of in-your-face, deep emotional larpismo
play--I think people will want to do this more.
afraid of interrupting someone’s flow).
bring.
that surrounds it.
42
43
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Perspectives from the Organizers: Sarah Miles Post-game Questionnaire
What made you decide to join the organizing committee?
Before I start, I want to say that in large part I’m acting in a supportive role to Lizzie - I’ve
Lizzie asked me to, and as her original muse, I
never organized a larp before, and have not
obliged :)
really larped much at all. I participated in the larp for her book, and have done some jeep-
What have been your biggest challenges in
form with her, but that’s really it, outside a
organizing this game?
The organizers prepare to start the game, which begins by playing the song “Mad About the Boy” by Dinah Washington, while all characters are frozen in reflection. (Liz Rywelski)
What are your hopes for the players and the
I am afraid others won’t get into it and I won’t
evolution of the story in this run?
be able to fully explore. I am someone who can really lose myself in a character - maybe I’ll get too into it.
I hope, for everyone and myself, that we learn a
disastrous experience with Masquerade with an ex-boyfriend and his jerk friend when I was
Honestly, just finding the time. I did a bunch
new way of play - that we learn to explore seri-
19, and that kind of turned me off from the
of the “Americanization” to the characters,
ous themes that may even change our world-
I guess the main thing is that because I’m not
whole thing until much later. I do have a lot of
which I found challenging. As a writer and ac-
views, or at least make us really think about
that familiar with larping, I’ll go too far or not
theater experience, and I’m excited to explore
tor, I am more used to controlling the charac-
what we believe.
far enough.
this world and my character. So down to the
ters - it is very different to suggest a shell to be
questions!
filled in by someone else, and I found myself
What aspects of the game are you most
Do you think Nordic larp can become more
going too far into back stories that should be
excited to watch unfold?
common in America? Or do fundamental cultural differences bar the way?
developed by the players.
When did you first learn about Nordic larp
I’m really excited to see what the reactions to
and what are your overall impressions of the What differences have you noticed between
the Last Man will be. By that time we’ll all be
I do. In fact, I think Americans could take it
the American larp community and the
pretty comfortable in our assumed skins, and I
and run with it. We love to take things and put
From Lizzie, when she returned from Knudep-
Nordic larp community through this experi-
think that’s just going to be amazing.
our own stamp on it, take it to extremes.
unkt 2011.
ence? Similarities? What aspects of the upcoming run scare
I could see people going really far with this, as
you the most?
long as mechanics are in place to keep everyone
style?
Do you think running Nordic larp in Amer-
It seems to me that the style of US larp is to
ica is a significant event in larping history?
be more escapist, where Nordic larp is all about
If so, why?
keeping you there and making you deal with
I’m going to speak personally on this: I’m
will bring others into the fold who are intimi-
something that could approximate daily experi-
afraid I won’t get into it the way everyone else
dated by the rules of traditional American larp.
ence.
is, and that will affect the game somehow.
I don’t know, but I hope so!
44
feeling safe. I think that the simple mechanics
45
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Post-game Questionnaire
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Perspectives from the Organizers: Jeremy Merritt
What were the most frustrating aspects of the organizing process?
Post-game Public Blog
I’ve always liked enabling people to do wicked
on Doomsdaylive.com
things, though I think this might be the first time I’ve enabled something that could be de-
To be honest, I didn’t really feel like I was qualified to be an organizer, having not really
Doomsday Monday: The Observer Effect
participated in other larps. But from a logisti-
(My Experiences with Mad About the Boy) by
cal standpoint, I was able to get to the camp
Jeramy
scribed as historic. And yet as the day approached I was not exactly excited for it. As my involvement was
first and check in, things like that. It began for me at Dexcon in July when Lizzie
far more in the background compared to the
What were the most rewarding aspects of
mentioned the possibility of running a larp
other organizers, I didn’t have a real stake in
the organizing process?
based on Y: the Last Man, a comic I had been
the game itself. I didn’t help create it, I didn’t
introduced to years ago and absolutely adored.
help adapt it for America, I didn’t fly half way
I agreed to help out where I could.
across the globe to help run it.
As I said, I didn’t feel like I was really qualified to be an organizer, but one of the tasks I took on was assisting in rewriting some of the char-
What this amounted to were a few meetings,
acters for an American audience. I put it off
some long phone calls, and chiefly allowing the
because I felt overwhelmed, or that I would be
game to run under the banner of our company
judged as naïve since I didn’t know what I was
(First Person Entertainment) so it could be
doing, but once we got to casting, I realized I
insured. For the insurance to be valid I had
hadn’t done such a bad job after all.
to be present, so for anyone who attended and is reading who attended, I was not just joking when I said that I had to be there for legal reasons. While I did help with the organization to a small degree, I can take very little credit for the success of the game itself. I was there when needed. The best I can say is that I was a facilitator. I’m pleased with that.
Top: Lena, the Psychiatrist from the Professionals. (Liz Rywelski) Middle: The women prepare for the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski) Bottom Right: Sharon and Norah secure the perimeter. (Liz Rywelski) Bottom Left: Camp Cedarcrest. (Liz Rywelski)
47
Jeramy Merritt, another organizer, dressed in drag all weekend. (Liz Rywelski)
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
It was I think the first time I’ve ever been
Let me pause here…I realized that I was writ-
Then it was time for me to get into drag. As I
1. I could help in the kitchen. Which I did until
involved with something like this that I wasn’t
ing this primarily for those who have attended
will take any excuse I can get to put on make-
my sensitivity to onions combined with my
a major creative driving force behind. This is
and am leaving out anyone who might not
up I was looking forward to this part. It was
now tear streaked heavy makeup caused one of
something I would continue to be reminded of
know what the hell I am talking about. Mad
my first time wearing a bra.
my eyes to turn death red for about an hour,
as the weekend progressed.
About the Boy is a Norwegian larp set in the world of Y: The Last Man, a comic that details
Let’s talk about the weekend, which started for
an apocalypse where all men, save one, sud-
me on Thursday night when I came down with
denly die off.
the plague, a sickness with a curious sort of
and kept it so sensitive that I could not be in The game began…
the kitchen with the onion mist in the air.
And then I realized that I didn’t have anything
2. I could help run scenes in the Black Box, a
to do. There were 3 things that I could do, but
place where people could go to enact scenes
all of these proved problematic.
outside the scope of the game’s limited time-
timing, certainly better than happening the day
The game had been run twice in its native
before my trip to London, but not exactly the
country, once as an all female game, and the
line. These scenes did not require any of the
sort of thing you want when you spend 5 hours
second time allowing for men in drag. For our
Organizers to be present, but if they needed
in the car the next day.
first shot at this sort of thing in our country
an Organizer it made sense that I would be the
we decided to preserve the original design of
last choice.
I arrived well before most as it seems that near-
the game by keeping it all female (excepting
ly everyone got stuck in traffic. I kept myself
myself and two of the organizers who wore
3. I could whisper thoughts into players’ ears,
medicated and warm and awake long enough to
drag and another man to play the Last Man).
something I was eager to do until I realized that in drag and heels I was 6’4 and perhaps
help things get going and then excused myself to 10 hours of sleep inside the warm burrito
The creators of the game came from Norway
the most obvious person there…to do the
embrace of the electric blanket.
to help run the thing, and we had attendees
whispering I would have to get close enough
from all over the country, including one from
to a conversation to hear it and somehow avoid
Sweden.
being obtrusive.
The game itself comprises only 1 day of the
What this all amounted to for me was a lot of
experience with workshops taking up the rest.
sitting around. A bit of helping out where I
Breakfast happened, set up the Black Box room,
The workshops help get everyone into charac-
could. And wandering about when those two
then helped run some of the final prep before
ter and then at the end help everyone examine
options were spent.
game start, including what was my favorite
the experience.
Thanks to my stellar immune system I woke the next day with most of the sickness behind me.
There were no colorful NPCs (well one), no
part of the weekend, running scenes for people
random monster attacks, no sudden shifts in
Now back to the story…
to help them better establish their characters.
gravity.
Tor relaxing before the game. (Liz Rywelski)
48
49
The Book of Mad about the Boy
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
What I came to understand was that the role
I think it is the job of the Organizer to keep
So what did I take away from all of this that
There was a lot I learned and saw and experi-
of the Organizer in this context was to set up
engagement as high as possible at all times, and
intend to steal at my earliest convenience?
enced that will stay with me, and I hope we can
and break down. We give you the tools, help
not being allowed to step in to provide content,
you learn how to use them, and then let you go
or at least spark content, makes me feel like I
1. The Black Box. Having a room of possibili-
play for a while. If the players didn’t want the
was doing a poor job of it.
ties is an incredible thing and being a sci-fi
Organizers for anything they were required only to start the game, turn Act One into Act
And yet the damn thing worked. In fact it
Two, and then end the game.
worked really damn well. Yes, it wasn’t perfect
integrate some of it into US games, including Doomsday.
game, I think Doomsday will soon have holo-
Well, I am staring down 1 AM and the days
decks.
ahead are certain to be busy. There is certainly a lot more to be said about Mad About the Boy,
but there was perhaps just as much downtime
2. Debriefing. Forcing everyone to talk about
but many of those subjects, specifically any-
It was weird and infuriating for me to experi-
at a game with player-only content as there
their experience afterwards goes a long way
thing involving gender, are best left to those
ence as said Organizer. At Doomsday I am
would be in one where content is generated
to letting people work out whatever junk went
who are more mindful of the subject.
running around almost constantly to be the
primarily by the Organizers. It was the set
unresolved between players during the course
content provider. Here I was actively prevent-
up that made what happened during the game
of the event.
ed from being local color, the players are the
possible. And in that the Organizers did an
content providers…and…and…this is where
incredible job.
Thanks to everyone who came out to Mad About the Boy, and all of those who supported
Going forward, when PvP becomes more of a
the effort.
thing at Doomsday I think having the two par-
my break came.
ties talk about it afterward will do a lot to make All good larps are primarily player run expe-
people realize that this is just a game, and will
riences. The Organizers provide the world,
help to alleviate some of the bad feelings that
the players embiggen it, and then if all is as
oft come as a result of PvP.
it should be, they players whims dictate the content for the future. And yet there are al-
3. Character Building. Being able to run estab-
ways the Organizers to step in and keep things
lishing scenes from your character’s past can go
interesting.
a long way to helping you build a more dynamic character. To possibly be used in conjunction with Black Box.
Here that was somewhat frowned upon, and I don’t really agree with it. Sitting there realizing I had little to do, and looking at situations where people seemed a bit bored, I realized that I could do something to keep the entertained and engaged, and not being able to was stifling. Thomas from the Nuclear Family. (Liz Rywelski)
50
Left: In pre-game workshops, we played out scenes from each other’s pasts. In this scene, Linn attends a party where she gets an uncomfortable proposition from a wealthy media tycoon. (Liz Rywelski) Right: George Locke cooked for the entire cast throughout the weekend, most of the time in full drag. (John Stravopoulos)
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Chapter 2 The Committee
52
53
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The Committee Maria, Theresa, Julie, and Sharon
The Committee has been selected to choose
There is an obstacle course outside. Julie could
Theresa and Maria’s pre-game
those women who will get to raise a child in
test the constitution of all the prospective birth
forum role-play:
this pilot project of the new United States
mothers by asking them to run through the
insemination program. In the first act they will
course. The Committee may suggest changing
The Fate of Humankind
organize a selection process, including inter-
some of the family units and switching mem-
« on: September 17, 2012, 04:50:07 PM »
views and tests of the applicants.
bers between them.
through
*** List of Potential Insemination Candidates and Their Associates “The Survivalists”
« Reply #22 on: October 04, 2012, 02:26:41 Maria, the politician, is the ideological brain
What the Committee’s role will be in the
behind the concept of the three women unit
second act is more uncertain and will depend a
needed to raise a child in this program. One
lot on what the players themselves decide on in
of them will be the birth mother and the other
terms of their character journey.
Some ideas for what you can do as a committee:
Linda -- [intended candidate] Nina --
[A few weeks before the group assembles...]
Yvonne --
Theresa sits a large, round table in the Com-
Theresa’s notes: Linda still has not dealt with
The members of the Committee are a diverse
mittee’s designated planning location inside of
the trauma of the crisis. Powder keg waiting to
group with very different opinions and world-
Town Hall. She scrutinizes several documents,
explode.
views.
a large stack of files nesting beside her. She
two should fulfill other important functions in the raising of the child.
PM »
takes copious notes on a legal pad, casually
“The Collective of Artists”
Welcoming speech by Maria early in the larp
There should be some instances of strong disa-
glancing at the door as she awaits the other
explaining the program and her vision for it.
greements within the group, but at least for the
members of the Committee.
Lisa --
Psychological evaluations done by Theresa,
first act they should at least officially maintain
She offers a reassuring smile when the other
Christine --
either individually, group by group or both if
some kind of united front towards the other
esteemed women enter the room. However, a
Elina -- [intended candidate]
there is time. The other committee members
women.
hint of apprehension is clear behind her eyes as she contemplates the enormity of the deci-
could also be there and interfere if they disaThis is not necessary in the second act.
gree with Theresa on something.
“The Three Lovers”
sions they must soon make. Still, her demeanor remains calm and welcoming. A list is splayed
Alex --
out in front of her.
Vicky --
---
Jo --
This document is stamped CONFIDENTIAL in several locations.
54
Note: No intended candidate selected yet.
p.54: The Committee explaining their decision making process to one of the hopeful Triads. (Liz Rywelski)
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Theresa’s notes: Nancy is my mother-in-law. A
Not one to stand on formality or rank, Maria
Theresa considers the idea, then nods. “I can
battleax with abusive tendencies, but reliable. The
hustles in carrying a tray of hot beverages. “I
watch things better from afar that way anyway.
Kristen --
Committee should evaluate her nurturing qualities
have a tea, a coffee and a hot cider. Pick your
Agreed. In that case, which groups do you sug-
Elizabeth -- [intended candidate]
as family matron.
poison!” Cheerfulness covers her anxiety over
gest we pair together for the cabins?”
“The Wealthy Women”
Ellen --
the enormity of the decisions before them. She “The Best Friends”
“The Professional Women”
plucks a fourth, unnamed cup from the tray and
“Who are your biggest concerns?” Maria pulls
settles into a chair. “Where are we?”
a pen out of her inside breast pocket and chews it while pondering the list. “I was thinking that
Rachel -Lena --
Gina --
Veronica -Megan -- [intended candidate]
Note: Candidate unknown at present.
“The Nuclear Family”
“The Conservatives”
Theresa spies the tray and gratefully helps Ma-
maybe we could encourage productive con-
ria settle it down away from the papers. “Oh,
nections between some of the potential family
coffee! Much appreciated! My head was starting
units - Lisa, Christine and Elina, for example;
to hurt trying to make sense of all of this... we
I think they will do well by any child, but if we
have to consider so many factors. I’ve tried to
could foster a metaphorical village - a coparent-
organize this information as best as possible,
ing dynamic...” She trails off as her sentence gets grammatically complicated.
Helen --
Anne --
but I’m afraid there is still much I don’t know
Thomas --
Rebecca --
about these women...”
Melissa -- [intended candidate]
Norah --
“The Muslim Sisterhood”
Note: Candidate unknown at present.
Amina --
Unaffiliated
Zahida -Sara --
Linn -- [intended candidate]
“Also ... what is the genetic variety of the She shows Maria the list, glancing at it herself,
sperm samples available to us? Do we need to
chewing her bottom lip in thought. “I suppose
keep an eye on genetic diversity of potential
the first order of business is to decide where
birth mothers?”
everyone’s going to sleep. We have a limited amount of space at the site... should we allow
“Well, to be completely honest... I worry about
someone to sleep in our cabin? Some might
the fate of humankind left in the hands of...
view that as favoritism...”
well, for lack of a polite way to put it, left in the hands of those with a conservative agenda.
Note: No intended candidate selected yet. Maria responds, “It sounds like an unneces-
Or a religious agenda. The world is a diverse
sary complication - I’d rather that we walk a bit
place... we want our children to understand
further from our sleep space and make certain
and appreciate diversity, wouldn’t you agree? I
Nancy --
that everybody else is in that core grouping of
worry about... well, getting locked back into a
Alice --
cabins. Do you mind that idea?”
Dark Ages situation,” Theresa remarks.
“Three Generations”
Emma Nancy -- [intended candidate]
56
The Wealthy Women confer with the Conservatives over the plan for the Last Man. (Liz Rywelski)
57
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
“Here’s what I suggest:
Anxiousness is clear in her voice at broaching a potentially problematic subject. “I would like to see, for example, traditional
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
“I think Linn will be good for Linda. I also
What do you think? You’re much better at this
think that the survivalists and Linn are a nice
than I am, for sure.”
Cabin One:
counterbalance to the Wealthy Women - I’m
Survivalists, Wealthy Women, Linn
hoping there will be long-term connections
Theresa listens with great interest, taking
formed here.
notes where appropriate. She quirks her head at
groups forced to interact with out-of-the-box thinkers. The Conservative Trio interacting
Cabin Two:
with the Artists, for example. The Muslims
Collective, Conservatives
interacting with...” she scans the list, “didn’t we
the comment regarding art school and looks as “If you want to see how the Conservative
though she would like to ask further questions,
women are going to react to diversity, I think
but remains quiet as Maria continues her ex-
have a transgendered man on the list? I would
Cabin Three:
the Lovers is too far over their line, but the
planation. “I agree with your choices. You have
like to see how cooperative and open-minded
3 lovers, Best Friends
Artists! That would try me, and I’m ... not that
a keen and subtle mind, Minister. I appreciate
uptight anymore. A daughter in art school
that about you.” Her gaze lingers for a moment
fixed that.”
as she surveys the other woman’s face.
“I think the Three Lovers, with their apparent
Then, Theresa turns her attention back to
diverse groups can be.” Cabin Four: Professionals, Nuclear Family
“As far as sperm, we’ve managed to procure the best specimens for the program -- high intelligence, high athletic ability, high social function-
Cabin Five:
stability might be able to bolster Rachel and
the list. “Do you have any initial preferences
ing...” Theresa’s brow furrows.
Muslim Sisterhood, 3 Generations
Gina.
amongst the candidates? I will have to see them in action, of course, before I can comment in
“This all sounds a bit like eugenics at this point,
“Cabin four is another of those sociological
much depth, but I’d like to take note of your
but these are times in which we live, I suppose.”
experiments - I’m sure you can see the merit of
original impressions.”
this match. Maria laughs. “As subtle as a foghorn in a
“I disagree with the insinuation that religious beliefs interfere with diversity - Sarah, for
“And I think Sara and her family unit have the
graveyard, my daddy would say.” The sorrow
example, is looking to form cross-culture con-
potential to counterbalance some of Nancy’s
is there, but her love for the man who taught
nections and hopes to create life-long bonds
tendencies, with their very steady natures,”
her to navigate tricky encounters shines past it.
between children born of the project - not just
Maria continues. She’s not a soft or gentle woman, but she’s easy
casual nods between acquaintances, but support systems. The village we all know we’re going
“Of course, the very traits I think might make
in her skin. Guarded, polished, but she doesn’t
to need for these babies.”
for good pairings could also make each cabin a
show any of the hitches in posture or poise that
powder keg - which would expose the very sort
other women politicians often showed when
of instability we’re looking for.”
thinking about tricky or tenuous topics.
Julie from the Committee during pre-game workshops. (Liz Rywelski)
58
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
She’s not afraid of power, she’s not afraid of
“Speaking of which... do you think we should
She looks over the list, tapping the ballpoint
Theresa hesitates, glancing at Maria’s face
making decisions that matter, and absolute per-
make therapy mandatory for whoever we end
pen on her lips. “For some of these groups,
before continuing. “I have to admit that I feel
fection is for snipers, not baby-making.
up choosing? Keeping track of the child’s pro-
we only know of their relationships to one
a kneejerk reaction against the Muslim Sister-
gress seems an important concern.”
another -- for example, the Best Friends, the
hood and the Conservative trio, probably due
Three Generations, the Nuclear Family, and
to my own values and prejudices. I worry that
“Going over the list, what jumps out at me most clearly are those who may be unfit. More
Shaking her head, she corrects herself. “Back
the Lovers. I do think having a solid, emotion-
any heavily religious or conservative group will
so, even, than a gut-feeling about any of them
to the issue at hand. I like Linda as a candidate
ally connected network is crucial for child
restrict the types of information provided to
being suited, I’ve been mentally moving tiles
because of her support network. The Survival-
development... but, many relationships are
the child or hinder his or her ability to explore
around, looking at those who aren’t suited. For
ists seem a better fit than the Wealthy Women,
dysfunctional. I would have to assess the nature
new avenues of personality development. For
example, I’m not sure I agree with Linda being
in principle, as they can raise a child in a com-
of these intimate connections to ensure that
example, what if the child turns out gay or re-
the intended candidate in her unit - you’ve ex-
pletely self-sustained community, rather than
the child received proper modeling for future
jects the religious beliefs of his mothers? Will
pressed concerns about her stability; if we look
relying on the financial power associated with
relationships. While I have no problem with
they try to restrict the child? Will they shame
at worst case scenarios, she’s impregnated and
the previous system... one that may or may not
unconventional sexuality, for example, I would
him or her? I suppose my fears in this regard
loses the pregnancy. Where does that leave the
hold any value in the future.”
want to make sure that any sort of experimen-
serve as a counterbalance to my concerns
tal relationship units were held together by
regarding the potentially bohemian lifestyle of
Theresa continues, asserting, “I like the idea of
trust, honesty, maturity, and mutual apprecia-
the Artists. Too strong a structure can be just
a group of artists raising the child, as I think
tion above all else.”
as damaging as too loose of one.”
family unit, if her unprocessed emotions are in play?” Theresa’s smile widens as she listens to Maria’s
art will be a necessary and vital outlet for pro-
quip about her father. Again, that sense of a
cessing trauma and emotion moving forward.
question about to get asked, then suppressed.
What concerns me, however, is the bohemian lifestyle and how that might lead to irrespon-
She makes note of Maria’s comments on the
sible behavior. Research has reinforced -- again
list as the other woman raises them. “I agree
and again -- the necessity of a solid parental
with your concerns. However, I think it’s
unit for the child, particularly maternally. I
important to realize that we can never truly
have similar concerns about the Professional
know how someone will deal with a crisis as it
Triad, but for different reasons. While the
unfolds. We can only observe past patterns. In-
artistic lifestyle might offer too few bounda-
dividuals may surprise you with their strength.
ries for a child, the professional lifestyle might
My concerns regarding Linda could be solved
deprive the child of the attention necessary to
with a few therapy sessions.”
thrive.”
The cast relaxes before the start of game. (Liz Rywelski)
60
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
“Naturally, I will have to assess the individu-
“Bigots will probably stay bigots; the unen-
als in question before letting such preliminary
lightened or isolated, though, can expand their
judgments influence my decision,” Theresa
reality.” She smiles encouragingly.
qualifies, “but, I wanted to be honest with you “I understand your fear, but I think we need
about my thoughts.”
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Sipping her tea, Theresa remarks, “History, as you know, is written by the victors. Who controls the ideology of the next generation controls our culture, our history, our legacy.”
to assess who these women are today, not who they were four years ago.”
Maria replies, “Parents have been getting it
- Pre-game Forum role-play
wrong for a very long time, and they’re going to continue getting it wrong. That’s why it’s
“Yes,” Theresa acknowledges, “Of course you
so important to me that we also foster connec-
are right. I just can’t help but wonder, though,
“I don’t think ‘Holy Rollers’ are my first choice;
Theresa nods her agreement on the topic of
tions between family groups; this is going to be
why some of these factions have approached
I’m more inclined towards those who express
accord. “I worry a bit about this Julia... psychol-
very hard for these women. I imagine harder
us as a group... our country has been fraught
tolerance, adaptability, compassion. If the
ogy and medicine have not always gotten along
than they can guess. Their friends aren’t hav-
with political turmoil for years and the reli-
change didn’t _change_ them, then clearly they
historically. Many medical practitioners do not
ing babies, which is the only part of ‘go to
gious dimensions to that war have been, quite
maybe not be ready for the world we live in
seem to realize that the mind and body are con-
school, find a partner, get married, have babies’
frankly, terrifying. The paradigm war was
today.”
nected on more than a cognitive level... or that
script that’s left. It’s going to isolate them fur-
crescendoing rapidly when... when all the men
ther, unless they make an active effort to main-
left. We shouldn’t assume that their absence has
Theresa sips her tea with an intelligent smile
tain connections. Some of these women would
changed the minds of women in the conserva-
on her face. “Then, we are in agreement. Do
never have considered themselves mother mate-
tive right, many of whom have made concerted
you think the others on the Committee will
She continues, “I’ve only met the two I’ve listed
rial, until... well.”
efforts to control all aspects of social life,
have different preferences? I have yet to meet
here and... well, to be honest, one is my mother-
including birth control, for centuries.”
them thus far...”
in-law. We’ve never had a very close relation-
cognition can have emotional and, dare I say, spiritual dimensions.”
ship. Are you familiar with anyone on the list?”
Maria leans back and searches Theresa’s face. “I think we’re both concerned about how the
She settles back in her chair, setting her pen
“I know of them, professionally, but haven’t
prisoners are going to handle having the keys
down on the pad. Sipping her tea, she remarks,
met them, face to face, no. I’m hoping there’s
“I’ve met Kristin at several social gatherings
to the prison, as it were. Women have - for so
“History, as you know, is written by the victors.
an accord; dissension on the Committee would
over the years; we’re on other ends of the
long - been affected and controlled by the deci-
Who controls the ideology of the next gen-
be profoundly unproductive,” Maria insists.
political spectrum - or, rather, we were before
sions men made that this new world is... awk-
eration controls our culture, our history, our
ward. None of us are prepared for this. And I
legacy.” Maria replies, “Like I said, if they’re
“Speaking of first-hand knowledge, how many
anybody can turn her region into a functioning
don’t think we can, in fairness, make decisions
still trying to create a paradigm of separa-
of the candidates have you met? How many
economy, I suspect Kristin’s involved some-
based on prior cultural assumptions, without
tion, of hate, of ‘otherness,’ then of course we
one-on-one sessions do we need to arrange for
how,” Maria replies.
exploring for ourselves where they stand now.”
should select other candidates.”
introductions and intakes?”
62
the event. She’s... a force to reckon with. If
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
“That model broke down because white men
DOES work, we notice. And when it doesn’t
were using their privilege to exploit others.
work, we notice. Everything means more now,
We’re not in that world anymore.”
because we’re in a state of flux and change, and we...”
“True, true,” Theresa replies, contemplating Maria’s words with introspection. “I wonder
She trails off a little, catching herself on the
how our economic situation will best function
edge of god-talk.
now that... well, for back of a better word,
Norah walking along the path to the cabins. (John Stravopoulos)
Maria taps her pen against her lower lip.
Theresa sips her tea. “I see... how do you sug-
testosterone is no longer as much of a part of
“We’re each individually responsible to the
the equation. For better or worse, the hormone
future, to keeping what works and discarding
is associated with aggressiveness. That being
what doesn’t. Expertise? Hell - I tend a gar-
said, of course, women still have testoster-
den; I’ve never dug a hole in the ground for a
one within them. Our instincts promote both
petunia. These days aren’t about expertise.”
competition and cooperation regardless of our
gest one best... communicate with her? I’d like to know any triggers she might have before I
“It’s like a story I read once with my young-
chromosomes. Will we continue to thrive in a
She adds, “And no. I’m from Connecticut; I’ve
meet her.”
est daughter, when she took up weaving. In
competitive economic system such as capital-
lived among the Yankees for so long that if you
Ireland, during the 1850s, a woman - Cassan-
ism, or will we find new ways to exchange
offend me, I’ll just quietly note it for later.” Her
Maria considers carefully before she responds.
dra Hannock? Hand? Hill? Something with an
goods and services?”
smile is almost apologetic.
She says, “Understanding the psychology of
H - taught an entire region of women to craft
helping people - sometimes against their baser
beautiful crocheted lace motifs and trade it for
Theresa smiles at Maria, waving a dismissive
Theresa smirks at this last comment. “Fair
nature - to build systems that work is impor-
food their families sorely needed. Historical
hand, “But, of course, such matters are beyond
enough.”
tant. Her resourcefulness is necessary in guid-
documentation and scholarly research actually
my expertise, as you’ve mentioned. Really, I’m
ing women who, in many instances, have never
supports the theory that by showing the wom-
mostly concerned with how the Committee
“So...” she begins experimentally with a new
had to provide for themselves. Think about
en how to quickly and efficiently create product
will function as a team. I want to make sure not
train of thought. “You mentioned getting
it - not everybody is inclined or capable to go
for which there was demand, Cassandra nearly
to cross anyone’s boundaries or inadvertently
women to think about their new roles and how
back to the days of subsistence farming, and
singlehandedly led the way from poverty and
offend someone. I’d hope, in that regard, you
they want our new society to progress. I agree
without women like Kristin helping make con-
starvation to a trade culture where women had
would let me know if I’ve done so with you.”
completely -- but, getting people to break out
nections between those with the resources and
the power and ability to support their families.
those who need the resources, a lot of women
I think you’ll find her reasonable, driven and
Maria replies, “The more people thinking about
especially in states of trauma. People tend to
would be leading very much more uncomfort-
intense. The ‘old’ economic model won’t work;
how we’re going to make things work, the bet-
defend what little they have left, including old,
able lives.”
Kristin understands that, I believe.”
ter we’re all going to be - because when it
outdated modes of thinking.”
64
of old ideologies can be quite problematic,
65
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Maria
“As a politician and someone with higher politi-
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Pre-game Journaling:
I imagined that it was a fragile feminine constitution failing to cope with some gruesome reality - a
cal aspirations, what sort of initiatives do you suggest to promote consciousness expansion, in
Archetype: Radical State Feminist, the Believer.
“When the world ends, you’re coming with
war, a bombing, a dead offspring. I wasn’t able
general and specifically for this program?”
Age: 54
me...”
to absorb the magnitude of having every system
Occupation before the disaster: Congress-
« on: September 13, 2012, 11:23:05 AM »
and process in my world unmined by something completely unforeseen. Every dossier on my desk,
“I’ve always felt, for example, that parents
woman from Connecticut. Served on The
should be required by the government to take
House Subcommittee on Health, Employment,
Pop Culture leads you to believe that when the world
every briefing, every war room session - wiped into
basic parenting classes before birth. I know
Labor, and Pensions and on The House Sub-
ends, you find yourself stirred to some great pas-
oblivion by something nobody anticipated. Cold war
others might consider this concept untenable
committee on Health.
sion. That you’re overtaken by urgency, by fear, by
bomb drills did nothing to protect my heart - hiding
and radical… but, we are in a position now to
Current occupation: Congresswoman from
focus, by intensity.
under a desk was inadequate protection for the thing
implement such a project.”
Connecticut. Currently serves on The House
that eventually changed us all.
Committee on Reproduction (created since the
Movies about the apocalypse, about small scale dis-
“So few are born now... and we can keep track
crisis; no subcommittees; its sole focus is to
aster like the Titanic - god, has the world changed
I didn’t rush to my daughters; if I were one of the
of where and how. We can work to forestall
work on the issue of reproduction).
so much that the titanic has changed from a cultur-
women being considered today, through this pro-
ally defining calamity to a “small scale disaster?”
gram, I would be unsuitable. A cold mother. perfunc-
abuse and neglect early... we can work to teach proper communication skills, such as non-vio-
“A visionary leader is someone who can inspire you
- show a dashing hero and a plucky heroine soldier-
tory and satisfactory in seeing to the base tasks, but I
lent communication…”
- and someone to fear should her visions lead you
ing through together. Or a band of brave warriors
know that I am not the woman my girls look up to.
astray.”
facing adversity with solid determination. I am not the one who inspires them or offers the When our world ended, I found myself without air.
light to guide them through this crisis. Once trans-
on an empty plain where there was nothing familiar.
portation settled out, I went home to comfort them,
It was like that movie scene where the space team
but my first reaction was to stop, my insides full of
submerges the rat into pink goo and it breathes, like
stillness and my soul full of pink goo, learning how
a babe bathed in amniotic fluid. I felt like my bones
to breathe again.
were made of grief and my skin was made of shock. and in between? stillness. I suppose I was
It is my job to make sure that the mothers of our
waiting to wake up.
future are those lights, those heroes, those guides. I might have allowed myself to crush my nurturing
The Committee’s private cabin. (John Stravopoulos)
66
Waiting to discover that I was in the middle of
side in ambition and drive; I convinced myself that
a neurotic break and as my medication caught up,
being a feminist was the most important thing I
things would go to right again.
could give my children.
p.66: Maria on her way to the Vigil, armed with folders containing information on all the Triads and the ceremonial candles. (Liz Rywelski)
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Now, of course, I realize that god will have her
She wore her husband’s suit jacket, tailored to fit her
“It was the sort of sticky, choking grief that isn’t
way, and my puny efforts to level the playing field
frame, and clutched a handkerchief with his initials.
diluted or slacked with release.”
were misplaced. I find myself looking for moth-
At first, she was composed. calm. Then, her grief
ers that will protect their boy children from being
swelled up and out and slowed across the floor like a
I reached for the phone today, to call my father. I
treated as objects. assets. natural resources.
faucet running the tub full. It was the sort of sticky,
wanted to ask his take on how to approach an issue
choking grief that isn’t diluted or slacked with
on my desk. The phone was in my hand, and I’d
release.
dialed the number before I remembered.
a completely different chromosome pattern; let us
The sort of burden that isn’t lightened by shar-
For the first time ever, I cried in my office.
evolve, radically, to let our boy children be children,
ing - she said “The Rapture has come, and we have
our men be people, not impregnators. I want women
been left. The men are in Heaven, and we are here.
who will raise their daughters as people, not as
in Hell on earth. “ And I couldn’t answer; couldn’t
survivors; we have been blessed by a chance to get it
tell her that I see the exact opposite truth - for their
Sometimes, I sit at my desk and watch the sliver of
right and we must not make the same mistakes in
hubris, for their transgressions, the men have been
sky you can see from my window. My mind wan-
reverse; we cannot become the occupiers, the tortur-
lifted out of the way and removed, so we can build
ders, imagining what it was like in other places - no
the world God wishes to see.
matter how shocked we were, there were systems,
I want science to find a way for our species to continue without two-gender reproduction - birds have
The cameraman warms his hand with the stove. (John Stravopoulos)
ers, now that we hold the keys to our prison.
---
resources, women in power already. In other areas of the world, the women had no resources.
“I felt like my bones were made of grief and my
I suspect that behind the stillness is a wave of reali-
As She sent the floods and asked Noah to sail Her
skin was made of shock. and in between? stillness.”
zation - a sense of the finality and permanence of
creatures to safety in pairs. As unknowable is Her
our situation; when there are decisions to be made
heart now as it was when She came down, in the
We did our best to activate quickly, to get as much
Guiding me into the next weeks, I find that still-
and choices to be weighed, I can focus. Finals week
times of Genesis, to confuse the tongues of man and
relief as possible to places that needed it, but I know
ness stretching before me, behind me. Filling the
never bothered me. Waiting for grades to come in...
cast them to the ends of the world. But I know -
it wasn’t enough. We lost sisters to pestilence and
space between my ribs, settling over me like a float
that’s when the pressure got to me.
with all of my self - that this is not what happens
ignorance before we could airlift them out. I can’t
after “the end times.”
imagine the horror of women in Arabic countries,
of gauzy fabric. These are the steps forward, what
where they were kept ignorant and helpless.
comes After. I look at the women around me - grief
History will judge us all kindly, for nobody knows
has worn us all smooth; the best of us are more
how to forge a world of this sort; not since Adam
This is what happens when She sets things to right
patient, more tolerant, more compassionate because
and Eve have we gotten a chance to start fresh. I
and gives us a chance to reshape the world with
I can’t imagine being in China, where the demo-
we know that we’ve all lost our foothold.
stopped at the congressional chapel last week, on my
peace, conservation and stewardship - of the planet,
graphic was so heavily male-skewed as to drive men
way out of DC and a woman was there.
of each other, of Her gifts and bounties.
seeking mates to other countries.
68
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One of my recurring nightmares involves women
I’m using this thread to document parts of my
She is deeply religious, but she’s from Connect-
sailors trapped at sea for a period of time following
process going into game, and I welcome inter-
icut - Yankees don’t tend to vomit their religion
the event. our rescue resources were stretched so thin,
action if somebody feels so moved.
on other people unless they’re also burning them at the stake for differing. ;-)
because men had made it so impossible, so untenable to break into the fields that were now absolutely
My larp community spends a lot of time cast-
vital.
ing aspersions on the idea of “metagaming” -
Being a wacko who believes that God purged
generally, the folks I larp with advocate some-
men from the earth so that women could
Our cries, our sobs - they’re like the birth wail of
thing akin to method acting while larping, and
regroup and heal the planet and themselves
the mother bringing a new order into being. We’re
it’s presented as some sort of full-immersion,
before starting over? She KNOWS that’s not
learning to walk again, like toddlers. the industrial
full-(emotional)contact sport that requires you
something you just put out there, if you also
revolution, the influx of women into the work force
to suspect YOUR conscious mind while playing
believe you’re suited for being President.
- we were isolated from the work that sustains us.
the character.
I’m realizing that playing a political, reserved, So I’ve started tugging at WHY she feels
controlled Yankee in a game full of pathos and
I advocate to my players something more in
suited for President. What makes her the ideal
vulnerability is a difficult role FOR ME to be
balance between immersion and judicious edit-
candidate? Why not somebody else?
in, because I don’t want to play an outsider,
Victory gardens, raising livestock. Our parents - or grandparents - did those things. We didn’t. S
Norah from the Conservatives. (Julia Lunetta)
somebody who is above or beyond or outside of
ewing our own clothes? spinning yarn? Facto-
ing of a jointly shared story - you are telling a
ries stopped. Oil refineries stopped. Power plants
tale, in the first person, with other participants.
She isn’t worked up about the exact specifics of
slowed. We slowed. We’re taking tiny steps, and
It’s a matter of good citizenship to share the
finding the PERFECT situation for each child,
sometimes, the grief knocks us over like a rolling
talking stick, even if you’re playing a bulldozer
because realistically, good kids come out of ter-
Realistically, though, she’s not the sort of
earthquake. In the meantime, though, we learn
character. You edit the character and create a
rible circumstances while great circumstances
character who is going to respond by mother-
again, how to tend ourselves. and we teach our sis-
reason for her to stalk off.
guarantee nothing about the outcome for a
ing these women - she’s here on business. This
specific child.
is government, not therapy, no matter how
ters, who’ve never known, how to work at our side.
the human impact of these decisions.
heartless that sounds. She’s NOT one of these
I’ve realized that my first “introduction” to Maria was a false impression - a casual glance
I could make her a zealot about “getting it
women; she is a facilitator to objective, hard de-
and a quick assessment that isn’t the story she’s
right,” but really? she knows that you don’t
cisions regarding their suitability to participate
intended to tell. I’ve been struggling for the
know how people are going to parent until
in the program.
last couple of days with the combination of as-
they’ve got a child and you can’t handle what
sorted influences I see on her sheet.
happens at 3am when the stomach flu hits, any-
I’m working hard to take the facts and edit
way. That’s not her job.
them into something I’ll have a good time playing.
She’s a life-long political creature.
The Last Man was covered in fake blood. (John Stravopoulos)
71
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Post-game Debriefing:
I’m not sure how to engage with such an easy-
As her editor, I’m changing her first reactions
going, “soft” character. She’s not yielding or
to the disaster. Instead of being still, she went
The descriptions of prior runs speak of a
giving, because she’s honestly above/beyond
into action. Global, not local. She called her
In many ways, it’s being easier to process my
communal experience of emotional intensity
the emotions happening in the rest of the sce-
girls, she offered to bring them to her. She
own internal reactions to the game than it is to
and vulnerability, in exploring the themes of
nario - she’s too old to have been a candidate in
loved them from her office while working to
focus on the bigger picture, but here’s what I’ve
humanity involved in this process, and I’m hav-
any case, and that’s not her role in this.
compile lists of surviving women politicians in
got currently.
Excerpted from an email:
other countries and to start coordinating the
ing a very hard time seeing where to connect Maria to that - she’s not going to be [emotive
God has a plan for her, but I’m not finding her
effort to stabilize our country and provide re-
MAtB was very much encouraging that I’m on
towards] to these women, as this is a “work
passion for that plan.
sources to stabilize other areas. To assess how
the right path as I refine and adjust my story-
thinly we could stretch ourselves to help the
telling style - give the players everything they
world while folding in to protect ourselves.
need and let them explore the story. Let them
function” - she’s here because of her role on the ---
Congressional Committee.
tell you their tale. Evoke things and give them Her humility keeps her from believing that she
Her archetype says “Radical Feminist” - but
the space to weave the ends together. Expect
alone should have the process in-hand – the
we’re in a world now where God has turned
them to collaboratively and cooperatively fill
character sheet says specifically that she wants
everything over to the women. The fight was
in or gloss over the bits that don’t work, and
control, but if somebody else seizes it, that’s ok
won through the most gruesome, unsatisfying,
encourage their choices.
too. So, she’s not driven by control, she’s hum-
unsettling solution possible. She has an agenda
ble, she’s faithful but not strident about it. She
of protecting newly born boy children from
I find that there’s a lot of institutional and
wants this to work, but honestly believes that
being treated as women have been in the past
community shaming of and repression of
whatever choices they make, the most impor-
- we have to be better than our oppressors; we
strong emotional reactions to larp; It’s like
tant is to ensure that boy children - if they
cannot become oppressors ourselves.
looking at dads who say “walk it off ! be tough! men don’t cry!” and comparing them to the
occur - will be treated with respect and not as But those views don’t come into play while
men in my life who pull their sobbing sons into
interacting with the other characters - this is a
their laps and talk about channeling big feeling
Everything else - well, humans have survived
very much below the surface character, in that
into useful outlets. There are reasons for “walk
for thousands of years on bad breeding deci-
she’s also the objective observer, looking to
it off !” but it’s possible to grow beyond that to
sions; one bad birthmother choice isn’t going to
continue a vibrant, diverse humankind, and to
something more well-rounded. I also, however,
end the world, as long as the program succeeds
ensure that people are healthy, fed, clothed and
have seen people who got so into their own
on the whole.
safe while doing so.
emotional experience that they trod all over
objects or resources.
everybody else’s.
A worried-looking Maria as the Committee delivers the final decisions to the Triads. (Liz Rywelski)
72
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I think the Nordic model encourages good
The mechanics of richer storytelling, too, is
At a size 18, I’m uncomfortable in my body;
citizenship, and that’s what I find appealing. I
important. Larp is, for me, more than method
at 21, I dieted aggressively for a year and got
was actively encouraged to say “what’s YOUR
acting an immersive role all weekend - it’s
down to a size 12, maybe lower, but over the
experience? What happened for YOU?” and to
about telling stories, about co-editing stories.
years, I’ve crept back up to where I started. I’ve
celebrate other people in their beautiful mo-
The inner monologue dynamic makes me happy
only just started to process how much of that
ments, and to empathize with their Play to Lose
all the way to my toes - I can say “fuck you! and
is because of emotional over-eating, and how
moments.
your stinky shoes too!” in-character, without
much of _that_ ties to fear of famine and pov-
breaking scene.
erty during times when I am lacking control over my emotional world. When I was a size 18
Even if you don’t want the deeper emotional
at high school graduation, I was growing into
experience - even if you just want to show up
And you can say back, “yeah? I like my shoes.
and play your smart mouthed extrovert or your
your socks have moose on them. who made you
caricature in a campaign game, having a frame-
stinky shoe god, hillbilly girl?” and it makes the
work for witnessing and validating and sup-
story better. Filmmakers use inner voice ALL
I think there’s rich, beautiful, intense larp being
curves and distributed it evenly, if a little
porting each other in expressing, exploring and
THE TIME for better stories.
written in the US. I want to see us take it one
thickly applied for most contemporary impres-
step farther and add the expansive culture of
sions of beauty or attractiveness.
even having those reactions is part of Nordic Writers use inner dialogue! larpers using it?
larp that I’m attracted to.
having curves, having the body of a woman,
Elina from the Artists listening to the Committee’s decision. (Liz Rywelski)
and so my body redistributed my weight into
good citizenship to it. This time, though, the weight is in my midsec-
Oh, be still my crushing hard. I would love to Intercon and their post-game debriefing mo-
buy a drink to the person who first said “hey,
ments, where everybody gets the talking stick
let’s see if THIS works!?”
and tells their secrets, or shares one in-game moment that affected them - the structured
I feel like a lot of American players expect to
warstory time - is a step in that direction.
be center stage of their own story, all the time.
tion, in front between my bra band and my
---
pubic bone which makes clothing really fraught One of the biggest issues I had beforehand was
for me. I’ve always been small busted, making
figuring out costuming.
“professional wear” uncomfortable and unflattering for the most part - at least the types of
I had a tumble of things happening all at once
professional wear I would prefer. clothing shop-
Post-game dinner runs where people puppypile
I deliberately play characters who don’t take
and they were class issues, weight and body
ping makes me feel lumpy and ill-proportioned.
together and tell the tales of their weekends -
center stage, who play to lose, who don’t need
image issues, outsider fear - of being one, not
My weight is a complex issue, as it is for most
that’s a step in the right direction. Forum play
the limelight, and I feel like the world is richer
of meeting one. I was seriously frantic and
Americans - I am easy in my skin 90% of the
that lets you hash, in character, the implications
for those sorts of characters - I think a cul-
unsettled, and I put a couple of friends through
time; I found love young and never felt rejected
of a weekend event? again, a step in the right
ture that encourages that is really valuable and
hours of comforting, soothing, advising,
or held back by my body type. and still, I find
direction. Tying it together is important to me.
important.
before I found solutions.
that I am ashamed of my size.
74
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
I’m ashamed during the shopping process
I once tried to mimic a friend’s awesome style
When it comes down to it, I found a good bal-
where nothing fits and everything hangs weird
of a simple turtleneck, a string of pearls, a
ance - I wore pants I was comfortable in with
and I end up feeling like even more of an
dark pencil skirt and a loose updo for a funeral.
a blazer that didn’t make me feel like I was swimming in fat-girl clothes, while also not
outsider than usual. I am ashamed when held in the view of another woman, one I want to
On her, it looks refined, polished, and under-
making me feel like I’d crammed myself into a
admire me for who I am and what I’ve done.
stated. The male friend I was traveling with
younger/thinner/hipper woman’s clothes.
The Last Man’s player killing time taking pictures while he waited to start play. (Liz Rywelski)
with described the look as “why do you look I’m ashamed when standing next to women I
like a hassidic woman on your way to the gro-
And the outfit I wore on Sunday was a dress I
(was it because there were no men? Was it a
find attractive, regardless of their size or body
cery store?” ...I was terrified of repeating that
already owned, tights that I wore because the
change in me? a change in the dynamic women
type. And that was very close to the surface,
mistake. The idea of being the single frumpy,
purple was comforting and safe and matched
have together? was it THIS collection of wom-
preparing for Maria. Maybe because in a world
uncomfortable, ill-at-ease, overdressed woman
my shoes, and the same “nice. not too nice, but
en? Was it being on a campground and know-
without men, the one person who consistently
in an all woman game? Terrifying.
nice enough” blazer.
ing that we were all going to be getting dirty and sore and tired and emotionally messy?)
puts my shame aside and makes me feel worthy, What if my pantyhose/tights sagged at my
Once I arrived, of course, my concerns evapo-
ankles and gave me baggy ankles? What if my
rated. The idea of Emily or any of the Sarahs
(I don’t know! I do know that it was really
My life doesn’t require that I dress profession-
skirt was the wrong length and I ended up with
or Trine or, well, any of you - looking down on
lovely not to feel like the ugly duck in a space
ally very often – a simple, brightly colored top
little sausage legs sticking out? or what if it
me because of what I was wearing disappeared
full of women. women make me really insecure!
under a cardigan over jeans or simple “work
was too long and I ended up looking like some
from my mind, and I started thinking about
or I’m really insecure around women. I’m not
pants” does it for me most of the time. And I
sort of grandmother, instead of a Congress-
what I had with me that would make it easiest
sure which)!
tend to dress like a tomboy hippy, according to
woman? I mean... Connecticut Congresswomen
to slide into Maria’s head, instead of my swirl-
objective observers. I didn’t grow up in a world
come from money, right? I don’t know how
ing insecurities.
where there were role models for how to dress
to look like I came from money. Around and
“like a girl” - we had neither money nor time
around and around. for weeks. I made friends
This was the first time in my LIFE that a great
it’s part of the costuming process, part of the
for that to be a consideration.
shop with me online. I agonized. I priced. I
big group of brilliant women didn’t make me
armoring process.
budgeted. I tried things on. I tried more things
feel MORE awful. I think it’s because so many
on. I realized that I should take sewing classes
of us have presence and empathy; we were a
I hate doing makeup at campground games, and
and make my own damned clothes.
gaggle of empowered works in progress, and
usually I skip it (that one exception - the game
we weren’t there to judge or be judged.
I play semi-regularly on a campground; it hap-
regardless of the extra weight, would be gone.
***
With one exception, every larp experience I’ve had also involved being carefully made up;
pens in a dystopian future where makeup isn’t a thing for most women).
Also, you were all just so lovely.
77 The organizers handing out candles for the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski)
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting asetting larpmade project about and values The modern documentation muchgender, easier than atmotherhood fantasy larps (Liz Rywelski)
This time, I had the option to be carefully made
MAtB brought a lot of my issues about body
I also found out that the Bedford women had
for her life. everyday. for years. He was/is a
up, with artful eyebrows, painted lips, a porce-
image, makeup, fashion, beauty, attraction, iden-
been placed in the program for diplomatic
Deacon in his church and a “well-respected”
lain foundation. Especially because the run was
tity, “passing” as normal right to the surface,
reasons, and we had no choice but to give them
member of his community. I’ve never forgiven
being documented, I felt naked and insecure
where I couldn’t find a good place to hide from
a pregnancy, to avert them possibly deciding to
that).
imagining that all of my perceived flaws were
them, and I couldn’t find a good mechanism to
secede from the nation.
on display - bad enough the world can see that
hide them under.
Second - The Artists. I forgot, or partitioned
I’m fat and there’s no hiding it, it’s doubly ter-
off the knowledge that they were participating
Oooh, was Maria mad.
ribly if they can see that my skin gets red when
My normal “safe spaces” weren’t available, and
I’m emotional.
that left me on center stage of my own percep-
to film the child as a nihilist ... exercise? We discussed that they were making a docu-
---
tion, with no scenery to duck behind. Maria
mentary, but the extreme brutality of their (or,
Sweep that under the rug! hide my flaws! I
was almost harder to play from the perspec-
I have post-event discomfort on two of the
at least Lisa’s) perspective on it wasn’t clear to
might not be able to conceal that my hair is
tive of having grown up “moneyed” than as a
decisions the Committee made. One is actual
me in-game. As Eleanor said during the de-
thinning and my scalp is too visible for my
conflicted, grief-stricken woman, because I can
conflict with my OOG perspective and one is
roling, she lied very effectively. LOL. Every
taste at the front of my head, but damnit, I can
imagine myself in one, but not the other.
“damnit. Forgot that detail. damnit. we screwed up.”
time I think about it, my stomach turns until I
make my eyes big and doe-like with eyeshadow!
remember that nobody was impregnated at the ---
I made a spot decision when we went to get
First - Maria became determined not to dis-
end of the game, and Maria could still pull the
criminate against the Conservative triad, if
Artists from the program. (Lisa revealed a lot
into costume that I was going to swipe on some
I honestly didn’t think to go do blackbox scenes
they had the ability to support a child. Crazy
about herself once the Last Man showed up,
foundation, add some mascara and a little lip
- I should have, but I didn’t think of really cool
parents raise great kids all the time was her
and changed Maria’s perspective of her.)
gloss and move the hell on. At a few points,
black box ideas until I was home from game.
position. Diversity takes many forms, and hon-
Maria wished she were more made up - that her
ors even thorny toads. Personally, it would be a
I think it was actually an element of the Amer-
armor was thicker, that she had her “old” beau-
For example, I would have loved to been part
cold day in Hades before [I’d] place a child in a
ican anti-metagame mindset - I read the OOC
ty routine to shelter her from the sympathy and
of scenes playing out other women’s pasts, and
hyper-conservative environment deliberately.
information beforehand, but didn’t retain even
empathy she was feeling for the other women,
it just didn’t occur to me! I’m really excited
but she found it freeing not to have that armor
to see the black box show up as a mechanic
Especially a community under so much stress,
I’ve trained myself NOT to hold onto that sort
on. It somehow made her feel more human,
in more games, so I can explore it more thor-
experiencing so much flux. I’ve been exposed
of detail when I enter game-space. If I
more part of the world they all lived in - during
oughly.
to too much hatred under the guise of religion,
were in the same situation again, I’d actually
and would not have been able to sleep at night,
write down in-game knowledge cards regarding each Triad.
her young career, makeup was to keep the abuse,
as much as Maria would have known, because
the hazing, the coarse language from touching
Actually, Maria demanded that the National
imagining what-if. (my first girlfriend was beat-
her, the person, and she left that behind when
Guard be sent to the Green Point refugee camp
en so severely by her adopted father when he
God removed the men that required its use.
in lower Manhattan. I forgot those scenes. LOL.
found out we were dating that I literally feared
78
Thinking of you all fondly!
79
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Theresa
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
I am, of course, no exception. There are no ex-
While many women have managed to break
Those that have passed live on... as heroes, as
ceptions to this rule. But, what happens when
free from traditional gender roles, the impulse
villains, as babes... these simplistic archetypes,
Archetype: Revealer, Philosopher
the roles usually occupied by half of the popu-
to please others is so ingrained. I hardly think
still alive in the consciousness of the survivors.
Age: 45
lation are suddenly left without people to fill
anyone is immune, even powerful, independ-
Occupation before the disaster: Psychologist
them? We all must work double time. Home-
ent types like Julia and Maria. The parameters
I suspect that this impulse is natural... instinc-
Current occupation: Psychologist
makers must learn to work a job. Secretaries
simply change -- instead of seeking romantic
tive. In ancestral societies, we enjoyed a much
must learn to become executives, and so on.
attention or admiration as a maternal figure,
shorter life span. For culture and society to
professional women achieve worth through
endure, we had to develop long memories and
Since many of us have no training in these re-
managing to battle the patriarchal system, by
the means to transmit knowledge and wisdom
spective fields, the transition has been difficult,
making their way to the top despite the multi-
from generation to generation.
awkward. And that only covers the social func-
tude of roadblocks the system tries to throw
tions thrown into chaos by this tragedy...
in our way by chanting, “We Can Do It!” And
These imagined men... they are projections,
Integrating the Animus
…the emotional landscape is... indescribably
maybe even better than you.
dissociated entities, remnants of a person who
« on: September 19, 2012, 04:32:24 PM »
heartbreaking. Most women have operated
“... and darkness is the right hand of light.”
Pre-game Forum Journaling:
once was... someone inscrutable, for not matter
under the assumption that their worth and
Men, for their part, find... found, I should say...
how hard we try, we can never fully know the
A black, unmarked journal rests upon Theresa’s
identity is wrapped into how the world per-
found this spunk both threatening and excit-
consciousness of another. These projections
desk. The contents are as follows:
ceived them -- as objects of desire, as mothers,
ing. As long as we managed to use that tension
are paper dolls, flimsy images of their former
as wives, as daughters.
to our advantage without ruffling too many
selves, misconstrued, misremembered, simpli-
I am writing this journal because I know I
feathers -- both male and female alike -- life was
fied. But, these shadows still have power and
must in engage in some form of therapy. Usu-
pleasant in post-feminism, as some called it...
purpose.
(A funny term, really. We now live in the true
Animus.
ally, therapists analyze one another, but these days, none of us have the time.
post-feminist age, I suppose). We must look to these projections... integrate
The rise in mental disturbances since the Event is understandably alarming. I am fortunate to
…but, now, the men no longer have to provide
them... work with them... in order to integrate
have attended a school that emphasized trauma
any sort of reaction... no acclaim, no acknowl-
these shadows of our men back into ourselves.
therapies... many of my colleagues are a bit out
edgment, no desire, no scrutiny... nothing.
I try to show this path to these suffering women... so many of them, woefully unprepared.
of their depth nowadays. My patients seem to thrive on the memories, Society places pressures on us that force us to
creating their loved ones as embodied figures in
But, how could any of us prepare for an Event
portray expected roles.
their imaginations.
such as this? How could any of us know?
Theresa, the Psychologist (Liz Rywelski)
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Even those of us trained in trauma, prepared
The Day’s Residues
We surround ourselves with those who we find
to guide people through the hardships of loss...
« on: October 08, 2012, 04:21:05 PM »
attractive, be it mentally, physically, spiritu-
you can never prepare for something you have
ally. If we’re lucky, we find companions who
never experienced firsthand, never even con-
Theresa removes her makeup before bed and
exhibit all of those qualities. However much we
ceptualized. And none of us were prepared for
applies her cold cream, her nightly ritual. Her
repress our desires in order to function every
a trauma so widespread... so complete...
mother had always told her that she must
day, they lay there in wait, underneath the
endeavor to preserve her beauty for as long as
surface, fodder for late night, furtive fantasies…
…then, there’s the issue of learning to guide
possible – that no matter how brilliant The-
or, worse, if one represses these urges for too
others through the grief when beset by it
resa is and no matter her talents, men ulti-
long, they fuel attempts to sabotage the lives
yourself.
mately want one thing. Those of us who do not
of others in retaliation. One must stay vigilant
preserve our beauty get left behind, ignored.
of one’s desires, control them, but sometimes
I have not allowed myself the luxury of such
Heaven forbid a woman should age without a
indulge them for brief moments…
feelings. The psychologist’s role is more impor-
mate, without family, without health insurance,
tant than ever. In the past, most people could
her mother would warn. Such women waste
Occasionally, of course, people act upon these
function with only minor blips... minor trans-
away… in pain… alone… full of regret.
desires in inappropriate ways, their libido
gressions against the social contract... but, all
surged by the taboo of the breach between the Though Theresa always questioned the “help-
professional and the personal. Such was her
ful advice” her mother would give her – which
relationship with Grant. He was her professor
Underlying neuroses and psychoses have run
often felt like a stab in the back for some per-
before he was her colleague. She would attend
rampant... entire personalities are dissolving
ceived slight or repressed jealousy – internally,
his office hours regularly, terrified of failure,
and reforming, an instinctive response to trau-
she accepted that her mother’s assessment was
lost in graduate school, listless and confused,
matic change.
correct. One of the few women to succeed in
just like so many other students.
of that has changed.
early academia, Gloria had fought for every I must remain consistent. Even now, I suppose,
ounce of respect she had earned. Much of that
Rudderless. He inspired her to continue her re-
I should reveal some of my personal feelings...
fight, of course, included gaining the esteem of
search, despite opposition from her department.
feelings for the loss of him... but, I cannot af-
men, walking that fine line between seductress
Depth psychology was and still is frowned
ford to let my own psyche slip.
and sage.
upon in the restrictive world of most psychology departments in America. Grant believed in
Someone has to remain calm... someone has to
For in spite of all of the gains of the feminist
her… or perhaps he simply wanted to get laid.
help decide what happens next.
movement, our basic instincts remain the same.
Probably both. A bench at the campsite. (John Stravopoulos)
82
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
He seemed invigorated by her intellect, her
…that those heart-rending, gut-clenching
She remembers the first time they made love…
How strange, Theresa reflects. How easily we
probing mind, her questions surrounding the
accounts of their infidelities would cease to
in his office. She closed the door and looked
spilled it back then… and how precious it has
nature of the unconscious, of religion, of sexu-
transpire… his indiscretions first, and then
at him with intent in her eyes. No words were
become today. The absurd reality of her cur-
ality, of myth. And, in the end, he helped her
hers, in retaliation for the betrayal… hers were
spoken. She mounted him on his couch, the
rent role as the custodian of such excretions
finish her dissertation, advocating for her in the
more numerous, intended to slice him in two,
same couch where he seated students, col-
provokes a wry laugh. She contemplates how
department. They almost lost that battle…
intended to declare her supremacy in their ter-
leagues, even patients sometimes… the act of
such a role would be viewed in ancient times.
rible, pointless battle of wills…
transgression was so complete, so arousing…
Would she serve as a priestess of Aphrodite
they had to stifle their cries, she remembers,
through rites of phallic worship?
Theresa removes her professional, drab-colored clothing and slips into her floral, satin robe. He
So strange that she would miss such things…
burying their red faces in each other’s skin…
loved this robe… he would often request it at
of all things. She briefly recalls their weekly
so raw, that first time…
night. Sometimes, she would sleep in pajamas
walks in the park, hand in hand… discussing
to punish him, she remembers. A part of her
departmental politics… the latest scholarship
feels a twinge of guilt for that act of defiance
in their areas of study… his methodological
– why that act, of all her slights against him?
designs… her frustrations with her clients…
…and messy, she recalls with a smirk of cha-
She supposes because every opportunity to con-
the benefits and dangers of religious belief to
grin.
nect with him should have been savored.
society as a whole…
Or perhaps she would represent Demeter as an initiate into the Mysteries of fertility, a woman past her prime helping the Goddess’ young
…raw…
devotees usher in new life. Her thoughts return to that spot on the couch – so innocuous, at the time, in its significance. They had laughed as they frantically clothed
The release had its visceral manifestation – a
She always had known that relationships
themselves again, afraid of unsuspecting
trait so emphasized in pornography. Look what
change, that love sometimes fades, that all
knocks upon the door, searching for some sort
you’ve inspired me to do… She had always
things must come to an end… but, she never
of way to clean it up -- the fruit of their labors,
found the impulse some men had to spew it
thought the end would come like this. She
there in a small puddle on the suede couch.
upon their mates odd… degradation, perhaps,
never let it occur to her that he would be taken
as the radical feminists claim? A power trip? A
from her.
They managed to avoid staining the fabric,
baptism of sorts? Or an offering to the divine
thankfully… but, she found herself glancing
feminine?
…that those passionate, incisive debates re-
at the spot for years afterward whenever she
garding the nature of humanity would disap-
would visit him… she felt fondness toward it,
…the majority of the time, ejaculation had felt
pear… the ones that usually ended in the two
nostalgia… a physical manifestation of the
like none of these things to her. It had simply
of them hurriedly disrobing and relieving the
intense desire and often frustrating conflict she
felt messy, dirty… an annoyance. Professional
tension in the way men and women have done
felt for this man.
women such as Theresa have no time for babies.
since the dawn of time… The view from inside the main building. (Liz Rywelski)
84
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
In some ways, she rationalizes, her existence is easier now. No more fights. No more fears of inadequacy.
One had to balance one’s personal ambitions
She brings herself to climax, his shirt pressed
In the meantime, he lives on, safe and protect-
closely against her nose, the thoughts of his
ed, projected into her animus, forever hers.
eyes tearing into her soul that very first time
With a long sigh, she rises from the bed and
talents, investing in offspring was considered a
on his couch in his office… hot… hot because
begins to shower, reflecting again upon these
waste when she could help so many in private
they were breaking the rules…
nightly rituals. She has to prepare for a long
with the amount of good one could do for society of the whole. For a woman with Theresa’s
- Theresa
practice.
day tomorrow. She has to look her best, even She sighs as the memory fades, as the endor-
now. The terms of engagement were differ-
And although part of her now regrets dispens-
The first time she explored her animus was
phins start to deescalate, as her consciousness
ent, of course. Now, she has to please women,
ing of that seed so carelessly, she inwardly
when she and Grant had separated. Deter-
escapes the office and returns to her empty bed,
not men, though in truth, she always did. She
thanks herself for her choice. Who would help
mined not to attach herself to another man and
the shirt, her real life, the life without him.
dressed herself down for female patients, she
these poor women now, lost without the men in
to rediscover her identity without her husband,
their life? She could survive, of course, without
she sought the inner man within.
In some ways, she rationalizes, her existence
arouse jealousy in her female colleagues, she
is easier now. No more fights. No more fears
made sure her appearance was ordered and sub-
Her animus became her lover. He morphed
of inadequacy. No more concerns about him
tly augmented with makeup to avoid critiques
depending on her fantasies of the time…
replacing her with a younger model, another
of “letting herself go.”
reflecting pieces of the men she knew and, yet,
young, adoring student. No more retaliation
emerging as wholly unique from all of them.
with men at conferences…
them… …could she?... The thought is suppressed before it can sur-
downplayed her libidinous energy as not to
As for attraction, well… she had not taken a
face and take hold. One of the most important
female lover since those fumbling experiments
concepts she learned in her study of Jungian
She lies underneath the covers, caressing her
…conferences. He died at a conference. He was
with her best friend in her college dorm, aside
psychology was the concept of the animus…
body, admiring the silk of the robe. She smells
away for professional development.
from a brief, marijuana-induced fling between
the inward manifestation of the male psyche
his shirt, there beside her on his pillow, the
embedded within all women. Though modern
shirt she has kept for so long, refusing to wash
She never looked at the body, never allowed
psychology understands gender as a far more
it even after his passing.
herself to see it. Better that way… he is better,
fluid and confusing construct than initially
her, Grant, and a fellow, open-minded couple nearly a decade ago.
here, as a scent… as a collection of memories.
She knows she could probably please a wom-
theorized, most women still live within a patri-
Pathological, perhaps… though, many patients
Not a cold, lifeless corpse of a great man who
an… she does not want to end up alone, like
archal framework. Society teaches them to sup-
displayed similar behaviors when experienc-
once was.
the old woman in her mother’s cautionary tales,
press and internalize their masculine impulses.
ing loss. The scent is almost gone… almost
Theresa learned confront the repressed mas-
faded. Perhaps the resultant arousal is a mere
Maybe, some day, life will slow down long
someone to value her above all else. As Theresa
placebo…
enough for her to confront her denial over her
cleans away the day’s residues in the welcome
grief… for her to let him go, in memory and in
warmth of the shower, she banishes such con-
spirit.
cerns for another day.
culine long ago, to communicate with Him, to Theresa cannot allow herself to care.
make love to Him.
86
dying without a lover, without family, without
87
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Part of this tendency stems from the voyeur in
Mostly, I wanted to give the characters some
me -- I like to watch people play. I wanted the
sort of intense experience that might help gal-
ing lightly in the breeze like the souls of the fallen.
So, writing play experiences is difficult for me,
part of the therapist to try out playing an in-
vanize their game. The payoff, for me, was that
Dead, but beautiful, like those lost. Up above, a canopy
for some bizarre reason. I’m an uber-extrovert
troverted character whose intensity was direct-
I got to watch the characters interact. I got to
of lush, living leaves blanketed the sky -- a reminder
who has no trouble expressing myself in narra-
ed toward others, pulling them out, uncovering
hear them share intimate parts of themselves.
of those still living and those yet to live. A reminder
tive form or speaking, but the idea of writing a
layers, revealing. I most enjoy playing NPC/PC
And I got to have time with each of you, not
that life continues -- and of the crucial nature of our
response to such an intimate experience as role-
hybrids -- where I’m totally in-character, but I
alone (which would have been nice), but at the
regrettable venture on this day. Though the thought
playing feels strange to me. I love to read other
serve a sort of function in the game.
least with quality, intense conversation. I get
of eugenics profoundly disturbed me, I knew we were
bored with small talk in games.
past the point of leaving the survival of the species
Post-game Debriefing:
play accounts, but hold mine close to my chest. Though I’ve played many female archetypes
The leaves swayed to the ground, descend-
up to fate. Crisis had a way of reminding us of the
I have that in common with Theresa, I think
and could potentially have played most of the
The Nordics speak of “going for the throat” in
freedoms we take for granted.
-- a woman who openly advocates for others to
characters, I felt I would be best suited playing
larp-- I wanted Theresa to go for your throats
find comfort and intimacy in one another, but
Theresa. My hope was to create some sort of
to test how you would react under pressure.
their traumas. I knew I would have to ask later, so
secretly knew she would not allow such close-
reaction in the characters, be it hatred towards
ness for herself ever again.
me (projection), revelation of secrets, shaking
Overall, the reason that each group received a
wandering to him, how I never saw his body, how he
up the power dynamics inherent to the relation-
child at Theresa’s recommendation was due to
did not, in fact, die before me. How I had first called
ships, feelings of catharsis, etc.
how impressively each of you shared, which, on
Nancy, terrified... Nancy, who was right down the
an out-of-character level, meant we had some
row from me. I would have to speak of sex in front
remarkable scenes.
of my husband’s own, judgmental mother. I said it
The women spoke and I tried to memorize
I tried to attach stories to faces. Still, my mind kept
anyway, because it was all I had left of him. Some were casual; some were cathartic; some
The candle was passed to me. “On the day
were humorous; some were downright aggres-
of the Event, I was with a patient, like some of the
sive. I hope that each of you know how much
others here. I cannot remember his exact words... he
I respect you as players for responding so well
had been fantasizing about a co-worker behind his
and so totally in-character to the scrutiny.
wife’s back, completely fixated. Typical, I thought,
Were the fate of humankind not at stake, the
and felt my disgust toward him, toward my husband,
sessions would have been far more pleasant and
and toward male behavior rise within me. But, as I
less intrusive. To the right is a recap of There-
watched this patient die before me and the situation
sa’s thoughts during the sessions (which you can
became clear, I realized how trivial Grant’s infideli-
find scattered throughout this document -- ed).
ties were... how precious he was. Grant was gone forever... my passion... my light.”
: Veronica shares her story of what happened for her the moment the Event occurred, lighting her candle in remembrance. (Liz Rywelski)
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Julie
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Pre-game forum role-play:
physiological disaster, you’re a candidate. He told
During-game Journaling:
me himself that he’s not on anything stronger than Archetype: Judge, Atheist Scientist
Housing arrangements
During a few brief quiet moments on Saturday
hormonal birth control. I don’t care if he identifies
Age: 42
« on: September 17, 2012, 11:14:31 AM »
night, I typed up some in-character notes as
as a man. I’m happy to call him whatever he wants,
a way of getting her annoyance/rage out in a
it’s completely irrelevant to my job here. He could
How shall we set this up? We can let everyone decide
useful medium (as opposed to screaming at
identify as Empress Quibbler from the Xendorfian
their own housing, but it would certainly be more
patients, for example). I played Julie, the gy-
Nebula, and as long as he can pop out a kid, and
useful for our purposes to split things up some.
necologist on The Committee:
Theresa doesn’t think he’d eat the goddamn thing,
Occupation before the disaster: Gynecologist Current occupation: Gynecologist “Resistance is futile. She will help you, whether you
he’s STILL. A. FUCKING. CANDIDATE.
like it or not.”
cational, and I know I certainly have some ideas
of exams, pre-dinner) Everybody’s got a fucking
this, we have ZERO EVIDENCE that the insemi-
already about separating out the potential birth
ideology. If it’s not religion, it’s politics, or worse,
nation would actually take. This didn’t impact any
mothers for convenience of testing.
the combination of the two. Apparently DC wants
other species, so going through animal trials would
us to give a pass to the Bedford group (The Con-
be a complete waste of time. And we’re not exactly
servatives) in this round, for some bullshit political
flush with time or options. I just wish I had evidence
reason. I got involved in this program because I
that any of this would actually succeed. If we go
I was thinking that bunking disparate Triads
thought I could do some good. If all I’m here to do
through this entire process, and we still can’t get
together - the Wealthy Women and the Survivalists,
is lend legitimacy to Washington’s prefab decisions,
anybody pregnant, we’re going to have our heads on
for example, would give us valuable information
then fuck this. Decisions about biology need to be
pikes. Metaphorical or otherwise.
regarding their coping abilities.
based on biology. It seems like I’m the only person
who understands this. Of course, now that Maria
and handed me a container of tongue depressors, saying
Does each Triad have a clearly designated “poten-
told me about this, I almost want to go out of my
she heard I was low on supplies. Is she trying to bribe me?
tial birth mother”?
way to find some clear-cut biological reason why
The Conservatives would be a terrible choice.
tional exam due to dinner delay) Nancy (the grand-
mother in Three Generations) seemed displeased
--Julie
--Maria
Saturday night, ~6:20 PM (after 1st set
But that would be giving into ideology. An
Oh, Kristin from the Wealthy Women came up
Saturday night, ~7:15 PM (after addi-
ideology that exists to oppose another ideology is
about our announcement that we would be consider-
I suggest we have a meeting regarding these topics. I
still an ideology.
ing all eligible women as insemination candidates.
will set an agenda....
Apparently they’re surprised & unhappy to have the
in my office about being considered for insemination.
last word on this. What did they expect? If they got
Listen, I don’t care what you identify as. If you
the last word, then why would we bother with this
have a functional uterus and you’re not a complete
entire process in the first place? Oops, next exam is here.
--Theresa
And then Thomas has to throw a hissy fit
Julie prepares for a long day of physical exams on the Triads. (Liz Rywelski)
90
Just ridiculous. Of course, on top of all of
I’m sure Theresa would find stress reactions edu-
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Post-game debriefing:
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
>Did anyone else compromise their out of game
Julie apparently managed to talk Tor-as-the-fa-
values in-game? Do you think it affected >you?
ther down the first time through, so I had to do
>I played Amina, one of the Muslim sisters
it again, this time telling Tor “Keep escalating.
>and who had resentment issues towards Dr.
I discussed this sort of thing with (Megan’s
No matter what, do not let me talk you down.”
>Julie written into her character. I felt / said
player) on the ride home yesterday. Julia was
He followed suit admirably, and Julie ended up
some very negative things about her being
adamant about considering all possible birth
nearly physically throwing him across the room
>godless and having no bedside manner in
parents, including Thomas.
before grabbing him by both shoulders and bel-
spite of the fact that out of game I would have
lowing “IN THIS SITUATION, I AM GOD.
had >much more positive feeling towards her.
I am far more sensitive to issues of transgen-
YOU WILL OBEY ME, OR I WILL KICK
der identity, but I’m also aware of the various
YOU THE FUCK OUT.”
A lot of my end game actions of making sure
ways in which medical professionals can be
Izak >got away was from the belief that she
blind to that. As much as I would never dream
It was fantastic, and really helped me get
would lock him up and experiment on >him
of defining a transman by the existence/ab-
deeper into Julie’s psychology, especially given
and treat him like a lab rat.
sence of a uterus, I was pleased that Julie’s
I didn’t get much time to explore her much
blunt pragmatism ended up raising exactly the
outside of her professional sphere. Also, it was
To be fair, Julie did have a sense of human
sort of existential gender-angst that it often
incredibly fun.
rights, and certainly would not have wanted to
does in these situations.
keep Izak against his will. That being said, he’s
Thank you very much, Trine & Margo, and ---
a gigantic source of critical data about what happened in the Event, and that’s the primary
especially Tor for letting me manhandle him like that. :)
View of the lake on the campsite. (Liz Rywelski)
I only got into the black box once for a per-
goal.
sonal scene. It was right after Isak had kicked I wasn’t really kidding when I joked at the
Julie out of the main building. She was fuming
end that Izak dead means no struggling for
and really wanted to just go off on someone,
blood tests, etc. But a live subject is _far_ more
and I wasn’t really sure what to do at this late
valuable. I expect the ideal situation for her
point in the game. I noticed the black box and
would have been extracting blood & sperm, an
realized now was probably my one chance to
extended interview, and then disappearing into
actually do it, so I grabbed Margo, Trine, &
a lab for a few weeks, leaving Izak to his own
Tor to play through an example of Julie losing
devices.
her metaphorical shit on a hysterical father during a birth. The Lovers Triad. (Liz Rywelski)
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Sharon
Post-game Public Debrief:
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
An hour or two later, I’m completely immersed.
Nordic larp, however, is more like being in
When the three women I spent last night play-
a play. Developed in Norway, Denmark, and
Archetype: The Skilled Protector
“My so-called larp: learning to love in a
ing poker with agree to form a family unit with
other Scandinavian countries, it’s focused on
Age: 30
world without men: Surviving a weekend of
me and raise two daughters, one of them wel-
immersion and character development, dispens-
Occupation before the disaster: US Army
quadruple-crosses, motherhood, and emo-
comes me as the Lieutenant. “You don’t have to
ing with many of the game-like elements of
Lieutenant, Wilderness Survival Instructor at
tional world building” by Adi Robertson on
keep saying that,” I tell her. I’m almost crying.
larping in favor of something reminiscent of
the US Army John F. Kennedy Special Warfare
November 27, 2012 01:20 pm. Originally published
“You can call me Sharon.”
theater improv.
Center and School
on The Verge.com. Courtesy of Vox Media, Inc.
Current occupation: Army Liaison to the US
(http://www.theverge.com/2012/11/27/
Sharon, who served in Afghanistan before
Its players are thrown into character for hours
Congress
3609806/my-so-called-larp-living-world-without-
helping run the fertility program that could
to days, and while there’s no script, they’re
men)
help the human race continue, has existed for
given scenarios that are meant to be taken
less than 24 hours, but she’s developed friends,
seriously — from living out World War II as
“We all have a job to do. Hers is keeping you alive, not making your surroundings pleasant and inof-
It’s a little after eight in the morning, and
political leanings, and a complicated relation-
a civilian to experiencing the rise of AIDS in
fensive.”
I’m getting ready to become a mother. I woke
ship with the disaster that — three years ago
New York in the ‘80s. Now, with Mad About the
up only vaguely in character — I imagined a
— killed off every man on earth. Then the
Boy, it’s in the US for the first time. Mad About
soldier would have the discipline to get up with
door opens, and we realize that not every man
the Boy immediately dispensed with what little I
the alarm, then justified my need for sleep as a
is dead.
knew about larps.
The scenario is from Mad About the Boy, an all-
There were no character stats or win condi-
female Nordic larp or live-action role-playing
tions, only a loose plot outline. The roughly
game. Generally speaking, larps move the
forty characters — written by the larp’s crea-
events of role-playing games like Dungeons &
tors and handed out beforehand — had a clear
Dragons or Vampire: the Masquerade from the
goal: they were participating in a government-
tabletop to campgrounds or hotels, with vary-
backed fertility program, hoping to be selected
ing amounts of realism.
to bear or raise the first generation of children
pragmatic maximization of resources.
after the Event. In America, it’s stereotyped as a kind of joke: ask someone about larping, and they’ll describe
But whether they succeeded was ultimately
costumed trolls and wizards knocking each
less important than the quality of the resulting
other around with foam weapons (called bof-
scenes.
fers) or chanting spells in costume.
94 Sharon listens stoically as the news is delivered to one of the Triads. (Liz Rywelski)
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
While it’s often placed in opposition to rules-
In practice, only a few larps have their libret-
Given how much of the game involved figuring
At first, I’d imagined this kind of issues-fo-
focused American games, Nordic larp isn’t the
tos distributed, and the ones that do tend to be
out a world without men, it was impossible to
cused slant might put me off, making the game
only system that draws more from acting than
shorter games. “People haven’t thought of it,”
separate MAtB from gender relations. As I pre-
too heavy-handed. Some of the descriptions
gaming. Loose groups from the theater com-
says Margrete Raaum, another MAtB writer.
pared for the larp, it became clearer than ever
in Mad About the Boy did little to dissuade me.
just how few real-world luminaries — or even
In a novel or movie, I probably wouldn’t have
munity run improv-style games in the US, and jeepform — which also originated in Scandina-
Mad About the Boy was inspired by Y: The Last
more minor functionaries — were women, and
thought twice about them. But when every-
via — involves a shorter series of scenes that
Man, a long-running Vertigo comic about the
of the many scenarios I ran through, it was
thing about a character is condensed into a
may be played out multiple times for the most
lone survivor of a plague that kills anything
hard to say which was more discouraging.
page or two of description, backstory can come
satisfying conclusion.
with an XY chromosome.
across more harshly and polemically than usual. If it were the result of systemic discrimination
These styles, however, are still distinctly niche
Beyond the basic premise, though, the two
or unbalanced gender roles, did that mean the
One of my in-game colleagues was described
in the larp community. Outside Tolkien-influ-
don’t share much. While fairly self-aware, Y:
only way we could imagine something different
as a “radical state feminist,” another trio as a
enced fantasy games and World of Darkness
The Last Man spent most of its run focused
was by erasing all the men? If it weren’t, did
group of political conservatives of various
games like Vampire: The Masquerade, popular
on a single man in a world full of women.
that mean my gender was somehow deficient?
stripes.
larps still tend to be action-oriented, based on
The writers of Mad About the Boy, by contrast,
Many of the other larps I found were didactic
user-created characters, and pulpy.
envisioned the game as a space for women to
in some way, from Panopticorp — a satirical
Everyone had an archetype and a tarot card
interact without being overshadowed.
critique of corporations and identity — to
drawn in the style of a (Dave McKean cover):
Dublin2, which called attention to the plight of
my character was dubbed the “skilled protector.”
For me, they were also much easier to find. Traditional larps are often long-running, with
“We didn’t want [the Last Man] to be the fo-
readily available rule books. Liability issues
cus of the story,” co-creator Tor Kjetil Edland
have made it difficult to bring Nordic larp to
told me. As a result, the man shows up only
the US — Mad About the Boy’s organizers ex-
halfway through the game, and the first major
pressed concerns over running it in a country
part of the story is devoted entirely to the lives
with patchy health insurance and an over-
of the women.
refugees.
active litigation system — but even overseas, documentation is spotty. The basic elements
In this run and the initial one, only people who
of a Nordic larp, like its characters and world,
identified as women could participate (with the
are contained in its libretto, which theoreti-
exception of the Last Man); a third version ac-
cally means it could be recreated by just about
cepted men but asked them to dress in drag.
anyone.
Norah from the Conservatives outside the main building. (John Stravopoulos)
96
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
The players enjoy each other’s company during pre-game workshops. (Liz Rywelski)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Hillary Clinton had become president, and the
There’s a third kind of interaction that’s far
US had maintained some semblance of a fed-
more personally unnerving: actually building
eral government. As the game progressed, our
in-game relationships. I hadn’t met a single
consensual reality expanded. Life had gone on,
member of the larp beforehand, and I barely
but it wasn’t easy, and things like communica-
had time to learn their real names before we
tion technologies had atrophied. In the comic
all took on our characters. During the game,
series, Yorick spent half his time fighting
it worked fine — in some cases, it was almost
ninjas and evading mad scientists. When you’re
alarming how quickly I seemed to get to know
actually living a character, you have to think
people.
about the little things, like what to do with the
I am not a veteran of the military, the larp
Sometimes, that means asking someone about
community, or the world of acting, so I tried
their history in a sort of laser-focused small
to relate to my character through a combina-
talk. Alternately, there are bits of world-build-
It also contradicts some of the assumptions
to draw characters together — or push them
tion of fiction and gossip with friends. The
ing, collaboratively improvising a story about
of fiction with lived experience. Before Y: The
apart. I was fully in character for less than 24
problem was that, taken as a fictional character,
survivors raising goats in Brooklyn or airlifting
Last Man, feminist authors explored a world
hours, but the manufactured crisis of the larp
Sharon was a bit on the pulpy side. While she
women out of Afghanistan.
without men, but some assumed that without
made for full, often tumultuous relationships.
hadn’t existed in Y: The Last Man, her back-
Dialog is sharpened and directed, with play-
men’s restrooms at the campsite.
ers creating small rivalries and connections
the corrupting influences of patriarchy and
story seemed to come straight from a Nineties
They’re not necessarily so different from what
testosterone, peace would reign. Give it a few
Over the course of the game, I reconnected
Vertigo comic, complete with a scene in which
you’d get in ordinary improv, but there’s an
hundred years and anything’s possible, but Mad
with an old friend, betrayed her trust, and
she burns her father’s body on a pyre.
added layer of complexity involved: instead of
About the Boy made it obvious just how much
gained it again during a crisis. I forged a close
just building a collective fiction, you want to
ideological divisions can tear people apart.
but suspicious bond with a fellow practitioner
By the time I’d started the larp, though, I’d re-
get both yourself and anyone around you in a
considered. My co-larpers had expertly looked
shared world that will serve you for the rest of
Conversely, it also put to rest a stereotype
ist group critical of government policy; I was a
through their sections of libretto and picked
the game.
favored by male authors: when the Last Man
career soldier who worried the US was failing.
out the parts that fit, discarding or rational-
of realpolitik: she was a member of a survival-
showed up, no one jumped into his arms. A few
izing anything superfluous and drawing from
Going into the game, we’d known the basics
people flirted. Others were shocked or pitied
I wanted her respect, and every time the game’s
their own experiences. There’s no audience in
about the world. As in Y: The Last Man, every-
him, and a tiny contingent pushed to execute
events put a wall between us, I tried to over-
Nordic larp, per se, and with no way to win, the
one with an XY chromosome had died for un-
him.
come it.
biggest goal is developing your own character
clear reasons; unlike the comic, animals hadn’t
while teasing out interesting moments with
been affected.
Plenty of us were just annoyed.
But when the game ended, it all disappeared.
other people.
98
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
She wasn’t a well-armed anarcho-syndicalist,
Not every interaction, of course, was positive.
And when the game had ended, being around
In something like theater, she says, you’ll prob-
and I wasn’t a disillusioned officer. Where did
Recognizing this, Nordic larp has put struc-
several dozen women — many of whom
ably have a pretty good experience and identify
that leave us? When we said something to each
tures in place to separate player and character
worked in tech, gaming, and journalism —
with the characters as long as the actors are
other, how did we bridge the gap between who
and defuse potential anger or resentment —
made me realize just how few I lived and
good. “But in larp, there’s this extra level of
we really were and who we’d just pretended to be?
something that’s not standard practice in other
worked with in my day-to-day life.
anxiety: getting that emotional gut punch de-
larp systems. Being in a larp gave me the strange experi-
pends on how well you’re able to immerse into a character.”
No matter how interesting the premise of a
ence of being both closer to and further from
Before Mad About the Boy, you’re asked to con-
given Nordic larp, it will raise two questions.
the people I participated in it with. We’d gone
sider how both you and your character might
Firstly, why not just play it as a rule-based
Players have a much larger role than spectators
through an incredibly intense experience to-
respond to the end of men; afterwards, we
larp or RPG? And, following that: why not
in bringing fiction to life, but the authors still
gether, and it had given us a wealth of shared
broke into progressively smaller groups and
turn it into theater? Most larp already walks a
have to choose how much control they’re will-
experiences.
talked through what we’d done. By the time it’s
fine line between play and acting, and Nordic
ing to give up. Kapo, a well-known Danish larp
over, your characters still exist, but you’ve built
shares enough traits with standard improv that
that simulated brutal conditions inside a prison
Unfortunately, those experiences were tied to
up a layer of separation that helps you get back
it’s easy to wonder why participants don’t just
camp, was almost entirely linear.
people who no longer existed. Talking about
to the rest of your life.
limit it to one area and invite an audience.
them was somewhere between discussing the
Players could have virtually no effect on the
characters in a movie and how I’d reacted to
Which isn’t to say the transition was always
According to Mad About the Boy’s organizers,
game’s events, which were designed to drive
something in a video game.
easy. Playing in an all-female world had cata-
though, the participant-spectators of Nordic
home their powerlessness. “You will die or prey
pulted me to the top of the sociological food
larp can get an experience that’s impossible
on those weaker than you, ultimately forcing
chain, and leaving it made me hyper-aware of
outside the medium. “When you’re watching
you to choose between yourself and your loved
what I was losing. My character was armed,
a theater play, you can be empathic to what’s
ones,” reads the larp’s description.
government-backed, young, and white, and her
going on... kind of put yourself in their place,”
casual agnosticism didn’t put her in the binds
says Lindahl. “But it’s totally different when
that some Christian or Muslim characters
you are there and you’re actually feeling the
faced. For the first time in my life, I had abso-
feelings, not just understanding them.”
Other larps build a more open-ended world.
Lizzie Stark, the journalist and larper who
The White War, a larp about military occupa-
If I failed at something, I didn’t have to worry
helped bring Mad About the Boy to the US, also
tion, is one; Mad About the Boy is another: it has
that it was because of some innate gender-
sees it as a kind of art where you’re required to
a few scripted events, but the outcomes have
based deficiency, or that it would reflect poorly
create, not just consume.
been vastly different over its three runs.
“There will be no revolutions during the game.”
lutely nothing to prove.
on half the population. The Last Man (John Stravopoulos)
100
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
In one Norwegian run, the Last Man’s arrival
In one of her larps, the World War II-based
was met with tea and blankets. In our version,
1942, a group of soldiers was meant to execute
the game ended with a convoluted quadruple-
a prisoner, but the plan was derailed. “They
cross and a lot of brandished prop guns — al-
were meant to feel what it was like to look her
though, while our organizers feared Americans
in the eye and shoot her.” Their commander,
might be trigger-happy, none were actually
however, “wanted to spare his soldiers their
fired. The forty of us were given a place to live
feelings, so he did it himself. That’s bullshit,”
In more game-like role-playing, you can refuse
Minutes after my character decided to embrace
and people to be; what we did with that was up
she adds.
to play along with the tone of the story, but
parenthood after years of career- and survival-
you’re still constrained by the explicit rules: it’s
focused solitude, she had drawn a gun and was
In some cases, though, this turns out well, even
difficult to play an action hero if you can die
searching the campground for the approaching
Giving players this control tends to lead to
if it started with a failure on the organizers’
from a single infected wound. Once a Nordic
women. The fear and uncertainty of joining a
unexpected results. “I don’t think I’ve ever
part. Finnish war larp Valokaari was meant
larp starts, social pressure and the rare inter-
family, I thought, would have to wait: here was
organized a larp where at one point I haven’t
to feel cramped and filled with interpersonal
vention are the only real things stopping you
something I could do.
said the following words: He did what? She did
conflict, but due to a misunderstanding, par-
from changing the story.
what?” Raaum says.
ticipants decided to play it as a hyper-realistic
to us.
The cast assembling for the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski)
As I escorted a group of women out of the Our run of Mad About the Boy seemed to take
main building to a cabin (they’d be safer from
place in two genres. The first day was a somb-
attackers there, and we didn’t know what dis-
“The characters who we expected to get on
er, meditative drama, as characters attempted
eases the Last Man might have been exposed
each others’ nerves never did,” the organizers
to rebuild their lives, coming to grips with
to), one of my new family members reached for
wrote in larp anthology States of Play, “because
personal problems while struggling to hide
my hand.
most of them spent all their time either patrol-
anything that could make them seem unfit to
ling, eating or sleeping.”
raise a child.
military enactment.
For days afterward, I would regret not staying with her. I think I had started to love her just a
At the end, the players considered the game a
On the second day, this all went out the win-
little. But I turned away, unable to break from
success, even if the game hadn’t worked out
dow, as we found both a man and an external
the immediacy of making a plan, solving a
remotely how the organizers intended. On a
threat — he said he was being pursued by
problem. By the time I saw her again, we were
more mundane level, it’s sometimes hard even
armed women who had taken him captive.
no longer potential lovers or co-parents.
to get everyone in the same genre. If you go
It was certainly cathartic, but it would ulti-
to a movie expecting Drive Angry and end up
mately leave me unsettled, caught between
We were just another two people who’d spent
with Drive, there’s not a lot you can do besides
straightforward action and more ambiguous
the weekend being someone else.
complain.
drama.
Lisa from the Artists. (Liz Rywelski)
102
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Chapter 3 The Triads: Survivalists, Arists, Lovers
104
105
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
The Triads: The Survivalists
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Theresa’s Psych Notes: The Survivalists
Linda, Nina, and Kathryn I was viscerally scared while awaiting this group’s
Katherine shared that they had changed their
Linda, Nina and Kathryn belong to the small
The members of the community have diverse
entrance into the cabin. Outside, they had huddled
mind... both she and Nina wanted a child, but they
community “Vittala” which was established
religious and political views, but they all share
around the side of the building, engaged in some
hoped Katherine would be the birth mother.
after the disaster on a previously abandoned
the belief that when big societies collapse, you
sort of debate or plan. Inside, Sharon was pac-
farm.
need to build a small community of women
ing, questioning, “Why are they armed?” She had
Inwardly, I was quite pleased -- knowing Linda
which you can trust fully.
already grown protective of me in such a short
from before, I thought her a committed, but confused
amount of time, which I felt endearing and com-
young woman.
The community strives to be as self-sufficient
forting.
as possible, but trades with nearby villages.
The community has no formal leader. The most
Strangers are met with friendly caution, as the
important decisions are made in communal
community is very much ready to defend their
meetings. Linda, Nina and Kathryn have ap-
When they finally entered, I assured them that we
mother abandoned her and I feared she might have
home against armed robbers or any other type
plied in the fertility program to bring a child
were extremely impressed with their collective and
difficulties emotionally connecting with the child.
of threat.
back to the community. They will do what is
what they had accomplished in such a short amount
But, then, Nina started to cry.
necessary to be part of the group of those
of time. The aggressiveness completely melted from
Most of the people in the community are skep-
finally selected for insemination, but will resent
their shoulders in a wave running through them.
tical of the State’s ability to manage things in
the prodding and authoritarianism of the state
the current climate. They view government as
representatives. Linda has been selected as
They expressed relief and surprise and we contin-
sharing this feeling of connection with her -- such
being somewhat irrelevant now, and are pre-
their candidate for insemination, but neither
ued to have a pleasant conversation. As they left the
was not my place.
pared for a time where the State will collapse
Nina nor Kathryn is averse to being pregnant,
cabin, I felt sure I would secure them a child, for
totally.
if that’s what it takes to succeed.
practical reasons and due to the feeling of collective
I tried to remain a silent witness to what was
security they projected.
unfolding. The naked emotion in the room as they
She had terrible parenthood patterning after her
She had given up her chance to have a baby in order to pursue a Ph.D., just as I did. I tried to avoid
negotiated who would bear the child in such a respectful, direct manner was quite humbling.
Later, they would find me in the night with a flashlight and arrange for a private meeting. No one else
106 The Survivalists confer with one another. (Liz Rywelski)
dared to approach me; I felt like a pariah outside of
I left the cabin feeling sure that, if possible, I would
the Committee. I found their approach endearing.
secure them both a child.
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Kathryn
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
…I’m going to say my peace instead of letting
I have to admit that when the realization that
two weeks ago, reasonably regular
it fade, like I was probably going to do.
the game was drawing to a close hit me, I cried, and I cried because the life I had been pretend-
Archetype: Idealist, inquisitive, empathetic
Uterine fibroids? no
Age: 27
Previous pregnancies? no
I’ve gamed for a long time, since a cute boy
ing to live, the person I was pretending to be,
Occupation before the disaster: Masters stu-
Physical fitness results: eyesight v. good,
introduced me to D&D in summer camp... too
felt better than what I was going back to.
dent in ecological farming
memory OK, breath 27s
long ago. I introduced this wonderful art to
Current occupation: Farmer, community Post-game Debriefing:
leader
my friends, and we’ve been gaming ever since.
I’ve been unemployed for about 6 months now,
Because I have close, loving friends, our gaming
and it has brought out an ugly darkness in me
experiences have been rich; we know and trust
that seems to grow all the time. When I first
each other, so we’re not afraid to go deep.
lost my “real” job almost three years ago, I took
“She might appear whimsical and easily distracted,
I’ve role-played for a long time and know how
but her connection with nature and the world runs
important the storytelling medium is. I love
deep.”
writing and would love to make a professional
Despite all that, I felt things this weekend
go of it if I had the chance. I’m really glad
that I haven’t in years, perhaps ever. Perhaps
Julie’s OB/GYN Notes: Group diet consists
that I played in MatB and met so many other
because I’m not completely comfortable with
It’s true I’ve done a few interesting things in
of No processed food, fresh vegetables
diverse, skilled, and competent women -- like
that, I’ve stalled on writing my reflections, even
that time, and had a few wonderful experiences,
many of you have said, I don’t get to connect
though I’d intended to.
but nothing that lasted, and nothing that could
it as a chance to find a new and better path, but the reality has been a lot less rewarding.
make me feel at all secure for my future. I’ve
with women that I relate strongly to nearly
#1 - Kathryn, 27
as often as I’d like, and that’s one of the many
I’ve talked to a lot of people over the years
felt things that I’ve never had to feel before --
Height? 5’10”
positive experiences that I’ll take away from my
about their reasons to game, and I never quite
feeling useless, unwanted, unneeded, and lonely,
Weight? 145
weekend.
related to the notion of escapism. For me, role-
and finding myself, my base human instincts
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
playing was a chance to learn and grow -- to
making me lazy, slow, fearing for what’s to
High/low blood pressure? normal
try things on and take away from the table, to
come and not doing a damn thing about it. I’ve
Previous surgeries? broken R leg @ 9
become a wider person, to think of things I
thought about surrendering many times -- my
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no
might not have the chance, and to try on things
pride, and my life.
current alcohol use
that make me better. I wasn’t sure who I was going to be playing,
Family history of transmissable diseases (genetic, etc.)? Paternal grandfather died of
I understood people for whom gaming was
going into this LARP, but Kathryn turned out
heart attack @ 70s, No contact with mother
their escape from things they couldn’t control
to be some kind of aspirational self- a lot like
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
or lives that were less than satisfying, but it
me, in a time and place to be more than me,
Birth control? no
wasn’t my aim. For me, games are about real
with a situation and history to be a bigger per-
STI history? no
life, and that’s their purpose.
son than I am.
Theresa and Julia from the Committee. (Liz Rywelski)
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
I wanted to explore every inch of her and ab-
We presented such an attractive picture of self-
I study on group psychology, stress and trau-
I love helping other people -- ESPECIALLY
sorb her. Not knowing a single soul going into
sufficiency, strength and honor that we weren’t
ma. A multitool and duct tape are a girl’s best
other women -- become stronger, better ver-
this, I also didn’t expect to meet so many amaz-
returning to Vittala alone, either -- the Muslim
friends. I keep a “go bag” of supplies in case of
sions of themselves. We aren’t taught to access
ing women -- I felt almost instantly bonded
Sisterhood ultimately chose to become Citizens
the nebulous Whatever hitting the fan.
our strength -- men can usually take that life
with my Triad and couldn’t believe how com-
and to bring a probably much-needed spiritual-
patible we were. I haven’t made friends with
ity to Vittala.
lesson for granted -- and unless we’re lucky I plan for a really unlikely future where I im-
enough to have the role models and circum-
agine myself being competent enough to keep
stances to find it on our own, most of us
Congresswoman Maria, even, felt that she
all the people I care about together and healthy.
don’t end up defining ourselves through our
would join our ranks if what had remained of
In real life, survivalists are usually viewed as
strengths, but on our dependencies.
The hardest part of my role-play was to be
the United States had truly betrayed her sense
somewhat crazy folks, so it’s stuff I generally
suspicious and paranoid and to expect Byzan-
of goodness and unity. Kathryn was even able
keep to myself.
tine conspiracies from strangers -- beyond that,
to confess her long-suppressed love for one of
Kathryn was a pretty close reflection of who
her fellow Vittalans, even if nothing romantic
When you come down to it, though, I haven’t
and being someone that people around you can
I am. Her skillset, her competency, her confi-
would ever come of it.
been really using my strength for the here and
look to and trust when things get bad. I should
now, where I need it most, for me. I hope, I
probably start following some of my own ad-
other women this easily in years, especially in a context that allowed me to be so much myself.
dence, and her projection of strength were all
Part of being a survivalist- or at least playing one- is always having hope, never giving up,
examples of me at my best, and maybe I’m just
And just as much as anything else, by the end
really hope, that I can use this experience to re-
vice. Then, this would be a learning experience.
emotionally exhausted today because I was be-
she showed herself to be able not only to lead
connect with my strength, and want to survive
Which, after all, is what this is all about.
ing me at my best for so long at a stretch.
others, but to care for her dearest friends, to
again.
- Vittala out!
want those bonds to be invincible, and to be By a lot of standards -- and even though it isn’t
able to be nurturing and empathic alongside
the point of the LARP in the first place -- the
being strong. The nature of the LARP being
other Survivalists and I “won.”
what it is, a lot of people “won” this weekend, in a lot of different ways.
The Vittalans are returning home with not one but two children, being born by women that
I’m like Kathryn in some ways that seem
really wanted them in their hearts.
strange in the real world. Like a few people guessed, my costuming wasn’t much of a
The friendships of the Cabinet that came to the
stretch. I raise and preserve my own food. I
Program over those two days were tested hard
have a bunch of guns and know how to use
and emerged far, far stronger than they began.
them. The women getting ready for the day. (Liz Rywelski)
110
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The Book of Mad about the Boy
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Nina Archetype: Analytical, impulsive, keeps fears
Birth control? no
and desires locked away.
STI history? no
Age: 28
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
Occupation before the disaster: Ph.D. stu-
2 weeks, regular
dent, Natural Sciences
Uterine fibroids? no
Current occupation: Farmer, community
Previous pregnancies? no
leader
Physical fitness results: eyesight good, memory OK, breath control 16s
“You never know what her position really is on Post-game Debriefing:
something before she is ready to present a plan of action.”
I got home last night and couldn’t stop hugging my boyfriend and telling him how much
#2 - Nina, 28
I love him. And yes, there were some tears. At Height? 5’4”
the same time, it was so surreal seeing men
Weight? 120
everywhere I went.
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? heart murmur
Mostly I miss not only the members of my
High/low blood pressure? normal
Triad, and the Muslim Sisterhood and the
Previous surgeries? car accident @ 10
Wealthy Women, who we got very close to,
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no
but also the sense of openness and honesty
drinking, only due to lack of availability
that evolved throughout the LARP. I don’t
Family history of transmissable diseases
have very many female friends, and I usually
(genetic, etc.)? parents died in car crash @ 10,
have a difficult time communicating with other
paternal grandmother @ 75, throat cancer
women, so it was an amazing experience to
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
get so close to so many women over so short a time. I miss all of you.
112
The Survivalists and the Muslim Sisterhood speak with the Committee about possibly joining forces. Nine pictured second to the left. (Liz Rywelski)
“I got home last night and couldn’t stop hugging my boyfriend and telling him how much I love him. And yes, there were some tears. At the same time, it was so surreal seeing men everywhere I went.“ - “Nina”
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The Triads: The Artists Christine, Elina, and Lisa The Survivalists made it late to the ceremony and sat in the second row. From left to right: Kathryn, Nina, and Linda. (Liz Rywelski)
Linda
Before the tragedy, Lisa, Christine, and Elina
Theresa’s Psych Notes: The Collective of
knew each other from the film industry. Each
Artists
Archetype: Hunter, warrior, protector
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
is perfectly suited to her individual role in film,
Age: 26
2 weeks, regular
and although that means they are very differ-
I knew I was biased in favor of this group from
Occupation before the disaster: Soldier, po-
Uterine fibroids? no
ent, they complement each other very well.
the beginning, due to my interest in Jungian theory,
lice academy student
Previous pregnancies? No
They are a somewhat exclusive group – they
which finds spiritually transformative power in the
Current occupation: Farmer, hunter
Physical fitness results: eyesight OK, memory
may give each other a hard time, but they don’t
use of symbolism.
OK, breath control 30s
appreciate it from others. I knew that art was a major component to healing
“She’s not paranoid, she’s just very good at identifying what can go wrong before it actually happens.”
Post-game Debriefing: I’ve thought about this in the past - my parents
#3 - Linda, 26
They are used to either taking the spotlight,
this world and I told them as much. Again, that col-
or making sure they have a say in who is in it.
lective relief washed over them.
Planning, directing or acting. I was concerned, however, about their plans to ex-
also live in Maryland, while I live in NYC. LivHeight? 5’1”
ing in or near a big city would potentially make
Their newest project is going to be amazing. A
ploit the child in their documentary. I was concerned
Weight? 115
things a lot more dangerous, so I’m usually not
real work of art, now that life feels even more
about Elina wanting the child simply as another
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
too optimistic when imagining these types of
fragile. They will document the entire life of
performance, one with which she would quickly
High/low blood pressure? normal
scenarios, heh.
a human being, from conception on. And what
grow bored and ignore. Were these three to live
better way to begin than with the journey to
alone, I would have denied them a child, but since
acceptance for this program?
they ran a well-defended community with a school
Previous surgeries? hosp for 2 broken ribs, broken R arm in Afghanistan @ 20
In this one, however, I think a bike would actu-
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no
ally be a better bet for me than a car - especially
drink available
for getting out of a major city.
Family history of transmissable diseases (genetic, etc.)? no contact with Mom, Dad &
It’d take a lot longer to travel, but bikes are great
grandfathers died in the Event, grandmother
because they’re much easier to maneuver around
suicide after Event
wrecks, they don’t take gas, and they’re compara-
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
tively inconspicuous. My dad gave me a “go bag”
Birth control? no
when I went away to college at NYU, so we have
STI history? no
talks like this semi-regularly too, haha.
p.115: The Artists pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Julia Lunetta)
and several other children, I felt that the child had Elina is the intended birth mother in this
an excellent chance to thrive. As they left the cabin, I
group.
felt moderately sure I would secure them a child.
115
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Christine
Height? 5’6”
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Pre-game forum character journal:
want? I always have my work as my meaningful
Weight? 140 Archetype: The nerd
Existing medical conditions? * chronic?
Age: 40
lower back pain, muscle pain
Occupation before the disaster: Camera op-
High/low blood pressure? no
erator (TV-news)
Previous surgeries? broken arm R @ 19, ton-
Current occupation: Electrician, Documentary film director
What am I doing wrong?? What do these people
The More Things Change…
and constant companion, and I’m good at it of course, but -- I wonder if it’s the only companion
… the more they stay the same.
I’ll ever have.
sillectomy
Three years already into this strange madness, and I
And speaking of, back to it then -- spending way too
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?
have to say not much has really changed for me. De-
much time on this little diary. What am I thinking,
some drinking, aspirin
spite the turmoil that’s taken place around me (and
sitting here in my bunk trying to be all introspec-
“Be what you are, complete and whole, not a di-
Family history of transmissable diseases
which has made my work a neverending stream of
tive? What’s the use anyway -- I’d better get back to
vided, piecemeal soul.”
(genetic, etc.)? Dad died of heart attack @
fascinating data), I don’t feel any different… and
finishing up those edits before I run out of daylight.
50s, Mom still alive?
why should I?
Time’s a-wasting!!
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
Julie’s OB/GYN Notes: #1 - Christine, 40, TV operator
-- Christine
Birth control? no, post-menopausal
I’m not any more or less understood by the others, no
STI history? no, yeast infection
matter if half the population that would otherwise
Uterine fibroids? no
surround me is gone. Male, female, both, neither,
Previous pregnancies? no
whatever - I’m still alone. And maybe it’s best that
Physical fitness results: reasonable for age
way, and I’m used to it for certain. And yet, I’m
To Alex’ player, thank you SO MUCH for
curious, and feeling anxious to break through to these
dancing with Vicki so as to deliberately create
people despite repeated rejection from them. I guess
strife for Christine.
Post-game Debriefing:
tho, if the human race is going to die out with us as its clumsy torchbearers, what have I got to lose?
It was utterly amazing and beautiful for me, just getting to feel Christine’s heart just break
I just don’t know how, but I’m trying, you know? I
after ever-so-awkwardly trying to dance with
don’t know how to “be” anyone other than myself,
Vicky (and having taken a chance to step out
and if people don’t like that - well, I don’t know
of Christine’s comfort zone to do so, hoping
what to tell them.
to find love and acceptance) watching the two of you blissfully twirling and laughing. In that
116
I’m just me, and I can’t go apologize for that or
moment, she realized what for her was the
change it any more than I can go and magically fix
“reality” that no one would ever truly love or
the man-plague or shoot rainbows out of my butt.
understand her.
p.116: Christine battled much confusion over the weekend, particularly with regard to courtship and romance. (Liz Rywelski)
The Book of Mad about the Boy
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? And then, getting to blackbox a dream-version
Elina
Lisa
some alcohol, previous use of Xanax (anxiety) Family history of transmissable diseases
of that scene with Vicky and Elina really helped me to explore the depth of Christine’s
Archetype: The Artist (with a capital A)
Archetype: The producer in the movie of life
(genetic, etc.)? Dad killed in Vietnam, Mom
pain and struggle and loneliness.
Age: 27
Age: 54
breast cancer @ 68
Occupation before the disaster: Actor
Occupation before the disaster: Art & music
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
Current occupation: Actor
festival manager
STI history? no
Current occupation: Documentary movie
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
maker/runs ”refugee camp”
post-menopausal
I never got a chance to thank you for that in person - so, again, THANK YOU!!! Even though a relationship with Vicky was barely
“I am earth, I am woman, look at me menstruate.”
Previous pregnancies? * any abortions? one,
even at all mentioned in my char sheet, everyone’s willingness to contribute towards helping
#2 - Elina, 27
terminated at 27
“Before you know it, she has planned your life, too”
Physical fitness results: eyesight excellent,
me add that to Christine’s experience really helped to make the game for me.
Height? 5’6”
good memory
#3 - Lisa, 54
Weight? 140 It also helped me, in hindsight, to explore my
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
Height? 5’9”
feelings towards potentially having relation-
High/low blood pressure? normal
Weight? 170
ships with women, and about feeling occasion-
Previous surgeries? broke R toe
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
ally lonely and not-understood. :-)
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no
High/low blood pressure? normal
Family history of transmissable diseases
Previous surgeries? appendectomy, R ankle
So much awesome in one weekend... I miss you
(genetic, etc.)? Dad died 3 yrs ago, Mom same
surgery
all already!!
(car crash) Scoliosis or hip displacement? no Birth control? not for 3 yrs STI history? no Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period? 2 wks ago Uterine fibroids? no Previous pregnancies? * any abortions? one, terminated at age 20 Anything else you wish to tell me? near-sighted Physical fitness results: memory not great, physically OK A quiet moment with Nancy braiding Elina’s hair. (Liz Rywelski)
Elina caused quite a stir, at one point stealing the Conservatives’ American flag and integrating it into a strip tease. (Liz Rywelski)
A quiet moment with Nancy braiding Elina’s hair. (Liz Rywelski)
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Lizzie hard at work before the start of game (John Stravopoulos)
Lisa collecting footage of Alex for her documentary. (Liz Rywelski) Top: The women relax with a quiet game of cards while they await their appointments with the doctors. (Liz Rywelski) Bottom: The Artists bundle together for warmth. (Liz Rywelski)
120
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The Triads: The Lovers Jo, Vicky, Alex These women have all been a fixture of “the
Alex, Vicky and Jo have different personalities
I sensed, though, that they had not thought too
scene” in the city for a number of years before
and temperaments. So even though they can be
deeply about the ramifications of having a child
the disaster. Alex and Vicky were already in
a close-knit unit, these personalities clash occa-
-- of having this child. Whether boy or girl, any
a relationship back then, while Jo is someone
sionally and none of them are really shy about
new life would become a target for kidnappers and
they have hooked up with more recently. All
airing their quarrels in public. This group
extremists. They seemed to think of a child as just
three consider themselves to be polyamorous,
hasn’t decided on who should be the intended
another natural outgrowth of their open lifestyle
but Jo is the one who has the most ideological
birth mother in the group.
and free love atmosphere -- and before The Event, she might have been.
interpretation of living in a non-monogamous Theresa’s Psych Notes: The Lovers
relationship.
However, they seemed to struggle with the notion Alex used to own a number of bars and res-
I was pleased to see this Triad formed not simply
that their lives would become more complicated,
taurants, but now, after the disaster she only
out of a desire to have a child, but naturally -- a
that they would have to ramp up security, that they
operates one: the bar and concert venue “Hag’s
truly emergent love. In another life, I might have
would, perhaps, have to give up some of their
Hangout.” Both Vicky and Jo help out with the
found their lifestyle appealing -- the openness, the
freedoms in order to protect her. Alex became quite
logistics of running the place and Jo performs
excitement of new lovers, new nightlife, talented,
defensive, probably used to people interrogating her
there regularly.
eclectic friends.
over her lifestyle choice, and misinterpreting my concerns for criticisms of her choices. Quite the opposite. What I wanted to see from her was an awareness that the nightclub lifestyle held dangers to a young child, including intoxicated people around her and an erratic sleep schedule. She seemed to feel judged, as if I were some sort of prude, which made me inwardly sad. I buckled and sent them away rather early, if I recall correctly. I was unsure if a child would remain safe in that environment, but I wanted them as people to have that experience, so I felt torn. Alex and Jo of the Lovers prepare for the Vigil. (Julia Lunetta)
The Lovers pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Julia Lunetta)
122
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Johanna “Jo”
#1 - Jo, 29
Pre-game Questionnaire:
What are your hopes for the game?
Archetype: Individualist, Queer activist
Height? 5’3”
Out-of-character:
To have fun, try a new style of LARP and to
Age: 29
Weight? 125
Occupation before the disaster: Poet and/or
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? hay
What interests you most about playing this
musician
fever
game? What drew you to try this larp?
Fears?
Current occupation: Bartender as well as poet
High/low blood pressure? normal
and/or musician
Previous surgeries? appendectomy @ 14
I had met Lizzie at Intercon where she gave an Ars
That I may ruin someone else’s time by either
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?
Amandi workshop, it was an interesting experience
being too intense or not giving them enough back.
“ She looks at people in a way that can be unsettling.
1-2 drinks per week
and when I found out there was a Nordic LARP
Like she sees something about you which you are not
Family history of transmissable diseases
running in the area, I wanted to give it a try.
***
aware of yourself.”
(genetic, etc.)? mom died in car accident, dad died in event
Have you ever role-played before? If not,
In-character [answer either in third-person
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
have you engaged in other artistic or theat-
(she) or first-person (I)]
Birth control? no
rical endeavors?
“I try not to view people as male or female, these are constraints laid upon us by society, I don’t know why all the males in the world were stricken and taken from us, but it shakes me to the core for something so abstract to happen to anyone based upon their circumstance of birth.”
see experience the Ars Amandi mechanic.
How did your character feel about men be-
STI history? no
fore the Event?
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
I have been LARPing for almost 20 years. I
2 weeks, regular
also have performed not only theatrically, but
Uterine fibroids? no
as a singer as well. Lastly, I am a Civil War Re-
I try not to view people as male or female, these are
Previous pregnancies? no
enactor where I portray a 19th c. Irish Immi-
constraints laid upon us by society, I don’t know why
Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good,
grant and educate people on the American Civil
all the males in the world were stricken and taken
memory OK, breath control 9s
War with folk music.
from us, but it shakes me to the core for something so abstract to happen to anyone based upon their circumstance of birth.
Tell me a bit about the character you plan to play and how you visualize her.
To answer your question, I found some “men” had been
- “Jo”
I will be playing Jo, the Queer Activist Musi-
molded by the antiquated patriarchy to treat and feel
cian. I view her as an iconoclastic, free spirited,
about “women” as if they were something other fellow
hippie child; someone who questions things as
human beings; I did not care for these people. As with
they currently stand and seeks to liberate eve-
anything many male people were wonderful and full
ryone from the shackles of the ordinary.
of the creative spark, these are the beings I miss.
Jo from the Lovers. (Liz Rywelski)
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Did she have any intimate relationships
How has your character coped with the
There are some things there are not enough words
before the Event? If so, what were the rela-
Event in terms of having to fill new roles in
for, the depths of the pools of emotions I have for
tionship dynamics?
life?
Alex and Vicky is one of those things.
Out of character reflections: How has this larp experience differed from other role-playing, theater, or other artistic
I certainly had a few relationships; I have always
Well I was depressed for a bit, it is truly sad that so
With all the words and all the time in the world, I
maintained my autonomy and required any person,
many spirits were ripped away from us. I am not
could not do them justice.
male or female, to accept that I am polyamorous.
sure that I really have fulfilled any new roles; though
experiences you’ve had in the past? It was different in that I didn’t have a specific
I may have changed some of my focus, artistically
What does your character think about the
list of goals and even though I frequently
If you can’t accept that I am capable of loving
speaking. Certainly now that I am in a relationship
Committee’s project and her part in it?
draw on self experience in LARPs and in other
more than one person, you don’t really under-
with Alex, I help her and Vicky with some of the
stand me and we should just be friends.
day to day business of the Hag, but that may have
I think it is a wonderful endeavor, imagine bringing
happened with or without the Event.
some new beautiful beings into the world.
performances, I think this is the character I did that the most with overall. What differences do you see between Nor-
Can she imagine feeling a romantic attachment to a woman?
How does your character feel about the
I of course am a tad afraid of a matriarchal
dic the larp style and other role-playing,
other members of her Triad?
bureaucracy making decisions based upon nebulous
theater, or artistic experiences you’ve had?
criteria, are they looking out for the best interests of
As I have had relationships with women, prior to, and currently, I would say that is a resounding
How can I possibly quantify my feelings for them?
yes. Though in the end, it is not one’s femaleness or
They feed my soul in different ways, bring joy, pro-
maleness that attracts me, just the fierceness of you
vide comfort, I love each of them for the wonderful
Will they fall into old patterns of family unit
as yourself.
being that they are.
stereotypes, or will they really be open to making real
The emphasis on realism as opposed to escap-
the child? What do they consider qualifying?
ism, also the playing to lose for a more dramatic effect. What thoughts and feelings did the game
and true change that is good for the children?
stimulate within you regarding gender, sexuality, politics, reproduction, intimacy?
***
(Feel free to answer these together or sepaPost-game debriefing:
rately as you choose).
My son had to deal with me hugging him for
Well it certainly conjures interesting thoughts
a few minutes and crying. I told him imaging
on the differences between being biologically
him dead was the worst thing I had ever had to do.
one gender, while your gender identity is different.
The Lovers at breakfast, educating the other Triads on the benefits of polyamory. (Liz Rywelski)
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In-character reflections:
In a civilized society, it should not matter if
Reflect upon the social dynamics in the game,
I had a bit of symmetry, many of the women
those do not coincide, but the issue that trans
including the Committee’s relationship to
said that their fathers were the most important
women (people who for all true intents and
the Triads, the Triads’ relationships with one
man in their life, while I have been estranged
I always hate the memorial time. All these poor
purposes are women) dying because they hap-
another, individual relationships within the
from my adopted Dad for 12 years and had just
souls, not letting go of the past and clinging to the
pen to have been born with a Y chromosome
Triads, your character’s relationship the Last
recently, that August, started to connect with
shadows of men they will never see again.
is intriguing and I guess a huge issue that the
Man, etc.
my biological Father. Why can’t they realize that their loved ones
organizers had to deal with backlash about. I personally did not see too many of the social
I felt a twinge of regret, not having that sort
would’ve wanted them to move on by now? For
What I liked about my character was that her
dynamics, maybe because I was busy trying to
of important relationship and wondered how
some, this is merely a memorial, a time to remember
views were almost exactly like mine, she ac-
get women to break the mold of heterosexuality.
it affected me as a whole. My character also
those we have lost, but for many this seems to be
had no men of note on her character sheet, I
what they live for, the chance to talk about those they have lost as if they were still with us.
cepted people as they were and tried to help others evolve their sexuality as well, acknowl-
I do know that, one of my partners, seemed to
felt it was unfair for the disease to have killed
edging that a person has physical and emo-
take some of the questions laid out by Theresa
based solely on gender, but was not personally
tional needs.
the wrong way, thinking it was an insult to
impacted, and I may be wrong, but I believe I
I feel guilty that I did not lose anyone; I mean I lost
our lifestyle (lesbian polyamory), when to any
was the ONLY character, who did not have a
friends, but no one that my heart still aches for after
How did your experience of your character
person looking at it rationally, she was really
man of any kind listed.
three years. I keep reminding myself that I am here
relate to your experience of yourself in the
commenting on our hours and location (our
everyday world? Did your character teach you
jobs and limited access to food).
for Vicky and Alex, they suffered true loss, and they It gave me a challenge as well for the ceremony,
are still mourning.
I had to completely make up a story, so I de-
anything important about yourself ? It was interesting to watch the Daughter/
cided I would go with what might likely happen
I will get through this the way I always have, I will
Oddly, she taught me that I am not a very good
Mother/Grandmother Triad finally come into
in an everyday moment, no particular person
hug and comfort those who need me, and I will try
receiver. I am a sexual initiator, and I do not
a cohesive grouping, so much strife for many
to mourn or worry, I would be a witness to the
not to tell people that they need to move on, they are
know how to handle when someone tries to ini-
reasons, but finally after the Committee made
general horror.
only hurting themselves by living in the past.
tiate with me. Even a simple hug became very
their decision, and with a little help from my
awkward, not because I didn’t trust the person
Triad, they women talked, cried, and worked
doing the initiating, but because I do not take
out their real interpersonal issues, making
to it, I like to be in “control.” It would explain
them stronger and ready to welcome a new
why I had so much difficulty in high school,
baby into their family. What thoughts and feel-
being a sexually aggressive woman is still sort
ings are you experiencing after this scenario
of taboo.
while returning to the “real world?” Has this larp changed you, even temporarily?
128
“I feel guilty that I did not lose anyone; I mean I lost friends, but no one that my heart still aches for after three years. I keep reminding myself that I am here for Vicky and Alex, they suffered true loss, and they are still mourning.” - “Jo”
When we were talking to the shrink, I was surprised at how accepting she was of our relationship; she acknowledged that we were likely the most suitable group relationship wise. Once she started calling our lifestyle into question however, Alex started to lose it.
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The women fretting about the Last Man, told from Jo’s perspective. (Liz Rywelski)
How did your character feel about the mem-
Did your character experience any catharsis
bers of the Triad? The Committee? Other
during the game, including crying, yelling,
people in the program? The Last Man?
or otherwise expelling pent up emotions?
I loved the other members of my Triad; we were
I honestly had no catharsis, I helped some oth-
in a complicated but equal relationship, and though
ers through theirs though.
She was worried that NYC was not a safe place to
Everyone is fretting around him, some women seem
I wished to potentially add other partners, this
raise our child and that our working in a club made
too happy to see him, some seem annoyed that he has
does not mean that I loved Vicky or Alex any less.
us unready for the sacrifices for parenthood. I un-
brought chaos in his wake. I certainly don’t like the
derstand some of the points she was trying to make,
way the doctor is looking at him, as if he is some
The Committee seemed more or less reason-
If so, how did you and your character deal
but why should we have to completely change how
sort of experiment that has just jumped under her
able, though the doctor freaked me out a little.
with them?
we live just because we are having a child?
scalpel.
I really didn’t talk to the chair much, but I had
Did real world memories/fears/emotions come up during in-character experiences?
a very enjoyable conversation with the Major,
I think I got really lucky that I did not have too much bleed.
It was then that we found out, that some people may
I am not sure what we need to do, but Vicky and I
where she confided in me that she could meet
want to steal the new children and that by their very
have agreed that we will stay here until we have
her physical needs with other women, but felt
existence they could be in constant danger, these will
seen to his safety. He may very well be the last man
that she could not connect on a romantic level.
not be normal children, and they will be desired in
on earth, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any
ways previously unknown for their scarcity.
rights. The women are crowding him, and like a
The few people I came to know over the course
caged animal he strikes back.
of the program seemed pleasant, and I spent
The workshops were very helpful in getting us
most of my time talking to people about how
ready to be in character. I think the vignettes and the Ars Amandi pieces were the most effective.
This worried me, but Alex could not see through her
Feel free to share experiences during workshopping and debriefing as well.
anger. She acted as though we were being persecuted
People need to give him some space, but no one is
to change their lives with this new age instead
for our love and she lost her temper a bit. I think she
really listening, this has thrown them all for a loop.
of living in the past and thinking only of when
may have spoiled our chances for having a baby. I
I wonder how he survived and if there is hope that
there were men. The Last Man was someone to
don’t know how Vicky will react to that, but she had
there may be more men in the world.
be protected, lest he lose his rights because of his “scarcity.”
spent most of Alex’s angry time trying to talk her For the moment that does not matter, as with any other
down.
hurt or scared person, he needs help and some of these
I felt towards him as I would’ve felt towards
I am not sure what is going on; a man has appar-
people are actually hindering the process. I am very
my daughter, it is not his or her fault that they
ently survived the plague, and is cold and hungry
worried that he will be treated like a piece of meat.
are so very unique, they deserve the same human rights of determination that we all do, and
and at our door. He seems frightened, like a caged Hopefully we can stop that from happening.
animal.
I will do my best to see to that. The Last Man. (John Stravopoulos)
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Any in-character journaling, either pre-,
I also think that a lover’s Triad was a little
I realized later and kicked myself for not think-
during, or post-game would also be ex-
challenging, because as least as far as I know
ing of using a monologue box, so I could clue
tremely welcome.
we are all in relatively traditional monogamous
her in on my actual intent. Sigh.
“The pregame helps set up some trust with your group, and the debriefs help you to discuss and process what actually occurred throughout the game.”
relationships, so sometimes it felt like we were really acting like a couple here and a couple
I am not really a journal writer, sorry.
How did you feel about the game overall?
there, which might be okay as well. I thought the game was great; it was inter-
What, if anything, struck you as different between the American games you’ve played
As far as others were concerned I just tried to
esting to hear other women’s takes on what
and the Nordic style?
get to know each person as I came across them,
happened in game, it was nice to try some new
and working out whether or not they needed
LARP techniques.
I think that American style games tend to be
my help or advice in the acclimation to our new
more goal oriented and Nordic style tend to
world and their sexual identity within it.
Did the game cause you to see the world or
- “Jo”
yourself through new eyes? Please elabo-
focus more on having an experience. What were you favorite or most intense mo-
rate.
ments IC?
What are your thoughts on the pre-game
Oddly, it made me keenly aware of how sad I
What suggestions do you have for future
Intense was when Alex got mad in our psycho-
am that I never had a proper Father/Daughter
runs of this game or other Nordic style
I think that they are essential, especially with
logical interview. I was worried she would to-
relationship; how happy I am that my Daughter
games?
some of the more emotional games. The pre-
tally screw this up for all of us and had wanted
has a great one; and this may be the uncon-
game helps set up some trust with your group,
to actually talk to the Psychologist separately,
scious reason that, while I am bisexual, I more
One thing I can think of is to make it clear
and the debriefs help you to discuss and process
but I never had the opportunity.
frequently seek out the company of men in
that you are not picking on trans women, that
friendship and other relationships.
it is merely a happenstance with chromosomes,
workshops and the post-game debriefs?
what actually occurred throughout the game.
maybe pointing out that even hermaphrodites
Favorite was when I attempted to hit on the doctor from the Muslim Sisterhood.
Would you mind telling me about your char-
would’ve died as well.
I also noticed that I am used to being the aggressive one when it comes to sexual overtures,
acter and the relationship dynamics IC, both I laid out what I thought was a pretty smooth
when Alex tried to spin me, I was swept off my
Another would be to perhaps give a little time
line “I know that the habib is supposed to keep
feet very awkwardly, which given our IC rela-
after the Last Man has left for the characters to
I think I failed at being more aloof, but that is
one from being tempted, but I find myself
tionship did not make sense, but knowing how I
decompress a bit. It felt like we ended too early,
personal bleed. While I wanted to encourage
more tempted by the unknown.” <Sexy smile>
always initiate sex and am generally aggressive
I didn’t feel like the Last Man should signify
us to allow others into our relationship, I did
(I still think it is a great line) and it was as if
it makes sense out-of-character. It was just an
my experience ending; he was merely one part
not actually want to push my lovers away.
crickets were chirping…
odd observation.
of it.
in your Triad and outside of it?
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Vicky Archetype: Observer, detective
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? 5
“Mad About the Debrief ” by Lizzie Stark on
The trios were applying to be part of an ar-
Age: 30
drinks per week, ibuprofen
Lizziestark.com
tificial insemination pilot program run by the
Occupation before the disaster: Sound/light
Family history of transmissable diseases
technician
(genetic, etc.)? paternal grandmother --ovar-
This entry was posted on Monday, October 22nd,
would have access to sperm from the sperm
Current occupation: Electrician
ian cancer @ 70, mother died in accident, father
2012 at 11:15 am.
banks. In the first act of the game, a Commit-
US government, an experiment to decide who
tee of four people appointed by the govern-
died in vent - driving together “Ask Vicky, she seems to know a lot of things about
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
Thanks to First Person Entertainment (crea-
ment evaluates each trio for motherhood. In
most people.”
Birth control? no
tors of Doomsday), and along with awesome
the second act of the game, the last man on
STI history? no
Americans Jeramy Merritt, A. A. George, Emi-
earth comes crashing into the program, and the
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
ly Care Boss, and Sarah Miles, and awesome
women must decide what to do with him.
3 weeks ago, regular
Norwegians Trine Lise Lindahl, Margrete
Height? 5’3”
Uterine fibroids? no
Raaum, and Tor Kjetil Edland, I helped bring a
If you want to read more about the plot of the
Weight? 135
Previous pregnancies? no
Nordic larp to Connecticut at the beginning of
game, check out the sign-up page. You can also
Existing medical conditions? * chronic?
Physical fitness results: eyesight good,
October.
find out more about this Nordic larp thing and
nearsighted
memory OK, breath control 19s
#2 - Vicky, 30
how it differs from other sorts of larp [there]. In addition to organizing, I also played the
High/low blood pressure? low-to-normal Post-game Debriefing:
Previous surgeries? detached retina, R eye @ 25, pectoral muscle strain, both sides, broken L
Last night, I was dreaming about talking to
toe, @ 9
game, filling in for a player who went home
Part of the challenge for the organizers was to
sick. Both roles – that of player and organizer
present the Nordic style of role-play to a US
– shaped my experience of the game.
audience of mixed experience and to condense what is usually a three or four-day experience
y’all about black box scenes, and this morning, I woke up and thought, “I can make that happen.
into about two days — Friday night through
And here are a few thoughts:
Sunday afternoon.
And I don’t even need a black box to do it.” BACKGROUND ON THE GAME
In keeping with this style of larp, we spent the
I had a great time in the black box, and I’m The Mad About the Boy larp took place in a dys-
first part of the game workshopping, helping
topian future, three years after all the men on
players understand the setting, develop their
If you feel like sharing, I thought that maybe
earth (well, the people with Y chromosomes)
characters, and get to know the mechanics. At
we could post brief scene descriptions in this
died. We played the game with an all-women
the end of the game, we held a formal debrief
thread.
cast, organized into trios.
where people talked about their game experiences.
curious about what other folks did in there.
134
Vicky from the Lovers. (Liz Rywelski)
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
“The moment surprised me – the tears were involuntary, a reaction of the character, not of mine, making the moment as thrilling as it was sad.”
THE EMOTION OF LOSS The guided meditation on the loss of men was
The moment surprised me – the tears were
the most powerful part of the pre-game work-
involuntary, a reaction of the character, not of
shop for me. We lay on the ground and imag-
mine, making the moment as thrilling as it was
ined – as ourselves – where we would be on a
sad. Although I didn’t talk about my younger
usual Wednesday morning when all the men
brother in game – his existence recounted in
started dying, what we would do and where we
a brief line in my back story, his loss made
would go.
the disaster personal to my character – it felt
- “Jo” One character hosted, and people got up and
THE FRIENDLY LESBIANS NEXT DOOR
told fond memories of the things men used to
unbearably sad to imagine, not just that he was
My trio, the lovers, represented a polyamorous
do. Of course one of the Artists, a prima donna
From reading other player commentary, I think
gone, but that the quality of his mischievous-
Triad of women in a love relationship rein-
actress, did a burlesque dance featuring a flag
this felt powerfully intense and powerfully sad
ness and energy had vanished from the world.
forced by business ties. Alex ran a club on the
stolen from her Conservative cabin-mates.
lower east side, where Jo tended bar and sang,
for most of us. I imagined watching men die in the coffee shop where I do most of my writing,
Later in the evening, the group would recount
and Vicky, my character, worked as an electri-
Afterward, we danced to hits like “It’s Raining
then walking to Rutgers, where my husband
stories about this at the party. It was not the
cian. My trio had a certain amount of romantic
Men.” The dance floor provided some interest-
works as a scientist in a mostly male office. I
last time I choked up in character. That mo-
instability written into it, and my co-players
ing role-play as characters taught each other
imagined opening the door to his research pod
ment, small and unexpected, was among the
and I talked about playing on that and decided
to dance, while others played out flirtation,
and seeing him and his colleagues – our friends
most powerful of the game for me, and it felt so
we would.
jealousy, and romance.
– dead on the floor of that windowless room.
private and intimate that it took me days to talk about it.
Although we’d agreed on this method of play, in practice, we didn’t end up pursuing it. Instead,
I had to open my eyes at certain points to dial down the intensity. And yet, for me, this
The moment colored my game, making clear
we quickly became the friendly stable lesbians
visualization provided my best in-game experi-
to me that in addition to being a game about
next door, and at one point the Committee even
ences. The physical memory of sorrow came
women and their relationships, Mad About the
told us we were models for the new order – they
out whenever men were discussed.
Boy is also a game about loss. Later, after the
felt children with parents who loved each other
last man entered, I could only stare into the
romantically would be better off –and asked our
When I met the Nuclear Family Triad, which
fire. Another character, Christine, who had an
characters, in game, to mentor another group.
included Thomas, a trans man, he casually
unrequited crush on mine asked me, “You look
Naturally, since we ran a nightclub together, we
asked me if I’d had siblings. “Yes,” I said. “I
so sad. Why are you sad?” No matter what we
decided to liven up the depressing environment
used to have a younger brother…” and then I
did, he was going to die before his time.
on the three-year anniversary of the disaster by
stopped, choked with tears.
So I kept quiet.
organizing a party after dinner.
136
Theresa holding a candle for her husband, still wearing her wedding ring. (Liz Rywelski)
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
LIBERAL BIAS The Committee’s Contentious Decision
Introducing the Conservatives
Liberal Assumptions About Conservatives
And fascinating that this experience, combined with both trios’ respect for religion in general,
The Norwegian larpwrights wrote the game to
On Saturday night, the Committee gathered
should have made them friendly with one an-
After the game, the members of the Conserva-
take place in Norway. But Norway is culturally
everyone together to let us know that the Mus-
other. The Committee’s realization of its own
tives talked about how they’d been treated by
different from America, and a post-apocalyptic
lims and the Conservatives would be getting
liberal bias against the Conservatives was in
the other players. As a member of the Lov-
Norway is different from a post-apocalyptic
babies.
itself interesting (though later it came out that
ers, I’d had little interaction with them, but
they felt that higher ups in the government had
of course, when we met, I felt I could see
America. For example, Norway is pretty small and it seems reasonable to assume it’d have
Before the announcement and with rumors that
mandated a baby for the Conservatives) – and it
disapproval of our romantic arrangement on
similar borders after the apocalypse, but would
the Muslims would get a baby but the Conserv-
served as a metaphor for the rest of us.
their faces. And we made sure to role-play our
the US survive as one big country?
atives wouldn’t, one of the Muslims pled with
relationship in front of them. Apparently, we
the Committee to overlook their own bias and
weren’t the only trio to do so – even undemon-
give a baby to the Conservatives.
The US team updated the libretto to better fit our cultural setting – the Professionals probably wouldn’t have a fishing fleet, for example
The Conservatives received a baby because the
– a construction company fit better. But in
Committee had realized that it was discriminat-
general, we tried not to change relationship
ing against the Conservatives on unfair ideo-
dynamics within individual trios, or between
logical grounds. Interesting, since the Com-
different trios.
mittee had searched for a reason to disqualify the Conservatives, that their apparent liberal
We had more players than in either of the
perspective caused them, in-game, to recognize
original Norwegian runs, so we persuaded
their own bias and apply a corrective lens.
the larpwrights to write three new characters, a set of conservative women from New
Later, the Conservative and the Muslim trios
Bedford, Pennsylvania. The conservative trio,
bonded over feeling ostracized because of their
as it turned out, proved to be a lightning rod
religion – people had responded to them with
for thought-provoking play. Out of game,
pre-set expectations. It was interesting to me
our player base skewed liberal and had some
that this feeling of ostracism should have af-
preconceptions about the characters in the trio
fected the two groups that our cultural narra-
that created fascinating play.
tive often pits against one another.
138
“Later, the Conservative and the Muslim trios bonded over feeling ostracized because of their religion – people had responded to them with pre-set expectations. It was interesting to me that this feeling of ostracism should have affected the two groups that our cultural narrative often pits against one another.”
strative trios not linked by romantic relationships role-played the physicality of their relationships through Ars Amandi in front of the conservatives, even if their trios weren’t particularly physical otherwise. During the debrief, a particularly telling moment for me was talking to one of the Conservatives’ players and hearing that she had felt positively inclined toward the Lovers, accepting our arrangement as a necessity, of sorts, in the all-lady postapocalypse. That created fascinating guilt in me – I had made the assumption that they’d be prejudiced against us, but in fact, the prejudice worked in the other direction. I know I’m not the only one who had this realization. So that was surprising and unexpected – recognizing that liberal assumptions about conservatives are as damaging
- “Vicky”
as assumptions that run the other way.
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AMERICAN VALUES AT PLAY How the Meta-techniques Translated
Lisa and Sharon. (Liz Rywelski)
We took a bunch of Americans of varying lev-
In general, the workshop and black box helped
And yet, for me at least, taking time out for
My possibly erroneous sense is that this tech-
els of game experience, ranging from experi-
people play in an emotionally intense way, I
black box scenes enhanced my experience quite
nique first appeared in medieval fantasy games.
enced larpers to total noobs, and exposed them
think, mainly by providing context for in-game
a lot. And feeling encouraged to talk to my trio
It seems like an exportable technique that I’m
to Nordic larp. So, did the form of the game
action that deepened emotion. Game mechanics
partners about how comfortable each of us
dying to see used somewhere, by someone.
make them into Nordic larpers, or did it reveal
influence game play by structuring interactions
were with physical contact, for example, helped
a quintessentially American style of play?
between the characters.
make me feel safer in terms of role-play.
US Equality: Everyone Gets a Baby!
Give them lock pick skills and they will pick
I think that workshopping, and the black box
The first act of the game had very little visible
locks; give them a black box, and they will play
are techniques that could easily be exported to
surface action – we waited to be evaluated by the
In addition to the Nordic pre-game workshops,
backstory, creating emotional context. The
many other sorts of US larp.
Committee, and got to know the other applicants.
the game also employed meta-techniques,
black box in particular also seemed to encour-
ways of breaking the narrative to heighten the
age collaborative play, as players often set black
Unused Technique: the Bathroom Wall
For me, at least, still waters ran deep, as the
drama.
box scenes for each other.
The answer, as with so many complex questions, is a little of both.
saying goes, and I felt very emotionally engaged I also learned about a meta technique that we
in the game and involved in relationships, both
If I had to pick a winner out of all of the
So I feel that we came halfway to the communal
did not use from the Norwegians, inelegantly
with members of our own trio, and in terms of
techniques we tried out, it’d be the black box,
play that seems emblematic of Nordic larp, at
dubbed “the bathroom wall.” Sometimes, in
our relationship, as a group, to the rest of the
a room with lighting and sound that exists
least from the descriptions I’ve seen and read.
Norway, people take photos of their characters,
groups present. I’ve talked about how the core
print them out and stick them on the bathroom
US value of equality affects larp in other places,
out of place and time at the larp. You could go there to play possible or actual pasts and
Since this form of larp was new to most of
wall, where people are often nominally in game
and I saw this core ideal affecting the game here
futures, or dreams and fantasies.
us, it was hard to negotiate meta-gaming, the
anyway. You can write out of game messages
too. The Committee, the in-game government
practice of talking out of game to your scene
to other people on the photos – “ask me about
representatives, decided on Sunday morning
partners about what direction the game might take.
my father” or “my charm bracelet is not what it
that every trio would get a baby, a decision that
seems” or whatever. Then, if I have a lull in my
ensured that each trio was treated equally on
For example, my trio had a teenage friend who came to our club and performed standup. We started wondering what her conservative
Particularly since that aspect of Nordic larp
game, I can check the wall, and find something
the surface, a decision that circumvented the
grandma would think about her act, so we went
seems at odds with the idea of total immer-
else to play on, seeking out that player and
Committee’s own potential personal preferences,
and found her trio and asked them to play out
sion, that you’re in game as much as humanly
asking her about her father, or bringing up the
and suggested that the right to reproduce is a
our imagined scene for us.
possible.
topic of fathers in general.
fundamental human right.
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What’s Our Default Behavior?
They clearly arrived at this decision after considerable debate. I think it says something
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
During the debrief, it came out that several
I found it interesting because it revealed our in-
different sets of trios had different individual
clination or our willingness to accept hierarchy so long as no great wrong was done.
intriguing, both in- and out-of-game, about cul-
In the Norwegian runs of the game, the last
plans to get the Last Man out and away. Some
tural values of equality and the much-touted
man’s appearance kicked off a town hall meet-
people wanted the play to continue on longer –
equal playing field. My trio couldn’t believe
ing about his fate. In the US run, it kicked off
the party spiriting away Isak had plans to open
I know my trio, gun-less though we were,
that the Artists – an ad hoc group of ladies
concerns of security. As medical staff got the
the play back up to involve more of the players.
would have leapt up to defend Isak’s human-
who wanted to film every minute of the kid’s
last man comfortable, the Committee took
I felt comfortable ending the game where it
ity if we thought it had been under real threat
life from birth until death – made the cut.
charge, immediately exiling prospective birth
ended – we told the players upfront that once
from the government.
mothers to another location to keep them safe
it seemed like we’d made a decision about what
As a plot twist, however, this decision ramped
from potential disease, and sending the armed
to do with the Last Man, they’d play the music
down the delicious conflict that had simmered
outside to guard against the band of women
that ended the game.
since the previous night’s announcement that
that might be following him.
the Muslim and Conservative trios would re-
DEBRIEF RESPONSE We did some formal debriefing – meeting in
With so many plans and intrigues at play, I
various sizes of groups over a couple hours to
ceive babies. And since we were all getting ba-
When the Last Man refused to deal with the
felt that the individual plan carried out wasn’t
talk about what aspect of our characters we’d
bies, it also altered our relationship to the Last
Committee, a new band of leadership quickly
important – it was enough that one of the frag-
take home with us, and what aspect we’d leave
Man, who rushed in shortly afterward – no trio
emerged and decided to get him off the prem-
mented plans succeeded. Many people had the
behind, our most meaningful moments, etc.
now required him as a resource for sperm. And
ises, ending the game.
same idea – to spirit away the last man to an undisclosed location. Though only one of these
We talked about what real-world dynamics we
As I watched this dynamic unfold, it reminded
particular plans came to fruition, it felt like the
saw in the game, and how we might bring the
me of power and status dynamics I’ve seen
group objective had been achieved.
things learned in this space back out to the real
I think that helped many of the characters see him as human first.
world. We also gave everyone debrief buddies
unfold in other games. The weekend plot hook
Something about the appearance of the Last Man read as “weekend plot.” And as a group of American gamers, I think we fell into a familiar pattern. Our hive mind went, “Oh! A problem! We’ll solve the shit out of this.” And solve it we did, in under three hours. - “Vicky 142
appears. Some people take charge and send
That we resorted to plotting and planning and
– designated partners to talk over the game
other people away. Then scheming happens and
hierarchy seemed like a thematic resolution
experience with.
there’s a surprise ending.
to our group dynamic, if not to the plot point itself, and to me, establishing that order felt like
During the debrief, Trine, one of the original
Something about the appearance of the Last
enough of an ending. I don’t want to privilege
Norwegian writers, told people something like,
Man read as “weekend plot.” And as a group of
one style of play over another here – I felt
“You think we’re being excessively conscious
American gamers, I think we fell into a familiar
the end of our game was a perfectly valid and
of your feelings now, but we know from experi-
pattern. Our hive mind went, “Oh! A problem!
interesting end, and though it was unsatisfying
ence that you’ll feel differently in a few days.”
We’ll solve the shit out of this.” And solve it
to some of the participants, then that dissatis-
People were surprised how much their emo-
we did, in under three hours.
faction is part of the bleed, perhaps.
tional involvement continued.
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The day after the larp ended, the group’s
Of course, nothing’s perfect, and we could have
Excerpt from “Mad About the Techniques:
Maybe we could tell stories tonight. Across the
floodgates opened, with people writing in to
done a better job with a few things — com-
Stealing Nordic methods for larp design” by
room, my lovers are still enlisting others to the
ask if they were the only people still emotion-
municating with the player of the last man,
Lizzie Stark Originally published in The Wyrd
cause. I am making small talk with Thomas, his
ally affected by the game. There was a flurry
including an opt-out mechanism towards the
Con Companion Book December 21, 2012
mother and his girlfriend.
of activity on the email list, and I had many
end of the Ars Amandi workshop, and meeting
personal exchanges with other players.
a few more times in our organizer group. Other
Across the room, my lovers are persuading
Did you have siblings? He asks. For a moment
people may have had different views of the ex-
people to join tonight’s celebration—a little
I cannot say anything. A younger brother, I
For me, I had a double larp-hangover. As a
perience, but all things considered, I’m satisfied
party to lighten the somber mood. The tenor
force out. Thomas grabs my wrist. I’m so sorry,
player, I was sorting through the emotional ex-
with how the game turned out and the response
of the room is macabre tonight because three
he says. That small moment—the choked back
perience of play. As an organizer, I had to deal
from the players has been largely positive.
years ago today, everyone with a Y chromo-
tears and the sympathy of Thomas—repre-
with feedback through that lens of emotion,
But you don’t have to take my word for it…
some dropped dead—cars crashed, planes fell,
sents one of the best moments of my experi-
and each of us has keenly felt the loss.
ence with the larp Mad About the Boy. In that
and through the fog of a cold I had caught.
instant, I uniquely felt the emotions of my character merge with my own.
For more than a week, I felt emotionally raw,
I am talking to Thomas, a trans man and stand-
unable to accept kind words about the game
up comic who performs at a club that belongs
as praise, and unable to accept critique – even
to one of my partners. He is here with his fam-
The tears I blinked back were real, involuntary,
reasoned critique – without a disproportionate
ily—his mother and his girlfriend. They hope
and quite strong, rather than an act I was put-
emotional reaction.
that the government will give them sperm to
ting on for the other players around me. This
start a family.
moment of intense, real emotion is part of what draws players to Nordic larp.
From the email list, I also have the sense that the game created a community that will yield
That is what my two lovers and I want too. No
future collaborations. I, for one, can’t wait to
babies have been born since the disaster despite
see what happens.
raids on the local sperm banks, but now the
“That small moment—the choked back tears and the sympathy of Thomas—represents one of the best moments of my experience with the larp Mad About the Boy. In that instant, I uniquely felt the emotions of my character merge with my own.”
government is selecting future potential famiOVERALL
lies. This is a pilot program.
Considering that this is one of the first such
Around the room, I see solemn faces on most
game run in the US, and that the organizers
of the women. It’s cold in this cavernous room.
had a whole slew of things to translate from
Thomas agrees that a party would lighten the
a Nordic audience to an American one, I think
mood. We’ve been talking about all the wonder-
the game went pretty smoothly.
ful funny things that men used to do, he says.
- “Vicky”
Nina from the Survivalists. (Liz Rywelski)
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Alex
Previous surgeries? hit by car @ 7, broke L
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Post-game Debriefing:
ankle, sliced finger w/ kitchen knife Archetype: Drama queen
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?10
Although I enjoyed game, I didn’t get very
and we also talked about the kind of physical-
Age: 36
drinks/week, couple cigarettes/day
deeply into character or feel a deep emotional
ity we thought would be appropriate to use in
Occupation before the disaster: Restaurant/
Family history of transmissable diseases
connection/resonance with my real life (for
game. In the pre-game scene workshops, we all
nightclub entrepreneur
(genetic, etc.)? dad died in Event, mother still
various reasons which I don’t have the time to
seemed to have a little trouble fully committing
Current occupation: Bar owner/bartender
alive (age 65), grandparents died of heart at-
blither about right now, some of which I talked
to touching each other (or perhaps I mean, not
tacks or dementia (70-75)
about in the various Sunday debriefing conver-
being embarrassed about it), though we also all
“She’s not the type of person some people love and
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
sations). But reading some of the comments
seemed interested in trying. (At player-of-Eli-
some people hate. Most of those who know her do
Birth control? no
going by on the list made me more conscious
na’s instigation, we did some explicitly touch-
both at once.”
STI history? no
about a thing that did happen for me, or maybe
related exercises as well as the regular scenes).
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
it’s a related pair of things.
But, I think that helped break the ice.
Uterine fibroids? no
I’m in general not a very physically touchy per-
I think the Ars Armandi workshop changed
Height? 5’4”
Previous pregnancies? * any abortions? one,
son, but I often wish I were more so, and regret
things for me as well, although I didn’t quite
Weight? 155
terminated at age 20
that I seem to send off much stronger don’t-
think of it this way at the time -- in the work-
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
Physical fitness results: eyesight OK, memory
touch-me signals than I mean to, in general.
shop itself, though I think a lot of us were
High/low blood pressure? low-to-normal
OK, breath control 21s
I’m kind of the shy person hanging around the
working through some embarrassment/awk-
edge of the party hoping someone will invite
wardness, especially at the transition from eyes-
me to dance, in that respect. I saw Alex as
closed to eyes-open, I was surprised how easy
both more extraverted than myself (or at least,
I found it to engage in that sort of physicality
extraverted in ways I’m not) and more physical
with total strangers.
2 weeks, regular
#3 - Alex, 36
than myself -- she’d totally go around touching people casually, making out with her lovers in
I always find it easier to do intimate/embar-
public, and so forth.
rassing things when acting under direct instructions -- it’s a very strong kind of permis-
When I was having pre-game discussions with
sion and excuse; we all know I’m supposed to
my Triad, I explicitly told them all this and ba-
do this, so it must be OK.
sically said “I may find it hard to initiate touch, but please do initiate it with me, if you’re get-
But even so, I was surprised that it worked so
ting back-off signals I don’t really mean it,”
well for me.
Alex tends the fire to keep warm. (Liz Rywelski)
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I was especially pleased with the two final
And I think I was able to bring up the level of
It’s a little hard to articulate exactly what I
I know there were plenty of scenes initiated
mutual/scene interactions I was in, both with
physicality/ sexiness when dancing with Vicky,
mean. But it’s something I don’t always get in
by the protagonists/participants, but I had
partners who were fully engaged and offering
which is in some ways even more surprising,
real life, particularly when entering a group of
not expected that people would want to sug-
me a narrative to participate in/respond to/
because this is the sort of thing I’m much bet-
strangers. I think it was mostly other people’s
gest scenes to each other in this way. I guess it
play off of. After the workshop, I wondered
ter at playing along with than setting the tone
doing rather than mine, but I also think that
emphasized the idea that a) we were playing to
about whether it would seem awkward to try to
for.
being Alex helped me participate in it.
each other as audience and b) we were writing the story collaboratively.
actually use Ars Armandi in game -- and in fact I never tried because I didn’t end up needing it
In some ways, I felt most in-character dur-
Anyway, I thought that was worth noting for
-- but I think that primed me for being
ing the dancing (even though I also spent the
myself and sharing with the rest of you.
able to touch freely and feeling like other peo-
whole time with my player brain running,
ple were open to engaging in it.
doing things like deciding to have Alex amp up
And thanks to everyone for being such a great
the sexiness with Vicky because I as a player
group to play (and spend time) with -- and in
Mostly I just did a lot of casual touching (and
figured it would make good angst for Chris-
particular, to all the people who connected with
sexy banter) with my lovers. But the interest-
tine).
me-as-Alex, and to various people who pre-
“The other strong impression I took away from game (I now realize) was the strong sense of belonging -- mostly due to being in the Lovers Triad, which made me feel cherished and supported and like I was really part of a strong relationship, but also with things like going back to our cabin and hanging out with our roommates and some mutual friends they’d invited over, toasting marshmallows and talking about our sexual pasts.”
game suggested ways to make our character
ing thing was the dance party. In real life, I
relationships more interesting and dramatic.
don’t think of myself as much of a dancer,
The other strong impression I took away from
though I’ve also reached the point where I’m
game (I now realize) was the strong sense of
comfortable getting out there and doing my
belonging -- mostly due to being in the Lovers
The thing I found unexpected and intriguing
thing and not worrying about whether I look
Triad, which made me feel cherished and sup-
was that all (I think) of the black box scenes I
goofy.
ported and like I was really part of a strong re-
was involved with or saw initiated were initi-
lationship, but also with things like going back
ated by someone who was not the protagonist
As Alex, I was much more in my element, and
to our cabin and hanging out with our room-
of the scene.
made the dancing much more about being sexy
mates and some mutual friends they’d invited
and engaging other people (and, come to think
over, toasting marshmallows and talking about
For example, Vicky’s player suggested playing
of it, trying to manipulate their moods and
our sexual pasts.
out the scene of my character’s past abortion; the Lovers shanghaied the Three Genera-
perform for them) than Andrea usually would. When I invited Linn to dance, she jumped in
And, on the purely player level, I just felt very
tions into playing a scene where Emma Nancy
and got very physical with me, which I recip-
welcomed and included by the people I was
performed for her family; Elina’s player initi-
rocated, and was again surprised at how easy it
interacting most closely with and sharing space
ated a scene in which Christine fantasized about
was.
with.
Vicky.
148
- “Vicky”
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Chapter 4 The Triads: Professionals, Wealhy Women, Nuclear Family
150
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The Triads: The Professional Women Lena, Veronica, and Megan
The Professionals prepare for the start of the Vigil with the other players. (Liz Rywelski)
Theresa’s Psych Notes: The Professionals
These three professional women are not a family and more acquaintances than friends. They
While documented cases of these disorders obvi-
On a personal note, I sent them away rather quickly,
ously exist, they seemed to have become the diagnosis
still unnerved by Lena’s quiet stare and the possibility of a disagreement arising.
will probably learn things about each other
As a player, I was shaking as they entered,
du jour for any social problem. The cure? Pumping
here that they didn’t know before.
knowing that Lena was set to be my antagonist,
the child’s veins full of medicine while their brains
afraid that the session would spiral out of The-
and bodies were still forming. The thought made my
I felt guilt as they stood outside. I watched them in-
When it comes to motivating young children to
resa’s control. I justified this fear in-character
stomach churn. Still, Lena seemed to understand the
teract for a moment, trying to evaluate their comfort
excel, they really think they know best. They
by remembering that Lena was a psychiatrist
concern and stated she would only medicate if all
with one another.
are well-educated women, very equipped and
and in possible opposition to therapeutic meth-
other options failed. I felt uncertain about their abil-
sure of themselves. This self-confidence is not
ods of psychology.
ity to function as a Triad on an interpersonal level
Then, I saw Grant’s candle on the windowsill. Actu-
-- they seemed all business.
ally, I had initially chosen a long, slender purple
uniform, but Lena brought the group together
candle for Grant -- purple, the color of the third eye
and believes they will be most likely to raise
I asked a series of seemingly benign questions,
educated, productive offspring.
hoping to flush out any sort of coldness or lack of
However, since they were each caregivers and
chakra -- an enlightened color for a man of such
maternal spirit in Lena. Instead, I received mainly
trained social professionals in their own right, I felt
powerful intellect. He inspired me to become every-
Lena is by far the most calculating, but Ve-
quietness from her and was greatly reassured by
they would find a way to work out such awkward-
thing I was, for good and ill.
ronica can be as overwhelming as any when she
Veronica and Megan’s maternal natures.
ness eventually. I was extremely pleased to hear that
gets going. Finally, I broached the subject of medication.
Veronica worked at the school at the Collective and
Later, I absconded with a discarded vanilla candle
hoped to synergize the two groups somehow.
as well. Though the size and shape was less dramatic of a display, the smell comforted me. As the
Megan is the intended birth mother in this group. Both Lena and Veronica are power-
I knew this would be the moment of truth in my
I was uncertain whether I could guarantee them a
Professionals chatted outside, I took a quiet moment
ful women, and in many ways they probably
decision. I had read several articles pre-Event re-
child, but I felt they were the Triad most equipped to
to remember Grant, to sniff the candle, to think
underestimate Megan. They look at Megan as
garding the over-medication of children, especially
handle a child’s educational, social, and psychologi-
of the words I said at the vigil in remembrance of
“old reliable,” but is it wise not to consider her
for so-called “disorders” such as Asberger’s, ADD,
cal wellbeing.
him...
a full-fledged member of the family?
and ADHD.
The Professionals prepare for the start of the Vigil with the other players. (Liz Rywelski)
152
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
p.155, left: Veronica. (Liz Rywelski) p.155, right: Megan. (Liz Rywelski)
Lena Post-game Debriefing:
Archetype: The General Age: 39
Veronica
Megan
Archetype: Teacher
Archetype: Martyr
Age: 41
Age: 34
Occupation before the disaster: Psychiatrist
…there were two things that really motivated
Occupation before the disaster: Teacher
Occupation before the disaster: Social worker
Current occupation: Psychiatrist
me to travel so far to participate: first, that it
Current occupation: Teacher
Current occupation: Social worker
“The world is like the classroom– sit up straight!”
“Carrying the world upon her shoulders”
was (nearly) a women only game, something that I have never experienced before and sec-
“The best and the brightest will inherit the earth”
ond, that it was specifically stated as inclusive #1 - Lena, 36
of trans women.
#2 - Veronica, 41
#3 - Megan, 34
Height? 5’1”
Some of that is just because that inclusiveness
Height? 5’6”
Height? 5’1”
Weight? 160
is integral to my personal philosophy (and I
Weight? 143
Weight? 185
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
have a fair number of trans friends), but also
Existing medical conditions? * chronic?
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
High/low blood pressure? normal
for more selfish reasons - as a queer woman,
carpal tunnel R wrist
High/low blood pressure? low-to-normal
Previous surgeries? no
I have found that spaces that are inclusive of
High/low blood pressure? normal
Previous surgeries? broken L leg @ 14
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?
trans people to generally be more comfortable
Previous surgeries? appendectomy @ 7
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? ibu-
2-3 drinks/week
and inclusive of a range of relationships with
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no
profen
Family history of transmissable diseases
gender and sexuality, and no game that ex-
Family history of transmissable diseases
Family history of transmissable diseases
(genetic, etc.)? diabetic paternal uncle, mom
plored those issues could do so as well if it was
(genetic, etc.)? great-uncle w/heart condition,
(genetic, etc.)? parents died during Event
still alive, dad died in Event
not inclusive the way that this one was. :)
mom died in accident pre-event, dad died in Event
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
Birth control? no
Birth control? no
Birth control? no
STI history? no
STI history? no
STI history? no
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
current, regular
2 weeks, regular
perimenopausal
Uterine fibroids? no
Uterine fibroids? no
Uterine fibroids? no
Previous pregnancies? no
Previous pregnancies? no
Previous pregnancies? * live birth (vaginal/
Physical fitness results: eyesight good,
Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good,
caesarian)? one, live birth, boy
memory mediocre, breath control 9s
memory eh, breath control 25s
Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good, memory eh, breath control 11s Lena of the Professional Women Triad. (Liz Rywelski)
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The Triads: The Wealthy Women Elizabeth, Ellen, and Kristin This group is used to thinking of the world in
I was envisioning a secret service sort of situation
the context of business. The market is what
for the child. But, what really moved me was the
makes the world go around and what keeps
level of intimacy between Kristin and Ellen, how
societies stable. What they buy and sell, and
they held one another’s hand through the whole
why and what methods they use, differ between
meeting, how they took comfort in one another. They
the different characters. There is a slight crash
were not performing intimacy for my sake – they
between old money and new.
were intimate.
The dramaturgical function of this group is to
I felt that such a bond would be wonderful for a
be the traditionally resourceful family. They are
young girl to see, a great pattern of secure attach-
wealthy enough to buy their child what it needs
ment. As they left, I was unsure if I could secure
and to have Elizabeth stay at home. They have
them a child, as we had yet to receive word as to
strong work ethics. Elizabeth is the intended
how many women we were permitted to inseminate.
birth mother in this group, but Ellen isn’t
But, later, in my discussions with the Committee, I
necessarily opposed to the idea of becoming
expressed my strong belief that they were the most
pregnant herself if given the opportunity.
emotionally stable of the Triads... so, naturally, my heart broke a little when Julie told us they were ranked last on her list of physically fit due to ge-
Theresa’s Psych Notes: The Wealthy Women
netic factors. The relationship dynamic of this Triad confused me upon first glance. Physically, in dress and action,
Still, I wanted to secure them a child. We conceived
Kristin and Ellen looked so similar, so unified, but
of a way they could still, for lack of a better word,
Elizabeth sat apart. When the former explained
conceive -- if they strengthened their Staff, made
that they had become a couple, but that their rela-
connections with other Triads, and -- here was the
tionship with Elizabeth was mainly one of conveni-
clincher -- were implanted with a less disease-prone
ence (in my interpretation), I understood a bit better.
ovum. I knew they would take offense, but we were
I was pleased that they were willing to use their
concerned that the child would be left without par-
considerable resources to increase security.
ents in a cruel, dangerous world.
156
: The Wealthy Women pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Liz Rywelski)
“Wow! That is easily the best word that can describe my weekend at Mad About the Boy. While there were slow moments, overall it was an emotional rollercoaster that left me feeling more alive and like a woman then I have felt for some time.” - “Ellen”
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Elizabeth Post-game Debriefing:
Archetype: The dependent wife
Family history of transmissable diseases
Age: 30
(genetic, etc.)? maternal grandmother - breast
Occupation before the disaster: Homemaker
cancer @ 85, father – hypertension, mother -
I also feel kind of anxious being back in the
for her husband and two sons
heart issue, post-event
“real world.” I pointed out how weird it was to
Current occupation: Homemaker for Kristin
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
see men walking around while driving back.
and Ellen
Birth control? no
Does this happen after emotional larps?
Elizabeth awaits the Vigil, mourning her lost husband and children. (Liz Rywelski)
STI history? no Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
“What’s wrong in just wanting to be loved?”
My friends have been pretty understanding, if
***
not excited by it. I had one male friend tell me
1 week, regular Uterine fibroids? no
I’m glad you likened it to drop. I thought I was
that he’d love to play in a mixed gender run.
Previous pregnancies? Two, * @ 24, live
being silly when I explained to my boyfriend as
He’s a gamer and he also identifies as queer, so
Height? 5’4”
birth, boy, * @ 26, live birth, boy, both died in
being “kind of like subdrop” when I woke up
the main concepts behind the game were inter-
Weight? 180
Event
this morning.
esting to him.
High/low blood pressure? normal
Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good,
I usually recover from drop with a lot of
Previous surgeries? broken L arm @ 12
memory eh, breath control 13s
SLEEP! And food/hot drinks. And doing this,
This is probably a bit TMI, but I feel like we’re
right now; reaching out. Don’t isolate. We’re all
in a safe space, so whatever; I told my therapist
here for each other.
about the game. Partially because a conversa-
#1 - Elizabeth, 30
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no
“He was a little concerned that I would be triggered by the subject matter, or that I would be anxious but “trapped” in character. I told him about the off-game room and that I had a friend doing the game with me. Overall, my therapist thought that this would be a great experience for me, emotionally. And it was!” - Elizabeth 158
tion I had with Lizzie about the subject matter prompted me telling my circle of support, which
***
included my therapist. My therapist was a bit confused until I used the theatre metaphor again.
My boss at Starbucks was actually frightfully enthusiastic about it. I think what intrigued him is when I likened it to theatre. He was
He was a little concerned that I would be trig-
fascinated by the idea of workshops and all the
gered by the subject matter, or that I would be
props and the 360 degree immersion.
anxious but “trapped” in character. I told him about the off-game room and that I had a friend
(He felt that we should have all just arrived at
doing the game with me. Overall, my therapist
the site in character, without workshopping first.
thought that this would be a great experience
I politely told him why that wouldn’t work).
for me, emotionally. And it was!
159
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Ellen and upper back of the partners involved (more
Post-game Public Blog by Jo Kreil on Wordpress:
Archetype: Self-made woman
Previous surgeries? no
Age: 31
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?
Occupation before the disaster: IT Entrepre-
2-3 drinks per week
Wow!
things to say). Mad About the Boy is loosely
neur
Family history of transmissable diseases
That is easily the best word that can describe
based off of the graphic novel Y: The Last Man.
Current occupation: Broker of goods and
(genetic, etc.)? diabetes on father’s side (un-
my weekend at Mad About the Boy. While there
resources. CEO of her own company.
cle), father - macular degeneration, pneumonia
were slow moments, overall it was an emotional
It is set in a world where three years prior
@ 62, mother - heart problems @ 65
rollercoaster that left me feeling more alive and
(thus 2009) all the men suddenly died after a
“A deal is a deal. The end of the world is not an
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
like a woman then I have felt for some time. I
violent and bloody coughing fit. Millions of
excuse to start being unprofessional about business.”
Birth control? no
would, without hesitation, do this LARP again
people died leaving women the sole inheritors
STI history? no
or any other LARP that explored the issues
of the earth. Now they are starting to build
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
and themes of gender.
and have gathered in one spot for two reasons.
#2 - Ellen, 31
on this in a latter post as I have a lot of good
1 week, regular Height? 5’6”
Uterine fibroids? no
Mad About the Boy is from the Nordic style of
A memorial for the dead and a chance for new
Weight? 160
Previous pregnancies? no
LARP known as jeepform (not entirely true.
life. The government has finally opened one of
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good,
See Jo’s correction at the end of the article - ed.).
many sperm banks which have been guarding a
High/low blood pressure? normal
memory OK, breath control 10s
Instead of focusing on long campaign style
now precious resource.
LARPS such as NERO or Knight Realms or Doomsday, jeepform does short one-shot stories
The government feels it is time to rebuild the
with workshops intended to not only crawl
species and if America’s program works, the
inside your character’s headspace but to step
rest of the world can follow.
back from the role after the weekend is over. Instead of focusing on the violence of most
There is a lot of fear though as no one knows
LARPS, jeepform games tend to tackle broader
if a male child will even be able to be born or
and more emotional themes.
survive childhood. Plus, if a male child is born, many other factions and groups will be focused
Love, loss, fear and many other complex emo-
on this child and not all have the best inten-
tions. They even have a system for sex called
tions. The family dynamic has changed largely
Ars Armandi (literally the Art of Love) which
in this not so distant future.
involves physical contact of the hands, arms Ellen before the Vigil, with Alex and Jo behind her. (Liz Rywelski)
160
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Now the family unit is known as a Triad in
One of the workshops on Friday night was a
I was part of the Wealthy Women Triad, a
It was at that point that I threw out that por-
which three women form a family unit (not nec-
meditating session in which we were asked to
group of three women who managed to contin-
tion of my character and realized what it was
essarily for romantic or sexual reasons).
imagine where we would be during the Disaster.
ue their business practices after the Disaster by
I really wanted to explore. A post-apocalyptic
helping to rebuild Philadelphia’s infrastructure.
romance story for the ages. A beacon of light
Lesbianism is less stigmatized (even the Con-
Who would we lose?
There was our matriarch and leader Kristin
in a bleak future. Thus began the most roman-
servative group was grudgingly accepting of
What would we do?
who use to own a construction company.
tic story I have ever explored at a LARP.
it) as many women (some formerly hetero-
How would we go on?
More on this next time. She continued doing this though the business
sexual) seek some sort of intimacy or romantic
EDIT: Jeepform/Nordic LARP correction
attachment. Sadly transwomen died in the Dis-
At first I was imagining myself as a biological
had largely shifted to teaching women how to
aster, something that was particularly devastat-
woman and it did not upset me. Then it hit me!
fill these roles. There was Elizabeth who was
ing to me in one of the early workshops.
I had a Y chromosome and I would be dead! It
Kristin’s sister-in-law. She had lost a loving
I would like to make a correction to my above
was not death that scared me though. It was
husband and two sons in the Disaster and she
post. It has been pointed out to me that both
Transmen and drag kings have become even
the thought that as a transwoman, I would be
was an emotionally fragile woman who still had
jeepform and Nordic LARP are actually two
more socially acceptable as they fill a void for
lumped in with all of the dead men. I would
a long way to go.
separate things. Mad About the Boy was Nordic
many left by the mass deaths of three years
be, by the definition of those who survived, a
prior. This is the world that we stepped into
man!
from Friday to Sunday and oddly enough it is a This shook me up a bit and I was all too happy
world that I find myself missing.
LARP however it was not jeepform. Jeepform She enjoyed watching romantic comedies and
games are shorter, often a matter of hours, and
my character would often watch them with her
have a much tighter structure then a weekend
(though she thought they were trite).
long game.
to sit up when the session ended. The entire Jeepform games bring up a lot of deep emo-
weekend though helped to reaffirm that I was
I played Ellen who had only male friends before
tions and sometimes they teach us a bit about
a woman and that I was accepted amongst
the Disaster. She enjoyed playing paintball and
ourselves. My own fears were brought up in a
this wildly diverse group. We were bisexual,
use to run a small IT business. She now ran a
workshop on Friday night and I am still sur-
pansexual, lesbian, straight, trans and a million
shipping business independently of Katrina
prised that I didn’t break down into tears and
other combinations that only we may person-
though they often worked together on projects
was able to pull myself together.
ally know about.
(they both felt it was safer to run them separately in case one went under).
I only shared this with a few people but now
Never have I seen so many differing women
it will be public knowledge as I am sure that
come together for a similar idea. It is a power-
Originally Ellen was supposed to miss men
many from the LARP will be reading this (or
ful feeling and I can see why so many place
but me and Emily (who plated Kristin) got
so I hope).
importance on things like women festivals.
into talking about their relationship after the
“Transmen and drag kings have become even more socially acceptable as they fill a void for many left by the mass deaths of three years prior. This is the world that we stepped into from Friday to Sunday and oddly enough it is a world that I find myself missing.”
Disaster.
162
- “Ellen” 163
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Kristin Jo, I’m so glad we created that kind of space
Post-game Debriefing:
Archetype: Old school business leader
for you. It was wonderful, and comfortable and
Age: 40 Occupation before the disaster: Owner of a
I’m so glad we timed the larp for a weekend
loving to be in a relationship in-game with you.
large construction company
when many folks would have an extra day after
I admired how you took initiative to make busi-
Current occupation: Owns and runs a large
to decompress. Taking it easy, and allowing for
ness connections for our family, and also how
construction company
time to process all the emotions & experiences
caring you were for Elizabeth. Thank you for
is important after any kind of strong experi-
trusting you could be here, and thank you for
ence like this. Love Drop concept, Kira! It’s a
bringing so much of yourself.
“She’s tough as nails.”
very real thing. ******hugs!!!!!!********
#3 - Kristin, 40 Height? 5’9”
Missing you both, Jo and [Elizabeth’s player]!
Weight? 180
It is weird to go back into such a different
Existing medical conditions? * chronic?
world after making our little household!
anti-depressants (.5mg/daily)
[Julie’s player] you wrote:
*** [To Melissa’s player], Thank you so much for all your playing to lose.
High/low blood pressure? normal Previous surgeries? no
Oh, Kristin from the Wealthy Women came up
I will never forget that moment of forgiveness
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no
and handed me a container
you came to with Isak. Thank you for sharing
Family history of transmissable diseases
of tongue depressors, saying she heard I was
where it came from in you.
(genetic, etc.)? father - melanoma @ 65, moth-
low on supplies. Is she
er - still alive
trying to bribe me?
--Emily
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no Birth control? no
!!! That was my way (as props master) of try-
STI history? no
ing to get you a prop that had been overlooked.
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
What an appropriate in-character response!
now, fluctuating length Uterine fibroids? no
John, I’m so glad you didn’t freeze to death!
Previous pregnancies? one, terminated at age 26
*hugs*
Physical fitness results: eyesight good, ***
memory OK
Kristin (Liz Rywelski)
Kristin confers with Maria. (Liz Rywelski)
164
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The Triads: The Nuclear Family Helen, Melissa, and Thomas This family most closely resembles a pre-Disas-
Still, out of the three, Thomas’ anger was muted
ter family: a mother, a father and a grandmoth-
compared to the waves of pain I was soon to experi-
er. They have a good strong relationship, but,
ence. As Melissa recounted her experiences of past
like in any family, sometimes there’s a little too
abuse and her desire for this child to be a second
much togetherness for anyone’s taste.
chance, her feelings shook me like a lightening rod. I
The Nuclear Family pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Julie Lunetta)
think I reacted so strongly because these feelings were
I also tried to reassure Thomas that we would not
My empathy switched to mere compassion and
Melissa is the intended birth mother in this
witnessed, amplified, and perhaps even enabled by
violate his body by implanting a baby... and deeply
Theresa nodded in sympathy.
group. Because they can give a child the most
Thomas and his mother, Helen.
hoped it was true. Mostly, I tried to encourage
”natural” family life, they believe they are a
Melissa to see herself as worthy with or without an
The psychological ramifications of such a
shoe-in for acceptance to the program. Moreo-
Embedded within this dynamic were layers upon
abuser, with or without a lover, with or without a
role-play moment are quite interesting from a
ver, each truly wants to play the role they
layers of discomfort, self-loathing, awkwardness,
child... that she was a worthy being outside of her
psychodramatic perspective... but, I’ll save such
should have had pre-Disaster.
but ultimately, love. The catharsis spilled out of
relations to others.
musings for a later paper ;))
longer than I had granted any of the others. I knew
Abuse survivors often have difficulty conceptualiz-
Emotionally taxed, I prepared myself for my din-
they needed this... and I needed to try to help Helen.
ing their own autonomy. She seemed to understand...
ner break, trying not to let my shields collapse. I felt
Every day in a therapist’s life holds the potential to
For while Thomas and Melissa had one another to
but, I wasn’t sure I was getting through. Such
drained, both from the intensity of the sessions and
try her emotionally. While I try to maintain proper
help them sort through their feelings, Helen re-
dynamics needed months, maybe years of therapy to
from my loneliness.
energetic shielding as each patient enters, holding
mained on the outside.
unpack, not a mere forty-five minutes.
their eyes for what felt like forty-five minutes, far Theresa’s Psych Notes: The Nuclear Family
I missed Grant terribly and envied even Thomas
the space to allow them to release whatever demons lie within, sometimes, those demons creep past; they
She watched them vicariously, the need plain on
Player note: I had a strange bleed moment as I,
and Melissa, who despite their personal confusion,
infiltrate. Thomas was agitated upon entering, an-
her face, absorbing their intimacy from a distanced
the player, rushed to empathize with Melissa,
still had hope, still had each other, still had a func-
gry that he was unsuccessfully “passing,” that people
posture, so plainly involved, feeling the emotions
as I have also suffered domestic abuse and have
tioning womb. Two, technically.
were not perceiving him as male.
so keenly, crying herself. Were the tears her own or
felt the need to validate and rehabilitate myself
merely a mirror for her empathy... an almost vam-
through relationships. However, I had to stifle
Julie then told me that dinner had been postponed
piric empathy?
this empathy, as I decided Theresa had never
and that we should see another round of patients
personally experienced domestic abuse. While
in the meantime, which relieved me. I wanted to get
I later discovered that Julie’s rather -- shall we say -- neutral bedside manner offended him, particularly in regard to the possible use of his womb as a
I tried to encourage her to find someone, to direct
her fights with Grant were passionate, she
this day over with. I wanted to give these women
receptacle for a child.
that attention to someone who could reciprocate.
never felt like she lost her autonomy.
what they wanted and leave this place.
166
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Helen Post-game Debriefing:
Archetype: Lioness Age: 54
I came home on Sunday and described Nordic
And knowing that there were “safety nets” (the
Larp to my roommate as “larping for grown-
ability to “cut” a scene, and the expectation of
ups,” which I really enjoy.
de-roling afterwards) gave me permission to
Occupation before the disaster: Pediatric nurse
…And thank you, also, for inviting Helen to
Current occupation: Heads a school for pro-
dance at the dance party. Helen was staying
fessional retraining
on the sidelines because even though I (Emma)
In my past (albeit limited) experienced with
would have wanted to dance, Helen felt like it
larping or tabletop RPGs, I’ve felt like I’ve been
At the last larp I played about a month ago, I
“Say something bad about anyone in her family and
was just something for the young people to be
performing a very superficial and exagger-
had a moment where I burst into tears, out-
she gets this look - almost like she’s about to bite you.”
enjoying. Actually, Thomas had been trying to
ated caricature. As I mentioned in one of the
of-character, because of some majorly disor-
get Mom up to dance for a little while, and she
debrief sessions on Sunday, one of the things
ganized GMing, which I felt was unfairly and
kept refusing. But she accepted Alex’s invita-
I liked so much about MAtB was the lack of
negatively impacting my gaming experience.
tion because she seemed so suave and confident
action-based structure.
Like another player, I found myself chastising
#1 - Helen, 54
experience my character more emotionally.
myself for getting so emotional since it was
Height? 5’4”
(and Theresa had also suggested that Helen
Weight? 175
should try to open herself up to companion-
I found I spent a lot of time simply sitting
High/low blood pressure? normal
ship!)
around and having conversations about things
“just a game.”
Previous surgeries? no
with the other characters, which I found inter-
Had that game been run with the same built-
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no
esting and deeply rewarding. We were able to
in support structures that we experienced this
Family history of transmissable diseases
develop richer and more nuanced characters,
weekend, I would have felt safer realizing that
(genetic, etc.)? mom (82) & dad (84) died of
whose perspectives informed some very inter-
my character was just as frustrated in-game as
natural causes
esting discussions about issues around gender,
I was, and she probably wanted to cry as well!
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
motherhood, and sexuality. At MAtB, I found myself becoming very emo-
Birth control? no STI history? no
Lizzie, I completely agree with you that larp-
tional at the memorial ceremony, before the
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
ers will adjust their game play if they are
game had even gotten underway! But this time,
post-menopausal
provided with the structures of Nordic larp.
instead of stifling that impulse, I decided to al-
Uterine fibroids? no
The workshops (especially the time to develop
low myself to experience the emotional aspects
Previous pregnancies? * live birth (vaginal/
backstory with our Triads) absolutely informed
of the game. I am naturally a very tearful per-
caesarian)? two, live birth in both
and enriched my in-game experience, in a way
son, and I hadn’t wanted Helen to be, but I real-
Physical fitness results: eyesight OK, memory
I hadn’t predicted or anticipated going into this
ized that this kind of Bleed is what Nordic larp
OK, refusal to do fitness test
experience blind.
encourages and also, more importantly, supports.
A rare smile from Helen, who experienced much grief throughout the experience. (Liz Rywelski)
168
169
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values Helen eats breakfast with her Family while awaiting the Committee’s decision. (Liz Rywelski)
I came into this with some trepidations about
The family unit was already tense, and Helen
Thomas and Melissa wanted to raise a child
She had met her husband Mark at medical school.
how responsibly the psychological safety of
felt she was constantly walking on eggshells.
together, and Helen desperately wanted to have
She liked him because he was safe, secure, and
the players would be handled, and I am happy
Her relationship with Thomas had been
a grandchild. And although she would never
responsible. She did not fall in love with him
that it is an issue that was addressed, and is
fraught in the past, but only, she figured, a
admit it, she was absolutely thrilled at the pros-
because he was creative or adventurous – and in
now inspiring others to bring back to their own
normal adolescent phase. He did, after all,
pect of it being a baby girl, since on some deep
that respect, his emotional distance rather mirrored
gaming groups.
eventually return home to her. And she was
level she did regret “losing” her daughter, Tina
her relationship with her own father. She loved her
enormously proud of him in every way.
(now Thomas).
two children very much though, and is extremely proud of Thomas’s creativity, charisma, energy, and
---
compassion.
Helen’s relationship with Melissa was far more
However, this, too, caused tension within the
Helen’s story arc was about family: the
tense, as Helen’s role had transformed over
family unit, since Helen was very much the
strength of the family unit, especially as tra-
the last few years from that of an impartial
“third wheel” in terms of parenting choices.
When Tina first came out to Helen as Thomas,
ditionally defined in the past. The strength
counselor at the Women’s Center, to that of
In any case, the family unit was the utmost
Helen struggled to understand at first. This did not
of blood relations, the strength of love (both
an overprotective (nagging) mother. Melissa
priority – had anything happened to break up
come from a place of aversion or hostility toward
familial and romantic), and, above all, the indi-
seemed always on the verge of completely
the Triad, Helen would not have even fathomed
the concept, but merely a lack of exposure to it. She
vidual’s absolute need for that particular kind
breaking down, and Helen worried that she no
joining another Triad just to have a baby.
worked very hard to understand, and supported
of bond. Helen’s utmost goal throughout the
longer knew what to do to help. Furthermore,
game was to keep her family unified.
Melissa was not bound to Helen or Thomas
In the pre-game workshops, we worked togeth-
by blood, so it would be simple for her to sever
er to build our family backstory.
She felt responsible for the safety and success
herself completely from the family unit if she
of both Thomas and Melissa, and would have
ever really lost it.
seen losing them not only as an absolutely
Thomas throughout his transition, but Mark was less empathetic. This caused some tension in the family, and eventuHelen had grown up in the Connecticut suburbs,
ally Thomas, feeling stifled within his suburban
went through a bit of a wild hippie phase as a
community and even at home, moved to New York
tragic personal blow, the ultimate loss, but also
For the Nuclear Family Unit, the choice to have a
teenager in the ‘70s, but had ultimately married and
City to pursue his career as a stand-up comedian.
a failure on her part as a mother and counse-
baby was less about the “greater good” and doing
stayed in the suburbs to raise her two children and
Helen stayed in touch with Thomas, and made a
lor figure. It would indicate an incompetency
our part to help rebuild society (although working
become a typical “soccer mom.” Family and stabil-
great deal of effort to support him, even driving
on her part, as well as leaving her completely
together to build a better future was an important
ity were very important to her. She had been an
all the way to the city to see him at his first perfor-
abandoned and therefore, without purpose to
goal for Helen), and more about wanting a baby for
only child to two responsible, but emotionally distant
mance, despite the fact that he had forgotten to tell
live.
the same reasons couples usually want babies.
parents. Her greatest fear was to be alone.
her when and where it was.
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Once things started getting troublesome at home,
She stayed the first two nights at the Shelter, doing
Keeping busy kept your mind off things, and helped
As a player, this scene with the therapist was
Helen quit her full-time job at the hospital, and
her part to lend a hand in the catastrophe, and then
you be a productive member of society. The most
the strongest, and most significant moment
opted for part-time work at the Women’s Shelter so
she went home to her empty house. It was too hard
important thing, she thought, was making an effort
of the game. This is where I first experienced
that she could have more flexibility with her schedule
to sleep there alone, and soon enough she invited
to contribute to rebuilding society. Negative or
extreme “bleed” when both myself and Helen
and spend more time with her children. She was
Melissa to come and stay with her. Two weeks later,
destructive thoughts or actions were to be avoided at
were caught off guard by the simple and direct
working at the shelter on the day of the Fall, which
Thomas showed up at Helen’s door, having slowly
all costs.
question, “Are you lonely?” and were unable
is when she met Melissa.
and determinedly made his way back to Connecticut.
to withhold our tears. From the perspective By the end of the game, Melissa was starting to
of “good metagaming,” I was glad that this
Melissa had just run away from the apartment in
It was the happiest moment of Helen’s life. She
unravel, and Helen felt despairing that no matter
moment occurred, because I wanted Thomas
Brooklyn she shared with her abusive boyfriend, and
clung to him, and made a subconscious vow to
how she tried to help, Melissa was just pushing her
and Melissa to know that Helen’s intrusiveness
gone as far away as she could – all the way to this
never again let him out of her sight. Thomas and
further and further away. Thomas was preoccupied
came from a place of extreme vulnerability and
shelter in Connecticut. Her boyfriend had somehow
Melissa fell in love, and soon decided to move back
with caring for Melissa, and was also putting up a
insecurity. Her nagging and hovering were
tracked her down and followed her, however, and
to the city. Helen, unwilling and unable to live
wall with Helen.
merely because she loved them so dearly and
when he realized he couldn’t get in the building, he
alone in the empty house, haunted by the memories
stood directly outside it shouting abusive threats for
of her dead husband and son, and with nothing
This made Helen feel extremely isolated and lonely
hours on end. Helen was sitting with Melissa at
to tie her to Connecticut, followed her children to
– something which she had refused to acknowledge
their initial counseling session when all of a sud-
Brooklyn, where they found a building with two
to anyone, including herself, and was shocked to
Outside of the therapist’s office was the only
den, he stopped shouting.
vacant apartments.
suddenly discover during the intense family inter-
time I saw someone call “cut.” Thomas/Alex-
view with the therapist.
andria broke down into tears, and it was a very
needed so badly to keep them close, not because she didn’t understand or respect boundaries.
Since he was the only man around, and since eve-
Helen occupied the ground floor apartment, and
delicate moment. It was difficult for me to tell
ryone was hesitant to go near him, it took a short
Melissa and Thomas made a home upstairs. They
at first whether it was Thomas breaking down,
while before anyone realized what had happened.
started a rooftop garden to grow food. Thomas
And then panic ensued around the Shelter. Helen
made a little bit of money from a pedicab he had
kept her cool and maintained composure. She called
scavenged, and Melissa upcycled clothing and furniture.
the hospital where her husband worked, but was unable to get through. She called her son Matt, who
Helen established a school for occupational retrain-
was away at college, but he didn’t answer.
ing, which provided the small family with the bulk of its income. For Helen, keeping busy was the key.
She would never hear from or see either of them
She could not deal with the tragedy of losing her
again. Thomas’s phone was off, and the phone lines
husband and her youngest son, Matt, and she saw no
went dead soon after.
point in dwelling on the past.
172
“This is where I first experienced extreme “bleed” when both myself and Helen were caught off guard by the simple and direct question, “Are you lonely?” and were unable to withhold our tears.”
or his player. Whether the scene was successful in evoking emotion, or had gone too far by provoking it. Unfortunately, Helen did not discover a way to cope with this loneliness. Although the therapist strongly encouraged her to be open to finding new companions, romantic or otherwise, Helen balked at the idea. Her aversion to romantic companionship was
- “Helen”
not based in a homophobic response.
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Helen was adaptable and had come to terms with
Helen chose to stay with the man instead of going
This allowed her to communicate with Thomas and
Sadly, she resigned herself to the fact that this was
lesbianism as the new norm. Plus, she had of
with her family, a hard choice to make. She decided
Melissa, who were not allowed in the room for fear
not possible.
course experimented with lesbianism in the ‘70s
that her presence was only aggravating Melissa,
that their provocations would tip a delicate situation
when that was the feminist choice. Rather, her aver-
and trusted Thomas and Kathryn to help calm her
in the wrong direction.
sion was based on the fact that she truly felt that
down. Then she lingered nearer the man. She kept
she was now too old for those pursuits. Her focus
her distance at first, worried about pathogens, but
Helen despaired at the end of the game over the fact
closed location, she chose to withhold the information
needed to be on her children, and their child.
edged closer and closer. Since she didn’t know how
that people were splintering into factions. She did
from Thomas and Melissa, and stalled them outside
to help, and didn’t want to overwhelm him with too
not agree with Thomas and Melissa, who took the
while the man was being smuggled away.
On the future. On fostering growth for the future.
many people around, she settled for just being able to
extremist viewpoint that the only solution was to kill
What good was taking care of someone so old? She
be there.
the man, but nor did she have a particular concern
Helen’s story did not end happily. Helen was in-
for the wellbeing of the man.
credibly sad at the end, to feel so disconnected from
wasn’t ever going to start a new life or a new fam-
When she discovered some people were making a plan to smuggle the man out to safety at an undis-
Thomas and Melissa, and also from everyone else
Helen’s strength at the end, even though she didn’t
ily, anyway.
since she did not want to pick a side politically.
directly contribute to any decision making, was try-
What she wanted above all was to keep her family
When the man first stumbled in, Helen’s first im-
ing to serve as a liaison. The man trusted her and
together without sacrificing her own convictions, and
pulse and desperate hope was that it was her other
allowed her into the room, but she could enter and
for everyone to take a breath and a step back and to
She felt completely isolated, and like a personal
son, Matt. If Thomas had survived, maybe Matt
leave as she chose.
start thinking reasonably and working together.
failure.
had managed to as well. The moment was fleeting, however, and as soon as she saw the man’s face, she pushed her own thoughts from her mind. She wanted to help the man – she had a background in nursing and in counseling, and thought she should be at the center of it all. But at the same time, Melissa was losing it, and Helen’s first priority was to her family. She was torn, but chose to stand by Melissa, even though she knew Melissa probably didn’t want her there, and kept a hand on her and an eye on the man. Helen was at a loss at how to help Melissa, and was relieved when Kathryn took control of the situation.
174
175 workshops. (Liz Rywelski) Helen’s player enjoying the pre-game
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Melissa Separatists, and everyone – including the people
Archetype: The girlfriend. Victim/survivor
Family history of transmissable diseases
Age: 23
(genetic, etc.)? no knowledge of parents, ma-
Occupation before the disaster: Hair dresser
ternal grandparents died at 86 (F), 90-ish (M),
So, I have about 7 pages - thus far - of a word
angry about the whole thing, Melissa was seriously
Current occupation: Tailor/redesigner
paternal grandfather died at Event
dump. Most of it is complete stream of con-
upset and dejected, the feelings being informed by my
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
sciousness and not really readable, but it’s be-
own fear of failure.
Birth control? no
come clear to me that it’s all something I need
STI history? no
to write out.
“This old wound will never close.”
Post-game Debriefing:
who’d been told they were getting children – getting
They didn’t have a big community to draw on, or
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
#2 - Melissa, 23
She was sure that her family wasn’t getting a child.
month ago, regular
I’ll say, though, that I don’t feel especially unu-
guns, like the three lucky groups did. Once again,
Height? 5’4”
Uterine fibroids? no
sual. I am at this point emotionally fine; I don’t
Melissa was a failure.
Weight? 165
Previous pregnancies? * any abortions? one,
know if my experience, and habit, of playing to
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
terminated at age 16
lose lies at the heart of my (supposed, at least)
She couldn’t finish High School, she couldn’t finish
High/low blood pressure? normal
Physical fitness results: eyesight v. good,
ability to cope. If I feel anything, I feel some-
this. She was listening to Anne – one of the Bedford
Previous surgeries? broken R arm, L shoulder
memory good, only 3 pushups in 30s, breath
what strange that I don’t feel anything. Like I
community - talking with Theresa, and still (in
dislocated
control 22s
am supposed to, but I don’t.
Melissa’s eyes) bitching about the Committee’s announcement.
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no Anyway, there are two portions of my word dump that I think are readable. So I’ll post
Melissa snapped, telling her to quit bitching and to
them here. I wrote in a style meant for someone
be fucking happy that they’d gotten a child. Anne
who didn’t go to the LARP, as thus far 17 of
did explain herself, and I recognized that what she
my friends have asked for thoughts and re-
was saying was reasonable, but Melissa really didn’t
views. I intend to distill what I’ve written once
care.
it’s all out of my brain and onto the screen. Quit yer bitching, shut the fuck up and be satisfied
176
Anne and Maria at 1 in the morning. After
with the fact that you’re getting a kid while the rest
the Committee – Maria being its leader - made the
of us probably won’t. Be proud of your community
announcement about the Bedford community and
and what you’ve been able to build – who cares if
the Muslim Sisterhood getting children, and then
they’re giving it to you because your feelings were
another confirming 2 children for the
hurt? Who cares if they think you’re all assholes?
p.176: Melissa prepares for the Vigil, though her negative past experiences with men did not cause her to mourn their loss. (Liz Rywelski)
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
YOU ARE GETTING A BABY. Not really
I’m not sure she noticed that I graduated 4th in my
They give a Monologue, which in itself is a game
Only fear, pain and hate. When I saw him, I became
wanting to listen, Melissa went back to her book,
class. She slept through my graduation. Distantly,
mechanic, and part of the idea of playing to lose.
a wild thing. I was no longer me – I was totally
fuming. Anne, a few moments later, ended her
Melissa still didn’t believe they were going to let her
Everyone there knows what’s in the character’s head,
Melissa. I went from terror to anger to terror to
conversation with Theresa to come over and talk to
have a child, but it was my feelings bleeding into
and is welcome to act on it if the character gives
blind, unthinking rage in the space of short minutes.
Melissa, who was grudgingly welcoming, if still
hers that let her think maybe she would be allowed to
any hint of that once the game is back on. I don’t
Then nothing, for a bit. Then awareness, then panic,
petulant … it was one of those conversations that
help, and to make something even better of herself
remember my Monologue, other than it ended in my
then anger, then cold hatred, then suicidal despera-
mature people have when there are misunderstandings.
than she’d and Thomas and Helen had been able up
screaming about murdering the man.
tion. She was only aware of Thomas and of her protector, the teddy. Everything else went away.
until that point. I was the right person to play Melissa. I don’t know
I remember thinking that I was, out of game, both tired and actually trying to study for an exam I have
The Last Man. When the Last Man arrived I
that anyone else could have done what I did. That
I can’t tell you how time flowed – it moved in flashes
this week, but not wanting to wreck the RP because
saw him, I think, before anyone else. He was run-
sounds arrogant, but I don’t really care. I think
of emotion and outbreaks of tears or screaming. Or
I am also used to 24 hour games going until 3 or 4
ning along the path toward the main building where
it’s true. The Last Man in my mind represented
both. If Melissa had been a character with a gun
AM even when one must be awake at 9AM.
we all were. I had been looking out the window for
every abuse, every lie, every stupidity, every supreme
(of which there were some), she’d have shot that
some reason, Melissa being angry at Helen for try-
bullshit disappointment that a man has ever visited
motherfucker in the head.
Still, I chose not to push the conflict and let the
ing to tell her how to feel for the millionth time, and
on me or any other woman. There was nothing good
conversation be a reasonable one. And then, out of
Thomas trying to soothe her, which was just making
for Melissa to pull from, because I didn’t let her have
Then there was a blank despairing numbness. I don’t
nowhere to me, Maria was hugging Melissa from
it worse.
anything good that wasn’t suffused with negative.
know how long that lasted, to be honest.
behind and telling her that she was proud of her. She compared Melissa to her daughters, and said,
I remember my focus going to two things – the blood
“You’re gonna do great things, babygirl. We’re go-
running down his forehead, and his pecs - then say-
ing to make this world a better, safer place for these
ing “Oh my God” perhaps 4 times, some iterations
babies and you’re gonna do great things.”
of “no,” and bursting into tears. Which honestly is about as understated a description of this emotional deluge as I can manage.
There was something so genuine about Maria’s dialogue at that moment, I positively lost it. I realized that I can’t remember my mother ever telling me she
This part of the LARP is a tableau, the switch
was proud of me. And that hurt me. But here was
from Act 1 to Act 2. At the point that the Last Man
someone, a mother figure, telling me that I could be
falls through the doors, all the other players freeze,
something. That I would accomplish great things.
the game’s theme song is played, and then one of
My father has said that to me many times, but my
the GOs (Game Organizers) asks every character
mother?
present what is going through their mind. Melissa knits with Maria behind her as they watch the storytelling sessions. (Liz Rywelski)
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
They moved me out of the main room and into a
He might also represent the possibility that the
cabin - people tried to help her in the way one tries
world – the women in the world – would become the
to calm a wild animal – some in empathy, some in a
abusers, the violators, the unreasoning aggressors.
desire to keep her from actually killing the man. And
The women would become the men. And she didn’t
Melissa did try to get people to kill it. It was the
want that world either. She realized it because
rage first, then a really strange empathy.
Thomas had already become different. Aggressive.
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
“I’m pretty sure that’s about the point that I was back in control of the character, instead of her being in control of me. I wasn’t going to go through the belongings of the Separatists to find something to slit Melissa’s wrists with. But Melissa did look.”
Almost violent. Unreasonable. If this what hapThere have been some moments in my life where I’d
pened to Thomas, then what would happen to the
thought I didn’t know how I was ever going to make
women?
- “Melissa”
it. Melissa made this worse – she’d have wanted to be dead. She thought, “if it were me, I’d want to die
Then they told her that he had been captured, beaten,
Then, they told me that he’d come in, making all
She knew better than anyone, how he’d felt. While
before they locked me in a cage and jacked me off
and locked in a cage by government women.
these demands, that he’d told the women to sit down
she could have decided that she just straight hated
every couple of days and took my blood and treated
It became He, and He became Her.
and shut up and listen to him, and they had. And
him, she didn’t. And I apologized for everything we
if there wasn’t a voice like mine, they’d let all the
– the women, who weren’t even the women of the
I’m pretty sure that’s about the point that I was back
power go. I was simultaneously horrified, enraged
game – had done to him.
And she couldn’t think of the man as a “him,”
in control of the character, instead of her being in
and tranquil. I walked outside, clutching my teddy
me having spent so much intense time thinking of
control of me. I wasn’t going to go through the be-
bear in one arm. I said to myself, I can fucking do
That was a forgiving I’d never known was in me.
Thomas, a woman who identified as a man, as the
longings of the Separatists to find something to slit
this. I’m going to tell them why they have to let him go.
I’d never said it, but I believed every word. Whatev-
only man Melissa had ever truly wanted and loved
Melissa’s wrists with. But Melissa did look.
me like a slaveanimalthing.”
er was done, it wasn’t my fault. But it wasn’t “his” They weren’t going to let Melissa in, since she’d
either. Or theirs – there were a lot of people I was
Let him go, she/I was thinking, because it’s not his
already threatened the man and also because she was
talking to at that point in time. And the best thing I
This wasn’t a man. It couldn’t be. A man for Melis-
fault but I can’t stay here in this world. Thomas will
a birth mother. And I forgave him-who-was-Them.
could do is deal with it and move on.
sa was defined as a woman who looked like a man.
kill him and I’ll be alone. Or he won’t and the world
I told him that had Melissa been him, she’d have
And that was the only kind of man she wanted.
will be different. It was the most amazing jumble
wanted to die. She did want to die, sometimes, and
It wasn’t the best for conflict or playing to lose,
of thought and emotion – what had been hers and
it wasn’t until every man dropped dead that she’d had
but I do think it was best for the story, for the
me finally coming back up out of that.
a life. She’d been free.
players and me, if not the game. There was
and who had ever truly loved her.
She also tried to get people to kill her, or let her kill
more to it – including me berating the women
herself. She couldn’t go back to that world. She realized that he could teach any boy born how to be
The complexity of fearing, loathing, and empathiz-
To see him meant an end to all of that, and to him
there for the whole sit down and shut up thing
like the men in her life. Totally unreasonable. Abso-
ing with someone was close to me already, being that
or them becoming all the things that had been wrong
- but that was THE moment. I feel as though,
lutely, simply, unreasonable histrionic fear.
there is a person in my life that I feel mostly that
with the world before. Of all the people there, Melissa
in a game with no actual outcome, no “real”
way about right now.
understood him the best.
goals, I also won.
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Thomas Archetype: Male impersonator, protector,
Uterine fibroids? no
humorist
Previous pregnancies? * any abortions? one,
Age: 26
terminated at age 15
Occupation before the disaster: Waiter/Co-
Anything else you wish to tell me? expressed
median
extreme disinterest in bearing a child
Current occupation: Comedian
Physical fitness results: somewhat limited flexibility, eyesight v.good, memory eh, breath
“She’s so hot. Almost like a real man.”
control 15s
#3 - Thomas, 26
Post-game Debriefing:
Height? 5’9”
…thanks for sharing your thoughts, all. I’ve
Weight? 145
started a few emails and then discarded them
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
-- eloquent on this matter i am not yet. but in
High/low blood pressure? normal
general i am very glad to have been part of
Previous surgeries? no
such a powerful experience for so many, and
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?2
grateful to you all for helping make it a power-
drinks/week
ful experience for me.
Thomas eats breakfast with the other Triads. (Liz Rywelski)
Family history of transmissable diseases (genetic, etc.)? mother still healthy (Helen),
My fiction students loved hearing about it, and
Helen’s father had Alzheimer’s, no knowledge
I was able to tie it to the character interview
of father
exercise I had them do over the weekend. We
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
talked about the moment a character takes over
Birth control? hormonal birth control
from your conscious mind.
STI history? no Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
I’ve promised them a larp-based writing
on BC
exercise! Thomas comforts and reassures Melissa, while Ellen and Veronica sit nearby. (Liz Rywelski)
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Chapter 5 The Triads: Muslim Sisterhood, Three Generations 184
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Triads: The Muslim Sisterhood Amina, Zahida, and Sara These three women have very different back-
They all heard about the program independent-
grounds and personalities, but with their
ly: Maria recommended that Sara apply to the
common faith they have found a bond that ties
program, Zahida learned about it at the hospi-
them together. They know each other from the
tal where she works, and Amina through her
mosque all three of them go to regularly. They
work as a security guard at the sperm clinic.
weren’t close friends before the disaster but now they have found that they compliment each
Now that they have determined it is God’s will
other and that the others in this small group
that they attempt to have a child, they will go
are women they trust.
to great lengths to be chosen for the program. All of them consider themselves eligible for
As Muslims in the U.S. after 9/11, they have
giving birth to the child, and the best outcome
suffered exclusion at best and persecution
would be if all of them get the chance to do so.
at worst. Their commitment to their faith is
The Muslim Sisterhood pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Julia Lunetta)
Jung felt that religion held the potential for a
I felt protective of the girl’s right to sexual freedom
Transformative function, that we needed spiritual
before she was even conceived. A paradox, that. The
helping them adjust to their new world. The
Theresa’s Psych Notes: The Muslim
belief, particularly in our latter half of life as we
Sisterhood, thankfully, allayed my fears with openness,
psychological downside is that if they lose the
Sisterhood
neared our Transition. I did not fear a child born
excitement, and joy. Amina expressed never feeling
into a religion... I rather feared religious people
comfortable in traditional gender roles and neither of
belief that there is a meaning to the suffering, the existential crisis might become deeper as
In truth, I had been dreading this meeting, as I was
“shielding” their child from anything considered
the other women seemed to find this revelation overly
well.
also dreading the session with the Conservatives.
“non-normative” or sinful.
problematic. Sara was pleasant and accommodating. Zahida was quiet and serious, difficult to draw out, but
After lengthy discussion as to whether God de-
I knew I had deeply entrenched prejudices against
Even worse than the overprotective tendency -- also
earnest in her speech, rational, a doctor. I felt far more
sires women to have children now that all men
these groups -- not due to their beliefs in God or
known as internalized oppression -- I feared abuse
comfortable around her once I realized that she, too,
were dead, they decided that it was the right
religion, but due to the way such religions have been
toward the girl for expressing lesbian tenden-
had been caring for the ill in her own community and
thing to do.
used to oppress the people they claim to save.
cies, which, of course, she would. I recoiled at the
that she was a trained professional. I was delighted to
realization that these women may have experienced
hear that the women had grouped together and were
genital mutilation and may seek to pass it on to their
taking care of one another. I also was relieved to hear
girl; while I knew this practice occurred uncommonly
that the Sisterhood would be willing to relocate and
in the States, it still did occur.
perhaps join a more secure community.
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Amina Post-game Debriefing:
Archetype: Conflicted rebel
I think this is eating away at me through my dreams because out of game, I absolutely be-
Age: 29 Occupation before the disaster: Goldsmith
I just woke up from a nightmare where I saw
lieve that if he was the last man there must be
Current occupation: Security guard
the end scene of that larp, where the Muslim
something we can learn scientifically from him
sisterhood and the conservatives took Izak, on
and we would need to study him. I would have
“Don’t be fooled by her appearance. She has a mean
tv. I felt angry and was thinking “wtf, religious
tried my best to make sure he ended up with
streak you don’t really want to see.”
nut jobs are ruining everything and doom-
the scientific community who hopefully, would
ing humanity… they are so irrational and just
keep him comfortable while learning from him.
force their beliefs on everyone else in the name
(yes, a well-kept lab rat).
#1 - Amina, 29
of god etc., etc.,” I woke up with a start when Height? 5’
the camera zoomed in and I saw myself as the
Did anyone else compromise their out of game
Weight? 115
“crazy nut job.”
values in-game? Do you think it affected you?
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no High/low blood pressure? slightly low
Ok, it doesn’t sound that bad when I write it
Previous surgeries? all 4 wisdom teeth pulled
down, but I jolted awake with my mind racing.
@ 20 Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no
I played Amina, one of the Muslim sisters and
Family history of transmissable diseases
who had resentment issues towards Dr. Julie
(genetic, etc.)? dad died in the Event, mom
written into her character.
died (no knowledge) Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
I felt/said some very negative things about her
Birth control? no
being godless and having no bedside manner in
STI history? no
spite of the fact that out of game I would have
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
had much more positive feeling towards her.
current, regular (32 days) Uterine fibroids? no
A lot of my end game actions of making sure
Previous pregnancies? no
Izak got away was from the belief that she
Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good,
would lock him up and experiment on him and
memory OK, breath control 17s
treat him like a lab rat.
“A lot of my end game actions of making sure Izak got away was from the belief that she would lock him up and experiment on him and treat him like a lab rat.” - “Amina” Amina and Sara wait for the vigil. (Liz Rywelski)
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Sara
Zahida Archetype: The practical and unsentimental
Family history of transmissable diseases
Archetype: Religious convert and spiritual
Physical fitness results: minor coordination
woman who knows how to get things done
(genetic, etc.)? dad died in the Event, mom no
leader
impairment, eyesight v.good, memory OK,
Age: 36
info (in Iran)
Age: 34
breath control 16s
Occupation before the disaster: Licensed
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
Occupation before the disaster: Ph.D. stu-
practical nurse
Birth control? no
dent
Current occupation: Doctor
STI history? no
Current occupation: Religious leader at the
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
mosque
Sara’s Weekend
Post-game Debriefing:
“She takes life challenges as they are hurled at her
1 week, 28 days +/- 3 hours
without flinching.”
Uterine fibroids? no
“Her strong faith is both comforting and at times a
After a long walk from Hamden, the Muslim
Previous pregnancies? one, vaginal live birth
little unsettling.”
Sisterhood arrived safe, if a little tired, late Friday
#2 - Zahida, 36
(F)
afternoon. Sara had lead the women in prayer once,
Physical fitness results: eyesight excellent, Height? 5’4”
memory OK, breath control 17s
Weight? 145 Existing medical conditions? * chronic?
knowing things may be too crazy to do so until their
#3 - Sara, 34
Post-game Debriefing:
seasonal allergies
hopeful return Sunday night. She left services in the Height? 5’7”
hands in another woman who had been there longer
Weight? 170
and who she respected. After spending some time
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
checking out the research area, they went to bed early after a simple meal.
High/low blood pressure? normal
I told my Feminist Theory students about it in
High/low blood pressure? normal
Previous surgeries? no
class today. They were fascinated by the idea
Previous surgeries? no
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?
(some of them had never heard of larp before
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no
OTC allergy
and had lots of questions).
Family history of transmissable diseases (genetic, etc.)? dad died in Event, mom still alive
We had just covered Radical feminism and
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
Lesbian feminism last week so the class was
Birth control? no
definitely on my mind during the game.
STI history? no Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
I would so love to come up with a short larp I
1 week, 29 days
could run for my gender studies students--if
Uterine fibroids? no
they could experience just a small portion of
Previous pregnancies? one, miscarriage at
what MAtB was like I think it would be amazing!
Event Sara shares a pleasant moment with Amina. (Liz Rywelski)
Zahida holds her ceremonial candle. (Liz Rywelski)
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Saturday morning is when a majority of the
The dominion of men failed. It was not wickedness,
And there was her shame. Most of the reason for the
The morning brought more worry to her. She tried
women came and they kept to themselves until they
but the other option was to doom mankind. One
meeting was her speaking out, but afraid she would
to be positive, but she was afraid. They had talked
headed out for the memorial. Sharing one of her
thing which shook her for a little while was Sha-
potentially losing her chance to bear a child, and
to the Separatists about an alliance, and by they,
most painful memories was hard, but she knew she
ron. She had never felt herself attracted to another
rightly so, for possibly rumor-mongering acciden-
Amina and Zahida had, without really consulting.
had to let it out, because remembering the past was
woman. She really couldn’t explain it. There was
tally. And then she sees Zahida. And then she hears
Maria had also talked about the potential moving
the best way to respect it. Several families, right off
just a feeling of, who knows what, but it flustered
that they were getting a child, and all she can feel
of her community, due to the worry of their safety.
the bat were rather friendly, and Amina was being
her for awhile.
is guilt. Thinking it’s because her friendship with
Not refusing the chance to offer safety to the rest
Maria, or her “tattling,” she saw everyone depart
of her community, but aware that she would not
It would catch her attention every so often, especially
except a few, afraid to attempt to congratulate Anne,
let them be forced into a decision, Sara had much to
The rain didn’t bother her much, but she saw other
during the “Strip Show,” which Sara ignored.
who she had seen give her some really sore looks.
think about after agreeing to meet with them after
women running, so her umbrella was good to grab.
Things went rather fine until Zahida brought to
Seeing the familiar face of Maria helped ease her.
her attention that the Conservative trio felt like they
And felt it only best to avoid Melissa, due to
She spent most of her time trying to be rational
were being excluded and discriminated.
Thomas’ attention, or lack thereof, of her. Cleaning
And then it happened. A streak of naked flesh, the
up helped her relax, but she knew she had to talk to
rush of footsteps, and all she could do is watch
much less critical than usual.
in the face of some rather irrational women, and
the weekend.
Thomas shook her the most. Not only coming to
She once identified, at least in part, with their way
someone, so she found Megan and one of the other
what she didn’t even fully realize was a man. An
them to point out how some of their faith looked
of life, and even though she had changed, her love
Professionals outside and talked to them. It didn’t
actual man. No anger passed her thoughts, nor fear,
down upon LBT people, but to then state, after ask-
for God’s children meant she would see them have
fully calm her down, but she sure she would defer to
just confusion, as she saw her closest friends rush
ing for validation, that he did not believe there was
an equal chance of bearing a child to term, if they
Zahida being the birth mother. She slinked into bed,
about, abandoning her, until she was nearly rushed
a God, upset her greatly.
were fit. After excusing herself, feeling a lot of
but did not sleep.
to a cabin, the only capable mother of her group, the
worry for how Maria was going to react. Whatever “his” identity, that was just uncalled for. The wait, and talking to each group who went into
She was willing to give up her friendship with
the trials, as it were, was enlightening, but seeing
Maria and her chance of having a child if it meant
the worry on people’s faces when they realized she
another family had their equal chance at having
was Muslim hurt her some, but she knew that ex-
their own. Going to the Committee’s personal space
plaining and working to relieve their fears with her
and hoping to speak to Maria alone, not sure how to
greatest tools: love and forgiveness.
trust the others, and letting Maria know of the situation, Sara surprised them and took Maria outside.
only one able to if things got bad enough.
“And then it happened. A streak of naked flesh, the rush of footsteps, and all she could do is watch what she didn’t even fully realize was a man. An actual man.”
At one point, Anne came up to her, almost a smile on her face, and asked Sara for her support in making sure Isak would NOT be put into simply another cage. They agreed, shook hands, and some of the tension left her. But, Sara had never felt as abandoned as she did since her parents shunned her for converting.
It was simply a test, all of this since the Disaster, how the daughters of God would take care of their
With obvious furor, Maria rushed the Committee to
own when given the chance.
the main hall and Sara went to rouse her cabin.
192
And she shut down. Until she returned and saw the
- “Sara”
utter chaos, this man pushing the reasonable ones away.
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
My Weekend
There was no trust there, but there was talk about
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Post-game forum post:
And no one said a thing about it. Not out of disrespect, but because it seemed to not be an
letting him go, killing him, or keeping him caged up, all of which she would not condone, as he was sure-
This started off like a lot of game weekends
issue. If I am wrong please correct me. It was
Long Night
ly a sign from God that the world could be rebuilt,
do for me. Frantic to get to site, plans falling
my main concern when I contacted Lizzie, and
« on: October 08, 2012, 08:05:02 PM »
that her faith was right, and love was still needed.
through, but the awesome women who found
she was fabulous about it. Even a few friends
She made sure she knew what she could, keeping her
trouble in travel and took care of it made
of mine who I never officially outed myself
This was her second night of no sleep. Sara was
eye on Maria, or Isak, for as long as she could.
things easier. Getting to site and, for the first
to didn’t blink an eye. I felt so appreciated and
utterly scared of her situation. Sara had called her
time in a long time, feeling nervous of how
engaged by everyone. It’s rare that I feel that
mother today to tell her that she was going to be a
The few extra mins she found next to Zahida were
people would view me, went away during the
sense of security and respect of my identity.
grandmother. This would be the second such call in
powerful, as they both watched him be spoken to by
Ars Armani workshop.
My fears were for naught, it seems and that
5 years.
still makes me so happy.
Melissa, tense the entire time. And then all it took
There had been no answer, but she was lucky enough
was a trip to the bathroom to throw everything into
The disaster workshop, where we thought on
the wind. They were rushing out Isak because the
where WE would be, instead of our characters,
I tend to dip into playing very religious charac-
to reach the answering machine, but who knew when
National Guard was on the way. Her sisters, the
shook me a lot. I still am processing it. I knew
ters. Not always on purpose, but I like the idea
her mother would listen to it.
Conservatives, and Linn rushed him to where the
this game would be a challenge for me.
of stepping away from my very non-religious upbringing and life. Even now I consider myself
Her phone laid near her bed, the easily portable,
Not in playing a Muslim woman, not in being
an Eclectic Pagan, and that’s more spiritual for
corded phone she had since she was a teenager. Pink
One woman slipped him a gun and left, and soon
looked down upon for my faith, and not the
me than religious. It’s my one dynamic I make
in the few spaces which haven’t been splattered with
enough, his fears caught up to him and he put the
conflict which would come. But a challenge
sure separates the character from the player. The
paint, or worn off from use.
gun to his head in despair, after a short scuffle, the
to even enter my first woman’s only space as
one thing I kept in common with Sara was my
gun fell and offloaded into Sara’s leg, leaving a
someone who often presents as male. My fears
ability to listen to people. It’s something small,
painful flesh wound, which would need tending.
were rational.
sure, but enough for me to keep me grounded.
cars were supposed to be.
Momma, it’s Sara. I didn’t get a chance to tell you about this program they’re trying to do. It’s an
Sara prepares for the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski)
I tend to not out myself to people, despite my
I enjoyed being intimate without getting into
insemination program. and my friends and I were
name (though Allison can be a male name as
sex. Usually something else I keep in mind
invited. And... and they picked me Momma.
well), or deflect when I’m referred to by male
with some of my characters. I’m sure I would
pronouns. My only other live action female role
have playing a number of other roles. I really
It’s gonna be a girl. Please call me back when you
requires a lot of makeup and layers for me to
enjoyed my black box scenes with the Separa-
can Momma. I want you in her life and I miss you. I
feel comfortable, due to a number of body is-
tists. They were awesome. I think the choices
wanna see about getting the funds to pay for it too.
sues I have.
for who played who was excellent. Maybe other Love you Momma
thoughts later.
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It did usually take months for letters to go through,
You grant me hope for the future and you have given
Her calls were usually short anyways.
Shaking herself and getting up, she went to the
but phone calls usually went through ok. Maybe the
me a great gift in helping to return life into this
“Hello? Momma? Is that you” The hope in her
stove, the water much lower then what she put in.
line was down, it happens every so often. The winds
world. I will raise my daughter to be a true daugh-
voice, the relief from worry. Her fears finally
Turning it off, she walked, calmly to the bath, added
in Oklahoma were unreal at times.
ter of a loving God. Perhaps she can also have a
cleared. Or maybe it was just a friend, they called
the boiled water to the mix, and washed herself. She
brother, and that would also be a blessing if you
sometimes if they needed her earlier then she was
made sure to clean her face especially well.
willed it.
around.
Maybe her Mom was just having one of her off
Her walk was much longer than usual. She greeted
times. Depression, being mostly alone, and rationing No heat today, but the gas worked still, so she heated
“Is this Sara Boyce?” Said a voice utterly unfa-
her sisters with a smile, hiding the pain. She wore
up some water, just to get the water to the point of
miliar to her, with her old name, before her hus-
a pin she had earned at Yale, for some silly, forget-
3am, 4am, she knew Zahida was more than likely
causing her to get sick. She made sure the blankets
band. Before her conversion, from back home. “Yes,
ful program. Under her veil she wore a birthday
working right now. Maria, asleep for sure. Amina,
over the windows were secure, the house usually got
wwwho is this?” Her stomach started to turn. This
gift from her mother for her nineteenth birthday, a
clutching her gun, would be at the mosque, making
drafty around fall. She made herself a sandwich
wasn’t good.
simple pair of golden hoop earrings.
sure she could handle a threat to them. She had no
from some leftovers from the weekend. She was able
one to talk to. But it could wait, right?
to get some of the delicious food sent home, to pro-
“I’m sorry we could not reach you sooner. I must in-
A prayer now for the death of our loved ones. A
vide for her community. Her sisters. She hummed a
form you of your mother’s passing this weekend. We
prayer for those lost to grief, anger, hatred, and the
The sun was peeking out, her bed always faced the
song, whose name she couldn’t place as the pot grew
believe it was due to a... drug overdose of some type.
hands of man. Say a prayer for our lost hopes, and
sun, her way of making sure she was awake early
warmer.
We tried to revive her, but with no luck. I’m sorry
for our new hopes. Say a prayer for the children we
for your loss. Would you be available to attend to her
will bore with the gifts of the dead. We were left to
body.” The phone dropped to the floor, bouncing off
rebuild this world. And we shall. For every ounce
the carpet, before that last sentence left the woman’s
of fear you feel, meet it with hope. For every stone
It was the only real sound her phone could make, the
lips. Sara’s knees were soon to follow. Not in prayer,
thrown our way, offer more love for those who ac-
Blessings be to Allah, my protector, my guide.
ringer being damaged some. Gave the phone charac-
but in grief. There were other, more distant sounds
cept it. For every moment you miss those gone, smile
Through you I’ve known love, I’ve known family.
ter, also made sure it wouldn’t wake her in the night,
from the phone.
an equal amount that you have those moments to
I have seen great light and great darkness, and I
at least when she didn’t need to pick up every call.
know the light is always stronger.
She ran to the phone, forgetting about the water.
will do that.
enough to prepare for the first daily prayer. She Chirp
went to bathe, thankfully the water still worked in her area.
: The Muslim Sisterhood receive the news from the Committee, together with the Survivalists. (Liz Rywelski)
196
reflect on them. For every strike you fear, remember every tender moment you have had.
---
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The Triads: Three Generations Nancy, Alice, and Emma Nancy She fed me this exuberantly delivered rhetoric about how complete she’d feel as a mother, so painfully contrived compared to the raw need I saw in someone like Melissa’s eyes. I knew she was delivering this impassioned speech to please her grandmother. Still, I was tired. The day had taken its toll. I broke my role as therapist and confided in them... I was truly happy to The Three Generations pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Julia Lunetta)
see familiar faces. I was especially happy to see any
Theresa’s Psych Notes: Three Generations
remnant of Grant still alive.
in this family. They live together in grandma
I had also dreaded this meeting. My feelings about
I found myself hoping one of the women got preg-
Nancy’s house, where she and her granddaugh-
my mother-in-law and extended family were so con-
nant, wondering if reincarnation exists, wondering
ter work as urban farmers while daughter-in-
flicted. I admired Nancy’s strength as a matriarch;
if a piece of my husband would truly live on in the
law/mother Alice is off working as a nurse.
in spite of Grant’s complaints about her favoritism
child. I knew that the family missed Eric far more
towards his brother and her silent condemnation to-
than Grant... still, it warmed my heart when they
Their relationship is not harmonious, but blood
ward many of his choices, Nancy was a strong and
invited me to come stay with them, invited me to sit
might be thicker than water. Their situation is
capable woman. I wanted to help her learn non-vi-
with them at dinner that night.
unique -- they already have a family structure,
olent communication skills... I wanted this session to
and know each others’ faults and fortes. It’s not
last far longer. At the same time, I couldn’t wait for
I couldn’t, of course, as I showed enough bias
necessarily an advantage, but it’s certainly a
her to leave. Alice was so clearly in a perpetual state
even inviting them here, but it felt nice to know I
card they’ll play.
of grief and terror of reprimand, which made me
had people out there, that I had family. Options. I
feel uncomfortable. Emma Nancy, who I had discov-
remembered our Thanksgivings together and the
Nancy wants her granddaughter Emma Nancy to
ered earlier had been acting out by frequenting bars
emotional awkwardness, but also the joy.
be the birth mother, but unbeknownst to both of
underage and had become pregnant at the time of
them, Alice strongly desires to bear another child.
the Event, seemed about to burst out of the seams.
Only the dominating grandmother, her haunted daughter-in-law, and the granddaughter remain
I missed him. Emma Nancy confers with Alice. (Liz Rywelski)
198
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Emma Nancy
Nancy
Previous surgeries? wisdom teeth out (bottom) @ 17
Archetype: Silent Abuser
Archetype: Self-aware teenager
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no
Age: 55
Age: 18
Family history of transmissable diseases
Occupation before the disaster: Housewife
Occupation before the disaster: Pupil in high
(genetic, etc.)? mom & grandmother still alive
Current occupation: Urban farmer
school
(other members), dad died in the Event
Current occupation: Urban farmer
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no Birth control? no
“Can you spot Dr. Jekyll?”
STI history? no
“A young girl caught in a young girl’s body.”
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
#1 - Nancy, 55
1 week, regular
#2 - Emma Nancy, 18
Uterine fibroids? no
Height? 173cm Weight? 60kg
Height? 5’7”
Previous pregnancies? one, live birth (M)
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
Weight? 135
Physical fitness results: flexibility slightly limited,
High/low blood pressure? normal
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
eyesight excellent, memory OK, breath control 11s
Previous surgeries? broken R arm @ 17
High/low blood pressure? normal
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no Family history of transmissable diseases (genetic, etc.)? maternal great-aunt, survived breast cancer, dad – 82, mom - 81 Scoliosis or hip displacement? no Birth control? n/a STI history? No Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period? post-menopausal Uterine fibroids? no Previous pregnancies? * live birth (vaginal/ caesarian)? four, live birth (2M, 2F) Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good, memory O Nancy walks to the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski)
Emma Nancy, Alice, and Nancy try to resolve their differences. (Liz Rywelski)
200
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Alice Archetype: Harmony seeker Age: 34 Occupation before the disaster: Assistant nurse Current occupation: Nurse “If you didn’t know better, you’d think she was you” #3 - Alice, 34 Height? 5’6” Weight? 145 Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no High/low blood pressure? normal Previous surgeries? no Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? 1 drink/month Family history of transmissable diseases (genetic, etc.)? dad died ~65-70, heart attack, Lizzie hard at work before the start of game (John Stravopoulos)
smoked, mom died, unknown causes Scoliosis or hip displacement? no Birth control? no STI history? no Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period? current, regular Uterine fibroids? no Previous pregnancies? * live birth (vaginal/ caesarian)? one, live birth (F) Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good, memory good, breath control 12s Alice erupts in frustration. (Liz Rywelski)
202
The Three Generations hear word from the Committee, shocked by the news that Alice will be the birth mother, not Emma Nancy. (Liz Rywelski)
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Chapter 6 The Triads: Linn, Best Friends, Conservatives, Last Man 204
205
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The Triads: Linn Linn
Many women will probably be condescending and not too friendly when they meet a Playboy
Archetype: Down and dirty
Bunny, but Linn was and is a person of total
Age: 25
honesty, a no-nonsense, likeable, practical girl.
Occupation before the disaster: Playboy bunny
When she was modeling, her attitude was “Hey,
Current occupation: Garbage collector/Un-
look, I’m hot. Why not make some cash while
dertaker/scavenger
I’m still young? Doesn’t mean I don’t have a brain!” The same mentality kept her going during the last 3 years: Do what you have to do to
“Behold, the tigress.”
get where you want; what other people think is of lesser importance. She has always been emotionally strong (it takes balls to stand up to the combined scorn of feminists, moralists and “the good taste police”). She is also physically strong - a good body does not make itself. She contributes constructively, she isn’t afraid to work, she is, and truly believes she is, a good candidate for motherhood.
Self-portrait by Linn. (Kira Scott)
206
p.206 - 208: Linn is subjected to rigorous health examinations from Julie, the Ob/Gyn. (Liz Rywelski)
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
“Anticipating Mad About the Boy” pre-game
Julie’s OB/GYN Notes:
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
My larp experience
Let me tell you about my character
I’ve played a bunch of larps before, ranging
My character Linn and I have so much in com-
from Vampire back in high school and college
mon. We’ve both worked in the sex industry
blog post by Kira Scott. October 2, 2012 on the Gaming as Woman website
#1 - Linn, 25 Height? 5’8”
There’s almost too much for me to love about
(I’m 31 now), to homebrews of Nobilis and
(she was a nude model, I worked at a fetish
Weight? 130
the Mad About the Boy LARP that I’m going to
politicking games, to The Tribunal at Gencon
store in Philly) we’re both into death (after the
Existing medical conditions? *chronic? no
be playing this weekend. Organized by author
this year. I’ve been excited to give Nordic larp
disaster she’s been an undertaker, I really like
High/low blood pressure? normal
of Leaving Mundania Lizzie Stark and the
a good try, because it deals with a lot of the
goth things) we’re both queer (players have the
Previous surgeries? all wisdom teeth removed
Norwegian creators of the game, this event
things I like in games. Primarily, it focuses less
power to decide the sexuality of their char-
@ 12
is strictly for women identified players, takes
on “winning” and more on “storytelling.”
acter, and I decided she’s heteroflexible based
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? 4
place in the post apocalypse, and is the inaugu-
drinks/week
ral Nordic larp in the US. Oh, and it’s basically
I’m a huge fan of story games, and so far Mad
Family history of transmissable diseases
the world of Y: The Last Man, where all the
About the Boy is delivering. I purposefully
(genetic, etc.)? * cancer: maternal grandfather,
men have died and only the women are left. Oh
decided to go in a bit blind. I didn’t do a whole
That’s actually her goal in Mad About the Boy,
lung cancer @ 80, mom still alive, dad died in
my goodness I’m so excited.
lot of research on Nordic larp before reading
to become a mother. As the only character
everything about Mad About the Boy. One thing
without a family unit though, she has to find people to support her first.
the Event
on her experience in the sex industry and her celebrity) and we both want to have children.
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
We’ve talked with Lizzie Stark about the game
I love about the game so far is its transparency.
Birth control? no
at Gaming as Women before. Instead of bor-
Actually, I’m a little anxious about how open and
STI history? HPV vaccine
ing you with the details of what the game is,
involved everything is going to get. The game’s
We also have big differences, she and I. I’ve
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
I’m going to talk about my experience with it
purpose seems to be to explore. Really explore.
never been a celebrity, I don’t carry a gun (or
current, regular
thus far. Apparently, this is part of Nordic larp
Uterine fibroids? no
documentation tradition.
really believe in them) and I’m pretty squeamish when it comes to actual dead things.
Get immersed in your character and in their brain, and in the other characters’ brains, and
Previous pregnancies? no Physical fitness results: eyesight excellent,
Prior to the game you start to get in charac-
dig deeper. Building and breaking relationships
I think I have the most trepidation about
memory mediocre, breath control 21s
ter, plan costuming, role-play with your fellow
and power politicking seem like huge themes
exploring those mother themes in the game.
gamers and write a little snippet about what
in this game and those are some of my favorite
Politicking and violence and relationships, sure,
you’re thinking and feeling going into the
things. I wonder though, will I find myself
I’ve done that. Competing with other women
game. I’m going to make mine public, so you all
vulnerable once I jump into my character’s skin
to be the recipient of the last sperm on earth in
can get a glimpse of what this is like!
and go for three days? The answer I already
order to give birth?
know. I feel an impending vulnerability. I like it That’s pretty intense, emotionally and personally.
though. It’s a good scary feeling.
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Ex-sexy undertaker in the post apocalypse.
Later, she forgives mankind in an intense confron-
Don’t want to look too sexy and not be consid-
tation with him. She had been abused by men her
I definitely find myself reading over the other
ered for motherhood, want to be able to seduce
entire life.
characters and trying to figure them out. Who
other characters if the opportunity arises, want
are the people I have relationships with, and
to look tough cause I’m carrying a gun, want
A young businesswoman is granted a child with her
what does our relationship mean?
to be warm in the Connecticut campground in
family trio of older businesswomen, but she needs
October. I went for something between Jo in
an ovarian transplant first. It’s apparent from the
How can I push all the right buttons to get
Supernatural and rocker chic. I hope that wins
crestfallen look on her face, she feels broken.
great scenes with them? I’m also trying to find
me the sperm.
Politics and Costuming
A famous performance artist interrupts our even-
my potential enemies and see how I can get into scenes with them. I love a good PC vs. PC
“Debriefing from Mad About the Boy” post-
ing party with a rowdy striptease, revealing the last
scene no matter what side of the conflict I end
game blog post by Kira Scott. November 5,
layer to be none other than an American Flag stolen
up on.
2012 on the Gaming as Woman website
from the Conservative’s cabin.
I’m really interested in what types of scenes
It’s been about a month since I’ve played Mad
These scenes still invade my mindspace from
will arise. I’m already brainstorming possible
About the Boy, and I’m still debriefing. I know
time to time. I’m captivated by my experiences
My relationship with motherhood is complex
strategies to get a family unit based on Linn’s
that it’s an intended part of the process, and
from the game. Using the Ars Amandi (a tech-
and difficult for me to understand myself, and I
relationships. Will Linn get involved romantic
that makes me feel more comfortable linger-
nique of touching hands and shoulders and the
feel, now in my early 30’s, an approaching pres-
relationships, or go for power, or build strong
ing on those thoughts about the game left
base of your neck to simulate sex) was incred-
sure and biological need to have babies. I have
friendships? Will she have to use her gun? I
unresolved. The feeling is satisfying, actually,
ibly effective in communicating intimacy.
a feeling a lot of these emotions are going to
think this is where I’ll get to see her strengths
this reassurance that yes, in fact it is ok to keep
emerge in the larp. To me, this is really inter-
and weaknesses play out the most.
reminiscing about my experience, the stories,
Imagining all the men in my life dropping dead
the characters. Some scenes are still persistent-
in five minutes on a normal Wednesday filled
ly echoing in my memory.
me with a profound sense of loss.
The American flag outside the Conservatives’ cabin. (Liz Rywelski)
esting, because it gives me a place to talk about It’ll be a challenge to play someone more blunt
the nervousness of having children.
and less smart than me and stop myself from That’s not really too acceptable in US society
politicking at the level a sneakier character
A Muslim doctor comforts a conservative pioneer
Deciding the fate of the future generations of
at large. Whenever we play characters, we
would. At the same time, it’ll be fun to play up
woman, because she understands religious persecu-
humanity amongst strong, interesting, com-
always put huge parts of ourselves into them.
her toughness and savvy!
tion. They’re both moved to tears.
petent women was intensely empowering. So
“Kill it!” a woman screams, frightened by the sight
much so that it still affects my daily interac-
of the first man she’s seen after the Event.
tions with women (and myself) a month later.
I’m interested to see which parts of me Linn will bring out, and the insight that will give me
On the lighter side, this has been the most dif-
about myself.
ficult character to costume!
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
We were forced to interact with our fellow
Mechanics
At this point though, I’ve shed my character
The game consistently raised interesting ques-
and let go of the intense experience itself. A lot
tions like “what if traditionally masculine roles
of this was done through the early debriefing
still needed to be filled, but they were filled by
The game play itself was very narrative. We
meditation to hand touching to a technique
process when I interacted in our googlegroups
women? Would that still mean that the mas-
were given a situation (you are here to decide
called the hot seat where you interviewed other
email chains, and publicly posted my thoughts
culine roles were in control, ruling through a
who will be able to reproduce in this post-apoc-
player’s characters. These were incredibly useful
as they unraveled on google+ and Story
patriarchal masculine system? Or would more
alyptic, manless world) a timeline (Act 1 leads
for getting us in the headspace of the game, and
Games. My intention was to share that process,
balanced and feminine traits emerge as the
up to the decision, Act 2 a man appears) and
our characters, and just getting us comfortable
allow people into my brain as the vulnerability
more dominant? How would power structures
characters with really interesting personalities,
with playing. I’d want to use them at any larp.
was being dealt with.
work, and would things be more equal?
backgrounds, and goals that all tied together in
players in a host of different ways, from guided
Some mechanics were used more than others
interesting ways.
during play. I saw some inner monologuing,
Please read about them to see the impact I
Would we use the guns we were given? What
first felt from the game, before I was able to
would families look like? How would they
I really liked the way the characters were built.
it would be during conversations mostly. My
form more coherent thoughts. I find my mind
change when all our children would be gay?
Each character was designed in such a way that
most memorable personal moment of it being
now focusing on other parts of the game like
What would you do if all the men around you
we all had an archetype, a goal, at least six re-
used was when my character Linn the ex-play-
themes, mechanics, and the psychology of play.
died? Who would you become in a world that
lationships with other characters, a meta-level
boy was talking with Anne the conservative
was just made up of women?”
function in the larp, and a brief page of history
mayor. When she informed the mayor of her
before and after the event. This lead to a tan-
previous livelihood, in character Anne smiled,
There were lots of really amazing answers to
gled web of role-play that was easy to create
then drew a box in the air in front of her indi-
This game was smart. It worked on levels. The
these questions in the game itself, but I think
stories in without the use of any other story
cating inner monologue and said “slut.”
game itself is crafted to be played by either
it was the asking of them that was the most
element. This game was about the characters,
women or men dressed as women. This can
important. It gives me pause, and makes me
and the players by proxy.
lead to two type of play, but both of them are
think about all of these issues related to the
about inhabiting our gender’s skin and explor-
real world and feminism.
Themes
ing women’s roles. The game on the surface is a competition amongst thirty women to see who is fit to be a mother and continue the human race, but really it’s talking about the responsibility women are given in culture to be mothers and give birth.
“When Linn informed the mayor of her previous livelihood, in character Anne smiled, then drew a box in the air in front of her indicating inner monologue and said “slut.”
The conversation was vastly different when we stepped back in character, me knowing out
All of the Nordic larp rules were brilliant.
of character that’s what Anne was thinking. It
My favorites were the before play workshops
was a great tool.
that lasted a total of about eight hours. These workshops detailed all the different tools
People loved the Black Box. It allowed you to
we could use (Ars Amandi, Black Box, Inner
play out memories your character had at any
Monologue) while we were playing the game so
point in time, or dreams or fantasies… it was
that there was no question once we got started.
a creative box to explore your character. I had
Most remarkably though, these workshops cre-
limited time in there so I didn’t interact with it
ated community.
as much as I wanted.
- “Linn” 212
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Psychology of Play
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Casting them was important. Many people felt
“Mad About the Boy” Debriefing post by
connected to their character in some meaning-
Kira Scott on the StoryGames forum:
This particular game in the US, the first of its
ful way whether it was in the similarities, the
kind, gathered women gamers together from
themes, or the issues the character was dealing
I wasn’t the Last Man on Earth, so I felt like
all over the country with a vast background of
with.
I should start a new thread to talk about this game.
different play styles from beginner to experiThen, on top of this intentionality is the story.
enced. I think that in and of itself is part of
It was the first Nordic larp to be held in the
the game. Getting women together to play a game of this style, magnitude, and intensity
It’s about women discovering, exploring, and
US. It was played by women. I have about a
is a very real world experience that leaves an
creating roles for themselves in the world.
million things to say about how interesting this larp was. I will probably post about a million
impression on everyone. It was a perfect storm of experience for all of us.
things about it this week.
forty friends, and it’s true! It realized this idea
We walked out of that game feeling impacted
I’ll try to organize them all on this thread, and
that there’re women gamers out there like me
by those stories. They bled into our collective
on Gaming as Women. Because fuck. People
with the same interests, ideas, and hobbies.
consciousness and resonated deeply.
need to know about this. It was crazy mad fun
I kept saying afterwards that I felt like I made
and life changing. I’m not exaggerating. I think
That, I think, was the single best part of the game.
I have an infinity of thoughts to share about
that this will change the way I game from here
this game. I’m sure I’ll be posting to that
on out.
In addition to gathering us all together the larp
thread on Story Games and debriefing with my
was meant to cause a jarring dissonance be-
fellow players on the google groups forever. I
If you want some basic info about the game
tween yourself and your character. The Nords
think I’ll end with this though.
check out the official game page, the libretto, and my posts on Gaming as Women last week.
call this “bleed,” parts of the game when you become your character and your character be-
This game was important. Women have wel-
comes you. This is a part of every role-playing
comed Nordic larp into the US. It impacted us.
Here’s the summary of first thoughts I posted
game, for sure.
As gamers, we created something in a space
on G+:
designed to tell women’s stories and tell them beautifully.
What stood out in this game though was the
The freezing nights in the cabin and the cold water in the shower really helped me immerse
particular intentionality on that aspect of the game. These roles are meant to teach you
I can’t wait for more opportunities to play as
into that post-apocalyptic feel. It was awful, but
something about yourself.
thoughtfully designed games as these.
perfect at the same time. Linn at morning breakfast. (Liz Rywelski)
214
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The pre-game workshops were AMAZING.
And then our first role-playing scenes were
After I heard it enough times it actually started
I loved the complexity of all of the char-
Everyone agreed this was a highlight for
short 5 min scenes we did in groups of about
to infuriate Linn/me. What’s so wrong with
acters and how everyone played them. These
them. For me, the most intense things were
10 to work out who our characters were. Those
being single? Aren’t I strong enough to raise
were difficult characters, with difficult and
the Guided Meditation, the Ars Amandi, and
whose characters weren’t in the scene jumped
a child on my own? It made me nervous and
complex relationships, and the network that’s
the first scenes we did in character with small
in to play NPC’s, people’s daughters, moth-
anxious about trying to find a family to support
baked in to the game I think was the strongest
groups of other characters before the game. In
ers, boyfriends, husbands, patients, colleagues,
Linn, and she became progressively vulnerable
part mechanically of it.
the Guided Meditation we were asked to lie on
reporters. These were SO EFFECTIVE I want
about it. It was sooooooooo much about being a
the floor in the dark. Then imagine a Wednes-
to use them in every game I play ever. We im-
single mother today, and that was intense.
day afternoon in Real Life. Where were you?
mediately felt connected to our characters, to
Who were you with? Then imagine all the men
It worked on levels: our relationship to our character - our character’s relationship with
who they were, to who they are, and what inner
I also realized, even though Linn wanted to
self - our character’s relationship to their Triad
conflicts they had. Awesome awesome awesome.
give birth, she was really career oriented, and
- our character’s relationship to characters out-
so the more she talked to other women there
side our Triad - our character’s relationships to
dying horribly around you, in the space of five minutes. What did you do? How did you feel?
My character Linn was an ex-playboy model
the more she realized she would rather be a
other characters based on occupation, inter-
Now imagine one year later. Now three. Who
turned body collector. She was a bit of a leader,
provider for the child after giving birth to it.
ests, demeanor, beliefs - our character’s Triad’s
are you, who are you with, what are you doing?
and a bit of a loner (she was the only charac-
Fucking insane how intense that was to imag-
ter on her own, and there was also a pair of
This was extremely personal for me, because
relationship to men - our character’s relation-
ine, how horrible, and how that put us right in
characters in the game, but everyone else had
I’ve been struggling with that myself, and I
ship to the world - our character’s relation-
our setting.
the “ideal” triad), and she had a gun. She was
learned from Linn that in real life that’s some-
ship to motherhood... it just kept growing the
very human, very sociable, very fair minded
thing I’d be ok with doing.
longer you played.
relationships to other Triads - our character’s
and very strong.
The Ars Amandi was much more intimate and fun than I imagined. Ars Amandi is simulated sex and intimacy in a larp by touching only
She was really complex. It was really interest-
hands, arms, and the area between your shoul-
ing to hear after the larp what people’s charac-
der blades. I thought going in that this would
ters had thought of her. So many of her issues
be silly.
were so many of my issues. It was weird. Some of the most interesting things that came out of
After doing it in with about 20 or so people,
playing her were things that I didn’t even think
imagining how my character would do it,
of before the larp. As I was playing that first
touching peoples finger bones, wrists, delicately
day, everyone kept saying “so you’re here alone,
pushing up sleeves... this really did feel fun,
you’re single, you don’t have a family what are
intimate, and safe.
you going to do about that.”
216
“Imagine all the men dying horribly around you, in the space of five minutes. What did you do? How did you feel? Now imagine one year later. Now three. Who are you, who are you with, what are you doing? Fucking insane how intense that was to imagine, how horrible, and how that put us right in our setting.” - “Linn”
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The cast enjoys each otherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s company during workshopping. (Liz Rywelski)
I was so impressed and interested by the
I was also sad it ended early. I felt like there
And when the Committee decided to give us
Was she saving the world by getting him away
people who had never larped or gamed before.
was a lot of interesting conflict we were about
two babies, and we gained a fourth member of
from the very obviously turbulent and danger-
The brought some really interesting mechani-
to work out. I was amongst the women who
our family in Lt .Sharon, I was elated, actually
ous situation the community was spiraling
cal issues up (I think there was a lot of confus-
helped the last man escape, and we had literally
elated in- and out-of-character. Five minutes
toward? The crux of her conflict had been
ing about how scenes worked, and the scope
just stopped him from trying to kill himself
later, the Last Man came in and all our worlds
pregnancy and family, and suddenly it had be-
of the character sometimes) and also brought
when the game ended. Boo.
came crashing down. Linn was devastated by
come about caretaking a man which was taking
the way the women started behaving.
her away from the family and the babymaking.
some hardcore intense and surprising role-play.
It was a CRAZY overwhelming wave of very
I wanted to wrap up my character arc, and al-
Very cool. I was also very surprised by how much the
low other players to respond to the swift action
She wanted him alive, treated as a human,
conflicting and disturbing emotions. I think
we took.
protected, and getting him out of there made
that was my favorite part, that confusing mass
the most sense. They were splintering, faction-
of emotion. I was stunned for hours. It com-
narrative was about womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s relationships with men. Before the game we meditated on
What mind fucked me the most was Linn
alizing, making stupid decisions, catering to
pletely confused me and my feminist humanist
the loss of men, our first scene was describ-
had spent all weekend being worried about hav-
his every whim instead of taking control. As
self. Still recovering.
ing the Event and where we were and who
ing a baby. If she could, if she could take care
she was carrying him bodily out of the mess
was missing, men followed us in our scenes
of it and provide for it, if she would be accept-
our community had fallen into, Linn had this
I got to use the Ars Amandi technique in
like ghosts always in the background, we were
ed into a community despite the discrimination
moment where she fell into comforting him and
game! Linn ended up being in a family Triad
there to give birth an act one typically does
against her occupations.
flirting with him like she always had with men.
with two best friends, Gina and Rachel. They
WHAT. Why was she doing that?
were both codependent, but Rachel was the
with men, we had a scene where we told fond
worst of the two. Rachel had completely cut
memories of the men in our lives, and finally a
She finally settled in with two women who
man returned in the last act to mess with our
loved each other very much who she knew
Did she really need men? Would she fall right
Gina out of her life when Frank came into the
community.
would be great moms for our child. Linn could
back into old patterns? Did what she was doing
picture, and when Frank died she came crawl-
provide for them with her business, and protect
with her new family not mean anything because
ing back to Gina. The one time I used the Ars
them with her gun and world savvy.
a man was suddenly here? Was she being the
Amandi technique was in a scene with Gina.
perfectly rational humanist I had been playing
We were worried about the clear sexual tension
I kind of thought going in that there would be more of a focus on women, as compared to a focus on the absence of men, a small but impor-
She was even starting to like them a lot and
her as all weekend because she wanted nothing
Rachel had building, and Linn was trying to
tant difference. Thinking more about this.
admire the intimacy they had with one another.
bad to happen to this human being?
encourage Gina to just... love her that way too.
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Gina was clearly uncomfortable with it, and in
I felt in very good company. I just made forty
conversation learned Gina was a virgin. Linn
friends. I think the real life community that
asked, well, do you want me to show you the
this game fosters amongst women gamers is
ropes? It was the best pseudo-high school sex
invaluable. It makes me want to run more large
scene ever (except usually it’s two girls practic-
games just for women. I haven’t found anything
ing for a guy, right?), very tender and loving
like that anywhere else.
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
and silly. And the Ars Amandi technique was easy and appropriate to use. The funniest part
“Gina was clearly uncomfortable with it, and in conversation learned Gina was a virgin. Linn asked, well, do you want me to show you the ropes? It was the best pseudo-high school sex scene ever (except usually it’s two girls practicing for a guy, right?), very tender and loving and silly. And the Ars Amandi technique was easy and appropriate to use.”
of the scene was when Gina’s aunt walked by and we both jumped pretending not to do anything. Awesome. I loved playing an all women game! I was really hesitant going into it. It wasn’t that women play differently or anything... all the politics, violence, excellent role-play, intelligence, strength of character, ability to game, expertise, emotion, drama, manipulation, backstabbing, talking over, awkwardness, objectification, discrimination... all the stuff you see in any great game with both genders was present. I say that to point out that I really don’t think women play differently from men, with or without them. The best part, though, was being in a game with incredibly talented, interesting, super smart women who were fabulous role-players and have really cool stories to tell. There were game designers, Ph.D. students, social workers, medical professionals, artists, writers, research-
- “Linn”
ers, very cool women doing very cool things.
220
Linn and Gina before the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski)
221
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The Triads: The Best Friends Rachel and Gina And then Rachel met Frank.
Rachel and Gina used to be very close friends. They met in college and were roommates for a while. When they met they had the sort of
And suddenly it was not Rachel and Gina any-
friend crush you sometimes get when you meet
more. Instead it was “Frank this” and “Frank
someone you feel totally at home with, someone
that” and “Maybe you would like to go on a
you think is awesome and who thinks you are
double date with Frank’s friend Tim? You’d
the greatest person alive.
really like him” and “What sort of drapes do you think Frank and I should have in our new
The person you can finally speak to about all
apartment?” and the distance between them in-
the weird stuff that none of your high school
creased even if it seemed like it was only Gina
friends understood. I mean, they were all right,
that really noticed.
but there was always this feeling that they And then Frank died like all the other men.
didn’t really get who you are.
Rachel came back to Gina, who picked her up When Rachel and Gina met and got to know
and helped her through the sorrow. Even if
each other, that wasn’t a problem. They under-
Gina had also lost a father, a brother, an ex-
stood each other and if they didn’t agree on
boyfriend she cared about and several friends,
something they would discuss it. Not to win,
Rachel’s sorrow was the real sorrow, the
Theresa’s Psych Notes: the Best Friends and
The dynamic between Rachel and Gina was obvi-
but to understand the other’s way of seeing
sorrow of losing your one romantic love. Of
Linn
ously unbalanced, with a unrequited attachment in
things. Rachel inspired Gina to think she could
course Gina understood that.
be something, make a difference in her life, and
Linn and the Best Friends pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Julia Lunetta)
Rachel’s favor. Still, the dynamic seemed to work, I was offered a brief reprieve in the form of
provided Rachel did not fly off on a whim. A child would hopefully change her priorities.
Gina would support Rachel when she messed
The two of them have been living together
Rachel, Gina, and Linn. Their youth, vitality, and
things up trying to be nice to people.
again since they found each other after the ca-
naivety inspired me. Though each had experienced
tastrophe. They were asked to join the program
the loss, as we all did, I felt like they were none the
I kept them there longer than necessary. I admitted I
Together they broke the rules for good-girl
even if they were only two due to Rachel’s
worse for wear spiritually. Linn had thrived, a true
was dreading the meeting to come. I shouldn’t have
behavior, dissolving the limitations of what
caretaking skills as demonstrated at the or-
survivor, able to adapt. She would make an excellent
said that, but I needed to talk to someone.
girls were supposed to do one at a time. They
phanage. They have not really discussed who
mother... if she could learn to show vulnerability
graduated and started working.
should be the birth mother.
and commit to other people.
222
My professionalism was rapidly deteriorating.
223
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Rachel
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Liz Rywelski: Larp Pre-game notes,
Josephine Antsey: What do you know (as-
Also, I think there is a culturally- American
10/02/2012, Buffalo, NY:
sume) about Nordic Larps?
reaction to the game narrative that may further inform the Disaster-situation that the game
Archetype: Cheerful, social, and self-centered Age: 26
As a NOOB (previously spelled “newbe” by me
What I think I know is that it comes from a
proposes -- or provide an outcome different
Occupation before the disaster: Event plan-
since I am actually that much of a noob ;))
tabletop role-play and enters in to a real world-
form the Nordic run. Isn’t variation on a game
ner for corporate and private functions
Some questions provided to me by Josephine
real space play for an extended period of time.
outcome the exciting point of a game?
Current occupation: Caretaker at orphanage
Antsey, Professor of Game Studies and In-
The characters of a Nordic larp are not sci-fi
teractive Fiction at University at Buffalo, and
or fantasy but could be actual real people we
Stephanie Rothenberg, Professor of Designed
may know -- playing out imagined situations
Play and Identity Design at University at Buf-
that could also be possible.
#2 - Rachel, 26
After research: In order to write our own games within semirealities and create the perfect social illusion.
falo.
Height? 5’6” Weight? 182
After research: What do I know (assume) about
It is not theatre -- it is individualized and can
Nordic Larps?
only arise through documentation -- personal
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
So, the way I am going to answer this is by
High/low blood pressure? normal
answering Josephine and Stephanie’s questions
Previous surgeries? broken R pinky toe @ 12
first, then researching/informing my answers
From Johanna Koljonen’s video I understand
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? 2
on Lizzie Starks’s post “Nordic Larps for
that Larp has evolved from tabletop games and
drinks/week
Noobs”: http://lizziestark.com/2012/08/08/
liberated from game-master situations. She
Josephine Antsey : How do you feel about
Family history of transmissable diseases
nordic-larp-for-noobs/
emphasizes a setting, theme, food, dress, deco-
going there and doing this intimate thing
(genetic, etc.)? * mom still alive, dad died in
ration, entertainment, and gifts, invite friends.
with like 60 strangers?
Event
… What kind of friends? That is the roundup
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
in which one may construct situations. Know
Whew—good question. I’m not scared but I’m
Birth control? no
your characters relations and histories.
a little unsure and apprehensive. I am a survi-
journaling and captures scene interplay. Maybe the magic circle is different post-Y? I hope so.
vor of sexual assault -- the kind that lands one
STI history? no Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
Josephine Antsey: Why an All-Women’s larp
in the hospital -- and a general history of poor
2 weeks, regular
in America now?
judgment in trust and surviving deceit.
Previous pregnancies? * any abortions? one,
Well, I think it is more life-like -- any person
Putting oneself in an immersive environment
terminated at age 21
who identifies as a woman can play. I think this
for 72 hours, as a player with trust issues, may
Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good,
game has had a few runs in Norway already and
render me a disability within the game, even if
memory OK, breath control 15s
maybe plane tickets are expensive for American
my character is not constructed to hold such
players to travel there.
apprehension -- or see life through this lens.
Uterine fibroids? no
Ellen and Rachel before the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski)
224
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
“How might magazines and the culture industry -- now driven by women -- change the contemporary vision of our culture and the way average people (women) now capture it?”
At the same time -- to play a character that has not had such life experiences might be liberating. I’m actually kind of excited to be 26 again! As of now I feel most unsure about game mechanics and metagaming. I’m just really excited to do this research though. I can’t
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Stephanie Rothenberg: You’ve been consid-
Also, social realism. I have a feeling my char-
ering several aspects of documentation, as
acter will desire to capture triumph, setting her
your character is a sort of scholar. What
camera at a lower third perspective to capture
are some ways you have been considering
powerful and victorious women in action- like
informing your documentary aesthetic?
The People’s Republic or Nationalist Socialist Russian illustrations.
I picked up the book Reel Families by Patricia
remember when engaging in something felt so
- “Rachel”
Zimmermann to inform the ways in which my
I do not see my character capturing imagery in
character may be pre-disposed to capturing
the capital D perspective- that would exemplify
imagery on an “intuitive” level. How much
journalism -- Time Magazine, Associated Press,
I’m glad to read about the aspect of inten-
does culture and industry shape our intuition --
Reuters, or Stern.
tionally losing the game. I want to roll with
especially in the documentation process?
free- except for maybe sneaking out to go to The Tunnel in 1995. After research:
***
The 360 degree Illusion of a Nordic Larp en-
intuition as a personal exercise—for example
sures that I will not have to worry about trans-
I used to love to play Street Fighter because I
Documentation is gendered -- there is docu-
lating fantasy magic as much as I might spend
would always win. I didn’t know any key codes
mentation, and then there is Documentation.
Out-of-character reflections before game:
time translating interpersonal play, which is
or any tricks. I just pressed all the buttons re-
The difference is separated by dominant nar-
What interests you most about playing this
closer to a real life magic that I can handle.
ally quickly with conviction and intuition, and
rative as well as who is behind the capturing
game? What drew you to try this larp?
remained undefeated. Also, Stratego is my all
device- camera, video, audio. What that who
Meta-techniques -- or meta gaming -- may
time favorite game—because for me it is a game
is pointing and how to will render the way in
I was introduced to this series of Larps
come as relief, to inform a situation though
of chance. I foresee myself larping in a very
which the- often unedited -- documentation is
through Eleanor.
hopefully the character has free agency and can
similar way.
received by future viewers. We sat next to each other over dinner at the
decide whether or not to “listen” to the inner voice. There is a feeling that the game facilita-
Meta-gaming, I’ve already begun to wonder
Think home movies. My character was a party
Hackers on Planet Earth convention when she
tors have access to cutting edge technology,
if players are doing this via email and online
planner; I assume she had a handle on creating
explained to me her experience in Just a Little
like Lexus or software that can render individu-
interaction -- in ways like icing a participant in
backdrops for lavish parties and time-less pic-
Lovin’.
als’ Internet back-catalog. I’m a healthy fit for
an email thread or just generally not including
tures of them. How might my characters per-
my character and not sure how the 4 introduc-
or acknowledging a player in pre-game interac-
spective and ideal changed post-Y? How might
tory questions I answered were enough to cast
tion as a tactic to influence bleed game during
magazines and the culture industry -- now
me in such a specific role. Either way, it feels
play. Ars Amandi = Health Class > Word of
driven by women -- change the contemporary
She later emailed with info pointing to MAtB,
all players are in good and considerate hands
Mouth: http://lizziestark.com/2011/11/09/
vision of our culture and the way average people
and I had to join, even though I am a noob -- I
with the game facilitators.
intro-to-ars-amandi/
(women) now capture it? (think Instagram)
wasn’t worried.
226
This moved us both to tears.
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What are your hopes for the game?
Have you ever role-played before? If not, have you engaged in other artistic or theat-
Pre-game feeling: to not feel scared -- which
rical endeavors?
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
In-character [answer either in third-person
Really though, my enterprise goal was to recreate
(she) or first-person (I)] Rachel’s take on
“The First Night” vibe for my clients party guests.
The Best Friends:
Frank and I had a “First-Night” dopamine-high via a one-time orgasm that I gave myself in the
has been going well.
Soho Grand after a friends record release party.
We used to be very close friends, and this is true
I have role-played. I am a performance artist and an improv actor. Not they are very well
Game-time feelings: To deal with so many
for me…. A friend crush, “at home with” -- yet a
known, but a few things I have participated in
personalities well. To not (Plato’s) cave-in. To
totally different life experience from someone who is
I conceived that night. When we, Gina and I, found
are as Liberty Lance in Ryan Trecartin’s movie
explore the many possibilities within the game.
totally awesome and also the greatest person alive.
out – over a large bottle of Yellow Tail and a home
She introduces you to the totally new and the locally
pregnancy test- Gina encouraged me to keep it -- the baby.
Roamie View as Bonnie Showcase in Jonny Showcase and the Left Lucy Cabaret, and several
Post-game hopeful feelings are: I hope to meet
cool things to do. You can say everything weird to
other self-made characters for performance art
new people with similar goals, visions, and de-
her that no one else ever understood of you, and yet,
events.
sires. I hope to maintain an interest in Nordic
she still liked you. We got each other, but as I under-
She suggested I leave Frank and that she would help
Style larps in America. I hope professional
stand now, we didn’t get each other…. In hindsight
raise the baby—at least that is how I remember it.
contacts are reciprocated.
-- I know this, and I can heal that, and I’m looking
Our other friend, Liz, intervened and took me to the
forward to feeling and healing again… because,
abortion clinic to have the baby terminated.
I understand that Larping is not like performance art in respect to where the audience
Fears?
is and otherwise. I’ve exercised long-form
without Frank, I still love her… I never told Frank, and in my pre-absence-Y-mind
improv, but never like what this Nordic-style All and none.
Larp proposes.
Because, again in hindsight, Gina’s friendship and
that secured everything… the drapes, the “house
mine wasn’t a performance. When I met Frank, my
we wanted and saved for,” and the kids we pre-
entire lens became FRANK, Frank likes this, Frank
named… I did anything to secure that Soho Grand
and me did that, Frank, Frank, Frank. … so many
feeling again within a secure and suburban house-
explicate s- FRANK. (Lexus, and the Internet,
hold with Frank.
know the details -1996-1998 re: Frank) My entire event planning enterprise was aestheticized around
When we did decide to get married -- Frank and I
Frank—Within the budgets I proposed for my cli-
-- my friends knew our “eternity” vibe was con-
ent’s picture-perfect parties, I was imagining plan-
structed and they had a hard time hearing/seeing
ning for a party Frank and I, one we would throw
how happy I was performing perfection and happi-
for our friends. The “Picture Perfect” was my call
ness for them. In reaction, I felt sad for my friends
line and, as a party planner, was I a success! We
and wondered what kind of language -- both
designed parties that Elle, O, and Woman, would
visual and verbal - - could possibly be available to
die to capture fashion stories inside of.
those I invited into my wedding party.
The group assembles for the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski)
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I know Gina is a loyal lover of people. I have secret feelings that she may be the ideal mother while I may be the ideal otherparent. However, we do need to locate a third to the family structure.
These are women I love who believe in the “foreversacred-love-stuff ” but, who have seen “perfection” played out in their own lives as a false-hood…. or something else they feel they may never ideally know. I was the best performer of all of my friends though -- a head cheerleader, the girlfriend of the
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
I also assume -- that the Committee assumes -- that
How did your character feel about men be-
I should be the birth mother… however, I am enjoy-
fore the Event?
ing this Y-absence liberation. I was getting married to Frank. I loved him -- and I know Gina is a loyal lover of people, I have secret
I know I loved him because he fit the ideal American
feelings that she may be the ideal mother while I
Man bill.
may be the ideal other-parent, however, we do need
football and baseball team captain. If anyone one could perform perfection -- or any deviation from
- “Rachel”
it-- it was ME.
He was picture perfect and “faked it till he makes
to locate a third to the family structure.
it” perfect partner. We would have had decade’s worth of flawless family photos and stories to tell.
What that means will be open to discussion, between Gina and me…
And no one knew it better, and could see through it
There is an EMS named Becky Errato that blogged
better, than Gina, my college roommate. After all
about Frank’s death while in the helicopter, my heart
the men died, she came to my side to console me for
still stings when I Google the name.
Some who may be of interest to our family structure
before the Event? If so, what were the rela-
my loss of Frank. She understood -- even through
I KNOW I am an ideal mother. I KNOW love. I
are: Kathryn, our college friend. She has a lovely
tionship dynamics?
all her own losses: her father, her brother, her past-
KNOW protection. I KNOW ideal.
property and may be a valuable invite to include in
lovers -- she understood my pain and supported me
I KNOW history and culture. I KNOW woman-
our familial security plan.
through the shock of losing a dream, to fulfill the
hood. I KNOW joy. I KNOW support -- Gina is
destiny of my one true love: Frank.
my greatest support; she understands my loss and
I also have Elina in mind, she is a brilliant artist I
had threesomes, and non-stop feminist activist down
desire for a picture perfect life, and a child.
met years ago, and I recently found out she has been
with the man types. Gina couldn’t handle my desire
recommended to the insemination program.
to make a life with Frank -- so I had to cut her some
Post-Y-plague, Gina made me detox-tea every
Did she have any intimate relationships
Gina was and is now my best friend. We were tight and wild in college -- we were wild punkie girls,
room for a while. But she found me after the disas-
morning, she fed me grilled sage-tofu when I
She knows I have never known a father. Gina
couldn’t eat anything, and she made sure I drank
knows my feminist worldview and shares it with
The fact that Elina has been selected to a trio gives me
water and laughed at least once a day. She also
me. We have to make the most out of what we got.
hope about this program -- that it is not conservative or
reminded me that there were several abandoned
When one of our college friends was acquaintance-
repressive-past-GOP style- repressive-selective.
children at the orphanage where I newly worked
raped by a semi-famous mutual guy friend that
part-time. This was entirely helpful since I knew
everyone knew, DeaconD, we were all present for
Though Gina’s Aunt is a GOP-repressive still in
they needed me at work more than I needed them.
her recovery, through all of the lies she had to tell
office -- so I may have to play along.
ter, and we’ve been close since. Can she imagine feeling a romantic attachment to a woman? Always -- I’ve always said, well before I became a monogamous with Frank -- that I’d kiss+ anything
herself before she could arrive at the truth of the I can’t even begin to talk about how haunted I still
sexual assault she had experienced. This was tragic
I have a feeling that I may have to convince Gina
that smiles at me. I’ve never lost that perspective.
am after being on the phone with Frank when he
and I know, in some specific ways, it had prepared
that she is the idea mother, in order to know a child
How has your character coped with the Event in
died.
Gina to be there for me after Frank’s death.
by association and survive the post-Y lifestyle.
terms of having to fill new roles in life?
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
The orphanage has kept me sane. These children
What does your character think about the
love me so so much -- they call for me and their eyes
Committee’s project and her part in it?
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
light up when I walk in the room. Sometimes I don’t know what I did to deserve such love from these
I trust in the Committee, I trust in their project, and
poor abandoned souls -- I wish I could take them all
I wish the best for our society. Gina and I are proud
home with me.
to be exemplary of the new times family structure and its success.
I’ve also begun researching documentation from ***
Y-time and post-Y time. This area of photogra-
The players enjoy each other’s company in small groups during the workshops. (Liz Rywelski)
phy and video fascinates me -- documentary I now In game diary:
After we had gone around the circle introduc-
In meditation I started to drift to a place of
Day 1: workshops
ing ourselves I thought, no this was the better
sadness, that not only did this breakup feel like
I’m interested in liberating photography from the
way -- because each one of us will soon become
a sudden death, in the situation the meditation
male traditions of previous time.
someone else, extracted from said identity.
was proposing of me sudden death isn’t served
They are very different methods of introduc-
as justice to my very tender and hurt feelings.
tion and in hindsight I thought it well planned
He’d still be around and so would she and we’d
that we used this method.
probably have to be friends because chaos and
understand has always been gendered.
(Photo credit: Liz Rywelski) How does your character feel about the Everyone sitting in a circle:
other members of her Triad?
disaster often renders bygones as bygones. Oh, I love Gina BBF style. We have a swing space
• Introduce yourself to the person next to you
Meditation on what the last day was like.
with the lovely, famous, and totally gorgeous Linn.
(they will soon become a ghost)
Imagine being there.
I just wonder how her esteem has held up since the
• Answer- who you are, where you are from
Y-death. For me, experiencing the lost of Frank --
• How you found out about the game
This was difficult for me, for a few reasons
terone became a poison and those of us with
the desire of one man was horrific. I can’t imagine
• One important man in your life
-- the floor and a so far non-emotional attach-
too much of it would die. Anyway -- not so
what losing the desire of an entire male population
• Go around the circle introduce ourselves to
ment to the plot. I began to think about my
interesting but that’s what happened for me in
must do to Linn’s ego.
the group
recent break up from a 2 yearlong relationship
meditation.
I started rewriting the original inspired plot -- Y the Last Man -- for ways in which testos-
that was going really well until I learned he Penguin Pelican game.
Hopefully she knows good people who care for her
For this, I remembered that when introducing
had been cheating on me -- for a month. He is
healing as well as Gina has cared for mine… if
one self to the other in workshop it has proven
a trans-man, who identifies as asexual, and she
not, she may be emotionally toxic and it will be
more functional in to the group dynamic to
is a lesbian and I wasn’t invited. I’m not even a
This was fun, a good way to get used to being
harder for me and Gina to show her the love that
introduce yourself to the person next to you,
real monogamist and have had successful non-
touched for game reasons, and a good way to
she needs.
then that person introduces you to the group.
monogamous relationships in the past.
demonstrate how things spread quickly.
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The world of desiring older women was
So, when we were both in-character, it was
I was drawn to the long lines of her palm -- as
opened up to me during this play. Vicki was
interesting to see how the exchange was differ-
if reading them and feeling envious of her love
This reminded me of the sex therapy docu-
the most playful and sexy of the circle -- I took
ent and I got a feel for his character as well as
and life lines -- she had known men for so much
mentary, Private Practices, by Kirby Dick (1985):
from her what I learned and tried it out on eve-
how mine relates to intimacy. So to go into this
longer than me, I was happy for her and sad at
http://www.fandor.com/films/private_prac-
ryone else -- I’m curious how that playful touch
deeper, I was playful and flirty while he was
the same time. I think Helen found this confus-
tices
spread through the group via Vicki.
recoiled, I remained playful and non-invasive
ing both in and out of character.
Ars Armadi workshop:
then he opened up and we had a heated passionThe next was Alex, she was quite the aggres-
ate exchange.
In which sex therapist, Maureen Sullivan,
Visually, of the inner circle, I was most at-
explains touch— “touching is the best way I
tracted to Nicole, but she was the most timid,
know to communicate personal and intimate
sweaty palmed, shaking really shaking one and
Once I realized he was going for the full sexual
fast -- I wasn’t having it both in and out of
feelings.” She takes her patients hand and
it made me feel uncomfortable -- so I moved
experience I recoiled and remembered Frank,
character, so I led her to play and tried to slow
begins to just casually touch it, not to turn him
from intimate touch to fun playful touch and
and turned cold, he played out the feeling of
her down through play to buy time.
on. Maureen says that she teaches her clients to
she couldn’t swing it -- I felt as though she was
rejection, then I think we just fucked to get it
touch for their own pleasure.
stuck in a “sexy play” mode against her will,
over with. When the session was over we both
this made me feel sad and protective of her as a
laughed, it was a funny scene. I also don’t re-
person inside the player.
member making eye contact so I don’t know if
This part was really exciting and it got me
that was an open eye scene or a closed one.
more excited to get into the game. I wished it
She says in example, “It’s not to turn you on. I’m touching because it feels good to me.
sor and really wanted to get up to my shoulder
Discussion of game mechanics.
happened more for me --I never heard an inner
“ Then she offers her own hand to the client
In game, I was glad to see her protected by
saying, “I want you to take pleasure in any way
Kathryn in a wonderful trio such as the Sur-
Two other scenes that were really moving were
that feels comfortable to you using my body.”
vivalists. For the round where we were to play
the two in character when we meet a person in
And she suggests he stroke her hand for his
in-character I was with Isak. This was curious
the room and begin hand play -- open eyed - in
own pleasure. The client at first has difficulty
and the most different than any of the other
character. I met Helen first, the grandmother
doing this, so she suggests he close his eyes.
experiences.
of the Nuclear Family.
very near the way I approached touching the
Backtracking though, I had been the aggressor
Rachel wouldn’t find it necessary to be intimate
others in my Ars Armadi circle.
with John in a previous round, and with that ar-
with her I imagined so I led the touch as if it
rangement I felt more comfortable and knew what
were a dream-fast (The Dark Crystal, Jim Hen-
I was kind of surprised by how so very differ-
was expected of me as the aggressor than when
son -- sadly I can’t find any ref online of this
ent each and every experience was in the circle
with the other women. Probably because my sex
right now -- basically they hold hands and share
-- and how very opposite from visual attraction
life is has been largely hetero-queer, without many
the story of their lives in a mutually visible
my hand-play attraction was.
deeply intimate relationships with women.
dream and personal narration of the dream).
voice outside of scene shifts.
I was drawn to the long lines of her palm -- as if reading them and feeling envious of her love and life lines -- she had known men for so much longer than me, I was happy for her and sad at the same time.
The display of touch the client expresses was
234
- “Rachel” 235
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Day 2 Workshops:
I feel closer to understanding the lens my char-
Maybe one reason is because she knows that if
acter sees through and where I can interject my
Rachel sees more fun options than maintain a
This was a good way to explain our interpreta-
own research into the character play. I know
life in the ghost of Frank then she might take
tion of the libretto and other character dynam-
Rachel as someone who has always seen herself
them. Rachel definitely has these feelings at
ics as we had played then out to ourselves by
as the center of the world -- Frank made that
the gathering.
reading the libretto. It was pretty clear that
a reality for her and Gina serves to maintain
some of us spent more time than others specu-
that idea. She has lived her whole life with the
She sees other woman creating security for
lating characters and relationships.
purpose to fulfill a certain specific lifestyle pro-
themselves -- like her college friend, and Gina’s
vided for her -- “a point + purchase lifestyle.”
Conservative aunt is the mayor of a very
This was a good exercise to get a feel of how
secure town. But then there are the radical
the other players might interact with us in the
Introduction of self to trio.
I had read Linn as an ego driven sex pot who
Introduce selves in trio to group: Gina introduces us but Rachel talks over her saying, “I know she doesn’t seem fun but she really is fun you just have to get to know her.”
still head a lot of money and some royalties
Her connection to womanhood is a provided
artists who run a refugee camp in Brooklyn
game. Also a primer on how the Black Box
from the moves and gigs she had before the
aesthetic, not a self made understanding of self.
and have really fun lives. She wants to leave
could work.
the past behind and go someplace that feels
Disaster. Kira didn’t find these points of most importance and decided to focus on Linn as an
The culture that Rachel served to maintain
secure…. With or without Gina, so she begins
individualist helper who has found identity in
-- the corporate consumer -- no longer exists,
to network.
being an undertaker and a fighter.
though players like Ellen from the Professional
In the ritual -- we go around and say where we
Women are looking to resurrect it. She feels
were at the time of the Event, many people cry
Corinne found Gina to be exactly the way I has
culture shock at the gathering. She never be-
over their losses. Rachel begins her talk by reducing
imagined her to be. I wished there had been a
fore has seen such diversity and is shocked that
everyone’s loss to her own.
deeper interpretation of Gina’s character for
the government view some of these women
Rachel to play off of. The questions we asked
“motherhood worthy.”
Game Starts:
She closes by suggesting that she is ready to move on -- hopefully hinting at finding a new more secure
were typical and directly from the libretto—
situation. She doesn’t much mention Gina.
then we ran out of questions, so I suggested we
She begins to doubt herself and her roots and
think about video game stats and what is im-
whether or not she is strong enough to commit
portant -- like vitality, weapons, money, energy,
to motherhood in such an unsafe and unsure
I thought to do this because I wanted players to
health, wealth, children, etc. etc.
world. She is shocked by the amount of guns
solidify their opinion of me in the face of opposi-
there. Women are carrying guns?! She hears
tion, because I knew my character would be a comic
This was a fun and definitive exercise. That
stories of the tragedy outside of where she is
relief, I wanted to win people who took offense to my
night in the cabin: Feeling comfortable with
from and realizes she has been living under a
opening statement over in the game, I’m not sure this
people in cabin. Excited for game but still have
rock since the event, and Gina has helped to
actually worked.
no idea what it will be like.
maintain her ignorance of how bad things are. The start of the Vigil from Rachel’s perspective. (Liz Rywelski)
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
She is realizing that she needs to let go of the world
Meeting with Theresa: went well Gina and I
as it previously was -- so histrionic -- and branch
expressed that we’d love to have Linn if Linn could
I (Rachel) tell Gina that I’ve never seen so much di-
out and become more independent -- or appear so
express commitment to us. (Later that night Linn
versity and that I’m realizing how much of a bubble
more independent that the other characters.
expressed her commitment via a lover’s session
Scenes in the Main room day 1:
Rachel became sexually attracted to Julia during the checkups -- she knew how to touch a woman and where to look and was so confident and smart and had a great job and a lot of power.
with Gina -- Rachel never knew about this in
of privilege I’ve lived the past 3 years or more. I’m scared that the Committee won’t pick me as a mother
Ellen needs me to exist with child because I am the
because I’m unfit -- everything I know as mother-
archetype of predictable irrational consumer behav-
hood -- the catalogues, the strip malls, the parks, the
ior that drives the market.
game).
- “Rachel” The Party: Thomas asked us to share stories Day 3 Scene 1:
of the stupid things men did that we now miss. I
house, the car, the dogs, the husband, it all doesn’t exist anymore -- I don’t have a vision of what
If Gina begins to call her out for her “new” behav-
shared the Ikea carpet story and the 3 cloves of
motherhood looks like post-Event and that renders
ior then Rachel will further oppress her.
garlic story. Elena stole the Conservative’s flag and
I tried to take pictures but it really wasn’t work-
wore it in a strip tease -- this was great fun. Also,
ing for me as well as I had expected in game. I had
-My in game notes stop here, so I am adding in
dancing to “It’s Raining Men,” and expressing to
wanted Rachel to take amateur-like photos because
my recollection below.
everyone that if it really were raining men I’d be
she would certainly have a consumer ready point
outside with my legs behind my head waiting for
and shoot and a consumer ready dslr and nothing
one to fall into me. Gina reprimanded this display.
fancy -- so that is what I brought and that is what
I was drinking tea at the party, the tea bag note said
she shot with. Looking at other larp documentation
me unfit, unstable, I have nothing to point to I have no identity in motherhood. Rachel is someone who prefers to resemble the domiThe meeting with the committee.
nant culture and that culture as she knows it does not exist -- she finds herself attracted to other players who seem to have it together in terms of what a
We originally had a meeting scheduled for 8pm -- it
-- “The art of longing and the art of belonging
there are better quality pictures. I should have aimed
new dominant culture can look like—or is.
got pushed back to almost 9, then we couldn’t find
must be experienced in life.” I was experiencing it
to be more on par -- and hopefully Ella has better
the cabin, which was deep in the woods, in the dark
in game.
images.
Rachel should have had magazines from 3 years ago
and in the rain. Finally, we got to Julia’s office
that she still reads -- maybe Gina sends them to her
and Linn went first -- I couldn’t believe she did the
The crazy showdown that the Committee sprung on
Our trio gets 2 babies and another player: the Lieu-
so it’s like she still gets magazines that represents the
pushups -- the floor was so dirty.
us in the main room demanding everyone in there
tenant, Rachel finds this sexy and begins mis-gen-
and threatening to set loose chaos or who and who
dering the Lieutenant since Sharon is now part of
past life. That would be extreme though and maybe it’s not like that -- Gina seems like she doesn’t much
I told Julia about my abortion and that I once
was not getting babies -- the group tones it down
our trio and she has a gun -- Rachel finds this sexy.
like to put up with Rachel’s BS.
thought I had the clap, but I didn’t. Rachel became
and much more wanted to rest the night and learn
She is also excited to be relocated to Green Point
sexually attracted to Julia during the checkups -- she
about babies tomorrow.
with the Artists trio at the refugee camp. She feels she has won over the Committee to have started as
Her role model is Jennifer Anniston -- though she
knew how to touch a woman and where to look and
tells Julie that she is 183 lbs., so that is telling. For
was so confident and smart and had a great job and
Night time -- we had s’mores fire in our cabin with
a duo and moved to a quad- getting 2 babies in the
Rachel, at the gathering, never before has diversity
a lot of power -- Rachel began to mis-gender Julia
the Lovers and Lisa and Linn. It was sexy; we
group!! Replicate consumers + replicate sex symbols
and the meaning of diversity been so real to her.
in conversation and wanted to have sex with her.
shared sex stories and made triple-decker s’mores.
for the new culture!!
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Pre-game workshopping. These three’s characters would eventually be placed in a quad by the Committee to raise children. (Liz Rywelski)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Etc. etc. it’s still just a tree in the center of the
So now it’s out of my hands—I pass on my im-
composition to anyone else. I realized I was
ages and hope they can use them. After that, I
still in game brain -- and all of these images
have to opportunity to make my own piece out
still held the aura of what was going on around
of it and I will for food for my thesis. But to
them creating pictures with really very little
organize the images in a meaningful way -- and
significance but they meant a lot visually to me.
just a few images -- that tells of my character
The point was this: there is documentation and
experience.
there is documentary. Documentation is the
Scene ends, I put down my camera. We debrief
stuff accumulated, the way you accumulate it,
I’m not sure I have those exact pictures -- I was
and I learn that Gina and Linn hand sexed the
and how much taken at random produces the
too busy capturing the “scenes”; I should go
I forget what I said in the inner voice scene change –
night before. This was my first bleed… and it hit
thing you make the documentary out of.
further into addressing the marrying of script
but it was like oh this is so cool or funny or some-
me later—as not I’m writing in hind sight—I
thing like that.
had recently been cheated on, and not that this was
The documentary is what you do to organize it,
cheating, but I wasn’t let in on it, I felt like there is
muck it up, and present it to tell a story. What
I remember in all of the chaos just to try to lure Isak
something about me that leads people astray. This
complicates this documentation for me was the
Not to justify the work I’ve done but to inform
into wanting to be with my trio -- so asking who
sat with me for a few days.
shift between in- and out- of-game, and the few
my approach to work like this in the future.
Scene 1 ends- enter Isak.
and documentation. Mary Ellen Mark -- an on set photographer. Etc. etc.
moments where I felt in-character and out-
he thought was the prettiest, what kind of food he Criticism of images:
likes, telling him to go with Linn bc she lives with
Other:
of-character opportunities to visualize great images -- these are the ones without people in
me now. Etc. etc. Being the comic relief at all possible times as was written into my character. Vicki
I presented the images I took during MatB in
them -- the ones with people I felt like I had to
In game, Nora was weirded out by my ex-
gave us beef jerky and nuts in the mom cabin.
class (Bruce Jackson documentary photogra-
take on the fly to not break game.
planation of real experiences -- I had made a triple-decker s’more last night and ate it. That
phy) today and they were not received well- I went and got my wig for Isak, and tried to have
first because people were either put off by the
...In fact my BF Gina yelled at me in game for
was a fact and I enjoyed it both in- and out-of-
hand sex with Lieutenant. When the girls escaped
term larp -- or understanding what larp is was
taking pictures at a few pinnacle moments--
character. That was a bleed maybe? And Nora
away with Isak I was like, “No way I’m not go-
too much for them to process and attach to
like Isak entering and the ritual ceremony--
brought it up to me post-game as something
ing to follow this dude down here, in the rain, and
the regular images. Bruce pointed out that in
and this really pissed me off in an out-of-game
that stood out to her—well that is true in my
the wet woods.” I was getting bored being bossed
explanation, I was personally attaching impor-
way. I really could have never imagined the
real life -- my friends don’t know when I’m
around by some dude, and this was an expression
tance to this or that image -– whereas for the
way the larp was going to be. This was my first
acting or being serious. This is both a perk and
shared by other players. I thought at this point I
viewer it had little to no significance—“Why a
larp and it was to organize and part of me just
a problem. But my really really good friends
might try to access the black box to get more in touch
picture of a tree? Well that’s the tree Frank is
enjoyed it so much I was having too much fun
know that I always tell my truth and sometimes
with my character but then the game ended.
standing behind.”
to remember to take pictures.
my truth happens to be fantastic.
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Gina Archetype: Dreamer, martyr
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? 3
Age: 26
drinks/week
Occupation before the disaster: Officer at a
Family history of transmissable diseases
government unemployment office
(genetic, etc.)? * cancer: grandfathers died of
Current occupation: Officer at the agency for
lung cancer (smoking) maternal grandmother -
rationing cards.
Type II diabetes parents died in Event Scoliosis or hip displacement? no Birth control? no, violent reaction to hormonal
#3 - Gina, 26
STI history? no Height? 5’8”
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
Weight? 150
2 weeks, regular
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
Uterine fibroids? no
High/low blood pressure? low-to-normal
Previous pregnancies? no
Previous surgeries? 1st molars out @ 10,
Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good,
tonsils out @ 16
memory OK, breath control 18s
Rachel takes a close up picture of Gina, her Best Friend. (Liz Rywelski)
242
243 Gina from Rachel’s perspective. (Liz Rywelski)
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The Triads: The Conservatives Norah, Rebecca, Anne Theresa’s Psych Notes: the Conservatives
These three women all grew up in the small
After a couple of months Bedford and farms
The historical significance of Bedford has
town of Bedford, Pennsylvania. Anne and
close to the town were one of the areas in this
taken on new meaning for those running the
Rebecca were inseparable in high school, but
part of America that had recovered the most
town now. Bedford Springs Hotel was a popu-
I attempted to go back to dinner -- this time, we
life took them different places so for some years
since the death of the men. There is a func-
lar resort during the 19th century among the
were in luck. The Committee met and ate...
they didn’t have that much contact with each
tioning local economy and a militia has been
wealthy, and President James Buchanan used
...which is when it was revealed to us that none of
other.
established to deal swiftly with any theft from
the place as his summer White House. In 1855,
us had invited the Conservatives, that they had been
the farms or the town itself. The local council
the hotel, also housed the only Supreme Court
spewing homophobic and anti-Muslim rhetoric, and
Norah is younger than the other two and got to
has refused to implement any type of ration-
hearing ever to be held outside of the capital.
that Washington had cut a deal with them to give
know Anne as the mayor’s wife when she was a
ing, something they see as a dangerous slippery
All three have agreed that Norah is the intend-
them a child upon threat of Bedford seceding from
Tea Party activist. Norah and Rebecca only got
slope to socialism.
ed birth mother in this group. However Anne
the Union.
is having second thoughts and now desires to
to know each other after the disaster when they both became part of the group of women now
Volunteerism and getting the market to func-
be chosen herself if possible. Rebecca would
Flashes of my American History classes reared up
in charge in Bedford.
tion again is the only way to rebuild the nation.
also not be adverse to the possibility of being
within my mind as I imagined the country bathed in
The government is afraid that this is one of
chosen should the opportunity present itself.
blood once more.
All three of them, however, have been active in
several areas that are in danger of trying to se-
different ways in the one half in the American
cede from the union and it is a priority to avoid
Culture Wars named Conservative America.
the potential conflict to escalate.
None of them would have ever considered voting for a Democrat, but that doesn’t mean they
In Bedford it is a common view that the death
agree about everything. In fact there are plenty
of Men was an attack on America by terror-
of things, personal and political where they
ists. Since it is now clear that the Disaster has
can argue passionately with each other. But
affected the entire world it seems obvious that
towards others they will often present a united
something went wrong with their plan and the
front.
terrorists got more than they bargained for. Anne, Rebecca and Norah all share the belief
After the Disaster, all three were soon promi-
that with faith in God and through the spirit of
nent members of the group that were now
enterprise and perseverance men will be born
running Bedford.
again, and humanity and America can be saved. : The Conservatives pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Julia Lunetta)
244
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Quite honestly, we were unlikely to survive the cur-
She gave me the strength to perform what she later
rent catastrophe... we’d never survive civil war.
rightly called an “interrogation” upon the Conservatives.
Julie reminded me we still needed to meet with them
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
I swore to Maria I would rather lose my job than subject a child to ideological fascism. The thought of a boy born into that community, used to breed even more brainwashed, ignorant Stepford Wives without husbands made my skin crawl.
I was the enemy at worst... someone to be avoided at best. I watched the storytelling show, trying to allow the joy of the memories and jokes to lighten my mood. Then, Lisa informed me that Elina had performed a strip tease while I was gone. “Damn it,
and I began to panic. I had forgotten the last round
Energetically, I had no problem with Nora and
of interviews. I felt as if these women were taking
Rebecca. They seemed well-meaning, if naïve
us emotionally hostage, infiltrators into our other-
and misguided. Anne, on the other hand, felt like
wise happy gathering. All of the women here, de-
Yahweh’s vengeance -- a lightning bolt of wrath
Would she attempt suicide, like so many gay and
humor. Completely inappropriate, but I needed it. I
spite having vastly different backgrounds, seemed to
directed straight for me. I imagined the kinds of
transgendered teenagers do when they feel rejected
felt my sanity slipping.
establish somewhat of an accord with one another.
subtle torture she would inflict upon the girl, remem-
and bullied by society? Would they love her no mat-
bering stories of children humiliated and beaten as
ter what?
- “Theresa”
why do I always miss the good stuff ? I had to interrogate the neo-cons!” I blurted out in an attempt at
The performances ended and many of the women began to dance. I saw the Lovers and the younger
None of them believed in corporal punishment.
the result of masturbation or early sexual behavior.
Most were willing to accept intimacy between
I considered the sorts of shame that poor girl would
I finally let them go. Sharon walked away, per-
people all enjoying one another, feeling sexy, explor-
women, even if they did not choose it for themselves.
have to face on a daily basis from this pent up, re-
turbed. I needed to use the restroom and felt com-
ing, expressing. I keenly felt my age, spiritually. In
A child would have the option to make her own
pressed, embittered woman.
pletely vulnerable as I walked through the dark
paganism, they call it the Crone, though 45 is hardly
woods to the bathroom. And, of course, there they
knocking on death’s door.
choices in life with these other families... but, now we had proof that these Conservatives intended on
They answered the questions well enough, consid-
were... alone in the bathroom... talking about me.
sowing hate.
ering. Should I feel relieved that they would only
“Hello, ladies,” I said, trying to sound as smooth
The fate of the humanity was, quite literally, on my
spank the child on the rear and not use their fists?
and confident as possible. Thankfully, they left with-
shoulders. I allowed myself to feel the sadness, the
And I had to go meet with them. I swore to Maria I
Should I find comfort in the fact they do not openly
out lynching me. I slipped into the common room,
nostalgia, as I watched. I wondered if I’d ever truly
would rather lose my job than subject a child to ideo-
condemn women who have turned to each other for
completely drained and depressed. Who was I to
been young... I always sought maturity, the respect
logical fascism. The thought of a boy born into that
sexual intimacy, though they find such behavior sin-
make decisions for these ladies? No one, really.
of an older, wiser man... authority...
community, used to breed even more brainwashed,
ful? Should I clap for their efforts to create a func-
ignorant Stepford Wives without husbands made my
tional media with their neighborhood newspaper,
Just a concerned person with a bit of training who
...you cannot imagine the relief I felt when Maria
skin crawl.
which they openly admit is littered with Christian
knew the right people. “The sad part is... we’re the
finally walked through the door. A woman who
propaganda?
best they’ve got,” I had reassured Maria with a
understood that weight, the burden of responsibility.
sardonic laugh. The thought did not reassure me,
We retired to our cabin with the rest of the Com-
In a complete breach of ethical etiquette, I asked Sharon to accompany me to the last therapy session.
Finally, I got to the core of the issue... would they
unfortunately. I tried to sit with the other women,
mittee to deliberate upon our decisions. We had just
Though I seriously doubted that Rebecca would try
harm her for displaying inevitable lesbian tenden-
to integrate with them, but of course they couldn’t
decided to give the Conservatives their child when
to shoot me right there in the office if I denied them
cies? Would they kick her out, like so many Christian
view me as a casual acquaintance after the intensity
Sara came and knocked on the door... the rest was
the child, Sharon’s presence soothed me.
parents have done in the past?
of our previous interactions.
of the night was sheer chaos.
246
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Norah
#1 - Norah, 29
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
She wore flannel shirt, jeans, outdoors boots,
Mad About the Weekend
old-fashioned rifle on her person at all times, a baseball cap and brown pleather bomber jacket.
Archetype: The hard-working pioneer
Height? 5’4”
The most challenging part of the weekend for
Age: 29
Weight? 130
me was not playing a character wildly different
Occupation before the disaster: Owned a
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
from the real life me, but the incredible stress
small chain of hardware stores with her hus-
High/low blood pressure? no
of playing a character-type that actively trig-
band and worked part-time as a journalist for
Previous surgeries? 4 wisdom teeth removed
gered most of the players.
the local paper, The Bedford Times
@ 19
Current occupation: Owner of hardware
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?
Would you mind telling me about your char-
chain, but lost most of the stores during the
some herbal remedies
acter and the relationship dynamics IC, both
She carries a rifle at all times. Along with her
riots. Is the Executive Editor of The Bedford
Family history of transmissable diseases
in your Triad and outside of it?
pearl wearing, suited Mayor and badge carry-
Times.
(genetic, etc.)? dad hypertension, died in
No makeup. Back to the land, ready to work and get her hands dirty when things needed fixing.
ing, holstered Sheriff companions, this trio was
Event
The challenging role, playing in the Conserva-
“High values are no excuse for not getting your
mom died of accident @ 50
tive Trio:
hands dirty.”
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
never without their guns. And sometimes a Bible. We decorated the outside of our side of the cabin with a flag.
Birth control? no
I was asked by the American side of the larp
STI history? no
organizers to play in a newly written “family
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
trio” made especially for the American run of
During downtime in the main hall, we occa-
2 weeks, regular
this game: a group of Conservative women
sionally stationed ourselves at a table under the
Uterine fibroids? no
representing the social and economic pillars
12 foot high American flag and put our Bible on
Previous pregnancies? * live birth (vaginal/
of a thriving, self-sufficient small town in the
the table, hoping to invite the curious over for
caesarian)? one, live birth (M)
heart of Pennsylvania.
conversation.
Norah is a post-Tea Party new-pioneer
What were you favorite or most intense mo-
woman: Pentecostal Christian, runs several
ments IC?
Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good, memory OK, breath control 9s Post-game Debriefing:
Sharon and Norah worry about securing the perimeter after the Last Man shows up. (Liz Rywelski)
248
hardware stores that teach women how to use tools, publishes a private newspaper (a luxury
If you ever wanted to know what it’s like to
Character: Norah from the Conservative trio
in post-apocalyptic America), fixes cars, and
play a villain in an American game RIGHT
(flannel shirts, baseball cap, rifle on back, reli-
hunts. She’s also a little “crunchy”: organic
NOW that everyone will automatically hate,
gious nutjob)
home-grown food and solar and wind power
without any introduction or “prodding” on
are her long-term goals for the town.
your part, this is the role to play.
249
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The “public” larp didn’t even see the worst
We didn’t take make it easy for ourselves or
After our evaluation (which was last, pushed
She was officially done with BG after that and
of it; in our pre-game workshops and in our
for the others: we played these women as com-
back in game, and stressed us out all day long
became entirely focused on trying to band
in-game black boxing, our trio alone explored
plex, believably real people. It was tempting
waiting) by the Committee, we were outright
together the women against the Committee the
things I suspect might have been the most of-
to portray them as political cartoons, but we
told we were not getting a baby. A combination
next day.
fensive to the participants of the game, with
wanted to be likable. We were friendly. Gregar-
of because we were so successful (a small town
scenes involving protesting abortion clinics,
ious. Helpful. Lots of smiles. Willing to listen.
with lots of healthy girl children), but more so
I don’t think I ever felt so angry winning
destroying supplies of birth control (a purely
Humor (I brought my French, er, Freedom cof-
because of our extreme values.
something. It was a confusing soup of emo-
symbolic gesture in a world without the risk
fee press…that’s a joke!)
unplanned pregnancy…at least as far as our
tions. I think every group had some version of We were devastated. We thought we had every-
this happen to them (as they all were promised sperm at some point).
characters know), homophobia and extreme
It was a complex balancing act of standing
thing to offer a baby. But this after created the
religious views.
up for one’s beliefs while being humbled by a
scene I wanted most of all. In our sadness at a
world with entirely different rules. I made it
“party” later, one of the Muslims approached
We all felt “dirty” after these scenes, and we
clear that Norah believing in God was her pri-
us, asking what happened.
took steps to de-role from them and talk about
mary gauge for judging character. This made
what we were feeling, often. The workshops be-
it possible for Norah to see the devout Muslim
We told her how we were denied a baby. We
fore the game were invaluable to this and made
Sisterhood as potential allies in a crowd of
told her how they wanted us to perform un-
us better role-players for the game ahead.
sexual deviants, lazy handout seekers, big gov-
natural sexual acts. And she understood. There
ernment and the worst of all, atheists.
were tears on both sides.
women as my cohorts in this role; while we all
The more she was pressed for her beliefs, the
The last straw was later that night. The Com-
willingly signed up to be “bad guys,” we had
more I wanted to see Norah stand up for her-
mittee made a huge public announcement that
no idea what was to actually come. As we fell
self. The moment that I felt most sympathetic
both the Conservatives and the Muslims were
further down this increasingly uncomfortable
for her (and her trio) was when the Committee
now getting a baby. Because they feared the
rabbit hole, I always felt supported.
(Big Government) questioned our idea of inti-
worst would happen if they denied both our
macy. Our Trio would never engage in homo-
groups, but for different reasons.
I made it clear that Norah believing in God was her primary gauge for judging character. This made it possible for Nora to see the devout Muslim Sisterhood as potential allies in a crowd of sexual deviants, lazy handout seekers, big government and the worst of all, atheists.
I feel incredibly fortunate to have had these two
What really felt bad for me during this
sexual acts ourselves (even in a world without
game… far worse than taking on a role that
men), but what hurt that our most intimate act
This enraged Norah, who saw this as both a
conflicted with my own personal beliefs, was
of all, praying together, wasn’t enough for the
further singling out of her group, plus a ploy
the hostility and exclusion from the other char-
Committee. They mocked what we held most
on the part of Big Government to pit the two
acters. This happened almost immediately, most
sacred. And it left me, a real life atheist, furious
groups against each other (and the Muslims
often with little or no provocation.
for my character.
were mostly unarmed, educated women).
250
- “Norah”
251
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Norah’s player looking over the edge of the bridge at the water. (John Stravopoulos)
Did the game cause you to see the world or
The game was challenging, draining. It
In hindsight, there are specific American facets
What suggestions do you have for future
yourself through new eyes? Please elabo-
wasn’t easy fun. It was demanding. I was
to this game that went far beyond gender. I
runs of this game or other Nordic style
rate.
coming to the weekend from months of work
am glad for the changes done, and I also think
games?
related stress, but the emotional stress of the
the Nordic organizers could not predict what a
In a game so heavily focused on issues of
larp eclipsed my real life stressors just enough
huge impact the issues of race, religion, guns,
motherhood and gender, this was the least im-
so that they sort of cancelled each other out,
portant personal stressor on me. I’m 39 years
leaving me in a strange state of relaxed detach-
old and don’t have kids. I like kids, I like people
ment.
with kids. But if I do or don’t have kids, I’m still going to have a happy life, so I didn’t feel
What, if anything, struck you as different
like I was examining this much in game.
between the American games you’ve played and the Nordic style?
I willingly took on a role I know conflicted with my own values. I even hate the word val-
The great care and emphasis put into every-
ues. But I like challenging roles in games. This
thing that happens before and after the game.
might have been the most challenging thing to
I was delighted to find these activities just as
date, if not for sheer level of immersion.
interesting and rewarding as the actual game play.
Again, the most disturbing thing was immediately being hated for what I believed in, and
I’ll hand it to the organizers: they took great
not the individual I played. This made me just
care in crafting these Conservative three. It
want to defend this character and my cohorts
would have been easy to paint them as political
even more during game play. I did not want to
cartoons. But all of these characters have lost
play her as a political cartoon. I wanted her to
just as much as anyone else: fathers, husbands,
be a person.
friends and sons.
252
I’m responding to this question many months
and political leanings had on an American run
and many more discussions later after the run
of MAtB.
of this game, so it’s difficult to just summarize this neatly.
What are your thoughts on the pre-game workshops and the post-game debriefs?
In the most general sense, I’m most interested in using the most powerful of the Nordic tech-
Absolutely essential. I don’t think any of the
niques applied to American gaming and finding
players could have felt this game so deeply and
out what kind of new, interesting chimeras
profoundly without the slow build with the
could blossom from such a union.
workshops. And if we didn’t have the debriefs, we’d leave feeling absolutely devastated and
Again, the most disturbing thing was immediately being hated for what I believed in, and not the individual I played. This made me just want to defend this character and my cohorts even more during game play. I did not want to play her as a political cartoon. I wanted her to be a person.
possibly have some messy emotional fallout for weeks to come. Granted, I’m sure it’s impossible to completely debrief in just one afternoon, but just “cutting us loose” from such an intense game without a debrief would have felt callous. I’m fascinated by the process of pre-game workshops and debriefing and how it can be applied to other
- “Norah”
styles of RPGs.
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Rebecca Post-game Debriefing:
Archetype: Analyzer and concluder
Previous surgeries? LASIK surgery @ 21
Age: 36
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?
Occupation before the disaster: Lawyer
ibuprofen & Sudafed (OTC)
Being a social conservative was really hard for
working as a researcher for the Heritage Foun-
Family history of transmissable diseases
me - I mean, saying out loud that you’re sure
dation
(genetic, etc.)? mom dead - breast cancer @
all Muslims are terrorists and being homopho-
Current occupation: Sheriff in Bedford, PA
10 dad – hypertension, maternal grandfather -
bic is really hard when you don’t believe those
colon cancer in 80s, survived
things. And I grew up in a pretty conservative
She lives up to the saying: “Speak softly and carry a
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
area, so that’s something I fought against my
big stick”
Birth control? no
whole life.
STI history? no Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
I think my whole Triad found that really
1 week, regular
complicated. To some degree though, it gave
Height? 5’4.75”
Uterine fibroids? no
Conservatives a face for me - they are people,
Weight? 122
Previous pregnancies? no
too. I just don’t agree with them. So I guess
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
Physical fitness results: eyesight good,
ultimately it broke a prejudice I didn’t quite
High/low blood pressure? low-to-normal
memory good, breath control 18s
realize I had. Or at least didn’t feel bad about
#2 - Rebecca, 36
having.
Being a social conservative was really hard for me - I mean, saying out loud that you’re sure all Muslims are terrorists and being homophobic is really hard when you don’t believe those things. And I grew up in a pretty conservative area, so that’s something I fought against my whole life.
--Yesterday, I returned to work and explained my weekend to my coworker, who is a real Conservative and pretty devout Catholic with whom I’ve had a few discussions on things like healthcare that I wish I hadn’t (frankly, I just avoid them now). I absolutely wish I’d had my Triad family at my side! And it’s worth noting that said Conservative was open and interested in my weekend, despite the fact I’m sure it
“Rebecca” 254
seemed like a super weird thing to do for her. Rebecca, Sheriff of Bedford. (Liz Rywelski)
255
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
On my walk from the train to my house, I was
That’s why I reacted so strongly when Ma-
musing on how I got into my character -- I
ria said Anne had to recuse herself from our
felt like I didn’t get in that deep, because my
Triad. No one seemed to be picking up on it
emotional responses were really restrained. I
during her speech, and Anne silenced me be-
finally realized that those were my character’s
cause we’d been given a baby, but that was what
On Monday, I started thinking about what I
What are your overall impressions about the
responses. She had lost her mother at the age
hurt me most.
would do to get home in that situation. My dad
Mad About the Boy U.S. run?
The Conservatives examine the other Triads. (Liz Rywelski)
and I are kind of survivalists, and I couldn’t
of 10, and as an only child was really dependent on the father-daughter relationship. He
Even the fact that I was to be the mother (when
help formulating a plan. Later, I called my par-
I think it was really transformative for most of
made her world normal after that really trau-
I truly wasn’t sure I was cut out to be) didn’t
ents to tell them about the weekend and related
the players. Most of us had never experienced
matic event, and likewise, she tried to make the
override the sense of soul ripping that push-
the story, nearly tearing up again when I talked
anything like this, and some of us, including
world around her and her fellow Bedfordites
ing Anne from my family invoked. If I hadn’t
about how far I would be from Mom. Then I
me, were new or almost new to larp. Most had
normal as best she could. She didn’t dive into
been so personally tired and emotionally spent,
launched into the plan.
not experienced Nordic larp either. The overall
emotion, because she couldn’t function there.
I think I might have made a big scene. But also Anne would have tamped that down :)
Additionally, I felt I didn’t get a good grasp on ---
her identity, but again, it’s because she didn’t have a good grasp on her identity. She became
feeling I had was a sense of commitment from ME: So I figure I’d just go to a car lot and
all the players to immerse themselves in some-
get the best 4-wheel drive vehicle I could get,
thing new, even if they were nervous. We were
in case I have to do some off-roading to get
all in it together, even if our characters were
around the crashes. And hopefully it would
antagonistic.
a lawyer because her father was one. She went
One of the most emotional moments for me
have enough gas to get to a station, that was
to DC because he had. She was a Republican
was during the guided meditation. I live in
hopefully working.
because he was. Not because he forced his ide-
the Boston area, as does my brother, and my
als on her, but because he was her world, and
parents live in Maryland. I imagined myself
DAD: No, you should push one of those dead
she adopted his causes.
at work, watching my boss and my work study
men out of a vehicle, because the keys will be
die around me, then realized my brother would
in it. Look for a jeep; that would be good for
In his absence, she did the same with Anne, and
be dead, too, and I would be alone in Massa-
getting through ditches and things. They’re
Norah to some extent, although her crazy was a
chusetts. And then I realized my mom would
good for that stuff. And if it runs out of gas,
little much for Rebecca. But what really defined
be alone, too. How would I get to Maryland?
you just find another one.
her was her fierce loyalty to this adopted family
I’m too far away! My mom would be all alone
-- even if she didn’t agree with everything they
not knowing what happened to me! I started
Dad - still watching out for me, even in a fic-
thought, she would defend them and their causes
to tear up, and realized that this distance, were
tional world where he’s dead! I’m definitely still
to the death, to keep what little family she had
regular transportation options to be cut off,
processing a lot from this weekend, but sur-
left intact.
could really be insurmountable.
vival instincts are in full effect.
256
What really defined her was her fierce loyalty to this adopted family -- even if she didn’t agree with everything they thought, she would defend them and their causes to the death, to keep what little family she had left intact. - “Rebecca” 257
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
I understand that Mad About the Boy was your
Please share your favorite memories from
first larp experience. What were the most
the game, either as a player or an organizer.
interesting or transformative parts of the
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Anne Archetype: The Proselyteer
Some favorite moments:
role-playing process for you?
Age: 36 Occupation before the disaster: Mayor’s wife.
Well, I had done only one larp Lizzie had or-
The meditation on what it would be like if
Ran several charities, focusing on children’s
ganized for newbies as part of her research into
we, not our characters, experienced the death
welfare (hostel for indigent children, Locks of
larping -- but that was a Cthulhu larp and very
of all men was amazingly powerful and really
Love, Make a Wish ++)
different from what MAtB is.
brought me into the experience.
Current occupation: Mayor. Took over hus-
Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?
band’s job when he died.
current, regular
The American flag that was used for striptease (Liz Rywelski)
Uterine fibroids? no
What I loved about MAtB was the chance to re-
Bonding with my cabin mates over fire build-
ally explore my character and her motivations
ing the first night, then replaying all that as
“She knows her place, but she also know how to put
Previous pregnancies? * live birth (vaginal/
in a way I couldn’t in the Cthulhu larp - -these
characters who didn’t like or trust each other
others in their allotted place.”
caesarian)? one, vaginal, live birth (M)
opportunities were provided by pre-game
the next night.
work-shopping and game mechanics like the black box.
Physical fitness results: eyesight OK, memory #3 - Anne, 36
good, breath control 4s
Height? 5’4”
Post-game debriefing on leaving her Triad:
Our meeting with Theresa - it was raw, tense, and gut-wrenching. I felt truly defeated.
I have a lot more experience in theater than
Weight? 170
larp, so the ability to really get to know my
Black-boxing beating the crap out of Theresa
Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no
I’m finding the time I’m missing the girls most is
character was important.
after that meeting.
High/low blood pressure? normal
when I’m trying to explain the weekend to other
Previous surgeries? L ankle fracture @ 11
people. I was really excited about the larp so a
Taking an out of game moment with my trio
Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?
lot of people wanted to know how it went when
- we needed to talk out some of what we were
~10 cigarettes/week, ibuprofen
I got back. I found myself looking to my side for
experiencing, and I got closer to them.
Family history of transmissable diseases
someone to be there and validate what I was
(genetic, etc.)? mom - stomach cancer @ 56,
trying to express or maybe say the right thing
The moment when one of the Muslim Sister-
dad – Event, maternal grandmother @ 90,
to make me sound less crazy, because that’s what
hood reached out to my trio, the Conservatives,
grandfather @ 91, paternal grandmother @ 82
I could do all weekend. It was hard for me not
because WE were experiencing prejudice.
& grandfather @ 86
to have that and a little lonely not being around
Scoliosis or hip displacement? no
people that experienced the same things as me. I
And so many more... I think I could write up
Birth control? no
feel a little relieved reading that other people are
the whole experience!
STI history? no
struggling with it too I guess? Thanks!
A quiet moment around the table (Liz Rywelski)
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The Last Man: Isak Isak Archetype: The lone sailor caught in a storm
I spoke too soon. The only showers are in the
at sea.
woman’s bathroom :-( what the hell!
Age: 30 Occupation before the disaster: Zoologist
All clean. The trick, wake up at 6am. I’m the
Current occupation: Hunter, survivor on the
only one in the bathroom / showers. Water...
run
Cold :-(
“I am a poor, wayfaring stranger
Flashbacks I believe happen day 2 after break-
Just traveling through this world below
fast and I will burst in after lunch. Updates as I
But there’s no sickness, toil or danger
know more.
In that bright land to which I go. I’m going there to meet my mother
There are a few people from Norway and Swe-
Said she’d meet me when I come.
den here.
I’m just a going over Jordan I’m just a going over home.”
The thing that makes me most uncomfortable...
- Traditional folk song
I don’t feel naked without clothes, I feel naked without my wedding ring. This is the first time in years I haven’t worn it outside our home.
During-game mircoblogging on G+ via Phone:
Terry gets to wear hers though. I’m going to be playing the most important men in the player’s lives via flashbacks before
We are supposed to be immersed 24/7 but
I arrive. That way when my character busts
Terry and I keep sneaking away for secret hugs
in bloodied and desperate, there is already an
even though her character is incredibly scary.
emotional connection. (sleeping with staff in a separate cabin) Being in an almost all female LARP makes using the men’s bathroom kind of awesome.
Don’t tell anyone but I brought lots of fake blood.
260
Isak, the Last Man. (John Stravopoulos) 261
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Playing 30 flashbacks is going to be… chal-
Spying on Ars Amandi debriefings, “how was it
Terry is a fundamentalist Christian and their
Everyone is in character plotting. And all the
lenging.
for you.”
base is in a former Wal-mart. And she’s armed.
wrong people are heavily armed. This could go
And will get that baby!
from Vampire LARP to first person shooter fast!
We lost a player this morning. 29...
Although there is a meta rule... No killing till
I’m extremely extroverted loud and energetic and tend to fill leadership roles BUT I’m saying
A tremendously nice person brought eggs from
the last act. I’m calling it now, someone is go-
I might be one of the few people wearing
little. I’m fighting every urge to draw attention
their own chickens!
ing to shoot me... Maybe Terry!
makeup. Terry isn’t. I may also be in the minor-
to myself and dominate spotlight. I have soooo
ity of those showering.
much to add to the conversations being had but
My breakfast, bowl of rice with sriracha and
My plan is to ignore what is on my character
I’m keeping my mouth shut. Posting here helps.
coffee mixed with hot chocolate.
sheet. I will be different People. To one person I may tell them to give me a reason not to
People think I’m shy. Must fight bad habits.
Making 80 cups of coffee for the sleepy masses right now as Lizzie’s husband George starts
Lots of people here. Could take lots of photos
cooking breakfast for everyone.
I’m going to be part of a few documentaries
kill myself. Another I will tell them I plan to
covering the event. I’m excited!
kill someone... And why shouldn’t I have that privilege.
but not without consent and there are a lot of Is it awkward seeing the people you Ars
people to ask for consent. So there won’t be too
I hope the pictures they take of me are tasteful.
Amandi the morning after?
many of these.
I will admit I ate less than I would normally
If someone gets too intimate, I may come out as
this morning so I don’t risk bloating.
being gay. If someone likes me too much I will
Lizzie’s husband George is going to dress in
During the “ask anyone questions about their
drag to fill a missing role. Pictures coming!
characters” exercise I was being a GM troll ala
reveal a terrible secret. Someone hates me, I’ll be sympathetic, beg, and cry. I’ll tell the fundamen-
Kira is pitching story games hardcore.
Monster Hearts. “who is in charge here?” “who
talists I’m alive because of God... So what does
Camp Cedarcrest in Connecticut (2hrs from
thinks they are in charge?” “who is really in
that make me? Who does it make me? In some
NYC). Posting photos.
charge?”
cases I will be abused. Other times the abuser. Sometimes both. This will not be easy.
The administrators deciding who will be in-
And no one left oatmeal for me!!!
We have working fireplaces.
seminated are asking trolling questions. What’s your BMI? Are you nervous? How is your
::hungry::
I’m a ghost and memories today.
posture? Are you stressed?
Bursting into the scene tomorrow morning.
Today may mark the explosion of Nordic LARP in the US. So many people here organ-
How do these questions make you feel? As
ize US LARPs and are here to learn how to do
someone from the military stands behind the
Safe words:
this.
surveyor staring at you.
- break : chill out; - cut: stop, no questions asked.
The Last Man before his entrance. (John Stravopoulos)
262
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
You can call cut for someone else. The person
When I was originally asked to play (because
I did my best to avoid Ars Amanding anyone
I’m going to GM direct scenes with 2 groups!
who called cut can start again by saying go.
of my GMing skills and because they trust me
who I found attractive who aren’t already
The Professionals and the Three Generation
not to make the game about me) Terry joked
friends. It can get weird. One person was enjoy-
trios. 1.5 hours.
When it is time to keep quiet, we raise our
that I should play the monkey [from Y The
ing it too much.
hands and quiet the people to our left and right.
Last Man, instead of The Last Man] :-(
We will use the monologue technique, tell me what your character is thinking or feeling right
Washing everyone’s dishes. “there is no sperm on the premises”
now.
One thing I learned yesterday. My hands are
“playing to lose” is a technique we are using
much smoother than most (man or women)
After this I’m going to have 1-2 new gaming
except for the weight lifting calluses.
groups. I already have 8+. Why can’t I game
If I’m posting too much, let me know.
as a full time job? At least I use all this to help There are different forms of Ars Amandi. Last
No THACO. No Stats. Fuck this!
others to find people to play with.
Scenes I’m GMing: - Rescuing a kidnapped son.
night some people were gentle, but someone told me they hate-fucked me.
24/7 immersion except for the break room space.
Someone told me I Ars Amandi like a man! Not
- dealing with child gangs in a refugee camp.
enough foreplay :-(
- helping a mom who wants to abandon her daughter.
They turned me around and it was intense. Some was all teasing.
I’m not allowed to sleep with Terry!
Everyone is explaining their backgrounds. Really intense. These characters are 3 dimensional, human, complex and primed to explode. The number of miscarriages, dead babies, fathers, sons, and husbands dying in front of people is really sad. Really sad. I’m tearing up.
Everyone is explaining their backgrounds. Re-
- fight with husband over dinner.
ally intense. These characters are 3 dimension-
- Inappropriate behavior during a therapy session.
al, human, complex and primed to explode.
- 15 year old telling her family she is pregnant. - Quiet but passive aggressive family dinner.
The number of miscarriages, dead babies,
- Death scene.
fathers, sons, and husbands dying in front of
- more!
people is really sad. Really sad. I’m tearing up. The porn jokes have started. People are joking about gangbanging me.
Some of the characters are really, really dangerous.
The black box room has a porno bed in it. It’s We all talked about the important male role
meant to be a holodeck. The room can be any-
models in our lives. I realize I don’t have any.
thing you want.
- “Isak” 264
265
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
I might go for a walk by myself. I can at least enjoy nature if I’m going to be isolated. It’s important to note I’m extremely extroverted. Lack of social interaction starves my emotional levels. - “Isak”
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
I imagine by the time I show up the women
I’ve been told to stay away from everyone for
will be sick of the sperm bank bureaucracy and
the rest of the day to make my arrival tomor-
will be looking for alternatives.
row more dramatic.
But they don’t need companions, just genetic
I understand and I understand the unstated im-
material. That said I am GMing for some of
plication of being actually lonely to empathize
the alpha players.
with my character.... But this is out-of-game frustrating.
In the black box I’m part of the holodeck. Peo-
The fundamentalists have decorated their cabin
Lunch feels weird. Everyone is in character, sit-
ple can program me for their scenes. The room
with American flags.
ting in their groups but I don’t have a character
It’s raining and I’m stuck in a cabin with a
right now till tomorrow or till people embody
sleeping sick person and no outside engage-
me with a character via flashback or fantasy. I
ment other than writing this :-(
since we were playing with 2 groups, 6 people I
It’s lonely. I miss Terry. Everyone is laughing
Not sure how my quarantine effects my ability
wanted to have audience members act as NPCs
and having fun.
to act in the black box.
Some of the costumes are fantastic. The funda-
I’m going to talk to the other organizers to
has different lights including a disco ball. And different music options.
The role-play scenes I directed went well. I kept wishing I had an NPC to push things but
There are guns in the black box.
to stay involved.
How many times will I die this weekend? This is all meant to be my written record so I
We had loud but mostly quiet character rela-
mentalists are decked out openly branding their
verify I need to hide in an empty cabin for the
don’t forget anything.
tionship exploration scenes. The players have
weapons.
next 16 hours.
I might go for a walk by myself. I can at least
This is killing my micro blogging. Slept 2
enjoy nature if I’m going to be isolated. It’s
hours. Wore a hood to sneak to the bathroom unseen. Trying to force myself back to sleep.
vastly different RPG styles and cultural backgrounds so there was somewhat of a challenge.
I’ll try to keep this PG-13. Another technique: “inner voice.” GMs can play
The characters I’ve worked with so far are very
important to note I’m extremely extroverted.
the angels and devils on your shoulders.
strong and really don’t seem like they need or
Lack of social interaction starves my emotional
want men other than the specific individuals
levels.
Not sure how food / water is supposed to work for dinner.
irrespective of their genders that they miss.
We are playing 3 acts and using songs to indi-
Lizzie thinks her husband cross dressing is hot.
cate transactions. I have troubling imagining most of these womViolence is done in slow motion. No can die till
en caring about the Last Man when he shows
act 3. The defender chooses the impact of the
up other than as a financial or sperm asset.
violence. All guns have orange tips.
266
Clearly these are all things my character would
This may not stay exclusive to the LARP.
have gone through but emotional immersion of Vigil for the dead with candles. And technically
this sort comes close to violating my personal
I am the dead.
transparent opt-in principles.
267
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Then we only have 5 hours which feels very
Couldn’t sleep anymore. Isak is supposed to
short. I’ll have to work hard to make sure the
be alone stealthily scavenging. So I decide to
The cabin walls are thin. It’s weird to hear the
authorities don’t contain / monopolize / trap
sneak in the kitchen at 5am to scavenge a pea-
voices of friends like Terry and Kira pass by
me.
nut butter (but I don’t see any jelly) sandwich.
I’ve been running through the woods all night
This is the healthiest LARP I’ve been to... Food
and haven’t interacted meaningfully with peo-
wise. Chickpea curry, lentil soup, hummus,
ple in 3-5 years.
bread, almond milk, and we have just enough
I just posted “stealth” photos.
Right now I’m pretty hungry but don’t have access to food. Because of my thyroid condition I usually eat 6+ times a day. It’s no big deal. I don’t have to eat. It’s just I’m
or linger close and have whole conversations I
frequently aggressively hungry. I have a fall-
can’t fully hear or participate in.
back snack if needed or I will simply break the I did get to see Lizzie’s husband put on panty
game’s unexpected rule. Safety first.
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
food.
hose and a bra for the first time. By the way, both Lizzie and George are sweet people.
Just came back from stealthing to the bathroom. I actually hid behind a cabin and waited for people to pass by and then longer for the
I imagine G+ is like my radio transmitter in
coast to be clear. Trying to take this all in the
Isak’s (my character) cabin.
spirit of the game.
I also have to hope the players will clothe me. Shoes are my biggest concern. It’s going to be
In the main room... Empty... Where I will be
cold.
crashing through in 3.5 hours.
Reports coming in say the Black Box has been
Going back to the kitchen where it is warm.
An organizer brought me vegetarian food.
the best part of the game by far. Lots of cry-
To be fair, I remember Lizzie mentioning a
I’m much happier. I suppose this is a deer Isak
ing! Sad I missed such a huge part of the game
Sneaking into the women’s bathroom to shower
long time ago that there would be a part I
found and shot. Maybe Isak was vegetarian too
:-( but at the very least it sounds like the event
in non-warm water (men’s bathroom has no
would be hiding. So this isn’t 100% blindsiding.
until his world ended.
is a huge win for the players!
showers).
I just didn’t realize the scope and got super
I’d imagine Ars Armandi would be a hit at
Having trouble sleeping. It’s 44 degrees but
I know my character probably smells, but I go
excited by the alternative opportunity of black
speed dating.
feels like 20. Running around mostly exposed is
to enough cons that I’ve sworn never to be that
going to be chilly!
person. “it’s my character isn’t an excuse.”
box play (during the workshop players were George is going to the supermarket in drag.
told to grab me and we would play out scenes)
The black box is definitely one of the killer
before my character comes in. No black box The plan is for me to burst through breakfast
apps we will want to appropriate: http://nordi-
at 9am...
clarpwiki.org/wiki/Black_Box?
and said “this must be the most boring game
Semi naked, crazed, starving, cold, and con-
Just tripled up my socks. Going to try sleeping
you’ve ever played” followed by “did they make
fused. Then we freeze and every character has
another 2.5 hours. Not a complete sleep cycle.
arrangements to bring you food?”
to say what they are thinking.
play so far. One of the co-organizers friends just came in
268
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The Last Man’s player takes self-portraits to pass the time. (John Stravopoulos)
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
Damn someone’s coming!
The paintball comment made me think of Gen
When I hear Terry’s voice I make a special
1 person caught me, 3 I avoided.
Con’s True Dungeon. It changed how I viewed
sound that’s pet-like because I miss her so
D&D.
much.
So much. My scenes I think went well but honestly I
Ever play paintball? You suddenly realize...
have no idea. It’s not for me to judge.
Fuck, I’d be dead... That easy. RPGs didn’t
A 10ft pole and a swinging 2 handed great axe
No idea how this ends. Not with love. I’m a
prepare me for this.
don’t make a lot of sense in many classic D&D
piece of meat or an asset to sell. I think some-
I burst through a door semi naked, covered in
situations with cramped spaces and overcrowd-
one is getting shot. Way more guns than I
blood, people screamed, I freaked out, I knocked
ing.
expected.
some chairs behind me to create distance, and
Covered tastefully in blood.
hid behind a garbage can, and accidentally Too many gang bang jokes.
Trying to take pictures to share.
Embarrassing pictures up.
smashed a back door which unexpectedly started to open.
People think I’m shy.
I’m strangely now used to the cold. I also wish
20 minutes.,. Then we paused signaled by playing the games
the bathroom walls weren’t so thin so I could ignore the conversations in the woman’s bath-
I’d like a version of this LARP with men only
room.
involved in Flashbacks that focuses on the time after reproduction is a non-issue to tell the
I’m hiding in the men’s bathroom for the next
story of how a world without men is different
hour.
if at all.
5 minutes…
theme song.
Ok I’m little scared now.
Then everyone said what is going through their characters’ minds.
I have exercises I do to defeat anxiety but I will use the fear instead.
We played the song again and un-paused.
Underarmor underwear is very flattering with
Then I threw the garbage can at everyone and
what it accentuates and hides. Terry calls it
tried to run out the backdoor but I chose to
man lingerie.
injure my ankle. People ran to help me and then someone chill-
(Photo credit: Liz Rywelski)
ingly screamed to everyone’s surprise:
FUCK! We ended 3 hours early!
“kill it.”
Too much to talk about.
So much more happened after those words.
The women getting ready for the day in the ladies’ bathroom. (Liz Rywelski)
270
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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The Last Man’s dramatic entrance. (Liz Rywelski)
Zahida and Theresa offer fruit and clothing to the Last Man, trying to ascertain his physical and mental health. (Liz Rywelski)
The game ended up being about:
On the positive side the role-playing was amaz-
Few people are saying bye to me or looking me
So it doesn’t seem like a problem. I had a
- loss
ing, lots of tears, emotion, and the women
in the eyes unless I initiate. People told me I
person recently tell me the X-Card is silly and
- power of guns
playing felt safe and that they didn’t have to
triggered a lot of deep issues and most don’t
then their GM contacted me telling me how
- bigotry towards religious people
“prove” themselves when playing positions of
know me, just my character. Every time I try to
badly that same group needs it.
- women’s past relationships to men
power.
say almost anything someone jokes, “ohhhh the One thing that happened was players were
man wants to speak!”
- sex
talking about how in an all women game people
- birth
I will never forget this but the ending made me
- survival
sad. It was an 8 out of 10 but could have been a
Terry kind of went through similar things. She
didn’t have to worry about being talked over.
- who is in charge when those in charge are
10 experience.
played a conservative and ended up being “all
The people saying this were mostly the peo-
things Conservative other” to the characters.
ple talking over others or for whatever reason
removed (not men)
don’t get talked over. Some of the people who
But I will never forget and I’m glad I did it.
- Women pushing for the equality they didn’t have before while oppressing other women
Sprained my wrist and knee but totally worth it
got talked over, even here were silent, talked
- even with no men, the loudest and most mas-
Almost all the problems that happened would
and I’ve done worse to myself running tabletop
over, or finally voiced their experience to many
culine took power
have possibly solved by jeepform. Not enough
games.
people’s surprise.
- distrusting the government
meta transparency and out-of-game commu-
- choice
nication. The ability to split away from each
I’m an extreme extrovert and spent most of
I’m hyper sensitive to all this as a social organ-
This isn’t me talking but what women said dur-
other but not communicate remotely caused
the game not talking even when I had ideas and
izer.
ing debriefings.
issues in the end. The game ended before the
passionate feelings. This was the “know your
best parts!!!
place” game for me. Posting on G+ helped a lot!
I’m glad MAtB happened. For its success and for its mistakes. We can’t let fear of making
I was both given special treatment and talked down to. We ended 3 hours early because of miscommu-
mistakes keep us from trying.
Also I don’t think the staff took into account
There were a couple of X-Card needed mo-
how powerful religion and guns are... Especial-
ments. Even though there was a Break/Cut
ly guns in the U.S.
mechanic, a few people who were uncomfort-
Try. Do.
able didn’t use it.
Make mistakes. Make mistakes faster.
nication and I feel bad saying... making a kind
Fail forward. Listen.
of sexist choice in marking what happens to
It’s weird how much I’ve been treated like the
me as the end game rather than what happened
other outside of game. Everyone was thanked
Lots of people don’t see this stuff. It’s hard.
Learn. Change.
to the women.
except me.
Some people who don’t see it, don’t look, don’t
Grow.
ask, or don’t know how to.
It’s a process.
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
Day 1 was all about exercise.
Mid-game Player Account on StoryGames:
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
We then simulated sex with hand massages and
Then the group broke into trios and they did a
our eyes closed with the person across from us.
questionnaire workshop.
Y the Last Man LARP
We introduced ourselves.
One person was active, 1 passive. Then after
Day 1 Complete!
We then practiced improv warmup exercises (a
5 minutes we switched partners and rotated
The real game starts hardcore at 8am tomor-
sort penguin live action pacman zombie game).
who was active and passive. We did this till the
row.
All the men died 3 years ago.
Then meditated as a group.
circles rotated completely at least once.
30 women are competing to become parents.
We meditated and “relived” the day all the men
A Committee is reviewing families of 3 to see
died.
which unit will be fertilized with the surviving
More soon! Then we went again except both partners were active.
Post-game Debriefing on G+:
sperm from various banks. It’s unknown if new
We then interviewed each other’s characters.
male children will simply keep dying.
Players could ask you any question but you can
Then again except now you open your eyes and
This weekend has really messed with my extro-
choose to pass and not answer.
stare at each other... Not easy!
verted nature.
This also helped the trio family units bond.
We also simulated different styles of intimacy.
Every time I want to say something (in per-
Eventually you could touch someone’s entire
son), all these thoughts run through my mind:
In day 2 I arrive. I am the last man Hiding in isolation, I’m violently kidnapped. Then came hand sex.
arm.
Ars Amandi.
After the 30 women finish breakfast, I burst in, bloodied, almost naked on the run.
The idea is to practice a technique that is But this isn’t about me.
what boffer weapons are to violence what Ars
I’m not a protagonist.
Amandi is to sex.
I’m a stealth GM/NPC. And while I was given a character I will instead
We got into 4 circles.
play myself as a twisted broken mirror to re-
2 outside circles.
flect back drama at the real protagonists to put
2 inside circles.
the spotlight back on them.
With people facing each other.
“Am I talking over anyone?” Then we broke circles and randomly selected
“Who hasn’t spoken that should speak more
new partners.
than me?” “Am I too loud?”
This time should and upper back touching was
“Are people listening to me because I’m a man?
allowed.
Is that fair? I want to be valued as an individual!”
We then took a break.
“Am I being too persuasive? Does my manner of speaking do more to convince than my
We went into a large circle and discussed the
meaning?”
world in more detail.
“Who can I inspire to talk instead of me?” “Should I shut up?” “Am I talking too much?” This is really hard for me.
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The Last Man grew a beard for the part. (John Stravopoulos)
The Book of Mad about the Boy (2012 US Version)
Post-game Public Debriefing on StoryGames:
I’m extremely extroverted. I could hang out with people 24/7. The more people the better.
I was the Last Man On Earth;
I also love to listen and facilitate conversation
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
The Nordic style focuses on participants
At some point I was nearly naked, covered in
portraying flawed human characters open to
blood, surrounded by 30 women, freezing, and
tragedy and suffering as well as happiness,
alone.
living in a reality similar to our own, save for
but I also love to talk. I love talking. Surrounded by women. I love expressing.
the absence of men. This is an event where you
This was incredibly hard.
very much play to lose.
And that’s partly why I did it. Additionally…
It’s not as sexy as it sounds. This isn’t a game.
But I’m also really observant and empathic. And it’s really hard to ignore when I have
I played a Nordic event called Mad About the
something someone doesn’t. It’s really hard to
Boy. It’s like interactive improv theater in a
take center stage when I know someone else
fully immersive environment similar to Sleep
could.
No More.
- I want to grow. You can’t win.
- I want to experience new things. - I was playing a game with some of the most
But you will feel.
amazing role-players I know on the planet assembled in one place.
Spending all weekend representing all the
A global disaster kills half of humanity; all
- It scared me. When something scares me that
men in the world, having people joke about
men are gone.
I don’t can actually hurt me, I try to push myself to do it if it will help me grow.
how horrible men are, joking about gangbanging me, joking about how I think I get to talk
The surviving women face rebuilding society.
- I’ve been doing more and more public speak-
just ‘cause I’m a man, and how I think people
Our story follows a group of women who have
ing and I figured what’s more challenging
should listen to me just because I’m a man...
applied to an insemination program initiated
than being semi naked while role-playing in
even when I barely said anything or did any-
three years after the Disaster.
front of a lot of people. - It will make for a great story.
thing... just being present made me a target... it was pretty wild.
As sperm has become a limited resource, only a
- It will make for great memories.
few women will be given this privilege.
- I want to start organizing LARPs. - I love gaming but I LOVE modern day, real
I also had to hide in the men’s bathroom for 2 hours in my underwear in the cold covered in
Then things go very wrong.
issues, serious topics gaming the most. - I’m a hyper extrovert that draws energy from
fake blood with really thin walls where I could hear what people were saying about me next
Several organizers and directors flew in from
door.
Norway and Sweden to facilitate the event with
I don’t know what else to say.
being surrounded by people.
Lizzie Stark who organized everything with my
I suspect my subconscious reasons are far more
friend A. George and a few others.
complicated. Top: Having been evicted from the main room by the Last Man, members of the Committee try to assess the situation with others. (Liz Rywelski) Middle: Maria and Kristin confer on the political ramifications of the Last Man, while Sharon and Norah discuss security. (Liz Rywelski)
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Bottom: The women discuss the fate of the Last Man, with Anne intent on bringing him back to Bedford. (Liz Rywelski)
The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values
[fin]
Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring.
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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)
“You Mean, The Reason I’m The Last Man On Earth is Monkey Shit?” -Yorick Brown (Y: The Last Man)
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