Infant deaths by Alison Smith

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EASING THE ACHE

Cawley family awaits justice ALEX RIGGINS

ariggins@magicvalley.com

PAT SUTPHIN, TIMES-NEWS

Amanda Harris holds a picture of her son Michael on Feb. 2 at her parents’ Burley home. Born prematurely, Michael died shortly after birth. ‘You’ll never get over it, but you can recover,’ Harris says. ‘You can heal.’

There’s no joyful celebration for families of the 20 or 30 south-central Idaho babies each year who are stillborn or die shortly after birth. Instead, most hospitals offer infant-loss programs spearheaded by nurses and volunteers who understand these parents’ pain. They sew tiny clothing, make blankets and hats, paint memento boxes and help families take the first and last photos of their children. They offer compassion and the gift of a few precious hours. See the story on E1.

TWIN FALLS — Michael Anthony Southerland was 20 when he got the break of his life. After more than three years in jail and two trials in California’s Placer County, a jury acquitted him in March 2000 of the double murder of his stepfather and half brother. Southerland gasped and Southerland dropped his face to the defendant’s table as the verdict was read, the Sacramento Bee reported. The judge who tried the case barely hid his surprise. “I don’t know if justice has been done here today. I certainly hope it’s been done,” Judge Larry D. Gaddis told the courtroom, according to the Sacramento Bee. “Mr. Southerland, I think you received a very good job from your attorney, and I certainly hope the jury made the right decision.” It was clear that many observers thought Southerland got away with murder. Fifteen years to the month after his acquittal, Southerland was dating a woman named Lillian Ruth Cawley when, on March 12, 2015, her husband, Glenn Russell Please see CAWLEY, Page A4

Forum targets domestic violence TETONA DUNLAP

tdunlap@magicvalley.com

TWIN FALLS — Awareness is the first step to action. So this is your opportunity to have an honest conversation about sexual and domestic violence in the Magic Valley. The public is invited to the Times-News Community Forum on Domestic Violence from 7 to 9 p.m. on Tuesday at the theater at Marilyn’s Bar, 233 Fifth Ave. S. The event is a collaboration between the Times-News and the cast of “The Vagina Monologues.” Director Liyah Babayan said the forum is needed because there is a culture of silencing and shaming victims of sexual abuse and domestic violence in the Magic Valley. “We need to have an honest

Want to see the show? “The Vagina Monologues” is at 7 p.m. March 17 and at 2 p.m. and 7 p.m. March 18 at the College of Southern Idaho Fine Arts Center. Tickets are $15 for general admission and $10 for students and available at CSI, Ooh La La! and the Twin Falls Arts Council. conversation about the cycle of violence in our community,” Babayan said. “Beyond one forum, our leaders need to prioritize a task force to find solutions, programs and preventative resources to interrupt this cycle of violence, give the children a chance to break out of it.”

The forum will feature a roundtable discussion with local experts in domestic violence. Panelists are Lori Stewart, victim services coordinator at Twin Falls County Sheriff’s Office; Kristy Rasmusson, domestic violence court in 5th District; Lynda Brennen, Advocates Against Violence in Burley; Craig Kingsbury, Twin Falls Police Chief; Anne Tierne with St. Luke’s CARES; Karen McCarthy, an attorney with Idaho Legal Aid and Marisol Towell with Voices Against Violence women’s shelter. “Domestic violence is something that affects our entire community,” Stewart said. “We all lose when there is domestic violence.”

 If you do one thing: Magic Valley Gem Club will host its rock and gem show from

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Zachariah Mulberry rehearses the opening act for the Vagina Monologues on Thursday, February 25th at CSI.

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THE BIG STORY

Sunday, March 12, 2017 | E1

Sunday, March 12, 2017 | magicvalley.com | SECTION E

PAT SUTPHIN, TIMES-NEWS‌

Amanda Harris takes a moment to compose herself while talking Feb. 2 about the loss of her premature son. ‘I only got seven hours with him, and I will cherish those seven hours for the rest of my life,’ she says.

Perinatal deaths Perinatal deaths – stillbirths and deaths within the first six days of life – claim close to 200 in Idaho each year and more than 20 in south-central Idaho, which includes Blaine, Camas, Cassia, Gooding, Jerome, Lincoln, Minidoka and Twin Falls counties. Stillbirth is a spontaneous fetal death of 20 weeks gestation or more or with a weight of at least 12.35 ounces.

Idaho 250 200 150 100 50 0

2011

2012

2013

2014

2015

South-Central Idaho 40

30 PAT SUTPHIN, TIMES-NEWS‌

Amanda Harris of Paul talks about the loss of her premature son Feb. 2 at her parents’ home in Burley.

EASING THE

ACHE

Volunteers’ compassion helps grieving parents through infant death LAURIE WELCH

lwelch@magicvalley.com‌

BURLEY — Weak afternoon ‌ sun trickled through a window onto Amanda Harris as her thumb stroked the cool, slick glass of a photo frame cradled against her chest. The photo is of her tiny son. “This is all I have of him,” the Paul woman said. Photos, handand footprints, a minuscule diaper and a white gown adorned with a yellow duck. “These things are

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some of my most prized possessions.” Born much too soon — at 21 weeks’ gestation on Aug. 3, 2012 — Michael Allen did not survive. But he was real. He weighed 9 ounces. He was 10 inches long. He waved his hands at his mom when the doctor performed the last ultrasound screening. There’s no joyful celebration for families of the 20 or 30 south-central Idaho babies each

year who are stillborn or die shortly after birth. Instead, most hospitals offer infant-loss programs spearheaded by nurses, staffers and volunteers who understand these parents’ pain. They sew tiny clothing, make blankets and hats, paint memento boxes and help families take the first and last photos of their children. They offer compassion and the gift of a few precious hours. “I was able to have seven hours

2011

2012

2013

2014

2015

2015 breakdown 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0 Key (counties): Blaine

Cassia

Gooding

Jerome

Lincoln

Minidoka

Twin Falls

Source: 2015 Idaho Vital Statistics, published December 2016 by Idaho Department of Health and Welfare.

with him before the mortuary infant bodies that will wear them took him,” Harris said. “Eternity are fragile and can’t withstand a is not long enough to spend with lot of manipulation. your child, let alone seven hours.” “They don’t make any patterns for boys,” Peterson said, showA dress repurposed‌ ing the tiny tuxedo she styled. A miniature white gown with The vest would be finished with tiny beadwork lay atop Wendy buttons. A dapper bow tie would Peterson’s sewing workbench as complete the ensemble. she turned an infant boy’s outfit The luxurious material? Harris’ made from the same satin right- wedding dress. side out. After Harris lost her son, she The backs of the clothing would have Velcro closures, because the Please see ACHE, Page E2

MORE INSIDE: How to contribute to infant-loss programs at Magic Valley hospitals, E2

BIG STORY

E2 | Sunday, March 12, 2017

Times-News

PAT SUTPHIN, TIMES-NEWS‌

Joan Bennett of Magic Valley Decorative Artists paints a memory box Feb. 22 at the Episcopal church in Buhl. The boxes are given to families who lose babies at St. Luke’s Magic Valley Medical Center.

How to contribute to infant-loss programs at Magic Valley hospitals LAURIE WELCH

lwelch@magicvalley.com‌

‌Hospitals across south-central Idaho are trained to help families deal with a stillbirth or the death of an infant shortly after birth. Nurses, hospital volunteers and other community volunteers step up to help these families create special memories in the few hours they have.

St. Luke’s Magic Valley Medical Center‌ Infant-loss program: The “Daniel’s Gift” program includes nurses meeting with the family prior to delivery to help them understand what to expect. “We try to get the best nurse to walk them through this,” said Alisha Baithavong, mother-baby director. A picture of a leaf with a teardrop, on the room’s door, alerts staff that the family has experienced a loss. All staff members receive training, Baithavong said, including those who draw blood for lab work or deliver meal trays. Nurse Nancy Bowman volunteers her time to photograph the baby and family. Community volunteers make gowns and tiny hats so the baby can be dressed for the photos. Magic Valley artists make memory boxes for mementos. The staff presents a plaster cast of the baby’s foot and hand to the family. Social workers, counselors and clergy visit to give the family opportunities to talk through their grief

and offer other resources. Cards are signed by all staff members who cared for the family. After the family leaves the hospital, staffers make follow-up calls. The baby’s name is inscribed on the hospital’s “Serenity Gardens” mausoleum at Sunset Memorial Park, and memorial services are held there three times a year. The hospital just received a CuddleCot, a refrigerated bassinet that keeps the body cool to slow decomposition and allows parents to spend as much time with it as they need in the hospital room. “We put a lot of effort into supporting these families that are hit with this tragedy,” Baithavong said. To donate or volunteer: Call Laura Perkins, a staff member at St. Luke’s, at 208-814-3602. Needed: Tiny clothing items and blankets for early-gestation babies.

ily a memory box containing a tiny blanket, an angel bear and a bear or other stuffed toy for each sibling so they have something to hold. The box also holds nice-smelling lotions, and if staff members can obtain hand and footprint impressions, they are given to the family. Also in the box is a small disposable camera so parents or staff members can take photos of the baby. At times nurses can obtain a lock of hair for the family to keep. Nurses and volunteers make tiny outfits and blankets so the baby can be dressed, and the family may spend as much time with it as it wants. Hospital staffers make follow-up phone calls for a year. The hospital also offers grief counseling and clergy visits and holds a nondenominational memorial service each November. A grief support group is available. To donate or volunteer: Call Edgar at the birth center, 208677-6500. Needed: Small blankets for Cassia Regional Hospital‌ early-gestation babies; donaInfant-loss program: The tions for a CuddleCot. program’s “Bear Hug” concept encompasses all family mem- St. Luke’s Jerome bers, said Sally Edgar, the regis- Medical Center‌ tered nurse who oversees it. All staffers are trained to care for a Infant-loss program: The family who loses a baby, and a hospital works with internateddy bear emblem on the door tional service organization alerts them to the family’s loss. Teeny Tears, which supplies A nurse speaks with the family hats, diapers and tiny blankets prior to a stillbirth to help them to hospitals for families who lose understand how the labor may a baby. Community volunteers be different and what to expect. make hats and blankets. The hospital gives the famThe hospital provides a mem-

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“Telling the stories of people who have experienced the most difficult life circumstances is the most rewarding and challenging aspect of being a reporter,” Laurie Welch says. “The mothers in this story are remarkable in their willingness to lay bare such an intimate moment as the birth of a stillborn baby.”

donated the dress to Cassia Regional Hospital’s infant-loss program to be made into layettes for perinatal deaths. Nurses and volunteers eagerly took up the cause and began working on them. Harris’ donation snowballed — spurring others to donate their wedding dresses. Peterson, a registered nurse at Cassia Regional’s birth center, expects to get four outfits from Harris’ dress, mostly for boys and all with individual designs. “We don’t have any outfits for the boys,” she said. Peterson has experience sewing clothing — for her six children, then 12 grandchildren — but the clothing was never this

small. No one makes it this small, she said. And doll clothes aren’t really appropriate for a baby’s last outfit. Dolls in varying sizes sit against her windowsill to serve as fitting models. As she sews, her mind sometimes wanders to the little ones who will use them. “I think about the different families I’ve seen and how hard it was on them,” Peterson said. Society has come a long way in the past 60 years with acknowledging a family’s grief after the loss of a baby, Peterson said. Sometimes mothers didn’t get to see their babies after they died, let alone hold them. Now parents decide whether they want to see and hold the Please see ACHE, Page E3

PAT SUTPHIN, TIMES-NEWS‌

A layette for a stillborn baby sits on Wendy Peterson’s work desk Feb. 16 at her Burley home. ory box with a set of hand- and footprints. It also works with professional photographers affiliated with the nonprofit Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep — which pairs photographers with families — or staff members who can take photos of the baby and family. The photos are put into an envelope so parents can decide when they’re ready to look. “We realize that we all have different ways to mourn and we take our cues from the family,” said Vibecke Thompson, lead nurse of obstetrics and delivery. The family is given as much time with the baby as it needs. Social workers, counselors and clergy are available to help the family work through grief and offer other resources. To donate or volunteer: Call Thompson, 208-814-9784. Needed: Newborn to early-gestation clothing and blankets.

“There are so many talented people in the community,” Thompson said. “If someone has an idea on how to make this time more special for the family and help them remember their baby, we welcome that.”

St. Luke’s Wood River Medical Center‌ The hospital does not have a formal infant-loss program but provides the family with a memory box that contains an infant gown and a hand- and footprint kit. The hospital’s hospice team is called to offer support to the family, and grief counseling is available. The memory boxes are purchased by St. Luke’s Wood River Medical Center Volunteer Core Board. The hospital is not seeking volunteers or asking for donations.

PAT SUTPHIN, TIMES-NEWS‌

Amanda Harris says she was extremely thankful the Burley hospital had something to dress her premature son Michael in after he died. She recently donated her wedding dress so volunteers can make more layettes.

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BIG STORY

Times-News

PAT SUTPHIN, TIMES-NEWS‌

Dolls on Wendy Peterson’s work desk help her size the layettes she makes for premature babies.

Sunday, March 12, 2017 | E3

PAT SUTPHIN, TIMES-NEWS‌

A basket holds paints Feb. 22 as the Magic Valley Decorative Artists meet to paint memory boxes to be donated to St. Luke’s Magic Valley Medical Center.

PAT SUTPHIN, TIMES-NEWS‌

Wendy Peterson talks about the infant layettes she makes out of wedding gowns Feb. 16 at her home in Burley. The tiny clothing will be given to women who have stillbirths or lose infants. ‘I think about the different families I’ve seen and how hard it was on them,’ says Peterson, a registered nurse at Cassia Regional Hospital’s birth center.

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bodies and how much time they want to spend. And nurses make sure parents have photos and mementos for later, even if they think they don’t want to see the baby. Everything that can be done to soften this time for parents, Peterson said, is worth it. “It’s the hardest part of labor and delivery,” she said. “It’s mostly a happy place.”

A whirlwind of decisions‌

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Six years ago, Declo mother Kara Ramsey and her husband, Matt, lost Braxton Heward at five months’ gestation. A routine checkup showed no heartbeat. The loss catapulted Ramsey into the uncharted. Still reeling from the news, she and her husband were hit with questions about what they wanted to do after Braxton’s stillbirth. “I just felt like I was in a whirlwind, and I didn’t know the answers,” Ramsey said. When Braxton arrived looking pink and perfect, they were able to spend time with him before the mortuary took him. Nurses encourage parents to capture those moments after a stillbirth, said Sally Edgar, a registered nurse who oversees the infant-loss program at Cassia Regional. “We always encourage those things because you can’t go back afterwards.” The Ramseys buried their son in a small fiberglass casket, placed on top of his grandfather’s casket during a simple, sweet ceremony. “I felt such a sense of release,” Ramsey said. But her grief lingered. “I think it is the loneliest kind of grieving because nobody had bonded with the baby yet but me,” Ramsey said. Expectant mothers start making a connection with the being growing inside long be-

fore it becomes a reality for others. “I felt so lost and alone and kept asking myself, ‘Is this normal?’” As her grief lingered for years, Ramsey reached out to the hospital and spearheaded the grief support group that Harris eventually joined. “It’s a group that I would have never chosen for myself,” Ramsey said, the words heavy in her throat.

Little boy lost‌

Harris lost an ectopic pregnancy before losing Michael, so she and her husband, Joseph, were cautious about feeling joyful too soon. But after the 12-week mark, she allowed herself to feel excitement. “I thought I was fine and I was having a healthy baby,” Harris said. “I didn’t even know what a stillbirth was.” When Harris started bleeding and cramping, an ultrasound showed Michael moving and waving his fists. But an infection threatened Harris’ life, and she Patterns for layettes sit on Wendy Peterson’s work desk Feb. 16 at her Burley home. was told Michael had stopped growing at 18 weeks. The doctor said the baby would not live. Harris could still feel him moving, and in desperation the couple called other hospitals, only to hear the same grim message. “I still had hope,” she said. “I was preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.” A nurse who had experienced a stillbirth explained to the couple what their son would look like so they wouldn’t be shocked by his appearance and darkened skin. Soon, as Harris cleaned up she felt Michael’s tiny head — and then his body slipped into her waiting palm. “It’s something I cherish,” she said. “Other mothers are there to pick up their children and comfort them when they fall. The only time my son fell and needed me to Please see ACHE, Page E4

PAT SUTPHIN, TIMES-NEWS‌

Amanda Harris holds a handkerchief given to her by Cassia Regional Hospital at a remembrance program held each year. PAT SUTPHIN, TIMES-NEWS‌

BIG STORY

E4 | Sunday, March 12, 2017

Times-News

PAT SUTPHIN, TIMES-NEWS‌

This memory box will be donated to St. Luke’s Magic Valley Medical Center. Artist Shirley McCoy tries to put as much joy into the design as she can. ‘When (the parents) get over the stress of losing the baby, I want them to have something cheerful to look at,’ she says.

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catch him, I was there.” She saw a pulse on Michael, but the nurse told her it was only from the umbilical cord. Harris wasn’t so sure. “I was scared to touch him because his skin was so thin I thought it would tear,” she said. “I talked to him and told him I loved him and his heart stopped beating.” The nurse took Michael’s body and made impressions of his hands and feet. Many mothers plan what their babies will wear home from the hospital, but the Harris family had no clothing to fit this boy. “When they brought him back wearing the layette it was like there was a light around him,” Harris said. “He deserved to have something beautiful to wear.” The clothing helped her look at her child and come to terms with the death. The Harrises examined Michael’s hands and features, etching them into their hearts. The hospital gave them a tiny box holding a bear, a blanket and a camera, and they took photos during the hours they spent cradling and touching Michael’s body. “I don’t know the color of his eyes or who he looks like or who he would have been, but I do know what I have right here,” Harris said, touching the tiny clothing he wore. “It helps keep his memory alive and lets other people know him.” Afterward, she bought a bear to hug — to ease the ache in her empty arms — and a stuffed donkey for 10-year-old son Zane, who still sleeps with it. For months she couldn’t bear to go to a store because seeing baby clothes or hearing a crying infant caused waves of grief. Food tasted different, and colors seemed muted. “If you imagine the mess after an earthquake, that’s what I felt like inside,” she said. Though surrounded by supportive family, Harris felt isolated. “Maybe people tend to stay away because they just don’t know what to say,” she said. “I felt like he didn’t exist to the rest of the world.” Instead of comforting, well-meaning remarks often stung. “Don’t tell someone to move on or that they can have more children,” Harris said. “And don’t tell them at least you have this other child.” And don’t just turn your head away, she said. “Say my child’s name.”

Just listen‌

Grief after a loss like Harris’ is completely normal, said licensed professional counselor Jeanette Bern, owner of Aspenwood Counseling in Burley. “They were an active part of your life and part of everything you chose to do,” Bern said. Not only do parents lose the physical child, they lose their dream of that

PAT SUTPHIN, TIMES-NEWS‌

Sharie Freeman of Magic Valley Decorative Artists paints a memory box Feb. 22 at the Episcopal church in Buhl. child. “You lose that future,” she said. While spending time with the deceased child is right for some parents, Bern said, for others it could produce post-traumatic stress disorder. Hospitals with infant-loss programs must be cautious to make sure it’s the parents’ wishes. Grief after a baby’s death, like all grief, has no timetable and is cyclical. People move in and out of the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Grief, Bern said, can be triggered years later by the sight of another child. “Grief doesn’t ever really go away,” she said, “you just learn to cope with it.” After the loss of her son, Ramsey sought a day that felt normal only to discover it didn’t exist. “You have to find the new normal,” she said. If loved ones are dealing with grief, listen to them and validate their feelings, Bern said; hear their pain without judging them. Those searching for comfort after a child’s death should seek out a counselor or someone they don’t know well who is willing to sit and really listen. South-central Idaho hospitals also offer counseling and clergy visits to families who lose babies. The first time Harris attended a grief support group after her son’s death she felt angry that she even had a reason to be there. Over time, she realized the participants understood her loss through the windows of their own grief.

PAT SUTPHIN, TIMES-NEWS‌

Anita Clark of Magic Valley Decorative Artists paints a memory box Feb. 22 at the Episcopal church in Buhl. In a hospital’s birth center, the box will be given to grieving parents she may never meet. Harris wanted to do something in Michael’s memory. “I don’t want his memory,” she said, “to be just another sad story of a child lost.” In October she and her husband made baked goods, held a fundraiser and donated $450 to the hospital for purchasing stuffed bears for its memory boxes. And Healing moments‌ she donated the wedding dress Four years after losing her son, collecting dust in her closet. “Even though every story of loss is different I realized we are all grieving in our own way and it made me stronger,” she said. “When you experience the loss of a child you have to let it hurt, bleed. You have to experience the rawness of it, then you can be ready to heal.”

Harris hopes to continue raising money to purchase a CuddleCot to donate to the hospital. The refrigerated bassinet allows families to spend more time with a baby’s body. “I knew I wanted to help this program because they helped me, no questions asked,” Harris said. “Maybe I can help another mom whose heart is shattered in a million pieces.”

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