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• Where Did Things Go Wrong? • by Tim Cole "I deserve to be happy don't I?" The man had just been confronted about having an affair with another woman, while his wife faced a lengthy struggle with depression. Did this man find happiness through his affair? Absolutely…on the front end of it. His mistress offered the kind of comfort, companionship, and sexual intimacy of which he had been deprived during his wife’s lengthy convalescence. But in the end, his choices brought about the loss of his house, his job, many of his prized possessions, and the trust of his family. The “happiness” proved short-lived while the resulting loss and heartache would last for years. As you reflect on your marriage problems, you may be asking yourself, “How did I get into this predicament?” The answer may surprise you. It happened in what was supposed to be paradise - the Garden of Eden. God placed Adam and Eve, the first married couple, in the Garden with one simple prohibition. They were not to eat from the “Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil” growing in the center of the Garden. But the devil, taking the form of the serpent, cunningly planted the thought in the woman's head that God was not to be trusted. In fact, he insisted, this delicious-looking fruit had the power to make one like God, which
was why God was withholding it from them. “For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Gen. 3:5) The devil’s message was actually two-fold. First, Eve could become like God by exercising self-determination – deciding…and experiencing… for herself what was right and wrong. And second, by doing so she could gain the happiness she deserved with autonomy and selffulfillment - what could be so wrong with that? If only Eve (and Adam who was with her) had been conscious of how much was at stake!
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The present-day version of Humanism offers the same promises. “god is whoever you think he/she/it is.” “Whatever you think is right is right for you.” “You can determine your own sexuality.” “You can choose your own gender.” “Your marriage can be whatever you want it to be.” We are told self-determination is the path to god-like happiness. But we know how that worked out for Adam and Eve who lost their innocence, their shameless intimacy, their idyllic life in the Garden, and most of all, their friendship with God. Their choices affected not only them but the entire human race which they represented in the choices they made.
So, you see your marriage “predicament” actually began thousands of years ago in the Garden of Eden. In fact, it was even written into the “Edenic Curse”, “…your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you…” – a portent of the misplaced expectations and power struggles” which would afflict marriage for the rest of history. We all want to be in control of our lives and to be happy. The media, psychology, our current culture, and even our friends all tell us it’s what we deserve, it’s within reach, and we are justified in employing almost any means to gain it. But when it usurps the place of God it actually results in great disappointment and unhappiness. Marriage may be the area of life in which we have the most expectations about happiness, and also the greatest potential for disappointment. So, it is not surprising that we so easily fall prey to the same deception as Eve and end up making wrong and destructive choices if our mantra is "I deserve to control my life and be happy.” Tim Cole is involved in family ministry in Japan as director of Family Forum Japan. He met his wife in Japan 40 years ago, and has 5 children and 4 grandchildren. Follow his daily posts at https://www.facebook.com/strugglingmar riage/?ref=settings
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