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Third Culture Kids in Quarantine: Adaptability and Purpose
Third Culture Kids in Quarantine: Adaptability and Purpose
By Esther C. Tan
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*A version of this piece was previously published as a blog post on the Thrive Center for Human Development from Fuller Theological Seminary: https://thethrivecenter.org/third-culture-kidsduring-quarantine/.
With globalization, there has been a sharp increase in the number of people who live cross-culturally. As the internet and technological advances become more and more pervasive in the world today, more people are not only living in and among various cultures, but they are also becoming increasingly mobile—whether within their own countries or internationally. This has created more third culture kids and adults (TCKs and TCAs; third culture adults have had significant cross-cultural experience, but only after the age of eighteen). I found myself wondering how TCKs in particular have dealt with the difficulties surrounding the COVID-19 pandemic—particularly the experiences of quarantine and isolation.
I recently had the pleasure of interviewing my TCK friend Rene Velarde on what has been challenging and easy about his quarantine experience. As I connected with Rene over several months,
I observed how he struggled, especially as an extrovert, with losing his anchoring rituals of connecting with community. I also observed how his TCK instincts kicked in steadily as he went in survival mode. In fact, they worked so well that, in spite of the disappointment and struggles during this period, Rene’s focus on his purpose in life helped him to keep sight of his cultural values and long-term vision. He accomplished a huge milestone by fulfilling his deep desire and life goal of buying a home to share with his parents and wife. All this was accomplished within a short two months while doing full-time graduate school— during a pandemic!
Rene Velarde
Rene is a Master of Arts in Intercultural Studies graduate student who is pursuing his PhD in the coming year. He is a Mexican-American who has navigated back and forth through two different countries/cultures significantly during his childhood. He later moved between the east and west coasts of America before finally deciding to choose to go against his pattern of constant mobility by settling down and securing a home in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic. What follows is some of our conversation.
Esther: Rene, thank you for your generosity to share about your unique experience during quarantine. During this period of COVID-19, what has been easy and/or difficult for you as a TCK?
Rene: Being a child of Mexican immigrants, I’m realizing a lifetime of TCK experiences makes COVID-19 realities both easier and more difficult. It’s easier because I’m already used to “finding a new normal” since I’ve moved seventeen times throughout my life. I’ve learned how to start over many times before, and so “starting over” during quarantine was initially easy. I adapt quickly and find the new “normal” well. Additionally, I have the change-in-orderto-survive bias that I think TCKs develop from moving so frequently. What I’m also realizing, though, is I’m not used to such extreme rigidity. Quarantine is a disruption to freedoms. Overall, more is lost than is gained. This makes the freedom/agile side of the TCK experience feel constrained. The loss of an agile lifestyle feels like a loss of a fluid normality.
Esther: Wow—seventeen times! That’s a lot of experience with transitions and disruptions. It is indeed true that this period of staying home is a huge disruption to freedom and a season of losses. What did you do, then, to help yourself get through this rigid COVID-19 period? What worked well for you?
Rene: What’s getting me through this is believing 1) either the restrictions will go away (though I stopped hoping for this with news of the ongoing lockdowns), or 2) I can change my mental state of being. I wrestle with my thoughts and tell myself that as difficult as it may be, it is easier to change my state of being than to change the state of the world. So, I try my best to adjust enough (within what I can control) to feel empowered. So now, I’m exercising at home instead of waiting for the gym to reopen. I changed my schoolwork routine—I work from the bedroom and am “off the clock” when I’m outside that room. Deciding what and how to change is a familiar feeling to the constant changes of a TCK experience. I am changing what I can to feel in control and protect myself from “horrible-izing” the situation around me. These “micro-changes” of mental focus help me intentionally steer (and redirect) where my mind goes.
The daily moments of intentional reflection help me the most. At some point, I can’t rearrange something, or the news outside states that the virus is getting worse. Anxiety, stress, and panic creep in. In these moments, I usually speak to myself over and over, “I will be okay,” “I’m not going to die from this,” “I will survive,” and I repeat silently, “Holy Spirit, give me peace.” This works to help my mental health.
In short, I’m a TCK that is trying to adjust and find new ways of being happy now that I’m alone more often and can do very little, if anything, about it. Finding smaller, more “localized freedom” is gold. Quarantine is amplifying what I’m afraid of; and when I can’t “run away,” I have to face my fears and decide what to do as a response. This realization is empowering and liberating. Ultimately, I choose how empowered I am in my reaction to whatever is in front of me—even if I can’t make what’s in front of me go away. I can choose to listen to the voices that paint a catastrophic narrative, or I can choose to silence them, reflect on biblical truth, and believe life is still possible, even here, in this reality.
Cactus Garden, J. Paul Getty Museum, Los Angeles, California. Photo courtesy of Esther Tan.
Esther: Thank you so much, Rene, for sharing your honest struggles, which articulate a lot about what many of us are facing but may not have as much courage to share with such transparency and clarity. Thank you for putting our experiences into words, and for giving hope with your creative ways of how we could gain internal control again as we empower ourselves, despite isolation and unanticipated circumstances.
REFLECTION
How many people can stay opportunistic and focused in times like this? Although Rene attributed it to his friends and the God he anchors in, I learned a lesson from a TCK here. I saw how they could quickly adapt and find a comfortable way to live through a challenge, while staying steadfast to their vision and purposes. Somehow, their adaptability and resilience in not allowing disruptions to distract them from things that they deeply value in life come through. I am deeply encouraged by his story.
Esther is a PhD candidate in Fuller’s Psychological Science program and she holds an Ed.M. from Harvard Graduate School of Education. Her research interests include socio-emotional well-being, career and purpose, and identity development. She has a particular interest in understanding how third culture kids and adults thrive in a globalized world and how their vocational calling and decisions are formed. She has also firstauthored the article, “A systematic review of third culture kids empirical research,” published in the International Journal of Intercultural Relations by Esther C. Tan, Kenneth T. Wang & Ann Baker Cottrell. www.thirdcultureliminal.com https://www.linkedin.com/in/esther-tan-49911924/
