BiG KiDZ LIFE // LOVE // LOL
Illustration: Alicia Canovas @aliciac.graphiste
issue 1 -- adulthood £1
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Illustration: Rebecca Strickson @rebecca_strickson_illustration
#adulting W
elcome, If you are reading this column then you are among the awesome people (who obviously have good taste in quirky mags) and have decided to pick up the first issue of Big kidz. Excellent choice btw – I hope this magazine brings you all of the sass, cheese and lols that you’ve been missing in your life. Big Kidz is a little guilty pleasure for us adults who just DON’T WANT TO GROW UP. It will be packed with posters, quizzes and of course an abundance of cheesy articles. I (Alicia) am the editor of BK and I have created this monthly zine for those of us who want to say FUCK U to the world of politics, work and bills and just act like a kid again! Each month will focus on a different theme but don’t worry, they will all use the same shocking one-liners and quirky quizzes. #ADULTING is the first issue (of many) which focuses on the exciting, scary and sometimes cringy realities that we face as we inevitably enter adulthood. SO… When did you first realise that you are an actual adult? For me it was the first time I ran out of toilet roll – is it me or does that shit run out faster when YOU are the one buying it? You may not feel at all grown up as you read this month’s issue, then again, you might be smack-bang in the middle of adulthood. Or like the majority of us, you are most likely in denial. But no matter where you’re at in this sucky transition into adulthood, we all have some stories to share. So grab yourselves a glass of wine or the whole bottle (we don’t judge) and have a laugh with us Big Kidz.
Editor (AKA adult in training) Instagram/twitter: @aliciapaginton
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Contents
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SAVAGE STARS Horoscopes
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SAVAGE STARS The Savage Stars are back and they’re here to tell you exactly how socking your life is and what you should be expecting from this month (I wouldn’t expect much if I were you).
Taurus
gemini
Happy birthday too you, happy birthday too you. Well what can we say? This is the month for you Taurus, not only is it your birthday but you are full of luck this month. Go buy that bag you’ve been longing for. Kiss a stranger on the dancefloor. Eat an entire cake. Rob a bank… we fully support you.
It’s you time to shine Gemini, you are a fabulous person with pleOh shoot we’re getting heads of ourselves that was meant for next month… Yup this month is look crummy for you too Gemini. Sorry to get your hopes up for a minute. Good luck surviving this month and come back next month to see what’s in store for you.
Top tip for this month: you do you boo.
Top tip for this month: don’t get your
cancer It’s time you step your game up in the love department Cancer. When was the last time you were swept off your feet? Never? Okay get out there and make a move on the next person you see, you’ll probably get rejected but at least you can say you tried. Top tip for this month: use this chat up line “Hi, the voices in my head told me to come talk to you.” it’s a winner.
hopes up or you’ll be disappointed.
leo
virgo
Libra
We’re afraid this month isn’t looking so bright for you Leo. Don’t get us wrong you have ambitions and new ideas, it’s just that no one wants to listen to them. Normally we would tell you to get out there and MAKE THEM LISTEN but this isn’t going to do much for you since you know deep down that they don’t actually care. You won’t come into any unexpected £££ and your love life is most likely gonna go to shit.
You need to stop trying too hard Virgo, your colleagues are starting to think you’re a lick-ass. It’s not like you’re even that great at your job anyway and you know it really, you’re just in denial. So stop pretending you know what you’re doing and start giving less fucks about your crappy career. Yes you may get fired but it’s not like the pay was that good anyway.
The sun is shining, the drinks are flowing and you’re stuck in the office all month. Sorry Libra but you’re going to have a pretty boring few weeks ahead of you. Also knowing your luck, the weather will be awful by the time you get a few days off. Top tip for this month: don’t bother buying any sunscreen, you won’t need it.
Top tip for this month: stop showing off.
Top tip for this month: give up and go back to bed. Words & illustrations: Alicia Paginton
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Scorpio You better keep an eye out over the next few weeks Scorpio, as it seems there is a lot of bad luck in your stars this month. We know you’re a little superstitious as well, so you better avoid walking under any scaffolding, dropping any mirrors and you’re gonna have to skip your way across the pavement to avoid stepping on any cracks. Top tip for this month: avoid everything.
sagittarious Remember it is okay to laugh at yourself Sagittarius. You’re going to be doing that a lot this month, since you’re one clumsy bugger. What will you do this time to embarrass yourself? We know what you’re like, so it will most probably happen on a night out with your mates. Top tip for this month: wear flats if you’re going out.
capricorn This month is going to be tough, with everything you’ve got ahead of you. What have you got to get done first? Whose birthday is coming up? When is the MOT check due for that shitty little banger of yours? Don’t stress because there is plenty of other super productive tasks you can be getting on with that will absolutely help you *insert sarcastic thumbs up here*. For a start you haven’t cleaned out your closet for a really long time and I’m sure the oven could do with a clean. Top tip for this month: get your hoover out and start the procrastination.
Aquarius
pisces
You really need to rethink you’re your choice in romantic partners, I mean remember that person you met at the bar recently, what were you thinking? Have they actually stopped texting you yet? If you got your life together a bit more then maybe you would attract the right person (if there even is such a thing). Think about the ever-growing washing pile, the hoovering and the dishes that need doing. We don’t judge but you should probably make a start on them at some point.
We hate to say it Pisces but this month isn’t looking so bright for you. You’ve got a few tricky decisions to make but don’t stress about them too much because whatever you decide to do will probably be the wrong choice anyway. Take a step back and focus on your problems at work instead, are you ever going to get back on top of your schedule? Probs not.
Top tip for this month: just hang out with your cats instead.
Top tip for this month: don’t make any rash decisions.
Aries You’re not having a good day today, are you Aries? You’re probably thinking “it can’t get any worse” right? Well don’t hold your breath because as a matter of fact it can get worse and it probably will. Don’t worry about what’s happening (or not happening) in your love life, because this month you need to focus on yourself plus there isn’t anyone out there for you anyway. Top tip for this month: crack open a bottle of wine.
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CHEESY BUT CLASSIC
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I don’t know about you but there are days where I couldn’t think of anything better than cosying up in bed with a mountain of snacks and putting on a good old crappy film. Surely I’m not the only one, right? BUT by the time I have found the perfect flick to fill my soul with pure nostalgic cheese, I’ve already scoffed my snacks and end up falling asleep. There are just far too many corny classics to choose from. So to save you lovely lot from this tragic life (and I mean sad tragic, not “wow how tragic is she” tragic), I have gone through the endless list of timeless films and picked out some of my faves. And yes I watched them all.
Mrs. Doubtfire
Notting Hill
Directed by: Chris Columbus Starring: Robin Williams, Sally Field, Mara Wilson, Pierce Brosnan
Directed by: Roger Michell Starring: Julia Roberts, Hugh Grant, Rhys Ifans, Hugh Bonneville
On the cusp of divorce, he’s moved out of the family home and rarely sees his kids – it is clear that Daniel Hillard is having a pretty shitty time.
Now if you’re a hopeless romantic like me (which let’s face it we all are) then you will become instantly obsessed with this one.
So with a little help and a LOT of makeup, Daniel transforms to Mrs. Doubtfire and convinces his not so sharp ex-wife to hire him as a nanny. It is a film of struggles and close-calls for Daniel but does he pull it off?
Ordinary boy Will Thacker meets famous actress Anna Scott through an awkward encounter of spilled OJ, which leads to a kiss that prompts their inevitable love affair.
This film brings me back to my childhood, everything about Mrs. Doubtfire had me in fits of laughter and quite frankly still does. It’s a feel-good film for everyone: your mum, dad, sister, brother – even your cats will love it. Cheesiest line: “Help is on the way dear…” 3/5
Dirty Dancing Directed by: Emile Ardolino Starring: Jennifer Grey, Patrick Swayze, Cynthia Rhodes, Kelly Bishop, Jerry Orbach If you haven’t seen this film, then I have absolutely no problem in judging you. All I’m going to say about this one is that “nobody puts Baby in the corner.” I am not ashamed to say that I have watched this film more times than I can count on one hand. It is a right chick flick but you can’t not love it. Whether you’ve seen it once or a thousand times, this is the ideal guilty pleasure film. So shut the curtains curl up on the sofa and put the TV on – loud. Trust me you’ll have the time of your life… Cheesiest line: “I carried a watermelon” 3/5
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It’ll make you laugh, it’ll make you cry and it’ll make you laugh while you are crying. Cheesiest line: “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.” 4/5
My Best Friend’s Wedding Directed by: P. J. Hogan Starring: Julia Roberts, Mulroney, Cameron Diaz, Rupert Everett Julia Roberts is an absolute gem when it comes to chick flicks, she never fails to impress. My Best Friend’s Wedding is one of those films that you could watch over and over again without getting bored.
Legally Blonde Directed by: Robert Luketic Starring: Reece Witherspoon, Luke Wilson, Selma Blair, Jennifer Coolidge, Matthew Davis Elle Woods may be blonde on the outside but boy does this girl have brains. Would you ever think of having a major degree change just to impress your ex?
And let’s just say if you and your BFF have a pact to get hitched if you’re still single at 28, then you better hope you it doesn’t get awkward when one of you gets engaged… Cheesiest line: “It’s amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.”
4/5
Mamma Mia! Directed by: Phyllida Lloyd Starring: Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried, Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth Here I go again… This one is an absolute classic when it comes to rom-coms. There’s love, laughter, tears and not to mention the ultimate cheesy soundtrack! You have got to love a bit of ABBA. Cheesiest line:
Hell no. Although, that is exactly what Elle Woods decided to do. She wanted nothing more than to be Mrs. Warner Huntington III and thought that becoming a Law student would win him over. Little did she know that her decision to go to Harvard would take her on a much more interesting path.
“Typical isn’t it? You wait 20 years for a dad and then three come along at once.” 3.5/5
Cheesiest line: “Exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands.” 4/5
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Angus, Thongs and Prefect Snogging Directed by: Gurinder Chadha Starring: Georgina Groome, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Eleanor Tomlinson Do you remember your first kiss? There was probably a little too much tooth involved. Perhaps their mouth turned into a human washing machine or god forbid they kissed with their eyes wide open. Well we can assure you that no matter how awkward your first kiss was, it will seem like nothing compared to Georgia Nicholson’s slippery saliva-fuelled first kiss. Cheesiest line: “If you haven’t noticed, I’m a woman now. I wear a bra!” 3/5
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Bridget Jones Diary Directed by: Sharon Maguire Starring: Renée Zellweger, Colin Firth, Hugh Grant We’ve all been there, at the edge of despair, eating ice-cream from the tub wondering if it will ever be possible to find someone half-decent who will actually show an interest in us. Well never fear, Bridget Jones is here! And boy will she make you feel a lot better about your barely existent but oh-so-cringy love life. Hopelessly-single Bridget documents her life over the course of a year as she decides to ‘get a grip’. Her explicit diary contains every minor detail about her weight, men and of course SEX. Now, if you can’t watch the film without thinking “I can relate” to at least one of Bridget Jones’ mad moments, then you my friend need to leave. Otherwise, enjoy the film and try not to cry so much about your own sad little life. #weareallinthistogether Cheesiest line: “I will not form a romantic attachment for any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, people with girlfriends or wives, misogynists, megalomanics, chauvists, emotional fuckwits or freeloaders, perverts.” 5/5
e s e What Type of C h e Are You?
Whether you cover your entire plate of pasta with it, watch as it stings from your mouth with every bit or enjoy chunks of it with pickles and crackers, it’s safe to say that life would not be the same without cheese! We know that cheese plays a big part in your lives and yes, it’s okay to admit that you think about it on a daily basis. So, if like me, you have spent a large portion of your working day thinking about the wonder that is cheese then you’ll definitely want to know what type of cheese you are. Now this is a quiz that you will love no matter what the result is. You’re best friend recently broke up with her partner and hasn’t left her bed for days. Do you: A) Take some food round for her and make a start on the house cleaning? B) Go to her house with ice-cream, romcoms and a box of tissues and spend the night crying at the kissing scene from the Notebook. C) Take her out clubbing – the best way to get over an old lover is to get under a new one. D) Tell her to get a grip of herself because “you were only together for like 6 weeks anyways!”
Your best friend has just reminded you that you are supposed to go to the cinema with her tomorrow night. But you just remembered that you have a date on the same night - eek. Do you: A) Be honest, she’ll understand because she is you BFF afterall. B) Go on the date and not tell your friend, you don’t want to offend her. After all this could be the love of your life. C) Mates before dates right?
Your snobby cousin’s wedding is coming up and you are given the option to bring a plus one but of course you are still single. Obviously you don’t want to give her the satisfaction of winning in the love department. What do you do? A) Beg someone at the office to go with you and pretend to be your partner (you have a crush on them anyway and this might be your only chance). B) Take your BFF and dance the night away.
D) Hahaha, what date?
C) Take no one, wedding hook-ups are the best! D) You probably won’t go anyway.
You took a trip to the animal shelter with you BFF who is getting a new pet. Of course, you get jelly and end up adopting your own little critter. But what animal do you choose? A) A pug. B) 2 bunny rabbits called Ross and Rachel (you couldn’t bear the thought of splitting up the totes adorbs pair). C) A cockatoo.
You are a confident person, a loving companion and although you wouldn’t want to admit it, you are deffo the mum of your friendship group. You make sure everyone gets to the club on time, no one loses each other and everyone gets home safely but you wouldn’t have it any other way and your friends love you for it.
A) Smokey brown. B) Umm, is glitter a colour? C) Orange or red even cobalt blue sometimes. D) Black.
D) A snake.
Mostly A Mature Cheddar
What is your favourite colour eyeshadow?
Mostly B Brie
You may show others that you are tough on the outside but underneath you are a real wet wipe. Yes, we see right through you. Deep down you love a good old rom com, which one is it again… My Best Friend’s Wedding? 27 Dresses? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, it just goes to show that you have a soft side which is what make you great.
MostlY C Mozzarella
Hello there mozzarella! You are one funky individual and your wardrobe is a real reflection of that mad personality. You come out with some of the cheesiest one liners and although your friends may mock you for it, we know that deep down, they secretly love it.
Mostly D Halloumi
Your resting bitch face can make it hard for people to talk to you at first but you don’t care because you don’t like people anyway. But once somone gets to know you they realise that you are one of the most amazing people. You may be small but you are one fiesty, sass-queen.
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Where are you going? You just drove past
Illustration: Simon Reynolds
maccies!
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Illustration: Simon Reynolds
Um... I HAVE A CONFESSION!
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Since this issue is all about the confusion and wonders of adulthood, we decided to include your most embarrassing confessions and #fails of your adult years. So sit back, relax and relate to some of the most cringe-worthy confessions. Oh and don’t worry, I’m in there too... Illustrations: @ellehell
SHOCKING SHOWER
I was in the shower, doing my usual routine of washing my hair, lathering my body in my fave silky body wash (Soap & Glory to be exact) and as I was mid rinsing, I saw it. My first ever nipple hair! I plucked that bad-boy out as soon as I was out of the shower. I didn’t even know nipple hair was a thing. Lilly, 29
BOOZY BIRTHDAY BLUNDERS
It was my 21st birthday and I went to an early lunch celebration with my friends, so I had basically been drinking all day. I got home to my family who had thrown me a wonderful surprise party, with my nanna, gramps and everyone who still saw me as an angel. Of course I was already bollocksed as I walked through the door clutching onto my boyfriends arm to keep me stable. The lights came on and everyone jumped up shouting surprise, popping party poppers and tooting the horns. I screamed in absolute horror and peed myself in front of the whole room (oh and I was wearing light blue jeans) it still haunts me a year later. Laura, 22
HAVE A NICE TRIP?
I was at the club with a guy who I really liked and tried to keep up with how much he was drinking. Towards the end of the night my friends had started to go home one by one but I was determined to stay as long as my male-friend did. The last round of tequila shots was just one round too many and I ended up falling face-first down the stairs and knocked myself out. We didn’t talk much after that night. Becky, 24
What a Shitty situation
I was at a small camping festival a few years back. The sun was shining, the music was blaring and drinks were flowing. Life was good. Until on one of the afternoons, a group of us headed up to the main stage to see one of the headline acts. It was fairly busy and we had managed to snatch up a really good spot. It was pretty muddy still from the previous days and the masses of people walking and dancing in the fields. I was wearing open toe sandals and stood in what I thought was a pile of sludgy mud. Turns out it was in fact cow crap… I walked around for the following hour with shit in between my toes until I was finally able to somewhat wash it off. Jess 27
TROLLIED
There are just so many events on during fresher’s week at university, you barely get any time to recover from one night out before you are back at it again. By the 3rd night, I had gotten so drunk that none of the taxi drivers would take me home and I ended up getting pushed back to halls in a trolley. And they say you don’t learn anything as a fresher. Alicia, 21 (AKA the editor of this mag #awks)
GOT AN EMBARRASSING STORY TO TELL? Go on, get involved and send us your embarrassing confessions too! Head over to bigkidzmag.co.uk/ contribute to find out more
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BIG KIDZ BOOK CLUB For this issue we have taken a selection of books that will inspire, influence us as young adults. There is a selection of genres for this issue: self-help (well sort of), poetry and YA fiction. Almost Adulting By Arden Rose There’s no denying it – Adult life sucks!
There’s never any proper food in the cupboard, you are hit with bills left right and bloody centre, oh and to top it all you are permanently exhausted (like does coffee even work anymore?). But at least we have Super Noodles, ay? Anyhow, Arden Rose is here with her first-hand life experiences and sophisticated wit to help you survive the never-ending journey into adulthood. This book covers A LOT of adult-y things that we may not know anything about, or could probably do with a little more understanding on. Such as: making friends, relationship advice, budgeting, sex and (ugh) feelings. This wacky guide is also filled with illustrations and funny little checklists to help us relate to Arden and understand that all of us are just adult sized kids fumbling around, trying to stay alive. There isn’t a rule book on life (like you don’t wake up one day and know what taxes are or how to jump start a car) but Almost Adulting is as close as you’ll get. Arden Rose started her creative career on You Tube, where she posts quirky but chic content that represents her personality in order to entertain her millions of fans. As with many internet stars, it was never her intention to ‘get big’ but her hard work and dedication has enabled her to peruse other cool opportunities, such as writing this shit-hot book!
Words & photography: Alicia Paginton
So if you’re a fan of satirical writing and can easily laugh at your own #fails, then you will find this book as good as getting into a bed with fresh sheets, or the smell of coffee when you open a new tin, or remembering you have a bag for life with you when you go to pay for your groceries (yes adults do have very exciting lives).
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Milk and Honey By Rupi Kaur This book is about finding the light in the dark places and learning to open your eyes as well as your heart to understand what you are feeling. As pretentious as you may believe this book to be, please don’t turn your nose up at it just yet. Yes there are plenty of preppy socialites who are instagramming the crap out of this simplistic, yet beautiful poetry novel but just put your opinions to the side for a second and have a little read. Each chapter focuses on a different emotion interpreted by Rupi Kaur: the hurting, the loving, the breaking and the healing. It is a book of existence. Kaur has poured her emotions into this book and takes the readers on a journey through her voice. Although every copy includes the same chapters and same verses, each piece of work has elusive layers that give it a unique meaning to the person reading.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower By Stephen Chbosky Charlie is a socially awkward teen who prefers watching life from the side-lines. He is extremely intelligent, with a mind that has an unconventional way of thinking. He is a wallflower until he befriends two charismatic seniors: Patrick and his stepsister Sam. The book follows Charlie’s life as his new friends help encourage him to come out of his shell a little more. The reader learns about Charlie’s friends, family and some of his struggles through the letters he writes to a nameless stranger. This coming-of-age book has become a classic over the years as it give us all of the emotions about friendship, heartache, violence and a love that is found in the most uncertain of places. You will be brought back to your teenage years and feel the rollercoaster of emotions that you were hit with growing up.
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@bigkidzzine
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YOU GO GURL! Fergie – Glamorous Shakira – Hips Don’t Lie Jennifer Lopez – Jenny from the Block Destiny’s Child – Say My Name TLC – No Scrubs Jennifer Lopez – Get Right Cassie – Long way 2 Go Destiney’s Child – Independent Women Nicki Minaj, Ariana Grande – Get On Your Knees Kelis – Milkshake M.I.A – Bad Girls Little Mix – Shout Out To My Ex Dua Lipa – New Rules P!nk – So What Beyoncé – Single Ladies Spice Girls – Wannabe Lily Allen – Not Fair The Pussycat Dolls, Busta Rhymes – Don’t Cha Gwen Stefani – Hollaback Girl Kate Nash – Foundations Avril Lavigne – Complicated Fergie – Fergalicious Lily Allen – Smile P!nk – U + Ur Hand
Photography: Alicia Paginton
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TO GHOST OR NOT TO GHOST? Whether you’re a victim to ghosting or are a fellow ghoster yourself, we’re here to give you the ins and outs of this modern day phenomenon. phy: Alicia Paginton
Words & photogra
W
e’re not entirely sure how long the term ghosting has been around for but it certainly isn’t just a 21st century fad. Back in the day, before phones and social media, ghosting probably went along the lines of someone not writing back. Or if they were in too deep then moving town would have been the ideal solution.
You’re probably thinking that I am a cold-hearted person with the emotional intelligence of a rock right now (or you might feel inspired by my truth and liberation). Either way, no matter what people think of us, we will still continue to do what we feel is right and in my experience there is no right or wrong way to communicate you apathy towards someone.
If you don’t know what ghosting is, then where have you been the last few years? Get with it, this is the age of technology after all.
I am all for ghosting (within reason that is). At the beginning of any type of relationship, you don’t have any obligations to the other party, unless you have purposely led them on, in which case you are a dick #sorrynotsorry.
Anyway, ghosting is a modern-day relationship concept in which someone cuts off all ties with their romantic partner in order to break up with them and stop seeing them (talk about avoiding your feelings ay!). With a little help from relationship therapist, Michelle, we are going to find out the positives and negatives of ghosting and how you can break things off with someone without seeming like a dick (because nobody wants to be a dick). Now, I’m not bragging or anything but there have been a number of occasions where ghosting someone felt like my only option. Men I’ve met at bars whom I’ve made the mistake of giving my real number to, guys I was chatting to on tinder because I was bored that now want a date and of course, one night stands – I mean they’re called that for a reason right? This doesn’t mean that I ghost every person I meet but it has been something I have done on a number of occasions and do I feel bad about it? No. I actually don’t.
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Michelle believes that “If there are mutual feelings between the people involved, then I think ghosting is acceptable. But unless people start talking to one another they won’t know how the other person is feeling in the first place.” There is no reason to break up with someone that you aren’t actually in a relationship with, surely? If you attempt to do that, then likely chances are the other person will just laugh because they probably didn’t want a relationship anyway or think you are a fool for assuming what they want. However some people don’t agree with ghosting because of the importance of closure and self-growing. Michelle says, “Closure is very important for one’s personal growth, they will have a better understanding and a sense of closure when they know why someone doesn’t want to continue things with them. Everybody needs closure in order to be able to move on.” With this in mind, you need to start off by knowing exactly what
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WHEN TO GHOST: They insulted you or someone you care about without a reason or any remorse. You gotta ditch their (not so) sorry little ass. They don’t show much interest in you, or take too long to get back to you. If they don’t take time for you, then why should you explain to them you want to stop talking? You’re not getting what you want from them, after you’ve already explained what you want. Perhaps they keep asking for nudes and you don’t want to send nudes. They are clearly leading you on. Need I say anymore?
3. Be kind but stern. Unless this person has been a dick to you (in which case we’ve established that you can ghost them) then you should be kind during the break up. Let them down softly but be careful as to not get caught up in the guilt-relationship trap, where you are convinced to stay with someone because you feel bad. In my opinion, ghosting is okay. You don’t owe anyone anything when you’re at the early stages of dating so don’t worry and at the end of the day most people can feel when something isn’t working, so they probably won’t be too surprised when they don’t get a text back again. Just keep in mind that we should remember to treat people the way that we wish to be treated.
you want. Are you sure you want to end things with this person or do you just need things to change with them? If you are sure you want things to end then there are many ways in which we can communicate our feelings towards one another. 1. Be truthful with them. You don’t want to confuse the person you are ending things with, so don’t give them clichéd reasons for the split. If the real reason is that they aren’t a nice person, then tell them. It might help them be better in the future. 2. Choose the right moment. There’s never an ideal moment to break up with someone but you can certainly choose a time that make it easier for the both of you. Also you need to remember that this might be a shock to the other person and they may need time to talk things over.
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Words & illustrations: Alicia Paginton
LET’S MAKE COCKTAILS (on a budget)
The days are getting longer and the weather is getting warmer. You may be busting your ass in the office 9-5 or busy working at your crappy little summer job BUT remember as soon as you clock out, that time is all yours. With summer right around the corner, what better way to relax and refresh than to gather your friends together and make your own funky cocktails. Of course we’re going to show you how to get your money’s worth, as well as a few ways to add a funky little twist to each one. Now each of these pitchers will make around 2/3 drinks, so just grab some bigger jugs and double the ingredients if you want to make more and let’s be honest, you absolutely will!
Sex on the Beach
Vodka Sunset
We all love a bit of sex on the beach (oh and the drink is tasty too!). This drink reminds me of being sat with my pals in a shitty spoons garden with about 4 straws hanging out of my pitcher jug – because who needs a glass right?
This classic cocktail is not only cheap and easy to make (when you get the best deals) but it also tastes amazing. Imagine sitting there in your garden on a hot summers evening, watching the sunset as you sip on a drink that looks just as pretty.
Ingredients: 75ml vodka, 75ml peach schnapps, 240ml orange juice, 120ml cranberry juice, cranberries and 1 orange.
Ingredients: 150ml vodka, 75ml raspberry cordial, 275ml orange juice.
Method: 1. Measure out the vodka and peach schnapps, then pour them into a large jug filled with ice.
Method: 1. Fill the jug half way with ice. 2. Measure out the vodka and OJ and pour over the ice.
Ingredients: ½ a bottle of your finest bubbly (by finest I mean cheapest), 50ml vodka, 50ml raspberry cordial, 200ml pink lemonade and some frozen raspberries. Method: 1. Start by filling the pitcher just under half way with ice. 2. Pop in some of the frozen raspberries.
2. Next add the orange juice and cranberry juice.
3. Give it a little stir to mix the ingredients together.
3. Measure out and pour in the raspberry cordial and the vodka.
3. Give the pitcher a little stir to mix the ingredients but not too much so that you keep that cool gradient look.
4. Next add the raspberry cordial and watch as it sinks to the bottom like a beautiful alcoholic sunset.
4. Pour in about half the bottle of prosecco.
4. Garnish with a handful of cranberries and a couple of slices of orange.
For this one, you should absolutely be adding in the cheesiest cocktail sticks you can find. We recommend the paper sun umbrellas or the colourful foil sticks.
This cocktail needs one thing and one thing only to take it from fine to fabulous and that is GLITTER. Yes you can actually put glitter in cocktails, but make sure it is specifically
Try adding some colourful bendy straws to give it a funky twist and take you back to being in spoons drinking straight from the jug. Or be boring civilised and serve it up in a highball glass for your guests.
5. Top with some pink lemonade.
edible glitter!
Voila. Enjoy!
** REMEBER TO DRINK RESPONSIBLY**
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Lovely Bubbly
Now this cocktail is a real gem. It has a delightful fruity flavour, looks stunning and it contains prosecco, what more can you ask for?
Illustration: Rebecca Strickson @rebecca_strickson_illustration
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Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it! -Monica Geller
@bigkidzzine
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