Untitled Magazine - First Draft

TITLE

YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED

10 WAYS TO BE MORE CONFIDENT “I was terrified of the isolation” A STORY BY A TRANSGENDER

INDEX ISSUE 1 1

Letter from the Editor

2 “I’ve Learnt a lot about myself” - An Article on a Transgender’s 3 Advice - 10 Ways to be more self-confident 4 Your Questions Answered Reader’s Questions

6

2-5

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR HEY READERS!

Welcome to the first issue of, INSERT MAGAZINE NAME HERE. This is a unique magazine to what already exists.

There is a lack of magazines that appeal to those who do not find it necessary to conform to stereotypical gender, sexuality and ideas.

INSERT MAGAZINE NAME is here to support those of you who need it. We will run articles that you can relate to, answer your questions and give you advice often.

I am so happy that we could start up this magazine and we are looking forward to posting content that somewhat lacks in the market.

Ally Eastman, Creator of INSERT MAGAZINE NAME

This issue, we are featuring an article on Eli Elrick, an inspirational transgender teenager, who is an activist and ambassador in the community.

We are also giving you a top ten list of ways to become more self-confidence. Often, other magazines post about ways to improve your relationship with others etc. instead, we think it is important that you work on yourself. Self-confidence is something that anyone can always improve, whether they have too much or too little. I have struggled with being confident in my self since being a teenager. Sometimes, it is difficult to realise what you stand for, especially when you are growing up and learning more about yourself and the world around you. We hope that these tips inspire you!

We love helping people out, especially with answering questions that people would find difficult to submit to a mainstream magazine. We have already received a tonne via email and social media. Thank You for your submissions! We address some of those in this issue and will be answering as many as possible throughout the next ones.

So much work has gone in to starting INSERT MAGAZINE NAME. We hope that you are inspired by what we have created for you this issue.

Ally xx

An Inspiration Story of a Transgender; Eli Elrick

““Heshe!” “Shemale!” “It!” I missed classes and recess because I was scared of the name-calling and terrified of the isolation.”

Eli Erlick is an 18 year-old trans student from California. She is the executive director of Trans Student Equality Resources, a Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) National Advisory Council Member, and a former board member of the Coming Together to Make It Better conference and GLSEN student media ambassador. She is a Trans 100 and Refinery29 “30 Under 30″ honoree for her work in the community. You can follow Eli on Twitter at @eerlick

I remember explaining to Harmony, my best friend in third grade, that I was a girl:

“Harmony! We can have sleepovers now!”

“But you’re a boy!” she immediately retorted.

“Well, I’m a girl now.”

Harmony rolled her eyes and walked away, confused.

I always knew I was different from the other boys.

As a toddler, I cried when my hair was cut short. I preferred girls for friends, bright colors for clothes, and dolls for toys. When I was eight years old, I announced that I was a girl. Not only was I the first openly trans* youth in my county, I was the first openly trans* person.

My school and social life quickly deteriorated. I had a difficult time making friends. The boys didn’t like me because I was a girl, the girls didn’t like me because I was a boy, and for the few new friends that I could find, their parents refused to let me speak to them outside of school fearing I would taint their children with whatever was wrong with me.

“Heshe!” “Shemale!” “It!” I missed classes and recess because I was scared of the name-calling and terrified of the isolation.

Even the teachers encouraged the other children to tease me for my identity. I couldn’t comprehend why everybody singled me out and why no one would do anything about it.

I started to wear dresses and makeup to school every day. I’d pack clothing from the girl’s section in with my books to put on in the classroom when no one was looking. I knew if my parents caught me, I’d have to give them up. After weeks of making it clear I was a girl at school, my teacher gave my Mom and Dad a call.

Despite my protests, the three agreed that this would just end up a phase, and decided to send me to therapy to try and stop me from expressing my true gender. This didn’t work out exactly as they planned: instead of following the therapist’s instructions to look at myself in the mirror and say that I’m a boy, I stole my sister’s makeup and wore skirts.

My mom, a well-educated doctor, continued to research the topic of transgender children. Unfortunately, this was 2003. The only (seemingly) dependable research was from Kenneth J. Zucker, a self-proclaimed trans* “reparative” therapist. His methodologically flawed research purported that an incredibly low number of gender nonconforming children ended up transitioning. The distorted report affirmed my parents’ hope that I would change my mind about being a girl. They showed me the study and explained to me what it meant. For years, I tried to tell myself that this was a phase and I would get to live happily as a boy when I got older. Of course, that never happened. This fallacious research alongside the perpetual harassing and discrimination in school left me deeply questioning myself.

By age 10 I became quiet and fearful. My family jokingly referred to me as the “shadow child” because of how shy I had become. I stopped wearing skirts and dresses to school, sick of the teasing, which was as fundamentally attached to the clothes as the stitching. As much as I tried to educate the school, very few listened. I believed I was the only person in the world like this and something was wrong with me mentally, as my parents and teachers had been repeating to me. That year, I also had to quit my gymnastics class because the teacher refused to let me participate on the girl’s team after eliminating the co-ed group. For the final show, we received trophies. The girls had trophies with a woman gymnast on the top and the boys had trophies with men.

To my horror, my teacher decided to give me a male trophy, outing me to all the parents there that had looked at me as a girl.

The next two years I continued hiding and lying about myself. I was only able to live as a girl parttime. In English, we were learning about Latin roots. The rest of the seventh grade class was only half way through the book and I was bored out of my mind. One day, a particular word that caught my eye: trans – across, beyond, through. I wondered to myself, “Could transgender be a word?”

I quickly pulled out my iPod and looked it up. I thought I was being creative but in fact, the word meant something. I knew transitioning was possible but I didn’t know someone under the age of 40 could do it. Now I suddenly had access to thousands of incredible articles, research papers, and success stories. I smiled through the entire week, something rare at that point in my life.

I became fascinated with trans* people, wanting to someday become open about being one. The German trans* celebrity Kim Petras opened my mind to the idea of getting surgery before 18. As far as I could tell, she was the first in the world to have it done at that age. Influenced by the thought that no one would accept me completely as female until I had had surgery, I was determined to be the second.

Despite being enlightened on trans* issues, my junior high school life still wasn’t a happy period.

There was a large eighth grade graduation ceremony every year and the graduating students had to wear very gendered clothes and were separated on the stage by their gender. All this was in front of a crowd of a few hundred community members. I couldn’t go through with that. I had planned months ahead to leave an I Think I Might Be Transgender: Now What Do I Do? pamphlet on my parents’ bedside table before the ceremony. I hoped they would understand the message enough to spare me from going.

When the night of my plan finally came, I couldn’t sleep. I hoped to wake up in the morning to acceptance. Instead, they said nothing and I was too frightened to ask them about it.

The dreaded graduation ceremony finally rolled around. My heart beat with sorrow as I walked into the community center in men’s dress pants and a polo shirt.

“I

became fascinated with trans* people, wanting to someday become open about being one.”

“Eli you look so handsome! I guess you were a boy all along,” said a voice behind me. I didn’t want to turn around. Instead, I ran outside and cried. I could hear comments from teachers and family friends about my appearance. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I let my parents push me back inside. On the stage, I scooted my chair back, trying to conceal myself from the audience. I just closed my eyes and hoped the whole thing would end. Only after an hour of hiding behind my classmates could I finally leave. Some of my parents’ friends told them I should see a therapist. They didn’t realize what was really wrong. On our way back to the car, my frustrated dad asked, “Is this about you being transgender?” I looked away, ashamed.

However at this point in my life, my parents began to accept my gender identity. My mom told me she visited a Gender Spectrum conference the year before. She learned all about trans* children and care. She was ready to get me on puberty blockers or hormones. A few days after that discussion, I went into a Macy’s to get clothes. My mom instinctively took me to the boy’s section so I gave her a look and we both smiled. For the first time, I bought my first clothing from the girl’s section that was truly mine. I didn’t need to hide anymore: I could finally be myself.

The new school year went fast. I was noticeably happier and because of my now cheerful outlook, my community accepted me. They realized that letting me transition was the right thing to do and very few questioned it. The harassment lessened because the community I lived in now knew why I was so feminine as a boy.

The next summer I attended my first trans* conference. I met lots of incredible teens and families who had gone through similar struggles that I had faced. I realized that this was a community in which I belonged and I felt at home. After years of being alone, I could finally be myself around others like me. A few weeks later, right after my 15th birthday, I began taking estradiol and spironolactone (female hormones and male hormone blockers). I was lucky to have started puberty late: the effects of these medications are a lot stronger before puberty takes place. I continued to change my passport and other IDs throughout the year to the correct gender. I kept my name. I didn’t want to hide who I was. If someone asked, I would be proud to announce that I’m trans*.

“They realized that letting me transition was the right thing to do and very few questioned it.”

Over the next year, my confidence grew and I began to get more and more involved in the trans* community. I began educating teachers about trans* issues and started working with a trans* surgeon to receive gender confirmation surgery as a minor. By that fall, in 11th grade, I started a trans*-inclusive policy at my school that would have helped me while going through my town’s education system. It didn’t stop there. I then founded Trans Student Equality Resources with Chicago-based advocate Alex Sennello to end discrimination for all trans* students, I became a GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network) student media ambassador and National Advisory Council member, and I started presenting at queer conferences. I eventually underwent gender confirmation surgery and became the youngest person to go public about it in North America.

My parents went through changes of their own: my dad began speaking at trans* conferences and my mom now helps run a local PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) chapter. I am incredibly privileged and grateful to have accepting parents and access to supportive medical care.

My greatest hope is that my story can give trans* youth and their families the strength to grow and change together.

10 tips to become more Self-Confident

Read our Top 10 Tips to becoming more self-confident, today!

Self Confidence is an important part of your identity. Often,

people who feel different from others can suffer from lack of self-confidence. To overcome this, read our top 10 tips, to ensure that self-confidence will be yours!

1. Ask yourself: What’s the worst that 5. Awash yourself in positive memo-

could happen?

ries.

2. Use uplifting music.

6. Compare yourself to yourself. Not

It’s easy to get lost in a vague fear – or very improbable scenarios – of what might happen if you go through with something. When you really ask yourself what the worst thing that could happen you get a clearer picture, a bit of fear vanishes and you discover that the potential consequences are seldom as frightening as you first thought. By doing this you define the potential consequences and also discover that whatever the might happen you can manage and recover from it.

A classic. Use inspiring and motivating music to pump up yourself before leaving for a night out, before a big test or meeting, before anything that might make your confidence unstable. This works pretty well as a temporary state-booster.

It’s a common habit to let previous failures and bad experiences wash through your mind before you do something important. Replace that habit by actively letting positive memories, accomplishments and experiences wash through your mind for a minute or two instead. We often forget these positive things and our minds become focused on the negative memories. But this is up to you, you have a choice. And the product of your choice is a factor in your level of self confidence.

to others.

This will eliminate a lot of unnecessary pain in your life. The thing is if you pass one person then you’ll just find another person more successful than you. And your brief sense of being a winner will once again transform into anxiety and fear. Focus on yourself, not the other peoTry something new. ple around you, no matter if they are more or When you break out of your comfort zone and less successful. Compare yourself to yourself. try something you haven’t before you not only Improve yourself and see how you grow and challenge yourself. You expand your own limita- become a more successful, more confident and tions and your confidence in your own abilities, happier person. in how many things you can actually do. By trying something new on a continual basis you can also lessen your fears and live a life with less Good Posture barriers and limitations.

Similarly, the way a person carries herself tells a story. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self conCreate something. fidence. They aren’t enthusiastic about what Everyone is a creative person. But after childthey’re doing and they don’t consider themhood and the teenage years this is sometimes selves important. By practicing good posture, forgotten. Rediscovering your creativity is a you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand good way to improve your confidence in yourup straight, keep your head up, and make eye self. Creating something is a wonderful but not contact. You’ll make a positive impression on always easy experience. But when you’re done others and instantly feel more alert and empowyou not only feel good about yourself. Someered. times you discover new, previously unknown parts of yourself. Being creative is good a way CONTINUE -> to get to know yourself and your hidden capabilities.

3.

7.

4.

8. Speak up

During group discussions many people never speak up because they’re afraid that people will judge them for saying something stupid. This fear isn’t really justified. Generally, people are much more accepting than we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears. By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.

9. Think of things you’re good at

Everyone has strengths and talents, what are yours? Have a look at our fact sheet on strengths and work out how you can build on yours. Recognising what you’re good at and trying to build on those things can be a really valuable way of building confidence in your own abilities.

10. Set some goals

Set some goals and aim to achieve them. By proving to yourself that you can get stuff done, you’ll prove to yourself what you’re capable of achieving. They don’t have to be big goals; they can even be things like baking a cake or planning a night out with friends. Just little things that can be ticked off a list and help you gain self-confidence in your ability to get stuff done.

READER QUESTIONS - ANSWERED DEAR MAGAZINE, Q: I am unsure of how to announce to my family that I am bi-sexual. I dated a guy for two years and I have told my family that I have been casually dating again, they are just unaware that I have been dating both genders. I feel as though I have kept this a secret for too long. How should I tell them without it being too shocking?

A: Coming out to anyone can be difficult, but you should be proud that you are bi-sexual. It is great that you are ready to tell them, that part can be hard to decide on. The next step is just actually announcing it. Try not to make it too much of a big deal, because their reaction may be more shocking than you would expect. If dating or something related is mentioned, just slip in a line that you have been dating both genders. In the end, they should support your decisions, so do not feel too anxious to announce it to them.

DEAR MAGAZINE, Q: I am a lesbian and my partner and I have been together for a long time. We have recently started talking about adding a child to our family. We want to adopt a child, the problem is we don’t know much about homosexual couples adopting children in Australia. Do you have any advice on how we could follow through the process?

DEAR MAGAZINE, Q: Lately I have been struggling with depression and anxiety. I would love some tips on how to contain these struggles.

A: Suffering depression and anxiety can be a major struggle. It is not often recognised as a daily struggle, because it is internal and often we try to suppress our struggles around others. There are small changes you can make to improve these struggles, such as improving diet, increasing amount of exercise and increasing time reflecting with yourself/mediation. We will deliver an article, in further detail, on how to overcome these struggles in our next issue. Keep an eye out and stay strong in the meantime!

DEAR MAGAZINE, Q: I am very shy and quiet around others. I find it hard to start conversations and I am constantly scared of what people think of me. Please help!

A: Being shy and quiet is good and you should embrace that. Starting conversations with other people can be hard, depending on the social context.

If you are in a learning environment, such as a school or university, try and start conversations with others about what you are learning about. UltimateA: Congratulations on making that decision ly, being scared about what people - that is a big deal. There is some great think of you is a thing that takes time resources that give simple information of to work on. Step outside your comfort same sex couple adoption in Australia. zone a little and try not to over-analyse Follow: http://glrl.org.au/index.php/Rights/ what people say. The only person that Parenting/Adoption-and-parenting-orders is stopping you, is yourself. for helpful advice. Good luck!