Alpha News Dec 2010 by Alpha India

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alpha india news

ISSUE 4 | OCTOBER - DECEMBER 2010

NEWS IN BRIEF The Marriage Book: In this edition, excerpts from Nicky and Sila Lee’s book, designed to help you build a strong marriage relationship. P10. Changed Lives & Changed Churches: Heartening personal stories from across the nation, on how the Alpha Course has given people new hope through Jesus Christ. P4-5. Gujarat Special P6-7.

THE QUARTERLY NEWSPAPER OF ALPHA INDIA

TRANSFORMING

GUJARAT

Endorsement: The CNI Bishop of Gujarat encourages all Pastors and Church Leaders to use the Alpha Course. P6. Why Jesus? and Why Christmas?: Read an extract from Nicky Gumbel’s booklets on page 8. These booklets are great gifts for your Alpha Course guests, especially in the lead-up to Christmas. Prayer Points Please pray for the work of Alpha in India. P9. Festival of Life, Kolkata: Are you part of the Alpha follow-up teams? If not then call us today to find out how you can be! Financial Partnership We appreciate your financial partnership. If you are inspired to support Alpha India then please use the details below, or contact Thomas Mathew at the Alpha India Office. Alpha India Account: Account Number: 03532000005741 Name: Alpha India Bank: HDFC Bank Ltd. Branch: Kalyan Nagar, Bangalore Account Type: Current account

“The Alpha Course is very effective for the present generation... I highly recommend all Pastors and Leaders of the Church to take the Alpha Course seriously...” - CNI Bishop of Gujarat Pages 4-8: SPOTLIGHT on Gujarat, plus many encouraging stories of transformation from across the nation.

ALPHA NOTES

National Alpha Office contact details:

YOUR LETTERS

Alpha India 219, 5th A Main Road, Kalyan Nagar, HRBR 2nd Block, Bangalore - 560 043 Tel: 080 2542 0902 IDD: +91 80 2542 0902 Email: contact@alphaindia.org Web: www.alphaindia.org

Patron: Shri S. C. Jamir, the former Governor of Maharashtra

National Director: Mr J Varadaraj Board Members: Scott Norling, Chairman Chris Sadler, Alpha Asia Pacific Chairman J Varadaraj, National Director Dr A. F. Pinto, CEO of St. Xavier Group of Schools and Ryan International Schools Gul Kripalani, Managing Director of Pijikay Fr. Anthony D’Souza S.J. Director of the Xavier Institute of Leadership Amrit Kunder, Builder/Developer Noel Swaranjit Sen, Former Police Chief of Andhra Pradesh T. David Raj, Joyce Meyer Ministries, India Matthew Anthony, Secretary for Evangelisation, Archdiocese of Delhi

Church Advisory Board: Archbishop Vincent Concessao Bishop Rt. Rev. V. M. Malaviya Rev. Dr D. Mohan, Superintendant of AOG India

State Coordinators’ Contact details: Andhra Pradesh: Susheel K Chattar Mob: 098660-99184 Andhra Pradesh - Hindupur: Paul J L Mob: 094408-61979 Assam and Meghalaya: Ranjit De Mob: 094347-59794 Bihar: George Muller Mob: 094310-16124 Gujarat: D Jimmy Mob: 098254-44197 Himachal Pradesh: Rupak K Nayak Mob: 093189-02997 Kerala: Mon C George Mob: 094464-83577 Maharashtra - Mumbai: Bhanu & Sheena P Raju Mob: 093719-12887 Orissa: Tushar K Behera & Jayadeep Samantroy Mob: 093371-41600 Uttar Pradesh: Vinay P Dayal Mob: 093594-86843 West Bengal: Dilip and Kakali Debnath Mob: 098742-07760 West Bengal - Kolkata: Prabir Mondal Mob: 092368-57722 & 092318-62615

Smarojit Dasgupta of Kolkata writes, “I have been serving the Lord for ten years. I started a few Bible study groups for the people who are not steady in the Lord and found that they needed the right kind of teaching, counselling and advice. Initially I could not help much because I did not have any theological training and was praying that the Lord would give me some opportunities where I could train myself. After a few years suddenly I received an invitation from Mr. Prabir Mandal to attend the Alpha Training in the month of May, 2010. After attending the training I realised that it could be a wonderful tool for my ministry. I understood how the Word of God can be preached in a simple and friendly way. I started to apply it immediately in my ministry and this has started giving good results and at present around 50 people are attending the Alpha Course. I am sure many of them will accept the Lord in the coming days and God’s name will be glorified. Please continue to pray for my ministry.” Saved by Grace Ministry Keorapukur Mission, Dhalipara

Rev. Sanjeev of Kurnool, A.P writes, “After a church member and myself attended Alpha Training at Nandyal in the month of May, we started the Alpha Course at Gospadu village. I gave the talks and Adbutha Kumar was the small group leader of our course. I invited two couples (Subash & Lakshmi Devi, Alluvakonda Raju & Aadi Lakshmi) to participate in this course which I hoped would help them to know and understand our God (Christianity) because they were not attending church regularly. After the second talk ‘Why did Jesus Die’ these two couples came home and said ‘now we come to understand our God and we place our trust only in Him. Can you baptise us in water.’ I was amazed to see the change in them and when I observed the seriousness in them to take baptism, I conducted baptism classes for them and I baptised them a week later. They have now gone through the entire Alpha Course, and now they are coming regularly to church. Two families were added into the Church through the Alpha Course. We started the next course and also we started two more Alpha Courses in Yalluru Church from August in the Women’s Fellowship and in the Sunday school.” If you would like to contribute to Alpha India News then please do mail or email the National Office: Email: contact@alphaindia.org Postal address: Alpha India News C/o Alpha India National Office 219, 5th A Main Road Kalyan Nagar HRBR 2nd Block Bangalore - 560 043

ALPHA INDIA NEWS OCTOBER - DECEMBER 2010

editorial

A message from the National Director Dear friends, 1Cor 3:9 – 1. We are Gods fellow workers. This passage suggests that God is at work. God is doing both good work and great work. For all the bad news that we read I am assured to know that a lot of good news is happening around the world. Lives are being transformed in every section of society. Ps Ranjan of New Life Fellowship, Kochi told me that there were 12 baptisms during their first Alpha Course. He also mentioned that no other programme they ran has so far yielded 12 baptisms in one run. This is a sample. This issue carries many stories of lives being transformed through the Alpha Course. You will also see our special focus on Gujarat where, in so many different ways, God is at work, and Alpha is just one of the many things God is doing. The good news is for all groups to serve others and to bring healing. We are grateful to be God’s fellow workers. 2. You are God’s field. God intends a great harvest in His field as He is a great God. There is greatness in everything that God does; in creation, in redemption, in transformation. God brings prosperity to His field. A great harvest brings great joy to God like a farmer rejoices in his harvest. During the harvest time, there is a need for many workers.

We have started training Alpha Advisers to train churches and leaders to run the Alpha Course. The response has been overwhelming. In the city of Kolkata, we trained over 600 leaders in all the regions to enable a follow-up of Joyce Meyer Ministries. We want the local churches dium for new believers and we encourage to grow. This has been a great partnernew believers from the Alpha Course to ship. be a part of the local church or parish to become active participants in the local A partnership with the Bible Society of church. India has enabled us to give Bibles to those who come on the Alpha Course. God’s great harvest needs effective part- We have many events happening in the nerships of various churches and organi- next few weeks and we pray this Christmas season you will be able to share zations. We are fortunate to have many such partnerships. Partnership is the way God’s gift of His Son to someone you know. forward in bringing in the sheaves. 3. God’s building: Evangelisation is a process leading to the establishment of a disciple in the local church. It is a growing together experience. There are many good things happening in the church. However, even a ton of golden bricks will J Varadaraj October 2010 not make a temple. Therefore, evangelization is by the church, through the church and back to the church. Hence, Alpha works through the local church enabling and empowering the churches to bring in new members into the family of God. Local church is the culture me-

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from the field

ALPHA INDIA NEWS OCTOBER - DECEMBER 2010

ENCOURAGING NEWS I experienced loneliness and was so depressed... Whenever I went home I avoided Church. Devika in Shillong “Hello! My name is Devika Das. I really thank God for bringing me back to Himself through Alpha. I became a Christian about 12 years back. But because of my problems at home, I had to work in Assam, far away from my home-town. I was alone there. I had experienced loneliness and was so depressed. Slowly I stopped attending Church services. Whenever I went home to Shillong I avoided attending my Church. I can say I was backsliding from Jesus.

I was living a worldly life without caring about my soul. Rabi, aged 18, in Orissa “I, Mr. Rabi Barik of Bolangir District, was born and brought up in a Hindu family. I did not know anything about the Lord Jesus until I attended the Alpha Course in Padiabahal. I was worshipping many gods & goddesses especially our village deity. I was completely in the dark and I was living a worldly life without bothering about my soul. Then in April this year I was invited to the Alpha Course run in Padiabahal by the Pastor Rev. Sushanta Kumar. In my first meeting I was interested about Christianity and Jesus Christ. What attracted me most was the fellowship time and the freedom to ask questions.

One day my Pastor asked me to attend the Alpha Course. I did not know what this course would look like. I just said okay I will attend. So, I started attending the course. Slowly God started restoring me to Himself.

God is so good that He changed my life tremendously through the course. Now I’m restored to God and the Church! Praise God for loving me so much. Now I am on fire for the Lord once again and I’m part of the worship team and I’m handling the responsibility of leading the Sunday school. Now I am working in Shillong itself so that I can attend Church regularly and also work in the Church. I’m planning to do an Alpha Course with the youth soon! Glory to God!” Devika, Shillong

I was hopeless, restless and tired of this world. One day I decided to end my life by committing suicide... Chandran in Patna “I am Chandan Kumar, residing at Kankarbagh colony, Patna, a student of Bachelor of Arts in my second year. I live in this city alone while my parents stay in a village. I was very engaged with a lot of friends and had no time to think about God. My life was becoming worse day by day due to bad habits and I tried to escape from them but it was not possible. I was hopeless, restless and tired of this world. Finally one day I decided that I would end my life by committing suicide. At this point one of my neighbours invited me to attend an Alpha Course when the fourth talk “How can I be sure of my faith”? was on. This talk led me to rethink my beliefs and I changed direction from the wrong

As I continued and finished the course I realised that Jesus Christ, the Son of God is the Saviour and the Lord of all who believe in Him. I committed my life to Jesus Christ at the end of the course and received Him as my Lord and Saviour. Now I am a believer of the Lord Jesus Christ. I want to take water baptism soon. I thank God for the Alpha Course that showed me the way of salvation. Please pray for my family so that all will come to the Lord Jesus and be saved.”

path to the true path and gave my life to Jesus, and He became my best friend. Now I have joined a cell group to attend worship and know more about the living God. Please pray that I would do better in my examinations. Thanks.” Chandan, Patna

Mr. Rabi Barik, Balangir

ALPHA INDIA NEWS OCTOBER - DECEMBER 2010

from the field

FROM THE NATION. I found the true and Now I depend on Alpha bearing fruit in living God... I have Jesus Christ. Raju, Trivandrum, Kerala decided to follow the Kolkata Through the untiring efforts of one political party leader who became a Christian Lord Jesus till the “My name is Raju Roy. I am 18 years old through the Alpha Course, the Christian and I stay in Sukanta Park, Daspara, Kolfaith has been introduced to some of his end of my life. Vikash, kata. I came to know the Lord through the friends. The outcome: 8 people came to Alpha Course. faith in Jesus and a small, new Church Bihar has emerged! The Spirit of God is moving “My name is Vikash Yadav, and I live in a village called English Patam in Munger district. I come from a milk seller background. My village has a lot of govern-

Earlier I did not know about the Lord Jesus Christ but now I know Him as my personal Saviour. He came to this earth for all mankind and He took their sins upon Himself and died on the cross so that we can have eternal life. I got to know about this after I joined the Alpha Course. Now when I go through problems I depend on my Lord Jesus Christ. Every week I attend Cell-Church. I love my Lord.” Raju Roy, Kolkata

Changed Church: Youth Alpha in Shillong. By Rev. Subhas Lyngdoh ment employees, so I also decided that I would join the army. I wrote the entrance exam to get the job, but did not succeed, and due to this failure and depression I became an atheist. Nearby my home one small prayer meeting was going on. I thought, ‘let me go and find out what is happening there.’ So, I visited this particular house, and there was an Alpha Course running there. I tried to escape from there but the host welcomed me and asked me to have some snacks and coffee and then go. Afterwards there was a talk and discussion. Finally I loved their fellowship and behaviour. I gradually completed this course and I found the true and living God and surrendered my life to Him. Now I read the Bible and pray and I have decided to follow the Lord Jesus till the end of my life.”

“We really thank God for bringing Alpha to our Church in the year 2008. As a Church we conducted the Youth Alpha Course with 15 young people. Out of this 15 young people who attended, seven have made a decision and accepted Jesus Christ. They all had water baptism

in an amazing way. - Coordinator.

Changed Church in Orissa “I, Pastor Sushanta Lima from Village Badapada, after attending Alpha Training, started the Alpha Course in our Church. I soon noticed changes in our Church, especially how the Alpha small group has had an impact on the youths and encouraged them to take active part in Church activities. After the first Alpha Course, the young girls in the Church have started an Alpha Course only for the girls, in which they are bringing their non-believing friends to attend the course. It is a blessing for our church to be a part of this Alpha movement and to thereby win souls.”

SNIPPETS: • in March 2010 and are now added to the Church. All of them are attending Church regularly. •

Vikash, Munger

We really thank God for this growth. Now I am encouraging other Churches in Shillong to run the Alpha Course, since it’s a powerful tool in bringing people to Christ and the church grows through it. This year we are going to have another Youth Alpha Course in our Church, this time it would be in English. We have already got about ten young people for this batch.”

•

Alpha Advisers meet - Alpha Advisers in Karnataka, Kerala and Gujurat trained to run a 1-day Alpha Course training for the local Churches in their state/region. Methodist Church in AP - Rev M.V Christy, Bishop of Methodist Church, Andhra Pradesh, along with the district superintendents attended an Alpha Introduction and have decided to organise a 4-day training for about 150 leaders. GAT - Global Alpha Teams from Australia and UK trained pastors and Church leaders from Sikkim, Jharkhand, Assam, Punjab and Nepal.

special focus - the Alp

TRANSFORMI

“The Alpha Course is the best tool for evangelism catering to the need of various age groups, which inclu a rapidly changing society - to help them face various issues and challenges in the world today. Therefore to use the Alpha Course to help people grow spiritually.” - Rt. Rev. V.M.Malaviya, Bishop of Gujarat velop, so that they can encourage other Churches in their local communities • That the Alpha Course would become a top priority of every Church as a key evangelism tool. What follows are encouraging stories from Churches, organisations and individuals from Gujarat. If you are inspired by these stories and would like to use the Alpha course in Gujarat or in your state, then please contact your State Coordinator, listed on page 2.

Introduction Jimmy Harshkant is the Alpha Coordinator for the state of Gujarat, in Northern India. He is an engineer by training and is married to Suhasini. They have a baby boy named Joshua. In 2006, while working for My Hope India, Jimmy started praying about an opportunity to join the Alpha India team. In August 2006 he was employed as the new Alpha State Coordinator for Gujarat - a position he has worked in faithfully since. “Initially I shared the vision of Alpha to some of my prayer partners and friends,” says Jimmy, “and we started to pray for the growth of Alpha in Gujarat. Since then the work of Alpha here has started to flow.” Each month Jimmy and state advisers conduct two to three training events for Churches, plus introductory sessions and meetings with Church leaders. Today Jimmy has strong relationships with many of the Churches in his state, and courses have started in more than 275 locations. Good partnerships have been developed with the Church of North India, O.M India, The Methodist Church, The Shalom Diocese, Wesleyan Churches, Alliance Churches, The Salvation Army, Pentecostal Churches and many independent Churches.

Vision Jimmy’s vision for Gujarat is • To make every Pastor and Leader aware of the vision and work of the Alpha Course • For the Alpha Course to start in all Churches in Gujarat • For more Resource Churches to de-

A transformed CNI Church in Raikhad I am Rev. Emmanuel Christy, a Pastor of CNI Church Raikhad consisting of more than 500 families. We have used the Alpha Course for the last two years, and since we started we have completed 5 batches with more than 100 people participating in them.

Mr. Sudhir Christian - “I have decided to evangelise individuals by sharing the gospel with them like Andrew. It does not matter if I cannot preach like Peter. Where ever I go I will share the Gospel and bring people to Christ.”

Stories from O.M by Gideon and Sharmila Peter Gideon and Sharmila Peter serve the Lord with Operation Mobilisation India. They have been using the Alpha Course in their schools for a number of years now, and the following testimonies from them are very exciting.

It was a life changing experience for all the participants and many of them committed their lives to the Lord for the first time; many re-dedicated their lives and those who were nominal Christians took decisions to accelerate the evangelistic work. The testimonies of these people were so challenging that other members of the congregation have now come forward to enrol themselves for the next Alpha Course: Mr. Navneetbhai Deepak - “It was the first time in my life I was led to study God’s Word systematically and this happened in the Alpha Course. It has created a great interest in me to study the Word of God. So I have decided even after the Alpha Course is completed I will study the Bible regularly.” Rajnikantbhai Christian - “I have dedicated my life to Jesus and decided to serve the Lord. I hold the post of secretary in the Church and I can testify that this course has brought blessing to the congregation and we feel excited and revived to carry the cause of evangelism.” Sneha Ashish Christian - “As a person I had an angry nature and as I started attending Alpha Course the Lord has transformed me and I have committed my life to Jesus. Now I live my life according to God’s will.

“It has been our pleasure and privilege to know about Alpha. We are working with Operation Mobilisation India and are responsible for the Education Development of people from low backgrounds and those who do not have privilege to have better education due to the caste system, poor income and other such reasons. Therefore to educate, develop and transform this community we have over 100 English Medium Schools all over India from which five are in Gujarat, for which we are responsible. We hope you will be encouraged by the following testimonies

pha course in gujarat

ING GUJARAT

udes children, youths and families too. The Alpha Course is very effective for the present generation, in e I highly recommend all the pastors and leaders of the Church to take the Alpha Course seriously and t from The Ark Family Ministries, and from some of the teachers and parents in our schools, where the Alpha Course has been conducted.” - Gideon and Sharmila

Alpha amongst HIV Women - “I want to forgive my family for all they have done to me” SHARMILA: “The Ark Family Ministries of India started the HIV project here in 2008. Almost 35 women were coming every month to receive financial aid under

the line we also distributed Bibles in Gujarati and in Hindi and encouraged them to read the same. After the Global Alpha Training in 2009, Gideon and I initiated the Alpha Course for these women. The Alpha Course helped us to help them understand that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life and that they could pray to Him and Him alone and He does answer our prayers. As these women have hardly completed their primary education, it is a big challenge to help them understand the Alpha Course. We have been very slow and patient with them and every time we come together we help them to understand Jesus a little more. There are many questions in the minds of these women. Because of the stigma attached to HIV they have to suffer in society and face hardships in their own families as well. This has filled their hearts with bitterness, anger and hatred and in this context the small group discussion part of the Alpha Course have been therapeutic for these women for they are able to bring out all that which was buried in their hearts. A time came when at least one of these women stood up and said, “I want to forgive my family for all that they have done to me”. This is the kind of transformation we are anticipating. Being Christ like is what we aim at in this journey of ours.”

When my blood investigation was done I was diagnosed with HIV. This came as a big shock to me and to my parents. I was shattered when my child was also diagnosed with HIV. I had no hope and did not know where to go. My parents and my brothers stood by me and till today they have been a strong support for both me and my daughter. When I was under medication for T.B. and HIV, I was introduced to a Christian NGO and through them I came in contact with sister Sharmila and the Alpha Course. When I joined the Alpha Course my CD 4 count was only 65. And I was very much depressed and had no hope at all in my life. But when I heard Jesus gives hope and life, I was anxious to know more about Him and then when they gave us the Bible I started to read it. Though I don’t understand everything, one thing I could understand so far is that whenever I pray to Jesus, He answers my prayers. I still have questions and have to understand so many things, but one thing I can surely say is that life seems brighter and happier ever since. Today my daughter is also doing well and she also says that she is the daughter of Jesus Christ. Please pray for me as I have to keep my faith secret from my family because it will bring some more trouble for me and my family.”

O.M. Teachers do AlI was diagnosed HIV pha in Porbandar Positive... I was very Regina Nehemiah. School Principal - “The depressed and had Alpha Course was very useful to me. I could have a detailed study and discussion on no hope in my life... the Holy Spirit, the Trinity, Relationship with the project. As the women were coming together every month a need arose to educate and empower them not just in financial upliftment but also to bring an awareness of the disease and how they can be equipped to fight it. I was invited to speak to them initially regarding HIV-AIDS and precaution and prevention of the same. We started talking to them about the love of Jesus and what made us love them so much. Slowly we shared Bible stories and encouraged them from the biblical women characters. Along

“My name is Suleeka Wodirosa and I am 30 years old. I have a nine year old daughter who is studying in an English medium school here in Ahmedabad (Gujarat). When I was pregnant with my daughter, my husband and his family threw me out of their home and I came back to my parents. My husband and his family used to physically torture me. At times it seemed that my life was in danger. I thought of committing suicide but because I was already carrying my child I could not do it. After my daughter was born, I became very sick and the doctor said that I have T.B.

God, Co- workers, Solutions to problems, How to pray etc. It was the turning point of my views. I had transport problems to come and attend the meetings but in spite of these hurdles I attended all the sessions.” Valvi Kalpana - “I am very much grateful for this Alpha Course because I can see changes in my life after this course. I did not know much about the Holy Spirit but now I experienced the Holy Spirit in my life. I feel that the presence of God is always with me in every circumstance of my life. I praise God for everything.”

resource feature

ALPHA INDIA NEWS OCTOBER - DECEMBER 2010

CHRISTMAS GIFTS FOR YOUR ALPHA GUESTS WHY CHRISTMAS & WHY JESUS BY NICKY GUMBEL a) He satisfies our hunger for meaning and purpose in life

Why Jesus and Why Christmas are short booklets written to point people to Jesus Christ. Many Alpha Courses across India give Why Jesus to their guests after the Introduction Dinner, and this encourages people to think about the Christian faith and come back for the subsequent weeks. Both booklets can be purchased from the Alpha India National Office for only Rs. 10 each. You can also read the whole booklet online for FREE at www.alphaindia.org! EXCERPTS: “You and I were created to live in a relationship with God. Until we find that relationship there will always be something missing in our lives. As a result, we are often aware of a gap. One rock singer described it by saying: ‘I’ve got an emptiness deep inside.’ A woman, in a letter to me, wrote of ‘a deep deep void’. Another young girl spoke of ‘a chunk missing in her soul’... ...According to the New Testament, the reason for this emptiness is that men and women have turned their backs on God. Jesus said, ‘I am the bread of life’ (John 6:35). He is the only one who can satisfy our deepest hunger because He is the one who makes it possible for our relationship with God to be restored.

At some point everyone asks the question, ‘What am I doing on earth?’ or, ‘What is the point of life?’ or, ‘Is there any purpose to life?’. As Albert Camus once said, ‘Man cannot live without meaning.’ Until we are living in a relationship with God we will never find the true meaning and purpose of life. Other things may provide passing satisfaction but it does not last. Only in a relationship with our Creator do we find the true meaning and purpose of our lives.

b) He satisfies our hunger for life beyond death Before I was a Christian I did not like to think about the subject of death. My own death seemed a long way in the future. I did not know what would happen and I did not want to think about it. I was failing to face up to reality. The fact is that we will all die. Yet God has ‘set eternity in the human heart’ (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Most people do not want to die. We long to survive beyond death. Only in Jesus Christ do we find eternal life. For our relationship with God, which starts now, survives death and goes on into eternity.

c) He satisfies our hunger for forgiveness If we are honest, we would have to admit that we all do things that we know are wrong. Sometimes we do things of which we are deeply ashamed. More than that, there is a self-centredness about our lives which spoils them. Jesus said, ‘What comes out of you is what makes you “unclean”. For

from within, out of your hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make you “unclean”’ (Mark 7:20-23). Our greatest need, in fact, is for forgiveness. Just as someone who has cancer needs a doctor whether they realise it or not, so we need forgiveness whether we realise it or not. Just as with cancer, those who recognise their need are far better off than those who are lulled into a false sense of security. By His death on the cross Jesus made it possible for us to be forgiven and brought back into a relationship with God. In this way He supplied the answer to our deepest need.

ALPHA INDIA NEWS OCTOBER - DECEMBER 2010

tmpc and prayer points

The Marriage Preparation Course A new tool to strengthen the relationships of Church members and your local community

What is The Marriage Preparation Course? If you’re like most people you prepare and plan for many things in life: education, career, retirement and holidays. And most couples spend up to 250 hours planning their wedding, but very little time, if any, planning for married life. There are many things you can do to begin building a lifelong, happy marriage. Investing in your relationship before you are married will reap rewards for many years to come. The Marriage Preparation Course can help you develop strong foundations for a lasting marriage. The Marriage Preparation course is run by Nicky and Sila Lee, who have been married for over 30 years and speak regularly on relationships and marriage preparation. They are co-authors of The Marriage Book. While based on Christian principles, the course is relevant and helpful for any couple with or without a Christian faith or Church background. You do not need to be getting married in a Church to come on the course. The Marriage Preparation Course talks are presented in one of two ways: Either DVD talks featuring Nicky and Sila Lee, the creators of the course, or live talks, delivered by the course leader. Over five sessions, course participants will learn, • the importance of commitment • how to recognise and appreciate your differences • the art of communication • resolving conflict • the importance of spending time together and nurturing your friendship • making each other feel loved • developing a good sexual relationship • the importance of talking about your goals, values and dreams

Session Topics: 1. Communication. This session helps couples see how important effective communication is for a strong marriage and how communication is affected by personality, family background and circumstances. Couples look at what it means to talk about their feelings and they practise listening to each other. 2. Commitment. Commitment lies at the heart of the marriage covenant and is re-

flected in the marriage service vows. In this session couples consider the meaning of these vows and then look at how to live out this commitment through making quality time for each other on a regular basis and separating appropriately from their parents. 3. Resolving Conflict. Conflict can either destroy a marriage or, if handled well, strengthen it. Couples consider how to handle anger, appreciate their differences, look for solutions together and practice forgiveness. Organising finances, a primary cause of conflict in marriage is also addressed. 4. Keeping Love Alive. This session looks at how love must be deliberately nurtured in a marriage through couples nurturing their friendship, discovering how the other feels loved and developing their sexual relationship. 5. Shared Goals and Values. While appreciating their differences, couples need to agree on their goals and core values. In this session couples have the opportunity to discuss their priorities for the future, the roles they expect to fulfil and the building of spiritual togetherness.

The Marriage Preparation Course will soon be available in India. If you are interested to use the course, please email contact@alphaindia.org

Please pray for Alpha in India PRAY THAT: •

All Alpha trainings should lead into courses eventually bringing people into the Kingdom of God.

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Each leader should be handpicked.

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Every concept should be clearly communicated and time for questions and answers be given.

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For God’s guidance, protection and health of the Alpha staff and coordinators.

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That God will give us His heart, His priorities, His timetable, His wisdom, His anointing. That we may perfectly fulfill God’s agenda and not try to get Him to fulfill our agenda. That in everything we be led by God.

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God will powerfully impact the hearts and lives of those attending the Alpha Course.

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For all the upcoming events, for new partnership and for new coordinators.

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For the follow up of the trainings.

PRAISE GOD FOR: •

We praise the Lord for the divine connections and many churches and pastors involvement in Alpha work.

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We are thankful for the network of Alpha Advisers, Regional Teams and Resource Churches working together to impact their local communities.

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We thank God that He is opening doors like never before.

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A blessed last year with its many challenges but even more for the opportunities to see that God carries us through every situation.

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For opportunities to run many ‘Classic’ GAT events and one Youth Alpha GAT event during 2010.

resource feature

ALPHA INDIA NEWS OCTOBER - DECEMBER 2010

the marriage book how to build a lasting relationship - By Nicky & Sila Lee

Nicky and Sila Lee have been married for over thirty years and have four children. They are on the staff of Holy Trinity Brompton - the London Church where the Alpha Course was pioneered. Nicky and Sila have spoken to thousands on the subject of marriage and are the pioneers of The Marriage Course. The following extract is taken from Chapter 8 of The Marriage Book, titled ‘Appreciating our Differences’

Nicky: I remember vividly as a seven-year-

old practising the three-legged race for our school sports day. For several weeks before the event I went round with my left leg tied with a red handkerchief to my friend’s right leg. To start with it was agony. Our strides were different lengths; we kept forgetting which leg we had agreed to start with; we fell over on the tarmac; the handkerchief chaffed our ankles and we had several heated arguments. However, by sports day we could run almost as fast tied together as we could on our own. And we won the race! Marriage is a bit like doing a three-legged race and it would be surprising if at times we would not prefer to be running on our own. According to Paul Tournier, author of Marriage Difficulties, ‘Disagreements are entirely normal. As a matter of fact, they are a good thing. Those who make a success of their marriage are those who tackle their problems together and who overcome them.’ A survey of the principal causes for arguments between British couples revealed that money came top, followed by personal habits (particularly untidiness), children, housework, sex, parents and friends. The Times newspaper, reporting on the survey two days before Valentine’s Day, said, ‘The most common form of argument is a blazing row followed by a total lack of communication …’ In one marriage counsellor’s view: ‘The way a couple handles its arguments is the single most important key indicator of whether their relationship will succeed or not.’ Marriage involves two people with different backgrounds, personalities, desires, views and priorities being joined together in the most intimate relationship possible

for the rest of their lives. Added to this is the inherent selfishness of human nature: the desire to have it my way, to maintain my rights, to endorse my opinions, to pursue my interests. One woman who had been married for six months commented that she had been more surprised in her marriage by the things she had learnt about herself than about her husband: ‘It was like having a mirror held up in front of my face and I saw how selfish I really was.’ For all the joys of marital intimacy, our freedom to do just what we want is seriously curtailed.

Sila: I vividly recall one argument between

us. Our first child was six months old, we were living in Japan and a bachelor friend who lived two hundred miles away invited us to stay for the weekend. He was a great entertainer with boundless energy and whenever we went to stay for the weekend he would arrange breakfast parties, invite friends over for midmorning coffee, and then host lunch, tea and dinner parties! On the Wednesday before we were due to go I expressed my anxiety about the weekend because I felt exhausted from looking after a six-month-old, and anticipated that a weekend socialising with our daughter on show might finish me off. Nicky was adamant. Having accepted the invitation and knowing that a number of parties would have been arranged around us, we had to go. We both felt our particular point of view very strongly. When I had failed to convince Nicky with my words and he did not seem to appreciate how tired I was, I saw red. Unfortunately for Nicky it happened to be the Japanese season for apples and we had just bought a large box of them. They were arranged in a pyramid in a basket and, starting at the top, I proceeded to hurl these apples at him one by one across the room. He managed to escape serious injury by ducking down behind the sofa until the basket was empty. I’m glad to say these are the only objects I have ever thrown at Nicky, although I can all too easily hurl words when I get angry. The conclusion to the story follows later in the section. Disagreement and conflict either build or destroy a marriage. When a husband and wife are determined to get their own way and to do all they can to change the other to their way of thinking, the result is usually a type of trench warfare. We dig in to defend our own position, protecting ourselves by keeping the other at bay and occasionally launching an offensive. One of us may seem to win the odd skirmish but really we have both lost as there are a hundred yards of no man’s land between us, full of barbed wire and barbed comments, unexploded bombs and unre-

solved issues. Conflict has destroyed our intimacy. Disagreements can, however, lead to growth when both partners are prepared to tackle them together. The resolution may, of course, require us to change profoundly. The three-legged race means both partners adapting their strides to the other. The church reformer, Martin Luther, observed that there were two ways of becoming less selfish and more like Jesus Christ. The first was to enter a monastery; the second to embark upon marriage! What follows is the first step towards resolving conflict effectively.

Recognising our differences

Uniqueness makes for conflict but it also makes for excitement and colour. If we had the same views on everything, marriage would be dull. It is about teamwork. And in the most effective teams, people contribute their different gifts, temperaments and insights for the benefit of everybody. A football team is ineffective if all eleven players are defenders. A business will not operate successfully if every member is a visionary and nobody is interested in working out the details. In the last section we looked at one common difference: the way each of us feels loved. There will be many other differences in our approach to life, particularly as opposites are often attracted to each other. Unconsciously we are drawn towards someone who makes us feel complete – who has the qualities we lack. Typically, at the start of our relationship we accommodate ourselves to each other. Many couples are not even aware of their fundamental differences. Infatuation causes us to be highly tolerant and to adapt our behaviour to fit in with each other. Then, when the ‘honeymoon phase’ has worn off, those very differences that attracted us can become the irritants that cause conflict. At this stage mutual accommodation is replaced by attempts to eliminate the differences. We try to force our partner to think and behave as we do. If we like planning ahead, we expect them to like planning ahead. If we put our clothes in the wardrobe each night, we expect them to do the same. If we squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube, we expect them to follow suit. We make demands; we manipulate; we become irritated and we voice our dissatisfaction. All of this inevitably extinguishes intimacy. Sadly, many couples then conclude that they are not compatible. But this is not so. Differences can be complementary and made to work to our advantage. We need to move on from attempted elimination to deliberate appreciation of our diversity. Monty Don, a horticulturist, jewellery designer and columnist, writes about the different ways he and his wife, Sarah, approach

ALPHA INDIA NEWS OCTOBER - DECEMBER 2010

the marriage book

gardening: If you make a garden with someone else, it is partly a celebration of your sameness, just in the way you enjoy the same food or laugh at the same things, but it is equally a celebration of your difference. It is only by allowing the other to take you where you would not have gone yourself that the garden becomes greater than the sum of its parts. In practice, this means that although we never impose our horticultural wills on each other, we often profoundly disagree over what we should do and plant. I am by nature impetuous and impatient and like to execute an idea while it is still warm. Sarah would rather think through all possibilities and come to a conclusion that she is sure is right. She would rather do nothing than the wrong thing. I would rather do something than nothing. We appall and admire each other in equal measure. But it is a good mix and – you’ve guessed this already – an important part of our marriage.

Our different personalities

What follows is a description of five categories of differing personality types. In each category we all have preferences which may be mild or may be extreme. Where extreme, we shall find it easy to see ourselves; where mild, we may only recognise it in contrast to our husband or wife. As you look at the five categories, ask yourself to which personality type you and your partner belong. Where we differ, we need to consider whether these differences cause conflict or a greater appreciation of each other. Category 1: extrovert or introvert This first category relates to our energy source. Extroverts derive energy from their interaction with people. They want to spend much of their time with others, and come alive at a party. Talking is important as it enables them to organise and clarify their thoughts. In fact, much of their speaking is thinking out loud. Extroverts enjoy solitude now and then, but too much of it drains them emotionally. They need to be stimulated by the outside world to recharge their batteries. Introverts, by contrast, derive energy from quiet reflection. Their natural focus is on the inner world of thoughts and ideas. They may be warm, friendly and caring, but too much social interaction drains them and they need time on their own to recover. They usually prefer a few close friends to many acquaintances and often opt for a night at home in preference to a party. They tend to be quieter and to organise their thoughts before they speak. The introvert may value the extrovert’s ease of relating to many different people, while the extrovert may value the introvert’s quiet thoughtfulness. Category 2: logical or intuitive This category involves the way in which we view the world around us. Those with a preference for logic use their five senses to gather information. They want facts. They look to the past and learn through experience. They feel an urge for clarity and prefer matters of practical importance to conjecture. They are interested in detail and solve problems through a careful analysis of the

facts. Others would describe them as methodical, pragmatic and focused on the here and now. Those who are intuitive prefer ideas to facts. They are more innovative than practical. They look at the big picture rather than the detail. They love to speculate about what could be and are likely to concentrate on the future. They often solve problems through hunches and will easily skip from one activity to the next. They are seen by others as imaginative and unconventional. The first type could be seen as a ‘stickler for detail’ while the second might be described as having their ‘head in the clouds’. But any project requires both personalities. The more intuitive person is drawn to vision, ideas and goals; the more logical focuses on practicalities, detail and a plan of action. Category 3: task-oriented or people-oriented This category determines the way in which we make decisions based on the information we receive. Those who are more ‘taskoriented’ are clear about their goals. They are motivated by efficiency, justice and truth. In business, productivity and profit have the highest priority. Given a clear objective, the task-oriented person moves quickly and in an orderly way to the destination. In those who are more ‘peopleoriented’, the heart rules over the head and relationships over goals. They themselves feel deeply and empathise easily with the feelings of others. Their decisions are based on how their choices affect others. They tend to excuse rather than blame and will often see grey where the task-oriented person sees black and white. Those who are more people-oriented may admire the more task-oriented person’s single-minded pursuit of a vision, while the latter may value the former’s ability to create an atmosphere of tolerance, encouragement and care of others. An effective team requires both personalities. Category 4: structured or flexible This category is concerned with whether we like plans to be drawn up in advance or whether we tend to be spontaneous. Those who prefer a structured life decide easily on their course of action and then follow it through. Those who prefer to remain flexible like to keep their options open for as long as possible in case they receive new information, a better offer or a cheaper deal. Those who enjoy structure are good at setting priorities. They tend to be well organised. They gain satisfaction from beating a deadline but are not so good at handling the unexpected. Those who prefer to remain flexible tend to go with the flow. They like freedom and spontaneity and hesitate to finalise plans. They appear laid-back and are unconcerned with the exact timing of events as they are confident that things will probably turn out for the best. They sometimes miss an opportunity through delaying a decision. However, they are good at adjusting to the unforeseen and will sometimes find success where others see failure.

Category 5: initiator or supporter This category reflects whether naturally we prefer to lead or to follow. Initiators enjoy coming up with new ideas, make decisions easily and are not afraid of change. They like to take charge and make good leaders. Supporters like others to take the initiative. They listen carefully and hesitate to express their opinions. They prefer to avoid confrontation and are prepared to adapt their own preferences to maintain harmony. In order to obtain the right balance of leadership and support, there are two dangers to avoid. Initiators can fail to consult their partner. Supporters may defer all responsibility for joint decisions to their husband or wife. Neither tendency is healthy in a marriage, as each partner should be included in all decisions which affect them as a couple. It is worth remembering that ‘leadership’ does not mean dominating, controlling or imposing our own agenda. Nor does ‘supporting’ mean following passively or remaining unheard. In order to work effectively as a team, the initiator suggests and implements whilst the supporter encouragers and assists. Marriages work best when each partner initiates in some areas and supports their husband or wife in others.

Making the most of our differences

To put ourselves into these categories is not to deny our uniqueness. Each different personality type contains enormous variety. Our typical responses do not mean we cannot develop characteristics from the opposite end of the spectrum. These traits do not suggest that the task-oriented person is not interested in relationships or that the people-oriented person has no goals, nor does it conclude that the introvert cannot enjoy a party or the extrovert a solitary walk in the countryside. The preferences are, however, fundamental for our different approaches to life. The first step is to recognise our differences. The second is to accept that there is no right or wrong way. Our instinctive way of thinking is not better or worse than our partner’s. It is just different. Each preference makes a valuable contribution, yet is limited on its own. If we regard our own way of behaving as ‘normal’ and the behaviour of others as ‘defective’, we are unlikely to build an intimate marriage. The third step is to believe that our different approaches can be complementary. A marriage is strengthened immeasurably when we concentrate on what we admire in each other’s personality rather than what irritates us.

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