MORTGAGE MOMS

MORTGAGE MOMS

BY ASHLEY GRAVANO

MENTORS

men·tor

/'men,tôr, 'men,tər/

noun 1. an experienced and trusted adviser.

Everyone should consider having a mentor! There is no better way to grow in your personal and business life. We often get in our own way and are very critical of ourselves. The saying “You’re your own worst enemy” supports the idea that a mentor can help open your eyes and give you a perspective from another lens.

I am lucky to have had several mentors (too many too list) since my start in the “Biz” in 1998, and if I'm being honest, most of them have been male co-workers, bosses, or friends in the industry. I wasn’t always open to confiding in or leaning on other women in the industry as it often felt like a competition…ya know that “mean girl” vibe. I hope I am not alone in that feeling. In a predominately male industry, it was hard to find other women willing to listen and help guide you. Now there are so many great women in the industry that go unrecognized for their willingness to help other women in the space. There are also so many organizations and outlets like Mortgage Women Magazine!

For this edition, I asked these questions:

1. What advice would you give other Women/Moms in the industry on how to find a female mentor and why is it important to have a mentor?

2. What Mom hacks/tips would you give other Moms in finding the time for their career and their personal growth, while being a full-time Mom of course?

SUZY LINDBLOM

SUZY LINDBLOM

Chief Operating Officer | Planet Home Lending

1. As women, we feel naturally guilty if we want a career while raising our children and then if we listen to other people, women and men, we get more guilt thrown at us. I have three children and felt guilty all the time, that I was not spending time with them like my sisters were with their children, which is the very reason to find a strong woman mentor early in your career. Strong women mentors that are Moms also, will show you and talk you through the tough times of that guilt. One of the best things that I did was to look up to women that built a career while raising strong children. What I didn’t do was find this mentor early enough in my career. My younger boys were in their early teens before I sought the counsel of strong women mentors and talked to them about my guilt. As I talked to them, and they talked about their own guilt, it helped me to see that it was natural to feel guilty, but that having a career was good for them as well. I saw their children grow into very successful, independent adults and it did put my own mine to ease that I too was raising independent children. As my children got older, I realized they did not see me as a distant mother, but someone that was strong and independent. My recommendation is to find these strong mentors early in your career and motherhood and know that you can balance both. Look at women in your company, organizations that you are involved in, volunteer agencies, and friends; there are so many places to find these strong women. As they say, it takes a tribe, and we are a strong tribe and love to help each other. Be honest with your tribe, we will help and be there for you, as we have been through the same trials, the same guilt, the same “good grief, and what more can I do times”.

2. My best advice is to really take the time for yourself. Don’t let the guilt of having a career make you forget you. You need to make time for your personal growth, your career, and your own relaxation. I have always been a learner, but with career and children, I didn’t always make time for myself and have always regretted it. It was the guilt of being at work, so I sacrificed my time for them, but there were times that I should have just taken for myself, as I was short with them because I was not taking care of myself. I have learned over the years, that I needed me time as well. My kids have grown to be very successful adults and they tell me all the time, how independent that I made them, by being who I was. They don’t feel that I sacrificed my time with them for work; it was me thinking that and that was my guilt, not theirs.

Again, I would not wait, make the time for yourself when you are young, as you will be happier, your family will be happier, and you will grow not only as a woman, but as a mother, and as a leader. While I had some women mentors, I didn’t get my first coach until I was in my 40s, and it was life changing. I am a much stronger woman, mother, and leader now that I have my female mentors, my confidants, my tribe. I am now an avid audio book listener, while I walk or bike. Continuous learning and taking care of myself is a key to success and happiness.

But my best advice is in whatever you do, be in the moment fully. If that is spending time taking care of yourself, learning, spending time with your children, your family, or friends, be in the moment. Be fully present. That is the most important, it is not the amount of time, it is the quality of the time. Do not answer the phone, look at emails, etc. Listen to your children, enjoy their stories (no matter how many times they have told you the same story) and, when it’s “you” time, enjoy to the fullest!

DENISE MASEMORE-ARNOLDI

DENISE MASEMORE-ARNOLDI

Director of Residential Lending Business Systems, Applications and Delivery | Associated Bank

1. It’s no secret that finding the right mentor takes time and planning and can feel daunting in the beginning. Finding a female mentor adds a slight nuance to the process but there are plenty of opportunities with the number of women in leadership positions these days. The experts writing materials on this subject share that goal setting is extremely important as the first step. To find the right mentor, it is important to understand what guidance you are seeking. A mentor plays an important role to provide broader insight with experiences, offer guidance through the tough spots, and build confidence when successes occur. A mentor could be a friend, a family member, a pal from college, or a person met through a professional networking event. To be effective, the relationship is long-term and a commitment on both sides.

As a banker that later moved into lending software, I leveraged two mentors during my career. The first I met in a banking class and the other was a female leader at my organization. I felt most comfortable with the leader at my organization since she understood, without too much explanation, the challenges I was facing. I also ‘gave back’ by stepping up to mentor another woman on her career path that led to her promotion. The most important advice I could offer for Moms (as if you need more to do) is to try to carve out bits of time in an already busy schedule, set personal goals, observe those in your network whom you admire, and enjoy the rewards of the experience.

2. March 2020 changed our worlds with many Moms working from home with school age children at the table next to them. For now, we are unable to attend conferences or networking events in person but there is an endless supply of articles and information on the internet that can guide and get you started. Read, read, read … lots of books, internet, blogs, and articles, and build your plan.

A great woman’s site I found is Aspire to Her www.asipretoher.com. One article I found there is Five Ways to Network and Build Connections More Effectively. Another interesting article from Forbes will shed light: Advice From Top Women Leaders About Finding a Mentor.

VERONICA NGUYEN

VERONICA NGUYEN

Co-founder and Executive Vice President | BeSmartee, Inc.

I believe we should all have two mentors that have “been there, done that,” and can share deep insights into both our professional and motherhood journey.

I’ve always followed these two steps when looking for mentorship:

1. Check yourself. Identify your needs. In which areas do you want to see yourself grow?

2. Tap into your network. Do you have any first- or second-degree connections who would be willing to mentor you? This is why building relationships is so important!

I truly believe that in order for full -time moms to be successful in our careers, we need to surround ourselves with our own VILLAGE of trustworthy individuals that will support us in our journey.

As a career mom, your brain elevates to another level because now you must think of, in my case, two little humans. You have to be super organized with your time to be hyper-efficient. In short, you don’t have time to waste time.

Here are some career mama hacks that have helped me along the way. I hope they help you too.

1. Be creative: Get creative with your schedule. Time management is everything; be fully “on” when you’re at work, be fully present when you’re at home. For example, I book all critical meetings in the week so that if something comes with my kids, I can be flexible and be there for them. This reminds me of a quote: "Should I sleep? Or should I shower? I could sleep in the shower but I'm also hungry." — BabyBumpApp.com

2. Be resourceful: No matter how organized and on-top-of-it you are, each day will bring new challenges. Just as you are innovative in your career, harness the power of resourcefulness to create solutions for unplanned situations or areas where you need an extra hand. For example, if one of my kids needs help with Spanish homework, I ask another mom to see if we can tackle this together. This way, we can help each other. For work, use your team for help.

3. Be realistic: Many of you can attest that being a new career mom is serious business. It’s a tough gig and it takes time to get acclimated to both roles. Being realistic means understanding that it may take a little longer to get to where you want to be in your career. Plan ahead! Before you know it, your kids will be in school and you will be able to focus more on your career.

4. Find your village: Surround yourself with people you trust and who believe in your dreams and support your goals to succeed in both your professional and personal life.

5. Find your "you" time and quality time with your partner: This is central to keeping your mind fresh and ready to take on each new day. I like to take some time at the end of the day to read a little or do my nails. Other days, a good workout is just what I need to stay creative and innovative. To keep a healthy relationship, I plan date nights with my partner.

6. Work on goal setting: Consider working with an accountability partner. I used to check in with mine weekly. Since COVID, we meet virtually every quarter to make sure we are on track! Find an accountability partner that doesn’t take excuses and encourages and motivates you to get things done!

No matter how experienced we are in our respective fields or as mothers, there is still so much to learn. Having someone to talk to is a key ingredient to our growth. Mentors help us see what we don’t see yet, we can also bounce ideas off of one another, and have open, REAL conversations that help us navigate our careers and motherhood journey.

Ashley Gravano brings over two decades of success and experience in the title and settlement industry. Gravano joined MC in 2019 as VP of Product Solutions bringing MC’s products to market. Just recently Gravano was promoted to VP of Communications and Business Development at Mortgage Cadence and will focus on expanding the Mortgage Cadence brand through both existing and new industry channels. Gravano serves as an influencer and is well known throughout the mortgage industry for her online presence.