the
Featuring Moms Making a Difference Motherhood and the Feminization of Poverty A Nomadic Childhood Published by American Mothers, Inc.速
Winter 2014
| About American Mothers Inc.®
Do you know a special mother? If so, consider nominating her for Mother of the Year, Young Mother or one of our Mother of Achievement Awards by visiting www.american mothers.org.
American Mothers, Inc. American Mothers, Inc.® is committed to valuing mothers through service and education and has been MomStrong since 1935. As the official sponsor of Mother’s Day and the Mother of the Year®, American Mothers continues the legacy of celebrating motherhood. Honoring the mission of the organization founders Sara Delano Roosevelt, Mamie
Nomination forms with the necessary information will be available after Mother’s Day.
Eisenhower, JC Penney, and Norman Vincent Peale, American Mothers is dedicated to reducing rates of violence and improving the lives of mothers and families in the US and around the world. Each year American Mothers honors motherhood by naming the National Mother of the Year® and hosting the Mom to Mom Conference. As an NGO centered at the United Nations and leader of the Global Motherhood Coalition, American Mothers organizes annual panel discussions and participates in high level meetings focused on addressing global struggles for mothers and families. By bringing mothers together from across the country, American Mothers organizes maternal energy for positive change. Many outstanding individuals throughout the US have served as officers, leaders, members, and supporters of American Mothers including Phyllis Marriott, Congresswoman Corrinne “Lindy” Boggs, and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. After 80 years we are still MomStrong!
Join Us! Our Mission
To champion women by honoring, educating and serving mothers at home, at work and in the world.
Our Vision
To be a nationally recognized and respected voice on issues impacting mothers.
Our Values
• An abiding respect for mothers and their role in society. • A desire for collaboration between mothers in service for the common good. • A heart of compassion for issues and challenges facing mothers around the globe. • An acknowledgement of diversity among mothers and their individual choices. • A recognition of the power of a mother’s inner strength. • A commitment to honor mothers for their leadership and service at home, at work and in the world.
2
The American Mother Magazine
About American Mothers Inc.® |
Letter from the Director Happy New Year! As we embrace the New Year we are also enthusiastic about the expansion of our organization into the states of Arkansas, Ohio, Montana, New Mexico, North Carolina, Tennessee and Wisconsin! What tremendous growth! People from all around the country have been recognizing the special mothers in their life by nominating them for our awards and joining the organization! It’s so exciting to see people “liking us” on Facebook, tweeting about #MomStrong and being part of our global initiatives on maternal violence issues, our work with the United Nations and our national projects like the 5th Grade Essay Contest and ABC Quilts. Have you renewed your membership for 2014? If not, you can go online or contact the office at info@americanmothers. org and we will process it for you.
Another especially exciting event in 2014 will be our National Mom to Mom Conference at the Broadmoor Hotel and Resort in Colorado Springs, Colorado from April 24-27, 2014. I hope you are planning to attend and help American Mothers come together to honor and recognize outstanding women for their contributions to their families and community. While we are there, we will also examine the challenges mothers are facing with an engaging line-up of speakers, panel discussions and special events. It’s an exciting time for American Mothers as we continue to grow and remain dedicated to the amazing world of motherhood. I’m excited that we can convene and celebrate the opportunity to envision, empower and educate each other. American Mothers remains committed to support all mothers and together we will make a difference. We continue to grow and provide support to our membership with the bi-annual magazine, the Annual
Conference, state associations, via social media and our website. I hope you are as proud of the organization as I am and are excited about where we are headed. Before I close, I’d like to thank each of your for being a part of American Mothers, for attending our conference and bringing your enthusiasm to the organization. You are truly our greatest asset and we could not accomplish what we do without your support. I look forward to seeing you in April in Colorado Springs and during 2014, I ask you to stay engaged and help us shape the future of all American Mothers. On behalf of AMI’s executive staff, Happy New Year! — Andrea Ball, Executive Director
Table of
contents
3 4 5 8
Letter from the Director Letter from the President From the States Member Profile Moms Making A Difference: JaLynn Prince
10 14 16 18
Member Profile Moms Making A Difference: Becky Ortyl
Feature A Nomadic Childhood
Feature Domestic Violence: A Global Epidemic
20 22 23
2014 Commission on the Status of Women Social Media Spotlight 365 Mothers
Essay hat My Mother W Means to Me
Feature Giving Birth: The Voices of Culturally Diverse Women
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
3
| About American Mothers Inc.®
Letter From the President
American Mothers, Inc.®
Executive Director: Andrea Ball Membership: Jacquie Ball info@americanmothers.org
2013-14 AMI Board of Directors
President: Joan Braitsch 1st Vice President: Dianne Callister 2nd Vice President: Vivian Dibb 3rd Vice President: Carrie Leonard Secretary: Yolanda Perez Treasurer: Valerie Earnshaw Area IA Coordinator: Sherri Zirker Area IB Coordinator: Debbie Sipos Area II Coordinator: Joyce Stevens Area III Coordinator: Renee Devine Area IV Coordinator: Carolyn Branagan Area V Coordinator: Dawn Briggs Area VI Coordinator: Maria Amalbert Immediate Past-President: Connell Branan Nominating Chairman: Karen King Awards Chairman: Kathy Walker Public Relations Chairman: Krista Ritacco Membership Chairman: Jennifer Larsen Endowment Fund: JaLynn Prince Education Chairman: Gina Messina Dysert Literacy Chairman: Kimberly Stevenson Mother of the Year Search: Lela Sullivan Young Mother Search: Julie Starr Parliamentarian: Deanne Taylor National Mother of the Year: Judy Cook National Young Mother of the Year: Tara Trobaugh
The American Mother Magazine Editor Connell Branan Contributors Dianne Callister Lynn Clark Callister Brandon Carter Gina Messina Dysert JaLynn Prince Helen Walker
American Mothers is on the move! With an expanded emphasis on social media, our reach has broadened significantly! More people are being introduced to American Mothers via the Internet, and nominations for our awards have been received even in states where there is no active association. Now, a new American Mothers blog will help us share the incredible stories of mothers making a positive difference with a bold new initiative, 365 Mothers! Take a look at americanmothersblog. com and let us know what you think! If you know of a mom you think should be profiled, email us at mothers365@gmail. com or awards@americanmothers.org with her story. In March, a very exciting educational collaboration will take place between American Mothers and the United Nations. As a Non-Governmental Organization at the UN, American Mothers will host our third annual panel discussion on relevant issues impacting motherhood at the UN Commission on the Status of Women in New York City. You are invited to attend! This collaboration continues to provide insight into the issues of mothers and children across the globe and we are better able to serve the mothers in America with that under-
the
During May, in honor of Mother’s Day, American Mothers will launch a dynamic program focusing on a critical need of mothers across the country. Women and their children being sheltered in domestic violence centers need household items as they return to living on their own. Our state associations will focus on providing requested items in order to help moms in crisis across the country with a new beginning. Now for some fun! Let’s focus on promoting your health and happiness for three days in Colorado Springs, Colorado at our 2014 Mom to Mom Conference at the Broadmoor Hotel and Resort from April 24-27, 2014. Join us for inspirational speakers, special events, panel discussions on relevant topics and networking with other amazing mothers in this resort setting – you can even visit the American Mothers Chapel in the Garden of the Gods while you are there! So much excitement -we can’t wait to share it with you and look forward to seeing you in the mountains! — J oan Braitsch, President American Mothers, Inc.®
Winter 2014
Design & Layout Kalico Design Frederick, MD www.kalicodesign.com
On the Cover: Featuring Moms Making a Difference Motherhood and the Feminization of Poverty A Nomadic Childhood
This issue celebrates moms making a difference at home, at work and in the world in conjunction with our 365Mothers Initiative (p.22). Do you know a special mom? We’d love to share her story!
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
4
standing. The impact of American Mothers will be felt internationally as well with 2014 being the twentieth anniversary celebration of the United Nation’s International Year of the Family.
The American Mother Magazine
State Updates |
Our Moms in Action ARIZONA
NEBRASKA
Recognizing how hard Mother’s Day (or any day) can be for moms who have children in the hospital, the Arizona Association conducted a service project for mothers of hospitalized infants. A total of 40 gift bags filled with goodies, journals, books, and gift cards were donated. The gift bags were given to mothers of babies in the NICU at Phoenix Children’s Hospital and to the mothers in the ante-partum unit at Banner Desert Medical center (pregnant women on bed rest to prevent premature delivery.)
Nebraska mothers worked in conjunction with a local high school English teacher in Seward to organize a Quiz Bowl at the local school. They had 41 teams participate which has made this annual Quiz Bowl a fabulous fundraiser for the organization. The Nebraska Association is planning to host a Mom to Mom event in June that will include a craft show, literature competition and book sale.
We’re Growing! American Mothers is on the move and expanding into Arkansas, Ohio, Montana, New Mexico, North Carolina, Tennessee and Wisconsin! Email us at info@ americanmothers.org for more information about activities in these new states!
– Julie Lemons, Nebraska State President
– Susan Ray, Arizona State President
OKLAHOMA DC METRO
The DC Metro and Maryland mothers were glad to help co-sponsor the Mom to Mom Conference in Northern Virginia last September with the National Board of Directors. Topics included Public Policy and the Family, Mommy Trends, Safeguarding Women Against Violence and Motivational Moments for Moms. – Vanessa Antrum, DC Metro President
Oklahoma is excited to be working with the YWCA at their shelter for victims of domestic violence. One of the largest facilities in the country with an average of 50 women and children weekly, it is also one of the only shelters nationwide to accept mothers with teenage boys. Our 2013 Mother of the Year Jan Schechter, has been assisting with meals at the shelter on a monthly basis while other members and their children have been contributing volunteer time and resources to meet the many needs of these women and children who are seeking safety. Oklahoma mothers also held a successful reception in January to honor all of the inspirational
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
5
| State Updates
Our Moms in Action Send Us Your News! AMI wants to share your good news and experiences with our members!
women nominated for Mother of the Year, Young que Quieren Sonreir” (Home for Children that Mother and Mother of Achievement. The 2014 Want to Smile) and is the only one of its kind in honorees will be recognized by the Governor and Puerto Rico and the entire Caribbean. Legislature at the State Capitol in April! More than a service project, María is now – Connell Branan, Oklahoma State President working on a full time basis with the American Cancer Society, Puerto Rico. She has also been a member of the National Board of Directors of the American Cancer Society. The Puerto Rico membership of American Mothers is very proud of Maria’s extraordinary accomplishment.
PUERTO RICO
Send your State Association updates and photos (must be 300+ dpi) to: info@americanmothers.org.
Save the Date! Join us in New York at the United Nations. We’ll be hosting a panel discussion at the Commission on the Status of Women, March 10-21, 2014!
– Yolanda Perez, Puerto Rico President
MAINE
Maria cuts the ribbon at the opening ceremony, accompanied by children and the current Governor of Puerto Rico and the First Lady of the Island on the opening day, June 21, 2013. Facing cancer is hard. Having to travel out of town for treatment can make it even harder. Yet the American Cancer Society in Puerto Rico has a place where children with cancer and other cancer patients and their caregivers can find help and hope when home is far away. Maria Cristy, Puerto Rico 2013 State Mother of Achievements awardee, and mentor to the new $3.6 million facility explained that each Hope Lodge offers cancer patients and their caregivers a free place to stay when their best hope for effective treatment may be in another city. Not having to worry about where to stay or how to pay for lodging allows guests to focus on getting well. Annually in Puerto Rico, there are 12,900 cancer patients, among which 130 are children. She further commented that Hope Lodge provides a nurturing, home-like environment where guests can retreat to private rooms or connect with others. Every Hope Lodge also offers a variety of resources and information about cancer and how best to fight the disease. The Hope Lodge in Puerto Rico was named “Hogar Niños
6
The Maine Association hosted their an annual Christmas Party for children at a local residential home. They played games, sang songs, and provided Christmas gifts to the children. – Anne Giroux, Maine State President
UTAH
Utah mothers are busy and growing! A formal organization meeting was held in October for Utah County Moms. The elected officers were put in
The American Mother Magazine
State Updates |
place and in mid-November they had a meeting to create a yearly calendar of activities. What an incredible group of women who are so dedicated to serving others and are making a difference in their community and state. Also in October, our National Mother of the Year, Judy Cook along with her husband, hosted a table at the First Lady Jeanette Herbert’s Uplift Families event in Provo. They were able to talk to many outstanding mothers and make some good contacts for the organization. The Fifth Grade Essay contest is well underway in Utah with mothers throughout the state in place to encourage participation and to collect the essays as they are submitted to us. This has been a very successful activity for us in the past so we look forward to another great year. We are excited about our 2014 nominees! Our selection reception was held in January and we look forward to our Honor Open House in March! Utah is so grateful for the many wonderful mothers who serve endlessly in their homes and communities. They truly make a difference and are great examples in all they do.
2014
co conference Take time out to catch your breath at the beautiful Broadmoor Hotel & Resort in Colorado Springs! We’ll be talking health and wellness for you and your family combined with fun networking events, inspirational speakers and special time for mom! Not too mention our exciting Gala and the recognition of those special moms making a difference! Plan on meeting us in the mountains
April 24-27, 2014!
– Jenneice Beckstrand, Utah State President
WASHINGTON Our Washington Mother of the Year, Francine Cowie volunteered writing letters to military service men and women through Operation Gratitude as part of the National Christmas Tree exhibit. The National Christmas Tree travelled through the state of Washington before heading to Washington DC for display.
Do You Blog?
Do you blog? Have a fun story for us that other mom’s could relate to? Or maybe an inspirational story about your passion for motherhood? Become a guest blogger for American Mothers and share it with us! If you are interested, head over to americanmothersblog.com and share your story with us!
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
7
| Member Profile
Moms
Making A
Difference Meet JaLynn Prince JaLynn Prince is the mother of three children: Chad, who works in film production; Lauren, a producer at NBC (New York); and Madison, who lives at home. Although JaLynn has received accolades for her many accomplishments, she values most being a mother and her recognition as the National Young Mother of the Year in 1999 is one of her meaningful honors.
The Madison House Autism Foundation…
is a public 501 c 3 non-profit organization working to eliminate barriers and increase opportunities for the rapidly growing numbers of adults with autism. Its immediate priority is to address the near total lack of flexible housing options for autistic adults and its programs and philosophy are based on the belief that sustainable, replicable solutions must engage all sectors including public and private sectors, non-profits, families and advocates.
8
JaLynn Prince is the president and co-founder of Madison House Autism Foundation. Mrs. Prince found herself thrust into the world of autism advocacy 24 years ago with the birth of her third child, Madison. As she gradually became aware of the scope of Madison’s disability, she became and remains a tireless advocate for him, for others with autism, and for all adults with disabilities. Headquartered in Montgomery County, MD, Madison House works nationally to further its mission of helping families cope with
issues affecting autistic adult children. JaLynn’s passion also lies in her global humanitarian photography work. For nearly two decades, JaLynn Prince has been deeply involved in photography and photo journalism and has been tutored and mentored by National Geographic photographer Steve McCurry, perhaps best known for his award-winning photo, Afghan Girl. Her travels have taken her to 27 countries and five continents, including many portions of the United States, South Asia, Mexico, Guatemala, Lithuania, Myanmar (Burma), India, Kenya, Jordan and, most recently, Cuba. JaLynn and her husband, Dr. Gregory Prince, founded Madison House Autism Foundation simply because children with autism become adults with autism. The following excerpt provides a glimpse into their families experience with autism.
Another sleepless night with Madison, with his needing me to be next to him to try to soothe his anxieties. Exhaustion would overcome him at 4:00 AM. I was up at 7:00 AM the next morning for a meeting on Capitol Hill followed by a press interview in which I must have looked – and sounded – disheveled. My schedule with Madison isn’t unusual for families dealing with profound autism. Autistics want to know what to expect from day-to-day and we have not been able to tell Madison what is next in his life. Madison spent a year in what looked to be a promising situation to introduce him to life without high school. Instead of structure and support, he encountered a program that showed a total lack of understanding how to work with autism. It was chaotic, The American Mother Magazine
Member Profile | unstructured, and the staff had no idea what Autistics need to be able to succeed. These well-meaning people failed Madison. He went into a deep slump and acted out in manners we had never seen. In his way, he was asking, “What is going to happen to me?” Though I work in the autism field, I have had no answers for him.
We can continue to work for flexible transition programs with supports that help our adult children feel valued and be part of our community. We are identifying, promoting, sharing innovative housing models and empowering small groups across the country to develop local solutions to our collective tragedy. We can make a difference.
The one positive thing I can tell him is that his harrowing experiences give us renewed passion to continue to advance a national conversation that can move us from awareness to acceptance to action for all of the Madisons in this country. THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF FAMILIES trying to get appropriate help for their adult children with autism.
Five million adults with autism and other intellectual/developmental disabilities face the prospect of a future of isolation. It is a challenge we must never turn away from — no matter how many sleepless nights we face. Please support us in our work and share this with other parents of adult children on the autism spectrum.
Madison doesn’t have the words to describe the frustration he feels now that school has ended. Transition services are less than optimal, he’s faced with changes that he cannot accommodate, and he’s been separated from people he has grown to trust and who understood him, and this creates a level of anxiety that is painful to watch. Madison and many more Autistics around the country are faced with that exact scenario. Madison cannot tell his story, but we can. Many others have no way of relating their personal journeys because they are exhausted just getting through the day.
About Autism One in 88 children have autism.1 As shocking as this number is, it represents just a fraction of the total picture. Uncounted teenagers, adults and seniors today are living with autism. Millions more parents and grandparents are impacted — economically, emotionally and socially. They struggle to balance jobs and family, provide home care, identify and qualify for support services, and find a safe, loving home for their adult child against the day when they themselves are no longer living. The good news is that increasing investment in research and intensive therapy for children is helping. New advances are helping non-verbal children learn to communicate. But investment in services, to help those living with autism, is largely non-existent for adults.2 And most will still never be able to live independently when they reach adulthood. The need for care and support does not end when a child with autism turns 21. Tragically, most available services do. Millions are struggling without help or hope for the most basic quality of life and a place to call home.
What happens when children with autism become adults with autism? • School programs end for autistic children at 21. With no alternative, the adult with autism lives at home with little to no social interaction. • Autistic adults experience 85% unemployment, despite a strong desire to work and often exceptional specific skills. • More than 850,000 adults with Intellectual or Developmental Disabilities (I/DD) are living with family caregivers older than 60. Government is unprepared to help.3 • Without group housing or employment for their loved ones, millions of parents provide home care for their entire lives and live each day not knowing what will happen to their adult child when they die. 1. Visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/index.html 2. In 2010, autism research on lifespan issues received less than 2% of total funding. See iacc.hhs.gov 3. As an example, HUD’s Project Rental Assistance Demonstration project funds less than 1% of need.
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
9
| Member Section Head Profile
Moms
Making A
Difference
Becky Ortyl, A Broken Heart for Better Lives By Brandon Carter Onesies. Pacifiers. Endless stashes of diapers. A crib. All involving some hue of a soft blue, to meet the needs of a soon-to-arrive baby boy. Pouring over names, and gently rebuffing the unsolicited suggestions from friends. Avoiding the random ladies at the grocery store who think a pregnant belly is some sort of crystal ball to be touched and rubbed. Then everything changes. Something is wrong, and the baby isn’t likely to survive, for very long at least. All the planning is seemingly for naught, and is replaced by a very different, very difficult line of plans — plans for a battle, then plans for when that battle is inevitably lost. The loss of a child is something everyone fears. Just thinking of it causes a heaviness on the heart, a cold sweat and even a tiny flinch, an instinctive reach out for your healthy, living children. It’s an intense, nightmarish, life-altering trial to endure. But in the case of one mother, and her brave little boy, that struggle created something that’s helping hundreds of families across the country in similar battles. 10
If a mother is mourning not for what she has lost but for what her dead child has lost, it is a comfort to believe that the child has not lost the end for which it was created. – CS Lewis Oakes Ortyl was 20 weeks along, in his mother’s belly, when doctors noticed an irregularity in his heart. The diagnosis: truncus arteriosus. It meant he had only one major valve exiting his heart
The American Mother Magazine
Member Profile | instead of two, as well as missing portions of the wall that separates the two lower chambers. The result is a deadly mix of oxygen-poor blood. There is no known cause; baby Oakes was likely conceived with the disease. “While we were waiting on a lung transplant, we were told that he would pass,” said the boy’s mother, Becky Fox Ortyl. “We were told we would bury our son. It was just a matter of time.” But before he moved on, he had gifts to give.
Meaning Amidst the Struggle
“A few friends just took the fundraiser and ran with it,” Becky said. “They organized a silent auction and golf tournament…and they raised over $100,000 for us.” Unbeknownst to the Ortyls at the time,100% of those funds would eventually be distributed to others.
Growing Through Giving With so much time spent waiting outside the ICU, the Ortyls developed a community with other families who were fighting alongside sick babies. Other families struggling to find meaning and normalcy in the midst of crisis.
Oakes Lee Ortyl was born March 10, 2011. Ten Fighting congenital heart disease can cost miltiny fingers surrounding tiny hands, little toes lions of dollars. While insurance does cover a wiggling…everything most healthy little boys good portion of that for most families, they still are born with. Except for his heart. struggle to meet even simple needs, like paying rent or buying groceries. Some families don’t By the time he turned two months old, he live near the hospitals their children are being had endured two open heart surgeries. At four months he would have a lung transplant, a rarity among infants. He endured enough to make grown men crumble, but the tiny baby only knew love. “He needed that critical care, but there were months where he was really doing great,” Becky said. “There were big windows where he was rocking it. Beating the odds.” Home wasn’t an option. Over the course of a year and a half, Oakes would get to spend exactly 18 days in his home. The rest were spent in a hospital, with his family nearby round the clock. For Becky and her husband Greg, a tireless effort was underway to maintain as much normalcy as possible for their daughter, two year old Isla. They stayed by Oakes’ side in shifts, Becky during the day while Greg worked, a brief dinner together as a family, then Greg would head to the hospital. “Finances weren’t a concern, and we had friends and family lining up to offer food, laundry, money, anything we needed. More than we anticipated,” Becky said. Though Greg’s insurance was sufficient, and his job understanding of the situation, a hospital financial advisor suggested they hold a fundraiser for emergency funds. They needed to come up with $20,000 to $30,000. And thus came one of Oakes’ first gifts.
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
11
| Member Profile
treated at, so they have to stay in hotels, where costs snowball very quickly.
Saying Goodbye
The Ortyls were frequently told that the end was near, that Oakes wouldn’t make it through the night. “But he always did, he’d wake up smiling like, ‘Hey, what’s going on guys?’” Becky said. Eventually he seemed to hit a wall, and he bounced back weaker every time. The smiles The St. Louis Children’s Hospital social workers helped evaluate applicants, and while Oakes and bursts of energy became less frequent. It was time. was still fighting for every breath, confined to a crib with tubes and wires going every which “We were asked to come in for a ‘care conferway, he was changing lives across the country. ence,’ and we knew this conversation was comThrough the newly-minted Mighty Oakes Heart ing,” Becky recalled. “We thought it would be a Foundation. couple of his doctors, to tell us it was over. But “We knew we wouldn’t need that money as bad as some of the families in ICU, so we started a foundation,” Becky said. “Within months we had applications coming in.”
“Before Oakes, we weren’t that kind of family at all,” Becky said. “We cut a couple checks to charities we weren’t really connected to, but it felt right. “Oakes just catapulted us in a completely different direction. This wasn’t my plan.” The dramatic shift for the Ortyl family was another of Oakes’ countless gifts.
there were at least twenty people in the room.” It was nurses, ICU doctors, cardiologists, pulmonologists…basically everyone who had come into contact with the little boy named Oakes. Somber but straightforward, the group told them what they’d feared: all options were exhausted, and Oakes was going to die. It was time to let him go. “It was every parent’s nightmare: we’re learning that our son is going to die,” Becky said. “And
If a mother is mourning not for what she has lost but for what her dead child has lost, it is a comfort to believe that the child has not lost the end for which it was created. – CS Lewis 12
The American Mother Magazine
Member Profile | we’re going to have make decisions on how, and it was just horrible.” Once that news was delivered, the doctors and nurses shed the professional airs and became extraordinarily human. “These were very professional, brilliant doctors from all over the world, who had been amazing caregivers but a little standoffish. Friendly, but still professional,” Becky said. “They all started tearing up, and told us how much they loved Oakes, how much they loved us, how they were devastated.” “Someone in the room said, ‘I don’t know how Oakes did it, I don’t know how he lived so long, got through everything he got through.’” In response, one of the chief physicians at the hospital, a stern, quiet man spoke up. “I know why he lived this long,” the doctor said. “He lived this long because you guys showed up every day and loved him like crazy. You gave him every reason to fight. His life, according to him, was pretty great.”
In just two years, Mighty Oakes Heart Foundation has raised over $500,000 dollars, and helped hundreds of families get through some of the most trying times in their lives. Today, Becky is pregnant with the third Ortyl child. Isla is 4.5 years old, and looking forward to her new sibling, as well as missing her brother. “He’s been gone for over a year and a half, and I still can’t wrap my brain around it,” Becky said. But life is good, she says. Word of Mighty Oakes Heart Foundation made it all the way to us here at American Mothers, and one of our members nominated Becky for Young Mother of the Year in 2013, an honor she carries for the state of Missouri. We’re glad to have her as part of our organization, and today we’re honored to be able to tell her story.
Brandon Carter is a freelance writer and public relations professional from Salt Lake City. He can be reached at bscarter@gmail.com.
“That’s the core of why we do what we do,” Becky concluded. “If we can help the family relax and sit at their kid’s bedside, focus on that kid, love on that kid and give them every reason to fight, then I feel like we are saving the world.” Oakes died gently, in the arms of his loving family, on June 6, 2012. Ten tiny fingers went still, as did ten little toes. But sometimes tiny splashes produce big waves, and Oakes’ life continues to impact those of his family and hundreds of families across the nation.
The Oakes Legacy One in 100 children are born with congenital heart defects. 70% of those won’t be diagnosed before birth. Most of the time the families are completely unprepared to stay in the hospital for months, or bring home a child with an oxygen tank and other special equipment. And there are many of these families. More children die each year from congenital heart defects than all pediatric cancers combined. It’s the number one cause of death in children throughout the world, but is grossly underfunded in comparison to other children’s health issues. But Oakes and his family are doing what they can to raise awareness.
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
13
A No It’s white? We opened the box to our Christmas tree, and it was white. As we sat in our living room in Vienna, Austria, it only seemed fitting that we would have a white Christmas tree, since we would have a white Christmas. My grandparents picked the tree up for us in December, but we couldn’t get it back to Austria until August, when we sent our air freight from their house in West Virginia, to our new home in Vienna. The tree had been purchased almost a year ago, and there were certainly no Costco’s anywhere nearby to exchange it for a green one. As we decorated our tree, we pulled out ornaments from all around the world. Between our carved ornaments from Panama, our hanging dancing figures from Croatia, and our yearly white house ornaments (my father was on loan to the National Security Administration for two years), we have an ecliptic background. My ever-optimistic mother said, “Well, I guess we have a white tree! People pay a lot of money and spend a lot of time to make their trees white, you know.” Helen Walker is the mother of two, and a publicist for the publishing company, NiceTiger. She has a BA in communications, with an emphasis in public relations and enjoys occasionally blogging about her children at www.thenaptimediaries.blogspot.com.
14
I had a somewhat nomadic childhood. My father works for the State Department as a Foreign Service Officer. He typically gets a new assignment once every 2-4 years, in a different country. Before I turned 18 I had lived in five countries, and gone to eight different schools. My mother had a similar childhood. Her father was an agricultural attaché and she had lived in Holland, South Africa, Zimbabwe, and the Congo (then Zaire), and Maryland. I always admired my mother’s poise and strength, and hoped I would be like her.
then sent to stay with my grandparents in West Virginia for a month. Our ages were 5, 3, and 1. I remember thinking of it somewhat as a vacation. I was worried about my dad and our cat, but besides that I really enjoyed spending time at my grandparents’ house and playing with my siblings, my grandparents’ neighbors, and the other embassy children. My mother remembers it much differently! But, she never let on that she was stressed. I am only now realizing as an adult and a mother of two, the stress my mother must have felt. With every international move, I never caught on that my parents were I grew up in Panama, Paraguay, Croatia, Ausstressed or worried. We were always sad to leave tria, and in the suburbs of Washington D. C., in our home and friends, but it taught me how to both Virginia and Maryland. When we moved to move on when your world changes dramatically, Zagreb, Croatia in 1995, their war was just enda skill that’s incredibly useful as an adult, and ing. We had been there for five days when the one I hope to teach my children. embassy evacuated all of the American families to Austria. My father had to stay for work, and Becoming a parent changes your life dralived in the bomb shelter in our basement with matically. No amount of books, or talks with a radio and our pet cat. My mother, brother, sis- friends and family prepared me because I had ter and I (my youngest sister hadn’t been born to experience it for myself. Before I became yet) were sent to Vienna for a few weeks, and a parent, I sometimes unfairly judged other The American Mother Magazine
omadic Childhood
Feature |
By Helen Walker
parents by saying things like, “I’ll never do that when I have kids.” Ha! Little did I know. Now I applaud anyone who gets through the day in one clean outfit. But, my children are two of my greatest joys. They have taught me more about myself in the two and one year I’ve had them, than I knew about myself the 22 years before. I am a young mother, but I wouldn’t have wanted to spend any more time without them. My nomadic childhood, or being a “third culture kid” taught me a lot about life; adaptability, tolerance, practicality, simplicity, and opened my eyes in many ways. But, the main thing it taught me is when your world gets turned upside down, how to make the best of it. Being the new kid was never easy. Luckily, I made friends easily, but with each move came heartbreak and a longing to be with my old friends. As an adult, surprises come in all shapes and sizes. The plan I had for myself as a child, is not the life I am living now (or else I’d be a fashion designer in New York married to the youngest Hanson brother!) But, I wouldn’t want that life. We, and the world, evolve, move and change. I will try my best to teach them to be to be stable in such a chaotic world. We live in a world full of so much good, but also a lot of bad. There are a lot of distractions from what really matters. I hope they will be able to find that good, and hold on to it. My wish is that they will be able to lean and rely on it when they need it most.
mom”, although my mom, and other mothers I know and love are pretty close. Pinterest, blogs, Facebook, Instagram and all kinds of social media can cause us to think there are “perfect” mothers. There are mothers who try, and those that don’t. As long as we keep trying, we will succeed. I believe we are our children’s parents for a reason. I’m not happy because I’m a mom, I’m happy because I’m Charlotte’s and Oliver’s mom. Because I’m their mom. That is what makes all the difference.
Abraham Lincoln once said, “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” As I raise my own children, I am beginning to understand the sacrifices my mother made for us. As most mothers, she continues to sacrifice, and is a fantastic grandmother as well. I don’t believe there is such thing as “the perfect Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
15
| Feature
Domestic Violence
A Global
Gina Messina-Dysert, Ph.D. is Dean of Graduate and Professional Studies at Ursuline College and National Chair of Education for American Mothers, Inc. She has more than two decades of experience working with survivors of rape and domestic violence and continues to be active in movements focused on women’s rights. Connect with her on her website at ginamessinadysert.com, Twitter @FemTheologian, or on Facebook at Gina Messina-Dysert, Ph.D.
Moving into 2014, one thing that is very clear is that domestic violence continues to be a global epidemic that threatens the health and wellbeing of women regardless of race, culture, religion, social status, or other qualifying factors. Statistics remain stagnant with 1 in 3 women worldwide experiencing violence in her lifetime. In the Unites States, a woman is beaten every nine seconds. Domestic violence continues to be the leading cause of injury and death to women. In fact, four out of ten women murdered die at the hands of intimate partners. Disturbingly, these numbers represent a very small portion of this epidemic given that upwards of 95% of incidences go unreported. This epidemic impacts the lives of women and families in more ways than one. For instance, victims of domestic violence lose approximately eight million days of paid work each year in the US alone. This is the equivalent of 32,000 full time jobs. In addition, domestic violence is one of the leading causes of homelessness for families. Women who experience domestic violence become more vulnerable to a range of health problems, both long and short term. According to Dominique Mosbergen, the 2013 report from the World Health Organization (WHO) demonstrates that “women who experience violence at the hands of their intimate partners are more likely to suffer from depression, have alcohol use problems, unwanted pregnancies and abortions, as well as sexually transmitted infections, including HIV.” Women who experience abuse at the hands of their partners often feel isolated and without options. Children also suffer greatly in abusive households. Statistics suggest that upwards of 10 million children witness domestic violence every year.
strate that 75% of individuals know someone who has experienced domestic violence. This is a global epidemic that requires serious attention. Domestic violence can happen to anyone and affects everyone. Stagnant numbers demonstrate that action is needed and that the advancement of women’s rights around the world must continue. We need a more effective justice response to such crimes and to develop better women centered health care as called for by WHO. This said, challenging gender norms, calling for economic equality, and education rights are also a crucial part of working towards the eradication of violence against women. This is an issue that demands both reactive and proactive responses. Consider ways you might participate in both. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit www.thehotline.org for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Although many of us think this is an issue that will not impact our own lives, statistics demon-
16
The American Mother Magazine
Feature |
Epidemic By Gina Messina-Dysert, Ph.D.
American Mothers Global Coalition American Mothers is leading a global coalition focused on improving the lives of mothers and children to promote intergenerational solidarity around the world. Through the collaborative efforts of international organizations and communities, the Global Motherhood Coalition offers a comprehensive approach to research, services, and action with the mission of promoting best practices in motherhood and improving the health and wellbeing of mothers and children.
and stronger but less capable of promoting peaceful progress. Mothers will be the ones who help the smallest of citizens…our children. We can be the ones who help those who are discouraged and downtrodden. The time is now and the world needs the voices and support of American Mothers… each and every one of us.
Each month, a coalition member organization will be highlighted for their commitment to mothers and children on the AMI website. Check it frequently to find out about the amazing organizations and people who care about motherhood and are working for global change. There is a power in the role of motherhood that is still untapped and can be a force for good when other voices seem to be louder
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
17
| Feature
Giving Birth: The Voices of
Culturally Diverse Women
Lynn Clark Callister, RN, PhD, Fellow, American Academy of Nursing, Professor Emerita
Giving birth is celebrated in all cultures. Becoming a mother is a pivotal life event for a woman. There is deep meaning in the experience of bearing a child. In Russian pregnancy is referred to as v polozhemnii or “in a condition.” In Spanish, being pregnant is spoken of as “being filled with light.” Muslim women speak of omooma or “the motherhood feeling,” beautifully described in this way, “I felt that the baby and I were joined together and we were sharing the same dimensions, the same space. So as I was taking care of myself, I was caring for my baby.” Giving birth is about women’s lives, women’s wisdom, women’s bodies, and women’s empowerment. For over twenty-five years, it has been my privilege to listen to the voices of women describing their perspectives on giving birth. I have sat in the homes of Mayan women in the highlands of Guatemala, with Russian mothers in women’s clinics, and at the bedside of women in birthing centers. I have listened to women espousing Christian, Jewish, and Islamic religious traditions and those espousing no particular faith. Birth narratives have included Arabic Muslim, Armenian, Chinese, Dutch, East Indian, Ecuadorian, Finnish, Ghanian, Guatemalan, Mormon, Orthodox Jewish, Russian, South African, and Tongan mothers. Similarities and differences were noted as women made meaning of giving birth. Themes include birth as a painful and bittersweet process, birth generating a sense of mastery and personal strength, birth as a significant life event, and birth as a transcendent emotional and spiritual experience. A Muslim woman said about giving birth, “During childbirth the woman is in the hands of God. I felt like a miracle might happen—that there was something holy around me, protecting me, something beyond
18
the ordinary, a feeling, a spirit about being part of God’s creation of a child.” Women used paradoxical words to describe what giving birth is like, including tongku and zingfu. Chinese words for agony and happiness. Also in Chinese, birth is described as xianku houtian or “first bitter, then sweet.” Finnish women referred to a Finnish proverb when speaking of giving birth, “Life is more than a dance on a bed or roses.” In Spanish, no hay mal que por bien no venga means that positive outcomes can result from adversity. According to one Tongan mother, “Right before the birth, there was more pain than I could think of, but when I saw the baby and there was happiness more than I could think of.” Words used by women to describe giving birth included, “Scary, exciting, easy, peaceful, beautiful, really hard, spiritual, humbling, joyful, bittersweet, pain, overwhelming and wonderful.” Other descriptors included “Satisfying, worthwhile, hard work, exhausting, frightening, indescribable, love, caring, awe and amazement, brilliant, magic, miracle, happiness, fulfilling, unknown, exhilarating, difficult, stressful, rewarding.”
The American Mother Magazine
Feature | Women were eager to share and demonstrate a desire to articulate their birth experiences, to rehearse the details, to define the meaning. One mother said after giving birth to her first child, “There’s something about giving birth that women just love to talk about. My mother who had nine children describes all the details of her births, even though it was two or three decades ago. My grandmother who is in her sixties still talks about giving birth as though she’d done it yesterday. Women everywhere just have to tell their birth stories.” As women make meaning of giving birth, they describe a sense of personal growth with a new outlook on life, new priorities, enhanced appreciation of life, a sense of coherence with life, and a sense of well being and accomplishment. A Finnish woman said about giving birth, “It is an experience without words. There are no words to describe the experience. Perhaps only a mother’s heart can feel it.” A Chinese mother living within a governmental one-child policy for whom giving birth was a once in a life time event, “After giving birth I felt very blissful. When I see my baby boy, no matter how trying it is or how tired I feel, it’s all worth it. If I needed to give up my life for my son I will, because I feel that now I live for my son. All of my emotions—happy, angry, sad, joyful—follow my son.” There has come to me a tremendous respect for the strength and courage of women who
chose to bear and rear children, reflected in this thought expressed by an Orthodox Jewish woman, “I finally did something worthwhile in the world. I, everyone, comes here for a purpose, especially the woman. She comes to continue the generations.”
Reference
Lothian, J.A. (1998). Culturally compeAnother first time mother described her feeltent childbirth. The ings about giving birth, “It was great. I felt like a Journal of Perinatal hero—‘Hey, I made it!’ Nothing about it was easy, Education, 7(1), x-xxi. absolutely nothing. But there is a great feeling of the last minute of pushing, when [the baby] finally slides out. There is no such feeling in the world.” A Dutch woman said, “I did it! I succeeded! I am capable of doing such a thing and I am capable of being calm during the process. I felt so in touch with myself.” A Mormon mother concluded, “I’ve decided anybody who has a baby is not a wimp. If you can have a baby you can do anything!” Birth narratives provide evidence that, “All women have a rich heritage of inner wisdom about birth that has been handed down through generations of women” (Lothian, 1998, p. x). Have you written your personal story of the births of your children? Have you invited your mother to share her perspectives about when you were born? Have you asked other women to describe how they feel about giving birth? I challenge you to articulate the meaning of your birth experiences, and to listen to the voices of other childbearing women.
Lynn Callister, working with the Ministry of Health in the Ukraine to improve the maternal and infant mortality rates. Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
19
| Association News
American Mothers and the 2014 Commission on the
Status of Women “These are not women who are wondering if they can “have it all.” These are women who are already doing it all — working hard, providing, parenting, and care-giving. They’re doing it all, yet they and their families can’t prosper, and that’s weighing the U.S. economy down.”
–Maria Shriver
20
American Mothers is excited to be hosting two panels during the 58th session of the Commission on the Status of Women at the United Nations, March 10-21, 2014. Join us and keep up to date on important issues impacting mothers and children across the globe!
Motherhood and the Feminization of Poverty The feminization of poverty is a phrase that has become well known as the articulation of the current realization that women represent a significant percentage of the world’s poor. According to UNIFEM, “women bear a disproportionate burden of the world’s poverty. Statistics indicate that women are more likely than men to be poor and at risk of hunger because of the systematic discrimination they face in education, health care, employment and control of assets.” In fact, it has been estimated that women make up 70% of those suffering in poverty. A serious contributing factor to this staggering number is motherhood. Single mothers vastly outnumber single fathers and the number of single mothers continues to rise around the world. With female-headed households on the rise, so is poverty. While poverty is generally recognized as having material effects and leaving mothers in a position unable to make ends meet in general; poverty also has many social, cultural, and structural dimensions. It creates
powerlessness and oppression leaving women in general, and mothers in particular, destitute and unable to care for themselves or their children. Mothers living in poverty are often left without access to crucial resources and their labor goes unrecognized and uncompensated. In addition, health care, nutrition, and education are among those rights denied to mothers who are living in poverty. They are generally excluded from decision making in the home and in the greater community. Without access to necessary resources to improve their lived situations, mothers are relegated to a cycle of poverty. This panel will explore the feminization of poverty in multiple cultural contexts. The dimensions of poverty and their correlation with motherhood will be given particular attention. In addition, the panel will make recommendations for addressing the feminization of poverty as it relates to motherhood.
The American Mother Magazine
Association News |
Women and HIV In the last decade HIV rates among women have grown tremendously. Today, women make up 50% of those infected globally and 60% of those in sub-Saharan Africa. Gender norms and violence against women are leading causes of this increase.
This panel will examine gender norms and various forms of violence against women in relation to the rising HIV rates for women around the world. In addition, the panel will make recommendations for addressing and reducing HIV rates in women.
Norms related to masculinity encourage high rates of sexual activity, particularly with younger women which in some settings have resulted in high rates of HIV in women ages 15-24. Norms related to femininity often prevent women from accessing HIV information and services. In addition, violence against women continues to be a serious issue and is experienced by up to 60% of women around the globe causing vulnerability to HIV to be significantly increased. Rape, sexual violence, lack of education and economic security all play a significant role in the increased HIV threat to women.
Gender Norms, Violence, and the Rising Rates of HIV in Women Gender norms and gender based violence are clearly linked to the rising rates of HIV in women. Sexual assault, domestic violence, lack of education, all play a significant role in the ongoing HIV crisis for women. Here Media will explore the ways violence against women creates a vulnerability to the virus and the direct connection between gender norms and the HIV crisis for women. Recommendations for women’s empowerment with the goal of reducing HIV rates will be discussed.
Featured Panelists: Velva Dawson: Maternal Health and HIV HIV is the number one cause of death among women of reproductive age globally. In addition, this epidemic impacts women living in developing countries at a significantly higher rate. Statistics demonstrate that 1 in 10 pregnant women worldwide are infected with HIV and 1 in 4 maternal deaths are caused by HIV and AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa. Dawson will discuss the current HIV and maternal health crisis and will offer suggestions for new female initiated prevention options.
Gina MessinaDysert, Ph.D. is Dean of Graduate and Professional Studies at Ursuline College and National Chair of Education for American Mothers, Inc. She earned her Ph.D. from Claremont Graduate University in Women’s Studies and Religion and has more than two decades of experience working with survivors of rape and domestic violence. She is committed to exploring women’s issues related to social justice in a global context and continues to be active in movements supporting women’s rights. Gina blogs on a regular basis and has published multiple books and articles. She is a widely sought after speaker and has presented across the US at universities, organizations, conferences, and in the national news circuit about matters impacting women around the world. Connect with Gina on her website at ginamessinadysert.com, Twitter @FemTheologian, or on Facebook at Gina Messina-Dysert, Ph.D. Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
Aimee Utuzu: Women, HIV, and Rwanda: A Model for Sustainable Health Rwanda has been recognized for its commitment and leadership in HIV and AIDS response. With a focus on women’s and girls’ empowerment, Rwanda has made significant strides in moving from the HIV crisis to sustainable health. Utuzu will discuss this model and make suggestions for adapting it in other regions around the globe in an effort to spur global sustainable health for women.
21
365 Mothers
| Association News
Social Media Spotlight
American Mothers and the Public Relations Committee oversee all of the organizations social media outlets. These include our web site, Facebook, Twitter, Vimeo, Flickr, Pinterest, and Instagram accounts! This year, we are committed to telling more stories about the multitude of amazing moms out there with a bold new initiative: 365 Mothers!
Our world is full of a wide variety of moms who are making a positive difference and we are going to share their stories by profiling a different mother every day in 2014! To facilitate this, we have given our blog a facelift! Be sure to check it out and subscribe over at americanmothersblog.com!
Connect With Us!
We also want your help! If you know a mother we should profile, we’d love to write about her. Even better, share your story with us! If you’re interested, please send an email to awards@americanmothers.org or mothers365@gmail.com. If we were going to tell the stories of 365 mothers, we only felt it right to start at the beginning. Sara Delano Roosevelt was the first Honorary Chairman of American Mothers, and the mother of one of America’s greatest presidents, Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Sara was a driving force in the country, and major influence throughout her son’s life. The daughter of a wealthy opium merchant, she was born in 1854, and sailed across the world to Hong Kong in 1862. She was a true international mover and shaker, ingratiating herself in circles in Berlin, London, Paris and beyond. At 26 Sara married James Roosevelt, a business associate of her father’s and a man exactly twice her age. Their bond would produce one son – Franklin. She devoted her life to him, personally teaching him the basics of life, forgoing the common wealthy tradition of allowing the servant staff to manage children. And so it was as her son rose through the American political system, all the way to becoming a four-term president. And he loved her in return, valuing her input through a dramatic rebound from the Great Depression and battling Hitler in
22
World War II. Sara was there for it all. You can see it in the photos from the era. In 1933, Sara would serve as the Honorary Chairman of the American Mothers Committee, a division of JC Penny’s Golden Rule Foundation. The American Mothers Committee recognized the important role of mothers in the home, the community, the nation and the world, and presented the first Mother of the Year Award in 1935 to Lucy Keen Johnson of Georgia at the Waldorf Astoria in New York City. Sara would serve as the Honorary Chairman until her death in 1940. Sara was known to be a stubborn, strongheaded force all the way through the end. She serves as an example that a hands-on approach to raising a child can have a world-changing impact. Whether your child becomes president or not, your influence will determine the course of their life. Sara showed us that’s true, even when they’re 60 years old and the undisputed leader of the free world. To read about more inspirational mothers each day, go to www.americanmothersblog.com!
The American Mother Magazine
Mother
Association News |
What My Means to Me “My mother means so much to me. She is more than a mother to me, she is my best friend. I don’t know how I could live without her!” These simple, touching lines are from the winning entry in the 2013 American Mothers Inc.® Fifth Grade Essay Contest, written by Ariana Ford from California. What will the 2014 winner say? A longtime tradition, the Fifth Grade Essay contest aims to help children celebrate their mothers at an age where they may lose awareness of the important role moms play in their lives. The contest is open to all fifth graders (or equivalent education level.) “Besides giving children a chance to express their creativity, this contest asks them to reflect on their mothers and the impact mothers have on their lives everyday,” says Joan Braitsch, American Mothers national president.
American Mothers
Jewelry
“This is an event everyone at American Mothers looks forward to because of the expressions of love from children for their parents.” Entries are being accepted now through February 20. Each state selects a winning essay, which will then be entered into the national competition, where monetary prizes will be given to the top three essays. State winners will be announced in March, national winners in April at our National Conference. The topic of each essay is “What My Mother Means to Me.” Essays are asked to be 150 words or less and handwritten. Entry forms and instructions, along with previous winning entries, are available at americanmothers.org. Parents who would like their fifth grader’s class to participate are asked to contact info@americanmothers.org and American Mothers will try to help facilitate the contest in your child’s school next year.
Published by American Mothers, Inc.®
American Mothers has recognized its honorees with the same jewelry for over 50 years! Now, through a confluence of events, we have had the opportunity to identify a new, national supplier for our jewelry using more affordable materials. The updated pins reflect the traditional wheat garland design, in remembrance of hearth and home, that is displayed on the Historic National Mother of the Year Plaque hanging in the Waldorf Astoria. The new jewelry will be available for purchase on the AMI store this spring.
23
Celebrating Moms Making A Difference
2014 American Mothers National Convention Visit www.americanmothers.org for event details!
April 24-27, 2014 The Broadmoor, Colorado Springs, CO Near the American Mothers Chapel