Horse-Sense for Instructors

Is it Time to Leave? By Jessica Jahiel, Ph.D.

I’ve taken lessons from the same instructor for five years, was part of her first lesson program, and I feel like everything has changed, not just her personality but her basic values which were always like mine and were the reason I have stayed with her for so long. Yesterday was my lesson and she gave me a big “you need to get serious” lecture. I was floored, totally did not see or even imagine this was coming, and I don’t know what to do. Help, please. We’ve had very few talks about any of this, but it’s clear that for whatever reason, she now views my horse as “too small” and “not good enough.” I wonder if she is trying to get rid of me, she has been “collecting” students that have way more money, way more ambition, and are always ready to dump their horses and buy new fancy ones. I feel like everything has changed around here, or did I somehow not notice that this was going on?

I understand that my horse has limitations, but I’m not looking to sell him just because he’s only 15 hands!

Your history with your horse sounds admirable to me. Is it possible that your instructor has changed and come to dislike your horse for his size alone? Or could there be something else going on? I’d like to suggest a few things—true or not, you decide—for you to consider as possibilities. 1 Yourhorse has changed None of us wants to deal with the changes that reflect our horses’s age (physical or chronological), but we need to remember that our old campaigners are just that, and need to have their workloads adjusted accordingly. Sometimes injuries—even a series of minor ones over the years—and minor conformation defects, can begin to create problems in old age. Our oldies reach a point at which their jumping schedules begin to go backward. We need to ask them for fewer and less demanding jumps, less often. We may eventually reach a point at which we focus on flatwork exclusively. Changes in weather (and who hasn’t experienced those, these last few years?) can put extra stress and strain on aging muscles, tendons, ligaments, and bones...not to mention attitude, respiratory capacity, and recovery time. Higher temperatures, harder ground... a horse that handled conditions easily and well at 9 may be struggling at 19. 2 Yourinstructorhas changed What’s new or recent in your instructor’s life? Bear in mind that you may not know— many individuals prefer to keep their problems to themselves, even life-changing ones. Ask yourself if your instructor has changed—her interests, goals, or financial situation may not be what they were when you began taking lessons. She may be trying to focus on what matters most to her professionally or personally.

If she’s made the shift—mentally at least—from running a kiddie lesson barn to reinventing her facility as an upmarket show barn, she may be in a different place emotionally. Her plans may have changed and she may be expecting her students’ plans to change as well. Would you know? Can you find out?

Your instructor may have nothing against say, and the same rider five years later. If you or your horse; she may simply be comyou began taking lessons at age 10, the last municating the changes in herself or her five years represent a huge portion of your situation in an unfortunate manner. If you life. During that time, you have learned two have been close and worked together and developed a philosophy of riding, and well for 5 years, it’s possible that your interit may no longer be a good match for your ests and concerns and priorities have siminstructor’s, especially if your experiences ply diverged. From your description of the have caused your priorities and preferences situation, that seems likely. to develop along other lines.

If what your instructor sees is a talented This is part of growing up; it’s no one’s rider on an aging horse, she may honestly fault. Those five years have seen you grow feel that your horse is holding you back, and change, and your instructor may also that this will get worse as have grown and changed. you progress, and that you need a younger, stronger animal to work with. She may not understand your priorities—she may think that you just aren’t aware “ ‘Keep calm and carry on’ It’s possible that your goals and ideals, along with your chosen path to attain those ideals, no longer match your instructor’s. that a certain type, size, is good advice 4 Can you still or breed of horse will carbenefit from ry you to more, bigger, and for any number working together? better ribbons and trophies The two of you need to talk, at fancier shows—and that if your goals don’t include winning at those shows, you can’t be really serious about your riding. She may think that she is helping you ideally in a location far from the barn and at a time when you’re unlikely to be interrupted. Is there a coffee shop in your area, and can you arrange to meet there for an hour or more? ” of situations. become brave enough to make an imporIt’s important for you and your instructant, tough decision. Some riders are lucky tor to understand one another and disenough to have family farms where their cuss your individual perspectives, prioriponies or horses can retire happily; most ties, and plans. Something has changed, don’t have that option, and before they can you are right about that. But you both need begin a life with their second horse, they to understand your own and each other’s need to sell their first one. Financial reality position so that you can continue to work is such that most riders are not in a position together—or part on good terms. to keep more than one horse... YOU, on the other hand, may have considered all of this, 5 Keep it friendly and may feel that doing the right thing for It’s a decision best reached by the two of you your horse is what matters most. If you both together. Your instructor may prefer that listed your priorities from one to ten, there you now go to a barn where your wishes and might be very few matches...but before you those of the resident instructor are a better leave this instructor, please find out! match. I don’t think that your instructor has become a horrible person overnight; 3 You have changed she too is pursuing a dream. Find out what It’s possible that you have changed—your it is, and figure out whether your goals and priorities and practices, your preferences, ambitions can still be compatible with hers. your ideals—during the past years. You Humans, horses, and situations all don’t mention your age, but there can be change with time, and your needs as a a big difference between a rider at 10 or 15, developing rider and horsewoman may or may not be compatible with your instructor’s needs right now. All I can tell you is that good communication can help most people sort out their problems and differences without becoming overly emotional.

“Keep calm and carry on” is good advice for any number of situations. Your situation is difficult, but quiet, calm communication can improve it. If you can come to understand one another, you’ll be better able to work together—or to separate without drama, even if you agree to disagree.

You’re not a problem, and you can refuse to become a problem. Take a deep breath, arrange a meeting, and try to understand your instructor’s point of view. At the end of the day, you may still find that you prefer to leave, but your decision will be more rational and less emotional; less likely to leave you tied in emotional knots for months.

If you find that you still have a lot to learn and would really prefer to learn from your current instructor, again, make a rational decision. Ideally, it will lead to the best possible resolution for you, your horse, and your instructor.

6 Be prepared—have a plan It’s not enough to be leaving a situation that you feel is wrong for you—go toward something that is more suitable for you, your horse, and your goals, both short and long term. Escaping from the frying pan may mean jumping into the fire. Be careful. If you leave, be sure that the move is compatible with your values, your horse, and your plans. Whether you go or stay, I wish you good luck!

About the author: Dr. Jessica Jahiel is an internationally known author, clinician, and lecturer who trains horses, retrains problem horses, teaches, and speaks a cross t he U nited S tates, Canada, and England. She teaches dressage, jumping, and Holistic Horsemanship ® , an all-encompassing approach to horse and rider to develop b alanced, w illing, f orward h orses a nd t houghtful, tactful riders. Readers may access her free newsletter, HorseSense, at www.horse-sense.org.