Creative Writing Portfolio

Reassurance: Writing In A Time Of Unrest

Alexia Moutaftsi

I/M/D

year 3

Index Dear me......................................................05 A little encouragement................................08 my bi-cultural identity pt1............................14 my bi-cultural identity pt2............................20

Dear me

letter 1 - Dear me

Dear me, When the sun rays touch the soil, soon flowers begin to blossom.

Hold onto this feeling because soon the roller coaster will be over and presents itself into opportunity and growth.

We’ve been running this marathon since our very first job reassuring ourselves one day this will all be over. But it’s been over a decade and the day never seems to come.

Like a misty winter morning blocking my view, I’ve been dwelling in a maze of anxiety, but seeing a dim light in the distance, which encourages me to keep going. Lao Tzu once said “A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step.” And after all these years I’m still not at the top.

“I’ve been sacrificing freedom in the hope to give myself a better life,” just like my grandparents have told me every morning before they ook me to school. Sacrifices were made and stereotypes overcome. For this I’ve been pushed to the very edge by the people I love. I was taught “honor, discipline and determination could get me anywhere.” But it left me fragile, afraid and broke my heart.

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letter 1 - Dear me

It also gave me hope, determination and a headstrong attitude. I have learned to keep going, even when I feel hopeless and I cry.

And when I find laughter, I shall enjoy it and dance in harmony beneath the trees.

But hopelessness isn’t all that fills my path. In the course of time I have slowly grown towards my goals, finding the time, skills and opportunity, letting go of what I must do and replacing it with what I love, radiating nothing but energy I have craved for so long.

Nothing has felt better than to “thunder. Roar. And shine.”

I am getting there.

Research question “Will I finish my degree or will my degree finish me?”

Topics Mental health, coping mechanisms, poetry related to mental health (e.g. Sylvia Plath, Oscar Wilde, Rupi Kaur), mythology.

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a little encouragement

letter 2 - A little encouragement

As day by day goes, the sense of dread and doubts begins to shroud over into our minds, that negative feeling can get overwhelming to most. However, we must persevere and find things to keep our minds from wandering down the wrong path.

We all have different ideas and drives to make ourselves better, for me, that is my education and bettering myself as a person.

As each generation comes and goes, the difference in mentality is ever changing. According to (Lakhan, 2014) “to be successful in the twenty-first century has to take initiative and learn to be firm, fair and functional”. This is most evident in how people were focused on providing for the family instead of having an education, it was tough to get an education before, but now, we have more opportunities being opened, giving a new focus on education and knowledge. We, as students, have an added pressure now from our own families that to succeed at school is the way to succeed in our careers, this puts a lot of pressure on our shoulders more so now than ever before.

During the modern times people have been given the opportunity to be open minded and free to express themselves to the public, which shown by Sanders (2012) “Being open to more possibilities leads to better communication and cooperation with your friends and colleagues. Value others’ ideas and views. Try to incorporate them with your thinking. This cooperative attitude opens new opportunities for better analysis of problems” demonstrates how we are all developing during our time on this course and has kept me motivated to graduate by the end. We can do it together. We are a small class and that has the added benefit of bringing us closer together but also a sense of not wanting to fail each class or fall behind. We all want to pass this course and graduate, making us motivate not only ourselves but others as well.

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letter 2 - A little encouragement

With a more career driven mentality we become more dependent on ourselves to keep going down the road we chose. We need to “get to know yourself it is the best thing you can do. It is important to understand the things that make you feel positive and the things that bring negative emotions to you”. (Adel, 2014). As you begin to understand yourself and what drives you, then is the time you start to “ thrive on the challenges that lie ahead one has to constantly and continuously pioneer, create, develop and construct ones future route if proper progress, prosperity and peace are the intended objectives”(Lakhan, 2014). We alone can make a difference in how our lives will go and we need to keep pushing ourselves to the limits both physically but mentally to get there.

Imagination plays a vital role in pioneering new technologies and innovations. We all imagine things and “our own imagination is a precious gift for us because we can use it wisely to achieve excellent results for our development (Lakhan, 2014). As we dream of things that have not even been thought of, one of those could be the next big thing and through education we have that chance to put our dreams into reality. However, as we push ourselves everyday we need to be mindful of negative thoughts they creep into our minds when you least expect it to.

And as Havelock(2012) has said “stress and worry will not put an extra dollar in your pocket or add an extra day to your life”. Negative thoughts hold us back from achieving our full potential, restricting our actions and pulling us all down. If you keep pushing you need to always think ahead and believe in your “desire to achieve your goals and excel in your life stems from your innermost feelings. You are the ultimate owner of these desires and goals.” (Sanders, 2012).

There will always be things that will pull us down and barriers that need

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letter 2 - A little encouragement

to be broken down to get to the heights that we aim to achieve.

No matter what we must not get distracted or demotivated from those goals. It’s not always about the destination that matters but how you get there. I, have had some testing moments through the studies so far and has almost broken me, getting through it when feeling down and out has made my character stronger than before the struggles.

We all can make it if we give it a try and nothing motivates me more than to graduate from this course and make a better life not only for myself but for society as whole. As Lakhan(2014) once said “You alone can make the difference to yourself�

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Research Question: “Will I finish this degree or will this degree finish me?”

Reference List: Adel, O. (2014). Daily Plan Motivate Your Life Daily Rituals to Stay Motivated! 2014 (1st ed., p. 22). Active best life.

Lakhan, R. (2014). Motivating the Unmotivated. (1st ed., pg. 9-63).

Sanders, M. (2012). ‘Motivate Yourself to Success’. (1st ed., pg. 5860).

Havelock, M. (2012) Meditation, motivation and more. (1st ed., pg.

56).

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my bi-cultural identity pt 1

letter 3 - My bicultural identity pt 1

Finding myself through my Greek-Dutch upbringing Occasionally I look at a picture frame of my grandmother in her garden. As I look at her gentle frame, memories arise. I remember her caring nature and sometimes strong character.

I see a woman who’s sacrificed it all, to pursue a life outside of what she has known, only to build it up from scratch. A woman that valued work, family and tradition. She was inclined to make everything happen that she set her mind to. And she did.

(1) Like Nike, the goddess of victory. “A pure athlete at heart, Nike fought in the Titan War as a Charioteer to battle alongside the gods.” My grandma often breezed over it like it was nothing. It was merely a sacrifice she made for her children and grandchildren.

I was born in a small country known for its tulips and cheese, for Rembrandt and Van Gogh. A kingdom which has been thriving since ‘the Golden Age’, of which a conversation is still going on how to handle this dark era ethically. However, the general atmosphere is pretty laid back, with a multicultural population, LGBTQ rights and multiple religions coexisting without any problems. But Dutch people in general are known to be direct, standoffish and greedy.

Around the Mediterranean people may have a laid back approach to life, in the Netherlands it’s about who can get on the train first to claim a seat and rarely meeting up spontaneously, not until having looked into their agendas to pinpoint a suitable time.

There, cooking mostly consists of fresh ingredients and spending time in the kitchen to create a tapas style setting, whilst in the very west we sit across from one another with the television on, eating out of a single plate.

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letter 3 - My bicultural identity pt 1

I had to awkwardly watch my aunt insist on paying the whole bill for the guests, and the guests going back and forth with her, the Dutch will send you a Tikkie for as little as €0,20. And whilst Greeks value family and friends, and are in luck with a warmer climate, going outdoors together is a familiar theme. Here it’s every (wo)man for themselves.

These may seem like subtle culture changes, which I am used to by now, but imagine nobody giving you a head start on this and you’re doing a 180 only to realise that’s not what’s expected of you here. My parents were the tough love type and worked a lot so I grew up an innocent, sensitive child doing my best to keep my small head above water whilst my grandparents raised me.

As first generation immigrants the Greek culture and it’s beliefs were only a heartbeat away. Every Easter, which falls on the Julian calendar and on a different date than western Eastern except on a leap year, we’d dye eggs bright red and bake Easter bread and tsoureki. You’re also supposed to go to church to light a candle but we rarely did this in The Netherlands as the Greek Orthodox Church wasn’t just around the corner. However frames of Virgin Mary and baby Jesus covered our whole house. It is a month prior to this that Orthodox Fasting (or Nistia) begins. (3) “Fasting entails abstinence from meat, dairy products and fish – but not shellfish. There is also the strict fast, which is practiced on certain days of the year, where there is also abstinence from oil.”

There’s four moments in the Greek Orthodox calendar when this takes place.

And then there’s name days. (4) “According to the Orthodox Church, every day of the year has been dedicated to the memory of a Saint or a martyr from the Holy Bible and Holy Tradition. This day carries the name of the Saint and it’s called

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letter 3 - My bicultural identity pt 1

“nameday.” If someone is named after a Saint, then there is a big celebration on his/her name day.” Except in my family I just got a congratulations and that was about it.

On the other end, most western parents are open minded and communicative. Topics suchs as friendship, puberty and sex were not to talk about in my upbringing. This itself I don’t mind, as this would be such a difficult and stressful thing for them to communicate. Think of any stereotypical Telenovela, well there’s my family dynamics for you. I can’t even begin to imagine how this would go down. Of course, they did the best they could. I don’t blame them. Would I personally do it differently? Yes. I speak the language, I can read it but I can’t write it as well anymore. I despised my childhood when I had to follow Greek classes. My grandparents left the country as teenagers, my parents rarely spoke it and the other pupils were just amazing at it. It didn’t feel fair for most of the time. We held events within the Greek community. Learning songs, poems and preparing for pop quizzes consisted of spending most of my evenings on this next to three to four sessions a week. I must have started burning out so I just refused to go at one point. I must have been nine or ten years old. I’m not sure how my family felt about it but I know they were disappointed. They’ve always been pushing us to reach for the stars, when they gave us a head start. But it wasn’t talked about.

In a hierarchical system within my family I was seen as “just a child” even if what I said made more sense than their uptight beliefs. I was the oldest child, so my job was to look after my younger brother and cousin. A certain responsibility was expected of me. This has taught me a lot but mostly it’s been a stressful skill I wish didn’t have to be instilled almost daily. I was bright and

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letter 3 - My bicultural identity pt 1

I was pushed to my limits by the people I loved.

I struggled with my upbringing for a long time. It was loud, it was close minded and unnecessary negative. It made me distance myself from my nationality to focus on the Dutch. Soft, well spoken and ambitious. I took time away to breathe and embrace it again.

I used to wonder whether my ancestors would look down and recognise me? Perhaps they wouldn’t if I had walked away completely. But I merely took the time to focus on my other identity and personal growth. When I look into the mirror, it is still me. My recognisable Greek roots. My long wavy hair, my strength and curiosity. I am not just one. (5) “I am waking up to my god self.”

Research Question “Which cultural qualities have influenced and defined me?”

Reference List: 1 Greek Mythology: Goddesses https:// greekgodsandgoddesses.net/goddesses/nike/ 2 M. Papawasiliou, quote 3 Greek Orthodox Religion https://www.greece-is.com/fastingand-feasting-the-greek-orthodox-way/ 4 Greek Name Days https://www.sfakia-crete.com/sfakiacrete/greeknamedays.html#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20 Orthodox%20Church,on%20his%2Fher%20name%20day.

5 Rupi Kaur, Homebody page 183.

Bibliography: 1. ‘Anna Tsing, The Mushroom At The End Of The Worlds’ book 2. ‘Rhodes: Typical Dishes From The Greek Island” documentary

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my bi-cultural identity pt 2

letter 4 - My bicultural identity pt 2

I’m a survivor of pain: I’m a survivor of space pirates What if in a far, far future our lives revolve around the exploration of worlds beyond our imagination. Traveling lightyears a second on a ship, either alone or with others, in the name of science, facing weather conditions we have yet to comprehend. What if this becomes reality when you accidentally go to cryosleep and travel to the future?

Imagine you’ve woken up to a green sky and two moons on a planet that you’ve never heard about in astronomy class by an older couple with an antenna on their head and eight eyes each.

Wondering whether you are being punk’d in front of your own eyes before accepting the countless encounters and surreal surroundings as the present.

You explain what happened but they stare at you with confusion.

They don’t know what you’re talking about, neither does anyone else. The couple takes you in and teaches you their ways. Soon you fit in with the locals. You’ve accepted your faith. Months go by and you decide to revisit your past. You just want to know.

What has come of your home planet? The humble locals and adopted family wave you goodbye as you fly away emotionally on a borrowed ship you promised to return.

You travel through desserts to dunes and mountains to caves in search of people who can guide you towards the Earth. You make friends and enemies. And whilst this tale makes it look like it’s an easy road filled with badass adventures, it’s also filled with hopelessness. In the event of losing oneself you keep track of the adventures you encounter, the bruises you gather, the scars on your body, mind and soul.

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letter 4 - My bicultural identity pt 2

Our uniform, dynamic in the sense we move and in the way it registers information. (1) “Two friends, two bodies with one soul inspired.” The past, present and future entangled into one.

A touch sensitive suit registering your connection with your surroundings and yourself.

In a way it’s about touch and go. An unknown path about success or failure. (2) “That itself is a process”, I remind myself when times get rough. But it’s also about the act of touch. Touch is about warmth, love and pain. It reminds us we’re present beings, living in the now. A reminder of reality, vulnerability and strength.

After all, (3)“touch is the first sense we acquire.”

Bonding with another human starts with touch; from the moment you leave the womb, up until childhood and well into adulthood until the moment we die. Studies have shown that (4) “touch signals safety and trust, it soothes. Basic warm touch calms cardiovascular stress. It activates the body’s vagus nerve, which is intimately involved with our compassionate response, and a simple touch can trigger release of oxytocin, aka “the love hormone.”

The tough love approach my parents raised me in didn’t help.

I can still hear my mother saying (5) “θα φάσ χαστούκια” and it makes me laugh. It wasn’t until I reached adulthood that I understood making mistakes is part of life. It’s a way to learn, to grow, to adapt.

And so, falling is a wake up call. It’s about getting up, physically as well as mentally. Whether bruised or scarred, it’s a reminder of our encounters. Still those can linger for a while, especially mentally. This could be problemsome because (6) “those with scars undergo a remodelling of their emotional state and are

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letter 4 - My bicultural identity pt 2

more prone to the development of depression and anxiety; feelings of shame and aggression can follow. This creates strain in social interactions, resulting in stunted communication, reduced intimacy, and avoidant behaviours.” Of course we are human, but it’s of importance to not let these feelings overcome us. We will only strive if we learn to accept them as part of ourselves.

Still bruising hurts and it’s okay to feel upset, but it’s just as important to get yourself together and move forward. Like the fierce goddess Artemis, a divine huntress and fiercely protective we’re standing tall. (7) “Call upon Artemis for work in protecting animals, or for protection against those who would do you physical harm.​” And so the copper colored conductive fabric and donut shaped foam function as a button that logs my info on an external platform. The lines symbolise it’s aerodynamic flow and a reminder of the town that took me in. An ode to my past, present and future. Interactive, vulnerable and strong.

Every inch of your body has a story to tell. You’ve been hurt, you’ve been loved, you’ve been touched. Your presence itself is a miracle. It’s bloody amazing.

In the end you’ve been traveling through the galaxy. You’ve encountered good and evil in the search for your past, but in order to be accurate you mustn’t forget to live in the present. Let go of counting bruises and embrace them as part of life and don’t forget to value those who are good and in front of us.

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Research Question “How will textile will impact my future self?”

Reference List: 1 Quote by Plato 2 Quote I tell myself trying to overcome failure 3 The Psychology of Touch https://www.psychologytoday.com/ us/articles/201303/the-power-touch 4 The Science of Touch https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/ article/item/hands_on_research 5 quote by my mother E. Zekos 6 Study on trauma and scars https://www.researchgate. net/publication/7899452_Quality_of_life_and_facial_trauma_ psychological_and_body_image_effects#:~:text=Those%20with%20 scars%20undergo%20a,reduced%20intimacy%2C%20and%20 avoidant%20behaviours 7 Goddesses of empowerment https://www.learnreligions.com/ goddesses-of-empowerment-4151713 Bibliography: 1. ‘Disney’s Star Wars, The Mandalorian’ tv series 2. ‘Joanna Russ, We Who Are About To’ book 3. ‘Why I’m not alone in missing hugs during the pandemic’ BBC article https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-54373924 4. ‘Harvard studies, Optimism and Your Health’ https://www.health. harvard.edu/heart-health/optimism-and-your-health

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Written between September 2020 to January 2021.

Alexia Moutaftsi