Book matbus2012

Page 1

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The Book of Mad About the Boy

(2012 US run) documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

edited by Sarah Lynne Bowman layout by Claus Raasted

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The Book of Mad About the Boy

(2012 US run) documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Contents

The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run) First Edition, 2012 ISBN 978-87-92507-16-7

Introduction by Sarah Lynne Bowman

Editor Sarah Lynne Bowman Layout Claus Raasted Cover photo Some of the women prepare for the vigil for the dead men, flanked by two members of The Committee. Photo by Liz Rywelski

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Chapter 1: Organizers

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Perspectives from the organizers: Lizzie Stark

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Excerpt from Stark’s article on Mad About the Boy in the Wyrd Con Companion Book 2012

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The Norwegian Organizers: Trine Lise Lindahl, Tor Kjetil Edland, Margo Raaum

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Perspective from the Organizers: Emily Care Boss

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Perspective from the Organizers: Sarah Miles

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Perspective from the Organizers: Jeremy Merritt

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Publishing House Rollespilsakademiet, Copenhagen, Denmark

Chapter 2: The Committee 52

Free PDF version www.rollespilsakademiet.dk/webshop/matbus2012

Chapter 3: The Triads - Survivalists, Artists, Lovers

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The Triads: The Survivalists

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The Triads: The Artists

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The Triads: The Lovers

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Chapter 4: The Triads - Professionals, Wealthy Women, Nuclear Family

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The Triads: The Professional Women

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The Triads: The Wealthy Women

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The Triads: The Nuclear Family

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Chapter 5: The Triads - Muslim Sisterhood, Three Generations

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The Triads: The Muslim Sisterhood

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The Triads: Three Generations

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Chapter 6: The Triads - Linn, Best Friends, Conservatives, Last Man

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The Triads: Linn

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The Triads: Best Friends

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The Triads: Conservatives

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The Last Man: Isak

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The Committee

Mad About the Boy Organizer Team American Organizers Lizzie Stark Emily Care Boss A. A. George George Locke Jeramy Merritt Sarah Miles Norwegian Organizers/Original Larpwrights Tor Kjetil Edland Trine Lise Lindahl Margrete Rauum Mad About the Boy Documentation Team Sarah Lynne Bowman Adi Robertson Liz Rywelski Eleanor Saitta Kira Scott

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Players walking through the woods to attend the vigil, slowly fading into character. (Liz Rywelski)

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Introduction by Sarah Lynne Bowman

The book contains excerpts from the original

The exceptions were long in-character forum

Norwegian libretto for each of the character

posts, which are labeled as such.

concepts, notes from the Committee’s “evaluations” of each Triad, and reflections from

-- The libretto, psychologist’s notes, and Ob/

participants that were recorded pre-, during-,

Gyn evaluations served as overarching organ-

and post-game. Accounts were mined from

izing principles to frame player responses.

private forum role-play, mailing list discussions,

Inspired by Ursula Le Guin’s Always Coming

questionnaires, and public posts.

Home, these entries are archeological relics of the game, lasting fragments of the lives of

Players were warned ahead of time that the

these characters.

game would be documented and were asked to share their thoughts throughout the process.

-- I kept the doctor’s notes mostly intact in

Players signed video consent forms and indi-

order to emphasize the clinical nature of the

vidual permissions were granted for the use of

metaplot. Numbers matters, especially with

pictures and text. No players objected to the

regard to the characters’ age and their number

use of their materials in the book, which sug-

of pregnancies. Julie took these details into

gests to me a mostly positive response to the

account when calculating the health risks for

game and a willingness to share deeply per-

each individual Triad, which factored into the

sonal perspectives.

Committee’s eventual decisions. Embarrassing personal details and previous reproduction

Some organizing principles

choices now affected the fate of these women

The bridge seperating the camp site from the mundane world (John Stravopoulos)

and, by proxy, the remains of the human race.

Welcome to The Book of Mad About the Boy

attempting to record them in a meaningful way

-- I only shared the real names of the offi-

(2012 US run)! The Nordic larp Mad About the

for others to enjoy remains a difficult challenge.

cial organizers, the documentation team, and

-- I arranged the material to provide visual con-

players who constructed public blog posts or

trast between the “assessment” of each character

Boy was replayed in America on October 5-7 in Orange, CT. Following in the Nordic Larp

My goal as the editor of this book is to provide

journal articles about the game. Otherwise,

from a bureaucratic, clinical, detached perspective

tradition of thoroughly documenting larps,

as much information as possible so that people

character names are used.

and the personal, individual moments each player

this book intends to provide a window into the

can understand the basic premise of the game,

experiences of the organizers and players. Larp

the characters, the intentions of the organizing

-- Where possible, I used italics to indicate

Thus, each Triad’s section begins with a picture

as a medium is generally ephemeral in nature;

committee, and the player accounts of what

in-character reflections and normal text for

taken by the game’s gynecologist, then unfolding

our experiences may persist as memories, but

“actually happened.”

out-of-character comments.

to include more personal photos and memories.

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experienced outside of the conceit of the plot.

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

I would like to thank all of the organizers, documenters, and players for their willingness to share the details of this remarkable experience. Special thanks to Claus Raasted for agreeing to do the layout for this Book from across the pond. I hope you enjoy reading about this game, which was so transformative and life-changing for many of us players. Theresa on her way to the Vigil, holding her candle for Grant, her husband who died in the Event (Liz Rywelski)

-- I attempted to include individual pictures

-- I organized the majority of the Book in

for each organizer and character when pos-

chronological order from Theresa’s perspec-

sible. Larp is an ensemble activity where each

tive, as I had written post-game entries for each

member’s participation makes up a vital part of

Triad. I hope this method provides a sense of

the whole.

narrative linearity, linking together the rest of

Sarah Lynne Bowman Austin, Texas March 9, 2013

the fragmented accounts.

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Chapter 1 Organizers

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Perspectives from the Organizers: Lizzie Stark You’ve mentioned before that you find the

To me, emotional intensity is one of the distin-

themes and techniques of Nordic larp in-

guishing marks of larp -- as a role-player the

spiring. Can you explain in more detail?

emotions are immediate -- while if I want story I can get it more handily from a novel. Nordic

What I find compelling about Nordic arthaus is

role-playing delivers the strong experience I

that it goes for the emotional story rather than

crave more reliably.

for surface plot. The techniques and formats are Nordic larp offers a wide variety of dif-

all hacks to get at the internal emotional truth.

ferent styles and themes for games. Why For me, this relates to everything I’ve been told

choose Mad About the Boy specifically for the

about writing. My MFA prof Pamela Painter

first Nordic larp in America?

has this theory that literary short stories work when the outside story -- the surface plot --

I’m not sure I chose Mad About the Boy; in some

echoes the inside story -- the emotional drama

ways, it chose me. I’ve been dying to try a

of the lead character. Nordic larp does that.

full-immersion Nordic larp, and really wanted someone else to run one stateside so I could go.

Or to put it in more journalistic terms, like my

I also believe that I should be willing to do

journalism prof Samuel Freedman put it, you

anything I’d ask of others. At Solmukohta 2012,

want to pare characters down in narratives to

I met Trine Lise Lindahl, one of the creators

the periodic table of human emotion.

of Mad About the Boy, and we got along so well that one night in the bar she said off-hand, “You

As an emotional explorer, Nordic larp appeals

should run Mad About the Boy.” I knew the libretto

to me.

was already finished, and her question indicated some willingness to help translate the Nordic-style

Lizzie hard at work before the start of game (John Stravopoulos)

12

For me, what I want from an aesthetic experi-

for Americans. I’d met Tor Kjetil Edland, another

ence is intense emotion rather than to “find out

of the creators that year too -- and so I felt confi-

what happens.”

dent that we could all collaborate together.

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

I also knew that if I didn’t take advantage

How do you think Nordic larp differs from

You’ve experienced some backlash in the

On the elitism front, I also think that many

of my enthusiasm immediately, I’d lose it. So

the American style?

organization of this game, with members of

American larpers have internalized shame

the larp community in America labeling this

about their own hobby, and are projecting it

twenty minutes later, I told a few more people I was going to do help produce the game. And

I’m going to beg out of this one and answer

game sexist and elitist. Why the backlash,

onto this game. In Leaving Mundania, I write

then I had to.

with a blog post.

do you think?

about how gamer shame in the US harkens back to the Satanic Panic of the 1980s.

Circumstance aside, I also felt the game was a

http://lizziestark.com/

I’m not precisely sure -- the backlash surprised

good choice to run for an American audience

2012/08/08/nordic-larp-for-noobs/

me quite a bit.

If US larpers often find themselves apologizing for their hobby, then Nordic art larpers spend a

for a variety of reasons. The game incorporates many typically Nordic elements -- workshops,

But in general, emotion over plot, community

On one hand, I think the charges that the game

lot of time explaining how awesome and edgy

debriefs, love plots, lack of NPCs, 24/7 immer-

interest over individual interest, responsibility

is “sexist” indicate a misunderstanding of what

their games are. This difference in attitude has

sion, emphasis on transparency, and a political

to the game over freedom to be the awesomest,

sexism is -- sexism is an institutional prac-

convinced many US larpers that Nordic larp

agenda -- with a minimum of logistical fuss.

intimate personal plots over epic plots, sim-

tice enforced by power that one game simply

is a fancy-pants-elitist community that farts in

ple mechanics over complex ones, valuing the

doesn’t have. (Though it would be awesome if

their general direction.

It didn’t require public funding for elaborate

individual for her natural talents rather than

it did).

staging, just a campground of reasonable

imposing artificial equality.

But by and large, I don’t think that’s true!

space. It had been run successfully several

I think that dubbing the rare all-female gaming

Nordic larp and US larp come from the same

times before -- the principle of the game had

space as “sexist” is part of a larger conversa-

roots, and most of the artsy fartsy Nordic larp-

been tested, and it created strong experiences

tion about sexism in geek culture that’s been

ers started out in Vampire or medieval fantasy

for the players. And I felt that the theme of the

prominent in America lately. And I think it’s

games.

game -- the relationships among women -- was

a good, if frustrating, conversation to have. I

something that would benefit the US scene.

think it’s important to have all-women spaces

There’s also a feeling that larp popularity is a

in traditionally-male communities.

zero sum game -- that someone like me wants everyone to abolish boffer games and make eve-

Finally, the game is Nordic without being too

ryone talk about their feelings all the time.

extreme. If the goal is to introduce Nordic

I would also defend the right of larp organ-

arthaus to the US, then I didn’t feel that we

izers to create all-male games if it suited the

should start out with prison torture or orgies

game’s artistic purpose. I agree that the general

That’s not true -- I think boffer games create

-- the style is different enough without adding

rule that games ought to be open to all people

wonderful experiences for a huge number of

the thematic intensity of social taboos. Jump-

stands -- but we had a good, diegetic reason to

larpers and I’m so glad that they exist that I

ing into the deep end is one thing, and setting

break that rule in this context.

wrote most of my book on them.

yourself adrift in the ocean is another. Alice from the Three Generations. (Liz Rywelski)

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Boffer larpers like the wonderful people over at

Do you think running Nordic larp in Amer-

How did you recruit players for this game,

I talked behind the scenes with several women

First Person entertainment, creators of the sci-

ica is a significant event in larping history?

wrangling up players from all over America?

with influence in the local community -- many

fi game Doomsday, made this game happen. So,

If so, why?

Did you use specific social media channels?

of them experienced organizers -- and asked

How did you advertise?

for advice on how to engage people. It’s amaz-

I’m all for boffer (and Vampire) campaigns, and I

ing how well asking people for help works.

think they have value. I also think that variety

I think running Nordic larp in the US is a

is a good thing, and that by diversifying the US

major logistical victory, a proof of concept that

I did some general stuff -- putting the call out

scene we can expand the reach of the hobby,

full immersion art larp can work in America,

on social media, sending to larp listservs I’m

One of them suggested a pricing structure that

something I think is good for larp in general.

that there is an audience and a setting for it.

on, enlisting the social media help of some

raised the price every two weeks, which added

larpy friends, including many wonderful, sensi-

some urgency that got many people to sign up

tive, supportive men.

earlier.

nity can handle playing on that theme...” If this

I also assembled a list of interested parties

One gave advice on how to engage people via

game goes off well, if we are able to success-

early on in the organizing process and put

Facebook group, and gave some pointers on

fully translate the play style for an American

them all on an exploratory email list, judging

stuff that I’d have to explain to US gamers.

audience, then I think we will have rebutted

whether there was interest in this game. And

that argument.

the wonderful Elin Dalstål over at the Gaming

From there, I also reached out directly to

As Women blog championed us on social media

people I thought would be interested in play-

by interviewing me for the site.

ing the game, on email, Twitter, and Facebook.

When I tell US gamers about Nordic larp, they often say stuff like, “I don’t think the commu-

I also hope that the many awesome women

I don’t know if this is a facet of the game, or

coming to the game network with each other and form collaborations leading to Nordic-style

A few days after the registration went live,

of the fact that it’s an all-women game, but the

larps that I will be able to attend. This is one

we didn’t have all that many sign ups, and I

women really responded well to encourage-

of the pleasures of running this game for me --

worried. So I talked to Tor, Trine, and Margo

ment.

meeting so many accomplished women players,

about how they built support for the game in

GMs, organizers, artists, and designers, and

Norway. Their situation differed, since all of

Just letting a woman know that I wanted her

getting to introduce them to one another.

them had run more experimental games on a

there and would be excited to have her resulted

Will it be a significant event in larping his-

scene that is used to them, and they were long-

in many sign-ups. Emphasizing that we would

tory? I have no idea. It’s certainly a moment

standing, trusted members of that scene.

treat new larpers with tender loving care also produced a number of sign-ups.

of cross-cultural-pollination, part of larger phenomenon of Nordic role-playing games

They also told me about how they enlisted the

influencing the US scene.

community through direct conversation. This

What surprised me was how many non-larpers

But it is only one moment.

got me off my butt.

wanted to come to this game.

Kathryn and Nina from the Survivalists. (Liz Rywelski)

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

What have been your biggest challenges in

The Norwegians have stewardship over the

And that the story evolves in directions it

Even the language is so different. One player wrote

organizing this game?

content of the game -- though they asked for

hasn’t before -- I’d like the Norwegian organ-

to me that they were excited to try out this “system,”

input from the US team on new trios and stuff

izers to see it end differently, to see all the

for example, which is a totally reasonable thing to

Explaining the Nordic style to US larpers, and

to cover in the workshops, and Sarah Miles, A.

wonder and creativity of US role-players, and

write when joining a new game. But the idea of

to those who haven’t larped before. And the

George, and I helped update the libretto to fit

for us to say something about ourselves with

“system” almost doesn’t figure into Nordic larp.

budget is difficult -- most of the campground

the US setting. Team America is also handling

how we play.

larps in my area work on an economy of scale,

the campsite and sign-up logistics.

where having lots of players brings down the

I mean, in some form it’s there -- in the form What aspects of the game are you most

of community expectation for how games are

excited to watch unfold?

played -- but it’s not articulated clearly and in

ticket cost substantially. For Mad About the

The biggest problem, so far, is that Norway is

Boy, with its low-player cap, this made the

six hours ahead of the East Coast, which limits

economics difficult to work out without making

the times we can meet. And there was that time

I’m really excited to watch women role-play

piece of the game. The idea of “system” almost

the ticket price absurdly high.

I did the addition wrong and asked the US

with women as women. I’m really interested to

can’t interface with Nordic larp. And this is

team to show up two hours before the Norwe-

see what that will look like, in the absence of

just one example of the expectations that US

gians.

men. I almost can’t imagine how it’ll be.

larpers bring into the game, that there will be

You’ve brought together an impressive interna-

writing like it is in US larp. Nor is it a center-

a system, that they will make their own charac-

tional team, including the original Norwegian organizers and locals in America. Has the col-

What are your hopes for the players and the

What aspects of the upcoming run scare

laboration worked as smoothly as you’d liked?

evolution of the story in this run?

you the most?

ters, that there will be NPCs and surface plot. Totally reasonable assumptions if you’re com-

For the most part, yes. I wanted to do the

I hope that we’re able to pull it off, Nordic-

The idea that people might not know what

ing out of the US gaming culture, but does not

organization Nordic-style, so we don’t have an

style, that players aren’t confused about the

they’re getting into. That the metagaming

compute within Nordic gaming culture.

official leadership structure, rather, we’ve all

style of the game and come into it with reason-

aspect, which is foreign to most American gam-

One thing I’ve found it very difficult to express

collaborated by self-assigning jobs and discuss-

able expectations. I hope players have a strong

ers, won’t work. That someone will freak out

is that the game might be emotionally intense

ing things like casting over Skype.

game experience.

and have a bad experience.

for people -- that we want it to be emotionally intense for people. I mean, I can say this stuff,

Have you experienced any challenges in

but it makes me sound mystical and new-agey

responding to American players and their

and dismiss-able, and doesn’t communicate

concerns about the game?

the dead seriousness with which I mean these things. And I am worried that my way of talk-

It’s hard to express the ways in which Nordic

ing about it will make people more hesitant to

role-play is different from US larp to people

really put themselves out there emotionally,

who have not yet seen it in action.

and that this will hurt the game.

New characters were written for the Conservative Triad. (Liz Rywelski)

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Excerpt from Stark’s article on Mad About the Boy in the Wyrd Con Companion Book 2012 The organizers wrangling together the players for the start of game. Jeramy Merritt is pictured on the right. (Liz Rywelski)

Nordic Larp

In Orange, Connecticut at the beginning of October 2012, I collaborated with a host of

Nordic larp itself is a pretty diverse genre

• Few mechanics. A long rule set for Nordic

surrounded by a robust and decade-long tradi-

games is ten pages. Most games have far fewer.

Americans —Sarah Miles, Jeramy Merritt, A.A.

There’s a lot of confusion in the U.S. about

tion of academic scholarship. The scene resists

The idea is to introduce mechanics only when

George, and Emily Care Boss—and backed by

what the term “Nordic larp” means. “Nordic

definition because those sneaky designers like

strictly necessary, only when the character and

the U.S. company First Person Entertainment,

larp” sounds like it refers to larp that happens

to push the boundaries of what’s come before.

the player should experience things differently

we produced the Norwegian larp Mad About

in the Nordic countries (Finland, Denmark,

Still, there are some common design principles

(as in, for example, combat).

the Boy. We worked closely with the original

Sweden, and Norway). This is both true and

that pop up over and over again.1

Norwegian larpwrights—Margrete Raaum,

misleading. The term “Nordic larp” specifi-

Tor Kjetil Edland, and Trine Lise Lindahl to

cally refers to a small but vibrant subculture

• Immersion. Although there’s a lot of aca-

is: if you can do it in real life, you can do it in

adapt the manuscript to the U.S. setting and

of experimental and often artsy games that

demic debate around this word, basically, it

game. And of course, you should only perform

compress and translate some Nordic techniques

originated in the Nordic countries.

means the feeling you get when role-play flows

an action in game if it’s probable that your

naturally and you really, truly feel like your

character could also perform it.

for the U.S. play culture.

Mostly, the rule, tempered by common sense,

The mainstream of larp in Denmark, Finland,

character. Creating immersion is one of the

The game—loosely inspired by the graphic

Norway, and Sweden is much as it is in the U.S.

aims of Nordic larp.

novel Y: The Last Man by Brian K. Vaughan

dominated by fantasy boffer games and Vampire

and Pia Guerra— was set in a dystopian future

campaigns. The people interested in experi-

• 360 degree illusion. The game scenography

whip out my character card to use my lockpick

after all males died in a single day. The players

mental stuff have joined together across na-

strives for realism. So a bouquet of flowers is

skill on the door in front of me, than I’ve been

portrayed women, organized into familial units

tional borders under the banner “Nordic larp.”

represented by a bouquet of flowers, and not a

yanked out of the world of the game. Some-

card with “flowers” written on it.

times, mechanics include metatechniques— ways

of three, applying to the U.S. to be inseminated

Part of the idea behind this is that lots of rules can interfere with immersion—if I have to

with sperm from a sperm bank as part of the

It’s hard to talk about how Nordic larp is differ-

government’s pilot program to figure out how

ent from American larp because “Nordic larp”

Part of the idea is that pretending a card is re-

the drama. Metatechniques include stuff like

it would allocate this now-precious resource.

is a school of experimental larp, and “Ameri-

ally a bouquet of flowers takes one out of the

character monologues, or playing possible fu-

Thirty-one players would sign up for the game,

can larp” is larp that happens in America, and

game world and inhibits immersion. Read more

tures or pasts in a designated black box area.

and the organizers wrote several new trios—

America is a big country with many smaller

about 360 illusion on the Nordic Larp Wiki.

notably including a trio of conservatives—to

disparate scenes.

of breaking the flow of narrative to heighten

accommodate the crowd. 1

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The below qualities are excerpted and adapted from my blog over at LizzieStark.com.

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

• Artistic vision. Many Nordic larps have

most interesting story, and not just for me, but

If a certain spell will unlock a portal into an-

By the same token, if you know what my char-

artistic aims, whether that means helping play-

for others.[…] A scene where your character

other world, spreading that knowledge might

acter’s buttons are ahead of time, you can push

ers explore particular emotions, both positive

loses something important, loses status, is dis-

rob other players of the joy of discovery.

them and help me develop my character further

and negative, getting across a political point, or

appointed, has to own up to a mistake, or any

just experimenting with form for the sake of

of those other social horrors can be the best

But since Nordic larp revolves around charac-

development is encouraged because it furthers

experiment.

scene of the game sometimes.”

ter development and internal plotlines, secrecy

a player’s emotional investment.

and quicker. Metagaming around character

isn’t necessary. If my character has issues with There have been games about refugee camps,

• Plot is internal and emphasizes character

infertility, better to shout it from the rooftops

• Emotional intensity. Much American larp

prisons, AIDS, cancer, homelessness, gender

growth. In contrast, in many American larps,

before the game—you might find a way to help

focuses on escapism and entertainment—and

relations and so on.

plot is often external and goal-oriented—fight-

push that issue for me in one of our scenes

these are absolutely worthy goals—while

ing goblins, figuring out how to launch the

together.

Nordic larp often goes for intense emotion. Nordic theorists often talk about “bleed”—what

• Nordic games emphasize collaboration

spaceship, etc. Nordic larp emphasizes char-

over competition. The good of the overall

acter arc and emotion—the main plot is often

• Metagaming encouraged. Stateside, we

happens when player and character emotions

story is often put above the individual aims of

something like “we are flawed humans strug-

usually consider metagaming a bad thing. If I

get mixed up.

characters. Sure, my character might be likely

gling against ourselves and society to find

see where the GM hid that sword of awesome

to whip out her gun and shoot the last man, but

happiness.”

out of game and use that knowledge, then I’ve deprived other players of their chance to nab it.

I might not do it because it’d make the game less fun for everyone else. Another way of say-

As their main goal for the duration of the larp,

ing this is that in Nordic larp, players play for

characters might seek to find love, survive, give

In Nordic larp, since the plot focuses on charac-

each other as much as they play for themselves.

birth, or overcome personal failings, and con-

ter development, and there are few mechanics,

sequently, game masters interject non-player

meta-interactions are encouraged. Instead of

characters into the game very very rarely.

leaving the outcome of a brawl up to our stats,

As Norwegian larper Erlend Eidsem Hansen

we might step out of game and talk—out of

put it, “It’s more like singing in a choir than doing sports.”

It may help to think of Nordic larp less as a

character—about whether it would make a bet-

game, and more as an improvised theatrical

ter story for me to lose.

experience.

Larper Johanna MacDonald explained how

Or if we are going to play a love scene, we

this idea affects the game to the Mad About the Boy Facebook group. She wrote, “We love to

• Secrecy is not important. Because many U.S.

might talk about whether we will play it awk-

(sometimes) play to lose. The question is not

games rely on external plot, and often rest on

ward or tender, and whether you are comfort-

necessarily whether my character will come out

the thrill of “what happens next?!” secrecy is

able with me putting my arm around you, or

of this situation well, but what would make the

often a major part of the game.

whether we prefer physical distance. Sara from the Muslim Sisterhood tending the fire in her cabin. (Liz Rywelski)

22

23


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The stuff you said on the hot seat didn’t have

Steal-able Techniques

Many Nordic games intentionally produce

If you don’t know the answer, just make it up.

bleed—if I am infertile in real life and play an

And time spent out of game—metagaming

infertile character in game, my personal emo-

about an upcoming love scene, for example, is

Of all the Nordic techniques and aesthetics

through your characters. We also split into

tions might bleed into my role-play, and lessons

often kept strictly focused on the task at hand,

that Mad About the Boy used and reflected—to-

small groups of six or so, and armed with a

that my character learns may stay with me.

without discussion of that movie I saw last

tal transparency, 360 degree immersion, 24/7

GM and a suggested set list Trine, Tor, and

week.

immersion, emphasis on relationships, emo-

Margo had composed, we played out scenes

tions, and setting over plot—the most instantly

from the characters’ pasts.

Players have some control over bleed—if I’m

to become canon, but it could help you think

feeling really raw about my infertility, I might

Frequently, there is an off-game area where

transportable to America are the workshop, the

decide I don’t want to play an infertile char-

players can go when they need a break before

black box, and the after care.

acter, or I might decide to focus my game play

stepping back into the action. Often, you’re ex-

away from that theme. And then too, I might

pected to eat, breathe, and sleep your character.

The pre-game workshop is a pleasurable part of the game experience for many Nordic larp-

try to play on it and use a safeword. • Workshops and debriefs. Usually, but not

ers. We wanted to reflect this in Mad About

• Safewords. Many Nordic games use the

always, Nordic larps are one-shots rather than

the Boy, and planned for a four-hour workshop

safewords of “brake” and “cut.” During a scene

campaigns, often bracketed by workshops and

on Friday night and a four-hour workshop on

of emotional intensity, players can say “brake,”

debriefs, which are considered part of the game

Saturday morning.

which tells scene partners “this level of inten-

experience.

sity is cool but please don’t push it,” or “cut,”

The game began around Saturday noon and

which stops game play and allows the players

lasted approximately 24 hours. We did many

to walk away.

things with the workshop time—let people know about logistics, played an ice-breaker,

• Continuous immersion. In U.S. games,

introduced ourselves to each other out of

players frequently go in and out of character

game, and taught the very minimal mechanics

with hand signals—often a closed fist atop the

employed.

head. But since Nordic larp has immersive aims, going out of game for minor clarifications is

We also used the time to deepen the relation-

frowned on.

ships among the characters. For example, the Gina from the Best Friends. (Liz Rywelski)

trios tried out a hot seat technique—two people asked the third a lot of questions in character in rapid-fire. The player on the hot seat had to respond.

24

Maria from the Committee with Tor, a male organizer dressed in drag. (Liz Rywelski)

25


documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

For me, the most powerful part of the work-

At Mad About the Boy, we structured it and

Pre-game workshops are infinitely variable—

shop came on Friday night, during a guided

made it mandatory. Over the course of three

the exercises organizers choose depend on the

meditation where we imagined—as ourselves—

hours or so, we talked in big groups, small

relationships they want to create among the

where we were when all the men died. I imag-

groups, and random trios about what we would

characters—and although they take time, they

ined walking to my scientist husband’s office

take with us from this game and what we would

intensify immersion and emotion.

several hours after the disaster hit and finding

leave behind.

him dead on the ground, along with most of

Sara from the Muslim Sisterhood. (Liz Rywelski)

A black box is an easy addition if you have two We talked about problematic scenes, great

lamps, a computer with .mp3s on it, and a spare

Sometimes, others were invited to watch. I

scenes, and ideas that had come to us during

room. And the debrief is already happening, so

This bodily emotional memory is what made

played a number of scenes in the black box—

the game. Finally, we hooked people up with

structuring it— especially after games that are

me blink back tears at Thomas’ question about

the abortion of one character; a fantasy se-

“de-roling buddies,” or partners to discuss the

emotionally intense—would be a responsible

my siblings (see play account for Vicky below

quence in which the perfect grandchild deliv-

experience with if needed afterward.

move for organizers to take.

-ed.) - it provided emotional context for the

ered not-so-perfect standup to her mother and

character that heightened the experience.

grandmother; and one woman’s dreams of love,

Some people used them, and I suspect some

which were brutally crushed.

did not, but the tool was there in case it was

the men he worked with.

“For me, the most powerful part of the workshop came on Friday night, during a guided meditation where we imagined—as ourselves—where we were when all the men died. I imagined walking to my scientist husband’s office several hours after the disaster hit and finding him dead on the ground, along with most of the men he worked with.”

needed.

Many players enjoyed the black box, and it was a favorite with me too. The black box is a room

If the mechanics make the game—give players

that exists out of time and place. It is a way

lockpicks and they will pick locks, give them

As Norwegian organizer Trine put it at the end

of getting around the linear timeline of larp.

boffers and they’ll fight—then giving players

of the game, “You might think we’re silly and

We blacked out the windows of a room and

a black box allowed them to create emotional

overstating how much we want you to talk now,

furnished it with lights that could be turned on

context that upped the stakes of the game. In

but you may feel differently later this week.”

and off in varying combination, and a small set

something like a boffer campaign, this emo-

True to form, the day after the game ended, the

of speakers for playing songs if desired.

tional resonance accumulates over time, as

player email list exploded with people reflect-

characters develop their relationships. A black

ing on their intense feelings about the game.

Players arranged the settings according to

box simply accelerates that accumulation, and is

their wishes, and used the room to play out

easy to set-up.

To me, Mad About the Boy owes much of its success to these three techniques—the work-

scenes from the past and future, dreams and fantasies, and could even play out scenes mul-

Most U.S. larpers have been to a debrief

shop, the black box, and the debrief, and I think

tiple times from different players’ perspectives.

whether it’s called that or not—it often takes

these methods are easily adaptable to many

The extras in the scenes were played by people

the form of a postgame diner trip where people

one-shot and even campaign games.

you grabbed or by a GM.

talk over what happened at the game.

26

- Lizzie Stark

27


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

This larp was one larp, and its existence

The Controversy

doesn’t prevent others from running a mixedMad About the Boy is a game about women after

gender version of Mad About the Boy, or an

all the men on earth die. So all the characters

all-men version of some other game.

are women, save Thomas, the trans man, and Isak, the last biological man on earth, who

Some people accused the game of sexism for

showed up halfway through the game. In Nor-

creating a scenario in which women were

way, Trine, Margo, and Tor ran the game twice,

competing for the sperm of a single man, and

once with an all-women cast, except for the last

for emphasizing the biological role of women’s

man, and once with a mixed-gender cast, all

bodies. To me, this critique has more legs, but I

playing women.

still think it misunderstands the libretto of the

The cast enjoying one another’s company during workshopping. (Liz Rywelski)

game. They felt that the first game focused on the

In a world with no men, women by default fill

For example, we talked about the “men” that

game’s intended topics—power, sexuality,

The game’s first act, which lasted twenty

every role, so the conflation of “woman” with

died and the “women” that survived. This

femininity, relationships between women—

hours, takes place before the last man enters.

“mother” becomes impossible—there are too

critique has legs, but we also felt that it com-

while the second game ended up revolving

Even after his entrance, the last man doesn’t

many examples to the contrary. At the same

municated better to use “men” and “women”

more around cross-play. We decided to run an

necessarily represent something the women

time, this is a game about getting pregnant and

rather than “people with a Y chromosome”

all-women game, and this caused all sorts of

will vie for; in our game, he represented a re-

having kids, potentially, and that is a valid topic

and “people without a Y chromosome,” in part

controversy.

source, a romantic interest, a moral hope for a

of inquiry.

because of the culture we currently live in.

heterosexual world, an ally, and, at least to one Some people accused the game of sexism for

person, a threat (one woman screamed “kill it!”

The issue of how to relate to and welcome

We tried to welcome trans women players in

excluding men. To me, this critique evidences a

after he entered).

trans women is something the organizers

other ways, by allowing players to self-select

grappled with— how to present the scenario

whether “woman” applied to them, by engag-

misunderstanding of what sexism is, which is gender bias enforced by a power structure that

To suggest that of course the women would

in terms that stayed true to the spirit of the

ing in discussion around the language used, and

deferentially prefers one gender to another.

compete for the affections of a lone man is to

scenario while honoring the concerns of trans

by welcoming the gender-queer in our promo-

I don’t think running an all-women game is

limit our conception of how women relate to

people. The outcome was imperfect, but we did

tional materials, emphatically and explicitly.

any more sexist than a girls’ school, or a boys’

men, and to degrade the plurality of needs and

the best we could at the time.

By some measure we succeeded—a number of

school, and for the record, if someone wanted

emotions that each woman might feel in such a

to run a larp for men only and had good rea-

situation. The critique commits the very sin it

We received some criticism of the language

several talked about how welcome they felt in

sons for doing so, I could get down with that.

accused Mad About the Boy of—straitjacketing

used to describe the scenario from some trans

this women’s space, and the transformative ef-

women and their desires.

individuals who felt it was minimizing to them.

fect of that welcome.

28

trans women attended the game, and afterward

29


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Several had complex emotions during the

I also think that organizers and designers have

workshop, when we imagined as ourselves that

a right to run the games they want to run. This

all the men were dead. And we talked about it

game was about motherhood, power, and rela-

at length afterward, whether the problematic

tionships—if those topics don’t get you going,

aspects of the game could have been resolved

then it’s probably not the game for you. I’d also

by tweaking the game’s plot. For example, what

say that the emotional intensity of Nordic larp

if the plague killed people according, not to

isn’t for everyone, just as games like Dungeons

sex, but to gender?

& Dragons aren’t for me (Too much fighting!

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Not enough narrative)! That doesn’t mean that The Norwegian larpwrights considered this

D & D isn’t a great game or that Nordic larp

carefully while writing the game, concluding

sucks, it means no more or less than this: differ-

that such a plague would be more problematic,

ent people have different preferences and there

and not merely because the lines that deter-

are games enough for all of us to enjoy.

mine gender are perhaps murkier than those What’s Next?

of biological sex. If trans women survived the disaster, it’s likely that the remaining cis women might enslave them as sperm produc-

Mad About the Boy is the beginning of the story.

ers. That dark, horrifying territory might be

It’s proof—not the only proof, and not even the

worth exploring, but it lay beyond the scope

first proof—that there is an audience in the U.S.

of the game’s intended focus. At core, I think

for Nordic larp. Given the right atmosphere, we

these critiques respond to a deeply held belief

can trust each other to play hard-hitting games

among American gamers that all games should

that address serious topics of enduring social

be open to all people, that all games should be

and political concern. We can tackle emotion-

for everyone.

ally difficult topics in larp and still live to tell the tale and thrive for the telling. Decades ago, the

In general, I’d agree with this assessment—I

Nordicans imported a U.S. pastime—Dungeons

think equal access is great in most circumstanc-

& Dragons—and morphed it to suit their com-

es. But in this particular circumstance, where

munitarian local culture. Now they’ve tossed the

we sought to explore relationships among

football back to us in the form of Nordic larp,

women as women, I think we had good reason

and it’s up to us to transform it again and make

to break the rule.

it quintessentially American.

30

31 (John Stravopoulos) View from the main room.


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The Norwegian Organizers: Trine Lise Lindahl, Tor Kjetil Edland, Margo Raaum

responding to the Facebook post I had Lizzie post the evening before, this seemed to be something more than just a drunken idea, late a Friday night at Solmukohta.

Pre-game Questionnaire: All three

The larp is already written, but new people are going to make it theirs. I don’t feel I have

Margo: I was totally taken aback by this. I had

You were involved in organizing the original

the material under my skin in the same way,

no idea this had been discussed, and I never

runs of Mad About the Boy and this U.S.

but hopefully I will by the time we get to the

gone to Fastaval. I was surprised, I hadn’t re-

run. What differences have you experienced

larp site. The US team have been in charge of

ally reflected upon the possibility that there

in the respective processes?

the logistics, the administration and the pro-

were people who would want to do our style

motion and have done a brilliant job. I’m not

larping that didn’t have it available.

Trine and Tor: Making a larp from scratch and

really used to not being in charge of or heavily

contributing to someone else producing it are

involved in a larp project, and it has been inter-

totally different experiences. We spent one and

esting to see how that feels.

I had understood, thanks to Lizzie, Sarah (Bowman) and John (Kim) mainly, that the style was Tor and the other men on-site were dressed in drag the whole weekend to maintain immersion. (Liz Rywelski)

a half years making the original larp, using

different, but I didn’t think there would be enough interested players. I am happy to see I was proven

the time for the idea to mature and for all the

Margo: I concur. In some ways, the distance

characters to come to life.

to the players is also adding to the distance

In the spur of the moment, I suggested doing

to this run. There is little chance of meeting

Mad About the Boy. During our week together at

During the first half year we were all heavily

anyone before the game. In the previous run we

Fastaval we had been discussing gender issues

Can you describe the original rationale for

involved in making Knutepunkt, and most of

knew the majority of the players. Lizzie Stark

and the differences and similarities between the

the larp when you first helped create it?

our meetings consisted of drinking wine and

mentioned that you approached her to run Mad

Norwegian and US scene in this regard. I guess

What themes were you most interested in

philosophising about how our world would be,

About the Boy in America. Can you explain your

this was part of the reason why I suggested it.

exploring?

how our lives and the lives of our friends and

thought process in this request?

Another part was that it was a doable project,

family would be if this catastrophe happened.

wrong, and I am delighted to be able to do this.

since the libretto already existed, and that it

Trine and Tor: It started out with Tor sug-

isn’t very demanding production wise.

gesting to make a larp based on the Y: The Last

And all the while we were narrowing in on

Trine and Tor: The idea of making a US run

what sort of story we wanted to tell in this set-

came as Lizzie and I were talking one of the

ting. More or less everything we did together,

first nights at Solmukohta. She said that after

But at the time I suggested it, I had not

sitting physically in the same room, writing on

having done a couple of jeepform games in the

thought of any of these things, I guess I just

Margo and I thought this was a good idea and

different parts of the same Google doc. The US

states she thought it would be interesting to do

wanted to share something with Lizzie.

as we started to explore the concept of a world

run has been a very different process.

a proper Nordic larp.

By the next day, though, when 7 or 8 American

where all the men had died, the more keen we

women had expressed interest in the larp,

got on making a larp in this setting.

32

Man graphic novels.

33


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

The Conservatives were one of the new Triads written up for the game – and the most controversial. (Liz Rywelski)

It took us a while though to get to the story we

I remember we briefly discussed how the

So when we had a chance to write another

wanted to play out.

government imposing this kind of structure

Triad, we found this segment of the population

would be a kind of violation, but this fact be-

both interesting and a chance to Americanize

Another thing with this larp concept was that

came more acute when moved to the American

the game more, as the total of the stories of

What are your hopes for the players and the

it would have to be a larp with more or less

setting. This is probably due to Scandinavians

the other characters add up to be quite Nordic.

evolution of the story in this run?

only female characters, and we found that quite

being used to the government imposing upon

Still we have had a focus on making them into

intriguing. We had some discussions on wheth-

them at times ridiculously detailed injunctions

believable people.

er to let men join or not, but landed on having

(or indeed bans).

Trine and Tor: That everybody will have a meaningful experience and create great stories for each other.

Margo: I lived in a conservative family as an

one run with and one without men playing You helped adapt the libretto for American

exchange student for a year, this was in an

players and added a new Triad, The Con-

extremely Republican area. When writing roles

Margo: And that they are inspired to create

One of the main reasons for this was to give

servatives. Why do you think this Triad is

I normally look to find inspiration in one of the

“Nordic style” games themselves. We would

some of the male players we knew the change

appropriate for an American version of the

aspects of myself or people I know.

be excited, and more than willing to spar with

to be a part of this awesome larp we were mak-

game? What major changes did you have to

ing. I guess some of the themes we were the

make to adapt the libretto?

women.

players that would want to do something like this.

It may also have been sparked vaguely by the fact that when we decided on this Triad, the

most interested in exploring were those of loss and of being survivors of a catastrophe, with

Trine and Tor: We have not partaken in the

campaigning for presidency had begun, so me-

What aspects of the game are you most

all the different consequences this had on per-

Americanization of the libretto. We gave all the

dia was full of American politics.

excited to watch unfold?

sonal life, career opportunities, societal struc-

existing characters to the US team and they

tures and their new roles in life. What happens

have changed them in the ways they deemed

What differences have you noticed between

Trine and Tor: Seeing all our characters in new

in a society where there are only women?

necessary. But we did write the Conservative

the American larp community and the

incarnation, and see how their stories get told

Triad.

Nordic larp community through this experi-

this time. It will also be exciting to see how the

ence? Similarities?

US larpers like the Nordic larp style.

How do they make decisions? How dies their sexuality evolve? What happens with the con-

The reason for this is that one of the things we

cept of femininity when the male gaze is gone?

find exotic and slightly scary about the Ameri-

Trine and Tor: I think it makes most sense to

Margo: When we had our wine nights, we

can society, one of the things that reminds us

answer this question after we have gotten more

discussed the different parts of the world, but

Margo: I concur. I want to add that the idea of

that our cultures are indeed quite different, (and

experience with the American larp community.

with what background? I am excited to see

“Triads” was a weird twist we came up with,

we think we share this sentiment with a lot of

and it has so much potential for conflicts and

our US players) is the conservative movements

interesting play.

and the power they have in the USA.

34

what the American women believe have happened to the world.

Margo: I concur.

35


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

What aspects of the upcoming run scare

It has been a couple of things that we realized

you the most?

we forgot to tell the US crew, but I think it has

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Post-game Questionnaire: Tor

This was a new group of characters, bit we will rewrite them for the run in Sweden this sum-

all been conveyed, and they handled the late

What are your overall impressions about the

mer. It will be interesting to see what play they

messages very graciously.

Mad About the Boy U.S. run?

originate there as compared to in the US run.

are parts of the larp design that only make

Do you think Nordic larp can become more

Well organized with very dedicated organizers

Did you notice a difference in American

sense if you are a part of the Nordic larp cul-

common in America? Or do fundamental

as well as participants. People seemed very ea-

play styles versus Norwegian?

ture, and that we, being a part of this culture

cultural differences bar the way?

ger and motivated to play our game which felt

Trine and Tor: We are not so nervous. One thing that has scared us a bit is whether there

We noticed that there are different norms for

like a real privilege.

are blind to it.

physical touching as part of play, but it seemed

Trine and Tor: We need to talk about this when But based on cooperating with an American

we have run the larp. But we think it

What were the most frustrating aspects of

that the players went with our guidelines be-

team and the way our players communicate

is doable.

the organizing process?

cause they were curious to try out “the Nordic method.”

about the larp, this seems not to be a problem. Margo: Absolutely. But Nordic style is diverse.

It would have been great to have more face

Margo: OK, so I’m nervous about 2 things. One

Some, the styles that are as we speak losing

time with the US organizer group, but time and

We also noticed that American larp has a great

is that I was told that the players might be very

ground in Scandinavia as well (360 degree for

money didn’t allow for that.

tradition for oral storytelling that we didn’t

competitive. This might be damaging.

instance) is probably destined to die, but others:

This has lead us to emphasize a few things

know about and that was used to create some

sure! But I agree that this is a discussion for

What were the most rewarding aspects of

after the larp.

the organizing process?

really great moments. Please share your favorite memories from

in this workshop that we left untouched in the Norwegian run. I am also concerned that

Seeing the game design working well in a larp-

players might find it easier to pull a gun. We

ing scene with other traditions and references

will discuss this before workshops and might

than the Nordic scene.

the game as an organizer. My favourite moment was a black box scene with Julie the Committee member ending with

introduce set rules. From what I heard Americans are better at following rules in games than

Did the players react in ways that reflected

Scandinavians are, which is good ‘cause that’s

American values unanticipated by the Nor-

like herding cats.

wegian libretto?

her yelling: “IN THIS SITUATION, I AM GOD. YOU WILL OBEY ME, OR I WILL KICK YOU

It has been good to have such a capable group

The most notable part was that the conserva-

THE FUCK OUT” to a whiny soon-to-become

in the US, with an attention to detail. I believe

tive group caused quite a lot of play and reflec-

father in the maternity ward.

at heart that this will not fail.

tion on the “culture wars” in America. Julia, the OB/Gyn. (Liz Rywelski)

36

37


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Perspectives from the Organizers: Emily Care Boss Post-game Questionnaire

The comparison for me is to the Forge, which was a working community that applied con-

You have been in contact with Nordic larp

cepts through design, argued and “tested” them

and the freeform/jeepform scene for longer

in discussion, and worked out a common lan-

than most Americans. What are your overall

guage through participation on a single forum.

impressions of the style?

That community is gone, but the common work

Emily Care Boss served as both organizer and player in the game. Here, she relaxes with the Triads in her cabin. (Liz Rywelski)

goes on. From the portions of Nordic larp and freeform

The investment in space and organization

I am a designer, so I suppose that is what I

that I’ve been exposed to (which are the games

My impression of Nordic Larp and freeform

needed for a full-scale larp take more commit-

most want to see: blossoming of new ideas

run primarily at the Nodal Point/Knutepunkt

theory is of many voices answering each other

ment so it seems natural that those are happen-

from the exposure to something new.

conventions and Fastaval), it’s a highly devel-

through texts (articles, analyses, and manifestos),

ing more slowly.

oped style of gaming that has taken serious

but lacking a common language except about

topics to heart (though perfectly suited to

broad topics (bleed, safety, external theories like

Mad About the Boy brought in a wide variety of

lighter and more heroic fare), and is subject to

the stances and GNS). This might just be because

participants: old hands at US larp, people new

intense scrutiny by its makers and participants.

I’m a big fan of some articles I’ve read and am

to larping, people new to gaming, visitors from

Since it was such a unique opportunity, I really

surprised I don’t hear about them more!

overseas who had done Nordic Larp there, and

wanted to participate. However, since there

us hardcore fans who were excited about the

were limited spaces, I felt hesitant about taking

These are unique factors in the communities

What made you decide to join the organizing committee?

of play I am a part of. It feels most analogous

But likely they are there, subsumed into design

opportunity to play on these shores. The main

a player role since I’d already been exposed to

to the indie game scene (focused around the

and answered by other articles, so I may be

significance is the exposure to new forms, to

Nordic Larp and had played many of the short-

Forge, Story Games, etc.), with respect to in-

missing part of the conversation.

my mind. We can read books and talk about

er, freeform games. It seemed more important

what is being done in Europe until we are blue

for others who perhaps hadn’t yet to be able to

Do you think running Nordic larp in Amer-

in the face, but until we start doing it, and ex-

have a chance to play them. Also, I felt grateful

The seriousness with which authors and

ica is a significant event in larping history?

periencing it, it’s just abstract.

to Lizzie and the other organizers for making

theorists approach the material is impressive.

If so, why?

trospection about the form itself.

Though something I find lacking (perhaps just

it possible. I wanted to try to support them. Now that we’ve started seeing it in play, we

When it turned out that it would be good for

due to my peripheral involvement) is the lack

Yes, certainly. Freeform has ported over more

can assimilate the techniques into our experi-

me to play a role in the game, I felt extremely

of application of the concepts that are dis-

easily to the US, and smaller scale parlor-scale

ence, and hopefully start incorporating what we

lucky. And playing was a powerful experience

cussed.

larps like The Tribunal.

learn into our own design.

for me.

38

39


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

What have been your biggest challenges in

What differences have you noticed between

And another aspect of Nordic play that is a

Our trio was seen by the Committee as a great

organizing this game?

the American larp community and the

great addition is the workshops done prior to

choice for parents because we worked together

Nordic larp community through this experi-

play. The section where I and my two trio part-

and were supportive and aware. But we had

ence? Similarities?

ners worked out our relationships and what the

physical issues (family history of diseases) that

trio meant to each of us was pretty fundamen-

made it difficult for them to opt for us to be

tal to play for the whole weekend.

chosen.

Coming in a bit late to the organization, I felt a bit behind and not sure of my place. I helped with props, so that seemed like a clearly de-

Embracing transparency in play is a big dif-

lineated role. Once we got there, we kind of

ference, which I admire. In most larps, in my

plunged in. We had one session at the start, to

experience, there is limited information offered

We made choices there, together, that echoed

So we got a bittersweet arc. And our trio made

touch base and then we got under way.

to each player. The activity in these games is

back on everything we did and how others

a contrast to other groups who had major is-

about winkling out what people are hiding,

perceived us. And how we interacted with “the

sues or lost their care for one another during

In retrospect, I wish we’d talked a bit more in

with reveals at the end giving everyone ever

plot” of being able to have access to sperm for

the Second Act, when the refugee surviving

person, to make sure each of us had an over-

more that was obscured during play.

reproductive purposes.

man bursts onto the scene. For me playing with my partners was a profoundly fulfilling

view of what our roles where and what was

act. We got through together.

needed throughout the weekend. Overall, I eve-

In contrast, the libretto for Mad About the Boy

Our group made some choices against intra-

rything went very smoothly, and each person

was available to everyone, and we were all

party conflict: we chose to be supportive of one

did their jobs really well.

encouraged to read about other characters. In

another, and not as expressive of anxieties and

What were your hopes for the players and

some ways this was vital: we entered play in

differences as our background write-ups might

the evolution of the story in this run?

But where we lacked was in communication

trios who knew each other well and many of

have made us. At the time, I felt a bit nervous

with one another--we missed that some things

whom had lived and worked together in the

about this. It felt right, but also, was it in the

Looking back, I hoped to be able to see what it

went wrong (our “Boy” ended up being isolated

past.

spirit of the game as it was intended?

would be like to be in a community of women, responding to such a crazed disastrous world.

during most of the game, rather than playing flashback scenes with the other participants),

Being able to see not only my character’s im-

We were encouraged to “play to lose,” and this

And to see how the women I was in partnering

and that could have easily been avoided if we

pressions of the others, but theirs of mine was

felt contrary. But in the end, I am so glad we

with would respond to the idea of becoming a

had been checking in with him and each other.

key.

made those choices.

family.

40the game. (John Stravopoulos) Players setting up camp before

41


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

What aspects of the game were you most

Halfway through, I did have a crisis of faith

excited to watch unfold?

and lost my ability to decide what to do. I broke

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

character and asked for support from one of my trio-mates. Thank goodness.

The utopia-out-of-apocalypse were the most amazing parts for me. These arose out of free play that happened while we were waiting to be

She helped me move on. But I’d prefer to be

tested and then chosen or not. Just talking with

able to start to own the form and play without

other women, about what kinds of communi-

feeling like I have to live up to another commu-

ties they were in, and what they brought to this

nity’s standards.

new world, was fascinating and exciting. Do you think Nordic larp can become more And overwhelming. Playing my character, a

common in America? Or do fundamental

builder who took over the business formerly

cultural differences bar the way?

run by her family, and who had helped provide infrastructural support for people around her, I

I believe it can because it has a lot to offer.

felt like I had a lot to offer.

Techniques like the “black box,” the out-ofcharacter comments (“putting it in a box”),

And I wanted to learn more about how to work

the workshopping and debriefing, the intimate

with this diverse group of women we’d been

approach with deeply moving issues. There is

put together with. It was an amazing opportu-

a lot of territory that was distilled in this larp

nity.

experience; we can learn a lot from doing more.

What aspects of the run scared you the

And, by and large, the experiences of the

most?

participants were strongly positive. There were

A cabin on the campsite, here pictures with the Conservative’s American flag. (Liz Rywelski)

definite issues that came up (feeling comfort-

Also, I think we’ll bring in our own addition to

And there are strong, long term communities

Being able to be there for so many people,

able in the Ars Amandi workshop, our commu-

the games. Things like being even more open

of play here.

many of them new to the form. Also, being able

nication issues that isolated our “Boy” player),

to meta-play, emphasizing player and organizer

to live up to the hype. :) Nordic Larp comes

but the profound emotional experiences and

communication and safety (yes, cutting a scene

I look forward to seeing what the continuing

with some hefty expectations: living up to the

how the techniques opened up new horizons in

for safety *is* way more important than being

interplay between them and Nordic Larp will

aura of in-your-face, deep emotional larpismo

play--I think people will want to do this more.

afraid of interrupting someone’s flow).

bring.

that surrounds it.

42

43


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Perspectives from the Organizers: Sarah Miles Post-game Questionnaire

What made you decide to join the organizing committee?

Before I start, I want to say that in large part I’m acting in a supportive role to Lizzie - I’ve

Lizzie asked me to, and as her original muse, I

never organized a larp before, and have not

obliged :)

really larped much at all. I participated in the larp for her book, and have done some jeep-

What have been your biggest challenges in

form with her, but that’s really it, outside a

organizing this game?

The organizers prepare to start the game, which begins by playing the song “Mad About the Boy” by Dinah Washington, while all characters are frozen in reflection. (Liz Rywelski)

What are your hopes for the players and the

I am afraid others won’t get into it and I won’t

evolution of the story in this run?

be able to fully explore. I am someone who can really lose myself in a character - maybe I’ll get too into it.

I hope, for everyone and myself, that we learn a

disastrous experience with Masquerade with an ex-boyfriend and his jerk friend when I was

Honestly, just finding the time. I did a bunch

new way of play - that we learn to explore seri-

19, and that kind of turned me off from the

of the “Americanization” to the characters,

ous themes that may even change our world-

I guess the main thing is that because I’m not

whole thing until much later. I do have a lot of

which I found challenging. As a writer and ac-

views, or at least make us really think about

that familiar with larping, I’ll go too far or not

theater experience, and I’m excited to explore

tor, I am more used to controlling the charac-

what we believe.

far enough.

this world and my character. So down to the

ters - it is very different to suggest a shell to be

questions!

filled in by someone else, and I found myself

What aspects of the game are you most

Do you think Nordic larp can become more

going too far into back stories that should be

excited to watch unfold?

common in America? Or do fundamental cultural differences bar the way?

developed by the players.

When did you first learn about Nordic larp

I’m really excited to see what the reactions to

and what are your overall impressions of the What differences have you noticed between

the Last Man will be. By that time we’ll all be

I do. In fact, I think Americans could take it

the American larp community and the

pretty comfortable in our assumed skins, and I

and run with it. We love to take things and put

From Lizzie, when she returned from Knudep-

Nordic larp community through this experi-

think that’s just going to be amazing.

our own stamp on it, take it to extremes.

unkt 2011.

ence? Similarities? What aspects of the upcoming run scare

I could see people going really far with this, as

you the most?

long as mechanics are in place to keep everyone

style?

Do you think running Nordic larp in Amer-

It seems to me that the style of US larp is to

ica is a significant event in larping history?

be more escapist, where Nordic larp is all about

If so, why?

keeping you there and making you deal with

I’m going to speak personally on this: I’m

will bring others into the fold who are intimi-

something that could approximate daily experi-

afraid I won’t get into it the way everyone else

dated by the rules of traditional American larp.

ence.

is, and that will affect the game somehow.

I don’t know, but I hope so!

44

feeling safe. I think that the simple mechanics

45


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Post-game Questionnaire

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Perspectives from the Organizers: Jeremy Merritt

What were the most frustrating aspects of the organizing process?

Post-game Public Blog

I’ve always liked enabling people to do wicked

on Doomsdaylive.com

things, though I think this might be the first time I’ve enabled something that could be de-

To be honest, I didn’t really feel like I was qualified to be an organizer, having not really

Doomsday Monday: The Observer Effect

participated in other larps. But from a logisti-

(My Experiences with Mad About the Boy) by

cal standpoint, I was able to get to the camp

Jeramy

scribed as historic. And yet as the day approached I was not exactly excited for it. As my involvement was

first and check in, things like that. It began for me at Dexcon in July when Lizzie

far more in the background compared to the

What were the most rewarding aspects of

mentioned the possibility of running a larp

other organizers, I didn’t have a real stake in

the organizing process?

based on Y: the Last Man, a comic I had been

the game itself. I didn’t help create it, I didn’t

introduced to years ago and absolutely adored.

help adapt it for America, I didn’t fly half way

I agreed to help out where I could.

across the globe to help run it.

As I said, I didn’t feel like I was really qualified to be an organizer, but one of the tasks I took on was assisting in rewriting some of the char-

What this amounted to were a few meetings,

acters for an American audience. I put it off

some long phone calls, and chiefly allowing the

because I felt overwhelmed, or that I would be

game to run under the banner of our company

judged as naïve since I didn’t know what I was

(First Person Entertainment) so it could be

doing, but once we got to casting, I realized I

insured. For the insurance to be valid I had

hadn’t done such a bad job after all.

to be present, so for anyone who attended and is reading who attended, I was not just joking when I said that I had to be there for legal reasons. While I did help with the organization to a small degree, I can take very little credit for the success of the game itself. I was there when needed. The best I can say is that I was a facilitator. I’m pleased with that.

Top: Lena, the Psychiatrist from the Professionals. (Liz Rywelski) Middle: The women prepare for the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski) Bottom Right: Sharon and Norah secure the perimeter. (Liz Rywelski) Bottom Left: Camp Cedarcrest. (Liz Rywelski)

47

Jeramy Merritt, another organizer, dressed in drag all weekend. (Liz Rywelski)


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

It was I think the first time I’ve ever been

Let me pause here…I realized that I was writ-

Then it was time for me to get into drag. As I

1. I could help in the kitchen. Which I did until

involved with something like this that I wasn’t

ing this primarily for those who have attended

will take any excuse I can get to put on make-

my sensitivity to onions combined with my

a major creative driving force behind. This is

and am leaving out anyone who might not

up I was looking forward to this part. It was

now tear streaked heavy makeup caused one of

something I would continue to be reminded of

know what the hell I am talking about. Mad

my first time wearing a bra.

my eyes to turn death red for about an hour,

as the weekend progressed.

About the Boy is a Norwegian larp set in the world of Y: The Last Man, a comic that details

Let’s talk about the weekend, which started for

an apocalypse where all men, save one, sud-

me on Thursday night when I came down with

denly die off.

the plague, a sickness with a curious sort of

and kept it so sensitive that I could not be in The game began…

the kitchen with the onion mist in the air.

And then I realized that I didn’t have anything

2. I could help run scenes in the Black Box, a

to do. There were 3 things that I could do, but

place where people could go to enact scenes

all of these proved problematic.

outside the scope of the game’s limited time-

timing, certainly better than happening the day

The game had been run twice in its native

before my trip to London, but not exactly the

country, once as an all female game, and the

line. These scenes did not require any of the

sort of thing you want when you spend 5 hours

second time allowing for men in drag. For our

Organizers to be present, but if they needed

in the car the next day.

first shot at this sort of thing in our country

an Organizer it made sense that I would be the

we decided to preserve the original design of

last choice.

I arrived well before most as it seems that near-

the game by keeping it all female (excepting

ly everyone got stuck in traffic. I kept myself

myself and two of the organizers who wore

3. I could whisper thoughts into players’ ears,

medicated and warm and awake long enough to

drag and another man to play the Last Man).

something I was eager to do until I realized that in drag and heels I was 6’4 and perhaps

help things get going and then excused myself to 10 hours of sleep inside the warm burrito

The creators of the game came from Norway

the most obvious person there…to do the

embrace of the electric blanket.

to help run the thing, and we had attendees

whispering I would have to get close enough

from all over the country, including one from

to a conversation to hear it and somehow avoid

Sweden.

being obtrusive.

The game itself comprises only 1 day of the

What this all amounted to for me was a lot of

experience with workshops taking up the rest.

sitting around. A bit of helping out where I

Breakfast happened, set up the Black Box room,

The workshops help get everyone into charac-

could. And wandering about when those two

then helped run some of the final prep before

ter and then at the end help everyone examine

options were spent.

game start, including what was my favorite

the experience.

Thanks to my stellar immune system I woke the next day with most of the sickness behind me.

There were no colorful NPCs (well one), no

part of the weekend, running scenes for people

random monster attacks, no sudden shifts in

Now back to the story…

to help them better establish their characters.

gravity.

Tor relaxing before the game. (Liz Rywelski)

48

49


The Book of Mad about the Boy

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

What I came to understand was that the role

I think it is the job of the Organizer to keep

So what did I take away from all of this that

There was a lot I learned and saw and experi-

of the Organizer in this context was to set up

engagement as high as possible at all times, and

intend to steal at my earliest convenience?

enced that will stay with me, and I hope we can

and break down. We give you the tools, help

not being allowed to step in to provide content,

you learn how to use them, and then let you go

or at least spark content, makes me feel like I

1. The Black Box. Having a room of possibili-

play for a while. If the players didn’t want the

was doing a poor job of it.

ties is an incredible thing and being a sci-fi

Organizers for anything they were required only to start the game, turn Act One into Act

And yet the damn thing worked. In fact it

Two, and then end the game.

worked really damn well. Yes, it wasn’t perfect

integrate some of it into US games, including Doomsday.

game, I think Doomsday will soon have holo-

Well, I am staring down 1 AM and the days

decks.

ahead are certain to be busy. There is certainly a lot more to be said about Mad About the Boy,

but there was perhaps just as much downtime

2. Debriefing. Forcing everyone to talk about

but many of those subjects, specifically any-

It was weird and infuriating for me to experi-

at a game with player-only content as there

their experience afterwards goes a long way

thing involving gender, are best left to those

ence as said Organizer. At Doomsday I am

would be in one where content is generated

to letting people work out whatever junk went

who are more mindful of the subject.

running around almost constantly to be the

primarily by the Organizers. It was the set

unresolved between players during the course

content provider. Here I was actively prevent-

up that made what happened during the game

of the event.

ed from being local color, the players are the

possible. And in that the Organizers did an

content providers…and…and…this is where

incredible job.

Thanks to everyone who came out to Mad About the Boy, and all of those who supported

Going forward, when PvP becomes more of a

the effort.

thing at Doomsday I think having the two par-

my break came.

ties talk about it afterward will do a lot to make All good larps are primarily player run expe-

people realize that this is just a game, and will

riences. The Organizers provide the world,

help to alleviate some of the bad feelings that

the players embiggen it, and then if all is as

oft come as a result of PvP.

it should be, they players whims dictate the content for the future. And yet there are al-

3. Character Building. Being able to run estab-

ways the Organizers to step in and keep things

lishing scenes from your character’s past can go

interesting.

a long way to helping you build a more dynamic character. To possibly be used in conjunction with Black Box.

Here that was somewhat frowned upon, and I don’t really agree with it. Sitting there realizing I had little to do, and looking at situations where people seemed a bit bored, I realized that I could do something to keep the entertained and engaged, and not being able to was stifling. Thomas from the Nuclear Family. (Liz Rywelski)

50

Left: In pre-game workshops, we played out scenes from each other’s pasts. In this scene, Linn attends a party where she gets an uncomfortable proposition from a wealthy media tycoon. (Liz Rywelski) Right: George Locke cooked for the entire cast throughout the weekend, most of the time in full drag. (John Stravopoulos)


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Chapter 2 The Committee

52

53


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The Committee Maria, Theresa, Julie, and Sharon

The Committee has been selected to choose

There is an obstacle course outside. Julie could

Theresa and Maria’s pre-game

those women who will get to raise a child in

test the constitution of all the prospective birth

forum role-play:

this pilot project of the new United States

mothers by asking them to run through the

insemination program. In the first act they will

course. The Committee may suggest changing

The Fate of Humankind

organize a selection process, including inter-

some of the family units and switching mem-

« on: September 17, 2012, 04:50:07 PM »

views and tests of the applicants.

bers between them.

through

*** List of Potential Insemination Candidates and Their Associates “The Survivalists”

« Reply #22 on: October 04, 2012, 02:26:41 Maria, the politician, is the ideological brain

What the Committee’s role will be in the

behind the concept of the three women unit

second act is more uncertain and will depend a

needed to raise a child in this program. One

lot on what the players themselves decide on in

of them will be the birth mother and the other

terms of their character journey.

Some ideas for what you can do as a committee:

Linda -- [intended candidate] Nina --

[A few weeks before the group assembles...]

Yvonne --

Theresa sits a large, round table in the Com-

Theresa’s notes: Linda still has not dealt with

The members of the Committee are a diverse

mittee’s designated planning location inside of

the trauma of the crisis. Powder keg waiting to

group with very different opinions and world-

Town Hall. She scrutinizes several documents,

explode.

views.

a large stack of files nesting beside her. She

two should fulfill other important functions in the raising of the child.

PM »

takes copious notes on a legal pad, casually

“The Collective of Artists”

Welcoming speech by Maria early in the larp

There should be some instances of strong disa-

glancing at the door as she awaits the other

explaining the program and her vision for it.

greements within the group, but at least for the

members of the Committee.

Lisa --

Psychological evaluations done by Theresa,

first act they should at least officially maintain

She offers a reassuring smile when the other

Christine --

either individually, group by group or both if

some kind of united front towards the other

esteemed women enter the room. However, a

Elina -- [intended candidate]

there is time. The other committee members

women.

hint of apprehension is clear behind her eyes as she contemplates the enormity of the deci-

could also be there and interfere if they disaThis is not necessary in the second act.

gree with Theresa on something.

“The Three Lovers”

sions they must soon make. Still, her demeanor remains calm and welcoming. A list is splayed

Alex --

out in front of her.

Vicky --

---

Jo --

This document is stamped CONFIDENTIAL in several locations.

54

Note: No intended candidate selected yet.

p.54: The Committee explaining their decision making process to one of the hopeful Triads. (Liz Rywelski)


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Theresa’s notes: Nancy is my mother-in-law. A

Not one to stand on formality or rank, Maria

Theresa considers the idea, then nods. “I can

battleax with abusive tendencies, but reliable. The

hustles in carrying a tray of hot beverages. “I

watch things better from afar that way anyway.

Kristen --

Committee should evaluate her nurturing qualities

have a tea, a coffee and a hot cider. Pick your

Agreed. In that case, which groups do you sug-

Elizabeth -- [intended candidate]

as family matron.

poison!” Cheerfulness covers her anxiety over

gest we pair together for the cabins?”

“The Wealthy Women”

Ellen --

the enormity of the decisions before them. She “The Best Friends”

“The Professional Women”

plucks a fourth, unnamed cup from the tray and

“Who are your biggest concerns?” Maria pulls

settles into a chair. “Where are we?”

a pen out of her inside breast pocket and chews it while pondering the list. “I was thinking that

Rachel -Lena --

Gina --

Veronica -Megan -- [intended candidate]

Note: Candidate unknown at present.

“The Nuclear Family”

“The Conservatives”

Theresa spies the tray and gratefully helps Ma-

maybe we could encourage productive con-

ria settle it down away from the papers. “Oh,

nections between some of the potential family

coffee! Much appreciated! My head was starting

units - Lisa, Christine and Elina, for example;

to hurt trying to make sense of all of this... we

I think they will do well by any child, but if we

have to consider so many factors. I’ve tried to

could foster a metaphorical village - a coparent-

organize this information as best as possible,

ing dynamic...” She trails off as her sentence gets grammatically complicated.

Helen --

Anne --

but I’m afraid there is still much I don’t know

Thomas --

Rebecca --

about these women...”

Melissa -- [intended candidate]

Norah --

“The Muslim Sisterhood”

Note: Candidate unknown at present.

Amina --

Unaffiliated

Zahida -Sara --

Linn -- [intended candidate]

“Also ... what is the genetic variety of the She shows Maria the list, glancing at it herself,

sperm samples available to us? Do we need to

chewing her bottom lip in thought. “I suppose

keep an eye on genetic diversity of potential

the first order of business is to decide where

birth mothers?”

everyone’s going to sleep. We have a limited amount of space at the site... should we allow

“Well, to be completely honest... I worry about

someone to sleep in our cabin? Some might

the fate of humankind left in the hands of...

view that as favoritism...”

well, for lack of a polite way to put it, left in the hands of those with a conservative agenda.

Note: No intended candidate selected yet. Maria responds, “It sounds like an unneces-

Or a religious agenda. The world is a diverse

sary complication - I’d rather that we walk a bit

place... we want our children to understand

further from our sleep space and make certain

and appreciate diversity, wouldn’t you agree? I

Nancy --

that everybody else is in that core grouping of

worry about... well, getting locked back into a

Alice --

cabins. Do you mind that idea?”

Dark Ages situation,” Theresa remarks.

“Three Generations”

Emma Nancy -- [intended candidate]

56

The Wealthy Women confer with the Conservatives over the plan for the Last Man. (Liz Rywelski)

57


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

“Here’s what I suggest:

Anxiousness is clear in her voice at broaching a potentially problematic subject. “I would like to see, for example, traditional

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

“I think Linn will be good for Linda. I also

What do you think? You’re much better at this

think that the survivalists and Linn are a nice

than I am, for sure.”

Cabin One:

counterbalance to the Wealthy Women - I’m

Survivalists, Wealthy Women, Linn

hoping there will be long-term connections

Theresa listens with great interest, taking

formed here.

notes where appropriate. She quirks her head at

groups forced to interact with out-of-the-box thinkers. The Conservative Trio interacting

Cabin Two:

with the Artists, for example. The Muslims

Collective, Conservatives

interacting with...” she scans the list, “didn’t we

the comment regarding art school and looks as “If you want to see how the Conservative

though she would like to ask further questions,

women are going to react to diversity, I think

but remains quiet as Maria continues her ex-

have a transgendered man on the list? I would

Cabin Three:

the Lovers is too far over their line, but the

planation. “I agree with your choices. You have

like to see how cooperative and open-minded

3 lovers, Best Friends

Artists! That would try me, and I’m ... not that

a keen and subtle mind, Minister. I appreciate

uptight anymore. A daughter in art school

that about you.” Her gaze lingers for a moment

fixed that.”

as she surveys the other woman’s face.

“I think the Three Lovers, with their apparent

Then, Theresa turns her attention back to

diverse groups can be.” Cabin Four: Professionals, Nuclear Family

“As far as sperm, we’ve managed to procure the best specimens for the program -- high intelligence, high athletic ability, high social function-

Cabin Five:

stability might be able to bolster Rachel and

the list. “Do you have any initial preferences

ing...” Theresa’s brow furrows.

Muslim Sisterhood, 3 Generations

Gina.

amongst the candidates? I will have to see them in action, of course, before I can comment in

“This all sounds a bit like eugenics at this point,

“Cabin four is another of those sociological

much depth, but I’d like to take note of your

but these are times in which we live, I suppose.”

experiments - I’m sure you can see the merit of

original impressions.”

this match. Maria laughs. “As subtle as a foghorn in a

“I disagree with the insinuation that religious beliefs interfere with diversity - Sarah, for

“And I think Sara and her family unit have the

graveyard, my daddy would say.” The sorrow

example, is looking to form cross-culture con-

potential to counterbalance some of Nancy’s

is there, but her love for the man who taught

nections and hopes to create life-long bonds

tendencies, with their very steady natures,”

her to navigate tricky encounters shines past it.

between children born of the project - not just

Maria continues. She’s not a soft or gentle woman, but she’s easy

casual nods between acquaintances, but support systems. The village we all know we’re going

“Of course, the very traits I think might make

in her skin. Guarded, polished, but she doesn’t

to need for these babies.”

for good pairings could also make each cabin a

show any of the hitches in posture or poise that

powder keg - which would expose the very sort

other women politicians often showed when

of instability we’re looking for.”

thinking about tricky or tenuous topics.

Julie from the Committee during pre-game workshops. (Liz Rywelski)

58

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

She’s not afraid of power, she’s not afraid of

“Speaking of which... do you think we should

She looks over the list, tapping the ballpoint

Theresa hesitates, glancing at Maria’s face

making decisions that matter, and absolute per-

make therapy mandatory for whoever we end

pen on her lips. “For some of these groups,

before continuing. “I have to admit that I feel

fection is for snipers, not baby-making.

up choosing? Keeping track of the child’s pro-

we only know of their relationships to one

a kneejerk reaction against the Muslim Sister-

gress seems an important concern.”

another -- for example, the Best Friends, the

hood and the Conservative trio, probably due

Three Generations, the Nuclear Family, and

to my own values and prejudices. I worry that

“Going over the list, what jumps out at me most clearly are those who may be unfit. More

Shaking her head, she corrects herself. “Back

the Lovers. I do think having a solid, emotion-

any heavily religious or conservative group will

so, even, than a gut-feeling about any of them

to the issue at hand. I like Linda as a candidate

ally connected network is crucial for child

restrict the types of information provided to

being suited, I’ve been mentally moving tiles

because of her support network. The Survival-

development... but, many relationships are

the child or hinder his or her ability to explore

around, looking at those who aren’t suited. For

ists seem a better fit than the Wealthy Women,

dysfunctional. I would have to assess the nature

new avenues of personality development. For

example, I’m not sure I agree with Linda being

in principle, as they can raise a child in a com-

of these intimate connections to ensure that

example, what if the child turns out gay or re-

the intended candidate in her unit - you’ve ex-

pletely self-sustained community, rather than

the child received proper modeling for future

jects the religious beliefs of his mothers? Will

pressed concerns about her stability; if we look

relying on the financial power associated with

relationships. While I have no problem with

they try to restrict the child? Will they shame

at worst case scenarios, she’s impregnated and

the previous system... one that may or may not

unconventional sexuality, for example, I would

him or her? I suppose my fears in this regard

loses the pregnancy. Where does that leave the

hold any value in the future.”

want to make sure that any sort of experimen-

serve as a counterbalance to my concerns

tal relationship units were held together by

regarding the potentially bohemian lifestyle of

Theresa continues, asserting, “I like the idea of

trust, honesty, maturity, and mutual apprecia-

the Artists. Too strong a structure can be just

a group of artists raising the child, as I think

tion above all else.”

as damaging as too loose of one.”

family unit, if her unprocessed emotions are in play?” Theresa’s smile widens as she listens to Maria’s

art will be a necessary and vital outlet for pro-

quip about her father. Again, that sense of a

cessing trauma and emotion moving forward.

question about to get asked, then suppressed.

What concerns me, however, is the bohemian lifestyle and how that might lead to irrespon-

She makes note of Maria’s comments on the

sible behavior. Research has reinforced -- again

list as the other woman raises them. “I agree

and again -- the necessity of a solid parental

with your concerns. However, I think it’s

unit for the child, particularly maternally. I

important to realize that we can never truly

have similar concerns about the Professional

know how someone will deal with a crisis as it

Triad, but for different reasons. While the

unfolds. We can only observe past patterns. In-

artistic lifestyle might offer too few bounda-

dividuals may surprise you with their strength.

ries for a child, the professional lifestyle might

My concerns regarding Linda could be solved

deprive the child of the attention necessary to

with a few therapy sessions.”

thrive.”

The cast relaxes before the start of game. (Liz Rywelski)

60

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

“Naturally, I will have to assess the individu-

“Bigots will probably stay bigots; the unen-

als in question before letting such preliminary

lightened or isolated, though, can expand their

judgments influence my decision,” Theresa

reality.” She smiles encouragingly.

qualifies, “but, I wanted to be honest with you “I understand your fear, but I think we need

about my thoughts.”

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Sipping her tea, Theresa remarks, “History, as you know, is written by the victors. Who controls the ideology of the next generation controls our culture, our history, our legacy.”

to assess who these women are today, not who they were four years ago.”

Maria replies, “Parents have been getting it

- Pre-game Forum role-play

wrong for a very long time, and they’re going to continue getting it wrong. That’s why it’s

“Yes,” Theresa acknowledges, “Of course you

so important to me that we also foster connec-

are right. I just can’t help but wonder, though,

“I don’t think ‘Holy Rollers’ are my first choice;

Theresa nods her agreement on the topic of

tions between family groups; this is going to be

why some of these factions have approached

I’m more inclined towards those who express

accord. “I worry a bit about this Julia... psychol-

very hard for these women. I imagine harder

us as a group... our country has been fraught

tolerance, adaptability, compassion. If the

ogy and medicine have not always gotten along

than they can guess. Their friends aren’t hav-

with political turmoil for years and the reli-

change didn’t _change_ them, then clearly they

historically. Many medical practitioners do not

ing babies, which is the only part of ‘go to

gious dimensions to that war have been, quite

maybe not be ready for the world we live in

seem to realize that the mind and body are con-

school, find a partner, get married, have babies’

frankly, terrifying. The paradigm war was

today.”

nected on more than a cognitive level... or that

script that’s left. It’s going to isolate them fur-

crescendoing rapidly when... when all the men

ther, unless they make an active effort to main-

left. We shouldn’t assume that their absence has

Theresa sips her tea with an intelligent smile

tain connections. Some of these women would

changed the minds of women in the conserva-

on her face. “Then, we are in agreement. Do

never have considered themselves mother mate-

tive right, many of whom have made concerted

you think the others on the Committee will

She continues, “I’ve only met the two I’ve listed

rial, until... well.”

efforts to control all aspects of social life,

have different preferences? I have yet to meet

here and... well, to be honest, one is my mother-

including birth control, for centuries.”

them thus far...”

in-law. We’ve never had a very close relation-

cognition can have emotional and, dare I say, spiritual dimensions.”

ship. Are you familiar with anyone on the list?”

Maria leans back and searches Theresa’s face. “I think we’re both concerned about how the

She settles back in her chair, setting her pen

“I know of them, professionally, but haven’t

prisoners are going to handle having the keys

down on the pad. Sipping her tea, she remarks,

met them, face to face, no. I’m hoping there’s

“I’ve met Kristin at several social gatherings

to the prison, as it were. Women have - for so

“History, as you know, is written by the victors.

an accord; dissension on the Committee would

over the years; we’re on other ends of the

long - been affected and controlled by the deci-

Who controls the ideology of the next gen-

be profoundly unproductive,” Maria insists.

political spectrum - or, rather, we were before

sions men made that this new world is... awk-

eration controls our culture, our history, our

ward. None of us are prepared for this. And I

legacy.” Maria replies, “Like I said, if they’re

“Speaking of first-hand knowledge, how many

anybody can turn her region into a functioning

don’t think we can, in fairness, make decisions

still trying to create a paradigm of separa-

of the candidates have you met? How many

economy, I suspect Kristin’s involved some-

based on prior cultural assumptions, without

tion, of hate, of ‘otherness,’ then of course we

one-on-one sessions do we need to arrange for

how,” Maria replies.

exploring for ourselves where they stand now.”

should select other candidates.”

introductions and intakes?”

62

the event. She’s... a force to reckon with. If

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

“That model broke down because white men

DOES work, we notice. And when it doesn’t

were using their privilege to exploit others.

work, we notice. Everything means more now,

We’re not in that world anymore.”

because we’re in a state of flux and change, and we...”

“True, true,” Theresa replies, contemplating Maria’s words with introspection. “I wonder

She trails off a little, catching herself on the

how our economic situation will best function

edge of god-talk.

now that... well, for back of a better word,

Norah walking along the path to the cabins. (John Stravopoulos)

Maria taps her pen against her lower lip.

Theresa sips her tea. “I see... how do you sug-

testosterone is no longer as much of a part of

“We’re each individually responsible to the

the equation. For better or worse, the hormone

future, to keeping what works and discarding

is associated with aggressiveness. That being

what doesn’t. Expertise? Hell - I tend a gar-

said, of course, women still have testoster-

den; I’ve never dug a hole in the ground for a

one within them. Our instincts promote both

petunia. These days aren’t about expertise.”

competition and cooperation regardless of our

gest one best... communicate with her? I’d like to know any triggers she might have before I

“It’s like a story I read once with my young-

chromosomes. Will we continue to thrive in a

She adds, “And no. I’m from Connecticut; I’ve

meet her.”

est daughter, when she took up weaving. In

competitive economic system such as capital-

lived among the Yankees for so long that if you

Ireland, during the 1850s, a woman - Cassan-

ism, or will we find new ways to exchange

offend me, I’ll just quietly note it for later.” Her

Maria considers carefully before she responds.

dra Hannock? Hand? Hill? Something with an

goods and services?”

smile is almost apologetic.

She says, “Understanding the psychology of

H - taught an entire region of women to craft

helping people - sometimes against their baser

beautiful crocheted lace motifs and trade it for

Theresa smiles at Maria, waving a dismissive

Theresa smirks at this last comment. “Fair

nature - to build systems that work is impor-

food their families sorely needed. Historical

hand, “But, of course, such matters are beyond

enough.”

tant. Her resourcefulness is necessary in guid-

documentation and scholarly research actually

my expertise, as you’ve mentioned. Really, I’m

ing women who, in many instances, have never

supports the theory that by showing the wom-

mostly concerned with how the Committee

“So...” she begins experimentally with a new

had to provide for themselves. Think about

en how to quickly and efficiently create product

will function as a team. I want to make sure not

train of thought. “You mentioned getting

it - not everybody is inclined or capable to go

for which there was demand, Cassandra nearly

to cross anyone’s boundaries or inadvertently

women to think about their new roles and how

back to the days of subsistence farming, and

singlehandedly led the way from poverty and

offend someone. I’d hope, in that regard, you

they want our new society to progress. I agree

without women like Kristin helping make con-

starvation to a trade culture where women had

would let me know if I’ve done so with you.”

completely -- but, getting people to break out

nections between those with the resources and

the power and ability to support their families.

those who need the resources, a lot of women

I think you’ll find her reasonable, driven and

Maria replies, “The more people thinking about

especially in states of trauma. People tend to

would be leading very much more uncomfort-

intense. The ‘old’ economic model won’t work;

how we’re going to make things work, the bet-

defend what little they have left, including old,

able lives.”

Kristin understands that, I believe.”

ter we’re all going to be - because when it

outdated modes of thinking.”

64

of old ideologies can be quite problematic,

65


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Maria

“As a politician and someone with higher politi-

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Pre-game Journaling:

I imagined that it was a fragile feminine constitution failing to cope with some gruesome reality - a

cal aspirations, what sort of initiatives do you suggest to promote consciousness expansion, in

Archetype: Radical State Feminist, the Believer.

“When the world ends, you’re coming with

war, a bombing, a dead offspring. I wasn’t able

general and specifically for this program?”

Age: 54

me...”

to absorb the magnitude of having every system

Occupation before the disaster: Congress-

« on: September 13, 2012, 11:23:05 AM »

and process in my world unmined by something completely unforeseen. Every dossier on my desk,

“I’ve always felt, for example, that parents

woman from Connecticut. Served on The

should be required by the government to take

House Subcommittee on Health, Employment,

Pop Culture leads you to believe that when the world

every briefing, every war room session - wiped into

basic parenting classes before birth. I know

Labor, and Pensions and on The House Sub-

ends, you find yourself stirred to some great pas-

oblivion by something nobody anticipated. Cold war

others might consider this concept untenable

committee on Health.

sion. That you’re overtaken by urgency, by fear, by

bomb drills did nothing to protect my heart - hiding

and radical… but, we are in a position now to

Current occupation: Congresswoman from

focus, by intensity.

under a desk was inadequate protection for the thing

implement such a project.”

Connecticut. Currently serves on The House

that eventually changed us all.

Committee on Reproduction (created since the

Movies about the apocalypse, about small scale dis-

“So few are born now... and we can keep track

crisis; no subcommittees; its sole focus is to

aster like the Titanic - god, has the world changed

I didn’t rush to my daughters; if I were one of the

of where and how. We can work to forestall

work on the issue of reproduction).

so much that the titanic has changed from a cultur-

women being considered today, through this pro-

ally defining calamity to a “small scale disaster?”

gram, I would be unsuitable. A cold mother. perfunc-

abuse and neglect early... we can work to teach proper communication skills, such as non-vio-

“A visionary leader is someone who can inspire you

- show a dashing hero and a plucky heroine soldier-

tory and satisfactory in seeing to the base tasks, but I

lent communication…”

- and someone to fear should her visions lead you

ing through together. Or a band of brave warriors

know that I am not the woman my girls look up to.

astray.”

facing adversity with solid determination. I am not the one who inspires them or offers the When our world ended, I found myself without air.

light to guide them through this crisis. Once trans-

on an empty plain where there was nothing familiar.

portation settled out, I went home to comfort them,

It was like that movie scene where the space team

but my first reaction was to stop, my insides full of

submerges the rat into pink goo and it breathes, like

stillness and my soul full of pink goo, learning how

a babe bathed in amniotic fluid. I felt like my bones

to breathe again.

were made of grief and my skin was made of shock. and in between? stillness. I suppose I was

It is my job to make sure that the mothers of our

waiting to wake up.

future are those lights, those heroes, those guides. I might have allowed myself to crush my nurturing

The Committee’s private cabin. (John Stravopoulos)

66

Waiting to discover that I was in the middle of

side in ambition and drive; I convinced myself that

a neurotic break and as my medication caught up,

being a feminist was the most important thing I

things would go to right again.

could give my children.

p.66: Maria on her way to the Vigil, armed with folders containing information on all the Triads and the ceremonial candles. (Liz Rywelski)


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Now, of course, I realize that god will have her

She wore her husband’s suit jacket, tailored to fit her

“It was the sort of sticky, choking grief that isn’t

way, and my puny efforts to level the playing field

frame, and clutched a handkerchief with his initials.

diluted or slacked with release.”

were misplaced. I find myself looking for moth-

At first, she was composed. calm. Then, her grief

ers that will protect their boy children from being

swelled up and out and slowed across the floor like a

I reached for the phone today, to call my father. I

treated as objects. assets. natural resources.

faucet running the tub full. It was the sort of sticky,

wanted to ask his take on how to approach an issue

choking grief that isn’t diluted or slacked with

on my desk. The phone was in my hand, and I’d

release.

dialed the number before I remembered.

a completely different chromosome pattern; let us

The sort of burden that isn’t lightened by shar-

For the first time ever, I cried in my office.

evolve, radically, to let our boy children be children,

ing - she said “The Rapture has come, and we have

our men be people, not impregnators. I want women

been left. The men are in Heaven, and we are here.

who will raise their daughters as people, not as

in Hell on earth. “ And I couldn’t answer; couldn’t

survivors; we have been blessed by a chance to get it

tell her that I see the exact opposite truth - for their

Sometimes, I sit at my desk and watch the sliver of

right and we must not make the same mistakes in

hubris, for their transgressions, the men have been

sky you can see from my window. My mind wan-

reverse; we cannot become the occupiers, the tortur-

lifted out of the way and removed, so we can build

ders, imagining what it was like in other places - no

the world God wishes to see.

matter how shocked we were, there were systems,

I want science to find a way for our species to continue without two-gender reproduction - birds have

The cameraman warms his hand with the stove. (John Stravopoulos)

ers, now that we hold the keys to our prison.

---

resources, women in power already. In other areas of the world, the women had no resources.

“I felt like my bones were made of grief and my

I suspect that behind the stillness is a wave of reali-

As She sent the floods and asked Noah to sail Her

skin was made of shock. and in between? stillness.”

zation - a sense of the finality and permanence of

creatures to safety in pairs. As unknowable is Her

our situation; when there are decisions to be made

heart now as it was when She came down, in the

We did our best to activate quickly, to get as much

Guiding me into the next weeks, I find that still-

and choices to be weighed, I can focus. Finals week

times of Genesis, to confuse the tongues of man and

relief as possible to places that needed it, but I know

ness stretching before me, behind me. Filling the

never bothered me. Waiting for grades to come in...

cast them to the ends of the world. But I know -

it wasn’t enough. We lost sisters to pestilence and

space between my ribs, settling over me like a float

that’s when the pressure got to me.

with all of my self - that this is not what happens

ignorance before we could airlift them out. I can’t

after “the end times.”

imagine the horror of women in Arabic countries,

of gauzy fabric. These are the steps forward, what

where they were kept ignorant and helpless.

comes After. I look at the women around me - grief

History will judge us all kindly, for nobody knows

has worn us all smooth; the best of us are more

how to forge a world of this sort; not since Adam

This is what happens when She sets things to right

patient, more tolerant, more compassionate because

and Eve have we gotten a chance to start fresh. I

and gives us a chance to reshape the world with

I can’t imagine being in China, where the demo-

we know that we’ve all lost our foothold.

stopped at the congressional chapel last week, on my

peace, conservation and stewardship - of the planet,

graphic was so heavily male-skewed as to drive men

way out of DC and a woman was there.

of each other, of Her gifts and bounties.

seeking mates to other countries.

68

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

One of my recurring nightmares involves women

I’m using this thread to document parts of my

She is deeply religious, but she’s from Connect-

sailors trapped at sea for a period of time following

process going into game, and I welcome inter-

icut - Yankees don’t tend to vomit their religion

the event. our rescue resources were stretched so thin,

action if somebody feels so moved.

on other people unless they’re also burning them at the stake for differing. ;-)

because men had made it so impossible, so untenable to break into the fields that were now absolutely

My larp community spends a lot of time cast-

vital.

ing aspersions on the idea of “metagaming” -

Being a wacko who believes that God purged

generally, the folks I larp with advocate some-

men from the earth so that women could

Our cries, our sobs - they’re like the birth wail of

thing akin to method acting while larping, and

regroup and heal the planet and themselves

the mother bringing a new order into being. We’re

it’s presented as some sort of full-immersion,

before starting over? She KNOWS that’s not

learning to walk again, like toddlers. the industrial

full-(emotional)contact sport that requires you

something you just put out there, if you also

revolution, the influx of women into the work force

to suspect YOUR conscious mind while playing

believe you’re suited for being President.

- we were isolated from the work that sustains us.

the character.

I’m realizing that playing a political, reserved, So I’ve started tugging at WHY she feels

controlled Yankee in a game full of pathos and

I advocate to my players something more in

suited for President. What makes her the ideal

vulnerability is a difficult role FOR ME to be

balance between immersion and judicious edit-

candidate? Why not somebody else?

in, because I don’t want to play an outsider,

Victory gardens, raising livestock. Our parents - or grandparents - did those things. We didn’t. S

Norah from the Conservatives. (Julia Lunetta)

somebody who is above or beyond or outside of

ewing our own clothes? spinning yarn? Facto-

ing of a jointly shared story - you are telling a

ries stopped. Oil refineries stopped. Power plants

tale, in the first person, with other participants.

She isn’t worked up about the exact specifics of

slowed. We slowed. We’re taking tiny steps, and

It’s a matter of good citizenship to share the

finding the PERFECT situation for each child,

sometimes, the grief knocks us over like a rolling

talking stick, even if you’re playing a bulldozer

because realistically, good kids come out of ter-

Realistically, though, she’s not the sort of

earthquake. In the meantime, though, we learn

character. You edit the character and create a

rible circumstances while great circumstances

character who is going to respond by mother-

again, how to tend ourselves. and we teach our sis-

reason for her to stalk off.

guarantee nothing about the outcome for a

ing these women - she’s here on business. This

specific child.

is government, not therapy, no matter how

ters, who’ve never known, how to work at our side.

the human impact of these decisions.

heartless that sounds. She’s NOT one of these

I’ve realized that my first “introduction” to Maria was a false impression - a casual glance

I could make her a zealot about “getting it

women; she is a facilitator to objective, hard de-

and a quick assessment that isn’t the story she’s

right,” but really? she knows that you don’t

cisions regarding their suitability to participate

intended to tell. I’ve been struggling for the

know how people are going to parent until

in the program.

last couple of days with the combination of as-

they’ve got a child and you can’t handle what

sorted influences I see on her sheet.

happens at 3am when the stomach flu hits, any-

I’m working hard to take the facts and edit

way. That’s not her job.

them into something I’ll have a good time playing.

She’s a life-long political creature.

The Last Man was covered in fake blood. (John Stravopoulos)

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Post-game Debriefing:

I’m not sure how to engage with such an easy-

As her editor, I’m changing her first reactions

going, “soft” character. She’s not yielding or

to the disaster. Instead of being still, she went

The descriptions of prior runs speak of a

giving, because she’s honestly above/beyond

into action. Global, not local. She called her

In many ways, it’s being easier to process my

communal experience of emotional intensity

the emotions happening in the rest of the sce-

girls, she offered to bring them to her. She

own internal reactions to the game than it is to

and vulnerability, in exploring the themes of

nario - she’s too old to have been a candidate in

loved them from her office while working to

focus on the bigger picture, but here’s what I’ve

humanity involved in this process, and I’m hav-

any case, and that’s not her role in this.

compile lists of surviving women politicians in

got currently.

Excerpted from an email:

other countries and to start coordinating the

ing a very hard time seeing where to connect Maria to that - she’s not going to be [emotive

God has a plan for her, but I’m not finding her

effort to stabilize our country and provide re-

MAtB was very much encouraging that I’m on

towards] to these women, as this is a “work

passion for that plan.

sources to stabilize other areas. To assess how

the right path as I refine and adjust my story-

thinly we could stretch ourselves to help the

telling style - give the players everything they

world while folding in to protect ourselves.

need and let them explore the story. Let them

function” - she’s here because of her role on the ---

Congressional Committee.

tell you their tale. Evoke things and give them Her humility keeps her from believing that she

Her archetype says “Radical Feminist” - but

the space to weave the ends together. Expect

alone should have the process in-hand – the

we’re in a world now where God has turned

them to collaboratively and cooperatively fill

character sheet says specifically that she wants

everything over to the women. The fight was

in or gloss over the bits that don’t work, and

control, but if somebody else seizes it, that’s ok

won through the most gruesome, unsatisfying,

encourage their choices.

too. So, she’s not driven by control, she’s hum-

unsettling solution possible. She has an agenda

ble, she’s faithful but not strident about it. She

of protecting newly born boy children from

I find that there’s a lot of institutional and

wants this to work, but honestly believes that

being treated as women have been in the past

community shaming of and repression of

whatever choices they make, the most impor-

- we have to be better than our oppressors; we

strong emotional reactions to larp; It’s like

tant is to ensure that boy children - if they

cannot become oppressors ourselves.

looking at dads who say “walk it off ! be tough! men don’t cry!” and comparing them to the

occur - will be treated with respect and not as But those views don’t come into play while

men in my life who pull their sobbing sons into

interacting with the other characters - this is a

their laps and talk about channeling big feeling

Everything else - well, humans have survived

very much below the surface character, in that

into useful outlets. There are reasons for “walk

for thousands of years on bad breeding deci-

she’s also the objective observer, looking to

it off !” but it’s possible to grow beyond that to

sions; one bad birthmother choice isn’t going to

continue a vibrant, diverse humankind, and to

something more well-rounded. I also, however,

end the world, as long as the program succeeds

ensure that people are healthy, fed, clothed and

have seen people who got so into their own

on the whole.

safe while doing so.

emotional experience that they trod all over

objects or resources.

everybody else’s.

A worried-looking Maria as the Committee delivers the final decisions to the Triads. (Liz Rywelski)

72

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

I think the Nordic model encourages good

The mechanics of richer storytelling, too, is

At a size 18, I’m uncomfortable in my body;

citizenship, and that’s what I find appealing. I

important. Larp is, for me, more than method

at 21, I dieted aggressively for a year and got

was actively encouraged to say “what’s YOUR

acting an immersive role all weekend - it’s

down to a size 12, maybe lower, but over the

experience? What happened for YOU?” and to

about telling stories, about co-editing stories.

years, I’ve crept back up to where I started. I’ve

celebrate other people in their beautiful mo-

The inner monologue dynamic makes me happy

only just started to process how much of that

ments, and to empathize with their Play to Lose

all the way to my toes - I can say “fuck you! and

is because of emotional over-eating, and how

moments.

your stinky shoes too!” in-character, without

much of _that_ ties to fear of famine and pov-

breaking scene.

erty during times when I am lacking control over my emotional world. When I was a size 18

Even if you don’t want the deeper emotional

at high school graduation, I was growing into

experience - even if you just want to show up

And you can say back, “yeah? I like my shoes.

and play your smart mouthed extrovert or your

your socks have moose on them. who made you

caricature in a campaign game, having a frame-

stinky shoe god, hillbilly girl?” and it makes the

work for witnessing and validating and sup-

story better. Filmmakers use inner voice ALL

I think there’s rich, beautiful, intense larp being

curves and distributed it evenly, if a little

porting each other in expressing, exploring and

THE TIME for better stories.

written in the US. I want to see us take it one

thickly applied for most contemporary impres-

step farther and add the expansive culture of

sions of beauty or attractiveness.

even having those reactions is part of Nordic Writers use inner dialogue! larpers using it?

larp that I’m attracted to.

having curves, having the body of a woman,

Elina from the Artists listening to the Committee’s decision. (Liz Rywelski)

and so my body redistributed my weight into

good citizenship to it. This time, though, the weight is in my midsec-

Oh, be still my crushing hard. I would love to Intercon and their post-game debriefing mo-

buy a drink to the person who first said “hey,

ments, where everybody gets the talking stick

let’s see if THIS works!?”

and tells their secrets, or shares one in-game moment that affected them - the structured

I feel like a lot of American players expect to

warstory time - is a step in that direction.

be center stage of their own story, all the time.

tion, in front between my bra band and my

---

pubic bone which makes clothing really fraught One of the biggest issues I had beforehand was

for me. I’ve always been small busted, making

figuring out costuming.

“professional wear” uncomfortable and unflattering for the most part - at least the types of

I had a tumble of things happening all at once

professional wear I would prefer. clothing shop-

Post-game dinner runs where people puppypile

I deliberately play characters who don’t take

and they were class issues, weight and body

ping makes me feel lumpy and ill-proportioned.

together and tell the tales of their weekends -

center stage, who play to lose, who don’t need

image issues, outsider fear - of being one, not

My weight is a complex issue, as it is for most

that’s a step in the right direction. Forum play

the limelight, and I feel like the world is richer

of meeting one. I was seriously frantic and

Americans - I am easy in my skin 90% of the

that lets you hash, in character, the implications

for those sorts of characters - I think a cul-

unsettled, and I put a couple of friends through

time; I found love young and never felt rejected

of a weekend event? again, a step in the right

ture that encourages that is really valuable and

hours of comforting, soothing, advising,

or held back by my body type. and still, I find

direction. Tying it together is important to me.

important.

before I found solutions.

that I am ashamed of my size.

74

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The Book of Mad about the Boy

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

I’m ashamed during the shopping process

I once tried to mimic a friend’s awesome style

When it comes down to it, I found a good bal-

where nothing fits and everything hangs weird

of a simple turtleneck, a string of pearls, a

ance - I wore pants I was comfortable in with

and I end up feeling like even more of an

dark pencil skirt and a loose updo for a funeral.

a blazer that didn’t make me feel like I was swimming in fat-girl clothes, while also not

outsider than usual. I am ashamed when held in the view of another woman, one I want to

On her, it looks refined, polished, and under-

making me feel like I’d crammed myself into a

admire me for who I am and what I’ve done.

stated. The male friend I was traveling with

younger/thinner/hipper woman’s clothes.

The Last Man’s player killing time taking pictures while he waited to start play. (Liz Rywelski)

with described the look as “why do you look I’m ashamed when standing next to women I

like a hassidic woman on your way to the gro-

And the outfit I wore on Sunday was a dress I

(was it because there were no men? Was it a

find attractive, regardless of their size or body

cery store?” ...I was terrified of repeating that

already owned, tights that I wore because the

change in me? a change in the dynamic women

type. And that was very close to the surface,

mistake. The idea of being the single frumpy,

purple was comforting and safe and matched

have together? was it THIS collection of wom-

preparing for Maria. Maybe because in a world

uncomfortable, ill-at-ease, overdressed woman

my shoes, and the same “nice. not too nice, but

en? Was it being on a campground and know-

without men, the one person who consistently

in an all woman game? Terrifying.

nice enough” blazer.

ing that we were all going to be getting dirty and sore and tired and emotionally messy?)

puts my shame aside and makes me feel worthy, What if my pantyhose/tights sagged at my

Once I arrived, of course, my concerns evapo-

ankles and gave me baggy ankles? What if my

rated. The idea of Emily or any of the Sarahs

(I don’t know! I do know that it was really

My life doesn’t require that I dress profession-

skirt was the wrong length and I ended up with

or Trine or, well, any of you - looking down on

lovely not to feel like the ugly duck in a space

ally very often – a simple, brightly colored top

little sausage legs sticking out? or what if it

me because of what I was wearing disappeared

full of women. women make me really insecure!

under a cardigan over jeans or simple “work

was too long and I ended up looking like some

from my mind, and I started thinking about

or I’m really insecure around women. I’m not

pants” does it for me most of the time. And I

sort of grandmother, instead of a Congress-

what I had with me that would make it easiest

sure which)!

tend to dress like a tomboy hippy, according to

woman? I mean... Connecticut Congresswomen

to slide into Maria’s head, instead of my swirl-

objective observers. I didn’t grow up in a world

come from money, right? I don’t know how

ing insecurities.

where there were role models for how to dress

to look like I came from money. Around and

“like a girl” - we had neither money nor time

around and around. for weeks. I made friends

This was the first time in my LIFE that a great

it’s part of the costuming process, part of the

for that to be a consideration.

shop with me online. I agonized. I priced. I

big group of brilliant women didn’t make me

armoring process.

budgeted. I tried things on. I tried more things

feel MORE awful. I think it’s because so many

on. I realized that I should take sewing classes

of us have presence and empathy; we were a

I hate doing makeup at campground games, and

and make my own damned clothes.

gaggle of empowered works in progress, and

usually I skip it (that one exception - the game

we weren’t there to judge or be judged.

I play semi-regularly on a campground; it hap-

regardless of the extra weight, would be gone.

***

With one exception, every larp experience I’ve had also involved being carefully made up;

pens in a dystopian future where makeup isn’t a thing for most women).

Also, you were all just so lovely.

77 The organizers handing out candles for the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski)


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting asetting larpmade project about and values The modern documentation muchgender, easier than atmotherhood fantasy larps (Liz Rywelski)

This time, I had the option to be carefully made

MAtB brought a lot of my issues about body

I also found out that the Bedford women had

for her life. everyday. for years. He was/is a

up, with artful eyebrows, painted lips, a porce-

image, makeup, fashion, beauty, attraction, iden-

been placed in the program for diplomatic

Deacon in his church and a “well-respected”

lain foundation. Especially because the run was

tity, “passing” as normal right to the surface,

reasons, and we had no choice but to give them

member of his community. I’ve never forgiven

being documented, I felt naked and insecure

where I couldn’t find a good place to hide from

a pregnancy, to avert them possibly deciding to

that).

imagining that all of my perceived flaws were

them, and I couldn’t find a good mechanism to

secede from the nation.

on display - bad enough the world can see that

hide them under.

Second - The Artists. I forgot, or partitioned

I’m fat and there’s no hiding it, it’s doubly ter-

off the knowledge that they were participating

Oooh, was Maria mad.

ribly if they can see that my skin gets red when

My normal “safe spaces” weren’t available, and

I’m emotional.

that left me on center stage of my own percep-

to film the child as a nihilist ... exercise? We discussed that they were making a docu-

---

tion, with no scenery to duck behind. Maria

mentary, but the extreme brutality of their (or,

Sweep that under the rug! hide my flaws! I

was almost harder to play from the perspec-

I have post-event discomfort on two of the

at least Lisa’s) perspective on it wasn’t clear to

might not be able to conceal that my hair is

tive of having grown up “moneyed” than as a

decisions the Committee made. One is actual

me in-game. As Eleanor said during the de-

thinning and my scalp is too visible for my

conflicted, grief-stricken woman, because I can

conflict with my OOG perspective and one is

roling, she lied very effectively. LOL. Every

taste at the front of my head, but damnit, I can

imagine myself in one, but not the other.

“damnit. Forgot that detail. damnit. we screwed up.”

time I think about it, my stomach turns until I

make my eyes big and doe-like with eyeshadow!

remember that nobody was impregnated at the ---

I made a spot decision when we went to get

First - Maria became determined not to dis-

end of the game, and Maria could still pull the

criminate against the Conservative triad, if

Artists from the program. (Lisa revealed a lot

into costume that I was going to swipe on some

I honestly didn’t think to go do blackbox scenes

they had the ability to support a child. Crazy

about herself once the Last Man showed up,

foundation, add some mascara and a little lip

- I should have, but I didn’t think of really cool

parents raise great kids all the time was her

and changed Maria’s perspective of her.)

gloss and move the hell on. At a few points,

black box ideas until I was home from game.

position. Diversity takes many forms, and hon-

Maria wished she were more made up - that her

ors even thorny toads. Personally, it would be a

I think it was actually an element of the Amer-

armor was thicker, that she had her “old” beau-

For example, I would have loved to been part

cold day in Hades before [I’d] place a child in a

ican anti-metagame mindset - I read the OOC

ty routine to shelter her from the sympathy and

of scenes playing out other women’s pasts, and

hyper-conservative environment deliberately.

information beforehand, but didn’t retain even

empathy she was feeling for the other women,

it just didn’t occur to me! I’m really excited

but she found it freeing not to have that armor

to see the black box show up as a mechanic

Especially a community under so much stress,

I’ve trained myself NOT to hold onto that sort

on. It somehow made her feel more human,

in more games, so I can explore it more thor-

experiencing so much flux. I’ve been exposed

of detail when I enter game-space. If I

more part of the world they all lived in - during

oughly.

to too much hatred under the guise of religion,

were in the same situation again, I’d actually

and would not have been able to sleep at night,

write down in-game knowledge cards regarding each Triad.

her young career, makeup was to keep the abuse,

as much as Maria would have known, because

the hazing, the coarse language from touching

Actually, Maria demanded that the National

imagining what-if. (my first girlfriend was beat-

her, the person, and she left that behind when

Guard be sent to the Green Point refugee camp

en so severely by her adopted father when he

God removed the men that required its use.

in lower Manhattan. I forgot those scenes. LOL.

found out we were dating that I literally feared

78

Thinking of you all fondly!

79


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Theresa

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

I am, of course, no exception. There are no ex-

While many women have managed to break

Those that have passed live on... as heroes, as

ceptions to this rule. But, what happens when

free from traditional gender roles, the impulse

villains, as babes... these simplistic archetypes,

Archetype: Revealer, Philosopher

the roles usually occupied by half of the popu-

to please others is so ingrained. I hardly think

still alive in the consciousness of the survivors.

Age: 45

lation are suddenly left without people to fill

anyone is immune, even powerful, independ-

Occupation before the disaster: Psychologist

them? We all must work double time. Home-

ent types like Julia and Maria. The parameters

I suspect that this impulse is natural... instinc-

Current occupation: Psychologist

makers must learn to work a job. Secretaries

simply change -- instead of seeking romantic

tive. In ancestral societies, we enjoyed a much

must learn to become executives, and so on.

attention or admiration as a maternal figure,

shorter life span. For culture and society to

professional women achieve worth through

endure, we had to develop long memories and

Since many of us have no training in these re-

managing to battle the patriarchal system, by

the means to transmit knowledge and wisdom

spective fields, the transition has been difficult,

making their way to the top despite the multi-

from generation to generation.

awkward. And that only covers the social func-

tude of roadblocks the system tries to throw

tions thrown into chaos by this tragedy...

in our way by chanting, “We Can Do It!” And

These imagined men... they are projections,

Integrating the Animus

…the emotional landscape is... indescribably

maybe even better than you.

dissociated entities, remnants of a person who

« on: September 19, 2012, 04:32:24 PM »

heartbreaking. Most women have operated

“... and darkness is the right hand of light.”

Pre-game Forum Journaling:

once was... someone inscrutable, for not matter

under the assumption that their worth and

Men, for their part, find... found, I should say...

how hard we try, we can never fully know the

A black, unmarked journal rests upon Theresa’s

identity is wrapped into how the world per-

found this spunk both threatening and excit-

consciousness of another. These projections

desk. The contents are as follows:

ceived them -- as objects of desire, as mothers,

ing. As long as we managed to use that tension

are paper dolls, flimsy images of their former

as wives, as daughters.

to our advantage without ruffling too many

selves, misconstrued, misremembered, simpli-

I am writing this journal because I know I

feathers -- both male and female alike -- life was

fied. But, these shadows still have power and

must in engage in some form of therapy. Usu-

pleasant in post-feminism, as some called it...

purpose.

(A funny term, really. We now live in the true

Animus.

ally, therapists analyze one another, but these days, none of us have the time.

post-feminist age, I suppose). We must look to these projections... integrate

The rise in mental disturbances since the Event is understandably alarming. I am fortunate to

…but, now, the men no longer have to provide

them... work with them... in order to integrate

have attended a school that emphasized trauma

any sort of reaction... no acclaim, no acknowl-

these shadows of our men back into ourselves.

therapies... many of my colleagues are a bit out

edgment, no desire, no scrutiny... nothing.

I try to show this path to these suffering women... so many of them, woefully unprepared.

of their depth nowadays. My patients seem to thrive on the memories, Society places pressures on us that force us to

creating their loved ones as embodied figures in

But, how could any of us prepare for an Event

portray expected roles.

their imaginations.

such as this? How could any of us know?

Theresa, the Psychologist (Liz Rywelski)

80

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Even those of us trained in trauma, prepared

The Day’s Residues

We surround ourselves with those who we find

to guide people through the hardships of loss...

« on: October 08, 2012, 04:21:05 PM »

attractive, be it mentally, physically, spiritu-

you can never prepare for something you have

ally. If we’re lucky, we find companions who

never experienced firsthand, never even con-

Theresa removes her makeup before bed and

exhibit all of those qualities. However much we

ceptualized. And none of us were prepared for

applies her cold cream, her nightly ritual. Her

repress our desires in order to function every

a trauma so widespread... so complete...

mother had always told her that she must

day, they lay there in wait, underneath the

endeavor to preserve her beauty for as long as

surface, fodder for late night, furtive fantasies…

…then, there’s the issue of learning to guide

possible – that no matter how brilliant The-

or, worse, if one represses these urges for too

others through the grief when beset by it

resa is and no matter her talents, men ulti-

long, they fuel attempts to sabotage the lives

yourself.

mately want one thing. Those of us who do not

of others in retaliation. One must stay vigilant

preserve our beauty get left behind, ignored.

of one’s desires, control them, but sometimes

I have not allowed myself the luxury of such

Heaven forbid a woman should age without a

indulge them for brief moments…

feelings. The psychologist’s role is more impor-

mate, without family, without health insurance,

tant than ever. In the past, most people could

her mother would warn. Such women waste

Occasionally, of course, people act upon these

function with only minor blips... minor trans-

away… in pain… alone… full of regret.

desires in inappropriate ways, their libido

gressions against the social contract... but, all

surged by the taboo of the breach between the Though Theresa always questioned the “help-

professional and the personal. Such was her

ful advice” her mother would give her – which

relationship with Grant. He was her professor

Underlying neuroses and psychoses have run

often felt like a stab in the back for some per-

before he was her colleague. She would attend

rampant... entire personalities are dissolving

ceived slight or repressed jealousy – internally,

his office hours regularly, terrified of failure,

and reforming, an instinctive response to trau-

she accepted that her mother’s assessment was

lost in graduate school, listless and confused,

matic change.

correct. One of the few women to succeed in

just like so many other students.

of that has changed.

early academia, Gloria had fought for every I must remain consistent. Even now, I suppose,

ounce of respect she had earned. Much of that

Rudderless. He inspired her to continue her re-

I should reveal some of my personal feelings...

fight, of course, included gaining the esteem of

search, despite opposition from her department.

feelings for the loss of him... but, I cannot af-

men, walking that fine line between seductress

Depth psychology was and still is frowned

ford to let my own psyche slip.

and sage.

upon in the restrictive world of most psychology departments in America. Grant believed in

Someone has to remain calm... someone has to

For in spite of all of the gains of the feminist

her… or perhaps he simply wanted to get laid.

help decide what happens next.

movement, our basic instincts remain the same.

Probably both. A bench at the campsite. (John Stravopoulos)

82

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

He seemed invigorated by her intellect, her

…that those heart-rending, gut-clenching

She remembers the first time they made love…

How strange, Theresa reflects. How easily we

probing mind, her questions surrounding the

accounts of their infidelities would cease to

in his office. She closed the door and looked

spilled it back then… and how precious it has

nature of the unconscious, of religion, of sexu-

transpire… his indiscretions first, and then

at him with intent in her eyes. No words were

become today. The absurd reality of her cur-

ality, of myth. And, in the end, he helped her

hers, in retaliation for the betrayal… hers were

spoken. She mounted him on his couch, the

rent role as the custodian of such excretions

finish her dissertation, advocating for her in the

more numerous, intended to slice him in two,

same couch where he seated students, col-

provokes a wry laugh. She contemplates how

department. They almost lost that battle…

intended to declare her supremacy in their ter-

leagues, even patients sometimes… the act of

such a role would be viewed in ancient times.

rible, pointless battle of wills…

transgression was so complete, so arousing…

Would she serve as a priestess of Aphrodite

they had to stifle their cries, she remembers,

through rites of phallic worship?

Theresa removes her professional, drab-colored clothing and slips into her floral, satin robe. He

So strange that she would miss such things…

burying their red faces in each other’s skin…

loved this robe… he would often request it at

of all things. She briefly recalls their weekly

so raw, that first time…

night. Sometimes, she would sleep in pajamas

walks in the park, hand in hand… discussing

to punish him, she remembers. A part of her

departmental politics… the latest scholarship

feels a twinge of guilt for that act of defiance

in their areas of study… his methodological

– why that act, of all her slights against him?

designs… her frustrations with her clients…

…and messy, she recalls with a smirk of cha-

She supposes because every opportunity to con-

the benefits and dangers of religious belief to

grin.

nect with him should have been savored.

society as a whole…

Or perhaps she would represent Demeter as an initiate into the Mysteries of fertility, a woman past her prime helping the Goddess’ young

…raw…

devotees usher in new life. Her thoughts return to that spot on the couch – so innocuous, at the time, in its significance. They had laughed as they frantically clothed

The release had its visceral manifestation – a

She always had known that relationships

themselves again, afraid of unsuspecting

trait so emphasized in pornography. Look what

change, that love sometimes fades, that all

knocks upon the door, searching for some sort

you’ve inspired me to do… She had always

things must come to an end… but, she never

of way to clean it up -- the fruit of their labors,

found the impulse some men had to spew it

thought the end would come like this. She

there in a small puddle on the suede couch.

upon their mates odd… degradation, perhaps,

never let it occur to her that he would be taken

as the radical feminists claim? A power trip? A

from her.

They managed to avoid staining the fabric,

baptism of sorts? Or an offering to the divine

thankfully… but, she found herself glancing

feminine?

…that those passionate, incisive debates re-

at the spot for years afterward whenever she

garding the nature of humanity would disap-

would visit him… she felt fondness toward it,

…the majority of the time, ejaculation had felt

pear… the ones that usually ended in the two

nostalgia… a physical manifestation of the

like none of these things to her. It had simply

of them hurriedly disrobing and relieving the

intense desire and often frustrating conflict she

felt messy, dirty… an annoyance. Professional

tension in the way men and women have done

felt for this man.

women such as Theresa have no time for babies.

since the dawn of time… The view from inside the main building. (Liz Rywelski)

84

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

In some ways, she rationalizes, her existence is easier now. No more fights. No more fears of inadequacy.

One had to balance one’s personal ambitions

She brings herself to climax, his shirt pressed

In the meantime, he lives on, safe and protect-

closely against her nose, the thoughts of his

ed, projected into her animus, forever hers.

eyes tearing into her soul that very first time

With a long sigh, she rises from the bed and

talents, investing in offspring was considered a

on his couch in his office… hot… hot because

begins to shower, reflecting again upon these

waste when she could help so many in private

they were breaking the rules…

nightly rituals. She has to prepare for a long

with the amount of good one could do for society of the whole. For a woman with Theresa’s

- Theresa

practice.

day tomorrow. She has to look her best, even She sighs as the memory fades, as the endor-

now. The terms of engagement were differ-

And although part of her now regrets dispens-

The first time she explored her animus was

phins start to deescalate, as her consciousness

ent, of course. Now, she has to please women,

ing of that seed so carelessly, she inwardly

when she and Grant had separated. Deter-

escapes the office and returns to her empty bed,

not men, though in truth, she always did. She

thanks herself for her choice. Who would help

mined not to attach herself to another man and

the shirt, her real life, the life without him.

dressed herself down for female patients, she

these poor women now, lost without the men in

to rediscover her identity without her husband,

their life? She could survive, of course, without

she sought the inner man within.

In some ways, she rationalizes, her existence

arouse jealousy in her female colleagues, she

is easier now. No more fights. No more fears

made sure her appearance was ordered and sub-

Her animus became her lover. He morphed

of inadequacy. No more concerns about him

tly augmented with makeup to avoid critiques

depending on her fantasies of the time…

replacing her with a younger model, another

of “letting herself go.”

reflecting pieces of the men she knew and, yet,

young, adoring student. No more retaliation

emerging as wholly unique from all of them.

with men at conferences…

them… …could she?... The thought is suppressed before it can sur-

downplayed her libidinous energy as not to

As for attraction, well… she had not taken a

face and take hold. One of the most important

female lover since those fumbling experiments

concepts she learned in her study of Jungian

She lies underneath the covers, caressing her

…conferences. He died at a conference. He was

with her best friend in her college dorm, aside

psychology was the concept of the animus…

body, admiring the silk of the robe. She smells

away for professional development.

from a brief, marijuana-induced fling between

the inward manifestation of the male psyche

his shirt, there beside her on his pillow, the

embedded within all women. Though modern

shirt she has kept for so long, refusing to wash

She never looked at the body, never allowed

psychology understands gender as a far more

it even after his passing.

herself to see it. Better that way… he is better,

fluid and confusing construct than initially

her, Grant, and a fellow, open-minded couple nearly a decade ago.

here, as a scent… as a collection of memories.

She knows she could probably please a wom-

theorized, most women still live within a patri-

Pathological, perhaps… though, many patients

Not a cold, lifeless corpse of a great man who

an… she does not want to end up alone, like

archal framework. Society teaches them to sup-

displayed similar behaviors when experienc-

once was.

the old woman in her mother’s cautionary tales,

press and internalize their masculine impulses.

ing loss. The scent is almost gone… almost

Theresa learned confront the repressed mas-

faded. Perhaps the resultant arousal is a mere

Maybe, some day, life will slow down long

someone to value her above all else. As Theresa

placebo…

enough for her to confront her denial over her

cleans away the day’s residues in the welcome

grief… for her to let him go, in memory and in

warmth of the shower, she banishes such con-

spirit.

cerns for another day.

culine long ago, to communicate with Him, to Theresa cannot allow herself to care.

make love to Him.

86

dying without a lover, without family, without

87


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Part of this tendency stems from the voyeur in

Mostly, I wanted to give the characters some

me -- I like to watch people play. I wanted the

sort of intense experience that might help gal-

ing lightly in the breeze like the souls of the fallen.

So, writing play experiences is difficult for me,

part of the therapist to try out playing an in-

vanize their game. The payoff, for me, was that

Dead, but beautiful, like those lost. Up above, a canopy

for some bizarre reason. I’m an uber-extrovert

troverted character whose intensity was direct-

I got to watch the characters interact. I got to

of lush, living leaves blanketed the sky -- a reminder

who has no trouble expressing myself in narra-

ed toward others, pulling them out, uncovering

hear them share intimate parts of themselves.

of those still living and those yet to live. A reminder

tive form or speaking, but the idea of writing a

layers, revealing. I most enjoy playing NPC/PC

And I got to have time with each of you, not

that life continues -- and of the crucial nature of our

response to such an intimate experience as role-

hybrids -- where I’m totally in-character, but I

alone (which would have been nice), but at the

regrettable venture on this day. Though the thought

playing feels strange to me. I love to read other

serve a sort of function in the game.

least with quality, intense conversation. I get

of eugenics profoundly disturbed me, I knew we were

bored with small talk in games.

past the point of leaving the survival of the species

Post-game Debriefing:

play accounts, but hold mine close to my chest. Though I’ve played many female archetypes

The leaves swayed to the ground, descend-

up to fate. Crisis had a way of reminding us of the

I have that in common with Theresa, I think

and could potentially have played most of the

The Nordics speak of “going for the throat” in

freedoms we take for granted.

-- a woman who openly advocates for others to

characters, I felt I would be best suited playing

larp-- I wanted Theresa to go for your throats

find comfort and intimacy in one another, but

Theresa. My hope was to create some sort of

to test how you would react under pressure.

their traumas. I knew I would have to ask later, so

secretly knew she would not allow such close-

reaction in the characters, be it hatred towards

ness for herself ever again.

me (projection), revelation of secrets, shaking

Overall, the reason that each group received a

wandering to him, how I never saw his body, how he

up the power dynamics inherent to the relation-

child at Theresa’s recommendation was due to

did not, in fact, die before me. How I had first called

ships, feelings of catharsis, etc.

how impressively each of you shared, which, on

Nancy, terrified... Nancy, who was right down the

an out-of-character level, meant we had some

row from me. I would have to speak of sex in front

remarkable scenes.

of my husband’s own, judgmental mother. I said it

The women spoke and I tried to memorize

I tried to attach stories to faces. Still, my mind kept

anyway, because it was all I had left of him. Some were casual; some were cathartic; some

The candle was passed to me. “On the day

were humorous; some were downright aggres-

of the Event, I was with a patient, like some of the

sive. I hope that each of you know how much

others here. I cannot remember his exact words... he

I respect you as players for responding so well

had been fantasizing about a co-worker behind his

and so totally in-character to the scrutiny.

wife’s back, completely fixated. Typical, I thought,

Were the fate of humankind not at stake, the

and felt my disgust toward him, toward my husband,

sessions would have been far more pleasant and

and toward male behavior rise within me. But, as I

less intrusive. To the right is a recap of There-

watched this patient die before me and the situation

sa’s thoughts during the sessions (which you can

became clear, I realized how trivial Grant’s infideli-

find scattered throughout this document -- ed).

ties were... how precious he was. Grant was gone forever... my passion... my light.”

: Veronica shares her story of what happened for her the moment the Event occurred, lighting her candle in remembrance. (Liz Rywelski)

88

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Julie

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Pre-game forum role-play:

physiological disaster, you’re a candidate. He told

During-game Journaling:

me himself that he’s not on anything stronger than Archetype: Judge, Atheist Scientist

Housing arrangements

During a few brief quiet moments on Saturday

hormonal birth control. I don’t care if he identifies

Age: 42

« on: September 17, 2012, 11:14:31 AM »

night, I typed up some in-character notes as

as a man. I’m happy to call him whatever he wants,

a way of getting her annoyance/rage out in a

it’s completely irrelevant to my job here. He could

How shall we set this up? We can let everyone decide

useful medium (as opposed to screaming at

identify as Empress Quibbler from the Xendorfian

their own housing, but it would certainly be more

patients, for example). I played Julie, the gy-

Nebula, and as long as he can pop out a kid, and

useful for our purposes to split things up some.

necologist on The Committee:

Theresa doesn’t think he’d eat the goddamn thing,

Occupation before the disaster: Gynecologist Current occupation: Gynecologist “Resistance is futile. She will help you, whether you

he’s STILL. A. FUCKING. CANDIDATE.

like it or not.”

cational, and I know I certainly have some ideas

of exams, pre-dinner) Everybody’s got a fucking

this, we have ZERO EVIDENCE that the insemi-

already about separating out the potential birth

ideology. If it’s not religion, it’s politics, or worse,

nation would actually take. This didn’t impact any

mothers for convenience of testing.

the combination of the two. Apparently DC wants

other species, so going through animal trials would

us to give a pass to the Bedford group (The Con-

be a complete waste of time. And we’re not exactly

servatives) in this round, for some bullshit political

flush with time or options. I just wish I had evidence

reason. I got involved in this program because I

that any of this would actually succeed. If we go

I was thinking that bunking disparate Triads

thought I could do some good. If all I’m here to do

through this entire process, and we still can’t get

together - the Wealthy Women and the Survivalists,

is lend legitimacy to Washington’s prefab decisions,

anybody pregnant, we’re going to have our heads on

for example, would give us valuable information

then fuck this. Decisions about biology need to be

pikes. Metaphorical or otherwise.

regarding their coping abilities.

based on biology. It seems like I’m the only person

who understands this. Of course, now that Maria

and handed me a container of tongue depressors, saying

Does each Triad have a clearly designated “poten-

told me about this, I almost want to go out of my

she heard I was low on supplies. Is she trying to bribe me?

tial birth mother”?

way to find some clear-cut biological reason why

The Conservatives would be a terrible choice.

tional exam due to dinner delay) Nancy (the grand-

mother in Three Generations) seemed displeased

--Julie

--Maria

Saturday night, ~6:20 PM (after 1st set

But that would be giving into ideology. An

Oh, Kristin from the Wealthy Women came up

Saturday night, ~7:15 PM (after addi-

ideology that exists to oppose another ideology is

about our announcement that we would be consider-

I suggest we have a meeting regarding these topics. I

still an ideology.

ing all eligible women as insemination candidates.

will set an agenda....

Apparently they’re surprised & unhappy to have the

in my office about being considered for insemination.

last word on this. What did they expect? If they got

Listen, I don’t care what you identify as. If you

the last word, then why would we bother with this

have a functional uterus and you’re not a complete

entire process in the first place? Oops, next exam is here.

--Theresa

And then Thomas has to throw a hissy fit

Julie prepares for a long day of physical exams on the Triads. (Liz Rywelski)

90

Just ridiculous. Of course, on top of all of

I’m sure Theresa would find stress reactions edu-

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Post-game debriefing:

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

>Did anyone else compromise their out of game

Julie apparently managed to talk Tor-as-the-fa-

values in-game? Do you think it affected >you?

ther down the first time through, so I had to do

>I played Amina, one of the Muslim sisters

it again, this time telling Tor “Keep escalating.

>and who had resentment issues towards Dr.

I discussed this sort of thing with (Megan’s

No matter what, do not let me talk you down.”

>Julie written into her character. I felt / said

player) on the ride home yesterday. Julia was

He followed suit admirably, and Julie ended up

some very negative things about her being

adamant about considering all possible birth

nearly physically throwing him across the room

>godless and having no bedside manner in

parents, including Thomas.

before grabbing him by both shoulders and bel-

spite of the fact that out of game I would have

lowing “IN THIS SITUATION, I AM GOD.

had >much more positive feeling towards her.

I am far more sensitive to issues of transgen-

YOU WILL OBEY ME, OR I WILL KICK

der identity, but I’m also aware of the various

YOU THE FUCK OUT.”

A lot of my end game actions of making sure

ways in which medical professionals can be

Izak >got away was from the belief that she

blind to that. As much as I would never dream

It was fantastic, and really helped me get

would lock him up and experiment on >him

of defining a transman by the existence/ab-

deeper into Julie’s psychology, especially given

and treat him like a lab rat.

sence of a uterus, I was pleased that Julie’s

I didn’t get much time to explore her much

blunt pragmatism ended up raising exactly the

outside of her professional sphere. Also, it was

To be fair, Julie did have a sense of human

sort of existential gender-angst that it often

incredibly fun.

rights, and certainly would not have wanted to

does in these situations.

keep Izak against his will. That being said, he’s

Thank you very much, Trine & Margo, and ---

a gigantic source of critical data about what happened in the Event, and that’s the primary

especially Tor for letting me manhandle him like that. :)

View of the lake on the campsite. (Liz Rywelski)

I only got into the black box once for a per-

goal.

sonal scene. It was right after Isak had kicked I wasn’t really kidding when I joked at the

Julie out of the main building. She was fuming

end that Izak dead means no struggling for

and really wanted to just go off on someone,

blood tests, etc. But a live subject is _far_ more

and I wasn’t really sure what to do at this late

valuable. I expect the ideal situation for her

point in the game. I noticed the black box and

would have been extracting blood & sperm, an

realized now was probably my one chance to

extended interview, and then disappearing into

actually do it, so I grabbed Margo, Trine, &

a lab for a few weeks, leaving Izak to his own

Tor to play through an example of Julie losing

devices.

her metaphorical shit on a hysterical father during a birth. The Lovers Triad. (Liz Rywelski)

92

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Sharon

Post-game Public Debrief:

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

An hour or two later, I’m completely immersed.

Nordic larp, however, is more like being in

When the three women I spent last night play-

a play. Developed in Norway, Denmark, and

Archetype: The Skilled Protector

“My so-called larp: learning to love in a

ing poker with agree to form a family unit with

other Scandinavian countries, it’s focused on

Age: 30

world without men: Surviving a weekend of

me and raise two daughters, one of them wel-

immersion and character development, dispens-

Occupation before the disaster: US Army

quadruple-crosses, motherhood, and emo-

comes me as the Lieutenant. “You don’t have to

ing with many of the game-like elements of

Lieutenant, Wilderness Survival Instructor at

tional world building” by Adi Robertson on

keep saying that,” I tell her. I’m almost crying.

larping in favor of something reminiscent of

the US Army John F. Kennedy Special Warfare

November 27, 2012 01:20 pm. Originally published

“You can call me Sharon.”

theater improv.

Center and School

on The Verge.com. Courtesy of Vox Media, Inc.

Current occupation: Army Liaison to the US

(http://www.theverge.com/2012/11/27/

Sharon, who served in Afghanistan before

Its players are thrown into character for hours

Congress

3609806/my-so-called-larp-living-world-without-

helping run the fertility program that could

to days, and while there’s no script, they’re

men)

help the human race continue, has existed for

given scenarios that are meant to be taken

less than 24 hours, but she’s developed friends,

seriously — from living out World War II as

“We all have a job to do. Hers is keeping you alive, not making your surroundings pleasant and inof-

It’s a little after eight in the morning, and

political leanings, and a complicated relation-

a civilian to experiencing the rise of AIDS in

fensive.”

I’m getting ready to become a mother. I woke

ship with the disaster that — three years ago

New York in the ‘80s. Now, with Mad About the

up only vaguely in character — I imagined a

— killed off every man on earth. Then the

Boy, it’s in the US for the first time. Mad About

soldier would have the discipline to get up with

door opens, and we realize that not every man

the Boy immediately dispensed with what little I

the alarm, then justified my need for sleep as a

is dead.

knew about larps.

The scenario is from Mad About the Boy, an all-

There were no character stats or win condi-

female Nordic larp or live-action role-playing

tions, only a loose plot outline. The roughly

game. Generally speaking, larps move the

forty characters — written by the larp’s crea-

events of role-playing games like Dungeons &

tors and handed out beforehand — had a clear

Dragons or Vampire: the Masquerade from the

goal: they were participating in a government-

tabletop to campgrounds or hotels, with vary-

backed fertility program, hoping to be selected

ing amounts of realism.

to bear or raise the first generation of children

pragmatic maximization of resources.

after the Event. In America, it’s stereotyped as a kind of joke: ask someone about larping, and they’ll describe

But whether they succeeded was ultimately

costumed trolls and wizards knocking each

less important than the quality of the resulting

other around with foam weapons (called bof-

scenes.

fers) or chanting spells in costume.

94 Sharon listens stoically as the news is delivered to one of the Triads. (Liz Rywelski)

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

While it’s often placed in opposition to rules-

In practice, only a few larps have their libret-

Given how much of the game involved figuring

At first, I’d imagined this kind of issues-fo-

focused American games, Nordic larp isn’t the

tos distributed, and the ones that do tend to be

out a world without men, it was impossible to

cused slant might put me off, making the game

only system that draws more from acting than

shorter games. “People haven’t thought of it,”

separate MAtB from gender relations. As I pre-

too heavy-handed. Some of the descriptions

gaming. Loose groups from the theater com-

says Margrete Raaum, another MAtB writer.

pared for the larp, it became clearer than ever

in Mad About the Boy did little to dissuade me.

just how few real-world luminaries — or even

In a novel or movie, I probably wouldn’t have

munity run improv-style games in the US, and jeepform — which also originated in Scandina-

Mad About the Boy was inspired by Y: The Last

more minor functionaries — were women, and

thought twice about them. But when every-

via — involves a shorter series of scenes that

Man, a long-running Vertigo comic about the

of the many scenarios I ran through, it was

thing about a character is condensed into a

may be played out multiple times for the most

lone survivor of a plague that kills anything

hard to say which was more discouraging.

page or two of description, backstory can come

satisfying conclusion.

with an XY chromosome.

across more harshly and polemically than usual. If it were the result of systemic discrimination

These styles, however, are still distinctly niche

Beyond the basic premise, though, the two

or unbalanced gender roles, did that mean the

One of my in-game colleagues was described

in the larp community. Outside Tolkien-influ-

don’t share much. While fairly self-aware, Y:

only way we could imagine something different

as a “radical state feminist,” another trio as a

enced fantasy games and World of Darkness

The Last Man spent most of its run focused

was by erasing all the men? If it weren’t, did

group of political conservatives of various

games like Vampire: The Masquerade, popular

on a single man in a world full of women.

that mean my gender was somehow deficient?

stripes.

larps still tend to be action-oriented, based on

The writers of Mad About the Boy, by contrast,

Many of the other larps I found were didactic

user-created characters, and pulpy.

envisioned the game as a space for women to

in some way, from Panopticorp — a satirical

Everyone had an archetype and a tarot card

interact without being overshadowed.

critique of corporations and identity — to

drawn in the style of a (Dave McKean cover):

Dublin2, which called attention to the plight of

my character was dubbed the “skilled protector.”

For me, they were also much easier to find. Traditional larps are often long-running, with

“We didn’t want [the Last Man] to be the fo-

readily available rule books. Liability issues

cus of the story,” co-creator Tor Kjetil Edland

have made it difficult to bring Nordic larp to

told me. As a result, the man shows up only

the US — Mad About the Boy’s organizers ex-

halfway through the game, and the first major

pressed concerns over running it in a country

part of the story is devoted entirely to the lives

with patchy health insurance and an over-

of the women.

refugees.

active litigation system — but even overseas, documentation is spotty. The basic elements

In this run and the initial one, only people who

of a Nordic larp, like its characters and world,

identified as women could participate (with the

are contained in its libretto, which theoreti-

exception of the Last Man); a third version ac-

cally means it could be recreated by just about

cepted men but asked them to dress in drag.

anyone.

Norah from the Conservatives outside the main building. (John Stravopoulos)

96

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

The players enjoy each other’s company during pre-game workshops. (Liz Rywelski)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Hillary Clinton had become president, and the

There’s a third kind of interaction that’s far

US had maintained some semblance of a fed-

more personally unnerving: actually building

eral government. As the game progressed, our

in-game relationships. I hadn’t met a single

consensual reality expanded. Life had gone on,

member of the larp beforehand, and I barely

but it wasn’t easy, and things like communica-

had time to learn their real names before we

tion technologies had atrophied. In the comic

all took on our characters. During the game,

series, Yorick spent half his time fighting

it worked fine — in some cases, it was almost

ninjas and evading mad scientists. When you’re

alarming how quickly I seemed to get to know

actually living a character, you have to think

people.

about the little things, like what to do with the

I am not a veteran of the military, the larp

Sometimes, that means asking someone about

community, or the world of acting, so I tried

their history in a sort of laser-focused small

to relate to my character through a combina-

talk. Alternately, there are bits of world-build-

It also contradicts some of the assumptions

to draw characters together — or push them

tion of fiction and gossip with friends. The

ing, collaboratively improvising a story about

of fiction with lived experience. Before Y: The

apart. I was fully in character for less than 24

problem was that, taken as a fictional character,

survivors raising goats in Brooklyn or airlifting

Last Man, feminist authors explored a world

hours, but the manufactured crisis of the larp

Sharon was a bit on the pulpy side. While she

women out of Afghanistan.

without men, but some assumed that without

made for full, often tumultuous relationships.

hadn’t existed in Y: The Last Man, her back-

Dialog is sharpened and directed, with play-

men’s restrooms at the campsite.

ers creating small rivalries and connections

the corrupting influences of patriarchy and

story seemed to come straight from a Nineties

They’re not necessarily so different from what

testosterone, peace would reign. Give it a few

Over the course of the game, I reconnected

Vertigo comic, complete with a scene in which

you’d get in ordinary improv, but there’s an

hundred years and anything’s possible, but Mad

with an old friend, betrayed her trust, and

she burns her father’s body on a pyre.

added layer of complexity involved: instead of

About the Boy made it obvious just how much

gained it again during a crisis. I forged a close

just building a collective fiction, you want to

ideological divisions can tear people apart.

but suspicious bond with a fellow practitioner

By the time I’d started the larp, though, I’d re-

get both yourself and anyone around you in a

considered. My co-larpers had expertly looked

shared world that will serve you for the rest of

Conversely, it also put to rest a stereotype

ist group critical of government policy; I was a

through their sections of libretto and picked

the game.

favored by male authors: when the Last Man

career soldier who worried the US was failing.

out the parts that fit, discarding or rational-

of realpolitik: she was a member of a survival-

showed up, no one jumped into his arms. A few

izing anything superfluous and drawing from

Going into the game, we’d known the basics

people flirted. Others were shocked or pitied

I wanted her respect, and every time the game’s

their own experiences. There’s no audience in

about the world. As in Y: The Last Man, every-

him, and a tiny contingent pushed to execute

events put a wall between us, I tried to over-

Nordic larp, per se, and with no way to win, the

one with an XY chromosome had died for un-

him.

come it.

biggest goal is developing your own character

clear reasons; unlike the comic, animals hadn’t

while teasing out interesting moments with

been affected.

Plenty of us were just annoyed.

But when the game ended, it all disappeared.

other people.

98

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

She wasn’t a well-armed anarcho-syndicalist,

Not every interaction, of course, was positive.

And when the game had ended, being around

In something like theater, she says, you’ll prob-

and I wasn’t a disillusioned officer. Where did

Recognizing this, Nordic larp has put struc-

several dozen women — many of whom

ably have a pretty good experience and identify

that leave us? When we said something to each

tures in place to separate player and character

worked in tech, gaming, and journalism —

with the characters as long as the actors are

other, how did we bridge the gap between who

and defuse potential anger or resentment —

made me realize just how few I lived and

good. “But in larp, there’s this extra level of

we really were and who we’d just pretended to be?

something that’s not standard practice in other

worked with in my day-to-day life.

anxiety: getting that emotional gut punch de-

larp systems. Being in a larp gave me the strange experi-

pends on how well you’re able to immerse into a character.”

No matter how interesting the premise of a

ence of being both closer to and further from

Before Mad About the Boy, you’re asked to con-

given Nordic larp, it will raise two questions.

the people I participated in it with. We’d gone

sider how both you and your character might

Firstly, why not just play it as a rule-based

Players have a much larger role than spectators

through an incredibly intense experience to-

respond to the end of men; afterwards, we

larp or RPG? And, following that: why not

in bringing fiction to life, but the authors still

gether, and it had given us a wealth of shared

broke into progressively smaller groups and

turn it into theater? Most larp already walks a

have to choose how much control they’re will-

experiences.

talked through what we’d done. By the time it’s

fine line between play and acting, and Nordic

ing to give up. Kapo, a well-known Danish larp

over, your characters still exist, but you’ve built

shares enough traits with standard improv that

that simulated brutal conditions inside a prison

Unfortunately, those experiences were tied to

up a layer of separation that helps you get back

it’s easy to wonder why participants don’t just

camp, was almost entirely linear.

people who no longer existed. Talking about

to the rest of your life.

limit it to one area and invite an audience.

them was somewhere between discussing the

Players could have virtually no effect on the

characters in a movie and how I’d reacted to

Which isn’t to say the transition was always

According to Mad About the Boy’s organizers,

game’s events, which were designed to drive

something in a video game.

easy. Playing in an all-female world had cata-

though, the participant-spectators of Nordic

home their powerlessness. “You will die or prey

pulted me to the top of the sociological food

larp can get an experience that’s impossible

on those weaker than you, ultimately forcing

chain, and leaving it made me hyper-aware of

outside the medium. “When you’re watching

you to choose between yourself and your loved

what I was losing. My character was armed,

a theater play, you can be empathic to what’s

ones,” reads the larp’s description.

government-backed, young, and white, and her

going on... kind of put yourself in their place,”

casual agnosticism didn’t put her in the binds

says Lindahl. “But it’s totally different when

that some Christian or Muslim characters

you are there and you’re actually feeling the

faced. For the first time in my life, I had abso-

feelings, not just understanding them.”

Other larps build a more open-ended world.

Lizzie Stark, the journalist and larper who

The White War, a larp about military occupa-

If I failed at something, I didn’t have to worry

helped bring Mad About the Boy to the US, also

tion, is one; Mad About the Boy is another: it has

that it was because of some innate gender-

sees it as a kind of art where you’re required to

a few scripted events, but the outcomes have

based deficiency, or that it would reflect poorly

create, not just consume.

been vastly different over its three runs.

“There will be no revolutions during the game.”

lutely nothing to prove.

on half the population. The Last Man (John Stravopoulos)

100

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

In one Norwegian run, the Last Man’s arrival

In one of her larps, the World War II-based

was met with tea and blankets. In our version,

1942, a group of soldiers was meant to execute

the game ended with a convoluted quadruple-

a prisoner, but the plan was derailed. “They

cross and a lot of brandished prop guns — al-

were meant to feel what it was like to look her

though, while our organizers feared Americans

in the eye and shoot her.” Their commander,

might be trigger-happy, none were actually

however, “wanted to spare his soldiers their

fired. The forty of us were given a place to live

feelings, so he did it himself. That’s bullshit,”

In more game-like role-playing, you can refuse

Minutes after my character decided to embrace

and people to be; what we did with that was up

she adds.

to play along with the tone of the story, but

parenthood after years of career- and survival-

you’re still constrained by the explicit rules: it’s

focused solitude, she had drawn a gun and was

In some cases, though, this turns out well, even

difficult to play an action hero if you can die

searching the campground for the approaching

Giving players this control tends to lead to

if it started with a failure on the organizers’

from a single infected wound. Once a Nordic

women. The fear and uncertainty of joining a

unexpected results. “I don’t think I’ve ever

part. Finnish war larp Valokaari was meant

larp starts, social pressure and the rare inter-

family, I thought, would have to wait: here was

organized a larp where at one point I haven’t

to feel cramped and filled with interpersonal

vention are the only real things stopping you

something I could do.

said the following words: He did what? She did

conflict, but due to a misunderstanding, par-

from changing the story.

what?” Raaum says.

ticipants decided to play it as a hyper-realistic

to us.

The cast assembling for the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski)

As I escorted a group of women out of the Our run of Mad About the Boy seemed to take

main building to a cabin (they’d be safer from

place in two genres. The first day was a somb-

attackers there, and we didn’t know what dis-

“The characters who we expected to get on

er, meditative drama, as characters attempted

eases the Last Man might have been exposed

each others’ nerves never did,” the organizers

to rebuild their lives, coming to grips with

to), one of my new family members reached for

wrote in larp anthology States of Play, “because

personal problems while struggling to hide

my hand.

most of them spent all their time either patrol-

anything that could make them seem unfit to

ling, eating or sleeping.”

raise a child.

military enactment.

For days afterward, I would regret not staying with her. I think I had started to love her just a

At the end, the players considered the game a

On the second day, this all went out the win-

little. But I turned away, unable to break from

success, even if the game hadn’t worked out

dow, as we found both a man and an external

the immediacy of making a plan, solving a

remotely how the organizers intended. On a

threat — he said he was being pursued by

problem. By the time I saw her again, we were

more mundane level, it’s sometimes hard even

armed women who had taken him captive.

no longer potential lovers or co-parents.

to get everyone in the same genre. If you go

It was certainly cathartic, but it would ulti-

to a movie expecting Drive Angry and end up

mately leave me unsettled, caught between

We were just another two people who’d spent

with Drive, there’s not a lot you can do besides

straightforward action and more ambiguous

the weekend being someone else.

complain.

drama.

Lisa from the Artists. (Liz Rywelski)

102

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Chapter 3 The Triads: Survivalists, Arists, Lovers

104

105


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

The Triads: The Survivalists

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Theresa’s Psych Notes: The Survivalists

Linda, Nina, and Kathryn I was viscerally scared while awaiting this group’s

Katherine shared that they had changed their

Linda, Nina and Kathryn belong to the small

The members of the community have diverse

entrance into the cabin. Outside, they had huddled

mind... both she and Nina wanted a child, but they

community “Vittala” which was established

religious and political views, but they all share

around the side of the building, engaged in some

hoped Katherine would be the birth mother.

after the disaster on a previously abandoned

the belief that when big societies collapse, you

sort of debate or plan. Inside, Sharon was pac-

farm.

need to build a small community of women

ing, questioning, “Why are they armed?” She had

Inwardly, I was quite pleased -- knowing Linda

which you can trust fully.

already grown protective of me in such a short

from before, I thought her a committed, but confused

amount of time, which I felt endearing and com-

young woman.

The community strives to be as self-sufficient

forting.

as possible, but trades with nearby villages.

The community has no formal leader. The most

Strangers are met with friendly caution, as the

important decisions are made in communal

community is very much ready to defend their

meetings. Linda, Nina and Kathryn have ap-

When they finally entered, I assured them that we

mother abandoned her and I feared she might have

home against armed robbers or any other type

plied in the fertility program to bring a child

were extremely impressed with their collective and

difficulties emotionally connecting with the child.

of threat.

back to the community. They will do what is

what they had accomplished in such a short amount

But, then, Nina started to cry.

necessary to be part of the group of those

of time. The aggressiveness completely melted from

Most of the people in the community are skep-

finally selected for insemination, but will resent

their shoulders in a wave running through them.

tical of the State’s ability to manage things in

the prodding and authoritarianism of the state

the current climate. They view government as

representatives. Linda has been selected as

They expressed relief and surprise and we contin-

sharing this feeling of connection with her -- such

being somewhat irrelevant now, and are pre-

their candidate for insemination, but neither

ued to have a pleasant conversation. As they left the

was not my place.

pared for a time where the State will collapse

Nina nor Kathryn is averse to being pregnant,

cabin, I felt sure I would secure them a child, for

totally.

if that’s what it takes to succeed.

practical reasons and due to the feeling of collective

I tried to remain a silent witness to what was

security they projected.

unfolding. The naked emotion in the room as they

She had terrible parenthood patterning after her

She had given up her chance to have a baby in order to pursue a Ph.D., just as I did. I tried to avoid

negotiated who would bear the child in such a respectful, direct manner was quite humbling.

Later, they would find me in the night with a flashlight and arrange for a private meeting. No one else

106 The Survivalists confer with one another. (Liz Rywelski)

dared to approach me; I felt like a pariah outside of

I left the cabin feeling sure that, if possible, I would

the Committee. I found their approach endearing.

secure them both a child.

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Kathryn

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

…I’m going to say my peace instead of letting

I have to admit that when the realization that

two weeks ago, reasonably regular

it fade, like I was probably going to do.

the game was drawing to a close hit me, I cried, and I cried because the life I had been pretend-

Archetype: Idealist, inquisitive, empathetic

Uterine fibroids? no

Age: 27

Previous pregnancies? no

I’ve gamed for a long time, since a cute boy

ing to live, the person I was pretending to be,

Occupation before the disaster: Masters stu-

Physical fitness results: eyesight v. good,

introduced me to D&D in summer camp... too

felt better than what I was going back to.

dent in ecological farming

memory OK, breath 27s

long ago. I introduced this wonderful art to

Current occupation: Farmer, community Post-game Debriefing:

leader

my friends, and we’ve been gaming ever since.

I’ve been unemployed for about 6 months now,

Because I have close, loving friends, our gaming

and it has brought out an ugly darkness in me

experiences have been rich; we know and trust

that seems to grow all the time. When I first

each other, so we’re not afraid to go deep.

lost my “real” job almost three years ago, I took

“She might appear whimsical and easily distracted,

I’ve role-played for a long time and know how

but her connection with nature and the world runs

important the storytelling medium is. I love

deep.”

writing and would love to make a professional

Despite all that, I felt things this weekend

go of it if I had the chance. I’m really glad

that I haven’t in years, perhaps ever. Perhaps

Julie’s OB/GYN Notes: Group diet consists

that I played in MatB and met so many other

because I’m not completely comfortable with

It’s true I’ve done a few interesting things in

of No processed food, fresh vegetables

diverse, skilled, and competent women -- like

that, I’ve stalled on writing my reflections, even

that time, and had a few wonderful experiences,

many of you have said, I don’t get to connect

though I’d intended to.

but nothing that lasted, and nothing that could

it as a chance to find a new and better path, but the reality has been a lot less rewarding.

make me feel at all secure for my future. I’ve

with women that I relate strongly to nearly

#1 - Kathryn, 27

as often as I’d like, and that’s one of the many

I’ve talked to a lot of people over the years

felt things that I’ve never had to feel before --

Height? 5’10”

positive experiences that I’ll take away from my

about their reasons to game, and I never quite

feeling useless, unwanted, unneeded, and lonely,

Weight? 145

weekend.

related to the notion of escapism. For me, role-

and finding myself, my base human instincts

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

playing was a chance to learn and grow -- to

making me lazy, slow, fearing for what’s to

High/low blood pressure? normal

try things on and take away from the table, to

come and not doing a damn thing about it. I’ve

Previous surgeries? broken R leg @ 9

become a wider person, to think of things I

thought about surrendering many times -- my

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no

might not have the chance, and to try on things

pride, and my life.

current alcohol use

that make me better. I wasn’t sure who I was going to be playing,

Family history of transmissable diseases (genetic, etc.)? Paternal grandfather died of

I understood people for whom gaming was

going into this LARP, but Kathryn turned out

heart attack @ 70s, No contact with mother

their escape from things they couldn’t control

to be some kind of aspirational self- a lot like

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

or lives that were less than satisfying, but it

me, in a time and place to be more than me,

Birth control? no

wasn’t my aim. For me, games are about real

with a situation and history to be a bigger per-

STI history? no

life, and that’s their purpose.

son than I am.

Theresa and Julia from the Committee. (Liz Rywelski)

108

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

I wanted to explore every inch of her and ab-

We presented such an attractive picture of self-

I study on group psychology, stress and trau-

I love helping other people -- ESPECIALLY

sorb her. Not knowing a single soul going into

sufficiency, strength and honor that we weren’t

ma. A multitool and duct tape are a girl’s best

other women -- become stronger, better ver-

this, I also didn’t expect to meet so many amaz-

returning to Vittala alone, either -- the Muslim

friends. I keep a “go bag” of supplies in case of

sions of themselves. We aren’t taught to access

ing women -- I felt almost instantly bonded

Sisterhood ultimately chose to become Citizens

the nebulous Whatever hitting the fan.

our strength -- men can usually take that life

with my Triad and couldn’t believe how com-

and to bring a probably much-needed spiritual-

patible we were. I haven’t made friends with

ity to Vittala.

lesson for granted -- and unless we’re lucky I plan for a really unlikely future where I im-

enough to have the role models and circum-

agine myself being competent enough to keep

stances to find it on our own, most of us

Congresswoman Maria, even, felt that she

all the people I care about together and healthy.

don’t end up defining ourselves through our

would join our ranks if what had remained of

In real life, survivalists are usually viewed as

strengths, but on our dependencies.

The hardest part of my role-play was to be

the United States had truly betrayed her sense

somewhat crazy folks, so it’s stuff I generally

suspicious and paranoid and to expect Byzan-

of goodness and unity. Kathryn was even able

keep to myself.

tine conspiracies from strangers -- beyond that,

to confess her long-suppressed love for one of

Kathryn was a pretty close reflection of who

her fellow Vittalans, even if nothing romantic

When you come down to it, though, I haven’t

and being someone that people around you can

I am. Her skillset, her competency, her confi-

would ever come of it.

been really using my strength for the here and

look to and trust when things get bad. I should

now, where I need it most, for me. I hope, I

probably start following some of my own ad-

other women this easily in years, especially in a context that allowed me to be so much myself.

dence, and her projection of strength were all

Part of being a survivalist- or at least playing one- is always having hope, never giving up,

examples of me at my best, and maybe I’m just

And just as much as anything else, by the end

really hope, that I can use this experience to re-

vice. Then, this would be a learning experience.

emotionally exhausted today because I was be-

she showed herself to be able not only to lead

connect with my strength, and want to survive

Which, after all, is what this is all about.

ing me at my best for so long at a stretch.

others, but to care for her dearest friends, to

again.

- Vittala out!

want those bonds to be invincible, and to be By a lot of standards -- and even though it isn’t

able to be nurturing and empathic alongside

the point of the LARP in the first place -- the

being strong. The nature of the LARP being

other Survivalists and I “won.”

what it is, a lot of people “won” this weekend, in a lot of different ways.

The Vittalans are returning home with not one but two children, being born by women that

I’m like Kathryn in some ways that seem

really wanted them in their hearts.

strange in the real world. Like a few people guessed, my costuming wasn’t much of a

The friendships of the Cabinet that came to the

stretch. I raise and preserve my own food. I

Program over those two days were tested hard

have a bunch of guns and know how to use

and emerged far, far stronger than they began.

them. The women getting ready for the day. (Liz Rywelski)

110

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The Book of Mad about the Boy

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Nina Archetype: Analytical, impulsive, keeps fears

Birth control? no

and desires locked away.

STI history? no

Age: 28

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

Occupation before the disaster: Ph.D. stu-

2 weeks, regular

dent, Natural Sciences

Uterine fibroids? no

Current occupation: Farmer, community

Previous pregnancies? no

leader

Physical fitness results: eyesight good, memory OK, breath control 16s

“You never know what her position really is on Post-game Debriefing:

something before she is ready to present a plan of action.”

I got home last night and couldn’t stop hugging my boyfriend and telling him how much

#2 - Nina, 28

I love him. And yes, there were some tears. At Height? 5’4”

the same time, it was so surreal seeing men

Weight? 120

everywhere I went.

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? heart murmur

Mostly I miss not only the members of my

High/low blood pressure? normal

Triad, and the Muslim Sisterhood and the

Previous surgeries? car accident @ 10

Wealthy Women, who we got very close to,

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no

but also the sense of openness and honesty

drinking, only due to lack of availability

that evolved throughout the LARP. I don’t

Family history of transmissable diseases

have very many female friends, and I usually

(genetic, etc.)? parents died in car crash @ 10,

have a difficult time communicating with other

paternal grandmother @ 75, throat cancer

women, so it was an amazing experience to

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

get so close to so many women over so short a time. I miss all of you.

112

The Survivalists and the Muslim Sisterhood speak with the Committee about possibly joining forces. Nine pictured second to the left. (Liz Rywelski)

“I got home last night and couldn’t stop hugging my boyfriend and telling him how much I love him. And yes, there were some tears. At the same time, it was so surreal seeing men everywhere I went.“ - “Nina”


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The Triads: The Artists Christine, Elina, and Lisa The Survivalists made it late to the ceremony and sat in the second row. From left to right: Kathryn, Nina, and Linda. (Liz Rywelski)

Linda

Before the tragedy, Lisa, Christine, and Elina

Theresa’s Psych Notes: The Collective of

knew each other from the film industry. Each

Artists

Archetype: Hunter, warrior, protector

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

is perfectly suited to her individual role in film,

Age: 26

2 weeks, regular

and although that means they are very differ-

I knew I was biased in favor of this group from

Occupation before the disaster: Soldier, po-

Uterine fibroids? no

ent, they complement each other very well.

the beginning, due to my interest in Jungian theory,

lice academy student

Previous pregnancies? No

They are a somewhat exclusive group – they

which finds spiritually transformative power in the

Current occupation: Farmer, hunter

Physical fitness results: eyesight OK, memory

may give each other a hard time, but they don’t

use of symbolism.

OK, breath control 30s

appreciate it from others. I knew that art was a major component to healing

“She’s not paranoid, she’s just very good at identifying what can go wrong before it actually happens.”

Post-game Debriefing: I’ve thought about this in the past - my parents

#3 - Linda, 26

They are used to either taking the spotlight,

this world and I told them as much. Again, that col-

or making sure they have a say in who is in it.

lective relief washed over them.

Planning, directing or acting. I was concerned, however, about their plans to ex-

also live in Maryland, while I live in NYC. LivHeight? 5’1”

ing in or near a big city would potentially make

Their newest project is going to be amazing. A

ploit the child in their documentary. I was concerned

Weight? 115

things a lot more dangerous, so I’m usually not

real work of art, now that life feels even more

about Elina wanting the child simply as another

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

too optimistic when imagining these types of

fragile. They will document the entire life of

performance, one with which she would quickly

High/low blood pressure? normal

scenarios, heh.

a human being, from conception on. And what

grow bored and ignore. Were these three to live

better way to begin than with the journey to

alone, I would have denied them a child, but since

acceptance for this program?

they ran a well-defended community with a school

Previous surgeries? hosp for 2 broken ribs, broken R arm in Afghanistan @ 20

In this one, however, I think a bike would actu-

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no

ally be a better bet for me than a car - especially

drink available

for getting out of a major city.

Family history of transmissable diseases (genetic, etc.)? no contact with Mom, Dad &

It’d take a lot longer to travel, but bikes are great

grandfathers died in the Event, grandmother

because they’re much easier to maneuver around

suicide after Event

wrecks, they don’t take gas, and they’re compara-

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

tively inconspicuous. My dad gave me a “go bag”

Birth control? no

when I went away to college at NYU, so we have

STI history? no

talks like this semi-regularly too, haha.

p.115: The Artists pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Julia Lunetta)

and several other children, I felt that the child had Elina is the intended birth mother in this

an excellent chance to thrive. As they left the cabin, I

group.

felt moderately sure I would secure them a child.

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Christine

Height? 5’6”

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Pre-game forum character journal:

want? I always have my work as my meaningful

Weight? 140 Archetype: The nerd

Existing medical conditions? * chronic?

Age: 40

lower back pain, muscle pain

Occupation before the disaster: Camera op-

High/low blood pressure? no

erator (TV-news)

Previous surgeries? broken arm R @ 19, ton-

Current occupation: Electrician, Documentary film director

What am I doing wrong?? What do these people

The More Things Change…

and constant companion, and I’m good at it of course, but -- I wonder if it’s the only companion

… the more they stay the same.

I’ll ever have.

sillectomy

Three years already into this strange madness, and I

And speaking of, back to it then -- spending way too

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?

have to say not much has really changed for me. De-

much time on this little diary. What am I thinking,

some drinking, aspirin

spite the turmoil that’s taken place around me (and

sitting here in my bunk trying to be all introspec-

“Be what you are, complete and whole, not a di-

Family history of transmissable diseases

which has made my work a neverending stream of

tive? What’s the use anyway -- I’d better get back to

vided, piecemeal soul.”

(genetic, etc.)? Dad died of heart attack @

fascinating data), I don’t feel any different… and

finishing up those edits before I run out of daylight.

50s, Mom still alive?

why should I?

Time’s a-wasting!!

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

Julie’s OB/GYN Notes: #1 - Christine, 40, TV operator

-- Christine

Birth control? no, post-menopausal

I’m not any more or less understood by the others, no

STI history? no, yeast infection

matter if half the population that would otherwise

Uterine fibroids? no

surround me is gone. Male, female, both, neither,

Previous pregnancies? no

whatever - I’m still alone. And maybe it’s best that

Physical fitness results: reasonable for age

way, and I’m used to it for certain. And yet, I’m

To Alex’ player, thank you SO MUCH for

curious, and feeling anxious to break through to these

dancing with Vicki so as to deliberately create

people despite repeated rejection from them. I guess

strife for Christine.

Post-game Debriefing:

tho, if the human race is going to die out with us as its clumsy torchbearers, what have I got to lose?

It was utterly amazing and beautiful for me, just getting to feel Christine’s heart just break

I just don’t know how, but I’m trying, you know? I

after ever-so-awkwardly trying to dance with

don’t know how to “be” anyone other than myself,

Vicky (and having taken a chance to step out

and if people don’t like that - well, I don’t know

of Christine’s comfort zone to do so, hoping

what to tell them.

to find love and acceptance) watching the two of you blissfully twirling and laughing. In that

116

I’m just me, and I can’t go apologize for that or

moment, she realized what for her was the

change it any more than I can go and magically fix

“reality” that no one would ever truly love or

the man-plague or shoot rainbows out of my butt.

understand her.

p.116: Christine battled much confusion over the weekend, particularly with regard to courtship and romance. (Liz Rywelski)


The Book of Mad about the Boy

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? And then, getting to blackbox a dream-version

Elina

Lisa

some alcohol, previous use of Xanax (anxiety) Family history of transmissable diseases

of that scene with Vicky and Elina really helped me to explore the depth of Christine’s

Archetype: The Artist (with a capital A)

Archetype: The producer in the movie of life

(genetic, etc.)? Dad killed in Vietnam, Mom

pain and struggle and loneliness.

Age: 27

Age: 54

breast cancer @ 68

Occupation before the disaster: Actor

Occupation before the disaster: Art & music

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

Current occupation: Actor

festival manager

STI history? no

Current occupation: Documentary movie

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

maker/runs ”refugee camp”

post-menopausal

I never got a chance to thank you for that in person - so, again, THANK YOU!!! Even though a relationship with Vicky was barely

“I am earth, I am woman, look at me menstruate.”

Previous pregnancies? * any abortions? one,

even at all mentioned in my char sheet, everyone’s willingness to contribute towards helping

#2 - Elina, 27

terminated at 27

“Before you know it, she has planned your life, too”

Physical fitness results: eyesight excellent,

me add that to Christine’s experience really helped to make the game for me.

Height? 5’6”

good memory

#3 - Lisa, 54

Weight? 140 It also helped me, in hindsight, to explore my

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

Height? 5’9”

feelings towards potentially having relation-

High/low blood pressure? normal

Weight? 170

ships with women, and about feeling occasion-

Previous surgeries? broke R toe

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

ally lonely and not-understood. :-)

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no

High/low blood pressure? normal

Family history of transmissable diseases

Previous surgeries? appendectomy, R ankle

So much awesome in one weekend... I miss you

(genetic, etc.)? Dad died 3 yrs ago, Mom same

surgery

all already!!

(car crash) Scoliosis or hip displacement? no Birth control? not for 3 yrs STI history? no Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period? 2 wks ago Uterine fibroids? no Previous pregnancies? * any abortions? one, terminated at age 20 Anything else you wish to tell me? near-sighted Physical fitness results: memory not great, physically OK A quiet moment with Nancy braiding Elina’s hair. (Liz Rywelski)

Elina caused quite a stir, at one point stealing the Conservatives’ American flag and integrating it into a strip tease. (Liz Rywelski)

A quiet moment with Nancy braiding Elina’s hair. (Liz Rywelski)

119


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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Lizzie hard at work before the start of game (John Stravopoulos)

Lisa collecting footage of Alex for her documentary. (Liz Rywelski) Top: The women relax with a quiet game of cards while they await their appointments with the doctors. (Liz Rywelski) Bottom: The Artists bundle together for warmth. (Liz Rywelski)

120

121


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The Triads: The Lovers Jo, Vicky, Alex These women have all been a fixture of “the

Alex, Vicky and Jo have different personalities

I sensed, though, that they had not thought too

scene” in the city for a number of years before

and temperaments. So even though they can be

deeply about the ramifications of having a child

the disaster. Alex and Vicky were already in

a close-knit unit, these personalities clash occa-

-- of having this child. Whether boy or girl, any

a relationship back then, while Jo is someone

sionally and none of them are really shy about

new life would become a target for kidnappers and

they have hooked up with more recently. All

airing their quarrels in public. This group

extremists. They seemed to think of a child as just

three consider themselves to be polyamorous,

hasn’t decided on who should be the intended

another natural outgrowth of their open lifestyle

but Jo is the one who has the most ideological

birth mother in the group.

and free love atmosphere -- and before The Event, she might have been.

interpretation of living in a non-monogamous Theresa’s Psych Notes: The Lovers

relationship.

However, they seemed to struggle with the notion Alex used to own a number of bars and res-

I was pleased to see this Triad formed not simply

that their lives would become more complicated,

taurants, but now, after the disaster she only

out of a desire to have a child, but naturally -- a

that they would have to ramp up security, that they

operates one: the bar and concert venue “Hag’s

truly emergent love. In another life, I might have

would, perhaps, have to give up some of their

Hangout.” Both Vicky and Jo help out with the

found their lifestyle appealing -- the openness, the

freedoms in order to protect her. Alex became quite

logistics of running the place and Jo performs

excitement of new lovers, new nightlife, talented,

defensive, probably used to people interrogating her

there regularly.

eclectic friends.

over her lifestyle choice, and misinterpreting my concerns for criticisms of her choices. Quite the opposite. What I wanted to see from her was an awareness that the nightclub lifestyle held dangers to a young child, including intoxicated people around her and an erratic sleep schedule. She seemed to feel judged, as if I were some sort of prude, which made me inwardly sad. I buckled and sent them away rather early, if I recall correctly. I was unsure if a child would remain safe in that environment, but I wanted them as people to have that experience, so I felt torn. Alex and Jo of the Lovers prepare for the Vigil. (Julia Lunetta)

The Lovers pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Julia Lunetta)

122

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Johanna “Jo”

#1 - Jo, 29

Pre-game Questionnaire:

What are your hopes for the game?

Archetype: Individualist, Queer activist

Height? 5’3”

Out-of-character:

To have fun, try a new style of LARP and to

Age: 29

Weight? 125

Occupation before the disaster: Poet and/or

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? hay

What interests you most about playing this

musician

fever

game? What drew you to try this larp?

Fears?

Current occupation: Bartender as well as poet

High/low blood pressure? normal

and/or musician

Previous surgeries? appendectomy @ 14

I had met Lizzie at Intercon where she gave an Ars

That I may ruin someone else’s time by either

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?

Amandi workshop, it was an interesting experience

being too intense or not giving them enough back.

“ She looks at people in a way that can be unsettling.

1-2 drinks per week

and when I found out there was a Nordic LARP

Like she sees something about you which you are not

Family history of transmissable diseases

running in the area, I wanted to give it a try.

***

aware of yourself.”

(genetic, etc.)? mom died in car accident, dad died in event

Have you ever role-played before? If not,

In-character [answer either in third-person

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

have you engaged in other artistic or theat-

(she) or first-person (I)]

Birth control? no

rical endeavors?

“I try not to view people as male or female, these are constraints laid upon us by society, I don’t know why all the males in the world were stricken and taken from us, but it shakes me to the core for something so abstract to happen to anyone based upon their circumstance of birth.”

see experience the Ars Amandi mechanic.

How did your character feel about men be-

STI history? no

fore the Event?

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

I have been LARPing for almost 20 years. I

2 weeks, regular

also have performed not only theatrically, but

Uterine fibroids? no

as a singer as well. Lastly, I am a Civil War Re-

I try not to view people as male or female, these are

Previous pregnancies? no

enactor where I portray a 19th c. Irish Immi-

constraints laid upon us by society, I don’t know why

Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good,

grant and educate people on the American Civil

all the males in the world were stricken and taken

memory OK, breath control 9s

War with folk music.

from us, but it shakes me to the core for something so abstract to happen to anyone based upon their circumstance of birth.

Tell me a bit about the character you plan to play and how you visualize her.

To answer your question, I found some “men” had been

- “Jo”

I will be playing Jo, the Queer Activist Musi-

molded by the antiquated patriarchy to treat and feel

cian. I view her as an iconoclastic, free spirited,

about “women” as if they were something other fellow

hippie child; someone who questions things as

human beings; I did not care for these people. As with

they currently stand and seeks to liberate eve-

anything many male people were wonderful and full

ryone from the shackles of the ordinary.

of the creative spark, these are the beings I miss.

Jo from the Lovers. (Liz Rywelski)

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Did she have any intimate relationships

How has your character coped with the

There are some things there are not enough words

before the Event? If so, what were the rela-

Event in terms of having to fill new roles in

for, the depths of the pools of emotions I have for

tionship dynamics?

life?

Alex and Vicky is one of those things.

Out of character reflections: How has this larp experience differed from other role-playing, theater, or other artistic

I certainly had a few relationships; I have always

Well I was depressed for a bit, it is truly sad that so

With all the words and all the time in the world, I

maintained my autonomy and required any person,

many spirits were ripped away from us. I am not

could not do them justice.

male or female, to accept that I am polyamorous.

sure that I really have fulfilled any new roles; though

experiences you’ve had in the past? It was different in that I didn’t have a specific

I may have changed some of my focus, artistically

What does your character think about the

list of goals and even though I frequently

If you can’t accept that I am capable of loving

speaking. Certainly now that I am in a relationship

Committee’s project and her part in it?

draw on self experience in LARPs and in other

more than one person, you don’t really under-

with Alex, I help her and Vicky with some of the

stand me and we should just be friends.

day to day business of the Hag, but that may have

I think it is a wonderful endeavor, imagine bringing

happened with or without the Event.

some new beautiful beings into the world.

performances, I think this is the character I did that the most with overall. What differences do you see between Nor-

Can she imagine feeling a romantic attachment to a woman?

How does your character feel about the

I of course am a tad afraid of a matriarchal

dic the larp style and other role-playing,

other members of her Triad?

bureaucracy making decisions based upon nebulous

theater, or artistic experiences you’ve had?

criteria, are they looking out for the best interests of

As I have had relationships with women, prior to, and currently, I would say that is a resounding

How can I possibly quantify my feelings for them?

yes. Though in the end, it is not one’s femaleness or

They feed my soul in different ways, bring joy, pro-

maleness that attracts me, just the fierceness of you

vide comfort, I love each of them for the wonderful

Will they fall into old patterns of family unit

as yourself.

being that they are.

stereotypes, or will they really be open to making real

The emphasis on realism as opposed to escap-

the child? What do they consider qualifying?

ism, also the playing to lose for a more dramatic effect. What thoughts and feelings did the game

and true change that is good for the children?

stimulate within you regarding gender, sexuality, politics, reproduction, intimacy?

***

(Feel free to answer these together or sepaPost-game debriefing:

rately as you choose).

My son had to deal with me hugging him for

Well it certainly conjures interesting thoughts

a few minutes and crying. I told him imaging

on the differences between being biologically

him dead was the worst thing I had ever had to do.

one gender, while your gender identity is different.

The Lovers at breakfast, educating the other Triads on the benefits of polyamory. (Liz Rywelski)

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

In-character reflections:

In a civilized society, it should not matter if

Reflect upon the social dynamics in the game,

I had a bit of symmetry, many of the women

those do not coincide, but the issue that trans

including the Committee’s relationship to

said that their fathers were the most important

women (people who for all true intents and

the Triads, the Triads’ relationships with one

man in their life, while I have been estranged

I always hate the memorial time. All these poor

purposes are women) dying because they hap-

another, individual relationships within the

from my adopted Dad for 12 years and had just

souls, not letting go of the past and clinging to the

pen to have been born with a Y chromosome

Triads, your character’s relationship the Last

recently, that August, started to connect with

shadows of men they will never see again.

is intriguing and I guess a huge issue that the

Man, etc.

my biological Father. Why can’t they realize that their loved ones

organizers had to deal with backlash about. I personally did not see too many of the social

I felt a twinge of regret, not having that sort

would’ve wanted them to move on by now? For

What I liked about my character was that her

dynamics, maybe because I was busy trying to

of important relationship and wondered how

some, this is merely a memorial, a time to remember

views were almost exactly like mine, she ac-

get women to break the mold of heterosexuality.

it affected me as a whole. My character also

those we have lost, but for many this seems to be

had no men of note on her character sheet, I

what they live for, the chance to talk about those they have lost as if they were still with us.

cepted people as they were and tried to help others evolve their sexuality as well, acknowl-

I do know that, one of my partners, seemed to

felt it was unfair for the disease to have killed

edging that a person has physical and emo-

take some of the questions laid out by Theresa

based solely on gender, but was not personally

tional needs.

the wrong way, thinking it was an insult to

impacted, and I may be wrong, but I believe I

I feel guilty that I did not lose anyone; I mean I lost

our lifestyle (lesbian polyamory), when to any

was the ONLY character, who did not have a

friends, but no one that my heart still aches for after

How did your experience of your character

person looking at it rationally, she was really

man of any kind listed.

three years. I keep reminding myself that I am here

relate to your experience of yourself in the

commenting on our hours and location (our

everyday world? Did your character teach you

jobs and limited access to food).

for Vicky and Alex, they suffered true loss, and they It gave me a challenge as well for the ceremony,

are still mourning.

I had to completely make up a story, so I de-

anything important about yourself ? It was interesting to watch the Daughter/

cided I would go with what might likely happen

I will get through this the way I always have, I will

Oddly, she taught me that I am not a very good

Mother/Grandmother Triad finally come into

in an everyday moment, no particular person

hug and comfort those who need me, and I will try

receiver. I am a sexual initiator, and I do not

a cohesive grouping, so much strife for many

to mourn or worry, I would be a witness to the

not to tell people that they need to move on, they are

know how to handle when someone tries to ini-

reasons, but finally after the Committee made

general horror.

only hurting themselves by living in the past.

tiate with me. Even a simple hug became very

their decision, and with a little help from my

awkward, not because I didn’t trust the person

Triad, they women talked, cried, and worked

doing the initiating, but because I do not take

out their real interpersonal issues, making

to it, I like to be in “control.” It would explain

them stronger and ready to welcome a new

why I had so much difficulty in high school,

baby into their family. What thoughts and feel-

being a sexually aggressive woman is still sort

ings are you experiencing after this scenario

of taboo.

while returning to the “real world?” Has this larp changed you, even temporarily?

128

“I feel guilty that I did not lose anyone; I mean I lost friends, but no one that my heart still aches for after three years. I keep reminding myself that I am here for Vicky and Alex, they suffered true loss, and they are still mourning.” - “Jo”

When we were talking to the shrink, I was surprised at how accepting she was of our relationship; she acknowledged that we were likely the most suitable group relationship wise. Once she started calling our lifestyle into question however, Alex started to lose it.


documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The women fretting about the Last Man, told from Jo’s perspective. (Liz Rywelski)

How did your character feel about the mem-

Did your character experience any catharsis

bers of the Triad? The Committee? Other

during the game, including crying, yelling,

people in the program? The Last Man?

or otherwise expelling pent up emotions?

I loved the other members of my Triad; we were

I honestly had no catharsis, I helped some oth-

in a complicated but equal relationship, and though

ers through theirs though.

She was worried that NYC was not a safe place to

Everyone is fretting around him, some women seem

I wished to potentially add other partners, this

raise our child and that our working in a club made

too happy to see him, some seem annoyed that he has

does not mean that I loved Vicky or Alex any less.

us unready for the sacrifices for parenthood. I un-

brought chaos in his wake. I certainly don’t like the

derstand some of the points she was trying to make,

way the doctor is looking at him, as if he is some

The Committee seemed more or less reason-

If so, how did you and your character deal

but why should we have to completely change how

sort of experiment that has just jumped under her

able, though the doctor freaked me out a little.

with them?

we live just because we are having a child?

scalpel.

I really didn’t talk to the chair much, but I had

Did real world memories/fears/emotions come up during in-character experiences?

a very enjoyable conversation with the Major,

I think I got really lucky that I did not have too much bleed.

It was then that we found out, that some people may

I am not sure what we need to do, but Vicky and I

where she confided in me that she could meet

want to steal the new children and that by their very

have agreed that we will stay here until we have

her physical needs with other women, but felt

existence they could be in constant danger, these will

seen to his safety. He may very well be the last man

that she could not connect on a romantic level.

not be normal children, and they will be desired in

on earth, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any

ways previously unknown for their scarcity.

rights. The women are crowding him, and like a

The few people I came to know over the course

caged animal he strikes back.

of the program seemed pleasant, and I spent

The workshops were very helpful in getting us

most of my time talking to people about how

ready to be in character. I think the vignettes and the Ars Amandi pieces were the most effective.

This worried me, but Alex could not see through her

Feel free to share experiences during workshopping and debriefing as well.

anger. She acted as though we were being persecuted

People need to give him some space, but no one is

to change their lives with this new age instead

for our love and she lost her temper a bit. I think she

really listening, this has thrown them all for a loop.

of living in the past and thinking only of when

may have spoiled our chances for having a baby. I

I wonder how he survived and if there is hope that

there were men. The Last Man was someone to

don’t know how Vicky will react to that, but she had

there may be more men in the world.

be protected, lest he lose his rights because of his “scarcity.”

spent most of Alex’s angry time trying to talk her For the moment that does not matter, as with any other

down.

hurt or scared person, he needs help and some of these

I felt towards him as I would’ve felt towards

I am not sure what is going on; a man has appar-

people are actually hindering the process. I am very

my daughter, it is not his or her fault that they

ently survived the plague, and is cold and hungry

worried that he will be treated like a piece of meat.

are so very unique, they deserve the same human rights of determination that we all do, and

and at our door. He seems frightened, like a caged Hopefully we can stop that from happening.

animal.

I will do my best to see to that. The Last Man. (John Stravopoulos)

130

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Any in-character journaling, either pre-,

I also think that a lover’s Triad was a little

I realized later and kicked myself for not think-

during, or post-game would also be ex-

challenging, because as least as far as I know

ing of using a monologue box, so I could clue

tremely welcome.

we are all in relatively traditional monogamous

her in on my actual intent. Sigh.

“The pregame helps set up some trust with your group, and the debriefs help you to discuss and process what actually occurred throughout the game.”

relationships, so sometimes it felt like we were really acting like a couple here and a couple

I am not really a journal writer, sorry.

How did you feel about the game overall?

there, which might be okay as well. I thought the game was great; it was inter-

What, if anything, struck you as different between the American games you’ve played

As far as others were concerned I just tried to

esting to hear other women’s takes on what

and the Nordic style?

get to know each person as I came across them,

happened in game, it was nice to try some new

and working out whether or not they needed

LARP techniques.

I think that American style games tend to be

my help or advice in the acclimation to our new

more goal oriented and Nordic style tend to

world and their sexual identity within it.

Did the game cause you to see the world or

- “Jo”

yourself through new eyes? Please elabo-

focus more on having an experience. What were you favorite or most intense mo-

rate.

ments IC?

What are your thoughts on the pre-game

Oddly, it made me keenly aware of how sad I

What suggestions do you have for future

Intense was when Alex got mad in our psycho-

am that I never had a proper Father/Daughter

runs of this game or other Nordic style

I think that they are essential, especially with

logical interview. I was worried she would to-

relationship; how happy I am that my Daughter

games?

some of the more emotional games. The pre-

tally screw this up for all of us and had wanted

has a great one; and this may be the uncon-

game helps set up some trust with your group,

to actually talk to the Psychologist separately,

scious reason that, while I am bisexual, I more

One thing I can think of is to make it clear

and the debriefs help you to discuss and process

but I never had the opportunity.

frequently seek out the company of men in

that you are not picking on trans women, that

friendship and other relationships.

it is merely a happenstance with chromosomes,

workshops and the post-game debriefs?

what actually occurred throughout the game.

maybe pointing out that even hermaphrodites

Favorite was when I attempted to hit on the doctor from the Muslim Sisterhood.

Would you mind telling me about your char-

would’ve died as well.

I also noticed that I am used to being the aggressive one when it comes to sexual overtures,

acter and the relationship dynamics IC, both I laid out what I thought was a pretty smooth

when Alex tried to spin me, I was swept off my

Another would be to perhaps give a little time

line “I know that the habib is supposed to keep

feet very awkwardly, which given our IC rela-

after the Last Man has left for the characters to

I think I failed at being more aloof, but that is

one from being tempted, but I find myself

tionship did not make sense, but knowing how I

decompress a bit. It felt like we ended too early,

personal bleed. While I wanted to encourage

more tempted by the unknown.” <Sexy smile>

always initiate sex and am generally aggressive

I didn’t feel like the Last Man should signify

us to allow others into our relationship, I did

(I still think it is a great line) and it was as if

it makes sense out-of-character. It was just an

my experience ending; he was merely one part

not actually want to push my lovers away.

crickets were chirping…

odd observation.

of it.

in your Triad and outside of it?

132

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Vicky Archetype: Observer, detective

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? 5

“Mad About the Debrief ” by Lizzie Stark on

The trios were applying to be part of an ar-

Age: 30

drinks per week, ibuprofen

Lizziestark.com

tificial insemination pilot program run by the

Occupation before the disaster: Sound/light

Family history of transmissable diseases

technician

(genetic, etc.)? paternal grandmother --ovar-

This entry was posted on Monday, October 22nd,

would have access to sperm from the sperm

Current occupation: Electrician

ian cancer @ 70, mother died in accident, father

2012 at 11:15 am.

banks. In the first act of the game, a Commit-

US government, an experiment to decide who

tee of four people appointed by the govern-

died in vent - driving together “Ask Vicky, she seems to know a lot of things about

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

Thanks to First Person Entertainment (crea-

ment evaluates each trio for motherhood. In

most people.”

Birth control? no

tors of Doomsday), and along with awesome

the second act of the game, the last man on

STI history? no

Americans Jeramy Merritt, A. A. George, Emi-

earth comes crashing into the program, and the

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

ly Care Boss, and Sarah Miles, and awesome

women must decide what to do with him.

3 weeks ago, regular

Norwegians Trine Lise Lindahl, Margrete

Height? 5’3”

Uterine fibroids? no

Raaum, and Tor Kjetil Edland, I helped bring a

If you want to read more about the plot of the

Weight? 135

Previous pregnancies? no

Nordic larp to Connecticut at the beginning of

game, check out the sign-up page. You can also

Existing medical conditions? * chronic?

Physical fitness results: eyesight good,

October.

find out more about this Nordic larp thing and

nearsighted

memory OK, breath control 19s

#2 - Vicky, 30

how it differs from other sorts of larp [there]. In addition to organizing, I also played the

High/low blood pressure? low-to-normal Post-game Debriefing:

Previous surgeries? detached retina, R eye @ 25, pectoral muscle strain, both sides, broken L

Last night, I was dreaming about talking to

toe, @ 9

game, filling in for a player who went home

Part of the challenge for the organizers was to

sick. Both roles – that of player and organizer

present the Nordic style of role-play to a US

– shaped my experience of the game.

audience of mixed experience and to condense what is usually a three or four-day experience

y’all about black box scenes, and this morning, I woke up and thought, “I can make that happen.

into about two days — Friday night through

And here are a few thoughts:

Sunday afternoon.

And I don’t even need a black box to do it.” BACKGROUND ON THE GAME

In keeping with this style of larp, we spent the

I had a great time in the black box, and I’m The Mad About the Boy larp took place in a dys-

first part of the game workshopping, helping

topian future, three years after all the men on

players understand the setting, develop their

If you feel like sharing, I thought that maybe

earth (well, the people with Y chromosomes)

characters, and get to know the mechanics. At

we could post brief scene descriptions in this

died. We played the game with an all-women

the end of the game, we held a formal debrief

thread.

cast, organized into trios.

where people talked about their game experiences.

curious about what other folks did in there.

134

Vicky from the Lovers. (Liz Rywelski)

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

“The moment surprised me – the tears were involuntary, a reaction of the character, not of mine, making the moment as thrilling as it was sad.”

THE EMOTION OF LOSS The guided meditation on the loss of men was

The moment surprised me – the tears were

the most powerful part of the pre-game work-

involuntary, a reaction of the character, not of

shop for me. We lay on the ground and imag-

mine, making the moment as thrilling as it was

ined – as ourselves – where we would be on a

sad. Although I didn’t talk about my younger

usual Wednesday morning when all the men

brother in game – his existence recounted in

started dying, what we would do and where we

a brief line in my back story, his loss made

would go.

the disaster personal to my character – it felt

- “Jo” One character hosted, and people got up and

THE FRIENDLY LESBIANS NEXT DOOR

told fond memories of the things men used to

unbearably sad to imagine, not just that he was

My trio, the lovers, represented a polyamorous

do. Of course one of the Artists, a prima donna

From reading other player commentary, I think

gone, but that the quality of his mischievous-

Triad of women in a love relationship rein-

actress, did a burlesque dance featuring a flag

this felt powerfully intense and powerfully sad

ness and energy had vanished from the world.

forced by business ties. Alex ran a club on the

stolen from her Conservative cabin-mates.

lower east side, where Jo tended bar and sang,

for most of us. I imagined watching men die in the coffee shop where I do most of my writing,

Later in the evening, the group would recount

and Vicky, my character, worked as an electri-

Afterward, we danced to hits like “It’s Raining

then walking to Rutgers, where my husband

stories about this at the party. It was not the

cian. My trio had a certain amount of romantic

Men.” The dance floor provided some interest-

works as a scientist in a mostly male office. I

last time I choked up in character. That mo-

instability written into it, and my co-players

ing role-play as characters taught each other

imagined opening the door to his research pod

ment, small and unexpected, was among the

and I talked about playing on that and decided

to dance, while others played out flirtation,

and seeing him and his colleagues – our friends

most powerful of the game for me, and it felt so

we would.

jealousy, and romance.

– dead on the floor of that windowless room.

private and intimate that it took me days to talk about it.

Although we’d agreed on this method of play, in practice, we didn’t end up pursuing it. Instead,

I had to open my eyes at certain points to dial down the intensity. And yet, for me, this

The moment colored my game, making clear

we quickly became the friendly stable lesbians

visualization provided my best in-game experi-

to me that in addition to being a game about

next door, and at one point the Committee even

ences. The physical memory of sorrow came

women and their relationships, Mad About the

told us we were models for the new order – they

out whenever men were discussed.

Boy is also a game about loss. Later, after the

felt children with parents who loved each other

last man entered, I could only stare into the

romantically would be better off –and asked our

When I met the Nuclear Family Triad, which

fire. Another character, Christine, who had an

characters, in game, to mentor another group.

included Thomas, a trans man, he casually

unrequited crush on mine asked me, “You look

Naturally, since we ran a nightclub together, we

asked me if I’d had siblings. “Yes,” I said. “I

so sad. Why are you sad?” No matter what we

decided to liven up the depressing environment

used to have a younger brother…” and then I

did, he was going to die before his time.

on the three-year anniversary of the disaster by

stopped, choked with tears.

So I kept quiet.

organizing a party after dinner.

136

Theresa holding a candle for her husband, still wearing her wedding ring. (Liz Rywelski)

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

LIBERAL BIAS The Committee’s Contentious Decision

Introducing the Conservatives

Liberal Assumptions About Conservatives

And fascinating that this experience, combined with both trios’ respect for religion in general,

The Norwegian larpwrights wrote the game to

On Saturday night, the Committee gathered

should have made them friendly with one an-

After the game, the members of the Conserva-

take place in Norway. But Norway is culturally

everyone together to let us know that the Mus-

other. The Committee’s realization of its own

tives talked about how they’d been treated by

different from America, and a post-apocalyptic

lims and the Conservatives would be getting

liberal bias against the Conservatives was in

the other players. As a member of the Lov-

Norway is different from a post-apocalyptic

babies.

itself interesting (though later it came out that

ers, I’d had little interaction with them, but

they felt that higher ups in the government had

of course, when we met, I felt I could see

America. For example, Norway is pretty small and it seems reasonable to assume it’d have

Before the announcement and with rumors that

mandated a baby for the Conservatives) – and it

disapproval of our romantic arrangement on

similar borders after the apocalypse, but would

the Muslims would get a baby but the Conserv-

served as a metaphor for the rest of us.

their faces. And we made sure to role-play our

the US survive as one big country?

atives wouldn’t, one of the Muslims pled with

relationship in front of them. Apparently, we

the Committee to overlook their own bias and

weren’t the only trio to do so – even undemon-

give a baby to the Conservatives.

The US team updated the libretto to better fit our cultural setting – the Professionals probably wouldn’t have a fishing fleet, for example

The Conservatives received a baby because the

– a construction company fit better. But in

Committee had realized that it was discriminat-

general, we tried not to change relationship

ing against the Conservatives on unfair ideo-

dynamics within individual trios, or between

logical grounds. Interesting, since the Com-

different trios.

mittee had searched for a reason to disqualify the Conservatives, that their apparent liberal

We had more players than in either of the

perspective caused them, in-game, to recognize

original Norwegian runs, so we persuaded

their own bias and apply a corrective lens.

the larpwrights to write three new characters, a set of conservative women from New

Later, the Conservative and the Muslim trios

Bedford, Pennsylvania. The conservative trio,

bonded over feeling ostracized because of their

as it turned out, proved to be a lightning rod

religion – people had responded to them with

for thought-provoking play. Out of game,

pre-set expectations. It was interesting to me

our player base skewed liberal and had some

that this feeling of ostracism should have af-

preconceptions about the characters in the trio

fected the two groups that our cultural narra-

that created fascinating play.

tive often pits against one another.

138

“Later, the Conservative and the Muslim trios bonded over feeling ostracized because of their religion – people had responded to them with pre-set expectations. It was interesting to me that this feeling of ostracism should have affected the two groups that our cultural narrative often pits against one another.”

strative trios not linked by romantic relationships role-played the physicality of their relationships through Ars Amandi in front of the conservatives, even if their trios weren’t particularly physical otherwise. During the debrief, a particularly telling moment for me was talking to one of the Conservatives’ players and hearing that she had felt positively inclined toward the Lovers, accepting our arrangement as a necessity, of sorts, in the all-lady postapocalypse. That created fascinating guilt in me – I had made the assumption that they’d be prejudiced against us, but in fact, the prejudice worked in the other direction. I know I’m not the only one who had this realization. So that was surprising and unexpected – recognizing that liberal assumptions about conservatives are as damaging

- “Vicky”

as assumptions that run the other way.

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AMERICAN VALUES AT PLAY How the Meta-techniques Translated

Lisa and Sharon. (Liz Rywelski)

We took a bunch of Americans of varying lev-

In general, the workshop and black box helped

And yet, for me at least, taking time out for

My possibly erroneous sense is that this tech-

els of game experience, ranging from experi-

people play in an emotionally intense way, I

black box scenes enhanced my experience quite

nique first appeared in medieval fantasy games.

enced larpers to total noobs, and exposed them

think, mainly by providing context for in-game

a lot. And feeling encouraged to talk to my trio

It seems like an exportable technique that I’m

to Nordic larp. So, did the form of the game

action that deepened emotion. Game mechanics

partners about how comfortable each of us

dying to see used somewhere, by someone.

make them into Nordic larpers, or did it reveal

influence game play by structuring interactions

were with physical contact, for example, helped

a quintessentially American style of play?

between the characters.

make me feel safer in terms of role-play.

US Equality: Everyone Gets a Baby!

Give them lock pick skills and they will pick

I think that workshopping, and the black box

The first act of the game had very little visible

locks; give them a black box, and they will play

are techniques that could easily be exported to

surface action – we waited to be evaluated by the

In addition to the Nordic pre-game workshops,

backstory, creating emotional context. The

many other sorts of US larp.

Committee, and got to know the other applicants.

the game also employed meta-techniques,

black box in particular also seemed to encour-

ways of breaking the narrative to heighten the

age collaborative play, as players often set black

Unused Technique: the Bathroom Wall

For me, at least, still waters ran deep, as the

drama.

box scenes for each other.

The answer, as with so many complex questions, is a little of both.

saying goes, and I felt very emotionally engaged I also learned about a meta technique that we

in the game and involved in relationships, both

If I had to pick a winner out of all of the

So I feel that we came halfway to the communal

did not use from the Norwegians, inelegantly

with members of our own trio, and in terms of

techniques we tried out, it’d be the black box,

play that seems emblematic of Nordic larp, at

dubbed “the bathroom wall.” Sometimes, in

our relationship, as a group, to the rest of the

a room with lighting and sound that exists

least from the descriptions I’ve seen and read.

Norway, people take photos of their characters,

groups present. I’ve talked about how the core

print them out and stick them on the bathroom

US value of equality affects larp in other places,

out of place and time at the larp. You could go there to play possible or actual pasts and

Since this form of larp was new to most of

wall, where people are often nominally in game

and I saw this core ideal affecting the game here

futures, or dreams and fantasies.

us, it was hard to negotiate meta-gaming, the

anyway. You can write out of game messages

too. The Committee, the in-game government

practice of talking out of game to your scene

to other people on the photos – “ask me about

representatives, decided on Sunday morning

partners about what direction the game might take.

my father” or “my charm bracelet is not what it

that every trio would get a baby, a decision that

seems” or whatever. Then, if I have a lull in my

ensured that each trio was treated equally on

For example, my trio had a teenage friend who came to our club and performed standup. We started wondering what her conservative

Particularly since that aspect of Nordic larp

game, I can check the wall, and find something

the surface, a decision that circumvented the

grandma would think about her act, so we went

seems at odds with the idea of total immer-

else to play on, seeking out that player and

Committee’s own potential personal preferences,

and found her trio and asked them to play out

sion, that you’re in game as much as humanly

asking her about her father, or bringing up the

and suggested that the right to reproduce is a

our imagined scene for us.

possible.

topic of fathers in general.

fundamental human right.

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What’s Our Default Behavior?

They clearly arrived at this decision after considerable debate. I think it says something

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

During the debrief, it came out that several

I found it interesting because it revealed our in-

different sets of trios had different individual

clination or our willingness to accept hierarchy so long as no great wrong was done.

intriguing, both in- and out-of-game, about cul-

In the Norwegian runs of the game, the last

plans to get the Last Man out and away. Some

tural values of equality and the much-touted

man’s appearance kicked off a town hall meet-

people wanted the play to continue on longer –

equal playing field. My trio couldn’t believe

ing about his fate. In the US run, it kicked off

the party spiriting away Isak had plans to open

I know my trio, gun-less though we were,

that the Artists – an ad hoc group of ladies

concerns of security. As medical staff got the

the play back up to involve more of the players.

would have leapt up to defend Isak’s human-

who wanted to film every minute of the kid’s

last man comfortable, the Committee took

I felt comfortable ending the game where it

ity if we thought it had been under real threat

life from birth until death – made the cut.

charge, immediately exiling prospective birth

ended – we told the players upfront that once

from the government.

mothers to another location to keep them safe

it seemed like we’d made a decision about what

As a plot twist, however, this decision ramped

from potential disease, and sending the armed

to do with the Last Man, they’d play the music

down the delicious conflict that had simmered

outside to guard against the band of women

that ended the game.

since the previous night’s announcement that

that might be following him.

the Muslim and Conservative trios would re-

DEBRIEF RESPONSE We did some formal debriefing – meeting in

With so many plans and intrigues at play, I

various sizes of groups over a couple hours to

ceive babies. And since we were all getting ba-

When the Last Man refused to deal with the

felt that the individual plan carried out wasn’t

talk about what aspect of our characters we’d

bies, it also altered our relationship to the Last

Committee, a new band of leadership quickly

important – it was enough that one of the frag-

take home with us, and what aspect we’d leave

Man, who rushed in shortly afterward – no trio

emerged and decided to get him off the prem-

mented plans succeeded. Many people had the

behind, our most meaningful moments, etc.

now required him as a resource for sperm. And

ises, ending the game.

same idea – to spirit away the last man to an undisclosed location. Though only one of these

We talked about what real-world dynamics we

As I watched this dynamic unfold, it reminded

particular plans came to fruition, it felt like the

saw in the game, and how we might bring the

me of power and status dynamics I’ve seen

group objective had been achieved.

things learned in this space back out to the real

I think that helped many of the characters see him as human first.

world. We also gave everyone debrief buddies

unfold in other games. The weekend plot hook

Something about the appearance of the Last Man read as “weekend plot.” And as a group of American gamers, I think we fell into a familiar pattern. Our hive mind went, “Oh! A problem! We’ll solve the shit out of this.” And solve it we did, in under three hours. - “Vicky 142

appears. Some people take charge and send

That we resorted to plotting and planning and

– designated partners to talk over the game

other people away. Then scheming happens and

hierarchy seemed like a thematic resolution

experience with.

there’s a surprise ending.

to our group dynamic, if not to the plot point itself, and to me, establishing that order felt like

During the debrief, Trine, one of the original

Something about the appearance of the Last

enough of an ending. I don’t want to privilege

Norwegian writers, told people something like,

Man read as “weekend plot.” And as a group of

one style of play over another here – I felt

“You think we’re being excessively conscious

American gamers, I think we fell into a familiar

the end of our game was a perfectly valid and

of your feelings now, but we know from experi-

pattern. Our hive mind went, “Oh! A problem!

interesting end, and though it was unsatisfying

ence that you’ll feel differently in a few days.”

We’ll solve the shit out of this.” And solve it

to some of the participants, then that dissatis-

People were surprised how much their emo-

we did, in under three hours.

faction is part of the bleed, perhaps.

tional involvement continued.

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The day after the larp ended, the group’s

Of course, nothing’s perfect, and we could have

Excerpt from “Mad About the Techniques:

Maybe we could tell stories tonight. Across the

floodgates opened, with people writing in to

done a better job with a few things — com-

Stealing Nordic methods for larp design” by

room, my lovers are still enlisting others to the

ask if they were the only people still emotion-

municating with the player of the last man,

Lizzie Stark Originally published in The Wyrd

cause. I am making small talk with Thomas, his

ally affected by the game. There was a flurry

including an opt-out mechanism towards the

Con Companion Book December 21, 2012

mother and his girlfriend.

of activity on the email list, and I had many

end of the Ars Amandi workshop, and meeting

personal exchanges with other players.

a few more times in our organizer group. Other

Across the room, my lovers are persuading

Did you have siblings? He asks. For a moment

people may have had different views of the ex-

people to join tonight’s celebration—a little

I cannot say anything. A younger brother, I

For me, I had a double larp-hangover. As a

perience, but all things considered, I’m satisfied

party to lighten the somber mood. The tenor

force out. Thomas grabs my wrist. I’m so sorry,

player, I was sorting through the emotional ex-

with how the game turned out and the response

of the room is macabre tonight because three

he says. That small moment—the choked back

perience of play. As an organizer, I had to deal

from the players has been largely positive.

years ago today, everyone with a Y chromo-

tears and the sympathy of Thomas—repre-

with feedback through that lens of emotion,

But you don’t have to take my word for it…

some dropped dead—cars crashed, planes fell,

sents one of the best moments of my experi-

and each of us has keenly felt the loss.

ence with the larp Mad About the Boy. In that

and through the fog of a cold I had caught.

instant, I uniquely felt the emotions of my character merge with my own.

For more than a week, I felt emotionally raw,

I am talking to Thomas, a trans man and stand-

unable to accept kind words about the game

up comic who performs at a club that belongs

as praise, and unable to accept critique – even

to one of my partners. He is here with his fam-

The tears I blinked back were real, involuntary,

reasoned critique – without a disproportionate

ily—his mother and his girlfriend. They hope

and quite strong, rather than an act I was put-

emotional reaction.

that the government will give them sperm to

ting on for the other players around me. This

start a family.

moment of intense, real emotion is part of what draws players to Nordic larp.

From the email list, I also have the sense that the game created a community that will yield

That is what my two lovers and I want too. No

future collaborations. I, for one, can’t wait to

babies have been born since the disaster despite

see what happens.

raids on the local sperm banks, but now the

“That small moment—the choked back tears and the sympathy of Thomas—represents one of the best moments of my experience with the larp Mad About the Boy. In that instant, I uniquely felt the emotions of my character merge with my own.”

government is selecting future potential famiOVERALL

lies. This is a pilot program.

Considering that this is one of the first such

Around the room, I see solemn faces on most

game run in the US, and that the organizers

of the women. It’s cold in this cavernous room.

had a whole slew of things to translate from

Thomas agrees that a party would lighten the

a Nordic audience to an American one, I think

mood. We’ve been talking about all the wonder-

the game went pretty smoothly.

ful funny things that men used to do, he says.

- “Vicky”

Nina from the Survivalists. (Liz Rywelski)

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Alex

Previous surgeries? hit by car @ 7, broke L

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Post-game Debriefing:

ankle, sliced finger w/ kitchen knife Archetype: Drama queen

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?10

Although I enjoyed game, I didn’t get very

and we also talked about the kind of physical-

Age: 36

drinks/week, couple cigarettes/day

deeply into character or feel a deep emotional

ity we thought would be appropriate to use in

Occupation before the disaster: Restaurant/

Family history of transmissable diseases

connection/resonance with my real life (for

game. In the pre-game scene workshops, we all

nightclub entrepreneur

(genetic, etc.)? dad died in Event, mother still

various reasons which I don’t have the time to

seemed to have a little trouble fully committing

Current occupation: Bar owner/bartender

alive (age 65), grandparents died of heart at-

blither about right now, some of which I talked

to touching each other (or perhaps I mean, not

tacks or dementia (70-75)

about in the various Sunday debriefing conver-

being embarrassed about it), though we also all

“She’s not the type of person some people love and

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

sations). But reading some of the comments

seemed interested in trying. (At player-of-Eli-

some people hate. Most of those who know her do

Birth control? no

going by on the list made me more conscious

na’s instigation, we did some explicitly touch-

both at once.”

STI history? no

about a thing that did happen for me, or maybe

related exercises as well as the regular scenes).

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

it’s a related pair of things.

But, I think that helped break the ice.

Uterine fibroids? no

I’m in general not a very physically touchy per-

I think the Ars Armandi workshop changed

Height? 5’4”

Previous pregnancies? * any abortions? one,

son, but I often wish I were more so, and regret

things for me as well, although I didn’t quite

Weight? 155

terminated at age 20

that I seem to send off much stronger don’t-

think of it this way at the time -- in the work-

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

Physical fitness results: eyesight OK, memory

touch-me signals than I mean to, in general.

shop itself, though I think a lot of us were

High/low blood pressure? low-to-normal

OK, breath control 21s

I’m kind of the shy person hanging around the

working through some embarrassment/awk-

edge of the party hoping someone will invite

wardness, especially at the transition from eyes-

me to dance, in that respect. I saw Alex as

closed to eyes-open, I was surprised how easy

both more extraverted than myself (or at least,

I found it to engage in that sort of physicality

extraverted in ways I’m not) and more physical

with total strangers.

2 weeks, regular

#3 - Alex, 36

than myself -- she’d totally go around touching people casually, making out with her lovers in

I always find it easier to do intimate/embar-

public, and so forth.

rassing things when acting under direct instructions -- it’s a very strong kind of permis-

When I was having pre-game discussions with

sion and excuse; we all know I’m supposed to

my Triad, I explicitly told them all this and ba-

do this, so it must be OK.

sically said “I may find it hard to initiate touch, but please do initiate it with me, if you’re get-

But even so, I was surprised that it worked so

ting back-off signals I don’t really mean it,”

well for me.

Alex tends the fire to keep warm. (Liz Rywelski)

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I was especially pleased with the two final

And I think I was able to bring up the level of

It’s a little hard to articulate exactly what I

I know there were plenty of scenes initiated

mutual/scene interactions I was in, both with

physicality/ sexiness when dancing with Vicky,

mean. But it’s something I don’t always get in

by the protagonists/participants, but I had

partners who were fully engaged and offering

which is in some ways even more surprising,

real life, particularly when entering a group of

not expected that people would want to sug-

me a narrative to participate in/respond to/

because this is the sort of thing I’m much bet-

strangers. I think it was mostly other people’s

gest scenes to each other in this way. I guess it

play off of. After the workshop, I wondered

ter at playing along with than setting the tone

doing rather than mine, but I also think that

emphasized the idea that a) we were playing to

about whether it would seem awkward to try to

for.

being Alex helped me participate in it.

each other as audience and b) we were writing the story collaboratively.

actually use Ars Armandi in game -- and in fact I never tried because I didn’t end up needing it

In some ways, I felt most in-character dur-

Anyway, I thought that was worth noting for

-- but I think that primed me for being

ing the dancing (even though I also spent the

myself and sharing with the rest of you.

able to touch freely and feeling like other peo-

whole time with my player brain running,

ple were open to engaging in it.

doing things like deciding to have Alex amp up

And thanks to everyone for being such a great

the sexiness with Vicky because I as a player

group to play (and spend time) with -- and in

Mostly I just did a lot of casual touching (and

figured it would make good angst for Chris-

particular, to all the people who connected with

sexy banter) with my lovers. But the interest-

tine).

me-as-Alex, and to various people who pre-

“The other strong impression I took away from game (I now realize) was the strong sense of belonging -- mostly due to being in the Lovers Triad, which made me feel cherished and supported and like I was really part of a strong relationship, but also with things like going back to our cabin and hanging out with our roommates and some mutual friends they’d invited over, toasting marshmallows and talking about our sexual pasts.”

game suggested ways to make our character

ing thing was the dance party. In real life, I

relationships more interesting and dramatic.

don’t think of myself as much of a dancer,

The other strong impression I took away from

though I’ve also reached the point where I’m

game (I now realize) was the strong sense of

comfortable getting out there and doing my

belonging -- mostly due to being in the Lovers

The thing I found unexpected and intriguing

thing and not worrying about whether I look

Triad, which made me feel cherished and sup-

was that all (I think) of the black box scenes I

goofy.

ported and like I was really part of a strong re-

was involved with or saw initiated were initi-

lationship, but also with things like going back

ated by someone who was not the protagonist

As Alex, I was much more in my element, and

to our cabin and hanging out with our room-

of the scene.

made the dancing much more about being sexy

mates and some mutual friends they’d invited

and engaging other people (and, come to think

over, toasting marshmallows and talking about

For example, Vicky’s player suggested playing

of it, trying to manipulate their moods and

our sexual pasts.

out the scene of my character’s past abortion; the Lovers shanghaied the Three Genera-

perform for them) than Andrea usually would. When I invited Linn to dance, she jumped in

And, on the purely player level, I just felt very

tions into playing a scene where Emma Nancy

and got very physical with me, which I recip-

welcomed and included by the people I was

performed for her family; Elina’s player initi-

rocated, and was again surprised at how easy it

interacting most closely with and sharing space

ated a scene in which Christine fantasized about

was.

with.

Vicky.

148

- “Vicky”

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Chapter 4 The Triads: Professionals, Wealhy Women, Nuclear Family

150

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The Triads: The Professional Women Lena, Veronica, and Megan

The Professionals prepare for the start of the Vigil with the other players. (Liz Rywelski)

Theresa’s Psych Notes: The Professionals

These three professional women are not a family and more acquaintances than friends. They

While documented cases of these disorders obvi-

On a personal note, I sent them away rather quickly,

ously exist, they seemed to have become the diagnosis

still unnerved by Lena’s quiet stare and the possibility of a disagreement arising.

will probably learn things about each other

As a player, I was shaking as they entered,

du jour for any social problem. The cure? Pumping

here that they didn’t know before.

knowing that Lena was set to be my antagonist,

the child’s veins full of medicine while their brains

afraid that the session would spiral out of The-

and bodies were still forming. The thought made my

I felt guilt as they stood outside. I watched them in-

When it comes to motivating young children to

resa’s control. I justified this fear in-character

stomach churn. Still, Lena seemed to understand the

teract for a moment, trying to evaluate their comfort

excel, they really think they know best. They

by remembering that Lena was a psychiatrist

concern and stated she would only medicate if all

with one another.

are well-educated women, very equipped and

and in possible opposition to therapeutic meth-

other options failed. I felt uncertain about their abil-

sure of themselves. This self-confidence is not

ods of psychology.

ity to function as a Triad on an interpersonal level

Then, I saw Grant’s candle on the windowsill. Actu-

-- they seemed all business.

ally, I had initially chosen a long, slender purple

uniform, but Lena brought the group together

candle for Grant -- purple, the color of the third eye

and believes they will be most likely to raise

I asked a series of seemingly benign questions,

educated, productive offspring.

hoping to flush out any sort of coldness or lack of

However, since they were each caregivers and

chakra -- an enlightened color for a man of such

maternal spirit in Lena. Instead, I received mainly

trained social professionals in their own right, I felt

powerful intellect. He inspired me to become every-

Lena is by far the most calculating, but Ve-

quietness from her and was greatly reassured by

they would find a way to work out such awkward-

thing I was, for good and ill.

ronica can be as overwhelming as any when she

Veronica and Megan’s maternal natures.

ness eventually. I was extremely pleased to hear that

gets going. Finally, I broached the subject of medication.

Veronica worked at the school at the Collective and

Later, I absconded with a discarded vanilla candle

hoped to synergize the two groups somehow.

as well. Though the size and shape was less dramatic of a display, the smell comforted me. As the

Megan is the intended birth mother in this group. Both Lena and Veronica are power-

I knew this would be the moment of truth in my

I was uncertain whether I could guarantee them a

Professionals chatted outside, I took a quiet moment

ful women, and in many ways they probably

decision. I had read several articles pre-Event re-

child, but I felt they were the Triad most equipped to

to remember Grant, to sniff the candle, to think

underestimate Megan. They look at Megan as

garding the over-medication of children, especially

handle a child’s educational, social, and psychologi-

of the words I said at the vigil in remembrance of

“old reliable,” but is it wise not to consider her

for so-called “disorders” such as Asberger’s, ADD,

cal wellbeing.

him...

a full-fledged member of the family?

and ADHD.

The Professionals prepare for the start of the Vigil with the other players. (Liz Rywelski)

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

p.155, left: Veronica. (Liz Rywelski) p.155, right: Megan. (Liz Rywelski)

Lena Post-game Debriefing:

Archetype: The General Age: 39

Veronica

Megan

Archetype: Teacher

Archetype: Martyr

Age: 41

Age: 34

Occupation before the disaster: Psychiatrist

…there were two things that really motivated

Occupation before the disaster: Teacher

Occupation before the disaster: Social worker

Current occupation: Psychiatrist

me to travel so far to participate: first, that it

Current occupation: Teacher

Current occupation: Social worker

“The world is like the classroom– sit up straight!”

“Carrying the world upon her shoulders”

was (nearly) a women only game, something that I have never experienced before and sec-

“The best and the brightest will inherit the earth”

ond, that it was specifically stated as inclusive #1 - Lena, 36

of trans women.

#2 - Veronica, 41

#3 - Megan, 34

Height? 5’1”

Some of that is just because that inclusiveness

Height? 5’6”

Height? 5’1”

Weight? 160

is integral to my personal philosophy (and I

Weight? 143

Weight? 185

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

have a fair number of trans friends), but also

Existing medical conditions? * chronic?

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

High/low blood pressure? normal

for more selfish reasons - as a queer woman,

carpal tunnel R wrist

High/low blood pressure? low-to-normal

Previous surgeries? no

I have found that spaces that are inclusive of

High/low blood pressure? normal

Previous surgeries? broken L leg @ 14

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?

trans people to generally be more comfortable

Previous surgeries? appendectomy @ 7

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? ibu-

2-3 drinks/week

and inclusive of a range of relationships with

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no

profen

Family history of transmissable diseases

gender and sexuality, and no game that ex-

Family history of transmissable diseases

Family history of transmissable diseases

(genetic, etc.)? diabetic paternal uncle, mom

plored those issues could do so as well if it was

(genetic, etc.)? great-uncle w/heart condition,

(genetic, etc.)? parents died during Event

still alive, dad died in Event

not inclusive the way that this one was. :)

mom died in accident pre-event, dad died in Event

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

Birth control? no

Birth control? no

Birth control? no

STI history? no

STI history? no

STI history? no

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

current, regular

2 weeks, regular

perimenopausal

Uterine fibroids? no

Uterine fibroids? no

Uterine fibroids? no

Previous pregnancies? no

Previous pregnancies? no

Previous pregnancies? * live birth (vaginal/

Physical fitness results: eyesight good,

Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good,

caesarian)? one, live birth, boy

memory mediocre, breath control 9s

memory eh, breath control 25s

Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good, memory eh, breath control 11s Lena of the Professional Women Triad. (Liz Rywelski)

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The Triads: The Wealthy Women Elizabeth, Ellen, and Kristin This group is used to thinking of the world in

I was envisioning a secret service sort of situation

the context of business. The market is what

for the child. But, what really moved me was the

makes the world go around and what keeps

level of intimacy between Kristin and Ellen, how

societies stable. What they buy and sell, and

they held one another’s hand through the whole

why and what methods they use, differ between

meeting, how they took comfort in one another. They

the different characters. There is a slight crash

were not performing intimacy for my sake – they

between old money and new.

were intimate.

The dramaturgical function of this group is to

I felt that such a bond would be wonderful for a

be the traditionally resourceful family. They are

young girl to see, a great pattern of secure attach-

wealthy enough to buy their child what it needs

ment. As they left, I was unsure if I could secure

and to have Elizabeth stay at home. They have

them a child, as we had yet to receive word as to

strong work ethics. Elizabeth is the intended

how many women we were permitted to inseminate.

birth mother in this group, but Ellen isn’t

But, later, in my discussions with the Committee, I

necessarily opposed to the idea of becoming

expressed my strong belief that they were the most

pregnant herself if given the opportunity.

emotionally stable of the Triads... so, naturally, my heart broke a little when Julie told us they were ranked last on her list of physically fit due to ge-

Theresa’s Psych Notes: The Wealthy Women

netic factors. The relationship dynamic of this Triad confused me upon first glance. Physically, in dress and action,

Still, I wanted to secure them a child. We conceived

Kristin and Ellen looked so similar, so unified, but

of a way they could still, for lack of a better word,

Elizabeth sat apart. When the former explained

conceive -- if they strengthened their Staff, made

that they had become a couple, but that their rela-

connections with other Triads, and -- here was the

tionship with Elizabeth was mainly one of conveni-

clincher -- were implanted with a less disease-prone

ence (in my interpretation), I understood a bit better.

ovum. I knew they would take offense, but we were

I was pleased that they were willing to use their

concerned that the child would be left without par-

considerable resources to increase security.

ents in a cruel, dangerous world.

156

: The Wealthy Women pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Liz Rywelski)

“Wow! That is easily the best word that can describe my weekend at Mad About the Boy. While there were slow moments, overall it was an emotional rollercoaster that left me feeling more alive and like a woman then I have felt for some time.” - “Ellen”


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Elizabeth Post-game Debriefing:

Archetype: The dependent wife

Family history of transmissable diseases

Age: 30

(genetic, etc.)? maternal grandmother - breast

Occupation before the disaster: Homemaker

cancer @ 85, father – hypertension, mother -

I also feel kind of anxious being back in the

for her husband and two sons

heart issue, post-event

“real world.” I pointed out how weird it was to

Current occupation: Homemaker for Kristin

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

see men walking around while driving back.

and Ellen

Birth control? no

Does this happen after emotional larps?

Elizabeth awaits the Vigil, mourning her lost husband and children. (Liz Rywelski)

STI history? no Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

“What’s wrong in just wanting to be loved?”

My friends have been pretty understanding, if

***

not excited by it. I had one male friend tell me

1 week, regular Uterine fibroids? no

I’m glad you likened it to drop. I thought I was

that he’d love to play in a mixed gender run.

Previous pregnancies? Two, * @ 24, live

being silly when I explained to my boyfriend as

He’s a gamer and he also identifies as queer, so

Height? 5’4”

birth, boy, * @ 26, live birth, boy, both died in

being “kind of like subdrop” when I woke up

the main concepts behind the game were inter-

Weight? 180

Event

this morning.

esting to him.

High/low blood pressure? normal

Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good,

I usually recover from drop with a lot of

Previous surgeries? broken L arm @ 12

memory eh, breath control 13s

SLEEP! And food/hot drinks. And doing this,

This is probably a bit TMI, but I feel like we’re

right now; reaching out. Don’t isolate. We’re all

in a safe space, so whatever; I told my therapist

here for each other.

about the game. Partially because a conversa-

#1 - Elizabeth, 30

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no

“He was a little concerned that I would be triggered by the subject matter, or that I would be anxious but “trapped” in character. I told him about the off-game room and that I had a friend doing the game with me. Overall, my therapist thought that this would be a great experience for me, emotionally. And it was!” - Elizabeth 158

tion I had with Lizzie about the subject matter prompted me telling my circle of support, which

***

included my therapist. My therapist was a bit confused until I used the theatre metaphor again.

My boss at Starbucks was actually frightfully enthusiastic about it. I think what intrigued him is when I likened it to theatre. He was

He was a little concerned that I would be trig-

fascinated by the idea of workshops and all the

gered by the subject matter, or that I would be

props and the 360 degree immersion.

anxious but “trapped” in character. I told him about the off-game room and that I had a friend

(He felt that we should have all just arrived at

doing the game with me. Overall, my therapist

the site in character, without workshopping first.

thought that this would be a great experience

I politely told him why that wouldn’t work).

for me, emotionally. And it was!

159


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Ellen and upper back of the partners involved (more

Post-game Public Blog by Jo Kreil on Wordpress:

Archetype: Self-made woman

Previous surgeries? no

Age: 31

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?

Occupation before the disaster: IT Entrepre-

2-3 drinks per week

Wow!

things to say). Mad About the Boy is loosely

neur

Family history of transmissable diseases

That is easily the best word that can describe

based off of the graphic novel Y: The Last Man.

Current occupation: Broker of goods and

(genetic, etc.)? diabetes on father’s side (un-

my weekend at Mad About the Boy. While there

resources. CEO of her own company.

cle), father - macular degeneration, pneumonia

were slow moments, overall it was an emotional

It is set in a world where three years prior

@ 62, mother - heart problems @ 65

rollercoaster that left me feeling more alive and

(thus 2009) all the men suddenly died after a

“A deal is a deal. The end of the world is not an

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

like a woman then I have felt for some time. I

violent and bloody coughing fit. Millions of

excuse to start being unprofessional about business.”

Birth control? no

would, without hesitation, do this LARP again

people died leaving women the sole inheritors

STI history? no

or any other LARP that explored the issues

of the earth. Now they are starting to build

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

and themes of gender.

and have gathered in one spot for two reasons.

#2 - Ellen, 31

on this in a latter post as I have a lot of good

1 week, regular Height? 5’6”

Uterine fibroids? no

Mad About the Boy is from the Nordic style of

A memorial for the dead and a chance for new

Weight? 160

Previous pregnancies? no

LARP known as jeepform (not entirely true.

life. The government has finally opened one of

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good,

See Jo’s correction at the end of the article - ed.).

many sperm banks which have been guarding a

High/low blood pressure? normal

memory OK, breath control 10s

Instead of focusing on long campaign style

now precious resource.

LARPS such as NERO or Knight Realms or Doomsday, jeepform does short one-shot stories

The government feels it is time to rebuild the

with workshops intended to not only crawl

species and if America’s program works, the

inside your character’s headspace but to step

rest of the world can follow.

back from the role after the weekend is over. Instead of focusing on the violence of most

There is a lot of fear though as no one knows

LARPS, jeepform games tend to tackle broader

if a male child will even be able to be born or

and more emotional themes.

survive childhood. Plus, if a male child is born, many other factions and groups will be focused

Love, loss, fear and many other complex emo-

on this child and not all have the best inten-

tions. They even have a system for sex called

tions. The family dynamic has changed largely

Ars Armandi (literally the Art of Love) which

in this not so distant future.

involves physical contact of the hands, arms Ellen before the Vigil, with Alex and Jo behind her. (Liz Rywelski)

160

161


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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Now the family unit is known as a Triad in

One of the workshops on Friday night was a

I was part of the Wealthy Women Triad, a

It was at that point that I threw out that por-

which three women form a family unit (not nec-

meditating session in which we were asked to

group of three women who managed to contin-

tion of my character and realized what it was

essarily for romantic or sexual reasons).

imagine where we would be during the Disaster.

ue their business practices after the Disaster by

I really wanted to explore. A post-apocalyptic

helping to rebuild Philadelphia’s infrastructure.

romance story for the ages. A beacon of light

Lesbianism is less stigmatized (even the Con-

Who would we lose?

There was our matriarch and leader Kristin

in a bleak future. Thus began the most roman-

servative group was grudgingly accepting of

What would we do?

who use to own a construction company.

tic story I have ever explored at a LARP.

it) as many women (some formerly hetero-

How would we go on?

More on this next time. She continued doing this though the business

sexual) seek some sort of intimacy or romantic

EDIT: Jeepform/Nordic LARP correction

attachment. Sadly transwomen died in the Dis-

At first I was imagining myself as a biological

had largely shifted to teaching women how to

aster, something that was particularly devastat-

woman and it did not upset me. Then it hit me!

fill these roles. There was Elizabeth who was

ing to me in one of the early workshops.

I had a Y chromosome and I would be dead! It

Kristin’s sister-in-law. She had lost a loving

I would like to make a correction to my above

was not death that scared me though. It was

husband and two sons in the Disaster and she

post. It has been pointed out to me that both

Transmen and drag kings have become even

the thought that as a transwoman, I would be

was an emotionally fragile woman who still had

jeepform and Nordic LARP are actually two

more socially acceptable as they fill a void for

lumped in with all of the dead men. I would

a long way to go.

separate things. Mad About the Boy was Nordic

many left by the mass deaths of three years

be, by the definition of those who survived, a

prior. This is the world that we stepped into

man!

from Friday to Sunday and oddly enough it is a This shook me up a bit and I was all too happy

world that I find myself missing.

LARP however it was not jeepform. Jeepform She enjoyed watching romantic comedies and

games are shorter, often a matter of hours, and

my character would often watch them with her

have a much tighter structure then a weekend

(though she thought they were trite).

long game.

to sit up when the session ended. The entire Jeepform games bring up a lot of deep emo-

weekend though helped to reaffirm that I was

I played Ellen who had only male friends before

tions and sometimes they teach us a bit about

a woman and that I was accepted amongst

the Disaster. She enjoyed playing paintball and

ourselves. My own fears were brought up in a

this wildly diverse group. We were bisexual,

use to run a small IT business. She now ran a

workshop on Friday night and I am still sur-

pansexual, lesbian, straight, trans and a million

shipping business independently of Katrina

prised that I didn’t break down into tears and

other combinations that only we may person-

though they often worked together on projects

was able to pull myself together.

ally know about.

(they both felt it was safer to run them separately in case one went under).

I only shared this with a few people but now

Never have I seen so many differing women

it will be public knowledge as I am sure that

come together for a similar idea. It is a power-

Originally Ellen was supposed to miss men

many from the LARP will be reading this (or

ful feeling and I can see why so many place

but me and Emily (who plated Kristin) got

so I hope).

importance on things like women festivals.

into talking about their relationship after the

“Transmen and drag kings have become even more socially acceptable as they fill a void for many left by the mass deaths of three years prior. This is the world that we stepped into from Friday to Sunday and oddly enough it is a world that I find myself missing.”

Disaster.

162

- “Ellen” 163


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Kristin Jo, I’m so glad we created that kind of space

Post-game Debriefing:

Archetype: Old school business leader

for you. It was wonderful, and comfortable and

Age: 40 Occupation before the disaster: Owner of a

I’m so glad we timed the larp for a weekend

loving to be in a relationship in-game with you.

large construction company

when many folks would have an extra day after

I admired how you took initiative to make busi-

Current occupation: Owns and runs a large

to decompress. Taking it easy, and allowing for

ness connections for our family, and also how

construction company

time to process all the emotions & experiences

caring you were for Elizabeth. Thank you for

is important after any kind of strong experi-

trusting you could be here, and thank you for

ence like this. Love Drop concept, Kira! It’s a

bringing so much of yourself.

“She’s tough as nails.”

very real thing. ******hugs!!!!!!********

#3 - Kristin, 40 Height? 5’9”

Missing you both, Jo and [Elizabeth’s player]!

Weight? 180

It is weird to go back into such a different

Existing medical conditions? * chronic?

world after making our little household!

anti-depressants (.5mg/daily)

[Julie’s player] you wrote:

*** [To Melissa’s player], Thank you so much for all your playing to lose.

High/low blood pressure? normal Previous surgeries? no

Oh, Kristin from the Wealthy Women came up

I will never forget that moment of forgiveness

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no

and handed me a container

you came to with Isak. Thank you for sharing

Family history of transmissable diseases

of tongue depressors, saying she heard I was

where it came from in you.

(genetic, etc.)? father - melanoma @ 65, moth-

low on supplies. Is she

er - still alive

trying to bribe me?

--Emily

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no Birth control? no

!!! That was my way (as props master) of try-

STI history? no

ing to get you a prop that had been overlooked.

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

What an appropriate in-character response!

now, fluctuating length Uterine fibroids? no

John, I’m so glad you didn’t freeze to death!

Previous pregnancies? one, terminated at age 26

*hugs*

Physical fitness results: eyesight good, ***

memory OK

Kristin (Liz Rywelski)

Kristin confers with Maria. (Liz Rywelski)

164

165


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The Triads: The Nuclear Family Helen, Melissa, and Thomas This family most closely resembles a pre-Disas-

Still, out of the three, Thomas’ anger was muted

ter family: a mother, a father and a grandmoth-

compared to the waves of pain I was soon to experi-

er. They have a good strong relationship, but,

ence. As Melissa recounted her experiences of past

like in any family, sometimes there’s a little too

abuse and her desire for this child to be a second

much togetherness for anyone’s taste.

chance, her feelings shook me like a lightening rod. I

The Nuclear Family pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Julie Lunetta)

think I reacted so strongly because these feelings were

I also tried to reassure Thomas that we would not

My empathy switched to mere compassion and

Melissa is the intended birth mother in this

witnessed, amplified, and perhaps even enabled by

violate his body by implanting a baby... and deeply

Theresa nodded in sympathy.

group. Because they can give a child the most

Thomas and his mother, Helen.

hoped it was true. Mostly, I tried to encourage

”natural” family life, they believe they are a

Melissa to see herself as worthy with or without an

The psychological ramifications of such a

shoe-in for acceptance to the program. Moreo-

Embedded within this dynamic were layers upon

abuser, with or without a lover, with or without a

role-play moment are quite interesting from a

ver, each truly wants to play the role they

layers of discomfort, self-loathing, awkwardness,

child... that she was a worthy being outside of her

psychodramatic perspective... but, I’ll save such

should have had pre-Disaster.

but ultimately, love. The catharsis spilled out of

relations to others.

musings for a later paper ;))

longer than I had granted any of the others. I knew

Abuse survivors often have difficulty conceptualiz-

Emotionally taxed, I prepared myself for my din-

they needed this... and I needed to try to help Helen.

ing their own autonomy. She seemed to understand...

ner break, trying not to let my shields collapse. I felt

Every day in a therapist’s life holds the potential to

For while Thomas and Melissa had one another to

but, I wasn’t sure I was getting through. Such

drained, both from the intensity of the sessions and

try her emotionally. While I try to maintain proper

help them sort through their feelings, Helen re-

dynamics needed months, maybe years of therapy to

from my loneliness.

energetic shielding as each patient enters, holding

mained on the outside.

unpack, not a mere forty-five minutes.

their eyes for what felt like forty-five minutes, far Theresa’s Psych Notes: The Nuclear Family

I missed Grant terribly and envied even Thomas

the space to allow them to release whatever demons lie within, sometimes, those demons creep past; they

She watched them vicariously, the need plain on

Player note: I had a strange bleed moment as I,

and Melissa, who despite their personal confusion,

infiltrate. Thomas was agitated upon entering, an-

her face, absorbing their intimacy from a distanced

the player, rushed to empathize with Melissa,

still had hope, still had each other, still had a func-

gry that he was unsuccessfully “passing,” that people

posture, so plainly involved, feeling the emotions

as I have also suffered domestic abuse and have

tioning womb. Two, technically.

were not perceiving him as male.

so keenly, crying herself. Were the tears her own or

felt the need to validate and rehabilitate myself

merely a mirror for her empathy... an almost vam-

through relationships. However, I had to stifle

Julie then told me that dinner had been postponed

piric empathy?

this empathy, as I decided Theresa had never

and that we should see another round of patients

personally experienced domestic abuse. While

in the meantime, which relieved me. I wanted to get

I later discovered that Julie’s rather -- shall we say -- neutral bedside manner offended him, particularly in regard to the possible use of his womb as a

I tried to encourage her to find someone, to direct

her fights with Grant were passionate, she

this day over with. I wanted to give these women

receptacle for a child.

that attention to someone who could reciprocate.

never felt like she lost her autonomy.

what they wanted and leave this place.

166

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Helen Post-game Debriefing:

Archetype: Lioness Age: 54

I came home on Sunday and described Nordic

And knowing that there were “safety nets” (the

Larp to my roommate as “larping for grown-

ability to “cut” a scene, and the expectation of

ups,” which I really enjoy.

de-roling afterwards) gave me permission to

Occupation before the disaster: Pediatric nurse

…And thank you, also, for inviting Helen to

Current occupation: Heads a school for pro-

dance at the dance party. Helen was staying

fessional retraining

on the sidelines because even though I (Emma)

In my past (albeit limited) experienced with

would have wanted to dance, Helen felt like it

larping or tabletop RPGs, I’ve felt like I’ve been

At the last larp I played about a month ago, I

“Say something bad about anyone in her family and

was just something for the young people to be

performing a very superficial and exagger-

had a moment where I burst into tears, out-

she gets this look - almost like she’s about to bite you.”

enjoying. Actually, Thomas had been trying to

ated caricature. As I mentioned in one of the

of-character, because of some majorly disor-

get Mom up to dance for a little while, and she

debrief sessions on Sunday, one of the things

ganized GMing, which I felt was unfairly and

kept refusing. But she accepted Alex’s invita-

I liked so much about MAtB was the lack of

negatively impacting my gaming experience.

tion because she seemed so suave and confident

action-based structure.

Like another player, I found myself chastising

#1 - Helen, 54

experience my character more emotionally.

myself for getting so emotional since it was

Height? 5’4”

(and Theresa had also suggested that Helen

Weight? 175

should try to open herself up to companion-

I found I spent a lot of time simply sitting

High/low blood pressure? normal

ship!)

around and having conversations about things

“just a game.”

Previous surgeries? no

with the other characters, which I found inter-

Had that game been run with the same built-

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no

esting and deeply rewarding. We were able to

in support structures that we experienced this

Family history of transmissable diseases

develop richer and more nuanced characters,

weekend, I would have felt safer realizing that

(genetic, etc.)? mom (82) & dad (84) died of

whose perspectives informed some very inter-

my character was just as frustrated in-game as

natural causes

esting discussions about issues around gender,

I was, and she probably wanted to cry as well!

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

motherhood, and sexuality. At MAtB, I found myself becoming very emo-

Birth control? no STI history? no

Lizzie, I completely agree with you that larp-

tional at the memorial ceremony, before the

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

ers will adjust their game play if they are

game had even gotten underway! But this time,

post-menopausal

provided with the structures of Nordic larp.

instead of stifling that impulse, I decided to al-

Uterine fibroids? no

The workshops (especially the time to develop

low myself to experience the emotional aspects

Previous pregnancies? * live birth (vaginal/

backstory with our Triads) absolutely informed

of the game. I am naturally a very tearful per-

caesarian)? two, live birth in both

and enriched my in-game experience, in a way

son, and I hadn’t wanted Helen to be, but I real-

Physical fitness results: eyesight OK, memory

I hadn’t predicted or anticipated going into this

ized that this kind of Bleed is what Nordic larp

OK, refusal to do fitness test

experience blind.

encourages and also, more importantly, supports.

A rare smile from Helen, who experienced much grief throughout the experience. (Liz Rywelski)

168

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values Helen eats breakfast with her Family while awaiting the Committee’s decision. (Liz Rywelski)

I came into this with some trepidations about

The family unit was already tense, and Helen

Thomas and Melissa wanted to raise a child

She had met her husband Mark at medical school.

how responsibly the psychological safety of

felt she was constantly walking on eggshells.

together, and Helen desperately wanted to have

She liked him because he was safe, secure, and

the players would be handled, and I am happy

Her relationship with Thomas had been

a grandchild. And although she would never

responsible. She did not fall in love with him

that it is an issue that was addressed, and is

fraught in the past, but only, she figured, a

admit it, she was absolutely thrilled at the pros-

because he was creative or adventurous – and in

now inspiring others to bring back to their own

normal adolescent phase. He did, after all,

pect of it being a baby girl, since on some deep

that respect, his emotional distance rather mirrored

gaming groups.

eventually return home to her. And she was

level she did regret “losing” her daughter, Tina

her relationship with her own father. She loved her

enormously proud of him in every way.

(now Thomas).

two children very much though, and is extremely proud of Thomas’s creativity, charisma, energy, and

---

compassion.

Helen’s relationship with Melissa was far more

However, this, too, caused tension within the

Helen’s story arc was about family: the

tense, as Helen’s role had transformed over

family unit, since Helen was very much the

strength of the family unit, especially as tra-

the last few years from that of an impartial

“third wheel” in terms of parenting choices.

When Tina first came out to Helen as Thomas,

ditionally defined in the past. The strength

counselor at the Women’s Center, to that of

In any case, the family unit was the utmost

Helen struggled to understand at first. This did not

of blood relations, the strength of love (both

an overprotective (nagging) mother. Melissa

priority – had anything happened to break up

come from a place of aversion or hostility toward

familial and romantic), and, above all, the indi-

seemed always on the verge of completely

the Triad, Helen would not have even fathomed

the concept, but merely a lack of exposure to it. She

vidual’s absolute need for that particular kind

breaking down, and Helen worried that she no

joining another Triad just to have a baby.

worked very hard to understand, and supported

of bond. Helen’s utmost goal throughout the

longer knew what to do to help. Furthermore,

game was to keep her family unified.

Melissa was not bound to Helen or Thomas

In the pre-game workshops, we worked togeth-

by blood, so it would be simple for her to sever

er to build our family backstory.

She felt responsible for the safety and success

herself completely from the family unit if she

of both Thomas and Melissa, and would have

ever really lost it.

seen losing them not only as an absolutely

Thomas throughout his transition, but Mark was less empathetic. This caused some tension in the family, and eventuHelen had grown up in the Connecticut suburbs,

ally Thomas, feeling stifled within his suburban

went through a bit of a wild hippie phase as a

community and even at home, moved to New York

tragic personal blow, the ultimate loss, but also

For the Nuclear Family Unit, the choice to have a

teenager in the ‘70s, but had ultimately married and

City to pursue his career as a stand-up comedian.

a failure on her part as a mother and counse-

baby was less about the “greater good” and doing

stayed in the suburbs to raise her two children and

Helen stayed in touch with Thomas, and made a

lor figure. It would indicate an incompetency

our part to help rebuild society (although working

become a typical “soccer mom.” Family and stabil-

great deal of effort to support him, even driving

on her part, as well as leaving her completely

together to build a better future was an important

ity were very important to her. She had been an

all the way to the city to see him at his first perfor-

abandoned and therefore, without purpose to

goal for Helen), and more about wanting a baby for

only child to two responsible, but emotionally distant

mance, despite the fact that he had forgotten to tell

live.

the same reasons couples usually want babies.

parents. Her greatest fear was to be alone.

her when and where it was.

170

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Once things started getting troublesome at home,

She stayed the first two nights at the Shelter, doing

Keeping busy kept your mind off things, and helped

As a player, this scene with the therapist was

Helen quit her full-time job at the hospital, and

her part to lend a hand in the catastrophe, and then

you be a productive member of society. The most

the strongest, and most significant moment

opted for part-time work at the Women’s Shelter so

she went home to her empty house. It was too hard

important thing, she thought, was making an effort

of the game. This is where I first experienced

that she could have more flexibility with her schedule

to sleep there alone, and soon enough she invited

to contribute to rebuilding society. Negative or

extreme “bleed” when both myself and Helen

and spend more time with her children. She was

Melissa to come and stay with her. Two weeks later,

destructive thoughts or actions were to be avoided at

were caught off guard by the simple and direct

working at the shelter on the day of the Fall, which

Thomas showed up at Helen’s door, having slowly

all costs.

question, “Are you lonely?” and were unable

is when she met Melissa.

and determinedly made his way back to Connecticut.

to withhold our tears. From the perspective By the end of the game, Melissa was starting to

of “good metagaming,” I was glad that this

Melissa had just run away from the apartment in

It was the happiest moment of Helen’s life. She

unravel, and Helen felt despairing that no matter

moment occurred, because I wanted Thomas

Brooklyn she shared with her abusive boyfriend, and

clung to him, and made a subconscious vow to

how she tried to help, Melissa was just pushing her

and Melissa to know that Helen’s intrusiveness

gone as far away as she could – all the way to this

never again let him out of her sight. Thomas and

further and further away. Thomas was preoccupied

came from a place of extreme vulnerability and

shelter in Connecticut. Her boyfriend had somehow

Melissa fell in love, and soon decided to move back

with caring for Melissa, and was also putting up a

insecurity. Her nagging and hovering were

tracked her down and followed her, however, and

to the city. Helen, unwilling and unable to live

wall with Helen.

merely because she loved them so dearly and

when he realized he couldn’t get in the building, he

alone in the empty house, haunted by the memories

stood directly outside it shouting abusive threats for

of her dead husband and son, and with nothing

This made Helen feel extremely isolated and lonely

hours on end. Helen was sitting with Melissa at

to tie her to Connecticut, followed her children to

– something which she had refused to acknowledge

their initial counseling session when all of a sud-

Brooklyn, where they found a building with two

to anyone, including herself, and was shocked to

Outside of the therapist’s office was the only

den, he stopped shouting.

vacant apartments.

suddenly discover during the intense family inter-

time I saw someone call “cut.” Thomas/Alex-

view with the therapist.

andria broke down into tears, and it was a very

needed so badly to keep them close, not because she didn’t understand or respect boundaries.

Since he was the only man around, and since eve-

Helen occupied the ground floor apartment, and

delicate moment. It was difficult for me to tell

ryone was hesitant to go near him, it took a short

Melissa and Thomas made a home upstairs. They

at first whether it was Thomas breaking down,

while before anyone realized what had happened.

started a rooftop garden to grow food. Thomas

And then panic ensued around the Shelter. Helen

made a little bit of money from a pedicab he had

kept her cool and maintained composure. She called

scavenged, and Melissa upcycled clothing and furniture.

the hospital where her husband worked, but was unable to get through. She called her son Matt, who

Helen established a school for occupational retrain-

was away at college, but he didn’t answer.

ing, which provided the small family with the bulk of its income. For Helen, keeping busy was the key.

She would never hear from or see either of them

She could not deal with the tragedy of losing her

again. Thomas’s phone was off, and the phone lines

husband and her youngest son, Matt, and she saw no

went dead soon after.

point in dwelling on the past.

172

“This is where I first experienced extreme “bleed” when both myself and Helen were caught off guard by the simple and direct question, “Are you lonely?” and were unable to withhold our tears.”

or his player. Whether the scene was successful in evoking emotion, or had gone too far by provoking it. Unfortunately, Helen did not discover a way to cope with this loneliness. Although the therapist strongly encouraged her to be open to finding new companions, romantic or otherwise, Helen balked at the idea. Her aversion to romantic companionship was

- “Helen”

not based in a homophobic response.

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Helen was adaptable and had come to terms with

Helen chose to stay with the man instead of going

This allowed her to communicate with Thomas and

Sadly, she resigned herself to the fact that this was

lesbianism as the new norm. Plus, she had of

with her family, a hard choice to make. She decided

Melissa, who were not allowed in the room for fear

not possible.

course experimented with lesbianism in the ‘70s

that her presence was only aggravating Melissa,

that their provocations would tip a delicate situation

when that was the feminist choice. Rather, her aver-

and trusted Thomas and Kathryn to help calm her

in the wrong direction.

sion was based on the fact that she truly felt that

down. Then she lingered nearer the man. She kept

she was now too old for those pursuits. Her focus

her distance at first, worried about pathogens, but

Helen despaired at the end of the game over the fact

closed location, she chose to withhold the information

needed to be on her children, and their child.

edged closer and closer. Since she didn’t know how

that people were splintering into factions. She did

from Thomas and Melissa, and stalled them outside

to help, and didn’t want to overwhelm him with too

not agree with Thomas and Melissa, who took the

while the man was being smuggled away.

On the future. On fostering growth for the future.

many people around, she settled for just being able to

extremist viewpoint that the only solution was to kill

What good was taking care of someone so old? She

be there.

the man, but nor did she have a particular concern

Helen’s story did not end happily. Helen was in-

for the wellbeing of the man.

credibly sad at the end, to feel so disconnected from

wasn’t ever going to start a new life or a new fam-

When she discovered some people were making a plan to smuggle the man out to safety at an undis-

Thomas and Melissa, and also from everyone else

Helen’s strength at the end, even though she didn’t

ily, anyway.

since she did not want to pick a side politically.

directly contribute to any decision making, was try-

What she wanted above all was to keep her family

When the man first stumbled in, Helen’s first im-

ing to serve as a liaison. The man trusted her and

together without sacrificing her own convictions, and

pulse and desperate hope was that it was her other

allowed her into the room, but she could enter and

for everyone to take a breath and a step back and to

She felt completely isolated, and like a personal

son, Matt. If Thomas had survived, maybe Matt

leave as she chose.

start thinking reasonably and working together.

failure.

had managed to as well. The moment was fleeting, however, and as soon as she saw the man’s face, she pushed her own thoughts from her mind. She wanted to help the man – she had a background in nursing and in counseling, and thought she should be at the center of it all. But at the same time, Melissa was losing it, and Helen’s first priority was to her family. She was torn, but chose to stand by Melissa, even though she knew Melissa probably didn’t want her there, and kept a hand on her and an eye on the man. Helen was at a loss at how to help Melissa, and was relieved when Kathryn took control of the situation.

174

175 workshops. (Liz Rywelski) Helen’s player enjoying the pre-game


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Melissa Separatists, and everyone – including the people

Archetype: The girlfriend. Victim/survivor

Family history of transmissable diseases

Age: 23

(genetic, etc.)? no knowledge of parents, ma-

Occupation before the disaster: Hair dresser

ternal grandparents died at 86 (F), 90-ish (M),

So, I have about 7 pages - thus far - of a word

angry about the whole thing, Melissa was seriously

Current occupation: Tailor/redesigner

paternal grandfather died at Event

dump. Most of it is complete stream of con-

upset and dejected, the feelings being informed by my

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

sciousness and not really readable, but it’s be-

own fear of failure.

Birth control? no

come clear to me that it’s all something I need

STI history? no

to write out.

“This old wound will never close.”

Post-game Debriefing:

who’d been told they were getting children – getting

They didn’t have a big community to draw on, or

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

#2 - Melissa, 23

She was sure that her family wasn’t getting a child.

month ago, regular

I’ll say, though, that I don’t feel especially unu-

guns, like the three lucky groups did. Once again,

Height? 5’4”

Uterine fibroids? no

sual. I am at this point emotionally fine; I don’t

Melissa was a failure.

Weight? 165

Previous pregnancies? * any abortions? one,

know if my experience, and habit, of playing to

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

terminated at age 16

lose lies at the heart of my (supposed, at least)

She couldn’t finish High School, she couldn’t finish

High/low blood pressure? normal

Physical fitness results: eyesight v. good,

ability to cope. If I feel anything, I feel some-

this. She was listening to Anne – one of the Bedford

Previous surgeries? broken R arm, L shoulder

memory good, only 3 pushups in 30s, breath

what strange that I don’t feel anything. Like I

community - talking with Theresa, and still (in

dislocated

control 22s

am supposed to, but I don’t.

Melissa’s eyes) bitching about the Committee’s announcement.

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no Anyway, there are two portions of my word dump that I think are readable. So I’ll post

Melissa snapped, telling her to quit bitching and to

them here. I wrote in a style meant for someone

be fucking happy that they’d gotten a child. Anne

who didn’t go to the LARP, as thus far 17 of

did explain herself, and I recognized that what she

my friends have asked for thoughts and re-

was saying was reasonable, but Melissa really didn’t

views. I intend to distill what I’ve written once

care.

it’s all out of my brain and onto the screen. Quit yer bitching, shut the fuck up and be satisfied

176

Anne and Maria at 1 in the morning. After

with the fact that you’re getting a kid while the rest

the Committee – Maria being its leader - made the

of us probably won’t. Be proud of your community

announcement about the Bedford community and

and what you’ve been able to build – who cares if

the Muslim Sisterhood getting children, and then

they’re giving it to you because your feelings were

another confirming 2 children for the

hurt? Who cares if they think you’re all assholes?

p.176: Melissa prepares for the Vigil, though her negative past experiences with men did not cause her to mourn their loss. (Liz Rywelski)


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

YOU ARE GETTING A BABY. Not really

I’m not sure she noticed that I graduated 4th in my

They give a Monologue, which in itself is a game

Only fear, pain and hate. When I saw him, I became

wanting to listen, Melissa went back to her book,

class. She slept through my graduation. Distantly,

mechanic, and part of the idea of playing to lose.

a wild thing. I was no longer me – I was totally

fuming. Anne, a few moments later, ended her

Melissa still didn’t believe they were going to let her

Everyone there knows what’s in the character’s head,

Melissa. I went from terror to anger to terror to

conversation with Theresa to come over and talk to

have a child, but it was my feelings bleeding into

and is welcome to act on it if the character gives

blind, unthinking rage in the space of short minutes.

Melissa, who was grudgingly welcoming, if still

hers that let her think maybe she would be allowed to

any hint of that once the game is back on. I don’t

Then nothing, for a bit. Then awareness, then panic,

petulant … it was one of those conversations that

help, and to make something even better of herself

remember my Monologue, other than it ended in my

then anger, then cold hatred, then suicidal despera-

mature people have when there are misunderstandings.

than she’d and Thomas and Helen had been able up

screaming about murdering the man.

tion. She was only aware of Thomas and of her protector, the teddy. Everything else went away.

until that point. I was the right person to play Melissa. I don’t know

I remember thinking that I was, out of game, both tired and actually trying to study for an exam I have

The Last Man. When the Last Man arrived I

that anyone else could have done what I did. That

I can’t tell you how time flowed – it moved in flashes

this week, but not wanting to wreck the RP because

saw him, I think, before anyone else. He was run-

sounds arrogant, but I don’t really care. I think

of emotion and outbreaks of tears or screaming. Or

I am also used to 24 hour games going until 3 or 4

ning along the path toward the main building where

it’s true. The Last Man in my mind represented

both. If Melissa had been a character with a gun

AM even when one must be awake at 9AM.

we all were. I had been looking out the window for

every abuse, every lie, every stupidity, every supreme

(of which there were some), she’d have shot that

some reason, Melissa being angry at Helen for try-

bullshit disappointment that a man has ever visited

motherfucker in the head.

Still, I chose not to push the conflict and let the

ing to tell her how to feel for the millionth time, and

on me or any other woman. There was nothing good

conversation be a reasonable one. And then, out of

Thomas trying to soothe her, which was just making

for Melissa to pull from, because I didn’t let her have

Then there was a blank despairing numbness. I don’t

nowhere to me, Maria was hugging Melissa from

it worse.

anything good that wasn’t suffused with negative.

know how long that lasted, to be honest.

behind and telling her that she was proud of her. She compared Melissa to her daughters, and said,

I remember my focus going to two things – the blood

“You’re gonna do great things, babygirl. We’re go-

running down his forehead, and his pecs - then say-

ing to make this world a better, safer place for these

ing “Oh my God” perhaps 4 times, some iterations

babies and you’re gonna do great things.”

of “no,” and bursting into tears. Which honestly is about as understated a description of this emotional deluge as I can manage.

There was something so genuine about Maria’s dialogue at that moment, I positively lost it. I realized that I can’t remember my mother ever telling me she

This part of the LARP is a tableau, the switch

was proud of me. And that hurt me. But here was

from Act 1 to Act 2. At the point that the Last Man

someone, a mother figure, telling me that I could be

falls through the doors, all the other players freeze,

something. That I would accomplish great things.

the game’s theme song is played, and then one of

My father has said that to me many times, but my

the GOs (Game Organizers) asks every character

mother?

present what is going through their mind. Melissa knits with Maria behind her as they watch the storytelling sessions. (Liz Rywelski)

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

They moved me out of the main room and into a

He might also represent the possibility that the

cabin - people tried to help her in the way one tries

world – the women in the world – would become the

to calm a wild animal – some in empathy, some in a

abusers, the violators, the unreasoning aggressors.

desire to keep her from actually killing the man. And

The women would become the men. And she didn’t

Melissa did try to get people to kill it. It was the

want that world either. She realized it because

rage first, then a really strange empathy.

Thomas had already become different. Aggressive.

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

“I’m pretty sure that’s about the point that I was back in control of the character, instead of her being in control of me. I wasn’t going to go through the belongings of the Separatists to find something to slit Melissa’s wrists with. But Melissa did look.”

Almost violent. Unreasonable. If this what hapThere have been some moments in my life where I’d

pened to Thomas, then what would happen to the

thought I didn’t know how I was ever going to make

women?

- “Melissa”

it. Melissa made this worse – she’d have wanted to be dead. She thought, “if it were me, I’d want to die

Then they told her that he had been captured, beaten,

Then, they told me that he’d come in, making all

She knew better than anyone, how he’d felt. While

before they locked me in a cage and jacked me off

and locked in a cage by government women.

these demands, that he’d told the women to sit down

she could have decided that she just straight hated

every couple of days and took my blood and treated

It became He, and He became Her.

and shut up and listen to him, and they had. And

him, she didn’t. And I apologized for everything we

if there wasn’t a voice like mine, they’d let all the

– the women, who weren’t even the women of the

I’m pretty sure that’s about the point that I was back

power go. I was simultaneously horrified, enraged

game – had done to him.

And she couldn’t think of the man as a “him,”

in control of the character, instead of her being in

and tranquil. I walked outside, clutching my teddy

me having spent so much intense time thinking of

control of me. I wasn’t going to go through the be-

bear in one arm. I said to myself, I can fucking do

That was a forgiving I’d never known was in me.

Thomas, a woman who identified as a man, as the

longings of the Separatists to find something to slit

this. I’m going to tell them why they have to let him go.

I’d never said it, but I believed every word. Whatev-

only man Melissa had ever truly wanted and loved

Melissa’s wrists with. But Melissa did look.

me like a slaveanimalthing.”

er was done, it wasn’t my fault. But it wasn’t “his” They weren’t going to let Melissa in, since she’d

either. Or theirs – there were a lot of people I was

Let him go, she/I was thinking, because it’s not his

already threatened the man and also because she was

talking to at that point in time. And the best thing I

This wasn’t a man. It couldn’t be. A man for Melis-

fault but I can’t stay here in this world. Thomas will

a birth mother. And I forgave him-who-was-Them.

could do is deal with it and move on.

sa was defined as a woman who looked like a man.

kill him and I’ll be alone. Or he won’t and the world

I told him that had Melissa been him, she’d have

And that was the only kind of man she wanted.

will be different. It was the most amazing jumble

wanted to die. She did want to die, sometimes, and

It wasn’t the best for conflict or playing to lose,

of thought and emotion – what had been hers and

it wasn’t until every man dropped dead that she’d had

but I do think it was best for the story, for the

me finally coming back up out of that.

a life. She’d been free.

players and me, if not the game. There was

and who had ever truly loved her.

She also tried to get people to kill her, or let her kill

more to it – including me berating the women

herself. She couldn’t go back to that world. She realized that he could teach any boy born how to be

The complexity of fearing, loathing, and empathiz-

To see him meant an end to all of that, and to him

there for the whole sit down and shut up thing

like the men in her life. Totally unreasonable. Abso-

ing with someone was close to me already, being that

or them becoming all the things that had been wrong

- but that was THE moment. I feel as though,

lutely, simply, unreasonable histrionic fear.

there is a person in my life that I feel mostly that

with the world before. Of all the people there, Melissa

in a game with no actual outcome, no “real”

way about right now.

understood him the best.

goals, I also won.

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Thomas Archetype: Male impersonator, protector,

Uterine fibroids? no

humorist

Previous pregnancies? * any abortions? one,

Age: 26

terminated at age 15

Occupation before the disaster: Waiter/Co-

Anything else you wish to tell me? expressed

median

extreme disinterest in bearing a child

Current occupation: Comedian

Physical fitness results: somewhat limited flexibility, eyesight v.good, memory eh, breath

“She’s so hot. Almost like a real man.”

control 15s

#3 - Thomas, 26

Post-game Debriefing:

Height? 5’9”

…thanks for sharing your thoughts, all. I’ve

Weight? 145

started a few emails and then discarded them

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

-- eloquent on this matter i am not yet. but in

High/low blood pressure? normal

general i am very glad to have been part of

Previous surgeries? no

such a powerful experience for so many, and

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?2

grateful to you all for helping make it a power-

drinks/week

ful experience for me.

Thomas eats breakfast with the other Triads. (Liz Rywelski)

Family history of transmissable diseases (genetic, etc.)? mother still healthy (Helen),

My fiction students loved hearing about it, and

Helen’s father had Alzheimer’s, no knowledge

I was able to tie it to the character interview

of father

exercise I had them do over the weekend. We

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

talked about the moment a character takes over

Birth control? hormonal birth control

from your conscious mind.

STI history? no Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

I’ve promised them a larp-based writing

on BC

exercise! Thomas comforts and reassures Melissa, while Ellen and Veronica sit nearby. (Liz Rywelski)

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Chapter 5 The Triads: Muslim Sisterhood, Three Generations 184

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Triads: The Muslim Sisterhood Amina, Zahida, and Sara These three women have very different back-

They all heard about the program independent-

grounds and personalities, but with their

ly: Maria recommended that Sara apply to the

common faith they have found a bond that ties

program, Zahida learned about it at the hospi-

them together. They know each other from the

tal where she works, and Amina through her

mosque all three of them go to regularly. They

work as a security guard at the sperm clinic.

weren’t close friends before the disaster but now they have found that they compliment each

Now that they have determined it is God’s will

other and that the others in this small group

that they attempt to have a child, they will go

are women they trust.

to great lengths to be chosen for the program. All of them consider themselves eligible for

As Muslims in the U.S. after 9/11, they have

giving birth to the child, and the best outcome

suffered exclusion at best and persecution

would be if all of them get the chance to do so.

at worst. Their commitment to their faith is

The Muslim Sisterhood pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Julia Lunetta)

Jung felt that religion held the potential for a

I felt protective of the girl’s right to sexual freedom

Transformative function, that we needed spiritual

before she was even conceived. A paradox, that. The

helping them adjust to their new world. The

Theresa’s Psych Notes: The Muslim

belief, particularly in our latter half of life as we

Sisterhood, thankfully, allayed my fears with openness,

psychological downside is that if they lose the

Sisterhood

neared our Transition. I did not fear a child born

excitement, and joy. Amina expressed never feeling

into a religion... I rather feared religious people

comfortable in traditional gender roles and neither of

belief that there is a meaning to the suffering, the existential crisis might become deeper as

In truth, I had been dreading this meeting, as I was

“shielding” their child from anything considered

the other women seemed to find this revelation overly

well.

also dreading the session with the Conservatives.

“non-normative” or sinful.

problematic. Sara was pleasant and accommodating. Zahida was quiet and serious, difficult to draw out, but

After lengthy discussion as to whether God de-

I knew I had deeply entrenched prejudices against

Even worse than the overprotective tendency -- also

earnest in her speech, rational, a doctor. I felt far more

sires women to have children now that all men

these groups -- not due to their beliefs in God or

known as internalized oppression -- I feared abuse

comfortable around her once I realized that she, too,

were dead, they decided that it was the right

religion, but due to the way such religions have been

toward the girl for expressing lesbian tenden-

had been caring for the ill in her own community and

thing to do.

used to oppress the people they claim to save.

cies, which, of course, she would. I recoiled at the

that she was a trained professional. I was delighted to

realization that these women may have experienced

hear that the women had grouped together and were

genital mutilation and may seek to pass it on to their

taking care of one another. I also was relieved to hear

girl; while I knew this practice occurred uncommonly

that the Sisterhood would be willing to relocate and

in the States, it still did occur.

perhaps join a more secure community.

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Amina Post-game Debriefing:

Archetype: Conflicted rebel

I think this is eating away at me through my dreams because out of game, I absolutely be-

Age: 29 Occupation before the disaster: Goldsmith

I just woke up from a nightmare where I saw

lieve that if he was the last man there must be

Current occupation: Security guard

the end scene of that larp, where the Muslim

something we can learn scientifically from him

sisterhood and the conservatives took Izak, on

and we would need to study him. I would have

“Don’t be fooled by her appearance. She has a mean

tv. I felt angry and was thinking “wtf, religious

tried my best to make sure he ended up with

streak you don’t really want to see.”

nut jobs are ruining everything and doom-

the scientific community who hopefully, would

ing humanity… they are so irrational and just

keep him comfortable while learning from him.

force their beliefs on everyone else in the name

(yes, a well-kept lab rat).

#1 - Amina, 29

of god etc., etc.,” I woke up with a start when Height? 5’

the camera zoomed in and I saw myself as the

Did anyone else compromise their out of game

Weight? 115

“crazy nut job.”

values in-game? Do you think it affected you?

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no High/low blood pressure? slightly low

Ok, it doesn’t sound that bad when I write it

Previous surgeries? all 4 wisdom teeth pulled

down, but I jolted awake with my mind racing.

@ 20 Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no

I played Amina, one of the Muslim sisters and

Family history of transmissable diseases

who had resentment issues towards Dr. Julie

(genetic, etc.)? dad died in the Event, mom

written into her character.

died (no knowledge) Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

I felt/said some very negative things about her

Birth control? no

being godless and having no bedside manner in

STI history? no

spite of the fact that out of game I would have

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

had much more positive feeling towards her.

current, regular (32 days) Uterine fibroids? no

A lot of my end game actions of making sure

Previous pregnancies? no

Izak got away was from the belief that she

Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good,

would lock him up and experiment on him and

memory OK, breath control 17s

treat him like a lab rat.

“A lot of my end game actions of making sure Izak got away was from the belief that she would lock him up and experiment on him and treat him like a lab rat.” - “Amina” Amina and Sara wait for the vigil. (Liz Rywelski)

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Sara

Zahida Archetype: The practical and unsentimental

Family history of transmissable diseases

Archetype: Religious convert and spiritual

Physical fitness results: minor coordination

woman who knows how to get things done

(genetic, etc.)? dad died in the Event, mom no

leader

impairment, eyesight v.good, memory OK,

Age: 36

info (in Iran)

Age: 34

breath control 16s

Occupation before the disaster: Licensed

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

Occupation before the disaster: Ph.D. stu-

practical nurse

Birth control? no

dent

Current occupation: Doctor

STI history? no

Current occupation: Religious leader at the

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

mosque

Sara’s Weekend

Post-game Debriefing:

“She takes life challenges as they are hurled at her

1 week, 28 days +/- 3 hours

without flinching.”

Uterine fibroids? no

“Her strong faith is both comforting and at times a

After a long walk from Hamden, the Muslim

Previous pregnancies? one, vaginal live birth

little unsettling.”

Sisterhood arrived safe, if a little tired, late Friday

#2 - Zahida, 36

(F)

afternoon. Sara had lead the women in prayer once,

Physical fitness results: eyesight excellent, Height? 5’4”

memory OK, breath control 17s

Weight? 145 Existing medical conditions? * chronic?

knowing things may be too crazy to do so until their

#3 - Sara, 34

Post-game Debriefing:

seasonal allergies

hopeful return Sunday night. She left services in the Height? 5’7”

hands in another woman who had been there longer

Weight? 170

and who she respected. After spending some time

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

checking out the research area, they went to bed early after a simple meal.

High/low blood pressure? normal

I told my Feminist Theory students about it in

High/low blood pressure? normal

Previous surgeries? no

class today. They were fascinated by the idea

Previous surgeries? no

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?

(some of them had never heard of larp before

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no

OTC allergy

and had lots of questions).

Family history of transmissable diseases (genetic, etc.)? dad died in Event, mom still alive

We had just covered Radical feminism and

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

Lesbian feminism last week so the class was

Birth control? no

definitely on my mind during the game.

STI history? no Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

I would so love to come up with a short larp I

1 week, 29 days

could run for my gender studies students--if

Uterine fibroids? no

they could experience just a small portion of

Previous pregnancies? one, miscarriage at

what MAtB was like I think it would be amazing!

Event Sara shares a pleasant moment with Amina. (Liz Rywelski)

Zahida holds her ceremonial candle. (Liz Rywelski)

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Saturday morning is when a majority of the

The dominion of men failed. It was not wickedness,

And there was her shame. Most of the reason for the

The morning brought more worry to her. She tried

women came and they kept to themselves until they

but the other option was to doom mankind. One

meeting was her speaking out, but afraid she would

to be positive, but she was afraid. They had talked

headed out for the memorial. Sharing one of her

thing which shook her for a little while was Sha-

potentially losing her chance to bear a child, and

to the Separatists about an alliance, and by they,

most painful memories was hard, but she knew she

ron. She had never felt herself attracted to another

rightly so, for possibly rumor-mongering acciden-

Amina and Zahida had, without really consulting.

had to let it out, because remembering the past was

woman. She really couldn’t explain it. There was

tally. And then she sees Zahida. And then she hears

Maria had also talked about the potential moving

the best way to respect it. Several families, right off

just a feeling of, who knows what, but it flustered

that they were getting a child, and all she can feel

of her community, due to the worry of their safety.

the bat were rather friendly, and Amina was being

her for awhile.

is guilt. Thinking it’s because her friendship with

Not refusing the chance to offer safety to the rest

Maria, or her “tattling,” she saw everyone depart

of her community, but aware that she would not

It would catch her attention every so often, especially

except a few, afraid to attempt to congratulate Anne,

let them be forced into a decision, Sara had much to

The rain didn’t bother her much, but she saw other

during the “Strip Show,” which Sara ignored.

who she had seen give her some really sore looks.

think about after agreeing to meet with them after

women running, so her umbrella was good to grab.

Things went rather fine until Zahida brought to

Seeing the familiar face of Maria helped ease her.

her attention that the Conservative trio felt like they

And felt it only best to avoid Melissa, due to

She spent most of her time trying to be rational

were being excluded and discriminated.

Thomas’ attention, or lack thereof, of her. Cleaning

And then it happened. A streak of naked flesh, the

up helped her relax, but she knew she had to talk to

rush of footsteps, and all she could do is watch

much less critical than usual.

in the face of some rather irrational women, and

the weekend.

Thomas shook her the most. Not only coming to

She once identified, at least in part, with their way

someone, so she found Megan and one of the other

what she didn’t even fully realize was a man. An

them to point out how some of their faith looked

of life, and even though she had changed, her love

Professionals outside and talked to them. It didn’t

actual man. No anger passed her thoughts, nor fear,

down upon LBT people, but to then state, after ask-

for God’s children meant she would see them have

fully calm her down, but she sure she would defer to

just confusion, as she saw her closest friends rush

ing for validation, that he did not believe there was

an equal chance of bearing a child to term, if they

Zahida being the birth mother. She slinked into bed,

about, abandoning her, until she was nearly rushed

a God, upset her greatly.

were fit. After excusing herself, feeling a lot of

but did not sleep.

to a cabin, the only capable mother of her group, the

worry for how Maria was going to react. Whatever “his” identity, that was just uncalled for. The wait, and talking to each group who went into

She was willing to give up her friendship with

the trials, as it were, was enlightening, but seeing

Maria and her chance of having a child if it meant

the worry on people’s faces when they realized she

another family had their equal chance at having

was Muslim hurt her some, but she knew that ex-

their own. Going to the Committee’s personal space

plaining and working to relieve their fears with her

and hoping to speak to Maria alone, not sure how to

greatest tools: love and forgiveness.

trust the others, and letting Maria know of the situation, Sara surprised them and took Maria outside.

only one able to if things got bad enough.

“And then it happened. A streak of naked flesh, the rush of footsteps, and all she could do is watch what she didn’t even fully realize was a man. An actual man.”

At one point, Anne came up to her, almost a smile on her face, and asked Sara for her support in making sure Isak would NOT be put into simply another cage. They agreed, shook hands, and some of the tension left her. But, Sara had never felt as abandoned as she did since her parents shunned her for converting.

It was simply a test, all of this since the Disaster, how the daughters of God would take care of their

With obvious furor, Maria rushed the Committee to

own when given the chance.

the main hall and Sara went to rouse her cabin.

192

And she shut down. Until she returned and saw the

- “Sara”

utter chaos, this man pushing the reasonable ones away.

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

My Weekend

There was no trust there, but there was talk about

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Post-game forum post:

And no one said a thing about it. Not out of disrespect, but because it seemed to not be an

letting him go, killing him, or keeping him caged up, all of which she would not condone, as he was sure-

This started off like a lot of game weekends

issue. If I am wrong please correct me. It was

Long Night

ly a sign from God that the world could be rebuilt,

do for me. Frantic to get to site, plans falling

my main concern when I contacted Lizzie, and

« on: October 08, 2012, 08:05:02 PM »

that her faith was right, and love was still needed.

through, but the awesome women who found

she was fabulous about it. Even a few friends

She made sure she knew what she could, keeping her

trouble in travel and took care of it made

of mine who I never officially outed myself

This was her second night of no sleep. Sara was

eye on Maria, or Isak, for as long as she could.

things easier. Getting to site and, for the first

to didn’t blink an eye. I felt so appreciated and

utterly scared of her situation. Sara had called her

time in a long time, feeling nervous of how

engaged by everyone. It’s rare that I feel that

mother today to tell her that she was going to be a

The few extra mins she found next to Zahida were

people would view me, went away during the

sense of security and respect of my identity.

grandmother. This would be the second such call in

powerful, as they both watched him be spoken to by

Ars Armani workshop.

My fears were for naught, it seems and that

5 years.

still makes me so happy.

Melissa, tense the entire time. And then all it took

There had been no answer, but she was lucky enough

was a trip to the bathroom to throw everything into

The disaster workshop, where we thought on

the wind. They were rushing out Isak because the

where WE would be, instead of our characters,

I tend to dip into playing very religious charac-

to reach the answering machine, but who knew when

National Guard was on the way. Her sisters, the

shook me a lot. I still am processing it. I knew

ters. Not always on purpose, but I like the idea

her mother would listen to it.

Conservatives, and Linn rushed him to where the

this game would be a challenge for me.

of stepping away from my very non-religious upbringing and life. Even now I consider myself

Her phone laid near her bed, the easily portable,

Not in playing a Muslim woman, not in being

an Eclectic Pagan, and that’s more spiritual for

corded phone she had since she was a teenager. Pink

One woman slipped him a gun and left, and soon

looked down upon for my faith, and not the

me than religious. It’s my one dynamic I make

in the few spaces which haven’t been splattered with

enough, his fears caught up to him and he put the

conflict which would come. But a challenge

sure separates the character from the player. The

paint, or worn off from use.

gun to his head in despair, after a short scuffle, the

to even enter my first woman’s only space as

one thing I kept in common with Sara was my

gun fell and offloaded into Sara’s leg, leaving a

someone who often presents as male. My fears

ability to listen to people. It’s something small,

painful flesh wound, which would need tending.

were rational.

sure, but enough for me to keep me grounded.

cars were supposed to be.

Momma, it’s Sara. I didn’t get a chance to tell you about this program they’re trying to do. It’s an

Sara prepares for the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski)

I tend to not out myself to people, despite my

I enjoyed being intimate without getting into

insemination program. and my friends and I were

name (though Allison can be a male name as

sex. Usually something else I keep in mind

invited. And... and they picked me Momma.

well), or deflect when I’m referred to by male

with some of my characters. I’m sure I would

pronouns. My only other live action female role

have playing a number of other roles. I really

It’s gonna be a girl. Please call me back when you

requires a lot of makeup and layers for me to

enjoyed my black box scenes with the Separa-

can Momma. I want you in her life and I miss you. I

feel comfortable, due to a number of body is-

tists. They were awesome. I think the choices

wanna see about getting the funds to pay for it too.

sues I have.

for who played who was excellent. Maybe other Love you Momma

thoughts later.

194

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

It did usually take months for letters to go through,

You grant me hope for the future and you have given

Her calls were usually short anyways.

Shaking herself and getting up, she went to the

but phone calls usually went through ok. Maybe the

me a great gift in helping to return life into this

“Hello? Momma? Is that you” The hope in her

stove, the water much lower then what she put in.

line was down, it happens every so often. The winds

world. I will raise my daughter to be a true daugh-

voice, the relief from worry. Her fears finally

Turning it off, she walked, calmly to the bath, added

in Oklahoma were unreal at times.

ter of a loving God. Perhaps she can also have a

cleared. Or maybe it was just a friend, they called

the boiled water to the mix, and washed herself. She

brother, and that would also be a blessing if you

sometimes if they needed her earlier then she was

made sure to clean her face especially well.

willed it.

around.

Maybe her Mom was just having one of her off

Her walk was much longer than usual. She greeted

times. Depression, being mostly alone, and rationing No heat today, but the gas worked still, so she heated

“Is this Sara Boyce?” Said a voice utterly unfa-

her sisters with a smile, hiding the pain. She wore

up some water, just to get the water to the point of

miliar to her, with her old name, before her hus-

a pin she had earned at Yale, for some silly, forget-

3am, 4am, she knew Zahida was more than likely

causing her to get sick. She made sure the blankets

band. Before her conversion, from back home. “Yes,

ful program. Under her veil she wore a birthday

working right now. Maria, asleep for sure. Amina,

over the windows were secure, the house usually got

wwwho is this?” Her stomach started to turn. This

gift from her mother for her nineteenth birthday, a

clutching her gun, would be at the mosque, making

drafty around fall. She made herself a sandwich

wasn’t good.

simple pair of golden hoop earrings.

sure she could handle a threat to them. She had no

from some leftovers from the weekend. She was able

one to talk to. But it could wait, right?

to get some of the delicious food sent home, to pro-

“I’m sorry we could not reach you sooner. I must in-

A prayer now for the death of our loved ones. A

vide for her community. Her sisters. She hummed a

form you of your mother’s passing this weekend. We

prayer for those lost to grief, anger, hatred, and the

The sun was peeking out, her bed always faced the

song, whose name she couldn’t place as the pot grew

believe it was due to a... drug overdose of some type.

hands of man. Say a prayer for our lost hopes, and

sun, her way of making sure she was awake early

warmer.

We tried to revive her, but with no luck. I’m sorry

for our new hopes. Say a prayer for the children we

for your loss. Would you be available to attend to her

will bore with the gifts of the dead. We were left to

body.” The phone dropped to the floor, bouncing off

rebuild this world. And we shall. For every ounce

the carpet, before that last sentence left the woman’s

of fear you feel, meet it with hope. For every stone

It was the only real sound her phone could make, the

lips. Sara’s knees were soon to follow. Not in prayer,

thrown our way, offer more love for those who ac-

Blessings be to Allah, my protector, my guide.

ringer being damaged some. Gave the phone charac-

but in grief. There were other, more distant sounds

cept it. For every moment you miss those gone, smile

Through you I’ve known love, I’ve known family.

ter, also made sure it wouldn’t wake her in the night,

from the phone.

an equal amount that you have those moments to

I have seen great light and great darkness, and I

at least when she didn’t need to pick up every call.

know the light is always stronger.

She ran to the phone, forgetting about the water.

will do that.

enough to prepare for the first daily prayer. She Chirp

went to bathe, thankfully the water still worked in her area.

: The Muslim Sisterhood receive the news from the Committee, together with the Survivalists. (Liz Rywelski)

196

reflect on them. For every strike you fear, remember every tender moment you have had.

---

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The Triads: Three Generations Nancy, Alice, and Emma Nancy She fed me this exuberantly delivered rhetoric about how complete she’d feel as a mother, so painfully contrived compared to the raw need I saw in someone like Melissa’s eyes. I knew she was delivering this impassioned speech to please her grandmother. Still, I was tired. The day had taken its toll. I broke my role as therapist and confided in them... I was truly happy to The Three Generations pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Julia Lunetta)

see familiar faces. I was especially happy to see any

Theresa’s Psych Notes: Three Generations

remnant of Grant still alive.

in this family. They live together in grandma

I had also dreaded this meeting. My feelings about

I found myself hoping one of the women got preg-

Nancy’s house, where she and her granddaugh-

my mother-in-law and extended family were so con-

nant, wondering if reincarnation exists, wondering

ter work as urban farmers while daughter-in-

flicted. I admired Nancy’s strength as a matriarch;

if a piece of my husband would truly live on in the

law/mother Alice is off working as a nurse.

in spite of Grant’s complaints about her favoritism

child. I knew that the family missed Eric far more

towards his brother and her silent condemnation to-

than Grant... still, it warmed my heart when they

Their relationship is not harmonious, but blood

ward many of his choices, Nancy was a strong and

invited me to come stay with them, invited me to sit

might be thicker than water. Their situation is

capable woman. I wanted to help her learn non-vi-

with them at dinner that night.

unique -- they already have a family structure,

olent communication skills... I wanted this session to

and know each others’ faults and fortes. It’s not

last far longer. At the same time, I couldn’t wait for

I couldn’t, of course, as I showed enough bias

necessarily an advantage, but it’s certainly a

her to leave. Alice was so clearly in a perpetual state

even inviting them here, but it felt nice to know I

card they’ll play.

of grief and terror of reprimand, which made me

had people out there, that I had family. Options. I

feel uncomfortable. Emma Nancy, who I had discov-

remembered our Thanksgivings together and the

Nancy wants her granddaughter Emma Nancy to

ered earlier had been acting out by frequenting bars

emotional awkwardness, but also the joy.

be the birth mother, but unbeknownst to both of

underage and had become pregnant at the time of

them, Alice strongly desires to bear another child.

the Event, seemed about to burst out of the seams.

Only the dominating grandmother, her haunted daughter-in-law, and the granddaughter remain

I missed him. Emma Nancy confers with Alice. (Liz Rywelski)

198

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Emma Nancy

Nancy

Previous surgeries? wisdom teeth out (bottom) @ 17

Archetype: Silent Abuser

Archetype: Self-aware teenager

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no

Age: 55

Age: 18

Family history of transmissable diseases

Occupation before the disaster: Housewife

Occupation before the disaster: Pupil in high

(genetic, etc.)? mom & grandmother still alive

Current occupation: Urban farmer

school

(other members), dad died in the Event

Current occupation: Urban farmer

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no Birth control? no

“Can you spot Dr. Jekyll?”

STI history? no

“A young girl caught in a young girl’s body.”

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

#1 - Nancy, 55

1 week, regular

#2 - Emma Nancy, 18

Uterine fibroids? no

Height? 173cm Weight? 60kg

Height? 5’7”

Previous pregnancies? one, live birth (M)

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

Weight? 135

Physical fitness results: flexibility slightly limited,

High/low blood pressure? normal

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

eyesight excellent, memory OK, breath control 11s

Previous surgeries? broken R arm @ 17

High/low blood pressure? normal

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? no Family history of transmissable diseases (genetic, etc.)? maternal great-aunt, survived breast cancer, dad – 82, mom - 81 Scoliosis or hip displacement? no Birth control? n/a STI history? No Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period? post-menopausal Uterine fibroids? no Previous pregnancies? * live birth (vaginal/ caesarian)? four, live birth (2M, 2F) Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good, memory O Nancy walks to the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski)

Emma Nancy, Alice, and Nancy try to resolve their differences. (Liz Rywelski)

200

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Alice Archetype: Harmony seeker Age: 34 Occupation before the disaster: Assistant nurse Current occupation: Nurse “If you didn’t know better, you’d think she was you” #3 - Alice, 34 Height? 5’6” Weight? 145 Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no High/low blood pressure? normal Previous surgeries? no Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? 1 drink/month Family history of transmissable diseases (genetic, etc.)? dad died ~65-70, heart attack, Lizzie hard at work before the start of game (John Stravopoulos)

smoked, mom died, unknown causes Scoliosis or hip displacement? no Birth control? no STI history? no Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period? current, regular Uterine fibroids? no Previous pregnancies? * live birth (vaginal/ caesarian)? one, live birth (F) Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good, memory good, breath control 12s Alice erupts in frustration. (Liz Rywelski)

202

The Three Generations hear word from the Committee, shocked by the news that Alice will be the birth mother, not Emma Nancy. (Liz Rywelski)

203


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Chapter 6 The Triads: Linn, Best Friends, Conservatives, Last Man 204

205


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The Triads: Linn Linn

Many women will probably be condescending and not too friendly when they meet a Playboy

Archetype: Down and dirty

Bunny, but Linn was and is a person of total

Age: 25

honesty, a no-nonsense, likeable, practical girl.

Occupation before the disaster: Playboy bunny

When she was modeling, her attitude was “Hey,

Current occupation: Garbage collector/Un-

look, I’m hot. Why not make some cash while

dertaker/scavenger

I’m still young? Doesn’t mean I don’t have a brain!” The same mentality kept her going during the last 3 years: Do what you have to do to

“Behold, the tigress.”

get where you want; what other people think is of lesser importance. She has always been emotionally strong (it takes balls to stand up to the combined scorn of feminists, moralists and “the good taste police”). She is also physically strong - a good body does not make itself. She contributes constructively, she isn’t afraid to work, she is, and truly believes she is, a good candidate for motherhood.

Self-portrait by Linn. (Kira Scott)

206

p.206 - 208: Linn is subjected to rigorous health examinations from Julie, the Ob/Gyn. (Liz Rywelski)


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

“Anticipating Mad About the Boy” pre-game

Julie’s OB/GYN Notes:

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

My larp experience

Let me tell you about my character

I’ve played a bunch of larps before, ranging

My character Linn and I have so much in com-

from Vampire back in high school and college

mon. We’ve both worked in the sex industry

blog post by Kira Scott. October 2, 2012 on the Gaming as Woman website

#1 - Linn, 25 Height? 5’8”

There’s almost too much for me to love about

(I’m 31 now), to homebrews of Nobilis and

(she was a nude model, I worked at a fetish

Weight? 130

the Mad About the Boy LARP that I’m going to

politicking games, to The Tribunal at Gencon

store in Philly) we’re both into death (after the

Existing medical conditions? *chronic? no

be playing this weekend. Organized by author

this year. I’ve been excited to give Nordic larp

disaster she’s been an undertaker, I really like

High/low blood pressure? normal

of Leaving Mundania Lizzie Stark and the

a good try, because it deals with a lot of the

goth things) we’re both queer (players have the

Previous surgeries? all wisdom teeth removed

Norwegian creators of the game, this event

things I like in games. Primarily, it focuses less

power to decide the sexuality of their char-

@ 12

is strictly for women identified players, takes

on “winning” and more on “storytelling.”

acter, and I decided she’s heteroflexible based

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? 4

place in the post apocalypse, and is the inaugu-

drinks/week

ral Nordic larp in the US. Oh, and it’s basically

I’m a huge fan of story games, and so far Mad

Family history of transmissable diseases

the world of Y: The Last Man, where all the

About the Boy is delivering. I purposefully

(genetic, etc.)? * cancer: maternal grandfather,

men have died and only the women are left. Oh

decided to go in a bit blind. I didn’t do a whole

That’s actually her goal in Mad About the Boy,

lung cancer @ 80, mom still alive, dad died in

my goodness I’m so excited.

lot of research on Nordic larp before reading

to become a mother. As the only character

everything about Mad About the Boy. One thing

without a family unit though, she has to find people to support her first.

the Event

on her experience in the sex industry and her celebrity) and we both want to have children.

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

We’ve talked with Lizzie Stark about the game

I love about the game so far is its transparency.

Birth control? no

at Gaming as Women before. Instead of bor-

Actually, I’m a little anxious about how open and

STI history? HPV vaccine

ing you with the details of what the game is,

involved everything is going to get. The game’s

We also have big differences, she and I. I’ve

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

I’m going to talk about my experience with it

purpose seems to be to explore. Really explore.

never been a celebrity, I don’t carry a gun (or

current, regular

thus far. Apparently, this is part of Nordic larp

Uterine fibroids? no

documentation tradition.

really believe in them) and I’m pretty squeamish when it comes to actual dead things.

Get immersed in your character and in their brain, and in the other characters’ brains, and

Previous pregnancies? no Physical fitness results: eyesight excellent,

Prior to the game you start to get in charac-

dig deeper. Building and breaking relationships

I think I have the most trepidation about

memory mediocre, breath control 21s

ter, plan costuming, role-play with your fellow

and power politicking seem like huge themes

exploring those mother themes in the game.

gamers and write a little snippet about what

in this game and those are some of my favorite

Politicking and violence and relationships, sure,

you’re thinking and feeling going into the

things. I wonder though, will I find myself

I’ve done that. Competing with other women

game. I’m going to make mine public, so you all

vulnerable once I jump into my character’s skin

to be the recipient of the last sperm on earth in

can get a glimpse of what this is like!

and go for three days? The answer I already

order to give birth?

know. I feel an impending vulnerability. I like it That’s pretty intense, emotionally and personally.

though. It’s a good scary feeling.

208

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Ex-sexy undertaker in the post apocalypse.

Later, she forgives mankind in an intense confron-

Don’t want to look too sexy and not be consid-

tation with him. She had been abused by men her

I definitely find myself reading over the other

ered for motherhood, want to be able to seduce

entire life.

characters and trying to figure them out. Who

other characters if the opportunity arises, want

are the people I have relationships with, and

to look tough cause I’m carrying a gun, want

A young businesswoman is granted a child with her

what does our relationship mean?

to be warm in the Connecticut campground in

family trio of older businesswomen, but she needs

October. I went for something between Jo in

an ovarian transplant first. It’s apparent from the

How can I push all the right buttons to get

Supernatural and rocker chic. I hope that wins

crestfallen look on her face, she feels broken.

great scenes with them? I’m also trying to find

me the sperm.

Politics and Costuming

A famous performance artist interrupts our even-

my potential enemies and see how I can get into scenes with them. I love a good PC vs. PC

“Debriefing from Mad About the Boy” post-

ing party with a rowdy striptease, revealing the last

scene no matter what side of the conflict I end

game blog post by Kira Scott. November 5,

layer to be none other than an American Flag stolen

up on.

2012 on the Gaming as Woman website

from the Conservative’s cabin.

I’m really interested in what types of scenes

It’s been about a month since I’ve played Mad

These scenes still invade my mindspace from

will arise. I’m already brainstorming possible

About the Boy, and I’m still debriefing. I know

time to time. I’m captivated by my experiences

My relationship with motherhood is complex

strategies to get a family unit based on Linn’s

that it’s an intended part of the process, and

from the game. Using the Ars Amandi (a tech-

and difficult for me to understand myself, and I

relationships. Will Linn get involved romantic

that makes me feel more comfortable linger-

nique of touching hands and shoulders and the

feel, now in my early 30’s, an approaching pres-

relationships, or go for power, or build strong

ing on those thoughts about the game left

base of your neck to simulate sex) was incred-

sure and biological need to have babies. I have

friendships? Will she have to use her gun? I

unresolved. The feeling is satisfying, actually,

ibly effective in communicating intimacy.

a feeling a lot of these emotions are going to

think this is where I’ll get to see her strengths

this reassurance that yes, in fact it is ok to keep

emerge in the larp. To me, this is really inter-

and weaknesses play out the most.

reminiscing about my experience, the stories,

Imagining all the men in my life dropping dead

the characters. Some scenes are still persistent-

in five minutes on a normal Wednesday filled

ly echoing in my memory.

me with a profound sense of loss.

The American flag outside the Conservatives’ cabin. (Liz Rywelski)

esting, because it gives me a place to talk about It’ll be a challenge to play someone more blunt

the nervousness of having children.

and less smart than me and stop myself from That’s not really too acceptable in US society

politicking at the level a sneakier character

A Muslim doctor comforts a conservative pioneer

Deciding the fate of the future generations of

at large. Whenever we play characters, we

would. At the same time, it’ll be fun to play up

woman, because she understands religious persecu-

humanity amongst strong, interesting, com-

always put huge parts of ourselves into them.

her toughness and savvy!

tion. They’re both moved to tears.

petent women was intensely empowering. So

“Kill it!” a woman screams, frightened by the sight

much so that it still affects my daily interac-

of the first man she’s seen after the Event.

tions with women (and myself) a month later.

I’m interested to see which parts of me Linn will bring out, and the insight that will give me

On the lighter side, this has been the most dif-

about myself.

ficult character to costume!

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

We were forced to interact with our fellow

Mechanics

At this point though, I’ve shed my character

The game consistently raised interesting ques-

and let go of the intense experience itself. A lot

tions like “what if traditionally masculine roles

of this was done through the early debriefing

still needed to be filled, but they were filled by

The game play itself was very narrative. We

meditation to hand touching to a technique

process when I interacted in our googlegroups

women? Would that still mean that the mas-

were given a situation (you are here to decide

called the hot seat where you interviewed other

email chains, and publicly posted my thoughts

culine roles were in control, ruling through a

who will be able to reproduce in this post-apoc-

player’s characters. These were incredibly useful

as they unraveled on google+ and Story

patriarchal masculine system? Or would more

alyptic, manless world) a timeline (Act 1 leads

for getting us in the headspace of the game, and

Games. My intention was to share that process,

balanced and feminine traits emerge as the

up to the decision, Act 2 a man appears) and

our characters, and just getting us comfortable

allow people into my brain as the vulnerability

more dominant? How would power structures

characters with really interesting personalities,

with playing. I’d want to use them at any larp.

was being dealt with.

work, and would things be more equal?

backgrounds, and goals that all tied together in

players in a host of different ways, from guided

Some mechanics were used more than others

interesting ways.

during play. I saw some inner monologuing,

Please read about them to see the impact I

Would we use the guns we were given? What

first felt from the game, before I was able to

would families look like? How would they

I really liked the way the characters were built.

it would be during conversations mostly. My

form more coherent thoughts. I find my mind

change when all our children would be gay?

Each character was designed in such a way that

most memorable personal moment of it being

now focusing on other parts of the game like

What would you do if all the men around you

we all had an archetype, a goal, at least six re-

used was when my character Linn the ex-play-

themes, mechanics, and the psychology of play.

died? Who would you become in a world that

lationships with other characters, a meta-level

boy was talking with Anne the conservative

was just made up of women?”

function in the larp, and a brief page of history

mayor. When she informed the mayor of her

before and after the event. This lead to a tan-

previous livelihood, in character Anne smiled,

There were lots of really amazing answers to

gled web of role-play that was easy to create

then drew a box in the air in front of her indi-

This game was smart. It worked on levels. The

these questions in the game itself, but I think

stories in without the use of any other story

cating inner monologue and said “slut.”

game itself is crafted to be played by either

it was the asking of them that was the most

element. This game was about the characters,

women or men dressed as women. This can

important. It gives me pause, and makes me

and the players by proxy.

lead to two type of play, but both of them are

think about all of these issues related to the

about inhabiting our gender’s skin and explor-

real world and feminism.

Themes

ing women’s roles. The game on the surface is a competition amongst thirty women to see who is fit to be a mother and continue the human race, but really it’s talking about the responsibility women are given in culture to be mothers and give birth.

“When Linn informed the mayor of her previous livelihood, in character Anne smiled, then drew a box in the air in front of her indicating inner monologue and said “slut.”

The conversation was vastly different when we stepped back in character, me knowing out

All of the Nordic larp rules were brilliant.

of character that’s what Anne was thinking. It

My favorites were the before play workshops

was a great tool.

that lasted a total of about eight hours. These workshops detailed all the different tools

People loved the Black Box. It allowed you to

we could use (Ars Amandi, Black Box, Inner

play out memories your character had at any

Monologue) while we were playing the game so

point in time, or dreams or fantasies… it was

that there was no question once we got started.

a creative box to explore your character. I had

Most remarkably though, these workshops cre-

limited time in there so I didn’t interact with it

ated community.

as much as I wanted.

- “Linn” 212

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Psychology of Play

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Casting them was important. Many people felt

“Mad About the Boy” Debriefing post by

connected to their character in some meaning-

Kira Scott on the StoryGames forum:

This particular game in the US, the first of its

ful way whether it was in the similarities, the

kind, gathered women gamers together from

themes, or the issues the character was dealing

I wasn’t the Last Man on Earth, so I felt like

all over the country with a vast background of

with.

I should start a new thread to talk about this game.

different play styles from beginner to experiThen, on top of this intentionality is the story.

enced. I think that in and of itself is part of

It was the first Nordic larp to be held in the

the game. Getting women together to play a game of this style, magnitude, and intensity

It’s about women discovering, exploring, and

US. It was played by women. I have about a

is a very real world experience that leaves an

creating roles for themselves in the world.

million things to say about how interesting this larp was. I will probably post about a million

impression on everyone. It was a perfect storm of experience for all of us.

things about it this week.

forty friends, and it’s true! It realized this idea

We walked out of that game feeling impacted

I’ll try to organize them all on this thread, and

that there’re women gamers out there like me

by those stories. They bled into our collective

on Gaming as Women. Because fuck. People

with the same interests, ideas, and hobbies.

consciousness and resonated deeply.

need to know about this. It was crazy mad fun

I kept saying afterwards that I felt like I made

and life changing. I’m not exaggerating. I think

That, I think, was the single best part of the game.

I have an infinity of thoughts to share about

that this will change the way I game from here

this game. I’m sure I’ll be posting to that

on out.

In addition to gathering us all together the larp

thread on Story Games and debriefing with my

was meant to cause a jarring dissonance be-

fellow players on the google groups forever. I

If you want some basic info about the game

tween yourself and your character. The Nords

think I’ll end with this though.

check out the official game page, the libretto, and my posts on Gaming as Women last week.

call this “bleed,” parts of the game when you become your character and your character be-

This game was important. Women have wel-

comes you. This is a part of every role-playing

comed Nordic larp into the US. It impacted us.

Here’s the summary of first thoughts I posted

game, for sure.

As gamers, we created something in a space

on G+:

designed to tell women’s stories and tell them beautifully.

What stood out in this game though was the

The freezing nights in the cabin and the cold water in the shower really helped me immerse

particular intentionality on that aspect of the game. These roles are meant to teach you

I can’t wait for more opportunities to play as

into that post-apocalyptic feel. It was awful, but

something about yourself.

thoughtfully designed games as these.

perfect at the same time. Linn at morning breakfast. (Liz Rywelski)

214

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The pre-game workshops were AMAZING.

And then our first role-playing scenes were

After I heard it enough times it actually started

I loved the complexity of all of the char-

Everyone agreed this was a highlight for

short 5 min scenes we did in groups of about

to infuriate Linn/me. What’s so wrong with

acters and how everyone played them. These

them. For me, the most intense things were

10 to work out who our characters were. Those

being single? Aren’t I strong enough to raise

were difficult characters, with difficult and

the Guided Meditation, the Ars Amandi, and

whose characters weren’t in the scene jumped

a child on my own? It made me nervous and

complex relationships, and the network that’s

the first scenes we did in character with small

in to play NPC’s, people’s daughters, moth-

anxious about trying to find a family to support

baked in to the game I think was the strongest

groups of other characters before the game. In

ers, boyfriends, husbands, patients, colleagues,

Linn, and she became progressively vulnerable

part mechanically of it.

the Guided Meditation we were asked to lie on

reporters. These were SO EFFECTIVE I want

about it. It was sooooooooo much about being a

the floor in the dark. Then imagine a Wednes-

to use them in every game I play ever. We im-

single mother today, and that was intense.

day afternoon in Real Life. Where were you?

mediately felt connected to our characters, to

Who were you with? Then imagine all the men

It worked on levels: our relationship to our character - our character’s relationship with

who they were, to who they are, and what inner

I also realized, even though Linn wanted to

self - our character’s relationship to their Triad

conflicts they had. Awesome awesome awesome.

give birth, she was really career oriented, and

- our character’s relationship to characters out-

so the more she talked to other women there

side our Triad - our character’s relationships to

dying horribly around you, in the space of five minutes. What did you do? How did you feel?

My character Linn was an ex-playboy model

the more she realized she would rather be a

other characters based on occupation, inter-

Now imagine one year later. Now three. Who

turned body collector. She was a bit of a leader,

provider for the child after giving birth to it.

ests, demeanor, beliefs - our character’s Triad’s

are you, who are you with, what are you doing?

and a bit of a loner (she was the only charac-

Fucking insane how intense that was to imag-

ter on her own, and there was also a pair of

This was extremely personal for me, because

relationship to men - our character’s relation-

ine, how horrible, and how that put us right in

characters in the game, but everyone else had

I’ve been struggling with that myself, and I

ship to the world - our character’s relation-

our setting.

the “ideal” triad), and she had a gun. She was

learned from Linn that in real life that’s some-

ship to motherhood... it just kept growing the

very human, very sociable, very fair minded

thing I’d be ok with doing.

longer you played.

relationships to other Triads - our character’s

and very strong.

The Ars Amandi was much more intimate and fun than I imagined. Ars Amandi is simulated sex and intimacy in a larp by touching only

She was really complex. It was really interest-

hands, arms, and the area between your shoul-

ing to hear after the larp what people’s charac-

der blades. I thought going in that this would

ters had thought of her. So many of her issues

be silly.

were so many of my issues. It was weird. Some of the most interesting things that came out of

After doing it in with about 20 or so people,

playing her were things that I didn’t even think

imagining how my character would do it,

of before the larp. As I was playing that first

touching peoples finger bones, wrists, delicately

day, everyone kept saying “so you’re here alone,

pushing up sleeves... this really did feel fun,

you’re single, you don’t have a family what are

intimate, and safe.

you going to do about that.”

216

“Imagine all the men dying horribly around you, in the space of five minutes. What did you do? How did you feel? Now imagine one year later. Now three. Who are you, who are you with, what are you doing? Fucking insane how intense that was to imagine, how horrible, and how that put us right in our setting.” - “Linn”

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The cast enjoys each other’s company during workshopping. (Liz Rywelski)

I was so impressed and interested by the

I was also sad it ended early. I felt like there

And when the Committee decided to give us

Was she saving the world by getting him away

people who had never larped or gamed before.

was a lot of interesting conflict we were about

two babies, and we gained a fourth member of

from the very obviously turbulent and danger-

The brought some really interesting mechani-

to work out. I was amongst the women who

our family in Lt .Sharon, I was elated, actually

ous situation the community was spiraling

cal issues up (I think there was a lot of confus-

helped the last man escape, and we had literally

elated in- and out-of-character. Five minutes

toward? The crux of her conflict had been

ing about how scenes worked, and the scope

just stopped him from trying to kill himself

later, the Last Man came in and all our worlds

pregnancy and family, and suddenly it had be-

of the character sometimes) and also brought

when the game ended. Boo.

came crashing down. Linn was devastated by

come about caretaking a man which was taking

the way the women started behaving.

her away from the family and the babymaking.

some hardcore intense and surprising role-play.

It was a CRAZY overwhelming wave of very

I wanted to wrap up my character arc, and al-

Very cool. I was also very surprised by how much the

low other players to respond to the swift action

She wanted him alive, treated as a human,

conflicting and disturbing emotions. I think

we took.

protected, and getting him out of there made

that was my favorite part, that confusing mass

the most sense. They were splintering, faction-

of emotion. I was stunned for hours. It com-

narrative was about women’s relationships with men. Before the game we meditated on

What mind fucked me the most was Linn

alizing, making stupid decisions, catering to

pletely confused me and my feminist humanist

the loss of men, our first scene was describ-

had spent all weekend being worried about hav-

his every whim instead of taking control. As

self. Still recovering.

ing the Event and where we were and who

ing a baby. If she could, if she could take care

she was carrying him bodily out of the mess

was missing, men followed us in our scenes

of it and provide for it, if she would be accept-

our community had fallen into, Linn had this

I got to use the Ars Amandi technique in

like ghosts always in the background, we were

ed into a community despite the discrimination

moment where she fell into comforting him and

game! Linn ended up being in a family Triad

there to give birth an act one typically does

against her occupations.

flirting with him like she always had with men.

with two best friends, Gina and Rachel. They

WHAT. Why was she doing that?

were both codependent, but Rachel was the

with men, we had a scene where we told fond

worst of the two. Rachel had completely cut

memories of the men in our lives, and finally a

She finally settled in with two women who

man returned in the last act to mess with our

loved each other very much who she knew

Did she really need men? Would she fall right

Gina out of her life when Frank came into the

community.

would be great moms for our child. Linn could

back into old patterns? Did what she was doing

picture, and when Frank died she came crawl-

provide for them with her business, and protect

with her new family not mean anything because

ing back to Gina. The one time I used the Ars

them with her gun and world savvy.

a man was suddenly here? Was she being the

Amandi technique was in a scene with Gina.

perfectly rational humanist I had been playing

We were worried about the clear sexual tension

I kind of thought going in that there would be more of a focus on women, as compared to a focus on the absence of men, a small but impor-

She was even starting to like them a lot and

her as all weekend because she wanted nothing

Rachel had building, and Linn was trying to

tant difference. Thinking more about this.

admire the intimacy they had with one another.

bad to happen to this human being?

encourage Gina to just... love her that way too.

218

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Gina was clearly uncomfortable with it, and in

I felt in very good company. I just made forty

conversation learned Gina was a virgin. Linn

friends. I think the real life community that

asked, well, do you want me to show you the

this game fosters amongst women gamers is

ropes? It was the best pseudo-high school sex

invaluable. It makes me want to run more large

scene ever (except usually it’s two girls practic-

games just for women. I haven’t found anything

ing for a guy, right?), very tender and loving

like that anywhere else.

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

and silly. And the Ars Amandi technique was easy and appropriate to use. The funniest part

“Gina was clearly uncomfortable with it, and in conversation learned Gina was a virgin. Linn asked, well, do you want me to show you the ropes? It was the best pseudo-high school sex scene ever (except usually it’s two girls practicing for a guy, right?), very tender and loving and silly. And the Ars Amandi technique was easy and appropriate to use.”

of the scene was when Gina’s aunt walked by and we both jumped pretending not to do anything. Awesome. I loved playing an all women game! I was really hesitant going into it. It wasn’t that women play differently or anything... all the politics, violence, excellent role-play, intelligence, strength of character, ability to game, expertise, emotion, drama, manipulation, backstabbing, talking over, awkwardness, objectification, discrimination... all the stuff you see in any great game with both genders was present. I say that to point out that I really don’t think women play differently from men, with or without them. The best part, though, was being in a game with incredibly talented, interesting, super smart women who were fabulous role-players and have really cool stories to tell. There were game designers, Ph.D. students, social workers, medical professionals, artists, writers, research-

- “Linn”

ers, very cool women doing very cool things.

220

Linn and Gina before the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski)

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The Triads: The Best Friends Rachel and Gina And then Rachel met Frank.

Rachel and Gina used to be very close friends. They met in college and were roommates for a while. When they met they had the sort of

And suddenly it was not Rachel and Gina any-

friend crush you sometimes get when you meet

more. Instead it was “Frank this” and “Frank

someone you feel totally at home with, someone

that” and “Maybe you would like to go on a

you think is awesome and who thinks you are

double date with Frank’s friend Tim? You’d

the greatest person alive.

really like him” and “What sort of drapes do you think Frank and I should have in our new

The person you can finally speak to about all

apartment?” and the distance between them in-

the weird stuff that none of your high school

creased even if it seemed like it was only Gina

friends understood. I mean, they were all right,

that really noticed.

but there was always this feeling that they And then Frank died like all the other men.

didn’t really get who you are.

Rachel came back to Gina, who picked her up When Rachel and Gina met and got to know

and helped her through the sorrow. Even if

each other, that wasn’t a problem. They under-

Gina had also lost a father, a brother, an ex-

stood each other and if they didn’t agree on

boyfriend she cared about and several friends,

something they would discuss it. Not to win,

Rachel’s sorrow was the real sorrow, the

Theresa’s Psych Notes: the Best Friends and

The dynamic between Rachel and Gina was obvi-

but to understand the other’s way of seeing

sorrow of losing your one romantic love. Of

Linn

ously unbalanced, with a unrequited attachment in

things. Rachel inspired Gina to think she could

course Gina understood that.

be something, make a difference in her life, and

Linn and the Best Friends pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Julia Lunetta)

Rachel’s favor. Still, the dynamic seemed to work, I was offered a brief reprieve in the form of

provided Rachel did not fly off on a whim. A child would hopefully change her priorities.

Gina would support Rachel when she messed

The two of them have been living together

Rachel, Gina, and Linn. Their youth, vitality, and

things up trying to be nice to people.

again since they found each other after the ca-

naivety inspired me. Though each had experienced

tastrophe. They were asked to join the program

the loss, as we all did, I felt like they were none the

I kept them there longer than necessary. I admitted I

Together they broke the rules for good-girl

even if they were only two due to Rachel’s

worse for wear spiritually. Linn had thrived, a true

was dreading the meeting to come. I shouldn’t have

behavior, dissolving the limitations of what

caretaking skills as demonstrated at the or-

survivor, able to adapt. She would make an excellent

said that, but I needed to talk to someone.

girls were supposed to do one at a time. They

phanage. They have not really discussed who

mother... if she could learn to show vulnerability

graduated and started working.

should be the birth mother.

and commit to other people.

222

My professionalism was rapidly deteriorating.

223


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Rachel

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Liz Rywelski: Larp Pre-game notes,

Josephine Antsey: What do you know (as-

Also, I think there is a culturally- American

10/02/2012, Buffalo, NY:

sume) about Nordic Larps?

reaction to the game narrative that may further inform the Disaster-situation that the game

Archetype: Cheerful, social, and self-centered Age: 26

As a NOOB (previously spelled “newbe” by me

What I think I know is that it comes from a

proposes -- or provide an outcome different

Occupation before the disaster: Event plan-

since I am actually that much of a noob ;))

tabletop role-play and enters in to a real world-

form the Nordic run. Isn’t variation on a game

ner for corporate and private functions

Some questions provided to me by Josephine

real space play for an extended period of time.

outcome the exciting point of a game?

Current occupation: Caretaker at orphanage

Antsey, Professor of Game Studies and In-

The characters of a Nordic larp are not sci-fi

teractive Fiction at University at Buffalo, and

or fantasy but could be actual real people we

Stephanie Rothenberg, Professor of Designed

may know -- playing out imagined situations

Play and Identity Design at University at Buf-

that could also be possible.

#2 - Rachel, 26

After research: In order to write our own games within semirealities and create the perfect social illusion.

falo.

Height? 5’6” Weight? 182

After research: What do I know (assume) about

It is not theatre -- it is individualized and can

Nordic Larps?

only arise through documentation -- personal

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

So, the way I am going to answer this is by

High/low blood pressure? normal

answering Josephine and Stephanie’s questions

Previous surgeries? broken R pinky toe @ 12

first, then researching/informing my answers

From Johanna Koljonen’s video I understand

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? 2

on Lizzie Starks’s post “Nordic Larps for

that Larp has evolved from tabletop games and

drinks/week

Noobs”: http://lizziestark.com/2012/08/08/

liberated from game-master situations. She

Josephine Antsey : How do you feel about

Family history of transmissable diseases

nordic-larp-for-noobs/

emphasizes a setting, theme, food, dress, deco-

going there and doing this intimate thing

(genetic, etc.)? * mom still alive, dad died in

ration, entertainment, and gifts, invite friends.

with like 60 strangers?

Event

… What kind of friends? That is the roundup

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

in which one may construct situations. Know

Whew—good question. I’m not scared but I’m

Birth control? no

your characters relations and histories.

a little unsure and apprehensive. I am a survi-

journaling and captures scene interplay. Maybe the magic circle is different post-Y? I hope so.

vor of sexual assault -- the kind that lands one

STI history? no Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

Josephine Antsey: Why an All-Women’s larp

in the hospital -- and a general history of poor

2 weeks, regular

in America now?

judgment in trust and surviving deceit.

Previous pregnancies? * any abortions? one,

Well, I think it is more life-like -- any person

Putting oneself in an immersive environment

terminated at age 21

who identifies as a woman can play. I think this

for 72 hours, as a player with trust issues, may

Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good,

game has had a few runs in Norway already and

render me a disability within the game, even if

memory OK, breath control 15s

maybe plane tickets are expensive for American

my character is not constructed to hold such

players to travel there.

apprehension -- or see life through this lens.

Uterine fibroids? no

Ellen and Rachel before the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski)

224

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“How might magazines and the culture industry -- now driven by women -- change the contemporary vision of our culture and the way average people (women) now capture it?”

At the same time -- to play a character that has not had such life experiences might be liberating. I’m actually kind of excited to be 26 again! As of now I feel most unsure about game mechanics and metagaming. I’m just really excited to do this research though. I can’t

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Stephanie Rothenberg: You’ve been consid-

Also, social realism. I have a feeling my char-

ering several aspects of documentation, as

acter will desire to capture triumph, setting her

your character is a sort of scholar. What

camera at a lower third perspective to capture

are some ways you have been considering

powerful and victorious women in action- like

informing your documentary aesthetic?

The People’s Republic or Nationalist Socialist Russian illustrations.

I picked up the book Reel Families by Patricia

remember when engaging in something felt so

- “Rachel”

Zimmermann to inform the ways in which my

I do not see my character capturing imagery in

character may be pre-disposed to capturing

the capital D perspective- that would exemplify

imagery on an “intuitive” level. How much

journalism -- Time Magazine, Associated Press,

I’m glad to read about the aspect of inten-

does culture and industry shape our intuition --

Reuters, or Stern.

tionally losing the game. I want to roll with

especially in the documentation process?

free- except for maybe sneaking out to go to The Tunnel in 1995. After research:

***

The 360 degree Illusion of a Nordic Larp en-

intuition as a personal exercise—for example

sures that I will not have to worry about trans-

I used to love to play Street Fighter because I

Documentation is gendered -- there is docu-

lating fantasy magic as much as I might spend

would always win. I didn’t know any key codes

mentation, and then there is Documentation.

Out-of-character reflections before game:

time translating interpersonal play, which is

or any tricks. I just pressed all the buttons re-

The difference is separated by dominant nar-

What interests you most about playing this

closer to a real life magic that I can handle.

ally quickly with conviction and intuition, and

rative as well as who is behind the capturing

game? What drew you to try this larp?

remained undefeated. Also, Stratego is my all

device- camera, video, audio. What that who

Meta-techniques -- or meta gaming -- may

time favorite game—because for me it is a game

is pointing and how to will render the way in

I was introduced to this series of Larps

come as relief, to inform a situation though

of chance. I foresee myself larping in a very

which the- often unedited -- documentation is

through Eleanor.

hopefully the character has free agency and can

similar way.

received by future viewers. We sat next to each other over dinner at the

decide whether or not to “listen” to the inner voice. There is a feeling that the game facilita-

Meta-gaming, I’ve already begun to wonder

Think home movies. My character was a party

Hackers on Planet Earth convention when she

tors have access to cutting edge technology,

if players are doing this via email and online

planner; I assume she had a handle on creating

explained to me her experience in Just a Little

like Lexus or software that can render individu-

interaction -- in ways like icing a participant in

backdrops for lavish parties and time-less pic-

Lovin’.

als’ Internet back-catalog. I’m a healthy fit for

an email thread or just generally not including

tures of them. How might my characters per-

my character and not sure how the 4 introduc-

or acknowledging a player in pre-game interac-

spective and ideal changed post-Y? How might

tory questions I answered were enough to cast

tion as a tactic to influence bleed game during

magazines and the culture industry -- now

me in such a specific role. Either way, it feels

play. Ars Amandi = Health Class > Word of

driven by women -- change the contemporary

She later emailed with info pointing to MAtB,

all players are in good and considerate hands

Mouth: http://lizziestark.com/2011/11/09/

vision of our culture and the way average people

and I had to join, even though I am a noob -- I

with the game facilitators.

intro-to-ars-amandi/

(women) now capture it? (think Instagram)

wasn’t worried.

226

This moved us both to tears.

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

What are your hopes for the game?

Have you ever role-played before? If not, have you engaged in other artistic or theat-

Pre-game feeling: to not feel scared -- which

rical endeavors?

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

In-character [answer either in third-person

Really though, my enterprise goal was to recreate

(she) or first-person (I)] Rachel’s take on

“The First Night” vibe for my clients party guests.

The Best Friends:

Frank and I had a “First-Night” dopamine-high via a one-time orgasm that I gave myself in the

has been going well.

Soho Grand after a friends record release party.

We used to be very close friends, and this is true

I have role-played. I am a performance artist and an improv actor. Not they are very well

Game-time feelings: To deal with so many

for me…. A friend crush, “at home with” -- yet a

known, but a few things I have participated in

personalities well. To not (Plato’s) cave-in. To

totally different life experience from someone who is

I conceived that night. When we, Gina and I, found

are as Liberty Lance in Ryan Trecartin’s movie

explore the many possibilities within the game.

totally awesome and also the greatest person alive.

out – over a large bottle of Yellow Tail and a home

She introduces you to the totally new and the locally

pregnancy test- Gina encouraged me to keep it -- the baby.

Roamie View as Bonnie Showcase in Jonny Showcase and the Left Lucy Cabaret, and several

Post-game hopeful feelings are: I hope to meet

cool things to do. You can say everything weird to

other self-made characters for performance art

new people with similar goals, visions, and de-

her that no one else ever understood of you, and yet,

events.

sires. I hope to maintain an interest in Nordic

she still liked you. We got each other, but as I under-

She suggested I leave Frank and that she would help

Style larps in America. I hope professional

stand now, we didn’t get each other…. In hindsight

raise the baby—at least that is how I remember it.

contacts are reciprocated.

-- I know this, and I can heal that, and I’m looking

Our other friend, Liz, intervened and took me to the

forward to feeling and healing again… because,

abortion clinic to have the baby terminated.

I understand that Larping is not like performance art in respect to where the audience

Fears?

is and otherwise. I’ve exercised long-form

without Frank, I still love her… I never told Frank, and in my pre-absence-Y-mind

improv, but never like what this Nordic-style All and none.

Larp proposes.

Because, again in hindsight, Gina’s friendship and

that secured everything… the drapes, the “house

mine wasn’t a performance. When I met Frank, my

we wanted and saved for,” and the kids we pre-

entire lens became FRANK, Frank likes this, Frank

named… I did anything to secure that Soho Grand

and me did that, Frank, Frank, Frank. … so many

feeling again within a secure and suburban house-

explicate s- FRANK. (Lexus, and the Internet,

hold with Frank.

know the details -1996-1998 re: Frank) My entire event planning enterprise was aestheticized around

When we did decide to get married -- Frank and I

Frank—Within the budgets I proposed for my cli-

-- my friends knew our “eternity” vibe was con-

ent’s picture-perfect parties, I was imagining plan-

structed and they had a hard time hearing/seeing

ning for a party Frank and I, one we would throw

how happy I was performing perfection and happi-

for our friends. The “Picture Perfect” was my call

ness for them. In reaction, I felt sad for my friends

line and, as a party planner, was I a success! We

and wondered what kind of language -- both

designed parties that Elle, O, and Woman, would

visual and verbal - - could possibly be available to

die to capture fashion stories inside of.

those I invited into my wedding party.

The group assembles for the Vigil. (Liz Rywelski)

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I know Gina is a loyal lover of people. I have secret feelings that she may be the ideal mother while I may be the ideal otherparent. However, we do need to locate a third to the family structure.

These are women I love who believe in the “foreversacred-love-stuff ” but, who have seen “perfection” played out in their own lives as a false-hood…. or something else they feel they may never ideally know. I was the best performer of all of my friends though -- a head cheerleader, the girlfriend of the

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

I also assume -- that the Committee assumes -- that

How did your character feel about men be-

I should be the birth mother… however, I am enjoy-

fore the Event?

ing this Y-absence liberation. I was getting married to Frank. I loved him -- and I know Gina is a loyal lover of people, I have secret

I know I loved him because he fit the ideal American

feelings that she may be the ideal mother while I

Man bill.

may be the ideal other-parent, however, we do need

football and baseball team captain. If anyone one could perform perfection -- or any deviation from

- “Rachel”

it-- it was ME.

He was picture perfect and “faked it till he makes

to locate a third to the family structure.

it” perfect partner. We would have had decade’s worth of flawless family photos and stories to tell.

What that means will be open to discussion, between Gina and me…

And no one knew it better, and could see through it

There is an EMS named Becky Errato that blogged

better, than Gina, my college roommate. After all

about Frank’s death while in the helicopter, my heart

the men died, she came to my side to console me for

still stings when I Google the name.

Some who may be of interest to our family structure

before the Event? If so, what were the rela-

my loss of Frank. She understood -- even through

I KNOW I am an ideal mother. I KNOW love. I

are: Kathryn, our college friend. She has a lovely

tionship dynamics?

all her own losses: her father, her brother, her past-

KNOW protection. I KNOW ideal.

property and may be a valuable invite to include in

lovers -- she understood my pain and supported me

I KNOW history and culture. I KNOW woman-

our familial security plan.

through the shock of losing a dream, to fulfill the

hood. I KNOW joy. I KNOW support -- Gina is

destiny of my one true love: Frank.

my greatest support; she understands my loss and

I also have Elina in mind, she is a brilliant artist I

had threesomes, and non-stop feminist activist down

desire for a picture perfect life, and a child.

met years ago, and I recently found out she has been

with the man types. Gina couldn’t handle my desire

recommended to the insemination program.

to make a life with Frank -- so I had to cut her some

Post-Y-plague, Gina made me detox-tea every

Did she have any intimate relationships

Gina was and is now my best friend. We were tight and wild in college -- we were wild punkie girls,

room for a while. But she found me after the disas-

morning, she fed me grilled sage-tofu when I

She knows I have never known a father. Gina

couldn’t eat anything, and she made sure I drank

knows my feminist worldview and shares it with

The fact that Elina has been selected to a trio gives me

water and laughed at least once a day. She also

me. We have to make the most out of what we got.

hope about this program -- that it is not conservative or

reminded me that there were several abandoned

When one of our college friends was acquaintance-

repressive-past-GOP style- repressive-selective.

children at the orphanage where I newly worked

raped by a semi-famous mutual guy friend that

part-time. This was entirely helpful since I knew

everyone knew, DeaconD, we were all present for

Though Gina’s Aunt is a GOP-repressive still in

they needed me at work more than I needed them.

her recovery, through all of the lies she had to tell

office -- so I may have to play along.

ter, and we’ve been close since. Can she imagine feeling a romantic attachment to a woman? Always -- I’ve always said, well before I became a monogamous with Frank -- that I’d kiss+ anything

herself before she could arrive at the truth of the I can’t even begin to talk about how haunted I still

sexual assault she had experienced. This was tragic

I have a feeling that I may have to convince Gina

that smiles at me. I’ve never lost that perspective.

am after being on the phone with Frank when he

and I know, in some specific ways, it had prepared

that she is the idea mother, in order to know a child

How has your character coped with the Event in

died.

Gina to be there for me after Frank’s death.

by association and survive the post-Y lifestyle.

terms of having to fill new roles in life?

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

The orphanage has kept me sane. These children

What does your character think about the

love me so so much -- they call for me and their eyes

Committee’s project and her part in it?

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

light up when I walk in the room. Sometimes I don’t know what I did to deserve such love from these

I trust in the Committee, I trust in their project, and

poor abandoned souls -- I wish I could take them all

I wish the best for our society. Gina and I are proud

home with me.

to be exemplary of the new times family structure and its success.

I’ve also begun researching documentation from ***

Y-time and post-Y time. This area of photogra-

The players enjoy each other’s company in small groups during the workshops. (Liz Rywelski)

phy and video fascinates me -- documentary I now In game diary:

After we had gone around the circle introduc-

In meditation I started to drift to a place of

Day 1: workshops

ing ourselves I thought, no this was the better

sadness, that not only did this breakup feel like

I’m interested in liberating photography from the

way -- because each one of us will soon become

a sudden death, in the situation the meditation

male traditions of previous time.

someone else, extracted from said identity.

was proposing of me sudden death isn’t served

They are very different methods of introduc-

as justice to my very tender and hurt feelings.

tion and in hindsight I thought it well planned

He’d still be around and so would she and we’d

that we used this method.

probably have to be friends because chaos and

understand has always been gendered.

(Photo credit: Liz Rywelski) How does your character feel about the Everyone sitting in a circle:

other members of her Triad?

disaster often renders bygones as bygones. Oh, I love Gina BBF style. We have a swing space

• Introduce yourself to the person next to you

Meditation on what the last day was like.

with the lovely, famous, and totally gorgeous Linn.

(they will soon become a ghost)

Imagine being there.

I just wonder how her esteem has held up since the

• Answer- who you are, where you are from

Y-death. For me, experiencing the lost of Frank --

• How you found out about the game

This was difficult for me, for a few reasons

terone became a poison and those of us with

the desire of one man was horrific. I can’t imagine

• One important man in your life

-- the floor and a so far non-emotional attach-

too much of it would die. Anyway -- not so

what losing the desire of an entire male population

• Go around the circle introduce ourselves to

ment to the plot. I began to think about my

interesting but that’s what happened for me in

must do to Linn’s ego.

the group

recent break up from a 2 yearlong relationship

meditation.

I started rewriting the original inspired plot -- Y the Last Man -- for ways in which testos-

that was going really well until I learned he Penguin Pelican game.

Hopefully she knows good people who care for her

For this, I remembered that when introducing

had been cheating on me -- for a month. He is

healing as well as Gina has cared for mine… if

one self to the other in workshop it has proven

a trans-man, who identifies as asexual, and she

not, she may be emotionally toxic and it will be

more functional in to the group dynamic to

is a lesbian and I wasn’t invited. I’m not even a

This was fun, a good way to get used to being

harder for me and Gina to show her the love that

introduce yourself to the person next to you,

real monogamist and have had successful non-

touched for game reasons, and a good way to

she needs.

then that person introduces you to the group.

monogamous relationships in the past.

demonstrate how things spread quickly.

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The world of desiring older women was

So, when we were both in-character, it was

I was drawn to the long lines of her palm -- as

opened up to me during this play. Vicki was

interesting to see how the exchange was differ-

if reading them and feeling envious of her love

This reminded me of the sex therapy docu-

the most playful and sexy of the circle -- I took

ent and I got a feel for his character as well as

and life lines -- she had known men for so much

mentary, Private Practices, by Kirby Dick (1985):

from her what I learned and tried it out on eve-

how mine relates to intimacy. So to go into this

longer than me, I was happy for her and sad at

http://www.fandor.com/films/private_prac-

ryone else -- I’m curious how that playful touch

deeper, I was playful and flirty while he was

the same time. I think Helen found this confus-

tices

spread through the group via Vicki.

recoiled, I remained playful and non-invasive

ing both in and out of character.

Ars Armadi workshop:

then he opened up and we had a heated passionThe next was Alex, she was quite the aggres-

ate exchange.

In which sex therapist, Maureen Sullivan,

Visually, of the inner circle, I was most at-

explains touch— “touching is the best way I

tracted to Nicole, but she was the most timid,

know to communicate personal and intimate

sweaty palmed, shaking really shaking one and

Once I realized he was going for the full sexual

fast -- I wasn’t having it both in and out of

feelings.” She takes her patients hand and

it made me feel uncomfortable -- so I moved

experience I recoiled and remembered Frank,

character, so I led her to play and tried to slow

begins to just casually touch it, not to turn him

from intimate touch to fun playful touch and

and turned cold, he played out the feeling of

her down through play to buy time.

on. Maureen says that she teaches her clients to

she couldn’t swing it -- I felt as though she was

rejection, then I think we just fucked to get it

touch for their own pleasure.

stuck in a “sexy play” mode against her will,

over with. When the session was over we both

this made me feel sad and protective of her as a

laughed, it was a funny scene. I also don’t re-

person inside the player.

member making eye contact so I don’t know if

This part was really exciting and it got me

that was an open eye scene or a closed one.

more excited to get into the game. I wished it

She says in example, “It’s not to turn you on. I’m touching because it feels good to me.

sor and really wanted to get up to my shoulder

Discussion of game mechanics.

happened more for me --I never heard an inner

“ Then she offers her own hand to the client

In game, I was glad to see her protected by

saying, “I want you to take pleasure in any way

Kathryn in a wonderful trio such as the Sur-

Two other scenes that were really moving were

that feels comfortable to you using my body.”

vivalists. For the round where we were to play

the two in character when we meet a person in

And she suggests he stroke her hand for his

in-character I was with Isak. This was curious

the room and begin hand play -- open eyed - in

own pleasure. The client at first has difficulty

and the most different than any of the other

character. I met Helen first, the grandmother

doing this, so she suggests he close his eyes.

experiences.

of the Nuclear Family.

very near the way I approached touching the

Backtracking though, I had been the aggressor

Rachel wouldn’t find it necessary to be intimate

others in my Ars Armadi circle.

with John in a previous round, and with that ar-

with her I imagined so I led the touch as if it

rangement I felt more comfortable and knew what

were a dream-fast (The Dark Crystal, Jim Hen-

I was kind of surprised by how so very differ-

was expected of me as the aggressor than when

son -- sadly I can’t find any ref online of this

ent each and every experience was in the circle

with the other women. Probably because my sex

right now -- basically they hold hands and share

-- and how very opposite from visual attraction

life is has been largely hetero-queer, without many

the story of their lives in a mutually visible

my hand-play attraction was.

deeply intimate relationships with women.

dream and personal narration of the dream).

voice outside of scene shifts.

I was drawn to the long lines of her palm -- as if reading them and feeling envious of her love and life lines -- she had known men for so much longer than me, I was happy for her and sad at the same time.

The display of touch the client expresses was

234

- “Rachel” 235


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Day 2 Workshops:

I feel closer to understanding the lens my char-

Maybe one reason is because she knows that if

acter sees through and where I can interject my

Rachel sees more fun options than maintain a

This was a good way to explain our interpreta-

own research into the character play. I know

life in the ghost of Frank then she might take

tion of the libretto and other character dynam-

Rachel as someone who has always seen herself

them. Rachel definitely has these feelings at

ics as we had played then out to ourselves by

as the center of the world -- Frank made that

the gathering.

reading the libretto. It was pretty clear that

a reality for her and Gina serves to maintain

some of us spent more time than others specu-

that idea. She has lived her whole life with the

She sees other woman creating security for

lating characters and relationships.

purpose to fulfill a certain specific lifestyle pro-

themselves -- like her college friend, and Gina’s

vided for her -- “a point + purchase lifestyle.”

Conservative aunt is the mayor of a very

This was a good exercise to get a feel of how

secure town. But then there are the radical

the other players might interact with us in the

Introduction of self to trio.

I had read Linn as an ego driven sex pot who

Introduce selves in trio to group: Gina introduces us but Rachel talks over her saying, “I know she doesn’t seem fun but she really is fun you just have to get to know her.”

still head a lot of money and some royalties

Her connection to womanhood is a provided

artists who run a refugee camp in Brooklyn

game. Also a primer on how the Black Box

from the moves and gigs she had before the

aesthetic, not a self made understanding of self.

and have really fun lives. She wants to leave

could work.

the past behind and go someplace that feels

Disaster. Kira didn’t find these points of most importance and decided to focus on Linn as an

The culture that Rachel served to maintain

secure…. With or without Gina, so she begins

individualist helper who has found identity in

-- the corporate consumer -- no longer exists,

to network.

being an undertaker and a fighter.

though players like Ellen from the Professional

In the ritual -- we go around and say where we

Women are looking to resurrect it. She feels

were at the time of the Event, many people cry

Corinne found Gina to be exactly the way I has

culture shock at the gathering. She never be-

over their losses. Rachel begins her talk by reducing

imagined her to be. I wished there had been a

fore has seen such diversity and is shocked that

everyone’s loss to her own.

deeper interpretation of Gina’s character for

the government view some of these women

Rachel to play off of. The questions we asked

“motherhood worthy.”

Game Starts:

She closes by suggesting that she is ready to move on -- hopefully hinting at finding a new more secure

were typical and directly from the libretto—

situation. She doesn’t much mention Gina.

then we ran out of questions, so I suggested we

She begins to doubt herself and her roots and

think about video game stats and what is im-

whether or not she is strong enough to commit

portant -- like vitality, weapons, money, energy,

to motherhood in such an unsafe and unsure

I thought to do this because I wanted players to

health, wealth, children, etc. etc.

world. She is shocked by the amount of guns

solidify their opinion of me in the face of opposi-

there. Women are carrying guns?! She hears

tion, because I knew my character would be a comic

This was a fun and definitive exercise. That

stories of the tragedy outside of where she is

relief, I wanted to win people who took offense to my

night in the cabin: Feeling comfortable with

from and realizes she has been living under a

opening statement over in the game, I’m not sure this

people in cabin. Excited for game but still have

rock since the event, and Gina has helped to

actually worked.

no idea what it will be like.

maintain her ignorance of how bad things are. The start of the Vigil from Rachel’s perspective. (Liz Rywelski)

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

She is realizing that she needs to let go of the world

Meeting with Theresa: went well Gina and I

as it previously was -- so histrionic -- and branch

expressed that we’d love to have Linn if Linn could

I (Rachel) tell Gina that I’ve never seen so much di-

out and become more independent -- or appear so

express commitment to us. (Later that night Linn

versity and that I’m realizing how much of a bubble

more independent that the other characters.

expressed her commitment via a lover’s session

Scenes in the Main room day 1:

Rachel became sexually attracted to Julia during the checkups -- she knew how to touch a woman and where to look and was so confident and smart and had a great job and a lot of power.

with Gina -- Rachel never knew about this in

of privilege I’ve lived the past 3 years or more. I’m scared that the Committee won’t pick me as a mother

Ellen needs me to exist with child because I am the

because I’m unfit -- everything I know as mother-

archetype of predictable irrational consumer behav-

hood -- the catalogues, the strip malls, the parks, the

ior that drives the market.

game).

- “Rachel” The Party: Thomas asked us to share stories Day 3 Scene 1:

of the stupid things men did that we now miss. I

house, the car, the dogs, the husband, it all doesn’t exist anymore -- I don’t have a vision of what

If Gina begins to call her out for her “new” behav-

shared the Ikea carpet story and the 3 cloves of

motherhood looks like post-Event and that renders

ior then Rachel will further oppress her.

garlic story. Elena stole the Conservative’s flag and

I tried to take pictures but it really wasn’t work-

wore it in a strip tease -- this was great fun. Also,

ing for me as well as I had expected in game. I had

-My in game notes stop here, so I am adding in

dancing to “It’s Raining Men,” and expressing to

wanted Rachel to take amateur-like photos because

my recollection below.

everyone that if it really were raining men I’d be

she would certainly have a consumer ready point

outside with my legs behind my head waiting for

and shoot and a consumer ready dslr and nothing

one to fall into me. Gina reprimanded this display.

fancy -- so that is what I brought and that is what

I was drinking tea at the party, the tea bag note said

she shot with. Looking at other larp documentation

me unfit, unstable, I have nothing to point to I have no identity in motherhood. Rachel is someone who prefers to resemble the domiThe meeting with the committee.

nant culture and that culture as she knows it does not exist -- she finds herself attracted to other players who seem to have it together in terms of what a

We originally had a meeting scheduled for 8pm -- it

-- “The art of longing and the art of belonging

there are better quality pictures. I should have aimed

new dominant culture can look like—or is.

got pushed back to almost 9, then we couldn’t find

must be experienced in life.” I was experiencing it

to be more on par -- and hopefully Ella has better

the cabin, which was deep in the woods, in the dark

in game.

images.

Rachel should have had magazines from 3 years ago

and in the rain. Finally, we got to Julia’s office

that she still reads -- maybe Gina sends them to her

and Linn went first -- I couldn’t believe she did the

The crazy showdown that the Committee sprung on

Our trio gets 2 babies and another player: the Lieu-

so it’s like she still gets magazines that represents the

pushups -- the floor was so dirty.

us in the main room demanding everyone in there

tenant, Rachel finds this sexy and begins mis-gen-

and threatening to set loose chaos or who and who

dering the Lieutenant since Sharon is now part of

past life. That would be extreme though and maybe it’s not like that -- Gina seems like she doesn’t much

I told Julia about my abortion and that I once

was not getting babies -- the group tones it down

our trio and she has a gun -- Rachel finds this sexy.

like to put up with Rachel’s BS.

thought I had the clap, but I didn’t. Rachel became

and much more wanted to rest the night and learn

She is also excited to be relocated to Green Point

sexually attracted to Julia during the checkups -- she

about babies tomorrow.

with the Artists trio at the refugee camp. She feels she has won over the Committee to have started as

Her role model is Jennifer Anniston -- though she

knew how to touch a woman and where to look and

tells Julie that she is 183 lbs., so that is telling. For

was so confident and smart and had a great job and

Night time -- we had s’mores fire in our cabin with

a duo and moved to a quad- getting 2 babies in the

Rachel, at the gathering, never before has diversity

a lot of power -- Rachel began to mis-gender Julia

the Lovers and Lisa and Linn. It was sexy; we

group!! Replicate consumers + replicate sex symbols

and the meaning of diversity been so real to her.

in conversation and wanted to have sex with her.

shared sex stories and made triple-decker s’mores.

for the new culture!!

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Pre-game workshopping. These three’s characters would eventually be placed in a quad by the Committee to raise children. (Liz Rywelski)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Etc. etc. it’s still just a tree in the center of the

So now it’s out of my hands—I pass on my im-

composition to anyone else. I realized I was

ages and hope they can use them. After that, I

still in game brain -- and all of these images

have to opportunity to make my own piece out

still held the aura of what was going on around

of it and I will for food for my thesis. But to

them creating pictures with really very little

organize the images in a meaningful way -- and

significance but they meant a lot visually to me.

just a few images -- that tells of my character

The point was this: there is documentation and

experience.

there is documentary. Documentation is the

Scene ends, I put down my camera. We debrief

stuff accumulated, the way you accumulate it,

I’m not sure I have those exact pictures -- I was

and I learn that Gina and Linn hand sexed the

and how much taken at random produces the

too busy capturing the “scenes”; I should go

I forget what I said in the inner voice scene change –

night before. This was my first bleed… and it hit

thing you make the documentary out of.

further into addressing the marrying of script

but it was like oh this is so cool or funny or some-

me later—as not I’m writing in hind sight—I

thing like that.

had recently been cheated on, and not that this was

The documentary is what you do to organize it,

cheating, but I wasn’t let in on it, I felt like there is

muck it up, and present it to tell a story. What

I remember in all of the chaos just to try to lure Isak

something about me that leads people astray. This

complicates this documentation for me was the

Not to justify the work I’ve done but to inform

into wanting to be with my trio -- so asking who

sat with me for a few days.

shift between in- and out- of-game, and the few

my approach to work like this in the future.

Scene 1 ends- enter Isak.

and documentation. Mary Ellen Mark -- an on set photographer. Etc. etc.

moments where I felt in-character and out-

he thought was the prettiest, what kind of food he Criticism of images:

likes, telling him to go with Linn bc she lives with

Other:

of-character opportunities to visualize great images -- these are the ones without people in

me now. Etc. etc. Being the comic relief at all possible times as was written into my character. Vicki

I presented the images I took during MatB in

them -- the ones with people I felt like I had to

In game, Nora was weirded out by my ex-

gave us beef jerky and nuts in the mom cabin.

class (Bruce Jackson documentary photogra-

take on the fly to not break game.

planation of real experiences -- I had made a triple-decker s’more last night and ate it. That

phy) today and they were not received well- I went and got my wig for Isak, and tried to have

first because people were either put off by the

...In fact my BF Gina yelled at me in game for

was a fact and I enjoyed it both in- and out-of-

hand sex with Lieutenant. When the girls escaped

term larp -- or understanding what larp is was

taking pictures at a few pinnacle moments--

character. That was a bleed maybe? And Nora

away with Isak I was like, “No way I’m not go-

too much for them to process and attach to

like Isak entering and the ritual ceremony--

brought it up to me post-game as something

ing to follow this dude down here, in the rain, and

the regular images. Bruce pointed out that in

and this really pissed me off in an out-of-game

that stood out to her—well that is true in my

the wet woods.” I was getting bored being bossed

explanation, I was personally attaching impor-

way. I really could have never imagined the

real life -- my friends don’t know when I’m

around by some dude, and this was an expression

tance to this or that image -– whereas for the

way the larp was going to be. This was my first

acting or being serious. This is both a perk and

shared by other players. I thought at this point I

viewer it had little to no significance—“Why a

larp and it was to organize and part of me just

a problem. But my really really good friends

might try to access the black box to get more in touch

picture of a tree? Well that’s the tree Frank is

enjoyed it so much I was having too much fun

know that I always tell my truth and sometimes

with my character but then the game ended.

standing behind.”

to remember to take pictures.

my truth happens to be fantastic.

240

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Gina Archetype: Dreamer, martyr

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)? 3

Age: 26

drinks/week

Occupation before the disaster: Officer at a

Family history of transmissable diseases

government unemployment office

(genetic, etc.)? * cancer: grandfathers died of

Current occupation: Officer at the agency for

lung cancer (smoking) maternal grandmother -

rationing cards.

Type II diabetes parents died in Event Scoliosis or hip displacement? no Birth control? no, violent reaction to hormonal

#3 - Gina, 26

STI history? no Height? 5’8”

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

Weight? 150

2 weeks, regular

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

Uterine fibroids? no

High/low blood pressure? low-to-normal

Previous pregnancies? no

Previous surgeries? 1st molars out @ 10,

Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good,

tonsils out @ 16

memory OK, breath control 18s

Rachel takes a close up picture of Gina, her Best Friend. (Liz Rywelski)

242

243 Gina from Rachel’s perspective. (Liz Rywelski)


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The Triads: The Conservatives Norah, Rebecca, Anne Theresa’s Psych Notes: the Conservatives

These three women all grew up in the small

After a couple of months Bedford and farms

The historical significance of Bedford has

town of Bedford, Pennsylvania. Anne and

close to the town were one of the areas in this

taken on new meaning for those running the

Rebecca were inseparable in high school, but

part of America that had recovered the most

town now. Bedford Springs Hotel was a popu-

I attempted to go back to dinner -- this time, we

life took them different places so for some years

since the death of the men. There is a func-

lar resort during the 19th century among the

were in luck. The Committee met and ate...

they didn’t have that much contact with each

tioning local economy and a militia has been

wealthy, and President James Buchanan used

...which is when it was revealed to us that none of

other.

established to deal swiftly with any theft from

the place as his summer White House. In 1855,

us had invited the Conservatives, that they had been

the farms or the town itself. The local council

the hotel, also housed the only Supreme Court

spewing homophobic and anti-Muslim rhetoric, and

Norah is younger than the other two and got to

has refused to implement any type of ration-

hearing ever to be held outside of the capital.

that Washington had cut a deal with them to give

know Anne as the mayor’s wife when she was a

ing, something they see as a dangerous slippery

All three have agreed that Norah is the intend-

them a child upon threat of Bedford seceding from

Tea Party activist. Norah and Rebecca only got

slope to socialism.

ed birth mother in this group. However Anne

the Union.

is having second thoughts and now desires to

to know each other after the disaster when they both became part of the group of women now

Volunteerism and getting the market to func-

be chosen herself if possible. Rebecca would

Flashes of my American History classes reared up

in charge in Bedford.

tion again is the only way to rebuild the nation.

also not be adverse to the possibility of being

within my mind as I imagined the country bathed in

The government is afraid that this is one of

chosen should the opportunity present itself.

blood once more.

All three of them, however, have been active in

several areas that are in danger of trying to se-

different ways in the one half in the American

cede from the union and it is a priority to avoid

Culture Wars named Conservative America.

the potential conflict to escalate.

None of them would have ever considered voting for a Democrat, but that doesn’t mean they

In Bedford it is a common view that the death

agree about everything. In fact there are plenty

of Men was an attack on America by terror-

of things, personal and political where they

ists. Since it is now clear that the Disaster has

can argue passionately with each other. But

affected the entire world it seems obvious that

towards others they will often present a united

something went wrong with their plan and the

front.

terrorists got more than they bargained for. Anne, Rebecca and Norah all share the belief

After the Disaster, all three were soon promi-

that with faith in God and through the spirit of

nent members of the group that were now

enterprise and perseverance men will be born

running Bedford.

again, and humanity and America can be saved. : The Conservatives pose for the picture corresponding with their Ob/Gyn exam. (Julia Lunetta)

244

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Quite honestly, we were unlikely to survive the cur-

She gave me the strength to perform what she later

rent catastrophe... we’d never survive civil war.

rightly called an “interrogation” upon the Conservatives.

Julie reminded me we still needed to meet with them

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

I swore to Maria I would rather lose my job than subject a child to ideological fascism. The thought of a boy born into that community, used to breed even more brainwashed, ignorant Stepford Wives without husbands made my skin crawl.

I was the enemy at worst... someone to be avoided at best. I watched the storytelling show, trying to allow the joy of the memories and jokes to lighten my mood. Then, Lisa informed me that Elina had performed a strip tease while I was gone. “Damn it,

and I began to panic. I had forgotten the last round

Energetically, I had no problem with Nora and

of interviews. I felt as if these women were taking

Rebecca. They seemed well-meaning, if naïve

us emotionally hostage, infiltrators into our other-

and misguided. Anne, on the other hand, felt like

wise happy gathering. All of the women here, de-

Yahweh’s vengeance -- a lightning bolt of wrath

Would she attempt suicide, like so many gay and

humor. Completely inappropriate, but I needed it. I

spite having vastly different backgrounds, seemed to

directed straight for me. I imagined the kinds of

transgendered teenagers do when they feel rejected

felt my sanity slipping.

establish somewhat of an accord with one another.

subtle torture she would inflict upon the girl, remem-

and bullied by society? Would they love her no mat-

bering stories of children humiliated and beaten as

ter what?

- “Theresa”

why do I always miss the good stuff ? I had to interrogate the neo-cons!” I blurted out in an attempt at

The performances ended and many of the women began to dance. I saw the Lovers and the younger

None of them believed in corporal punishment.

the result of masturbation or early sexual behavior.

Most were willing to accept intimacy between

I considered the sorts of shame that poor girl would

I finally let them go. Sharon walked away, per-

people all enjoying one another, feeling sexy, explor-

women, even if they did not choose it for themselves.

have to face on a daily basis from this pent up, re-

turbed. I needed to use the restroom and felt com-

ing, expressing. I keenly felt my age, spiritually. In

A child would have the option to make her own

pressed, embittered woman.

pletely vulnerable as I walked through the dark

paganism, they call it the Crone, though 45 is hardly

woods to the bathroom. And, of course, there they

knocking on death’s door.

choices in life with these other families... but, now we had proof that these Conservatives intended on

They answered the questions well enough, consid-

were... alone in the bathroom... talking about me.

sowing hate.

ering. Should I feel relieved that they would only

“Hello, ladies,” I said, trying to sound as smooth

The fate of the humanity was, quite literally, on my

spank the child on the rear and not use their fists?

and confident as possible. Thankfully, they left with-

shoulders. I allowed myself to feel the sadness, the

And I had to go meet with them. I swore to Maria I

Should I find comfort in the fact they do not openly

out lynching me. I slipped into the common room,

nostalgia, as I watched. I wondered if I’d ever truly

would rather lose my job than subject a child to ideo-

condemn women who have turned to each other for

completely drained and depressed. Who was I to

been young... I always sought maturity, the respect

logical fascism. The thought of a boy born into that

sexual intimacy, though they find such behavior sin-

make decisions for these ladies? No one, really.

of an older, wiser man... authority...

community, used to breed even more brainwashed,

ful? Should I clap for their efforts to create a func-

ignorant Stepford Wives without husbands made my

tional media with their neighborhood newspaper,

Just a concerned person with a bit of training who

...you cannot imagine the relief I felt when Maria

skin crawl.

which they openly admit is littered with Christian

knew the right people. “The sad part is... we’re the

finally walked through the door. A woman who

propaganda?

best they’ve got,” I had reassured Maria with a

understood that weight, the burden of responsibility.

sardonic laugh. The thought did not reassure me,

We retired to our cabin with the rest of the Com-

In a complete breach of ethical etiquette, I asked Sharon to accompany me to the last therapy session.

Finally, I got to the core of the issue... would they

unfortunately. I tried to sit with the other women,

mittee to deliberate upon our decisions. We had just

Though I seriously doubted that Rebecca would try

harm her for displaying inevitable lesbian tenden-

to integrate with them, but of course they couldn’t

decided to give the Conservatives their child when

to shoot me right there in the office if I denied them

cies? Would they kick her out, like so many Christian

view me as a casual acquaintance after the intensity

Sara came and knocked on the door... the rest was

the child, Sharon’s presence soothed me.

parents have done in the past?

of our previous interactions.

of the night was sheer chaos.

246

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Norah

#1 - Norah, 29

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

She wore flannel shirt, jeans, outdoors boots,

Mad About the Weekend

old-fashioned rifle on her person at all times, a baseball cap and brown pleather bomber jacket.

Archetype: The hard-working pioneer

Height? 5’4”

The most challenging part of the weekend for

Age: 29

Weight? 130

me was not playing a character wildly different

Occupation before the disaster: Owned a

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

from the real life me, but the incredible stress

small chain of hardware stores with her hus-

High/low blood pressure? no

of playing a character-type that actively trig-

band and worked part-time as a journalist for

Previous surgeries? 4 wisdom teeth removed

gered most of the players.

the local paper, The Bedford Times

@ 19

Current occupation: Owner of hardware

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?

Would you mind telling me about your char-

chain, but lost most of the stores during the

some herbal remedies

acter and the relationship dynamics IC, both

She carries a rifle at all times. Along with her

riots. Is the Executive Editor of The Bedford

Family history of transmissable diseases

in your Triad and outside of it?

pearl wearing, suited Mayor and badge carry-

Times.

(genetic, etc.)? dad hypertension, died in

No makeup. Back to the land, ready to work and get her hands dirty when things needed fixing.

ing, holstered Sheriff companions, this trio was

Event

The challenging role, playing in the Conserva-

“High values are no excuse for not getting your

mom died of accident @ 50

tive Trio:

hands dirty.”

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

never without their guns. And sometimes a Bible. We decorated the outside of our side of the cabin with a flag.

Birth control? no

I was asked by the American side of the larp

STI history? no

organizers to play in a newly written “family

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

trio” made especially for the American run of

During downtime in the main hall, we occa-

2 weeks, regular

this game: a group of Conservative women

sionally stationed ourselves at a table under the

Uterine fibroids? no

representing the social and economic pillars

12 foot high American flag and put our Bible on

Previous pregnancies? * live birth (vaginal/

of a thriving, self-sufficient small town in the

the table, hoping to invite the curious over for

caesarian)? one, live birth (M)

heart of Pennsylvania.

conversation.

Norah is a post-Tea Party new-pioneer

What were you favorite or most intense mo-

woman: Pentecostal Christian, runs several

ments IC?

Physical fitness results: eyesight v.good, memory OK, breath control 9s Post-game Debriefing:

Sharon and Norah worry about securing the perimeter after the Last Man shows up. (Liz Rywelski)

248

hardware stores that teach women how to use tools, publishes a private newspaper (a luxury

If you ever wanted to know what it’s like to

Character: Norah from the Conservative trio

in post-apocalyptic America), fixes cars, and

play a villain in an American game RIGHT

(flannel shirts, baseball cap, rifle on back, reli-

hunts. She’s also a little “crunchy”: organic

NOW that everyone will automatically hate,

gious nutjob)

home-grown food and solar and wind power

without any introduction or “prodding” on

are her long-term goals for the town.

your part, this is the role to play.

249


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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The “public” larp didn’t even see the worst

We didn’t take make it easy for ourselves or

After our evaluation (which was last, pushed

She was officially done with BG after that and

of it; in our pre-game workshops and in our

for the others: we played these women as com-

back in game, and stressed us out all day long

became entirely focused on trying to band

in-game black boxing, our trio alone explored

plex, believably real people. It was tempting

waiting) by the Committee, we were outright

together the women against the Committee the

things I suspect might have been the most of-

to portray them as political cartoons, but we

told we were not getting a baby. A combination

next day.

fensive to the participants of the game, with

wanted to be likable. We were friendly. Gregar-

of because we were so successful (a small town

scenes involving protesting abortion clinics,

ious. Helpful. Lots of smiles. Willing to listen.

with lots of healthy girl children), but more so

I don’t think I ever felt so angry winning

destroying supplies of birth control (a purely

Humor (I brought my French, er, Freedom cof-

because of our extreme values.

something. It was a confusing soup of emo-

symbolic gesture in a world without the risk

fee press…that’s a joke!)

unplanned pregnancy…at least as far as our

tions. I think every group had some version of We were devastated. We thought we had every-

this happen to them (as they all were promised sperm at some point).

characters know), homophobia and extreme

It was a complex balancing act of standing

thing to offer a baby. But this after created the

religious views.

up for one’s beliefs while being humbled by a

scene I wanted most of all. In our sadness at a

world with entirely different rules. I made it

“party” later, one of the Muslims approached

We all felt “dirty” after these scenes, and we

clear that Norah believing in God was her pri-

us, asking what happened.

took steps to de-role from them and talk about

mary gauge for judging character. This made

what we were feeling, often. The workshops be-

it possible for Norah to see the devout Muslim

We told her how we were denied a baby. We

fore the game were invaluable to this and made

Sisterhood as potential allies in a crowd of

told her how they wanted us to perform un-

us better role-players for the game ahead.

sexual deviants, lazy handout seekers, big gov-

natural sexual acts. And she understood. There

ernment and the worst of all, atheists.

were tears on both sides.

women as my cohorts in this role; while we all

The more she was pressed for her beliefs, the

The last straw was later that night. The Com-

willingly signed up to be “bad guys,” we had

more I wanted to see Norah stand up for her-

mittee made a huge public announcement that

no idea what was to actually come. As we fell

self. The moment that I felt most sympathetic

both the Conservatives and the Muslims were

further down this increasingly uncomfortable

for her (and her trio) was when the Committee

now getting a baby. Because they feared the

rabbit hole, I always felt supported.

(Big Government) questioned our idea of inti-

worst would happen if they denied both our

macy. Our Trio would never engage in homo-

groups, but for different reasons.

I made it clear that Norah believing in God was her primary gauge for judging character. This made it possible for Nora to see the devout Muslim Sisterhood as potential allies in a crowd of sexual deviants, lazy handout seekers, big government and the worst of all, atheists.

I feel incredibly fortunate to have had these two

What really felt bad for me during this

sexual acts ourselves (even in a world without

game… far worse than taking on a role that

men), but what hurt that our most intimate act

This enraged Norah, who saw this as both a

conflicted with my own personal beliefs, was

of all, praying together, wasn’t enough for the

further singling out of her group, plus a ploy

the hostility and exclusion from the other char-

Committee. They mocked what we held most

on the part of Big Government to pit the two

acters. This happened almost immediately, most

sacred. And it left me, a real life atheist, furious

groups against each other (and the Muslims

often with little or no provocation.

for my character.

were mostly unarmed, educated women).

250

- “Norah”

251


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Norah’s player looking over the edge of the bridge at the water. (John Stravopoulos)

Did the game cause you to see the world or

The game was challenging, draining. It

In hindsight, there are specific American facets

What suggestions do you have for future

yourself through new eyes? Please elabo-

wasn’t easy fun. It was demanding. I was

to this game that went far beyond gender. I

runs of this game or other Nordic style

rate.

coming to the weekend from months of work

am glad for the changes done, and I also think

games?

related stress, but the emotional stress of the

the Nordic organizers could not predict what a

In a game so heavily focused on issues of

larp eclipsed my real life stressors just enough

huge impact the issues of race, religion, guns,

motherhood and gender, this was the least im-

so that they sort of cancelled each other out,

portant personal stressor on me. I’m 39 years

leaving me in a strange state of relaxed detach-

old and don’t have kids. I like kids, I like people

ment.

with kids. But if I do or don’t have kids, I’m still going to have a happy life, so I didn’t feel

What, if anything, struck you as different

like I was examining this much in game.

between the American games you’ve played and the Nordic style?

I willingly took on a role I know conflicted with my own values. I even hate the word val-

The great care and emphasis put into every-

ues. But I like challenging roles in games. This

thing that happens before and after the game.

might have been the most challenging thing to

I was delighted to find these activities just as

date, if not for sheer level of immersion.

interesting and rewarding as the actual game play.

Again, the most disturbing thing was immediately being hated for what I believed in, and

I’ll hand it to the organizers: they took great

not the individual I played. This made me just

care in crafting these Conservative three. It

want to defend this character and my cohorts

would have been easy to paint them as political

even more during game play. I did not want to

cartoons. But all of these characters have lost

play her as a political cartoon. I wanted her to

just as much as anyone else: fathers, husbands,

be a person.

friends and sons.

252

I’m responding to this question many months

and political leanings had on an American run

and many more discussions later after the run

of MAtB.

of this game, so it’s difficult to just summarize this neatly.

What are your thoughts on the pre-game workshops and the post-game debriefs?

In the most general sense, I’m most interested in using the most powerful of the Nordic tech-

Absolutely essential. I don’t think any of the

niques applied to American gaming and finding

players could have felt this game so deeply and

out what kind of new, interesting chimeras

profoundly without the slow build with the

could blossom from such a union.

workshops. And if we didn’t have the debriefs, we’d leave feeling absolutely devastated and

Again, the most disturbing thing was immediately being hated for what I believed in, and not the individual I played. This made me just want to defend this character and my cohorts even more during game play. I did not want to play her as a political cartoon. I wanted her to be a person.

possibly have some messy emotional fallout for weeks to come. Granted, I’m sure it’s impossible to completely debrief in just one afternoon, but just “cutting us loose” from such an intense game without a debrief would have felt callous. I’m fascinated by the process of pre-game workshops and debriefing and how it can be applied to other

- “Norah”

styles of RPGs.

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documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Rebecca Post-game Debriefing:

Archetype: Analyzer and concluder

Previous surgeries? LASIK surgery @ 21

Age: 36

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?

Occupation before the disaster: Lawyer

ibuprofen & Sudafed (OTC)

Being a social conservative was really hard for

working as a researcher for the Heritage Foun-

Family history of transmissable diseases

me - I mean, saying out loud that you’re sure

dation

(genetic, etc.)? mom dead - breast cancer @

all Muslims are terrorists and being homopho-

Current occupation: Sheriff in Bedford, PA

10 dad – hypertension, maternal grandfather -

bic is really hard when you don’t believe those

colon cancer in 80s, survived

things. And I grew up in a pretty conservative

She lives up to the saying: “Speak softly and carry a

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

area, so that’s something I fought against my

big stick”

Birth control? no

whole life.

STI history? no Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

I think my whole Triad found that really

1 week, regular

complicated. To some degree though, it gave

Height? 5’4.75”

Uterine fibroids? no

Conservatives a face for me - they are people,

Weight? 122

Previous pregnancies? no

too. I just don’t agree with them. So I guess

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

Physical fitness results: eyesight good,

ultimately it broke a prejudice I didn’t quite

High/low blood pressure? low-to-normal

memory good, breath control 18s

realize I had. Or at least didn’t feel bad about

#2 - Rebecca, 36

having.

Being a social conservative was really hard for me - I mean, saying out loud that you’re sure all Muslims are terrorists and being homophobic is really hard when you don’t believe those things. And I grew up in a pretty conservative area, so that’s something I fought against my whole life.

--Yesterday, I returned to work and explained my weekend to my coworker, who is a real Conservative and pretty devout Catholic with whom I’ve had a few discussions on things like healthcare that I wish I hadn’t (frankly, I just avoid them now). I absolutely wish I’d had my Triad family at my side! And it’s worth noting that said Conservative was open and interested in my weekend, despite the fact I’m sure it

“Rebecca” 254

seemed like a super weird thing to do for her. Rebecca, Sheriff of Bedford. (Liz Rywelski)

255


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

On my walk from the train to my house, I was

That’s why I reacted so strongly when Ma-

musing on how I got into my character -- I

ria said Anne had to recuse herself from our

felt like I didn’t get in that deep, because my

Triad. No one seemed to be picking up on it

emotional responses were really restrained. I

during her speech, and Anne silenced me be-

finally realized that those were my character’s

cause we’d been given a baby, but that was what

On Monday, I started thinking about what I

What are your overall impressions about the

responses. She had lost her mother at the age

hurt me most.

would do to get home in that situation. My dad

Mad About the Boy U.S. run?

The Conservatives examine the other Triads. (Liz Rywelski)

and I are kind of survivalists, and I couldn’t

of 10, and as an only child was really dependent on the father-daughter relationship. He

Even the fact that I was to be the mother (when

help formulating a plan. Later, I called my par-

I think it was really transformative for most of

made her world normal after that really trau-

I truly wasn’t sure I was cut out to be) didn’t

ents to tell them about the weekend and related

the players. Most of us had never experienced

matic event, and likewise, she tried to make the

override the sense of soul ripping that push-

the story, nearly tearing up again when I talked

anything like this, and some of us, including

world around her and her fellow Bedfordites

ing Anne from my family invoked. If I hadn’t

about how far I would be from Mom. Then I

me, were new or almost new to larp. Most had

normal as best she could. She didn’t dive into

been so personally tired and emotionally spent,

launched into the plan.

not experienced Nordic larp either. The overall

emotion, because she couldn’t function there.

I think I might have made a big scene. But also Anne would have tamped that down :)

Additionally, I felt I didn’t get a good grasp on ---

her identity, but again, it’s because she didn’t have a good grasp on her identity. She became

feeling I had was a sense of commitment from ME: So I figure I’d just go to a car lot and

all the players to immerse themselves in some-

get the best 4-wheel drive vehicle I could get,

thing new, even if they were nervous. We were

in case I have to do some off-roading to get

all in it together, even if our characters were

around the crashes. And hopefully it would

antagonistic.

a lawyer because her father was one. She went

One of the most emotional moments for me

have enough gas to get to a station, that was

to DC because he had. She was a Republican

was during the guided meditation. I live in

hopefully working.

because he was. Not because he forced his ide-

the Boston area, as does my brother, and my

als on her, but because he was her world, and

parents live in Maryland. I imagined myself

DAD: No, you should push one of those dead

she adopted his causes.

at work, watching my boss and my work study

men out of a vehicle, because the keys will be

die around me, then realized my brother would

in it. Look for a jeep; that would be good for

In his absence, she did the same with Anne, and

be dead, too, and I would be alone in Massa-

getting through ditches and things. They’re

Norah to some extent, although her crazy was a

chusetts. And then I realized my mom would

good for that stuff. And if it runs out of gas,

little much for Rebecca. But what really defined

be alone, too. How would I get to Maryland?

you just find another one.

her was her fierce loyalty to this adopted family

I’m too far away! My mom would be all alone

-- even if she didn’t agree with everything they

not knowing what happened to me! I started

Dad - still watching out for me, even in a fic-

thought, she would defend them and their causes

to tear up, and realized that this distance, were

tional world where he’s dead! I’m definitely still

to the death, to keep what little family she had

regular transportation options to be cut off,

processing a lot from this weekend, but sur-

left intact.

could really be insurmountable.

vival instincts are in full effect.

256

What really defined her was her fierce loyalty to this adopted family -- even if she didn’t agree with everything they thought, she would defend them and their causes to the death, to keep what little family she had left intact. - “Rebecca” 257


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

I understand that Mad About the Boy was your

Please share your favorite memories from

first larp experience. What were the most

the game, either as a player or an organizer.

interesting or transformative parts of the

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Anne Archetype: The Proselyteer

Some favorite moments:

role-playing process for you?

Age: 36 Occupation before the disaster: Mayor’s wife.

Well, I had done only one larp Lizzie had or-

The meditation on what it would be like if

Ran several charities, focusing on children’s

ganized for newbies as part of her research into

we, not our characters, experienced the death

welfare (hostel for indigent children, Locks of

larping -- but that was a Cthulhu larp and very

of all men was amazingly powerful and really

Love, Make a Wish ++)

different from what MAtB is.

brought me into the experience.

Current occupation: Mayor. Took over hus-

Regularity of menstrual cycle? Last period?

band’s job when he died.

current, regular

The American flag that was used for striptease (Liz Rywelski)

Uterine fibroids? no

What I loved about MAtB was the chance to re-

Bonding with my cabin mates over fire build-

ally explore my character and her motivations

ing the first night, then replaying all that as

“She knows her place, but she also know how to put

Previous pregnancies? * live birth (vaginal/

in a way I couldn’t in the Cthulhu larp - -these

characters who didn’t like or trust each other

others in their allotted place.”

caesarian)? one, vaginal, live birth (M)

opportunities were provided by pre-game

the next night.

work-shopping and game mechanics like the black box.

Physical fitness results: eyesight OK, memory #3 - Anne, 36

good, breath control 4s

Height? 5’4”

Post-game debriefing on leaving her Triad:

Our meeting with Theresa - it was raw, tense, and gut-wrenching. I felt truly defeated.

I have a lot more experience in theater than

Weight? 170

larp, so the ability to really get to know my

Black-boxing beating the crap out of Theresa

Existing medical conditions? * chronic? no

I’m finding the time I’m missing the girls most is

character was important.

after that meeting.

High/low blood pressure? normal

when I’m trying to explain the weekend to other

Previous surgeries? L ankle fracture @ 11

people. I was really excited about the larp so a

Taking an out of game moment with my trio

Substance use (alcohol/smoking/drugs)?

lot of people wanted to know how it went when

- we needed to talk out some of what we were

~10 cigarettes/week, ibuprofen

I got back. I found myself looking to my side for

experiencing, and I got closer to them.

Family history of transmissable diseases

someone to be there and validate what I was

(genetic, etc.)? mom - stomach cancer @ 56,

trying to express or maybe say the right thing

The moment when one of the Muslim Sister-

dad – Event, maternal grandmother @ 90,

to make me sound less crazy, because that’s what

hood reached out to my trio, the Conservatives,

grandfather @ 91, paternal grandmother @ 82

I could do all weekend. It was hard for me not

because WE were experiencing prejudice.

& grandfather @ 86

to have that and a little lonely not being around

Scoliosis or hip displacement? no

people that experienced the same things as me. I

And so many more... I think I could write up

Birth control? no

feel a little relieved reading that other people are

the whole experience!

STI history? no

struggling with it too I guess? Thanks!

A quiet moment around the table (Liz Rywelski)

258

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The Last Man: Isak Isak Archetype: The lone sailor caught in a storm

I spoke too soon. The only showers are in the

at sea.

woman’s bathroom :-( what the hell!

Age: 30 Occupation before the disaster: Zoologist

All clean. The trick, wake up at 6am. I’m the

Current occupation: Hunter, survivor on the

only one in the bathroom / showers. Water...

run

Cold :-(

“I am a poor, wayfaring stranger

Flashbacks I believe happen day 2 after break-

Just traveling through this world below

fast and I will burst in after lunch. Updates as I

But there’s no sickness, toil or danger

know more.

In that bright land to which I go. I’m going there to meet my mother

There are a few people from Norway and Swe-

Said she’d meet me when I come.

den here.

I’m just a going over Jordan I’m just a going over home.”

The thing that makes me most uncomfortable...

- Traditional folk song

I don’t feel naked without clothes, I feel naked without my wedding ring. This is the first time in years I haven’t worn it outside our home.

During-game mircoblogging on G+ via Phone:

Terry gets to wear hers though. I’m going to be playing the most important men in the player’s lives via flashbacks before

We are supposed to be immersed 24/7 but

I arrive. That way when my character busts

Terry and I keep sneaking away for secret hugs

in bloodied and desperate, there is already an

even though her character is incredibly scary.

emotional connection. (sleeping with staff in a separate cabin) Being in an almost all female LARP makes using the men’s bathroom kind of awesome.

Don’t tell anyone but I brought lots of fake blood.

260

Isak, the Last Man. (John Stravopoulos) 261


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Playing 30 flashbacks is going to be… chal-

Spying on Ars Amandi debriefings, “how was it

Terry is a fundamentalist Christian and their

Everyone is in character plotting. And all the

lenging.

for you.”

base is in a former Wal-mart. And she’s armed.

wrong people are heavily armed. This could go

And will get that baby!

from Vampire LARP to first person shooter fast!

We lost a player this morning. 29...

Although there is a meta rule... No killing till

I’m extremely extroverted loud and energetic and tend to fill leadership roles BUT I’m saying

A tremendously nice person brought eggs from

the last act. I’m calling it now, someone is go-

I might be one of the few people wearing

little. I’m fighting every urge to draw attention

their own chickens!

ing to shoot me... Maybe Terry!

makeup. Terry isn’t. I may also be in the minor-

to myself and dominate spotlight. I have soooo

ity of those showering.

much to add to the conversations being had but

My breakfast, bowl of rice with sriracha and

My plan is to ignore what is on my character

I’m keeping my mouth shut. Posting here helps.

coffee mixed with hot chocolate.

sheet. I will be different People. To one person I may tell them to give me a reason not to

People think I’m shy. Must fight bad habits.

Making 80 cups of coffee for the sleepy masses right now as Lizzie’s husband George starts

Lots of people here. Could take lots of photos

cooking breakfast for everyone.

I’m going to be part of a few documentaries

kill myself. Another I will tell them I plan to

covering the event. I’m excited!

kill someone... And why shouldn’t I have that privilege.

but not without consent and there are a lot of Is it awkward seeing the people you Ars

people to ask for consent. So there won’t be too

I hope the pictures they take of me are tasteful.

Amandi the morning after?

many of these.

I will admit I ate less than I would normally

If someone gets too intimate, I may come out as

this morning so I don’t risk bloating.

being gay. If someone likes me too much I will

Lizzie’s husband George is going to dress in

During the “ask anyone questions about their

drag to fill a missing role. Pictures coming!

characters” exercise I was being a GM troll ala

reveal a terrible secret. Someone hates me, I’ll be sympathetic, beg, and cry. I’ll tell the fundamen-

Kira is pitching story games hardcore.

Monster Hearts. “who is in charge here?” “who

talists I’m alive because of God... So what does

Camp Cedarcrest in Connecticut (2hrs from

thinks they are in charge?” “who is really in

that make me? Who does it make me? In some

NYC). Posting photos.

charge?”

cases I will be abused. Other times the abuser. Sometimes both. This will not be easy.

The administrators deciding who will be in-

And no one left oatmeal for me!!!

We have working fireplaces.

seminated are asking trolling questions. What’s your BMI? Are you nervous? How is your

::hungry::

I’m a ghost and memories today.

posture? Are you stressed?

Bursting into the scene tomorrow morning.

Today may mark the explosion of Nordic LARP in the US. So many people here organ-

How do these questions make you feel? As

ize US LARPs and are here to learn how to do

someone from the military stands behind the

Safe words:

this.

surveyor staring at you.

- break : chill out; - cut: stop, no questions asked.

The Last Man before his entrance. (John Stravopoulos)

262

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

You can call cut for someone else. The person

When I was originally asked to play (because

I did my best to avoid Ars Amanding anyone

I’m going to GM direct scenes with 2 groups!

who called cut can start again by saying go.

of my GMing skills and because they trust me

who I found attractive who aren’t already

The Professionals and the Three Generation

not to make the game about me) Terry joked

friends. It can get weird. One person was enjoy-

trios. 1.5 hours.

When it is time to keep quiet, we raise our

that I should play the monkey [from Y The

ing it too much.

hands and quiet the people to our left and right.

Last Man, instead of The Last Man] :-(

We will use the monologue technique, tell me what your character is thinking or feeling right

Washing everyone’s dishes. “there is no sperm on the premises”

now.

One thing I learned yesterday. My hands are

“playing to lose” is a technique we are using

much smoother than most (man or women)

After this I’m going to have 1-2 new gaming

except for the weight lifting calluses.

groups. I already have 8+. Why can’t I game

If I’m posting too much, let me know.

as a full time job? At least I use all this to help There are different forms of Ars Amandi. Last

No THACO. No Stats. Fuck this!

others to find people to play with.

Scenes I’m GMing: - Rescuing a kidnapped son.

night some people were gentle, but someone told me they hate-fucked me.

24/7 immersion except for the break room space.

Someone told me I Ars Amandi like a man! Not

- dealing with child gangs in a refugee camp.

enough foreplay :-(

- helping a mom who wants to abandon her daughter.

They turned me around and it was intense. Some was all teasing.

I’m not allowed to sleep with Terry!

Everyone is explaining their backgrounds. Really intense. These characters are 3 dimensional, human, complex and primed to explode. The number of miscarriages, dead babies, fathers, sons, and husbands dying in front of people is really sad. Really sad. I’m tearing up.

Everyone is explaining their backgrounds. Re-

- fight with husband over dinner.

ally intense. These characters are 3 dimension-

- Inappropriate behavior during a therapy session.

al, human, complex and primed to explode.

- 15 year old telling her family she is pregnant. - Quiet but passive aggressive family dinner.

The number of miscarriages, dead babies,

- Death scene.

fathers, sons, and husbands dying in front of

- more!

people is really sad. Really sad. I’m tearing up. The porn jokes have started. People are joking about gangbanging me.

Some of the characters are really, really dangerous.

The black box room has a porno bed in it. It’s We all talked about the important male role

meant to be a holodeck. The room can be any-

models in our lives. I realize I don’t have any.

thing you want.

- “Isak” 264

265


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

I might go for a walk by myself. I can at least enjoy nature if I’m going to be isolated. It’s important to note I’m extremely extroverted. Lack of social interaction starves my emotional levels. - “Isak”

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

I imagine by the time I show up the women

I’ve been told to stay away from everyone for

will be sick of the sperm bank bureaucracy and

the rest of the day to make my arrival tomor-

will be looking for alternatives.

row more dramatic.

But they don’t need companions, just genetic

I understand and I understand the unstated im-

material. That said I am GMing for some of

plication of being actually lonely to empathize

the alpha players.

with my character.... But this is out-of-game frustrating.

In the black box I’m part of the holodeck. Peo-

The fundamentalists have decorated their cabin

Lunch feels weird. Everyone is in character, sit-

ple can program me for their scenes. The room

with American flags.

ting in their groups but I don’t have a character

It’s raining and I’m stuck in a cabin with a

right now till tomorrow or till people embody

sleeping sick person and no outside engage-

me with a character via flashback or fantasy. I

ment other than writing this :-(

since we were playing with 2 groups, 6 people I

It’s lonely. I miss Terry. Everyone is laughing

Not sure how my quarantine effects my ability

wanted to have audience members act as NPCs

and having fun.

to act in the black box.

Some of the costumes are fantastic. The funda-

I’m going to talk to the other organizers to

has different lights including a disco ball. And different music options.

The role-play scenes I directed went well. I kept wishing I had an NPC to push things but

There are guns in the black box.

to stay involved.

How many times will I die this weekend? This is all meant to be my written record so I

We had loud but mostly quiet character rela-

mentalists are decked out openly branding their

verify I need to hide in an empty cabin for the

don’t forget anything.

tionship exploration scenes. The players have

weapons.

next 16 hours.

I might go for a walk by myself. I can at least

This is killing my micro blogging. Slept 2

enjoy nature if I’m going to be isolated. It’s

hours. Wore a hood to sneak to the bathroom unseen. Trying to force myself back to sleep.

vastly different RPG styles and cultural backgrounds so there was somewhat of a challenge.

I’ll try to keep this PG-13. Another technique: “inner voice.” GMs can play

The characters I’ve worked with so far are very

important to note I’m extremely extroverted.

the angels and devils on your shoulders.

strong and really don’t seem like they need or

Lack of social interaction starves my emotional

want men other than the specific individuals

levels.

Not sure how food / water is supposed to work for dinner.

irrespective of their genders that they miss.

We are playing 3 acts and using songs to indi-

Lizzie thinks her husband cross dressing is hot.

cate transactions. I have troubling imagining most of these womViolence is done in slow motion. No can die till

en caring about the Last Man when he shows

act 3. The defender chooses the impact of the

up other than as a financial or sperm asset.

violence. All guns have orange tips.

266

Clearly these are all things my character would

This may not stay exclusive to the LARP.

have gone through but emotional immersion of Vigil for the dead with candles. And technically

this sort comes close to violating my personal

I am the dead.

transparent opt-in principles.

267


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Then we only have 5 hours which feels very

Couldn’t sleep anymore. Isak is supposed to

short. I’ll have to work hard to make sure the

be alone stealthily scavenging. So I decide to

The cabin walls are thin. It’s weird to hear the

authorities don’t contain / monopolize / trap

sneak in the kitchen at 5am to scavenge a pea-

voices of friends like Terry and Kira pass by

me.

nut butter (but I don’t see any jelly) sandwich.

I’ve been running through the woods all night

This is the healthiest LARP I’ve been to... Food

and haven’t interacted meaningfully with peo-

wise. Chickpea curry, lentil soup, hummus,

ple in 3-5 years.

bread, almond milk, and we have just enough

I just posted “stealth” photos.

Right now I’m pretty hungry but don’t have access to food. Because of my thyroid condition I usually eat 6+ times a day. It’s no big deal. I don’t have to eat. It’s just I’m

or linger close and have whole conversations I

frequently aggressively hungry. I have a fall-

can’t fully hear or participate in.

back snack if needed or I will simply break the I did get to see Lizzie’s husband put on panty

game’s unexpected rule. Safety first.

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

food.

hose and a bra for the first time. By the way, both Lizzie and George are sweet people.

Just came back from stealthing to the bathroom. I actually hid behind a cabin and waited for people to pass by and then longer for the

I imagine G+ is like my radio transmitter in

coast to be clear. Trying to take this all in the

Isak’s (my character) cabin.

spirit of the game.

I also have to hope the players will clothe me. Shoes are my biggest concern. It’s going to be

In the main room... Empty... Where I will be

cold.

crashing through in 3.5 hours.

Reports coming in say the Black Box has been

Going back to the kitchen where it is warm.

An organizer brought me vegetarian food.

the best part of the game by far. Lots of cry-

To be fair, I remember Lizzie mentioning a

I’m much happier. I suppose this is a deer Isak

ing! Sad I missed such a huge part of the game

Sneaking into the women’s bathroom to shower

long time ago that there would be a part I

found and shot. Maybe Isak was vegetarian too

:-( but at the very least it sounds like the event

in non-warm water (men’s bathroom has no

would be hiding. So this isn’t 100% blindsiding.

until his world ended.

is a huge win for the players!

showers).

I just didn’t realize the scope and got super

I’d imagine Ars Armandi would be a hit at

Having trouble sleeping. It’s 44 degrees but

I know my character probably smells, but I go

excited by the alternative opportunity of black

speed dating.

feels like 20. Running around mostly exposed is

to enough cons that I’ve sworn never to be that

going to be chilly!

person. “it’s my character isn’t an excuse.”

box play (during the workshop players were George is going to the supermarket in drag.

told to grab me and we would play out scenes)

The black box is definitely one of the killer

before my character comes in. No black box The plan is for me to burst through breakfast

apps we will want to appropriate: http://nordi-

at 9am...

clarpwiki.org/wiki/Black_Box?

and said “this must be the most boring game

Semi naked, crazed, starving, cold, and con-

Just tripled up my socks. Going to try sleeping

you’ve ever played” followed by “did they make

fused. Then we freeze and every character has

another 2.5 hours. Not a complete sleep cycle.

arrangements to bring you food?”

to say what they are thinking.

play so far. One of the co-organizers friends just came in

268

269

The Last Man’s player takes self-portraits to pass the time. (John Stravopoulos)


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

Damn someone’s coming!

The paintball comment made me think of Gen

When I hear Terry’s voice I make a special

1 person caught me, 3 I avoided.

Con’s True Dungeon. It changed how I viewed

sound that’s pet-like because I miss her so

D&D.

much.

So much. My scenes I think went well but honestly I

Ever play paintball? You suddenly realize...

have no idea. It’s not for me to judge.

Fuck, I’d be dead... That easy. RPGs didn’t

A 10ft pole and a swinging 2 handed great axe

No idea how this ends. Not with love. I’m a

prepare me for this.

don’t make a lot of sense in many classic D&D

piece of meat or an asset to sell. I think some-

I burst through a door semi naked, covered in

situations with cramped spaces and overcrowd-

one is getting shot. Way more guns than I

blood, people screamed, I freaked out, I knocked

ing.

expected.

some chairs behind me to create distance, and

Covered tastefully in blood.

hid behind a garbage can, and accidentally Too many gang bang jokes.

Trying to take pictures to share.

Embarrassing pictures up.

smashed a back door which unexpectedly started to open.

People think I’m shy.

I’m strangely now used to the cold. I also wish

20 minutes.,. Then we paused signaled by playing the games

the bathroom walls weren’t so thin so I could ignore the conversations in the woman’s bath-

I’d like a version of this LARP with men only

room.

involved in Flashbacks that focuses on the time after reproduction is a non-issue to tell the

I’m hiding in the men’s bathroom for the next

story of how a world without men is different

hour.

if at all.

5 minutes…

theme song.

Ok I’m little scared now.

Then everyone said what is going through their characters’ minds.

I have exercises I do to defeat anxiety but I will use the fear instead.

We played the song again and un-paused.

Underarmor underwear is very flattering with

Then I threw the garbage can at everyone and

what it accentuates and hides. Terry calls it

tried to run out the backdoor but I chose to

man lingerie.

injure my ankle. People ran to help me and then someone chill-

(Photo credit: Liz Rywelski)

ingly screamed to everyone’s surprise:

FUCK! We ended 3 hours early!

“kill it.”

Too much to talk about.

So much more happened after those words.

The women getting ready for the day in the ladies’ bathroom. (Liz Rywelski)

270

271


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The Last Man’s dramatic entrance. (Liz Rywelski)

Zahida and Theresa offer fruit and clothing to the Last Man, trying to ascertain his physical and mental health. (Liz Rywelski)

The game ended up being about:

On the positive side the role-playing was amaz-

Few people are saying bye to me or looking me

So it doesn’t seem like a problem. I had a

- loss

ing, lots of tears, emotion, and the women

in the eyes unless I initiate. People told me I

person recently tell me the X-Card is silly and

- power of guns

playing felt safe and that they didn’t have to

triggered a lot of deep issues and most don’t

then their GM contacted me telling me how

- bigotry towards religious people

“prove” themselves when playing positions of

know me, just my character. Every time I try to

badly that same group needs it.

- women’s past relationships to men

power.

say almost anything someone jokes, “ohhhh the One thing that happened was players were

man wants to speak!”

- sex

talking about how in an all women game people

- birth

I will never forget this but the ending made me

- survival

sad. It was an 8 out of 10 but could have been a

Terry kind of went through similar things. She

didn’t have to worry about being talked over.

- who is in charge when those in charge are

10 experience.

played a conservative and ended up being “all

The people saying this were mostly the peo-

things Conservative other” to the characters.

ple talking over others or for whatever reason

removed (not men)

don’t get talked over. Some of the people who

But I will never forget and I’m glad I did it.

- Women pushing for the equality they didn’t have before while oppressing other women

Sprained my wrist and knee but totally worth it

got talked over, even here were silent, talked

- even with no men, the loudest and most mas-

Almost all the problems that happened would

and I’ve done worse to myself running tabletop

over, or finally voiced their experience to many

culine took power

have possibly solved by jeepform. Not enough

games.

people’s surprise.

- distrusting the government

meta transparency and out-of-game commu-

- choice

nication. The ability to split away from each

I’m an extreme extrovert and spent most of

I’m hyper sensitive to all this as a social organ-

This isn’t me talking but what women said dur-

other but not communicate remotely caused

the game not talking even when I had ideas and

izer.

ing debriefings.

issues in the end. The game ended before the

passionate feelings. This was the “know your

best parts!!!

place” game for me. Posting on G+ helped a lot!

I’m glad MAtB happened. For its success and for its mistakes. We can’t let fear of making

I was both given special treatment and talked down to. We ended 3 hours early because of miscommu-

mistakes keep us from trying.

Also I don’t think the staff took into account

There were a couple of X-Card needed mo-

how powerful religion and guns are... Especial-

ments. Even though there was a Break/Cut

ly guns in the U.S.

mechanic, a few people who were uncomfort-

Try. Do.

able didn’t use it.

Make mistakes. Make mistakes faster.

nication and I feel bad saying... making a kind

Fail forward. Listen.

of sexist choice in marking what happens to

It’s weird how much I’ve been treated like the

me as the end game rather than what happened

other outside of game. Everyone was thanked

Lots of people don’t see this stuff. It’s hard.

Learn. Change.

to the women.

except me.

Some people who don’t see it, don’t look, don’t

Grow.

ask, or don’t know how to.

It’s a process.

272

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

Day 1 was all about exercise.

Mid-game Player Account on StoryGames:

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

We then simulated sex with hand massages and

Then the group broke into trios and they did a

our eyes closed with the person across from us.

questionnaire workshop.

Y the Last Man LARP

We introduced ourselves.

One person was active, 1 passive. Then after

Day 1 Complete!

We then practiced improv warmup exercises (a

5 minutes we switched partners and rotated

The real game starts hardcore at 8am tomor-

sort penguin live action pacman zombie game).

who was active and passive. We did this till the

row.

All the men died 3 years ago.

Then meditated as a group.

circles rotated completely at least once.

30 women are competing to become parents.

We meditated and “relived” the day all the men

A Committee is reviewing families of 3 to see

died.

which unit will be fertilized with the surviving

More soon! Then we went again except both partners were active.

Post-game Debriefing on G+:

sperm from various banks. It’s unknown if new

We then interviewed each other’s characters.

male children will simply keep dying.

Players could ask you any question but you can

Then again except now you open your eyes and

This weekend has really messed with my extro-

choose to pass and not answer.

stare at each other... Not easy!

verted nature.

This also helped the trio family units bond.

We also simulated different styles of intimacy.

Every time I want to say something (in per-

Eventually you could touch someone’s entire

son), all these thoughts run through my mind:

In day 2 I arrive. I am the last man Hiding in isolation, I’m violently kidnapped. Then came hand sex.

arm.

Ars Amandi.

After the 30 women finish breakfast, I burst in, bloodied, almost naked on the run.

The idea is to practice a technique that is But this isn’t about me.

what boffer weapons are to violence what Ars

I’m not a protagonist.

Amandi is to sex.

I’m a stealth GM/NPC. And while I was given a character I will instead

We got into 4 circles.

play myself as a twisted broken mirror to re-

2 outside circles.

flect back drama at the real protagonists to put

2 inside circles.

the spotlight back on them.

With people facing each other.

“Am I talking over anyone?” Then we broke circles and randomly selected

“Who hasn’t spoken that should speak more

new partners.

than me?” “Am I too loud?”

This time should and upper back touching was

“Are people listening to me because I’m a man?

allowed.

Is that fair? I want to be valued as an individual!”

We then took a break.

“Am I being too persuasive? Does my manner of speaking do more to convince than my

We went into a large circle and discussed the

meaning?”

world in more detail.

“Who can I inspire to talk instead of me?” “Should I shut up?” “Am I talking too much?” This is really hard for me.

274

The Last Man grew a beard for the part. (John Stravopoulos)


The Book of Mad about the Boy (2012 US Version)

Post-game Public Debriefing on StoryGames:

I’m extremely extroverted. I could hang out with people 24/7. The more people the better.

I was the Last Man On Earth;

I also love to listen and facilitate conversation

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

The Nordic style focuses on participants

At some point I was nearly naked, covered in

portraying flawed human characters open to

blood, surrounded by 30 women, freezing, and

tragedy and suffering as well as happiness,

alone.

living in a reality similar to our own, save for

but I also love to talk. I love talking. Surrounded by women. I love expressing.

the absence of men. This is an event where you

This was incredibly hard.

very much play to lose.

And that’s partly why I did it. Additionally…

It’s not as sexy as it sounds. This isn’t a game.

But I’m also really observant and empathic. And it’s really hard to ignore when I have

I played a Nordic event called Mad About the

something someone doesn’t. It’s really hard to

Boy. It’s like interactive improv theater in a

take center stage when I know someone else

fully immersive environment similar to Sleep

could.

No More.

- I want to grow. You can’t win.

- I want to experience new things. - I was playing a game with some of the most

But you will feel.

amazing role-players I know on the planet assembled in one place.

Spending all weekend representing all the

A global disaster kills half of humanity; all

- It scared me. When something scares me that

men in the world, having people joke about

men are gone.

I don’t can actually hurt me, I try to push myself to do it if it will help me grow.

how horrible men are, joking about gangbanging me, joking about how I think I get to talk

The surviving women face rebuilding society.

- I’ve been doing more and more public speak-

just ‘cause I’m a man, and how I think people

Our story follows a group of women who have

ing and I figured what’s more challenging

should listen to me just because I’m a man...

applied to an insemination program initiated

than being semi naked while role-playing in

even when I barely said anything or did any-

three years after the Disaster.

front of a lot of people. - It will make for a great story.

thing... just being present made me a target... it was pretty wild.

As sperm has become a limited resource, only a

- It will make for great memories.

few women will be given this privilege.

- I want to start organizing LARPs. - I love gaming but I LOVE modern day, real

I also had to hide in the men’s bathroom for 2 hours in my underwear in the cold covered in

Then things go very wrong.

issues, serious topics gaming the most. - I’m a hyper extrovert that draws energy from

fake blood with really thin walls where I could hear what people were saying about me next

Several organizers and directors flew in from

door.

Norway and Sweden to facilitate the event with

I don’t know what else to say.

being surrounded by people.

Lizzie Stark who organized everything with my

I suspect my subconscious reasons are far more

friend A. George and a few others.

complicated. Top: Having been evicted from the main room by the Last Man, members of the Committee try to assess the situation with others. (Liz Rywelski) Middle: Maria and Kristin confer on the political ramifications of the Last Man, while Sharon and Norah discuss security. (Liz Rywelski)

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Bottom: The women discuss the fate of the Last Man, with Anne intent on bringing him back to Bedford. (Liz Rywelski)


The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

documenting a larp project about gender, motherhood and values

[fin]

Thank you for reading. Thank you for caring.

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The Book of Mad About the Boy (2012 US run)

“You Mean, The Reason I’m The Last Man On Earth is Monkey Shit?” -Yorick Brown (Y: The Last Man)

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