Alice Magazine - Issue 04 by Sorted Design Studio CC

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““Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.”” – oprah winfrey

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ISSN 22217274

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IV SUBSCRIBE – 25% off

Should you prefer to receive Alice by mail, you’ll not only save yourself some hassles, but you will also be saving a massive 25% off the cover price. Go to www.alicemagazine.co.za to subscribe. l l l

THE PINK GIRLFEST, Ms Gay SA...? A first for SA gay girls! Our very own two Ms Gay SA’s called Ms PGF Girly & Boi (feminine and tomboy gay girl). Semi finalists will be chosen at gay girl clubs from January to mid March with the grand finale taking place during the festival, 22-25 March 2012. Entry forms, judging criteria, prizes, dates for semi-finalists, etc will follow soon on the ALICE website. l l l

BEAULAH BAR REOPENED! Ladies, Beaulah Bar in Cape Town has reopened! To keep updated go and join the Beaulah Bar group on Facebook. l l l

ED’s CHOICE My favourite three things for this issue:

alice ED

’m not going to beat around the bush with a long list of new year’s resolutions, because as we all know, by the 10th of February the gyms are empty, the restaurants are full, and everyone’s puffing away on their favourite bad habit while the resolutions fade away along with the hangovers. I improved my weight – I picked up 7 kilo’s (weight, not weights) and I have sort-off quit smoking, or at least that’s what my medical aid thinks... But... I have a list. A list of whishes or orders rather than resolutions... It’s quite simple... l Be yourself – People like you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. l Be happy – It’s something that you can control, it’s a choice, and it’s yours! l Value family – Put all your personal issues aside, fill the space with love. Call your mother! l Choose friends – Not Facebook! Real friends! Choose your friends right, they are the extended family that you actually have a say in choosing. If they are not contributing in a positive way, let them go. l Talk to people – Again... not on Facebook, IM, G-chat, Skype, BBM, What’s App, SMS, MySpace, MXit, E-mail or any other social platform that avoids physical contact. Make time to spend time... in person. There’s nothing more unattractive and bad-mannered than someone whose face is stuck to a mobile phone’s screen. l Stop complaining – If you have the energy to complain, you have the energy to do something about it. Stop being a victim. l Read a book – Do yourself a favour and read a good, inspiring book. It can only improve your life. l Be assertive – You are not a Facebook status, people don’t need to like you. I’m not advocating being a bitch, but people value people who value themselves. l And last of all Love thyself – People cannot love you if you don’t love you... To all readers, contributors and advertisers, have a lovely 2012. Thanks for the support thus far, please spread the word on Alice.

The best thing for sliced bread! It goes on anything! Amazing range to choose from!

VERLAQUE - Reductions and oils www.verlaque.co.za

Willem Jacobs

Editor

In the words of one of my favourite writers: “It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.” The Invitation – Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Make the rest of your life the best of your life, treat everyday like it’s your birthday, celebrate and be grateful. Dee O’Neill The cleanest thing you can drink from! KLEAN KANTEEN - Health bottles www.hullabaloo.co.za

PR & Features

Ladies, ladies, what a roller coaster of a year… and the infamous 2012 is upon us; may it be as extravagant as possible, as if it WILL be the last one on mother Earth! Dankie vir julle ondersteuning, pragtige dames, die vierde een is hier, geniet haar! Spread the love. From Alice’s mad hatter,

Life’s too short to drink cheap champagne! This year I am ‘clicqing’ glasses filled with the best France can offer.

Zian Blignaut Designer

WIN a bottle: See the back of the magazine... VEUVE CLICQUOT - French Champagne at any good liquor store w w w

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KIES JOU TONG

“Saggies Seermaak” Kies jou tong

Deur Delene van Dyk

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KIES JOU TONG

ongani* bly langs die begraafplaas, in ‘n grashut, buite ’n ‘village’ (stat) in Malawi. Hy is die enigste in sy bedryf in die area, al sedert 1953. Volgens die hoofman, is hy ook die beste. Sy twee vroue ondersteun hom reeds jare – dit help wanneer hy moeg raak. Maar hy is trots en gaan slaap nooit honger nie. Sy dienste is in aanvraag. Hy is besig om die hut voor te berei vir sy volgende kliënt, Sophia*. Sy het haar man twee weke gelede verloor na ’n lang siekbed. Sophia is 26 en haar jong lyf maak, moeg en geboë, haar opwagting, so voor sononder, met ’n hoender onder die arm. Die stof op haar blink bruin sagte wange het harde grys modderstrepe geword. Sy sê nie ’n woord nie, skree deur haar kykers. So vanaf sononder tot sonsopkoms, het Bongani verskeie kere afwisselend seks met Sophia en sy twee vrouens. Sonder gevoel, insig of kondoom. Dit is wat die reëls sê. Bongani is die ‘village cleanser’. Teen betaling – ’n dônnerse hoender - ‘verlos’ hy, al vir meer as 60 jaar, weduwees van die moontlikheid van kranksinnigheid en ’n vloek op haar, haar man se familie en die hele verstokte gemeenskap. Dit laat ook dan die siel van die dooie toe om te gaan rus aan die anderkant. Dit is die scenario wat in my gedagtes afspeel terwyl ek sit en luister na die terugvoer van verskeie Afrika lande by ’n streekskonferensie. Hulle het programme implementeer om gender-gebaseerde geweld in onder andere Malawi, Zambië, Zimbabwe, Mosambiek en Suid-Afrika, te bekamp. Dit is ’n warm dag, glo die warmste in 50 jaar. Gelukkig word die bywoners se lywe en gemoedere afgekoel deur goeie lugverkoeling. In die res van die vyf-ster hotel is dit maar net so ’n louoond soos daar buite. Die hitte het so saam met my in Zimbabwe geland. Ek sou graag wou glo dis my warm persoonlikheid, maar helaas toe nou nie. My gemoed kook. w w w

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Die gesprekke draai om die uitdagings wat veral vrouens ervaar binne die konteks van gender-gebaseerde geweld, gefokus op kulturele praktyke wat dié vrouens in gevaar stel vir MIV oordrag. Hier, in Harare, besef ek weereens, hoe bevoorreg ek is om ‘n wit Afrikaner vrou te wees. Alhoewel die wit Afrikaner ook bekend is vir jare se kwetsende vorms van geweld teen vroue, is die praktyk tans onder bespreking, ‘widow cleansing’, nie iets wat bekend is aan my nie. ‘Widow cleansing’ – daar is nie eers ’n toepaslike Afrikaanse woord daarvoor nie, (miskien ‘weduwee-reiniging’?), is ‘n kulturele praktyk wat oor eeue heen in verskeie Afrika lande gepraktiseer, aanvaar en afgedwing word. Die vrou van die oorlede man moet seksueel ‘gereinig’ word deur (gedwonge) seks te hê met een van haar man se manlike familielede, of die village cleanser soos Bongani. Waag die Sophies om teen hierdie gruwelike (mis)daad te skop, word hulle verwerp deur die gemeenskap en veral die man se manlike familielede, die met die mag. Daar is ook ander Sophies wat glo dat ‘widow cleansing’ nodig is, want hulle het al weduwees sien mal raak wat dit geweier het. Nodeloos om te sê, die weduwee het ‘n keuse van hoe en met wie sy ‘gereinig’ wil word. Hierdie lewensgevaarlike kulturele praktyk maak glad nie sin nie. Geen sogenaamde beskerming van kultuur of (vals) geloof kan dié nihilistiese praktyk en totale verontregting van vroue se regte regverdig nie! So ’n paar jaar terug ondersteun ek vir Hantie*. Sy is nog nie heeltemal uit die kas nie. Ook eensaam. Werk maar vir ’n paar maande in ‘n biblioteek in Pretoria en verlang baie na Klerksdorp en haar mense. Haar ma, bewus van haar kind se amper kluisenaars bestaan, stuur vir Gert*, ver langs familie, om haar uit haar dop te trek. Hy bly darem ook êrens in Pretoria.

KIES JOU TONG

>> Een van die beklemmende kuier aande, erken sy, in die hoop dat hy sal ophou met sy gesoenery, dat sy eintlik meer vir vrouens voel, toe gebeur die onverwagte. Hy verander in ‘n monster. Terwyl hy haar herhaaldelik verkrag, fluister hy in haar oor dat sy en mense soos sy, walglik is en dat God haar haat. Omdat hy ‘n geloofsman is, sal hy dit op homself neem om haar te ‘reinig’. So het ek ‘n hele paar Hanties deur die jare ondersteun. Meeste was van townships. Ook ’n hele paar wit girls, getraumatiseer deur verkragting, om hulle te ‘korrigeer’, of te ‘red’, of te laat voel hoe dit nou eintlik moet voel, of om hulle te straf. Sovêr ek weet

Ek het nie veel te sê gehad nie, het maar net vanaf die stoepmuurtjie vir die mense gekyk en geluister. Ek doen dit al van 3 jarige ouderdom af, kyk vir mense en luister. Ek onthou hoe ek as ’n kleuter vir die mense om my gekyk en gedink het – julle hoort nie in my wêreld nie! Snaaks genoeg, ek het nooit gedink ék hoort nie in júlle wêreld nie! Vera*, die butch is besig met die vuur, vleisbraai en vertel vervelige grappies. Sy lag lelik en hard en vergruis haar leë koeldrank blikkie met een druk. Vera gebruik geen alkohol nie, maar is so luidrugtig soos ‘n dronk hoender. Die ander butches kloek om haar. Sy is ’n bekende Pretoria Dyke en ‘n ‘rolmodel’ vir baie.

het slegs een van die gevalle die binnekant van ‘n hof gesien. Die slagoffers is geknak gelaat, die oortreders steeds oortuig van hul ‘goeie’ daad. Soos die woord en daad widow cleansing, maak die woord en daad ‘korrektiewe verkragting’ geen sin nie. Verkragting op grond van seksuele oriëntasie is nog ‘n gruwelike en nihilistiese vorm van gender-gebaseerde geweld en moet as sulks erken en voorkom word! Jare terug kuier ek by ’n verjaarsdagpartytjie. Ek ken nie die gasvroue of gaste nie. ’n Paar vreemde vriendinne het my saamgesleep. Ek het toe nog nie geweet van ‘nee’ sê nie, en was vars uit die kas en ‘n bietjie desperaat. En daar sien ek iets wat ek toe nie verstaan het nie, maar vandag van beter weet. Ek het altyd gedink selfde-geslag paartjies se liefde vir mekaar word nie met misbruik versuur nie. I

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Selma* is die femme. Sy is stil, soet, skugter en maak slaai. Vera skree: “Sella, bring nog bier vir my tjommas en roer jou gat!” Die butches lag lekker saam, die femmes rol hul oë. Iets is nie lekker hier nie… Verbeel ek my of was Vera ernstig? En verbeel ek my verder of ignoreer Selma die opdrag? Ek voel iets aan wat my ongemak-radar aktiveer, maar niemand anders lyk gepla nie. Skielik staan Vera op die kombuis se drumpel. Die femmes verdwyn. Terwyl sy Selma se oor liefdevol soen, sis sy saggies: “As ek praat, luister jy… bitch!” Selma steier terug en stoot angstig haar hemp se lang moue effe op. Voor Vera dit vinnig afpluk, sien ek die bloupers-groen kolle op die dun wit polse. Hulle het van my vergeet waar ek buite die kombuis op die tuinmuurtjie sit. Oppad huis toe dink ek terug aan die dag. Die ander in die kar is dronkerig gelukkig. Ek is stil en peinsend. Vera en Selma is al 12 jaar gelukkig bymekaar, die perfekte paartjie. Daar het ek vir die eerste keer besef, meeste mense lieg hulself happy.

KIES JOU TONG

Ek was eens in ’n verhouding waar ek eers in retrospek, na maande se introspeksie, my aandeel in die verbrokkeling daarvan besef het. Dit is dan ook in daardie maande wat ek besef het dat ek nie so nice is soos ek gedink het ek is nie. Ek wou graag al die skuld vir my emosionele tsunami op my eks pak. Sy het dan die nee-woord gegee, so sonder waarskuwing haarself met ’n verwoestende golf uit ons verhouding uit genavigeer. Ek glo dat ek in daai tyd van stukkend wees, deur genade, myself kon sien soos ek nou verseker weet ek wil nooit weer wees nie. Ek was nie gelukkig nie. Ek was ook toe een van die miljoene wat myself happy gelieg het. Maar ek het dit nie besef nie. Ek het vas geglo my partner moet my gelukkig maak. Ek sou dit nooit erken nie, maar ek weet, dit is wat ek wou hê. Sy kon nie in my verwagtinge voldoen nie, niemand kon nie. In die proses het ek meer en meer ongelukkig geraak, en meer en meer verwag, en meer en meer geprojekteer. Sy het my meer en meer verwyt, meer en meer in haar dop gekruip, eers kwaad gereageer op my kritiese beskuldigings, later haar alie aan my afgevee. Dit het ’n ongenadige kringloop geword. Hoe meer ek buite beheer gevoel het, hoe skerper het my bek geraak. Niks wat sy gedoen het was meer goed genoeg nie. Ek weet vandag, dat alhoewel dit nie overte misbruik is nie, maak konstante kritiek ‘saggies seer’. Wanneer die saggies seermaak oor maande en jare subtiel gebeur, veroorsaak dit op ‘n dag ‘n emosionele seismiese reaksie, ‘n kraak in die eens koesterende kors van ’n verhouding, met onomkeerbare en pynlike gevolge. Vandag is ek bewus van die abuser in my. Ek, en net ek, is verantwoordelik vir my eie geluk. Wanneer ek verwytend en krities raak, is dit ‘n indikasie dat ek nie ok is nie. Dan het ek geen reg w w w

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om dit op ander, veral my geliefde, te projekteer nie, nie eers in die vorm van gerasionaliseerde subtiele seermaak woorde nie. Ek sê dit alles met ’n raspertong, want 16 Dae van Aktivisme teen die Geweld teenoor Vroue en Kinders is om die draai. Geen geweld teenoor enige mens, veral vroumense en kinders (ook tussen vroumense), maak sin nie. Ja, die realiteit en statistieke is oorweldigend en soms verlammend. So wat kan elkeen van ons daaraan doen? Kom ons druk ons skaamte terug in die kas. Kom ons erken die seermaak en seergemaakte self. Kom ons genees. Kom ons help mekaar genees. Kom ons práát hieroor. Ten minste. Miskien dan is daar ‘n kans op vrede en sin in die lewe. Kyk mooi na jouself en jou geliefdes. Tot volgende keer wens ek jou Lig, Liefde en Vrede toe. *Skuilname

Kontak dié professional Dyke gerus by delene@2ndsight.co.za of volg haar blog delenewordlig.wordpress.com om deel te wees van haar journey om ligter te word.

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spirituality

GOOD vibration F

crystals & gemstones

rom the very infancy of the human race, crystals and gemstones have exercised a powerful fascination. Stones in Antiquity Every ancient civilization knew of the healing powers and properties of crystals and gemstones. Whether it be, the Sumerians, wearing pouches and amulets. The Greeks including, philosopher Aristotle often spoke of ‘healing stones’. The Romans carried with them to ward off evil, illness and bad luck. The Egyptians wore amulets for power and safe transporting into the ‘next life’. Arabic doctors and scholars wrote of their powers. As did Isidore of Seville, Konrad von Megenberg, Albertus Magnus and the Benedictine, Marbod, Bishop of Rennes, all wrote of the efficacy of crystals and gemstones. ‘Liber Lapidum seu de gemmis’, the little handbook written by Marbod was a bestseller translated into four languages and fourteen editions from 1511 – 1799. Providing an overview of 60 gems and their therapeutic properties. Proving that working with crystals and gemstones are not a new ‘trend’. Healing Stones through the Ages Hildegard von Bingen (1098 -1179) dealt with gemstones in a comprehensive fashion. These formed the pillars of her medical system. She realised that medicine needed a holistic orientation and that physical and spiritual disorders could not be isolated from environmental influences, such as the phases of the moon, inadequate diet and bad lifestyle habits. Concoctions made of powered minerals and essences of gemstones were prescribed for specific illnesses. The therapeutic use of gems is not a new or alternative healing method. They were also considered to have protective and talismanic properties. E.g. in the first Chinese medical book, written 5000 years ago, detailed descriptions of gemstones and their influence on the human body can be found. The Indian Vedic tradition naturopathic medicine was known as ‘Ayurveda’ a word that derives from I

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By Deirdre o’Neill

Sanskrit ‘ayut’ meaning LIFE and ‘veda’ meaning WISDOM. Ayurveda describes in detail how to prepare elixirs, pastes and powders made form gemstones. Doctors in India would place coloured gemstones on painful areas of the body to enhance the healing and continue to do so today. The Connection between Star and Stone People in every culture have sought a way of connecting with the stars and the effect they have on their destinies. Each sign has its own characteristic qualities; including crystals and gemstones that serve to support one’s basic personality type. Energy and Colour Almost anyone can appreciate the colour of healing crystals and gemstones , but to experience the power of their vibrations, one has to actually make use of them. Colours emit energy, by properly using colours one can regulate the body’s energy levels. That is why certain colours appeal to people in certain situations. It can be calming or stimulating, it can purify or heal. The frequencies of light that stones emit are particularly important. They have a direct influence on the body’s biochemical processes. A stones smallest singular component is the atom. These are in constant motion. But because the vibrations of energy are not visible, stones appear to be ‘dead’ solid objects. Just as we are more or less comfortable in certain environments, so one can feel positive or negative vibrations from contact with certain stones. Colour has a healing effect upon the human organism. To fully grasp the powers of colour one must study the different colours and their properties. This brings us to understanding Gemstones

and the Chakras (energy wheels in the body) It is understood that sickness is always linked to a disturbance in the flow of energy within the body. Cells and organs need ‘free flowing’ energy to sustain their healthy function. In fact, health can be defined as the state in which energy is flowing unimpeded through the Chakras. The seven primary chakras are; First chakra/Root chakra, Red. Second chakra /Sacral chakra, Orange. Third chakra /solar plexus, Yellow. Forth chakra/ heart, Green. Fifth chakra/throat, Sky Blue. Sixth chakra/forehead (third eye) Indigo. Seventh chakra /crown, Purple (violet) Forms of Gemstones Gemstones are divided into categories, such as ‘rough stones’ – ‘tumbled stones’ and those subjected to complex workmanship ‘cut stones’. Jewellery made from crystals and gemstones It is important to find a jeweller who you can trust with quality. And a ‘healer’ you can trust with advice. The precious metals in which they are set can increase their energy levels. It does not matter whether or not you believe in their power; the stones WILL have an influence on the body. But those who do believe in their powers and are more sensitive will experience their effects more quickly and intensely. With the help of one experienced in the therapeutic art of stones, jewellery can be tailored for individual’s particular health and emotional needs. Stones are my passion and I have been working or should I say they have been working with me for 12 years. Please feel free to contact me for advice or to have your own ‘good vibration’ necklace designed for your particular need. Each necklace is unique just like you. I consult by phone, email or face to face. Always blessed Deirdre. E-mail me on makingithappenagain@gmail.com

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advertorial

By Alexander Forbes

he number of days that your insurer will pay for a hired car following an accident or loss might not be enough during the festive season. With most panel shops and parts providers closed, it makes sense to plan ahead and extend the replacement car hire provision on your motor policy this silly season. Some policies automatically include cover for car hire. On other policies car hire is an optional extension that you can choose for an additional premium. Even so, most replacement car hire clauses only provide an alternate vehicle for up to a month, with some policies as short as 15 days. So, to avoid exceeding your car hire limit and having to pay for a hired car yourself “consumers should extend their replacement car hire cover to 60 days during the festive season” says Gari Dombo, Managing Director, Alexander Forbes Insurance. Over the summer holidays spare parts are difficult to source for certain makes as well as for cars long out of production. This can delay repairs resulting in motorists being without a vehicle for longer than usual. Also, most panel shops close down for up to two months every festive season, so “even if you get a panel beater willing to fix your car they may not succeed because part shops and scrap yards are closed” adds Dombo. While you will have to pay an additional premium for the peace of mind “planning ahead for this kind of eventuality and paying a little more could mean the difference between a well earned rest and two months of frustration” warns Dombo. Dombo also cautions motorists driving across the border during the festive season to check whether their motor I

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policies cover them outside South Africa and, if not, to purchase appropriate temporary policies since “all motor insurance policies have a territorial limits clause, with the countries listed differing from insurer to insurer.” It is equally important to check whether motor cover purchased for travel beyond our borders includes replacement car hire. If not, this should be added. “If your car is written off or lost outside South Africa you will need a replacement vehicle to get you and yours safely home” warns Dombo. Motorists travelling abroad should also check their policies to see what cover they have for vehicle removal and storage costs, since panel shops and scrap yards also close down for the festive season in our neighbouring countries. For instance, some repatriation clauses require policy holders to get their vehicles to the border while others will pay up to a stated amount or reimburse reasonable repatriation costs once you have got the car to the border. As such, it is important to look closely at your vehicle repatriation clause as “you may need to beef up your repatriation cover while extending to 60 days if you are planning to drive abroad” concludes Dombo.

The First Date an Authorised Financial Services Provider FAIS Licence no. 30414

tbsp /// beyond the line 32946 w w w

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33384 AFM&H FEMALE 275X210.indd 1

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6/4/10 4:04:31 PM

Drive/

d r i v i n g your b edialing y o code nd By Thea-Lize Moolman

Are you from Cape Town? Or anywhere else for that matter and you would like to explore the surroundigns in Gauteng to have a good time this holiday? Then let Thea-Lize take you beyond your dialing code into the capital of Gauteng and learn where you will be able to have the time of your life from day to night.

ummer has a way that motivates us to ‘hit the road’. In South Africa we are privileged to have awesome summers, good roads and great cars. Add breath-taking scenery, fabulous beaches and interesting roads to explore.

in Melrose Arch. If your taste buds are yearning for something new, head over to Lekgotla or Moyo at Zoo Lake for traditional African cuisine, Cranks for authentic Thai or Greenside Café for vegan.

Whether you prefer bird-watching through beer goggles at your local pub or binoculars at Emmarentia dam, Jo’burg has the spot for you. The only thing you need is a good ride, a tank full of petrol (or diesel) and a designated driver. The city hosts several gay-friendly establishments and emanates an almost constant atmosphere of fanfare and fun.

After all this activity you probably need to unwind so why not put yourself in lower gear and end the day with a poolside massage at Mangwanani or sundowners in the Polo Lounge and put your pinkies up, Westcliff style.

The ever popular 1st Friday is held at Café Culture on the first Friday (erm…) of every month and is a girls-only drinks and dance dolly-up. If rowdy clubs aren’t your thing, you can try the Lesbian Social Club which caters for a slightly older crowd and provides a snug hub to network over dinner and dessert. Other mixed gay clubs include Ramp Divas on the East Rand and Risque in Paulshof, but a word of warning before putting on those platforms…These two venues might be fun and games but only until someone loses an eye. They are slightly rough around the edges so if you’re a snooty lesbo, rather go park your FT Cruiser at gay friendly Moloko in Rosebank. As a matter of fact, anything around Rosebank will work as it’s pretty much the gay capital of the city. Straight clubs include Taboo, Tau Bedfordview and Tokyo Sky in Fourways. For the hard-core boppers, city clubs like Carfax and Truth will do, and for fiela’s and muzo’s a wide selection of live music venues such as Tanz Café, Back to Basics and Wolves are on offer. Adrenaline junkies can Zorb downhill at Jozi X or soap on a rope at Magaliesberg’s canopy tours and Soweto’s tower swing (no not that type of swing). For the more civilized a Night of a 1000 drawings, the Market Theatre, yoga sessions at the Botanical Gardens, movies at Rosebank Nouveau or shows at the Teatro at Monte Casino could titillate and entertain. There are several markets but most notable is 44 Stanley and Bryanston Organic Market who both feature live music, crafts and peculiar goodies to eat and drink. Fine dining, gay friendly restaurants that deserve a nod include Ami, Zietsies, The Cradle, Georges on 4th, Tashas and the Orient I

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For a more comprehensive list of activities and establishments visit jhblive.co.za

Instant relief from the By Deirdre O’Neill hustle and bustle of City living Western Cape wanderings! Hex River valley, with its sweeping turns this is eye candy for your camera. Simons Town north facing sheltered with its alleged haunted library and a unique Tibetan coffee shop, penguins and so much more. The beautiful and quaint artistic village of, PHILADELPHIA a unique hidden West Coast gem. The charm of a bygone era, Darling the darling of the west. Maak a draai by Tietiesbaai, a campers delight. The Friendly City Of P.E. Take a “rustige” drive out to Cape Recife for the best “birds eyeview”. Have you heard of Thornhill? It’s on the way to J-Bay, a perfect picnic place. See the Van Stadens Bridge and Gamtoos River. Hogsback, J.R.Tolkiens’ magical world of mountains and forests and mystery. Picture perfect set in the Amathola mountains. The Willows, take a walk on the “wild side” of P.E. this is a paradise of rock pools waiting to be explored. Warm hearted - Durban Midlands Meander,(wander at random) an outdoor Mecca for nature lovers and sportsmen, take a slow ride along quiet country roads. Hluhluwe, the perfect 4x4 game drive, surely Noah would have gathered his animals from here. South Coast, from Warner Beach to the Wild Coast, this drive is bound to revive your creative energy. Ballito Beach, all the time is “summer time” in Ballito.

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MATROOSBERG

advertorial

By Didi

Matroosberg Private Nature Reserve ….Peak of Life ….Peak of Adventure ….Peak of Relaxation

Matroosberg is pet friendly by prior arrangement T&C apply. Matroosberg is not only a 4x4 trail, it is a place where you can take the load off, a place that feels like home. But then again, you have to look at the bigger picture…Matroosberg did not just came about by itself; things were not just thrown together haphazardly because the owner thought that it is what tourists are after – no, really. At Matroosberg nothing is out of place, from the paperwork for the route to the signage clearly explaining the rules to each guest. And of this you can be sure…we have a zero tolerance policy at Matroosberg. Here you will not get the chance to destroy nature or to disturb your neighbour. We celebrate life and we gladly share Creation and the experience with our guests! Matroosberg offer many different activities, so it is worth your while to stay for an entire weekend or holiday, there are a variety of options with regard to accommodation and camping that you are sure to find something to suit your pocket. We invite all readers to join us during the first weekend of May 2012 for our annual Pink Lifestyle weekend. Whatever your style, if you want an adventure packed weekend or an romantic weekend, you can get it all at Matroosberg and best of all, during this weekend, we discourage couples with children, so that you can have the reserve to yourselves…in peace and quiet. A full activity program for the Pink Lifestyle weekend is available from our booking office. As the Matroosbergers will say: At Matroosberg everyone becomes a child at heart – hungry for discovery and capturing the joy of everyday experiences that gives them a sense of comfort and leaves them astonished…UNTIL NEXT TIME!! Follow us on Facebook for specials on accommodation and special events.

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transport

About the logo: Why Ché? Power, passion, equality. Why the star? Superlative service

Join the bicycle

REVOLUTION

How many of you have bought a bicycle or know someone who bought a bicycle only to give up after a few weeks or months of cycling? I always wondered why people do that, so I set about asking a broad spectrum of people if they were guilty of this and was shocked at what I found. Most people I spoke with, had at some stage of their life purchased a bike and for reasons like, “it got a puncture and I did not know how to fix it’ - “I did not know how to use the gears” - “it was to big or to small for me” and “I don’t know how to maintain it” so I sold it or gave it away or “my bike is still in my garage, it’s been there for years”. Now that the eco movement has become trendy and responsible, I do believe more and more of us are going to be bicycling for the fun of it and for the economic and health benefits. Bicycling is a way forward for a lot of people and for a cleaner planet.

For more info on pricing specs availability, contact us: REVOLUTION CYCLES, 021 423 5191 and info@revoutioncycles.co.za. 171 Bree St Cape Town, is the place to go for advice, on which bike to choose, and maintenance once you’re up and riding. Tips to keep you loving your bicycle and your bicycle loving you... • Take her in for a regular pit-stop – a wash ‘n lube. (your bicycle that is) • Clean and oil your chain often • Fit a chain-stay protector (so that your chain doesn’t slap against your frame!) • Measure your chain every month (buy an inexpensive chainmeasuring tool) • Pump your tyres before every ride to prevent punctures • Change gear cables and housing often for smooth shifting • Check brake pads for wear – stopping safely is more important than riding fast “I LOVE my bicycle” is a challenge, I’d like to put out to all our readers, come on girls show me your pedal power.

* Classic * Comfortable

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* Easy to ride

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advertorial

By Think! Shoes

if the shoe fits...

wear it!testimonials Hi, it’s me, your Think! Shoe!

hank you for picking me. I may not be one-of-a-kind, but I am

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something very special. I am made of natural-finish leather that is not ashamed to show its true character. My leather is just like nature created it. Finer in some places and rougher in others, with a few scars

I live in my Think Shoes! People around me are wondering if that’s all I have. Elma Pollard, Green Times, Cape Town

here and there. I’m proud of my character and my uniqueness. After all, nature doesn’t make everything the same. Fortunately, there are no robots that can create shoes like me.

I’m enjoying my fabulous pair of Think! Shoes, thank you! Everyone thinks they are just beautiful. Azola Noyo, JHB

I travelled for weeks from hand to hand – it often takes over 120 stages of handcrafting to make me into what you’re wearing on your feet today. I hope you like me just as much as the people who made me do. I want to be your loyal companion for a long time to come, so I’d appreciate a little bit of attention and care sometimes. Please remember that vegetable-tanned leather

Wearing your Think shoes is an absolute pleasure! They are quirky and cute, but most of all they are so comfortable. I have worn them to Tango lessons a couple of times and they certainly do the job. I was amazed to see one of my fellow students wearing her little red pair just like mine. They are precious and I get compliments whenever I wear them. Tracy, Durbanville

is a natural product. As it ages, a patina forms on the surface – giving it character and a slightly darker or lighter colour. I look forward to a long, happy journey together Sincerely, Your Think! Shoe I

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Your shoes are fantastic and so very comfortable – not one blister or aching feet throughout the event (which is normally the case when we even where trainers as we are running around so much!). This is testament to the quality Think Shoes product. Well done and best regards, Heidi Warricker, MD, Biz Events

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reallife

Artificial Insemination [a journey] By Leandi Erasmus

was a mere nineteen when I told my mother that I would have a baby by donor sperm. At that stage it was still a very foreign concept. She laughed it off (secretly hoping that I would rather get pregnant as per normal one night stand). Despite this, I knew, she would sell her soul to become a grandmother even if the sperm is beamed in from outer space.

Sending me to a dietician, and prescribing a wonderful book to

One September I realised that I finally had the partner, the house, the dog, the picket fence and the income. So, I embarked on the unforgettable journey of having a baby. A gynaecologist referred me to Medfem Clinic in Sandton. They specialise in assisted reproduction and they even have their own sperm bank. Not to mention their cute and kind genetic advisor, who eagerly dish out sperm to all lesbians in possession of a receipt that said ‘PAID’. At Medfem asking about donor sperm was nothing strange. They even enlightened me on the personalities of donors and made the whole ‘choose from a list’ thing much more personal.

To my greatest satisfaction I didn`t keep resembling a goddess for

The list went something like no. 133, light brown hair, 1.76m tall, BCOM Informatics, likes sport, socializing and hiking. Having the huge task of deciding on one of the eight available options, sperm started to become as exciting as those popping candy for a little girl. As long as it came in a vial! We made our first appointment at the fertility specialist. Scores of couples struggling to have babies in the waiting room made me feel privileged to only be here because I`m a lesbian. My partner, not having a penis seemed a lot less of a problem, than not ovulating or having endometriosis.

enhance my fertility by fighting insulin resistance, within three months I had lost 30 kilos effortlessly and resembled the goddess I never were. (For in case any of my fellow overweight lesbian friends would like to try it out: The Ultimate Diet Solution, by Anne Till) get it on Kalahari.

long. After going for the necessary blood test on the third day of my cycle (day one being the day your period starts.) I presented as a marvellous ovulator! *Thanks body!* having a 28 day cycle, I now had to be back at the clinic on day eleven. Day eleven arrived sooner than I thought. We met the doctor in the sonar room. He started fiddling with an internal sonar stick (resembling a less than appetising dildo). At first this slightly hiked my stress levels. One penetration later and there we saw it – on my left ovary, one fertile egg in a perfect 18mm follicle. This, friends meant that I had a ripe egg ready for fertilization. I was ecstatic. In order to properly time insemination, the doctor injected me with a drug resembling the hormone that makes pregnant women vomit. But I did not mind, I was quite excited to experience a little pre-pregnancy morning sickness. Twelve hours from the jab, I would have my first insemination. I felt like a bride on honeymoon. The next morning we were up and about heading for the sperm bank. In anticipation we sat in the waiting room, checking the guys going in and out. Wondering, whether this was the guy’s

The doctor recommended I lose some weight before getting pregnant. Despite the disappointment at not being able to become pregnant immediately, I took the advice very seriously. I

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sperm that would be inserted in me shortly. I got slightly haunted by images of sexy young men wanking on the other side of the prefab wall.

15 Minutes later we were called to a little window in the laboratory wall. We jumped like electrified puppets – our first vial of SPERM! I got handed the precious 0.5ml of super rejuvenated sperm from the lab tech and ran for the doctor’s office. Entering with the little vial of cloudy liquid the normally calm receptionist took our presence very seriously. She rushed us into the closest consulting room with our little magic vial, and we anxiously awaited the doctor – peeping at the vial every now and then. He entered, smiling. Ready to be pregnant? You bet we were! With the speculum up way inside me, he drew 38 to the power of 12 million sperm cells (of a super intelligent, disease free donor) into an insulin syringe. Attaching a 5 cm long plastic tube, he explained that the little tube would go through my cervix into my womb and be deposited as close to the egg as possible. After close to no discomfort, the procedure was over. The doctor told me to relax for 30 minutes and then go home. I was almost disappointed; I wanted to feel that I was getting pregnant for longer! Then followed the twelve hours until the next insemination. Acting very pregnant and refusing to do anything strenuous I spent the day on the couch, ordering everyone around and secretly elevating my legs just enough so no one noticed. The next day we repeated the exercise and afterwards returned to our home in Potchefstroom. The waiting started. Having researched all the most advanced and sensitive home pregnancy tests, I spent half my salary, constantly urinating on sticks, my colleagues was even suspicious of the tea cups at the office. They giggled nervously, my partner frowned, and my mother phoned every two hours. Finally, on day twelve, there it was. A faint purple line in the little white window. Hysteria erupted everywhere. My mother spent half her budget on little blankets w w w

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and very tiny green and yellow clothes, my best friend checked up on me every ten minutes, my friends treated me like I was made from cotton wool and my father phoned incessantly as soon as I drove further than 10 kilometers. My world was perfect. Out of pure curiosity I went for a weekly sonar (which almost bankrupted me). Watching the little heartbeat, dreaming about the perfect little boy inside of me. When I was nine weeks pregnant, I spotted a pink blotch in my panty. Devastated I could not find a local gynaecologist who could see me immediately; Sandton was too far. I travelled to the neighbouring town, to see a doctor there. After inserting, the now familiar stick into my vagina I waited for the picture of my baby on the monitor. There he was, little hands, little feet, and no heartbeat. I knew, before the doctor pointed it out. My partner gave me a long hug, a strange silence took hold of our home, and we started to listen Radio Sonder Grense at night instead of sleeping. “It is part of life” the doctor said. “25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriages.” I had to wait for two days, and then go for a D&C. As we entered the hospital ward, one nurse tried to poke fun at me, “so, what are we doing to you today?” The other nurse quieted her. She pointed out my chart, and peeked at me. After the procedure my partner bought me a pack of Rolo`s. I ate them all and got up to leave the hospital as soon as possible. As we drove away I knew I was leaving the little body behind. “It`s ok,” I told everyone. “I will just try again.” On recommendation of the doctor in Sandton, the fetus was sent to the lab. Later I read the report on my file. “A normal male fetus”. Sobs tore through my chest as I left the gynaecologists office. My perfect little boy had died and I don`t know why. We decided to use a friend`s sperm in the next round. Ushering him to the pathologists for a whole battery of tests, he just smiled. I

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reallife I swore I`d kill him if he gave me HIV. It might be nice if my son could point and say, this is my father. So came day eleven and ovulation. With the sexy blond hunk wanking in the bathroom next door, my partner waited for him to hand over the sperm in the little plastic container. With a syringe we inseminated me four times in three days. I was worried. What if he moved to Cape Town, and I had to ship off my child every second holiday? What if he becomes a druggy and I have to protect my child against his own father? What if he dates a paedophile and I don`t know? Loyal to my mind, my body did not ovulate. Eleven days later the little stick stayed white and I sms-ed him. “I don`t think we are going to try again”. He agreed. After what seemed like a very long non-ovulatory cycle, we returned to the fertility clinic, the kind but expensive doctor and the sperm bank. We had to choose a new donor as the first one was used up. I clearly was not the only lesbian in the process of spermifying myself. This time the little follicle was a huge 22mm. Filled with the magical possibility of conceiving, and a deep need to fill the void created by the miscarriage I spread my legs for the kind Doctor once again. The thought crossed my mind that by now my pants should fell down by itself when entering a consulting room. I was so convinced that I am pregnant that I wreaked havoc on our budget by buying a pram, car stool, a huge blue dragon and a carrycot. I monitored my body anxiously like a lab rat. I drank heaps of water, and ate all the best things. Eleven days of waiting, resulted in another faint but more defined purple line on the little stick. Everyone reacted more carefully. “Wait six weeks before buying anything” my aunt said. “Nothing purple” my mom said. I was convinced that this time it will work. I went to see the doctor in Sandton. “I don`t care what it cost, but I want us to do any and everything to prevent another miscarriage.” So he covered all the bases. He put me on progesterone supplements (which I had to insert vaginally – my partner found this quite sexy and watched me insert it for the first week). I injected myself with weekly doses of someone else`s immune system, and drank cortisone to prevent my body from rejecting another perfect fetus. I made sure I had a local gynaecologist as well. The local guy, seemed fascinated by treating a pregnant lesbian, and endured my constant questions and insecurities with a kind smile. I monitored every sensation frantically and even poked at the vaginal secretions in my panty and then Googled the colour. Preoccupied and obsessed the first trimester passed without incident. Everyone said that after this, it was safe, and it was. At sixteen weeks the local gynaecologist pointed out my sons enormous crown jewels on the sonar, and I saw my father cry I

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for the second time in my life. We bought blue clothes, nappies, boy toys, wallpaper and lots and lots of smoked mussels. I took heaps of multi vitamins, Omega three, six and nine and behaved like a raging queen. One night at 2 am, I felt the first contractions. Calming down my panicky partner (who lovingly packed me a bag full of goodies, from soft pajamas and wonderfully smelling soaps and lotions to chocolates). I insisted on not going to the hospital immediately. I told her to sleep some more and went to take long hot bath. Only at eight in the morning while in full labour we entered the hospital. Between contractions, I managed to tell the nurse: “She stays with me, no matter what”. Everyone took note, never trying to chase her away. Someone once told me a baby goes in like a banana and comes out like a pineapple. I felt like a cow on a conveyor belt reversing into a whole row of pineapples. Yes, I got the “moon moon” in during contractions. The doctor did my C-section at 14:30. Having been in labour for 12 hours, I could not fathom carrying on as they rolled me into theatre. After the epidural, it was about five minutes. The doctor lifted the bluish little creature out of my body. My first thought was, that he looked like a stranger. On my mothers` advice I breastfed the amazing little creature. When I held him tight, and he was suckling my painful nipple, I knew nothing could ever separate us. A nurse inquired about the insemination (one don`t get a lesbian giving birth in Potchefstroom every day!). The rumour spread like wild fire. I must have repeated the story ten times during my hospital stay. One nurse commented that, it must have been very super sperm, as she had never seen such a beautiful baby in her life. He grew to become a delightful, gorgeous, clever toddler. Like a magical being, he never ceases to fill me with breath-taking wonder. Yes, it is strange having a child with someone I will never meet. Almost like being curious about some secret you will never know. Some moments when indulge I in his awesomeness, I wonder about the man, that contributed to half his genes. When my mother holds him tight, my thoughts sometimes dwindle to his other pair of grandparents, who would never know this exceptional being – my son. No matter how I look at it. I won the first prize. He is mine, this miracle that never stops happening. I am more than blessed by this unbreakable all-encompassing love, which is the only definition of perfection I will ever know.

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bark:

PETPALS

ask bernice By Bernice Jaffe

I have a nine-month old Scottish terrier female, she keeps eating poop. This is a very common question I get asked and even though it is not a behaviour problem you can help sort it out by firstly feeding her about four small meals a day, that way she’ll not go hungry and start eating weird things. Try putting pineapple in the other pooches food as apparently this makes the poo taste very bad. Thirdly, carry on picking up the poo as quickly as possible. Why does my dog always bite the washing off the line. Does your pooch go on daily long walks? If not she could be bored and any bit of entertainment is better than nothing. Is she an only dog? If yes, why not consider getting a friend for her. Dogs are pack animals and hate being alone. Or if that is not an option, have you considered puppy day-care? Or if you are out for the whole day and none of the above is possible, maybe employ a dog walker that can come during the day to walk your dog. I have a one year old Jack Russell and in the last two months she has started digging up the lawn, how can I make her stop doing that? Firstly, make sure you are walking her for at least an hour a day. Secondly, does she have a friend? She may be suffering from separation-anxiety. You may want to give her a sandpit area which she will learn is her spot. Fill it with white building sand and hide her favourite toys and bones in there. Never shout at her or smack her for digging up the lawn, the problem will just get worse as all she will remember is the attention she gets from doing this. This problem will not get better overnight and you will have to be patient. Our Husky does not listen to us when we call him by his name ‘Dexx’, he is three months old. How do we teach him to respond to his name? He is still very young so do not stress too much. Get some yummy treats like roast chicken and call his name, give him a treat, do this about 30 times until he starts making the connection. Now, go outside and start playing games with him. You can play this with the whole family. Armed with treats each of you has a turn to call him to you. Get down on your haunches, call his name, when he comes back to you grab his collar and give him a treat. Do this over and over again until he has got it, then start playing hide and seek. Hide behind trees, call his name, when he comes to you, grab his collar and give him a treat. When you go out with him call him back to you every two minutes and give him a treat. The reason you do this so often is that most pooches think that the only time they get called is when they are in trouble or when the play session is over. You do not have to give him a treat every time, but always display love and affection. Never use his name when he is naughty, as you only want to have positive associations with his name. I

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My six month old Cocker Spaniel male is terrified of the car. He doesn’t like sitting in the car - even when it isn’t moving. This is very strange for me, as all the dogs we’ve ever had in the past were always excited to go in the car, as they knew they were going somewhere fun. If he sees that we’re heading towards the car, he will turn around and try bolt back inside to the front door. His four month old ‘brother’, also a spaniel, is completely chilled, and just sits or lies down and waits till we reach our destination. Any ideas to get him over his phobia? You need to start positively associating the car to him. Start by giving him some yummy roast chicken. Lure him into the car with the roast chicken. Do not force him. Take it slowly if you have to. Treat him every step of the way. Do not talk to him if he is acting scared, and do not give him chicken unless he goes forward. When you get him to the car put some of the chicken in the car so that he has to jump in. When you get him into the car give him some yummy treats every couple of seconds. Take him out of the car. Go up to this point until he gets into the car easily. Then close the car door. Do not start the car. Give him a treat. Let him out of the car. Start again until he is sitting calmly in the car for about 5 minutes with you treating him all the way. Then start the car, give him a treat, switch the engine off. Leave the car running for longer periods of time, treating him all the time. Do not drive until he is calm. And so on until you feel he is ready to drive around the block. How do I get my Lab to stop jumping on everyone when we arrive home or when guests arrive? Have you tried a water bottle. Using the sharp spray as your Lab jumps say: “ah-ah” and then spray in his face. Tell everyone to cross there arms and look up and not give him any attention when jumping. Hi Bernice, I have a 14 month old Rottweiler who has got into the habit of jumping up at the door all night long wanting to come inside. She has a kennel and has slept outside since she was very small. This is a recent development. At the moment I have to get up a few times every night to reprimand her, I don’t know if this is the best course of action? We have tried to ignore her but then she just keeps jumping up against the door constantly and keeps us (and probably) the neighbours up all night! Any advice on how to fix this problem? This is a very easy one. Let her sleep inside where she should be. She is of no use to you outside as protection. Nowadays homes are broken into with the dogs outside, unable to protect the family. Also, I think it is quite cruel as our winters are so harsh and Rotties do not have such long hair. So, let her sleep inside where she has access to protect you all and can keep warm.

barkery bites The idea of a dog biscuit had been an idea of my wife for many years and her aim was to create a natural dog biscuit that tastes great for dogs. Notice our logo; this is our dog Jess who we rescued from RSPCA Millbrook re-homing centre and brought back to South Africa with us when we relocated, she is also my chief tester of the biscuits. Every order is made fresh, no matter how big or small. All our main ingredients have been sourced to be the healthiest for our dogs. We use whole-wheat flour, our honey is a pure natural honey that is badger friendly, our eggs are free-range and we use the best quality vegetable oil, 100% pure oats, with no added sugar or salts into our mixes. I hand-cut all the shapes. Many of our customers that buy from us have dogs that have had many challenges in there lives from skin problems to digestive problems and would be on strict diets from the vets, so treats for these dogs are hard to come by. It gives my wife and myself great satisfaction that in baking our dog biscuits we make not only our own dogs happy, but other people’s dogs as well.

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advertorial

We have 8 different flavours of our biscuits Apple and Oatmeal , Beef & Veg , Chicken & Veg , Lamb & Veg , Beef Biltong , Natural Peanut Butter ( Palm Oil Free) , Cheese and Cheese and Garlic . The biscuits come in different shapes so the customer can identify them on our information sheets, which we had made up so they can read up on the biscuits and ingredients. For me it is a labour of love and as long as I can make dogs and their owners happy with my biscuits, that is a good enough reward for me and my wife, as we are dog lovers too. Eddie McDermott Barkery Bites 021 4330848 0824673504

Order a Birthday cake for your barking friend!

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i•den•ti•ty

spirituality

noun ( pl. identities ) Quality or condition of being a specified person or thing. By Sashama Tarae

e are first introduced to an identity by our parents. We are born to a family with a family name, so constituting our first identity. Then we are named by our parents, so consecrating our identity for a life time. We become that person as we begin to talk and walk and identify with our surroundings, our daily interactions and the people who occupy our space. Then we grow and our identity grows with us according to what we prefer in taste, colour, people and activity. As we evolve into this condition, we become the condition of our identity, circumstances and experiences. We own this identity and we name ourselves according to it, until we become immersed in it; birthplace, parents, name, occupation, orientation and affiliation. Our tendency is to attract and be attracted to those that identify with our identity. It gives us security, safety and a sense of belonging. We move in circles that reflect this identity back to us, becoming more and more of who we are as the conditions so dictate. We colour and style our hair, we dress, work, talk and behave according to the prerequisite of this identity, filled with labels, tags, conditions and idiosyncrasies. Whether that be the conditions of our parents, schools, piers or social community, whether that be conditions that we have accepted and openly become or those that have been buried beneath layers of hidden resentment or those that we have openly rejected and defied, becoming the opposite in our chosen identity to that which was enforced. All the same, we have created an identity that speaks of who we think we are, who we want to be or are fighting against being. This leaves most of us desperately conforming or not conforming to social values and structures, behaving or not behaving appropriately or accordingly, comfortable or uncomfortable in one or another chosen identity. As we begin our search for truth, this issue of identity becomes the most important key to understanding the Great Mystery. Most of us are locked into the condition of our identity which defines our thoughts, our feelings and life experiences. The identity we have developed is our truth, but only of that time, it is not all of who we are. It is but one of the many identities we have chosen to experience on the stage of available experiences in the life cycle of human evolution. In order to understand this, we are required to expand beyond the current version that have been sold about life and look deeper into the cycles and journey’s we I

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make as souls in the process of experiencing identities on this planet we call earth. Imagine that the earth is like a theatre, with a main stage, different available plays, roles and costumes for hire. As souls seeking evolution in conjunction with this theatre, we have the opportunity to choose any stage, play, role and costume. We incarnate at different times to participate in different plays on different stages, in different roles wearing different costumes. Thus if we were able to look beyond the veil of our apparent reality, we would find that we have experienced many different identities, all of which we have made our own, but in fact are not. They are chosen experiences that have defined our identities in this theatre and through which we have gained intelligence, understanding and evolution. We are impeccable students of life, we do not make mistakes in our choices, we may not like some of the roles we have come to play and others we may really enjoy, but how would we know what we are choosing if we have not experienced the range of available choices. Thus we are choosing, but we only become empowered in choice through the experiencing of these choices. This level of expansion requires a crisis; an identity crisis. It’s a difficult place to find oneself, the security of all you have known to be true dissolving in the insecurity of not knowing. But until you have made this journey you will never know who you truly are, as a soul, intelligent from having integrated these experiences and identities. People as a general rule in our society hold onto what makes them feel secure; finding comfort in familiarity, afraid of the unknown. When you have made the initiation through this crisis suddenly the familiar seems strange and the strange, familiar. It is the same for everyone on the path leading towards finding spiritual truth. Even when we think we have found this truth it continues to expand – ultimately we will never know who we are, and one day we will be comfortable with that. Not needing to conform or not conform to one fixed identity, knowing that we are far more than just this, constantly changing and expanding from one identity to another. This is the nature of the creative matrix, constantly expanding gaining intelligence through evolution. Consider that once we make this journey it is no longer about the category that you identify with nor the group you associate with, rather about the perfect choice you have made to experience the experience you are currently busy with, understanding that

Sashama is a visionary with exceptional clairvoyant skills working as a healer, seer and co-ordinator of information for the purpose of integration and expansion of the human conscious. For more information on upcoming workshops, events or to book a private consultation she can be can contacted on C: 072 9710422, E: sashamatarae@gmail.com

this too will change. As we move on from one role to another, one costume to another, what remains is our connection to other souls that have shared these experiences with us. We participate with many souls, complex dramas cannot be played out alone, we need each other to fulfil the roles in opposite and confronting situations, the day and night are defined by the existence of the other. The point of this interaction is to play out the dramas as they are arranged and then expand, intelligent from what we have learned and thereby create new sequences, become creators of new plays, find new creative solutions to old patterns, create new possibilities. We are drawn to other souls to complete old cycles in new ways. We will initially play out the old roles but at some point we will change them.

the light. The pain of rejection and subjugation, discrimination and persecution, creating deep wounds fuelled by acts self punishment and or the infliction of pain on others. This is the wound that is most common and has been left unaddressed in our societies.

Where there has been connection, we will return to those souls for many different reasons. Some we will be drawn to because we have unfinished business, call it karma if you will, some souls we are indebted to or they to us. Some souls swop roles for the benefit of evolution and integration, empowering the capacity of conscious choice for both; it is an act of kindness and compassion. Some we are drawn to because we share a resonance that is similar in its intelligence and the experience we are choosing have already transcended the dramas of old to integration. It is therefore simply a matter of condition that we would fall into identity around these relationships. Only this set of preconditioned rules that have been defined by mankind itself, requires that we wear a tag or label identifying our colour, race, creed religion or sexual orientation. It is in truth about relationship – to others and the experiences these souls have chosen to share. Souls by definition are not orientated toward one or another gender, many of us have experienced both masculine and feminine lifetimes. If you have been heterosexual and married in one of the plays it may be that you come again in the same sex to experience homosexual relationship, vice versa or man, wife, child, brother, sister, friend, family – in relationship, of many different kinds. It is our society that has created the separation and judgment on the values inherent in any choice of experience. This has created the dark shadow aspects of our social systems. Mankind who has created a set of rules by which to define, categorize and separate us, ignorant of the consequences of these actions. Sexual behaviour that must be hidden, locked away in the dark becomes effected from lack of exposure to

We can choose at any time to change the nature of that journey, all we have to ask ourselves is whether or not we have the courage to look at the spiritual nature of what that journey is – are we contracted to learn something from this person, is it unfinished business that requires resolution or are we ready to let go of our judgments and love ourselves as spiritual beings participating in a human experience and therefore destined to share resonance and experience true love.

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One at a time, as we gain consciousness, we become aware of the fact that without this awakening we will perpetuate the cycle of our condition until we have the courage to go deeper, to look beyond the limitations of our conditions that have been set up through the creation of our defined identities. Souls are known to each other, be they man and woman, man and man or woman and woman, we have a journey.

As we embrace our spiritual nature, as we become comfortable with the Great Mystery and learn to expose our shadows to the light; as we find value in all that we are, have ever been and ever will be, we free ourselves to engage in honest, deep, meaningful and intimate relationships, no matter their orientation. We claim our birth right to express all of our truth, without fear of rejection, judgment, discrimination or prejudice, first of all and most importantly, from ourselves. We are able to look back on our experiences – in all life times, identities, roles and costumes as integral to the development of who we are, have become and are yet to be. As we embrace all of ourselves and let go of the projections and identities that have been superimposed upon us by the laws of society and its value systems, we can embrace all people of race, culture, creed , religion and orientation, as souls busy having experiences that one day they too will understand and integrate and in that moment find the liberation that sets us free to be who we must be, a magnificent soul on a journey through identity.

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Kellyn me softly

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[kellyn coetzee] By Lylo Lessie

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Comedienne stalker lylo lessie had the opportunity to stalk the ever so sultry and crack-you-up funny, up-and-coming kellyn coetzee... Here’s what she had to say...

]

Lylo Lessie has been single, since, well forever. She has been prowling the pink strip for years but she still hasn’t got lucky. So, she’s finally decided to broaden her horizons. After watching Andrew Lloyd Weber’s production of Cats and seeing all those women in spandex, she is now convinced that the theatre is the place to pick up the lady of her dreams – which is Natalie Portman, but she’s willing to budge slightly. But Lylo Lessie can be a little, shall we say, predatory. Once she’s got her eye on you, you better adjust your privacy settings because she’s not giving up!

t was a Sunday night in the Mother City and I was looking for somewhere to drown my singleton sorrows. I decided to pop into Beefcakes – a predominantly gay male diner, but hey, I accept all walks of life. The alternative was Bronx, but let’s face it, there just aren’t enough women there, unless you count those who take part in Movember, but I haven’t reached that point… yet. Beefcakes serves the best buns in town, granted the burgers aren’t half bad either. I first peeked through the window – there was a hot young woman doing stand-up comedy on the stage and she had the audience in stitches. I suavely strutted through the door and positioned myself at the bar. I ordered a Sex on the Beach, but the topless barman must have misunderstood me and served me a cocktail instead. “Who’s the chick?” I asked him, suddenly feeling like 007 out on the prowl. Could she be my Bond Girl? “Kellyn Coetzee. She’s new on the comedy circuit” he said whilst pulsating his pecks. I cringed and turned my attention back to the sultry Kellyn. Those long locks, the awkward stance - it felt like the first time I saw Angelina Jolie in Gia and gee-ah I think it was love

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at first sight! I grabbed my iPhone and started researching – she had a ‘closed’ Facebook profile – but it was no match for me. Soon I had hacked in and was bombarded by a sea of sexy info. Suddenly I looked up and she’d finished her segment. In between the village of gay men ogling the half naked waiters, was a sneaker of lesbians (that’s the collective noun). They were posing as a book club but I saw right through them. They had Kellyn’s attention. Suddenly I felt like Annette Bening in The Kids Are Alright and they were my Mark Ruffalo - my nemesis - vying for the attention of my Julianne Moore. But she didn’t succumb and shyly moved to the bar and nestled herself next to me. I looked over to her, our eyes met. It was time for me to turn on the charm: “You must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.” She giggled. I could feel the sexual tension between us. She insisted it was because her handbag was caught on my bar stool… I knew better. I embellished the truth slightly and said I was an award winning journalist and would love to ask her a few questions. And so the sparks started flying.

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“I never knew anyone in New York and would loiter at comedy clubs, on my own. There was an open mic night, so a couple of tequilas and a bad decision later… I went up and told some of the stories from my blog. ”

I see you are trying your hand at stand up comedy. I once tried my hands at hand modelling but I couldn’t get any hand jobs. Ha-ha! (An awkward silence falls on the bar.) I saw on Facebook that you studied Pachedermitology at Stellenbosch University. Me too! Really, you studied large mammals’ skin disorders? More concerning is why you have access to my Facebook account? I actually studied BA English, as it’s the only degree I knew I would pass at an Afrikaans university. I just tell people ‘Pachedermitology’ or ‘BSC Law’ to weed out the gullible. No, I meant I also went to Stellenbosch University? I can’t remember much of it though. I was so deep in the closet back then, I was practically in Narnia. How did you move from an English degree to comedy? I went to live in New York…as you do, and used my Pachederm… I mean my mad English skills to start a humorous blog documenting the adventure. I never knew anyone in New York and would loiter at comedy clubs, on my own. There was an open mic night, so a couple of tequilas and a bad decision later… I went up and told some of the stories from my blog. So you act impulsively when you drink? (I immediately order two tequilas). A microphone is a very phallic thing, how do you find doing stand up comedy in a male-dominated industry? Yeah, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to having something that phallic so close to my mouth. I was told by a fellow comic that I do stand up like a guy. I told him I walk and pee like one too. Most of the comedians have been very encouraging and supportive. As for the male domination, well I find there are two positions to take. On the top, I get to surprise an audience with low expectations. On the bottom, sometimes an audience will see a woman with a mic and start tuning out as if I’m about to tell them how to remove stains from a carpet. w w w

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Sorry you lost me at ‘dominate’. I sometimes like to be dominated… What is your perfect date? 5ft 7, tanned, blonde, athletic and well off. Depending on the type of person you’re with, a comedy show is always a good choice. One of the best dates I have ever been on was to the planetarium - a candy store for my inner nerd. You have to know your audience. Other ways to impress me… take me to a pro 20 cricket match or Kirstenbosch concert, for the win. Those are my favourite things too! I slowly move in to kiss her, but she suddenly has an unexpected coughing fit. I hope she’s not genetically prone to disease, I want healthy children. Can we wrap this up? It’s getting late. If you were to cook for me at your house, with candles and some KD Lang playing in the background, what would you cook? You know, let’s pretend - not that it should be too hard - that you wanted to get me into bed and ravish me. ‘Ravish’ made me think of radish. I don’t like radish…but…as long as we’re pretending… let’s replace KD Lang with Paramore. I make mean toast. Lies, I can’t make toast. I make a superb Thai green curry. Ahem, you look stalking, I mean starving. Oh I could just eat you up I’m so hungry. (I seductively wink at Kellyn.) I think you have something in your eye. Just smoke, because you’re sizzling hot! Describe your perfect partner? 34 C and she has to be smarter than me, but not arrogant about it. She has to be funny or at least think I’m funny. Someone who reads and by ‘reads’ I don’t mean the TV guide. Most importantly, someone I could team up with for the zombie apocalypse. Wow, it’s like you’re in my head. What’s your star sign? Capricorn I

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THE LOWE-DOWN

OMG! I’m a Pisces. I read that when the two are put together, the Capricorn Goat will provide the stability and security, whilst the Pisces Fish will bring in the passion and romance. And apparently, as far as love life is concerned, both Pisces and Capricorn want similar things…I didn’t know you were also into bondage? I’m not. Ha-ha…me neither! Would you like to decide on a safety word now or later? Does ‘restraining order’ have too many syllables? Suddenly Kellyn leapt up from her chair, shook my hand and walked out of the feather-boa’d restaurant. I haven’t washed my hand since. So far we’ve lasted longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage… xoxo

WIN a 1-hour NIMUE Therapeutic facial. The winner can customize it at own cost. Where in Cape Town is the trendy Petticoat Parlour located? SMS “ALICE PETTICOAT” & the area as answer to 45509

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ITERMS s s u eAND 0 4CONDITIONS: – 2 0 1 2 R1.50 ∫ per sms. Multiple entries allowed. Competition closes 30 November 2011. Winners will be notified by phone, and made public on www.alicemagazine.co.za and on our Facebook Page. No under 18’s,

proof of age may be asked before prizes are rewarded. South African entries only. Prizes will awarded by random draw from a computer application. Not exchangeable for cash. More terms on www.alicemagazine.co.za.

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Bseultry

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h g u LLoaud

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ly!

“...I was told by a fellow comic that I do stand up like a guy. I told him I walk and pee like one too...”

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Photographer: josie borain assistant: antony smyth Hair: rouxlé verwey make-up: catherine dohloffi INTERVIEW: lylo lessie CREATIVE DIRECTION: willem jacobs zian blignaut

CREDITS}

To kellyn: THank you! it was great working together! merry christmas and have a funny-filled new year! all the best. love, alice.

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Have you been searching for products that are free of advertorial synthetic chemicals?

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Dr.Hauschka Skin Care products contain 100% Certified Natural Ingredients. Natural ingredients like plant ingredients are LIVING ingredients. The Dr.Hauschka way of rhythmically extracting the ingredients needed for a Skin Care Product, preserve the life force (the ACTIVE part of that ingredient) from a plant preserves the LIVING processes in the plant for decades. Dr. Rudolph Hauschka‘s first rose petal experiment where he extracted the healing properties from roses, is still in perfect condition today as it was in the 1920’s. Incredible! … so plant ingredients are ALIVE. Your skin is a living organ and it needs LIVING ingredients to make it look and be alive, healthy and glowing with health. Plant ingredients support the living processes in the skin – these living processes in the skin are the blood circulation (brings O2 and nutrients to the skin and takes away waste), the lymph system (takes away waste) and oil glands (essential for a good acid mantle). In biological terms, humans contain the plant element. We grow up towards the sun, we have venous systems (blood and lymph)

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Mineral Oil. Mineral Oil is a dead oil – it is a by-product of the distillation of gasoline! This is what the oil mining world throws away!!!!! Nothing lives and grows in the centre of the earth… why would anyone use something like this on beautiful living skin? Other synthetic chemical ingredients such as Parabens we know have been linked to breast cancer because they mimic natural estrogen in the body. Long term use of Parabens can also make holes in the skin like holes in the ozone! This results in sensitivity in the skin. We know about Sodium Lauryl and Laureth Sulphate (SLS) and how they strip the natural acid mantle from the skin making the skin dry, dehydrated and sensitive. Our belief is that Synthetic Chemical products can create dependency where as Natural ingredients stimulate the skin to work correctly and comfortably. The list is endless – for further reading, there is a GREAT book called The Green Beauty Guide by Julie Gabriel which goes into ingredients and more in great depth.

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careers

By Dee O’Neill

attoos chose me, was the answer I got to my question, “Why did you

choose to be a tattoo artist?”

What was the first tattoo you had done on yourself? The Egyptian god – Osiris

I smiled at the gentle spoken, Manuela, as she welcomed me into her studio, WILDFIRE in Long St Cape Town. A mother, a wife, a woman, Cape Towns, internationally renowned and much respected tattoo artist, in what was once a male dominant profession. And loving it! We chatted randomly about the world of tattooing and how popular it has become; So when did it all start for you? Ten years ago on a surf holiday overseas, I’d been involved with the movie industry and art, sketching always fascinated me. It wasn’t a consensious decision that “now I’m going to be a tattoo artist.” I just became a tattoo artist and I continue to grow more into it every day. What was your first tattoo you worked on? Manualla, laughs: “the Mayan calendar. Really!”, she said looking at the expression on my face. I guess I was expecting something like a scull or a butterfly, the Mayan calendar was not even a remote thought. I

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What are your most inspiring countries for tattoos ? Bhornia and China. Any famous local and international, public personalities you’ve tattooed? Oh yes! Vocalist, Sarah Pope of Wolftown and then there was the drummer from Queen, Roger Taylor. How do you feel about the pain your clients go through? It’s not the highlight of my work, however the ‘pain’ is somewhat a ritual, a confirmation of self that only ‘you can deal with’. It bonds your tattoo to yourself. And as the artist I feel honoured to facilitate that ritual . I look at all of her works- of- art, that adorn her skin canvass. “Who does your tattoos and where was it most painful for you?” Most of my tattoos are acquired on my travels, and hmmm, the most painful, for me, I would have to say was on the palm of my hand. But generally the most painful is anywhere on the solar plexus, sternum and anywhere bony is also very sensitive.

Do you have any tattoos , Dee? Ha ha ha ...(nervous laughter) well I did get this, I produce a single minuet pinhead sized dot on my wrist. I had this done when I was 15. And yes I am thinking of getting a larger branding ...Grin, but not yet! I’ve always wanted a ‘shooting star with a purple butterfly’, my daughter, Jocelin’s symbol. We end the interview with an in-depth discussion about the upcoming Tattoo Convention to be held in Cape town in January 2012, please see the details on the website. This is a not to be missed event for those who are interested in this amazing form of art and creative energy. SixLove Events CC Southern Ink Xposure 2012 The Fourth Annual Cape Town International Tattoo Convention

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born this way

reFLECT

nelson mandela bay pride By Teresa Visser and Maria Combrink

n Saturday, the 24th of September 2011, Nelson Mandela Bay (Port Elizabeth) had its first ever Gay Pride Parade. The theme of the parade was ‘Born This Way’. The organisers decided to use Lady Gaga’s song with the same name as a theme song and this was done with Lady Gaga’s blessing. The theme of the Pride was Tolerance especially regarding the issue of Corrective Rape. Corrective Rape is a phenomenon that has been highlighted in the media lately. Corrective Rape is defined as a criminal practice, whereby LGBTI individuals are heterosexually raped, sometimes under supervision by members of their families or local communities, purportedly as a means of ‘curing’ them of their non-heteronormative sexual orientation and/or gender identity. There were also some beneficiaries that benefited from the Pride and if this parade is successful enough, more beneficiaries will be adopted next year. The House of Resurrection Haven (a haven for AIDS orphans in one of the most deprived areas in PE), Luleki Sizwe (a nonprofit charity fighting for lesbians against ‘corrective rape’ in South Africa) and the ECGLA (Eastern Cape Gay & Lesbian Association) were this year’s beneficiaries. The Pride kicked off on Friday 23 September with two events. Pianist Rocco de Villiers performed at the Karoo Theatrical Hotel in Steytlerville, a small town approximately 120km from Port Elizabeth. The second event was held at Day-Zees with the crowning of the King and Queen of Pride followed by a Pre-Pride Day Disco. These were unfortunately more for the gay men and we did not attend any of these two events. The parade started in Stanley Street in Richmond Hill at 13h00, and the streets started bustling from around 09h00 already, with people eating quick breakfasts or just having some drinks. I was actually sitting at a little table on the pavement outside a seemingly very straight

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bar, with some of the frequent visitors at a table next to me. Listening to their comments and discussions, I was amazed that absolutely nothing negative was said about all the obviously gay and lesbian people strolling around and making their way to the starting point. I had to smile however when I heard this VERY straight older gentleman saying to his friends around the table ‘what a waste’ when two quite sexy young girls came strolling past holding hands. This very successful first Pride ended in Parliament Street in front of Day-Zees with live performances from various artists, a huge street party and an Official After Party later that night. Riaan and Patrick from The Italian Job wanted to do something for the lesbian community and held a ladies only ‘lang-arm’ dance which was very well supported. Alice was there and handed out several subscriptions and copies of the first and second editions of Alice Magazine in the form of a lucky draw. This was welcomed by all and a few were very jealous for not ‘being lucky’. Thank you, Alice and we are looking forward to next year’s Pride!

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getting out there: By Dena Dahling

a cheat sheet for newbie lesbians

itting the scene for the first time, or fresh out of Coupleville? Dena Dahling’s learnt the lessons so you don’t have to. Here’s what you need to know before you go. It took me a long time to summon the courage to enter the gay world. So when I finally did, aged 27, it was with all the gusto and salivating grace of a teenage boy. Now, it hasn’t been all that long since I marched onto the scene in Bronx boots and obnoxious pants, but in the time I’ve been here, I’ve learnt enough to pen a sizeable novel and quite possibly a followup sequel. After all, lesbian years are like dog years: There are seven of them for every straight year. What follows are my top five tips for girls who are new to the scene, or perhaps just out of practice. Call them ‘observations’, if you will. And of course, by ‘observations’, I definitely don’t mean ‘things I have actually done’. Definitely don’t. I

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Find an experienced wing-woman I stumbled into my first lesbian club under the expert wing of my friend J and her long-suffering girlfriend. To say that J knows the scene inside-out is an understatement. As a former bad girl (gone good), she not only knows the name of every girl who walks through the door, but is intimately acquainted with many of them. Yelling over the strains of a badly remixed Gaga track, she told me which girls to avoid (most), which girls to try to hook up with (few), and which girls were ‘that bitch ex’ (many). It’s essential to have this kind of competitive intelligence when you first enter the scene in order to avoid an embarrassing or potentially lethal situation. Remember: everyone is someone’s ex. And some of those someone’s are still pretty angry. Never go to the bathroom with a lesbian J told me this, also, on my first night on the scene. Unfortunately, it was after she’d introduced me to a friend of hers

who swiftly bought me a double vodka, two shots of tequila, and whisked me to the bathroom for some intellectual conversation. When I stumbled back onto the dance floor half an hour later, J frantically grabbed my arm. “Where were you? I was so worried!” But then, catching my glazed expression and seeing her friend smirking at the bar, realisation dawned. “Shit, sorry, that’s my fault. I forgot to tell you never to go to the bathroom with a lesbian.” (Try not to) fall in love for a minute If you, like me, enter the scene at an older age, you’re likely to regress to a state of pubescent exuberance. With your tongue hanging out and your eyes on stalks, all you’re going to be thinking is, “BOOBS!” This is completely normal and likely to last for some time. That’s why it’s essential that you resist the lesbian ‘urge to merge’. When you first enter the scene, you’ll be considered fresh meat. Without any ill-conceived hook-ups or angry exes to your name, you’ll be hot property, and

girls will make every attempt to woo you with strong drinks and free haircuts. Resist, resist, resist! Right now, you are essentially a teenage boy at his first over18 club. Entering a relationship – which could happen between your first brandy and your third – is most likely going to lead to heartbreak. Most likely not yours. Be considerate: Anything that starts in a toilet cubicle is not love.

who have taken the bed with them). On the bright side, you will gain an assortment of knickknacks, strategically left behind, that give her several excuses to return to the scene of the crime and plead her case. Don’t fall for this trick. You can be sure that she already has all these items in triplicate. Sell them and give the money to your favourite animal charity.

Double up If you do make the rookie mistake of settling down prematurely, at least be wise enough to double up on your favourite possessions: Your L Word box set; your Madonna collection; your bed. These are all things you’ll lose when, after a month of living together (commencing a week after meeting), you realise that the kind of kitty you’re interested in is not your partner’s cat.

Discover the Real L-word You’ll hit the scene even harder the second time ‘round. You’ll have even more fun and you’ll kiss even more girls. And just when you think things can’t get better, you’ll fall head-over-heels in love – for real this time. You’ll be in a perpetual state of nervous anxiety. You’ll analyse every text message; you’ll ‘research’ her online; you’ll question your lifelong commitment to vegetarianism in the face of her mad braai skills.

The break up is going to be ugly, and she will leave with most of your possessions. Write them off and prepare to sleep on the floor for a while (I really do know of girls

It may work out (a good rump has been known to change the course of history) or she may ditch you when she realises you turned from party girl into lovesick puppy

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in less time than it took to seal her steak. In the case of the former, you’ll be pretty damn happy to have that kitty purring at your feet while the three of you watch art nouveau movies on Saturday nights. In the case of the latter, you’ll be a wreck for months. You’ll adopt several of your own cats; you’ll start wearing crushed velvet and Doc Martens; you’ll cry during StaSoft ads. But, on the bright side, you’ll have tons of cool stuff that you managed to wrestle out in the break-up. Which means you’ll be well stocked when true loves really does come around. For real this time.

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profile

By Marinda de Lange

speed dating and the

mighty quinn A

t first blush, the title might seem a bit strange, which, admittedly, it is. Because Tasha Quinn doesn’t really evoke images related to Conan the Barbarian. Nope, she doesn’t look like a swordwielding fury who slays hordes. Not at all. But, after I interviewed her, snatches from the song kept playing in my head: “la, la, whatever, whatever … the mighty Quinn.” Blame the surname. The song stuck and it wouldn’t go away. There might be a deeper meaning to it. It might just be the only song I know with “Quinn” in it. It could also be that Tasha is quite prepared to stand up and wield the word as a sword, if she perceives someone’s rights being trampled. The story starts earlier, though. Tasha likes showing people a good time. She said so herself. When she advertised a speed dating event, I thought I should investigate and dropped her a note, asking if she would mind. She didn’t, and I set about preparing myself. Now, the only knowledge I have of speed dating is what I saw in “The L word.” Alice Pieszecki went speed dating and met a beautiful woman with full, red lips. Of such extraordinary full redness, covering such pointedly pointy incisors that we should have gotten the hint. Yes, the lady was a vampire. A gobsmackingly beautiful one, but still, a vampire. Since I didn’t exactly fancy myself suspended from the roof by my bound wrists, without a stitch of clothing on (as happened to Alice), I thought I should take the necessary precautions. I’m not saying that Tasha would knowingly allow a vampire to infiltrate her speed dating event, but vampires have been known to cunningly disguise themselves. One cannot be too careful. Not even if lungus comes into it somewhere after the cunning bit happened. I

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While we’re on the topic of cunning, I do need to point out that the above (supposed) talent of vampires have got nothing to do with being a cunning linguist. Although I’ve heard they can sweet talk with the best. Both talents do require that you don’t suffer from been tongue-tied, though. A stroke of luck: the local greengrocer had just what I needed. I rocked up at the event with several pieces of garlic strategically hidden about my person. I do not know if the garlic fumes befuddled my ability to navigate, but Tasha took the trouble to go into the street to help me to eventually find the restaurant. She did the same favour for a couple of other people, which caused me some relief: I wasn’t the only one who struggled to find the venue. Registration went swimmingly. A shooter for starters helped to calm any qualms about encountering vampires. Tasha explained how things work. Everybody gets a number. You paste it on your chest or brave breast or whatever you happen to be sporting that particular evening. You accept, on some philosophical level, that you’re just a number. No, no, don’t worry – you don’t have to settle for being a number. This is voluntary, after all. Then Tasha pulls a neat file from a stack of neat files. Inside is a single sheet of paper with two neat columns of numbers. You chat with somebody for three minutes and if you like what you see or hear, or if that person raises a flutter in your heart (as distinct from a temporary malfunction in your pacemaker), then you mark that person’s number in your file. If somebody marks your number and you’ve marked their number too, it is a match and Tasha passes on the contact numbers of the matches to each other. Then, it is up to them to take the next steps. Or dial that number. You see, it is very much a numbers game. Accountants would love it. Come to think of it, there were a few in

pro attendance. As well as a lawyer, a crime scene investigator and a gold- and silversmith. Tasha had sent some questions beforehand: helpful suggestions on what you could ask someone during the three minutes allotted for the speed conversation. I had read somewhere that people make up their minds about each other within seven seconds of meeting. It could be ten seconds – but no need to split seconds here. Whatever happens - it happens quickly. Therefore, no need to ask a bunch of questions. Rather, I decided to embark on a little bit of research on the side: “What do people dream of?” Not as in when they sleep, but waking dreams. So, I devised one simple question: “What would you do if you had won R27 million?” A speed dating event is perhaps not the most auspicious place for spot research. My question was often met with surprise - of the “Uhm?” variety. Even “Huh?” in some instances. Upon probing, travelling the world emerged as the hot favourite. Others said that they would pay off their debt. Then they’d pay off their family’s debt. While this is all very laudable, I must confess that I was a tad disappointed. Somewhere, in the recesses of my adventurous heart, I had hoped to hear of somebody dreaming to save the world. Or, at least, to make a start on saving the world – R27 million can only take you that far. Perhaps I had hoped to hear of dreams of swashbuckling adventure, or of projects to save the Amazon, or to plant trees or solve the food problem by showing people how to grow their own backyard vegetable gardens, or even food forests. Maybe someone even dreamed of finding the fairies again. If that was the case, nobody owned up to such dreams. It may have been daunting to confess these kind of dreams to a complete stranger. To be fair, I continued the research telephonically after the event, and the answers remained consistently the same. Travel, pay off debt, invest the rest. One answer from the telephonic survey delighted me: “I’ll buy a part of the Magalies mountains and open an animal shelter.” “Why the Magalies?” I asked. “Because I love those mountains.” You can’t beat love as a motivator. Of someone else, who indicated that she’d spruce up her house, travel a bit and then basically continue as before, I asked: “But don’t you want more?” She pondered a while, then said: “I think I’m essentially happy with my life. I don’t want more.” That rocked me back on my heels. Is it possible that there are people who have found that rare and beautiful thing – contentment with their lives? And, is it possible that there are far more people than I think, who are essentially happy with their lives? While it remains a beautiful thing – perhaps it is not so rare? Maybe I should stop reading magazines altogether (with Alice being the notable exception, of course). Because, when I read magazines, they usually give people advice on how to be happier, or how to solve certain life problems, or how to become better people, thinner people or fitter people. This creates the impression that people are not happy enough, thin enough, fit enough and have lots of problems. Here’s a cheers to those who are happy as they are. w w w

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“I think I’m essentially happy with my life. I don’t want more.”

Back to speed dating. It is a worthwhile exercise attending just to broaden one’s mind. So many people, so many interesting careers, hobbies and viewpoints. I did discover something strange, though. Deciding, beforehand, to report on the event, I went with a journalistic hat on. At some stage I thought it would be a good idea to take off the hat and just experience. Try as I might, the confounded hat wouldn’t come off. Close to despair, I crushed a bit of the ample garlic I had on my person and quickly made garlic oil to apply to the rim of the hat. It still didn’t budge. The only result I could see, was that people started to surreptitiously move their chairs as far back as possible while talking to me. Some even leaned back and waved their hands delicately about their noses. Ah well. Now I know that one can be too prepared. What with the journalistic hat being so firmly affixed, I ended up making copious notes, but not marking a single number. I feel as if I should apologise for that. I believe that, when one plays, one should enter into the game fully. But there I sat, stuck in observer mode. A spectator. I therefore beg forgiveness of all who participated fully. A couple of days later, Tasha called me, delighted with the result of the speed dating. 80% of people had found matches. What a wonderful outcome! It shows that it may be far more effective to talk to somebody in a conducive atmosphere, rather than having to shout at the top of your lungs over the music in a club. While vibrant club attendance clearly shows that there is a place for clubs on the social scene, it is also crystal clear that there is quite a large space for other ways of interacting. I take my hat off to Tasha and others who think creatively to present different kinds of opportunities to socialise. (Yep, the hat eventually came off.)Naturally, I then felt it necessary to interview Tasha and find out what made her decide to start S.k.I.N. women’s events and parties. A pattern is starting to I

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emerge: every event diva I’ve interviewed thus far says it is because friends asked them to. In Tasha’s case, she was having a braai for friends at her house and they said they’d like to have access to a greater variety of gay events. Thus, on the auspicious date of 16 December 2009, Tasha had her first woman’s event in Boksburg, with about 300 people attending. To find a name for the events, Tasha ran a competition. “The moment I saw the entry S.k.I.N, I knew I didn’t have to look any further,” Tasha says. “If you look at it from a distance, with the ‘k’ in small type, it looks like the word ‘Sin.’ Since we’re being accused of it, we might as well.” I love that! Not only do Tasha and I share a distinct distaste for the harm people do in the name of religion, I also find that I hugely enjoy her quirky sense of humour. With just a touch of combativeness to it – a readiness to rush into the fray to champion the rights of women and gay people. The word “sin” has tickled me for a while now – ever since I read that it is an ancient archery term meaning “to miss the mark.” Nothing much to get terribly worked up about, then. You stand there, decide that you’d like to shoot a bull’s-eye, but then you just miss it. No need to throw a tantrum or drape yourself in sackcloth and ash. You simply take another arrow out of your quiver and try again. Now all this talk of sin has made me feel like some. Sigh. S.k.I.N. was officially launched at Casablanca in Fourways. “I wanted to create a safe place that is stylish and where women of all age groups can come and enjoy themselves,” says Tasha. There is a S.k.I.N party on the last Saturday of every month. Tasha doesn’t confine her events to parties, though. She has presented the speed dating event. Based on its success, she is planning another one. She has also formed an alliance with Adventure Dykes, who organise cycling, hiking, rock climbing and paintball adventures. Tasha is planning women’s picnics. Sounds good to me. Added to that, Tasha also promotes Melanie Lowe’s music. Born in Zimbabwe, Tasha excelled as a sportswoman. She was on the first team for hockey, swim and cross-country running. As a young girl, Tasha thought that Rally bicycles were the epitome of cool. Her dad thought to encourage her in her endeavours and said that he’d buy her such a bike if she brought home three I

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trophies from the swim gala. She exceeded the target. It sounds like their living room was positively bristling with trophies after she had brought her haul home. The bit that I really, really like, is her dad’s attitude. Once she’d walked into the house, he took her to the garage and showed her the bike. He hadn’t waited for her to bring home the trophies – he had bought the bike anyway. While her parents were open-minded people, Tasha got an object lesson when her stepsister came out at age 22. Their response was something along the lines of “gay is okay – but not my child!” “Seeing my parents’ reaction, I carefully installed bolts, locks and chains on my closet door,” Tasha quips. At age 20, Tasha moved to Cape Town and fell in love. With a woman. “Being in love for the first time is indescribable,” says Tasha, “and my first kiss was the best kiss ever. Seriously.” Sadly, her girlfriend got cold feet and went back to play for the other team. This so discouraged Tasha that she also went back to dating a guy. It became an abusive relationship. “I always thought that women who remain in an abusive relationship are weak. But I discovered that you do strange things when you think you love someone.” Back to girls for Tasha after that, but she was in for another shock. That relationship was also abusive. She eventually found the courage to leave that relationship too, but it has forever changed her views on abusive relationships. It also got the activist in her going. She is currently involved with a shelter for abused women in Germiston, called Amcare. Tasha has been able to use her S.k.I.N. database to help. When she put out a request for help to the S.k.I.N group, she was contacted by a woman in the Middle East, who gave a large donation to Amcare. Happily partnered with Elmarie for the past four years, Tasha said with a smile that their first date was at MediCross in Benoni. Elmarie had told her over the phone that she was feeling sick. Spotting a gap, Tasha immediately offered to take her to the doctor. Then, she did more than just take her to the doctor. “I deeply appreciate Elmarie’s support,” Tasha affirms. “She is a pillar of strength to me.” “I like the idea of femme and butch roles,” says Tasha. “I first encountered it in London and found that it suited me. I like it when somebody holds open the door for me.” “Hmm.” I bite my pen. Hard. It is possible that I even chip a tooth in the process. This is

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a tough one for me to wrap my mind around. I definitely do not want to confine myself to heterosexual gender roles. Being gay, we can be free of all that. But, I think about it. Living the rainbow surely implies that I keep an open mind towards something that I personally do not relate to. Just as I expect straight people to keep an open mind, even though they can not relate to me being gay. So, rather than getting on my high horse about this, I wish Tasha the best for stating her view and living it. It is for her to choose what she enjoys. It is great that she stands up and says it. It makes more space for variety in this world. She also got me to reflect on how we tend to try and impose our own world view on others. “But mind you, I’m no pillow princess,” she continues. “Quite the opposite!” she says with an impish smile. I’ve never heard that expression before. “What is a pillow princess?” I enquire. “It is somebody who just lies there and does nothing.” Ah. Fantastic – I’ve learned a new expression. May the pillow princesses of this world find a joyful awakening and get busy. Goodness – loving is not a one-way street!

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There is a fierceness that lies just under Tasha’s skin. This ties up with her willingness to stand up and say uncomfortable things, where necessary. It is also reflected in her determination to achieve success as she defines it: “To create spaces and events where people can enjoy themselves and be themselves.” I spot a sentence tattooed on Tasha’s right arm, and ask her what it says. As part of the answer, Tasha explains: “It is very important to me to be real. At the same time, I leave scope for other people’s opinions. One of my favourite sayings is: ‘I’m o-gay, you’re o-gay.’” Her tattoo sums it up: “This above all: To thine own self be true.”

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éneywarrington Deur: Zee B

p r a a t m e t f o t o ’s click met woorde

Jou werk is regtig merkwaardig, wat inspireer jou? Jinne, dankie. Stories inspireer my. Myne, ander mense s’n. In drome, films of die Pick ‘n Pay. Blykbaar het ek dit by my ouma gekry. Sy het ‘n manuskrip met die hand uitgeskryf, maar onder die bed weggesteek haar hele lewe lank.

Saam met enigiemand spesiaals?

Hoe lank neem jy nou al foto’s en hoe het dit als begin? Om en by tien jaar terug het my vrou, ‘n professionele fotograaf, vir my ‘n 1967 Yashica, ‘n medium formaat filmkamera, as persent gegee. Die eerste paar rolle film het ek sommer in my ma se agterplaas geskiet. Vir die pret.

wat ek ‘op appro’ elke Maandagoggend vat vir stories by die bib,

Wat ek nie geweet het nie, is dat ek aangetrokke was tot die verlatenheid in die agterplaas. Dit is die laaste plek waar my familie gelukkig was. Toe ek my oë uitvee, stal die Premises Galery my hartseer op hul mure uit.

ons fietse bo-op.

En die skryfwerk? My standerd vyf Engelse onderwyseres het gedink ek is heel oulik. Engels was ook my enigste onderskeiding in matriek. Dit is eers toe ek toegang tot my susterskinders verloor het, wat skryf ‘n manier geword het om die hartseer uit te kry. Nie dat ek toe geweet het ek skryf ‘n boek nie. Waar het jy grootgeword? As kind? Pretoria. Kroonstad. Newcastle. Alberton. As volwassene wat nog grootword?... Evesham, Engeland. Edinburgh, Skotland en Johannesburg, waar ek tans woon.

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My vrou wat al 14 jaar met my uithou. En kinders? Nie my eie nie, maar ek is naby aan ‘n ongelooflike 2-jarige laaitie babycino by Europa en stap om Zoo Lake. Wat is jou gunsteling tydverdryf buiten die skryf en fotografie? Roadtrips, sonder ‘n plan, met ons tent agter in die Fiat bakkie en

Wat sien jy as jou beste werkstuk en hoekom? ‘n Triptiek wat ek geskiet het – my susterskinders se leë bad, en hul elkeen se vensterbank. Dit is ‘n eerlike werk. Uit die hart uit. Ek het nie geskiet met die idee om uit te stal nie. Ek het hulle net gemis. Roger Ballen, die Amerikaanse fotograaf, het in ‘n onderhoud met my gesê die beste kuns is soos ‘n verkoue virus. Teen die tyd wat jy nies, of ‘n seerkeel het, het die virus jou reeds oorrompel. Goeie kuns moet dieselfde uitwerking op jou hê. Dit het nie ‘n opstel nodig om jou hoendervleis te gee nie. Die triptiek het mense al in hul spore laat stop – voor hulle weet waaroor die foto gaan.

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oor ‘n meisie

In the photos (from left to right): At Bubbles Bar Corrective Rape Show Photographer: Henry Bantjez

“Ek neem van leë spasies, tot hoenders en mense af. Net nie ‘wildlife’ nie, nee. Dit gaan nie oor die objek nie, maar oor iets wat my raak.” Jou eerste roman verskyn binnekort op die rakke, vertel ons meer daaroor… Oktober is ‘n liefdesverhaal. Tussen twee girls – Jo, ‘n Johannesburgse fotograaf en Leigh, ‘n Amerikaanse sangeres. Tussen ‘n tannie en haar susterskinders. Tussen ‘n ma en ‘n dogter. Tussen ‘n suster en haar erg gestremde broer. Dit gaan oor verlies, oor die tyd vat om dit te verwerk en dan weer die vertroue opbou om die lewe vol in die oë te staar. Dit is in Afrikaans geskryf en bevat ook my eie fotografie. Het die verhaal enige persoonlike betekenis vir jou, is daar enigiets biografies aan die inhoud? Ja! Ek het ’n stomende verhouding met ’n wêreldbekende sangeres gehad! Nee, ek spot net. Regtig. Op ’n meer ernstige noot, alhoewel daar ooreenkomste mag wees tussen my lewe en die lewe van die hoofkarakter, Jo Bester, is Oktober op die einde van die dag 100% fiksie. Het jy enige rolmodelle? Ek moes in standerd vyf ‘n mondelinge eksamen doen oor ‘n rolmodel. Dit was toe, en is nog steeds, my ma. I

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Het jy al saam met ander kunstenaars gewerk en met wie sal jy die graagste wil werk eendag? My werk handel oor die private, die persoonlike en dit is moeilik om saam met iemand daarop te werk. My volgende solo gaan byvoorbeeld oor my gestremde broer – ek wil deur middel van ‘n foto’s ‘n ‘monument’ vir sy pyn oprig. Daar is wel ‘n paar mense wat ek wil afneem. Lady Gaga is nommer een. As jy slegs een van jou kunsvorme moes kies, watter een en hoekom? Skryf. Wanneer ek ‘n boek skryf, skep ek ‘n wêreld van my eie, ‘n wêreld waarin ek vir ure kan verdwyn, sonder om agter te kom dat ek moet bene rek, eet of, ahem, luister wat my vrou sê. Ek mis hierdie wêreld wanneer die kortverhaal/boek klaar is. Watter voorwerpe geniet jy die meeste om af te neem? Ek neem van leë spasies, tot hoenders en mense af. Net nie ‘wildlife’ nie, nee. Dit gaan nie oor die objek nie, maar oor iets wat my raak. En onderwerpe vir jou skryfwerk? Weereens skryf ek oor onderwerpe wat my raak – persoonlike verlies, aardverwarming of koffie!

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So jy skryf ook resensies, wat sal jy sê is die beste film van ons tyd en hoekom? Nee, wragtig, dit is onmoontlik om te antwoord. Daar word elke jaar meesterstukke vrygestel. Ongelukkig sien ons meeste van hulle nie, aangesien dit nie kommersiële films is nie. Dit is grootliks waaroor my film resensie rubriek, Reeltime, op Litnet gaan – oor meesterstukke wat die moeite werd is om te gaan soek. Soos; I’ve loved you so long, A man without a past of Seven Samurai. En die beste album van 2011? Verseker Anna Calvi se debuutalbum; Anna Calvi. Die album is so

Wie is jou gunsteling skrywer in Suid-Afrika en sy/haar beste werk volgens jou? Hennie Aucamp. Hy was en is nog steeds voor sy tyd. As jy onsigbaar vir ‘n dag kon wees, wat sou jy alles aanvang (veral met ‘n kamera)? Ek sal slaafs agter Jo Calderone aanstap. (Jo is Lady Gaga se manlike alter ego.) Waar sien jy jouself oor 10 jaar? Besig met my eerste vollengte film. Op my bergfiets. Met my susterskinders in my lewe. My vrou aan my sy.

goed, ek kon nie ‘n resensie skryf wat dit gestand doen nie. Wat irriteer jou grensloos? Vandag, sinus. Oor die algemeen, politiek.

Hoe sal jy jou styl beskryf? Ek laat dit aan die resensente oor. Wat is jou top keuse van kamera en hoekom? Op die oomblik, my Sony mik-’n-druk! Die kamera is kompak, neem ongelooflike foto’s en het geen ‘shutter delay’ nie. Ek het my hele Camino de Santiago vakansie daarop geskiet. w w w

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Wat is jou idee van ‘n romantiese aandjie? My vrou. Ons stoep. Klein Constantia Cabernet Sauvignon 2008. Watter raad het jy vir jong skrywers en fotograwe daar buite? Maak werk uit jou hart uit – nie vir ‘n gehoor of galery nie. Die res sal volg. I

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about a girl

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walking with

about a girl

anele Muholi, was in Johannesburg for Pride Week during September this year. Tanya Olckers joined her at WITS Pride to learn more about the artist and activist. When meeting Zanele Muholi outside WITS Theatre, she is unpacking her camera, while keeping an eye out for the people she knows. I introduce myself and she greets me as though she has known me for years. “Come,” she says, “I want you to meet some people.” This is a little unexpected. Here is this talented, internationally recognised and award winning artist, taking time to introduce me to the people she knows, people she feels I would find interesting and those who have stories that need to be told. She generously finds me phone numbers and I am introduced as though I were a long lost acquaintance that she has told them so much about. We are here for the WITS Pride march. It’s the only opportunity we’ve both had to meet up for an interview. It seems to me that she knows almost everyone there, and they know her. She hugs students and friends and talks animatedly with them. As I watch her I am struck by her generosity of spirit and humility. w w w

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Zanele Muholi

After all, she is a famous artist. I mentioned that, didn’t I? I am starkly aware that I had a preconceived idea that artists were unapproachable, aloof and arrogant. Watching Zanele interact with others, and being on the receiving end of her warmth and grace, I know that I need to come to terms with the fact that this beautiful, down to earth woman, has just taught me how wrong I am. While we wait for the march to begin she grins and tells me, “I love Jozi. Anything queer in Johannesburg and beyond is what I do.” The crowd begins to move in a colourful display, punctuated by exuberant shouts and chanting. Whatever hopes I had that this would be a relaxed chat while we walked are very quickly dashed. I have to race to keep up with Zanele Muholi. Literally. Holding firmly onto her camera she dodges through the crowd of students and activists, and where she goes, I go. We sprint through the parade, stopping only when she finds the right angle for the right shot. As I watch her work, I realise that I am witnessing something extraordinary. Each time she raises her camera, her attention is focused fully on what she is viewing through the lens and it’s as I

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though she has merged with the camera and they have become one single organism. A sacred moment is formed between photographer and the picture being captured. We stop just long enough for me to ask her if it’s true that she takes her camera wherever she goes. “It’s my life,” she tells me, “I never know what I would miss if I didn’t have it with me. You know, like those times you don’t have your camera and something happens and you miss it? That’s why I take it with me everywhere.” Her keen eye doesn’t miss anything, that’s for sure. Zanele is responsible for creating some of the most iconic images of black lesbian life. Her photographs of lesbian couples embracing are the most well known. These intimate moments that she has captured are amongst my favourites. Her portraits too. It’s as though she moves beyond the act of taking a picture, but creating a story with her camera. As beautiful as her work is, though, she has not been free of controversy. Arts and Culture Minister, Lulu Xingawa attended one of her exhibitions in 2009, promptly declaring that her work was immoral and offensive and walked out of the exhibition. “Her reaction encouraged me to keep doing what I am doing,” Zanele says, “but her reaction has also affected a lot of young artists.” Her desire to create a record of lesbian life in South Africa – particularly black lesbian life – revealed itself during her time at the Forum for the Empowerment of Women (FEW). Her work as a reporter and photographer was to document stories of hate crimes against gay people. As time passed, she became increasingly aware that there was a lack of capturing and preserving a history of South African lesbian life. “Growing up there were no images that spoke to me as a black lesbian,” Zanele tells me. “There is a need for documentation that speaks to us. Something raw that captures reality, hate crime, beauty and love. The main stream leaves out a lot of people. History is easily distorted and easily erased. We need to ensure that the LGBTI is included in the mainstream.”

“The main stream leaves out a lot of people. History is easily distorted and easily erased. We need to ensure that the LGBTI is included in the mainstream.” a hundred people in front of us right now. I am only one person capturing the event. What we need is a hundred people capturing the event.” I imagine a hundred women with a hundred cameras creating a hundred records of lesbian history. A hundred Zaneles. I want to tell her what I visualized, but we have come to the end of the march and she is behind her camera again, snapping a photograph of women holding banners, men who have posed just for her and a group of Marimba players. Before I go, I ask if I may take her picture. “Of course,” she says, and scans the area around her for the perfect back drop. She poses and I snap a few shots, feeling disastrously inadequate with my little camera. Zanele has such a vibrant and dynamic energy and her dedication to recording lesbian life is infectious.

Her work has been exhibited both locally and internationally and she has won awards and accolades for her work. She lectures locally and internationally on activism and is still deeply involved in activism.

I come away feeling like I would like to do more. I think about how complacent I have become about our rights as women, and gay women especially. I think about the responsibility that Zanele has taken on: the mammoth task of being a voice and record keeper for lesbians in South Africa. I think about the skills that I have that I could use to aid her in that task.

“I have been to so many funerals,” she tells me, as we discuss the topic of corrective rape.

Just spending a few hours in her company was enough to inspire me to make a change, to see how I can share and use my skills.

So what is it that she thinks we need in the lesbian community? She doesn’t hesitate with her answer. “Skills,” she says. She makes a sweeping gesture with her hand, “You see there are about

As I get into my car, I recall Zanele’s words from the last stretch of the walk, “We must remember that being an activist is a must, not a luxury.” And, indeed, it is so.

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LIZELLEVERTEL

met kinders & sonder kinders Deur Lizelle Jacobs

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Gay girl sit nou die dag met my en gesels oor ‘n probleem, wat ek weet, baie algemeen in gay verhoudings voorkom. Sy was nooit getroud nie en het nie kinders nie en haar liefie het kinders uit haar vorige huwelik met ‘n man. ‘n Onfeilbare resep vir spanning en onenigheid as alles nie van die heel begin af reg hanteer word nie. Hierdie hoogs plofbare situasie is ’n baie ingewikkelde storie, wat reeds met die egskeiding van die ma begin. Die geskeide ma voel skuldig oor wat sy aan haar kinders gedoen het toe sy van die pa geskei het en probeer hulle ten alle koste beskerm teen nog seerkry. In hierdie proses van beskerming, laat sy die kinders meer toe as wat sy onder ‘normale’ omstandighede sou doen. Liefie sonder kinders, verstaan hierdie denkproses van die ma glad nie en voel die kinders word bederf. Wanneer Liefie dit waag om iets oor een van die kinders te sê of om ’n kind aan te treë oor sy gedrag, is die hel in daardie huis briek-less! Ma voel Liefie verstaan nie die kinders nie en weet buitendien niks van kinders grootmaak nie. ’n Taai enetjie hierdie, want aan die een kant is Ma heeltemal reg. Liefie het nie kinders nie en weet daarom nie heeltemal hoe om kinders te hanteer nie. Aan die ander kant is Liefie ook nou nie heeltemal ’n moroon nie en kan onderskei tussen liefde en verdraagsaamheid en pure bederf en ’n geopvreet van nonsens ter wille van die bloedjies se sieletjies! Liefie sien ook hoe die kinders hulle ma manipuleer. Kindertjies, lief soos wat hulle is, kan uitmuntende drakies ook wees. Hulle weet mamma voel skuldig en is jammer oor wat sy aan hulle gedoen het en buit haar ellende heerlik uit om hulle sin met alles te kry.

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Liefie wat glad nie gewoond is aan kinders nie, voel gereeld dat die kinders in die pad is en haar ontneem van die aandag van haar geliefde. Sy is dan ook nie geneë om hulle naweke en vakansies saam te neem nie en Ma moet, met ‘n skuldige gewete, ‘n plan met die arme kinders maak. In erge gevalle, waar Liefie ‘n totale gebrek aan commonsense het en die emosionele intelligensie laag is, kan dit in jaloesie ontaard! Buiten dat die arme ma voortdurend ‘n buffer is tussen Liefie en haar kinders, moet sy nou ook nog cope met ‘n liefie van twyfelagtige karakter. Maar helaas, dis nie al wat die reeds dysfunctional gesinnetjie teister nie. Pa is ook nog daar om ‘n spanner in die works te gooi! En hoe groter die skroef wat in die pa se kop los is, hoe groter die spanner! Wanneer die kinders ’n naweek of vakansie by hom is, word hulle gruwelooslik bederf om vir hulle te wys dat dit lekkerder by hom is as by hulle ma. Die met die groot los skroewe, gooi bobbejaan spanners! Hulle kraak die ma en haar liefie by die kinders af en skroom nie om hulle uit te skel as vieslike lesbians en allerhande ander gruwelike goed nie! Red nou ’n kind met sulke gesagsfigure en voorbeelde! Hulle is so besig met hulle eie binnegevegte en beskerming van die eie ego, dat hulle nie ’n saak het met dit wat hulle in die proses aan die kinders doen nie. Ek het baie begrip vir Ma en redelik begrip vir Liefie wat die verantwoordelikheid van die kinders op hulle skouers het. Ma en Liefie is in geen benydenswaardige posisie nie! Wat die hele situasie erg kompleks maak, is die feit dat albei hierdie girls verkeerd is in hulle optrede, maar dat die emosies wat die optrede veroorsaak, moeilik beheerbaar is.

maak kontak As daar van julle girls is wat probleme het met kinders of verhoudings, kan julle vir my skryf. Anoniem as julle wil en ek sal probeer om ‘n bietjie lig te werp op die situasie. Ek was getroud, het kinders en was in uitdagende verhoudings. Been there, done it en het ‘n paar ringe en letsels aan my siel to proof it! Stuur vir my ‘n e-pos by alice@alicemagazine.co.za en ons kyk of ons die stryd ligter kan maak.

Daar is egter ’n oplossing vir hierdie situasie, wat haalbaar is, mits albei die girls oor ’n redelike emosionele intelligensie beskik. Ma moet besef dat sy, uit eie vrye wil, ’n vrou gevat het wat nie kinders het nie en dat dit vir haar, as ma, ’n aanpassing gaan wees asook vir Liefie. Liefie moet besef dat sy, uit eie vrye wil, ‘n pakket gevat het en dat dit vir haar ’n aanpassing gaan wees. Niemand het hulle in hierdie situasie ingedwing nie en hulle moet nou verantwoordelik en volwasse optree. Hulle is nou ouers en moet ten alle koste saamwerk. Hulle moet besef dat die kinders eerste kom in hulle lewens! Hulle hou die siele van klein mensies in hulle hande. Alle indrukke wat hulle op daardie sieletjies gaan maak, gaan van hulle twee eendag trotse en gelukkige ouers maak, of ouers met verskriklike gewetens en sielswroeginge! Die hele proses van kinders grootmaak kan of baie moeilik of baie lekker wees. Dit hang af van die ouers se ingesteldheid teenoor mekaar en teenoor die kinders. Hanteer mekaar met liefde en begrip en oorlaai die kinders met liefde en nie speelgoed nie. Speelgoed en geld is ’n ouer se manier om aandag mee te vervang! Kinders het nie hope speelgoed en geld nodig nie, hulle het eintlik net liefde, begrip en baie aandag nodig om van hulle pragtige grootmense te maak. As jou kind op Ritalin is, lê die probleem by jou! Verander jou houding teenoor die kind en vervang die lekkers, speelgoed en geld met liefde, begrip, positiewe aandag en aanvaarding en Ritalin sal naderhand nie meer nodig wees om die kind onder beheer te hou nie.

minderwaardigheid by die kind, omdat hy of sy voel hulle is nie goed genoeg nie. Moet ook nooit ’n kind kritiseer nie. As hy of sy, om net ’n voorbeeld te noem, vir jou ’n prentjie bring wat kruis en dwars en oor die lyne ingekleur is, sê dis pragtig! Hy moet nog een gaan inkleur. Hê altyd begrip vir die moeilike kind. Daar is ‘n rede hoekom hy moeilik is. Vind uit wat die rede is en oorlaai hom met aandag en liefde en aanvaarding! ’n Onfeilbare manier om uit te vind wat in ’n kind se kop aangaan, is om met hulle ’n stryerye aan die gang te sit. Ek het dit gedoen en dit het gewerk soos ‘n bom! Kyk die situasie uit en sê iets totally ridiculous, waarmee jy weet die kind of kinders gaan verskil en geniet die stryery! Hou dit altyd lig en speels van jou kant af. So vind jy baie belangrike dingetjies uit! Ek kan vandag vir alle jong ouers sê dat dis lekker om jou kinders te aanskou met trots en tevredenheid in jou hart. En ja, al belewe jy hulle suksesvolle menswees met dankbaarheid in jou hart, sien jy tog issues by hulle, wat jy weet jy die oorsaak van is. Maar, en dis die genade as jy hulle reg groot gemaak het, jy weet dat daardie issues nie lewens-verwoestend is nie. Dit maak van hulle net interessante mense. Vir jong ouers lyk dit nou of hulle ‘n lang en moeilike pad voor hulle het, maar as hulle die regte rigtingwysers gaan volg, die rigtingwysers waarop die kind se naam uitgekerf is, is die eindbestemming een groot fees!

En onthou, elke kind verskil van die volgende een! Moet nooit probeer om al die kinders dieselfde te behandel nie en moet nooit een kind met ’n ander kind vergelyk nie! Dit veroorsaak

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adVERTorial

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… my Eczema journey started about a decade ago when Maya was born, six months into her little life, we discovered that she had Eczema. We immediately went to a dermatologist and started using cortisone, which helped, for a while. I soon became aware of the shortterm solution cortisone was and the long-term damage that it causes. I had also been through a number of dermatologists by then and realised that everyone I had seen with Maya had the same old solution, which was cortisone. I moved on to some alternative therapies when Maya was about two years old, changed a few diets and tried many lotions and potions. When you start talking Eczema, everybody has a magic cure and when it’s a loved one that is suffering, one becomes so desperate to try and fix the problem. By the time Maya was five, I was desperate and the condition was becoming increasingly worse. We had tried many things which had not worked; we would bandage Maya up in cortisone soaked swabbing at night so that she would not scratch, give her antihistamines and hope for the best. On the particularly bad breakouts, she was hospitalised and given oral steroids to calm her skin down – we were beside ourselves. That June we went on a family holiday in Spain, Maya’s skin was itchy and full of scabs from scratching. We went to visit relatives for lunch and one of our aunt’s noticed Maya’s skin and made a comment about a cream that she knew about. We had heard this from thousands of people, but like always, I was desperate to try. We eventually managed to have two pots of cream sent by mail a month or two later, the cream worked like a charm, then we ordered more and more, and after about eighteen months of using the cream, we now use it every once in a while. Noni Aloe Vera changed our lives! In fact I think it is a cream that everybody should have in their medicine cabinets, it’s great for cuts and scrapes, it’s excellent for mosquito bites and generally a great healing cream. So many people noticed the improvement in Maya’s skin. I had people telling the story all

“

around town. Soon I had people wanting to try it, as well as people phoning and asking to buy it. I had friend of friends bring children to me who had Eczema and asking me how they should treat it and I would give them samples of the cream to try. Eventually I ordered more and more, which is where we are at this very moment; I believe that no child deserves to be uncomfortable in their own skin, if they have suffered through childhood into adulthood, all I can say is that I am sorry that I did not find this product sooner! I feel obligated to tell anyone and everyone that suffers from Eczema about Noni Aloe Vera. Noni Aloe Vera is a natural solution to Eczema.

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eathealthy

and real

get get raw E

very Monday the ritual in my house goes as follows… wake up, switch off rooster sounding alarm, drag body out of bed. Stand on scale. Usually I don’t cry. I just raise my eyebrow slightly and silently chastise myself for eating all that dinner my gorgeous girlfriend made the night before. This past Monday was no different until I stepped on to the scale and the scale moved into unknown territory. To say that I was shocked is probably an understatement. I went so far as to write the digits on my hand and show the aforementioned girlfriend the number as I couldn’t say it out loud. What I could verbalise was ‘this far and no further’. Therefore, in the light of the summer being here, we will be looking at ways to get booty-licious in time for the December holidays. If you are anything like me, the word ‘diet’ is probably the worst four letter word in your vocabulary! Consequently, I, like most people, do not do deprivation well. And as we all know the surest way to put on weight is to go on a diet. I’m sure I do not need to tell you that when your body is deprived of all the vitamins, minerals and carbs that it so desperately needs to function optimally; it goes into ‘starvation mode’. On the outside this looks great as it appears as if you are losing weight. However this is deceptive as your body is actually dehydrating and your metabolism, which should be burning all that unwanted blubber, is in fact slowing down and holding onto every ounce of lard that it can get hold of.

By Zunia Boucher-Myers

having studied food, diets and nutrition for nearly a lifetime. Phew, having said that lets continue, shall we?

Detoxing When last did you detox and why should you? Simply put, we live in a world that is filled with toxins; we eat food that is made up out of numbers, covered in pesticides, herbicides and chemicals. Our meat contains steroids, hormones and antibiotic residue and last but not least, our water is contaminated by prescription drug residues, harmful chemicals, herbicides and a whole lot of other baddies that would make you stop drinking water if you knew about them. Add to the above mix, not only our bad food choices, but also our stressed and insanely paced lives. Are we at all surprised that we are left with bodies that are taking strain, under pressure and not thriving? Therefore in order to get your metabolism revved up, you need to literally clean out the accumulated residue that has slowed your metabolism down and sapped you of all the vital nutrients needed to be perky, slim and trim. The easiest way to speed up your metabolism, boost your nutrients, oxygenate your body and detox at the same time, is by juicing.

What is the solution, I hear you ask? Well, why don’t we look at doing things a little differently for a change? What can we do that will have a major impact on our bodies? In a good way, without deprivation? I suggest we ‘get real and get raw’. And I do not mean the ‘W.W. Raw’, I mean let’s give our bodies what they really, really need, to not only be optimally healthy but also shed some unwanted body mass.

How do you juice? Use organic produce if possible. Do not let financial constraints stop you, purchase your veggies and fruits where able and just give them a very good scrub. The best time to consume your juice is first thing in the morning, on an empty stomach. Remember that you should not be juicing more than you are going to drink. Fresh juice oxidizes very quickly and loses its power packing charm. If you make more than a few glasses make sure that your juice is refrigerated and kept in glass, not plastic. Depending on the type of juicer you own, you can chop up your fruits/veg and simply juice away.

Now, before we go any further, I must advise you that I am no doctor, nutritionist or dietician. Before you start any diet or weight loss programme, you need to seek a professional’s advice. I am merely here to guide you and point you in the right direction,

Some juicers are very powerful and you can add whole fruits etc. If you get serious about detoxing and juicing, I would suggest you look into purchasing a hard-core juicer that can juice nuts and even wheatgrass. Most of the bigger home stores sell juicers as

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Gung Ho Green

Lean & Mean Vegetable Machine

do specialist health shops. Juicing benefits the whole body. Your liver, kidneys, digestive system, skin, gall bladder are all greatly assisted by juicing. Migraines, depression and Alzheimer’s are just some of the other maladies that can also be helped by the humble juiced vegetable. The more serious you are about your health and weight, the more you should juice. We should all juice every day for optimum health. When you are starting out, adding fruit and

Citrus Zinger

Try these recipes for detoxing and weight loss: help flush the fibers of the other leafy greens from the juicer. The Shape Shifter - Carrot and Beetroot Cleanz: This is one of the most potent juices for the body and specifically for the kidneys. If you are new to juicing, you may want to start with half a glass at first. 1 carrot 1/2 beetroot 1 stick celery 1 cucumber

vegetables together makes your juice a little sweeter and a little more palatable. As you go along and if you get hooked on juicing, as is bound to happen, you will likely start to juice more green vegetables as they pack a powerful punch! The more accustomed you become to the fresh and zingy taste of juiced vegetables, the more you will want to try to incorporate more fresh and raw foods into your diet. Which brings me back to our booty-licious plan… Try to eat more fruit and veg every day. That’s it. It is that simple. Substitute one regular meal (think BigMac and chips) for a noholds-barred salad every day, you will in no time see and feel the benefits. Add your regular juicing to the above and you are going to feel fabulous. Increase your vegetable/salad intake by one more meal, perhaps a fruit salad with nuts for breakfast and you are going to see a reduction in your weight before you can say ‘booty-licious beach babe’. The idea behind all of this is to do it for life. Do not cut out protein or carbs. You need both for your body to work perfectly. But make a choice between the two at mealtimes. Instead of having rice and meat and veg, have a protein with a salad; or a starch with a

Citrus Zinger: This is a great breakfast drink and is very effective in liver cleansing. 1 small lemon 2-3 oranges 1 grapefruit Gung-Ho Green 2 celery sticks 1 cucumber 2 handfuls spinach handful lettuce handful kale handful parsley TIP: Add the celery and cucumbers last, as these vegetables will help flush the fibers of the other leafy greens from the juicer. Lean & Mean Vegetable Machine 4 Medium Carrots 1 Large Red Beetroot 10 Sprigs Parsley (flat or curly leaf) 1 4 Inch Piece of Cucumber Directions Put each of the ingredients into your juicer. Make sure to process the parsley as a bunch and in between the solid vegetables so that it all gets juiced.

salad. Increase your ‘live’ foods and not only look gorgeous, but also feel amazing, without feeling deprived or depressed. The secret is consistency, make little, sustainable changes that will impact on you for life and soon juicing and live foods will be a part of your healthy, happy lifestyle. w w w

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Fennel Apple Martini Recipe 4 Small Apples 1 Small Fennel Bulb (green tops removed – save for another use) 1 1 Inch Piece of Fresh Ginger 1/2 Lemon (peeled and seeded) I

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GETFIT

fitness inspiration By Jacqueline Liebenberg

Should you find anything unclear or you need additional advice please feel free to contact me personally. I do give personal consultations. You can email me at jaqui.d@vodamail.co.za, call me on 082 2219 292 or find me on Facebook: Jacqueline Liebenberg (Jaqui Dee).

i ladies. It is fantastic to be able to speak to all of you again. Quite a bit has happened in my life since we last spoke... but the important question is, what has happened in yours? Hopefully you have been trying to clean up your diet and do some training 3 – 4 times per week. If you have, good girl… If not, bad bad girl ;) Never mind, you can always start NOW!!

THE PROBLEM (1 – Wanting results too fast) People often don’t see result fast enough and subsequently give up. Please remember that it takes time for you body to break down excess fat and to build or tone sagging muscle. Also remember that accumulating the excess fat took quit some time, so you can really not expect to get rid of something in a few weeks that was developed and accumulated over years.

Having said that you are all well aware of what time of the year it is…. SUMMER! This is normally the time of year that everyone wants to start getting into shape after realising that they will have to get into shorts or maybe a bikini when going on holiday.

THE SOLUTION: Don’t wait for results. Stay away from scales. Don’t measure yourself. Stop pinching the roll of unwanted fat between your fingers waiting for it to get smaller. Just focus on what you should do, do it every day like a little soldier on a mission and one day out of the blue you’ll realise that the roll of fat has become a little roll of fat.

All the magazines out there are now publishing ‘wonder’ workouts and or products that will supposedly give you ‘a bikini body’ or flat stomach in only a few weeks. I am NOT going to do the same simply because… quite frankly wonder workouts do not work. The only ‘wonder’ product that has ever worked is the ‘wonder bra’. It really does give you lift. There are NO quick fixes; there are NO short cuts. It is a lifestyle not a once-off project. I recently did an interview with an awesome website called Health and Fitness SA.co.za. In the interview I once again emphasized the importance of commitment to a healthy lifestyle and the dedication it takes to get and stay in shape. Most people find it very difficult to stick to a training program and I have often wondered why that is. There are four basic problems or obstacles people encounter when trying to commit to a training program and diet that makes them give up and fall back into their old habits. I am going to take a look at these four things and how we can overcome them. I

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THE PROBLEM (2 – Not knowing what to do) Because people do not do research and educate themselves about how the body works and how to train for what you want to achieve, they run into a gym and randomly start doing what ever seems ‘fun’ or ‘easy enough’ for them to do or in some cases copy other people in the gym. I have seen the blind leading the blind in gyms all the time and the unfortunate thing about this is that A LOT of energy is wasted on useless training methods. The only result is no result and people also give up. THE SOLUTION: If you don’t have the time to do research or educate yourself on how to train etc. find a suitable trainer or coach that can help you with you training. I know that this can be a costly business but in the end it will be worth your while to have a professional show you the ropes for a few months where after you can go solo. The website I mentioned earlier, www.healthandfitnesssa.co.za hosts portfolios of a number of fitness professionals in various areas and gyms that specializes in different fields. I am sure you will be able to find a trainer that suits your budget on the site.

Alternatively you can contact me personally. If I happen to be in your area I will gladly meet you for a consultation to determine how I can help you. Just remember I am not a personal trainer, I design workouts based on your personal needs that you can follow for four to six weeks. I will assist you in the gym with the first few workouts to make sure you know how to execute the exercises correctly. After four to six weeks we review your program and alter it accordingly. THE PROBLEM (3- Not paying attention to ALL the aspects) Getting into shape or transforming your body takes a combination of four things put together. These things are; Resistance/Cardio Training, Nutrition, Supplementation, Adjustment of your workout. If you should neglect one of these things the others you do pay attention to will work less efficiently. The body is a very complex thing and even something like not drinking enough water can cause you to burn fat less efficiently or not changing you workout every six weeks will cause your body to adapt to your workout and results will stop. THE SOLUTION Pay equal attention to all four aspects. Make sure you use the time and energy in gym on WHAT WORKS! Nutrition is one aspect that most people fail at. Please don’t hesitate to contact me for a nutritional assessment. I know a ‘nutritional assessment’ sounds very complicated but all it really is me taking a look at your daily diet, spotting the mistakes you make and correcting them. It is easier to adjust what you are already doing than to follow something completely new.

least every six weeks. Change your exercises; play around with your rep range and intensity. Keep surprising your body to shock it into maintaining results. THE PROBLEM (4 – Doing it for the wrong reasons) Before you even start thinking of transforming your body, ask yourself WHY you want to do it. A lot of people do it for the wrong reasons. It does not really matter what those wrong reasons are but what does matter is doing it for the right reason and the only right reason is DOING IT FOR YOURSELF. It must be a personal thing. You shouldn’t want to do it to please another person or spite another person for that matter. Trying to spite an ex that dumped you or pleasing a current partner who might be pushing you into doing it is NOT a good idea. THE SOLUTION The most important thing in life, the thing that matters more than anything else is BEING HAPPY. If you are happy with what your body looks like, whether in shape or not then stay that way. Why change what you are happy with for someone else’s sake or taste….BUT if you are not happy then DO IT. Start the transformation process today! Until next time girls!

Email me: jaqui.d@vodamail.co.za Phone me: 082 221 9292 Facebook me: Jaqui Dee

Supplementation is not really that important but can be helpful. Supplementing with too much (like shakes etc) can have a negative effect on your results. Contact me for assistance with this. Adjust your workout regularly, at w w w

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psychological

COMMUNICATION the deal (and) relationship maker By Lauren Fitchett

“Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it” - Robert Frost

ne of the biggest hurdles that couples need to overcome in relationships is the need to communicate. Often, people will give a list of problems that they have with a partner or spouse and when asked whether they have spoken to their significant other, the answer is usually “umm… no not yet.” Communication in relationships is in no way particular to lesbian relationships but communication between two women does bring a unique dynamic into the mix. As ladies, we have a tendency to expect people to know how we are feeling and what we are thinking without actually telling them – our partners should know how we feel because it is ‘obvious’. Sadly though, no relationship of any kind will work with no or poor communication. But what is communication? Communication can be defined as exchange of information of ideas through sharing. Communication is a two way process – it involves listening and sharing. Most of us find it easy to do one and not the other. Think about a first date – some of us are the person sitting and sharing, eager to tell the potential beau about their past, their dreams and an in-depth analysis of their personality. The rest of us are the person at the opposite side of the table, listening intently, nodding and smiling. The aim is to be a combination of both. We communicate in two ways in social relationships – through verbal and non-verbal means. Verbal communication is talking or even writing down what you want the other person to know – this would seem the best way to understand and get to know someone but often, non-verbal communication provides far more clues to a person’s feelings and attitude. Non-verbal communication includes our body language, our habits when speaking, facial expressions and the way that we present ourselves. Body language includes the way that we stand – are our arms crossed or open, do we look at the person in the eye and do we sit up straight or slouch in the chair. Body language allows you to show a person that you are interested in what they are saying. Some people have certain habits which come out when they feel a certain way – when feeling anxious, we may fiddle with our hair or a piece of jewellery, when we are happy, we may bob up and down and when we are angry, we may clench our jaw or ball our I

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hands into fists. Facial expressions can betray us – you may be saying that you ‘don’t mind’ or ‘nothing is wrong’ but your face will show what you are really feeling. Finally, we present ourselves in the way that we would like people to view us – when going on a date or heading to a job interview, we put extra effort into our appearance. When we are not worried about what people think of us, we probably don’t put in a lot of effort maybe even none at all. We communicate for a number of reasons – it seems obvious what these are but when you look at why we communicate, it becomes clearer how important good communication is. Communication is not only about filling silences and passing time, or even getting to know someone better. • We communicate with people so that we can understand them better – knowing facts about someone and understanding them are two different things. Understanding someone can lead to less conflict as well as being able to predict future responses better. Feeling understood allows us to feel safe in a relationship because the person knows who we are and why we may do certain things. • The second reason that we communicate is to fill our need for contact with others. By nature, humans are social beings – we need to interact with others on many levels so that we don’t become isolated which can lead to a number of psychological problems. • At times, communication becomes necessary to influence or change someone else’s behaviour. Suggesting a better way to do things and explaining why you think someone needs to try something different can allow us to have a – hopefully – positive influence on others. • Communication is the way that people share information with others. This is done through a number of mediums – television, radio, the internet, social media,

psychology

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Staying with the example above – the person is not terrible because they forgot your birthday; the fact that they forgot your birthday is what is hurtful. Possibly the hardest part of good communication is to try and be honest with the person involved – be honest with your feelings, your intentions and what you would like to know. In a way, this is linked to not giving double meanings – if we are honest, how we act and what we think or feel will be the same. Try and suggest different options for resolving a problem. Be reasonable and realistic with the options that you make available to you and the other party – do not make options which you know will be impossible for you to follow through with as this will lead to failure. If you are not sure of something that someone is saying, ask questions – “I’m sorry, I’m not sure I know what you’re getting at” or “Please can you explain that idea again.” Allow the other person to finish. You may as well be talking to yourself if you do not want to allow the other person to air their views or share their thoughts. By allowing someone to finish, you show that you respect the person and their opinions.

Even armed with this list, communication is still difficult. It is something that needs to be practiced every day. Each time you communicate with someone, no matter how brief or how insignificant it seems, people learn about you and you share part of yourself with the outside world. While you are getting to the point where good communication seems do-able, here are some ideas to try. Put your thoughts down on paper – if you don’t want to share them with others yet, don’t – keep a journal. A journal allows us to sort through how we feel so that when we do share this with others, we know what we are feeling and what we need the other person to know. This is especially important in conflict situations because it allows less of a chance to be tripped up when under attack. When you are ready to share your thoughts, think about putting them in a letter. If you are shy or what you are saying is difficult, send a letter. Receiving a love letter makes others feel special and allows you to air your feelings in a safe way. If you need to let someone know something difficult by sending a letter, make sure that you are still around so that they can respond to what you have said if they need to. Do not be a coward and drop off a letter on your way out of the door or on route to the airport. Try and talk to your significant other daily. Don’t restrict I

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conversation to what happened that day or what is on TV, try and talk about things that are meaningful to you and to her. Talk about your past, your future, your political view points and religious affiliations. So many times, relationships experience problems down the line because someone did not know something fundamental about the other person – that they believe in abortion or don’t exercise their right to vote. It is important to be on the same page about things (not necessary to share the same views) so that you can understand why someone does or thinks something. At the beginning of the article, the idea of non-verbal communication came up – part of communicating with people is through touch. It is important to touch our loved ones. In a romantic relationship, we show people that we care about them and love them by touching, holding and kissing them. With our friends and family, we show concern by comforting them with a hug. Sometimes, we do not have the words to explain to someone what we want to say and we need to let them know through non-verbal means. Touch is an important part of communication. Part of this means that as a couple, you need to work on moving past issues of intimacy – this is especially important in lesbian relationships as many lesbians may have experienced sex as an uncomfortable and even threatening. To move past these issues will require a great amount of effort from both parties – the person who feels uncomfortable would need to be able to speak about what happened and later explain what they are comfortable with. The other person needs to provide a safe space for the person to share in, make sure that they understand what the person is feeling and where they are. It is not necessary to fill every silence with words as there are other ways to communicate how we feel to others and sometimes, our role in the communication is to listen. I would like to leave you with this thought by an anonymous author – “communication is depositing a part of yourself in another person”. Think about what you want people to know about you and think about you and then communicate that to the world. Once you have communicated something about yourself, it is very difficult to change someone’s opinion of you.

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Fiction/Facts

Looking for love

and goldfish in outer space By Caron Laubscher

ow I am really starting to wonder. My track record with women is looking rather grim.

a movie I saw the other night. Big brown eyes, husky voice, she was really quite lovely. The problem was that there wasn’t any depth and there were a couple of issues. Firstly, when she

Perhaps I should get back to basics. Ask myself some soul-

was running away from some kind of terror she kept tripping

searching questions. I tried a multiple choice questionnaire online

and falling over obstacles that weren’t there. Then, she runs

but couldn’t make up my mind which questions to answer so I

to get help in a town that is always entirely deserted at

eventually gave that up. It shouldn’t be this difficult. I thought it

night. Not only is this woman uncoordinated, she is

would be a good idea to first determine exactly what it is that I

also stupid. I had to be realistic about her though

wanted in a woman. Apparently there are ladies out

when she was finally devoured by a computer-

there who have a host of many fine attributes other

generated crocodile. Even though she was nice

than a steady and reliable pulse.

I think it must be pretty hectic being involved with a woman with such bad karma. My

Come to think of it there was this gorgeous woman in I

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friend Marjorie says I should have a

secret list of questions to ask my prospective partner. I suppose

and pictured any relationship with her as being rather stressful.

my woman should be fairly coordinated. I like a woman with

Besides she also had a more important relationship with her inner

balance. I think I’ll skip asking the bit about any crocodiles as that

child and I preferred someone without any children.

would just make me look stupid. After all I think I’d like a city girl so the chances of her encountering a crocodile on the fourth floor of

I clearly had a lot to process. It was then that I remembered

a building are fairly remote. Or so I believe.

my profile online. Now that might be a good place to start. So I went to ‘Date-a-damn-hot-lesbian dot com’ and decided that

Marjorie also suggests I go out there and first ‘find myself’. This

my previous profile that stated my preferences as Any, Any, Any,

I find priceless coming from a woman who can’t even find her

Any and Any was perhaps lacking in content. This could also

toaster. Shame I know she means well. Everyone is always

come across as me being desperate, boring and having very low

teasing her. She once believed someone when they told her that

standards or that other common excuse of not having enough

Doris Day was a public holiday. I had to take her aside and gently

time to complete the profile. What happened? Was someone’s

explain that that day is not celebrated in South Africa. I don’t know

pet abducted by aliens? Yes, maybe herein was a reason I was

what she would do without me.

not having any luck. I was lost in thought for a while of why superior alien life forms

I had met a very nice woman before who told me that she had

would travel billions of light years through space to beam up a

‘found herself’. I secretly wondered how many times she got lost

goldfish. I decided to file that away to ponder at a later stage.

>> Right now I had bigger fish to fry. I must admit I started tingling at the thought of all the women just dying to make my acquaintance. Well it was either that, or I got my bubble bath and fabric softener mixed up again while I was thinking about when I was going to have enough time to complete my profile. A busy woman shouldn’t multitask. I do worry though. So many people are not honest on these sites. What is advertised is rarely true. A friend of mine met this girl who indicated her job as being one in which she travelled frequently and met a lot of people. We found

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out later that she delivers the post. So I suppose it’s all in the interpretation. So how is a girl like me supposed to find love online? I started to browse the profiles that were supposed to be my match. There was ‘JohnnyWalkerMalt’ who reckoned she had cool sideburns. I decided to give her a side track. I was quite happy to let Elvis leave the building. ‘MustLove27Dogs’ - I found her profile too prescriptive and her home life sounded far too busy.

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Fiction/Facts

Then there was ‘Fanny74ForU’. Now this one really disturbed me. I couldn’t help wondering about the other 73 Fanny’s hanging around out there. So many questions but I didn’t want to get too deep into that one. I was feeling bushed already.

lengths for her girlfriend so I sent her ‘LiveAndTravelSomeMore’s’ details – perhaps she could go and look for her.

Then there was ‘NetOns2VirAltyd’. I have never met her and already I was worried that she’d rock up at my place two days later, her 4X4 laden with her worldly possessions, a spare toolbox and gift vouchers from Builders Warehouse. I had heard a lot of horror stories. I really shouldn’t let this affect my judgement.

I was really confused by another woman who said that she loved the outdoors but was equally at home indoors, loves summer and winter and the other seasons as well but only sometimes. She enjoyed cooking and eating out although sometimes a nice braai under the African sun or in the evening is good too. I just felt that she couldn’t make up her mind. There was nothing that defined her apart from anyone else. I thought I should send her a message and tell her that I couldn’t make up my mind whether to write to her or not and that when I do I would let her know.

Now ‘YEPPIES’ was something else. I couldn’t understand a single word in her profile. She said, among other things, … “… JST LKNG 4 SUM1 WU WLD LK 2 CHAT….” I wondered if this girl had a keyboard problem. It also looked as if she had eye problems and had to write everything in large print. Perhaps her keyboard was broken and some letters wouldn’t work? I felt really sorry for her. I thought it would be good if some kind person would set up an online bank account for her so people can contribute a few cents for new hardware or at the very least a pair of glasses. I am all for being there for our sisters in need.

How do you describe yourself? Heaven knows I find that hard. Some go into so much detail and others none at all. I also cannot discern what someone is like by lines and lines of quoted poetry. Telling me that your roses are red, violets are blue and liking my individual self to the contents of your sugar bowl does not turn me on either. I must admit I am feeling rather overwhelmed. How does one navigate through all this to find that one person – or even two people to get along with? How much more difficult to find that one person to perhaps have a loving connection with? What are the magic words to put in a profile?

There seemed to be some similarities between many of the profiles. There were a lot of people who said they loved the fine and simple things in life. This must be some sort of code speak. I have never been able to figure out what this means. I think it refers to the homely sort of girl. Someone like my grandma who loves her fine china and simple things like those Imari plates hung on the walls as well as the occasional duck.

This question kept going round and round in my head with no logical answer and I thought I was going to go insane. So I thought I would rather put on the kettle, sit down and ponder the finer and much simpler things in life – like why superior beings from outer space would want to beam up a goldfish...

I started to feel guilty. Was I being too picky?

There was another club that wanted partners without any baggage. I couldn’t believe it. What must I do with all this Tupperware? What about my Mills & Boon and teaspoon collection? I wonder what it would be like if two of them got together. They would have nothing to fill their homes with and nothing to read. I had no idea how they would stir their tea either. I think people should really be more accepting. We cannot afford more division within our community. There were also the really bizarre profiles and those looking for ‘3 sums’. So I sent them 1+1=2, 2+2=4 and 3+3=6. I must admit ‘LiveAndTravelSomeMore’ sounded really nice. She loved long walks on the beach. I noticed though that her last login date was July last year so I guess she’s not back yet. Some girl said that she would do whatever it takes and go to any I

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* Dating profiles as mentioned are fictitious, and did not exist online when Alice was sent to print.

law&order

After I go... What WILL happen?

By Tanya Olckers

ecently I was thinking about what happens after I die. Not in the is-there-an-after-life kind of way; more in a what-happensto-my-stuff kind of way.

All in all, investing in a will makes very good sense.

Certainly not the most pleasant thought for a lesbian to entertain, I give you that. A real concern, however, since I have not drawn up a will of any kind. I blame lesbian cinema for my musings. I watched If These Walls Could Talk 2 – again – and was once more struck by the tale of two elderly lesbians in the 1960s and how the one loses everything because they had no will.

“The very first thing to do,” suggested Sean, “Is to sit down with your partner and discuss it.”

Now I know this is hardly 1960. Things have, at least, progressed. Still, I decided to sit down with Sean Brown from S Brown Attorneys Inc. to find out a little more about what is needed and what our rights are. “A lot of people are not aware that if they aren’t married and have left no will, everything passes to their nearest blood relative,” Sean explained, “It is possible that in some cases, the partner can be left with nothing.” That’s a sobering thought. Luckily I got married at the Church of Home Affairs, so my wife is my next of kin. But not everyone wants to get married. What then?

So where do we begin?

Things to think about include considering who takes care of your children (whether feathered, furred or human), and any trust funds you have established for them, or wish to. Another thing to consider is whether or not you would like a living will, giving your partner the right to remove you from life support under certain circumstances. Remember to include all those little things you want to leave to specific people. Once you’ve done that, it’s worthwhile finding a good gay-friendly attorney who can guide you through the process and ensure that your rights and wishes are respected, and draw up the appropriate documents. I’ve made my appointment with Sean and made a list of my ‘stuff’. Mrs Tanya will definitely not go without after I am gone. Which, I am certain, will be many years hence. It is just comforting to know that she will have a roof over her head – and so will our furry children.

“South Africa is one of those countries where you have freedom of testation,” Sean told me, “That means you can do what you please with your assets.” Yes, ladies, that means you CAN actually leave it all to your cat. However, the benefits of creating a will speak for themselves, particularly if you have children. If you have minor children and you both pass away, their inheritance gets placed with The Guardianship Fund, which could take years to unravel after you’re gone. This could mean that your children may lose out on what you have left them. What’s more, if things are left to your next blood relative if you die intestate, it could also take years of expensive court battles to get a fraction of the estate. w w w

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careers CG STUDIOS does a lot of music videos and TV shows and can assist the new students with rolls as extras or cast them for our in-house productions.

Cast Acting Studios is the brainchild of Chris Groenewald, owner of CG STUDIOS - a local production company. We have designed an acting and presenting course that allows the students to experience 1st hand what it feels like to be in front of the camera. A set of projects has been designed to help the students prepare for real life when the director says: “Action”. Our in-house professional actors will help the students on set during filming to help curb their talent as actors and or presenters. After the completion of each course, Cast Studios will assist with the platform to help to market each actor and or presenter with our Agency leg of the business.

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We are also proud to be associated with Indigo theatre in Kimberly that will help with a Condensed Performing Arts Course One Week - +/-20 Credits that is accredited for further study. Each Alice reader that enrolls today will get R7000-00 discount from the total amount of R17500-00 course value. After the first 10 enrolments has been filed we will choose one lucky student that will get the entire course FREE of charge.

eatingout

Win! Win! Win! a R400 voucher to mama africa

eating out in the

mother city

www.mamaafricarestaurant.co.za

+(27) (0) 21 426 1017

+(27) (0) 21 424 8634

By Zee B & Dee O’Neill

“come to mama” Mama africa

178 long street

ith the intriguing exterior of graffiti-style African people in sync with African-inspired art, Mama has been calling us for a while now. At last we took the trip up into Long Street, Cape Town to go to Africa and dine with Mama. The ambience: Beautiful traditional African-inspired decorations with a modern twist. Along with a laidback, chilled vibe with an amazingly light and yet energizing energy. It feels as if you are getting a taste of Africa in one venue and it just reminds you of how amazing the continent actually is that we live on. The people: You can undeniably spot a few tourists, but there are definitely a few locals that, with reason, frequently visit Mama Africa, especially at the bar. The service: If you want good service, this will be the right place to go. It’s Mama’s policy to have only a select range of waitrons to serve you. They serve with a smile and they guide you through all of the delicacies found on the menu. The entertainment: During the course of the night there is always a live marimba band playing consisting of young locals. It plays an integral part to the Mama Africa experience, since it sets the mood delightfully and puts you on the right level with your energies. The bar: Quite an interesting one… The bar is literally a pink snake that’s stretched out with a swirl for a diverse set of people to enjoy a drink together at. As with the waitrons, the bartenders are equally friendly and helpful. The food: Last, but definitely NOT least! With a variety of traditional dishes as well as a selection of seafood, vegetarian, game and grills (just think ostrich, springbok, venison among the rest). The menu has a few dishes that might be considered uncanny, but as soon as you taste the crocodile or the warthog for instance, all else is forgotten. In conclusion: With an African BAM! Mama Africa is sure to be sweeping you off your feet for a nice relaxed energy night out in Long Street. We even would go as far as saying - you haven’t lived until you have experienced the wonder of this Mama. w w w

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The Winchester Mansions Hotel,

Sea Point – “Famous Sunday Jazz Brunch” www.winchester.co.za The Chef does his magic and transforms the dining room into a breakfast feast wonderland. No one is in a hurry, this is the perfect setting to either end off a busy week, or to start ones week on the ‘right note’. The jazz band energizes this beautiful quaint courtyard, with its fountain centre piece, into a relaxed yet upbeat mid-morning venue where locals and internationals mingle. The staff are super friendly guided by the petit Tatiana, a vibrant highly professional, hands on manageress who goes out of her way to make sure your ‘Jazz Brunch experience’ is one you won’t forget. Every table gets the Sunday newspaper and every one gets an ice cold glass of bubbly to tickle the taste buds. If you’ve never been, I highly recommend you put this venue on your ‘things to do’ list. Bookings are essential as this is a very popular, but not overcrowded dining experience.

Wakame

Mouille Point - “a view to good food” www.wakame.co.za There is sushi, sushi everywhere, then there’s WAKAME sushi. I came for the food and stayed for the mood, the service, and the view. Wow! The menu is uncomplicated and deliciously coupled with flavours for every pallet. The staff are wonderful hosts, relaxed and professional and will guide you through your choices. Oh! You definitely want to leave space for dessert, yum yum, yum, not the usual suspects Very busy, and rightfully so, although not a prerequisite, I recommend you book.

the whiskey live festival 2011 Lately Whiskey seems to be the trend to go rather well with a meal... The Whiskey Live festival at the CTICC once again did not disappoint, the who’s who of the whiskey world was there, and as always the exhibitors went to great lengths to display and introduce the public to this world of whiskey – Our Top three ‘flavours’ No 1 Drambuie 15 year old – No2 Glenmorangie and No3 Gentleman Jack. Keep an eye out for the J&B Met In January... I

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international

By Mona Elyafi

he’s created an unsurpassed phenomenon, built an impressive empire and raised a historical Dinah ‘sty … all at only 22! While Ladies around the world traditionally get busy by now, obsessing, talking and planning for The Dinah, it is just as important to remind everyone about the woman who shines making a career working behind the scenes to produce THE most talked about Lesbian event year after year. Meet Mariah Hanson, the mastermind behind The Dinah. Armed with steadfast courage, wit and a savvy sense of business, Hanson has grabbed the entrepreneurial torch – chasing dreams, breaking stereotypes and forging the way for the next generation of DYI moguls. More than just an event promoter blessed with incredible success, Hanson has also become a (militant) voice to be reckoned with as a dedicated advocate for LGBT rights and also for women in general. Against the backdrop of a conservative America, every year for the past 22 years, the city of Palm Springs (CA) has been home to the biggest lesbian event in the world: The Dinah Shore Weekend popularly known as The Dinah (www.TheDinah.com). Created and produced by Mariah Hanson under her Club Skirt’s marquee, The Dinah now is not only an event celebrating the tapestry of women around the world but also stands as a seminal Mecca for lesbians. With The Dinah, Hanson has succeeded in imposing, in a country where LGBT rights still remains a polemical issue, an international world-class event that celebrates differences. Each year, approximately 15,000 women from all over the world make the pilgrimage to the Sunny Oasis for a monumental 5-day weekend of spectacular comedy shows, games, live concerts, activism and legendary pool parties. Hanson has managed to turn The Dinah into an inescapable event by welcoming the biggest names in the music industry such as Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, The Pussy Cat Dolls, Colbie Caillat, India Arie, Pat Benatar, Natasha Bedingfield, The Indigo Girls, Chely Wright and Salt’n Pepa, to name a few. And beyond delivering

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mariah & the dinah the who’s who of the music arena, Hanson has also transformed The Dinah into a trampoline for success catapulting emerging talents in the likes of Ke$ha and Dev & The Cataracs (for instance) to the top of the Billboard charts - both of whom have seen their careers enjoy international fame post-Dinah appearance. Hanson continuously exceeds the expected with unmatched level of inspiration, imagination and innovation to deliver the latest trends – the ‘it’ thing - in entertainment. Another major substantial victory for Hanson manifested in her securing sponsorships from major mainstream (non-LGBT affiliated) corporations. Miller, OB Tampons, Shake Weight, and Bacardi are just a few examples of sponsorship endorsements The Dinah continuously rallies. In a country where the Tea Party still finds a voice and within which homosexuals still remain stigmatized, getting the seal of approval from such recognizable leading top-global brands was certainly no small task for Hanson.

And that’s just it! Hanson is a woman who has perpetually been defining extreme reinvention by revolutionizing her industry, overturning tradition and raising the bar on female achievement. They said she was crazy and perhaps you do have to have a screw loose to dream this big but Hanson never takes NO for an answer. In less than two decades Hanson parlayed a one-day smallscale event originally held at the Palm Springs museum into a 5-day one-stop destination booking entire hotels. Coinciding with the Ladies Professional Gold Association’s Kraft Nabisco Championship Golf Tournament (formerly the Dinah Shore Golf Championship), The Dinah is a MUST-DO rite of passage for lesbians, not to mention Palm Springs’ hottest ticket! The envy of the world with more than 330 days of sunshine each year, Palm Springs has intrinsically been linked to the Dinah – more than a tradition the event is now part of the Sunny Oasis’ patrimony. Now The Dinah is to Palm Springs what Sundance is to Park City. More than a small city in the desert and beyond it’s historical reputation as once being the popular escape for Hollywood royalties in the likes of Frank Sinatra, Rock Hudson, Elvis and Lucille Ball, Palm Springs has come to epitomize the definition of ‘living out loud’. The city boasts a very large LGBT population (estimates are nearly half of the residents identify as gay); not

Pole dancer, Mariah with Wanda Sykes & Natasha Bedingfield, Lady GaGa performing, Pool Party to mention gay and gay friendly businesses – restaurants, hotels, nightclubs, retailers, etc. – providing a unique sense of community.

Joining the league of extraordinary women in the likes of Ellen DeGeneres, Jane Lynch, Martina Navratilova, Suze Orman, Melissa Ethridge, K.D. Lang and Chely Wright, who have seamlessly successfully moved into mainstream culture, Mariah

Booking lavish locations at deluxe hotels, Hanson always pushes the envelope to give her customers the best of the best. It is no surprise that The Dinah has had a long-standing relationship with another Palm Springs icon, namely The Riviera Resort and Spa. Recently undergoing an estimated $90 million rejuvenation, The Riviera Hotel has become the epic and contemporary deluxe Mecca for high-end world-class travellers - certifiably the most ultra chic, ultimate top of the line destination resort in Palm Springs.

Hanson puts as well a human face on sexual orientation and

Through the image of lesbians supported and celebrated by The Dinah, it is as well the image of women in general that is uplifted. Within the community created by The Dinah, Mariah offers a platform where all stereotypes are broken: every woman is accepted no matter what age, size, height, colours, race, cultural background, religion and handicap. Reflective of this allembracive/non-discriminating philosophy, is the comedy show, which offers a sign language interpreter who simultaneously translates the comedian’s words for the hearing impaired. For each Dinah instalment, Hanson also engagingly travails for the LGBT cause and for women. In previous years, The Dinah famously partnered with a variety of activist associations and charity organizations such as GLAAD, NOH8, Love is Louder, Equality California, and The Los Angeles Gay & Lesbian Center among others.

journey from ordinary to extraordinary!

gender identity. Much like these ladies have being accepted by mainstream America by the mere fact that it is their struggles and triumphs, not necessarily their homosexuality that makes headlines, Hanson carved her place as a woman that any individual can relate to. Hanson’s road to success is truly one of incredible inspiration – a

It was back in 1991 that Mariah Hanson produced her first solo Dinah Shore Weekend. The simple but daring concept catapulted the Dinah to international fame. Today, The Dinah is considered the largest lesbian event in the world. The Dinah 2012 will be held March 28 through April 1 at The Riviera Resort and Spa in Palm Springs as well as The Hilton Hotel. Headlining performances as well as the full schedule of activities will be announced early 2012.

For more information visit: www.TheDinah.com

Dodgeball, Katy Perry performing, Mariah with Ke$ha, Leisha Hailey from the L Word, Mariah with Dev & The Cataracs

Check out Leisha Hailey’s band Uh Huh Her and Dev’s album reviews on the next page. w w w

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Music Reviews the gift of music evanescence

evanescence After round about a 5-year hiatus of no new material, the band finally returns with a brand new self-titled album, that’s harder than ever before. Amy Lee captivates once again with her velvety voice and astonishing lyrics. To no surprise, the album is quite dark and melancholic and makes you recollect the Fallen-

era and this album might be their best work since their debut. It mostly explores themes of hurt and agony by means of including imagery such as water, stone, paradise and a broken heart. Being one of the seasons’ most anticipated releases, with its melodic piano, strings, infectious riffs and enchanting synths, from ballads to angst

shifting child-like creature, Annabelle, portrayed by Amos’ daughter and the journey continues. There’s also a Fire Muse in the equation played by Tori’s niece as well as a peyote ritual. It’s a strong release that features the vocals of the aforementioned family members of Tori. Each track is set to an inspiration or variation of a

predominant sexualized imagery and thematically it explores love and being in love in sync with being in a hopeless place. It might not be her best effort to date, but it will surely be a commercial success and keep us all partying this summer as is always the case with her albums.

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Cream of the Crop: Shattering Sea, Cactus Practice, Edge of the Moon Check out the video: Carry Rating: 4/5

Cream of the Crop: Cockiness (Love It), Roc Me Out, Drunk On Love Check out the video: We Found Love Rating: 3.5/5

fastlife

joe jonas The boy almost everyone regardless of sex and sexuality had a crush on from the Jonas Brothers fame debuts his solo album. Breaking away from the pop rock sound they had with the band, Joe chose a direction into urban genres such as electro-pop and R&B. It’s an upbeat record that features tracks about being in love, living the fast life as the title indicates and heartbreakers. The album notes Joe growing up to a more mature

classical composition, which makes this album a classic in its utilization of chamber music.

talk that talk

rihanna R&B and hip-hop princess, RiRi returns with a new album in almost under a year; it is pretty much a mash-up of cockiness and fun with a mellow tone here and there – which makes it a bit like Rated R meets Loud with elements from her other previous albums as well. The album features experimentation in genres, like house, electro, drum & bass/dubstep, some mellower tunes along with her signature dancehall vibe. It carries a

Cream of the Crop: My Heart Is Broken, Oceans, Disappear Check out the video: What You Want Rating: 4.5/5

night of hunters

tori amos The talented woman who mesmerized audiences in South Africa with her amazing performances earlier this year is back with her 12th solo studio album and it comes with an insane concept… According to Tori it starts with a woman left alone on the eve of her relationship’s demise and as dusk turns to dawn she’s confronted by a shape

driven declarations, this 16-track deluxe edition disc is definitely a worth-the-wait return and should have the hard-core fans quite satisfied.

pop sound and breaking away from the teen-pop sound. It’s almost if the disc has a soul of its own with virulent hooks; thus his is the right album for you if you want to get your urban vibes on.

Cream of the Crop: Love Slayer, Fastlife, Sorry Check out the video: Just In Love Rating: 3/5

listen By Zian Blignaut

ceremonials

florence + the machine After great success with Lungs and its re-release, Between Two Lungs, the red-haired songstress brings us another delightful compendium of tracks. Award-winning producer, Paul Epworth (Adele, Cee Lo Green), returned to put this stylish masterpiece together along with all of the lyrics written by Florence herself with featured lyricists

and composers hither and thither. From piano ballads with magnificent build-ups to an upbeat track here and there to those oh so catchy lyrics almost everywhere. There is quite a somber tone hidden deeply into the essence of most of the tracks which might be exactly the reason that you get that theatrical feel with the album from time to time.

The perfect album to put on loud in the car and take that long-awaited road trip or just to put on at home for a night in. Cream of the Crop: Breaking Down, Seven Devils, Remain Nameless Check Out the video: Shake It Out Rating: 4/5

nocturnes

uh huh her You all know Alice from The L Word, but I bet you didn’t know this girl could sing? With a band name from the title of a PJ Harvey album, in collaboration with, Camila Grey, Leisha Hayley shows us that she can’t only act, but she can actually sing as well. With their second album, they prove that they are able to top their first

album, Common Reactions, as they rock it out with their synth-rock style again. The couple amazes lyrically, vocally and just overall musically. The album includes more than a few balladry with really nice build-ups. With the track, Same High, featured on the soundtrack for The Kids Are All

Right, they are surely to reach success with this album. If you’ve never heard of this band before, it is strongly recommended to check them out. Cream of the Crop: Marstorm, Debris, Darkness Is Check out the video: Another Case Rating: 3.5/5

the night the sun came up

dev Dev started out with a track called Booty Bounce that was later sampled in the overplayed track, Like A G6. So, you might not know the name, but surely you have heard the voice on the radio. It’s a great album to rip out the booze and party away the summer. The disc is in collaboration with electro-hop producers, The Cataracs, who produced all of the tracks. Furthermore they also wrote the lyrics along with Devin herself. Being

compared to pop-sensations such as Ke$ha, there can be vouched for that this girl has a style and voice of her own as she drives her creative force into what she puts on the table.

Cream of the Crop: Me, Take Her From You, Lightspeed Check out the video: In the Dark Rating: 3.5/5

stronger

kelly clarkson An Idols winner, who will probably always have a set of catchy tracks thrown together to compile a best-selling album, brings us another album with the same formula. It entails corny lyrics with a sarcastic, tongue-in-cheek verse here and there. Subject-wise it showcases songs about love and stuff, such as brainless lovers and being stronger through the pain those idiots cause and how loneliness plays a role in it all. Furthermore from

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the artist’s mouth herself the songs are very much about strength and empowerment. Whoever enjoyed the Breakaway and All I Ever Wanted era will most definitely not be disappointed, but if you were expecting another artistic experimentation like My December… that might just never happen again.

This might not be her best work to date, yet it is still an entertaining listen with undeniable highlights. Cream of the Crop: What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger), Einstein Check Out the video: Mr. Know It All Rating: 2.5/5

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By Zian Blignaut

WENDY OLDFIELD

his year we had the privilege of meeting up with the legendary, SAMA-award winning, nature-loving dame, Ms. Oldfield, at Earthdance and through all the stomping that occured, we asked her the following... Before I start, I just want to say your performance was amazing as well as the collaboration with psy-trance DJ, Cooks! Thank you How did the collab start out and how did you find the experience? Cooks and I are friends and have been talking about doing something like this for ages. So you live in Wilderness now, why there and who do you live with? I live with my 3 children on a farm in Wilderness Heights. Where did you grow up? I grew up in Johannesburg in Bryanston then I got high schooled in Pinelands, Cape Town. How would you compare the two places? I loved both of them… When you’re a kid, you are happy if you got friends – I’m very social, so I always find myself in a happy place. From what we heard you are also very pro-green living, any tips? Try to tread lightly… Start by separating your waste. Don’t litter. Share lifts when you can – think sustainable… Love this planet that gives you life…. Who would you consider to be your main influences? My mom, my children and David Bowie Besides your music, what other great passions do you have in life? I love yoga and t’ai chi. I am passionate about my children and spending the most fun time with them. I also love cooking. Tell us about your most recent releases… I released a kiddie CD, called Sing Along Kids 2. I’m busy writing for a new album at the moment. Tell us about the album in the pipeline? I met with my soon to be producer already, but can’t really say much, because we are still deciding about all of the how’s, who’s and what’s. Any chances of getting back with any of your earlier bands? I always work with musicians I have worked with previously … I

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on the trancefloor with

Photo by: Steve Hurt

spot light

spotlight Wendy accepting her SAMA Award

How would you compare being in a band to going solo? Being in a band is more like a marriage… Being a solo artist is like being a mother. What does a usual weekday look like for you? Kids, running, shopping, kids, writing songs, laundry, kids… And weekends? Music and kids Do you like travelling and where would you say is the best places to visit? Love it – love South Africa. What can you not live without? Coffee If the world really does end in 2012, what’s on the top of your to-do list? Pretty much what I do every day If you had to be stereotyped, what stereotype would that be? Wonder woman According to allthingsqueer.co.za, you have been featured on the top 5 list of South African Lesbian Music icons, how do you feel about that? Vonatastiesh How would you describe the essence of Earthdance and other outdoor parties? I love the outdoor festivals – it gives a sense of freedom and selfresponsibility… Do you attend them often and do you bring the whole family along? Only when I perform. I take my kids to Afrika Burn… What did you think of this year’s event? Wonderfully put on with beautiful décor and good sound. Too many drunk kids though… What is the most valuable lesson you’ve learned in life? Never say never. Any famous last words to our readers out there? This too shall pass… ‘anietcha’.

film Reviews

watch By Zian Blignaut

room in rome

black butterflies

Directed and by Julio Medem Starring Elena Ananya, Natasha Yarovenko

Written by Greg Latter Directed by Paula van der Oest Starring Carice van Houten, Liam Cunningham

With Medem’s English film debut, he chose to tell the story of two women on vacation in Rome, who end up meeting each other on a night out; then spent the night in a hotel room together.

Dutch director, Paula van der Oest, tells the tragic biographic tale of Ingrid Jonker (van Houten) and all the hardship she had to encounter during the course of her life, focusing on her last few years.

At first, the Russian Natasha (Yarovenko) doesn’t want to stay, as she appears to not have had lesbian relations before, whereas Spanish lady, Alba (Anaya), seems to have. Then it’s as if fate takes its course and they experience a night of passion together and their lives slowly but surely start to unfold to each other by means of stories, memories and interaction with the paintings in the room. The beautifully shot story does include quite a lot of sexual imagery, but not to such an extent where it gets too much as the love scenes are fresh and artistically filmed. The film goes deeper than that when it delves into the emotional grounds. The two women get to discover each other on whilst their most personal details of their lives get put on the table. Ultimately it’s basically an erotic love story, told through quite a visionary perspective of the Spanish director. It is believable and I am sure there can easily be identified with the events and characters on some or other level.

After their mothers’ death both Ingrid and her sister went on to live with their father who treats them like outsiders. The film also focuses on her love interests in particular with Jack Cope (Cunnigham) as well as others such as André Brink. Being against Apartheid and quite outspoken about it, the film also focuses on that aspect and how it estranges Ingrid even more from her father, as member of a government censorship board, even goes as far as rejecting her poems from being published. The film sadly might be focusing a little more on her relationships and promiscuity than her hardships and her childhood that caused the aforementioned and for viewers who don’t know the details might be left with a few misconceptions. The English-language Dutch production does let us in on select detail of Ingrid’s life, though the message might have been perhaps more than slightly powerful if it would’ve been conveyed in Jonkers’ mother tongue. Furthermore the emotional depth of the film could have been dug in deeper. The film has its moments nonetheless and it can be appreciated for what it is.

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wishing

By Marga Mallo

you...

This is the festive season edition of ALICE, so, traditionally speaking, I have to wish you all kinds of merry and happy and prosperous and blessed BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ‘S… OK, here we go: May all members of your family be on speaking terms at the stage when you try and organizes the Xmas get-together and may no-one have a problem with the gay members of the family being invited. May there be no power failure at some crucial time, so that you’ll have to cut up the turkey for a braai, feed the stuffing to the dogs and drink the trifle. May everyone present, after a few glasses, forget to remember who owes who money, whose children didn’t make it through the past academic year, whose fault the annual family divorce was AND who belongs to which religious denomination. May the average present reach beyond the lavender/cherry body lotion + liquid hand wash + sponge combo, or aftershave + shaving cream + soap on a rope combo, or those miraculous kitchen utensils that do all the work for you while you read the newspaper (but only for ten minutes because that’s how long they last), or something practical like bed socks, a torch, a beach towel (as if you can afford a seaside holiday at this stage!), or, for the kids, money in an envelope (soooo not festive). AND, may grandparents remember to include batteries with the toys. May, while all the presents are being opened, no-one bend your expensive pair of scissors, break off the tip of your carving knife, get a staple through the upper lip, loose a tooth, urgently require stitches for a wound caused by a nail file, end up with a piece of packaging in the throat or sprain an ankle when trying to demonstrate skate board riding skills to the kids. May all clothing fit and all the gadgets work! May nobody’s cell phone end up in the pool. May the watermelon be edible. May no-one develop toothache or appendicitis. May the dogs not ruin your new fancy white duvets in the guest rooms when the out-of-controls blow up their Xmas bonuses. May the toilets and the geyser last until everyone has left – oh, and needless to say, the dishwasher too! And the toilet paper. And the drains. And the cat. May no-one leave all of a sudden without any explanation – just that “...last Xmas we spend here…” -look. May your housekeeper turn up on 2 January 2012! Viva the festive season, Viva!

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