Insecurities

By Ifeanyi Elsworth Coleman IG: @ifeanyielswith

I can do anything if I put my mind to it

I can soar beyond the sears tower

Every choice you make determines your power

To move you forward or thrust you backwards

It’s up to you to make it happen,

Watch Netflix or write a verse

You tell me which comes first?

This journey of self-love is super hard

To push myself and nowhere to start

Every rhyme is abc But this is the beginning

You see?

How I grow into a stinging humble bee,

How I warm you with my positivity?

I am a light raging queen

My soul is made of everything.

I am a frail sheer of being

My purpose leaves me wondering.

Why was I made with holes?

Who was it that poked them through?

Why is it so heavy to lift a finger, or two?

When will I awaken from my lucid slumber?

My will is weak and it’s drowning under.

Sometimes I think it’s my diet

But I tricked myself into thinking I can’t afford healthy habits.

So I sip on dreamshakes and gummy fear tablets.

I climb mountains of overdue laundry for exercise.

I shove my heart down boys’ throats to my demise,

I let them drink my blood

Hoping one day, I’ll find... the one

I seem to be obsessed with matters of The 12th House.

I can’t seem to shake whatever I’m thinking about.

Elevation vs procrastination

Perfection vs. Grit

I dig inside my intestines

To pull out some shit

My soul is empty

My mood is red

The moon might as well strike me dead

To the pits of hell where all we know is to feel

In heaven, they have the privilege to heal

Angels and ancestors cover me

Although my demons and skeletons hover me

As I try not to scream woe is me

My water often puts out my fire

The ocean usually wins

The flame inside my soul is difficult for me to draw in

As I rub together two sticks of wood to ignite the heat,

A fire starts for just half a beat,

Then it’s out, I watch the smoke,

Thanks to that damn hole you poked

Some days my energy feels like rain puddles on the street that collect litter,

Sometimes I feel like a trash can covered in glitter

I don’t know that I have what it takes to be a hard hitter

But deep down I am still a winner?