the
Featuring
2013 National Award Winners Domestic Violence and Starting Over A Letter to My Children, Wisdom in Parenting Published by American Mothers, Inc.速
Fall 2013
| About American Mothers Inc.® If you know someone you would like to nominate for the 2014 Mother of the Year®, Young Mother of the Year, or Mother of Achievement, the nomination form is available online at www.americanmothers.org .
Mother of the Year, Young Mother & Mother of Achievement American Mothers, Inc™ is dedicated to recognizing the important role of motherhood through educational programs and community outreach. By annually selecting the National Mother of the Year® and Young Mother from candidates across the United States, District
of Columbia and Puerto Rico, it continues to promote mothers and the key role they play in the foundation of families To qualify for Mother of the Year®, the nominee must be 41 years of age or over. To qualify for Young Mother of the Year, the nominee must be 40 years of age or under. The Mother of Achievement award recognizes those outstanding women whose positive influence, talents and community service has made a significant impact on the lives of children and families.
The deadline for nominations is \November 15, 2013.
Our Mission
To champion women by honoring, educating and serving mothers at home, at work and in the world.
Our Vision
To be a nationally recognized and respected voice on issues impacting mothers.
Our Values
• An abiding respect for mothers and their role in society. • A desire for collaboration between mothers in service for the common good. • A heart of compassion for issues and challenges facing mothers around the globe. • An acknowledgement of diversity among mothers and their individual choices. • A recognition of the power of a mother’s inner strength. • A commitment to honor mothers for their leadership and service at home, at work and in the world.
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The American Mother Magazine
About American Mothers Inc.® |
Letter from the Director As we officially say good-bye to summer and hello to a new school year, like me, your role as a parent, just went into over-drive; juggling carpools, making lunches, helping with homework and afterschool activities. While on some days, it feels like organized chaos, I encourage you to embrace this exciting time of year but also urge you to take the time from your busy family schedule and remember to still take a “minute for mom” I find that my family enjoys a smooth transition from summer to school by staying organized with advanced planning and not overscheduling our time on the weekends. I also encourage you to schedule a daily “mom-minute” that allows you the
opportunity to recharge your batteries. Even though our kids are our number one priority, it’s essential to take some time for ourselves, even if it’s just 10 minutes a day to read all the great articles in this new edition of the “American Mother” magazine. American Mothers is rejuvenating too! We’re gearing up for a busy and eventful 2014 and we hope you plan to renew your membership with the enclosed membership form to be part of the action. Your national leaders are currently working on new educational programming and more great ways to honor Moms. Make plans to celebrate and honor motherhood by planning on attending the American Mothers National Convention, April 24-26, 2014, located in beautiful Colorado Springs. This event will offer you several opportunities to elevate your enthusiasm for being
a mom and reconnect with your AMI sisters from around the United States. Of course, don’t forget to nominate the special moms in your life for American Mothers honoring programs by visiting www.AmericanMothers.org. The AMI National Office continues to process nominations from across the U.S. and I can assure you, we are receiving some amazing candidates this year. As always, we appreciate our members and our volunteers, for continuing to educate and honor moms and the extraordinary jobs they do. We encourage everyone to please share information about our AMI sisterhood with friends, family and neighbors. We’d love to serve them also! As always, please reach out to me if I can be of service to you and your family. — Andrea Ball, Executive Director
Table of
contents
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Letter from the Director Letter from the President From the States Meet America’s Mom 013 National Mother 2 of The Year: Judy Cook
Member Profile 2013 Young Mother of The Year: Tara Trobaugh
12 13 14 16 18
National Mothers of Achievement 2013 Commission on the Status of Women Feature Motherhood in Rwanda
Feature
20 21 22
Parenting Wisdom in Parenting
Essay hat My Mother W Means to Me
Convention 2013 Convention Recap
What About a Mother’s Bill of Rights?
Feature Domestic Violence and Starting Over
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
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| About American Mothers Inc.®
Letter From the President
American Mothers, Inc.®
Executive Director: Andrea Ball Membership: Jacquie Ball info@americanmothers.org
2013-14 AMI Board of Directors
President: Joan Braitsch 1st Vice President: Dianne Callister 2nd Vice President: Vivian Dibb 3rd Vice President: Carrie Leonard Secretary: Yolanda Perez Treasurer: Valerie Earnshaw Area IA Coordinator: Sherri Zirker Area IB Coordinator: Debbie Sipos Area II Coordinator: Joyce Stevens Area III Coordinator: Renee Devine Area IV Coordinator: Carolyn Branagan Area V Coordinator: Dawn Briggs Area VI Coordinator: Maria Amalbert Immediate Past-President: Connell Branan Nominating Chairman: Karen King Public Relations Chairman: Krista Ritacco Membership Chairman: Jennifer Larsen Endowment Fund: JaLynn Prince Education Chairman: Gina Messina Dysert Literacy Chairman: Kimberly Stevenson Awards Chairman: Kathy Walbert Walker Mother of the Year Search: Lela Sullivan Young Mother Search: Julie Starr Parliamentarian: Deanne Taylor National Mother of the Year: Judy Cook National Young Mother of the Year: Tara Trobaugh
The American Mother Magazine Contributors Connell Branan Dianne Callister Gina Messina Dysert Ginger Garner Design & Layout Kalico Design Frederick, MD www.kalicodesign.com
This is a dynamic time for American Mothers! Our new mission, vision, and values were approved by the National Board in January, 2013 and presented at the National Convention in April. The positive response to this new messaging has been exciting to watch unfold on all our social media outlets. Our mission is to champion women by honoring, educating and serving mothers at home, at work, and in the world. Nominations are already being received for 2014 Honorees. Please find that special mother who inspires you, and help us celebrate motherhood by nominating her. We want to honor mothers who are making a difference in their own families as well as a significant impact in their communities, their states, and our nation. We are Strong Moms Strengthening Families. Our history continues to guide us, named a United Nations Non-Governmental Organization in the 1950’s, AMI has hosted panel discussions on motherhood issues at the annual UN Commission on the Status of Women in New York City. The UN initiative, protecting women and children from domestic violence internationally, has resonated with the mission of AMI. 2014 has been named the Year of the Family by the U.N.
AMI’s new Mom to Mom Outreach Project will focus on providing household items to mothers and children as they leave women’s shelters to return to living on their own. During May, in honor of Mother’s Day, state associations will support this project as they are able. It’s an opportunity to reach out to moms in crisis by helping them, and their children, with a new beginning. What a pleasure it’s been to speak individually with our State Association Presidents and hear about their successes and their opportunities. I am also instituting a series of short surveys so that I can better hear from more of you on targeted topics. There are fabulous women in our state associations, providing support to mothers and families, and working together to create a valuable national organization which provides a strong voice for mothers. Be sure to join us at our 2014 Mom to Mom National Conference at the Broadmoor Hotel and Resort in Colorado Springs, Colorado from April 24 - 26, 2014. You will hear inspirational speakers, network with other amazing mothers, and relax in this resort setting while learning to promote health and happiness for yourself and your family. Also, AMI will name the 80th Mother of the Year® at this conference! All of this is not to be missed! We look forward to seeing you then! — Joan Braitsch, President American Mothers, Inc.®
Fall 2013
the
On the Cover: Featuring
2013 National Award Winners Domestic Violence and Starting Over A Letter to My Children, Wisdom in Parenting
The new AMI logo was designed to represent the strong American mother of today. Mothers should see themselves, their daughters, or granddaughters celebrating life, motherhood, and being an American.
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
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The American Mother Magazine
State Updates |
Our Moms in Action DC METRO
ful book. Money was raised to have copies made. 10,000 copies were printed. Of that number, members have so far given away over 9,000 copies to new moms, to young children in homeless shelters, to poor children, to child care centers, to Preschools, and many other places. This has been a huge success and more copies will need to be made.
The DC Metropolitan Area Chapter celebrated motherhood at the annual Interfaith Church Service honoring the DC Mother of the Year. With over 100 participants, we enjoyed music and speeches, children dancing and amazing soloists, along with inspirational presentations on the importance of a mother to her family, the community and the world. The DC Chapter encouraged attendees to bring personal care items to be donated to a women’s shelter. Large baskets of items were collected thanks to the generosity of Washington, DC families who attended the church service. Members of the DC Chapter continue to support mothers and children in a variety of ways including counseling mothers on how to best support their families in time of grief, presenting after school programs for at-risk children, and fund raising for children’s programs. The children living in our nation’s capital are very precious to us!
On Mother’s Day Sunday morning, we provide a catered breakfast and program for homeless mothers and their families at a Salvation Army Homeless Shelter in down town Atlanta. There are about 120 homeless moms and their children present. There are 40 to 50 Ga. Mothers (and some of their family) serving the homeless. We all wear aprons and are the servants to the homeless. After breakfast, the program consists of singing, a brief talk, words from the current GA. MOY, YM and MOA, words from the homeless mothers and even words from their children. We sing again and then it is over. As they leave, all (mothers and children) get a nice gift. The Georgia Mothers clean up and leave feeling wonderful. – Ruth Manning, Georgia State President
NEBRASKA
– Vanessa Antrum, DC Metro President
GEORGIA
The Georgia Mothers Association enjoys doing projects that help other people. One member has written a book “Baby Reads ABC”. It is a beauti-
The Nebraska Mothers Association has had a busy year. Our Mother of the Year, Jan Schiferl and Young Mother of the Year, Liz Shotkoski, have both been busy promoting AMI and sharing encouragement with other mothers in their communities and across the state including speaking engagements and radio communication.
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| State Updates
Our Moms in Action Send Us Your News! AMI wants to share your good news and experiences with our members! Send your State Association updates and photos (must be 300+ dpi) to: info@americanmothers.org.
Save the Date! Join us in New York at the United Nations. We’ll be hosting a panel discussion at the Commission on the Status of Women, March 10-21, 2014!
Our Area 2 Coordinator, Joyce Stevens has been busy bridging the connection between our state and our national headquarters, too! We recently revised our bylaws incorporating the guidelines of AMI’s bylaws. Earlier in the year, we held an art exhibit, held our new MOY/YMOY celebration at the state capitol with a luncheon that followed at the governor’s residence.
Preparations for other events are in the works, such as the 5th Grade essay contest, Quiz Bowl – Yolanda Perez, Puerto Rico President fundraiser, possibly having some of our historical items shared at the Nebraska Historical Society in hopes for a permanent display, and distributing the anti-bullying and mentoring booklet statewide and nationwide.
SOUTH CAROLINA
Reaching out to abused women and children in our country is critical to strengthening our nation. Nebraska mothers have gathered many items over the past three years for the Friendship Home in Lincoln, Nebraska, a shelter for women and their children who have been victims of abuse. – Julie Lemons, Nebraska State President
PUERTO RICO
From 2012 - 2013, the mothers of AMI in Puerto Rico have contributed roughly 1,120 volunteer hours assisting mothers and children throughout the Island of Puerto Rico and in Nicaragua. American Mothers volunteers assisted young mothers in education and mentoring activities in 14 battered women centers in coor-
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dination with the PR Coalition Against Violence Towards Women. They also spent numerous hours with mothers from the Cancion de Cuna Group (The Lullaby Group), who are pregnant school drop-outs from Loiza and Ponce in fund raising events and also conducting prayer groups with over 80 female adults at the Youth Female Reformatory in Ponce, Hogar Lila Mayoral de Hernandez-Colon.
This year, South Carolina celebrated 70 years of selecting and honoring a Mother of the Year! The Mothers Committee held a luncheon for our 18 living Mothers and their families and looked back on the beautiful traditions that have made this honor special in our state: beautiful teas at the governor’s mansion, yearly luncheons, the governor’s award presentation ceremonies and wonderful press coverage in The State paper. Our committee members have written a book that documents the stories of our South Carolina Mothers of the Year and also tells the history of our organization. Our seventy Mothers challenge us to reflect on motherhood during challenging times for our state and nation. – Martha Cranford, South Carolina President
The American Mother Magazine
State Updates |
American Mothers Social Media Spotlight
UTAH
The American Mothers Public Relations Committee oversees all of the organization’s social media outlets. These include our web site, Facebook, Twitter Vimeo, Flickr and new this year — Pinterest and Instagram accounts. Members of the Public Relations Committee answered a few questions about AMI’s social media strategy…
Utah mothers Judy Cook and Michelle Lehnardt have been busy riding in parades in several of the communities in our state. They represent Utah with dedication and love for motherhood. We appreciate all they do as they speak and write about American Mothers online and in the newspaper. We are working hard on our search for candidates for our 2014 mothers and have received several nominees for MOY, YMOY and MOA. We truly love the new selection process. It has helped us to find some of the most outstanding mothers to honor in our state. We hope to keep them active and involved in AMI in the future. We are looking forward to our 23rd Annual Women’s Conference on October 12,2013. Our theme this year is “Pull up a Chair and Come Sit with Us.” We will have a keynote speaker, displays and wonderful workshops. When nominations close on November 15th we will then have our Selection Reception in events and how to join AMI. As a Utah State Board we wish all of you in other states the best in all you are doing in this coming year. Let’s all work together to support and strengthen mothers in our state and Nation. – Jenneice Beckstrand, President
How frequently do you post? As much as possible! However, it really depends on what is going on. Some months, such as April and May are much busier for the organization then for example, the summertime, when our moms tend to be on vacation! It is our goal to keep our members updated and informed via our social media outlets! Ideas are always welcome! How do you determine content? We like to post about our events both at the local and national level. We also post news articles and stories of interest about mothers in America! What is the overall social media strategy? Our goal is to engage with our members in new ways and to share stories and experiences. We also strive to reach out to mothers who may not know who we are or what we do and encourage them to join. Is the content just pertinent to members? We hope and encourage anyone to “like” or “follow” us, even though some of our content is specific to member events. However, most of it just revolves around being a mom!
What has been the most popular post? Anything to do with our involvement at the United Nations and the announcement of our award winners!
Do you think American Mothers will continue to join new sites like Instagram or Vine? We recently joined Instagram and have been able to reach an entirely new market of moms which has been exciting!
What can members do to spread the word about AMI? Repost, retweet, check in at events, tag us in posts, but more importantly, share with us. We love being connected with our moms!
Who does AMI follow? Moms! We love to follow other mom groups and organizations that serve mothers both at the national and global level. We also keep up with news organizations who monitor the status of mothers in America and of course, our members!
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
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| Member Profile
t MeeAmerica’s
Mom
2013 National Mother of the Year Judy Cook Since being recognized at our awards ceremony in New York, Judy Cook has been busy promoting motherhood across America. We thought you’d enjoy learning a little bit more about this multi-talented mom and grandmom!
Tell us a little bit about your family. My family is priceless to me! Our four children by birth and four by choice are our best friends and we love spending time together. Give us an afternoon shelling on the beach, a campfire roasting marshmallows, a family project, eating shaved ice in a rainstorm, Sunday dinner and we are a happy family. Four of our ten grandsons are Eagle Scouts, four are on the trail to Eagle and two can hardly wait to be Cub Scouts. Just when we began to think that we would be an all grandson family, we were blessed with two granddaughters in 2012.
Where did you grow up? San Diego, California and I graduated from Helix High School and San Diego State University.
How did you meet your husband? I met Fred when I was a Senior in high school at the local movie theatre where I was working. He was a college man and a geek, I thought, so one date was enough! The following year, at SDSU, I enrolled in a Sociology class called Courtship and Marriage. Much to my displea-
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sure Fred sat next to me. However, when I discovered that he was the president of his fraternity, I decided to give him another chance. We were married after he graduated from SDSU. That was 52 years ago. He still says that from the moment he saw me he knew I was the one.
What is the most memorable thing you have ever done? Teaching Special Education, and performing in Musical Theatre are high on the list, but my career as a wife and mother are on the very top. What are you the most passionate about when it comes to being a mom? The idea that we must protect, teach, and prepare children for the future because our children are our greatest natural resource.
What advice would you give a new mom? Always do the best job of mothering your children that you know how to do. Make time to be at your children’s important-to-them events and, if you can, when they are leaving home and returning home. Listen to your children, really listen with your heart. Laugh, talk, play with and hug them. Maintain a positive atti-
The American Mother Magazine
Member Profile |
“Listen to your children, really listen with your heart. Laugh, talk, play with and hug them.” tude and find reasons to praise your children continually about everything and anything. Teach your children about life. Prepare them for the future as best you can. Take them on fun adventures like picnics, bike rides, hikes, and trips so you can seize the moments before the moments are gone.
Favorite holiday memory?
Favorite quote? “I am only one. But still I am one. I cannot do everything but still I can do something. Because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” Helen Keller
Nominations
If you could do it all over again… what would you do differently?
her for Mother of the
As strange as it may sound...nothing, because The many Christmases, while the children were I did the very best I knew how. growing up, that we, and other families, performed Christmas shows in nursing homes.
If you were having a dinner party and could invite anyone (dead or alive) who would be sitting around your table and why?
Do you know a special mother? If so, nominate Year, Young Mother or one of our Mother of Achievement Awards by visiting
Best thing about being a mom…
americanmothers.org.
Being best friends with our children and watching them be successful, loving parents and contributing members of their communities.
with the necessary
Nomination forms information are now available online.
I would need to rent a very large room so I could invite ALL of our immediate and extended family. For me, it’s all about family.
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
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| Member Profile
National
Young Mother of the Year
Tara Trobaugh ‘Sweet, and sassy, smart and messy and everything she could have dreamed of’ is how TARA TROBAUGH, our 2013 National Young Mother of the Year describes her family! Here is what else this teacher, mentor, volunteer and stay at home mom had to say:
Where did you grow up? I was born and raised in North West Georgia. Rossville, Georgia is my home town. It is about 5 miles outside Chattanooga Tennessee.
How did you meet your husband? Boy Scout Camp. My brother was a CIT and my mother and I went up on a Friday night to see him play the role of an Indian for a tap out ceremony. Kevin was the program director for the camp. We met that night and he asked me out the next day. The rest as they say is history.
Aside from being a mom – do you volunteer or participate in something special to you?
“I am passionate about my children understanding the importance of being responsible, polite, and respectful.”
I volunteer a lot at my church. I am a member of the Women’s ministry team and I am a co organizer for a Healthy Mom’s expo. I love this because the focus is giving moms useful tools for getting healthy in mind, body and spirit. I am also the preschool worship director. I love using music and listening to those babies worship through song.
What is the most memorable thing you have ever done? From the age of 11 -15 my family took several vacations that allowed me to go to 49 states. We went to most every national park. I have seen red woods and glaciers, deserts, and snow capped mountains. And the best part is I have memories with my parents, and brothers that are just priceless.
What are you the most passionate about when it comes to being a mom? I am passionate about my children understanding the importance of being responsible, polite, and respectful.
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The American Mother Magazine
Member Profile | What advice would you give a new mom? Motherhood is romanticized and in reality it is NOT the way it seems in the movies!! Babies are hard, toddlers are difficult, children are relentless, but if you keep your goal of how you want your family to be and stay consistent and keep evaluating and adjusting things will get better. Everyday is never going to go the way you thought. And don’t be afraid to ask for help.
What book is on your bedside table? She Did What She Could, by Elisa Morgan
Favorite holiday memory? My favorite season is Christmas but to be honest my most favorite holiday memory is the 4th of July. Starting the year I was pregnant with my first child we began to have a small party with fireworks in my front yard. It started with 3 couples and now we have over 50 people every year! My kids look forward to it and talk about it all year long. I love seeing every one’s babies laying on blankets watching the fireworks.
2. A pioneer woman: I think her stories about raising children in those hard times would be just fascinating. When ever I am worried about something I always think about people back then and how they survived without Clorox wipes, or hand sanitizer. 3. Sandra Lee: I want to pick her brain about cooking. She seems to make food that is as good as any gourmet chef but it is not all made from scratch. It seems like food I could make.
If you could do it all over again… what would you do differently? I would not let myself be stuck for those 6 years we tried to have babies. I don’t like to regret much because we are the sum of our experiences, but it seems that those 6 years just seem wasted waiting on children. I actually would not take anything for those years because my husband was so amazing and we grew so much as a couple but there were a lot of dark times that I should have been out there living instead of waiting.
Best thing about being a mom… Being there for all the firsts. Challenging them and watching them realize that they can do it! And, the “I love yous” for no reason!
If you were having a dinner party and could invite anyone (dead or alive) who would be sitting around your table and why? 1. Audrey Hepburn: She is the epitome of grace and poise. She was always elegant and timeless. I would want to just be around her so maybe some of that would rub off on me.
“Everyday is never going to go the way you thought. And don’t be afraid to ask for help.”
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
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| Member Profile
2013
National Mothers of
Achievement
Kathie Lee Gifford Kathie Lee Gifford has enjoyed a diverse and successful four-decade career as a television host, actress, singer, playwright, songwriter and author. Though best known for her 15 years on Regis and Kathie Lee (11 Emmy nominations), and currently acting as the three time Emmy-winning co-host of the fourth hour of the Today Show with Hoda Kotb, Gifford has always pursued projects which inspire and challenge her. Gifford devotes much of her time to the Association to Benefit Children, which spawned the Cody Foundation. The resources from the Association continue to support Cody House and Cassidy’s Place. Cody House provides a transitional home for infants and children who have severe disabilities and serious medical problems. Named for Gifford’s daughter, Cassidy’s Place, which just celebrated its 15th anniversary, is the home of the Association to Benefit Children’s (ABC) national children advocacy. Mrs. Gifford lives in Connecticut with her husband, two children and three dogs.
Gail Rost Gail Rost was born post-World War II while her family was stationed in Uruguay. Upon returning to the States, they moved to Champaign IL. Gail attended the local public schools, the University of Illinois for undergrad and graduate degrees, and eventually settled in Champaign herself, marrying and having 3 children. With degrees in Landscape Architecture and Graphic Design, Gail started her own business continuing full-time until after her first child was born. At this important juncture in her life, Gail and her husband, Craig, chose for her to be a “stay-at-home” mom. As she had Anna, John and Christopher, Gail got involved in charitable work and as a volunteer, Gail was extremely active in the community. As her children matured, Gail went back to work part-time for the local education foundation and committed herself to its mission of excellence. Now working full-time, Gail serves as the Executive Director of the Foundation.
Becky Andrews As a licensed professional counselor, Becky Andrews challenges all to find the strength from within. She founded Resilient Solutions, Inc. in 2006 and shortly after Resilient Center for Grieving Families. Becky has a master’s degree from Utah State University and additional training from the University of Utah. Amazingly, Becky is following her dreams blindly. Literally. She is accompanied by her guide dog, Cricket. She serves on the alumni board for Guide Dogs for the Blind, is past president of the Utah Chapter of the Foundation Fighting Blindness, and a frequent presenter on Finding your Resilience. Becky is passionate about advocating for people with disabilities and has conducted numerous trainings to schools, corporations, and community meetings. She has tandem biked thousands of miles with her husband, Steve. They have two children Natalie and Kendall. Becky ran her first marathon last year and is currently training for the Ogden Marathon in May!
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The American Mother Magazine
Association News |
American Mothers and the 2013 Commission on the
Status of Women In March of this year, AMI held a panel discussion on Globalization and Violence Against Women: Examining Female Labor, Migration, and the Impact on Families. Globalization has had an incredible impact on women around the world and has resulted in border crossing for economic opportunities for millions. Women from countries struggling with poverty are leaving their homes, and their families, to migrate to prosperous states where they can find work, support themselves, and provide for their loved ones. In wealthy countries like the U.S., women are taking on careers and are hiring women from poverty stricken nations to take on “women’s work.” Thus, women struggling in poverty are taking up a global commute and leaving their own children behind to care for the children of other women.
While some female migrants find work as maids or nannies, others have a much harsher outcome. Many women find themselves manipulated into crossing borders only to have their passports stolen, mobility halted, and are forced into the sex trade. Thus the process of globalization has resulted in massive costs to Third World women where economic opportunities require a global commute, separation from family, exploitation, and risk of becoming sex slaves. The panel examined the high costs of globalization for women, gender and economic inequity, and the overall impact on families. Ideas were discussed to improve the lives and opportunities of migrant women engaged in domestic work, to prevent trafficking and enslavement, and to counterbalance the systematic transfer of “women’s work” from poor to wealthy nations and the impact on the children and families left behind.
American Mothers Global Coalition American Mothers is leading a global coalition focused on improving the lives of mothers and children to promote intergenerational solidarity around the world. Through the collaborative efforts of international organizations and communities, the Global Motherhood Coalition offers a comprehensive approach to research, services, and action with the mission of promoting best practices in motherhood and improving the health and wellbeing of mothers and children.
Each month, a coalition member organization will be highlighted for their commitment to mothers and children on the AMI website. Check it frequently to find out about the amazing organizations and people who care about motherhood and are working for global change. We recently had the privilege of attending a meeting at the European Union Parliament with other motherhood organizations across the globe. The connections we made in Belgium, Sweden, Rwanda, England, Congo, Lebanon, and other countries have ignited in our orgaPublished by American Mothers, Inc.®
nization a sense of global responsibility. There is a power in the role of motherhood that is still untapped and can be a force for good when other voices seem to be louder and stronger but less capable of promoting peaceful progress. Mothers will be the ones who help the smallest of citizens..our children. We can be the ones who help those who are discouraged and downtrodden. The time is now and the world needs the voices and support of American Mothers.. each and every one of us.
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| Feature
Rwan
About The Author Aimée Joséphine UTUZA, a married Rwandan woman with 4 children manages a Maternal Newborn & Child Health Project in Rwanda. She survived the Tutsi’s 1994 Genocide and is currently finishing her Masters in Public Health at Mount Kenya University. Aimée has organized both Living with Happiness-Icyemezo and Rwandan Mothers Team to improve the health and wellbeing of the Rwandan people.
Motherhood
Rwanda is a country full of rich history, culture, and tradition. It is also a country that has experienced tragedy, strife, and struggle in its course towards development. For many women like me, the implications of all of these factors have a strong impact on what is central to many of our lives: motherhood. It is my hope that by expressing what it means to be a mother in Rwanda we will be able to paint a picture of the current status and role of women and mothers in Rwanda, to help educate and improve the lives of Rwandan women, and highlight the commonalities that we share with mothers the world over. The role of women and mothers in Rwanda has been shaped by many centuries of tradition and custom in my country. A Rwandan scholar, A. Kagame, succinctly summarized the role of women in 1954, saying, “The place of women was strongly related to fertility and the procreation and education of children”. From early childhood, the Rwandan girl is closely linked to her mother, who carefully instructs her on many different customs and practices related to her future role as mother and head of the household. This education focuses primarily on the qualities of being a good wife, and acceding to her husband’s wishes in all matters, without reciprocation. A Rwandan proverb states, “Ukurusha umugore akurusha urugo.” He who has a better wife than you has a better household than you. While this type of attitude may seem flattering on the surface, it has actually
“There has been a rejuvenation of life, and of culture, and this has created a positive impact on the lives of women in Rwanda, and the lives and roles of mothers.” 14
served to strengthen and solidify that role into which many women are cornered in Rwanda, and perpetuates the notion that the purpose and role of women is strictly to attend to the duties and responsibilities of motherhood and household chores. This had stood as a Rwandan norm for many years. In 1994, Rwanda endured one of the most horrific tragedies in human history: a genocide against the Tutsi people (an ethnic group of which I am a part) where approximately 1 million people were slaughtered, in many cases, by their friends and neighbors. It was during this time, when I was 18 years old, that I lost my own mother, as well as my father and 4 of my siblings to the perpetrators of the genocide, leaving only myself and my then 11 year old sister. During the genocide, women in Rwanda were further degraded, with rape and abuse used as weapons of genocide. Where did this leave us as women? As mothers? To be rendered powerless as atrocities were committed against their children and families was a common thing for many women to endure. Some women were even raped alongside their own daughters. The result of the genocide was to leave the
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Feature |
da
in
By UTUZA Aimée Josephine
country ravaged, with families destroyed, and many girls and women now growing up without a mother figure in their lives. Through this tragedy, however, has grown hope. There has been a rejuvenation of life, and of culture, and this has created a positive impact on the lives of women in Rwanda, and the lives and roles of mothers. Since more men were killed in the genocide than women, this has meant that over the past 19 years, it has fallen to women to take up the mantle as widow, income earner, head of household, and caregiver. This has led to a proliferation of women being active in the economic sector in Rwanda, and starting their own businesses as entrepreneurs. The result of this is that slowly but surely, the traditional views of a woman’s role in Rwanda is changing. Women are government ministers, senators, business owners, and bankers. Most importantly, however, women are still mothers. They are mothers who are becoming empowered, and who are enduring less subjugation in their roles as mothers and caregivers. Whereas in the past it was unheard for a man to take any active part in the raising of children, it is now more and more common for men to take part in the lives of their children, and provide education and care to their children at a young age. There is still a long way to go, but with every passing day, motherhood in Rwanda is becoming a status of empowerment, rather than weakness, and this is something for women all over the world to celebrate.
Meet one of our Global Coalition Members, the Rwandan Mothers TEAM Rwandan Mothers TEAM (Together Everyone Achieves More) believes that the role of parents is of fundamental consequence to the healthy development of children and youth. Nurturing parents have substantial positive effects on a child’s opportunities in life. Rwandan Mothers Team believes that by providing parents with education, support and encouragement as they seek to fulfill this challenging role, our society benefits as a whole. Rwandan Mothers Team will contribute in creating safe spaces for dialogue and discussion for family members (mothers, fathers and children) where everyone will find his/ her place and role and will learn from each other how to more build family harmony.
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
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| Feature
What about a
Mother’s
Bill of Rights?
By Ginger Garner
As mothers, it is imbedded in our very nature to take care of others. What mothers should know is that society has taken advantage of this fact for centuries. And while they continue to take, mothers continue to give.
How does society take without giving to mothers? About The Author Ginger is an educator, published author, and pioneer in the practice of holistic physical therapy and using yoga as medicine. As a mother of three boys, Ginger focuses on helping fellow mothers live fit and fearlessly through her clinical and humanitarian work, as well as through her blog, Breathing In This Life. Ginger can be reached at www.gingergarner. com and www.professionalyogatherapy.org
I think the National Association of Mothers’ Centers Advocacy Coordinator Valerie Young says it best, “Alone among industrialized nations, we (mothers) have no guaranteed paid leave policy for childbirth, adoption, illness, or even the occasional sick day. Our federal pension system only accounts for paid work, leaving women with the short straw after time out bearing and raising children, tending to ill parents, spouses, or other family members. We do most of the unpaid work in the home, and when we are employed outside the home, our income trails men’s by as much as 40%. We lack anything near equitable political representation, we don’t occupy our fair share of board room seats, CEO suites, or participate proportionately in the distribution of financial assets around the world.” A Harvard study firmly places America at the bottom of the barrel for mother support. The study found: “Out of 168 nations in a Harvard University study last year, 163 had some form of paid maternity leave, leaving the United States in the company of Lesotho, Papua New Guinea and Swaziland.1” Mothers receive very little support, not only from our own government but also from society. And the proof is in the proverbial pudding. Society gives lip service to the value of parenting, motherhood, and child rearing. After all, the children are the future of our country; yet, childcare workers typically earn at or minimum wage.
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Further, if you are a mother working from home to raise up the future of our country, you get nothing. Not even a social security credit. You must depend entirely on your partner’s wages and retirement. You in effect become a financial dependent, unable to qualify for credit or loans. This poor show of support must change. Women have historically banded together to fight for their rights. Now mothers need to do the same. Mothers need support urgently or else the well-being of our children and the future of the family unit in the US will be jeopardized.
But wait, our children’s health already is being jeopardized by this lack of support. Women and mothers suffer from depression at nearly twice the rate as men.2,3 The CDC reports women suffer from postpartum depression (PPD) between 10-30% of the time, but that over 85% of mothers suffer from some type of depressive or mood instability in the postpartum period. Further, studies support that PPD occurs, and may even be worse, during the toddler years, and is (PPD) now not only pulling fathers into its grip but also responsible for adversely affecting toddler and teenage academic performance and psychoemotional well-being.4 Are you a mother who has felt depressed, alone, tired even exhausted, overwhelmed, and unable to cope with the mountain of responsibilities? Mothers do have more responsibilities than ever with more mothers working both outside and inside the home. We live in a two income society now where it has become almost impossible for a family to get
The American Mother Magazine
Feature | by on one income. In addition, 75% of household management and child rearing still falls to mothers who also work outside the home.5 Further, families members often no longer live in proximity to one another because of job availability, choices in education, personal, or professional decisions or requirements. This means mothers can’t drop their children off with a relative to run important errands, go to work, go to a doctor’s appointment, or even to get a moment of silence to deal with existing problems or trauma. The FMLA may be in place in the US, but it is for a finite amount of unpaid leave and is reserved only for employees of large companies.
Where does that leave those women who own or work for small businesses? When will there be change in America to support mothers, parents, and all childcare givers? Change usually starts at a grassroots level with the persons who are being adversely affected by the situation. That would mean mothers organizing themselves to become active in policy by: 1. Joining together and supporting one another through communities of support like National Association of Mothers’ Centers, my blog here on, Fit and Fearless Birth, Modern Mom, and others. 2. Entering the political arena to create change. However, this is difficult to do if we cannot garner any support to re-enter (and remain) in the work force. I often say that the best I can do, failing aspiration to a political office where mothers’ rights was high on my agenda, is raise sensitive, intelligent sons who will fight for their mother and the rights of all mothers. (I currently have three sons who are already learning the ropes.) The bottom line is, we must find (and fight for) a way to be agents of change.
3. Getting involved with existing organizations who are already working for mothers’ rights. See the Resource List below for more information on depression, postpartum depression, and the movement to create what could be called a “Mothers’ Bill of Rights.”
What would be included in a “Mothers’ Bill of Rights?” There is not enough space in a blog forum to discuss discrimination against parents (both mothers and fathers) in our workplace and social forums today. However, a mothers’ bill of rights might just as well be named the “Parental Bill of Rights” because it would help eliminate workplace and social discrimination against American families. It would implement a paternal leave policy, breastfeeding rights, inclusion of caregiving (for both the young and elderly) social policies (such as Family Friendly Jury Duty Laws) and include caregiving in the GDP (gross domestic product) as put forth by Ann Crittenden in her book, The Price of Motherhood. It would implement policies suggested in Dr. Riane Eisler’s bestselling book, The Real Wealth of Nations, and in her Caring Economics Campaign. Lastly, it would set up social security credits or related policies to safeguard those who have sacrificed to spend a life in caregiving. As it stands now, women and their children are the poorest segment of society.4 They unfortunately have to depend on the handouts of others (usually their spouse’s retirement). In fact, just being a woman means you are most likely to be poor in your old age, based on the number of “zero income” years that women have on their social security statement compared to men.6
Sources 1. USA Today, July 26, 2005. 2. Regier DA, Narrow WE, Rae DS, et al. The de facto mental and addictive disorders service system. Epidemiologic Catchment Area prospective 1-year prevalence rates of disorders and services. Archives of General Psychiatry, 1993; 50(2): 85-94. 3. Narrow WE. One-year prevalence of mental disorders, excluding substance use disorders, in the U.S.: NIMH ECA prospective data. Population estimates based on U.S. Census estimated residential population age 18 and over on July 1, 1998. Unpublished. 4. Science Daily, 1999. 5. United Nations Conference on Trade and Development. TRADE AND DEVELOPMENT BOARD, Fifty-second session Geneva, 3-14 October 2005. 6. US Office of Social Security Administration: Office of Policy. 2000
It is time for change. Value must be given to parenting objectively instead of forcing us (parents) to be deafened by the continual din of empty lip service that rises from the streets of our hometowns and inside the political beltway of Washington D.C.
Resources Caring Economics Campaign (www.caringeconomy.org)
The Glass Hammer (www.theglasshammer.com)
National Association of Mothers’ Centers (www.motherscenter.org)
Your (Wo)man in Washington (http://wiw.motherscenter.org)
National Women’s Law Center (www.nwlc.org)
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
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| Feature
Domestic Vio
Starting By Gina Messina-Dysert, Ph.D.
Domestic violence continues to be a massive threat to mothers and children in the US and around the world. Statistics demonstrate that domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women. Every 9 seconds a woman is beaten in the US and at least 1 in 3 women has experienced violence in her lifetime globally. Beyond this devastating reality, many are unaware that every year upwards of 10 million children witness domestic violence.
About The Author Gina Messina-Dysert, Ph.D. is Dean of the School of Graduate and Professional Studies at Ursuline College and National Chair of Education for American Mothers, Inc.
Domestic violence is also a major contributor to homelessness. Families with children in particular are impacted and a recent study demonstrated that 50% of homeless mothers and children are fleeing domestic violence. In addition, every year in the US about 8 million days of paid work are lost by victims of domestic violence. In a one day census conducted by the National Network to End Domestic Violence on September 12, 2012, 86% of domestic violence programs were evaluated. The study demonstrated that on that single day 64,324 victims were served. There were also 10,471 requests for service that were unmet and 65% of those related to emergency shelter or transitional housing.
Generally, when we think of domestic violence, we immediately recognize the need for shelters, counseling, and medical assistance. However, there are additional services that are needed but are often overshadowed by the larger issues - particularly transitional housing and basic household items. Mothers and children who enter emergency shelters need to eventual transition to a new housing situation. When leaving a shelter, women and families are often entering a situation with little financial support and few items to begin their new lives. Studies demonstrate that nearly 65% of women who use shelter services leave within one month - very little time to prepare. Thus, mothers and children are beginning their new lives with no beds, no
For More Information‌ For more information on the Domestic Violence Counts Census Report 2012 please visit www.nnedv.org.
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For more information on domestic violence statistics, please visit www.domesticviolencestatistics.org.
The American Mother Magazine
Feature |
lence and
Over dishes, no appliances, etc. Starting over is very difficult when resources are limited or even non-existent. Having spent nearly a decade working in shelters with victims of domestic violence, the lack of resources for women and children moving on to the next chapter of their lives was, and continues to be, a constant challenge. Although the shelters do receive donations, the need is much greater than what is given. In addition, what is donated is not always practical. While used items are certainly welcomed, broken items or items that pose safety risks are problematic. Unfortunately, the good intents of some do not always take into consideration whether or not items will actually benefit a person in need.
“Every 9 seconds a woman is beaten in the US and at least 1 in 3 women has experienced violence in her lifetime globally.”
Recognizing that a new life means more than a new location, American Mothers, Inc. will sponsor the National Mom to Mom Service Day in the month of May, 2014. As an organization dedicated to improving the lives of mothers and children, AMI is bringing moms across the US together to collect household items for mothers who are in shelters and want a “do over.” Items that will be collected include (but are not limited to) bedding, towels, dishes, utensils, silverware, glassware, pots and pans, small appliances, window treatments, lamps, and clocks. For more information on National Mom to Mom Service Day and to find out how you can participate please visit www.americanmothers.org.
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
19
| Parenting
Wisdo In Parenting
A Letter to My Children,
by Ginger Garner
Dear Michael, William, and James,
In 2012 the National Association of Mothers’ Centers asked me to write a letter to my children in recognition of Mother’s Day, as a way to impart to the world what wisdom I would like to pass on to them. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever written, by far, especially since it is only 650 words or so. This letter to my children is a letter to all children - in hopes that it can help parents everywhere pass on wisdom they embody to realize a more peaceful and compassionate world.
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If I pass any wisdom to you, I want it to be love. I love you greatly and pray, that in being loved immeasurably, you will love greatly too. Love will help you endure all kinds of loss. But know the spirit can never be lost. Faith in this hope will never betray you. Death should be no more traumatic than taking off an old coat. – Bhagavad Gita Owning a steady inner peace is not easy, but is worth tirelessly pursuing. Its pursuit is symbiotic with pursuit of the Greater Good, something bigger than your own desires. However, never mistake age for wisdom. I have in others, and ended up being belittled and my spirit left broken and diminished. A true mentor, no matter what their age, will make you feel that you can become great too.
country. If you do not have a passion to fight for their rights, then you do not value your own. Second, celebrate the beauty in diversity. Men and women are all created equal. Respect the differences in each other that give us the passion and creativity to give birth to new life, on all levels. Love each other deeply… offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. – St. Peter Third, protect Mother Earth. Native American Cherokee blood runs in your veins, and the neighboring Iroquois Nation law says, “whatever we do in our deliberations we must consider the effect it will have on the next seven generations.”
Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to Keep away from those who try to belittle be. This is the interrelated structure of your ambitions. Small people always reality. – Martin Luther King, Jr. do that, but the really great make you Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, believe that you too can become great. goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, – Mark Twain and self-control are the tenets of an Realizing your dreams depends on that incorruptible moral foundation. If you feeling of satisfaction inner peace brings evaluate your actions based on these when you realize you are doing what you qualities, you will never be led astray. are destined for. Many wise men and Doing this will lead you down the road women have spoken of this idea, but less traveled. Do not fear this path. before it can be realized, a few things Speaking out for and doing what is right must happen. on this earth is never easy, and oftenFirst, fight against inequities that optimes, not popular. Pursue your passion press others, especially mothers, since with integrity, and remember no success they nurture the future of our great can compensate for failure in the home. The American Mother Magazine
m
Essay |
Mother
What My Means to Me By Ariana Ford, California
*Winner of the 5th Grade Essay Contest
Treat all God’s creatures, friend and foe, as fragile and delicate, because that is what we are. Physically, take care of body, mind, and spirit. Their strength is intertwined. Emotionally, cast aside the folly of peer pressure. Wisdom sometimes also means knowing what to ignore. – William James Intellectually, embody the humility of a perpetual student, found in all great leaders because they are always open to the better way. Relationally, you do not always have to “fix” problems. Speak less. Listen more. He who hears not the music thinks the dancer mad. – African proverb Energetically, you are responsible for the energy you bring into a room. Choose to bring the spirit of nonviolence into your surroundings, wherever you are. Spiritually, you will meet persons of diverse backgrounds on your journey. Do not judge them. Love them.
My mother means so much to me! She is more than a mother to me, she is my best friend. I don’t know how I could live without her! She tucks me in at night, makes me the most delectable meals, cleans our house until it shimmers, helps me with my homework, and most of all, loves me for who I am! If I was put into her place I probably wouldn’t get through a day! I know that I sometimes give her a hard time, and I know it isn’t the right thing to do, so I am honestly very sorry for that. My mom is my idol, and I will always look up to her! Thank you mom for being the world’s most magnificent mother!
Meditate to find common ground with others. Never stop searching for Truth. Share in friends’ struggles (not just their triumphs). What we share can be a powerful, uniting force to create peace on this earth. A mind at peace, a mind focused on not harming others, is stronger than any physical force in the universe. Unknown love infinitely,
Mom Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
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| AMI Convention “I was very proud to represent Washington DC as the DC Mother of the Year for the NY Convention. It was a very special time with so many incredible women.”
2013 NATIONAL CONVENTION
Fabulous job this weekend! I got so much more than I imagined out of these 4 days! Amazing friends and a new found passion with the Make Mothers Matter effort. Really, congratulations!
2014
Take time out to catch your breath and soar with us to new heights at the beautiful Broadmoor Hotel & Resort in Colorado Springs! We’ll be talking health and wellness for you and your family combined with fun networking events, inspirational speakers and special time for mom! Not too mention our exciting Gala and the recognition of those special moms making a difference! Plan on meeting us in the mountains
April 24-26, 2014! 22
The American Mother Magazine
“AMI does a fantastic job. I am proud to have the opportunity to experience the convention with some great mothers!”
“The clock struck 12 and we all had to go back to our lives, but boy was it fun to be at the ball!”
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
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Motherhood...
Soaring to New Heights 2014 American Mothers National Convention Visit www.americanmothers.org for event details!
April 24-26, 2014 The Broadmoor, Colorado Springs, CO Near the American Mothers Chapel