Stripes and Bars AMAURY MURGADO
YOU ARE NOT THEIR FRIEND Trying to make everyone happy does a disservice to you and your subordinates. THE ROLE of a law enforcement supervisor is to lead, moti- means "acquaintance." We use the words interchangeably. vate, and help accomplish the agency's mission. Nowhere in Yes, our duty binds us together at work, but that doesn't authat role does it state you have to be everyone's friend. Being tomatically make us friends. Ask yourself these questions: overly friendly is a common pitfall among new supervisors. How many of the people you work with would you invite It's also a problem with experienced supervisors. No one is over to your house for dinner? How many would you like to immune from this mistake because of human nature. spend the weekend with camping, fishing, or doing another It's hard to find someone who loves conflict. But super- favorite activity of yours? How many people are you really visors who attempt to avoid conflict by trying to be every- close with? If you are honest with yourself, it's not going to one's friend soon realize the folly of their efforts. Whatever be that many. your leadership role, trying to be everyone's friend will only Have you ever known a circumstance in which someone serve to undermine your efforts. It only works when there is thought a guy was great until he got promoted? You know smooth sailing. At any sign of bad weather, you will be the the only real difference in the guy is the new role he has to one going down with the ship while evplay and so does the guy who doesn't eryone else seeks dry land. LEARN THE DIFFERENCE like the change, but he takes offense to The problem starts with how agenBETWEEN FRIENDSHIP it anyway. The argument becomes that cies train new supervisors. Most of the AND BEING FRIENDLY. what was once not important, now is. time, an officer goes from asking quesThe disgruntled subordinate gets antions one day, to being the sergeant gry because he has been called on the who has to answer questions the next. carpet. He complains to anyone who Officers rarely receive much preparation for the transition. will listen and says that's not the way to treat a friend. He When new supervisors assume their command relation- will go on and explain that the co-worker turned supervisor ships, they are often left to their own devices. If the only su- thinks he is better than everyone else just because he has pervisory role you have ever experienced is as the coach of a some rank. little league team, you are in for a rude awakening. Of course what Mr. Bitter forgets to tell you is that it's his For example, the very guys you were telling jokes to yes- own fault for creating the conditions that led to the repriterday in the locker room might be the ones you have to ad- mand in the first place, effectively putting his friend and monish today for their jokes being inappropriate. That role new supervisor in a tough spot. True hypocrisy at its best. reversal tends to go over like a lead balloon. As a supervisor, you need to accept the fact that with some The reality is you can't be everyone's friend. The best you co-workers, you're only considered a friend as long as they can do is be friendly and treat everyone with respect. You get what they want. have to understand that no one gets a pass when they vioA true friend understands the supervisory role and relate policy and procedure. Your retirement is not worth their spects it. She will treat the supervisor the way she would inconvenience. want to be treated if the roles were reversed. My friends have We would like to think that everyone in law enforcement never put me in an uncomfortable position at work in my 19 can draw a line in the sand when it comes to on-duty and years as a supervisor. If you want to be successful as a suoff-duty relationships. However, understanding and work- pervisor, learn the difference between friendship and being ing though on-duty and off-duty relationships is easier said friendly. It will save you a few headaches. than done. It's been my experience that it is an exception to the rule when you can admonish a subordinate at work and Amaury Murgado is a special operations lieutenant with the yet have a beer over a game of darts later on. Osceola County (Fla.) Sheriff's Office. He is a retired master Part of the problem stems from our own use of the English sergeant from the Army Reserve, has over 28 years of law enlanguage. We use the word friend far too often and far too forcement experience, and is an adjunct professor for Valenloosely. Today's meaning of "friend" (at least at work) really cia College in Orlando.
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POLICE JULY 2015