OFF-WHITE: 1753 VIADUCT

COLLECTED CONVERSATIONS ABOUT LOVE & DISTRAUGHT

BY: A. GUTIERREZ

“Is she/he dating__________?”

Everyone is dying to know.

“Why is he dating her? She is SO ugly.”

“She is going to break-up with him and he is going to be distraught, BUT he is incredibly creative when heartbroken. I can’t wait to see his work.”

“So yeah. We broke up, I’ve been sad and getting drunk every night. BUT I’ve been writing, and painting. I’ve been very creative.”

“You also lost, like, 10 pounds.”

“You don’t understand. I LONG for her.”

“Yeah, well she doesn’t know that.”

“I miss you when I am not in your proximity. I think about you constantly. When I am with you I find myself having a shortness of breath.”

“I always feel a disconnect, always.”

“Me too.”

“It makes me sad.” “ I know, constant existential crisis.”

“Let’s be existentialists together.”

“Well, if things do not work out between you two you can both end up having a relationship like Simone de Beauvior

“Why am I writing you this letter?

I feel as though you should have some sort of keepsake from me in case we never talk again.”

“It feels distant.”

“It does.”

“It is.”

“All I know is that when I look at you, I can’t look at you.”

“With him it was love at first sight. BUT he doesn’t allow me to fall in love with him. I want someone to fall in love with, ya know?”

“You have a type, and it’s called “Emotionally Unavailable.”

“I would take her out to dinner and she would freak out and be like, “Why are you trying to be so romantic?” Dude, I just like fine dining.”

“My ex boyfriend invited me out to a four star restaurant...”

“FREE DINNER!” “The thought of having to sit through a 20 course dinner with my sociopathic ex boyfriend sounds like a one star experience.”

“But you don’t understand, I’ve been in LOVE with him my whole life.”

“You say that about everyone.”

“I knew I would be crazy about him because the moment I saw him my only instinct was to run far, far away.”

“She is a Bitch. She made him miserable.”

“I know. But you know what? He loved her this whole time.”

“I knew we would break-up sooner than later. If Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon couldn’t make it work, there is NO WAY we were going to make it work.”

“The more I travel the world, the more I realize why people don't mind American men (the ones who aren't clueless, loud and tacky, of course).”

“So...you guys have a lot in common?”

“Yeah, we are both maniacs.”

“Smart is irrelevant in matters of the heart, as it turns out.”

“You’re like, unashamedly in love with her.”

“What should I text him?”

“I am not going to text him, he should be texting me.”

“Don’t play games.”

“What if he isn’t texting me because I’m not texting him?”

“Then, don’t text him.”

“So what, you’re going to lay in bed all day and listen to songs that make you sad and remind you of her?”

“Basically.”

“Love makes me nauseous.”

“We just couldn’t work and that makes me really sad.”

“Love makes me nauseous.”

“I’m busy.”

“How is your mental health?”

“I’m emotionally unavailable.”

“Generally good. However, I was in a relationship for years that really fucked me up. I mean, it did serious damage. I am emotionally damaged and I don’t know what to do. I get sad and listen to records. I do drugs. It sucks.”

“I don’t know how to be with anyone, anymore.”

“I know. I am going through the same thing.”

“So...you didn’t know he was married?”

“YOU DRIVE MEN CRAZY.” “How? I don’t even do anything.”

“THAT’S HOW. YOU’RE PERFECT.” “...And that is a problem because...?”

“IT JUST DRIVES MEN CRAZY.”

“She didn’t make me happy.”

“I am certain, at this point, that I am simply a “Proximity Infatuation.”

“She didn’t make me happy.”

“I liked the idea of her.”

“So what is it?”

“You just lost your charm.”

“I am certain, at this point, that I am simply a “Proximity Infatuation.”

“So what is it?”

“You just lost your charm.”

“I am certain, at this point, that I am simply a “Proximity Infatuation.”

“I told him I missed him and received the worst response.”

“I’ll give you the space you need.”

“Well, what was it?”

“I don’t want space.”

“It’s okay to miss someone.”

“You don’t?”

!

“I don’t. Do you?”

“I don’t” “Oh.”

“I want him to fight for me.” “...But you cheated on him.”

“Yeah, I know. But, still.”

“You’re a bitch.”

“Why is she upset, SHE is the one who cheated on me!”

“I was happy when I was with you, wasn’t I?”

“Why is she upset, SHE is the one who cheated on me!”

“Unrequited love is stupid.”

“She broke my heart, but it was worth it.”

“Yes, but it’s still love, so how stupid can it REALLY be?”

“What was worth it?”

“To know that I’m capable of feeling feelings, Man.”

“He is going to be alone forever.”

“She sounds vile.”

“So I told her that she should call me when she doesn’t have a boyfriend and wants to get naked. I think I offended her.”

“Well, she was trying to trick you into buying her drinks at the bar.”

“Bitch.”

“You’re perfect, I don’t deserve you.”

“You don’t want to deserve me.”

“The night after spending a week sleeping next to someone is depressing and liberating.

“I’m experiencing separation anxiety.”

“We walked around and looked at art. Shared a moment over a Klein.”

“He broke up with me so I went to the museum. I looked at a Rothko and cried for about 20 minutes.

I’m pathetic.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m lovesick.”

“It’s the worst.”

“It’s torturous.”

“When I was lovesick I kept listening to “That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore,” by The Smiths over and over.”

“He broke up with me so I went to the museum. I looked at a Rothko and cried for about 20 minutes.

I’m pathetic.”

“Let’s just get away from everything, and everyone.”

“Coming back is going to be terrible.”

“I’m not thinking about that. I’m thinking about you and I getting away.”

“All I’ve ever wanted was someone to commit a crime with.”

“Do you want to go outside and smoke with me?”

“Sure.”

“So...I don’t actually smoke. I just wanted to be here, with you.”

“Oh. Well, do you want to kiss passionately, in this alley?”

“Yes.”

“I

try and make things okay, and you tell me to fuck off. I tell you to walk away, and you tell me to fuck off.”

“21st Century dating is the prime example of devolution.”

“Well, he FINALLY called me.”

“Oh yeah, what did he have to say?”

“I don’t really know...he was crying about his ex girlfriend the whole time.”

“I didn’t break them up! I was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.”

“I saw the guy you were sleeping with at the wedding.”

“Oh yeah?”

“You home wrecker.”

“Yeah...he was crying over his ex... after only having 3 glasses of white wine.”

“You know, people say that acting crazy and committing acts of passion is crazy, but I think it’s completely normal for someone to do what feels right.”

“She basically showed up where he was at and dragged him out of the car and started punching him.”

“I know! I don’t get why people are so scared of feelings.”

“I laughed. He cried. I think they were really in love.”

“How did you react?”

“She drives me crazy.”

“He drives me crazy.”

“I love listening to The Ramones when I am in love.”

“You can’t look at me like that.

Those eyes, they are killing me.”

“He told me I should read more.”

“He never buys me flowers, so I am going to buy myself flowers and pretend they are from someone else.”

“You got that idea from Clueless.”

“Sometimes I wonder if I am better off alone, and then I realize that there is nothing better than sharing the craziest part of myself with someone.”

“You love love. When you fall, you fall hard. Then it destroys you.

Like me.”

“No wonder we didn’t work out.”

“He is too good for you.”

“She told me she didn’t want to date me so I told her I was going to show up at the Yoga studio she taught at and kill myself.”

“You are just saying that because you want to date me.”

“That is true.”

“Well, what do you have to say for yourself?

“Nothing. I loved you once. It was like building a large house with a small window. I could’ve made you happy had I been in the right place.”

“That makes no sense. You are no fucking Rimbaud.”

“Even if our relationship is gone, somethings don’t disappear. Like us, sitting side by side on the fence watching the sun get swallowed by clouds while the waves crashed.”

“...Yeah, my life is upside down, backwards, and sad right now because she is gone.”

“I can’t really change the way I feel about you. Believe me, I tried.”

“Whatever it is you’re looking for, I hope you find it...but you won’t find it with me.”

“I thought about my position in life and in relation to others.

What a silly thing to think about when busy.”

“We went on the best date.”

“I like him so much I can’t even talk to him, let alone write about him. I actually almost don’t even want to talk to him. THAT is how much I like him.”

“What restaurant did you go to?

“We didn’t go out to dinner, we ran errands.”

“He seemed to be in love with me, and then he turned into this big ball of negativity that made me nauseous.”

“Finally sent her a shitty accidental drunken Freudian Slip text.”

“It happens.”

“So, why did you guys break up?”

“So, what did you guys do?”

“Sat in a French restaurant and had intellectual conversations, duh.”

“How Godard of you.”

“I am certain he is a Sociopath.”

“How unnerving.”

“So...tell me...what is it like to be a romantic?”

“I’d prefer for her to vanish, but I guess I have to accept that is not reality.”

“Remember how drunk and sad you were after you lost her, and now I am congratulating you on your engagement?”

“You made me feel less crazy by simply laying next to me.”

“Once I get her to acknowledge my existence it is a done deal.”

“Their relationship was...complicated.”

“Yeah, well, what relationship isn’t?”

“You never told me what you wanted.”

“See, that is the thing. I never wanted anything but to spend time doing nothing with you.”

“I came, my head cleared. She rolled onto my shoulder and touched my hand. I thought of every reason to leave, and found every reason to stay. I held her hand and closed my eyes. In my blindness, I found love.”

“By getting close to people do you think we compromise or lose a part of ourselves?”

“It has been raining for a week.

Don’t you find it fitting that the sun is out the day after we met?”

“I find literary types to be fucking pretentious anyway.”

“Romance to me is discussing literary works and New York Times articles.”

“We were fighting and we stopped and kissed and everything went blank and became suddenly perfect.”

“You’re such a romantic.”

“I know, but she is one crazy Bitch.”

“I don’t think you realize how much of me you have in your hands.”

“I woke up today crippled by the memory of you and I.”

“Are you at home?” “I miss you and love you.” “Just know I am thinking about you.” THAT is what he sent to his ex-girlfriend.”

“What did you do?”

“I threw a coatrack at him.”

“She asked me to get her a coffee, and as I was going to get a coffee I realized how happy I was to be doing something so simple for someone I love.”

“To me, love and passion is about the ability to have adventures with someone.”

“I always want adventures.”

“Exactly, everyone should.”

“Men would always inquire about me to others and the response always was, “She is in love with Him.” Everyone knew that about me.”

“You are a piece of shit. You broke my heart.”

“That is not what I am. You told me yourself that you see the good in me.”

“Then I suppose I am a liar.”

“There are two types of people: the type that can compartmentalize emotions and day-to-day activities, and the type that cannot. You know which type I am.”

“Then, their issues become your issues. You already have issues so it all becomes a big mess.”

“He stopped ‘liking’ my photos on Instagram. It’s over.”

“So over.”

“She’s been ‘liking’ all his photos on Instagram...are they sleeping together?”

“I really wish everyone would just shut up and become asexual. It would truly solve everything.

It’s all everyone talks about.”

“She broke my heart, but it was worth it.”

“What was worth it?”

“To know that I’m capable of feeling feelings, Man.”