all my friends zine generation dreamer editor-in-chief abby waisler
editors katie pruden lina christopherson-jeong lili mckissen graphic designers katie pruden lina christopherson-jeong lili mckissen social media coordinator lili mckissen
contributors abby waisler lila capellano ava hausner alec ilstrup lillian rain pricer cassidy chen alex siegel louisa choi iayan dajani anastasia dale meg garrod nicola wiper anne noun mia caputo taylor wang birdie blaugrund nina tartibi tenzing apang claire richards oceon walker nyama amat daniela stahle odelia wu lauren ottley freya tate sanje james arleth pando grace sullivan sean keeney lauren ottley izzy mulley emily keegan-wolf arleth plando ollie tseng lina christopherson- laurel gardiner kari trail jeong sophia motameni kayla witmer sweet suezy from johanna sommer kristina maria cowtown katie pruden kalliopi magnis lili mckissen isabella vega page 1
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check an exploration in print. photos by izzy
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i like you
i hate that you’ll never realize how i feel,
like, a lot.
that you’ll never know the nights i spend awake,
i like everything about you
wondering if you think of me, too.
even the things you don’t like,
i hate that deep down i know the truth,
especially the things you don’t like.
that you’ll never think of me
the curves of your nose,
lol.
the slant of your lips when you smile,
that i’ll always be known as
your laugh when it gets really loud,
nothing more than your friend.
your eyes whenever your gaze rests silently on me,
i hate the aching feeling i get some days
your hands when you match them up to mine,
that i’ll never feel this way about anyone else,
that i’ll never find anyone like you,
the sweet scent of your neck when i hug you, that i’ll live my life out quiet and alone your hair when it’s wild around your face.
because of the one thing i couldn’t have.
i like when you fall asleep on my shoulder
that you’ll grow old and we’ll grow apart
on the train ride home
and i’ll spend my life wondering
the weight of your body, lanky and tall,
what could’ve been.
against my small frame
or simply couldn’t have.
but i never minded one bit.
i hate that you make me cry,
i like that you listen to me,
and i especially hate that you make me smile.
no matter what
and most of all,
even when i’m screaming
i hate that i’ll never be able to hate you
when i’m crying
no matter how much i wish i could.
when i’m talking to much
because maybe it would be easier that way.
or too little,
shit
you hear me better than anyone else
i didn’t mean to send that to u.
ever has
wrong person lol
or ever will. and that kinda scares me if i’m honest. but i hate you so much.
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photos and interview by freya
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W I
A M L
W I
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H
L MA
H
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the mechanical smile man Waking up, finally To warn the ones I’ve known and learned to know They are so blinded by a sun that they will never taste It is just as bright as the fluorescent bulbs hanging in a brown office As hot as the Easy Bake Oven we all wanted Incomparably ingenuine I stopped speaking and was called selfish But I’ve grown worried I never thought I’d see the day where I’d become as irritable as my mother As impatient as my father But i see something now That was transparent before Like an exhale that found cold glass They have lost their sense of knowing the difference Between scent and stench And it aches me to know how lured they are by strength By white teeth that rip up hearts when words slip out From underneath his tongue That I scratch walls to bleed out motivation Lick my lips for pure imagination And sink in my bathtub And choke on a plasmatic relaxation It’s all so bland now -sophia motameni
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i do not go to sleep to dream. photos by claire.
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a photo diary by oceon
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would you consider making films/photography your dream job? Being a filmmaker would definitely be my ideal job; what better way to live your life than do something you love to do? My interests have fluctuated a lot throughout my life so far, but storytelling has been a very constant thing for me in many different forms. I have found that film is the most accurate and satisfying storytelling device for the stories I am trying to tell, so I have stuck with it. I am lucky to be at a point of my life where I don’t have to worry about the financial struggle of the industry, but rather I can make anything that I want to make. Being able to continue to do my own thing while also making a living would obviously be ideal, so hopefully if I can continue to work hard, I can pave my way in the industry. There is nothing else I would rather do. abby: how long have you been making films for and why did you start? ella: I have been making films of some sort ever since my parents bought me a little camera at six years old. We lived in a place that we called “The Treehouse” because it really felt like one; it was practically in the middle of the woods (or so I thought as much woods as you can find in LA) My point is that there was not much to do, so this camera was like Christmas x11. My sister and I filmed everything from the trees to the bushes and snakes around my front porch, and eventually this turned into us making little stories with our stuffed animals, and eventually that turned into me filming my sister after writing my first script in a little notebook. This remained our main source of fun for many years, and finally I had the opportunity to join the film academy in my middle school. After learning more about what it actually took to make a movie, there was no turning back.
abby: who/what/where makes you feel inspired?
ella: With “Boogie Night or Die!” I really wanted to highlight the fact that fun times bring people together. When all the teens ella: I try and find inspiration from the at the dance are able to come together small situations and occurrences I see and let loose, it defeats the evil. That is throughout the day, and I also find a lot one thing that I have experienced so far of inspiration from my own life. The most in my high school years. It’s high school! important thing for me when writing a While most people don’t even remember screenplay is to simply pay attention! it, it only happens once. I aiming to have I imagine as if my eyes are a lens and fun and lighthearted teen years while my life is a movie. I closely watch relacontinuing to work hard towards my futionships, people, visuals; pretty much ture, but at the same time, it is okay to let anything that is going on in my life. loose and experience things that typical There is so much to notice if you really teens are meant to experience. It is okay pay attention, and every day I experito be cliche! ence something that could literally make a whole film. I always make sure and write everything down in my notes too so I can go back to it. I also try and make films about problems I am experiencing firsthand in order to help myself solve them. In terms of specifics, I always feel most creative when I am somewhere high up with a view; I am lucky to live in the hills so I can easily go on a walk, listen to music, and brainstorm. I can only write at night as well; that is my peak creative time. abby: your latest film,”Boogie Night or Die!” explores the dreamy/awkward/beautiful/wonderful traits of high school. does the film mirror your high school experience at all?
abby: you won a global film festival award for you film, “Bubblegum”! can you describe the feeling you had when you won? ella: I am so so happy that “Bubble Gum” has had so much success within festivals because the message in which it spreads is very important. Every time it gets into a festival or wins an award, it helps me remember that the reason I made it was to spread awareness and help people have something to relate to. Knowing that it is picking up traction and that people are seeing it and appreciating it means so much to me! “Bubble Gum” is my baby and it is the greatest thing ever for me to watch it continue to grow.
abby: if you could give a message to your past self, what you it be? ella: My biggest message to my past self would be to follow my gut when it comes to uncomfortable situations and potential opportunities. I have learned that most of the time, the things that you do not want to do are the things that are best for you. We like things to be easy, but the most growth comes out of pushing yourself. There were many times in which I chickened out of things - parties, events, interviews - anything that even made me somewhat uncomfortable. I just didn’t want to have to deal with it, even though I knew deep down that I should. Life works in a weird way; the smallest things have the biggest impacts if you go back and dissect them. I would tell my past self
p.s. a million thank yous to mia caputo for shooting ella <3
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sean keeney
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words by lila. art by meg.
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I close my eyes. It’s the middle of the night. I’m hardly awake, Yet I’m not dreaming. Looking at enchanted faces Passing through abandoned spaces Places that my mind has yet to know. Yet I do somehow. Premonitions of a past life, Maybe one day you and I Can run in the fields of blue and grey before the world will crumble to dismay. Great black skies await us Brand new times escape us It’s all a rocket trip away… I wonder if all can be worth it, Work and life and then back to it, I hope that I’ll stay awake to See a new dawn just await you As if nothing’s ever true ‘till it’s seen -isabella vega @bella.thoughts
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red frizzy hair streaked with black dye black leather jacket she wears so often I think every time I see her resting face is calm and so nice to look at but I can’t stare I dont’t want to get caught did she look at me that day? I couldn’t tell
always curious in these situations if the girl is like me and likes girls but left wondering 6/12/19 -lillian pricer
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LITERALLY THE COOLEST PEOPLE EVER: WILMAH story by lina. photos by alec. layout by abby.
A couple hours after school while furrow- questions. Identifying themselves as a pop ing my brows over Shakespeare’s usage band, Will O’Connor and Matt O’Connolly of greek mythology in Hamlet, Abby, my are two friends based in Buffalo, New York, editor-in-chief and the creator of All My taking on gigs in NYC bars and slowly but Friends, loosely texted our team group surely, the world. chat, asking if anyone would take on an interview on the band. I figured why not and After scrolling through their Instagram to texted back that I’d be down to take charge feed my Gen Z mind’s subconscious urge to make a judgement (don’t try to deny it), of the Wilmah piece. I couldn’t help but be drawn towards the band. Seemingly young and self-representImmediately, I had so many questions ed, their page is tattered with film photos, to start with. Who is Wilmah? What kind loosely layered t-shirts, and notes of lyrics of music do they make? Where are they based? And most of all, what does Wilmah that held intimacy within each syllable. There was something very organic and even mean? friendly about the lack of immaculateness And thank God for the internet. I could im- and intimidation that drew me even more mediately search up ‘wilmah’ on Instagram into the project and entirely immerse myself and find out almost all the answers to my into this project.
Will emailed back cheerfully to my response regarding the magazine’s interest. Showing enthusiasm in collaborating, he made me feel more confident and attached to the project to provide the band with all the creative assets I could find. I brought on Kalliopi Magnis, a talented NYC based filmmaker to film Wilmah’s next gig in Brooklyn and even connected with the band’s friend and photographer, Alec Ilstrup, for photos of their performance. After asking what Wilmah meant, Matt laughed and replied, “it’s just a combination of our names; Will plus Matt, equals Wilmah.” The growth of two friends is apparent. With a two year age gap, the duo has a similar futuristic vision for the band. “The dream for Wilmah … we want to be one of the most important bands of the next decade. I think that’s what we’re always shooting for; we want to make sure people hear what we have to say. We just have a lot to say and we have ideas in mind for the next couple years. I’m excited!” Curious in how to band originated from a high school band to a number of 2,000+ monthly listeners on Spotify, I delved into how the band got to where they are today. “We started writing songs together and putting them out under Wilmah and
You can learn more about the band at All My Friend’s video of Wilmah at @allmyfriendszine on Instagram or at www.allmyfriendszine.com. More of Wilmah is available on Instagram at @wilmahtheband. page 32
OPEN YOUR EYES OPEN YOUR EYES a film photographic series by Anne Noun about Generation Dreamer. First there’s Water. Which is like an image inside my mind, in which I know I can hide. To dive in. This is something I’ve learned, to survive. Going underwater even when there’s no water. So that’s what I do. I put the world on mute. My soundproof mind, I’m diving in and I’m going down to the bottom. I’m going. Just small stuff, just a few seconds, I never had a lot of breath. There’s still that moment when you touch the dust at the bottom, with your hand with your fingers in the sand, like moments go on, and you go back up to the surface following the gleam. This is the moment, this one moment, in which ideas shall be reached. It is only a moment, just one. Losing it, would be a disaster. Losing it, it’s like you’re out of breath, when you’re underwater, but you can’t go back up to the surface. So you breathe. Underwater, you breathe. But we cannot breathe beneath the water. Anyway, it looks like this is all a matter of breathing. Of pace. Of self-knowing. And to wonder how far you can go, down there, without dying. This is the moment right before artistic creation. Moments of thought, of seeking the truth. Your own, I mean. It is just the moment shortly before the creation, they call it inspiration, it’s within you. Within me. This is something that floods your heart, overwhelms your mind, destroys yourself. You’ve got to let it flow, you need to loosen up. The water all around. You’re soaked to the bone. Then you get back, you always come back. And then there is the Fire. Which is like that image inside my mind, like a room. “The sun comes and floods this empty room. I call it my room”. Something like a room of my heart. Where I can come back, whenever I want. It is the place where I come back. That’s what I call home. A place in my head, no doubts. There’s something you feel, that is excitement, the itch, the moment when you have to act, you have to do. You have to show, you need to tell, you get to live it, you make art of all you’ve achieved throughout your own death. You have to. You’re out of breath, the impetus is so intense, what you’re saying goes crazy. Will you do it? So is that what you’re gonna do? You can feel it in your shaking hands. You can feel it in your heart which is going to burst. Can you feel it? You keep trembling. Like after sex. This is the moment, just this one. When you know that fire (stolen from the gods) won’t last long, it won’t burn forever. You have to hurry. It’s time. Now you have to do. I have to do. So, now, open your eyes.
And there’s this amazing fire, it’s all on fire all around. That’s burning like a dance inside me. It’s the pleasure, absolute complete essential. Orgasm of the Creation. So, now, open your eyes.
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-dreams about falling: indicates a need to rethink a choice or direction in your life/a need to let yourself go more -dreams about being chased: there’s a situation in your life you’re trying to escape or avoid -dreams about losing your teeth: you are worried about your appearances/you feel an inability to communicate your thoughts or feelings -dreams about being naked in a crowd: something in your life is making you feel vulnerable or exposed to others -dreams about flying: feelings of freedom or free-spiritedness/indicate a need to escape from situations in reality -dreams about death: often reflect your anxieties about a change in your life/a fear of the unknown -dreams about falling in love: indicate a longing to find a love interest in your life -dreams about being late: a sign that you’re overwhelmed in your life by too many things at once -dreams about not being able to see: you feel something is being hidden from you/there’s something in your life you’re unable to understand -dreams about not being able to speak: you’re not making yourself heard in your life and you need to find your outer voice more
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major arcanas guide to 2020 by grace
The end of the decade is coming up soon. If you’re Gen Z, this means finally being aware of the beginning and ending of an era. If you’re into rituals and reflection as much as I am, starting a new ritual for the 2020’s might be up your alley. Using tarot to guide you through this era could be the best form of reflection. I’ve been studying tarot for about five years now, but I’ve only just started doing a full year spread. I drew thirteen cards in December and made some notes about the themes and patterns I might want to be aware of with each card. This past year, it’s been so helpful to have that to come back to when I’m confused or lost or need some direction. Here’s a handy guide on how to guide yourself through 2020 with your own deck: 1. Get yourself into a calm and connected state. Do some yoga, turn on some music, meditate, if you’re into ASMR that’s what I like to do, whatever tunes in your subconscious. Getting in touch with what goes on in the background of your mind will connect you deeper to your Higher Self.
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2. Start shuffling your deck. Surround yourself with positive energy, whatever that looks like for you. It could be crystals if you’re into that, a nice candle, comfy blanket, whatever will comfort you while drawing. This space will also serve for self care after all your notes and premonitions and written down. All of the projected thoughts ahead might drain you more than you think it will, so make sure you’re comfortable and prepared to pamper yourself.
3. Draw from the deck wherever you like and follow this pattern:
(As you can see, 2019 has had some rough spots for me lmao) There should be twelve cards laid out in a clock pattern and the final card should be drawn at the end and placed in the center for the year’s overall theme. 4. Make some notes about each card and what kind of energy comes with each month. Things you should look out for. I use Biddy Tarot online as my resource. I’m not as skilled as I want to be, so using this helps get the theme / general ideas about the cards, but your interpretation should come to you intuitively.
5. After you’ve written out your notes for thirteen cards, you’re going to feel overwhelmed. There might be some cards that look a little rough, but keep in mind that the year will ebb and flow as all years should. If you start to feel overwhelmed, remember you surround yourself with comforting things before you started. Now is the time to use them.
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6. As the months go on, turn to your notes. Revisit the card with the knowledge of the previous months and what path your life has taken since you drew them. The cards meaning will become clearer to you. In my own experience, the card’s guidance doesn’t manifest until the end of the month. I will have learned the lessons the card was teaching me by the time the next month rolls around. If you’re on your period around those times, you’re extra sensitive to the universe’s messages. Keep that in mind and draw upon that energy. As the year goes on, keep your notes and journal entries in the same place to keep everything organized. Then at the end of the year, you can look back through the year’s notes and reflect on how you felt, what you were up to, what you learned, how you’ve grown and changed. Having all these notes and keeping a journal or drawing in a sketchbook really helps to keep a record of your year! Remember that the cards are merely a guide to the potential energy of the month, and because you’re aware of it you have the power to change course and stay ahead of negative energy. As long as you’re keeping yourself grounded, mindful, and taking care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health you can stay tuned to the messages that are being communicated to you. You are powerful! Trust in your inner witch!
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words by lauren
photo by kayla
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photos by emily
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photos by nicola and emily
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by sweet suezy from cowtown
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photos by arleth playlist by ava
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stuck in ghost town photos by tenzing
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. . . A few nights ago I dreamt that I had one day to live. The specifics of why I was dying had not been disclosed but the situation appeared overwhelmingly fatal, as I spent the imaginary day riddled with a sense of indescribable dread. I never get nightmares. In fact, I have only counted four throughout my entire life. So whenever these unpleasant morning-afters have occurred, it has a deeply unsettling effect. I feel betrayed by my subconscious, as we usually have a pretty good deal worked out. Rarely am I able to remember the direct feelings I have in a dream in a tangible sense that almost cannot be separated from reality, but the other night I had this sense. I recalled how vividly the dream version of Johanna wanted to live. She couldn’t even figure out how to spend her last day as there was an immeasurable amount of things she wanted to experience again, or for the first time. In some ways, this is an encouraging thought. The thrill and pleasure of life is one that even the unconscious version of myself is still dedicated to pursuing.
words by johanna. art by mia. photo by emily.
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