’s CompliCat e d

Wemeet hundreds of people, each with their own identities. Many people go unnoticed as we go through our lives and focus on our own paths. This may be because there are many ways we unknowingly distract ourselves. Most of us, including myself, are consumed by our screens. They distract us while we are in class, while we walk, we have conversations with people that often go overlooked because we don’t give people our full attention. We immerse ourselves in influencers’ lives that we want to live, but as a result, we’re not actually living. Instead, we live a life of what-ifs. We set goals for future versions of ourselves rather than pressing play on the life we want.

We live our lives for an audience while hiding the genuine parts of ourselves. I’m guilty of this. Social media causes me to feel embarrassed or weird if I act a certain way that does not mold into the norm. Trying to imitate the people I see in the media because their life seems “cooler” than mine, causes me to act a certain way that gives a false representation of my personality. This pattern of imitation is a symptom of growing up in a technological era. We care more about who the Kardashians are dating or that Cody Ko finally got married, rather than caring about what is happening in our personal lives. This rolls over into how we treat platonic and intimate relationships. We allow negative social media habits to define what connections to pursue with others and what parts of our personalities they see. I’ve been applying this concept recently, and it’s brought many unexpected people into my life. By showing the people you meet your spunky, unique personalities, genuine connections are made. Being vulnerable has led me to the strongest friendships, where we have already made plans for numerous “The Summer I Turned Pretty” plots. Everyone has those connections with people where they feel like they’ve known them their whole life.

I recently found myself single. It has been hard for me to put myself out there and try to make new connections. I am nervous about how I’ll be perceived (I’m a big overthinker). However, I’ve started getting back into the groove of letting loose to make those vulnerable connections. You are going to be who you are; some people will not vibe with you, but many will. It’s a surreal experience when you are your true self with someone and they instantly match your energy; this feeling is unfathomable.

Life is fleeting; do not let the influence of others determine who should or should not make you happy. The phrase “living in the moment” is overused but never acted on. Living in the moment consists of making connections with that random person you met at a coffee shop, that boy you met at a rave, that person you saw in passing on the way to class whose smile brought you butterflies. Let’s press play on getting off our phones to exchange smiles and conversations with people we walk by on the streets. Look around you and live a life of gratitude for the beautiful human beings you connect with. Let’s lead with our emotions and energies in this social media age!

This generation has ingrained in our brains that situationships are ‘normal’ connections to pursue. Situationships as in casual hookups, or being stuck in a constant “talking stage” with someone you vibe with, but do not want labels with. Lust encapsulates us all. Let’s face it, we all have our horny tendencies and there’s nothing wrong with that. A random consensual hook-up is always exciting but there seems to be a common cycle of it going south when one side starts to let their emotions show. In relationships, platonic or intimate, emotions are what make the damn thing real.

But why do we let something so small as a ‘label’ determine what makes us happy? People avoid labels, especially on social media, because they create an added pressure that is not there without the title. Being seen as boyfriend and girlfriend can seem intimidating, but that’s only because we are worried about others’ perceptions of us. If we were to press play on our feelings and disregard the construct around labels, we may find it easier to be open to creating deeper connections.

We’re at a point in our lives when trying new things and seeing who makes us feel like our true versions of ourselves are necessary for our self-discovery. What is holding us back from making genuine relations with the people we want to? Real connections come to you with open arms, you just have to allow yourself to hug it back. Growth does not happen without exploring new directions and feeling uncomfortable. Let’s press play on dipping our toes in new, spontaneous waters to make the connections we’re meant to make; intimately and platonically.

Someone, right now, is out there waiting to have an authentic connection with you and it’s your turn to press play on searching for that with open arms. Alexa, queue “Someone New.”