Eggs-samples Of What I Find Funny. Yolks On You.

Nick Roberson is a long-time mortgage industry veteran and a board member of the California Association of Mortgage Professionals. He’s a forthcoming and giving guy, who shares his … unique … perspective on work and life on his Facebook account. Here are some of Nick’s FB thoughts this month:

Two eggs, a bagel, and a sausage walk into a bar. “Bartender, my friends and I would like a cold one,” says one of the eggs.

“Sorry, says the bartender. “We don’t serve breakfast.”

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The dude I pay to stop by once a week to pick up poop in my backyard just realized I don’t have any pets.

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Considering how expensive eggs are becoming, I figured it was time to take on a new venture. I will be issuing new NETs (Non-Eggable Tokens), and for those who can’t afford an entire fake egg on their own, I will also offer fractional “Humpty Dumpty” shares to help them out. As a bonus, if you purchase a baker’s dozen NETs, you will receive a limited edition “What the Flock” (WTF) token. NETs can be traded or passed on to your estate when you are gone by using one of our “The Yokes On You” certificates. Please don’t balk at this opportunity, peck up your NETs today at Gettheflockoutofhere.com.

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I’m gonna work on being less condescending. (Condescending means to talk down to people.)

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Nothing to see here. Just a guy sitting in the airport watching football, eating animal crackers, and drinking apple juice from a juice box.

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I stopped at a Cracker Barrel for breakfast this morning, and I am just so happy right now. I just looked around, and I am the skinniest guy in the room by a significant margin. Perhaps the overweight thing is just a matter of perspective. I am curious if the coin-operated defibrillators next to every table are really necessary, though.

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From 2019: So, Savannah and I are driving home today, and she starts talking about politics. She is asking questions about the Democrats and Republicans and asking how she can start her own political party. She said she wants to be a dictator. I started laughing and said, well maybe you can disguise your political party to hide that fact. She decided it would be called the Savannah Party, its color would be pink, and the mascot would be a penguin. Because everyone loves penguins. Then she Googles how to start your own political party. She tells me there are far more political parties than she realized. She then says, “Dad did you know that librarians have their own party? It’s called the Librariatarian Party. I mean like how many librarians can there be?” I immediately started laughing. I said, “Did you mean the Libertarian Party?” She gets this weird look on her face followed by a significant pause. I am pretty sure I could smell hair burning. She looked at the spelling again, and she just started busting up laughing. She said, “That makes a lot more sense. Their conventions would be way too quite with everyone shushing the speakers.” This was immediately followed by her laughing herself into hysterics.

God save us all if this whole Savannah Party thing takes off. Although, I really do like penguins.

My mouth waters when I smell steak. I wonder if the same happens to vegans when they mow the lawn? •

One Sunday, a minister played hooky from church so he could shoot a round of golf. St. Peter, looking down from Heaven, seethed. “You’re going to let him get away with this, God?”

The Lord shook his head. The minister took his first shot. The ball soared through the air 400 yards and dropped into the cup for a hole-in-one. St. Peter was outraged, “I thought you were going to punish him!”

The Lord shrugged, “Who’s he going to tell?”

To see more by Nick,just go to www.facebook.com/nickroberson