Always Beside You

Relationships are a work of art. Emphasis on the “work”

W

hether we focus on quality or quantity, depth or surface, building

relationships is part of our life's goals as human beings. So, how come some people appear to be better at it than others? Why aren’t we all seamlessly inundated with incredible friendships, partners and family bonds?

You can most certainly categorise people or personalities into groups to help you narrow down your most compatible relationships, it’s been done for hundreds of years. But we believe the most vital tool you can have in your corner is empathy.

With empathy comes listening, compassion, patience, kindness, and understanding. It’s not always what you say that has an impact, but how you behave, how you present yourself, and how you let the other person feel and behave. They say elephants never forget, and nor do people. We all remember a first impression gone wrong, or how somebody else made us feel awkward, belittled or dismissed.

It’s in our nature to hold grudges and remember past negative experiences as we’re protecting ourselves from future hurt or pain. It’s a primal instinct dating back to when we hunted for food in unknown territories; “am I prey?” As years have passed, and so too have eating habits thank goodness, we’ve been able to lessen our defence mechanisms somewhat, but “Stranger Danger” is still a concept we entertain.

Important factors in building relationships

Thankfully, skills in relationship building can be worked on. The following are ways in which to boost your networking skills, albeit at work or in your personal life.

Flip your perspective

It’s easy to get distracted by what we want others to know about us and how we want to be perceived, but that might not always help your case when forging connections. The first thing to consider is what you appreciate in others when meeting them for the first time. How do they make you feel at ease or welcome you into a conversation? Conversely, what don’t you appreciate?

The fact of the matter is that even though we’re consumed with our thoughts, feelings, worries and to-do lists, so is everyone else. So whereas you might be thinking about the way your outfit looks, how much food you put on your plate at lunch, or whether indeed someone likes you, every other person in that room is concerned with their own thoughts and feelings too. We worry far too much about what others think of us when in reality it’s either a fleeting thought in their minds or they haven’t even noticed.

Flipping your perspective onto those around you will not only allow you to become more approachable, but it’s quite liberating too. Try it and see for yourself.

“With empathy comes listening, compassion, patience, kindness, and understanding. It’s not always what you say that has an impact, but how you behave, how you present yourself, and how you let the other person feel and behave.”

As the old saying goes, we were born with two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen twice as much as you speak.

Two ears, one mouth

If we listen, we can offer relevant advice and perhaps much-needed support. If we only talk we’re not gaining any perspective or understanding, and quite possibly boring, or even annoying, those around us. As the old saying goes, we were born with two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen twice as much as you speak.

What is your face saying?

Okay, so you’re concentrating on listening, but what is your face doing? It’s best to not stare down your acquaintance with a vengeance if you can help it. Keep your features soft and warm, while maintaining eye contact where possible.

What might they need right now?

Sometimes what a person is saying and what they really mean are two different things. Our sociable selves can quite often sense when something isn’t being said; the person may be holding back, nervous or trying to maintain some decorum. We can all relate to this and it’s important to let that be known. A little compassion goes a long way, so showing some vulnerability yourself can help put someone at ease within a situation. No doubt they’ll remember you for it. Intimidation is no base for a relationship. By presenting yourself as perfect, it can make others feel unsafe emotionally in your presence;

'The word “building” suggests there are various steps to work through, and building a relationship is no different. The initial interaction is important, first impressions do last a lifetime after all, but what you do afterwards can be just as critical. ’

'The days of posting an ad in the newspaper are long gone and social media is expanding our network to an extraordinary degree.'

how can they be their real self, someone who perhaps makes mistakes or doubts their abilities, in front of a seemingly flawless individual?

Touchpoints

The word “building” suggests there are various steps to work through, and building a relationship is no different. The initial interaction is important, first impressions do last a lifetime after all, but what you do afterwards can be just as critical.

We all know how busy life can get, especially when you’re running a business or team of people, and it’s quite often the case that we have the best intentions to reach out to someone after the fact, but get distracted before it’s even hit the to-do list. Those touchpoints do matter though. Receiving a message or email of extended thanks can leave a lasting impression, one that you’ll want them to remember! We recommend a more personal touch by leaving a voice note or calling them directly.

These communication touch points are the perfect opportunity to continue the budding relationship; why not suggest a coffee catchup down the line, or offer your help with something in particular that they mentioned when you first met? Relationships are about give and take, helping others before you look to receive.

Mind your P’s and Q’s

It might seem obvious, especially if you’re British, but manners go a long way. Forgetting them can go even further. Have you ever noticed someone not saying “please” to a waiter, or “thank you” to a taxi driver? It stings, doesn’t it? That has a lasting impression on the type of person you perceive them now to be. You might not remember that exact moment, but there’ll be a sense of distaste from there on out.

Manners can extend to our gestures too; are you shaking hands, are you offering to help carry items, are you volunteering yourself to open a door or pass a message on to another, for example? It’s important to note here that although there are plenty of actionable tips and tricks to building relationships that last, care and attention are all anyone is ever asking for.

We want to believe that those around us have a genuine interest in our well-being and that we matter to them. If a relationship is one-sided it’ll soon become clear.

We’re all busy individuals with work, family, friends, personal goals and various circumstances to consider, and with so much on our plates it’s not surprising that tolerance, patience and listening levels can dip. If you want to build great relationships with people, however, you need to tune in to those around you. They may need you more than that deadline does.

'It’s easy to get distracted by what we want others to know about us and how we want to be perceived, but that might not always help your case when forging connections. The first thing to consider is what you appreciate in others when meeting them for the first time.'