Parents’ “Bill of Rights” Adapted from the Bill of Rights developed by the parents in the Thresholds’ parent support group.
When mental illness strikes young people, their parents may experience a great deal of emotional pain. Thresholds’ former Executive Director, Dr. Jerry Dincin, in his dealings with parents noticed that they often neglected their own needs. To help parents cope, he established this “Guilt-Free Parents’ Bill of Rights.” 1. The right to survive. Parents, who are themselves getting older, often get stress related illnesses, such as high blood pressure, heart disease or migraine headaches. Parents have a right to survive in health, even though they have a child with mental illness. 2. The right to privacy, to lead their own lives. Many adult children with mental illness live with their parents. This situation can produce an enormous strain. Parents need their own “space”--privacy within their own home and time for themselves as a couple and for friends. 3. The right not to go broke. Adult offspring can get confused as to whose money is whose. Parents have the right not to divulge how much money they make. They don’t have to go broke paying for their child’s care. He or she may qualify for benefits or vocational rehabilitation. Without this aid, parents may feel they have no choice but to support their adult child to their own financial detriment. 4. The right not to be psychologically abused. Parents often think that they must give up being talked to in a courteous way. You have the right to dignity. Just because your child is sick, there is no excuse for him or her to abuse you. 5. The right not to be physically abused. It is a crime for your child to hit you, regardless of whether he or she is sick or well. A physically abusive child may have to be hospitalized.
6. The right to be parents to their other children. Parents may be so wrapped up in the needs of a sick child that they may neglect their other children. Try to strike a balance, meeting needs of and spending time with all of your children. 7. The right to express their emotions. Parents have a right to express their feelings about their mentally ill child’s behavior. It is healthy to say “When I hear you talk like that I become angry (or frustrated, or hurt).” If your child is constantly abusive, unclean, or playing loud music, you need to suggest she or he move out. You can say “Your father and I have decided to live alone together. We will help you find a place to live.” 8. The right to respite and vacations. You can take a vacation, and you do not have to take along your mentally ill adult child. 9. The right to receive help too. Parents can become as ill as their children. Their thinking may become skewed. Parents have the right to their own psychotherapy--to see their own doctor. You cannot take care of your mentally ill child if you are ill. 10. The right to set house rules. If your child still lives at home, you have the right to set rules that will be followed. In case of loud music playing, for example, you can require that your child use headphones.
The Alliance on Mental Illness NAMI Chicago 1536 West Chicago Avenue, Chicago, IL 60642 (312) 563-0445 FAX: 312-563-0467 www.namichicago.org / info@namigc.org 6/12